We've all been there.
THE UNRELIABLE GUIDE TO... HANGOVERS Words Nat Shepherd Picture Iain Byrne
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lmost everyone who drinks will have experienced a hangover at some point, and it’s not a modern, binge drinking related phenomenon either. Humans have been rubbing their heads and vowing never to touch a drop again, ever since we first discovered the fermentation process, and for almost as long we’ve been inventing hangover cures. Viking warriors were renowned drinkers, and their remedy for the morning after was... hazelnuts! The ancient Romans loved the vino too, but they believed a breakfast of fried canary was the best thing after a night of bacchanalian orgies. In medieval Europe, they thought eating raw eels would help, and today in Bolivia, they still swear by bull penis soup. Yum! But what actually works? The Unreliable Guide has some tips and tricks to help you out if you’ve got a humdinger and, better still, to stop you from getting one in the first place. 1. DON’T MIX IT UP Sticking to one kind of booze really helps prevent hangovers. Granted, if you drink an entire bottle of tequila to yourself you are not going to be feeling too clever
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the next day (or possibly week). But, it’s surprising how much more can be drunk if you restrict yourself to one form of poison. This is why cocktails are so deadly, and FYI: red wine in particular doesn’t mix well with anything, apart from more red wine. 2. EAT! This is the simplest and most effective way to prevent a mega hangover. All really civilised nations (France, Greece, Italy, Spain...) insist on food with booze, and for good reason: it helps your body to absorb the alcohol in a more sensible fashion. Plus, if you do have a massive bender and vomiting is on the cards, it’s much more satisfying to chunder up a mini pizza or spag bol than just pints and pints of unadulterated booze. Fact. 3. DRINK WATER I really can’t stress this one enough. Rehydrate as you go or you’ll have a massive water loss to catch up on the next day. Processing alcohol is a complicated business and the body needs water to do so effectively. Deny your liver water and it will rebel by spewing its toxins out into your system. Here’s a tip: between each
alcoholic drink, just neck a glass of water - job done. 4. PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE, BUT... So you ate nothing, drank no water, and took on enough booze to sink the Titanic. It happens, but if you wake up feeling like you wish you were dead, what can you do? The answer will depend on your own body and exactly how you fucked it up, but these things may help. If you can bear the idea, drink a glass of milk - it’s the best rehydration drink around. Get some vitamins inside you too; alcohol destroys them, especially vitamin B, leaving you feeling tired, depressed, and irritable. Greasy foods and carbs are your friend, so forget all diets and have a fry-up. Coffee is well known as an antidote, and now scientists understand why: caffeine blocks alcohol’s headache-inducing acetate and makes your head feel less like a football. Finally, The Unreliable Guide suggests that you just suck it up and take your punishment. Sometimes curling up in front of the TV with a death hangover and a big bowl of hot chips can be as much fun as the night before - just don’t fry any canaries.