FREE
YOUR MAG. YOUR VOICE.
GET AN
ICONIC
LOOK
AT A SE C
OND HA
usu Students’Association at Unitec
ND PRI
CE
N O C I N A E M O C E B TEN WAYS TO + MASCOT G IN S IS M A F O S G IN MUS
MARDI GRAS USU PRESENTS
WAR M U P PA RT Y FRIDAY 17 JUNE 8PM CARRINGTON’S PUMPHOUSE LIMITED $5 PRESALE TICKETS AT USU RECEPTION (BLDG 180) OR ONLINE AT DASHTICKETS.CO.NZ (BOOKING FEE APPLIES) $10 DOOR SALES R18 EVENT
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CONTENTS MONDAY, 16TH MAY 2011
FEATURES 16
12
Ten Ways to Become an Icon
Musings of a Missing Mascot
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i
REGULARS
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Iconic Look for a Second Hand Price
con
5 Editorial 6 Pete’s Tirade 7 Rate My Course Update 8 News 10 Google Prompts 11 Caption Contest 14 Grad Profile: Joseph Harper 15 Musical Notes: J Geek 19 A Cynic’s Waffling 19 Second Time Around 23 Kiwis Can Fly 24 For the Love of Balls 25 IN UNISOuNd 26 Reviews 28 The Pie Guy 28 Bargain Bottles 29 Dear Barbie 29 Recipes 30 What’s On 31Horoscopes NEXT ISSUE: The Creative Issue, out 30th May 2011 EDITORIAL INQUIRES ph. (09) 815 4321
ext 7927 inunison@unitec.ac.nz ADVERTISING INQUIRES ph. (09) 815
4321 ext 7384 usuadvertising@unitec.ac.nz
EDITOR: Ashley Smith GRAPHIC DESIGN: Mark Lovatt SUB EDITOR: Nathan Calis
Disclaimer Opinions expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the publishers. Submissions and contributors are welcome, but the publisher reserves the right to select and edit the material submitted. Materials submitted will remain property of the publisher unless alternative arrangements are made.
CONTRIBUTORS: Pete Hodkinson, Saru Krishnasamy, Kimberlee Downs, Zephir Delamore, Ele De Vere, Jeneya Johnston, Angela March, Max-William Thorpe, Saraid Cameron, Bruce Lightfoot, Ross Yearbury, Kendra Oxley, Natalie Clarke, Kristine Aitchison
The USU AnnUAl
Student experience
(mini!) Survey Help improve your student experience And you could
Win An ipHOne 4 or 1 of 10 $100 petrol voucHers! you’ve got until June 10 to Jump onto tHe us u website And give us tHe low do wn on tHe student ex perience.
usu Students’Association at Unitec
www.usu.co.nz
IN UNISON
EDITORIAL
LETTERS
TO THE EDITOR
“
It seems that now-a-days, anyone with a Macbook and some extra time on their hands can make themselves into an instant imagery icon by playing around with photo booth.
“
POODLE SKIRTS. THE APPLE MAC SYMBOL. Marilyn Monroe. What do these three things have in common? They’re all icons of course! Icons seem to come in all sorts of forms these days. You have your computer generated icons, which we also came to acknowledge as “Emoticons”. You have symbols and relics representative of a time in history—hence the poodle skirt. Then you also have iconic people. This requires a significant amount of status and representation to achieve. But you’re catching my drift…an “icon” can be a whole slew of things. This got me to wondering…what exactly IS an icon? It seems that now-a-days, anyone with a Macbook and some extra time on their hands can make themselves into an instant imagery icon by playing around with photo booth. So what differentiates the true icons from the phonies? I stumbled upon a few different definitions for “icon”. These are some of my favourites: Icon noun \ī-kän\: An object of uncritical devotion. This is true isn’t it? Think about your own favourite icon. Your vision of them is untainted and undisturbed. Icons seem to reach a point of invincibility against the eye of their beholders. For example, no matter what you tell me about Audrey Hepburn, it will only strengthen my adoration for her. Friend: “But…Audrey Hepburn was a crack head.” Me: “Oh…that’s SOOO Audrey!” Icon noun [ahy-kon] a representation of some sacred personage, as Christ or a saint or angel, painted usually on
a wood surface and venerated itself as sacred. Fair enough. Jesus Christ is just about the ultimate icon. Slap his face on the front of ANYTHING and you’ve created an air of instant sanctification. That’s some real icon status right there. Nice work Jesus. Lastly, I found a critique on the overuse of the word “icon” in the Liverpool Daily. Along with “amazing”, the words have sickening usage rates that have weakened their meanings. The Liverpool Daily determined that as soon as “Spongebob Squarepants” had been dubbed an icon, they lost all hope and respect for the word. Needless to say, icons are fun. They are images holding a strong meaning that anyone can identify with. So rather than try to distinguish the good from the bad, I’ll just let icons be icons, and bygones be bygones. Ashley Smith 2011 Editor
Letters should be 250 words or less. You MUST include your real name, phone number and address so we don’t get sued (we won’t print them if you don’t want us to). We won’t spell-check it, but we might edit, abridge, or decline it without explanation.Send letters to: inunison@unitec.ac.nz or, USU Students’ Association, Builing 180, 139 Carrington Road Auckland
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IN UNISON
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EXECUTIVE
PETE IS CURRENTLY ON HOLIDAY WITH A GROUP IN EGYPT where he is on a tour with a researcher who studies the conspiracies of ancient Egypt. Pete isn't here to write his regular tirade, but these postcards will make up for it!
2011 USU EXECUTIVE
Shaun Overton General Executive Member Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz
Natasha Donaldson General Executive Member Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz
Seyed Ali Derhamy General Executive Member Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz
Chantelle Francis General Executive Member Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz
Karan Jatakia International Representative Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz
Johnny “Hoani’”Hettig Maori Representative Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz
Umar Ayub Postgraduate Representative Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz
Jenine Kendale Finance Officer Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usufinanceofficer@unitec.ac.nz
Shannon Pennefather Vice President Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 7929 Email: usuvp@unitec.ac.nz
Pete Hodkinson Student President Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 7929 Email: usupresident@unitec.ac.nz
IN UNISON RATE MY COURSE
mpus a C e r e i Ta k T h e Wa
l a i C spe
n o i T C ele
RATE MY COURSE
WWW.RATEMYCOURSE.C O.NZ RATE MY COURSE gives students at Unitec the opportunity to say what they think about the teaching, assessments, workload and resources available to them in their courses. Students rate their courses according to these four things and the total of all courses within a programme makes up the programme score. We’ll be keeping an eye on what students think of their courses over the rest of the semester. Don’t agree with the ratings? Make sure you jump on and rate your course yourself! Or if you have rated it already and have changed your mind – don’t forget, you can log back in and change your rating. 1 in 10 people who rate their course will win a $20 Westfield Voucher!
The biggest satisfaction rating improvement for this period is the Bachelor of Applied Technology by 14% Bachelor Courses (full course list and ratings at www.ratemycourse.co.nz)
Tuesday 14 June
Be There
To voTe
fo r yo ur n eW Wai Ta ke re re p!
-3
BACHELOR OF ARCHITECTURAL STUDIES
+1
BACHELOR OF APPLIED SCIENCE (NATURAL SCIENCES)
APRIL 29 88% MAY 11 87%
APRIL 29 82% MAY 11 83%
+2
BACHELOR OF SOCIAL PRACTICE
APRIL 29 75% MAY 11 77%
+2
BACHELOR OF TEACHING (EARLY CHILDHOOD)
APRIL 29 74% MAY 11 76%
-2
BACHELOR OF SPORT
-1
BACHELOR OF NURSING
APRIL 29 77% MAY 11 75% APRIL 29 76% MAY 11 75%
NC BACHELOR OF BUSINESS
APRIL 29 74% MAY 11 74%
+2
BACHELOR OF PERFORMANCE AND SCREEN ARTS
APRIL 29 71% MAY 11 73%
Gi ve Wa iTa ke re Ca mp us
a voiCe free BBQ from 12-1pm
usu Students’Association at Unitec
+14 BACHELOR OF APPLIED TECHNOLOGY
APRIL 29 57% MAY 11 71%
-2
BACHELOR OF COMMUNICATION
+1
BACHELOR OF COMPUTING SYSTEMS
APRIL 29 72% MAY 11 70% APRIL 29 68% MAY 11 69%
-4
BACHELOR OF DESIGN AND VISUAL ARTS
-7
BACHELOR OF LANDSCAPE ARCHITECTURE
-6
BACHELOR OF HEALTH SCIENCE (MEDICAL IMAGING)
APRIL 29 73% MAY 11 68% APRIL 29 74% MAY 11 67% APRIL 29 72% MAY 11 66%
NC BACHELOR OF APPLIED SCIENCE (HUMAN BIOLOGY)
APRIL 29 59% MAY 11 59%
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IN UNISON
NEWS
THIS DAY IN HISTORY Spanish bullfighter Joselito is fatally gored fighting his last bull
1920
1929
1st Academy Awards
Students May Need To Think Ahead To 2013 By Ashley Smith
UNITEC IS CURRENTLY DISCUSSING THE ARRANGEMENT OF THE 2013 UNITEC ACADEMIC CALENDAR. Since 2006, Unitec
has aligned its holidays with the schedule of the primary school holidays. The reason for this being: students that are parents are able to stay home with their children rather than pay for childcare. This massive scheduling decision is currently based around the large parent-student demographic at Unitec. Accordingly, if Unitec were to follow these same scheduling patterns, in 2013, the mid –year break would extend from its usual 3 weeks into 4 weeks. This may sound like good news, meaning an extra long holiday, but there are many factors to be considered. One of the most important regarding student allowances. Studylink currently grants student allowance for breaks of up to three weeks in length. If a four week holiday were passed for 2013, students receiving allowance would have to arrange a move to the student hardship for the last week of holiday. Unemployment hardship requires a one
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
week stand down period, which can lead to an administrative nightmare. There are a few options to be considered. First, being that Unitec continues to directly align itself with the holiday schedule of the primary schools. This decision would be in consideration of the students with children. Otherwise, the children would have an extra week of holiday while their parents returned back to class. Unitec could also choose to follow the primary school holiday schedule as closely as possible, with some concessions such as keeping the mid-year break to three weeks, in order to preserve academic integrity. Another option is to disregard the primary school schedule and plan Unitec holidays based on academic need. The existing schedule allows for sixteen weeks in semester 2, six of those falling after the mid-semester break. Of those six weeks, two are allotted for study, and one for exams. This leaves only three weeks of teaching and learning for the second half of semester 2, which has become
Tomasz Urynowicz, 37, from Poland, is trying to arrange a marriage to one the paintings in his collection. He claims to have fallen in love with the painting’s subject.
A gym in Spain, “Easy Gym” in Arrigorriaga, is now offering naked workouts for the nudists in the area who put out a high demand for the service.
troublesome for students in the past. The end of semester 2 is where a large amount of the work load falls. Trying to condense such a heavy work load into three weeks time is causing a considerable amount of student and staff stress. The last consideration to the academic schedule is the end of the year. Unitec has consistently finished term about two weeks after other Universities. This year, the last day of exams falls on December 2nd. University of Auckland finishes on November 14, and AUT on November 11. The concern has been raised that by having a delayed start and finish to the academic year, Unitec students are at a disadvantage when competing for summer jobs. If a 4 week mid year break were to occur, the conclusion of the school year would only be held back further. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR FEEDBACK concerning the arrangement of the academic calendar, please contact Gemma Skipper at usueducation@unitec. ac.nz.
A swarm of termites had a very expensive snack managing to munch through 10 million rupees ($222,000) in currency notes stored in a steel chest at a bank in Northern India
IN UNISON NEWS
1977
Muhammad Ali beats Alfredo Evangelist in 15 for heavyweight boxing title
Michael Jordan named NBA Rookie of Year
1985
2010
Lack of Student Voice on Local Board By Kimberlee Downs
FOR MOST STUDENTS, politics and local board meetings are not exactly a priority. But the Albert-Eden local board – whose ward includes Unitec’s Mount Albert campus - is looking to buck that trend, urging more students to have their say in community processes by making public submissions. The issue was raised at the board’s meeting on May 4,and the board’s chairman, Peter Haynes, says they are “desperately interested” in what people have to say. Mr Haynes says they have even started a Facebook page in a bid to boost interest – although at the time this article was written, the page had zero “likes”. “University students haven’t turned out, and that’s because the idea of attending public meetings is probably not something that appeals to that generation,” he says. He adds there is a certain historic scepticism involved with local board meetings, but that they are now looking for more active engagement and ideas for the community. USU’s Student Rep Coordinator, Gemma Skipper, says any lack of involvement A Fashion student is designing a pair of couture high heels that are made entirely out of cheese.
could be because of students’ ages and a lack of information. “There's some murkiness around what local boards actually do… and if their feedback will hold any weight.” She adds participation in the community is something students should consider – but that they are not the only ones with a role to play. “Students should be encouraged to be actively involved, but a board should be clear on the kind of feedback it’s looking for, treat students as equal participants and value their input.” Mr Haynes says all Auckland boards are still looking at establishing the Super City, and will be drafting and consolidating multiple plans for it throughout the year. He says while there is a concern Aucklanders may develop “consultation fatigue”, what is more worrying is that the “vast majority of residents are not directly involved” in the board’s operations. And while Mr Haynes concedes they are “yet to crack” the difficult task of sparking students’ interest, he is not giving up, and intends to visit the Unitec campus in the near future.
Castelar Cairo, Cuban cigar roller just topped his own record for longest home-rolled cigar at 268 feet long!
Ex South Korean President, Roh Tae-woo , was just released from the hospital where he was having an acupuncture needle removed from his lung!
A 5.8 magnitude earthquake is felt on
The VSM Update by Saru Krishnasamy PARLIAMENT ROSE ON MAY 5 without reaching a decision on whether joining student unions would remain compulsory for university students. The house rose at 9.56 pm, interrupting the committee stage debate for the controversial Education (Freedom of Association) Amendment Bill. Currently, student union joining fees are included in yearly tertiary fees. The bill aims to change this so students can choose whether or not they fork out to join a student union. A large number of student related activities and services are tied up in student unions, along with many jobs. Act MP Heather Roy, who is responsible for the bill said the freedom of students is being violated when they are not able to choose whether they join a union or not. The bill has been supported by National and Act, and opposed by Labour and Greens. Mrs Roy said Labour is deliberately dragging out debate and abusing Parliamentary process after what occurred on May 5. Labour Chief Whip Rick Barker said the problem with the bill is that it makes voluntarism compulsory. Mr Barker says that Labour is willing to debate the bill, although it has concerns. Earlier this year, the bill was held up by three and a half hours by opposition debating a minor bill in great detail, a move that Mrs Roy described as being “petty” on Twitter.
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IN UNISON EXTRAS
Cartoons Synonymous
WITH ZEPHIR DELAMORE
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MOST ICONIC
CARS
10. 1967 Ford Mustang Shelby as made famous by: Gone in Sixty Seconds 9. 1963 Volkswagen Beetle as made famous by: The Herbie Series 8. 1969 Dodge Charger as made famous by: The Dukes of Hazzard 7. 1962 Volvo P1800 as made famous by: 60s television series, “The Saint” 6. 1955 Chevrolet 6700-series bus as made famous by: The Partridge Family
5. 1961 Ferrari 250 GT California as made famous by: Ferris Bueller’s Day Off 4. 1974 Ford Gran Torino as made famous by: Starsky and
Google Prompts Ohhh the things we Google….makes you proud, doesn’t it? Why would you ever Why would you ever see a karyotype Why would you ever use an f22 Why would you ever want to go to africa Why would you ever pay more for TV Why would you ever call a man reverend Why would you ever think Why would you ever want to wear pants Why would you ever put clippers to that face Google Search I’m Feeling Lucky
Hutch 3. 1978 Chevrolet Camaro Z28 as made famous by: Fast Times at Ridgemont High 2. 1966 Ford Thunderbird as made famous by: Thelma and Louise 1. 2003 Mini Cooper S as made famous by: The Italian Job
IN UNISON COLUMNS
VOX POPS
Caption
Competition
Q:What does it take now-a days to become an icon? “You have to be highly respected and open minded” -Crisy and Bazz
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sues Pic Last Is LAST ISSUE’S CAPTION WINNER: “The USU President has really let himself go, hasn’t he?” Submitted by: Anonymous If you submitted this caption, come claim your $10 Westfield voucher from Ashley at USU
HONOURABLE MENTIONS: “Hagrid, after the franchise is over!” “Do you take EFTPOS?”
“Be a role model” -Ivanna
“You’ve gotta have a bit of swag on you” -Nally
“To be fun and have lots of personality” -Abrar
ion contest: This weeks capt
WIN THE FAVOURITE SUBMISSION for this weeks caption contest will receive a $10 Westfield Voucher from In Unison.
Send your captions to inunison@ unitec.ac.nz or txt to 022 095 1455
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IN UNISON
FEATURE
IT WAS THE DAY OF THE GIRLS SQUASH FINALS DURING UNI GAMES. I WENT ALONG TO THE SQUASH CENTRE IN THE HOPE OF SEEING UNITEC’S LIANNA BURNETTE THRASHING MASSEY PALMY’S CHLOE MACKAY IN THE FINAL. UPON WALKING INTO THE SQUASH CENTER I SPOTTED MASSEY’S MASCOT. STANDING IN FRONT OF ME WAS A PERSON WITH A MASK ON; BUT NOT ANY MASK. THE GUY WAS WEARING A GIANT RAM HEAD ON TOP OF HIS OWN. THE RAM HAD HUGE FUCK-OFF HORNS AND WAS ABOUT AS INTIMIDATING AS A SHEEP COULD POSSIBLY BE. I SAT DOWN, IMPRESSED WITH MASSEY’S MASCOT AND THE TEAM SPIRIT THAT HAVING A MASCOT EXUDES.
IN UNISON FEATURE
A MAN IN A STRAIGHT JACKET
It is commonly known that Unitec’s Mt Albert campus, Carrington was formerly a mental hospital. This is a big part of Unitec's history, and one of the aspects that makes it uniquely different to the other institutions. With this in mind I propose that Unitec’s mascot should be a man wearing a straight jacket. Not the type you might find in the bondage area of erotica, but the type you may have seen in mental asylums, or at least in mental
asylums in the movies. The first challenge with this mascot is that it could be seen as a bit politically incorrect and insensitive. The second is that other universities may not recognize him as a mascot, and just think we’ve brought a mental patient along to Uni Games. And thirdly, you—the Unitec student—may not be very happy about the image that a mental patient portrays of you and your fellow students. In terms of my two necessary mascot qualities, this idea is perfect. As previously mentioned, the mental patient certainly represents the institution in terms of its history. And whilst you may argue that it would be neither encouraging nor intimidating, consider this: If you were playing squash and there was an evidently mentally unstable person in restraints drooling against the glass, would you be a bit intimidated? I know I would be.
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Bob certainly would not be intimidating to Unitec’s oppositions, and his encouraging quality could be arguable. However, in the right circumstances, I think he could be very encouraging. Say the men’s basketball team were playing, and were having a major meltdown. A good chant of, “Bob the [Unitec] Builder, can we fix it? Bob the [Unitec] builder, YES WE CAN”, by the mascot and the crowd and I’m almost certain it would have a profoundly positive effect on the team. I’m sure if we gave Bob a chance, I’m sure he’d nail it. Well, those are my two suggestions. InUnison would love to know what you think about these, and any ideas you might have for Unitec’s mascot. Let’s try and get one sorted by the time the Tertiary Challenge come around! Email suggestions to inunison@unitec.ac.nz
IF YOU WERE PLAYING SQUASH AND THERE WAS AN EVIDENTLY MENTALLY UNSTABLE PERSON IN RESTRAINTS DROOLING AGAINST THE GLASS, WOULD YOU BE A BIT INTIMIDATED? I KNOW I WOULD BE. BOB THE BUILDER
(in a non-copyright infringing way) Alternatively we could have Bob’s smokin’ hot friend and business partner Wendy instead. Unitec is renowned as being the place where the likes of builders and mechanics learn their trade and become qualified. It is known to be the uni you go to if you want to become a tradesman. With this in mind, I think a person dressed up as a tradesman (or woman) would be an ideal mascot for Unitec. The first problem I see here is the execution of the outfit. You would have to go with a cartoon representation of a tradesman. Otherwise, if you just throw an apron and some work clothes on a guy, the other universities are likely to assume that the venues are simply doing some renovations, unaware that he would in fact be the mascot.
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M
oments later another person walked into the squash center. He or she was dressed fully in a panda costume. As a newbie to Unitec, I wondered if this was the uni’s mascot. Surely not, I thought to myself, who on earth would choose an animal from a foreign country as their mascot? Moreover, why would you choose arguably the most lazy, fat, and incapable animal in the world? It certainly doesn’t paint a good picture of the students it represents. Don’t worry, however, Unitec students, the panda is not your Uni's mascot; simply an inside joke that was floating around the USU. In actual fact, Unitec does not have a mascot. It’s deplorable. Every organisation needs a mascot. However, very few of the Universities in New Zealand do. Kudos to Massey, who’ve sorted their shit out and displayed mascots for two of their campuses. According to my in-depth research (a quick google search using the ‘I’m feeling lucky’ button) the word mascot comes from the French word ‘mascotte’, which means lucky charm. From the military, to sports teams, to businesses, Mascots have long been used to represent groups, giving them identity and often an intimidation factor. Whilst mascots were traditionally ferocious animals, the concept of the mascot has changed to allow muppet-like characters and even human characters to be icons. For me, there are two requirements when it comes to a mascot. The first of these is that it must be in some way representative of the people or organisation it is symbolizing. Secondly, it must be either encouraging to you, intimidating to others, or both. With this in mind I have come up with some ideas for possible Unitec mascots.
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IN UNISON
GRAD PROFILE
INTRODUCING
Joseph Harper JOSEPH HARPER, A FORMER WRITER FOR IN UNISON MAGAZINE, RECENTLY DROPPED BY TO CATCH UP. JOSEPH IS PERFORMING IN THIS YEAR’S COMEDY FESTIVAL IN HIS SOLO SHOW TITLED, “BIKES I’VE OWNED VERSUS GIRLS I’VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH”. JOSEPH’S DRY HUMOUR IS APPARENT IN ALL FACETS OF HIS LIFE. HERE IS WHAT HE HAD TO SAY ABOUT LIFE SINCE UNITEC AND HIS SHOW!
How would you describe the basis of your humour? I guess sometimes the absence of humour is where the humour really is. When I first started, I decided to because I had seen a comedy act that was the worst thing ever. It was so unfunny…it was in and of itself a joke. I guess I tell autobiographical stories about being a kid. I guess there’s an element of improvisation, but I like to have my acts written. How would you describe your upcoming show for the NZ Comedy Fest in 5 words? “Stories about bikes and girls” which is basically what my show is about. I am trying to contrast my relations with bicycles to my relationships with girls. Which shows are you looking forward to seeing in the Festival? I want to see Mark Watson, this English guy, but I’m out of town
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I am trying to contrast my relations with bicycles to my relationships with girls. when he’s on. I’d also like to see Steve Ripley’s one man musical. It sounds like a really novel concept. How’s life been since Unitec? Pretty good. I was unemployed for a while, but it was fine. I still write and perform. I have a real job now working at an intermediate school, which I feel really good about doing. It’s fine. Normal. Follow Joseph on his blog at http://josephernest.blogspot. com/
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How'd you get involved in this year’s NZ comedy fest? Well I started doing stand up about two years ago. I signed up for a competition with the festival, two guys in the audience saw me perform and asked me to be a part of their show. Things kind of led from there.
IN UNISON
COLUMN THE BOSTON CELTICS are making way in the NBA play offs! BEING A MUM IN NZ, which was just ranked the 6th best place in the world to raise children “SKINS” makes it television return to FOUR
GOING DOWN
GOING UP
CHOLESTEROL LEVELS IN NZ now that the double down has hit dry land THE BEASTIE BOYS release a new album: Hot Sauce!
OSAMA BIN LADEN… enough said really DAVID HASSELHOFF is getting the boot from Simon Cowell off of Britain’s Got Talent after just two weeks FOX NEWS for accidentally pronouncing “Obama” dead rather than “Osama” CRAZY HATS as set by example of Princess Beatrice at the Royal Wedding SCARE OF NATURAL DISASTERS in Auckland after the May 3rd tornado KID ROCK is the next celebrity lined up to be "Roasted" by Comedy Central
GEEKS INTERVIEW WITH JGEEK & THE
Musical Notes
WITH JEY JOHNSTON
HE TOOK YOUTUBE BY STORM WITH HIS NUMBER ONE CHART TOPPER ‘MAORI BOY’ in late 2010, which received 100,000 hits in the
first few days and even had Souljah Boy tweeting about it! He’s worked for Disney’s Kids Channel and Vodafone Select Live, created a new genre known as “metro-Maori-electro-craze” and co-created the ‘Geeking’ movement. These days you can find him ripping up the charts and generally doing something random. Today I have the honour of chatting with Jermaine Leef aka JGeek – without a doubt NZ’s craziest Maori… Maori Boy has half a million views on YouTube, how does that feel? It feels like NOT ENOUGH! I want 2 million! But the YouTube statistics show that only NZ, Australia and a few of the islands have seen the clip, so the rest of the world is yet to see the craziest Maori electro clip out at the moment. So when they do, it’s gonna go to like… 7 million! Your representation of Maori culture differs greatly to the stereotypes. What kind of feedback have you received about this? We are just a tiny facet of the beautiful culture that we have in NZ. JGeek and the Geeks represent ourselves. We call on our Maori tikanga, Lady Gaga’s crazy fresh electro style and mix it with pop culture. One of our boys Slick is half French, I am half Portuguese but it doesn’t necessarily mean we’re out there representing it. You once worked for Disney’s Kids Channel & Vodafone Select Live on C4, what pushed you to take up music full time? I moved to Auckland and created a fake CV claiming to be a dance teacher and I landed a job with Disney and travelled around the world. Turns out I was actually a pretty good dancer! Then C4 called and asked me to host Select Live and I said HELL YEAH! We travelled to Japan and I picked up on the Harijuku style, fused it with some Maori stuff and BOOM!… JGeek & the Geeks were born!
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Sometimes we take the piss and just randomly take our shirts off in public to see peoples’ reaction. Man you should see the girls, they love us!!
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KRISTEN WIIG was acknowledged as “one of the top 3 SNL performers of all time” by Lorne Michaels
JGeek & the Geeks all have 6 packs!! What’s your secret??? YAAAAY! Laugh everyday and you will get a 6 pack. No actually, there is NO SECRET! Seriously, if you type “How to...” on Google, the first prompt says ‘How to get abs’. Click on that and it tells you. I mean, it’s pretty obvious there’s no secret. You eat good food and exercise. Sometimes we take the piss and just randomly take our shirts off in public to see peoples’ reaction. Man you should see the girls, they love us!! Check out the video clips for ‘Maori Boy’ & ‘Icky Sticky’ on YouTube and keep up to date with JGeek and The Geeks @ www.facebook. com/jgeekandthegeeks.
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IN UNISON
FEATURE
IN UNISON FEATURE
BECOMING AN ICONIC PERSON IS NOT ALWAYS AN EASY TASK. FROM BECOMING THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES LIKE BARACK OBAMA, TO BECOMING A HEROIC CAPTAIN OF A FAMOUS RUGBY TEAM LIKE RITCHIE MCCAW, A GREAT DEAL OF HARD WORK IS REQUIRED TO RECEIVE ICONIC STATUS. HOWEVER, THERE ARE EASIER WAYS TO BECOME AN ICON. HERE ARE MY TOP TEN WAYS TO BECOME A WORLD ICON. 1. BECOME A VIRAL INTERNET SENSATION Featuring in a YouTube movie that then goes viral is one of the best ways to fast track yourself to iconic status. The ever-irritating Rebecca Black is probably the most noteworthy example of recent times, with her song Friday. After seven weeks on YouTube, her music video had already had over 125 million views and an iPad/iPhone application made about it. Before you try and tell me she is not iconic, I argue that Black is iconic of a whole lot of musicians who have had success despite having truly annoying voices; a group that encompasses the likes of Alanis Morissette, T-Pain, and the guy who sings that You’re Beautiful song. Bieber is another who went viral on his way to global success. Once a boy singing to online audiences for fun, Bieber is now a 17-year-old sensation, who is worshipped by teenage girls everywhere. JBiebz, who is also iconic for his lesbianstyle bowl cut, was named J-14’s most iconic teen last year. He also has a whole vocabulary associated with him. Any true Belieber will know that OJBD stands for Obsessive Justin Bieber Disorder and that Biebertastic is the best adjective to use when describing something that is amazing and totes Bibery.
family starred in the E! series Keeping up with the Kardashians, which has had overwhelming success; even prompting spinoff series. Now the whole Kardashian family is a reality television icon.
2. STAR IN A CELEBRITY SEX TAPE, OR GET YOUR SISTER TO Sure, Kim Kardashian may have been somewhat famous pre-sextape. However, the now-model with a little extra junk in her trunk definitely rose in notoriety after being seen with RayJ’s junk in her trunk on their leaked sextape. The same year as the tape was leaked, Kim and her
4. MARRY AN ICONIC PERSON Who knew of Kate Middleton before she started dating Prince William? Relatively speaking, no one.
3. BLOW SHIT UP Osama bin Laden would have to be one of the most iconic people in the world. Or at least, he was. Despite being hated all around the world for what he did in founding al Qaeda and his participation in the September 11th attacks, Osama bin Laden was the global face of terrorism. Up until recent events, he was also renowned for his hide-and-seek ability, eluding the Americans for at least a decade. While global terrorism may have made bin Laden an iconic figure, my recommendation is to stay away from this technique for obvious reasons. Destroying icons, just as Osama bin Laden did with the Twin Towers, has proved in the past to be a quick way to gain iconic status. In a local, scaleddown example, I’m sure you’ve heard of Hone Heke. He is certainly an icon of the conflict towards the British authority during settlement times. Why? Well, partly because he took an axe to the flagstaff that flew the British flag in what we now call Russell.
5. BE THE FIRST WOMAN TO DO SOMETHING No, I’m not chauvinistically suggesting you’d be the first woman to actually do anything, and that you’re all lazy shits. What I am in fact indicating is that if you are the first woman to do something significant you can become quite the icon without having to do a whole lot of work. Think Jenny Shipley first female Prime Minister of New Zealand. Obama goes to show the same theory exists with nationalities and colours. The first black president, blah blah blah.
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6. BAD AMERICAN IDOL AUDITION Chances are you could only name a couple of American Idol winners, and even fewer runners-up. However, if I quote to you: “Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, looking like a fool with your pants on the ground”, chances are you know exactly who I am quoting. Whilst his name—Larry Platt—may not spring to mind, he is surely iconic of a whole lot of terrible American Idol auditions that have given us all plenty of laughs. And let’s be honest, that’s the only reason most people ever watch the program. So sing poorly, embarrassing yourself on a global television program and hope it gets picked up by someone and mixed with a dance track. You could be the next figurehead of bad singers who thought they had the goods. 7. PUBLIC EXPRESSIONS OF SPORTS TEAM SUPPORT Showing your absolute devotion to supporting a sports team or individual is a great way to gain iconic status. Consider Sonny Shaw for a moment. For those of you who don’t recognize the name, you must ‘shaw’ly recognize his image as it represents the kiwi sports fan—in some ways quite literally (see bird hanging from neck). Shaw can be spotted at every Blackcaps cricket game and several other sports, waving his New Zealand flags and carrying around his kiwi mascot. He
intentionally sits in parts of the sports grounds that get the most on-screen time—something that has annoyed many; including broadcasters. However, the man is synonymous with the concept of Blackcaps fan, and that makes him an icon. Warren “Possum” Allen deserves a mention here as someone else that took this path to becoming an icon. The Waikato rugby fan is best known for erecting a cherry picker outside the Mooloo and Chiefs games, then proceeding to literally rev up the crowd by thrashing his chain saw. 8. SUCK-OFF A PRESIDENT Monica Lewinsky—enough said. 9. BECOME AN ICONIC BADBOY Doing something that makes people hate you is a great way to get some sort of iconic status. The Osama bin Laden example demonstrates this, although you don’t have to go to the extremes that he has to become hated. Think of the looters who robbed people at the time of the Christchurch earthquake. We all saw the pictures of them, either via the news or our Facebook feeds. Those guys were publicly humiliated, and represented what some would consider the scum of the earth. You could fake cancer to become the kid that gets to light the Christmas tree
at Coca Cola Christmas in the Park, then use that moment in the spotlight to do something that will truly upset people. A protest against the Jews, black people, or gays would be ideal for gaining global attention. However, everyone will hate you, and no one wants to be the hated icon. 10. BECOME A TRADEME SENSATION Nothing says I’m a ‘number 8 wire kiwi’ like making the most of what you’ve got. TradeMe’s cool auctions portal often features New Zealanders that have done this, often selling ordinary items for more than they’re worth just because they have done something creative with it. Take Greymouth student Nikki-Leigh Wilson-Beazley’s auction as an example. Last year she managed to get rid of her set of wheels, which she previously found hard to sell, by listing them as an invisible ute. She described the ute as, “real good if you want to cut laps and perve at girls, no one will see what you're up to. Also good if you're on the run from the cops or are really crap at parking”. The auction got a lot more coverage than it typically would as a set of wheels, and she thus ended up selling them for a good price. She is iconic of the ‘number 8 wire’ kiwi spirit, and so could you be if you followed in her footsteps.
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COLUMNS
BLE LLIAM ARE IRRESISTI TON AND PRINCE WI WHY KATE MIDDLE T US. OU AB S SAY IT AT AND WH
A Cynic's
Waffling
IRONICALLY ICONIC WITH SARAID CAMERON
Around
KATE AND WILL, Will and Kate, Wills being the girl next door. Which is legitimate sure, if your neighbours and Katey, Kates and Willy, William are worth an estimated £30 million, and Catherine, William Arthur wherein I would query your being in Philip Louis and Catherine Elizabeth Middleton, or whatever you choose to any position to judge ‘normality’. So that explains the girls right? call them, and I really don’t care what They identify with Kate Middleton that happens to be (though my fav is Kates and Willy). They are icons. But it because they see her as having is anyone’s guess as to what they have accomplished what they presumably done to make them so worth all of our all consider to be a mighty feat. She has risen above the bourgeois they time. Oh, I know why they are watchable, swear she was once a part of, to wed a Prince who every day looks more and don’t get me wrong. She has great more like his eyebrows and hideous father, more hair than depressing, but Will could ever understandable dream of, and he… She has risen above on some level. is royalty. But I just the bourgeois they But dear Lord, don’t think these swear she was once THE MENFOLK! are good enough Almost just as reasons for them a part of, to wed a fanatical about to be of interest. the whole thing, They’re nice to look Prince who every they completely at sure, but people day looks more and and utterly flew to England more like his hideous destroy gender to watch their stereotype by wedding! Yes, some father, depressing, but displaying close New Zealanders understandable on to the same travelled the some level. level of ardent world to “attend” fervour for the the wedding of wedding of this astonishingly boring two people they have not, and will never meet. Does that thought terrify couple! Sure, Kate’s a babe. But that is literally the only thing she has anyone else? going for her. So I guess I’ve just So why does anyone care? The answered all of my own questions. friends I asked had no satisfactory Kate’s of interest because she’s answer. Actually, most of them gorgeous, Will’s is interesting because justified their perversion (hah!) by he has status and he married her. saying “she’s sooooooo beautiful”. If there is another reason you care I pushed for something more: “You about them tell me, please. Because I know, she’s just like, so normal!” “Yeah, she’s totally down to earth eh?” need a reason to believe that people care about more than just status and Normal? Down to earth? Her parents are multi-millionaires! This confusing, good looks. mass adoration seems to be based solely on the idea of Kate Middleton
“
Second Time WITH BRUCE LIGHTFOOT
ICON: NOUN – a fraud perpetrated by use of the internet or apple device. ORIGIN: ‘I’ from internet/ also Apple devices. CON: as in confuse with devious intent. Recently I received an email advising me that a relative of mine, a John Lightfoot, died in London and left a fortune, but no Will and Testament. The nice people at Barrister Chamber Inc were informing me that I could claim the lot and they were ready to help me. I emailed back that I was aware of the fortune, and our family lawyers were making a claim on our behalf in N.Z. If I hear back, I am going to suggest they join our Society of Solicitors, (for a modest fee of course), then we could use their services. I won’t hold my breath, but I just wanted to offer some resistance in the face of an avalanche of scams. I had to admire their marketing department with their creation of the email. So obvious….with it’s poor grammar, and unfortunate diction. Still, that’s the point. Don’t waste time enticing people with a few clues. Scoop up the least able to discern and exploit them. OK, I know Icon is not an internet fraud, but I am hoping to start a trend. English is a great language for trends; words pick up new meanings and flood across the globe, drowning the old definition forever. And if a word needs a new definition, then it is icon. Do you watch American idol? Icon is the third most used term, after ‘That was amazing!’ and ‘Dog, you nailed it!’ It’s time to put the word to better use, and move towards the future. If there is one thing growing faster than bamboo in Asia, its internet scams. And we seem helplessly unable to stop it. How come the internet blogger/nerds can uncover Helen Roy (Act party) writing her own fan mail, but scammers just disappear into thin air? At least we can give it a cool name… Now, please excuse me, I seem to have won a lottery I didn’t enter, but the prize is in the millions, so I can’t pass it up! I am going to offer them half to help me claim it, if they would just open a bank account in a name I will supply, and put a few grand in it. I will then transfer it to NZ and then forward their fee, so in the end, it will cost them nothing!
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IN UNISON
FEATURE
GET AN
ICONIC
LOOK
AT A SECOND H
AND PRICE
MO COLE JENKIN DELS JAMES ROQ S AS JAMES DEAN U CHYE-LING E AS KANYE WEST H UANG AS SARAID CAM ERON AS AUD TWIGGY REY HEPBU
RN
IT’S ALWAYS FUN TO DRESS UP LIKE THE STARS, BUT NOT ALWAYS THE MOST AFFORDABLE WAY TO SHOP. THE POINT CHEVALIER MERCY HOSPICE INVITED IN UNISON AND A FEW STUDENTS IN FOR AN AFTERHOURS SHOPPING SPREE TO SEE WHICH ICONIC LOOKS WE COULD ACHIEVE FOR CHEAP! IT DOESN’T ALWAYS HAVE TO COST AN ARM AND A LEG TO PULL OFF THE LOOKS THAT YOU SEE ON TV. THE MERCY HOSPICE SHOP SHOWED US JUST HOW TO GET THE LOOK FOR LESS!
FIRST LOOK NECKLACE: $2 VERSACE JACKET: $20 SHIRT: $10 GLASSES: $2 PANTS: $12 TEDDY BEAR: $1 TOTAL PRICE FOR THIS LOOK: $47
THE “KANYE” LOOK
SECOND LOOK SCARF: $3 JEANS: $12 SHIRT: $3 SWEATER: $12 TOTAL PRICE FOR THIS LOOK: $30
There are Mercy Hospice Shops located all around Auckland: KANYE WEST IS KNOWN FOR HIS BLEND OF PREPPY WEAR AND STREET Royal Oak- 728 Manukau Rd. WEAR. WE ACHIEVED THIS BY PAIRING TOGETHER A VERSACE JACKET WITH Ponsonby- 300 Ponsonby Rd. SOME STUNNA SHADES! Mt. Eden- 453 Mt. Eden Road Point Chevalier- Pt. Chev Arcade Blockhouse Bay- 560 Blockhouse Bay Rd. The Hospice shops are a great place to go shopping for themed parties, essential flat items, or for your DVD collection! Iconic items are floating in and out of the shops every day, so diligence pays off! Happy bargain hunting!
IN UNISON FEATURE
THE “AUDREY” LOOK
THE “JAMES DEAN” LOOK
AUDREY HEPBURN IS KNOWN FOR HER CLASSIC STYLE, INCLUDING THE SCOOP NECK BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S “LITTLE BLACK DRESS”. WE FOUND SOME ITEMS WITH TRADITIONAL CUTS TO ACHIEVE THIS LOOK.
JAMES DEAN IS THE CLASSIC BAD BOY, EQUIPPED WITH DENIM JACKETS AND ICONICALLY PERFECT HAIR. WE FOUND SOME KILLER SECOND HAND ITEMS TO CREATE OUR VERY OWN JAMES DEAN.
SECOND LOOK BLOUSE: $10 SKIRT: $18 MUFF: $20 TOTAL PRICE FOR THIS LOOK: $48
FIRST LOOK ESS: $19 HAT: $20 SCARF: $6 DR $8 S: VE GLO NECKLACE: $2 K: $55 TOTAL PRICE FOR THIS LOO
THE “TWIGGY” LOOK TWIGGY IS THE FEMALE FASHION ICON OF THE 60’S. HER SIMPLE MOD LOOK IS EASILY ACHIEVABLE WITH COLOURFUL GARMENTS AND HEAVY EYE MAKEUP!
FIRST LOOK NECKLACE: $12 DRESS: $30 HEAD TIE: $3 TOTAL PRICE FOR THIS LOOK: $45 SECOND LOOK SHIRT: $14 NECKLACE: $3 PANTS: $10 BAG: $8 GLASSES: $3 TOTAL PRICE FOR THIS LOOK: $35
FIRST LOOK JEANS: $14 JACKET: $12 SHIRT: $6 THIS LOOK: $32 SECOND LOOK TOTAL PRICE FOR JACKET: $12 PANTS: $14 SHIRT: $4 TOTAL PRICE FOR THIS LOOK: $30
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USU PRESENTS:
INTERNATIONAL
FOOD DAY
Thursday 26 May
10am - 2pm
i n t h e H u b (bldg 180) Run a stall and represent se li ta n ta d n a g n lo a e m Co your country by selling e th h it w s d u eb st O r ta r you your national delicacies er ff o n o d o fo f o y variet To register a stall please email d n u ro a ll a s ie tr n u usuinternational@unitec.ac.nz from co the world Want to travel? Visit the Student Exchange stall to find out how you can complete part of your degree overseas while paying Unitec fees!
usu Students’Association at Unitec
WWW.USU.CO.NZ
IN UNISON
COLUMN
RRRS! LEARNING TO SAY MY
Kiwis Can Fly
“
Heads up: Calling somebody autistic is not a particularly good way to start a friendship. HEADS UP: Calling somebody autistic is not a particularly good way to start a friendship. I was optimistic that this would not hinder our future friendship... however I have not seen him since that day. It really is funny how quickly we adapt to these new situations. I catch myself frequently popping out words in a slightly more Americanized fashion. I find people are understanding me better and better every day because of this, somewhat subconscious, alteration. I can now tell people my surname without causing too much confusion (“Match?” No – March “Marks” no...March - Just like the month, “Your last name is Much?” – as you can imagine registering for classes, when I first got here, took awhile!) As much as I laugh, these amusing and ridiculous situations I end up in, purely because of my kiwi speak, are punctuating my time here brilliantly. Every day I wait and wonder what kind of communication barrier will cross my path...and whether I have placed enough emphasis on the letter R!
“
CONSIDERING I AM STUDYING COMMUNICATIONS,
I am having a very tough time communicating in the northern hemisphere. I might as well be speaking an entirely different language sometimes! The combination of my homophonic kiwi accent I have picked up over the last 21 years (and my supposedly weird slang words and sayings) usually prevent my message from being understood by the average American ear. I am complimented frequently on my accent...yet often my conversations involve blank stares and confused nods whereby the other person cannot understand a word. Before I arrived in Missouri to start school, there were issues. At the post office one day, the cashier asked what I was in the USA for. I told her I was “heading to Missouri to go to Uni.” The woman just stared – “You’re going there to do what?” She said LESSON # 1 – It is called School, College or University – do not shorten University to Uni – Americans aren’t so lazy as to drop the ‘versity’ part. My sister quickly helped me out of this sticky situation and translated for me. My sister is a Kiwi, but having lived in LA for 9 years, she is something of an honorary American – You can tell by her pronunciation of things like tomato, garage, vase, risotto and banana. Her compulsory daily Starbucks is also a dead giveaway. A slightly embarrassing experience also resulted in LESSON #2 – It is vital to emphasis the letter “R” when it falls in the middle of a word. I certainly learnt this the hard way when I attempted to tell a new friend that he was ‘very artistic’ in response to his very funky T-Shirt in which he had himself designed. Turns out the lazy kiwi pronunciation of artistic, sounds much like the word AUTISTIC to any unsuspecting American.
WITH ANGELA MARCH
Angela March is currently on an outbound exchange to The University of Central Missouri (UCM). This is just one of over 60 universities throughout the world that Unitec has exchange relationships with. If you have been inspired by Angela's experiences and want to go on your own overseas adventure, then please contact the Student Exchange Office and remember to ask them about the Student Exchange Scholarships available!!!
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COLUMNS
2011 UNI GAMES
For The Love
Of Balls
KARATE GOLD MEDALIST JASMINE HOLLAND shone brightly for Unitec in an otherwise dull performance by Unitec at what was dubbed the ‘Super City Uni Games’. The Bachelor of Sport student defeated AUT’s Katrina Hedditch 4-0 in the Women’s Kumite Karate final to win Unitec’s sole first placing. Holland had success in the 2009 games where she was the first ever women to win a gold representing Unitec at the Uni Games. Since then, Holland has participated in the prestigious 2010 World University Karate Championships in Montenegro, and has represented in a variety of events. Happy with her second Uni Games gold medal in the same event, Holland has already shifted her focus to the Commonwealth Karate Championship in Australia in July. “This is my first tournament for the year and it’s good to have a good hit out in the lead in to the Commonwealths”, she told Uni Games media staff. Other Unitec students who had success during the games were the men’s beach volleyball pair of Johan Eskilsson and Elueni Lelevaga who managed a second place, with Massey’s Palmerston North campus taking out the gold. It was the same story in the women’s squash with Palmy’s Chloe MacKay depriving Unitec’s Lianna Burnett
WITH NATHAN CALIS of the gold medal in the final. Four bronze medals in the Football, Table Tennis, and Rugby Sevens rounded out the medal haul for Unitec. Due to Unitec’s non-membership status with University Sport New Zealand (USNZ), however, no competition points were awarded to Unitec towards the overall University Shield, and thus weren’t placed in an official ranking. It was Auckland University who did register the most points and took home the prestigious shield. Neighbouring AUT took second place and Victoria University, third, with 2010 champions Otago University rounding out the top four. FINAL OVERALL RESULTS FOR THE UNIVERSITY SHIELD: AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY AUT UNIVERSITY VICTORIA UNIVERSITY OTAGO UNIVERSITY MASSEY UNIVERSITY ALBANY WAIKATO UNIVERSITY MASSEY UNIVERSITY PALMERSTON NORTH CANTERBURY UNIVERSITY LINCOLN UNIVERSITY
IN UNISON COLUMN
STLES MADE OF SAND. ICONIC STATUES AND CA
I COULD ONLY THINK OF ONE PERSON, one person who could make me buy a Fender Strat, a Wah-Wah pedal, and taught me how to solo. James Marshall Hendrix or as he is more famously known, Jimi. I remember buying his CD when I was only 7 years old, 13 years ago. I still listen to him and occasionally bust out a song of his on my electric. Magic, pure, euphoric (and to me, he sounded like he was producing sex on a six stringed stick). Such amazing talent and a groovy image to boot makes a man worthy of donning the title as the “best electric guitarist ever”! I wish I could have been there, with all the music and fashion of the days, coming into the new form of psychedelic rock and roll. A time when the guitar met the dawn of the solo. But Jimi’s life wasn’t all glitz, glamour and fluro-flared pants. Jimi was born in 1942, and since a young age he got into a lot of trouble growing up as what was described as, “Black Male Missunderstood”. He was arrested twice for riding in stolen cars and got offered two decisions, he would either go to prison for two years or join the army. He joined the army. However, all the way through he did nothing what-so-ever apart from falling asleep on duty. He had little regard for regulations, required constant supervision, and showed no skill as a marksman. For these reasons, his commanding officers submitted a request that Hendrix be discharged from the military after he had served only one year. Hendrix did not object when the opportunity to leave arose. He would later tell reporters that he received a medical discharge after breaking his ankle during his 26th parachute jump. The rock music journalist Charles Cross contended in his biography of Hendrix, Room Full of Mirrors in 2005 that Hendrix feigned being homosexual— claiming to have fallen in love with a fellow soldier—in order to be discharged, but did not produce credible
WITH MAX-WILLIAM THORPE
“ He had little regard for
regulations, required constant supervision, and showed no skill as a marksman. evidence to support this contention. What a Jokester. With all his fame and name shared around America and some parts of Europe as a talented young musician he died at a very early age of 27 years old, giving him a place in the notorious Forever 27 Club, alongside Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin and Brian Jones (With Kurt Kobain coming in later alongside other well known musicians). The reason for his death: an overdose on prescription drugs and wine (which fatally poisoned him while in his girlfriend’s house in London). Such talent lost at such a young age, but his music is still heard by people from beyond the grave. If the sun refuse to shine, I don’t mind, I don’t mind. If the mountains fell in the sea, let it be, let it be. Spoken like a true poet.
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In UniSound
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REVIEWS
TOP 5 CHILD STARS THAT DIDN'T GO OFF THE DEEP END 1. Kirsten Dunst
2. Joseph Gordon Levitt
DVD
COMEDY
NINE
Directed by Rob Marshall Starring Daniel Day-Lewis, Marion Cotillard and Penélope Cruz
JEREMY ELWOOD’S (UN)COMMON SENSE At The Basement Theatre
7 DAYS REGULAR JEREMY ELWOOD packed out the Upstairs of The Basement for his second performance of his show (un)common sense. Sure, he only had to fill 50 seats to do it, but everyone that was there left with a smile on their face. Although, to start with, I didn’t think this would be the ultimate outcome. Being in such a small venue with such few people, Elwood was the first to acknowledge it felt weird, likening it to being in someone else’s living room. That made it entirely awkward for me when on several occasions he delivered his punch lines without extracting a single laugh from his audience. However, as he got further into his show, he got better and better. Elwood’s show takes a philosophical look at current events, and some of the crazy things that people here and around the world do. After performing (un)common sense for the first time three days prior, Elwood rewrote much of the skit for its second showing, due to the interesting and comedy-worthy current events that have unfolded in recent times. The fact that he could pull this off shows the guy has class. His best was saved for last, however, when Elwood proved why he is such a talented comedian. Whilst known for his impromptu comedy, a skill he demonstrates regularly on 7 Days, it was his musical performance that impressed the audience the most. The handful of songs, including: Who gives a shit? lifted Elwood’s performance from ordinary to brilliant. My highlight was listening to him make up a song on the spot about a few of the members of the ‘crowd’. Not only was it brilliantly improvised, it was performed in different genres, as suggested by the audience; such as reggae, country, and punk. (un)common sense is definitely worth a look. Nathan Callis
“MISTRO CONTINI, HOW DO YOU BEGIN? How do you begin this thing? Page one, page one… Page nothing”. The start of the rainy season called for a day to catch up on all those movies that you have been meaning to watch but have been advised not too…. ‘Nine’ was one of those! The screenplay for the movie is an adaptation of the musical ‘Nine’, based on director Federico Fellini’s semi-autobiographical film 8½. Directed by Rob Marshall with a star-studded cast including Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz and Judi Dench and a backdrop of Rome in 1965,‘Nine’ has all the key elements to make this musical drama a success. Nine allows the audience to delve into the mind of Guido Contini, played by Daniel Day-Lewis, the ‘mistro’ of the Italian film industry in the 1960’s. The film opens with a head shot of Contini during a press conference where he is explaining why he is always so ‘secretive’ about his films prior to production “ You kill your film several times mostly by talking about it….. that’s why I’m secretive”. We learn later, as he confides in the seamstress, his oldest confidant; Lilli La Fleur played by Judi Dench that there is no script, a common trend in his creative process. This story line proceeds throughout the film as he continuously buckles under the pressure from his producer and the press. He escapes to Anzio to get away from everyone including his wife to unblock his writers block with the help of his Mistress Carla; Penélope Cruz. Marshall has captured the glamour, sex and entertainment of the 1960’s in the musical numbers throughout Nine. The production side is fantastic with stunning costumes, set designs to die for and cinematography that is a piece of art; yet they lack the intensity that leaves you wanting more, instead you are left waiting for more. Rob Marshall and John DeLucas choreography retains the essence of the period without being ‘cliché’ or pulling focus from the central actor or actress. Nine is an artistically intelligent movie and those with a love of the arts will appreciate it as did I. Although it does not quite have the pizzazz and wow factor of Marshall's previous films such as ‘Chicago’, you are taken on a journey of a talented director and introduced to what really happens behind the scenes in this gold washed industry. You finish watching ‘Nine’ unsatisfied but still appreciative and happy to have been taken on the journey. Kendra Oxley
IN UNISON REVIEWS
3. Anna Paquin
FOOD
4. Seth Green
5. Shirley Temple
Mini Reviews
MERCURY PLAZA FOOD COURT
GHOSTING PART 2: CABARET
Location Mercury Lane Prices: $5- $15
Cafe BARE CUPBOARDS, grumbling tummies and almost
empty wallets meant heading to the filthy yet famous, Mercury Plaza for a well deserved dinner. If you have ever been lucky enough to indulge in one of the many dishes this food court has to offer, you will know that having to sit on the mismatched chairs is well worth it. Nestled down a side street off K Road, Mercury Plaza (or Merc for the seasoned diner) to the unsuspecting simply looks like another Auckland eyesore littering the street corner. Dare to enter however, and you uncover an affordable culinary wonderland that is becoming an engendered species on the Auckland cuisine scene thanks to the Ponsonby’s expensive fetish for charging $24 per main of Pad Thai. I opted in for one of my regular favourites- dumplings and teriyaki chicken -avocado sushi from Sushi Bar Salmon. The dumplings ($6) arrive almost instantly and come packed with vegetables and dipping sauce, although the batter could have been a tad crispier, they are tasty regardless. The sushi comes next and is undoubtedly the best sushi in Auckland, and for $8 for 9 large pieces, one of the cheapest, student-friendly options. The rice is cooked to perfection, soft yet still warm from the cooker. This gives way to large moist and flavoursome pieces of chicken surrounded by bright green avocado. I am in sushi heaven, not once have I been let down by Maggie and her humble team at Sushi Bar Salmon. As dishes arrive, our table slowly begins to resemble a snapshot of world cuisine. Mercury Plaza offers an array of tasty dishes and the chicken- cashew stir fry ( $9) from Ruang Thong Thai is another fave. It arrives quickly, despite the large crowds mingling around. It comes served with a huge amount of chicken, cashews and vegetables all placed on steaming jasmine rice. Judging how quickly all the food was gobbled up goes to show the high quality of the food that is served – or a reflection of how bare our cupboards really were. Another draw card to Mercury Plaza is the huge GumSarn Asian Supermarket- a true emporium of madness, stocking some of the quirkiest instruments, food, and knick-knacks I have ever come across. So come get some Auckland in ‘yer. ‘Merc’ is the dining experience not to be snubbed. Discard the shabby exterior and go enjoy authentic cuisine at very un- Ponsonby prices. Ele de Vere
THEATRE
COSSET 1087 NEW NORTH RD The small café located on New North Road, very near the Mt. Albert Unitec campus has a charming and eclectic atmosphere. The menu serves up many vegan and vegetarian options, with a nice balance of delicious sweets! They serve organic Kokako coffee, and Kerikeri teas. Plus, they offer free wireless internet, so it offers up a great place to sit and study for a few hours! 5 STARS!!!
Food THE DOUBLE DOWN KFC KFC’s new chicken sandwich features two deep fried chicken breasts (as buns), cheese, bacon, and “special” sauce. At first bite, the sandwich overwhelms you with a sense of guilt…that you actually enjoyed a bite of something so utterly disgusting. The criticism of this heart attack sandwich is that it’s too messy. The sauce and cheese seep out all over your hands, and the chicken buns are too limp and soft. Dare I say, the Double Down would benefit from being MORE deep fried.
Choreographed by Sean Curham
I’VE SEEN SEVERAL HYBRID WORKS from mature choreographers recently, and I am noticing a recurring theme: Dancers are destined to grow old and go batty. Everyone is abandoning their art form in favour of minimalist movement, irony and satire. It kind of makes you feel a bit ripped-off when you’re paying eight grand a year to learn to ‘dance’. Yet still, I find myself grinning with pleasure at Curham’s manic and incessant toe-tapping, foot-shuffling incantation of “one-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight, and-one…” into a muffled mic. Yeah, I know exactly what that is. Number Eight and I are tight buddies from wayyyy back. The show is most definitely entertaining. Curham performs with an incredible intensity. The space regularly changes and the audience is free to shift position for a better view. There are even chairs with wheels attached exactly for this purpose. Headphones are hung over the chairs to provide a secondary audio experience. There is a lot of digital media used, and the movement seems to politely shove over to make room for it. YouTube makes an appearance; a young American girl’s video diary describes “spicy crotch”-scented perfume; as footage of people being shot in the head is played over and over in slow motion (in a section titled “Born Free”. Honestly). A lot of it doesn’t immediately make sense but it doesn’t necessarily need to. It’s rather lovely to be engulfed by what appears to be arbitrary madness (but is in fact intricately crafted and well-considered choreography). Yes, I used the c-word. Naughty. Ghosting Part 2: Cabaret appeals to a relatively narrow audience. It’s not at all conventional. but it is engaging. And if I’m going to end up as a batty old dancer anyway, I might as well indulge in these mad creations while I can. Natalie Clarke
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IN UNISON
COLUMNS
Pie Guy
Bargain Bottle
WITH KRISTINE AITCHISON
AS FAR AS PART-TIME JOBS GO, I’m pretty lucky. I work for Glengarry’s Wines, which means every month I get to taste a variety of different wines. As a fellow student, I’m fully aware that budgets are stretched to their limits, but I don’t believe this means you should have to compromise on taste. So this week I tried three excellent wines, priced under $15.00, which I believe would make a great accompaniment to any meal or night out. This month was Spanish month at Glengarry’s, so we tasted the CASTILLO PERELADA BRUT RESERVA CAVA, a sparkling white wine or methode champagne, hailing from northern Spain. It was crisp and fresh with lively bubbles and a zesty tang of citrus fruit, ending in a slightly sweeter finish. On sale at $14.90, it’s a more affordable and great alternative to champagne. The second wine I tried; was the CRUSHER ROAD RIESLING 2009, from Marlborough. Some Rieslings can be very sweet, but this wine is low in residual sugars, adding to a dryer, more acidic finish. A white wine, light in body, it tastes of lemon and grapefruit citrus fruits and is a good match for seafood or rice dishes. It’s also a bargain at $9.90. Finally, for those who like their reds, THE FARMERS MARKET PETITE PINOT 2009 is an alternative for winter BBQ’s or pasta. A blend of Pinot Noir and Merlot grapes, it has a silky smooth texture, featuring the cherry and plum fruit flavors of pinot noir and the added sweetness and boldness of merlot. A fruitier style, with little or no oak, it has a delicious dry finish and costs $13.90. So whatever your taste, I really encourage you to expand your palate and try something new, especially if you’re stuck on the easy drinking Sauvignon Blanc.
WITH ROSS YEARBURY
BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND, your resident pie muncher slash connoisseur has travelled far and wide to bring you his next conquest, the Angkor Bakery at the Point Chev shops. I guess by far and wide I meant another ten minute walk from Mt Albert campus. It was another one of those small, local bakeries, and I was met by a pie warmer filled with shop made pies and a cheery smile. The offending steak and cheese pie cost me the modest sum of three dollars and came in a brown paper bag, so things were looking up after a dead boring lecture that morning. For an average price, I really expected an average pie. I’ll go with a compliment sandwich on this one, but I’ll tell you now, there is a lot of filling. When I sank my teeth into this one, it was the perfect temperature, and I didn’t get a mouthfull of gristle. That was about as good as it got though. The pastry was quite thin and marginally flakey on top, and so thin on the bottom that it couldn’t support its own weight. This is no good if you want hand food, and pies are hand food dang it. Whilst the meat and gravy were well balanced, the gravy was quite bland and the meat over-cooked. This does make for an easy eating pie, but can be very unsatisfying if you want to remember your pie with every burp for the next hour. Right about the time I was thinking that the humble pie was winter’s mortal enemy, it was all over. The pie fell apart. If there was anything that could ruin a pie more, then I cannot think of it, well, other than finding a knuckle or sticking plaster after three bites. Oh yes, compliment sandwich, yeah, well, the cheese was good. So, hopefully by writing this I have saved you the displeasure of parting with good money for bad food. I know I will take some convincing before I venture back to Angkor Bakery. For some strange reason I could really go for a sandwich right about now. ONE OUT OF FIVE.
IN UNISON COLUMNS
Dear Barbie Barbie Dear Barbie, My girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago. I was devastated, but since the break up she has acted like nothing really changed. We still meet up for dates every so often, and we still hook up. What types of messages is she sending me? What should I do? -Left Hanging Dear Left Hanging, Sounds like you’re being made a sucker. She obviously didn’t care about you enough to maintain her title as “your girlfriend”, but she’s still willing to let you bring her out for dates? And let me guess… “the sex is amazing”.... I’m sure it is. Sounds to me like the shallow girl is your type…in which case, there are PLENTY of your type of fish in the sea—move on.
RECIPE
BBQ
SPARE RIBS Ingredients: Preparation:
- Around 600gms of Pork Ribs - 1 Can of Coke - 1 cup of Tomato Sauce - 1 tsp of Powdered Ginger
2. Preheat oven to 170 degress 2. Brown both sides of the Pork Ribs in a pan with a little oil and Season with salt and pepper. 3. In a Cassarole dish add the Coke, Tomato Sauce and ginger and mix till sauce is combined. Place the ribs in the sauce. 4. Place a lid or tinfoil over the dish and bake for 2 hours. 3. Serve your Ribs with mashed potato.
XX Barbie Dear Barbie, I am in a wonderful relationship, and everything is going really well. The only issue is that lately, my boyfriend is having problems *getting it up*. Am I doing something wrong? Is there something wrong with him? -Feeling Limp Dear Feeling Limp, Stop blaming yourself, this is obviously something that he needs to deal with. But until he fixes this “little problem” may I suggest finding a new boyfriend? XX Barbie
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IN UNISON
WHAT'S ON MAY 16- MAY 29 MON 16 - SUN 29 MAY
FEATURE EVENT
Barbie
MAY 26, AT BUILDING 180 MT. ALBERT CAMPUS, 10 AM-2PM
DANNY BHOY - MESSENGER (PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT) Scottish funny man, Danny Bhoy, kicks off his headlining show in Auckland on May 16. This new stand up show is full of refreshingly funny anecdotes. Tickets cost $50pp. ASB Theatre, 8:30 PM
MON 16 MAY CARRINGTON’S PUMP HOUSE PUB QUIZ NIGHT Beginning this Tuesday, the Pump House will be hosting a weekly pub quiz. It’s FREE to join, so grab some friends and test your knowledge! Carrington’s Pump House, 7:30 PM
MON 16 MAY BLUES V STORMERS Get involved with some Super Rugby action and watch the Blues take on the Stormers! Eden Park, 7:30 PM Tickets start at $15 log onto Ticketmaster.com now to book your seats!
USU INTERNATIONAL FOOD DAY
International Food Day features the tastes of the world, all brought together in the HUB. Come along with a few bucks to enjoy some international cuisine. If you are keen to showcase and sell your own cooking, email: usuinternational@unitec.ac.nz
West BarbieCoast Hike FOR MORE PHOTOS GO TO WWW.USU.CO.NZ OR SEARCH USU ON FACEBOOK
IN UNISON WHAT'S ON FOR MORE EVENT INFO VISIT WWW.USU.CO.NZ/WHATS-ON OR JOIN USU ON FACEBOOK.COM
FRI 20 MAY
SAT 21 MAY
SENCITY
CRAFTERNOON TEA CRAFT MARKET
The first music event in New Zealand where you can smell, taste, see and feel the music. Featuring: Ruby Frost, Three Houses Down, Daniel Farley and more! Tickets from 1-night.co.nz $30 www.your-sencity.com 9pm - 4am, The Studio, K'Road
The monthly sessions of Crafternoon Tea in Kingsland offer up a great way to spend your Saturday morning. There are cheap deals on many hand-made goodies; great for small shopping or gift buying! Trinity Methodist Church in Kingsland, 10 AM-2PM
FRI 20 & 21 MAY FAT FREDDY’S DROP CONCERT Iconic Kiwi musical group, Fat Freddy’s Drop starts their winter tour in Auckland on May 20. Come along to jam out to some of the songs from their newest album. at the Mercury Theatre, 8 PM The concert is set right off of K Rd, tickets are $70 pp.
FRI 27 MAY UNITEC BLOOD DRIVE NZ Blood will be at the Unitec campus on May 27 for it’s blood drive. Come along and donate your blood to save a life. 9 AM-3 PM. At the Sports Centre Mt. Albert Campus
HOROSCOPES Taurus
April 20-May 20 Your assertiveness is not going unnoticed. Try to tone it down a little bit, because other people are starting to talk. Gemini May 21-June 20 Lately you’ve felt a strong desire to express your warm feelings towards those you love. This is always appreciated, but make sure to keep an eye on your wallet! YIKES! Cancer June 21- July 22 You’ve had a recent charge of energy and passion. This is an ideal time to push ahead at your job or with your classes; your ambitious attitude will show in your work. Leo July 23-August 22 Your social life seems to be thriving. You are exuding an air of calmness with all of your recent happenings, which is putting everyone around you at ease. Virgo August 23- September 22 This is the time to check many things off of your to-do list; your focused attitude in the latter half of the month is not to go un-used. Libra September 23-October 22 It’s time to start paying attention to the commitments you’ve made and stop blowing them off for fun. Scorpio October 23- November 21 Your increased passions will lead you to making hasty decisions,
like skipping class for something more exciting! Just remember to balance yourself. Sagittarius November 22-December 21 You have felt a resistance from those around you to your recent decisions. Try to step away from the situation and reflect on what is causing the hostility. Capricorn December 22-Junary 19 The second half of this month is the perfect opportunity to plan for parties and other social happenings. Your organisation and positive attitude are a powerful combination! Aquarius January 20- February 20 You have been facing a recent identity crisis. Rather than letting the confusion consume you, try getting away for a weekend to reassess yourself. Pisces February 21-March 20 You will experience a spike in creativity in the second half of the month. Run with your ideas, you will face little resistance and instead find many resources to help you achieve your goals. Aries March 21-April 19 Your recent examples of creativity are attracting a new element of people towards you. Use this as the opportunity to make the new friend you’ve been looking for.
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“I thi nk my ass ess me nt wa s ma rke d un fai rly ! Ho w do I ap pe al my fin al gra de ?”
YOU HAVE 15 WORKING DAYS FROM RECEIVING YOUR SEMESTER’S RESULTS TO LODGE AN APPEAL. THERE ARE TWO REASON YOU COULD APPEAL A FINAL GRADE. S AND HELP THE USU STUDENT ISSUES ADVOCATE CAN PROVIDE ADVICE ABOUT THE PROCES . YOU TO SUMMARISE THE FACTS AND OUTLINE THE GROUNDS FOR APPEAL
TO FIND OUT MORE OR MAKE AN APPOINTMENT CONTACT: EMAIL: USUADVOCATE@UNITEC.AC.NZ PHONE: (09) 815 4321 EXT: 7386 OR COME IN TO THE USU RECEPTION (BLDG 180) TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.
AND AT NORTH SHORE CAMPUS BY APPOINTMENT. ADVOCATES ARE AVAILABLE AT WAITAKERE CAMPUS ON TUESDAY AND THURSDAY AND WORK FOR STUDENTS. USU STUDENT ISSUES ADVOCATES ARE INDEPENDENT, CONFIDENTIAL, FREE,
WWW.USU.CO.NZ/STUDENT-ISSUES
usu Students’Association at Unitec