THE PESSIMIST vol. 101, Does anyone read this?
1 SECTION, 4pages 4life
Friday, march 28, 2013
News Page 13
Move That Bus Ty Pennington to assist with Chambers demolition
Sing Song to combine with SBCs
INSIDE NEWS Board of Trustees found to be hazing new Board members Busted
gabi powell Pi Pie Pi President
OPINION The Editorial Board retracts its endorsment of Obama for the 2014 election
Students will whistle while they do the Lord’s work, launching the first annual Spring Song Campaigns. After the traditional ACU Campaigns were officially dropped, students brainstormed new game plans to revitalize the ACU mission trips for next year. With so much attention and sponsorship given to Sing Song performances, Spring Song Campaigns was the answered prayer. “Sing Song can make anyone a Believer,” Tom Craig, Sing Song director said. “I can think of no better way for students to keep their Song skills sharp all
Page Peer Pressure
NEWS Netflix crashes and student meets hallmate in Gardner
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Page 8B
SPORTS A Balrog is unleashed after construction crews dig too deep in Bennett Gym
Middle Earth Report
NEWS Robo-cats have finally been erradicated after Ferral Cat Intiative success
SCHUBERT FOR PRESIDENT A ‘SCHU’-IN FOR THE WIN marissa jones Fake journalism major
Page 3
OPINION The AP Stylebook decides “anything goes” after recent update fifteen
SPORTS The ACU basketball team prepares for a match against the Space Jam team Page 6
NEWS Beatboxing is declared to a form of instrumental music and is banned from Chapel Page 21
NEWS Summit theme promises to help explain away difficult Bible passages Page Trinity
ONLINE VIDEO Watch the Pessimist edition of the newscast. But, really. That’s not a joke.
Read more at acuoptimist.com
President Phil Schubert officially declared his presidential candidacy to a packed Moody Coliseum on Thursday. In front of students, faculty and staff attending Chapel, Schubert gave a short speech demonstrating why he’s the best man for the Oval Office. “I make a promise that my presidency would create an environment that engages each American in authentic, spiritual and intellectual growth, equipping them to make a real difference in the
world,” Schubert said. Schubert’s platform is to make America more innovative, exceptional and real. “I want to bring ACU’s mentality, ACU’s culture and ACU’s success to all of America,” Schubert said. “That’s what it needs.” Sub-T members responded by yelling, “Highways and Bi-Ways.” “We’ll repair those, too,” Schubert responded. Schubert said his time at ACU has given him the experience he needs to run the country. During his presidency, he has navigated through a 10 percent raise in tuition and budget cuts – both
things that the United States needs to get back on track, Schubert said. He has also played a crucial role in ACU’s new building initiative of three science facilities and two stadiums. Schubert made a point to make sure no one forgot he helped bring dancing to ACU. “I am the president of dance, people!” he said. Schubert also mentioned the impressive size of ACU’s endowment. “Where’s America’s endowment? The States has got to get one of those,” Schubert said. Schubert ended his speech with simple a “‘Mer-
ica” as a huge flag dropped behind him and an eagle flew to perch on his shoulder. Student reaction to the announcement was varied. “It kind of remind me of combination of Opening Chapel, Veteran’s Day Chapel and the petting zoo after Tuesday’s Chapel,” Sydney Wonton said. “I hope we get two Chapel credits,” said senior James Cameron, who was lined up next to the card slider during the announcement.
She won’t email you back anyways
SA budget leads to shut-down brittany jackson ignored newspaper distributor
Students’ Association has now passed its first week of shutdown with no resolution in sight. An issue with the budget that arose in early March has rendered the congress inoperable. Tension formed when Rodney Johnson, the VP that gets quoted when Dylan is busy, proposed a bill to allocate more funds
to pizza parties for SA. “I think it’s important for all student congress members to know each other before making such serious decisions,” he said. “If we don’t know each other best, how can we know our university? Plus, you know, pizza.” J.P. Ralston, that guys who does the least important thing—the budget, immediately refuted the bill. “Pizza is such a ridiculous request, he couldn’t
even ask for anything more healthy like a bag of carrots,” Ralston said. “Personally, I’d like to see the money go toward something for all the students across ACU.” Ralston said he’d like to see more events funded for students, such as a collective pizza party. He said he would make sure it was advertised well, a few days before the event via social media. About fifteen members attended the meeting, but
votes on the bill still fell short of the two-thirds threshold needed to pass. Still, a great turn out for a mid-week meeting. “I am not going to be bullied,” Johnson said. “They simply ignore me, but not this time.” He said he would not step foot in the SA office or the ordained conference room until his bill was accepted. The proposed bill is see benac page 2
We plan on putting sermons to the tune of today’s biggest hits to grab attention.” Amy grant student campaign coordinator
year long, while also sharing the Word.” Students plan on traveling to the few locations around the nation where Sing Song is not widely known. They will spend the week preaching the gospel in the key of G and using the Sing Song face as a Holy Spirit tool. “Miley is going to get a Casting Crowns makeover,” said Student Campaign Coordinator Amy Grant. “We plan on putting sermons to the tune of today’s biggest hits to grab attention.” Groups will recycle past Sing Song costumes, using the theme to uniquely serve and preach. “My group plans on borrowing GATA’s Girl Scouts costumes and setting up acts right outside grocery stores,” David Crowder said. “Our props will be Girl Scout cookie boxes filled with communion crackers instead.” Crowder said another group will borrow Sub T-16’s Russian attire to serve communion juice outside Pinkies. Baptistries are in short supply, so student groups plan on baptizing by painting new Christians’ cheeks rosy red. Babies will be sprinkled with glitter a Sing Song essential. “It’s like the new W.W.J.D. bracelet,” said freshman Deecee Tock. “By branding the new Christians, we know which ones to witness to.” The group with the highest conversion numbers will take home gold at the Campaign closing ceremonies at the end of the week. All ticket proceeds will go towards the next year’s Sing Song. Four-time champion act director Nick Tatum is rumored to be involved, in hopes of winning the ultimate gold, God’s Glory. contact Gabi if you’re interested in joining Pi Pie Pi
ACU tries to break record of most weddings linsey thut taylor swift wanna-be Engaged couples are invited to join ACU as it attempts to break the world record for most marriages performed at one time at 11 a.m. on Saturday in Moody. Dylan Benac, SA president and senior political science major from Boerne, said he came up with the idea for the “Wedding on the
Hill” while walking around campus last week. “I counted 13 couples, just walking from the Campus Center to the Library,” Benac said. “I thought, ‘why not put this phenomenon to some good use?’” After finding out the current world record for the largest mass wedding is over 700 couples, Benac said he decided ACU needed to step it up a notch. “For those who aren’t en-
gaged yet, we will be selling a selection of discounted engagement rings in the Campus Center the week leading up to the wedding,” Benac said. Benac said he encourages students to take advantage of this opportunity because it will save them time and money. “All the planning and stressing, it’s been done for
Abilene Christian University
see rings page 4`
mandy lambright wedding Photographer
Couples gather to participate in a mass wedding.