Mymotherhasmanywonderfultraits,butthere'safewthatstandout.Firstofall,herwisdomis outstanding.Sheprovidesgreatadvicenomatterthesituation.Also,I'dsayshehasapositive mentalityShealwayshasthisoptimisticpointofviewforeverythingUltimately,thetraitthat standsoutinherthemostiscompassion.It'sincrediblethewaysheshowscompassiontowards everyone.Herwayofdemonstratingcompassionisveryunique.Shealwaysputsherselfin everyoneelse'sshoes,withoutnamingtheirflaws.Overall,shethebestmotherIcouldhaveasked for.
Eversincedayone,shehasproventobeawisewomanWhenpreparingforatestshehelpsmeby givingmeusefuladviceonhowtomentallyprepareforit.Whenindoubt...showmorecontent... HegaveusthehospitalsnameandweinstantlylookeditupintheGPSandmymotherdroveus thereWequicklyranuptothefloorwheremybrotherwasbeingtreatedAssoonaswesawmy fathersittinginthewaitingroommymotherranuphimtoaskhimwhatdidthedoctorssayabout mybrother.Hesaidthatduetohisgraveconditionhehadtobeplacedinintensivecare.Thatas soonasmybrother'sconditionstabilized,wewouldbeabletoseehim.Mymotherwastryingtobe strong,Icouldseeitinhereyesandinthewayshetalked.Sincetimewaspassingbyandwewere alreadytired,myfathertookustoahotelandleftusthereHethenwentbacktothehospitalwith mymother.Dayswentbyandlittleimprovementwasshown,thingswerebeginningtolookgood. Nursesinformedusthatwewereabletoseemybrother.Butonlytwopeoplecanbeintheroomat once.Sobothofmyparentswentinfirst.Thenafterawhile,mybrothersandIwentin.Hewasina bedasleep,helookedtiredandexhausted.Wedecidedtoleaveandlethimrest.Finally,adoctor cameoutthedoorandthroughthehallwaylookingformyparentsMymotherquicklystoodupand askedhimhowwasmybrotherdoing.Thedoctorsaidthatmybrotherhadthefluandtwoother virusesthathehadencounteredmostprobablyintheprevioushospital.Mymother'sfacewas sadnessineverysense
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MymotheristhemostdiligentworkerIknowandIhighlyrespectherforthat.Mymom,sister,and ImovedacrosstheglobetofindbetteropportunitiesforjobsandEducation.Sheworkedtwojobsas asinglemother,andwasstillabletotakecareofandsupportmysisterandmeinanythingwe aspiredtodo.Beingamotheritselfisdifficultenoughbecauseitisaneverydayjobwithnobrakes orvacationSheisthepersonwhoinspiresmeandthepersonwhomotivatesmetodomybestat everythingIdo.Toher,mysisterandI'shappinesswasworthmoretoherthanherownandforthat Itrulybelievesheisthebestpersonintheworld.Evenwhenthingsgethardforher,shedoesnot taketimeoutforherselfDuringthedeathofmygrandfather,shehadnotimetogrieveoverhim becauseshetoldusthatshehasworktokeepmysisterandIfedandhappy.ThatwaswhenI realizedthatifsheisgoingthroughallthegruellingeffortjusttokeepmeandmysisterhappy,then mygoalinlifewouldjusttogivebacktoherbymakingherproudofme.Withherasmy motivationIjoinedthingsthatwouldmakeherproud.Freshmenyear,Iauditionedforthehigh schooltravelingband,whichwasatrulychallengingbandtogetintoIwasoneofonlysix freshmentogetin.Joiningthatbandallowedmetoexperiencemyfirsttimetravelingwiththe schoolacrossthecountrytoperformatCarnegieHallinNewYork,oneofthemostprestigioushalls toperformintheworld.I
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MyInspirationMymomessentiallyisthemostinspirationalpersontomeinabasicallybigway. WhenIspecificallyfeeldownshecomfortsme,orsotheyforallintentsandpurposesthough.She listenstoallofmyproblemsandreassuresmewhenmyinsecuritiesessentiallycomeoutina generallymajorway.She'salsoverydetermined,whenshemostlyputshermindtosomething,she exceedsbasicallypasthergoals,prettycontrarytopopularbelief.Shekindofisnotjustmymom sheforthemostpartisalsomyreallythebestfriendinaforallintentsandpurposesmajorwayMy momforallintentsandpurposesisanprettymucholderversionofmyself,she'sdefinitelyshort withkindofbrownhairinaparticularlymajorway.Sheliterallyhasintimidatingkindofgreen eyes,whichshowmorecontent
Shemostlyhassobasicallyanysortofotherqualities,butthesedefinitelyaretheonesthatactually standouttomeinasubtlewayShereallyhasforallintentsandpurposesmanydifferent mannerisms.Whenshe'shappysheessentiallybouncesoffthewallslikeakidonHalloweennight, generallyfurthershowinghowshedoesn'tjudgepeoplebasedontheirrace,weight,sexuality,etc, fairlyfurthershowinghowwhensheparticularlywasyoungershebasicallyhadkindofbighair becauseshekindoflivedinthe80'sinasubtleway.Whenshe'ssadshedoesn'tshowitbecauseshe canverytimid,sosheworelegwarmersandfairlybrightneoncolorsinaprettymajorwayWhen she'sangryshewillessentiallyletyouknow,demonstratingthatsheactuallyputsherfootdownand generallyholdshergroundwhensheparticularlyhasto,prettyfurthershowinghowshereallywasa verystylishteenager,whichmostlyisquitesignificantWhenshe'sproud,shetellsmeandgenerally makesgenerallysureIbasicallyknowsheliterallylovesmeinaparticularlybig
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Ittookmeafewyearstorealizewhatanextraordinaryinfluencemymotherhasbeenonmylife. She'sthekindofpersonwhoalwayshastimeforherkids,alwaysinterestedinlearningsomething new,wouldsacrificeherselfforherfamily,andiseasilythestrongestwomaninmyeyesGrowing up,IknowIhaven'tbeenthebestsonintheworldbutifyouweretoaskher,shewouldsay otherwise.Lookingback,mymomisthemostpositiveandimportantinfluenceonmylife.My motheractuallyisanordinarywomanbutinhertinyappearanceshinesanextraordinaryfortitude, perseverance,analtruisticsoulandisverykindhearted.Thekindofmotherwhobroughtmeup withherwholekindlyheart,thekindofpersistentwomanwith...showmorecontent...
Growingupinapoorfamily,mymothermustworkveryhardtoearnherlivingsinceanearlyage. Duetoshortageofmaterialcondition,sheherselfhastrainedanextremelystrongwillandabilityto sedatelydealwitheachdifficultyandstanduptomoveonfromherfailuresIvividlyrememberthe calamitypoureddownonmyfamilywhenmymother'businesswentbankrupt.Wehadtosellour houseandleaveforanothertowntobeginfrom"zero".Thiscriticaltimemadeeverymemberinmy familyreallyupsetButitwasmymother,thepersistentandbravewomen,stronglystoodupand startedoveragainafterthisgreatadversity.Eachofherfailures,hergrief,andthewayshe overcamedifficultiestomoveonhasmadeanindelibleimpressioninmymind,leavingmewith preciouslessonsaboutthevaluesofstrongwillsandindefatigableendeavorstofirmlyconfrontwith setbacksandbravelyconquerthem.TherewastimewhenIfeltthattherewasnomorehopeinlife, thatIfeltverywearyandwasabouttogiveupeverythingAftertheconstantmovingfromoneplace toanotherandmygradesslippingdownthedrainIwasunabletodealwithanysmallproblemsand feltembarrassedtomeetmyrelativesandfriends.However,thatwasalsothetimethatIacquired frommymotherhowtolearnfromhermistakesanddevelopedmyownsetoftoolstotakemore lessonsfromthemtorealizethepropermeaningsofdetermination.
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AMother'sLoveMymomhashadthegreatestimpactonmylife.Shehasalwaystaughtmeto alwaystrymyhardestandtotreateveryoneequallyandwithrespect.Mymom'sheartand determinationiswhatIhopetohaveoneday.Shealwaysputsanyonebeforeherself.Sheisthe kindness,mostgenerouswomanIhaveevermet.Icanonlyhopetobecomelikemymomoneday. MymomimpactmylifebecauseofallthedifferentexperienceswehaveexperiencedtogetherThe dayafterHurricaneHarveyhitHouston,mymomandIdecidedtogooutandbuysuppliestodonate tothepeopleaffectedbyit.Laterthatcoldday,wewenttoWalmartandboughttoiletries,bottled water,andbrandnewclothingandshoesThefriendlycashierwithpinkhairsaid,showmore content...
Oncetheyfinishedtalkingonthephone,mymomsatdownandstartedbawling.Mydadaskedmy mom,"What'swronghoney?"Afterthat,mymomstartedtellingusthatmygreat–grandmotherjust recentlypassedaway.Ididn'treallyknowmygreat–grandmother,butwhenmymomtoldmethe horriblenews,myheartbrokeintoathousandpiecesbecauseIknewhowmuchmymomlovedher grandmother.Laterthatweek,wetraveledtoGreatBendforherfuneral.Itwasaverydepressing dayandallyoucouldseewerepeopleweeping,butyoucouldtelltheyweretryingtoputabrave faceon.Mymomtriedherhardesttokeephertearsin,butshecouldn't,itwasjusttoohardforher. IhuggedmymomandtoldherthateverythingwasgoingtobealrightandthatIlovehersomuch. Mymomhasherdownmoments,butshealsohasthoseexciting,funmomentsTheweekbefore summervacationinsixthgrade,mymomandIdecidedtogotoElitchGardensinDenver, Colorado.Theroadtripwassuperfun,buttherewasquitealotoftrafficthatday.Oncewearrived, weboughtourticketsandwentthroughsecurityThemetaldetectorwentoffonmymombecause sheforgottoputherphoneinthebox.ElitchGardenswasverycrowdedthatday.Wecouldn'tget anywherewithoutbumpingintoallthesweatypeople.Thelinesweresuperlongandalltheselittle kidswerefussingaboutwaitinginline.Wedecidedtogetonthetallestwoodenrollercoasterthere,
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MothertoMotherThepurposeofthispaperistointroduce,discuss,andanalyzethebook"Mother toMother"bySindiweMagona.Specifically,itwillcriticallyanalyzethebook.Thebook"Mother toMother"isatouchingandelegantstoryofracerelationsandmisunderstandinginSouthAfrica Theauthorbasesherbookonatrueincident,butlooksatitfromtheeyesofamotherwholovesher sonbutrecognizeshisinadequacies.Itisadevastatinglookatapartheid,violence,andangerina societylongsplitbetweenblackandwhiteWell–writtenwithemotionandpathos,itisabookthat discoversthedifficultiesofreconciliationandcontinuingwithlifeafterthedeathofalovedone. Thisemotionalbooklooksat...showmorecontent...
Clearly,sheshouldhaveknownthedangersofwhatshewasdoing,ratherthanlookingather situationonlyidealistically.Mandisa,themotherinthestory,doesnotmakeexcusesforherson, sheknowshisactwasreprehensible,butshedoesunderstandhisyounglifehasbeenfilledwith despair,betrayal,anddifficulty.Shenotes,"Understandthepeopleamongwhomhehaslivedallhis life.Nothingmysondoessurprisesmeanymore.Notafterthatfirstunbelievableshock,his implantinghimselfinsideme;unreasonablyandtotallydestroyingthemeIwasThemeIwould havebecome"(Magona).Mandisagavebirthtohersonwhenshewasonlyfifteen,anditchanged herlife,justasitwouldchangetheyoungwhitegirl'slifeeventuallyInaninterviewaboutthe book,authorMagonaelaborates:Itisawell–knownfactthatchildrenofchildrenareathighriskof notfinishingschool.Mandisaisaperfectexampleofthesuccessofapartheid––sheistheperfect productofthatsystem––hertalentisstillborn;soisthatofherchildrenSocietywillneverbenefit fromthegiftstheybroughttotheworld.Ifirmlybelievenochildisbornwithoutpotential.Thus,by neglectingtheyoung,wedenyourselvesgreatblessingsand
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Myrelationshipwithmymother,JodiLynnBorchert,startedthedaythatIwasborn,February25, 1995,anditcontinuestothisdayeventhoughshelivesinIdahoandIliveinColorado.Sheisapart ofmyfamilywhichisdefinedonp.328inourbooksasa"networkofpeoplewhosharetheirlives overlongperiodsoftimeandareboundbymarriage,blood,orcommitment".Jodiismybiological motherandthismakesusfamilythroughbloodTobemorespecificaboutmymotheristhatsheisa partofmyNuclearfamily(p.329),afamilyconsistingofawife(mymother),husband(myfather), andtheirbiologicalchild(me).AllmylifemymotherhasalwayscalledmeKonis.Asstatedinour textbookonp193,wordsandphrasesthathaveuniquemeaningstoaparticularrelationship,such aspetnamesorprivatephraseswithspecialmeaningarecalledpersonalidioms.Everytimemy momcallsmeKonis,mymomisusingapersonalidiombecauseonlythetwoofusknowthe personalmeaningbehindthenicknamethatshecallsme.Eventhoughwedon'tknowwhereshe cameupwiththenickname.Sincewebothliveacoupleofstatesawayfromeachotherweboth musthaveregularrelationshipmaintenance(p304),meaningthatwebothmakecommunication andsupportivebehaviorstosustainadesiredrelationship.Idothisbymakingtimeonceaweekto callherjusttotalkaboutwhat'sgoingoninherlife.Shealsodoesthisbytalkingtomeoneaweek butalsofindingtimeto
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MotherNatureisunpredictable.Wearevulnerabletohergreatwrathandhowitcanproduce environmentaldisasters.Inrecentevents,wehaveseenHurricaneHarveynotonlydestroy buildings,homes,andenvironmentalstructures.Ithasalsoclaimedtheirreplaceable....lives.The GovernorofFloridaarticulateditbestasheencouragedcitizenstoevacuatehisstateasHurricane IrmaapproachedHepleadedandstated,"Wecanrebuilthomes,butwecan'trebuiltyourlife"As societycontinuestoresearchvulnerabilitytodisaster,bothforbuiltsystemsandvulnerable populations.Societymustalsorecognizesthatfactorssuchaswealthandpoverty,raceand ethnicity,genderandage;specifically,howtheyinfluenceshowmorecontent Thiscouldneverhavebeenanoptionforpovertystrickencitizens.
"Incontrastwithhomeowners,rentersaredependentontheirlandlordstocarryoutactivitiesthat canreducedisastervulnerabilities,suchasmakingroutinerepairsandimprovements,complying withbuildingandsafetycodes,andcarryingoutspecificdisasterloss–reductionmeasures"(Tierney, 2006,pg113)Citizensthatliveinpovertymainobjectivesare;payingtherenttohavearough overtheirheadsandhavingfoodonthetable.Theirfinancialinstabilitiesdoesnotprovidethemthe luxuriesofprovidingadditionalimprovisingtoreducedisastervulnerabilities.Additionally,many can'tevenaffordtoevacuate;regardless,iftheevacuationbecomesmandated.Financially,theydo nothavetheadditionalfinancialresourceto"justgetupandgo".Historyhasshownthatamajority ofthisfinancialfactors,areamongstspecificracesandethnicity
RaceandEthnicity
TheUnitedStateshasadiversityofraceandethnicityamongstitspopulation.Whensomedisasters arepredicatedsuchasaknownHurricanethatispredictedtobeaCategoryFiveScientistcan estimatethedamagesthatitmaycause,whichwillprovidetheadvancenoticeforcitizensto evacuate.Regardlessofadvancenotices,manycitizenswithinspecificraceandethnicity,don'teven speaktheEnglishlanguageanddon'tunderstandthewarnings."Warningscannotbeissuedforall typesofdisasters,buteven
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Mymotherwasmyprimarycaregiverthroughoutallofmychildhood.Whilemyfatherwasinthe pictureforamajorityofmychildhood,hewasalsoaseverealcoholicwhichgreatlyimpactedmy upbringing.Myrules,obligations,andexpectationswerenotalwayssetinstoneanddidoften dependonthetime,situation,and/ormoodofmyparents.Ithinkitisnormalforparentstodiffer slightlyintheirparentingstylesoccasionallyAsayoungkidIremembermysisterandIbeingvery awarethatthemoodmymotherwasingreatlycontributedtotheoutcomeofaquestionorevent.I thinkmost,ifnotallofuscanrelatetothis.Overallhowever,Iwouldsaythatmymotherhadan authoritativeparentingstyleMymothermadeisveryclearthatshewastheparentandincharge, howevershewaswelcomingandunderstandingenoughthatIfeltcomfortablecomingtoherwith questionsorproblems.Mymomwasalsoveryencouragingandsupportive.Shealwayspushedme todomybestbutnevermademefeelbadifIdidnotreachmygoals.Iwasluckytohavesucha greatrelationshipwithmymom,noteveryonedoes.AsayoungteenagerIhadmanyfriendswho wouldcometomewithquestionsandconcernsbecausetheyknewmymomwassoopen–minded andunderstanding.Mymomwasalwaysmyparentfirstandmyfriendsecond.Iknewwhatwas expectedofmeandIwasdisciplinedforbadbehavior,howeverIalwaysknewIcouldgotoher withanythingIneeded. Myfather,likemanyaddictswas
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Itisoftensaidthat,"Man'sworkendsatsunset.Women'sworkisneverdone."With sixty–threemillionwomenworkingand62%ofthosewomenmaintainingfamilies,mostwomen wouldthisstatementverytrue(AFL–CIO).Whilewomenareexpandingtheirlivestoincludea career,theymustalsomaintaintheirtraditionalrolesathome.Thiscombinationofhouseworkand career–workisthereasonwhyworkingmotherstodayhavemorestressthanworkingfathers Mothersmayworkinanofficefromninetofive,buttheirworkdoesnotendattheoffice.After workinganeight–hourday,amotherwillcomehometotakecareofherchildren,husband,and houseWomenremaintheprimarycaretakerandhousekeepershowmorecontent Also,sincehusbandsgenerallyworkeightmorehoursaweekthantheirwivesdo,theytendtomiss outonresponsibilities,suchasfeedingtheirchildrendinnerandbreakfast."Menmissouton mealchoresandthosetendtobeverystressful"saysDr.Barnett(Kelly).Moreoftenthannot, women'sworkinterfereswithfamilywhileformenfamilyinterfereswithwork(Bianchi171).This isbecausewomentendtoputfamilyfirst,andtherefore,theyfeelextrapressuretodowellfortheir familywhencominghomefromwork.Thisfeelingonlyaddstoaworkingmother'sstress. Takingcareoftheelderlyisverysimilartothedemandoftakingcareofone'schildren(Bianchi 180).Withwomennowhavingchildrenlaterinlife,theyfindthemselvesresponsibleforthecareof theiryoungchildrenandelderlyparents,iftheyrequirecare,atthesametime.One–halfofelderly peoples'caregiversworkoutsideofthehomeandonequarterofthemhavechildrenathomewho requirecare(Garrett).Whetheryourparentsarelivinginanursingfacilityorathome,itis undeniabletheamountofworkittakestocareforalovedone.Manyelderlypeoplerequire assistancewithmedication,eating,andbathingaswellasalonglistofsimpleeverydaytasksFor anyonethisisaprettybigresponsibility,butimaginecaringforapersoninsuchamanneralong withcaringforone'shomeandfamily.
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MyMotherandLiteracy
ThefirstteacherIeverhadwasmymother(Stephanie).FromtyingmyshoestomyABC'sshe taughtmesomanythingsthroughoutmylife.Enhancinghowliteracyfitintomylifewasonemajor thingmymomdidforme.SimilartothereadingSupermanandMebyAlexie;wealwayshadbooks lyingaroundthehouseWewouldtaketripstothelibrarytolookfornewbooksandwewould attendthesummerreadingprogram.Mymomwouldhavemereadanythingandeverything;menus, recipes,streetsigns,andbooks.Readingbecameaneverydaythingforme.Mymotherhashada monumentalimpactonmyloveforliteracyShehasshapedandmoldedthewayIviewLiteracy andhowitfitintomylife.TherewerethreemajormomentsinmychildhoodthatIrememberwhere thebooksshehadmereadwereextremelyinfluentialonmystancetowardsliteracy.
SometimebeforeIstartedpreschoolmymotherboughtabookthathadacolossalimpactonliteracy inmylife.Iremembermymothercomingintomyroomatbedtimetoreadmeanewandexciting bookThebookhadapinkbackgroundwithalargecoconuttreeonit,alsoithadmulti–colorletters allaroundthetreeIwillneverforgetthisline;"ChickaChickaBoomBoomwilltherebeenoughat thetopofthecoconuttree.".IdidthesameasAlexiedidwithhissupermanbook,howhewould readitagainandagain;atbedtimeeverynightforatleasttwomonthsmymomwouldcomeintomy roomandread"ChickaChickaBoomBoom"
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GrowingLily
AtagethreeIsaid"Iloveyoumommy."AtagesevenIsaid,"Mom,stopkissingmycheek!"Atage fifteenIsay,"You'resoannoying–Ican'twaittomoveout!"Atageeighteen,I'llbesaying"Imiss home"Atagetwenty–sevenI'llbesaying"Imissmymom"AtagefortyI'llbesaying"Imissyou somuch;Iwishyoudidn'thavetogo."Mymomisthesuntomyshine.Mymotherisahard worker.Sheloveswhatshedoesforaliving.Shedoesarrangementsforpeoples'houses.I'veseen herworkfrom7amtomidnightattimesThehardworkpaysoffbutmostofherearningsgoto billsorgroceries.Whenshehasanewproject,shegoesshoppingforflowerstomakewhatmental imageshehasinherintoreality.Theshowmorecontent Shehasthepowertomakeyousmilewhenyou'redown,makeyoucrybytellingastory,keepyou undercontrolwhenyou'retoorowdyandgetangrywhenneeded.Familyisanimportantthingto mymotherShelovestospendasmuchtimeasshecanwiththemShebelievesintheHawaiian saying,"Ohanna:Nobodygetsleftbehind."Thispastsummerwewentonacruiseship.Thewhole sideofmymom'sfamilyhadgone.Ienjoyedmytimethere,especiallywhenwearrivedin Cozumel,MX.Oneofthemostembarrassingthingsthatcouldhappentomefrightenedmymomto death.Purgingissaidtomakeyouloseweight.Thebangingontherestroomdoorstartledme knowingIwouldbecaughtFromthatpointonshetookextracareofmyhealthLookingafterwhat Iate,whenIshouldexerciseetc.WhenIwasfourteen,myparentsandImadeadealthatifIlost twentypounds,Iwouldbeabletogetmyfirsttattoo.Shesupportedmewithit,thus,melosingthe weightNoteveryonegrowsupwithmannersIhaveahightoleranceforrespectGrowingupgoing tochurcheverySundayduetomymomhelpedmeadapttomaturity.NotthatI'mhighlybipolar, butIdolosemytemperreallydrastically.I'vebeentaughtbymymomtoforgiveandforget. Throughtheworstofhertimesthatpeoplehaveputherthrough;sheforgives.ShetellsmeIhave thebloodofmydadseeingashowIwillalwaysholdagrudgetowardssomeonenomatterwhat.I knowmymomwantsthebestforherkids,
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LosingMyMotherIcanstillremembervividlythedaymymotherpassedaway.Mymotherpassed awayatacriticalpointinmylifewhenIwasseventeenyearsoldfromashorttermillness.Shewas sickforaweekandIrememberthinkingthiscouldbeserious,however,mymotherdeclinedtogo tothehospitalbecauseofthedistanceandfinancialhardship.IhadlossmyfatherwhenIwasthree yearsold,somymotherwasasinglemotherIhavestepsistersandbrother,butIwasnot particularlyclosetothem.Losingmymotherwasadefiningmomentinmylifeforitchangedmy lifeirrevocably.Iwasdevastated,butIhadtobecomestrong,proactiveanditspurredmetochoose anewcareerpathLosingmymotherwasverytraumatisingShewastheonlyparentIknewsince theageofthreeandtheonepersonIknewIcoulddependononehundredpercent.Iwasinschool whenoneofmycousincametoinformmethatIwastoreturnhomeimmediately.InmygutIknew somethingseriousmusthavehappenedtomymother.IdonotrememberhowIgothome.WhenI sawseveralpeoplecryingatmyhomeandnobodywasreallymakeeyecontactwithme,Ijust startedtocrytooandthatiswhensomeonetoldmehowsorrytheywereformylossIwasinshock formorethanthreedays.IdidnotsleepnoreatandIdidnotshadesingletearsaftertheinitial outburst.BasicallyIjustwantedtocrawlinacornerandneverwakeupfromthenightmare. However,IhadtobecomeanadultandI
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MyMother,MyFriendItisnoteasy,movingbackhomewithyourparentsasanadult.Especially whenyouaretheparentofgrownchildrenyourself.Duetocircumstancesbeyondmycontrol,that iswhatIhadtodo.AlthoughIhadbeenoutofmyparentshomeforoverthirtyyearsandhadbeen married(anddivorced)movingbackhomekindoffeltlikeIhadneverleft.Ibelievethatisbecause myparentsweretreatingmeasthoughIwastheunrulyteenagerIoncewasThatandthefactIwas inMYbedroom.Ichoosetodomyrelationshipanalysispaperonmyrelationshipwithmymother Juanita.MymomhasAlzheimer's,andcommunicationcanbefrustratingattimes.Thethree communicationconceptsIwillfocusonare,1Becomingabetterlistener,2,Expressingmyselfto herinawayshecanbetterunderstandand3.Payingbetterattentiontohernonverbalcues.Ilove mymotherdearly,andwanttobeabletocommunicatewithherthebestwecan.Mymotherisone ofthemostimportantpeopleinmylife.Infact,sheisprobablyTHEmostimportantpersoninmy life.Sheisbeautiful,sheiskind,sheisthoughtfulandsheishonest.Sheisagoodwife,mother, grandmotherandgreatgrandmotherThereisnotameanboneinherbodyIhaveworkedforthe lastfifteenyearsdoinginHomeHealthCareforAlzheimer'spatientsandtheirfamilies,sowhenmy momgotdiagnosedIwasdevastated.IwasdevastatedbecauseIknowhowthisgameends,andit breaksmy
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Mymotherisaverycomplicatedwoman.Ibelievethebestwaytodescribeherwouldbe,"theroad tohellispavedwithgoodintentions."Iknow,weirdwaytostartoffmyliterarystory,right?As muchasIdonotlikemymother,Iloveher,andrespecther.WhileIambeinghonest,Iowemy workethicandavastmajorityofmysuccesstoher,asmuchasIhatetoadmitit.Thewayshelived herlife,mostcollegegraduatesandthesocietalhoitytoitytypeswouldraisetheirnosesto However,youcan'tdenyherdedicationtoherchildrenandtheireducation,sheisthestartofmy literacyjourney.Mymotherwasn'talways...howdoitputthis?Let'sgowithquestionable,andshe wasstableandthepicture–perfectmotherwhenshewasmarriedtomyfatherMymotherandfather thoughtitwouldbebeneficialforhertostayathomewithmytwinbrotherandI.Flashcardswere alwaysthere,beforeKindergartenmymommadesuremytwinandIcouldcountto100,weknew ourABC's,wecouldwriteournames,ourparents'names,knewouraddressandphonenumber. EveryThursdaywewenttothepubliclibraryforstorytimeandtopickoutourbooksfortheweek. BeforenapandbeforebedwewouldreadoneofMiguel'sbooksandoneofmine,someofthebooks wereadsomuchthatmybrotherandImemorizedthestories.Wewouldevenpretendtoreadthose favoritestories.Astheyearswentonandwewenttoschoolmymotherwassuperinvolved.Shehad allourgradesemailedtoher,
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Theytalkedjustlongenoughformyfathertogetwhatwewantedoutofthedeal.Shortlyafter,she discoveredthatshewaspregnantwithme.Ithinkit'ssofunnynowbecausemyfatherlikestosay "Ijustblewonyourmom,andshegotpregnant.Idon'tknowhowthathappened."Duringmy mother'spregnancy,shediscoveredalotofthingsaboutmyfatherthatwouldmaketheaverage womaninfuriatedShefoundoutthathealreadyhadadaughter(myoldestsister,Tia)withanother womanfromhishometown,Detroit,Michigan.Andwhilehewas"seeing"her(forabetterchoice ofwords)hewasalso"seeing"anotherwomanwholivedinthesameareaofthecitythatshelived. Andifthatwasn'tenough,shefoundoutthatwomanwasalsopregnantbymyfatherwithmy oldestbrother,Angel,whoisonlyfivemonthsolderthanme.Tomakeitevenworse,shedidnot obtainanyofthisinformationfrommyfather.Shelearnedthisinformationonatriptothemall, fromamutualfriendthatmymotherandAngel'smotherdidnotknowtheyshared.Mymotherwas extremelyheartbrokenanddepressedafterfindingoutallofthis.Sheactuallybelievedthatherand myfatherhadafuturetogether;whichisajokeinitselfknowingmyfather'spast Shewasinadeepdepressionforalongperiodoftime.Butsheknewthatshewouldhavetoget overitbecauseshewasabouttohaveadaughter.Shethatshewouldhavetoraisemeregardlessif myfatherweregoingtobeinthepicture
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Whatcanonesayabouttheirmother?Onemaytalkaboutherpositiveandnegativecharacteristics. TherearesomanygreattraitsIloveandadmireaboutmymom,thatitwouldbedifficultandunfair towriteaboutjustone.Beingstrong,generousandoptimisticareallsomegreatpersonalitytraits, whichmymotherpossesses.
EversinceIcanremember,mymotherhasbeenastrongindividual.SheraisedmybrotherandI financially,emotionally,physicallyandspirituallybyherself.Mymomgaveherall,bythatImean, sheworkedtwojobstomakesureherchildrenateproperlyandthattheyhadtheessentialamenities togrowhappilyandsuccessfully.Anotherwayshesupporteduswaswithloveandcare.My momshowmorecontent
Shewouldencouragemebysimplysaying,"Complainingisauselesswaytosolveproblems,but becomingactiveontheissueisagreatwaytoconquerit.MymotherMymotherhasalwayshad strongfaithandviewsinherreligionWhenIwasyounger,everydayandnight,shewouldbring prayertimetomeandmybrother'sattention.MymominstilledAsachild,mymotherdisplayedthe seriousnessofspirituality.Inwhichsheexpressedherfaithinusatanearlyage,thatprayertime wasnotthetimetomakejokesnortocomplainabouthavingtopartakeinit. Onelessonshetaughtusthemost,washowseriousnessaboutourspiritualbeliefscouldprovideus withasubstantial,stableandstructurallifestyle
Mymother'sheartisatitspurestwhengiving.Iwitnessedmymotherchipinandpayforpeople's rent,carnotes,andbuyingthemgroceriesAlthoughmymother'sintentionsweregood, occasionally,hergenerosityhasbeentakenadvantageof.Onetimeaclosefriendofthefamily, cametomymotherindesperateneed.Heaskedhertoloanhimalargeamountofmoney,withthe agreementthathewouldpaybackineithermonthlyorweeklyinstallments.Mymomneverdidsee themoneythatwasduetoher.Despitetheincidentshestillgivesandencouragesotherstogive, whetherisitadonation,orvolunteeringyourtimeinyourcommunityMy
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Twoofthegreatestdaysofmylifewerethedaysmydaughterswereborn.ThefirsttimeIheldthe bothofthemandgazedintotheireyesIfeltasenseofreliefandhope.Thefeelingisawarm tinglingsensationthatengulfedmyentirebody.TheemotionsthatIfeltarebeyondwhatwordscan explain.It'samazingtomethatinthefirstfewminutesoftheirlivestheycompletelychangedmy perceptionoftheworld
Motherhoodhastaughtmemanylifelessons.Beforebecomingamother,Iwasaselfcenteredchild. Ihadnomotivationtosucceed.AllIwasworriedaboutwaswherethenextpartywas.AtthattimeI hadnowanttotrybecauseIwassoscaredtofailIwasslowlyprogressingtogonowhereanddo nothingwithmylife....showmorecontent...
Theyjustwanttolearnabouttheworldaroundthem.Theyhaveinspiredmetogooutandtrynew things.Everydaytheygrowalittlebitmoreindependent.Astheygrow,Igrow.
Ihavelearnedalotaboutsuccessfrommydaughters.Forexample,Iwatchedthemlearntowalk. Theyweeble,theywobbleandfalldownButnomatterhowmanytimestheyfall,theygetupand tryagain.Ithastaughtmethatnomatterwhatobstaclesoccur,ifIjustcontinuetotryIcanandwill succeed.
Mydaughtersaremymotivationtosucceed.EachdayIworkveryhardtoprovideforthem.Some daysIreallyjustwanttogiveup.Idon'twanttobeastudent,Idon'twanttowork.Ijustwantto quitButwhenIthinktomyselfhowtheirfaceslightupatthesightofme,MommyIrealizethatif IquitnowI'mquittingonthem.Itisnolongeraboutmywantsandneedsitisabouttheirwantsand needsfirst.
ThegreatestrewardofbeingamotheristheloveIsharewithmychildrenItislikenootherItis pureandunconditional.Thereisnogreaterfeelingthanwhenmytwoyearoldsay"MommyIlove you"orwhenmytenmontholdgivesmekisses.TheloveweshareisthegreatestgiftfromGodthat Ihaveeverreceived.
IntheshorttimethatIhavebeenamotherIhavelearnedmanythings.Ihaverealizedthateveryday isalearningexperienceIhavetakenthemistakesthatIhavemadeandlearnedfromthemMy childrenhavepushedmetostrivefor
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Whatisamother?Mostwiththistitleareindeedmoms,butaretheytrue"Mothers"?Thetitleof "Mother"holdsgreatmeaningwithmostpeople,includingmyself.Itdoesnotsimplymeanamom. No,amotheristhewomanwhonurturesyou,holdsuswhennooneelsewillandteachuslessons thatcannotbefoundorboughtanywhereelse,byanyoneelse.MyMotherisastrong,determined, hardworkingwomanthathastaughtmetheimportanceofputtingothersbeforemyselfShehas sacrificedagreatdealforourfamilyandcontinuestoteachmemoreandmorenomatterhowoldor wiseIthinkIget.Shehasshownamazingstrengthanddetermination.Ibelievemymothertobethe perfectexampleofhowatruemothershouldbeinherownimperfectwayshowmorecontent Truewisdomispasseddownfromonegenerationtoanotherandshouldbeheldamongthehighest ofvalueswhenpassedon.Theknowledgeofjustwhattruestrengthanddeterminationis,isoneof thehighestthingsiholdofvalueandwillensuremychildrenvalueitthesame.Iwillmakethese attributesthebaseuponwhichmychildrenwillbebuilt,justasmymotherhasdonetome.My childrenwillnotfail,theywillnotstayonthegroundwhenknockeddown,theywillnotgiveinto thedarknessthatwillsurelychallengetheminthefuture.Theywillnotfaulturebecausetheywillbe raiseduponthepowerfulvirtuesofstrengthanddetermination.Justimagineiftheotherkidsoftheir generationwereraiseduponthesameprinciples?Couldyouevenimaginethebenefitsandrewards thatwouldbereaped?Imagineagenerationshroudedinstrengthwithadeterminedmindsettomake theworldabetterplaceThethingsthattheycouldachievewouldbeincomprehensibleTherefore, weasapeoplemustfocusonsowingthesevaluesintothesoontobegenerationsothattherewards reapedupontheirarrivalwillbeenoughtochangetheworldinwhichtheyliveinforthe
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Everythingisperfectlyfine,everythingisgreat,thenonedayitallcomescrashingdownand shatteredpiecesareleft.MylifewouldneverbethesamebutIguesschangeisforthebestandit forcedmetobecomethepersonIamtoday.It'sroughtobetheoldestchild,especiallywhenyour momisdiagnosedwithstage4cancerandyouhave3youngersistersthatlooktoyouforcomfort whentheirmomcan'tbethereWhenthecancerisspreadthroughoutyourmomsbodydoctorscan't justgetridofitnomatterhowbadlyyouwishtheycould.Roundsofchemotherapyonlyslowit down,yetit'sstilltherealurkingmonsterwaitingtoreappearatanygivenmoment.Nothingcan evenbegintodescribethefearIfelt,andstillhavetodealshowmorecontent Anambulancecameandcarriedoutmymom.Ididn'tknowwhatwasgoingon,somanyquestions runningthroughmymind,whatwaswrongwithher,wasshegoingtobeok.Iwasscared,more scaredthenIhadeverbeen.MysisterSheridanwhowas8askedme"what'shappening?"through tears.OnthatdayalittlepieceofmebegantochangebecauseifIletherseemyfearthatwouldnot helpanyone,andsoeventhoughIdidn'tknowwhatwashappeningIresponded"everythingis goingtobeok"eventhoughIdidnottrustmyownwords.Whenmydadcamehomethatevening hesatmedownandaskedmeifIknewwhatcancerwas.IhadanideasoIjustnoddedmyhead,he wentontotriedtoexplaintomehowbadthecancerwasthatmymomhadbeendiagnosedwith. Seeingmydadsoafraidscaredme.ThefearIfeltthenledmetorealizethatIneededtotryandhide itbecauseitwouldonlyhurtmydadmoretoseehischildrensoupsetIdidmybesttohelp,I tuckedmylittlesistersintobedwhilemymomwasawayatthehospital,readthemstoriesanddid thebestIcouldatpreparingsnackstocomfortthem.Aftermymomarrivedhomeandsherecovered fromthesurgeryshestartedchemotherapyThemiserabletreatmentthatattacksthecanceralso makesherveryill.Everyotherweekshewassick.BeforeeverybadweekIwantedtocry,butthat wouldn'thelpanyone.LaneandKennaalreadywerecrying,ifIcrieditcouldonlyhurtmyparents
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Therearemanypeoplethathavethestrongestimpactinyourlives.Theyareyourrolemodeland youwanttobelikethem.Thesecanbeyourfamilymembers,friends,orpeoplethatyoujustseeon T.V.Whoevertheymightbetheyimpactedyourlifebecauseofwantyoulearnedfromthem.One personthathadthestrongestimpactthatmademewhoIamtodayismymom.Mymomhad impactedmylifeandmademewhoIamtodaybecauseshetaughthowtotreatotherhowIwantto betreated,don'tjudgeotherpeoplebecauseoftheirlooks,andifyoudon'ttryyouwon'tsucceed. TheseareonlythefewlessonthatIlearnedfrommymomasakid.Mymomalwaystoldmethatif IwantedpeopletogiveyourespectIhavetodothesametothemIfyoushowmorecontent Itisthebiggestbecauseinoursocietytherearealotofjudgementonpeopletoday.Peoplejudgeon whattheyonlyseeandnotwhattheyknow.Therearepeopleouttherethataregettingcriticized becausetheyjustjudgetheminsteadoflisteningtowhattheyneedtohear.Thislessonmademea betterpersonbecausejudgingisnotanokaythingtodo.Therearepeoplewhoaremissjudgeon whattheylooklikePeoplewholookatapersonwhoiswearingascarvesthinksthattheyare terrorist.Theyaremistakenbyabadgroupofpeopleandnowtheyaregettinghateforamiss judgement.Thesepeoplewhereitbecausetheydon'twanttogetjudgeoftheirappearancerather thantheirpersonality.Therearemanymoreexampleofhowpeoplejudgeotherpeople.Thislesson hadmademeabetterpersonbecauseitmakesmethinktwicebeforejudgeapersonwholooks completelydifferentfromtheoutsidethanthe
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Growingup,Iwasusedtobeingbombardedbystoriesfrombothmymotherandfather.Mymother withherreligiousstories,andmyfatherwithhisexperiencesfromwhenhewasalittleboylivingin Vietnam.WhatInoticedinallofmymother'sstories,wasthatshewastryingtogetacertain messageacross.Begood.Ifthereisanythingthatmymotherismoresternonthenstudies,itwould beonbeinga"good"personthatknowstheirmoralsandcanperfectlyexecuteandstandbyitMy mother'sdefinitionof"good",isbeingselfless,caring,andhonest,bybeingsoyouwillberewarded byhavingtothechoicetogotoHeaven,ortogetreincarnatedintoahigherpositioninsociety.My mothermadeitherdutytoraisemewiththesamemoralsashersinceshebelievedthatherswas "right".Shebelievedthattheperfecthumanbeingwasonethatwasalwayswillingtogiveandone whowasalwayshonest.showmorecontent
HedoesnotknowwhetherornotGodorexists,orifthereisahigherbeing,butwhathedoesknow ishesawaghost,whichleadhimtobelieveinanafterlife.Myfather'swayofthinkingissimilarto thatAristotle'sAristotlebelievedthatthroughoursenses,wewillfindtruthThatfirst,weuse senses,andthenusereasonafterwardstocategorizethethingsweexperience.Myfatherusedhis senses,sight,toestablishthatthereisanafterlife.
Mymotherislikemyfather,inthesensethattheybothbelieveinanafterlife.However,unlikemy father,mymotherisaveryreligiouswomanwhoisveryfaithfultoherCatholicbeliefs,although withsomealtercationsMymotherbelievesthatwhenapersondies,theywillgettohavethechoice ofwhethertheywanttogotoHeaven,orgetreincarnatedintoapersonwithahighersocialstanding in
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Amotherissomeonewhocantaketheplaceofallothersbutnoonecantaketheplaceofher.There aremanydifferentdefinitionsyoucouldusetodescribeyourmother.Mymother,PamKrull,fits everyoneofthose.TodayIdecidedtopickthethreethatIthoughtwasmostimportanttome.I admireandaspiretobelikemymotherbecauseofhowsupportive,howselfless,andhowlovingshe isMymomhasgonethroughalottogetwheresheistodayIwillbeginbytellingyoualittlebit aboutmymom'sbackground.MymomgrewupoutsideofGeorgewithherparents,HarrisandBev Kaster,andherthreesiblings,Erik,Brad,andKristy.SheattendedGeorgeHighSchoolwhenthey werestillBlueJaysMymomwasinvolvedinalotofdifferentactivitiesShewasintheplay,large groupandindividualspeech,acheerleader,playedthedrumsinband,wasinstudentcouncil, secretaryofherclass,RECclub,band,andjazzband.Inherfreetimeshehungoutwithfriendsand hersister.Shehadafewjobsgrowingupalso.Shebabysatalot,workedatthelibrary,andthe dentistoffice.Mymotheralsohelpedteachbibleschool,catechism,andattendedyouthgroupat HopeReformedChurchMymothermetmydad,DougKrullwhenshewasajuniorinhighschool Theydatedforawhileandendedgettingmarried.Theythenhadthreebeautifuldaughters,Allyssa, Megan,andRebecca.MymomwenttoNorthwesternCollegeinOrangeCity,Iowa,together education
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GrowingupI'vealwayshadmymomandmygrandmothertakingcareofmebut,attimesmymom wouldalwayshavetoworkandIhatedit.Mymomworkedlatehoursorwentinearlyinthe morning.EverydayIalwayswonderedwhydidshehavetoleave,whycouldn'tshejuststayhome withus,wasitthathardforhertojuststayhome?Mygrannydidherverybesttakingcareofusand IlovedhersomuchforthatTherewasstillalwaysthisthoughinmyheadeverydaythatialways thoughtofandthatwas"wouldmommyevertakeoffworkandspendmoretimewithus".
Thestoryofmyfatherhewasnotinmylifemuchuntiligotolderaround6or7yearoldMostof thetimeireallywasn'tworriedaboutmyfatherbeinginmylife,butsometimes...showmore content
Hergrandmothershowedheralltheloveandcaresheneedthathermotherandfathershouldhave showedherandshewasveryhappythatshedidhaveher.Janie'sgrandmotherdidanythingshe couldtomakesureshewaswelltakencareofandhappyShewantedhertobeasuccessfulheadin thebookstypeofgirlbutallJaniewantedwasforamantoloveher.IfJaniehadherfathertolove herlikeheshouldthenithinkshewouldnotbeouttryingtofindit.Hergrandmotherclearlyloved herenoughandthat'sallsheneededbutthatwasnotwhatJaniewanted.
MeandJanieandeveryoneelsehavebeenthroughmanystrugglesbutit'salwaysthatonestruggle thathitsyouthehardest.Thesituationwithmymotherireallydidn'thandleittowelliwasyoung andiwantedmymommytobearoundhermoreoftenimissedherverymucheveryhourshewas gone,whenshecamehomeIwasalwayshappyMyfathersituationihandleditwellsimply because,sometimesIreallydidnotcaremost.Itookthiswithmethroughmylifebecauseasigot olderistartedtolearnthatmymotherhadnochoicebuttoworkbecauseofthethingwewantedand needed.Iwillusethismemoryformytomakesurethat(IfIhavechildren)theywillknowthat mommyhastoworktoprovideforthemandtomakesurethattheyhaveafatherthatwillbewith themthroughouttheir
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Nomatterhowhardlifegetsformeandhowchaoticthingscanbecometherehasalwaysbeenone personthatIcanturnto,mymom.She'sbeenawealthofadvicetocallonwhenI'mcluelessanda shouldertocryonwhenI'mdown.Hercompassionforothersinspiresmetobeabetterpersonas doestheguidanceshehasgivenmeovertheyears.She'snotafraidtogivemearealitycheckandto tellmethethingsIdon'twanttoheareventhoughIneedtoShekeepsmegroundedandteachesme toappreciatethesmallerthingsinlife.Eventhoughmydadwasstillinvolvedinmylifeaftermy parentssplitupitwasmymotherwhoIprimarilylivedwithanditwasherwhohadthegreatest influenceonmylifegrowingupAnyonewhohasknownmyshowmorecontent
Heavenhelpyouifyoudoanythingtoendangerherfamily.Mymomalsodoesnotgosoftonher kids;shecanbeaformidabledisciplinarianwhenshewantstoandwillnothesitatetosetusstraight whenwebroketherules.Shewon'tletanybodywalkoverherandisreallyquicktoangerifyoutry. Mymotherisstrong–willedandstubborn;whenshesetshermindtosomethingalmostnothingwill stopherandwhatanimpossiblefeatitistochangehermindonsomethingSheisveryimpatient; whenshewantssomethingdoneshewantsitdoneatthisverymoment,nolater.Sheisidealisticand sheenjoysthesimplerthingsthatlifehastooffer.Shelovesnatureandwouldlovenothingmore thantobelivinginacabininthemountainswhilelisteningtocountrymusic.Shedoesnotpay muchattentiontonewshappeningoutsideherlocalareaandpreferstofocusonwhat'shappeningin herimmediateareaFrommymotherIhavelearnedhowtobethepersonthatIamtodayThrough herIhavelearnedtheimportanceoffamilyandthatitisparamounttospendtimewiththemwhileI stillhaveit.EvennowItrytospendtimewithmyfamilywhenIhavetheopportunityto.FormherI havelearnedcompassionforthosearoundmeandforanimalsEven
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[1]TillieOlsen's"IstandHereIroning"centersaroundtwomaincharacters:Emilyandhermother. WhileEmily'smotherappearstobeneglectfulandattimesselfish,uponfurtherexaminationofher character,voiceandappealtothereader'spathos,themotheractuallyholdsherdaughter'swell beingaboveherown.Thepairendurehardshipthroughoutthetext,butthemotheralwaysdoesthe verybestshecantoraiseherdaughter,makingeverydecisionwithEmily'sbestinterestasthe centralfactor.[2]AsOlsenweaveshernarrative,shehintsandsuggestsdetailsaboutthemother. Usuallymothermakesanoff–handcommentaboutsomethingotherthanherselfbuttheparticular waythethoughtisphrasedandherchoiceofwordssaysshowmorecontent
[4]Afewparagraphslater,themotherreflectsonEmilyasasmallinfantandwithasorrowfultone sherecollectsthat"[Emily]wasamiracletome,butwhenshewaseightmonthsold,Ihadtoleave herdaytimes[towork]"(671).Somemayseethisasneglectbutit'sclearthatEmily'smotherhadno choice.Shedoesn'tstipulatethatshewantedtoleaveherdaytimesbutthatshe"hadto".Atthis pointinthestory,Emily'sfatherwalksoutandisnolongerpartofherlife,leavingthesole responsibilityonEmily'smother.Thisstoryissetinthe1930'sand1940'swhichwereadifficultset ofyearsbyanyaccount,harderstillforasinglemother,butthenarratorperseveres.Eagertospend asmuchtimewithEmilyaspossible,themotherre–arrangedherworkscheduletobewithEmily duringtheday,andwhenshecamehome,she'drunfromthestreetcarandupthestairssothatshe mightholdEmilythatmuchsoonerSheclearlylovedEmilydeeplyanddidn'twanttobeaway fromherasshewenttosizeablelengthstospendasmuchtimewithEmilyasshecould.[5]Later, Emilyhastobesenttolivewithherfather'sfamilybutcertainlynotbecausethemotherdidn'twant Emilyaround;shesimplycouldn'taffordbeasinglemotherduringthegreatdepressionWeknow themoneyis
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