Mental Health Association of Westchester Save the Date: May 4, 5K Family Run/Walk www.mhawestchester.org
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Hats off!
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Caring for Seniors Juggling Multiple School Schedules Learning from Living with Cancer
And much more on how/why Moms ROCK Happy Mother’s Day!
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February 2014 Inside Chappaqua 3
May 2014
T HE M AGAZINE F OR N EW C A STLE AND B EYOND
Features 10. The Best Resources for the Busiest Women… are right around the corner! Yes, books abound but almost anything else you need to know can be found out at the Chappaqua Library too. By Lenore Pott 12. Not Just any Given Sunday! What does Mother’s Day really mean? Leslie Hinderstein reminds us that it’s not just about flowers and breakfast in bed. 14. Caring for our Seniors In our community, children are often the focus, but many of us are also trying to meet the needs of aging family members. Find out about the many resources and services available for those aging in place. By Debra Hand 15. Changing the Venue without Losing your Mind By Emily Haft Bloom 18. Reaching for the Stars, With S.T.A.R.S. How a Greeley athlete combined her love of skiing with her passion for community service. By Elaine Park 20. Piecing Together My Second Act One mom’s pillow-perfect pursuit By Jane Fried Sheinfeld
Introducing Inside Armonk Magazine: A new sister publication at The Inside Press, Inc. Subscribe now to either Inside Chappaqua, Inside Armonk–or both!
Voluntary subscriptions are most welcome, or a subscription is a great present idea for an elderly parent, a neighbor who is moving or for your graduating high school student or any college student who may enjoy keeping up with hometown stories.
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24. Mayhem in the Morning Get a taste of what it’s like having three kids going in three different directions five mornings a week. Like a well-oiled machine, how one mom juggles it all. By Gabrielle Zilkha 25. Reach Out–and See Someone Women often put themselves last, but knowing when we need to seek help managing it all is essential. Learn how, when and to whom we should reach out when it all gets to be too much. By Barbara Bernstein, PhD, MPH 27. Still another Second Act Dawn Evans Greenberg, brainchild behind the Chappaqua Children’s Book Festival, gets to the heart of the best possible ways to spend her time and expend her energy–i.e., by giving back anywhere she can. 27. The Art of Biting Your Tongue The hardest part of parenting. By Sharon Guss Pollack
Cover Story
29. Females First: Chappaqua Women Respond to Community Service Meet some of Chappaqua’s female First Responders and find out what drives them to serve. By Ronni Diamondstein
Departments Guest Editor
4. Feathers in our Caps By Emily Haft Bloom
Just Between Us
6. This Single Mom’s Hat
Inside Thoughts
22. Putting the ‘Can’ in Cancer A courageous mom offers valuable life lessons from her battle against a rare form of cancer. By Lori Sachare 32. Two Moms By Ellen Davis
Maggie Mae Pup Reporter
26. I Love a Parade By Maggie Mae with Ronni Diamondstein COVER PHOTO by Bill Bramswig Top Row (L-R): Annie Zabar, Cay White, Emily Haft Bloom, Marianne Vanderwerff, Paula Kurth, Marilyn Blackley Middle Row (L-R): Diane Jaulus, Mara Van Fleet, Elizabeth Haymson, Elena Rubin, Dana Stein-Dince, Anne Boyd, Leslie Jameson, Rita Coetzee, Teresa Longhitano Bottom Row (L-R): Evelyn Shirzadi, Alyson Schwartz, Cheryl Ehrlich, Kate Clough, Mara Antonio, Andrea Schwartz
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Gift From: 2 Inside Chappaqua May 2014
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GUEST EDITOR
Feathers in Our Caps By Emily Haft Bloom
kids, we also wear so many other hats. Some of us regularly perform the most selfless work, and receive no financial remuneration. We are information providers, health care workers, legal eagles, and educational supporters. We provide emotional and therapeutic services and a hundred other things. There is one common thread, though; we all seem to wear these hats with aplomb, confidence and a willingness to work as hard as we can to do the best job possible.
When I met with Grace to discuss my gig as guest editor, I told her I wanted to focus the issue on all the amazing things New Castle women do, for their families, their employers, and our community. I realized that while many of us have traditional responsibilities of homemaking and raising
I thought about all the hats I have worn since I left college. Seven years were spent at an investment bank, as an IB analyst, then as a bond trader, then I found an amazing partner in my husband Don, had a kid, moved to the ‘burbs, had another kid, was Society Editor for the now-defunct Patent Trader, and served on a bunch of non-profit boards. Next, I had a parenting column in a widely read magazine, wrote three books, went back to school, and finally arrived at what I am absolutely sure is my final destination–independent college advisor. Oh, and when I hit the big 5-0, I joined the Chappaqua Fire Department to assure I always made time to serve my community. My friends and family declared me nuts (again!), but it’s one of the best decisions I have ever made. One of the greatest aspects of living here in Chappy, for me, has been meeting and getting to know so many women who also wear and have worn many different hats. One good friend is Editor in Chief of a major magazine, another is a chef, another a partner in a big law firm, another a docent at a museum, and yet another is a
4 Inside Chappaqua May 2014
relentless fundraiser and volunteer, deeply committed to many causes. Did we all think we would arrive at our current occupations when we were handed that sheepskin so many years ago? Probably not, but to me, that is the essence of feminism–choosing to do what each of us finds meaningful, rewarding and fulfilling, beyond our more traditional roles, or just embracing those traditional roles and being at peace with our decisions. Many of us raised or are raising kids, run houses, manage active social lives and still find time to volunteer our skills and talents to worthy organizations from the PTA to the Chappaqua Volunteer Ambulance Corps. And, we can’t discount the value of the example we set for all the girls in our community–women can do anything if they are determined, and supported and encouraged by their families and friends. In this issue, find stories by and about just a tiny fraction of the amazing women who live here. The cover story, written by the eminently capable Ronni Diamondstein, focuses on the women volunteers of the CVAC and CFD, and explores what drives these women to become first responders. A lawyer/not-for-profit consultant finds her poetic voice, a tireless volunteer reflects on Mother’s Days past, present and future, and another tells us about one of the most courageous women you will ever read about. Another essay shares a son’s experiences as part of a two-mom household, and others address aging parents, career reinvention, information resources for every woman and recognizing when we might need a hand keeping ourselves mentally fit as a fiddle. My dear friend Maud Bailey, who keeps a local non-profit nearby running smoothly, is volunteering on the Master Plan update committee and raised two amazing young men, put it best: “All the women I have met who wear so many different hats bring a different perspective to every conversation. That is what makes New Castle a great place to live.” I couldn’t agree more!
– Emily
Photo of Emily by Bill Bramswig
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May 2014 Inside Chappaqua 5
JUST BETWEEN US
If you haven’t already heard the buzz, here it is: The Inside Press, Inc., parent company to the publication you are holding, has been busy, busy launching a sister publication. Just two days post the mail date of Inside Chappaqua, all of Armonk will be receiving a debut edition of Inside Armonk: The Magazine for North Castle and beyond. If you check our Table of Contents, you can help support two hometown magazines, if not with a voluntary subscription for your own home, then with a gift for someone else’s outside our closed circulation. Thank you in advance! I’ve had covering North Castle on my mind for some time, and did give a publication there a go once, but for personal reasons, largely pertaining to the single mom hat I wear, I pulled out. Which brings me to the present edition of Inside Chappaqua...
As soon as Guest Editor Emily Bloom suggested a “Different Hats Moms/Women Wear” theme, an inner voice screamed, “YES!” With Emily being a volunteer firefighter and with Suzanne Chazin’s Girl Scout troop working hard on a project to thank our first responders, I also knew that was the hat we had to highlight for the cover. I only wish I could wish away the recent fire on Bedford Road that left seven New Castle residents homeless (thankfully no injuries were reported!) and devastated Whispering Pines, a beloved floral shop; the heroic efforts through the night reinforces our gratitude further. Innumerable hats are covered in this edition! I’d like to note that as a single mom, my own hat wardrobe has ranged from a floppy style to one as hard as a helmet. At my wardrobe’s best, it’s been a snug baseball cap with a steadfast theme of “I’m going to win this.” That’s the hat I think I have on now! By win this, I don’t mean there’s a war going on or anything. What I do mean, quite simply, is that I intend to embrace love and happiness–from deep within. That’s a gender neutralchallenge, actually, no matter what your “relationship status.”
©Marianne Campolongo Photo
This Single Mom’s Hat
But forget me for any deep thinking for a moment… I have been so buoyed by my wonderful friend (to many!) Lori Sachare’s optimism and determination in her battle against cancer. I asked her if she would share her story with the community. I think her ten life lessons make this issue a keeper too. Love to you, Lori, Alex and Debbie. And a Happy Mother’s Day to all. Grace’s hair and makeup courtesy of the Richard Scott Salon and Day Spa in Mt. Kisco
Briarcliff Scout Thanks his Own First Responders! Hosts Brunch for Fire Dept. and EMS Volunteers www.insidechappaqua.com
Assemblywoman Sandra Galef, Superintendent of Briarcliff Schools James Kaishian, and Scoutmaster Dr. Robert Goldstein), was widely supported by Briarcliff community merchants and regional businesses, with more than 50 donations received for the event.
May 2014 • Volume 11, Number 6
Guest Editor Emily Haft Bloom Executive Assistant Graphic Designer Jennifer Dreilinger Dina Spalvieri Accounts/Billing Web Design Carine Feist Annette van Ommeren
Publisher & Editor Grace Bennett
Contributors Barbara Bernstein, Bill Bramswig, Ellen Davis Ronni Diamondstein, Timothy Friedmann Dawn Evans Greenberg, Debra Hand, Leslie Hinderstein Elaine Park, Sharon Guss Pollack, Lenore Pott Lori Sachare, Jane Fried Sheinfeld, Gabrielle Zilkha Inside ChappaquaTM is published six to eight times a year, and is owned and operated by The Inside Press, Inc. Mailing address: PO Box 643, Millwood, NY 10546. Phone Number: 914-238-2600. Copyright © 2013. All rights reserved. Printed in the USA. Reproduction of any portion is prohibited without permission from the publisher.
Inside Chappaqua may not necessarily agree with any one editorial viewpoint or necessarily endorse a particular product or service advertised. Editorial submissions should be mailed to the above address (please enclose an SASE) or sent to editor@insidechappaqua.com. For more information, rates and advertising calendar, go to www.insidechappaqua.com.
General Counsel: Brian Hand
6 Inside Chappaqua May 2014
(L-R): Dr. Robert Goldstein (Scoutmaster of Troop 18 and Professor and Director of the Rule of Law at the U.S. Military Academy of West Point), Briarcliff Scout Michael Feist and James Kaishian (Superintendent of Briarcliff Manor Schools)
Mike Feist hosted a brunch in Briarcliff Manor honoring the Briarcliff Manor Fire Department as part of his work towards his Eagle Scout badge. The event, attended by approximately 60 fire and EMS personnel and guests (including
Mike, a senior at Briarcliff High School, will be attending the Napa Valley campus of The Culinary Institute of America this fall. As a culinary student and occasional Inside Chappaqua food stylist/photographer, Mike chose the project because it combined his interests while also honoring the service of those who selflessly act to keep our community safe. The event provided a wonderful meal for all–and a terrific way to say thank you to the BMFD volunteers.
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HAPPENINGS
BROADWAY LIGHTS! The Chappaqua Orchestra presents the West Point Band’s Jazz Knights with singers Alexis Cole, Mary Kay Messinger, and Jeremy Gaynor, Sunday, May 18 at 3 p.m. at Horace Greeley High School Auditorium in a concert of All Broadway Hits by Gershwin, Rodgers, Porter, Loewe, Bernstein, and Sondheim.
Smulyan, Scott Wendholt and Benny Golson. At West Point, the Jazz Knights provide music for numerous functions throughout the year. In combination with the Concert Band and field music unit, the Hellcats, they help fulfill official musical requirements of the Military Academy and the Army, including military and patriotic ceremonies both at West Point and throughout the country. The Jazz Knights...
The West Point Band’s Jazz Knights Bringing over three decades of musical excellence to their audiences, the West Point Band’s Jazz Knights present the best in big band favorites, popular music, and original compositions and arrangements for jazz ensemble. Members of the group are graduates of some of America's most prestigious music schools such as the University of North Texas, Eastman School of Music, Indiana University, Berklee School of Music and the Manhattan School of Music. They are recruited and selected through a competitive audition process specifically for service in the United States Military Academy Band at West Point. Past and present members of the band have played with such icons as Count Basie, Buddy Rich, Woody Herman, Maynard Ferguson, Ahmad Jamal, Chaka Kahn, Prince, Billy Cobham, and the Tommy Dorsey and Glenn Miller Orchestras. The Jazz Knights’ highlights over the years include playing with Benny Goodman at Lincoln Center in 1982, performing with the Duke Ellington Orchestra for the 200th Anniversary
of the New York State Legislature, and twice appearing at the Hatch Shell for Boston's Independence Day celebration. The Jazz Knights have also performed for festivals and music educators' conventions, including the International Association for Jazz Education conventions, the Western International Band Clinic, the University of Northern Colorado Jazz Festival, the International Society of Bassists' convention and the New York State Band Director’s Association Conference in 2008. Notable guests who have performed with the Jazz Knights include David Liebman, Rufus Reid, John Clayton, Eddie Daniels, Steve Turre, James Carter, Randy Brecker, Michael Abene, Steve Weist, Jon Faddis, Jim Snidero, Gary
Carnival Time at the JCC!
Sunday, May 4, 11 a.m-4 p.m., Rain Date, May 18 Rosenthal JCC, 600 Bear Ridge Road, Pleasantville Games, rides and refreshments for all ages. Includes: Bumper Cars, Trackless Train Ride, Zipline, Deluxe Carousel, Rock Climbing, Bouncy Castles galore, Face Painting, Balloon Making, Frannie’s Goodie Shop, Pizza and Ice Cream Truck and much more! Proceeds support programs for children with special needs and their families at the Rosenthal JCC. Advance discount ticket purchases can be made at www. rosenthaljcc.org
8 Inside Chappaqua May 2014
A full version of this story–courtesy of the Chappaqua Orchestra–can be found online via the “Gotta Have Arts” link at www.insidechappaqua. com. For more information about attending this performance and also future events, please visit www.chappaquaorchestra.org.
Fundraiser Temple Israel of Northern Westchester Caring Committee
Come and have fun while Spinning (riding a bike as hard as you want) to great music with Spin Master Barry Coleman. $20 for a 45-minute-spin (1/2 of the proceeds go to Caring Committee)
Wednesday, May 7, 2014 7:30 p.m. Contact Iris Levine iriscarrie@aol.com • 914-941-0673 SpinSational Studios 450 North State Rd. Briarcliff Manor, NY
Bilotta
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May 2014 Inside Chappaqua 9
The Best Resource for the Busiest Women, Right around the Corner! Busy women who wear many hats need reliable, accurate information. Want to learn a language or advance your career through online learning and industry-recognized certification? Want to read up on a medical symptom, find the best service contractors or appliances, check out kid-friendly websites, apps for learning or find great recipes? How about new book and music recommendations? The Chappaqua Library is a tremendous “stay-at-home” resource too! According to Assistant Library Director Martha Alcott, “the Chappaqua Library has a treasure trove of information through its online resource window that can be found at www. Chappaqualibrary.org and accessed at the library or at home. By using the AccessmyLibrary Public Edition mobile app, the GPS function will find a library within a 10-mile radius of your location and give you unlimited, free access to reputable and authoritative resources. Or, just search Chappaqua Library in your tablet or smartphone’s
By Lenore Calandra Pott
Lenore Calandra Pott, a longtime resident of Chappaqua, is a former Chappaqua Library Trustee and advocate.
app store. Whether on the go, or at your home computer, these ideas found through the library’s website that might jumpstart your information search, whatever the subject! Reference: SweetSearch (www. sweetsearch.com) is a search engine that provides credible, primary sources. Step away from Wikipedia and try SweetSearch. Their Social Studies link incorporates news reports, photographs and maps for understanding history in context. There are web guides throughout for topics such as Geometry, Economics and how to write a bibliography.
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10 Inside Chappaqua May 2014
Books, Reading and Literature: Freading (www. freading.com) is a free e-book service which provides downloads of adult, children and young adult titles in a variety of categories to PCs, Macs, iPhones, iPads and Kindle Fires. For inspiration, click on Novelist (www. ebscohost.com/ novelist) which provides book categories by genre, and age group. JSTOR (www.jstor. org) is a digital library of full-text academic journals, books and primary sources.
Health: MedlinePlus (www.nlm. nih.gov/medlineplus/) is a service of the U.S. National Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health. This website provides easy to understand up-to-date health information with links to the latest medical research on diseases or conditions, as well as information on clinical trials. Language Learning: Geared towards children, but suitable for adults, Muzzyonline (www.muzzyonline.com) is free for Chappaqua Library patrons. It is an interactive, comprehensive and fun way to learn Spanish, French, English, German and Italian. Transparent Language Online: http://library.transparent.com/aflis/ game/modern/login includes cultural information and language instruction. The library website also provides several other links to relevant websites to enrich and further your language instruction experience. Unbiased Reviews: From online dating sites, and home security systems to credit cards or elliptical machines, Reviews.com (www.reviews. com) provides expert candid and unbiased reviews pertaining to business, education, home and lifestyle. Adult Ed: Explore and expand your horizons through free online intensive courses. Coursera partners with top universities the world over to offer courses online like Globalization of Business Enterprise or Marine Science. eDX, created by Harvard and MIT, brings the best of higher education to students of all ages, anywhere in the world. Open Courseware Consortium provides free college courses from hundreds of institutions of higher education. The Library also offers computer assistance for any technology-related topics too, through free 45-minute sessions. Sign up in person or by phone at 914 238-4779. The Reference Desk will also provide help with any online library websites. Check online for other programs this spring, including tax help and career counseling workshops. It’s your library, so make use of its endless resources and great support!
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Not Just Any Given Sunday
I am not a late sleeper and am chief coffee brewer in my house, so that whole breakfast in bed thing on Mother’s Day is lost on me. I even have one of those folding bed trays used in commercials when kids are making their mom breakfast in bed, but I don’t even think my kids know where ours is stored! I love to awaken early on that auspicious Sunday in May, leisurely read the paper and perhaps write in my journal. When it comes to receiving gifts, while I have gotten my share of gorgeous sparkly things, these days I am more
12 Inside Chappaqua May 2014
Len Nadel Photo
For me, Mother’s Day has morphed into something different every year over the 21 years I have been a mother. Gone, sadly, are the crayon construction paper cards from my daughter and son, now 16 and 21, respectively. However, I have been saving each one since I received the first, so I can reread them each year. Call me sentimental, but these cards always make me smile.
By Leslie Hinderstein
like is for them to be nice to me all the time! Isn’t that what we all want from our kids at the end of any day, not just on Mother’s Day? After all, it’s not much to ask, and it’s free! Several years ago I heard the poem below written in an exchange between sisters, but I also think they aptly describe the relationship between mothers and children perfectly. First words, first steps, first days of school, first loves and first major achievements fill the heart deliciously, just as that poor test grade, lousy coach, unfair teacher, mean friend, or plain ol’ big bad world weigh so heavily on that same heart.
likely to find cute, clever or silly gifts that my husband and daughter select together. Last year a trip to Sur La Table resulted in a bevy of kitchen gadgetry, including a multitude of mustard jars, carving knives and measuring utensils. As an unrepentant lover of Dijon, I was thoroughly pleased, believe it or not! As I am a daily walker, some type of stroll is always on the schedule, weather permitting, either in our neighborhood or on the beautiful bridle paths at Rockefeller. When the kids were little, these outings would involve strollers, but now I am thrilled if my husband and I can entice our daughter to join us for some fresh air. I am not ashamed to admit that occasionally, bribery is employed! I used to tell my kids that the only gift I really wanted on Mother’s Day was for them to be nice to me for 24 hours. What I would really
While I may have special wishes for how my family and I observe that Sunday in May, being a mom really has nothing to do with Mother’s Day. It is that day-to-day, in and out, neverending “on deck” feeling and the commitment to be there 24/7/365, middle of the night or school day. That Sunday is just meant to be the day we hope our tireless, selfless devotion gets a tiny bit of recognition in the smallest possible way. Leslie Hinderstein is the extraordinarily proud mom to Joe and Maddie and also extremely proud to have embarked on this journey with her husband David of 24 years!
I carry your heart with me (I carry it in My heart) I am never without it r; and (anywhere I go you go, my dea your is me only By e whatever is don doing, my darling) sweet) No fate (for you are my fate, my are you I want No world (for beautiful my world, my true) n has And it’s you are whatever a moo nt mea ays alw sing And whatever a sun will always is you ody knows Here is the deepest secret nob the bud of (here is the root of the root and a tree of sky the of sky the the bud and than soul called life; which grows higher this is and e) hid can d min or e hop can s apart star the g pin kee t’s tha the wonder my heart) I carry your heart (I carry it in -e.e.cummings
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May 2014 Inside Chappaqua 13
Caring for our Seniors By Debra Hand
Here in Chappaqua, we pay a great deal of attention to our schools and resources for children, so it can be easy to overlook the needs of older residents who are empty nesters, have relocated here to be near family, or may be living alone. Fortunately, there are a number of services in our area to support this population. Chappaqua Senior Citizens Program The Town of New Castle Senior Citizens Program provides a wide range of activities and support services for older residents. Its Mission Statement says it will “promote and enhance the quality of life of adults 60 years of age and over, living in the community … to enhance their dignity, support their independence, and continue their involvement in community life.” From its comfortable space on the lower level of the Community Center on Senter Street, the Seniors Program provides coffee and newspapers every morning, offers poker, bridge and mah-jongg games, knitting groups, weekly pizza and movie gatherings and quarterly birthday celebrations. Special programs range from Spanish language classes to Facebook training. Fitness programs are popular, offering classes in chair aerobics, flexibility, yoga, tennis, and strength training, balance and toning. Trips include visits to the New York Botanical Gardens, baseball games, Broadway shows, the Hudson Valley Shakespeare Festival, and outings with the New Castle Historical Society. Those with more significant needs can take advantage of support services to help navigate a variety of health and daily living challenges, including income tax preparation, legal concerns, use of electronic devices, and monthly blood pressure screenings by CVAC. For those less mobile seniors, the Center offers twice-weekly transportation (for a minimal fee) for doctors’ appointments, shopping and personal errands. Up to two daily meals, prepared at the Pleasantville Senior Center, can be delivered by volunteers, 14 Inside Chappaqua May 2014
a service currently being utilized by 10-15 residents per day. Residents living alone can receive daily RUOK (“are you okay”) automated phone calls that trigger an alert and safety check if not answered. And a magnetized “File of Life” containing vital medical and emergency contact information can quickly provide ambulance personnel with data that can prove lifesaving. None of these programs would be possible without Frances DiMase, the full-time Senior Coordinator. A Licensed Master Social Worker, DiMase “wears two hats,” as she is also responsible for programming and volunteers,
who she called “crucial, have stepped up, and it’s welcomed!” DiMase noted that she receives inquiries from adult children living both nearby and nationally about programs for senior parents living here. “People find [the Center] very comfortable,” she added. All of the Center’s programming can be found online, and in the bi-monthly newsletter, the Senter Street Spotlight, available online or delivered by mail. My Second Home: The Next Step Sometimes the Senior Center services cannot meet a senior’s needs. Chappaqua’s Mary Whalen recalls when her mother, who had been living with her for 11 years and had been quite independent, succumbed to fear and confusion following a fall and broken hip, and was no longer comfortable visiting the Senior Center. After consulting with friends dealing with similar issues, Mary enrolled her mother in My Second Home, an
adult day services program in Mount Kisco. My Second Home “offers older adults a safe, supervised, home-like environment with wellness activities, personal care, excellent nutrition, and transportation services,” and is staffed with individuals trained in geriatric care and knowledgeable about the issues faced by older adults and their families. “They’re absolutely lovely with her,” said Whalen, of the care her mother has been receiving for the last two to three years. Whalen noted that her mother initially attended the day program three days a week, but the lack of consistency was only more confusing so now she attends six days a week. According to Whalen, the daily schedule provides a “very stimulating environment,” including music and pet therapy, read-aloud book groups, arts and crafts, old movies and bingo. Gentle exercise and yoga classes cater to those “in wheelchairs to people dancing around the room.” Whalen said that 30-40 people attend daily, with three different activities taking place at any given time. She receives a monthly menu with options; healthy breakfast, snacks and lunch are served daily. A hairdresser even comes in once a month. In addition, the innovative JEWEL Program (Joining Elders with Early Learners), brings together My Second Home adults and young children attending the adjacent Mount Kisco Child Care Center for activities such as crafts, yoga, stories, songs and horticulture. “Without a doubt, [My Second Home] has improved my mom’s quality of life, and it’s a huge help to me knowing that she is safe,” said Whalen. She added that the combination of paid professionals and volunteers creates a well-staffed environment of “people who know what they’re doing.” Caring for the Caregivers Often caregivers themselves require support because of the emotional or physical toll taken by caring for a loved one. The Visiting Nurse Service of New York (VNSNY) provides such services for these family caregivers of patients utilizing VNSNY services. When the
Visiting Nurse identifies strain, referral is made to the organization’s caregiver coach/social worker. “Following the formal assessment of the caregiver’s own needs and abilities, there is ongoing one-on-one counseling to help them develop strategies for improving their health, reducing strain, identifying sources of support, and ensuring a viable long term plan for caregiving,” according to Judy Santamaria, the Director of Family Caregiver Support Program of VNSNY. It is not unusual, she said, for caregivers to either neglect their own health or personal needs, or to suffer guilt or depression watching loved ones experience pain. Once a need for additional support or training is identified, there might be an initial meeting in person before weekly telephone support begins. Read “Caring for our Seniors” in full at insidechappaqua.com; find additional information about the Ken Hamilton Caregiver Center at Northern Westchester Hospital along with contact information for the NWH Center, for the New Castle Senior Center, My Second Home, and the VNSNY. Debra Hand is a longtime editor and writer for Inside Chappaqua.
Changing the Venue without Losing your Mind
Moving is stressful at any point in our lives. As our parents age and decide to leave a home they may have lived in for decades, it becomes especially daunting. We may be unavailable to help with this process due to physical location, career and family commitments, and challenging family dynamics.
all the resources to get the job done. Every detail can be properly managed, from hiring a mover to sifting through years of accumulated possessions, donation coordination, packing and unpacking, setting up the new kitchen, hanging the pictures, organizing the closets, and even making beds.”
If getting aging family members settled into a new home seems like a Sisyphean task, there are services available in many regions that can help. These professionals know what to do, how to plan, and who to call to make preparations and can help any family member with some difficult decisions in your absence.
This kind of on-site help can help take the worry and work out of the entire process. What may feel like an insurmountable undertaking becomes a manageable stress-free event for everyone.
Sensitivity must be the priority, given the many challenges of moving from a home filled with countless memories. The goal is to make the process as easy and stress-free as possible for everyone involved. Karen Harvey, of Florida-based Senior Transition Solutions, says professionals like her “coordinate
To find a professional certified relocation and transition specialist to assist aging family members with their move, visit www.crtscertification.com. This professional organization offers a database of those persons certified to assist and also provides links and FAQs on helping families navigate this challenging and difficult process. -Emily Haft Bloom
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May 2014 Inside Chappaqua 15
Hillholme Manor
La Muse
Sophisticated Living
A rare opportunity to enjoy a distinctive lifestyle in Chappaqua. This new estate enclave of five custom shingle-style residences feature generous floor plans, top-grade finishes, luxurious amenities, three-car garage and pool sites. Exceptional on every level. WEB# CQ903844 CHAPPAQUA $4,500,000
Stunning shingle-style Manor on 8.05 acres complete with pond, free-form pool, pool house and Har-Tru tennis court. Showcase great room with stone fireplace, spectacular kitchen/family room, expansive garden level, luxurious master suite with private balcony. WEB# CQ892599 CHAPPAQUA $2,795,000
Stunning custom-built stone and clapboard Colonial. State-of-the-art amenities, gourmet chef's kitchen, sophisticated master suite. Over 8400 square feet of finely crafted luxury on three levels. Enjoy magnificent pool/spa on over two manicured acres in estate area. WEB# CQ838208 CHAPPAQUA $2,795,000
Impressive and Unique
One-Of-A-Kind
Elegance Defined
Completely expanded and restored this home is both magical and unique. Enjoy grand entertaining from the formal living and dining rooms, and oversized great room. Relax in your own private master suite/ balcony overlooking two acres of gardens. Gated entry. WEB# CQ849611 CHAPPAQUA $1,825,000
Custom-built Contemporary. Dramatic foyer with glass brick wall, grand family room with 27 foot ceiling, skylights, and stone fireplace. Dine-in-kitchen and first floor master suite open to deck. Beautiful park like property. Neighborhood pool and tennis. WEB# CQ934190 CHAPPAQUA $1,799,000
Hilltop Center Hall Colonial offers distant sunset views. Top-of-the-line kitchen, Family room with fireplace and French doors open to two decks and patio. Luxury master suite with oversized dressing room. Beautifully appointed and gracious flow throughout. WEB# CQ848229 CHAPPAQUA $1,795,000
Relaxed & Pristine
Whippoorwill Lake
Chappaqua Charm
Sunny rooms, an open flow and dramatic architectural moldings define this stunning home. Living room with fireplace, gourmet kitchen, family room, library, four bedrooms and au-pair suite. Situated on level property with Gunite pool with fountain and hot tub. WEB# CQ888254 CHAPPAQUA $1,459,000
A circular drive announces this finely crafted custom home with lake rights and seasonal views. Innovative floor plan, great space for gatherings, completely open to the beautiful surroundings. Surrounded by over 150 acres of parkland and trails. WEB# CQ889866 CHAPPAQUA $1,395,000
Sun-filled Colonial is legal Two-Family residence. Soaring ceilings, abundant windows, hardwood floors. Gourmet kitchen with center island and breakfast area. Cottage area offers living room with fireplace, bedroom and kitchen. Gorgeous setting. Minutes to all. WEB# CQ890780 CHAPPAQUA $1,300,000
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16 Inside Chappaqua May 2014
CHAPPAQUA’S #1 SELLING REAL ESTATE BROKERAGE
Step Above
Function and Beauty
A Rare Offering
An incomparable setting--1.73 acres, lush gardens, stone work, brick patio, magnificent pool and spa. state-of-the-art custom kitchen with breakfast area and brick fireplace. Exquisite and luxurious-perfect for grand entertaining or intimate gatherings. WEB# CQ891435 CHAPPAQUA $2,495,000
Enjoy every modern amenity in this 2014 new construction home built by one of Chappaqua’s premier builders. Designed with a floor plan for today's lifestyle: gourmet kitchen, generous master suite, all and a finished lower level. On four private acres. WEB# CQ879722 CHAPPAQUA $2,395,000
A grand country English Tudor. Exposed beams, leaded windows with stained glass, open hearths, arched doorways, four fireplaces. New Bilotta kitchen complete with La Cornue stove. English and herb gardens, a romantic loggia, and hllltop views WEB# CQ1069030 CHAPPAQUA $2,199,000
High Orchards
Quaker Village
Chappaqua Country Estate
Antique Farmhouse superbly and stylishly renovated to retain period detailing. Welcoming front porch, three levels of gracious living space. Energy efficient technologies and green improvements lower heating and cooling costs. Set on 1.5 level usable acres. WEB# CQ904414 CHAPPAQUA $1,675,000
Bradley-built Colonial offers an impressive living room and family room with fireplaces. Bilotta kitchen with French doors open to patio, gardens and expansive lawns. Master bedroom with updated bath. Lower level play space. Fabulous updates make this a special home. WEB# CQ1071483 CHAPPAQUA $1,595,000
Exceptional Contemporary with traditional layout. Chef’s kitchen, gorgeous master suite/office, finished lower level, 3-car garage with studio space above. Mahogany deck overlooks magnificent gardens, pool, spa, cabana and pond. Gated driveway entrance. WEB# CQ906499 CHAPPAQUA $1,475,000
Random Farms
Lawrence Farms
Unique Design
Move right in. Stunning Post Modern Colonial offfers two-story entry hall, cathedral ceiling family room with fireplace, formal living and dining rooms, dine-in kitchen, tray ceiling master bedroom. Large deck overlooks lush property. Three-car garage. WEB# CQ888011 CHAPPAQUA $1,095,000
Pristine four-bedroom home on 1.36 acres in soughtafter Lawrence Farms features a traditional layout, formal living room with fireplace, modern dine-inkitchen, den/office, family room with French doors out to patio. Large bonus room offers room for expansion. WEB# CQ934257 CHAPPAQUA $1,079,000
Unique custom designed Contemporary set on two natural wooded acres on quiet double cul-de-sac in Whippoorwill neighborhood. Level back yard with room for play area/swing set. Expansive deck, large airy rooms with soaring ceilings, loads of natural light. WEB# CQ973335 CHAPPAQUA $945,000
Source: HGMLS, 1/1/2013 – 12/31/2013, all properties, total volume and units sold by office, zone 2 Chappaqua School district
May 2014 Inside Chappaqua 17
Reaching for the Stars – with S.T.A.R.S By Elaine Park
I have spent the last several years of my life volunteering at various locations and learning about myself at each one. I’ve participated in a variety of activities from a Greeley club called Global Schoolhouse, which raises money to help girls and women obtain an education in countries such as Cambodia and India, to spotting riders at the therapeutic riding center in Brewster called Pegasus but I felt that I could do more. When I learned that a friend wanted to expand his young organization, S.T.A.R.S., I jumped at the opportunity. This year, my friend, Brendan Murphy, established a ski team for Sleepy Hollow High School and funded it through a program he created last year, called S.T.A.R.S. S.T.A.R.S. is an acronym for Sponsor a Trophy and Reward a Superstar. Through this program, Brendan asks people to sponsor a trophy that he
L-R: Aron Kaufman, Brendan Murphy, Elaine Park
has refurbished to give out to all the participants in the Sleepy Hollow Special Olympics for $10. Anyone who donates money is able to write a note to the recipient of the trophy, which is placed on a tag that is tied around the trophy. All the proceeds went to the Sleepy Hollow ski team and last year, Brendan raised around $5,000; however this year, he needed more.
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When I learned of this, I struggled to think of an idea that would help me help him raise money for his ski team, as I am a part of the Greeley ski team, thus making Sleepy Hollow one of our competitors. I talked it over with a friend, Kate, who suggested that Greeley partner up with Sleepy Hollow and split the funds. I hesitatingly pitched the idea to Brendan, as I was nervous about being a leader in a project this big for a school that I was leaving in a few months.
In my previous volunteer experiences, I was always just a member of an already established organization who followed my supervisor’s instructions. Now, I was the leader and I had to be the one to take initiative, set up meetings, and rally the troops. Ultimately, my love for ski racing and the passion I had seen Brendan show in his commitment to his program, drove me to get in the middle of this partnership. Currently, Horace Greeley and Sleepy Hollow High School have both accepted the partnership between the two ski teams. Brendan and I, with the help of two other Greeley captains, Aron Kaufman and Sam Morgan, have devised a plan for raising as much money as possible. We are reaching out to residents of our hometowns as well as ski mountains and any companies to help us raise our funds. Anyone interested in donating
Elaine at Sectionals this year
can sponsor a trophy for $10 or write a check out to either school, which is tax deductible. With the proceeds, Sleepy Hollow hopes to expand their current, three person team, and Greeley hopes to gain team jackets as well as more practice time on the mountain. As I write this article, my previous jitters of getting heavily involved in a large project have faded and I now foresee a bright future for the program and both teams. I am excited to see what S.T.A.R.S. will teach me about being a leader and a partner as I embark on this new project. Elaine Park, a senior at Greeley, skis for the Greeley ski team and for the Butternut club race team in Great Barrington, MA. In addition to racing, Elaine runs cross country in the fall and jumps for the Greeley spring track team. She also plays both the piano and viola.
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Piecing Together My Second Act By Jane Fried Sheinfeld Sometimes I think my life is a lot like an episode of South Park. It isn’t the unrelenting and often irreverent social commentary–putting my opinions out there is not really my thing –but more in the way South Park tells a story to make a point. In each episode, the characters try to make sense of the world around them, and as they explore the topic at hand, events build upon themselves, reaching a crescendo in outrageously unpredictable ways, until the story ends someplace you never imagined possible and miles from where it started. When you watch it from the beginning, the progression makes total sense. Join in at the end, and well, you’re just left scratching your head and thinking it is pretty ridiculous.
provides me opportunities for fulfillment. I can make people happy and gain tremendous satisfaction when my creativity allows me to figure out the ideal solution. Teaching someone a skill that they either never thought they could master, or were struggling to, is incredibly rewarding. Similarly, through The Pieced Palette, each keepsake I craft is unique and my latest project is always my favorite. It truly makes me happy to create something so personal to mark a milestone in someone’s life. quaintance, or someone who hasn’t been along with me for the ride, just doesn’t make sense.
As a newly minted empty nester, I split my professional life between I am not saying my life is ridicua few different businesses. At comlous, although since I had four sons pUtomation, I teach people how to graduate Greeley in five years, I have use their computers. I also love to had my share of ridiculous moments. tutor students in math. These two I have found that my life has moved professions make sense, as I was a along in a way that, to a recent acbanker and have graduate degrees in business and computer science. It’s my third profession that surprises most people. I am sole proprietor of The Pieced Palette, for which I design and sew fabric keepsakes, mostly pillows, as gifts to celebrate births, bar/bat mitzvahs, communions, sweet 16s, weddings and other events. If you read my resume, or worked with me when I volunteered for seemingly every possible job when my children were USE PROMO CODE : young, my fifth baby, The Pieced Palette, just TO GET 20% OFF YOUR doesn’t seem PURCHASE AT CHECK OUT to fit.
WWW.STEINERSPORTS.COM 20 Inside Chappaqua May 2014
But each of these endeavors
I once received a thank you note from a client who described the reaction from the gift recipient right before her bat mitzvah ceremony. This young woman started screaming and ran to show it to her mother because she loved it so much. That my little sewing machine can provide someone with that much happiness never ceases to amaze me. I’m now referred to as “The Pillow Lady.” I never thought that my prior incarnations as student, banker, mother, and volunteer would lead me to this place when my kids were grown and gone. But I see now that my latest act is really a logical extension of my life experience to date. Through compUtomation, I solve other people’s business problems. Through The Pieced Palette, I solve my own. I am constantly educating myself, as I educate others. The Pieced Palette is four years old now, and I am every bit as excited and passionate about it as I was when I started. Where I am now is not at all where I thought I would be, but it kind of makes sense when you put the pieces together! And like an episode of South Park, if you were in on the story from the beginning, it all makes perfect sense. Jane Fried Sheinfeld and her husband are newly minted empty nesters. You can usually find her either behind her sewing machine, or walking her dogs (Chester and Dublin) at Gedney Park. You can see her pillows at thepiecedpalette.com.
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CHAPPAQUA MARKET OVERVIEW 2014
2013
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May 2014 Inside Chappaqua 21
Finding the “Can” in Cancer Life Lessons of an Optimistic Survivor By Lori Sachare
When I was diagnosed with cancer three-and-a-half years ago, I took the first three letters of the word and ran with them. I decided I can continue to live a fulfilling life. And living with cancer has taught me numerous life lessons.
Days after I was diagnosed with stage IV bile duct cancer (cholangiocarcinoma), I went through minor surgery and had a port put into my chest. A port is a small appliance placed under your skin near the collarbone that allows the chemotherapy drugs to go directly into a vein. This way, I would not have to be stuck with needles in my arm for Lori and Alex Sachare recently renewed their marriage vows–after 25 every treatment. years together–on the island of Aruba. Pictured here with their daughLesson #1: Always make things as easy as possible for yourself.
ter Debbie who is graduating soon from Barnard College
My cancer is very rare, and not one to be Googled unless you are looking for bad news. Despite the tumor having been found too late to be removed, I have beaten the odds and am living an optimistic life. Lesson #2: Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet… in general, but especially about your cancer. I was never a fan of asking people to do things for me, or one to ask for support. I always preferred to be self-sufficient. Now I rely on friends to listen to me and help elevate my mood when needed. Lesson #3: It is important to ask for and accept help. One of the many highlights of my journey has been discovering advocates–in the form of chemo nurses and amazing friends and family members. The chemo nurses are funny, supportive and unbelievably competent. I always feel that I am in the company of longtime buddies when I am around them. They make me smile and I leave the hospital with a warm glow, thanks to their magical way of infusing a healing kindness with the medical procedure. I have been blessed with 22 Inside Chappaqua May 2014
friends and family who have driven me to chemotherapy treatments, brought me food when I was too tired to cook, called me on a regular basis to check in, and have constantly provided support for me and prayed for me. I feel that accepting help is a huge part of my healing process. Lesson #4: Angels do exist. I have come to realize the importance of fundraising. Soon after being diagnosed, I attended the American Cancer Society’s “Look Good, Feel Better” program. Attendees were provided with makeup donated by well-known companies and lovely wigs. The volunteers were professional, warm and supportive. The ACS has since then provided me with information about clinical trials and has called to find out what they can do for me. As a result, I am a proud participant in ACS’ Relay for Life event to help raise muchneeded funds for cancer research and patient programming. Lesson #5: Take action. After three and a half years of chemotherapy, I have used all the known, FDA-approved therapies available. Unfortunately, the body adapts to drugs and each treatment stops work-
ing. However, thanks to the unending support from my husband, Alex, and daughter, Deborah, I did not give up. They have been invaluable in helping me make important decisions about my treatment. I researched and found a clinical trial that at this time is working toward reducing my tumors. I could not face this challenge without them. Lesson #6: Never give up.
There are many side effects of chemotherapy, and I have learned to put a positive spin on them. For example, when I was bouncing off the walls from the steroids that came with one of the treatments, I declared that it was “steroid day” and used that energy to clean the house. When another side effect caused fatigue, I took afternoon naps without guilt. When I lost weight after chemo decreased my appetite, I declared it a silver lining. Lesson #7: Go with the flow. I have found that doors opened unexpectedly. I always wanted to study acting, but did not have time to take classes while I was working. When I was unable to work because of the side effects of my treatments, I had the time to pursue my life-long desire to act and found a local class. I truly feel that I have been given a gift to be able
To Help Lori Fight Cancer…
· Support Lori’s Relay For Life, June 7-8, 2014, to help funds for the American Cancer Society. Visit http://main.acsevents.org/goto/ LoriSachareRelay · Make a donation to the Cholangiocarcinoma Foundation and hear some great music at the same time. Lori’s family friend, Daniel Nothaft, and his band, Chill Beenz, is donating all proceeds from their album “The Birth of Chill” to the Cholangiocarcinoma Foundation. Visit https://chillbeenz.bandcamp.com/ to download the album and make a donation.
to follow this passion, that I might not have made time for if I didn’t have this disease. Lesson #8: Cancer will enhance your life, if you allow it. I make more time to take care of myself than I did at any other time in my life. I am responsible for my own healing, and I make sure I listen to my body. If I am tired, I rest. If I am asked to do something I don’t have the energy for, I actually say no.
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Lesson #9: You may become, in some ways, healthier when you have cancer. I recently renewed my marriage vows of 25 years on the sunny island of Aruba, where this story is being written. We had a joyous ceremony under a vibrant sunset. We wanted to appreciate life, and all the blessings we have. Cancer has changed the way I view the world. As I look out onto the beach, the ocean is bluer, the sky is brighter, the chirping of the birds is louder and the smell of the air is clearer. Lesson #10: Cancer has made me want to celebrate life more. I am truly grateful for each day I have. Living with cancer is a challenge, without a doubt. But it can change your life in positive ways as well. Lori Sachare is a cancer survivor living in Chappaqua. Please visit www.cholangiocarcinoma.org to learn more about bile duct cancer, a rare cancer for which much research is needed. Advertorial
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PRESENTATION: • Identify and fix red flags – e.g., cracks in ceilings or peeling paint. Then, de-clutter: put away photos, personal affects, etc; remove busy wallpaper; paint rooms in neutral colors; stage to show your rooms in the best light. Create a “move-in” condition. • The exterior creates your first impression. Make repairs, powerwash, wash windows, and put out the welcome mat! PHOTOGRAPHS: • Your first showing is on the internet...some 90% of buyers shop online before calling an agent. Displaying high resolution, quality photos is critical. You have one shot to garner attention and get the phone to ring! PRICE: • Know your market, recent sales, trends, and price your house accordingly. Overpricing to leave room to negotiate may eliminate a pool of buyers who are not looking above a certain price point. Eventually you may end up selling for the same price you would have gotten had you priced it lower to begin with. Allow Suzette Kraus, licensed real estate professional, to guide you during this important process. With 13 years of local expertise and experience in residential sales, plus a background in merchandising, Suzette will identify and maximize your marketability to get your house sold and get you to your “New Beginnings.”
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Mayhem in the Morning-
Confessions of a mom with a kid in each school. By Gabrielle Zilkha Any given morning can be mayhem or the opposite in my house; I never know what I am going to get when I climb out of bed! I would like to believe that our morning routine, with three kids, each heading to a different school with a different start time, runs like a well oiled machine 85% of the time. The other 15% of mornings makes for some interesting conversation! My alarm goes off at 6:30 a.m. My two girls are already awake, primping and preparing for the day ahead. The dogs are antsy to get out, and I am trying my hardest to keep the noise level low so my 4th grader does not wake up. Omelets are made, and sandwiches are thrown together for lunch. The dogs are fed and let out, let back in again, let out and let back in once again, all of which has to be before I corral the girls into the car no later than 7:07 a.m. If the dogs are left out, they chase my car down the driveway–another potential wrench to be thrown in the morning
routine. Some days, a book or a piece of ski equipment for an afternoon race is forgotten, which means a midday trip to one school or another for an emergency delivery. We meet our wonderful neighbor at her house at 7:10 a.m., so I can drop off my middle-schooler with her two kids to wait for their bus, which arrives at 7:17 a.m. In the meantime, I take her HG student with mine, and we make our way to Greeley, amazed at how polite and respectful most of the morning drivers are. Every now and then someone not acquainted with the rules of the road wreaks havoc for everyone, like the inadequately caffeinated soul who decides to make a left turn without moving into the intersection first, causing a 10-minute delay in crossing the parkway.
Once the girls have been disgorged at their respective schools, I make the trek home, through the knot of traffic, hopefully in time to get my youngest dressed, tear him away from the computer, pour his cereal and toss him a Gogurt stick. Day 3 means it’s Trombone Day, so occasionally there Bowls handcrafted salads & soups is the is a last minute newest healthy lunch & dinner concept to hit frantic search for said brass. My the fast/casual restaurant sector by storm. husband is getting ready to head into work around this Choose one of our 11 signature chopped time, but fortusalads or try building your own! We have the nately he requires finest soups, chili and legendary mac'n cheese no assistance in getting dressed around. Any salad can also be wrapped in a or finding his ski honey wheat tortilla. We only use Bell & Evans helmet or band instrument! Dogs chicken and the finest greens we can find. want to go out So come by soon.....and prepare again as I eye the to be bowl'd over! clock, aiming to reach the bus stop by 8:28. Throw in 402 Main St. Armonk, NY 10504 the fact that I live on what may be 914-730-1020 the most potholePhone orders gladly taken ridden road in the district, WWW.BOWLSSALAD.COM which means the 24 Inside Chappaqua May 2014
bus may be slightly delayed as our fabulous bus driver tries to keep the axles intact, and you have what I like to call a variable pickup time! Lest you think I retire to eat bonbons until dismissal, once this fire drill is done, my day is far from over. Predictably, a text from my middle school student will arrive midday asking me who is picking her up, and when, or asking me to deliver wrapping paper and candy to decorate a friend’s locker for a birthday. Meanwhile, my HG student will inevitably text me to let me know that she will be getting out of school or finishing up practice at some odd time, and that I should be prepared to pick her up. My little guy has no phone, so once he is on the bus, it’s radio silence until the bus returns him safely home. I am enjoying that while I can. Occasional calls are fielded from the nurse yielding a detailed description of a tummy ache or cold, but luckily those are rare. Fortunately, there have not yet been any nurse call hat-tricks from all three schools on the same day, but the year isn’t over yet! At some point in the early afternoon, I gear up for the entire process in reverse. While some might find this process exhausting, I would not trade my days of mayhem for anything. The constant motion is, for me, part of what having children is all about. It’s never dull, and while my kids still want to include me in their daily chatter, I relish each moment. Sometimes, I just drive and listen, enjoying the crazy decibel level, and knowing that one day, much sooner than I think, it will be very quiet in my car and I will not like the silence at all. Gabrielle Zilkha lives in Chappaqua with her husband, three children–ages 15, 13, 9–and two dogs.
Cultivating Mental Wellness By Barbara Bernstein, PhD, MPH, The Mental Health Association of Westchester Some time ago, with my children grown and gone, I finally made time to pursue the photography course long on my “to-do for me” list. The assignment, to shoot a self-portrait, almost threw me into a tailspin. I am admittedly photo-averse, but more to the point, this assignment raised a fundamental question–which face do I show the world? We all play multiple roles and emphasize and de-emphasize a particular face as we go through our day. Women seem to experience the stresses of multiple roles more acutely than men do, or seem more willing to talk about the conflicts that this engenders for us. Responsibilities of a home, work, our roles as wife, partner, parent, and care-taker of aging parents and family–the list is a long one. Each of these responsibilities enriches our lives but also make demands on us. We are stressed by the factors competing for our time, attention, and emotional reserves. Stress comes from situations beyond our control–illness, death of a loved one, loss of relationships including divorce, financial insecurity and difficult job situations. Stress also arises from the positive life changes that we look forward to, like marriage, the birth of a child and a sought-after change of jobs. Manageable stress motivates us, focuses our attention, and directs us to get things done but it can also be toxic. Stress disorganizes us, and if chronic, wreaks havoc with our emotional and physical health. Everyone responds to stress differently, but for many of us, the immediate effects are felt through somatic concerns such as headaches, stomach aches, interrupted sleep, or fatigue. Many of us become uncharacteristically distracted, forgetful, and unproductive. We may become irritable and short-tempered with others, and increasingly down on ourselves. The point is not to avoid stress, as we couldn’t if we tried. Many of us have developed strategies for managing climbing levels of stress. It is important to explicitly think about these strategies, even writing them down to refer to when we need them. A useful way to think about those strategies is
desks. Explore Kripalu’s Yoga Breaks at http://kripalu.org/article/649/. We can weave community service into family time.
to identify our internal resources as well as our external resources, which include “informal” supports such as friends, and more “formal” resources which are usually professional. What can we do for ourselves? Take a time-out, get outdoors, go for a walk, listen to music, lose ourselves in a book, talk with friends, relax, breath, do yoga, exercise, learn a new skill, keep a journal or enjoy some pampering activity. How can we maintain our ability to manage stress? Maintaining good nutrition, regular exercise and sleep, spending time in meaningful activities, giving back to others, and taking time for ourselves are good ways to manage stress. Good nutrition can directly affect mood, our energy level and physical health. Exercise similarly contributes to our positive mood and helps reduce feelings of depression or anxiety. Increasingly, we are hearing about the critical importance of a good night’s sleep for overall health and well-being. Doing for others and focusing on things beyond our own needs improves our overall feelings of well-being and sense of self. Make the time. Figuring out how to do it all is already a source of stress so how do we fit in stress-management activities? I don’t have a magic answer; note that it was only after my children were grown that I enrolled in my photography course. But I do know that many of the actions that improve our ability to manage stress can be built into our days. Web sites offer five-minute yoga-breaks and relaxation exercises that can be done at our
Sometimes, the things we do for ourselves are not sufficient and we need to call on others to help us through a tough time. Our first call may be to friends or family members who are reliably available and supportive. In fact, women tend to manage stress through relationships. Maybe what helps you most is to have someone just listen. Maybe you prefer that a friend offer feedback and problemsolving suggestions. The important thing is to recognize what helps you and to communicate clearly how your friend(s) can be most helpful to you. How do we know when to seek professional support? If you feel like you cannot cope, if you are having physical symptoms, and/or if your own self-help strategies are not working, it may be time to seek professional support. If you are relying on strategies that may provide short-term relief but in the long run are harmful, like increased use of alcohol, non-therapeutic drug use, or changes in your eating habits, reach out now. If feelings of anxiety and depression continue for more than a couple of weeks, find help. For non-urgent needs, your physician, health plan or clergyperson can probably provide recommendations for a mental health provider. The Mental Health Association of Westchester has been a leading provider of mental health services in Westchester for more than 68 years. Visit us at www.mhawestchester.org for information about mental health concerns and the ways we help more than 18,000 individuals each year. Barbara Bernstein, Ph.D, MPH, is a licensed Psychologist who has worked with the Mental Health Association of Westchester for more than 15 years, primarily organizing professional development, community conferences and overseeing content of its website. Dr. Bernstein presents on numerous topics related to mental illnesses and health and speaks frequently about suicide prevention. May 2014 Inside Chappaqua 25
M A G G I E M A E P U P R E P O R T E RTM
I Love a Parade
By Maggie Mae...with Ronni Diamondstein But the parade is definitely not for every dog. My friend Finn, a Wheaton went once, and it was just too exciting for him, so his owner never took him again. Penny, a two-year- old Portuguese Water Dog, would like to go but she isn’t trained well enough yet. “Until I can resist my urge to jump up on people, I won’t be attending any parades with my parents,” says Penny. I hope she learns before this year’s parade. Rocky, a Waiting and excited for the parade to start with my friend Cody and his owners Black Labrador Retriever, Chris and Kristen says his owner has a sturdy together to honor the men and women body harness on him. “If I see another who have served in the Armed Forces. dog, I get excited and pull hard on my Most of the other dogs and I are good leash. Once when I saw another dog, listeners and behave well as we gather she accidentally dropped the leash and on the lawn to watch. she almost had a heart attack.” Luckily, Rocky didn’t get that far. The first year I went to the parade, the muskets were so loud they scared me. Rocky said that the same thing happened to him, but like me, he is used to them now. Photos by Ronni Diamondstein
One of my favorite activities is the annual Memorial Day Parade down King Street and South Greeley Avenue. I have been going to the parade since I was a puppy. Lots of people line the parade route, and many of them bring their dogs. We are so lucky to live in such a dog–friendly town. My favorite place is at the bottom of King Street, and once I see the police motorcycle, I know the fun has started. As the parade turns the corner,
Maggie Mae’s Must Do:
With President Clinton
I see the big Fire Trucks, Ambulances, all the volunteer first responders, Veterans, and Girl Scouts. There is a lot of music and lots of kids play in the Marching Band. A lot of people I know march in the parade. The Town Supervisor and Council Members walk along with the Town Clerk and Town Justices. I always like to see President Clinton and Secretary Hillary Rodham Clinton, who march in the parade too. Last year I met the Governor of our State, Andrew Cuomo and County Executive Rob Astorino, who was there with David Buchwald, our NYS Assemblyman. Once the parade reaches the Chappaqua Train Station, everyone gets
26 Inside Chappaqua May 2014
ECAD - Denim Heels Boot Tail, Thursday, May 15 starting at 6:30 P.M. at Brynwood Golf & Country Club in Armonk, NY. This annual fun-filled event raises funds for ECAD (Educated Canines Assisting with Disabilities,) the not-for-profit organization that raises, educates and places Service Dogs with people with disabilities, many of them Veterans. An evening of dinner, dancing and an inspiring program, ECAD will honor individuals and entities that have shown their support for ECAD’s work and for help given to Veterans of the Armed Services. ECAD clients and their Service Dogs will be in attendance. Tickets are $200.00 per person. For information call 914-693-0600, ext. 1950. For further information visit www.ecad1.org/DHBT2014.
If you want to bring your dog to the parade, here is some good advice that will let both of you enjoy yourselves. First, know your dog. He or she needs to be well-trained and behave around other people as I have learned to do. Make sure you have your dog on a leash. Voice command is allowed in our town, but in such a crowded place it is much safer for your dog to be on a leash. At that time of day, it can get very hot out in the sun, so bring along water and a treat to reward your pet’s good manners. Enjoy this special day in our town. I just can’t wait! Contact Maggie Mae Pup ReporterTM at maggiemae10514@gmail.com Visit Maggie Mae’s blog at www.maggiemaepup.com Maggie Mae lives in Chappaqua with her adoring owner Ronni Diamondstein, who, when she isn’t walking Maggie is a freelance writer, PR consultant, and awardwinning photographer.
Now that my role as a full-time store owner and retailer has come to a close, I’m working on my biggest undertaking ever: to make the Chappaqua Children’s Book Festival a permanent part of the town’s landscape and a landmark annual event in the region. We were thrilled and pleasantly surprised at how well the festival did in its inaugural year, so we want to keep up the momentum and again, make this a very special and important day for our community and children. We will continue to work hard to attract new authors, add new and exciting activities, draw area residents to our town and make it something we can be proud of year-round. I keep a quote from John Wesley in mind all the time: “Do all the good you can by all the means you can, all the ways you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can as long as ever you can.” In the spirit of these thoughtful words, I recently started working with the Ossining Children’s Center. My goal is to help the stu-
By Dawn Evans Greenberg
Having fun at the Ossining Children’s Center
dents, parents, teachers and administrators with emergency needs, as they arise. To me, nothing they could possibly need should be impossible to find. It’s very gratifying to me to make someone else’s life a little easier with even a small gesture. I was raised in a small town in Florida by very involved, community-minded parents. If someone was hurting, we, as a community, helped–with a meal, a bag of groceries, watering their garden and lending a hand any way we could. It wasn’t ever a conscious decision to help; it was just how we lived our lives. I remember stories about my maternal grandparents, who owned a
The Art of Biting Your Tongue
small restaurant in the mountains of Georgia, where they offered meals, hot showers, and a place to sleep for the “boys” returning from World War II. I have always believed if you are fortunate to have something that others would benefit from–time, talent, money, things–it’s your job, and should be a privilege, to share. I feel that we live in an extraordinarily blessed town in terms of resources and generosity of spirit. My goal is to keep tapping into that, and also set aside some time to have a little fun with my amazing husband and boys. Dawn Evans Greenberg has lived in New Castle for 15 years, eight of which have been in Chappaqua. She earned a degree in journalism from the University of Florida then worked for 15 years in international publishing rights for United Features Syndicate and DC Comics. Her boys are in second grade at Roaring Brook and fifth grade at Bell.
Sit... Stay... We’ll come!
Parents Weekend, Fall 2011 My bloodied tongue – It seeks a reluctant home in my clenched mouth. The scars are tender. They are new And so am I, at watching her find her way. I have faith, Sharon Pollack lives in and I have fear. Chappaqua with her husI see so much, band, Alan and has two but can say so little. children, both currently off I think I will work on enlarging my ears. -Sharon Pollack
at college. Now that the nest is empty, in addition to practicing law, Sharon is devoting more time to honing her craft as a poet.
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Today Date
Females First: Chappaqua Women Respond to Community Service by Ronni Diamondstein Bill Bramswig, bramswigphotography.com
Women have come a long Center. We watched his way, and nowhere is this skin go from indigo blue more evident than right here back to flesh-colored.” in our own community. Russell Maitland, First Assistant Annie Zabar worked Chief of the Chappaqua Fire in her family’s New York Department, and Chappaqua City business for 14 Volunteer Ambulance Corps years before moving to Captain Joe Gentilesco see Chappaqua, and joined their female members as the Ambulance Corps in part of the fabric of their 2010. “I have always been organizations and no differinterested in the medient than their male councal field and felt this was terparts. Both volunteer a good way to be part organizations are comprised of it.” Zabar says as a of selfless neighbors who woman she brings a lot of carve out the time to help compassion and a materothers in need. Our female nal instinct to her volunfirst responders, four in the teer duties. “It is especialChappaqua Fire Department At a drill with the Millwood Fire Department (L-R): Leslie Jameson, ly important when you Akshay Gupta, Rita Coetzee, Florence Hovy and 38 in the Chappaqua are responding to calls Volunteer Ambulance Corps, involving kids. And when fire calls when she is at work. “If you are great examples of women who calls involve females, it’s nice to have are willing to put in the time initially juggle family and work to give back another woman around.” As a stayfor training, the required hours are to our community. “Two of the last at-home mom, she can help cover day four Chappaqua Volunteer Ambulance very manageable.” shifts when many of the members are Corps Captains have been women,” at work. Zabar is on call at Chappaqua Carey Vames, a Chappaqua Volunsays Gentilesco. “We treat everyone Volunteer Ambulance Corps headquarteer Ambulance Corps volunteer since equally when they come through the ters on Mondays and Wednesdays, and 2007 was looking for a medical related juggles her schedule to fulfill her Amdoor,” says Maitland, who expects the volunteer experience when she joined. bulance Corps duties. “I feel that I have volunteers to know their own limits. “It is important, in a community like “When they have their gear on, you been able to be part of helping people Chappaqua, to realize that not everycannot tell the men from the women when they are in need. It is a fulfilling one lives like the vast majority of us,” on a call.” At this time, there are no and rewarding job.” Zabar has advice says Vames; she believes that those active women volunteers in the Millfor women who might consider joining who have the desire and time to devote her at the Chappaqua Volunteer Amwood Fire Department. to volunteering should do so. Vames bulance Corps. “Some women might be also serves on the board of directors Inside Chappaqua spoke to four hesitant to join because of the feeling of Hope’s Door, the domestic violence female first responders: Carey Vames that it is too physically demanding. agency. Starting out as an “Aider,” she and Annie Zabar of the Chappaqua But it’s not any more demanding than found it so rewarding that she enrolled the workouts many of us do everyday.” Volunteer Ambulance Corps, and in the EMT course at Westchester Paula Kurth and Mara Antonio of the Community College. Chappaqua Fire Department, about When Mara Antonio worked at their experiences. Paula Kurth, who Susan Lawrence, Susan’s husband “It is hard for me to always fit in has wanted to be a firefighter since she Michael Baker, a volunteer firefighter the expected number of hours on call was a little girl, jumped at the opporin Archville, urged Mara to join the each week. I work 30 hours per week tunity when she learned in 2010 that Chappaqua Fire Department. “My son in a doctor’s office and have an active women could join the Chappaqua Fire was in high school and I could leave family,” Vames says of the challenges Department. There are challenges, him home for a few hours at time she faces. Even when not on call, her Kurth admits, particularly the physiwhen I had to go out on a call,” says EMT skills have come in handy for cal aspects. “Firefighting itself, and Antonio, a single parent and a volunVames. She was working out at Club the many other duties of a firefighter teer since 2005. For Antonio, being a Fit a few years ago when a 51-year-old require a certain amount of physical woman with a gentle touch can have male collapsed with cardiac arrest on a its advantages. “To hold someone’s fitness and stamina. I have to push treadmill next to his 11-year-old son. myself to stay in shape to do a good hand at an accident call and be able to “I was part of the team who adminjob.” Kurth works around her office see that it calms down the victim is istered eight cycles of CPR and got a manager schedule to fulfill her comvery rewarding.” Antonio says that ofsteady heart rhythm again. He was mitment, and will go out on structure ten people who recognize her from her transported to Westchester Medical
May 2014 Inside Chappaqua 29
without including Muriel Lipschitz, who passed away in 2012. Lipschitz, a member of the Chappaqua Fire Department for 34 years, set the bar high for volunteer firefighters and holds the distinction as the first female volunteer in the Chappaqua Fire Department “Muriel was the epitome of a volunteer firefighter. She wasn’t trying to prove anything; she was dedicated and truly altruistic,” says Maitland.
David Rolle Photo Muriel Lipschitz, who set the bar high for volunteers, was a member of the Chappaqua Fire Department for 34 years until she passed away in 2012.
work at Susan Lawrence have a sense of ease when she arrives on the scene in her turnout gear. No story about female first responders in the town would be complete
All four women feel the volunteer experience has enriched their lives and take great pride in their work. Kurth says her grown children are very proud of her. “The Chappaqua Fire Department motto and mission statement is ‘Neighbors helping Neighbors.’ That is who we are and what we do. I believe it has been a good example to my children of real caring and commitment.” The members of the Chappaqua Fire Department and Chappaqua Volunteer Ambulance Corps all feel a strong sense of camaraderie and encourage others, both women and men, to volunteer. Zabar says it was one of the best decisions of her life. “I have become part of a family. My fellow Chappaqua Volunteer Ambulance Corps members are some of the best and most caring people in Chappaqua.”
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Ronni Diamondstein has recently added Member of the Board of Directors of the New Castle Community Media Center to her community service résumé.
Chappaqua’s First Annual Thank A First Responder Day: Tuesday Eve, May 27th
Elizabeth Kasulka Photo Girl Scout Troop 1029 visits the Millwood Fire Department
Join Girl Scout Troop 1029 on Tuesday, May 27th to thank a first responder. The eight, fifth-grade Girl Scout Juniors from Seven Bridges Middle School Chappaqua started this event for their Bronze Award, a group project that Girl Scout Juniors undertake to benefit the community. They thought about people who don't get enough recognition in our community, and decided that volunteer first responders are really only acknowledged in a big way on Memorial Day. The troop decided to create a day where the community could come together and say thank you to the local men and women who volunteer as first responders: the Chappaqua Fire Department, the Millwood Fire Department and the Chappaqua Volunteer Ambulance Corps. They encourage people to join them by stopping by the firehouses and the Chappaqua Volunteer Ambulance Corps headquarters on that evening with a plate of cookies, a child's drawing, a donation, or just a heartfelt thank you. The girls hope to make this an annual event and do more each year to get the project to grow. For more information, contact Girl Scout Troop 1029 at sechazin@msn.com
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INSIDE THOUGHTS
Two Moms By Ellen Davis
My 13-year-old son sometimes tells us, “My teacher just doesn’t get me.” This is often code for, wow he/she actually expects me to behave in class, and hand in completed, well thought out homework assignments and put forth my best effort. But something recently happened at school that gave me pause. Jackson came home and told us that in English class everyone was trying to choose topics for a writing assignment. The teacher Ellen Davis (on right) with Aimee (left) and their children suggested that Jackson could write about his think having two Moms was “unusual.” “unusual” family. He told her he didn’t She then suggested that maybe his family is “unique, how about you What makes our community stronger? write about that?” He came home and told us this story. And he added, “She has no idea how borThe Volunteer Center of United Way is now: ing you two are.”
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Are we “unusual?” I guess to some we are still viewed as very different. It really made me think. Is it “unusual” to hope my son is comfortable? To hope he is emotionally healthy? To hope he is physically healthy? To hope his friends are kind? To hope he knows how to treat girls? To hope he realizes it’s ok to love the arts? To hope he learns how to work hard? To hope he achieves
his full potential? To hope he puts on sunblock? To hope he never loses his amazing sense of humor? To hope his socks aren’t lumpy? To hope he is kind to his sister? To hope is eating right? To hope he becomes a fine man? To hope he finds someone to love? To hope someone will love him? To hope he will always want to spend time with me? To hope all of his dreams come true? Are these “unique” things to hope for? Does this teacher really view us as so different from other parents? I truly don’t think she meant any harm at all. But, Jackson was incredulous that his teacher presented these viewpoints to him. Through the years, I have often asked both of my children if not having a father has been difficult in anyway. Do people find it weird that you have two mothers? They have always told me not to worry about it. That it has not adversely affected them at all. A few funny moments come to mind. Our daughter wanted to go somewhere on a very snowy day. She said to her friend, “My Mom said I can’t go.” And the friend replied, “Which Mom said no, the blonde one or the red (headed) one?” Apparently, it is a known fact that one of us is easier to sway. Recently I suggested to both kids, that they use the “two Mom” angle when they apply to college. Even I said, maybe it will make you stand out. It’s something different. My daughter did a massive eye roll and told me, “Oh please, everyone is so over that. Nobody thinks it’s different anymore.” I hope my kids are right. I too, think we’re boring. I don’t think loving my kids and wishing the best for them is “unusual” or “unique.” If I’m wrong, I can live with that. Ellen Davis is a Chappaqua Mom and a television writer, producer and director.
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