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FRIDAY NIGHTS

OZ BAR

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BEARRACUDA

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MELROSE DISTRICT

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DOWNTOWN PHOENIX

FRIDAYS

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BLACK PARTY

KARAMBA NIGHTCLUB

CARNAVAL LATINO

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3819 North 3rd Street Suite 26, Phoenix, AZ 85012 (602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com Publisher / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ jacktesorero@me.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... kbushaw@me.com Editor Deon Brown ................................................... ionazeditor@me.com COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR ..................... Stacey Jay Cavaliere PRODUCTION & Artwork SUBMISSIONS

ionazproduction@me.com Advertising Sales Karrington Valenzuela ............................................... (480) 760-3073 Shane Martos ............................................................ (206) 769-3845 Danny Catt, Regional Sales Director ......................... (520) 429-5905

ionazsales@me.com

ADVERTISING CONSULTANT Bill Knoop ................................................................. (602) 301-8457

Photographers:

Fernando Hernandez Danny Catt Sean Kapera

James Carden Scotty Kirby Franklin Diaz

National Advertising Representative Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863

DRAG SHOWS • MEN OF STRUT • GOGO BOYS UNDERWEAR NIGHT • SHOW TUNES • KARAOKE

Always something going on...

ContributORS:

Wes Bergman Stacey Jay Cavaliere Addison DeWitt Jackson David Kelly C. Edwards

Published monthly by

For the latest Events, Show Times, and Drink Specials visit

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Ted Kirby Albert Rivas Kim Ruff Paul Sanchez

1995-2013: 18 Years of Design and Creative Excellence © 2013 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.


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A Magical Journey Together

A

great person once said, “Life is a journey, not a destination.” I was doing it all wrong. I was taught and believed that happiness comes when you achieve your goals, not on the way to them. Boy, was I wrong. 150 months ago we started this little magazine that our community has never seen before. I wanted a magazine that this community could be proud of. A magazine that would make people feel good about being gay and living in Arizona. The journey has been incredible, exhilarating, extremely challenging and, yes, a lot of fun! I knew our future was filled with a fight for freedom, equality and even survival but I also knew something had to promote the positive side of our lifestyle, help unite a diverse community while entertaining them on their journey. Enter ION Arizona. One of our biggest challenges is how to deliver a magazine that reaches as many people as possible. That means diversity through all nationalities, all economic social status and all genders. Not an easy task. But we think we’re doing a pretty good job. How do we do it? With a talented, loyal and hard working staff. If you 22

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read it, our editor, Deon Brown, has his hands all over it. If you see it, our Creative Director, Kevin Bushaw, has his hands all over it. We have enlisted the best writers, best graphic designers, best  photographers, and best distribution staff. I couldn’t be prouder of our team. But we wouldn’t be here, ION wouldn’t exist, our community wouldn’t be thriving without your help. You pick up ION. You read ION online. You go to the bars and restaurants in ION. When you need a doctor, dentist or lawyer you turn to ION. When you are looking for something to do for fun, somewhere to go that is friendly, you look to ION. But most importantly, you enjoy your journey with us. And for that, I thank you! This issue is our gift to you this holiday season. It has plenty of eye candy, lots of great gifts, plenty of juicy reviews and some delicious features. How sweet it is! From all of us at ION Arizona, thank you for taking us on your journey and Happy Holidays to all and to all a good night.

Jack Tesorero Publisher


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LADY GAGA CD RELEASE

SCOTTSDALE

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m ntest horus 9:00p 8:00pm o C s ’ C rlie how r. Cha etro Men’s ds XMas s out M h n M t Fri 6 - Phoenix d Frie taff Turniapbpers. n a t o S o r h Sat 7t - Pussy LeH elrose Baarnd Nice St M y h t t ugh Sun 8 - Stacy’s @ the Na ry Idol h h t t i 9 w Mon Count ico -a-Way e s ’ v i e i G l r x ha day Me 0th - C ristmas in vaeh’s Holi 1 s e u T Ch Ne party. ance 11th n and Weds th - Clayto “Blackout” as Perform 12 s tm Thurs - Christma ave’s Chris pm 0 h w t Fri 13 - The Heat ristmas 8:0 y rt th Ch Sat 14 h - Motown hristmas pa ow 9:00pm s 10:15pm t C Sh Ma Sun 15 h - G.L.A.D. Turnabout nd Halos X istmas” a hr 6t ee Mon 1 th - Employ High Heels ! &“Pride C ear. s Y s ’ 7 Tues 1 th - Nevaeh S at Charlie Man of the r 8 W Wed 1 9th - It SNO e’s Finals fo as Party i tm 1 l Thurs - Mr. Char Hope Chris rty, f th Pa Fri 20 t - Church o Christmaskesale 8pm ut o s . a Sat 21 d - A.G.RS.hAow and B taff Turnab ny S 2n ar emo Sun 2 ouse B dlelight ciecrk Stout h k n u 3rd - B lie’s pm an nd Patr r c a t h h C g at 7 Mon 2 4th - Midniith Revere mas from Showl guest... . t y w 2 s a i s d r e Tu a B! y Ch tmas pecia th - Merart 6pm Criusssy and s Claudi 5 P Wede2will openh, Barbra, W h Nevae wit

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Wreck the halls C a b a r e t DeCember 21st 8pm $5 Cover from 7-9pm Raffle • Drink speCials all proCeeDs benefit onenten lGbtQ Youth

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4343 north 7th avenue phoenix facebook.com/stacysatmelrose 28

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602-361-6560

602-264-1700


December

events H o l i D aY s H a p p Y H o u r s

eric himan live! DeCember 22nD 7-9pm

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FRIDAY NIGHTS

MELROSE DISTRICT

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Winter Wonderland The Imperial Court of Arizona stages its 8th Annual Winter Wonderland! Enjoy this spirited charity fundraiser with a Holiday Duet Show and enter in the raffle! It all happens on Saturday, December 14 at Kobalt in Park Central Mall, 3110 N. Central Ave. For more info visit ImperialCourtAZ.org. See ad on p.94

Winterlude with Desert Overture It’s a perfect way to celebrate the Winter Solstice! Desert Overture takes you on a musical romp through the season with their talented musicians. So get ready for a musical sleigh ride! Proceeds benefit One ‘n’ Ten. Saturday, December 21 at 3 p.m. John Paul Theatre, 1202 W. Thomas Rd. For tickets visit DesertOverture.org (see ad 116)

Wreck the Halls Cabaret The handsome and talented Ian Christiansen will warm the cockles of your heart with his warm ‘n’ fuzzy holiday cabaret on Saturday, December 21. Showtime at 8 p.m. There’ll be a raffle, drink specials and all kinds of Peace on 7th Avenue. Proceeds will benefit One ‘n’ Ten. Look out for Eric Himan Stacy’s @ Melrose. 4343 N. 7th Ave. (See ad p. 28)

New Year’s Eve Should auld acquaintance be forgot ... and the best place to forget ‘em (and make some new ones!) is at your favorite bar or nightclub! It’s New Year’s Eve, so join your friends and kiss 2014 “Hello!” Shows, drink specials, balloon drops, buffets and, of course, a champagne toast. All celebrations can be found here in ION Arizona! Please drink responsibly. Über is a great way to travel! Download their app on your smart phone today. 32

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Mr. Phoenix Leather 2014 There’s nothing like the feel of leather. Experience the event you’ll never forget: Mr. Phoenix Leather 2014. Special events celebrating the leather lifestyle will be staged all over town from Thursday, January 2 through Sunday, January 5. For a complete schedule see the ad on p. 126. For details and information and registration visit MrPhoenixLeather.com

DECEMBER 2013 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE

EVENT

LOCATION

January 2-5

Mr. Leather

Various bars/hotels Phoenix

Sun Weds. Weds. Thurs. Sat. Sat. 1-31 7 10 13-15 13-15 13-15 13 14 14+15 14 15 19 19 20+21 21 21 21 22 24 28

Dance Lessons Jazz Night Dirty Daddy Dancers Showtime Cabaret Poker/Go Go Male Revue Luminarias Phx Metro Men’s Chorus Country Idol 4th Ave. Street Fair Men’s Chorus Holly Follies Men’s Chorus “Follies” Black Out Party Imperial Court’s Winter Wonderland 8th Annual VIP Party December Babies B’day Bash Posada Navidena It Snows at Charlie’s Customer Christmas Party 8th Annual VIP Party Desert Overture Winterlude Wreck the Halls Cabaret White Elephant/Ugly Sweater Party Eric Himan Candlelight Christmas Eve Emperor’s Ball

CITY

Karamba Phoenix Zorf Phoenix Apollo’s Phoenix The Bar on Central Phoenix Zorf Phoenix Plazma Phoenix Desert Botanical Gardens Phoenix Charlie’s Phoenix Charlie’s Phoenix IBT’s Tucson Phx College Phoenix Phx College Phoenix The Rock Phoenix Kobalt Phoenix Dick’s Cabaret Phoenix Zoan Phoenix Karamaba Phoenix Charlie’s Phoenix Zoan Phoenix Dick’s Cabaret Phoenix Phx College Phoenix Stacey’s Phoenix Zoan Phoenix Stacy’s Phoenix Charlie’s Phoenix Anvil Phoenix

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Sing   your   heart   out   every   Wednesday  at  Zoan’s  famous   karaoke  night.    Crazy  drink  specials  to   keep  your  thirst  quenched.  2-­4-­1  domes-­ tic  beers  and  well  cocktails.  Hump  Day   never  sounded  so  good.  

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Happy  Birthday  to  you,  happy   birthday  to  you,  happy  birth-­ day   dear   Sonja   Jae   Savage.   Happy   Birthday  to  you.    That’s  right,  this  Feisty   First   Friday   we   celebrate   our   beloved   host’s,   Sonnja   Jae   Savage’s   birthday.   This  Twilight  Zoan  Edition  Bash  is  sure   to  get  crazy  and  out  of  this  realm!  Join  us!  

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A  special  guest  DJ  stops  by  the   booth  on  Saturday,  December   7th  to  rock  the  tables.    No  cover  before   10pm;;  $5  after.  Blue  Solo  Cup  Specials   from  9pm-­11pm:  $1  Drafts,  $4  AMFs,  $4   Long  Islands,  $1  Jello  Shots,  &  $2  Pink   Pussies.   34

Ho-­Ho-­Ho.  Merry  Christmas!     Zoan’s  Customer  Christmas   Party  is  here  and  we  are  full  of  holiday   cheer!      From  8pm-­10pm,  all  customers   are  welcome  to  join  us  for  a  live  DJ,  com-­ B-­I-­N-­G-­O,  and  BINGO  was   plimentary  hors  d’  oeuvres  and  egg  nog.   his   name-­o.    Every   2nd   &   4th  Monday  of  the  month,    Zoan  pres-­ Who   doesn’t   love   a   good   ents        Happy  Hour  Bingo.  A  breast  cancer     mustache   ride   every   once   benefit   brought   to   you   by   the   Grand   in  a  while?    Zoan  kicks  off  the  ‘Ultimate   Canyon  Sisters  of  Perpetual  Indulgance.   Mustache  Ride:  Mister  Arizona  US  of  A   Don’t   be   a   chump,   check   for   a   lump!     M.I.  Fundrasing  Tour  to  Nationals  2013’.     www.checkforalump.com.     Show   starts   at   9pm,   and   is   open   to   anyone  to  raise  funds  and  donate  their   Thursday  Night  Live  is  back   time  to  help  Arionza  team.     and   we   are   proud   to   show-­ case  this  month’s  artists,  Ace  of  Hearts!     We   have   two   partys   in   one    Show  starts  at  10pm.  Thirsty  thursday   night!   First,   the   Arizona   drink  specials  are  sure  to  please.  Come   Assazzins  Professional  Woman’s  Football   for  the  live  music,  stay  for  the  drinks!   team   stops   by   for   a   White   Elephant   Exchange  party  from  8pm-­10pm.    Then,   SPOTLIGHT   returns   with   starting   at   10pm,   Zoan   presents   our   the   ‘Totally   F@#ked   Up   Ugly   Xmas   Sweater   Dance   Party   with   Christmas’   Show!   Show   starts   at   9pm   DJ  Sweat.  Prizes  go  to  the  ugliest  xmas   with  a  $3  cover.  DJ  Sweat  in  the  mix  right   sweater,  so  bring  your  A  game!

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after  the  show.                                                                                                                          

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December  babies!  This  month   is  your  turn  to  party  like  it’s   1999!  December  Babies  Birthday  Bash   is  going  down  and  you  don’t  want  to  miss   what  we  have  in  store  for  you.    No  cover   for  December  babies.  Sweat  in  the  mix!

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Goodbye   to   2013,   Hello   to   2014!   Don’t   miss   out   on   Zoan’s  biggest  party  of  the  year!  Join  us   for  our  New  Year’s  Eve  Masquerade  Ball.     Wear  your  favorite  mask  and  ring  in  the   new  year  with  New  Times  magazine  best     lesbian  bar!  Party  Favors  and  masks  for     our  partiers,  while  supplies  last!  Should   old  acquaintance  be  forgot...  


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© LITTLESTAR

TM

DECEMBER 31-JANUARY 5 ASU GAMMAGE Tickets at ASU Gammage & asugammage.com 800.982.ARTS (2787) Groups 15+: 480.965.6678

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A Christmas Carol “God bless us, every one,” is the moral of Dicken’s 19th century Christmas ghost story about cruelty, starvation, unemployment and Tiny Tim, a ridiculously cheerful cripple. Watch stingy Ebeneezer Scrooge get his just desserts in the end. The Southwest Shakespeare Co., Theatre Works, and the Hale Theatre each bring this classic to the stage, call for venue, showtimes and tickets (below). Bring Your Own Figgy Pudding. Bah, humbug!

Xanadu

This stinker of a picture put the final nail in the Disco coffin back in 1980. But the soundtrack with music by ELO plus a fabulous roller skating number with shiny disco balls galore make this Arizona Theatre production a cheesy, fantastic, musical comedy stage hit! One you won’t want to miss! Thru Dec. 21 at the Temple of Music & Art in Tucson, 330 S. Scott Ave. Tix: 520-622-2823. Phoenix: Dec 31-Jan. 19, 2014 at Herberger Theatre 222 E. Monroe. Tix: 602-256-6995

A Bloody Mary Christmas Sun City retirees Blanche, Bertha and Mabel sing, dance and drink themselves silly as they battle a homeowner’s association that tries to evict them from their condo on Christmas Eve. Picture The Golden Girls with an axe to grind. Not even remotely appropriate for kids. Sounds perfect! December 6-21 at Space 55 Theatre, 636 E. Pierce St. in Phoenix. Call 866-811-4111 or go to Space55.org for tickets.

DECEMBER 2013 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE EVENT LOCATION 3-8 Evita ASU Gammage - Tempe 5-24 A Christmas Carol Hale Theatre Ctr. - Gilbert 6-21 All New People Stray Cat Theatre - Tempe 6-22 Christmas Cabaret iTheatre Collaborative - Phx 6-21 A Bloody Mary Christmas Space 55 Theatre - Phoenix 6-22 Tellin’ It on the Mountain Black Theatre Troupe - Phoenix 6-24 The Nutcraker Ballet Arizona - Phoenix 7-8 Green Day’s “American Idiot” UA Centennial Hall 7-22 A Christmas Carol Theatre Works - Peoria 13-15 Ballroom with a Twist Orpheum Theatre - Phoenix 21 Paula Poundstone Mesa Arts Center thru 21 A Christmas Carol SW Shakespeare Co. - Mesa thru 21 Xanadu AZ Theatre Co. - Tucson thru 24 White Christmas Phoenix Theatre thru 29 Holiday Memories Live Theatre Workshop - Tucson 31-1/5 Mamma Mia ASU Gammage - Tempe 31-1/19 Xanadu AZ Theatre Co. - Phoenix

PHONE 602-965-3434 480-497-1181 480-227-1766 602-347-1071 Space55.org 602-258-8128 602-381-1096 520-903-2929 623-815-7930 800-745-3000 480-644-6500 480-644-6500 520-622-2823 602-254-2151 520-327-4242 602-965-3434 602-256-6995

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Anjelah ohnson J “Surprise! I’m Not a Lesbian!”

by Deon Brown 38

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H

ave it your way, but don’t get “ crazy.” Actress and comedian Anjelah Johnson’s temperamental homegirl and diva Bon Qui Qui captured everybody’s attention on MADtv 13th season (2007) when she snapped at customers, “Don’t interrup! Ruu!” while calling, “Sacurrity!” Her suspicious Vietnamese nail tech Tammy questioned, “Why you no got no boyfrien’?” while always selling, selling, selling. Anjelah Johnson’s comedy garnered over 85 million views on YouTube. She also has had her own comedy specials (“That’s How We Do It” in 2009 and “The Homecoming Show” earlier this year) in addition to acting spots and animated feature voiceovers. Anjelah was a cheerleader for the Oakland Raiders, performing at Super Bowl XXXVII. In 2005 she moved to Los Angeles to pursue an acting career and quickly collected a fan base with standup comedy. Anjelah’s easygoing nature made audiences fall in love with her. Her casual style made her a pin-up girl for lesbians—“Short nails, ponytail and no boyfriend ... that’s all it takes to make the team,” she quipped about her appeal. In reality Anjelah is straight—and a GLBT ally. In 2011 she married Christian Hip Hop musician Manwell Reyes from Group 1 Crew. Anjelah chatted with ION Arizona about her family, career, marriage and more. Learn more about her before she comes to StandUp Live in Phoenix. Or she will cut you. Cut you. ION: You have a huge gay and lesbian audience. How did that happen? Anjelah Johnson: I’m so lucky; my gays are very loyal to me. People ask me why that is—I honestly don’t know. What’s the

criteria? People think I’m a lesbian, maybe people think we’re on the same team? Sometimes I think it’s that. And my gay boys, I don’t know what it is. Maybe because Bon Qui Qui is so sassy. I consider myself lucky for sure. It’s good to be embraced by my gays and my lesbians. ION: What makes you laugh? AJ: Everything! I love to laugh! I take after my dad who was Mr. Life of the Party Funny Guy and my grandpa, a practical jokester. I’m the one who laughs at stupid cat videos on YouTube. I’m very easygoing. Now it’s funny because I’m the comedian who gets paid to make people laugh, but my brother Kenny is the one who always makes people laugh. But put him in front of a mic and he freezes. ION: Do you miss TV or do you prefer stand-up? AJ: I moved to Los Angeles with the intention of becoming an actress; stand-up was a really big surprise to me. I love filming TV, I love acting -- it’s so fun. Stand-up is a totally different feeling that I also love. It’s, like, instant gratification, telling a joke and you hear the roar of the laughter from the audience. It’s such a cool vibe and chemistry with a whole group of people. Even if they decide that the joke you told wasn’t funny, it’s like the whole group of people decided together. There’s no feeling like it; it’s a rush, for sure. You’re in a very vulnerable place, in front of a microphone in front of thousands of people. ION: Are you recognized at nail salons or Burger Kings? AJ: Nail salons and airports the most. I’ve been doing this nail salon character since I was young and my mom took me to get my nails done for the first time for my 12th birthday. When I was on the Raider’s December 2013 www.IONAZ.com 39


you don’t really laugh, but when you look back at it there’s so many things to talk about that are funny.

cheerleading squad I was everybody’s performing monkey. “Do the nail salon thing!” At the end of the year they gave me a “Best Nail Salon Lady” award. So I’ve been doing it for a while. ION: Was there a real Bon Qui Qui?

ION: Do you have people ask, “Are you gonna talk about me?”

“Bon Qui Qui”

AJ: Bon Qui Qui is a mix of a lot of people I’ve met in my life, but specifically a girl in a Burger King drive-thru in Memphis, Tennessee. The other part of Bon Qui Qui is my brother Kenny; he’s my biggest inspiration. Pretty much everything he says I just put in Bon Qui Qui’s mouth. Ghetto fabulous, says whatever he wants to say, he’s a no filter kinda guy. He does my hair; I’m sitting in his chair right now. ION: You got married to a very handsome man in 2011. Is married life funny? AJ: He supplies me with a lot of material so I’m grateful for that. Some of the marriage material I laugh about on stage is not something you laugh about in the moment. I do a joke about when my husband had kidney stones and I had to rush him to the hospital. In the moment 40

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AJ: My family knows better. But I’ll meet some random person at the airport and they’ll say hello to me and I’ll say, “Hey!” and they’ll say, “Oh, great, now I’m gonna be in your act, huh?” And I’m thinking, “Probably not!” (laughs) ION: You are a devout Christian. Is God funny?

AJ: I think so! I think God has a real good sense of humor. You wanna see God’s sense of humor? Make plans. Things don’t always turn out the way we want them to. I think God is funny. Sure. I think we can attribute anything to whoever we want to, but I feel like there’s a lot of times when things He does make me smile or make me laugh. Or I’ll be driving in the car by myself, thinking about something that pissed me off, then a song comes on the radio that talks just about that and makes me laugh. I’ll give the credit to God. I’ll say, “Oh, Jesus! You’re so funny!” ION: Is there something about you that might surprise our readers? AJ: I used to do a joke before I got married about Christian rappers. Christian rap is so cheesy and so ridiculous, like, “Who listens to Christian rap music?” Then I ended up


marrying a Christian rapper. (laughs) ION: What can we expect at your show? AJ: A lot of relatable fun about my family, my experiences and my marriage. I love being able to relate to people. My favorite thing after a show is when people come up to me and they feel like they’re my friends or part of my family because whatever I’ve talked about they’ve experienced as well. By the end of the show people feel connected to me and the stories that I’ve told and they feel like we’re friends by the time they leave. ION: Finally, do you love Lucy? AJ: I sure do! My mom is huge fan. She has the coasters, the coffee mugs, all the DVDs. I grew up watching I Love Lucy with my mom before I would leave for school. I have a friend who’s an artist and last Christmas he did an I Love Lucy painting and she started crying when she opened it. I definitely grew up with some Lucille Ball in my life. Anjelah Johnson performs Thursday, December 12 Sunday, December 15 at StandUp Live at CityScape, 50 W. Jefferson. For tickets and information call 480-719-6100. Be there ... or she will cut you. She will CUT you!

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“A Million Dollar Proposition” Irving Berlin’s White Christmas Dazzles at Phoenix Theatre

by Deon Brown 44

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I

always wished that life was like an old MGM musical. Something with far-fetched plots, a chorus which would spontaneously burst into song and an entire cast who could instantly break into carefully choreographed numbers with tap dancing. Lots tap dancing. Like “Glee” was in the first season. But better. Real life isn’t like that; however, this is the time of year for what we call “suspension of disbelief.” Phoenix Theatre is the perfect place to take advantage of these warm, fuzzy feelings with their production of “Irving Berlin’s White Christmas” based on the classic 1954 motion picture, White Christmas. Like most fluffy Hollywood musicals, the lightweight plot involves boy-meets-girl/ boy-loses-girl/boy-gets-girl (hope I didn’t give too much away) alongside the standard Judy Garland/Mickey Rooney “Hey, gang! My dad’s got a barn, let’s put on a show!” convention that’s a musical staple. And that’s great! Hey, not every play has to have a an emotionally draining Meryl Streep-style “message.”

inn in Vermont where they’ll be performing. Coincidentally, the nearly bankrupt inn is owned by the boys’ old army commanding officer (Chris Ericksen), now retired. What a small world! The brash Martha (the bosomy, brassy Johanna Carlisle, who manages to channel Ethel Merman—one of Berlin’s favorites stars—in almost every production in which she’s cast, shines. And she knows it. Not that that’s a bad thing. I love Carlisle and The Merm!) Gossip and miscommunication miff the sisters, pitting them against their beaux. Relax. It’s only temporary. It’s a musical, remember? It’s show time! Conveniently, an old barn (what’d I tell you?) is the perfect place to stage a pull-all-the-stops-out show, with the C.O.’s old company in attendance, saving the struggling inn. Who knew? The all-too brief appearance of Pete Good as the hysterical stage manager is priceless.

Picture this: It’s Christmas, 1944 and our brave boys are fighting the Good War. Flash forward: It’s 1954, two WWII veterans, Phil Davis (the sparkling and scrumptious Peter Marinaro) and his buddy from the trenches, Bob Wallace (the tall, capable Joseph Cannon in the Bing Crosby role) are hoofin’ it in New York City, waiting to hit the big time with what they call, “a million dollar proposition!” Enter a couple of dames, sisters Judy (the sweet Molly LaJoie) and the bossy Betty (the very nearly overtalented—if there is such a thing—Debby Rosenthal) who complicate plans—surprise!—just as the boys plan to go on tour in Miami. Lovestruck puppy Phil finagles a way for them to follow the girls (especially Judy) to a small country December 2013 www.IONAZ.com 45


Are you surprised? Not really? Musical tales rarely ever have “spoilers.” But that’s not why you’re at Phoenix Theatre’s production of this holiday gem. Before you think this musical is hackneyed (it is) and trite (it is) and old fashioned, (boy, is it ever!) remember: that’s exactly what it’s supposed to be. The nearly 60-year-old charming, musical comedy chestnut isn’t intended to throw you too many curve balls. You get enough of that in real life. Enjoy something you nearly forgot about. “Hokey” and “heartwarming” are good things. The cast breathes life into this charmer. Besides, when you see a Phoenix Theatre production you’re guaranteed a top notch production. The costumes, set design, lights, sound, the direction and the acting is aces. An enthusiastic and attractive chorus effortlessly sings and dances. And dances. And dances! (Remember how I love tap dancing!) Combined with some of the genius Irving Berlin’s best music ever from the Great American Songbook with standards like “Blue Skies,” “I’ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm” and “How Deep is the Ocean,” how can you go wrong? 46

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The male leads, the effervescent Marinaro and the affable Cannon are relaxed, comfortable and it feels as if there’s no place they’d rather be than right there. It feels like they really have been buddies since, well, World War II. Likewise, the girls are equally endearing. Rosenthal, recently seen in Phoenix Theatre’s “Ruthless! The Musical!” is unstoppable on stage. The Guinness Book of World Records claims that Berlin’s “White Christmas” is the bestselling single of all time. Yes. Of all time. Cannon’s got a lot to live up to when he croons Der Bingle’s signature song. And—I can’t believe I’m saying this—he does it. When the house lights are raised and the audience joins in the sing-a-long, you’d have to be a Grinch to keep from getting a little misty-eyed. The holidays are all about heartwarming, corny, sappy things, right? Get the whole family (Grandpa and Grandma, Mom and Dad will love it, I guarantee!) or your own chosen family and see Phoenix Theatre’s “Irving Berlin’s White Christmas.” It’s—as buddies Phil and Bob would say, “A million dollar proposition!” All for the price of a theatre ticket, starting at only $30.

Phoenix Theatre 100 E. McDowell Rd. Everyday (except Monday) through December 24 Box office: 602-254-2151


Grand Canyon Performing Arts Presents

Friday, Dec 13th, 8pm Saturday, Dec 14th, 2pm & 7pm Sunday, Dec 15th, 2pm $28 (adult) | $23 (senior) | $18 (child)

phoenixmenschorus.org

John Paul Theatre | Phoenix College 1202 W Thomas Rd Phoenix, AZ 85013

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Ongina at IBT’s Ongina, the effervescent RuPaul’s Drag Race and Drag U alum, joins Tucson’s drag royalty Bunny Fu Fu, Janeé Starr and China Collins at IBT’s 4th Ave Winter Street Fair. There will be Go-Go Boys and DJs a plenty to fill out this gayest of celebrations! And my saucy homos, it IS the season of giving, so tip, Tip, TIP those queens! (Go-Go Boys included) 616 N. 4th Ave. Tucson.

December 2013 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S) Tues 3 10:30pm Karamba Miss Karamba Contest hosted by Ruby & Savannah M. Fri 6 AQUA Miss Krazzy Latino Sun 8 10:30pm Karamba Jenni Rivera Trubute with Diamond Thurs 12 Charlie’s Nevaeh & Clayton’s Giveaway Show Tues 17 9:00pm Charlie’s Employee Turnabout Show Thurs 19 10:30pm Karamba Miley Cyrus Tribute with Ruby Fri 20 10:00pm The Rock Scandeleyez Tues 24 9:00pm BS West Christmas Eve with Mileena Sai Wed 25 Karamba The Christmas Show Wed 25 Charlie’s Christmas Dragtacular Thurs 26 AQUA Thalia’s Best Impressionist Fri 27 10:00pm The Rock Lady Christian’s Trailer Trash Revue Tues 31 The Rock The Jackie and Olive Show Tues 31 Karamba Ruby, Diamond & Savannah host NYE Wed 1 Karamba Karamba Girls host New Years Day Jan 3 9:00pm The Rock Freaky Friday with Celia Putty WEEKLY SHOWS Mondays 10:00pm Charlie’s Barbra Seville w/ Strippers! Mondays 10:00pm Apollo’s Naughty or Nice Bingo with Lezbein & Eryka D. Knowles Tuesday 10:00pm Karamba Savannah Moussier’s Show Wednesdays 9:00pm IBT’s Viva La DIVA Wednesdays 10:30pm Karamba Girls of Karamba - Adriana Galiano, Karime Lizaldi, & Celeste Wednesdays 10:00pm Charlie’s Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos Thursdays 9:30pm The Bar Showtime at the Bar with Ian and Barbra Thursdays 10:30pm Karamba Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds Thursdays AQUA Tyra Marie & Sasha Bratz Fridays 7:00pm OZ Ruby Reynolds with the Boys of OZ Fridays 9:00pm IBT’s Absolutely Flawless with China Collins Fridays 10:00pm Cruisin’ 7th The Barbra Seville Show Fridays 9:00pm BS West Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers Saturdays 9:00pm IBT’s Starrletts with Janee Star Saturdays 10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th The Fabulous Mia Inez Adams Saturdays 10:00pm The Rock The Barbra Seville Show Saturdays 10:00pm icepics The Olivia Gardens Show / A Touch of Soul with Maraya Jordan Saturdays 9:30pm Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show Saturdays 9:30pm Zorf’s BeDazzled 1st & 3rd Sun. 12:30pm Cruisin’ 7th Sunday Morning Madness with Miss Celia Putty Sundays AQUA Susana’s Show Sundays 8:30pm Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends Sundays 10:30pm Karamba Ruby’s Sunday Funday December 2013 www.IONAZ.com 49


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Luminarias D E S E R T B OTA N I C A L G A R D E N

presented by

Join us this holiday season for Las Noches de Las LumiNarias and chihuLy iN the GardeN Each night of Luminaria, the Garden will come to life with the soft glow of more than 8,000 hand lit luminaria bags, thousands of white twinkle lights and the bright and vibrant colors of Dale Chihuly’s works of art. dates hours

December 1 – 23 and 26 – 31 5:30 – 9:30 p.m.

Performing at Las Noches de las Luminarias Chris Burton Jácome • Dickens Carolers • Domingo DeGrazia & Beth Daunis • Duncan Family Mariachi Luz del Sur • Mariachi Pásion • Poranguí • Traveler • Will Clipman • Handbell Ensembles (Programming subject to change)

to Purchase tickets • Order online at dbg.org/luminaria • Call 480 481.8188 (8 a.m. – 5 p.m. daily) • Visit the Admissions Box Office (8 a.m. – 8 p.m. daily) Sponsored in part by:

Entertainment sponsored by:

Get the latest Luminaria updates at 1201 N. Galvin Parkway, Phoenix, AZ 85008 | 480 941.1225 | dbg.org


by Jackson David Kelly jacksonkelly@cox.net

Yo, DJ! What’s New? Britney Spears

Britney Jean

On Spears’ eighth album, she offers a juxtaposition of her usual electric sound but with a raw and personal edge that shows vulnerability. She’s teaming up with will.i.am, William Orbit, Katy Perry and Sia this go around and is on full promotion alert with her Vegas stint starting later in December. The first single, “Work Bitch,” proves to be overproduced and messy. However, second single “Perfume” written by the songstress is Brit’s most mature and catchy single in years. With its raw vocals, haunting piano riff and a midtempo bassline, this ditty is pure joy. “Passenger” continues the slower vibe, but with a vocoder that is often distracting. As for the rest, all is being kept on lockdown, so you will have to grade this one for yourself. Grade: ?

Erasure Snow Globe

For their fifteenth album, Erasure sings the darker side of the holidays and presents an album combining holiday classics as well as wintry themed originals. Much of the album is stripped down, entangling elements of dark rhythms with their signature electronica formula. First single, “Gaudete,” sung entirely in Latin, is catchy and haunting all while making techno bleeps and blips fit perfectly. “Loving Man” is this sets’ quintessential Erasure track and soars with a harmonious chorus we’ve all come to expect. However, those needing more of a holiday feel find solace in “Silent Night,” “Silver Bells” and “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear.” GRADE: B

My top 10 of 2013 With my usual fanfare, take note, criticize and rejoice with my favorites of this past year! #1 – Jessie Ware’s Devotion Katy Perry tweeted, “This ‘lil lady is going to be MASSIVE.” Jessie is an artist that brings the listener back to what it’s supposed to be about—no fanfare, no frills; just brilliant music. The entire album oozes with a level of sophistication we haven’t heard since Sade. This is truly the best “concept” album since Adele’s “21.” Tracks to download are “Wildest Moments,” “Running” and “If You’re Never Gonna Move.” The rest of my Top Ten: #2 Goldfrapp’s “Tales of Us” #3 Avicii’s “True” #4 Disclosure’s “Settle” #5 The National’s “Trouble Will Find Me” #6 Daft Punk’s “Random Access Memories” #7 Tegan & Sara’s “Heartthrob” #8 OMD’s “English Electric” #9 Laura Marlin’s “Once I Was An Eagle” #10 Soundtrack to “The Great Gatsby.” Honorable mention goes to Phosphorescent’s “Muchacho”

December 2013 www.IONAZ.com 53


Ugliest Tattoo Contest Winner! ION Arizona Magazine held an “Ugliest Tattoo Contest” last month in our annual Tattoo issue. The response was overwhelming! Apparently, there are a lot of you who regret getting that tattoo you just had to have. After all the votes where counted, we’re please to announce the winner of the “Ugliest Tattoo Contest” (a pretty awful Iron Cross, pictured above.) The owner will now be able to eliminate that tattoo for FREE courtesy of Phoenix Skin. It was a close

1st

2nd

contest with the runner-up, a regrettable, naked rabbit-head man. Everbody who entered our Ugly Tattoo Contest will receive a 10% discount on their first tattoo removal treatment at Phoenix Skin. If you are interested in getting your tattoo removed, you owe it to your self to call Phoenix Skin today. Thank you for everyone who participated and who voted!

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Beyoncé Throughout a career spanning 15 years, Beyoncé Knowles won 17 Grammys and sold over 118 million records as a solo artist. One of the best-selling music artists of all time, Destiny’s main “child” grew up, and now she’s Mrs. Jay-Z. Sasha Fierce brings it all on stage (along with some giant fans), Saturday, December 7 at the U.S. Airways Center , 201 E. Jefferson St. Phoenix. For tickets visit TicketMaster.com or call 602-379-2800

Wynonna Judd “Hurricane Wy” and The Big Noise band presents a very special “A Simpler Christmas” show. A proud, outspoken straight ally for the GLBT community, Wynonna has also been a U.S. Ambassador working with Youth AIDS. Get some of holiday Judd love on Sunday, December 8 at the Fox Theatre, 17 W. Congress St. in Tucson. For tix go to FoxTucsonTheatre.org or call 520-547-3040

Holly Follies Ring in the Holidays with the Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s Chorus with their annual Holiday Concert with Canyon Echoes, Harmonic Vibrations, Omaggio Youth Chorus, Phoenix Heatwave and more! Friday, Dec. 13 at 8 p.m., Saturday, Dec. 14 at 2 p.m. & 7 p.m., Sunday, Dec. 15, 2 p.m. Phoenix College at the John Paul Theatre, 1202 W. Thomas Rd. This show is always sold out, so get your tix early at BrownPaperTickets.com

DECEMBER 2013 ION Concert Calendar DATE 3 5 6 6 7 7 8 8 8 9 10 10 11 13 17 18

ARTIST LOCATION Lisa Marie Presley Musical Instrument Museum - Scotts. KMLE Acoustic Christmas Comerica Theatre - Phoenix Aaron Carter Crescent Ballroom - Phoenix Daughtry Wild Horse Pass - Chandler Alice Cooper’s Christmas Pudding Comerica Theatre - Phoenix Beyoncé US Airways Center - Phoenix Wynonna Judd Fox Theatre - Tucson Mannheim Steamroller Mesa Arts Ctr. Andrea Bocelli US Airways Ctr. Arctic Monkeys Marquee Theatre - Tempe Kanye West US Airways Ctr. - Phoenix Merle Haggard Fox Theatre - Tucson Handel’s Messiah Mesa Arts Ctr. Korn Comerica Theatre - Phoenix Brian Setzer Orchestra Celebrity Theatre - Phoenix Willie Nelson Comerica Theatre - Phoenix

PHONE 480-748-0000 800-745-3000 602-716-2222 480-840-0457 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 520-547-3040 480-644-6500 800-745-3000 480-829-0707 602-379-2800 520-547-3040 480-644-6500 800-745-3000 602-267-1600 800-745-3000

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by Kimberly M. Ruff kimberlymruff@yahoo.com

The Invisible Woman

While the

rest of us are debuting the season’s ugliest reindeer sweaters at our company’s holiday parties (mandatory fun!) Hollywood execs are debuting this year’s best films to make sure they’re remembered at the Oscars. In that spirit, I’m putting out a party tray of savory review morsels to whet your cinema-loving appetite until the entrée arrives.

Inside Llewelyn Davis (12/06)

The fraternal film-making duo, Joel and Ethan Coen (There Will Be Blood, Fargo), return to the silver screen to bringing you a comedydrama about a singer/ songwriter, Llewelyn Davis (Oscar Isaac, Drive), who navigates the New York folk scene of the early 1960s. Carey Mulligan, John Goodman, and Justin Timberlake costar.

American Hustle (12/13) From director David O. Russell comes the thriller featuring an all-star cast including Amy Adams, Christian Bale, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence and Jeremy Renner. Based loosely on the ABSCAM operation of the late 1970s, American Hustle exposes a world in which there is no difference between con-artists, FBI agents, politicians and Mafioso where everyone’s hustling each other.

(12/25)

Directed and starring Ralph Fiennes (The English Patient), telling the tale of the 13-year romance between English writer Charles Dickens (Fiennes), and 18-year-old actress, Nelly Ternan (Felicity Jones, Like Crazy) that historians ignore. Kristen Scott Thomas and Tom Hollander co-star.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (12/25) Based on the short story by American satirist and writer James Thurber, starring Ben Stiller as the milquetoast proofreader who leads a rich and fulfilling fantasy life. Kristen Wiig, Patton Oswalt and Shirley MacLaine co-star.

Labor Day

(12/25)

Director Jason Reitman (Up in the Air) teams up with Kate Winslet (Titanic) and Josh Brolin (No Country for Old Men) to bring to the screen Joyce Maynard’s coming-of-age novel, Labor Day. When 13-year-old Henry and his mother, Adele, decide to assist an injured man they happen to spot while shopping, their lives are turned upside down during the weekend. OTHER NOTABLE FILMS: Savings Mr. Banks (12/13) – Walt Disney woos Mary Poppins’ bitchy author into selling him the film rights to her book. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (12/13) – Peter Jackson’s film adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien’s book. Her (12/18) – withdrawn actor Joaquin Phoenix plays a withdrawn writer who falls in love with his computer’s operating system. The Wolf of Wall Street (12/25) – Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill and Jean Dujardin team up in Martin Scorcese’s film of Jordan Belfort’s memoir about life as a crooked stockbroker. December 2013 www.IONAZ.com 59


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“ e it ever so humble, there’s no place like home.” These GLBT friendly realtors and mortgage brokers can help you find the perfect place to call home!

December 2013 www.IONAZ.com 61


“Romeo & Romeo” Bridegroom - A Tragic, True Story to Inspire Change by Deon Brown 62

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O

nly once upon a time do you get to read a real life fairy tale story about two people who meet, fall in love and live happily every after. But what happens when the boy meets boy, and the boy loses the boy forever when he dies? This is exactly what happened to Shane Bitney Crone, now 26, when Tom Bridegroom, his partner of six years, died in a tragic accident when he accidentally fell from a four-story building in Los Angeles on May 7, 2011. In the unfolding days ahead, Shane learned firsthand that he had no rights as Tom’s surviving partner when the Bridegroom family shut him out of all the proceedings and arrangements with Tom’s funeral, threatening physical violence as Shane was on his way to the service and essentially erasing his existence and his memory from the story of Thomas Bridegroom’s all too short life. This is because, like so many gays and lesbians—and even straight people—they were a couple living together without the legal protections of marriage.

This emotional documentary evolved from Shane’s tearful, heartbreaking account of his love affair with Tom when he filmed a ten minute video remembering their lives together on Shane’s birthday, nearly a year after Tom’s death. “It Could Happen to You” went viral on YouTube, now with over 4.4 million views. It has been translated into 20 different languages. Noted figures like George Takei and Neil Patrick Harris shared it on Facebook. Eventually, when Bloodworth-Thomason became interested in expanding the story, a campaign on Kickstarter.com, a website where entrepreneurs can raise capital for projects. They raised over $374,000 thanks to over 6,000 contributors this way, making it the largest fundraising campaign for a film on Kickstarter to date. Bridegroom was introduced by President Bill Clinton at the prestigious Tribeca Film

The story of Shane Bitney Crone and Tom Bridegroom’s lives and the love they shared together as well as the emotional and legal nightmare Shane faced after Tom’s death is revealed in painful—and sometimes joyful—detail in the 83-minute documentary, Bridegroom: A Love Story. Unequaled. Linda BloodworthThomason of Designing Women fame co-produced, directed and wrote the documentary. Shane and Tom in Paris December 2013 www.IONAZ.com 63


Festival in April, 2013, winning Audience Award for “Best Documentary.” Already Oscar buzz about a nomination is being generated. President Clinton remarked about the film saying, “This is really—on one level—a wonderful, sad, heartbreaking, yet exhilarating and life-affirming story. On another level, it’s also a story about our nation’s struggle to make one more step in ‘forming a more perfect union,’ for which marriage is both the symbol and substance.” The documentary creatively tells the story of the two men, from early youth to adulthood and how they grew up, what shaped them and motivated them. And, of course, how they fell in love. Tom Bridgroom was from Knox, Indiana. He attended Culver Military Academy where he graduated Cum Laude, later attending Vassar College. Shane Bitney Crone came from the small town of Kalispell, Montana. By nature, Shane is softspoken, even bordering on shy. Since the media attention from the video and the documentary focused a spotlight on him, things have changed. Shane spoke to ION Arizona about being in the spotlight. “I was outgoing as a child. As I grew up and my sexuality became an issue I withdrew more. Now, with public speaking, this has been much more of a challenge for me,” he said. A highlight of the film are Cone’s greatGrandma Pat and Grandma Judy, who 64

www.IONAZ.com December 2013

were unfazed by the boys’ relationship when surly great-Grandma Pat quips, “It’s Romeo and Romeo. Get over it.” “They haven’t seen the film yet. They added a lot to it. I’m going to Montana and will watch it with them. The power went out the night it premiered on the Oprah Winfrey Network and they don’t have Netflix, so I’m looking forward to that. My family has been so supportive.” Footage includes a scene where the cautious Shane sneaked a kiss with Tom at the Eiffel Tower. “I wish that we were more affectionate, that we would hold hands and not have to worry about it. Not with a lot of P.D.A., but more than we did.” Shane added, “I wish that (the documentary) showed the goofy side of Tom a little more. He was so funny.” Shane told ION what he hopes viewers will take away from the film. “By opening hearts and minds, things will change and laws will begin to change more. People need to speak up and make their voices heard. We all have a voice. We all need to stand up and share our story. Then things will change, hopefully.” Through the grief, Shane Bitney Crone should not be seen as a tragic figure. “I am happy. People ask me if I’m in a relationship all the time. Not now. Tom was the first person I ever dated, but I know that he wouldn’t want me to be alone. I know that Tom would want me to be happy.” Bridegroom is vailable on DVD and Netflix streaming. Find out more about the story behind the movie. Visit BridegroomMovie.com


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by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com

It will also be available through Cox and Century Link’s “On Demand.” Though not commercially available, a DVD preview of this documentary makes this worth reviewing here. It can’t be long before it’s available for commercial release. ‘Til then, please get tested.

The Battle for amfAR Starring: Dr. Mathilde Krim, Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Berkowitz

A Rob Epstein/Jeffrey Friedman Film

©2013 Home Box Office, Inc. All rights reserved. HBO® and related channels and service marks are the property of Home Box Offce, Inc.

Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman, the filmmaking duo behind groundbreaking documentaries like The Celluloid Closet, Common Threads: Stories From the Quilt, and the biographical film Lovelace, bring the documentary The Battle for amfAR to HBO. When the HIV/AIDS epidemic first hit America in the early 80s, Swiss Research Scientist/Philanthropist, Dr. Mathilde Krim recognized a need for an organization that would pair financial donors with scientists to research effective treatment for the disease. Krim partnered with veteran actress Elizabeth Taylor, whose close relationship with co-star and friend, actor Rock Hudson led to her personal commitment to use her star power for lobbying Congress for funds after Hudson’s AIDS related death. Younger readers and audiences cannot remember the early terror of AIDS in the 1980s and how bravely Taylor fought for funding, declaring, “No one is safe, I will not be silenced, I will not give up and I will not be ignored.” She wasn’t either. Together, Krim and Taylor lobbied the private and public sector extensively to put this issue on the forefront of America’s conscience when AIDS was taboo.

Shrek: The Musical You can never have too much of a good thing, which is why everyone’s favorite green ogre Shrek, his lady love Fiona, and their pal Donkey, make the transition from film to stage to star in Shrek: The Musical. Based on the 2001 Dreamworks animated film (which was, in turn, based on The New Yorker magazine cartoonist and children’s picture book author/illustrator William Steig’s 1990 book, Shrek!), the stage musical features music by veteran Broadway and film composer Jeanine Tesori with book and lyrics by David Lindsay-Abaire, the playwright behind Rabbit Hole (whose 2010 film adaptation starred Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart.) The DVD of the stage musical not only allows viewers the opportunity to bring the splashy, hilarious Broadway adaptation of this fairy tale to their home screen, they also have the opportunity to sing-a-long to seven of the 17 original songs as well as watch how it made it from screen-to-stage. Available on both Blu-ray and DVD.

The Battle for amfAR explores these early beginnings. Though HIV/AIDS is no longer causing the widespread fear and panic it once did, it’s still a major public health concern. HBO will air the documentary on Sunday, December 1 to commemorate World AIDS Day again on December 2. December 2013 www.IONAZ.com 69


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by Albert Rivas arivas3@gmail.com

T

his month it’s all about FOX’s funny girls. New Girl stars Zooey Deschanel as Jess Day who moves in with three guys after breaking up with her cheating boyfriend. Jess is a teacher and with that bubbly personality, I pity her students. The first few episodes were okay with Deschanel’s obvious quirkiness but she just plays herself. On the plus side. I enjoy her random moments of bursting into song. The highlight is her roommie Schmidt (Max Greenfield), a Jewish womanizer and the perfect man. Perfect looking, anyway. Pause any scene where the camera is on him and just stare at him and all your problems are gone. Scruffy Nick (Jake Johnson) is the lazy roommate who’s hung up on his ex-girlfriend. Winston (Lamorne Morris) is a former basketball player and very competitive. A dysfunctional group with the predictable romance to spring up with three males and the one female. Now in its third season, it feels like everyone is out of whack. You know the kid who cracks a joke and everyone laughs and so he keeps making the same joke because he thinks he’s funny? Yeah. This is now that show. In it’s sophomore season (and perhaps its last.—Ed.) The Mindy Project stars former paid-underling from The Office, Mindy Kaling as Dr. Mindy Lahiri, an OB/

Funny Girls GYN specialist. Mindy has a love for food that is unmatched and she’s a slut for love. Mindy’s wardrobe, reminiscent of Ugly Betty (though not by Patricia Field) is fabulous. Danny (Chris Messina) is essentially Jack Donaghy from 30 Rock; he and Mindy share the same workplace relationship as Jack and Liz. You want them to get together but you know it’ll just be a mess. On a bright note, Danny is one hot bitch. Every show needs a Casanova, and that’s Jeremy Reed, played by Brit Ed Weeks, who was Mindy’s one-time cuddle buddy. Anna Camp (Pitch Perfect) is Mindy’s blunt, long-time friend, Gwen, though only making the occasional appearance. Male nurse Morgan (Ike Barinholtz) is the creepy workplace guy with the ability to make any woman he sleeps with find the love of their life shortly after. Mindy’s new love interest is Cliff (Glenn Howerton), making his feelings known when he think’s he’s sexting her when it turns out to be Morgan on the other line. Kaling’s must-read book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? is a good way to familiarize yourself with co-creator, star and producer and how much a resemblance she has to her TV persona. Look’s like The New Girl may be The Only Girl. During ION Arizona’s production FOX announced it is shelving The Mindy Project until April 1. That ain’t a good sign. Don’t blame Albert. His habitual wine consumption prevented him from seeing the writing on the wall for this one. Meanwhile, Glee is still on the air. Regrettably. — Ed. December 2013 www.IONAZ.com 71


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Spinato’s Pizza

n my book, Nature’s Most Perfect Food is pizza. And pasta. Just about anything ending with the suffix “-ini” is a winner in my book. Toss it in Alfredo or marinara sauce and I am thrilled. Yes. I love Italian food. Heck, I’ll even take one of Michelina’s frozen entrées, throw it in the microwave and I’m happy as a linguini in clam sauce. This is not to say that I don’t have a discerning palate. I do. The continuing quasi-renaissance of the relatively kinda crappy 7th Street over the last few years with Rice Paper, Humble Pie, Green, The Yard, Otro and other establishments have raised the street’s culinary profile from the spotty fast food joints peppering the way. I was excited to hear that the long defunct Manuel’s Mexican Restaurant in the Cinema Park Plaza was at long last re-opening as Spinato’s, a locally owned and operated mini-chain. The Spinato family came to Arizona from a cold Chicago in 1974. Now they have a grand total of five locations Valleywide. That’s the Great American/Chicago Dream come true.

restaurant dining room!) and a diverse, friendly staff. Any establishment that has a cadre of—shall we say—more “seasoned” professional servers along with the cute, youngsters gets an “A” in my book. (By the way, there’s a really, really cute, young blonde, obviously gay boy with great cheekbones working there, too. Hey, I’m not made of stone.) The menu is well thought out with some great sounding additions previously not seen at Spinato’s. The Chicken Marsala. Well, it’s ... different. They describe it as “the classic, but only better!” I’m not so sure. I adored the Pappardelle pasta (not housemade, but good). The thin chicken cutlet—while delicious—was breaded more heavily than the traditional method, and the Marsala sauce was thinner and not as velvety as it’s customarily prepared, not draping the cutlet perched on top. $12.95. Though not the timeless preparation, I’d give it another try.

The remodel and expansion is exquisitely finished, with high, lofty ceilings, attractive lighting, lovely woodwork, gorgeous limestone walls in the expandable dining/banquet room, and a separate bar (I hate being subjected to sports TV in a December 2013 www.IONAZ.com 73


to perk up this otherwise “meh” sandwich.

The Italian Beef Sandwich with Au Jus was a disappointment. The “select beef from Chicago” was generous, but had a suspiciously “pressed meat” kind of texture and taste. Our sweet server informed us it was from their “food distributor.” That covers a lot of territory. That could be a big truck from S.E. Rykoff, or somebody called “Louis the Butcher” from the Windy City. It seems a shame when Boar’s Head provides great, premium viands at Basha’s, right across the parking lot. The au jus, made in house, is delish. $8.95. The tasty and spicy giardiniera is recommended

The pizza. I couldn’t resist The Super Six with homemade (their home, or from their food service distributor’s home?) Italian sausage, mozzarella cheese, pepperoni, ham, mushrooms and sweet bell peppers. All pies range in size from 10”-16” with staggering prices from a whopping $13.50 for the small pies to a shocking $22.50 for the large. Gluten free options are available. It was darn good, but the prices seem a little steep—especially for a family restaurant. Unless that family lives in the nearby Biltmore. The restaurant is packed nightly, however. Spinato’s has an efficient “take out” center separated from the lobby, and they offer custom unbaked or 3/4 baked pie. Nice touch. Spinato’s, I like you. And I’m glad you’re here. But I love your neighbor down the street, Pizza Heaven, just a little bit more.

Spinato’s

5509 N. 7th St. at Missouri Ave. 602-277-0088 SpinatosPizza.com

Try us! Bring in this coupon and receive a free nonalcoholic beverage valued up to $5. One per person. May not be combined with other offers. Expires January 31, 2014.

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portland’s

www.portlandsphoenix.com

602.795.7480

Parmesan Fries

LGBT friendly since 2001 105 W Portland St PHX 85003

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We ‘ve got what you’re looking for...

S

leigh Bells are ringing and shoppers are trampling each other at your local WalMart just to get their hands on a cheap flat-screen. We recommend avoiding the department store

riots by using the ION gift guide for a stress free end to 2013. See, you’re relaxed already! Now, go! Peruse our wares, my darlings!

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Bonafide Goods The city’s first “microhaberdasher,” with a distinctive blend of men’s contemporary sportswear and accessories. We’re crazy about their wide selection of “Original Penguin by Munsingwear” socks, one of the hot trends in men’s fashion accessories. Located in The Union at the Biltmore Fashion Park.

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Wine & Beverage Tote Carry 750ml of wine—or anything!— in this earth friendly canvas tote. The BPA-free, recyclable, washable liner blocks UV rays to insure longevity of contents. Unbreakable, convenience! $22 at Free People. Fill it with locally produced wine from Queen Creek Olive Mill, right next door at The Union at Biltmore Fashion Park.

Candles with Character These Lemongrass Scented Candles or “Alphabet Tins” can make monograms, monikers, or a cheeky message! Available at Paris Envy at The Union.

The Queens’ Tea Phoenix ex-pats and “tea queens” Seth Anderson and Michael Ferguson source tea from all over the world, blending many themselves in Salt Lake City. The 750ml Hario Filter-in-Bottle is an elegant way to cold brew their exquisite varieties of tea in minutes. $39.99 Visit TheQueensTea.com for all tea, no shade, girls.

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Holiday Music Give the gift of music! Memories of time you spend with friends last forever, so treat a friend to an experience with the Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s Chorus and Desert Overture concerts. See ads on pgs. 47 & 116 for details.

Wearable Art Keep it in the family we say! Maizie’s Café features handmade jewelry from Maizie’s mother, Lois exclusively available at the Café. This charming collection is a wonderful conversation piece at any Holiday party this season.

Jar O’ Life The world in a jar! Quirky, weird scenes of daily life—like cemeteries, teeny babies crawling in real baby bottles, policemen badgering loiterers in the park are captured in miniature by local actor/artist Ian Christiansen. Prices vary. Available at Free People at The Union at Biltmore Fashion Park.

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Cory & Ranier are wearing Levi’s Jeans available at Macy’s Biltmore. Boots, Suspenders & Hat from Mardi Gras Costumes December 2013 www.IONAZ.com 89


Lingerie from Victoria’s Secret Costumes from Mardi Gras Costumes 90

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Saving Face Anti-aging cream is a multibillion dollar business. Most products don’t produce results. Until now. NeriumAD treats millions of people, young and old, men and women. If you’re approaching “a certain age” NeriumAD is a great gift for yourself! Visit ETESkin.Nerium.com

Card Carrying How many credit cards, debit cards and gift cards do you carry? Replace them all with one! Coin scans your cards and you choose which one you use when. If you leave your Coin behind, your phone alerts you. Now you won’t get scoliosis from a thick wallet. $100 ($50 if you preorder by Dec. 14) Available at OnlyCoin.com

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Playstation 4 or XBox One

If deciding on which new game console to buy is your biggest problem in life, consider yourself lucky. The Xbox (starting at $499) is bigger, better multi-tasker and the PS4 (starting at $399) is a better gaming machine. A welcome addition to any man (or woman) cave.

That’s Entertainment!

from the FOX Home Entertainment Holiday Collection

Modern Family Season 4 The Pritchett and Dunphy clans are as dysfunctionally functional as ever. Cameron and Mitchell shine as the over-the-top gay couple.

American Horror Story Asylum What do you get with nuns, a Nazi war criminal, a lesbian reporter, a pinhead and a psychopathic psychiatrist in a crumbling sanitarium? This twisted tale.

Finders Keepers

Wolverine

The superhero faces his ultimate nemesis in a life-or-death battle as he confronts lethal samurai steel in Japan as he struggles with his own immortality. Starring hot, hairy Hugh Jackman.

Misplaced your keys, wallet or had something stolen? Tile is a small device you put on your keychain, bike, backpack, or anything you might lose. Track your Tiles on an Apple iPhone, iPad or computer. (Sorry, ‘droid!) You’ll never lose anything again. And you can catch the creep that took your stuff! Pre-order for spring release at TheTileApp.com $19.95 each. 92

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LaToya is wearing a costume available at Boom Boom LaRue’s December 2013 www.IONAZ.com 95


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Krikawa Rings Gifting your lover with a wedding proposal on Christmas morning? Inspired by the human heart beat, the Krikawa mokume pattern never repeats itself, making each ring as unique as the partner you cherish. Visit Krikawa.com December 2013 www.IONAZ.com 97


Grand Theft Auto V If you are stuck with an older gaming machine, you’re in luck. One game that’s a “must have” isn’t available on the newest consoles. This version of GTA has the most beautiful scenery (even though it’s modeled after LA, ugh!), easier to play and no limits to where you can go and what you can do! $59.95

Stiff Nights Want to be more sexually ‘enhanced’ at the right time, guys? Stiff Nights is an all natural herbal supplement guaranteed for a long, “stiff night.” Only $10 for a two-pack. Available at The Adult Shoppe and Secrets in Arizona or visit SecretsForAdultsOnly.com and TheAdultShoppe.com

Spunky Lube If you’re crazy for “man chowder,” this is the first personal lubricant featuring a condom-safe, water-based formula that looks and smells like real, pearly population paste. 8.5 oz. $15. Jizz hands!

Paco’s Taco This super-soft stroker puts pleasure in the palm of a guy’s hand. This include’s Paco’s “sauce” lube for the most carnal hunger. Paco’s Taco satisfies every time. You’ll be back for second and third helpings. $12.95 Available at TheScreamingO.com

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BACTrack Breathalyzer Don’t damper your holidays with a nasty DUI. The BACtrack is cheaper then getting carted to the drunk tank then spending the first part of 2014 doing community service. And, besides, think of the party games you could have! Person who scores the highest pays for the cab home! Available at BACtrack.com As pictured $29.99.

British Bicyle Company Britannia rules the waves—and the bike routes. This is the Rolls-Royce of bicycles, an unsurpassed ride with its 28-inch wheels. Ideal for town and country. The best components money can buy and handbuilt quality from England. $1,395. A variety of cheeky bicycle bells are only $20. Available at the British Bicycle Company in The Union at Biltmore Fashion Park. BritishBicycle.com

Photography by Joseph James Artography Art Direction by Joseph James & Kevin Bushaw Hair & Makeup by Gianna Del Sesto of Sublime Beauty Design Decorative Styling by Jamie Henderson-Mays of JHM Creative Design Models are Matt Kwilosz, Amy Ockerman, Allie Pierce, LaToya Hearns, Cory Kuehn, & Rainier Diaz Wardrobe provided by

Boom Boom LaRue’s

3606 N 16th St, Phoenix, AZ (602) 265-3441

Macy’s Biltmore

2410 E Camelback Rd, Phoenix, AZ (602) 468-2100

Mardi Gras Costumes

5895 N. Granite Reef Road, Scottsdale, AZ (480) 948-4030

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SHERATON HOTEL DOWNTOWN PHOENIX 5th ANNUAL WINGSPAN CLASSIC

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Vol. 7, Issue 11

December 2013

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

Snowden Leaks Santa’s Christmas List

OUTRAGEOUS!

RUSSIA—Santa’s not the only one who knows if you’ve been good or bad. The jolly old elf’s fabled “Naughty and Nice” list isn’t so private anymore. Sources reveal that computer specialist and current fugitive and whistleblower Edward Snowden is still at it! Snowden recently disclosed a significant cache of data regarding Christmas gifts to be distributed around the world on Christmas Eve, December 24.

location in Russia that his sole motive for revealing what children are getting for Christmas is to “inform the children as to that which is done in their name and that which is done against them.” Lists were compiled by electronically tapping into Mall Santa lists.

Some children will come out on top, like getting season winner Hug Me Elmo and the latest Xbox. Other kids won’t fare so well, getting an old Furby, Beanie Baby or a broken Easy Bake Oven. Bad ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL children. Children like Taneesha Wilson, 9, North Pole holiday pundits are reeling from who sassed her mom back in April, or Oliver the breach of security at Santa’s workshop. Samson, 7, who lied about leaving the gate open allowing the dog to run away in October, “Goddammitshittohell,” said Santa’s that’s who. Workshop Foreman, Twinkle Candlekeeper. Some parents think Snowden is a hero. Not so “For centuries we’ve kept this underwraps. many children. Now this sonofabitch has ruined it!”

OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS! Snowden relates from an undisclosed

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OUTRAGEOUS! Celebs Embrace Eyebrow Awareness Month

OUTRAGEOUS!

HOLLYWOOD— Joe Jonas called, “Eyebrows Because “Do They Miss I Care.” AIDS Their Eyebrows in Awareness. Breast Antarctica?” with Cancer Awareness. an all-star cast Autism Awareness. for an upcoming Prostate Cancer MTV special event Awareness. In the called, “Eyebrow never ending quest Aid Around the for “The Next Big World” directed Cause,” celebrities by eyebrowANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL are picking up the heavy director latest gauntlet, uniting Martin Scorcese. to enlighten the It will be shot in public about an often black and white, overlooked issue and everybody with the world population: those suffering without eyebrows will suffer gangland-style with poorly developed eyebrows. That’s executionsat the end. why actors, writers, directors, entertainers and many others blessed with thick, full, “This is an important issue. People need bushy or beautiful eyebrows are united to eyebrows,” said eyebrow-proud singer Adam promote December as International Eyebrow Lambert. “And they need them today. Or Awareness Month. really soon, anyway.”

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL “I wear this ribbon made of hair from my

“Eyebrows are hot,” said, Bert, Sesame

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS muppet. TRAGICALLY eyebrows to signify that I am thinking of my Street “Ernie lovesACCIDENTAL mine.” brothers and sisters around the world who have thin, wispy, or poorly shaped eyebrows,” said honorary chair, actress Brooke Shields. Fundraising efforts will include a celebrity rich music video with a song written just for the cause by big-eyebrow musician/singer

“I only wish I could help,” said drag queen RuPaul. “But I always get paid for my endorsements and I shave my eyebrows off. Sorry. But my new albume, ‘Warrior,’ is available now on iTunes. That’s ‘Warrior,’ on iTunes. ”

OUTRAGEOUS!

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t’s my first month and quite evident that I needed to sashay my ass to Arizona. While I appreciate those who seek advice on what to do about their misfit best friends, or the roommate from hell that fucked their man and moved out owing rent, it’s the relationship woes that are the most fun! Let’s take a look at some cheaters who are definitely in need of some advice. And you know they came to the right place, hunty! Dear Miss Tiger, My partner and I have been together for nine years. We bought a condo and now I’m regretting it. Our gay next-door neighbor is tearing our marriage apart! He takes advantage of the fact that my husband works in construction by constantly asking him over to help with repairs. When my husband returns he smells as if he’s just showered. Should I ask him if they’re having an affair? — Carlos Dear Your Whoring Neighbor Can Only Tear Apart What’s Already Ripped, Let me tell you something, boo. Do you really have to ask what you and I already know? The only damn thing your man is working on next door is the plumbing ... more specifically, the pipe between your neighbor’s goddamn legs. It looks like his Seven Year Itch came late—and let’s hope that “itch” doesn’t spread into a nasty rash that has all three of you mothafuckahs down at the free clinic! Dear Miss Tiger, I’m having an affair with a married man.

I used to be okay with our arrangement but now I’m in love with him. I should also tell you I’m gay. How do I ask him to leave his wife? — Patrick Dear Tips For Screwing A Politician Or Preacher Who’s On The Down Low, This bullshit is just another example of a man wanting to have his cake and eat it, too. Literally. So, bend the fuck over and serve that son of a bitch another slice. I’m sure you get off on the fact that he’s married. And I’m sure you’ve been bragging to all your friends about the ‘straight’ dick you’ve been riding. I’m also confident in saying that you feel like the tantalizing, forbidden fruit in the role of the mistress. Now that all this chaos caught up with you, you’ve come looking for sympathy disguised as advice. If you wanted someone to feel sorry for you, then you should’ve picked up a local paper and written to “Dear Abby and not “Miss Tiger.” P.S. Next time you deep throat your man, just try and get used to the taste of wifey’s kitty cat, ‘cause he’s not about to leave her to come and play house with you! Need advice? Write me or tune into Derek and Romaine on SiriusXM OutQ Channel 109 December 16, 7 p.m. MT for Favorite Bitch ... LIVE! Miss Tiger Advice columnist • SiriusXM radio personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH FavoriteBitch. com Twitter @MissTiger Advice ask@ misstiger.com December 2013 www.IONAZ.com 121


WARNING HOT

GUYS!

Kenny Thames Christmas Piano It’s the holiday season! It’s evolved into frenzied weeks of rushed and stressful deadlines and you’re too exhausted and too frustrated to deck those halls. Valley music performance favorite Kenny Thames presents his new CD, “Christmas Love.” Enjoy Kenny’s original arrangements of his favorite Christmas songs, like “The Christmas Song,” “Here Comes Santa Claus” to “Winter Wonderland” and many more.

Phoenix

602.993.4567 Tucson

520.791.2345

Kenny’s unique style is a fusion of jazz, gospel, and blues. The CD promises to set the mood for a relaxing moment or a romantic evening. “Christmas Love” will be released on December 5 and available at Kenny’s performances as well as on music sites CD Baby, iTunes and Amazon.com by December 10 as well as on Kenny’s Facebook page in his “Store.” For more information check out www. kennythamesproductions.com or via Facebook Kenny Thames.

Tell-AFriend

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by Sean Kapera SeanKaperaPhotography.com

Raymond Velasquez Phoenix, AZ Actor, Model & Full Time College Student

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by Addison DeWitt

right through me; yep. I’m crazy about these chaps. They’re supercalifragilisticexpialaquebueno!.

T

his is the one time of year when I’m full of Peace on Earth and Goodwill Toward (most) Men. And I’m also full of fruitcake, eggnog and lots of cookies. (Note: I especially love gingersnaps. Hint, hint.) Ding, dong, merrily on high! It’s my Fourth Annual Gab Fab List™ when I kiss a lot of you-know-what so I can get kissed under my mistletoe. Yes, that’s a euphemism for “my penis.” Where are my Valkyries? (It’s a snooty reference to a Wagnerian opera. Google it.) Who cares? I’ve got my own Valkyrie, Coco St. James. I love me some hot “Coco” this time of year. I also love a man in uniform! But the Kevlar vest makes it so much harder to “cop” a feel. GLBTQ community liaison Phoenix Police Sgt. Mark Schweikert is so “arresting.” I’m guilty ... of lust in the first degree!

It’s 50 Shades of Grayson ... Helena Grayson, that is. I’d go to “Helena Handbasket” with her anytime. (Get it?) My doctor said that I need an “EcksRay” ... Daniel Eckstrom and Nick Ray can see

It’s not the men in your life, it’s the life in your Mendoza. David gives me that wiggly, ooshy, squealy feeling every time I see him. I feel like a screaming, panty-dropping, prepubescent schoolgirl at a One Direction concert when I see him. True story. Bowling enthusiast Jason Benjamin has 12-pound balls—and he walks so carefully you can hear a “pin” drop. Get your minds out of the “gutter!” (It doesn’t get much better than this, folks!) If you’re looking for someone who’ll tickle your funnybone, standup comedian Maryanne Marttini is a laff riot! I love her wife, Berry, too. I’d like to pause for a moment to recognize this year’s “Slings & Arrows’ Sexiest Man Alive”© for his outstanding contribution to hotness and making me want to be a better man. (Okay. So I know that I’m not any better, but he makes me want to be.) And that’s Emm Jay.

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opening your first bottle of champagne. Pop! Yowzah! Valentino, Luna. This world traveler is kind of a cross between Indiana Jones and the mythical unicorn ... and sex-o’licious! All he needs is a bullwhip and a horn in his forehead. Darling, dreamy Zach Reedy and the Palomar Hotel’s sparkling Travis Shumake are “Things That Make You Go ‘Awwww!’” I bet they smell like warm puppies. Put ‘em in my Christmas stockings. Literally in my stockings. And nothing else.

Little known fact: Donald Smith is the 8th Wonder of the World. I maintain so-called “experts” miscounted. He’s really the 1st Wonder. In my book he is. And, yes, I am an expert. So there. From the “Watch Me Roll My Eyes™” file. When iPhones, mirrors, and tools collide. It’s John Michael. My least favorite stripper, “keeping it classy.” If you didn’t know that by now. Sheesh! I’m proud to award “Party Penguin of the Year” to Robert McFadden. He’s everywhere I turn and rumor has it “Fun” is his middle name. Check out his driver’s license. I think it says, “Robert ‘Fun’ McFadden.” Well, it should.

In my next life I want to be Tom Risner. Oprah’s a damn fool for not choosing him as one of her “Favorite Things.” He’s certainly one of mine. Meeting Tom is like December 2013 www.IONAZ.com 127


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repare for the Geminids Meteor Shower from December 7-17, peaking around the 13th. This fantasy of lights produces up to 120 multicolored meteors per hour. The phantasmagorical celestial event revives your creative energy and hones your social skills. Emotions run high, so stay away from sharp objects.

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

Leave milk and cookies out for Santa. You’ll get a special midnight snack of your own. You might find out that late night nosh is someone else’s leftovers. Expect something fresh from the oven soon.

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20

“Do You Hear What I Hear?” Too bad, because it’s some really good dish—but is it about you? Keep your nose clean, take the high ground. Your sterling reputation will stay beyond reproach.

Gemini May 21 - June 21

Silent Night? Not with the racket you’re making. And it ain’t the elves in the workshop. Your stocking isn’t the only thing getting stuffed. This is only a “holiday fling” thing with no emotional investment. (That’s so you. Well, it’s true.)

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Are you on the “Naughty” or “Nice” list? You’re a combination of the two this month. Even when you’re naughty, it’s awfully nice. Someone from far away surprises you with an unexpected visit. Be prepared!

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22

If you’re looking for holiday “Goodwill” you’ll find yourself shopping in their thrift store for presents this year. Time to do some pennypinching because you’ve been nickel and dimed lately. It’s budget time for 2014!

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

You need some “Peace on Earth” at work and home. Your busy schedule barely gives

you a moment to yourself. Relax. A mug of cocoa, a hot bath and some kettle corn does wonders. So does a stiff drink.

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

A holiday card from a long lost friend or lover revives your flagging spirits. Plans for a faraway visitor comes to fruition. Last minute shopping finds you slashing tires at the mall. Just kidding! Prepare for the unexpected, however.

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23

You’ll be part of The Nutcracker this year! No, not the ballet, but a “ballbuster” that has you reeling when a Sugar Plum Fairy casts a spell on you. A wish will be granted. No, it’s not a pony.

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23

Pucker up, you’ll be kissing somebody under the mistletoe this year. It might be someone new, or your current squeeze. Your birthday brings a revelation that surprises you. It may come from family or friends.

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20

Too much spiked eggnog brings out an “Honesty Time” session with your bestie. It’s all good and you’re both on the same page. If you’ve got a birthday, you’ll get a bonus when you discover an important ally in your corner.

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

You’re nutty as a fruitcake, but that’s no surprise. Your freewheeling, devil-may-care hijinx might need to be reigned in at holiday parties. No Xeroxing your butt at the office party, and no sleeping with the host. Not yet, anyway.

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

You find out a “Secret Santa” has a certain secret about you that you’d rather keep, well, secret. No worries; you’ve got the goods on that jolly, old elf, too. Remember it’s the thought that counts. Not everything, but most things. December 2013 www.IONAZ.com 129


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www.IONAZ.com December 2013



ION Arizona #150