“Observations from Lithuania”
'A Sense of Nonsense' by KR Slade
*****
Ken Slade
In the United Kingdom, ‘The National Union of Teachers’ has the acknowledged acronym: ‘NUT’.
***** “When I think back On all the crap I learned in high school It’s a wonder I can think at all And though my lack of education Hasn’t hurt me none I can read the writing on the wall” Paul Simon, ‘Kodachrome’, 1973 *****
Old Russian saying: “The less you know, the better you sleep.” *****
An old Lithuanian saying: “Yesterday was better than today, but today is better than tomorrow, even when something good may happen” ***** Lenin once remarked: "It is true that liberty is precious -- so precious that it must be rationed." *****
Anecdote of Soviet promises: “soon you will be able to order food by the telephone … but it will arrive by the television.” *****
Anecdote of Democracy: A government-organized lottery game: “a tax on two classes of people who need a tax the least -- the poor and the stupid.” *****
Old Lithuanian saying: “When Roman Catholic and Orthodox Easter and Jewish Passover coincide, it is always bad weather. It is because that they each should have their own day.” ***** The English word for a desktop ‘stapler’ is commonly referred to in Lithuanian as a ‘crocodile’ ! ***** www.dialogue2.ca
In Lithuanian food stores/shops, certain products are always found grouped-together: -- flour, salt, sugar, baking soda -- paper towels and toilet paper; but, facial tissues are somewhere else, maybe near the toothpaste, or near the femininehygiene products -- near the check-out counter: cigarette lighters, condoms, batteries, chewing gum, and small candy -- bags of popped pop-corn are near the pretzels, not near the potato-chips; whole-popcorn (i.e., un-popped) is always near the nuts ***** Said the Vilnius University student at the ‘Institute of International Relations and Political Science’, as he was bringing flowers and candy to his professor, on the day before final examinations, “It is not a bribe. It is merely a small gift to ensure future good relations.” *****
Not-so-old Russian joke: Little boy: “Tell me a story.” Father: Once upon a time, a man with the best and biggest personal computer purchased all the software programs he wanted, and … Little boy: “He paid money for software ?” Father: “Hey, you wanted a story … it’s a story.” Little boy: “I want a real story.” ***** My roommate, Marius-the-computer-science-whiz-kid, had completed his first semester at the Vilnius University Faculty of Mathematics and Informatics. One Spring day, he announced, “I have completed my personal project. Here is DVD with the best commercial program for computer security and anti-virus, which costs 99 litas per year after expiration of its 30-day free trial. I have ‘cracked’ the program’s internal billing system; now, it will be good for more than 30-days, at no cost.” “Oh, thanks. So, I will never have to pay for it, and always get the daily updates free?” “Yes, not to pay; and yes, to get all updates free. But, no, not forever; I only managed to extend the 30-day free trial for some additional days.” “Extended for how many additional days ?” “For 16,715,542 additional days.” “That’s for 50,000 years ?!?” “No, for 16,715,542 days is actually only for 45,764.6598220397 years.” VOL. 27 NO. 4, SUMMER 2014
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