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OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home NOVEMBER 12, 2020 | The Jewish Home
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TJH
Centerfold
Bush v. Gore Just 20 years ago, such an innocent time, when both presidential candidates were funny even when they weren’t trying to be…… Al Gore sayings c I am Al Gore. I used to be the next president of the United States of America. c It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system. c My attitude is you win some and you lose some. Then there’s that little known third category.
You Gotta be Kidding Me! A politician dies and goes to heaven. He is greeted by an angel who says, “Welcome to Heaven. Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.” “No problem, just let me in,” says the politician. “Well, I’d like to,” the angel says, “but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in in heaven and one day on the other side. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”
c Put yourselves in my position: I flew on Airforce 2 for eight years and now I have to take off my shoes to get on an airplane.
“Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the politician.
c I took the initiative in creating the Internet.
c They misunderestimated me.
And with that, the angel takes the politician to see both places. He is taken to the bad place first. He is greeted by another angel who shows him around. Much to his surprise, it looks great. He is in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is happy and looks great.
c Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
The politician is then brought to heaven and it’s nice too, but not as nice as the other place.
c For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three nonfatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It’s just unacceptable. And we’re going to do something about it.
The next morning, it’s time to make his choice, and he decides to go to you-know-where.
c I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.
George W. Bush sayings
c More and more of our imports come from overseas. c Our enemies never stop thinking of ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we. c You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.
“I’m sorry but we have our rules.”
Well, much to his surprise, when he returns there, it is nothing like it was before. It is a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The politician runs over to the angel and screams, “What happened?” The angel replies, “Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!”
