In Unison#8 Seven Deadly Sins Issue by USU Students' Association at Unitec

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CONTENTS MONDAY, 1ST AUGUST 2011

GLUTTO

ENVY

PRIDE

SLOTH

Campus Food Review

Egotism and Arrogance the need for pride in Sport

Dear Womenfolk

Serenade to the Slothful Snooze Button

Pie Guy

Enviable Abs

Pride Guide for the Wine-O

LUST

WRATH

GREED

Lust…The Most Devine Comedy

Top Dollar Earning Career Choices

Dear Barbie Editorial 5 Pete’s Tirade 6

26 Wrathful Rant

REGULARS Interview with Concord Dawn 27 What’s On 28 Funnies/Puzzles 30

NEXT ISSUE: The “Pay it Forward” Issue, out 15th August 2011 EDITORIAL INQUIRES ph. (09) 815 4321

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EDITOR: Ashley Smith GRAPHIC DESIGN: Mark Lovatt SUB EDITOR: Nathan Calis

Disclaimer Opinions expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the publishers. Submissions and contributors are welcome, but the publisher reserves the right to select and edit the material submitted. Materials submitted will remain property of the publisher unless alternative arrangements are made.

CONTRIBUTORS: Pete Hodkinson, Nathan Calis, Ross Yearbury, Joseph Nunweek, Kristine Aitchison, Saraid Cameron, Britany Dyke, Natalie Clark, Bruce Lightfoot, Jenaya Johnston

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IN UNISON

EDITORIAL

THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS have existed since the origins of mankind. And since then, human beings have been guilty of these mortal sins. Everyone has their own personal vice….admittedly, I am a total glutton. Sometimes it’s hard to admit or even recognise your inner vice, but certain edgy situations tend to bring out the roaring sinful demon in each of us. A particular example of these fleeting demons appeared on my gruelling flight back from the States. The scene is set in Boston, Massachusetts, 4:08 PM during which time, the northeast region of the United Sates was experiencing an extreme heat wave, and the outdoor temperature gauge read a whopping 41 degrees. One hundred fifty eight individuals boarded flight 2708 from Boston to San Francisco with an anticipated arrival time of 7:45 PM Pacific time. Little did we know what was in store for flight 2708. The extremity of the heat was already weighing on the passengers as they heavily slumped through the jetway tunnel while boarding. The humidity had such a weighing effect that hindered everyone to a lazily paced snail speed. (SLOTH!) Once everyone had taken their seats, the head stewardess came on the P.A. to announce that there would be a slight delay due to the heat. The vessel needed to cool down before the F.A.A. would send approval for take-off. This is where the evil notions began to stir among the passengers. People looked sideways at their fellow air travellers as if to say, “I don’t know about YOU, but this is of the utmost inconvenience to ME”. (PRIDE!) A half hour later, the captain spoke up, alerting all passengers that a refuel in Denver was necessary to safely commence the flight. This unfortunately set back our time of arrival in San Francisco to 10 PM At this point, all hell broke loose—the inner sinful soul of every passenger was awakened. Almost immediately, people began to shout and carry on about their missed connections or evening plans in San Francisco. An angry crowd began to form in the aisle of the airplane, demanding personal refunds and seeking retribution for their “difficulties”. The heat certainly

AN OBESE MAN ACTUALLY GOT UP OUT OF HIS SEAT, DRIPPING SWEAT AND RED IN THE FACE, AND THREATENED TO BEAT UP THE ONLY MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANT. didn’t help (over 150 disgruntled people sitting trapped in a scorching hot airplane really got the anger fuelling.) An obese man actually got up out of his seat, dripping sweat and red in the face, and threatened to beat up the only male flight attendant. (WRATH!) The flight across the continental United States does not offer a free meal. Even when the flight runs its usual six hours, this is a difficult concept to grasp. Add on the extra 3 hours delay and 1 hour for fuel stop, and you’ve got yourself a bunch of angry and HUNGRY passengers. There were multiple demands for complimentary tiramisu and wine while flying somewhere over the Rocky Mountains. (GLUTTONY!) After ten painful hours, we descended in San Francisco. This is when the most angered of flyers rolled up their sleeves and marched over to customer service. I watched in bewilderment as one woman reamed into the customer service representative, provoking her to the point of tears. She insisted on a full refund and an extreme amount of unearned airpoint miles, (GREED!) which she then received….(ENVY!). As mentioned, although you may not believe that you are capable of exuding any of this sinful behaviour, sometimes it just takes the most stressful of situations to quench it out of you. I’m not sure where lust fell into this display of horrendous human conduct, but I’m sure that in order to blow off steam, someone initiated themselves into the mile high club along the way. So there you have it, the seven deadly sins meet domestic flying. I believe everyone aboard flight 2708 need pay penance by travelling via Auckland public transportation for a few days... that will really give them something to complain about. Ashley Smith 2011 Editor

LETTERS

TO THE EDITOR

Letters should be 250 words or less. You MUST include your real name, phone number and address so we don’t get sued (we won’t print them if you don’t want us to). We won’t spell-check it, but we might edit, abridge, or decline it without explanation.Send letters to: inunison@unitec.ac.nz or, USU Students’ Association, Builing 180, 139 Carrington Road Auckland

IN UNISON

EXECUTIVE

SO THE MADNESS BEGINS AGAIN…

As usual, semester 2 has snuck up on us all far too quickly. Strolling in side by side with Orientation 2, promises wonderment. It promises learning opportunities. It promises a chance to get to know some new faces, and of course it promises a little debauchery here and there. Stay tuned-in and keep an eye out for the raft of events kicking off on campus over the next two weeks. For those of you returning from the holidays, welcome back! For others who’re setting foot on campus for the first time, welcome! While you’re getting used to the place, don’t be too shy to ask for a bit of help or some directions if you get lost, we tend to look after our own here and especially at Mt Albert it can feel like a bit of a maze. Now if someone asks you for directions, whilst hilarious, it’s not always helpful to make them up – play nice! If you’re new and wondering how to tackle the complexities of enrolment, student loans, computer logins, finding your way around or just getting a bit of support during your transition into Unitec, make sure

you ask your lecturers when they’ve booked in for a USU orientation talk. We’ll give you the low-down on life on campus and point you in the right direction. If they haven’t booked one, just let us know and we’ll see what we can do. Above all else, remember that Unitec is not just a whirlwind of textbooks, lectures and assignments. Life on campus can be vibrant and exciting so get in there! Make the most of your time here, meet as many new friends as you can (trust me they’ll be a big help when academic life gets tough), and don’t stop smiling. Also, if you see me out and about, don’t be shy, make sure you come and say hi  Take care of yourselves and party hard while the workload is low! The stories you create now will provide a bit of comic relief during late hours spent in the library later in the year. Peace, Pete

MAD PROPS: To whoever invented track-pants… you are a hero. Also, the inventor of soup... You both did your bit to make winter that little bit more bearable. For this, El Presidente gives you mad props. ALL ABOARD THE FAIL-BOAT: No fail this week, rather a quote from that wellspring of wisdom, Barney Stinson: “When I’m sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.” - Orientation suit-up people!

2011 USU EXECUTIVE

Shaun Overton General Executive Member Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz

Natasha Donaldson General Executive Member Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz

Seyed Ali Derhamy General Executive Member Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz

Chantelle Francis General Executive Member Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz

Karan Jatakia International Representative Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz

Johnny “Hoani’”Hettig Maori Representative Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz

Umar Ayub Postgraduate Representative Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usu@unitec.ac.nz

Jenine Kendale Finance Officer Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 8600 Email: usufinanceofficer@unitec.ac.nz

Shannon Pennefather Vice President Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 7929 Email: usuvp@unitec.ac.nz

Pete Hodkinson Student President Phone: (09) 815 4321 ext 7929 Email: usupresident@unitec.ac.nz

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IN UNISON

NEWS VSM Protestors Locked In Battle By Nathan Calis THE STUDENT ASSOCIATIONS BATTLE WITH ACT OVER THE PROPOSED VSM BILL is starting to heat up with the Otago

Unitec’s Northern Campus Opens in Albany By Ashley Smith

AUGUST 1, 2011 MARKS ACADEMIC COMMENCEMENT OF THE NEW UNITEC CAMPUS. The Northern Campus, located

on Rothwell Avenue in Albany is the newest addition to the Unitec community. The Albany campus will be replacing the Takapuna campus on Hurstmere Rd. The new campus will offer courses in animal care and health care, automotive and mechanical engineering, autotronic, multi-skill building construction, electrical and electronic engineering, information technology, business services, and foundation learning. Unitec CEO, Rick Ede, reports, “We have already received positive feedback about the campus from schools and businesses in Albany’s commercial precinct, and the aim is for benefits to flow both ways. Industry experience is one of the best ways for students to learn, and the hope is to develop partnerships with local businesses so this can happen” By introducing a Unitec campus to the Albany area, there are many more study options for students who live in the area. Currently, Massey University and AUT

offer studies in more creative and business oriented fields. Unitec will add a vocational flair to the study opportunities for North Shore students. Concerning the new programmes of study, Ede announces, “Unitec already delivers a diverse range of study programmes at our Waitakere and Mt Albert bases, and we believe our track record for excellence in teaching and learning will stand us in good stead in our new campus.” Members of the Unitec community were present at the official opening in Albany on Thursday, July 28. There is a great deal of excitement around the opening of the new site. Additionally, the Northern Campus will be the first to see some of the “greener scheme” projects put into place. “The campus will also be trialing many new green initiatives which will also be rolled out to all of our campuses” says Ede. The entire Unitec community is happy to welcome the Albany campus into the continuously growing programmes that the institution offers.

University Student Association (OUSA) President staging a three-day protest. In a move to get some publicity, Logan Edgar caged himself up in chilly Dunedin conditions for two nights. "They are locking us out, so I'm locking myself in to make a stand to protect the wide variety of services students associations offer their students”, Mr Edgar told the New Zealand Herald. The protest is a stand against Act party’s Education (Freedom of Association) Amendment Bill, which is pending its final reading before parliament. This comes as a result of Student Associations’ frustrations with the government, who the OUSA say aren’t listening to the submissions opposing the bill. Edgar had just the bare essentials to get himself through the nights, as was evident from the live stream he had set up online. “I’ve just got a stretcher, a hockey stick in case people try to mess, a couple of buckets, and a webcam”, Mr Edgar said. Initially the plan was to protest until Campbell Live turned up, but after securing an interview with them early on his first morning Mr Edgar confirmed he’d be there for the two nights. In a press release published by the VSM bill sponsor Heather Roy, the Act party labeled the protest as a “cheap and misguided stunt”. “Perhaps Logan is bored. His planned protest makes the opposite point to what he presumably intends. Voluntary Student Membership will free students from the cage of student associations, it won’t lock anyone in or out - as Mr Edgar is claiming,” Mrs Roy said. “Ironically even by locking himself in a cage he is giving himself more choice than he gives the students he claims to represent. He can unlock himself from his cage at any time – students are forced to remain members of a student association whether they want to be or not.”

USU PRESENTS:

INTERNATIONAL

FOOD DAY

& STUDENT EXCHANGE

Thursday 11 August

10am - 2pm

i n t h e H u b (bldg 180) Want to travel? Visit the se li ta n ta d n a g n lo a e m Co Student Exchange stall e th h it w s d O r to find out how you can your tastebu variety of food on offer complete part of your d n u ro a ll from countries a degree overseas while paying Unitec fees! the world usu Studentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Association at Unitec

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IN UNISON

FEATURE

Gl u t t o n y [gluht-n-ee] â&#x20AC;&#x201C; noun: ess eating and drinking to exc

vile gluttonous will lie in a Eternal Punishment: The te bas ns tto glu the As n. icy rai slush produced by foul, eethr the puddles, Cerberus, motionless in the slushy rips at the bodies. and rs tea l, header dog of hel

IN UNISON FEATURE

Campus Food Review By Ashley Smith Campus food options have been a large concern for Unitec students this year. Accordingly, In Unison decided to compile a complete list and review of all of the campus food selections to help you make the most appropriate choices for your meals this semester. All of the following meals were purchased for under $10.

CARRINGTON’S

Carrington’s/Pumphouse/Piha at Carrington’s….besides it’s recent identity crisis, Carrington’s hands down has the best menu on campus. They serve some of the tastiest pizzas around. They also have great salad options, and the chicken wings were to die for. Carrington’s is the closest thing to a restaurant experience on campus, plus there are heaps of beer and wine options to enjoy over some nibbles after class. While delicious, Carrington’s is not the most practical option for lunch time feeds when you’re on a budget. With a restaurant atmosphere, comes a restaurant price. This is a great place to meet friends every so often when you’re looking for an occasional nearby treat.

SUBWAY

The Subway located in Building 201 , adjacent the Squash court, is a popular option for dining on campus. Subway offers up its regular menu, with daily specials featuring foot-long subs for $7.90 and 6 inch for $4.90. Subway is an affordable and healthier option on campus. If you’re in a rush, Subway also offers the “text ahead” order, which allows you to text your sandwich order in ahead of time, and skip the line during pick up. This dining option wins the

CONVENIENCE FACTOR AWARD This dining option wins the

BEST HOT MEAL MENU AWARD

IN UNISON FEATURE

THE HUB

This dining option wins the

CHEAPEST FEED FOR YOUR BUCK AWARD The HUB is an obvious choice to stop for lunch during those couple of hours in between classes. Although the food is relatively cheap (easy enough to get a feed in for under $5) the old saying proves true: You get what you pay for. The HUB food displays a range of deep fried options as hot meals including samosas and french fries.

BUILDING 79 THE DESIGN CAFÉ

The cold options include sandwiches and the occasional Pierre’s sushi option. The hidden gem of HUB dining is the breakfast option yoghurt and muesli! For cheap, they sell a helpful portion of fresh fruit, muesli and yogurt, which is most definitely the best breakfast deal on campus.

HUB COFFEE CART

This dining option wins the

UNDERWHELMING AWARD Few know about the small café tucked away behind the design building on the southern end of campus. This café offers up many of your everyday Kiwi classics, pies, paninis, and cakes. I was surprised that the prices for the food were slightly above average considering that the food quality fell slightly below. The Design café does have a few unique options that you wouldn’t find elsewhere on campus, but overall the entire experience was disappointing.

We all know that the coffee cart offers up the usual breakfast options and some mean coffee, but it also has a great lunch option. The coffee cart has a daily soup and bread special for $3.50! This is perfect for anyone tight on money, or needing a hot meal to warm up during the winter months. The soups are always fresh and tasty. This is a great quick and relatively healthy lunch option if you’re in the HUB. This dining option wins the

SIMPLICITY AWARD

CAFÉ 170

This dining option wins the

SWEET TOOTH AWARD

Café 170 is the cafeteria tucked away in the back of the languages building. The café underwent new management at the beginning of this year, and has spent the past few months revamping the menu The food is served in a cafeteria buffet fashion, allowing you to put together your meal however you please. It has heaps of seating for all of its diners, and quite a few multi-national options. There is often a hot curry up for grabs, and delightful hot or cold sandwiches. I must red flag the roti roll as an “avoid at all costs” option, as it has little to no flavour, and leaves a disgusting dry texture in your mouth. There are also lots of delicious pastry and slice options in the deli cabinet. So if you find yourself with a sweet tooth, stop on by!

IN UNISON FEATURE

LONG BLACK CAFÉ

Pi e Gu y By Ross Yearbury

This dining option wins the

CLEAN FOOD AWARD Long Black Café is located in Building 1 at the Northern end of campus. The Arts students tend to hang out here, but the café definitely deserves more of a regular crowd to make the “long haul” across campus for some quality food. Long Black has the best organic and healthful options for lunches. You can easily make a quality meal from their deli fridge for under $10! Long Black is the best place to go when you’re in the mood for something light that has been healthfully considered. The options are always changing, ranging from lentil curries to homemade beef lasagnes. There are also heaps of great vegetarian options if that’s what you’re after.

FU LIN KITCHEN AT WAITAKERE Tiny and cosy Chinese eatery Fu Lin Kitchen is one of several cheap Asian eateries in the Henderson shopping area. Immediately to your right when you proceed through the Arcade past the Waitakere Library out onto Great North Road, it does an excellent deal on $6.00 lunch – generally either fish, chicken, or BBQ pork on rice. Objectively not the greatest Eastern cuisine you’ll ever enjoy, but seriously filling – you shan’t need another meal until well into the evening. Both eat-in and takeaway options are provided, and the service is minimal (it’s lunchtime, and they’re getting slammed) but smiley. Vegetarians have the option of tofu dishes, but will have to contend with a graphic array of sides of pork and partially disembowelled duck dangling from hooks in a shopfront. At least it forces you to be honest about what you’re eating. The reviewer’s girlfriend took her previous boyfriend to Fu Lin and he hated it and complained bitterly, a surefire sign that Fu Lin welcomes the open-minded diner and not pretentious wankers. This dining option wins the

BEST ETHNIC EATERY AWARD

R? YOU KNOW WHAT’LL WHAT IS IT WITH THIS WEATHE the urge to review my ted resis have FIX IT, A PIE! Until now I be totally biased. I’ll do you a favourite pie shop seeing as I’ll Bakers Cottage in Kingsland favour and let the secret out, The . sets the bar for this call sign isn’t the half of it. The They make awesome pies and that yourselves a favour, get a lime coffee is freakin’ sweet, and do won’t exactly need it--and tart, it’ll knock your socks off. You you in the arse (or just bite to back e your gluttony will com th it. add to it I guess)... but it's so wor you as soon as you walk in, at ble grum will ach stom Your t looking sandwiches, grea and ts as there are so many trea of-course, pies. All of their pies rolls, re-heat-able lunches, and cheese goes for three ninety, are well priced, their steak and dle of good student chow. mid which places it square in the even on a main bus route, There is parking onsite and it is to get down there and fill your so there really is no excuse not conservatory slash veranda little pie hole. They have this great er’s day and makes for a wint crisp a on which catches the sun nice morning tea venue. urite steak and cheese pie Of-course, I purchased my favo embered from the last visit. rem I as and it was just as fantastic a little on the hot side, The temperature is spot on, if not stache hairs off. The mou your and the first bite doesn’t singe yellow. The meat is not and tasty pastry is only slightly flaky, ed and flavoursome in good from half decent cuts, well cook too oily. gravy. The cheese is tasty and not pie, of the variety you Honestly, this is a good hearty kiwi run by little old ladies shop d brea hot ll normally find at a sma out in the wop wops. all over, I was a greedy guts Then, just when I thought it was . and bought another one pie and boy-o-boy I’m glad This time I got a butter chicken y, and you’re lucky I’m even I did. Gluttony was so sweet toda use you sure wouldn’t have beca sharing the tale of it with you, gotten a bite of my pie. only thing missing was a It was extraordinarily tasty, the one of those in a pie… fit bowl of steamed rice, if you can ken and it was nicely chic of cuts best They used only the that warm orange colour you cooked in a decent gravy, with hope your gut can hold on to. . It pays to get there For a small bakery, it is fairly busy noon if you want to sit down earlier than the masses at high rt, because sitting down to and relax, and hey, make the effo stuff is a thing we need to k blac a good pie and a cup of the enjoy more. , go there or be square. Five out of five Baker’s Cottage sins with a hard, my for Now I’d best go pay penance purgatorial run.

IN UNISON

FEATURE

Pride

[prahyd] – nou opinion of on n: a high or inordinat e e's own dign ity, importa merit, or su nce, periority, w hether as ch the mind or erished in as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc. Eternal Pu nishment: The pridefu an eternity l will frozen benea th the lake of spend with only th Cocytus, eir faces abov e the frozen to maintain surface a consciousn ess of their suffering. Th pain and e exposed fa ces spend n their time sc early all of reaming in agony and ex their absolu pressing te miser y.

Egotism And Arrogance The Need For Pride In Sport By Nathan Calis Pride in sport is not something most would consider a bad thing. Just think about some of the things you regularly hear in sports circles: “pride of the jersey”, “provincial pride”, and “school pride”. They all tend to have a positive connotation. However, I would like to see New Zealand sport embrace the negative sort of pride ---- the type of pride where the boundaries of meaning extend to arrogance and egotism.

IN UNISON FEATURE

Just reflect back to some of the most dominating sporting teams and individuals in history, such as Muhammad Ali, the Australian Cricket team, Tiger Woods, Anthony Mundine, the Australian League team and John McEnroe. They are all notorious for exuding a sense of arrogance and big headedness. Do you ever hear any of these teams and individuals talking about just going out and doing their best? I’d suggest the answer is no; everything is about winning and their expectation to do so on every occasion. Australia seems to have mastered this way of thinking. Right across the sporting landscape, Australian sportspeople harness their arrogance and egotism and use it to dominate others whom they compete against. Ricky Ponting, Glen McGrath, Mal Meninga, Leighton Hewitt, Mo’onia Gerrard, and George Gregan are just a few of the many Australian sporting individuals that personify the arrogance and egotism that has

I WOULD LIKE TO SEE NEW ZEALAND SPORT EMBRACE THE NEGATIVE SORT OF PRIDE IN SPORT-THE TYPE OF PRIDE WHERE THE BOUNDARIES OF MEANING EXTEND TO ARROGANCE, EGOTISM been crucial to Australia’s sporting excellence. What’s more, these teams and individuals are good for sport. They tend to increase interest and the emotional value of sport. The polarizing effect makes supporters love their players, and the opposition’s supporters despise them. For example, some of my most anticipated games of rugby were the battles between the Wallabies and the All Blacks throughout the 90s, largely because as a kid I hated the Wallabies. I loved nothing more than to see the arrogant players such as George Gregan and John Eales get beaten by my almighty All Blacks. While Australia seems to have mastered the egotistic and arrogant sporting pride, it tends to not come naturally for New Zealanders. Perhaps this can be explained by the tall poppy syndrome that is evident in society, with sportspeople unwilling to put their head above the crowd to promote themselves at the risk of having it chopped off. Perhaps it is simply our appreciation for modesty. Or perhaps we envy wearing the underdog tag so we can maintain the ‘we punch above our weight’ mantra. Regardless, we suck at being an arrogant and egotistical sporting nation. For example, when the All Blacks—arguably our most successful team—took on rugby minnows Fiji recently, we were too humble. “We’ll see how we get on”, “they are a good team”, “they can be really physical”—blah, blah, blah. For once, I’d like to see Richie McCaw come out and say something along the lines of “Obviously we’re going to win, but we want to put a ton on them”. Or they could even go one step further and begin to taunt their opponents, such as “We are going to smash those guys so hard, even their mascot’s going to need an ice bath”. They say that sport is all about attitude, and I think New Zealand sport needs to develop a winner’s attitude like this.

Pride Guide for the Wine-o By Kristine Aitchison EVER WONDERED ABOUT THE RULES OF DINING ETIQUETTE when ordering a bottle of wine with dinner? Conversations cease, as the waiter awkwardly opens the wine bottle at your table, pouring only a drop into your glass and hovers over you, awaiting your acceptance. I mean, they’ve specially opened the bottle for you, so it would be rude to say “no I don’t like this one, bring me another”…Right? So what’s the point of the whole performance? Surely, if you are allowed to try before you buy, then this gives you the “option” to refuse it? Unfortunately, this isn’t the case. So how are you supposed to behave in this situation? Prior to working at Glengarry’s, I had no idea what was expected. I always thought this little ritual was to check if the wine was “off” (corked is the proper term), but anyone who has a little wine knowledge understands there is a sort of ‘tasting ritual’ to undertake when sampling wine. It begins with a small tasting portion (usually just enough for a mouthful or two) poured into your wine glass. Hold the glass by the stem and swirl the liquid in circles, which supposedly adds air to the wine and brings out its full flavor. The key to this skill is simple; when swirling, aim to keep the liquid “in” the glass and not on yourself, the table, or your date. Step two: get your nose in there and give the wine a good sniff. This is when you can make comments on the wine’s aromatics, for example: “mmmm yes, I can definitely smell hints of the capsicum or strawberry’s”. Step three is of course the taste. Take a sip, not a gulp, and give it a good swirl in and around your mouth. You may want to mention how the wine has good texture, spice or fruit flavors and by now your dining companion and the waiter should be convinced that you know a little something about wine. So what’s the point if you find that you still don’t actually like the wine? Well, you would just have to accept the fact that most restaurants will now expect you to purchase the open bottle, unless there is ‘really’ something wrong with it. Therefore, may I suggest that when dining, order a bottle with which you have previous knowledge and experience, or just order a glass of the chosen wine first, prior to purchasing the bottle. So, what have I tried this month? Well I purchased a little bargain at Foodtown, called the Gunn Estate Pinot Noir 2010 from the Hawkes Bay. The Hawkes Bay is known for its warm climate and for producing fruity wines. It exuded red berry fruit aromatics on the nose and a very gentle spice and fruity sweetness on the palate. This little bargain is lighter in style, easy to drink and would compliment a pasta dish. Perfect for the budget conscious at $9.99. Yum.

IN UNISON

FEATURE

Dear Womenfolk,

Thank you for nk you are all awesome. First things first, I thi er, casual oth sister, mother, grandm being my best friends, -High-School, -in -to ked l-that-I-never-tal acquaintances, and gir file pictures. I ments on all of my pro but for some reason com o contact with, of the women I come int adore and respect 99% writing to the am I . regard this column so most of you can dis incapable of s les or e mor e that is certain guilty percentag ’t know who you ment. You probably don giving a genuine compli the lines of: ng r said anything alo are. But if you have eve ial hair than fac e mor got , but she’s “Well sure, she’s skinny huge thighs” YOU e yeah, pity about her Gandalf” or, “She’s cut need to listen up. discourse and it is as the “Skinny Bitch” This is known by some e personally met as fellow females. I hav ruining our coalition all angsty when h some of you. You get and actually chilled wit done it to piss ’s she king awesome…like loo up ns tur end fri r you how hot she looks, Instead of telling her you off or something. scrabble about it inanely irrelevant and you bring up something ere better to be. ewh an excuse to find som out p whi can you il unt Does your best ing women a bad name! Settle down! You’re giv lousy? Kermit the make you green with jea friend’s perfect figure Tell her she’s . s not jealous of anyone Frog is green, but he’ bre. I promise. hom my , you any less hot banging! It won’t make few things that pliment is one of the In fact, a genuine com without any simultaneously happier, will make both parties p, and c’mon cra is sy to either! Jealou s los ll) sma (or at gre it. you are way too good for e and t of us feel inadequat The sad fact is that mos e of the media, aus bec time; sometimes the of h muc ive act ttr una ven itself which for years has pro that formidable entity elmingly good rwh ove n’t are who g women incapable of showcasin friends, who boy or ause of boyfriends forgotten looking. Sometimes, bec has she e aus l to pieces bec be it’s a will verbally tear a gir may h, a couple of weeks. Yea selfthe to shave her armpits for of out let’s keep the girls little terrifying, but defeating drama! g easier. And try it will make everythin Live and let shave and couple more you’ll probably get a a couple of compliments, back. Sincerely, Saraid

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Enviable Abs By Britany Dyke It’s mid-year and the perfect time to begin thinking about your summer shape up! Getting rid of unwanted tummy fat can be difficult but with a little bit of motivation you’ll soon be on the road to the look you’ve always wanted! Here are ten simple steps to get you on your way... 1. FIRST THINGS FIRST, CUT THE CARBS! Those delicious carbs are what play a huge part in keeping your tummy plump! The more you can cut down – the better! 2. DRINK WATER OVER ANYTHING ELSE! If you have an option, take water! This will also fill you up and help with digestion. 3. DON’T FORGET THE OBVIOUS, CRUNCHES! Do at least ten a day, as each day passes, do more crunches! Push yourself! 4. ANOTHER HABIT WE’RE ALL GUILTY OF IS SNACKING AFTER DINNER. Ensure you stop eating at least 3 hours before you go to sleep – it will make a huge difference! 5. SPEAKING OF SLEEP, ENSURE YOU ARE GETTING ENOUGH OF IT! What has this got to do with getting a flat stomach you ask? Ensuring you get at least 8 hours sleep a night can help your metabolism stay high also and maintain your hormonal balance! 6. THIS IS A HANDED DOWN HINT. ALMONDS! Yep! Eat a handful (about 8) every morning! They are perfect for your protein intake which in return helps to tackle your tummy fat.

En v y

[en-vee] – noun: a longing to poss ess something awarded to or achieved by another; a feeling of resentment that another has gained something that one more rightfully deserves

Eternal Punishment: The envious will enter hell and have their eyes brutally sewn shut. This prev ents any further sinful indulgence in watching others suffe r in the deprivation of what is theirs.

7. EXERCISE, EXERCISE, EXERCISE. Although crunches are the best way to get those abs fast, exercising your whole body plays a big part as well. And we all know what to do... take the stairs! 8. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT YOUTUBE WOULD COME IN HANDY? You did! Look up YouTube for some simple ten minute workouts. These are brilliant, and most of all, free! 9. A PERFECT SELF TRAINING TIP IS TO PLANK! No, not the latest planking craze. But the proper fitness plank (also known as a static hold). Time yourself and try to increase your time everyday! It soon becomes a fun challenge as you try to beat your own time. 10. LASTLY, HAVE FUN. That is what exercising is all about. Set yourself goals and you will be on the road to flat abs before you know it!

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Sloth

[slawth] – noun: habitual disinclina tion to exertion; indolence; laziness.

Eternal Punishment: The slothful will suffer a lethargic and disgusting punishm ent in hell. They float in the river of Styx (a foul swampy pond) and become pruned and satu rated in the vile slush.

The Slothful Snooze Addiction By Nathan Calis Hi. I’m Nathan Calis and I’m a snooze button addict. No, I’m not addicted to the ‘outy’ belly button women get when they’re pregnant, or falling asleep after intercourse without first decoupling (thanks Urban Dictionary). I am in fact addicted to that button on the alarm clock that offers nine precious extra minutes of sleep each morning. In that one moment when I am woken up by my alarm, I want nothing more than to have just one more snooze. It is my drug. This is a story of my battle with the slothful snooze button.

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My snooze usage started innocuously. Working as a labourer on a building site a few years back I had to get up much earlier than usual. To make the transition to early mornings easier, I decided to set my alarm ten minutes before I needed to get up so I could use the snooze button once, thus waking up slowly and luxuriously. Like any addiction, it grew exponentially from there. In no time I was setting my alarm for an hour before I needed to wake up so that I could hit the beloved snooze button 6-7 times before actually waking. Alas, the satisfaction of the snooze wore off quickly, but I was already hooked. I am not alone either. I would bet many of you are snooze-aholics just like me. A stat I found on the internet (so it must be true) suggested that one in every three people press the snooze button an average of three times each morning. The question is: what is the appeal of the snooze? Is it that ecstatic feeling that although you have woken up, it is not time to get up and go to work yet? Is it the feeling that you are indulging in a sleep-in? Or is it simply that cocoon of comfort and warmth that is just so irresistible? For me, it is a mixture of the three. Given the fact that the snooze period is traditionally nine minutes short, I thought it was appropriate to consider nine different techniques to breaking the snooze button addiction and waking up earlier.

2. WAKE UP TO AN UPLIFTING SONG YOU ENJOY

1. MOVE ALARM OUT OF SNOOZER’S GRASP

My grandfather always tells me I should shout “Hallelujah!” when I wake up to celebrate the fact that I did in fact wake up and am still alive. In saying that, I’m sure when you’re over 80 every day would seem like a blessing. Another similar suggestion was to crack a big smile when the alarm first goes off. This didn’t work for me, but could be worth your while giving a go.

The most common advice for breaking the snooze habit is to put your alarm out of reach so that when the alarm goes in the morning you have to get up to hit the snooze button. The theory that getting up will be enough to wake up the snoozer sounds good but it is not universally true. Say you woke up in the middle of the night. From my experience, getting back to sleep is a piece of piss. I therefore question whether walking across the bedroom to hit snooze is going to be any different. For me, the answer was no.

Most alarm clocks are cursed with the most horrendous of noises to wake up to. However, with many people now using cell phone alarm clocks there are several options at one’s disposal. Regardless, after a while of using even the most pleasant alarm, I end up despising the sound. The same thing happened when I tried waking up to a song I liked. Safe to say my alarm clock ruined my Shapeshifter album for me. 3. BRIBE YOURSELF Another common suggestion floating around the interweb is to give yourself some incentives to wake up early. Online contributors suggest buying really nice breakfasts to treat yourself for waking up early. The problem I see with this idea is that it requires self-control. Who’s to say you won’t eat the yummy breakfast once you’ve indulged in a cheeky snooze? 4.GET AN ANNOYING PET This was one of the more ridiculous ones I found on the web. People suggested you get an annoying animal—like a child— that keeps you awake when they are awake. This seems like a drastic action and a poor reason to invest in a new pet, but the theory has merit. 5. MAKE A POSITIVE START

6. TALK TO SOMEONE The success of this one depends on your ability to talk whilst still being asleep. The theory goes that the brain capacity needed to have a conversation with someone is enough to wake you up. Wrong. Whilst still living in the nest,

I got my Mum to wake me up. “Are you awake?”, she would yell down the hallway. “I’m awake”, I would lie back to her whilst still very much asleep. I took it as a clear message from my body that it too wanted to have an extended sleep-in. 7. MAKE IT DIFFICULT TO HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON If moving your alarm clock out of reach didn’t work for you, perhaps you could make it even harder to hit that magical snooze button. Common suggestions on the internet include putting the alarm in a safe box that requires a combination to get into, wrapping a bike lock around the snooze button, and buying a rascally alarm clock that hides itself somewhere in your room. 8. MAKE UP SOME CONSEQUENCES For those of you lucky enough to have a coffee maker with a timer on it, you could set it to make a pot of coffee for just after your alarm clock goes off. What makes this extra fun is that you keep the coffee pot in bed with you so that if you press the snooze button, you’re going to have a lot of cleaning up to do once you do get up. This sounds like a great plan, so long as you don’t mind explaining to people why you take a coffee pot to bed with you each night. 9. MAKE YOUR BED UNCOMFORTABLE Some wise guy on the Internet concludes that people get addicted to the snooze button due to the warmth and comfort of our beds. Considering this, he suggests that simply making the bed less warm and comfortable would cure the snooze addiction. This technique would be likely to break your snooze habit; assuming you could get to sleep in the first place. And the time you save by not snoozing can be spent at the physio fixing your resulting back problems. I hope that these tips will be helpful in assisting you to break your slothful snooze addiction. Just remember, the first step to recovery is acknowledging that you have a problem.

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Lu s t

[luhst] â&#x20AC;&#x201C; noun: a strong drive or desire for sexual grat ification Eternal Punishment: The souls of the lustful will be caught up in an eternally violent whirlwind storm. The power and volatility of the wind represents the soulâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s irrepress ible and aimless power for lust.

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Lust...The Most Divine Comedy By Natalie Clark You’re young and (assumingly) beautiful. The cosmic horn is calling and you can’t help but lust after the many other young and beautiful creatures all about the place. Sure, you’ve heard the warnings that it’s a bad idea to “screw the crew”. But nonetheless those inappropriate crushes on your classmates, flatmates and lecturers still somehow seem to eventuate. It’s just so convenient. You’re in close proximity to each other for a large portion of your waking day. The common interest foundations are already laid (pun intended) without having to invest huge amounts of effort into stalking/acquiring information. It’s a recipe for romantic success! Sure, you could go and scour internet dating websites, rummage through the trash of the inner city’s night clubs or ACTUALLY MEET SOMEONE. But you’re a dedicated student. You spend your whole day at school or studying at home and have no (sex) life outside of Unitec. You’re focused, committed and infatuated. You don’t have time to bother with all that unnecessary dating rubbish. Disclaimer: All dating tips suggested in this article are undertaken at your own risk. USU does not condone any of the following dating tips, which are meant solely for entertainment value. THE CLASSMATE Why It Will Work: The painfully boring pre-requisite questions of dating (“So what do you do?”, “What are you interested in?”) can be conveniently overlooked. Fate has already brought you together in life so you might as well get onto it, right? How to go about it: If you take Osteopathy, all you need to do is turn up to class. We know y’all get

If you know in advance a brief is going to be given out during that class, make sure you’re already sitting in close proximity so that Miss GHD doesn’t beat you to it. It is especially good if the assignment is done in pairs, ‘cause you can get way more intimate than in an awkward group scenario. Once you’ve been assigned together, take an unnatural interest in completing the project. Insist on “working” together every day. Always ask the key question

IF YOU TAKE OSTEOPATHY, ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TURN UP TO CLASS. WE KNOW Y'ALL GET NAKED FOR YOUR LESSONS. WORK OUT MORE. WEAR LACE. IT'S A NO BRAIN-ER naked for your lessons. Work out more. Wear lace. It’s a no brain-er. Otherwise, the next time your tutor dishes out the brief for a group assignment bags working with your crush. Appear calm and avoid clambering raucously over the seats to get to them.

“your place or mine?” Once you get confident with this, slip the word “baby” onto the end. They’ll soon get the hint and you’ll be “working” all over the house. What happens if it gets messy: Unfortunately if things go horribly wrong

you’re stuck with this person for the remainder of your degree. Also, if you’re in a small class you can be sure that everyone WILL hear about it. As such, it’s better to lust after classmates if you’re in a more populated department. That way you can avoid avoid avoid until the cows come home. No-one wants to get an ‘F’ on their assignment AND end up alone. That’s just a sad combo. THE FLATMATE Why it will work: Location, location, location. Romance is just a short hop across the hallway. Unlike raunching it up with your classmate there’s no dithering about who’s house to stay the night at, only which bedroom. If you’re adventurous enough, you can change it up between yours and theirs. Plus it’s cheaper than your average relationship. You can cook a meal from the flat account rather than taking them to some fancy restaurant and watch American Idol in your lounge as opposed to paying for movie tickets.

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Dear Barbie Dear Barbie, Straight up. How do I get out of the “friend zone” with one of my special lady friends? - All friend-ed out

This inappropriate crush is ideal for those working off a budget. How to go about it: On a Thursday, initiate a casual conversation about how expensive the rent is. Remind your flat-crush of all the wonderful things they could buy if only rent was cheaper (because you live with/ lust after them, you should know their most intimate heart’s desires). Leave them to ponder over this for a few days. On Monday, when they’ve spent all their money on going out over the weekend and are hanging out for Wednesday’s paycheck, suggest room-sharing to save on costs. If they decline, hide all their food, drain the petrol out of their car and scour their bedsheets for hidden coinage. Suggest pizza for dinner and when they say they’re out of money, order one for yourself and eat it in front of them. Hopefully by this point they’ll be at the peak of desperation and that room-sharing idea will be looking really attractive. Ignore all rules about who’s side of the bed is who’s. Jump them in the middle of the night when they least expect it. What happens if it gets messy: Cut up their EFTPOS card. And their credit card. Remind them that you’re doing this for their own good. Because you care. Guilt-trip them ‘til they back down.Worst case scenario you can always evict the new flatmate and move back into your original room. Or evict the ex-crush. It’s their fault for not paying the bills/adequately safeguarding their credit card.

THE LECTURER Why it will work: They’re smart, they’re mature, they don’t hang around in the village carpark drinking every night of the week and they’re successful. They have a full-time job to support your every (justified) material desire. Let’s face it, the unemployment rate is going up and cougars are in. You need someone to support you. You should totes snap up your cute lecturer. How to go about it: First, do some research. Are they single? If so, eat away at their insecurities by filling them in on the “rumours” your fellow students are spreading about them. Comfort them after class. Convince them you’re different. Get better grades. Be a teacher’s pet. Pet the teacher. If they’re otherwise engaged, book a private tutorial. Make sure it’s in a room with a lock on the door. Lure them over by referring to a specific diagram in your textbook. Seduce them. Threaten to take legal action if they tell anyone. Repeat weekly/daily as desired. What happens if it gets messy: You’re in the shit, sweetheart. Best keep this one under wraps. Black-mailing is a winner and you’re younger and craftier than they. Crapping this one up could severely impact your grades/degree/ future/life. In this instance, move to Bulgaria and change your name to Stanislaus.

Dear all friend-ed out, Once you’re in the friend zone, it is extremely hard to get out. This girl has obviously found comfort in the current state of your relationship, and you’re worried about screwing that up. Understandably. So! The best approach would be to not dump it all on her at once…that could be too much to handle. Girls are very complicated, so what I suggest is to ease into the odd compliment here and there. She’ll notice, believe me. The next step is to shout a random meal out or drink, and take note of how she reacts. Based on her reaction, stop there, or move forward by discussing the prospect of a formal date. If you’ve made it to this point, you’re most likely in the clear to moving out of the friend zone. GOODLUCK! XX Barbie

Dear Barbie, The guy I’m dating is all about the sexting. I have a hard time even being flirty over a simple text message. Is it normal to not know how to respond to this? Sexting Prude Dear Sexting Prude, I’d say what you’re feeling is normal. Some people are better at expressing their sexual self in person. In the case of your boyfriend, it sounds like he is more comfortable in non-personal circumstances, which may be a larger issue altogether. Don’t force anything, because it will end up sounding just as fake as it feels. Next time you get a “flirty” sext, just reply by saying how flattered you are, and you’d really like to see his words come to life next time you meet up. It may sound totally lame, but there are few things more uncomfortable than a half-hearted sext. XX Barbie

usu

enough bills on your plaTe? Then sell your second hand TexTbooks and geT some exTra cash in your pockeT!

lisT Them online for free aT usu Studentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Association at Unitec

www.usu.co.nz/buysell

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Greed

[greed]– noun: excessive or rapaciou s desire, especially for wealth or possessions.

Eternal Punishment: The greedy will be caught in the middle of an eternal disp ute between the hoarders and squander ers. As a weapon, the greedy will push the massive weight of their own wealth forward with nothing but their chests, with no chan ce for break.

Top Dollar Earning Career Choices By Ashley Smith Graduating with a tertiary degree leaves many with the looming question: “What’s next?” For most of you, the next check on the list will be to jumpstart your career. In doing so, there are a number of factors to consider when you’re looking to make as much money as possible out of your career. More often than not, careers are a long term investment of time. Entry level positions will never offer the most enticing salary, but by planning ahead, there is a lot of money to be made along many career paths.

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TOP EARNING CAREERS IN NEW ZEALAND ACCORDING TO THE 2011 HAYS SALARY GUIDE FOR NEW ZEALAND, the top money making careers are in: Medical Practice, Information Technology, Finance, Engineering, and Sales/ Marketing. According to the Seek.com salary Survey, the average career salary in New Zealand is approximately $50,000. Wellington leads as the top earning city nation-wide, but Auckland doesn’t fall too far behind.

HERE IS HOW EACH OF THE CAREER PATHS BROKE DOWN IN A NATIONAL SALARY SURVEY: DOCTOR: Average NZ Salary = $140,000 per annum Becoming a doctor in New Zealand is, on average, the most lucrative career. Unlike most other entry level positions, a doctor’s entry salary averages around $92,000, with a potential wage nearing $175,000. SALES/MARKETING MANAGER: Average NZ Salary = $120,000 As the market recovers, big businesses are focusing more on re-branding development, making sales and marketing positions desirable. Online specialists are in particularly high demand, as social networking thrives as a marketing niche. I.T. SERVICE MANAGER: Average NZ Salary = $110,000 per annum Hays Recruitment research found that I.T. contract rates are slowly on the rise back to pre-recession levels. Positions in I.T. are more available than ever as companies intend

to complete “key projects that have been delayed”. “For candidates, the year ahead will produce a number of refreshing challenges, career opportunities and higher salaries” -2011 Hays Salary Guide FINANCIAL ACCOUNTANT: Average NZ Salary = $90,000 As the New Zealand economy has entered “recovery mode” there has been an increase in the demand for employable finance specialists. The potential wage for a NZ based financial accountant hovers around $116,000. ENGINEER: Average NZ Salary = $90,000 Due to the high availability of engineer candidates, finding a job has become more difficult in recent years. In the next year, particular concentrations that are in high demand include: Structural, Transportation, and Geotechnical Engineers.

IS A POST-GRADUATE DEGREE REALLY WORTH IT? Research has proven that as a national economy suffers, the applications for post-graduate programmes increase dramatically. The general public assumes that a higher degree of education buys them “insurance for their future”. The vulnerability in a wavering economy seems to shake professionals right back into the classroom. It appears that the understanding remains that a post-graduate degree opens up more opportunities for a professional. But is this truly the case? According to a U.S. Census survey, individuals who have completed their postgraduate degree make an average of $10,000 more annually than those who have their bachelor degree. These numbers need to be juxtaposed with the accumulated debt that results from a post-graduate degree. An important issue to consider is whether the extra education ends up paying off when it comes to employment opportunities.

Nowadays in an interview situation, which are future employers valuing more: a post-grad, or 2-3 years work experience? Julie Cressey, the “Recruitment Expert” from Madison Recruitment and TV One lends her opinion, “At the moment, having the work experience is gold. The tangible skills are what employers are looking for; they feel safe hiring someone with good experience. It’s invaluable”. Employment specialists recommend that if a post-graduate degree is not necessary to your field than find work in your respective field, as it makes for a more attractive and employable candidate. If a post-graduate degree is a definite goal, it would be wise to work for a couple of years for a company that may sponsor your degree as part of an “employee development programme”. In this case, you maintain job experience and receive your post-grad degree with no fees. This is the best case scenario.

SECRET POTENTIAL SUPER DOLLAR CAREERS Many careers have starting salaries that aren’t especially enticing to new comers to the job market. The following are some of the emerging super dollar careers in New Zealand that provide amazing potential payoff if you invest the time. According to the 2011 Hays Salary Guide: #1 SECRET SUPER DOLLAR CAREER PATH: QUANTITY SURVEYOR The entry level dollar amount for a quantity surveyor is around $45,000. Big projects in the Auckland area such as Rugby World Cup and the Waterview project are providing much more demand for high quality specialists in this field. Hays estimates the potential wage for this position at $134,000. #2 SECRET SUPER DOLLAR CAREER PATH: CONSTRUCTION MANAGEMENT Construction management is going to be in particularly high demand in the Christchurch area during the next year for the rebuilding projects. An entry level wage for this position sits at $38,000 but the potential earning wage is $110,000! #3 SECRET SUPER DOLLAR CAREER PATH: COMMUNICATIONS ADVISOR/ MANAGER The rising economy has a lot to do with the potential of this position. As organizations are recovering, they are fine tuning their communication departments. At entry level, this position can expect approximately $48,000 but it has the potential to earn $149,000. The money hotspot careers for the upcoming year are positions that are involved in any sort of international competition. The New Zealand dollar is in a more competitive position than it’s seen in years. Accordingly, government infrastructure development will create higher paying careers in financial analysis and marketing/business.

The Career Centre, as part of Student Wellbeing, helps students and graduates find direction and employment. They provide a Jobsite for students and graduates, CV and Cover letter assistance, Job search and Interview strategies, Interactive employment workshops and career and course planning. Drop in to Building 28 at Mt Albert, phone 815 2948, email career@ unitec.ac.nz or visit www.career.unitec.ac.nz for more information. Career Consultants are also available by appointment at Waitakere and the Northern campus.

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Wrathful Rant By Bruce Lightfoot ‘Angry with retribution’. Like a Bruce Willis film- shoot the bad guy in the chest, he falls off a cliff, into a raging fire below him, while covered in kerosene and molasses. THAT kind of angry. I get angry all the time about things. Unrestrained wrath feeds on itself, and should be controlled. Pope Gregory the Great offered the antidote to ‘wrath’: that of patience.

Wrath

[rath] – noun: strong, fierce anger; deep resentful indignation

Eternal Punishment: The wrathful are damned to the fifth circle of hell. They stand ankle deep in the River of Styx, a foul swampy pond. Swimming among the depths of the pond are the angered souls of the wrathful, whic h attack the bodies of the sinner from beneath the surface.

As if. Who can be bothered waiting for anything these days. I have no time to wait. Whether it is for McDonald’s, a haircut, or a promotion at work. I am in a hurry, and the more I hurry, the more annoyed I get—hence, the angrier I get. And I intend to get even, but just not yet. My plan: to save up the entirety of my wrath until the twilight time of my life, and unleash it all at once. I will wait until I am ninety years old, and then become an angry old man. Not a nice pleasant chap that children warm up to, or with whom people like to chat. No way. I am going to become a miserable old bastard. If someone cuts me off on the motorway, I will rear end them and laugh as their car spins off the road. If someone tags my fence, I will follow them home and spray paint their house with obscenities. If someone pushes in front of me at the supermarket, I will tip over their trolley, spilling their groceries on the floor. Mess everywhere; and I will calmly point out they have more than twelve items and should be in another lane. I might be bringing this too far, but it’s the truth. A Mark Bryers might clean me out on a property deal, and leave me penniless, and walk away from the courts with a suspended sentence. So I will follow him to a café, and spill my hot coffee down his back. Or park my scooter on his foot, so he always walks with a limp. I am expecting to live a charmed life for a while, but sooner or later, it will all catch up with me. Unrestrained anger will fuel more and more into un-relinquished wrath, and eventually I will find myself handing out punishments far excessive to their crimes. A man will be found unconscious in a movie theatre with a cell phone cello taped to his ear. A parking warden with a half written parking ticket, found tied to a lamp post, as dogs piss on his leg. A spammer, at his computer, about to email a million people regarding their “lotto win”, glued to his chair and chained inches from the fridge and phone. They will start to add up, the police will notice, and I’ll probably get ten years. But what the hell, I’ll be in my nineties. So I’ll probably only have to serve half my time.

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Concord Dawn Interview By Jenaya Johnston When you released your first album 'Concord Dawn' in 2000, did you ever expect to be so successful ten years later? No not at all, and I have quite a vivid imagination too. There's still a long way to go till Im Michael Jackson though!!! Your third album 'Uprising' really cemented your place in the international market. How was it different to the first two albums? It was the first time we had used vocals , so that may have helped. Also Evan has been off chasing skirt on the other side of the world and we had a break for a bit which always clears the creative sinuses somewhat. 'Uprising' reached gold status in NZ after just three months and went on to go platinum. What was your reaction? I had a beer. Where is your favourite place to perform and why? Russia or New Zealand. Both nuts in different ways. What do you think it takes to be successful in the music industry? Perseverance, luck, and talent.

How do you think NZ music rates in comparison to overseas? It’s the same, except it’s from New Zealand. We do have a lot more barbeque reggae than any other country in the world per head of population I guess…but then we probably have a lot more barbeques too. I would say lots of our pop music can be even more shitty and generic than pop music from bigger countries, if that’s even possible, as a lot of it is simply badly imitating stuff that has worked in bigger territories. What are your plans for the future? Sleeping, eating and swimming. Eventually moving back to NZ when I get bored of Europe and then having babies and growing some veges and all of that. Will we be seeing you at Rhythm and Vines this year? Not on the 30th or 31st no. That’s all I know so far. I don’t sort these things out though as I am too stupid and irresponsible for such complex matters. Where can we keep up to date with Concord Dawn? www.facebook.com/concorddawnNZ www.twitter.com - @ConcordDawnNZ www.soundcloud.com/concord-dawn

Concord Dawn with support from Maya Vanya is playing on Friday the 12th at Carington's Pumphouse. Tickets are $10 from USU reception or dashtickets.co.nz.

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SEND YOUR CAPTIONS TO INUNISON@UNITEC.AC.NZ OR TXT TO 022 095 1455 THE TOP 3 FAVOURITE SUBMISSIONS FOR THIS WEEKS CAPTION CONTEST WILL RECEIVE A DOUBLE PASS TO HORRIBLE BOSSES. HORRIBLE BOSSES is coming to cinemas on the 4th August, and Warner Bros. Pictures and In Unison are giving you the chance to win one of 3 Admit two tickets!!!

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CARTOON

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SYNOPSIS For Nick, Kurt and Dale, the only thing that would make the daily grind more tolerable would be to grind their intolerable bosses into dust. There’s only one problem: even the best laid plans are only as foolproof as the brains behind them. Starring, Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis, Jennifer Aniston and Colin Farrell. Official Website: www.horriblebosses.co.nz In Cinemas 4th Aug 2011 Rating: R16 - CONTAINS OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE, DRUG USE

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a N I W

0 0 0 1 ! r e h c u o V Travel

Simply sign up at studentflights.co.nz or in store to get the latest deals from Student Flights Hamilton

Auckland

357 Victoria Street Call 0800 38 44 48

5 Victoria Street East Call 0800 39 44 48

*Register & win prize conditions: To be eligible, entrants must register their details at www.studentflights.co.nz or at any Student Flights store in NZ, prior to 5pm on 15 August 11. Entrants must be 18 years or over at time of entry. Existing Student Fights customers already registered on the database are also eligible to enter. The winning entrant shall receive a prize of $1000 travel voucher to be used at any Student Flights store in New Zealand prior to 31 August 12. By entering this competition you agree to receive promotional offers from Student Flights via email and/or TXT of which you can opt out at any stage. Winner will be drawn at random on 31 Aug 11 & will be notified by phone or email. Judges decision is final. Prize is non-transferable & not redeemable for cash or foreign exchange. Student Flights reserves the right to verify the validity of entries & to disqualify any entry that is not in accordance with these terms & conditions. Student Flightâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, a division of Flight Centre (NZ) Limited, standard terms and conditions apply, please refer to: www.studentflights.co.nz/booking-terms-condition

IN UNISON

WHATS ON

WEEK 1 MONDAY 1ST USU Free BBQ at Waitakere Campus Level 1 Courtyard 12:30pm USU Free BBQ at The Hub Bldg180 Mt Albert, 12:30pm

TUESDAY 2ND USU Free BBQ at Waitakere Campus Level 1 Courtyard 12:30pm USU Free BBQ at The Hub Bldg180 Mt Albert, 12:30pm Market Day at The Hub

WEDNESDAY 3RD USU Free BBQ at Waitakere Campus Level 1 Courtyard 12:30pm USU Free BBQ at The Hub Bldg180 Mt Albert, 12:30pm

THURSDAY 4TH USU Free Soup at Building One Mt Albert, 12pm USU Free Gaming Day Uni Lounge, The Hub, Mt Albert. 12 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 4pm **Waitakere Party at The Hanger Has been postponed to a later date**

FRIDAY 5TH USU Free BBQ at North Shore Campus 12:30pm

IN UNISON WHAT'S ON

WEEK 2 MONDAY 8TH

TUESDAY 9TH

USU Free Soup at Building One Mt Albert, 12pm USU Pool Competition Uni Lounge, The Hub 12pm Register at USU Reception

USU Free BBQ at Waitakere Campus Level 1 Courtyard 12:30pm Clubs Day at The Hub 10am-2pm Market Day at The Hub

WEDNESDAY 10TH USU Free BBQ at The Hub Bldg180 Mt Albert, 12:30pm Table Tennis Tournament Uni Lounge, The Hub - 12pm USU Hypnotist Show – Guy Cater $5 from USU Reception & dashtickets.co.nz 7pm,Carrington’s, Mt Albert

THURSDAY 11TH International Food Day at the Hub 10am – 2pm Come and tantalize your tastebuds at the Hub and try a variety of cuisine from all around the globe!

FEATURED EVENT USU PRESENTS:

CONCORD DAWN

8pm, Carrington’s Pumphouse, Gate 3, Mt Albert Campus. Student tickets $10 from USU Reception and www.dashtickets.co.nz

UPCOMING EVENTS UNITEC CHOIR Accepting registrations for Semester Two - open to Unitec students and staff ... all voices welcome - no test to pass. All interested please email Peter Rees at Performing and Screen Arts. prees@unitec.ac.nz by Wednesday, August 10. Free Zumba Class: Fight away your winter Blues with a high energy workout! On 15 August, 6 PM, Unitec will sponsor Zumba at Henderson Primary School. Entry is free with a Unitec student I.D. or $5 at the door without.

FOR MORE INFO VISIT

WWW.USU.CO.NZ

OR SEARCH USU AT UNITEC ON FACEBOOK

SQUASH There is just no game like it

and coming to waitakere om Fr uS mp albany ca 1 auguSt 2011.

Find out more at www.recycle.unitec. ac.nz or become a Student recycling rep now email carolyn on ccox@unitec.ac.nz

National Squash Centre **NEW MANAGEMENT SPECIAL** Come down to the Squash Centre, bring some friends and get FREE hire of Squash Racquets & Balls and only pay $4.50 per person for a 45 minute game. The Complex is Open: 9.00am to 9.00pm Monday to Friday Saturday and Sunday 9.00am to 5.00pm Come along and meet Trevor Colyer (former World Masters Champion) Ask him nicely and he will give you a free squash lesson for you and 3 friends. National Squash Centre: •Building 201 Unitec Mt Albert Campus• Phone: (09) 815 8602 •Email: play@natsquash.co.nz•