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Happy Holidays from all of us at ION Arizona

If you’re like me, you find yourself

spending more and more time online. Not just on my computer – even when I’m on the road. Facebooking, surfing, learning. You’re online everywhere, and now, so are we! New ION Mobile Guide It’s finally here! After months of development, we are proud to announce our new ION Mobile Guide is now online. This “mobile friendly” website is a growing guide for just about everything in our community. When you don’t have ION’s handy, important info is at your fingertips check it out by going to IONAZ.com and clicking the upper left button labeled “ION Mobile Guide”. If your business or organization is not listed, please e-mail me. New ION Facebook Fan Page We are excited that our Facebook Friend page grew so big that we recently converted it to a “Fan” site. So if you were our Facebook Friend before and want to be our fan, go to our Facebook Fan page. You can find us easier now at IONAZ.com with our Facebook page imbedded inside our home page. Holiday Event & Gift Guide Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always loved the holidays. I love the par-

ties, events and being with family and friends. Oh yes – and the gifts! Use the ION Holiday “Cool List” Gift Guide for those unique gifts and our “Sing in the Holidays” Guide for all our great bars and restaurants. World AIDS Day It’s hard to believe that HIV/AIDS was diagnosed almost 30 years ago. Fortunately, today, many people are living healthy and productive lives with HIV. December 1st is World AIDS Day – a day of remembrance, healing, caring and survival. For more information, go to Southwest Center’s website at swhiv.org and check out worldsaidsday.org for more information. Happy Holidays Please, be safe this holiday season. Do not drink and drive. We need you! Call Discount Cab (602) 200-2000 and let them do the driving. From all of us at ION Arizona Magazine, we wish you and your loved ones safe and happy holidays, and a prosperous New Year!

Jack M. Tesorero@me.com Publisher December 2010

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3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012

(602) 308-4662 • Fax (602) 271-0939 www.IONAZ.com

ionarizona@me.com

Publisher / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero - Ext. 5 ................. jacktesorero@me.com

My Heatstroke.com Bill Knoop .................................................... (602) 301-8457 CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 ..................... kbushaw@me.com Editor Deon Brown - Ext. 3 .................. ionazeditor@me.com PRODUCTION ASSISTANT Craig Rubin ................................. ionarizona@me.com PRODUCTION & Artwork SUBMISSIONS ionazproduction@me.com Advertising Sales Jack Tesorero Ext 2 - ionazsales@me.com Photographers:

Jerry O’Conner Daniel Cavanaugh Don Thompson Fernando Hernandez Michael Fragale National Advertising Representative Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 ContributORS:

Wes Bergman Addison DeWitt Jackson David Kelly

Ted Kirby Kim Ruff Paul Sanchez

Published monthly by

1995-2010: 15 Years of Design and Creative Excellence

© 2010 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company. Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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26TH ANNIVERSARY

Photos courtesy of

CHARLIE’S


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1n10 Holiday Gift Drive It’s your last chance to do a good deed this year! Support our GLBTQ youth with specific needs when you help out in the annual 1n10 Holiday Gift Drive. Participating bars: Dec. 4 at Lush Lounge. Dec. 8 at Charlie’s. Dec. 10 at BS West. Dec. 12 at Apollo’s. Gifts can be dropped off at any sponsors, 3 Snaps or at the 1n10 office at 2700 N. 3rd St. Questions? go to 1n10.org or call Jen at 602-754-1175

Celebration of Giving One night, two charities celebrating your gifts. Phoenix Pride Committee and Aunt Rita’s Foundation present a very special night on Saturday, December 4 at the Arizona Science Center, 600 E. Washington. Enjoy the hors d’oeuvres, desserts and interactive displays, and a Silent Auction of Holiday wreaths and gift baskets. Buy your tix at pride-tickets.org.

GPGLCC Festival of the Trees The Greater Phoenix Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce is celebrating their 2nd annual Festival of the Trees Party on Friday, December 10, 6-10 p.m. Christmas trees, wreaths and menorahs will be raffled off at 4222 N. Marshall Way in Scottsdale. $25 gets you skating, hot cocoa and holiday treats! RSVP gpglcc.org. Sponsored in part by ION.

Charlie’s 16 Days of Christmas Ladies dancing, lords a-leaping, drummers drumming, and “cowboys” line dancing! You won’t find any maids a-milking (unless Pussy or Claudia do something in their shows) but you will find a stockingful of rollicking events from December 10-25 at this famous saloon! And hear the Good Word on Christmas Eve at midnight with Rev. Stout, too! 727 W. Camelback Rd. 602-265-0224 20

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December 2010


Champions Calendar Launch Party Like sports? Don’t miss the 2011 Champions Calendar Launch Party at Bliss-Rebar on Saturday, December 18, 2010 at 7 p.m. and get your exclusive 2011 Champions Calendar, featuring the hottest GLBT jocks in the Valley. There will be raffles, a a model meet ‘n’ greet, drink specials, and your favorite models’ swimwear featured in the calendar will be auctioned off! Discount tix are available online for only $15 each and you’ll receive a FREE 2011 Champions Calendar when you come to the party! All funds and proceeds benefit local GLBT sports organizations for this non-profit event.

DECEMBER 2010 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE

EVENT & LOCATION

CITY

Thurs.

Shirts & Skins at Cherry Bar

Phoenix

4

Celebration of Giving at AZ Center

Phoenix

4

Festival of Lights Parade at Roscoe’s

Phoenix

4

Meet the Men of HomoRodeo at Root Seller & Bar 1

Phoenix

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GPGLCC Festival of the Trees

Scottsdale

10-11

Desert Overture at Trinity Cathedral

Phoenix

10-25

Charlie’s 16 Days of Christmas

Phoenix

11-12

AZ Women in Tune at Faith Lutheran Church

Phoenix

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Holiday Gift Drive at Apollo’s

Phoenix

12 & 19 Gayer than Christmas at icepics

Phoenix

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Xmas Party at Roscoe’s

Phoenix

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Customer Appreciation Party at BS West

Scottsdale

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PMMC Holiday Concert at Phx College

Phoenix

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Black Party at Karamba

Phoenix

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Feliz Navidad at Apollo’s

Phoenix

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2011 Phx Champions Calendar Launch at Bliss-Rebar

Phoenix

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Christmas Party at Bar1

Phoenix

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Christmas Posada at Karamba

Phoenix

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Festivus Party at Roscoe’s

Phoenix

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Christmas Eve Show at BS West

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KARAMBA

Photos courtesy of

PHOENIX, ARIZONA


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Cruisin’ 7th Cruisin’ 7th! One of the great bastions for drag in Phoenix! And, boy, have they got it! All the greats, including Devina on Friday nights for TGIF, Saturday night’s show hosted by Mia Adams, and the fabled Sunday Morning Madness with Judy and TC on December 5 & 19 and Sunday Funnies with Judy and Lady Christian on the second Sunday of every month! Open 6 a.m. daily for you early risers. 3702 N. 7th St. 602-212-9888. cruisin7th.net

December 2010 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S) Wednesdays Wednesdays Thursdays Fridays Fridays Saturdays Saturdasy Saturdays Saturdays Saturdays Saturdays Sundays Sundays Sundays 3 4 5 7 11 12 18 19 22 24 26 31

10:30pm 10:00pm 10:30pm 10:30pm 9:00pm 12:30pm 10:30p 10:00pm TBA 10:00pm 9:30pm 12:30pm 8:30pm 10:30pm 7:00pm 10:00pm 7:30pm 10:30pm 10:00pm 8:00pm 10:00pm 8:00pm TBA 10:00pm 8:00pm 10:00pm

Cruisin’ 7th Charlie’s Karamba Cruisin’ 7th BS West Cruisin’ 7th Cruisin’ 7th The Rock Lush icepics Charlie’s Cruisin’ 7th Charlie’s Karamba BS West Apollo’s Apollo’s Karamba Apollo’s Apollo’s Apollo’s Apollo’s Karamba Apollo’s Apollo’s Apollo’s

Steppin’ Out with Judy & TC Claudia B. & Company Grecia’s Show Devina Elements - followed by Mandy BoomBoom’s Boys! Native American Revue (12/4 & 12/18) New Show Host Mia Adams The Barbra Seville Show The Mya McKenzie Show The Chane Jordan Show Pussy’s Patio Show Sunday Morning Madness with Judy & TC (12/5 & 12/19) Pussy LeHoot & Friends Galilea’s Show Kendra St. James Phoenix Pride Fundraiser Wink’s Employee Reunion Show Afeelya Bunz TTOTM Show Miss Phoenix Pride Preliminary Cougar Cabaret T.C. Taylor’s 1n10 Holiday Gift Drive Show Feliz Navidad Latin XMas Show with Tyra Marie Bears of the West Very Hairy X-Mas Show Christmas Posada Special Christmas Show w/Diamond Countdown to XMas with the Barbra Seville Show Barbra Seville’s TTOTM Raise Your Glass NYE Show with Barbra Seville and Ajia Simone

To add your drag event, e-mail dates, times, locations & pics to kbushaw@me.com Included events must be 1) Charity Benefit OR 2) Located at an ION Arizona Advertiser 24

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Where in the World is Your ION? We get excited when ION Arizona gets a chance to travel beyond our sunny state’s borders. ION recently found its way to City of Lights in Gay Paree! Our reader Arnaud Jannot sent us this picture of himself with his copy of ION Arizona in front of the world famous cabaret, Le Moulin Rouge (without Nicole Kidman) near Montmartre in the Paris’ red-light district of Pigalle on Boulevard Clichy. Ooh la-la! Merci beaucoup, Arnaud! So where in the world is your ION? Send us a picture of yourself or with your friends with a copy of ION Arizona near a famous landmark somewhere in the USA or the world along with a brief explanation of your travels and why you like ION. If we publish your picture, we’ll give you a free gift certificate to Ticoz Resto-Bar! We’re looking for you and your ION everywhere! NOTE: No photoshopped pictures accepted. And we can tell if you do!

Send your photos to ionarizona@me.com

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BS WEST - SCOTTSDALE

Photos courtesy of

PINK 4 A PURPOSE


Trailer Trash! The Dumpster Divas Tell All! by Deon Brown 28

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A

lmost a year ago Dmentia Divinyl and her trusty, trashy sidekick, Jenna Telia, began terrorizing bars, clubs and the internet with their own special brand of what we’ll call “talent.” Dubbing themselves as “The Dumpster Divas,” they’ve traveled across this great country of ours for over two months this year singing, dancing, acting (silly) and captivating – while no doubt confusing – audiences from sea to shining sea. Zany? Yes. Tacky? Certainly. Shocking? You bet. Fun? Abso-f@#kin’lutely! So much fun, as a matter of fact, that after their whirlwind “Driving Tour 2010” the madcap duo decided to expose and explain who they are, what they’re about, and what in the hell it is they actually do. And it’s not for the squeamish. So if you squeam, consider yourself forewarned. The Dumpster Divas are the alter egos of the delightful Glenn Storm and his partner of two years after a 17 year friendship, Vincent Wiercinski. They relocated to the Phoenix area

from lovely Scranton, Pennsylvania two years ago. Storm spent years performing in high drag, while Wiercinski has a theatrical background and danced with the Ballet Theatre of Scranton. Moving west, the two put their wigheads together and formed The Dumpster Divas. “It’s really about performance art more than drag,” Storm explained. “The message we’re trying to send a message to people who see us to express themselves. Celebrate your life! It’s kind of like a ministry for us,” he laughs. “We’re sort of like Dumpster Mormon Missionaries! We want to influence the community as a whole not to take yourself too seriously. We’ve performed with pageant queens in gowns and tiaras, and then here come The Dumpster Divas. We’re trying to create a new type of drag.” What is it exactly that they do do? Well, “doo doo” isn’t far off. “We promote trashy, filthy, potty-humor. Why?

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Because it’s entertaining and shocking. We explain to the club owners that when we perform, our show is basically a fart, and then we lock the doors and just leave the crowd to deal with it. It’s like we crop dusted the place! Our goal is to leave a lasting impression. It’s not your gardenvariety drag,” they explained. “We don’t want the audience to say, ‘Oh, it’s just another drag show.’ Based on audience feedback, it’s 50/50. Half of them can’t wait to see us again, the other half are still trying to figure out what they just saw.” Surprisingly, they’re a big hit with straight, military audiences who’ve see their roadshow. The Dumpster Divas Driving Tour took them to Oklahoma City, Albuquerque, Houston, Cleveland, Savannah, and other cities. They’ve also performed at Gay campgrounds across the USA on a makeshift stage with maybe a canopy or tarp.

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The tour took the “girls” to over 43 bars and clubs across America. Each bar gets a slightly different dosage. “We’ve been in big clubs and little dives. We’re up for anything! Including empty bars! Once we had to perform for ourselves and the bartender, but that was due to a blizzard. But we did it!” And who’d suspect that The Dumpster Divas are Teetotallers? “It’s true,” they admitted. “We’re nonalcoholic drag queens! It’s sloppy and shows you don’t have confidence to work on stage. It’s a job and you should treat it that way. We don’t want to be stereotyped as a drunk drag queens. We don’t drive drunk, and we don’t want our audience to, either. Plus, we won’t drink up the bars’ profits.” Soon, the bright lights and cameras of Hollywood called The Dumpster Divas. Well, at least the videocamera in their apartment did, anyway. In 2007 they wrote, produced, directed, filmed, and starred in the feature length motion picture, Memoirs of Dmentia and again in 2009 with Dmentia’s Search for Sanity. They’ve posted shorts on YouTube; they’re inspired


by John Waters’ films such as Pink Flamingos and Female Trouble, Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Wizard of Oz, and even the nightmarish hillbilly classic, Deliverance with “Cousin Earl.” Audiences at the Diva’s show get “a red carpet premiere of a movie you never heard of!” they promise.

The Dumpster Divas have already performed locally at BS West and at icepics videobar. They hope to perform at Phoenix Pride 2011 and broadly suggested that they are available for appearances (hint, hint.) Did you catch that? Their films on DVD are available at their performances and also on eBay.

“Casting is the most difficult,” Storm said. “We’re always looking for inexperienced actors to star in our films. No acting experience necessary. We love to inspire people to be creative; we’re all artists,” he believes. “We’re new here, but can’t wait to be part of the community. We love it here!”

Catch some of the zany duo’s nutty antics on the little screen near you at YouTube.com. Search under “DMENTEDINC” for their channel or contact them at DmentedInc@Yahoo. com for more information about them, their DVDs, bookings, or their sick, twisted lives. Highly recommended.

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Tempe Festival of the Arts Some people go there for the odd windchimes made out of old spoons craftspeople have been selling there. But we recommend going there to scope out the hotties. And there’s plenty of ‘em! Who knows? You may come home with a stupid piece of découpage and a trick! It all happens December 3-5 in downtown Tempe. www. TempeFestivalOfTheArts.com

Cat Show You’ve got your Abyssinians, Kurilian Bobtails, and even one called LaPerm! That’s gotta be a Gay cat! Feline fanciers everywhere look forward to this event with over 300 pussies galore, a judged show and vendors at the Phoenix Convention Center, south building, hall G. Bring a little catnip and watch ‘em go crazy! Go to www.PhxFeline.com for more info. No dogs allowed, sorry.

Fiesta Bowl Events Who doesn’t love a big parade with floats, marching bands and puffed-up politicians waving at the crowds from expensive cars? Everybody does! The Fiesta Bowl Parade is a Valley classic you won’t want to miss! It starts at 11 a.m. on Central Ave. near Bethany Home Rd. And it’s free! That night is the Fiesta Bowl Block Party on Mill Avenue where you can get mind blowingly drunk for New Years’ Eve with a bunch of obnoxious Fiesta Bowl Fans. Knock yourselves out!

December 2010 ION around town listings

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DATE EVENT / LOCATION

CITY

3-5

Tempe Festival of the Arts

Tempe

4

Big Red Pour at Univ. of Phx. Stadium

Glendale

5, 12, 25

Westgaande Indian Market

Phoenix

11-12

Cat Show at Phx Convention Center

Phoenix

11-12

Mesa Arts Festival at MAC

Mesa

11-12

Phoenix Tequila Fest at US Airways Center

Phoenix

31

Fiesta Bowl Parade

Phoenix

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Fiesta Bowl Block Party

Tempe

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Zappa Plays Zappa “Watch out where the huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow.” The late Frank Zappa, arguably one of the best guitarists of all time, lives on through his music and the tribute band founded by his rather hot and sexy son, the talented Dweezil Zappa. He’ll perform at the Comerica Theatre, 400 W. Washington Ave. For tix phone 602-379-2888 or go to LiveNation.com

Smashing Pumpkins It’s been a while since Billy Corgan and Smashing Pumpkins took over the alternative music scene. Then, of course, there was that pesky break-up business. But they’ll be performing at the Gila River Wild Horse Pass Casino in Chandler! Best of all, OK Go! is opening for them! All for $15! Go to 5040 Wild Horse Pass Blvd. (near Rawhide.) Tix 877-840-0457 or go to www.wingilariver.com

The Judds The dueling redheaded mother/daughter team belts out what should be the GLBT anthem “Mama, He’s Crazy!” for a final farewell tour at the US Airways Center at 201 e. Jefferson St. on Sunday, December 19. Tix at Ticketmaster.com or call 602-379-7800

December 2010 ION Concert Calendar DATE ARTIST / EVENT LOCATION TICKETS 6

Dweezil Zappa Plays Zappa Comerica Theatre

602-379-2888

8

Wu-Tang Clan Re-Union

602-267-1600

Celebrity Theatre

8 Smashing Pumpkins Wild Horse Pass

800-946-4452

12

Roger Clyne & the Peacemakers

US Airways Ctr.

800-745-3000

16

Dave Koz

Mesa Arts Center

480-644-6500

17-19

Grand Canyon Perform. Arts

Phoenix College

602-228-5887

18

Alice Cooper’s Christmas Pudding

Comerica Theatre

602-379-2888

18

Sweet Honey in the Rock

Kerr Cultural Ctr.

480-994-ARTS

19

Jim Brickman

ASU Gammage

480-965-3434

19 The Judds US Airways Center 800-745-3000

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by Jackson David Kelly jacksonkelly@cox.net

Yo, DJ! What’s New? Happy Holidays to you all! Check out new material from Glee V4, Daft Punk, Duffy, Natasha Bedingfield, Crystal Bowersox, Ciara, R Kelly, Keri Hilson, Hex Hector as well as great new stuff from …

Black Eyed Peas

The Beginning In short, fans will be both excited and outraged with this group’s new direction. Gone are the big basslines and thumps replaced by the bleeps and electric sounds of David Guetta. Lead single, “The Time” proves to be safe with its sample of the 80s hit, but it’s on “Light up the Night” and “Best One Yet” that showcase this newly computerized manipulated sound that embodies a bubbly and electroclash of styles. However, after many listens this album soars and showcases a bold move to the future. “Someday” and “Own It” as well as the Fergie penned track “Whenever” are truly toetapping gems.

one of millions to buy this record in a longing to hear a genius and one of the best artists of all time. R.I.P.

Annie Lennox

Christmas Cornucopia This British diva tries something different and offers her fans a collection of diverse and reinterpreted holiday tunes. Though most artists simply recreate the standard faves, Annie gives us a unique and gritty rendition of these beloved compositions. “Silent Night,” “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” and this album’s opener all have vision and a swagger most artists would dare not touch. There’s also a newly written track called “Universal Child” – an ode to courage and Lennox’s continued effort for HIV/AIDS awareness. Most importantly, all profits from this album will fund the Universal Child program. That alone is reason enough to snatch this up.

Jackson’s Top Albums of 2010

Michael Jackson

Michael Will.i.am said it best with his hesitation in Sony’s true intentions in commemorating the late singer’s reputation. However, commercialism wins and hence we see these 10 tracks come to life. Lead single “Hold My Hand” featuring Akon inevitably sounds unfinished but attempts to showcase something current and relevant. “Breaking News” almost hits a “Scream II” like platform while “Keep Your Head Up” gives us a ballad unfinished and weak for the King of Pop. As much as I speak of disappointment, I will be

(stay tuned for January’s issue and Jackson’s top 10 singles of 2010!) #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10

Goldfrapp – Head First Robyn – Body Talk OMD – History of Modern Kylie Minogue – Aphrodite Chicane – Giants The Green Children – Encounter Cee Lo Green – Lady Killer Tracey Thorn – Love & Its Opposite National – High Violet Sharon Jones – Learned the Hard Way December 2010

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Learn to be Latina Hanan is a promising young pop singer and she has a record label dying to record her until they find out she’s Lebanese. They say Hanan can still be a star as long as she learns to be Latina. In this fiercely funny comedy, cultural identities and the music business are poked with some very, very sharp sticks. A Stray Cat Theatre Production performed at the Tempe Performing Arts Center, 132 E. 6th St. For tix go to www.StrayCatTheatre.org or call 480-820-8022

Hair “I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty, oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen ...” Now matter how you cut it, it’s Hair! See this exuberant musical about young Americans searching for peace and love while they celebrate the Age of Aquarius in this Broadway classic. December 7-12 at ASU Gammage 1200 S. Forest Ave. Tix: 480-9655062 or www.ASUgammage.com

Shrek : The Musical Everyone’s favorite ogre shows up to rescue a feisty princess in a faraway kingdom turned upside down. Throw in a talking donkey, Puss in boots, a villain, and other fairytale misfits, and you’ve got an irreverant Disney musical come to life. January 4-12, 2011 at ASU Gammage 1200 S. Forest Ave. Tix: 480965-5062 or www.ASUgammage.com

December 2010 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE EVENT LOCATION 3-18 Learn to be Latina Stray Cat Theatre 4-19 Show Us Your Papers! New Carpa Theatre 4-24 A Christmas Carol Actor’s Theatre 7-12 Hair ASU Gammage 10 A John Waters Christmas Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts 11 Brian Regan Comerica Theatre thru 12 Hairspray Phoenix Theatre thru 18 12th Night SW Shakespeare Co. thru 19 Beauty & the Beast Scotts. Desert Stages 26-1/2 Zoppe: an Italian Circus Chandler Ctr for the Arts JANUARY 2011 4-9 Shrek: the Musical

PHONE 480-820-8022 602-252-2772 602-253-6701 480-965-3434 480-874-4626 602-379-2888 602-254-2151 480-644-6500 480-483-1664 480-783-2683

ASU Gammage 480-965-3434

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by Kimberly M. Ruff kimberlymruff@yahoo.com

Movie Previews Black Swan Starring: Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Vincent Cassel, Barbra Hershey, Winona Ryder

Film auteur, Darren Aronofsky (Requiem for a Dream, The Wrestler) brings what many believe may be his best work to date with Black Swan. Portman (V for Vendetta, Garden State), plays Nina, a talented up-and-coming ballerina who is favored for the coveted lead role in her New York Ballet Company’s production of Swan Lake. She’s a pointe shoe-in, until new ballerina, Lily (Kunis), proves stiff competition. As the stakes get raised, Lily and Nina form a twisted friendship fraught with suspicion and paranoia, and the virginal innocence of Nina gives way to something much darker and more sinister that threatens to not just ruin her career, but her life. So for those of you who are going into this expecting it to be yet another crack at the bat of making another dance movie, I caution you: this is no ordinary ballet movie à la The Turning Point. This would be the mewling, gnarled love child between Bring it On and Eraserhead. Release Date: 12/03/10

The Tourist

Starring: Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp Johnny Depp (Pirates of the Carribean), stars as Frank Tupelo, an American tourist, who sparks off a fleeting affair with Elise Clifton-Ward (Jolie) that leads to a web of deception, intrigue and romance. As is the case in films like this, it’s 10% heist and 90% of Angelina Jolie looking like a praying mantis. I wish I could be more charitable as it’s probably very entertaining – but I just cannot stand watching anything with Jolie in it. How she went from being that creepy chick who willingly had sex with Billy Bob Thornton (and bragged about it) to Hollywood Royalty is beyond my comprehension. One thing is for certain: her agent is one talented SOB to make that happen. Release Date: 12/10/10

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True Grit

Starring: Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon, Josh Brolin

Dynamic Producer/Director Brothers, Joel and Ethan Coen (No Country for Old Men, Fargo), bring you a remake of the 1969 John Wayne classic, True Grit. Unlike the original film, the Coen Brothers’ version sticks more closely to the original source material, Charles Portis’ novel of the same name. An underage girl, Mattie Ross (Hailee Steinfeld), enlists the assistance of an aging-U.S. Marshal, Reuben J. Cogburn (Bridges, The Men Who Stare at Goats) and La Beouf (Damon, The Informant) to help her track the man who killed her father – a journey that takes them into hostile Indian Territory. Fans of the Coen Brothers know that their films are either absurdly hilarious (i.e., black humor), or eerily disturbing. I have a feeling True Grit will be the latter. Release Date: 12/20/10.


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by Wes Bergman wesobergman@yahoo.com

DVD Movie Review The Kids are All Right (2010) Starring: Annette Bening, Julianne Moore, Mark Ruffalo

A few months ago, my opinionated fellow film reviewer, Kim Ruff, did a write-up on The Kids are All Right which, as entertaining as it was, was incredibly, erroneously snarky. It’s worth making mention that Kim’s reviews are previews; she’s making an educated guess. Sometimes, she’s wrong. That’s why we hope, on the back end, that someone will send me the DVDs so I can see for myself and set the record straight. This is one of those reviews.  As you’re well aware, The Kids are All Right is a feature-film written and directed by Lisa Cholodenko about a middle-aged, married Lesbian couple, Nic (Bening) and Jules (Moore), and their two children, Joni and Laser. Curious about their sperm donor, Joni and Laser get into contact with Paul (Ruffalo), a free spirited, hippie-in-a-leather-jacket type. The sudden introduction of this new variable into their home throws things out of balance, leaving Nic feeling like Paul has co-opted her family. In Kim’s review, she (wrongfully) read an old Hollywood narrative in the film – the “she’s only a Lesbian because she hasn’t found the right man” storyline. While The

Kids are All Right makes no bones about the homo-to-hetero boning, it’s not the point. Jules doesn’t need a man – she needs to feel the connection she’s lost with Nic, the mother of her children, so she gets it by sleeping with the father of her children. At the core this film is not about sexuality – it plays a very, very minor role. What it is about is something we all can relate to – that relationships are incredibly difficult; the work never stops. All we can hope is that the pay-off justifies the work. In the case of Cholodenko’s labor of love, it did.

Stuck! (2009)

Starring: Karen Black, Susan Traylor, Mink Stole, Jane Wiedlin, Starina Johnson, Stacy Cunningham, Pleasant Gehman

Rising Cult-Film Director, Steve Balderson (Firecracker, Pep Squad), brings us a gorgeous homage to women’s prison films with Stuck! Daisy (Johnson) is falsely-accused – and subsequently convicted – of murdering her mother. With damning eye-witness testimony from a neighbor (Black), the judge throws the book at Daisy and she gets sentenced to death by hanging. Before she can go to the gallows, Daisy must come to terms with her fate, find a way to stand up to the incredibly abusive prison guard (Cunningham) and make the best of a bad situation. Ripe with sexual-tension and sass, Stuck! is a total kick-in-the-head for cult film fans. December 2010

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Brick

Mighty, mighty. Jus’ lettin’ all hang out!

Downtown’s Arizona Center is

becoming a hive of activity again, thanks to ASU’s Downtown Campus and a budding resurgence of downtown business. Long gone are the days of the women’s bar/restaurant, “A League of Their Own” the hideously overpriced Lombardi’s, or the demented dueling pianos of “Lil’ Ditties” for you that remember the early days of the Center. But good news, friends! It’s true: when one oven door closes another one opens. After the recent casualty was the Pizzeria Uno caved in after years of somewhat mediocre fare, the space was given a much needed facelift and revamping. Now it’s Brick Urban Kitchen. It’s solid as a rock. Or a brick, as it were.

Okay, so that last remark doesn’t really have anything to with Brick’s gastronomical prowess. I digress. For example, the Pesto Stuffed Artichokes are delicious little croquettelike darlings that feature oven roasted artichokes and come with an extraordinary comeback kid in the salad dressing world, Green Goddess for dipping. And it’s homemade, too. Not to be missed, and only $6 for toothsome plate of these tasty morsels. A great way to get on your way to salads, burgers, or other

Charming server, Jordan, is extraordinarily knowledgeable about the subtle intricacies of the menu that looks relatively simple and uncomplicated on the printed page, but in reality have all sorts of little surprises and nuances that enhance the dish and will certainly tickle your tastebuds. I could’ve listened to Jordan talk about it all night long. (Insert a dreamy “sigh” here.) December 2010

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more substantial entrées. And, of course, their top-notch pizza: Nature’s most perfect food. One of their three signature platters includes what they call, simply, “Chicken.” But wait. It’s more than just your barnyard poultry on a plate. The bird is cooked on a flat grill and topped with a light agave glaze, served atop two corn cake medallions along with pumpkin applesauce and a tossed salad (I won’t stoop to make a vulgar remark here. I promise, tempting as it is) with a spritely pomegranate vinaigrette sauce and preserved lemons. All this for only

$16.50. They also offer The Best Pot Roast Ever as well as a fish entrée. Carbs, schmarbs. Try Brick’s exquisite Hand Cut Pastas. It’s prepared fresh daily. The Sausage & Pasta incorporates a large Calabrese Italian Sausage, peppers and onions served over fettucini, $15 for a very generous serving. Okay. Now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for. I scream, you scream, we all scream for pizza! Choose from a trio of 10” White Pizzas, six different 12” Brick Oven Pizzas. The Chicken Pesto is graced with artichokes, feta and, of course, chicken and pesto. They grind the chicken along with the seasonings so the flavor is woven through the meat; it’s not just chunks of boring, baked chicken. Five other pizzas are offered, including what our server, that adorable Jordan I mentioned in the third paragraph, a Margherita Pizza he raves about. You can also build your own pizza with a variety of staple pizza toppings. The dough is made fresh daily on the premises. Got a sweet tooth? Do not

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burlesque

Photos courtesy of

APOLLO’S - P HOENIX


miss – and this is important – The Warm Banana Churros. Language as we know it in our lexicon just can’t describe this confection. But Jordan –the server I’ keep raving about – can. I’ll just say that it’s warm, and served with vanilla ice cream. Order it. Eat it. ‘Nuff said. But wait! There’s more! As an added bonus, every Friday night Brick sponsors “XOXO” – a turntable treat with DJ Pete Salaz. If you love that, you’ll go crazy when I tell you that they play dance music every Saturday night and last Saturday of the month is “Cheap Thrills” with DJs San Watson, the celebrated “wicky-wicky” wünderkind, Jared Alan, and other guests. Look at it this way: if a bricklayer lays bricks, go to Brick. It could happen to you, too. Think about it. It’ll sink in.

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Ice Skating at CityScape Why, it’s practically Rockefeller Center! Make the Holidays special! NRG ICE and CityScape have installed an ice skating rink! ‘Til January 15, 2011 you can pretend you’re Johnny Weir and skate in downtown Phoenix at CityScape on Washington Ave., just west of Central. $10 per person covers skate rental, for unlimited time! Skate with Jolly Old St. Nick himself every night from 6-8 p.m.! For info call 602-772-3909

Las Noches de las Luminarias The Desert Botanical Gardens come to life with the soft glow from more than 8,000 handlit luminarias dotting the fantastical landscape. Become a Member for special preview nights Dec. 2-5. Open to the general public Dec. 9-30. A can’t miss Valley tradition for 33 years.1201 E. Galvin Pkwy. in Phoenix. Phone: 480-941-1225 or visit www.dbg.org for more info.

A John Waters Christmas America’s favorite perverted uncle comes to hoity-toity Scottsdale Center for the Performing Arts for a one-manshow where he spreads his own filthy Yuletide smut, including true crime holiday horror stories on Friday, Dec. 10. Yule love it! 7380 E. 2nd St. Phone: 480-994-ARTS or visit www. ScottsdalePerformingArts.org

Fireside Christmas Desert Overture This talented concert band of GLBT musicians will perform traditional holiday classics with the Artistic Director Scott Helms at the helm, so to speak. Perfect for the season on Friday, Dec. 10 & Saturday, Dec. 11 at 8 p.m. at Trinity Cathedral, 100 W. Roosevelt in downtown Phoenix. Visit www.desertoverture.org for additional info.

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Precious Gifts - PMMC Those golden voiced canaries are at it again! The Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s Chorus present a buffet of musical holiday fare along with the Grand Canyon Performing Arts’ Canyon Echoes and Harmonic Vibrations. Not only that, there’s a fab puppet show, too! Join in the fun at the John Paul Theatre at Phoenix College, 1202 W. Thomas Rd. Friday, Dec. 17 at 8 p.m., Saturday, Dec. 18 at 7 p.m. and Sunday, Dec. 19 at 2 p.m.

ION holiday EVENTS LISTINGS DATE

EVENT

LOCATION

PHONE

Until Jan 15 Ice Skating in Downtown Phoenix CityScape 1-2 Radio City Spectacular Jobing.com Arena 800-745-3000 2-12 Best Christmas Pageant Ever Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 3-5 Phoenix Symphony Holiday Concert Symphony Hall 602-495-1992 3-18 A Bloody Mary Christmas Space 55 Theatre 602-663-6042 4-24 A Christmas Carol Herberger 602-252-8497 5 & 12 Orpheus Male Chorus Orpheus.org 6 Cantemus Trinity Cathedral 602-936-9120 9 King’s Singers Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 9-18 Candlelight Messiah & Phx Symphony 602-495-1992 9-20 iTheatre: What Christmas Means Herberger 602-252-8497 9-30 Noches de las Luminarias Desert Botanical Garden602-941-1225 10 A John Waters Christmas Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts 480-994-ARTS 10 Afternoon of Holiday Magic Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 10 GPLGCC Festival of Trees Party Scottsdale gpglcc.org 10-11 Desert Overtures Trinity Cathedral 602-254-7126 10-26 The Nutcracker Ballet AZ. & Phx. Symphony 602-495-1992 11 Christmas Mariachi Festival US Airways Center 800-745-3000 11 Christmas in Ireland Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts 480-994-ARTS 13 Spirit of the Season w/ Jeffrey Hatrick Herberger Theatre 602-252-8497 16 Phoenix Chorale Brophy Chapel 602-253-2224 17-19 Phx Metro Men’s Chorus Phoenix College 602-228-5587 16 Dave Koz: Smooth Jazz Christmas Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 17-18 The Christmas Show Nat’l Comedy Theatre - Mesa 602-374-5638 17-20 Phoenix Boys Choir Various Locations www.BoysChoir.org 18 Alice Cooper’s Christmas Pudding Comerica Theatre 602-379-2888 18 Irish Nutcracker Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 19 Holiday Pops Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 19 Jim Brickman ASU Gammage 480-965-3434 21-1/2 Sister’s Christmas Catechism Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts 480-994-ARTS 22 Moscow Ballet’s Nutcracker Comerica theatre 602-379-2888 31 Fiesta Bowl Parade Phoenix 480-350-0911 31 Fiesta Bowl Block Party Mill Ave. Tempe 480-350-0900 thru 1/9/11 ZooLights Phoenix Zoo 602-273-1341 thru 1/28/11 Glendale Glitters Downtown Glendale n/a December 2010

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grand re-opening

Photos courtesy of

ICEPICS VIDEO BAR


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The Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s Chorus bring

“Precious Gifts”


T

his time of year everybody has a “Wish List.” Maybe it’s a new camera. Or an iPad. A sweater you’d never buy for yourself, but hope someone will buy for you. But this year you can do something for yourself, and help others who have a “Wish List” – like a full meal, or a present for a needy child. Why not spring for “Precious Gifts” from the Phoenix Metropolitan Men’s Chorus?

Give a little bit more. You can bring a “precious gift,” too. When you come to the concert, the PMMC asks you to bring non-perishable food items or any new, unwrapped gifts to donate to those less fortunate, when the holidays can be a very real struggle. These will be distributed among Joshua Tree, Agave and Tumbleweed to help brighten their holiday season.

The annual concert will feature familiar holiday songs performed It’s perfect. And it always fits. You’ll with a full jazz band, swing, and a be happy, and you’ll make someone very special, very sexy “Santa Baby” else happy, too. Marc Gaston, the who you won’t Executive want to miss, Artistic Director for “What if Christmas, perhaps, as well as the heartwarming the PMMC means a little bit more?” traditional explained this carols that year’s holiday everybody concert “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” loves. theme: “It’s by Dr. Suess all about the The Grand gifts that Canyon Performing Arts and their we bring our friends, family and flagship, the Phoenix Metropolitan community. More than that, we’ve Men’s Chorus have been making the contacted various organizations and members within the GLBT community holidays special and making music for 20 years. Make the PMMC Holiday and asked them to submit their own Concert an important part of your suggestions for ‘unsung heroes.’ season! These are the people who volunteer their time, roll up their shirtsleeves Friday, December 17 at 8 o’clock p.m. and do all the dirty work and aren’t Saturday, December 18 at 7 o’clock recognized. They are ‘precious p.m. gifts.’” Sunday, December 19 at 2 o’clock p.m. These people share their precious gifts throughout the year with the John Paul Theatre at Phoenix College community. Now this is their time to 1202 W. Thomas Rd. in Phoenix shine. “We filmed these wonderful people receiving an award we’ve presented to them and we’ll be broadcasting these moments during the performance,” Gaston said.

These concerts sell out fast! You can avoid disappointment when you buy your tickets early online at www.gcpaphx.org

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holiday nightlife restaurant guide


Apollo’s Lounge - Phoenix Make the Yuletide extra Gay at Apollo’s! Dec. 12 if the 1n10 Holiday Gift Drive Show and Dec. 18 is “Feliz Navidad” with Tyra Marie, and Barbra Seville’s Christmas Eve show is on Dec. 24, natch. Spend New Year’s Eve with Barbra, Ajia & lots of champagne! See the ads on pp. 4-5

5749 N. 7th St.

(602) 277-9373

Bar 1 - Phoenix Be part of the Miracle on 16th Street! On Dec. 19 bring in a new toy and get a drink for half price! There’s a potluck, and a you’ll meet Santa! So you better be good! Remember, there’s no cover on New Year’s Eve, champagne, friends and fun! See ad on p. 12.

3702 N. 16th St.

(602) 266-9001

Bliss/Rebar - Downtown Phoenix Anytime is perfect to enjoy Bliss’ affordable, casual dining for lunch, dinner, weekend brunch or amazing late night snacks at Bliss, or bend your elbow at Rebar with a Reverse Happy Hour. Reserve your table for the New Year’s Eve blowout with a chef’s dinner & drink specials! See ad on p. 13

901 4th St.

(602) 795-1792

Brick: Arizona Center - Phoenix Check out the newly inaugurated Brick Urban Kitchen in the Arizona Center! Appetizers, salads, entrees and, of course, brick oven pizza! Friday nights and Saturday nights feature hot, hot, hot dance music and fun! See the review on p.

455 3rd St. (Arizona Center)

(602) 258-3665

BS West - Scottsdale Deck the Halls! It’s a Holiday Party every Friday night with their Customer Appreciation Party on Dec. 17. New Year’s Eve is simple! $25 cover and penny drinks + champagne and an extended patio! See the ads on pp. 8-9

7125 5th Ave.

(480) 945-9028

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Buffalo Wings & Ring - Fiesta Mall While you are out shopping this holiday season, don’t forget to stop by Buffalo Wings & Rings. Their delicious menu includes soups, salads, gyros, sandwiches, wraps, burgers and yes, all types of chicken wings. PLUS, they have also have a FULL BAR. Check out their coupons on p. 46

1445 W. Southern Ave (Fiesta Mall) (480) 464-5445

Charlie’s - Phoenix That fabled lil’ bitty ol’ pissant country place is a Winter Wonderland during the 16 days of Christmas from December 10-23. Enjoy special events including a Mexican Christmas, a candlelight ceremony on Christmas Eve, and, of course, Pussy LaHoot, Claudia B., and hot guys!

727 W. Camelback Rd.

(602) 265-0224

Cherry Bar - Phoenix You can’t have fruitcake without Cherry Bar! Thursdays are “Shirts & Skins” with hot go go boys, no-shirt drink specials, and Lady Christian’s Trailer Trash Revue on New Year’s Eve with a $500 balloon drop at midnight! See ad on p. 19

1028 E. Indian School Rd.

(602) 277-7729

Cruisin’ 7th - Phoenix Catch all of your favorite drag queens, have some drinks, and don’t forget Sunday Morning Madness or the Sunday Funnies with Lady Christian! New Year’s Eve features a special show with Devina Ross and bubbly at midnight.

3702 N. 7th St.

(602) 277-7729

Dick’s Cabaret - Phoenix You’ve been waiting for it all year. Now it’s here. One night only! The Stripper Pole Olympics! The crowd decides who will be the champ! Tons of prizes and giveaways, and, of course hot, naked dancers. Did we mention the naked dancers, by the way? See ad on p. 90

3432 E. Illini St.

(602) 274-DICK

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FEZ - Phoenix Chic, urban, sophisticated, and tasty, too! For over five years, the awardwinning FEZ has been providing casual American cuisine infused with Mediterranean spices and ingredients to tempt you! All the cool kids love it and so will you. Amazing martinis, brunch, monthly specials and more. Get a party platter or cater your holiday event with FEZ!

3815 N. Central Ave.

(602) 287-8700

Flex - Phoenix Bring in the New Year with a “bang,” so to speak, at this discreet, private “gentlemen’s spa.” You’re bound to find someone to kiss at midnight! Have a ball! Or two! Or maybe more! DJ Bryan spins poolside every Sunday. Your friends at FLEX remind you to always play safe year ‘round.

1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy

(602) 271-9011

Hanny’s - Downtown Phoenix The creators of AZ88 are the masterminds behind this fabulous watering hole for the well-heeled, making it the place to “see & be seen” in downtown Phoenix. A perfect place for a casual dinner, a classic cocktail, or to hobnob with your friends on your way to the theatre, the symphony, a concert, or just for holiday fun.

40 N. 1st St.

(602) 252--2285

icepics video bar - Phoenix Nothing is “Gayer Than Christmas” on Dec. 12 & 19 with this live show featuring singing, comedy, parody and more! Join the divine Chané Jordan on New Year’s Eve with DJ Urban spinning and a champagne toast at midnight! See the ads on pp. 6-7

3108 E. McDowell Rd.

(602) 267-8707

Karamba - Phoenix Everybody knows that “Karamba” means lots of fun, fun, fun! Bring a new toy their special Christmas Posada is Dec. 22 for the 1n10 toy drive, hosted by Diamond! The New Year’s Eve fiesta will have free CD’s to the first 200 guests. Diamond will countdown the minutes until 2011! See the ad on p. 23

1724 E. McDowell Rd.

December 2010

(602) 254-0231

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Lush Lounge - Chandler The East Valley’s new – and only! – alternative bar promises a special New Year’s Eve bash with no cover and a champagne toast at midnight with the one and only Mya MkKenzie! A DJ spins your fave tunes all night long! See the ad on p. 25

2050 N. Alma School

(480) 857-9444

Macayo’s - Phoenix Say “Feliz Navidad!” the Macayo’s way! For over 60 years Macayo’s has been a Valley tradition, with authentic recipes, local ingredients, and fresh, homemade quality. Now, for every $25 gift certificate you purchase, you’ll receive a $5 gift card off your next purchase! Come to our casa on Central Avenue near Indian School Road this holiday season!

4001 N. Central Ave.

(602) 264-6141

Maizie’s - Phoenix We have a soft spot in our hearts for Maizie’s. So does everybody else in town, apparently! This cozy bistro is always busy, serving up a delicious variety of sandwiches, pizza, entrées, homemade soups, an daily specials. Gift Certificates make a perfect present! From Maizie’s, with Love. MaiziesCafe.com

4750 N. Central Ave.

(602) 274-2828

Mi Patio - Phoenix Proudly serving Phoenix since 1984, Mi Patio Mexican Food Restaurant has been serving up some of the best frijoles refritos this side of the Rio Grande! Their fresh, authentic Mexican dishes are among the best in town. Mi Patio is family owned and operated. 3347 N. 7th Ave. on Osborn Rd. 602-277-4831. www.MiPatioAZ.com

3347 N. 7th Ave.

(602) 277-4831

The Rock - Phoenix Everybody’s favorites are at The Rock this Holiday Season! On December 4 you won’t want to miss The Sassy Sisters Show with Sissy Collins, or the celebrated Genderfuct Holiday Extravaganza on December 11 with Pandora de Strange’s legendary cast. Every Monday is Barbra Seville’s Gong Karaoke and her new Saturday night show begins in January.

4129 N. 7th Ave.

(602) 248-8559

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Holiday Survival Guide:

Now that you’ve decided to get off your butt and have some fun, here are some valuable tips that will help you avoid starting your new year in the hospital, jail or morgue! 1. Know when to say ‘when’. Drink responsibly. Passing out is not a determination of ones limits. Please, know yours. Plus, you want this to be a New Year to remember! 2. Don’t drink and drive. Not even one drink. Sheriff Joe has lots of rooms available and he wants to fill them ... Call a Discount Cab so you can go bar hopping with friends and have the time of your life! 3. If a “friend” offers you an illegal drug for free, the cost is too high and they’re no friend! 4. Take this copy of ION Arizona Magazine with you wherever you go so you don’t miss a thing! 5. HAVE FUN!!!

Photos by Jerry O’Conner Art by Kevin Bushaw Art Direction by Deon Brown Models are Phoenix Metropolitain Men’s Chorus Members: Joel Hamilton, Scott Taylor, Micah Peterson, Drew Akerson, Chris Skans, Devin Slayton, Scott Wheeler, Corey Sims, Kenneth Stewart, Larry Chastan, and Steve Uhrman. 66

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Roscoe’s - Phoenix Batter up! Watch the Festival of Lights Parade on Dec. 4, come to the Xmas Party on Dec. 15, air your grievances at the Festivus Party on Dec. 23, and, of course, New Year’s Eve with a champagne toast, favors, and appetizers, too! See the ad on page 10

4531 N. 7th St.

(602) 285-0833

Switch - Phoenix This celebrated sandwicherie and much more was one of the charter businesses on the Metro Light Rail. Tops in ‘wiches, a variety of creatively prepared – and affordable –entrées along with a full bar. Check out their “Recession Buster” for only $5.

2603 N. Central Ave. near Virginia

602-264-2295

Ticoz - Phoenix The authentic flavors of Mexico, Central and South America and a few of the Caribbean islands meet here at this popular uptown restaurant and lounge, offering new twists of old classics. A perfect place for your holiday party! Gift certificates make lovely presents, don’t forget!

5114 N. 7th St.

602-200-0160

ADDITIONAL LOCAL BARS: Amsterdam Bunkhouse Cash Inn Club Sutra

Kobalt Nu Towne Oz Plazma

Pumhouse II Rainbow Cactus Velocity Z Girl Club

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Guide to the ION Guide MAIN HEADER:

Click here to return to main page

MAIN MENU:

Click here to: • Return to main page • ION Facebook Fan Page • ION Party Cams • IONAZtv YouTube • Go to full ION website

DOWNLOAD ISSUE:

Click the cover to download this month’s issue. Save to iBooks after download is complete. Archive every issue in iBooks for future reading.

MAJOR EVENTS:

Click here for major monthly events

LISTINGS:

Click here for a list of businesses and non-profits with quick links to:

• Address with Google Maps • Directions & Street View • Automatically dial phone number • Quick link to their website

ADULT:

Click here for a complete list of: • Adult retails stores • Baths/Health Clubs • Dating services • Gay resorts

GO TO IONAZ.COM iPhone/Touch/iPad version viewing instructions:

Go to www.ionaz.com in your Safari browser. Click on the “Mobile ION Guide” button at the top left. Once loaded, click on the “+” and select “Save to Home Page”. The new ION Mobile Guide will have an icon on your home page for quick reference. If your business or organization is not listed on the guide, please call Jack at (602) 308-4662 ext 2.


grand opening PARTY

Photos courtesy of

CITYSCAPE


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Hex Watchband for iPod Nano Turn your IPod Nano into a watch by slipping it into the HEX Watch Band! They come in all colors of the rainbow, and at $29.99, so you can get them all!

www.shophex.com

Heartbeat Headphones by Lady Gaga Be a Little Monster in style. These headphones are not only stylish, but they also give you the best sound quality on the go! $129 available at all Best Buy Stores

www.bestbuy.com

Pentax Optio W90 Digital Camera This camera is waterproof, weatherproof, extreme light and dark proof ... but no word on whether it’s drunk proof or not, but your chances are pretty good! Give the gift of the camera that is super-duper hard to break! The Pentax Optio W90 Digital Camera is good for outdoor and indoor adventures!

Duracell myGrid The hottest gift of the season! Who needs to keep four different chargers around to keep your electronics juiced up? The Duracell myGrid lets you charge four electronics simultaneously, with no need for cords! Just drop your cell phone, IPod, and all other electronics on the metal plate and watch in awe as they quickly replenish! Your electronics will thank you! Available at Target Stores. December 2010 www.IONAZ.com 73


Video Game Motion Censors XBox360 Kinect - XBox introduces their version of controller- free gaming! By using a video the Kinect brings you into the game and mimics your every movement! Available at all major electronic stores! Wii - Who doesn’t like playing with a Wii? Use your Kung Fu grip Motion Control and play a game, exercise using Wii Fit, and more! Playstation Move - Another controller based system has built in Wi-Fi, a built in Blu- ray player, allows you to stream Netflix and more! The gaming system that does it all!

Roomba Fire the maid, get the Roomba! Hate to vacuum? Get Roomba to do it for you! This robot cleans the floors and does all the work for you! While they can get pricey, sometimes you can’t put a price on laziness!

www.iRobot.com

Streaming TV & Movie Memberships Give someone the gift of film and television this holiday season! Netflix and Hulu Plus now offer unlimited streaming membership of movies and TV shows, each for $7.99 per month! Gifting that special someone a years membership of Netflix or Hulu Plus is the gift that keeps on giving that is below $100!

netflix.com & hulu.com

Brand X Shirts Make your gift a little more personal! Customize a T-Shirt at Brand X Custom T’s this holiday season. Now shirts can be printed in full color on black, just a little something more to make that special custom gift! .

414 S. Mill Ave, Tempe www.brandxstore.com

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Obama Chia Pet For those of you who say you are waiting for Obama to do something, you can now see him in action in your own home! Or at least you can watch your Obama Chia Pet’s hair grow. It’s political action at it’s finest! Purchase your Commander in Chief, the Chia version, for $20.00!

www.amazon.com

Snuggies You’ve seen them, you’ve judged those who wear them, well, now its time to embrace them! This holiday season the folks over at Snuggie have made it possible for you to virtually outfit every single kind of person in your life with the blanket that has sleeves! Your pet? Your kid? Grandpa? Grandma? Anyone can wear a Snuggie now! And don’t just stop at those plain colors! Spice it up with an animal print! I’m partial to leopard myself...

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2011 Calendars Phoenix Champions Calendar- Come to BlissRebar on Saturday, December 18, 2010 and get your exclusive 2011 Champions Calendar, featuring some of the hottest GLBT jocks in the Valley on its pages. 2011 homorodeo.com Calendar- Pick up your homorodeo.com 2011 calendar at the Root Seller, and meet the boys of homorodeo.com on December 4 and Root Seller and Bar 1.

Gift Baskets from Noble Beast Give man’s best friend a little something festive this year! Head on over to Noble Beast and pick your pet up a Holiday Gift Basket! They include Santa Toys, Scarfs, Hats, Jingle Collars, Doggy Cookies, and cruelty free Antler Chews! These presents for your pooch are $35 and up!

1005 E. Camelback (602) 265-4223

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CREDITS Photography by Michael Fragale Art by Kevin Bushaw Text and Art Direction by Craig Rubin Model is Mat Tomczyk

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Vol. 4, Issue 7

DECEMBER 2010

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

“Harvey Fierstein by the Fierside: A Fierce, Flaming Christmas”

OUTRAGEOUS!

NEW YORK CITY – The greatest gravel-voiced Gay guy on the Great White Way, Tony Award winning playwright and actor Harvey Fierstein has released his first holiday record: “Fierstein by the Fierside: A Fierce, Flaming Christmas.”

Harvey’s rendition of “I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus” is already a hit in San Francisco and New York City’s Greenwich Village, as well “Rudolph the Red Hosed Reindeer” and “Joy to the Girls.”

Years of unrelenting smoking, endless talking and screaming on stage have given the respected thespian the celebrated rasping patina on his vocal chords that he’s become famous for. Critics have compared his singing to a burro with a bad cold, or a garbage disposal with a chicken bone caught in it. But his rendition of “I’ll Be Homo for Christmas” will break your heart. Or arouse you, depending.

Harvey’s trios with the silky-smooth voice of acclaimed actress Kathleen Turner and the queen of the red carpet and talk show blabbermouth Joan Rivers, who’ll lend their golden pipes to “We Three Queens.”

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH ISwill TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL Fans be delighted when they hear

“Harvey Fierstein by the Fierside” is available now for $16.99 on Glamazon.com

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL


OUTRAGEOUS!

Royal TV!

“Wills & Kate Plus VIII”

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

LONDON - When the engagement of His Royal Highness Prince William Arthur Philip Louis of Wales to his longtime girlfriend, Kate ANY RESEMBLANCE Middleton, was recently announced, it had concept men at the British Broadcasting Corporation scrambling for TV fodder.

TO THE TRUTH IS

their eight children, the BBC is hoping to up the ante with the adventures of Prince William, his future Princess Kate and ideally eight little royal brats. The Roman TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL numerals ‘VIII’ add a royal flair.

BBC is banking on it. “Just imagine!” said one programming executive, “It’ll be mad fun, the Prince and Princess, “With the wedding eight young taking place next royals, keeping up year, we’ve got with the nannies, some jolly good governesses, ANY THE TRUTH IS IS TRAGICALLY ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL ideasRESEMBLANCE for the prince that willTO keep him and crowns, horses and so forthACCIDENTAL over at his home, his bride in the public eye,” said one source Clarence House! It’s exactly the kind of a at the BBC. “Ideally, we hope that they’ll rollicking good time people need! Watching keep Kate pumped so full of fertility drugs, the Throne piss away thousands and she’ll be popping out princes and princesses thousands of pounds a year on people who do like the palace pooches.” absolutely nothing! Bloody good show!”

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! With the success of American reality show “Jon & Kate Plus Eight” on The Learning Channel about Jon and Kate Gosselin and

The series is slated to premier in 2019, unless Kate has twins, triplets or other multiple births.

OUTRAGEOUS!

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL December 2010 www.IONAZ.com 85


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OUTRAGEOUS! Lipton Thrusts ‘Deep Inside the Porn Actors Studio’ NEW YORK CITY – Veteran thespian James Lipton interviewed the most accomplished actors of the stage and screen, suchRESEMBLANCE as Al ANY TO THE Pacino, Susan Sarandon, Robert DeNiro, and more, is redesigning the format for the award-winning show.

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

curse word?” The answer is always the same. And you can guess what that is.

Lipton asked budding Gay porn star Mark Lukeman, TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL “What was your motivation during the scene in Big Trouble in Little Heinie when Hank Handfull takes you doggy style in a rather poorly decorated motel room and “We’ve exhausted practically every living asks you how much you like it?” actor. We’ve even interviewed extras, and people like Mariah Carey’s stand-in for Mark said, “I was reminded of a terrier I Glitter. We ran out of actors,” said one saw when I was a teenager. She was gettin’ production assistant. “We’ve resorted to it real good from a beagle with big balls. interviewing porn stars,” he added. “Our All these people were watchin’. I just ratings are going through the roof! Nobody channeled what that terrier must’ve felt ANYRESEMBLANCE RESEMBLANCETO TOTHE THETRUTH TRUTH TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL ANY IS IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL cares about Sigourney Weaver. But they love like. It heightened my performance, and the Somehorny Beaver!” audience really respects that when they’re spankin’ one out.” Adult film actors and actresses like Mona Littlemore and Peter Sizelove have been a Future episodes include Lipton discussing draw, discussing their craft with Lipton. His the art of performing the perfect “Eiffel fabled Proust-like questions spark erudite, Tower” with actors Connie Lingus, Tommy philosophical conversations with people Baloney and Johnny Lodes who co-starred who are filmed having sex for money. The in Battlestar Orgasmica together. favorite question is, “What’s your favorite

OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS!

December 2010 www.IONAZ.com 87 ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL


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December 2010


IONTUCSON

CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, AND NIGHTLIFE 1

Ain’t Nobody’s Biz

2900 E. Broadway

(520) 318-4838

2

Colors

5305 E. Speedway

(520) 323-1840

3

Howl at the Moon

915 W. Prince Rd.

(520) 293-7339

4

IBT’s

616 N. 4th Ave.

(520) 882-3053

5

Venture-N

1239 N. 6th Ave.

(520) 882-8224

6

Woody’s

3710 N. Oracle Rd.

(520) 292-6702

ACCOMODATIONS & LODGING 1

Doubletree Hotel at Reid Park

445 S. Alvernon Way

(520) 881-4200

2

Embassy Suites

5335 E. Broadway Blvd.

(520) 745-2700

3

La Posada Lodge and Casitas

5900 N. Oracle Rd.

(520) 887-4800

December 2010

www.IONAZ.com 89


90

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IONPHOENIX 1.

Amsterdam Amsterdam

718N.N.Central Central Ave. Phoenix 718 Ave.--Downtown Downtown PHX

(602)258-6122 258-6122 (602)

2.

Apollo’s Apollo’s

5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix 5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

(602) 277-9373 (602) 277-9373

3.

Bar 1

4.

NEW: Bliss / Rebar

901 N. 4th St. - Phoenix

(602) 795-1792

5.

BS West

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(480) 945-9028

6.

Bunkhouse Charlie’s

4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix 727 W. Camelback Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 200-9154 (602) 265-0224

7.

Cash Inn Cherry Bar

2140 Rd.Rd.- -Phoenix 1028E.E.McDowell Indian School Phoenix

(602) (602)244-9943 277-7729

8.

Cherry Lounge Charlie’s

Every starting 11th - Mill Ave. in Tempe 727 W. Thursday Camelback Rd.January - Phoenix (602) 265-0224

9.

The Chute Men’s Club Cherry Bar

1440E. E Indian Rd.Rd. - Phoenix (602)277-7729 234-1654 1028 IndianSchool School - Phoenix (602)

Clarendon Hotel

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix

Bar 1

BS West

Bunkhouse Cash Inn

10. Club Sutra Club Vibe

3708 N. 16th St. - Phoenix

3702 N. 16th St. - Phoenix 7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale 4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

401 W. Clarendon Ave. - Phoenix

3031 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-9001

(602) 266-9001 (480) 945-9028

(602) 200-9154 (602) 244-9943

(602) CLARENDON

(602) 955-9805 (602) 224-9977

11. Cruisin’ 7th Cruisin’ 7th Cabaret 12. Dick’s

3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 274-DICK

13. FLEX Men’s Club

1517 S Black Canyon Hwy - Phoenix

(602) 271-9011

videobar 14. icepics Forbidden

3108 Rd. - Phoenix 6820E. E.McDowell 5th Ave. - Scottsdale

(602) 267-8707 forbiddenaz.com

15. Karamba Homme

1724 E. Camelback McDowellRd. Rd. - Phoenix 138 W. - Phoenix

(602) (602)254-0231 266-0875

icepics videobar 16. Kobalt

3108N. E. Central McDowell Rd. -- Phoenix Phoenix 3110 Ave.

(602)264-5307 267-8707 (602)

Incognito Lush Lounge 17. NEW!

2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix 2050 N. Alma School - Chandler

(602) 955-9805 (480) 857-9444

Dick’s Cabaret The Door

Karamba

18. Nu Towne Kobalt

19. OZ OZ

3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix

1126 N. Scottsdale Rd. - Tempe

1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

Closed temporarily

3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 212-9888 (602) 212-9888

(602) 274-DICK

(480) 967-DOOR

(602) 254-0231

(602) 267-9959 (602) 264-5307

1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix (602) 242-5114 1804 W. Bethany Home Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 242-5114

20. Paradise Adult Boutique 130 W. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-5869

21. Plazma Pumphouse II

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix 4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0477 (602) 275-3509

II 22. Pumphouse Retro Bar

4132 - Phoenix 3114E.E.McDowell Cactus Rd. Rd. - Phoenix

(602) (602)275-3509 493-0355

The Rock Cactus 23. Rainbow

4129 N. Ave.Creek - Phoenix 15615 N.7th Cave Rd. - Phoenix

(602)971-1086 248-8559 (602)

24.

4531N. N.7th 7th St. - Phoenix 4129 Ave. - Phoenix

(602)248-8559 285-0833 (602)

Plazma

Roscoe’s The Rock

Rainbow Cactus 25. Roscoe’s Velocity

26. Velocity 27

Wild Card

Z Girl Club Z Girl Club

1560 E. Osborn Rd. - Phoenix

15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix

4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix

2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix

2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix 801 N. Arizona Ave. - Chandler

4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix 4301 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix

(602) 266-0477

(602) 867-2463

(602) 285-0833 (602) 956-2885

(602) 956-2885 (480) 857-3088

(602) 265-3233 (602) 265-3233

December 2010 www.IONAZ.com 91


IONBAR GUIDE PHOENIX

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Apollo’s

Frat Party 9pm 50¢ domestic drafts

$1 Bud Light Drafts 2-8p Karaoke 9pm

$1 Bud Light Drafts 2-8p Male Strippers 10:30pm

Bar 1

Friday Happy Hour 4-7p 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

Saturday $2 dom bottle 6-9p 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

$2 Brown Bagged Beer 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

Happier Hour 3-6:30p 2-4-1well $5 martinis-$3 all beer & h wine

Brunch 10am-2pm $4 Bloody $3 glass or $10 mimosas pitch

Sunday Funday 2-7pm 2-4-1 alcohol / $10 bucket beer

BS West

FUBAR with Elements 9:45p $5 you call it drink & $3 beers

2-4-1 everything all night Go-go dancers - A new tradition

Karaoke 9pm $1 Miller Lite drafts

Bufallo Wing & Rings

Happy Hour 11-7pm 1/2 price select appetizers

Shop to you drop then come by Great food and FULL BAR!

Shop to you drop then come by Great food and FULL BAR!

Charlie’s

$3 pitchers/2-4-1 well/dom 2-7p $1 Happy Hour 7-9p/Afterhours

$3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 12-7p $1 Happy Hour 7-9p/Afterhours

Volleyball 4-7pm, NEW 3-4-1 $3 Long Islands, $3 pitchers

Cherry Bar

Happy Hour 3pm - 8pm

Happy Hour 3pm - 8pm

NFL Tailgate Brunch 10a-2p 80s Flashback videos 9pm

Cruisn’ 7th

TGIF - Devina 10:30 pm

AZ Leathermen Strippers 4:3 New Show Hostess Mia Adams

Morning Madness 1st & 3rd Su Sunday Funnies 2nd Sunday

Dick’s Cabaret

2-4-1 VIP Dances 7pm ‘til 9pm

Off the Hook Tons of Prizes & Giveaways

2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances & VIP Wristbands

$3 Pomegranate Presses

$3 Bottle Beer & Tequila Shots

$3 Brunch Drinks 50% off bottles of wine

MEAT - Hot Go Go Dancers $2.50 dom / $3 well / $4 Lg Isl.

80s Happy Hour The Follies 10pm

Show Tunes - Happy Hour 2pm-8pm

R NEW! Bliss / Rebar

R FEZ icepics

NEW: Roscoe’s 10:00p- 1:00a

The Leathermen

Cruisin’ 7th | Plazma 4:30p - 7:00p | 10:30p - 1:30p

Fridays Karaoke @ 9pm Lunch Specials / Happy Hour

Mya McKenzie’s Drag Show Starting at 10pm

Lunch Specials / Happy Hour ALL DAY!

Fridays $4 Pitchers

Saturdays $4 Pitchers

Sundays with Galilea $3 pitchers

R Maizie’s

Happy Hour 3-6pm Everyday Reverse Happy Hour 9pm-close

Happy Hour Brunch 9a-2p 3-6pm Everyday

Brunch All Day

R Mi Patio

Fridays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Saturdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Sundays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

R Roscoe’s*

NEW: The Leathermen! Great Happy Hour

All Star Grill Opens at 11am

NFL Sunday Party $8 Long Island Pitchers

R Switch

Fridays Open from 11am-Midnight

Saturday Open from 11am-Midnight

Sundays Open from 11am-Midnight

R Ticoz

Fridays Open from 11am-Midnight

Saturday $1 brunch drinks Open from 11am-Midnight

Sundays $1 brunch drinks Open from 11am-Midnight

R NEW: Lush Lounge Karamba

R

92

FULL MENU

* LIMITED MENU/TIMES

www.IONAZ.com December 2010

FREE PROJECT HARD HAT CONDOMS


MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

Drag Bingo 2 for 1 U Call-It Open-Close

Dance Night 10pm $3 well & dom / $4 Long Island

Happy Hour All day / All night

Karaoke 9:30pm

Monday $1 Bud Lt. Drft 4-cl. 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

KAROKE $2.50 wel, dom 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

$1 OFF in your undies/leather 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

Thursday 2-4-1 U Call It 10a- cl 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft

Student Salvation Mondays $20 Plate of apps + bottle wine

Twofer Tuesdays $20 2 burgers/fries/2 dom beer

2-4-1 Wednesdays 9pm-close 2-4-1 on ALL drinks

Thirsty Thursdays $4 Long Island / $4 skinny drink

W.H.O.R.E. Service Industry $2 dom $3 well $4 bombers

Community Benefit/Fundraiser Book you event @ bswest.com

2-4-1 All Day and All Night A valley tradion!

Karaoke 9pm $2 drafts

Happy Hour 11-7pm 1/2 price select appetizers

Karaoke 7 - 11pm $3 well / 59¢ wings bone in/out

Happy Hour 11-7pm Chicken Tenders 99¢/ea

Happy Hour 11-7pm 1/2 price select appetizers

Underwear Party 8-cl 1/2 price 2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-2 well/dom 2-8pm $3 pitch. 2-4-1 well/dom 8p-Close 2-4-1 cocktails/dom

2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 8p-close $3 Pinnacle

2-4-1 All Day! Cocktails and beer

Happy Hour 3pm - 8pm Karaoke 9pm - close

Happy Hour 3pm - 8pm Dinner & Movie w/ John 7pm

EVERY WEDNESDAY 2-4-1 All Day

Happy Hour 3pm - 8pm Shirts & Skins Go Go Boys 9pm

Karaoke 9pm

Steppin’ Out Judy & TC 9pm

AZ Leathermen Strippers 10pm

2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances, VIP Wristbands

Amateur Night Starts at 10pm

S.I.N. Bring Your Dancer ID and get VIP Pricing

Hot Studs All Night Long $5.00 Off with VIP Keychain

$3 Burgers $3 Margaritas

‘tini Tuesdays $3 Martinis

$20 Any Bottle of Wine and small plate

$3 G Spots

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL 2-4-1 beer/well during game!

2-4-1 Wells & Beers All day and night

Karaoke 9pm-close

2-4-1 in undies beer/well 9p-cl $3 Three Olives Thursdays

The Leathermen perform at Roscoe’s, Cruisin’ 7th and Plazma!

Cruisin’ 7th 10:30p - 12:30p

Mondays 40¢ Wings during football

2-4-1 well & dom drafts Lunch Specials / Happy Hour

Drag Bingo @ 9pm Lunch Specials / Happy Hour

Texas Hold’em Poker 7pm and 10pm

Closed

Tuesday with Grecias $2 Drinks All Night

Wednesdays with Diamond $2 Drinks All Night

Thursdays with Ruby & Tyra $2 drinks all night

$3 Bistro Burgers 4-10pm $10 off of all Bottled Wines

BBQ Short Ribs Pizza/Wine Special for Two Reverse Happy Hour 9pm-close Reverse Happy Hour 9pm-close

$3 Mexican Beers ToGo: 20% off beer/most wine

Mondays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Tuesdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Wednesdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Thursdays $1.25 Margaritas on the rocks

Monday Pool Tournament

2 for Tuesdays 2-4-1 drinks all day

Wednesday All Day Happy Hour

Thursdays 2-4-1 7pm

Mondays Open from 11am-Midnight

Tuesdays Open from 11am-Midnight

Wednesdays Open from 11am-Midnight

Thursdays Open from 11am-Midnight

Mondays Open from 11am-Midnight

Tuesdays 11am-Midnight

Wednesdays 11am-Midnight

Thursdays 11am-Midnight

ION ARIZONA December 2010

www.IONAZ.com 93


by Addison DeWitt

I

t’s Christmas once again at the WonderVu Trailer Court. In my ongoing battle with the Homeowner’s Association attempting to wrestle control of the Living Nativity Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa Spectacular I’ve staged faithfully for nearly ten years. This year I’m recruiting a star to play the Virgin Mary, so I’m negotiating with Celia Putty (pictured top). I’ll pay her exactly what The Baby Jesus would pay: five loaves and two fishes. The going rate. Enough to feed a multitude – with leftovers. I might throw in a pair of L’Eggs pantyhose, too. That’s a deal, sweetheart. If you’re looking to find chestnuts roasting on an open fire, gas up the sleigh, goose up the reindeer and head over to the venerable NuTowne Saloon. A recent party there was a real barnburner – so to speak. Sadly, in the wee, small hours of the morning a fire broke out, destroying the contents of the structure. All that vodka. Gone. I guess those hot, mixed nuts they served were too hot! I regret the loss of the ol’ watering hole and wish Daddy Ron and the staff all the best. Talk about feats of derring-do! The Honorable Tom Simplot and dashing 94

www.IONAZ.com December 2010

endodontis Dr. Kevin Axx rappeled down the all 82 floors of One Lexington with Duncan Penn and Dave Lingwood and (pictured below, right) of MTV’s hit show The Buried Life, where the cast o’ hotties crosses off one “Bucket List” wish one by one, only by doing a good deed for someone along the way. This event helped the Special Olympics. I suggested to these telegenic nubile youths (specifically Dave and Duncan, but the invite goes out to Tom and Kevin, too!) that my own personal “Bucket List” conveniently included “Licking the contents of a handle of Ketel One Vodka off two men with a TV show who are young enough


by Addison DeWitt

to be my sons” before I die, but I don’t think that they’ll present that to MTV execs gauging by the looks of sheer, stark horror on their handsome faces uncomplicated by the ugly side of Life and what the world is really like. I actually figured it would kill two birds with one stone: they could do a good deed for me, I could cross a wish off my Bucket List. Funny. Once I told them that I saw them actually climb back up One Lexington faster than it took them to rappel down the building. And they didn’t need any gear to do it. Sheesh! Sad news comes from nearby the banks of the Scottsdale Waterfront. It was with a heavy heart that Forbidden Nightclub closed its doors after almost three years. Forbidden may be gone, but it won’t be forgotten. The memories of the zany antics and outrageous makeup of “Queer of the Year” contestant Nathan Gilligan and the heart-stopping good looks of Sexiest Bartender Dusty Brinsmade will always sustain me. The old Showroom will be dark and empty without Barbra Seville, but will soon showcase cocktail waitresses with big boobs (real and store bought. The boobs. Not the waitresses) instead of foam rubber ones as it reverts back to a “Straight” club. But old friends will always be welcome. Good luck and thanks to our friends, Tom & Roberta Anderson! (pictured) But, as there’s an old saying in the drag world, “When one girdle rips, another one

96

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zips!” The good news is that La Seville is packing up her pantyhose from her old Scottsdale digs and moving her popular show and Gong Karaoke uptown to The Rock, as well as maintaining her regular shows at Apollo’s and Charlie’s, as well as fundraisers, guest appearances everywhere you look. We have duel Party Penguins this month! It’s a “Partner” act! It’s the fabulous Mary Courtney Hall and Donna Brunner. I’ve never seen them without a smile on their faces, they’re always up for a good cabaret drag show, and volunteered for the AIDS Walk 2010 with Barbra’s Wonderful 100. They’re the apples of my eye! Speaking of Party Penguins ... rumor has it that one hot mess who won the award earlier this year is on the lam and living in Tragicstan. Or Mexico. Looks like (s)he won’t be homo for Christmas, may be starring in a Donkey Drag Show in Tijuana. Know the details? Make like Juvéderm® and fill me in, darlings! Sit on Addison’s lap and tell him what you want for Christmas. Be sure to wear something skimpy, and he will, too. Send your Christmas List along with suggestive photos to RumorHound@aol.com


Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23

Gemini May 21 - June 21

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

The holidays bring out the best – and worst – in you this season. Relax. Have some eggnog. Eat a little fruitcake. But that sweater your ex bought you last year is really ugly. Get rid of it. You’ll find a partner in crime in a Capricorn. Make things easy on yourself this month. Watch TV. And watch your waistline. Too many Holiday Buffets can make you as fat as the Christmas Goose if you’re not careful. Don’t worry. Scorpios like a chubby bull. More to hang onto. Remember the reason for the season: gifts! But you have to give some in order to get some. Your friends see you as kind and generous, not the greedy bastard you really are deep down. An Aries has a special gift for you. You’ll find a little something special in your stocking this year. But you’ll have to pay the piper. There are strings attached to this gift. Is it worth it? Gauge this very carefully. It might be a Trojan Horse from a Scorpio or a Virgo. You are on everybody’s guest list for Holiday parties this season! We like the way you tell jokes and sing carols. Especially when you’ve had a little bit too much bourbon. A Taurus wants you to stay late after others have gone. You’re a kissing bandit under the mistletoe this year! Nobody’s safe! But you may get more than you bargained for when a lovestruck Sagittarius wants to camp under your Christmas tree through New Years. Yes, you’re kisses are that hot! 98

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December 2010

You’ll find yourself away in a manger with no crib for a bed if you don’t curb your Casanova-like ways. There’s a certain Aquarian who’s pining for your at home but wants exclusive rights. Including the Scandinavian rights. You look good in hats. Really. And any place you hang your hat is home this month. And there’s a Virgo and a Pisces who isn’t talking through their hat when they admit they’re crazy about you. But never put a hat on a bed. It really is bad luck. This month you’re going to feel like you’re Glee, you’re so popular. Everybody will be talking about you, and everybody wants to see you. You’re going to feel like you’re winning an Emmy™, or a special guest on Ellen. Yes. You’re that fabulous.

Calling all Cappy billy goats and nanny goats! This month is your time to shine! So get out of the barnyard and kick up your heels – or your little cloven hooves, as the case may be. A special secret is revealed to you by a Gemini. Being around you is like opening a bottle of champagne. The good stuff, too. Not Tott’s of Mumm’s. You’re in the spotlight, but be sure to share it. Have a duet with a Leo. You’ll make a great team. They’ll love you in Peoria. Our crystal ball tells us that you’re going to have a brilliant idea that will leave others baffled and amazed. Why didn’t you think of it earlier? Use this power for Good, because it could backfire if you don’t play your cards right. A Cancer will help guide you.


December 2010 www.IONAZ.com 99



ION Arizona Magazine - December 2010