Tweens & Teens, published by Island Parent Group, is a valuable resource for parents and caregivers navigating the preteen and teenage years. The magazine offers insightful articles on parenting challenges, mental health, education and social issues, providing expert advice and practical tips to support youth development. It fosters a positive, informed approach to guiding young people through this transformative phase, helping parents address the unique needs of tweens and teens.
Views expressed are not necessarily those of the publisher. No material herein may be reproduced without the permission of the publisher.
For distribution inquiries, please email publisher@islandparent.ca
Let Your Teen Convince You
It’s hard to negotiate with a teen when they don’t even like the sound of your voice. Even your breathing can be annoying, so how on earth are you going to get to the brainstorming phase of resolving an issue?
When my daughter was 15, she announced to me that she wanted to go to a party where there were drugs and alcohol and no adults. Gulp! At this point, after years of parenting her, I knew that this persistent young woman wouldn’t go along with anything that 1) threatened her autonomy and 2) was about my fear and needs. Actually, she was completely allergic to my needs and thought I was a paranoid freak.
Thanks to having just taught a conflict resolution workshop the night before, I blurted out, “What about this is important to you?”
Meanwhile my heart was pounding and I felt like saying, “Are you nuts? What makes you think I’d say yes to anything like this?”
She told me about all the cool people that would be there and that she was excited to be invited. I knew I had to listen to her and do my best to hold up her needs because this really was important to her.
Any time we discuss a prickly issue with our kids, we have to connect with their feelings and needs first. For one thing, it role models respectful communication and it also takes them out of feeling defensive.
If they know you at least understand how they feel and why they feel that way, they might be interested in seeing the discussion through to the end. That doesn’t mean that they stand and listen to you pontificate, lecture or moralize! It means that you might have the chance to briefly explain what your needs are and how you feel.
I told my daughter that I was concerned about the situation and how it could get out of control. I let her know that her safety and wellbeing were important to me. Naturally, she rolled her eyes, but that I could ignore. She most likely wanted to hear some form of protest or concern from me because she knew that her annoying mother cares for her.
We stood there staring at each other. I couldn’t think clearly
because it seemed like this wasn’t going to end well until, out of my mouth, popped parenting guru Barbara Coloroso’s great line, “Convince me.”
Ahh yes. My daughter wanted this freedom, why did I have to do all the work? It was up to her to convince me that she was ready for this responsibility. If you can convince me that you have a plan to stay safe and that you can handle this, I’m willing to figure this out with you.
She started coming up with some ideas.
“What else?” I asked.
Never be afraid to ask that question 10 or more times, it’s amazing what great ideas can be squeezed out of a person.
This was brainstorming at its finest because my determined daughter was able to be the boss of herself, the one person she wouldn’t argue with and who made sense to her. We actually came up with a plan that I could live with although I still wished she just wouldn’t go!
It would be nice just to say “no” and have them respect our limits, but in reality, it might not be that great after all. Don’t we want our kids to think for themselves? Did it work when our parents took all the control? How did you respond to that? I just got good at lying and climbing out the basement window. I didn’t want that for my kids but it was hard, I had no solid proof that this was the right thing to do.
Looking back now, I realize that this was one of the most important pieces to keeping my kids safe and helping them navigate through the toddler years of adulthood. I had to be their consultant, their coach, not the boss. This approach taught assertiveness and preserved a close relationship between us. It didn’t always feel right but what does when you go through some of these typical challenges of raising teens?
Dr. Allison Rees is an educator, counsellor and author of Sidestepping the Power Struggle and The Parent Child Connection. To see her course online, go to lifeseminars.com.
Helping Your Teen Land a Job
Iknow how hard it is for teens to get their first summer job. For one thing, they don’t have much experience to put on their resume.
However, the hardest part is putting themselves out there. In the world of texts and emails, most teens barely know how to talk on the phone, let alone walk up to a stranger and hand them a resume.
Last season, my teen got his first summer job bussing tables and washing dishes at an extremely busy tea shop in downtown Victoria. (If you’ve sat in that historic tea shop, you know the one I mean!)
The benefits of landing that first job were huge. We wanted him to get a
job so his entire summer wouldn’t be spent waffling between screen time and boredom. We wanted him to learn the value of money and how to balance saving with spending.
However, the most important benefits were unexpected. Max’s self-confidence and maturity grew tremendously with the responsibility. Suddenly, he was working with university students who were thinking about the cost of rent and food, which made him think more seriously about his future. He learned to pace himself through a very busy day. And we got to enjoy some delicious leftover pastries—every job has its perks!
RULES
There are government employment rules that limit how much teens can work and what they are allowed to do. It is much easier to get a job for teens that are over the age of 16. There are strict employment rules for teens younger than that. However, many people, including my son, get their first job before they’re 16.
Here are a few of the rules for hiring teens aged 13 to 15:
• There are limits on how much they can work. For example, they cannot work more than four hours on a school day or more than seven hours on a non-school day.
• They can only do light work.
• Teens must be under the direct supervision of someone who is at least 19 years old.
• Once the teens turn 16, they have all the same employment rules as adults.
For more details, check out the BC rules for hiring young people at gov.bc.ca
FIRST STEPS
It’s hard for your teen to fill out a resume if they haven’t had a job but no one expects teens to have long resumes. A single page is sufficient. They can share where they go to school, what grade they’re in and any schoolbased achievements or activities.
Extracurriculars and volunteer activities all count as experience. If they don’t have a lot of extracurricular activities, make a section titled “Interests” instead. This is another way for teens to show potential employers they are engaged and interested in their community.
Here are a few ways for teens to gain experience for their resume:
• Volunteer: There are many places to volunteer in our community, so let them choose something they are interested in. Volunteer positions are also a great way to get references.
• Junior camp counsellor: Many larger summer camp organizations have a junior counsellor program. These can be volunteer-based (like Science Ventures) or paid programs.
• Training programs and certificates: Food Safe is a $20 program that students can do online. Community centres often offer babysitting programs. High schools sometimes offer low-cost or free programs like basic First Aid and Food Safe.
TAKE THE PLUNGE
Probably the biggest challenge for most teens is the actual application process. It’s hard to put yourself out there with strangers. Some companies, like McDonalds and grocery stores, offer online applications.
However, teens who haven’t already got a work-based reference on their resume will do better with in-person applications. This allows potential employers to assess the maturity of a 15-year-old applicant prior to the interview process.
Here are some tips for getting a reluctant teen to hand out their resume:
• Print off four resumes to hand out every Saturday until they start getting interviews.
• Walk with them to the stores and wait outside while they hand in their resume. Then ask them how it went and help them refine their process.
• The first few resumes will be the hardest, so don’t hand out a resume at their favourite locations until they’ve practiced a few times elsewhere.
• If they are reluctant, add a financial incentive. In my son’s case, he wanted to go on a school trip. We agreed to sign him up, only if he paid for half of the cost by getting a summer job.
Emillie Parrish loves having adventures with her two busy children.
No Wrong Decisions
Letting our adolescents make their own choices
I’ve made a lot of what most people would say were mistakes in my life. I’ve had bad perms, questionable boyfriends and dreadful jobs. But I was raised with the theory that there are no wrong decisions, just different life experiences.
My dad used to say when faced with a “Y” in the road, going down one path will get you blackberries and going down the other will get you raspberries.
Now a parent of teenagers myself, I’m learning that this fruit analogy is useful in raising thoughtful, critical thinkers. What we often think of as mistakes are just the results of our decisions that we must live with and learn from.
I was 21 years old when I asked my dad to “loan” me money to buy a plane ticket to Korea. I had no means to pay him back. I had just graduated from college and was ready to start my career as a dental assistant. I knew nothing about Korea, but my new boyfriend was moving there to teach English and urged me to go along.
Two things had been true up until that point: I wanted to travel, and I always had a boyfriend. Combining the two felt like a great opportunity. I got the “loan” and bought the ticket, but as the departure date approached, I started to have doubts. I had no interest in Korea as a country and my college diploma did not qualify me to teach English there. A little belated, I started to ask myself some important questions: Why did I want to go to Korea? What was I hoping to gain from the experience?
Two weeks before I was set to leave, I drove to my hometown to welcome home my stepsister. She had spent a year in Argentina as a Rotary exchange student and was different: confident, glowing, emboldened. I felt clear for the first time since I’d bought my ticket—I wanted to feel like my sister did. I had answered my own question, but the answer wasn’t ideal because my ticket, which had cost about the same as my first car, was non-refundable. And I no longer had an apartment or a job.
In a panic, I called my dad and begged him to tell me what to do. Instead, he helped me weigh my options, reminding me that I was young and relatively free and that it would never be easier to travel and have adventures.
On the other hand, I had a good life waiting in Victoria. Korea was blackberries. Victoria was raspberries. I cancelled my ticket, said goodbye to my boyfriend and started my life in Victoria.
I have a teenager now and I understand how difficult it is to let her make her own decisions, especially when I think I know what’s best for her.
Recently, she had to choose between fun and responsibility. Her high school basketball team’s wrap-up party was on the same night that her other basketball team was playing in the semi-finals of a tournament.
My daughter had worked hard all season and deserved to celebrate with her school team. On the other hand, she had made a commitment to her other team, and they needed her. The FOMO was real, but so was the reality of letting her team down.
I did what my dad had done with me. I highlighted the two options and the possible outcomes of each choice, and I let her choose. My daughter decided to forgo the party and play in the game, joining the school party for what remained of it.
I’d like to think that she had a moment of clarity about her personal values and insight into her character, but I wouldn’t know. Like many teenagers, she only comes out of her bedroom to eat or ask for money or a ride. But I do know she learned something about herself and that, thankfully, this can’t be another thing she blames me for.
I eventually made it to Europe and travelling was every bit as wonderful as I had imagined all those years ago.
When we trust ourselves, and our children, to make informed decisions, we clarify what matters the most to us, and that can never be wrong.
Most decisions involve some type of compromise. There are costs and benefits to everything, which my dad can confirm because I still haven’t paid him back for the ticket.
Sarah Le Masurier is a working mother, writer and consumer of coffee and books—in that order. She writes about the messy and real parts of parenting and reveals her underbelly in her words. You can read more of Sarah’s writing at sarahseitz.ca.
Overcoming the Teen Consumer Craze
Oh, the joys of parenting in the TikTok era!
“But Mom,” my almost 11-year-old daughter wails, eyes wide and pleading, “Everyone has it! I’ll be the only one without the holographic glitter lip gloss!”
And just like that, I’m transported back to my own pre-teen years, the memory of teenage angst still buzzing inside of me. I remember the agonizing pressure to fit in, the constant bombardment of “must-haves” from magazines and music videos. It was brutal back in the ’90s, and scarily, it seems much more intense now.
It might be expensive Sephora makeup
they’ve seen on TikTok or a name-brand hoodie they claim is a “must-have.”
But what happens when your tween or teen asks for something with a price tag that makes you flinch, or doesn’t align with your family’s values?
As a mom who’s navigated these stormy waters more times than I can count, I’m here to share some survival tips—because let’s face it, trends come and go, but sanity is forever.
Understand the Trend’s Appeal
Before you respond to your child’s request, take a moment to understand why they want the item.
Is it because a lot of their peers have it? Does it offer some sort of social status or is it perceived as a “cool” factor? Is it something they genuinely find interesting or useful?
Ask a few questions, like “What do you like about it?” or “Is there a reason this is so popular right now?”
Understanding why my kid wants something is half the battle for me. She’s not just being materialistic—she is trying to fit in, explore her identity and find her place in this crazy, trend-driven world. Once I see where she is coming from, it’s easier to respond with empathy.
Utilize the “Wait & See” Method
The classic waiting game still works—sometimes. When my daughter first begged for a certain brand of $50 water bottle (you know the one!), I didn’t say yes or no—I just said, “Let’s wait a week and see if you still want it.”
Spoiler alert: By the end of the week, she’d already moved on to something else. Trends have a way of losing their sparkle when you’re not caught up in the hype. So, if you’re not
This compromise shows your child that you’re willing to listen to what they want and respect what they like without giving in to every expensive demand.
Focus on Non-Material Values
In a world that often equates possessions with self-worth, it’s crucial to emphasize non-material values. Remind your kids that their friendships, talents and kindness mat-
can help them understand why certain items might not fit into the family’s financial picture and empower them to make more informed decisions in the future.
Relate the cost of the item to money they have earned or received in the past. I often remind my daughter that the “fortune” she received from her grandparents in her last birthday card only equals half of the cost of the shoes she wants to buy.
Beginner Tips for Exploring Sustainability & Environmentalism
Exploring sustainability and environmentalism can be a great way for the whole family to connect over the common goal of caring for our planet. While it may seem overwhelming to make big changes, taking small steps and building momentum can make an incredible difference over time.
Approaching eco-friendly practices with curiosity and an openminded attitude will benefit you and your family and help make loving our planet more interesting and fun.
An integral part of a family’s sustainability journey—that feels natural and sticks—involves open-ended questions and mindful discussion about the world around us, as well as learning and trying new things.
GET OUT
Maybe you or your children are already avid walkers, hikers or outdoor swimmers—whether you spend a lot of time outside with your family or not, having intentional nature visits with conversation about how we connect with our world can begin to grow your child’s desire to protect and respect our environment.
Try walking through a green space and chatting about the beauty that surrounds us, the importance of nature in our lives and the ecosystems that support our food systems and our wellbeing. When we introduce these conversations and practices, not only do we feel more inclined to protect our environment, but we also enjoy the added benefits of physical activity and family time in fresh air.
ASK QUESTIONS
At the grocery store or shopping mall, begin to consider what chain of events took place to get the item to the store shelf. When your kids are with you, ask questions out loud about the items you are browsing. Talk about where the product came from, who and what was involved in making it, how far it had to travel and how much packaging surrounds it. By starting to ponder these factors, you are priming yourself and your family to make more mindful and environmentally friendly purchases.
Beginning this dialogue helps us to make positive product swaps, build lasting change and train our minds to shop in a more sustainable way over time.
BE THRIFTY
Visit a thrift store, or consignment store, and see what sort of treasures you can find. While it may not be realistic to do all your shopping at the thrift store, a trip there easily allows for the discussion of consumption—how much “stuff” we all buy, how much we use it and where it can end up.
These conversations can develop into a deeper understanding of consumerism and encourage us to think before we buy, which over time, can help us and our children make better decisions. When you’re at the second-hand store, try picking some items out for an upcycling craft. There’s often a treasure trove of unused yarns, magazines for collages and paintable wooden items. You and your child will feel a sense of pride for turning something old into something new!
MAKE IT FUN
Take some time to learn and try new things! A fun and easy way to make a positive impact on the world around us is to enjoy a trip to the library for environmentally focused reading material or spend an hour or two every week streaming age-appropriate documentaries. Eat at a restaurant that uses locally sourced produce, enjoy a local plant-based bakery or café or visit an artisan market—it can be an engaging and multi-sensory learning experience about reducing our footprint, while supporting great businesses close to home. You’ll be surprised at the ideas and conversations these activities can spark.
SUSTAINABILITY AT HOME
Lessons about sustainability don’t necessarily require leaving the house. Exploring the home together using the lens of environmental sustainability can get everyone involved in the chores and improve family habits. For example, try analyzing the current compost, recycling and waste setup you have. This exercise teaches our youth about what items go in the trash, and what can get recycled or composted, and they may feel empowered to reduce waste. Simple family goals of turning lights off when leaving a room, always bringing along reusable mugs and water bottles or cooking food from scratch, can be a great way to build momentum.
Striving for sustainability comes with some effort and a learning curve, but by implementing these simple practices, and enjoying the process step-by-step, we can create lasting and meaningful change. Youth who learn to appreciate nature and take care with their habits grow into adults who are environmental stewards.
Taking simple steps at a comfortable pace allows us to enjoy the beginning of a sustainability journey while connecting and learning with our loved ones.
Kellen Hollier is a mom of two who loves psychology, animals and having fun outdoors. She is a graduate of the Camosun College Arts & Sciences program and enjoys writing about her parenting experiences.
4 Conversations to Have About Social Media
Older kids and teens spend more time using digital devices and social media than ever before. The increase in screen time causes many parents and caregivers to worry about how kids’ online activities are affecting their physical, mental and emotional health.
A healthy relationship with screens depends on the types of activities kids are doing online as well as balancing screen time with other activities like sleep, connecting with family and friends, exercise and time outdoors. Screen time limits for older kids and teens can be helpful—but how they are using screens (versus for how long) is even more important. Plus, family conflicts over screen time may be more harmful to children’s mental health than the screen time itself.
Try the tips and questions below to start conversations with your kids about their screen time habits.
1. Show interest in what they’re doing online.
Try not to be judgmental about what kids and teens do online. If they sense you’re truly interested, they’ll be more open to sharing. If your older child or teen is reluctant to talk about what they’re doing online, try signing up for one of the popular platforms (TikTok, Snapchat, etc.), then ask them to teach you how to use it. Understanding what kids and teens are doing online is the first step in guiding them toward healthy experiences.
Ask:
• What’s your favourite app or game right now?
• Can you show me how it works?
• What’s something you like about it? Why?
• (For social platforms) What are your favourite accounts or people to follow?
2. Help them recognize their screen time habits.
Sometimes the habits kids have with their devices aren’t the best for their health. The same goes for adults, too!
Maybe screen time interferes with sleep, relationships or learning. Talk about how we can use our devices in ways that feel in balance with other parts of life. Share your own habits as examples to get the conversation going.
Ask:
• What are some of our family’s habits with devices like phones or TV? (Share a few examples, like checking your phone when you wake up, or playing video games before bed.)
• Do any of our habits get in the way of things like sleep, spending time with friends and family or getting outside?
• Are there any habits we should try to change? Why or why not?
• Can you think of any specific times we could take breaks from our devices?
3. Talk about their emotional health.
Help older kids and teens recognize how online activities make them feel. Many teens turn to social media and online resources for mental health support and to connect with friends. However, social media can also have negative effects on some teens, especially girls and teens experiencing depression.
Ask:
• How do you feel when you’re on social media?
• Do you ever feel uncomfortable, worried, sad or anxious? If yes: What makes you feel that way?
• Do you ever feel like you’ve spent too much time online? If yes: When? If no: Why not?
• Do you ever feel pressured to be online? If yes: When do you feel pressured? Why? If no: Why not?
4. Talk about what to do when they have negative feelings or want to set new screen time habits.
Talk through different strategies kids can try when they notice themselves feeling uncomfortable, worried, sad or anxious when they’re online. And remind them that they can always come to you (or another trusted adult) if they need help.
Ask:
• Have you ever set time limits for yourself when you’re online? If yes: How did that go? If no: Do you want to try it? I could help.
• Are there ways to connect with your friends in person more often to take the pressure off being online all the time?
• Do you know how to block someone on your favourite apps? If no: Can we look together and figure out how?
Common Sense Media offers the largest, most trusted library of independent age-based ratings and reviews. Our timely parenting advice supports families as they navigate the challenges and possibilities of raising kids in the digital age.
TOO MUCH, TOO SOON?
When and how to talk to your kids
Aabout sexuality
common fear parents, families and caregivers have is that talking to our kids about sexuality at younger ages exposes them to more information than they are ready for. In the two decades I have taught sexual health education, I have had more than a handful of parents hold their breath while bashfully confessing that they are reluctant to have “the talk” with their kids because they are worried that it’s “too much, too soon.”
This reluctance is usually rooted in the fear that providing kids with honest, appropriate information creates curiosity and threatens their innocence. Time for a big sigh of relief because global research has repeatedly proven the opposite to be true! When children are given access to accurate information that supports their specific stage of development, they gain the ability to comfortably understand and accept themselves and use this knowledge to make positive decisions throughout their lifetime.
One of the most helpful ways to move through feelings of reluctance is to leave behind the idea of “the talk” as a singular event, and approach these conversations (yes, plural!) as a collection of mini talks that will blend together over the years to form a solid foundation.
PRESCHOOL
Preschool kids are comfortable and curious learners; they are keen to learn because they are full of curiosity, imagination and energy, which helps them soak up the information without feeling shy or embarrassed. Begin with accurate language for all body parts, especially the genitals. It is easiest and most natural to use the accurate language with them when we help them with toileting and bathing—using a simple phrase such as “let’s use this cloth to clean the outside of your vulva/penis.” It is also essential, as we prepare them to be in the company and care of others, that we teach them they are in charge of their own body and who they decide to share it with. This means they get to choose who they share affection (hugs and kisses) with as do others with them. This helps them begin to make the connections between choice and boundary setting (or consent) that is an integral life-long skill.
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
One of the principles our elementary-aged kids need to have role-modelled and understand is respect for difference and diversity, including body size and shape, dress, sexual orientation and gender diversity. If they do not yet, they will come to know diverse peers, families, educators and teammates. If kids are taught to expect diversity from a young age, it’s more likely they will respect and welcome difference rather than fear it.
Elementary kids have the need to understand basic human development, including puberty and reproduction. Every young person should be given the opportunity to understand how their body and the bodies of others grow and change over time, including those with a different assigned sex than theirs. We lay the groundwork for puberty in early elementary when we define puberty simply as growth and change from a child to an adult. As they head towards later elementary, we begin to discuss portions of the puberty process more specifically to encourage comfort, empathy and confidence.
As our kids finish elementary school, we’re going to build on our mini talks and start to observe their friendships because these relationships become increasingly important in their lives. These friendships provide a great opportunity to help
our kids develop and practice healthy skills such as consent, compassion and patience.
MIDDLE SCHOOL
Likely, as they head into and through middle school, many of our kids may be developing crushes. During middle school, as their adult champions, we need to chat with them more about the specific changes that come along with puberty such as sexual feelings, questions about identity and orientation, strategies for managing those queries and where/who to go in their community for support. It is always a good idea to remind middle-schoolers that the minority of youth in BC are sexually active because it requires a lot of maturity and responsibility, which they are still developing.
Be direct in telling them, when/if they have questions, that you want them to come to you or to another safe, trusted adult.
Start from where your kids are developmentally and, as always, within the context of your family, cultural and religious values. Take a deep breath and trust that you know your kids, your culture and your faith best.
Jennifer Gibson, MA, is also known as “The Sex Lady” to the thousands of amazing youth and adults she is lucky to educate and learn with through her job as the Coordinator of Community Education at Island Sexual Health. She is passionate about making sexuality education as positive, fun and non-cringe-able as possible.
Have I Taught Them Enough?
Life skills your teen should know before leaving home
My oldest son turned 18 last week, which precipitated a deep moment of reflection for this mama. Have I taught him enough?
I have spent the last 18 years teaching him how to be kind, motivated, self-assured and resourceful. He is all these things. Yet now I wonder if he has the necessary skills to survive in the big wide world. He is a fantastic kid, but what does he need to learn about life to be a successful adult?
In truth, there are still lessons to be learned. Values I have modelled but intend to be more explicit about. I’ve narrowed my intentions down to two themes: Financial and Emotional Literacy.
We all must budget (and no, it’s never fun). Unfortunately, this lesson may come with a heaping spoonful of tough love. The time has come when I need to stop swooping in to make my son’s life easier. If he’s financially stretched, the discomfort will force him to analyze the choices he has made and re-evaluate his priorities. Every time I lend him money, I am robbing him of this vital self-reflection. If that means he must take the bus because he can’t afford gas that week, perhaps the inconvenience will inspire him to change his financial behaviour.
Plan now for your future. My husband and I have always been transparent with our children about the need to create passive income
1. Financial Literacy
What we want (and even what we can afford) is not always in our best interest. Many teenagers spend money as quickly as they earn it. Understandable! It’s exciting to be earning for the first time. Upon young adulthood, however, I hope my son begins to think towards his future financial goals. I want him to realize the power of making sacrifices in the present to benefit the future. Choose the vehicle or the college that won’t plunge you into debt. Learn to buy clothes in a vintage shop or forgo your daily latte to save a few dollars.
through smart investments. We’ve advised that our kids spend half and save half of whatever they earn. So far, they’ve used those savings indulgently every so often. However, now that my son is 18, we are encouraging him to open a Tax Free Savings Account and buy some stock options. If we had this foresight at his age, we would have achieved financial freedom much sooner.
2. Emotional Literacy
You deserve joy (but will experience all the other emotions along the way). The people you choose to spend your time with should lift you up, not leave you depleted. The
career you choose to follow should make you feel happy and fulfilled. Will you feel amazing all the time? No! Sometimes we need the darkness to point us towards the light, so use those difficult seasons to re-evaluate your choices and think about what doesn’t align with who you are and who you want to be. Don’t be afraid to let go of dreams, ideas and relationships which no longer serve you.
Create a community of care. No one can survive life by going alone, but relationships take effort. Let people know they are important and that you care. The investment of time, care and support you invest in relationships will come back to you exponentially. And don’t be afraid to ask for help. Letting others know you need them is a sign of strength and wisdom.
Just keep moving forward. Upon his graduation from high school, almost every person followed their congratulations with a question about what comes next. College? Career? Travel? The pressure we put on young adults to have life figured out is ridiculous! The advice I gave my son is to “keep swimming.” Accept that job. Take a course. Find a new hobby. The more he experiences, the more he will learn about himself, and each step will take him closer to building a life he feels wildly excited about. Being a young adult is all about exploration, which means we can’t be afraid of making mistakes. Fail. Learn. Try again.
Don’t be in a rush to grow up. As someone who abided by “the plan”—moved out at 18, married early, had children young—I regret not having fun as a young adult. I remind my son often that his 20s are for having adventures, seeing the world and making memories. Rent/ mortgage, groceries, family... those things will still be a part of his future and he will appreciate them so much more after experiencing freedom and exploration.
Kelly Cleeve is a lecturer at the University of British Columbia in the Faculty of Education. Though she is a passionate author and speaker, her most important role is parenting two beautiful teenagers who constantly keep her on her toes.
