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November 2017


Coming Back to Bondi

118-120 Ramsgate Avenue, North Bondi


SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO COOGEE Make your list and check it twice because Santa will be dashing through the sand to Coogee Pavilion this festive season.

CHRISTMAS TREES FOR SALE Throughout December you can have your photo taken with the big man himself and kids can join in activities with Santa’s elves. During the first two weekends of December you can pick out a real Christmas tree at our famous annual sale. Trees will be available until sold out. Proceeds will go to Ronald McDonald House.

Visit for more details, including all the festive season events.


Noodle Markets

Saturday 18 November 2017

Street Food Lion Dancing Entertainment Meeks Street, Kingsford Midday to 9pm One day only

1300 722 542



elcome to the November 2017 edition of The Beast – the monthly magazine for Sydney’s Beaches of the East. We'll begin with a big thanks to our chief editor, Madeleine Gray. Maddy has put so much of her time and effort into the magazine over the last two years, and now she's off to England to study at Oxford University. Her liberal values and progressive thinking have given the magazine a flavour that we will strive to continue into the future. All the best, Maddy! We also wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone who helps us get this magazine published each month; namely our contributors, distribution staff, and advertising clients, without whom we simply wouldn't exist (unless there was some dodgy government grant that we could latch onto - oh, wouldn't that be nice).

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We have had incredible ongoing support from local businesses and local government since our inception and this has been unwavering, despite fierce competition from two of the biggest companies in the world - Google and Facebook - who are very good at minimising their tax in this country and, certainly in the case of Facebook, employ what we consider to be quite confusing metrics to sell their advertising products. Thankfully, our clients have been astute enough to see through this and continue to support the medium that reaches more local residents than any other - yes, that's right, The (locally owned and operated) Beast magazine. Despite them being a subsidiary of News Corp Australia - another rather large company - we no longer consider the Courier newspapers to be competition anymore.

Just walk down any local street after they've been ‘delivered’ and we're sure you'll understand why. Felix Riebl graces our cover this month. His band, The Cat Empire, will be headlining SummerSalt - with Xavier Rudd - at Bondi Beach on Sunday, November 26. Hopefully there will still be a few tickets available by the time you read this - we've got ours already! Bronte local John Hamilton has filed a very interesting local history piece on Bondi surfing champion, Kevin ‘The Head’ Brennan, and will hopefully become a regular contributor. Sharmin, Matty, and Daniel ‘The Bondi Travel Bug’ Resnik are having a one-month breather, but they'll all be back in time for our December edition. Thanks for reading The Beast, and please continue to support the businesses that support us. Dan and James - Publishers







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November 2017 Issue 154 8 Welcome Note 11 Contents 12 Pearls of Wisdom 14 Monthly Mailbag 20 Local Bloke 22 Local Chick 24 Thumbs

24 26 27 38 40 42 43

Doggie Rescue Local News Beastpops Local History Satire Calendar Trade Directory

Summer is nigh, by Amaury Tréguer - @morningbondi.

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Interview Fish ‘n’ Tips Tide Chart Unreliable Guide Sporting Life Enviro News Local Photos

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Bandage Reviews Arts Bits Food & Wine Trivial Trivia Beardy From Hell Trivia Solutions

Coming in hot!

DON'T MESS WITH PEARL'S GREY ARMY Words Pearl Bullivant Picture Al Zheimer


s a smug, elderly person, I can appreciate that my presence causes terrible annoyance to politicians and marketers. A blight on the landscape, with my lined skin and thinning hair, I’m smug in the awareness that I’m healthier, less conservative, more engaged, and a darned sight more resilient than the generations I’m leaving behind. Oblivious to consumerism and ‘want’ accumulation, I’m living the hipster’s dream (without the $15 spelt loaf ), unencumbered by acquisitions, an SUV, or fast food. Is it any wonder I’m a government and marketing nightmare? From ‘Knitting Nannas Against Gas’, to Dick Smith’s controversial vision for a sustainable future,

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oldies like Pearl are pushing dangerous ideas and refusing to contribute a skerrick of our meagre pensions to the excesses of a consumerist society. If oldies are not spending money, but instead loitering in publicly funded libraries and spreading propaganda when we aren’t listening to publicly funded radio, wouldn’t it be preferable to the government if we were confined to our homes by the regulation of our favourite form of transport: the mobility scooter? Well, that just happens to be the suggestion of Nationals MP, John Williams, who is pushing for gophers to be limited to 6km/h (as well as a ban on vehicles over 150kg), plus on-the-spot fines

and compulsory registration, after his wife was supposedly hit by a speeding gopher. If driving a gopher 10km/h makes one a speed freak - if dozens of injuries and deaths have been linked to gophers over the years - how does Mr Williams explain the silence from politicians and the media when it comes to deaths caused by truck drivers? Heavy vehicles were involved in 194 fatal crashes - resulting in the deaths of 212 people - during the 2016/17 financial year. The lives of innocent people have been wiped out in a second by trucks travelling above the speed limit, by drivers who are pushed to the limit by unscrupulous businesses focussed solely on the bottom line Trucks kill a disproportionate number of people, yet governments do little to restrict haulage or hold anyone accountable, particularly the big two supermarkets, whose contracts with freight companies are deliberately convoluted to avoid accountability for death and impairment. In his case against gophers, Mr Williams is also concerned that elderly people who have surrendered their driver’s licences are now behind a mobile scooter’s wheel. What a pity that this level of concern isn’t afforded to truck drivers with bad driving records, who get back into the cab and turn their vehicle into a lethal weapon. Instead, it’s a pathetic wrist slap rarely jail time - for a death caused by an unsecured load, a speeding B-double unable to keep to its lane, or a meth-pepped truckie. In the hypocritical silence, it really wouldn’t surprise me if the government has decided that the economic benefits of heavy vehicle transport far outweighs any downside associated with deaths caused by trucks. And, as for the dozens of deaths caused by gophers, Mr Williams, just wait until the Range Rover (mobile phone at ear) Yummy Mummy set are behind the wheels of mobility scooters - only then will you have a valid cause for complaint.
































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THE BEAST'S MONTHLY MAILBAG Words The People of the Eastern Suburbs Illustrations Dalton Wills THE LONELY FOXES OF THE EAST Yes, there are still foxes in Clovelly! There used to be at least one permanent resident on the cliffs below the Clovelly Bowling Club (which hasn't been seen for years), and one was recently observed between the bowling club and Waverley Cemetery. And then, in more recent weeks, one was seen ‘in discussion’ with two cats below the top gate that enters the cemetery from Boundary Street. The fox and the cats were making quite an unusual sound and, as they were approached (with due care, of course), the intensity of their dialogue was disturbed. The cats were visible on either side of the fox's head, both in stretchedout crouches. As the disturbance ensued, the fox scampered through the cemetery gate at an impressive pace, and the cats also disappeared into the night. As they are increasingly despised and rejected, it seems our local fox population have been forced to leave their traditional dens and rely on the many sunken graves of Waverley Cemetery to lay their tired heads. Eventually this rejection may even lead to them having nowhere to lay their heads - at least here in the Eastern Suburbs. Robert Christie Clovelly SAME-SEX MARRIAGE NOT JUST ABOUT LOVE Hello - I thank you guys at The Beast for your pro-marriage equality stance, allowing same-sex people to marry.

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As a lesbian myself, I feel that there is a whole lot of ‘ugly’ out there in regards to this debate. Everywhere you go, there is some forensic analysis on both sides of the argument. Whether people end up voting ‘yes’ or ‘no’, they need to know what is truthful. Nat Shepherd's article in the October edition of The Beast, titled “The Unreliable Guide to... the Same-Sex Marriage Postal Vote,” was a breath of fresh air when compared with the constant negativity in our media, including social media. But marriage, which is actually a human construct, had nothing to do with love, nor did it have any connection to a celestial being; it was designed to keep it all in the family, or as a business transaction. It is still in use today in Hollywood - sham marriages for business purposes. But, all jokes aside, marriage is still an institution in Australia, with its own perks, which is why this is very important to those in same-sex relationships who want to get married. Since 2010, the Australian Government did create legislation that allowed same-sex couples the same rights as straight couples in defacto relationships, as long as they have been in partnership for more than two years (that's if they seperate), but they would be required to provide proof of the relationship, which could potentially make things quite difficult. What the level of marriage could do is allow same-sex couples these protections in the case that one partner died or was seriously terminally ill, and also in regards to

superannuation, etc. It is something that would be equal in the eyes of the Australian law and nothing to do with any religious association. Now, about ‘the children’: we already can have children, and we are also adopting children that heterosexual couples don't want. So, as it is nearly November already, the postal votes will be counted and the results will be in. Hopefully it will be end up being known as ‘Yesember’. Anna Cook Maroubra GIVE RESPECT TO GET RESPECT Dear James & Dan, a.k.a. The Beast - On my return from visiting a friend, I eagerly picked up The Beast's October issue from my letter box and, guess what, the Monthly Mailbag section unexpectedly featured a missive of mine, titled “The Gays Can't Marry.” That was an ‘objection’ gentlemen, not a definitive; your assertion was incorrect. But, there was also a lovely surprise: an editor's note in response. Well! There, I found three of your responses that also need correction (you can call me ‘picky’). 1. Dragging out the Bible again, and so on from there, ‘marriage’ qualified as an institution where a male and female of our species unite for the happy purpose of procreating and continuing the line - a child, together. Unless I am wrong, evolution has not advanced yet to the point where a male and a male, or a female and a female, can achieve this. In situ. There are, of course, modern laws that recognise a ‘de facto’ union appropriately. However, most cases in law can be contested. Live with it. 2. In my letter, the only place I referred to gays as “Gays” is well down the line, starting a new paragraph. You say, “Your decision to refer to gay people as ‘Gays’ is demeaning,” but I made no such decision; it's colloquial. Why? The acronym ‘LGBTIQ’ says... what? Are the banners that say “Gay and Lesbian Rights” demeaning? Pah! Correct it. 3. Personally, I am relaxed and tolerant. My parents were referred to as ‘wogs’ many, many moons ago. Pah! and Pah! again. Call me “Straight,” “Fatty,” “Shorty,” even



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Term 1 Self Practice & Philosophy starts Monday 5th February 2018 Term 2 Developing Teaching Skills starts Monday 30th April 2018 Term 3 Postgrad Teaching Community Classes (optional)

“Woolly,” deal with it or walk away. Words are our richest inheritance, literature and poetry over centuries, for example. Freedom is what all our ancestors craved. Words are not a war cause, like religion. By the way, did you watch Q&A on the ABC a few days ago? With Penny Wong and other stressed participants? It's a conundrum: give respect to get respect? Thanks, Francine THE SOLUTION Francine, in her letter to The Beast about same sex marriage (The Gays Can't Marry, Letters, October 2017), is part of a large group of conservative Australia who believe in equality, but at the same time feel that the majority of the heterosexual community should not be discriminated against. As most people feel that samesex couples should have equal rights as married heterosexual couples, the only problem is in the wording ‘marriage’ is a union between a man and a woman, but we could have ‘garriage’ or ‘larriage’ between samesex couples. I do not mean to belittle the idea, but this is an offer to avoid discriminating against the religious concept of marriage (and someone's

16 The Beast | November 2017

sexual preference), while getting everyone on board with the concept of equal rights. Michael Bondi FOLLOW YOUR HEART Dear James and Dan - Thanks for your common decency and thoughtful kindness with your response to “The Gays Can't Marry” (Letters, October 2017). Follow your heart. Thanks for being open and fair. Kind regards, Camila UNDERGROUND CAR PARK ENTERS THE DUSTBIN OF HISTORY ▼ Question: When is a service road not a service road? Answer: Alan Doyle, Bellevue Hill. Alan Doyle might have noticed (if he was even registered to vote, or if he - or the fake Mark Hersey - even existed) that there is now a new council at Waverley. All the signs so far are that the new council will be more community orientated (as opposed to being developer orientated). This means that by the time you are reading this letter, the stupidly expensive Bondi Beach underground car park proposal and the stupidly expensive Bondi Pavilion takeover plan - neither

of which enjoyed significant community support - are now probably off the agenda. Hopefully council will spend ratepayers' money on something more useful. The faceless people behind the pseudonyms Mark Hersey, Bondi, and Allan Doyle, Bellevue Hill, can now go and take a long, cold shower - at least until the Liberals run Waverley once again and these discredited projects and their anonymous cheer squads, like zombies, will once again rise from the grave. See you then! Andrew Worssam Bondi GREAT MAILBAG RESPONSE Hi team - I just wanted to congratulate you on your response to the letters defending George Pell. It was respectful but truthful and hopefully shuts down that criticism. So refreshing. Anisa Randwick WELL DONE WAVERLEY Full marks to Waverley Council for renewing my nature strip recently and re-installing a ‘No Stopping’ sign. The staff member I spoke to recently was very helpful and got back to me the very next day.



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Both my nature strip and the sign, as well as our internet and telephone connection, and an expensive front garden plot, were ruined by a developer and his trucks during building work next to our home that went on for nearly three years. The ‘No Stopping’ sign was actually removed. It took a couple of phone calls to the council and over a year to happen, but we are delighted with the result. The developer/builder didn't give a toss about their workers entering our property without permission while we were out, or using our water to mix cement, resulting in a $400 increase in usage in one quarter. Nor did they mind plugging into our outdoor electricity outlets and breaking our fences and outdoor light fittings, until they were caught out. Be warned. E White Bondi WHERE'S THE CHEESE? Hi - Just a query with regards to the rum & raisin “cheesecake” recipe on page 79 of the September

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edition of The Beast: I wondered why it is called a “cheesecake” when there is no cheese in it? I would be very interested to know. Linda Parramatta THERE'S NO CHEESE Dear Linda - Thankyou for your query on the rum & raisin cheesecake recipe in The Beast magazine. Perhaps that recipe should have been edited with the word “cheesecake” written in inverted commas. Linda, if you follow my recipes on Facebook, Instagram, or on my blog, au, you’ll notice that they are all healthy versions of otherwise unhealthy/inflammatory recipes. This ‘cheesecake’ recipe is no exception. It is dairy and gluten free, and it is also free of refined white sugar - all ingredients that you’d find in a typical ‘cheesecake’ recipe. I'm sorry if the article didn’t better explain this. Have you not tried cashew cheese? I'm sure you’d be pleasantly surprised. Cath Noonan

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Just one Señor Seagull t-shirt equals approximately eight plastic bottles.

LOCAL BLOKE... JUAN MACIEL FROM COOGEE Interview and Picture James Hutton


uan Maciel, in partnership with his wife, Katie, is the brains behind local sustainable apparel brand, Señor Seagull. Juan shares his local favourites with The Beast... How long have you lived here? I'm from Argentina. I met my wife, Katie, in Miami and we’ve been living here for almost six years now. What's your favourite beach? I surf, so Maroubra is my second home. I also love Gordon's Bay nothing beats paddling round the cliffs, snorkelling, and chilling on the rocks. What's your favourite eatery? Beach Burrito is great for a cheap midweek feed, and Balusu’s Indian has the best naan in Australia. Where do you like to have a drink? The Pavilion on Fridays - two Pornstar Martinis please! I enjoy Old Dave’s Soul for their pizza, relaxed atmosphere, and local bands. Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? You can go for an early surf 20 The Beast | November 2017

and still make it to work on time. The coastal walk is stunning too. Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The traffic. I've got a good bicycle now though, so I would love to see more bike paths. Do you have a favourite sporting team? Argentinians love rugby union, my team is the Jaguares. I also like the Rabbitohs. Our neighbour used to play for them, he’s a dude. What music are you into at the moment? My weekend listening includes African beats, reggae, and soul. At night, I add a mix of salsa and reggaeton. I enjoy artists like Bombino, Fela Kuti, James Brown, Bob Marley, Manu Chao, and The Congos. The latest album by The War On Drugs is great too. Who is your favourite person? David Attenborough, without a doubt. I am very envious of his life. There isn’t a corner of the earth he hasn’t visited, or a species he hasn’t been up close to.

What do you get up to on the weekends? I start the day with a swim or a surf, then a chai latté with poached eggs on crumpets from the Pavilion, or homemade pancakes with Nutella. We are often busy screen printing in our garage and doing photoshoots. What do you do for work? My nine-to-five is in advertising, but our sustainable apparel brand, Señor Seagull, is my passion. What's your favourite thing about work? I find working on Señor Seagull very rewarding. It’s close to our hearts; creating products using recycled materials that positively impact the planet is important to us. It also provides an opportunity to connect with like-minded people and environmental organisations, to work towards a more sustainable future and a healthier planet. Any other words of wisdom for our readers? Check out Señor Seagull by visiting, or pop into By San Sebastian on Coogee Bay Road.

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November 2017 | The Beast 21

Aleesha enjoying a holiday at Little Bay.

LOCAL CHICK... ALEESHA PUSTETTO FROM COOGEE Interview and Picture James Hutton


ocal school teacher Aleesha Pustetto is currently kickstarting her career as a children's author. She shares her local favourites with The Beast... How long have you lived here? I grew up in Little Bay, and I moved to Coogee two years ago. What's your favourite beach? There's nothing like an after-work dip at Coogee and a bite to eat on the way back up the hill. What's your favourite eatery? Ollie's Kitchen on Coogee Bay Road is incredible. The owners are lovely, and the food is the definition of delicious! I cannot recommend this place enough. Where do you like to have a drink? I should say something about wine here, but I'm going to say Barzura for a takeaway coffee instead - the coffee's great and they look after you when you bring your own cup. Best thing about the Eastern Suburbs? The coastline. I consider

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myself very lucky to walk out of the door every morning and feel like I'm on holidays.

work, but usually I'll just end up having a nap. Time with family and friends is the best way to finish up.

Worst thing about the Eastern Suburbs? There are no dog beaches!

What do you do for work? From Monday to Friday I'm a primary school teacher, but when the bell rings I'm an author, kick-starting a career writing children's books. My first project, Hashtag Harry, is about a sausage dog that becomes a social media sensation - a cautionary tale for our digital natives. I'll be working with Little Steps Publishing to bring it to life.

Do you have a favourite sporting team? I've been out to a handful of Sydney Kings games over the last couple of seasons. The atmosphere is great, and the food is a lot better than it is at the footy. My boyfriend would also like me to say that I'm partial to the Broncos. What music are you into at the moment? The Lumineers have been at the top of my playlist for a while now. They're such beautiful storytellers.

What's your favourite thing about work? I love working with children, and I love working with words, so I'm pretty well placed right now.

Who is your favourite person? That's easy: my man, Tom!

Do you have a favourite quote? “Comparison is the thief of joy.� - Theodore Roosevelt

What do you get up to on the weekends? My weekends start with a coffee and coastal walk with my dog Harry, followed by some beach and book time. Sometimes I'll make it to yoga, occasionally I'll do a bit of

Any other words of wisdom for our readers? Carry a KeepCup, and support the creation of Hashtag Harry by securing a copy in advance from


THURSDAY, FRIDAY, SATURDAY NIGHTS NEW CHEF | NEW MENU See dinner & booze menu reservations 96652342

November 2017 | The Beast 23

HARPER Age 6 months Sex Female Breed Cattle x Weight 12kg

The best thing ever.

THUMBS UP MEDICARE Arguably the greatest public policy initiative in Australian history, especially when you need a six-month stay in hospital all of a sudden. SCOOTERS The easiest way to save an absolute fortune on petrol and add about ten hours of leisure time to your life each week. COMMUNITY SPIRIT Despite the transient population here, it's alive and well in the Eastern Beaches, and you never know when you might need it. CENTENNIAL PARK The most awesome and underappreciated asset in Sydney. There's something for everyone within its lush and leafy environs. THE SOUTH COAST Like the north coast, but with less wankers, cheaper accommodation, and sharks that don't like the taste of humans as much.

THUMBS DOWN YUPPIE PARENTS Your child goes to Cranbrook does he? You must be really rich. Why don't you tell the whole cafe about it? Oh, you just did. MOSQUITOES Even more annoying than the construction workers that wake me up every morning - at least they let me sleep a little bit. BIGOTS Yes, everyone has the right to be one, but it doesn't mean you're not an arsehole for being one, so just don't be one. HOSPITAL FOOD I swear the eateries around St Vincent's must be paying off the hospital caterers so everyone has to order Deliveroo just to survive. GUNS If you own, or aspire to own, any type of firearm, then you're a massive dickhead - unless you're a farmer, or a crim. 24 The Beast | November 2017

Harper is a bright, friendly girl, who is very social with other dogs and loves to play with other active dogs. She has loads of energy and would suit an active family. She would be best with older children. Harper is very clever and would do well at obedience training. She has a short coat and comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free, and microchipped. Also included for the love and health of Harper is a free health and wellness voucher. For further details, please call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email

RORY Age 9 months Sex Female Breed Kelpie x Bull Arab Weight 24kg Rory is a young and active girl. She is a little timid, and lots of things are new to her, including walking on lead. She is smart though, and learning very quickly, but needs a family willing to build her confidence and teach her more lead work. She is affectionate and very loving. She has a short coat and comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free, and microchipped. Also included for the love and health of Rory is a free health and wellness voucher. For further details, please call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email

BENJI Age 4 months Sex Male Breed Kelpie x Koolie Weight 15kg Benji is a gentle, affectionate boy. He is very easy to handle and loves pats and cuddles. He has a lot of working and herding breed in him, so he will need a family that can keep him stimulated and well exercised - not some twat who spends their entire life in an office in the city. He is a smart, active dog with a soft, short coat. Benji comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free, and microchipped. Also included for the love and health of Benji is a free health and wellness voucher. For further details, please call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, or email

25-26 NOVEMBER 2-7pm

parents can enjoy a two-course meal and glass of sparkling on arrival, with a sweepstakes and fashions on the field for the most stylish mum, dad, and child. For $25, the kids can enjoy lawn games and a lunch box with colouring in kit.

Prince Charles and Princess Diana at the 1985 Melbourne Cup.



till not sure what to do for Melbourne Cup Day? Luckily The Beast has prepared this handy little guide to what's on in Sydney's East on Tuesday, November 7, as well as a couple of options for those of you who'd prefer to hang out in the city. Bookings are required for most of these events, but I'll let you suss out the details on the websites provided. Giddy up and good luck! NORTH BONDI RSL North Bondi RSL are hosting a twocourse lunch for $59.50, kicking off with bubbles or beer on arrival and a cold seafood and antipasto tasting plate, followed by a choice of either dukkah crusted lamb rump with pea mash, Dutch carrots, port jus, and fried leak; or barramundi fillet with sweet potato mash, wilted kale with almond, roasted truss tomatoes, and a seafood bisque. The regular bistro menu will be available for walk-ins. THE ROBIN HOOD HOTEL Continuing their trend of bucking the trend, the Robin Hood will be hosting their first ever Hermit Cup Day crab races in support of the Movember Foundation. The crab auction will be kicking off at midday, followed by qualifiers and the inaugural Hermit Cup. Can you own a winner and cement your place in the history books?

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CHARING CROSS HOTEL Following on from previous sell-out years, The Charo will once again be hosting their famous four-course Melbourne Cup lunch. For $110, you'll be treated to the ultimate set menu with a glass of Veuve on arrival, plus live music, and all the usual fun. CLOVELLY HOTEL The Clovelly Hotel's Melbourne Cup Day package will be kicking off from midday and includes 15 roaming canapés, as well as a charcuterie station and a complimentary glass of Chandon or Pure Blonde on arrival, all for just $50. The Cloey will also be open for those of you who just want to have a beer and watch the race. THE RANDWICK CLUB The Randwick Club will be hosting a Melbourne Cup cocktail party overlooking Royal Randwick Racecourse from 12 noon to 3pm, with champagne on arrival, cocktails, and canapés served continuously. $55 includes house wine, beer, and soft drink, as well as lucky door prizes, free sweeps, and prizes for best dressed. CENTENNIAL HOMESTEAD Centennial Homestead are catering for families looking for somewhere to relax and enjoy the day. For $65,

COOGEE DIGGERS The Coogee Diggers will be open from 10am for those of you keen to get a prime possie in front of their gargantuan screen. The bistro will be open all day from 12 noon with seafood and share plate specials, as well as the regular menu, and there will be a sweepstakes and plenty of lucky door prizes. COOGEE PAVILION Coogee Pavilion has a few options for punters to enjoy. For $115 you can celebrate Cup Day ocean-side, with three courses and a flute of Chandon NV in the ground-floor restaurant. If you're not in the mood for a sit-down lunch, $75 will get you plenty of canapés and Coogee's best view on the rooftop. The kids menu will also be available, and groups of 30 or more can reserve a space on the ground floor with roving canapés and Chandon NV or James Boag's Premium. Festivities will continue with DJs and live music. COOGEE SPORTS CLUB The Coogee Sports Club are hosting a Melbourne Cup Day seafood buffet, with delicious fresh seafood, canapés, and champagne on arrival. Tickets are only $90 and also include a dessert grazing table and complimentary beverages from 12 noon. There will also be lucky door prizes, free sweeps, and prizes for best dressed. THE IVY Ivy will be bursting with race day revelry. For $175, guests can party Italian Riviera-style at the ivy Pool Club, or settle in for a four-course Italian feast at Uccello, accompanied with the view of the rooftop oasis for $295. At Palings, punters can settle into ivy’s charming open-air courtyard while enjoying a three-course menu for $120, while early birds can head in from 11am to catch all the pre-race action and jockey for position in front of the CBD’s largest screen.


Carolyn COOGEE


This is the first time in over thirty years that I won't be going out to the track to celebrate, because I have to work this year, but I think I'll wear a fashionable trackside dress to work. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

I'll be spending most of the day fixing surfboards in the cave. I don't bet - I'm certainly not a gambling man - but I'll definitely have a beer somewhere local and watch the race.

Taylor BONDI


I'll probably head down to the Bucket List, or somewhere that's putting on a good event maybe a charity event. I'm not a gambler, but I'll chuck a few dollars on for a bit of fun and have a few beers.

I'm only 16, so I can't legally drink, but I'm hoping to crack open a couple of ‘soda waters’ with the boys. Hopefully mum will put on a bet for me too; she goes alright, the old girl.

Antoinette BRONTE

I'm planning on celebrating it in my laundromat with a glass of wine. We'll have it on the TV here, and everyone is welcome to join George and I for a glass of champagne.


I will probably be at the race this year, down in Melbourne in the Birdcage. My brother is some big wig racing twat, so he's got the hook-ups. November 2017 | The Beast 27

Randwick's first all-female leadership team.

LOCAL COUNCIL ELECTIONS MAKE HISTORY Words Angira Bharadwaj Picture Glenn Duffus


andwick and Waverley councils have chosen their new leadership teams, and the former has made history with the election of an all-female team. The council elections were held on September 9, and the mayor’s elections were held on Tuesday, September 26. The Greens’ Lindsay Shurey was elected as Mayor and Labor’s Alexandra Luxford has been selected as Deputy Mayor, a first in the council’s 158-year history. Mayor Shurey is only the second female Mayor to take up council after Margaret Martin in 1996. The new Mayor said the election results are a milestone for Randwick City. “I personally want to concentrate on furthering Randwick City Council’s legacy of sustainability and history of environmental initiatives, making our streets safer for our cycling community and our pedestrians. “With the threat of amalgamations now behind us, I believe

28 The Beast | November 2017

that this council term will be one of harmony and collaboration, with the whole council working together,” Mayor Shurey said in her speech to the council on Tuesday night. Another history-making outcome was the record number of female councillors elected - five, compared to two in the previous term. Waverley has broken trends of its own with Labor gaining control of the council after five years with the election of John Wakefield as Mayor. He is returning for a second term, having served in 2011-2012. Mayor Wakefield said he aims to ensure the community and ratepayers receive efficient and responsive service from the council during his term. “The biggest issue facing council is the Bondi Pavilion. We need to untangle the current plans and prepare for the refurbishment to create a world standard community and cultural centre.

“We will also rethink the way parking works in Waverley. It was an important promise we made during the election. We are now working to turn parking meters off in Bondi Junction after 6pm each night, and in Bondi Beach after 7pm. All residents will be entitled to free beach parking permits, and the first residential parking permit will be issued free, as it used to be,” he told The Beast. Also on the agenda for Mayor Wakefield is paying special attention to Dover Heights and Rose Bay, which he says have been neglected by the council thus far. Old South Head Road and Military Road will be getting a review, and improvements for local shopping strips are also on the horizon. Joining him as Deputy Mayor is The Greens’ Dominic Wy Kanak. Mayor Wakefield and Deputy Mayor Wy Kanak are taking the baton from Liberal’s Sally Betts and Tony Kay, respectively. Cr Betts was unfortunately diagnosed with cancer in the lead-up to the September 9 election. Reflecting on her time as Mayor, Cr Betts said: “It has been a great privilege to be Mayor of Waverley for the past five years, during which time we completely turned the council's finances around, and at the same time reduced the huge backlog in infrastructure maintenance that we inherited. “The Liberals recently introduced a new policy of how dumped rubbish is to be collected. [This] will make a big difference to residents as rubbish will now be collected immediately, rather than council attempting to find out who dumped the rubbish,” she said. In Randwick, four of the elected councillors were Liberal, five were Labor, three were from The Greens, and three were independent. Of the 12 councillors elected in Waverley, five were Liberals, three Greens, and four Labor. The Beast welcomes the newly elected councillors and mayors and wishes them well in their new roles. We also thank the outgoing leadership teams for their service.

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BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Lisa Anderson Picture Shadrack Haehae BONDI SPLASH N’ DASH Summer is just around the corner, and Bondi’s favourite swimming and running event is back on Saturday, November 18. With the addition of some new events, including a stand-alone 1km ocean swim and soft sand mile, it's time to get fit and challenge yourself on the iconic golden sands of Bondi Beach. So far, the event has proudly raised over $20,000 to support Waverley Action Youth Services. Please visit www.splashseries. events/bondisplash to register. COMMUNITY ACUPUNCTURE Experience Acupuncture were the original creators of affordable community acupuncture in Sydney ten years ago. They are coming back to Bondi and will be offering more days and longer hours in their own venue at 260 Oxford Street, Bondi Junction. Meet their experienced team, led by Chinese medicine practitioner Ray Ford, and take advantage of their incredible prices, starting from just $25 per treatment. Please visit www. for more information. KINGSFORD NOODLE MARKETS Meeks Street Plaza will be a hive of activity on Saturday, November 18, when some of the local restaurants from Kensington and Kingsford put their best dishes on show for

The icing on the Wedding Cake.

the Kingsford Noodle Markets. Now in its fourth year, residents are invited to try their favourite foods from local Chinese, Indonesian, Japanese, Malaysian, Taiwanese, and Vietnamese restaurants. The markets will be open from 12-9pm. For more information, please visit WHITE RIBBON WALK Randwick City Council and the NSW Police Force are standing united to stop violence against women with Sydney’s White Ribbon Walk on Friday, November 24. Starting at High Cross Park, Randwick, at 7.15am, walkers will march to Grant Reserve, Coogee Beach, to participate in a mass oath-swearing ceremony and enjoy a free barbecue. All funds raised go to White Ribbon Australia to help fund education, training, and awareness programs to stop violence against women. Please visit JEWISH HOUSE DINNER By purchasing a ticket to this fundraiser, you will be directly supporting Jewish House to continue their critical non-biased crisis intervention and prevention work. Jewish House helps more than 5,000 clients each year through safe housing, counselling, addiction rehabilitation support, and mediation. As an independent,

not-for-profit crisis care and intervention charity tackling homelessness head-on, they operate out of Bondi and provide services without bias to all communities. To book your tickets, please visit KIRSTY BODEN REMEMBERED Kirsty Boden is remembered as “The Angel of London Bridge,” since she was killed while helping other victims of a terrorist attack. As a member of Tamarama Surf Club, Kirsty also played a leading role in saving lives. The club will now remember Kirsty with the new IRB being christened the “Kirsty Boden” at a ceremony recently attended by the Prime Minister. The Clovelly Community Bank purchased the IRB, as well as one each for Bondi and Bronte surf clubs. THE BRUNCH CLUB Have a day at the races planned, a hen’s day or buck’s party, or just a get-together with mates? Why not book The Brunch Club at the Charing Cross Hotel, Waverley, which is on every Saturday morning in spring from 8-11am? Tickets are $125 each and includes a blow dry, two-course brunch, cocktail on arrival, and beats all morning with the resident Charo DJ. Bookings are essential and can be made by calling 9389 3093.

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Clovelly Beach (formerly known as Little Coogee), circa 1900-10.



t has often been said that those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it. While this adage might be directly applicable to the global political situation at present (hello promising to kick a whole people out of a country based on their religious beliefs), sometimes remembering the past can be less about collective political memory, and more about connecting to heritage and history on a personal level – as a way to find belonging, place, and purpose. This is certainly the case for The Randwick and District Historical Society, which this year celebrates its 60th birthday. Jan Thomas, of the society’s management committee, describes how the society was initially impelled into existence in 32 The Beast | November 2017

June 1957 by the express purpose of one woman, Mrs Nell Pillars, to understand the historical context of her latest property purchase – Nugal Hall in Milford Street, Randwick. Explains Ms Thomas, “During renovations, realising that it might be one of the oldest buildings in the area, [Mrs Pillars] had become interested in researching its history. This turned out to be a long, slow process in the days before computers, and when archives were not designed for amateur researchers!” Unsurprisingly, others in the area were similarly intrigued about the history of the area that they now called home, and so Mrs Pillars advertised a meeting to be

held at Nugal Hall, and over 40 people turned up. That turned out to be the society’s inaugural meeting and cemented the primary goal of the group: to promote and preserve the history of the area. “The society grew over the years and widened its scope from private research to forming its own collection of old documents, maps, pictures, oral histories and artefacts, to becoming involved in protecting the many old buildings and monuments under threat from decay and development,” says Ms Thomas. For ten years now, the society has been settled in its designated rooms on the second floor of the Lionel Bowen Library in Maroubra, and enjoys a close relationship with Randwick Council, as with the benefit of the complementary resources of their Local History Studies collection in the same building. While amateur historians, curious visitors, and locals alike still frequently visit the society, it is fascinating to think that at one point, “the society had over 400 members, and over 30,000 visits a year to their museum on Bare Island in Botany Bay, which was a novelty tourist attraction in those days, as well as being used as a new educational resource by schools from all over the state.” The society’s research centre and museum is open on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, and the friendly volunteers are always happy to welcome visitors. There are numerous exhibits on display and books for sale from the many publications available, such as the tantalizing titles, The Living Among the Dead: Tales from St Jude's Cemetery, Randwick, and Destitute Children's Asylum, Randwick 1852-1916. The society continues to safeguard and record Randwick’s history through the donated time of a small army of passionate volunteers. Should you be interested in volunteering, donating, or using the society’s archives, please email, phone 9349 3572, or just pop in for a visit.

On yer bike, son.



icycle start-up businesses are promising a greener and easier mode of transportation, but do they live up to the hype? In the Eastern Suburbs, they’ve become an ubiquitous sight: red and yellow bicycles parked around coffee shops, bus stops, and especially the areas near our beaches. These bikes belong to a new dockless bike-sharing scheme, spearheaded by two major companies; the stark yellow bicycles belong to Singapore-based Obike, and the red bicycles belong to their Chinese-backed, Sydney-based competitor, Reddy Go. Much like Uber, these bikesharing services use smartphone and GPS technology to match a customer’s location with the nearest bicycle. From there, commuters can reserve a bicycle through the company’s app, pick up their designated bike, and ride it on a one-way trip, with the ability to dock the bicycle just about wherever they please. A spokesperson for Randwick Council said that while they were still in the process of developing a policy towards bike-sharing services, they were supportive of the scheme. “We welcome ideas to make it easier and more convenient to ride, however this must be balanced against its impact,” the spokesperson said. 34 The Beast | November 2017

“As this is a new business model operating on public land, we’re currently seeking further legal advice to help develop Council’s policy on the matter, and to establish our legal options.” They also mentioned that they had received both positive and negative feedback from residents. Similarly, a spokesperson from Waverley Council said that while the council is happy to provide residents with a range of transport options, it was also their duty to ensure dockless bike services are managed properly so that bicycles do not become an access obstacle or safety hazard. “Council has developed guidelines for appropriate parking of the bikes to ensure the safety of residents and visitors to our area. Council is continuing discussions with the operators and trying to improve the collection and distribution of the share bikes around Waverley,” the spokesperson said. Reddy Go was the first bike sharing service to operate in Sydney. Since launching in June with 160 bicycles around the CBD, the service now has 1,800 bicycles located across the city. Speaking to The Beast, a spokesperson for Reddy Go said that by encouraging Sydneysiders to use bicycles as their mode of trans-

portation, they are attempting to “create a convenient, cleaner, and greener future”. Reddy Go told The Beast that they employ a 30-strong operations team to ensure bicycles are parked in suitable areas and adhere to the city’s safety regulations. Singapore-based company Obike began operating in Melbourne in June and has since expanded to Brisbane, The Gold Coast, and Sydney. But not without controversy - in Melbourne, the Obikes have been called “visual pollution” by local residents, with bikes turning up on train tracks, hanging from street poles, and even on top of buildings and portable toilets. In August, Melbourne Lord Mayor Robert Doyle called the bicycles “clutter” and threatened to ban the operation of the service unless issues around location and docking could be resolved. In Europe, bike-sharing services such as Obike have also run into difficulty. In Amsterdam - one of the most bike-friendly cities in the world - the city council have banned the operation of dockless bicycle hire services, claiming the commercial bikes take up too much docking space from local residents, and in July the Platform for European Bicycle Sharing & Systems called bike-share services a “disruptive innovation,” that threatened to “swamp” European cities. And, just as this edition of The Beast was about to hit the printing press, Randwick Council issued a media release stating: “Rental bike operators Reddy Go and OBike are being asked to provide and use designated bike parking areas under a proposal by Randwick Council to reduce vandalism and clutter caused by the recent proliferation of the bikes.” Responding to residents’ concerns about the bikes being dumped across the Eastern Suburbs, “Council will be meeting with the bike hire companies to develop a memorandum of understanding in an attempt to strike a balance between supporting cycling and managing their impact.”

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MORE BITS AND PIECES FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Lisa Anderson Picture Amaury Tréguer Instagram @morningbondi LEARN TO SWIM AquaBuddies Swim School builds confident swimmers in a fun and safe environment, and their class sizes are small so that each child benefits from maximum practice time. Classes are run in terms from the Wairoa School Pool, North Bondi, as well as a school holiday intensive program. In spring and summer, AquaBuddies can also visit home pools for clients looking for private lessons. Please visit AFFORDABLE YOGA How about a yoga class with no need for expensive yoga clothes or fancy mats? With the idea of making yoga more affordable and available to the masses, Randwick Community Yoga is starting the summer with a weekly class for just $10. Drop-ins are welcome, and classes will be held every Thursday morning from 6.30-7.30am at the Randwick Literary Institute, 60 Clovelly Road, Randwick. Do it for your hammies and your soul! Please call 0488 343 666. RANDWICK ART SOCIETY SALE The Randwick Art Society will be holding a paintings and craft sale on the four Sundays in November (5th, 12th, 19th, and 26th) at the Randwick Literary Institute, 60

Filtered sunlight.

Clovelly Road, Randwick, from 9.00am to 5.00pm each day. Get along to the Institute and get some Christmas shopping out of the way early. Please visit SWAMP MONSTERS Sydney’s biggest, spookiest Halloween event for kids is back in Centennial Parklands on Saturday, October 28. Help the Wicked Witch of Centennial Park to brew her deadly potion, spot dangerous drop bears, and assist the mad scientist with his whacky experiments, before running around with the living dead in their graveyard. The brave children who make their way through to the finish line having completed all the challenges will get to collect their Halloween treat! For more information, visit GOLF FOR LADIES Swing Fit is Golf Australia’s beginner women’s program and combines learning to play golf with golf-related fitness exercises. The beginner program runs once a week for 6 weeks, followed by a 6-week intermediate program. Programs are run at Bondi, Randwick, Woollahra, Eastlakes, and Bardwell Valley Golf Clubs. New programs commence from February 5, 2018.

Call Andrea on 0419 520 928, or visit for more details. Programs are limited to eight ladies and they usually book out pretty quickly. SOUTH COOGEE PUBLIC FIESTA Held every two years, Fiesta is the largest event in South Coogee Public School’s fundraising calendar and a great community day out. All funds raised from the Fiesta go towards much needed upgrades within the school, such as teaching resources, IT equipment, literature and numeracy aids. Get along to the school on Moverley Road, South Coogee, on Saturday, November 18, between 10am and 4pm and enjoy rides, cake stalls, raffles, and even a photo booth. For more information, please visit SNAKES AT MAROUBRA BEACH Snake sightings at outdoor spots such as Maroubra Beach have increased thanks to the warm spring weather. If you spot one, stay calm and back away. Don’t chase it, poke it, or throw objects at it; just give it some space and it should just move away from you. All snakes are protected in NSW and killing one is an offence. To locate a snake catcher in your area, please call the Environment Line on 131 555.

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Australian surf ing champion at age 15, dead at 25.

THE TRAGIC TALE OF KEVIN ‘THE HEAD’ BRENNAN Words John Hamilton Picture Unknown


ydney's Eastern Beaches are awash with tales of talented surfers drowning - not by sea, but to the vices of a hedonistic city. Though no other surfer personifies this phenomenon more supremely than Bondi’s Kevin ‘The Head’ Brennan, nicknamed so for his outrageously large cranium. A jockey-sized petty thief with an almost supernatural surfing ability, Kevin took the surfing world by storm at the age of fifteen but was dead by twenty-five, overdosing on heroin somewhere down the back of a seedy Kings Cross nightclub. In 1965, Kevin was the standout surfer at Bondi, a wonder kid who would make the best in the world look stale. Were there any doubts about Kevin’s extraordinary talents, he dispelled them that same year after winning – at just fifteen years of age – both the senior and junior Australian surfing titles before a crowd of thousands at Bondi Beach. Along the way, Kevin beat the crème de la crème of Australian surfing,

38 The Beast | November 2017

including the likes of Midget Farelley and Nat Young, widely regarded as the world’s best two surfers of the period. Kevin also went on to feature in Paul Witzig’s cult surf film The Hot Generation (1967), thrilling audiences with his switchfoot antics and deep tube riding. As Phil Jarratt writes, “Brennan baffled everyone by surfing brilliantly, drunk or sober, and was the star of the movie.” Bondi in the 1960s was not the glamorous location we all know today, typically disparaged by newspapers of the time as “a seaside slum with zero population growth”. Flanked by sewage outlets to the north and south, Bondi’s streetsmart surfers were accustomed to all manner of trash – both human or otherwise. Led by the legendary Jack Mayes, Bondi’s top boardriders would hang out by the ‘Hep Pit’, a leaky drain at the southern end of the beach, riddled with hepatitis, syringes, and other contagious germs. This is where the phrase ‘Scum Valley’ − a

now affectionate name for Bondi, proudly proclaimed by some current locals − takes its roots. But for Kevin, Scum Valley was no nostalgic trip down memory lane. Rather, his short life would cast a tragic reflection of what was a gritty, decaying, and polluted beachside suburb. Kevin’s surfing achievements and his downfall - are recognised in weighty surf encyclopaedias, like Matt Warshaw’s The History of Surfing (2010) and Phil Jarratt’s Australia’s Hottest 100 Surfing Legends (2012), but his brief life also makes for pure urban legend - that of a mythic figure, or folk hero. Roaring tales of Kevin’s mischiefmaking and surfing masquerades abound; stories of him breaking into board sheds, being bashed senseless, tied to poles, and pissed on after picking one-too-many pockets. The serial school truant who’d run away for weeks on end. A delinquent teen surfer who’d paddle out with a cigarette and ride a wave switchfoot, before taking one last drag and flicking the butt into the shorey. The fast burning candle who, in the ‘live fast, die young’ tradition of Jimmy Hendrix, Jim Morrison, and Bon Scott, fatally choked on his own vomit. There’s even a song called ‘Kev the Head’, performed by iconic 1994 punk rock band The Celibate Rifles, while some other hazy surf-forum sources conjure that, “legend has it Kevin could pick your pocket, suck your dick, and betray you within one hour.” Riding the wave of his short lived celebrity, Kevin soon became swept up in the burgeoning beachside drug scene of the late 1960s. As board designs rapidly evolved and the age of international professional surfing dawned, Kevin’s spiral into heroin addiction was uncontrollable and ultimately destructive. Little is known of Kevin’s life after this stage, other than local anecdotes and hearsay. Some describe a tragic fringe dweller wandering Bondi’s streets in a dirty trench coat and boardshorts. Others recall an experimental young man turning his back on surfing, opting instead for a Bohemian inner city lifestyle, immersing himself in Sydney’s vibrant - but still illegal underground gay scene. When Kevin overdosed in 1975, there was no obituary, nor funeral of any note. Here’s to The Head…

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Probably tastes better than jellyfish.

SUSTAINABILITY WAS THE NEW BLACK Satire Kieran Blake Picture Troy Durante


astern Suburbs residents are desperately eavesdropping on café chat, engaging in peoplewatching and devouring social media, in order to avoid being left behind when environmentally responsible behaviours once again become de rigueur. A recent investigation, exclusive to The Beast, exposed the current local sentiment. Local shoppers, Jin and Karl, recalled with fondness the reusable shopping bags that were, until recently, a common sight at their shopping precinct. “Yes, now that you mention it, I do remember those bags that we all used to carry,” acknowledged Jin. “Some of them were actually quite colourful and quaint.” “That’s right,” confirmed Karl, “and everyone would give you a death-stare at the check-out if you didn’t use them, but now everyone seems content to just use the plastic bags - it’s much easier.” Another shopper, Seb, revealed that reusable bags plunged him into a severe bout of anxiety.

40 The Beast | November 2017

“Who ever knew which bag to carry?” he gushed in exasperation. “Can I carry a Woolies or Coles bag, or is that too mainstream? Is an Aldi or Harris Farm bag a sign of poverty? Is a Macro Wholefoods bag too pretentious? Oh, it was just far too stressful.” Local man, Jez, in contrast, reacted with satisfaction when quizzed on the topic. “I took mine to Vinnies and loaded it up with last season’s fashion - double Karma!” he boasted. Not one of them seemed troubled at the prospect of the plastic bags ending up inside the seafood they adore. Disposable coffee cups, meanwhile, continue to feed the local appetite for caffeine and landfill. “I bought a KeepCup after I saw it trending on Instagram,” said Bondi resident, Ronny, “but I used it once and then threw it away. Now I use the disposable cups every morning. I love how my barista writes my initials, and even puts a little smiley face or love heart on the cup.”

“Plus, my therapist says that by being ensconced in the familiarity of branding, I will glide serenely through my personal wellness journey.” Discounted compost bins and worm farms were also met with mixed feelings among the populace. “We did get the pamphlet from the councils, and I thought it made a lot of sense,” outlined local mum, Marie, “but when I went to parties or play dates, I noticed that none of our friends or neighbours were using them, so I didn’t order any.” “I know it can reduce household waste, but it’s not a problem for us; we just put the rubbish in the yellow bin when the red one’s full.” “Don’t get me wrong,” she stressed adamantly, “we love nature, I mean, we own a dog and two cats.” Long-time local, Toni, encapsulated the mindset of many residents: “I’ll feel more disposed to act sustainably when my eavesdropping garners topics other than house prices and the horrors of parking.”

We are excited to let you know that Randwick Club is shortly to be taking over operation of the Coogee Beach Club, at 51 Dolphin Street, Coogee. We are excited about the future of your local Club, which we will be renovating and updating, to provide what we think will be one of Coogee’s most appealing venues.







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51 Dolphin St, Coogee Phone: (02) 9665 5782

November 2017 MONDAY




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SCULPTURE BY THE SEA You've only got five more days to catch this iconic exhibition and view 100 sculptures by artists from Australia and across the world as they transform the Bondi to Bronte coastal walk into an openair gallery. For more information, visit

THE KITCHEN SINK Coogee actor Duncan Ragg stars in new British comedy The Kitchen Sink, just over the bridge at the Ensemble Theatre in Kirribilli until November 18. That's right, it’s a play about plumbers, how awesome! For more information, please visit

FOOD ADDICTS MEETINGS Tonight, Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) is hosting one of its twice weekly meetings, which are held every Wednesday at 7pm and Friday at 10am at Salvation Army Hall, 100 Boyce Road, Maroubra. For more info, please visit

SUBMERGED This evening from 5pm, the Bucket List, Bondi, will be transformed by five of Sydney’s favourite artists; David Sparkes, Ben Brown, Kentaro Yoshida, Damian Oswald, and Bronte local James Robinson, offering a variety of art for your viewing pleasure. Entry is free.

COMMUNITY ACUPUNCTURE The original pioneers of community acupuncture in Sydney have returned to Bondi Junction, led by Chinese Medicine Practitioner Ray Ford. Pop in and take advantage of their incredibly competitive rates. For more information, visit www.

THE RACE THAT STOPS A NATION The only day of the year when every man, woman, and child becomes a horse racing expert, carrying on about about ‘wet tracks’ and ‘box trifectas’ and other such nonsense. Still not sure how to spend your afternoon? Check out our awesome Melbourne Cup guide on page 26.

AQUABUDDIES SWIM SCHOOL Summer is just around the corner, so you should probably organise some swimming lessons for your offspring. AquaBuddies are the local leaders and offer small class sizes, as well as private lessons in home pools. For more information, visit

SWING FIT GOLF Held at various courses around the east, Swing Fit is a beginner women’s program that combines learning to play golf with fitness exercises. Numbers are limited, so book in early for next year’s February course. For more information, visit

GORDONS AT NIGHT Ditch the cooking tonight and head down to Gordons Wine Bar on the corner of Clovelly Road and Beach Street, Clovelly, for a drink or two and great food. Gordons are now open every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night from 4pm. Visit

LINDI ORTEGA AT THE BUNKER With both indie cred and mainstream country recognition, Lindi Ortega will be performing tonight from 7.30pm at the Coogee Diggers’ Bunker. Tickets are only $25 and can be booked through moshtix. For more information, visit

TIME STANDS STILL Local lady, Emily J Stewart, has been an actor for 15 years, and is now producing Time Stands Still at The Tap Gallery, Surry Hills. Time Stands Still will be playing from November 1 - 25. To get your hands on some tickets, please visit

FREE ENERGY WORKSHOPS Take advantage of this free energy advice service to help you reduce your power bills without compromising on comfort. The workshop will be held tonight at the Bowen Library, Anzac Parade, Maroubra, between 5.30pm and 7pm. To book, please call 1300 339 915.

HOMELESSNESS FUNDRAISER Operating out of Bondi, Jewish House, a not-for-profit crisis care and intervention charity that tackles homelessness head-on, are holding their annual fundraising dinner tonight, and they need your support. To purchase tickets, visit

AFFORDABLE YOGA Keen to try yoga but aren't really into ‘the scene’? Head to the Randwick Literary Institute every Thursday from 6.30-7.30am to take advantage of Randwick Community Yoga's weekly yoga class for just $10. For more information, please call 0488 343 666.

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RANDWICK ARTISAN MARKETS Check out the array of lovingly and locally handmade fashion, homewares, accessories, jewellery, gifts, and more on level 1 of the Royal Randwick Shopping Centre from 10am to 4pm today. For more information, visit

REALISING MOTHER This exhibition, curated by Zorica Purlija and running from November 1-18 at Kudos Gallery, Paddington, investigates the role of the mother in our culture. For more information, please visit

FREYA JOSEPHINE HOLLICK LIVE If you like The Carter Family, Dolly Parton, Gillian Welch, and Patsy Cline, then Freya Josephine Hollick's music is for you. Get down to the The Bunker at Coogee Diggers and chill with Freya from 7.30pm. Oh, and it's free entry! Visit

WOMEN'S CRICKET The first ever Women’s Ashes daynight Test is currently underway at North Sydney Oval, running from yesterday until November 12. Day 3 (tomorrow) will be Pink Day, so dress in your finest and support this champion women’s team. Please visit

BELLAGIO’S SUMMER HARVEST Kicking off at 5.30pm on the second Saturday of every month, Bellagio's Summer Harvest BBQs will focus on seasonal summer produce with booze, smoke, and pickles. Reservations are a must, and can be made by emailing

DAD BOD COMP AT THE HOOD Get your rig out to support the Movember Foundation at the Robin Hood Hotel's inaugural Dad Bod Pageant, with over $1,000 in prizes. Please email to get involved, or stitch your old man up by entering him on the sly.

BONDI SPLASH N' DASH The Bondi Splash n’ Dash is on at Bondi Beach today. Visit www. NOODLE MARKETS AT KINGSFORD Local restaurants from Kensington and Kingsford put their best dishes on show from 12-9pm today at Meeks Street Plaza, Kingsford.

BONDI SUNDAY MARKETS Today - and every Sunday between 10am and 4pm - you’ll find clothing from up-and-coming designers, handmade jewellery, exotic imports, retro-chic furniture, vinyl records, homewares, art, one-off vintage pieces, and more. Please visit

WHITE RIBBON WALK Start at High Cross Park, Randwick, at 7.15am, and march to Grant Reserve, Coogee Beach, to help fund education, training, and awareness programs to stop violence against women. Please visit DAD BOD HEAT 2 AT THE HOOD

THE BEST GIFT MARKET Do your Christmas shopping today and tomorrow at Randwick Community Centre from 2-7pm. Visit $8 PINTS AT THE COOKHOUSE Young Henry’s, Mountain Goat, and more, just $8 at The Cookhouse, Randwick, every Saturday!

SUMMERSALT FESTIVAL The Cat Empire and Xavier Rudd will be headlining SummerSalt festival today at Bondi Beach. There'll be plenty of music, market stalls, mobile food vendors, bars, and more. For more information, and to purchase tickets, please visit

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Coming Back to Bondi


Interview Madeleine Gray Picture (opposite) Christie Goodwin Picture (cover) Nick Rieve


inger-songwriter Felix Riebl is the founder and co-frontman of global music phenomenon, The Cat Empire. Ahead of headlining SummerSalt festival at Bondi Beach on Sunday, November 26, Riebl talks to The Beast about his childhood influences, the perils of stage euphoria, and what can be achieved when politics and music collide. Whereabouts did you grow up? I was born in Sydney, and my father was a European doctor who had to redo his medical, so we moved around the country for a bit, but I grew up in Melbourne and in central Victoria as well. Also, my father’s side of the family is from Austria and they’re spread around Europe, so I spent a good amount of time over there growing up as well. I suppose in relation to music, my uncle's quite a famous concert viola player and is now a professor in Salzburg, and his friends and cousins were also playing the Vienna Philharmonic, so I had a really interesting childhood experience sitting around that orchestra and seeing that world. And what were your musical influences growing up? I used to go out and try to sneak into clubs, and we’d listen to a lot of jazz and the kind of music that was around Melbourne at the time. At home, the music we listened to around the kitchen bench was sort of '60s, '70s, and early '80s rock music. As we got older, we used to sit in with bands – mostly jazz bands – and they had a really distinct sound. They had a lot of attitude.

You started playing music professionally very young, first in a jazz outfit, Jazz Cat, put together by jazz musician and teacher Steve Sedergreen, featuring different school-age musicians from around Melbourne. Was this around the same time you were sneaking into jazz clubs? I suppose so, it was around that time. Steve's band got put together when we were about 17. And what that band did was introduce us [the current members of The Cat Empire] to each other. Most people have to wait until uni, or after uni, before they meet their community. We all came from totally different parts of Melbourne and went to different schools, but we were sort of put together in a room as very, very young musicians, and it really gave us that sense of new friends and a new tribe to be part of. Directly from Steve's school compilation band came The Cat Empire trio, with Ollie and Ryan, and then The Cat Empire as a six piece came fairly soon after that. The Cat Empire has clear Spanish and African influences – how did that come about, and do you think that an Australian band starting today would necessarily be able to take and use those cultural influences? You know, it's funny isn't it? In terms of how it happened, it was a live music thing. I grew up with these two worlds of music. In our household, which was very musical, there was the classical thing. Now, my younger brother and sister are both classical musicians. But, on the other side, like I said, there was this real rock aspect to our musical upbringing.

And so I felt like those two worlds were prescribed onto me. Whereas the time I found something that I was just totally mesmerised by, which was my own thing, was when I heard Ernest Ranglin's album, In Search of the Lost Rhythm, which Ollie showed me when we were young. And then it was the Afro-Cuban All Stars and the Buena Vista Social Club. It really rooted with me, and I couldn't believe it. But, at the same time, we were also going to places around Fitzroy, sneaking into the Night Cat, seeing Chilean musicians who put great salsa bands together too, and then lots of great African bands in Melbourne. It just gave me an idea to write songs in a very, very different context. I think in terms of whether a band today would be inspired and use music like that, it's hard to say. In some ways, bands today have access to so much more music. They can listen to a real obscure album from 1969 with a click on YouTube if they want. At the same time, the access to all that music gives it less weight. When we discovered an album when we were teenagers we kind of still treasured it, you would just listen to it back to front. And I think, in terms of that sort of weight with music, it's great for starting bands because you don't have too many different influences banging you; you just start, often by copying. Then slowly by slowly, with enough failures, you start to come into a sound that's very surprising. I don't know, The Cat Empire is a really bizarre band, it always has been.

November 2017 | The Beast 45

The Cat Empire is often touted as a perpetually touring festival band. Do you see it that way? Well, we've got that reputation, and I suppose it's fairly well earned. It's maybe not as extreme as everyone makes out, but we did tour a lot from the start. It was one of those bands that as soon as we were in a room together - the six of us - something kind of happened. It was really exciting to be a part of; there really was a genuine chemistry, and after our first gig it seemed to be easier to bring it to life in a live space. After a while, we started writing songs to recreate the feeling that we had at a really good live show. I always thought, “What song could I write now that would give me that feeling of being live on stage?” Whether that's an audience singing something back or whether that's a way to hear a musician in a band do something that's really unique to them, it's kind of a machine unto itself. It kind of fed it's own movement forward, I suppose. And what does that special, transformative gig energy feel like when you are on stage? Is it totally dif-

46 The Beast | November 2017

ferent to experiencing music from the audience? I suppose so. I love being on stage, I love being in the audience as well sometimes, but the stage is the best. It isn't always like that, but I think that's something very precious that you're seeking; it's the moment where you can really forget yourself or lose yourself. I think that when you've had it good, you want more success all the time. It's harder to get. People say – and I don't know if I actually like the metaphor – that it's a bit addictive or it's like a drug. You're always chasing the first thing. You tend to kind of ruin yourself to get there. Touring and that lifestyle, it's exciting and then after a while you realise that you're only doing it for those two hours on stage each night and everything else is kind of a vacuous area. That's a big realisation to come to, when did you begin to feel like that? I think it's a strange one, because it's easy as a performer to become objective in your own life and to start reviewing your own music and where you are. But the experi-

ence of playing live is an entirely subjective one. Forgetting who you are in the moment is a great relief. I think a lot of performers suffer because they create a world that they suffer in, so that they can only alleviate it by doing this thing that they do that created the suffering in the first place, you know? Then you do interviews, then you do albums, then you place yourself in a scene or a musical context. But really, I think the thing that you're going for as a performer is that moment of release. The thing you suffer also feeds you, but the joy of it is an elusive and wonderful thing. And have you had moments where you’ve been snapped out of a gig experience – where something mundane or unexpected has pinched you out of the zone? Well yeah, that's a constant thing. This state that I was just describing certainly isn't the whole show necessarily. In a great show, maybe it is. But it's often just a few moments, and that's never enough. For instance, if a show isn't going well and you feel like you need to change the set list

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or something, then you have to for a moment become quite objective within the situation and think, “Is this working?” Does that necessary objectivity come from you being the “frontman,” as it were? I mean, there are two singers in The Cat Empire, so in terms of writing a lot of the early songs and putting the band together, I could be called the frontman. I think the more time I've spent in the band, the more I've come to realise that it's kind of a chaotic collective, and whenever I've thought of myself as the frontman, I haven't really been particularly happy in the band. I've really just concentrated on doing what the band does well, which for me is playing percussion and sort of letting it go into the cast that it wants to, while still trying to find a semblance of an arc for the show. That's when I've been the happiest. So the usual “jealous band members” clichés don’t apply? I think everyone in life is jealous of another person. I think that we all think insane thoughts. I wish that people would admit that more often, you know? We all live privately chaotic and difficult lives. One of the things music has taught me, is to do the opposite of trying to suppress those things. I love music not because it's ‘happy’ – it’s not. It's like trying to distinguish between the words ‘happy’ and ‘joyful’. To me, happiness is like tea and scones, or a day at the beach. Joy is the whole bloody parade. It involves all of the emotions that we so fearfully try to hide away from in society. Music is able to take all of those things and turn them into something exciting. I suppose it's well documented that bands don't last over ten years, but that's a fairly good innings for bands because they're asked to grapple with that level of intensity for so long. That's very difficult in a normal way of going about things. In January this year you released a beautiful song, Miss Dhu, that you co-recorded with Aboriginal girls’ choir, Marliya. Can you tell us about that? That’s nice, I'm so glad you said that because that's from a project called Spinifex Gum that I've been working on

48 The Beast | November 2017

for about three years with Ollie from the band. That album is about to come out. We just did a track with Briggs, and then mostly it's just this choir, Marliya. They’re a bunch of teenage Aboriginal and Torres Strait singers from North Queensland, and they're just an amazing group of singers to work with. It's quite honestly just about the most exciting album I've ever worked on, just because it's been so unpredictable and so unexpected.

“I'm really excited to get back to Bondi. I'm not just saying that to stroke the tour or things like that. SummerSalt is going to be two bands that have been associated with summer for such a long time, playing music at Bondi Beach.” How did you start working with the Marliya girls? Through the Gondwana Indigenous Children's Choir. I know Lyn Williams, who conducts them really well. She's someone who I really respect, and she asked me to do a song-cycle for that choir and it worked out that I went to the Pilbara, and it’s such a fascinating place that instead of going once, I ended up going about five times. I just got very involved in that world, and the concert that we did went so well that we decided to turn it into an album. Plus it's so nice working with teenagers. They bring something really exuberant and unpredictable to the proceedings, which can sometimes be crazy but can also really just keep you on your toes in a way that's fantastic for creativity. And for people who don't know about Miss Dhu, can you explain what happened to her and why you wanted to write about her story? Yes, all of that started on one of my trips to the Pilbara. I was not far from South Headland where Miss Dhu died. She was a 22 year-old Aboriginal woman who was locked up for unpaid fines, complained of chest pains and was called a junkie

and then died of septicaemia three days after having been totally neglected by the police and medical staff. No policemen or medical staff members were arrested. It was an example of the worst kind of institutional racism that exists in this country, and has existed for a long time. It was just something that I didn't feel I could leave there without writing about it. I tried to write about it in the most direct way possible. I looked at the court transcripts, talked with her family and community, and got as many facts as I could. Then we got a lot of support from NITV and SBS and a lot of people in her community who came together to make the video clip. I wanted to make sure that this wasn't considered an “Indigenous issue,” as it's so often phrased, but an Australian one. I'm not an Indigenous song writer, but I've been able to spend time in communities and have a lot of friends from those places, and I think it's too often framed as an ‘us and them’ kind of a context and it’s not. It really questions who we are as Australians and what we stand for as a country and as a society if we're willing to let the things happen that happened to Miss Dhu. It's blood on who we are as a country. How do you think of music as political activism more generally, and how does music work to change minds or bring people together? What I would say about my approach to anything political in terms of music, is that the art always has to come first. If the song doesn't resonate, then no matter what you're saying it's not going to move people. Then if the song is good, it’s just about being as bold as possible. Then you have to leave it up to the society that's listening to it to do what they will with it. People are a lot more intelligent than we give them credit for in so many facets of society. I think it's patronising to say that if you write a song directly as a call to action that people will do something, but obviously music does change the way people feel – especially now music goes straight into your brain through headphones.

And people respond to music differently dependent on the context they’re listening in. For example, you’re going to be headlining SummerSalt Festival at Bondi Beach on Sunday, November 26; how does the musical charge change when you are outside amongst the elements? The shows we’ve done before with Xavier Rudd have been just so much fun because we really were two live bands playing in a lovely place. That kind of easiness and relaxed vibe is a big part of why I'm really excited to get back to Bondi. I'm not just saying that to stroke the tour or things like that. SummerSalt is going to be two bands that have been associated with summer for such a long time, playing music at Bondi Beach. The place is really special to me too. I love Bronte, I spent a whole summer there once. In fact, our title track of Rising With the Sun has a lost verse that didn't make the album that's dedicated to the gully behind Bronte. We used to go down there every morning at like five or six. I loved the walk from

Bronte to Bondi. It's one of the most beautiful experiences. I think Sydney people are just so colourful and suit the band so well. A lot would have to go wrong for SummerSalt to be a bad show. And what’s next for you? I saw you just got a $30,000 grant from the Australia Council, which is pretty amazing. Oh, yeah, that's for the follow up to Miss Dhu. The money is to develop a live show with the Marliya choir, and it's an 18-piece choir so you can imagine flying 18 kids from camps around the country. Check out Spinifex Gum on socials, really, it's only just launched and they've got like 10 likes on their Facebook or whatever, but it's going to be a really, really exciting release. Who are your role models in and outside of the industry? John Porter. He’s an English producer who did a lot of the Smiths and BB King and a lot of amazing bands. He's been a great influence in my life and really brought me back to just enjoying the music when I was

taking it far too seriously. Out of the industry, I suppose my daughter is my role model. She’s six months old and she’s a big influence on my life. Not just because she's a baby but because witnessing a language-less form of that much energy is an exceptional experience. What do you hope for your future? I want to be working on music or artistic projects that I find really enthralling. I feel exceptionally interested in life when I'm working on something I find interesting. I have a beautiful family that I'm very happy with and, artistically, I want to be as outrageous as I possibly can be moving forward. For more information about SummerSalt, and to purchase tickets to see The Cat Empire and Xavier Rudd perform live at the festival in Bondi on Sunday, November 26, please visit the SummerSalt festival website at

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50 The Beast | November 2017

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Two handsome lads enjoying a day on the water.

THE BONANZA BEGINS Words Dan Trotter Picture Peter Cole-Clark


napper is most likely to be the fish species that has been on for Sydney offshore anglers over the past month, and I’m sure that plenty have been caught in the shallow hard reefs, deeper broken reefs, and gravel patches. It’s also the time of year when snapper are thought to spawn on this part of the east coast. So, if you get into a good run of fish, please think twice about donging each and every fish that comes aboard, destined for the dinner table. Instead, consider the sustainability of the local area's population, and only catch what you can eat fresh. Our mighty Yellowtail kingfish have also been keeping anglers on their toes off the rocks of the Eastern Beaches and out on boats patrolling the inshore reefs. If the last four to six weeks is anything to go by, the month ahead looks like a bonanza for many species.

52 The Beast | November 2017

Of particular note is the spectacular run of Southern bluefin tuna in Sydney, which began just a few weeks prior to me sitting down to pen this article. There are a myriad of stories about the hundreds of square metres of boiling ocean surface activity. Literally thousands of solid 70-90kg bluefin tuna have been witnessed devouring everything in their path. What a very rare and special treat - it sure is hard to beat fresh tuna of the bluefin variety. Personally, I missed the chance to get out and fish due to work constraints, but I enjoyed the stories and some very tasty meals, nonetheless. Another group of my fishing friends have spent the last month fishing for blackfish and drummer exclusively, pulling great catches of solid fish on days when the seas were calm enough. Our magical stretch of coastline is blessed with very healthy populations of these

species, and one could almost go as far as saying that the blackfish is a very sustainable species to fish. Other species worth your time and energy during this time of year include bream, whiting, and flathead. Get to your nearest waterway on any afternoon and have a crack. With abnormally warm temperatures at the moment, what are you waiting for? In last month’s article, I mentioned the Australian Government’s intention to repeal the Australian National Marine Parks Network. If you are concerned, then now may be your final chance to hassle your local member. After all, ocean conservation should be a key concern for everyone who loves to spend time in, on, or under the water. Hopefully the weather stays warm and the fishing stays great, so we can all enjoy a cracker of a start to summer.

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NOVEMBER 2017 TIDE CHART Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Picture Shadrack Haehae MONDAY

6 0401 1026 1656 2301

0.29 1.93 0.16 1.52

13 0525 1118 1730 2357

1.40 0.60 1.52 0.40

20 0335 1004 1638 2234

0.49 1.73 0.38 1.34

27 0329 0903 1518 2208

1.25 0.75 1.43 0.51




1 0033 0648 1247 1856

2 0114 0729 1336 1942

0.32 1.60 0.39 1.61

3 0153 0810 1424 2029

0.27 1.72 0.29 1.63

4 0234 0853 1513 2117

0.25 1.82 0.21 1.62

8 0542 0.43 1208 1.87 1851 0.25

9 0059 0639 1305 1956

1.36 0.52 1.78 0.31

10 0205 0743 1407 2103

1.31 0.59 1.69 0.36

11 0316 0854 1515 2207

1.30 0.63 1.60 0.39

14 0616 1.48 1221 0.54 1825 1.50

15 0042 0702 1315 1914

0.40 1.56 0.48 1.48

16 0121 0744 1402 1958

0.40 1.63 0.44 1.46

17 0157 0821 1445 2039

0.41 1.68 0.40 1.43

18 0230 0857 1523 2117

21 0409 1039 1715 2314

0.53 1.71 0.40 1.31

22 0445 1115 1756 2355

0.57 1.68 0.43 1.27

24 0040 0608 1235 1926

1.24 0.67 1.57 0.51

25 0130 0658 1322 2017

28 0428 1013 1623 2300

1.32 0.71 1.43 0.46

29 0521 1119 1725 2346

1.42 0.64 1.46 0.41

7 0450 1115 1752 2359

Tamarama awakenings.

0.35 1.92 0.19 1.44

0.39 1.48 0.50 1.57

23 0524 0.62 1153 1.63 1838 0.47 30 0609 1.55 1219 0.53 1821 1.49




5 0316 0938 1603 2208

0.25 1.89 0.17 1.58

12 0425 1008 1626 2306

1.34 0.63 1.55 0.40

0.43 1.71 0.38 1.40

19 0302 0930 1600 2156

0.46 1.72 0.37 1.37

1.22 0.71 1.51 0.53

26 0227 0757 1417 2113

1.22 0.74 1.46 0.53

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November 2017 | The Beast 55

We've all been there.

THE UNRELIABLE GUIDE TO... HANGOVERS Words Nat Shepherd Picture Iain Byrne


lmost everyone who drinks will have experienced a hangover at some point, and it’s not a modern, binge drinking related phenomenon either. Humans have been rubbing their heads and vowing never to touch a drop again, ever since we first discovered the fermentation process, and for almost as long we’ve been inventing hangover cures. Viking warriors were renowned drinkers, and their remedy for the morning after was... hazelnuts! The ancient Romans loved the vino too, but they believed a breakfast of fried canary was the best thing after a night of bacchanalian orgies. In medieval Europe, they thought eating raw eels would help, and today in Bolivia, they still swear by bull penis soup. Yum! But what actually works? The Unreliable Guide has some tips and tricks to help you out if you’ve got a humdinger and, better still, to stop you from getting one in the first place. 1. DON’T MIX IT UP Sticking to one kind of booze really helps prevent hangovers. Granted, if you drink an entire bottle of tequila to yourself you are not going to be feeling too clever

56 The Beast | November 2017

the next day (or possibly week). But, it’s surprising how much more can be drunk if you restrict yourself to one form of poison. This is why cocktails are so deadly, and FYI: red wine in particular doesn’t mix well with anything, apart from more red wine. 2. EAT! This is the simplest and most effective way to prevent a mega hangover. All really civilised nations (France, Greece, Italy, Spain...) insist on food with booze, and for good reason: it helps your body to absorb the alcohol in a more sensible fashion. Plus, if you do have a massive bender and vomiting is on the cards, it’s much more satisfying to chunder up a mini pizza or spag bol than just pints and pints of unadulterated booze. Fact. 3. DRINK WATER I really can’t stress this one enough. Rehydrate as you go or you’ll have a massive water loss to catch up on the next day. Processing alcohol is a complicated business and the body needs water to do so effectively. Deny your liver water and it will rebel by spewing its toxins out into your system. Here’s a tip: between each

alcoholic drink, just neck a glass of water - job done. 4. PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE, BUT... So you ate nothing, drank no water, and took on enough booze to sink the Titanic. It happens, but if you wake up feeling like you wish you were dead, what can you do? The answer will depend on your own body and exactly how you fucked it up, but these things may help. If you can bear the idea, drink a glass of milk - it’s the best rehydration drink around. Get some vitamins inside you too; alcohol destroys them, especially vitamin B, leaving you feeling tired, depressed, and irritable. Greasy foods and carbs are your friend, so forget all diets and have a fry-up. Coffee is well known as an antidote, and now scientists understand why: caffeine blocks alcohol’s headache-inducing acetate and makes your head feel less like a football. Finally, The Unreliable Guide suggests that you just suck it up and take your punishment. Sometimes curling up in front of the TV with a death hangover and a big bowl of hot chips can be as much fun as the night before - just don’t fry any canaries.



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Aussie chicks are the best.

IT'S JUST NOT CRICKET Words Alasdair McClintock Picture Zoe Goss


he days are getting longer, the sun hotter, and the men and women in white return to our nation’s ovals to put their skin at risk in pursuit of a small leather ball. Driving past suburban grounds on a Saturday and craning my neck to see if a wicket falls is one of my favourite parts of summer though it has been some time since my timing has been better than the batter’s and I’ve been lucky enough to see a castle get knocked over. This summer of cricket is a big one too. The old foe is coming to lay claim to The Ashes. Time to warm some beers, buy stock in sunscreen, and dust off those English jokes, though they don’t have quite the same sting anymore given they’ve started winning the odd thing, including The Ashes of course. It’s pretty much the only test series Australians care about anymore but, in truth, I couldn’t care less about our men’s team’s fortunes this year. Like the team themselves now, I’ve become a bit of a flat track bully when it

58 The Beast | November 2017

comes to supporting men’s cricket - there’s just too much of it. With every ridiculous seven match one-day series played overseas in the middle of footy season, each fixture becomes more and more meaningless. If we are giving the English a pounding, I’ll likely tune in and cheer them on, but if that smug bastard Joe Root even gets a sniff of the urn, I’ll turn it off and do something more productive with my summer. I do, however, intend to “witness history in the making” when our women’s team competes in the first ever day-night Ashes Test at North Sydney Oval from November 9-12. The women’s team doesn’t suffer from the same overexposure and flawed personality traits of our men. In fact they seem rather likeable, perhaps because you know they’re playing the game out of a genuine love for it and not just because there’s a big paycheque involved. Keeping in tradition with the recent successes of our magnificent

Matildas, they’re also doing our nation proud by being ranked the number one team in the world. England are ranked number two - and the reigning World Cup champions - so it should be a cracking showdown. A multi-format setup also adds to the intrigue. The North Sydney game is the only Test Match amongst three ODIs and three T20Is. The winner of each match accrues points based on a weighting-system of four points for the Test and two points for every other match. Is it unnecessarily complicated? Perhaps, but I’m sure they have their reasons. While cricket has slowly been losing its romance for me over the years, the idea of having a few tinnies at a suburban ground while watching the sun set over a game of international cricket has stoked a few of the remaining embers. The vision feels almost poetic, much like the official tagline, “Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust. If Perry don’t get you, Jonassen must.”

Dandelion leaves are great for salads, warrigal greens (edible and native) are often used in curries. Bonetto: “We don’t need to hate them, just eat them.” 3. THEY PREVENT SOIL EROSION AND BRING DIVERSITY Roots of weeds hold the soil together, preventing erosion and loss of precious topsoil for good plant growth. Weeds can tell a lot about the condition of your soil, “like dandelions tell you that the soil is acidic, or chickweed, that grows where the soil is rich, moist, and loose,” says Bonetto. They also add to the plant diversity in the neighbourhood, a key ingredient for a healthy place.

Simple pleasures.

GARDEN WEEDS: WHY THEY ARE NOT ALL EVIL Words Nicola Saltman, Sustainable Waverley Picture Aimee Crouch


t’s that time of the year when the gardeners among us emerge to tackle neglected green patches. We prune, trim, plant, mow, and clip. And weed. Many of us curse (and relish) removing weeds that have flourished in winter. Yet, contrary to popular belief, not all weeds are evil. A weed is just a plant growing in a place where it is unwanted. In fact, many of your stubborn garden weeds can have benefits. Here’s the ‘dirt’ on why many garden-variety weeds can be happily left in the ground, under control. 1. THEY CREATE HOMES FOR WILDLIFE Lots of weeds create habitat. In fact, some native species are starting to adapt to, and even rely on, weeds for a food source and place to live. For example, coprosma (shiny leaf - once planted) along 60 The Beast | November 2017

the Bondi to Bronte coastal walk provides a great habitat for fairy wrens. In regards to these specific weeds, Waverley Council establishes other adjoining areas of native plants before removing them. Weeds can also be good habitat for our chief pollinators - insects. Aside from helping plants seed and grow, these tiny critters are also an important protein source for birds and skinks. 2. WE CAN EAT THEM! Keen naturalist and forager, Diego Bonetto, says that “the best benefit you could harness is the fact that many of them are edibles.” People often forage for food in weedy areas, and they can provide a nutritious addition to your meal. Bonetto runs hands-on workshops on this topic in Sydney. A wellknown local example is nasturtium that grows all through Bronte.

REMOVING WEEDS If you have to remove weeds: • Do so slowly and in small patches, and replace the weeds with a native plant where possible (e.g. something that provides dense cover). • Allow new plantings to establish before moving on to the next patch. “Once your garden is set for what you want, the desired plants will outcompete all others,” Bonetto explains. • Manual removal is most effective (and better for our health and the environment) compared to destructive chemical herbicides. Even the ‘natural’ herbicides destroy insect habitat. • Put the weeds in your green garden waste bin, or your ‘hot’ compost. MORE INFORMATION: • Visit: all-about-weeds/weed-identification/ • Visit Wild Edibles Database: • Read: The Weed Forager’s Handbook - Eat That Weed • Contact: The friendly staff at Randwick Community Nursery, or Sam McGuinness, Urban Ecology Coordinator, at sam.mcguinness@ Thanks for making caring for our green spaces second nature.

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SUBJECT Stairway to the moon LOCATION Coogee PHOTOGRAPHER Claudia Lovett

SUBJECT High as a kite LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Camilo INSTA @camilo_bustamante

SUBJECT Fairy floss sunset LOCATION Maroubra PHOTOGRAPHER Teresa Warren INSTA @lunargirl22

SUBJECT Kevin 'The Head' Brennan LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Unknown

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SUBJECT Peter & Costa LOCATION Clovelly PHOTOGRAPHER Camilo INSTA @camilo_bustamante

SUBJECT Cappuccino LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Amaury Tréguer INSTA @morningbondi

SUBJECT Boat in a barrel LOCATION North Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Jamie Street INSTA @bondiwakeup

SUBJECT Alfie chillin' LOCATION Bondi PHOTOGRAPHER Jamie Street INSTA @bondiwakeup

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he driving-synth, ambientguitar, thumping-drums sound of Seattle Fix is created by talented duo Olivia Puchalski (guitar and vocals) and Luke Burns (drums). They'll be hitting the road to launch their new EP, Teddy Bear, on November 4. We caught up with Olivia during the month...

we can’t wait! We’ll be launching our new EP, Teddy Bear, and we have so many new songs to share.

If I had to describe our sound in one sentence, I'd say it's… a lush, ambient mix of reverbed guitars, driving synth, and big drums.

There was this one time when I was starting out… that I forgot the words to a song and made it up on the spot - whoops.

My first memory of music is… watching Video Hits every single Saturday morning.

If I could have chosen one song to have written, it would have to be… Owner of a Lonely Heart, by Yes what a tune!

Growing up, my parents listened to… anything from the ‘80s and lots of Enrique Iglesias. They still do. My dream gig would be… playing under the night sky at Byron Bay and seeing all the splendour going on in the grass. We’ll be hitting the road to play some shows on… November 4, and 64 The Beast | November 2017

If you come to see us play, you can expect… to hear something you haven’t heard before - not quite rock, not quite indie, and not quite pop.

My favourite song to perform would have to be… Wake Up, from our upcoming EP. It’s seven glorious minutes and has a slick fadeout. The best thing about the local music scene is… that it’s so weird and wonderful, you really never know what you'll get.

One person I’d still really like to record with is… Jake Bercovici. He recorded Warpaint’s Heads Up. I love it. My band’s new EP, Teddy Bear, is about… showing everyone what Seattle Fix is about, and that there’s more to come. We feel like we’ve stepped up musically since our first EP and are really honing in on our sound. My biggest fan has got be… Benjamin, Luke’s boxer puppy - number one fan for sure! I’ll know we have made it when… I can look down, about to tie my shoelaces, and someone is doing it for me. Or, when I no longer have to look long and hard for my pregig bananas! You can find out more about Seattle Fix by visiting their Facebook page. To listen to their new EP, Teddy Bear, please visit

ALBUM #1 Artist The Killers Album Wonderful Wonderful Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  The first time I listened to Wonderful Wonderful, I was just coming out of a most horrible flu, and it almost certainly affected how I responded to it. A man’s thoughts wander to some pretty dark territories when he’s been bed-ridden for four consecutive days, not the least being the very real fear that I would never experience any sort of pleasure ever again. So, as I crawled out of that dark abyss and finally felt ready to listen to music again, I put this album on and it made me so bloody happy I felt like crying. Oh yes, The Killers are back, baby!

ALBUM #2 MOVIE REVIEW TITLE Happy Death Day GENRE Slasher/Thriller/Comedy REVIEWER Linda Heller-Salvador Multi-talented writer, director, and producer, Christopher Landon (Disturbia, Scouts Guide To The Zombie Apocalypse) has donned his directing hat to bring us this darkly humorous slasherthriller, Happy Death Day, where a young college student is destined to relive the day of her murder. Theresa (Tree) ( Jessica Rothe) is a typical sorority girl who is popular but shallow, judgmental, and overly focused on her appearance and Instagram. When she wakes up in Carter Davis’s (Israel Broussard) dorm room she thinks she’s just had one too many drinks at her surprise birthday party the night before. But it’s so much more than that: every time she wakes she is condemned to relive the previous day, when she was murdered. Following Carter’s advice, Tree goes about trying to solve her murder, hoping this will end the creepy déjà vu cycle. Knowing her actions now have no consequences allows Tree to do whatever she wants and sets the scene for some funny, heartfelt, and mischievous situations. I am a sucker for Groundhog Day time-loop scenarios where the victims are doomed to relive the same day over and over again, and when it’s incorporated into a quirky slasher-thriller storyline then I’m pretty happy. Happy Death Day is an enjoyable escape from deep-thinking philosophical films and should appeal to anyone who likes their movies light and scary. 66 The Beast | November 2017

Artist Jack Johnson Album All the Light Above It Too Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  Jack Johnson’s early albums have always been a comfortable go-to. Easy, familiar, and pleasant, they’re a bit like an episode of Friends. Having lost some relevance since, I’m happy to hear him back in form once again. The dire politics of the world have apparently stoked his artistic fire, but we’re not going to Jack for our political values, now are we? No, it’s just easy singa-longs we’re after. Don’t get me wrong, I agree with most of what he’s saying, but my point is that even if you don’t sympathise with his views, you’ll likely still enjoy the songs.

ALBUM #3 Artist British India Album Forgetting the Future Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  Why aren’t British India one of the biggest bands in Australia? They should be high billing on all the summer festivals. But, like a defender in the Brownlow count, they never get the attention they deserve. With a swag full of big ol’ rock tunes, plus a good mix of indie sensibility, Forgetting the Future might be the album that finally breaks them through to a band playing at the Grand Final rather than The Footy Show. For full enjoyment when listening, I recommend you put on some tight black jeans, crack a VB, crank the volume, and then thrust.



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ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT FROM AROUND THE BEACHES Words Lisa Anderson Picture Amaury Tréguer Instagram @morningbondi SUMMERSALT BONDI BEACH SummerSalt is a new national concert experience, celebrating our iconic summertime locations with a day of fun in the sun, and an impressive line-up including The Cat Empire and Xavier Rudd at Bondi Beach on Sunday, November 26. Featuring an array of market stalls, mobile food vendors, bars, and the SummerSalt Lounge (for Lounge ticketholders), prepare to be immersed in a new and vibrant concert atmosphere - as real as the sand between your toes. For more information, and to purchase your tickets to this awesome event, visit REALISING MOTHER This new exhibition presents photographic, video, and film works by a collection of emerging and established Australian women artists and investigates the role of the mother in our culture. Artists featured include Sally McInerney and Teena McCarthy and takes inspiration from the real experience of photographic artist - and the exhibition's curator - Zorica

Oh, what a feeling!

Purlija’s role as a mother of three. The exhibition runs from October 31 until November 18 at Kudos Gallery, Paddington. Please visit for more information. THE KITCHEN SINK Coogee actor Duncan Ragg stars alongside The Bill’s Huw Higginson and Eastenders actress Hannah Waterman in new British comedy The Kitchen Sink, playing at Ensemble Theatre from October 14 to November 18. Duncan plays Pete, a plumber who is unlucky in love but very good at fixing leaking taps. Set in a small seaside town in East Yorkshire, it’s a story about a struggling family finding the courage to cope with change. For more information, please visit the-kitchen-sink. TIME STANDS STILL Local lass Emily J Stewart has been an actor for 15 years in shows including Devils Playground, To Catch A Killer, All Saints, and

Home & Away. Now she is producing Time Stands Still through her company, Eclipse Productions. Bringing together an all-female production crew, the production takes a blank warehouse space and turns it into a New York City loft. Time Stands Still will be playing from November 1 - 25 at the relocated Tap Gallery in Surry Hills. To purchase tickets, please visit RECORD YOUR WORK Musicians Making A Difference (MMAD) are offering discounts to The Beast readers to record their music, songs, spoken word, podcasts, and more in their brand new, state-of-the-art, professional recording studio in Gosford. MMAD is a grassroots charity that exists to change young lives through the power of music and mentoring. All proceeds of The Studio hire go back into MMAD's successful camps, programs, workshops, and opportunities to inspire young Australians. For more information, please visit



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This is where the fun happens.

LULU’S COOGEE BEACH: SHARE PLATES, PIZZAS, AND COCKTAILS TO DIE FOR Words and Picture Dining Dave Instagram @diningdave


here, oh where, can I take three of my companions on a warm Friday evening for a four-hour drinking, dining, and atmospheric extravaganza? I now have the answer: Lulu’s Coogee Beach. Located at the intersection of Coogee Bay Road and Vicar Street, Lulu’s may seem familiar to some Beast readers as they walk in, and that’s because it replaced Coogee Trade at the end of August. Lulu’s is under the leadership of Lori Gardiner, a wild character who has had many years’ experience running social spots in places like Darwin and Greece. Lori proudly describes herself as a “publican,” and she will be more than happy to entertain you as you enjoy her classic libations. Lulu’s (named after Lori’s daughter) bears the design elements of three different regions: the front third of the space reminded us of Bali’s Seminyak, the middle evoked memories of the Greek island of Mykonos, and 72 The Beast | November 2017

the rear section was more countryBoho - very cool indeed. Seated by our waitress, Elise, we ran off to cocktail heaven with Lulu’s Bali Coconut Daiquiri and a Pineapple Martini. To accompany the drinks, we also had two classic share plates of crispy chicken wings with house made sriracha-flavoured aioli sauce, and pork and veal meatballs with tomato chutney and shaved pecorino. The daiquiri’s creamy texture overflowed with shaved coconut, making it a star choice, while the martini was simply delicious. Both elevated the taste of the juicy, tender, crispy wings. The succulent meatballs, under that flavourful sauce and melted Italian cheese, were mouth-watering. We followed up these dishes with more share plates: pea and taleggio risotto balls with shaved pecorino and aioli sauce; Szechuan pepper squid, served with citrus aioli sauce and baked kale chips; and Lulu’s soft tacos, which were

filled with 8-hour, slow-cooked pulled pork shoulder, shaved slaw and hot mayo dressing. And, of course, more cocktails! We tried Lulu’s Bubble Gum Sour, an insane vodka-based concoction that will bring out the (drunk) kid in you, and a Rum Lover, which was spiced rum and ginger beer served in an icy-cold copper mug. For mains we had the Boston Bay mussels in a white wine, tomato, and herb broth, and a Jamón serrano pizza with mushrooms, mozzarella, and wild rocket. Lulu’s pizza dough is made in-house, which gave the pizza a wonderful texture, while the broth tenderised and super-charged the mussels with a healthy amount of kick. We were in seventh, eighth, and ninth heaven. If you choose to have dessert, I strongly recommend washing it down with Lulu's Espresso Martini - so creamy and smooth that I could have consumed quite a few more that night. Lori is positioning Lulu’s to be a part of the community that’s not just for wild nights, but for breakfast and lunch as well, with $15 lunch deals and ‘Espresso Fridays’ with $12 cocktails and charcuterie and cheese boards from 4-6pm. Accomplished chef Matt Bates, formerly of Café Sydney and Coogee Trade, helped design the menu with Lori, so any fans of Matt’s creations should stop by. Whether you’re comfortable in Bali, Mykonos, or a Bohemian barn, Lulu’s will leave a lasting impression with their delicious share plates, pizzas, and cocktails to die for. Lulu’s Coogee Beach 244 Coogee Bay Road, Coogee Phone 8960 0454 Phone 0404 946 394 Instagram @luluscoogeebeach Facebook Open 7 days, 10am until late Prices Shares $7-$17; Bigs $18$29; Cocktails from $16 Cards Accepted Yes Licensed Yes

Spring breakfast is sorted.

GREEN EGGS FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH, OR DINNER Recipe and Image Jacqueline Alwill


any people say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day because, as the title suggests, it ‘breaks the fast’. However, I believe that all meals are important, and definitely those meals that you could eat for breakfast, lunch, or dinner and feel totally satisfied - this meal ticks that box. Pumping up the green vegetable factor, this simple green eggs recipe fuels our body with all the essential gut-loving fibre, antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals (such as iron and Vitamin C) so we can thrive not to mention a solid hit of protein between the egg and milk proteins too. Oh, did I mention that it's gluten and sugar free? Spring breakfast (or dinner) is sorted! INGREDIENTS (Serves 1) • ½ cup full cream dairy milk • 2 eggs • 1 spring onion (white part only, finely chopped) 74 The Beast | November 2017

• ½ zucchini, grated • 1 tablespoon picked dill leaves • Salt and pepper • Coconut oil, to grease • ½ cup baby spinach leaves To serve: ¼ avocado, sauerkraut, baby spinach, and extra herbs DIRECTIONS 1. In a small bowl, whisk together the eggs and milk, then stir through the spring onion, grated zucchini, and dill leaves. Season well with salt and pepper; 2. Lightly grease a medium-sized fry pan with coconut oil over a medium high heat and pour the egg mixture into the pan, tilting the pan from side to side to ensure an even coverage; 3. Cook for 6 minutes before placing the baby spinach on top, then use a spatula to gently fold over one side of the omelette to cover the spinach and cook for a further 4 minutes;

4. Transfer to a plate and serve with your choices of extras. This delicious recipe was provided by local nutritionist and author of Seasons to Share, Jacqueline Alwill. For whole food catering, nutrition workshops, recipes, and much more, please visit

I am so proud to be elected Mayor of this wonderful City. It is a huge honour and responsibility. This is certainly a milestone for Randwick City; only the second female Mayor in its long history, and the first time an all-woman team is at the helm. Together with Deputy Mayor, Councillor Alexandra Luxford, we will continue Council’s history of strong financial management and providing residents and ratepayers with the high-quality services they have come to expect. Personally, I want to concentrate on furthering Council’s legacy of sustainability and history of environmental initiatives, making our streets safer for our cycling community and for our pedestrians. Thank you to all those who re-elected me as a Councillor for Randwick City. I look forward to ensuring this City is one of the best places to live in Australia. If you see me, don’t hesitate to say hello. Councillor Lindsay Shurey Mayor of Randwick

1 November Rock Fishing Workshops 6:00-8:30pm Prince Henry Centre 2 Coast Hospital Road, Little Bay

18 November Lexington Place Busking Competion 12:00-2:00pm Lexington Place, Maroubra

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17 November

Minecraft Book Club 4:00-5:30pm Lionel Bowen Library 669-673 Anzac Parade, Maroubra Junction

23 November

Tai Chi On The Beach 7:00-8:00am Maroubra Beach

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Our Energy Future Workshops 5:30-7:00pm Vonnie Young Auditorium, Lionel Bowen Library 669-673 Anzac Parade, Maroubra Junction

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Best Gift Markets 2:00-7:00pm Lionel Bowen Library 669-673 Anzac Parade, Maroubra Junction

Ticking all the boxes.



love these choc chip oat cookies. They look and taste like they’d be completely out of bounds but, with quality ingredients such as uncontaminated oats and raw dark chocolate, these cookies tick so many health boxes. They only take 15 minutes to prepare and around 20 minutes to cook, and they're gluten, dairy, and nut free, so they're lunch box friendly too! I recommend using Loving Earth’s dark chocolate, which contains only cacao and coconut nectar. Cacao is the perfect base and it takes a lot to melt, which means that it won’t lose its shape during baking. If you're not a big fan of dark chocolate, or you’re worried that it may be too strong for the youngsters in your life, don’t worry, because the Loving Earth raw and vegan chocolate range is huge. Otherwise, dried cranberries or raisins will also do the trick. Please enjoy this fail-safe recipe. TOOLS • Mixing bowl • Measuring cup • Biscuit baking tray 76 The Beast | November 2017

INGREDIENTS (Makes 12 cookies) • 2 cups uncontaminated (gluten free) rolled oats • 1¾ cups of desiccated coconut • 3 tablespoons coconut sugar, plus ½ tablespoon extra for dusting • ½ teaspoon gluten free baking powder • ½ tablespoon vanilla • ¼ cup coconut oil • ¼ cup rice syrup (or honey or maple syrup) • 1 large egg • 80gm dark chocolate, roughly chopped (I used an 80gm pack of Loving Earth’s 70% dark chocolate) METHOD 1. Preheat your oven to 160˚C, line a biscuit baking tray with baking paper, and set aside; 2. In your mixing bowl, add oats, desiccated coconut, coconut sugar, baking powder, and vanilla, then mix until combined; 3. In a measuring cup, combine the oil and syrup together with the egg, then beat the mixture with a fork, before adding to the dry mixture;

4. Lightly mix the ingredients together, then add the roughly chopped chocolate; 5. Mix well (use your hands if necessary). It should be moist and hold together well when squashed; 6. Place golf ball-sized balls of mixture onto the lined baking tray, and flatten the balls into cookies that are around 1.5cm thick; 7. Sprinkle each cookie with the extra coconut sugar; 8. Transfer to the oven and bake for 20 minutes or until golden; 9. Cool completely on a wire rack before serving or storing. STORAGE Store in an airtight container - the fridge is a great place if you want them extra chewy! Cath Noonan is a self-confessed health-foodie, recipe creator, and nutrition student, as well as the founder of healthy food blog, I Heart Scratch. Check out the delicious food pics on her Instagram account, @i_heart_scratch, and find more recipes by visiting

MAYOR‘S MESSAGE What an honour it is to once again be elected as Mayor of Waverley. I would like to congratulate my fellow Councillor Dominic Wy Kanak, who has been elected as Deputy Mayor. Cr Wy Kanak has extensive experience on Council and we have worked very well together for many years. My fellow Councillors also bring immense skill and experience to their role. There is now a very capable set of Councillors representing the people of Waverley. As a new Council, elected by you the community, I want to assure you that under my guidance as Mayor there will be inclusive decision making with representation across the appointed Councillor Committees. I value fairness and I believe proper procedure is one of the most important aspects of my role as Mayor. There is a place for everyone in our community and there is a role for every Councillor on Waverley Council.

Key priorities Our key priorities for this term of Council include drafting a new plan for Bondi Pavilion and seeing it through to completion, the establishment of a community advisory group for the Bondi Pavilion project, the establishment of a new Strategic Planning and Development Committee, a review of parking across the municipality, and optimising transport options along Bondi Road. Dumped rubbish is also a major priority. There has to be a better way to get dumped rubbish off the streets. As Mayor, I’ll work with Councillors and staff to find the best solution to this. Thanks to the Waverley community again, for your support.

John Wakefield, Mayor of Waverley CUSTOMER SERVICE CENTRE 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction NSW 2022 PO Box 9, Bondi Junction NSW 1355 PHONE 9083 8000 WEB

Events Waverley Cemetery Open Day Saturday 4 November, 9am–12pm St Thomas Street, Bronte Waverley Cemetery is state heritage listed and has been in operation since 1877. With its stunning views, significant monuments and memorials, there’s much to discover. Come along and join us for free tours, grave searches and find out what products and services are available at Waverley Cemetery. Tours will commence every 30 minutes. Visit to find out more and book your place.

Sculpture by the Sea 19 October–5 November Bondi to Tamarama coastal walk Staged on the spectacular Bondi to Tamarama coastal walk, Sculpture by the Sea is the world’s largest free to the public sculpture exhibition. Now celebrating its 21st year, the spectacular coastal walk is transformed into a 2km sculpture park. To find out more, visit For more event info visit our website

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their grapes, and therefore their wine. But of course, this is about much, much more than climate change. Read the tasting note below; it’s a particularly strong statement and I fucking love it. IS THE WINE ANY GOOD? Yes, absolutely. It’s a stellar drop, and it deserves the $55 price tag. It’s a cracking Chardonnay that will get tongues wagging for reasons other than just the label. It’s not just a political statement, but a wine statement, and it’s a bottle you’ll keep around long after you’ve drunk it. Get in quickly, as the 2016 has already sold out, and there’s only a bit of the 2015 left. But look at their other wines too. Try their Chenin Blanc, or the Jerusalem’s Grace Chardonnay. The Pirate Blend is interesting, featuring a mix of 2014 and 2015 wines. And look at the Mystery Wines (the range that the ‘FUCK HIM’ Chardonnay comes from); you’ll find a Cab Franc, a Nebbiolo, and a Syrah there.

Making wine great again.

L.A.S. VINO ‘FUCK HIM’ CHARDONNAY Words and Picture Alex Russell Twitter @ozwineguy


lot of work is put into wine labels. Some have famous aspects (think d’Arenberg’s red stripe), some have a long history behind them and change very little from vintage to vintage (Penfolds, Wynns), some change every year (Leeuwin Estate Art Series), some are abstract, some are beautiful, and some are downright boring, but functional. And, occasionally one is so out-there it gets its own article. Meet L.A.S. Vino ‘FUCK HIM’ Chardonnay. POLITICS AND WINE In case you’re wondering who “him” is, just take a look at the

78 The Beast | November 2017

label. The tasting notes have been made into a side-on silhouette of Donald Trump. Not many wine producers venture into politics so publicly. Many have strong views, but they don’t put them on the label. This one has certainly inspired a lot of debate. Some are saying that wine producers should not mix politics with wine, whereas others are applauding the move. One of the arguments in support of the wine world having a say about politics has to do with Trump’s not exactly scientific stance on climate change. Climate change has a direct impact on wine producers as it changes

THE LABEL SAYS: This 2015 Chardonnay was made in Margaret River, Australia, from vines imported from France under Israeli irrigation, tended to by an Italian tractor, with grapes picked by a group of Irish, Germans, Estonians, and Koreans, under the supervision of a South African. We pressed the grapes using a Swiss press, and a Mexican winemaker and Dutch girl transferred the wine into French oak. It was then sealed with a cork from Portugal, with wax from the Czech Republic. The wine was bottled with the help of a lesbian, and put into boxes made in Indonesia. This was written using a program downloaded from India with a label designed by a legend in the U.S.A., proofread by a Eurasian Australian woman in New York, and is exported to Singapore, Tokyo, China, and the U.K., and drank by those wanting to bring friends together from all countries, ethnicities, sexes, sexualities, and religions. FUCK HIM!




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ACROSS 1. Country whose capital is Kuala Lumpur (8) 7. What we breathe (3) 8. To renovate deteriorated suburbs for affluent people (8) 9. Make more beautiful (5) 10. Develop gradually (6) 11. Not real (4) 14. Decreased the effectiveness or power of something (10) 17. Month and girl’s name (3) 18. Consume (3) 19. Suppressing a part of media (film, book, etc.) (9) 20. Yellow cartoon character father (5,7)

DOWN 1. Metal used in light bulbs and pyrotechnics (9) 2. Host city of 2012 Olympics (6) 3. Party at night taken from the French language (6) 4. IndoEuropeans or non-Jewish Caucasian (5) 5. Popular breakfast pairing (5,3,4) 6. Mary Shelley’s famous novel (12) 12. Rubber (6) 13. Caught with a video camera (2,4) 15. Spanish for a piece of tortilla with toppings (5) 16. A coloured solution (3)

TRIVIAL TRIVIA Words Cameron Anderson Picture Amaury Tréguer Instagram @morningbondi 1. What is country pop star Shania Twain's real name? 2. True or false? Chemotherapy drug, Vincristine, is an alkaloid found in the Madagascar periwinkle. 3. On which African island was Freddie Mercury born?

Corduroy. 80 The Beast | November 2017

4. In which year did Coogee's last fatal shark attack take place? 5. What colour are the bikes owned by Sydney bike-sharing service Reddy Go? 6. Who are the new mayors of Randwick and Waverley local government areas?

7. Feathers, fur, or fins? The Pacific baza. 8. In which foreign country did the most Australians die in 2016? 9. In which year was the Bondi Pavilion officially opened? 10. Who were the original members of boy band One Direction?

CAPRICORN DEC 22-JAN 20 Start taking better care of yourself. You'll happily fork out $350 for a bag of woof, but you're too tight to see a doctor that doesn't bulk bill.

GEMINI MAY 22-JUN 21 There's someone else out there who is absolutely stoked with way less than what you've got, so just try and be happy with your lot.

AQUARIUS JAN 21-FEB 19 Take advantage of every opportunity to make it all about you, because you're very important and you deserve the spotlight all the time.

CANCER JUN 22-JUL 22 You'll find people to be a lot more sympathetic and understanding if you let them speak, rather than talking over them.

PISCES FEB 20-MAR 20 You can send your kids off to some fancy, expensive school, but they can't change their genetics, so they'll always be stupid.

LEO JUL 23-AUG 22 Don't manage your time too well, or you'll have nothing to do and you're idle hands will become the tools of the devil, so they say.

SCORPIO OCT 24-NOV 22 Rather than thinking of reasons why something can't be done, try thinking of ways that it can. Or just give up altogether and don't try anything.

ARIES MAR 21-APR 20 Don't wish away your days waiting for better ones ahead. Life is happening to you right now, so get out there and make the most of it.

VIRGO AUG 23-SEP 23 Much better to be a big fish in a small pond than a small fish in a big pond - if you can't be the biggest fish in the big pond, of course.

SAGITTARIUS NOV 23-DEC 21 If your cost of living blows any further out of control, you'll need to start selling your arse to sustain your lifestyle.

TAURUS APR 21-MAY 21 Stay focussed on the end game, and don't let the short term pain - no matter how bad it is - distract you from the ultimate goal ahead.

LIBRA SEP 24-OCT 23 Plan for a rainy day, because everyone has one eventually. Should you happen to find yourself up Shit Creek, you'll be needing a paddle.

STAR SIGNS Words Beardy from Hell

TRIVIAL TRIVIA SOLUTIONS 1. Eilleen Regina Edwards 2. True 3. Zanzibar 4. 1922 5. Red 6. Lindsay Shurey (Greens), John Wakefield (Labor) 7. Feathers 8. Thailand (168) 9. 1929 10. Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, and Zayn Malik 1





A 8






M 19









82 The Beast | November 2017





























N 11













Y 9











E 12

































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The Beast - November 2017  

The November 2017 edition of The Beast featuring Felix Riebl

The Beast - November 2017  

The November 2017 edition of The Beast featuring Felix Riebl