Wellness begins with WE.
By Jim Martin
When someone is in trouble, I think the first thing they want to hear is “I’ll take You.” The word “hospitality” begins with “hospital” and ends in “ity.” ITY = I’ll Take You. It is reassuring to know that the hospital will take you in when things in your life go wrong and you are stressed out by life without rest or relief. Sometimes people end up in the emergency room mainly due to having no place to go during a crisis.
From my perspective as an advocate for the poor and providing direct services to the severely mentally ill and the prior substance abusers of our communities in Sussex County, I see some of our most vulnerable down-state Delawareans falling through the cracks of our social support system.
Our self-help (peer helping peer) center is set up to welcome the stranger who feels isolated with nowhere else to turn when in need for support. The A.C.E. CENTER provides an immediate place at the table for people who fall through the cracks of our healthcare system. We look into their eyes at our front door and say “we see you.” We are open 8 am to 4 pm Monday to Friday and there is no appointment necessary and there are no fees.
There is immediate engagement and a searching for an answer to the crisis at hand. Are you thirsty? Do you need a hot shower? Are you hungry? Do you have a doctor? Do you need to fill a prescription? Do you need transportation? A drink of cool water? A hug? A bus pass? Do you need to take a nap? Someone is the hallway at the ACE Center serves as the person’s “fixer-er” who navigates the person in need toward some immediate answers to change the crisis into a solve-able problem that we can all work on together. We do all the non-medical tasks and then refer the medical tasks to our community health center, La Red. If items are needed some of us jump on social media to resource the community. We discuss shared living and ride sharing ideas. We gather together the needed provisions for immediate survival. We reach out to our network of caring community members and the needy stranger we just met gets plugged in with our known networks of love and kindness.
Life is messy but we learn the most by sitting with the person in need. I think we need to create more welcoming places with no appointment necessary staffed with volunteers with lived experience. We need a place that is always open and ready to serve anyone in need immediately. We have lots of potential loving “hallway monitor” folks who will meet the “patient” right at the door and sit next to them in the “comfort room” to quietly talk about the crisis. We may need to provide care to folks who are having a “bad thinking day” or maybe it turns out to be just a bad hair day.
These welcoming places should be universal and general in scope and placed in every community. A close example of this kind of place was executed this past winter in communities across Delaware. We call them “code purple sanctuary” locations which opened to keep people from freezing to death. But our healthy welcome centers would be open all year long, not just in the freezing weather. It would be a “welcome center to a better life.” A population selfmanagement health and wellness coaching center where you could learn proper nutrition, take your blood sugar or monitor your blood pressure or do a host of other wellness and health related tasks. We could work together to reduce sugar consumption and to learn how to quit smoking cigarettes or to learn a sober way of life.
Remember the “candy-strippers” of the past in the hospitals who were the “hospitality” providers doing whatever it took to fill in the gaps between treatments and doctor’s orders? They worked as part of a hospital team to make a person feel welcome and cared for.
We need to re-invent the candy-strippers and bring back kindness and compassion at the front door of a new kind of welcoming “I’ll take you” place. I also think that a patient-centered approach needs to start with love and kindness and stay with a loving approach all the way through the healthcare delivery process.
UBER (the new taxi APP) is an example of placing the power back in the hands of the “customer.”
In healthcare, the customer is the patient. In a UBERIZED healthcare system, where can I go where I will feel welcome and cared for?
Where can I go for a shoulder to cry on?
Where can I go to use the bathroom, cook up a nice meal and also check my blood sugar? Where can I go for a free WIFI connection a cool drink a safe place a place to search for a new job or a new place to live?
Where can I go to take a nap … to take a hot shower …to find a band-aid or soft clean bandage for this open wound?
Where can I go to learn about how to make a healthy meal, to quit smoking, to exercise with others and to have fun?
Where can I go to meet new friends?
Where can I go to find kindness, compassion and love?
Where can I go to feel accepted? Where can I go to self-manage my own chronic health conditions and find the resources I need?
Wellness begins with “we.”
My Bio: 7 years ago I was homeless and hurting in Delaware going from shelter to shelter. Struggling with depression, anxieties, poverty, loneliness, addiction and isolation, I was at a pointless state of mind but was seeking a better life through employment and housing without much success. I was 49. I eventually found a job and bed in a sober group house in Lewes, De and the rent was affordable. I climbed my way back to a hopeful life. I still live at a sober group house in Georgetown, DE and during the last 7 years of being clean and stable, I have maintained wellness and I have thrived. I am now the Director of a peer run drop in center called the A.C.E. Peer Resource Center in Seaford, DE.
How I learned to cut myself some slack… with laughter scissors
Alexa Fong Drubay
How many times have I beat myself up and called myself “dumb” when I found myself making lousy choices or when I handled awkward situations badly?
How often do we catch ourselves being judgemental of others, by slapping on negative labels? It’s so easy to do when we are unhappy or when we feel overwhelmed. We lose patience with ourselves and others. Stress can do that to us. It can build up until we find ourselves lashing out, later to feel embarrassed and ashamed, or not. Somehow, we have become more abrasive and mistrustful since the pandemic. For some of us, our social skills are constantly being tested.
Forced to wait in a long line, spending time placed on hold, waiting to speak with the customer service rep and hearing endlessly annoying repeated recordings while on-hold ….. If I were to walk around with a frustration meter, I would see the needle jump up almost everywhere I went. This edginess is palpable all around me and more often also on the roads.
People in a hurry, drivers feeling impatient, blocked, running late - angry and anxious. The safety distance between cars on the highway is almost non-existent, with drivers switching lanes at crazy speeds, people honking and running red lights.
Red light running is something I witness on a daily basis. People are in a rush. It’s super dangerous. To reduce risk, I always wait a few seconds before starting at a green light, just in case someone might run the light. Are people just distracted, exhibiting road rage or purposely feeling empowered by breaking the law? We just don’t know and it can be scary
out there.
This individual and collective angst that is so palpable, is not doing any of us good. How can it be diffused? How can we reboot to be our best selves?
What I can do is start with myself. As a perfectly imperfect human being, I have learned to laugh off a lot of what has been affecting me negatively and to laugh in appreciation of what is worth celebrating. Laugh? Yes, laughter is a de-stressing tool to help me “let go”. To access a deep laugh, I need to breathe in deeply and this helps to de-escalate whatever stressful emotions I am going through. By choosing to laugh, I consciously help regulate my blood pressure and lower my cortisol levels. I wasn’t always a big laugher. I’d say for the first fifty years of my life, I was more of a smiler. My laugh was timid. Yet I always wished to be a confident laugher and admired those who could let go with an openhearted guffaw. Then one day I guess I had enough life experience to realize that what I sorely needed was more laughter and playfulness in my life. A trip to India to train as a Laughter Yoga pro changed the way I wanted to live. Since that journey, I decided to practice intentional laughter. I have learned techniques to allow the laughter to flow and I have embraced laughter wholeheartedly as a tool in my wellness kit. Purposefully and intentionally sprinkling it into my daily routine, laughter has helped me process grief. Laughter has helped me manage mental and physical pain. I’ve learned to be less disturbed by life’s every-day inconveniences and to not take things less for granted. When people began to join my community laughter club, I was able to connect with people I never ever imagined laughing with. The interactions with these groups of all ages confirmed just how beneficial a chuckle and laugh can be and how it can enhance all of our lives. I also encourage
others to share the gift of laughter with family members as well as folks in their communities.
Instead of criticizing myself for being forgetful, mindless or for not achieving something, I cut myself some slack. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about getting the job done properly. It gives me some wiggle room to revisit the task, to circle around and to return refreshed and willing to work harder to get my mission accomplished. I celebrate my little accomplishments along the way and of course the achievement of bigger goals (no matter how long they take, ha!).
When a task is completed, I can indulge myself with little rewards, both at home and at work. “Pat on the back” laughter is great for that. If I start to get too big for my britches - I can always correct with a little “push down that ego” laughter.
I take a deep breath in and let the stress go by laughing it out- for as long as I need to, until I feel more relaxed and lighter. Then invariably, I am able to smile and think about how to proceed, what actions to take, to just savor the moment or to just move on.
Like most optimists, I’m quick to find the silver lining in situations. However, sometimes I need to remind myself to stop, think and rephrase the way I respond or share my thoughts and ideas. Before I accidentally say something hurtful or unwise, I practice “zipper laughter” (zipping up my lips), and once I have something kind to respond, I can unzip with laughter again.
When I mess up, instead of thinking “wow, that was dumb,” I try to substitute, “wow, that was mindless. I can do better.” That more gentle way focuses the mind on paying better attention and improving, instead of criticizing. And when I’ve actually done better, I can follow that up with a laugh and our standard congratulatory cheer: “Very Good, Very Good, Yay!”
This mindful laughter allows me to stay in the moment, to connect with others in a positive way and to feel at peace. I choose to protect myself with mindful moments of levity. The more people who practice these effective and positive behaviors of de-escalating anxiety with laughter, the more joyful and balanced our lives can become. Making and learning from mistakes is essential to growth. It develops our inner wisdom and resilience. It just always goes better with a smile, an easy laugh and grace.
Alexa Fong Drubay is a certified Laughter Yoga Master Trainer www.laughtteryogawithalexa.com and lives in Media, outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
By: Heather Templeton
In June 2024, the loss of my father, following my mother's passing, left me feeling lost. Simple tasks felt overwhelming, and the weight of survivor's guilt and depression made even getting out of bed a struggle every day. Walking into my parents' house, a place of childhood memories, became a painful reminder of what I had lost, yet it was what I had left of them.
Shortly after my father’s passing, a leak spouted in my parents’ home, flowing through ceilings and walls, what appeared as a literal flood reflected the emotional storm from inside. The persistent water felt like a final, devastating blow. Speechless, I watched it angrily spread, damaging our cherished belongings, the leak transforming into a symbol of my own inner turmoil: while the cracks in the house mirrored the fractures inside me.
The following months were a blur of demolition and rebuilding, a physical manifestation of my inner struggle with grief and despair. My once-familiar family home became a battleground, each swing of the hammer echoing the dismantling of my current and former life. Piece by piece we were both stripped down to our foundations, exposed and vulnerable. Overwhelmed by challenges, I nevertheless forced myself up each day, pushing myself to physical extremes a relentless drive that, despite the resulting torn hip and emotional toll, I carried on through my father’s determination and my mother’s unwavering faith. I focused on rebuilding, creating a space that honored both my parents while offering a new path forward for myself. The house's transformation, from bare bones to sturdy walls, became a powerful metaphor for my own healing journey, a tangible representation of my resilience.
From the deeply profound wound of the leak and the monumental loss blossomed unexpected growth. Like water flowing onward, grief is a journey which we move through. The house, now reborn, testifies to the power of perseverance and the persistence of hope and faith a powerful truth: from destruction, renewal can spring.
Heather Templeton, LMSW is a social worker with experience supporting individuals and families navigating hospice and end of life care. Heather possesses a profound respect for the human spirit and deeply values the importance of compassionate care, dignity and meaningful connections.
Hope
of Resurrection
(Introduction to my Doctor) (Age 28)
This is the first poem about meeting my doctor for the first time and believing she could help me heal.
She came in and sat down
As quietly as a stranger at a wake,
The only sound the whispering of her long skirt
I was laid out before her, with folded arms, Rigid and cold inside
As a body in a burnished box.
We sat opposite each other on the hard, plastic chairs
In the small, white, windowless room
Not speaking, until she said, Softely, simply “How do you feel?”
I averted my eyes and spoke brusquely, “I have nothing to say.”
So I studied her some more
Her open face and steady eyes met mine honestly while Patient and composed She waited for me to begin Then slowly I started to see
That she was not like the rest, And words came to me,
Haltingly at first, in bursts
Then gusting out profusely,
Until I had told her more than I ever intended
More than I had ever told anyone about my inner life of pain.
By the time the short interview ended I felt the stirrings in my soul
Of a hope of healing and of faith in another life
Clinical;
Clinical Depression (Age 23-28)
Catherine Cohen
A frighteningly sterile environment
A cold operating theater
A tray of glinting instruments
An icy steel table
And pale rubber fingers, cool
And unfeeling as a corpse’s
Depression;
A dirt ditch
A trench
An open pit
A hole in the ground
A grave
A valley of the shadow of death
Clinical Depression;
A faceless fear behind a white mask
A sharp incision in the soul’s soft center
A mutilation around the heart
A dark, inward part throbbing torment
An acutely impersonal, deeply private pain
And life like living death
The Day the Rain Came Unexpectedly
(In My Doctor’s Office Ten Years after our First Meeting)
(Age 38)
Catherine Cohen
This poem is about my relationship with my doctor ten years later when significant healing had taken place.
I remember the day
The rain came unexpectedly, Suddenly flooding the wide panes of glass That look out of the high-rise office building downtown. You in your gray suit, sitting across from me, Small in your great leather chair, While the water rushed down falling -suspended-
Half-concealing the city outside
Behind a thick, wet, opaque curtain
Hushing the sound of the street
With its quiet, heavy resonance.
As we listened in silence to the rain
I had the sense we were floating, High aloft, near some summit, And my spirit was so light I imagined I could stretch out my hands to you And rinse them clean
In the cool, intimate mist That seemed to rise from your presence
Like a pure, baptismal fount
The day the rain came
TINKER
Written by: Pam Bates
She would come and go.
Sometimes fast, Sometimes Slow.
When she’d come.
She’d bring really good candy.
And she would be dressed up all fancy.
With her Jewelry and her bling.
She never had the chance to really know all the joy she would bring.
We missed her when she was away.
But, she came to realize in her life she couldn’t stay.
Her and my Dad didn’t get along but, I still felt when she went , it was wrong.
My Mom loved her dearly as she did all her children.
Tinker thought she had things figured out when she made the little things really count.
But, Little did she know her time was running out.
I’m not sure what else to say but, I really wish there was a way, to have made her stay --that night.
If Only she could have stayed in, I still might be seeing her with her BIG grin.
But, because her life didn’t work that way.
She didn’t stay. She didn’t stay.
She went -away.
ROBIN
Written by: Pam Bates
Artwork by: Elizabeth Israelsen
Age: 16
Caption: “Perspective is everything. From far away things look perfect. Take a closer look at things around you; no one is their outside.”
Original Submission to MOVE Art Show 2015; permission to share for Peer Ink magazine.
One day she was here,
The next day she was gone.
I remember her beautiful blonde hair and her beautiful skin so fair. Going through LIFE without a care.
I had started to remember things from our past. We we’re supposed to work on remembering together at last. Bring it all out into the light For her to join me in the fight. To Know. To Remember. The police say she committed suicide. But, me and my family know different.
The Coroner says “ ah, ah No Way I’m not gonna say. No way she committed suicide that way, that day.”
I won’t bring myself to go to the Cemetery. I just can’t do it. There’s too much pain there and I won’t push myself to go through it.
You see, I have another sister there by someone else’s hand. And my brother.
I can’t even Imagine being my Mother.
I’m glad I’m able to write about them and express to you ALL that I just wasn’t meant to FALL. You see when it happened. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to be a ghost. And I don’t mean to boast But, If it wasn’t for my husband Tim. I would be a Butterfly in the wind.
I know for certain I will always miss her the rest of my days.
But, at least now after all these years . I’m coming out of the Haze.
Thank You for Listening.
by: Isabel Galvan
Such bittersweet liberation
Watching your child defeat the cycles That poisoned the epigenetics Of our ancestors for generations.
Facing fears, with no fear of failure, Demolishing blockages, Reconstructing the meaning of,
“It’s in our family’s blood; it’s in our nature.”
Determined to break these curses, No shame in the walk of shame
Life is far too precious; There’s no time to waste.
Understanding lack is a mindset, Everything in moderation, Captivated by the whispers of the wind God’s way of striking conversation.
In this era, I bear witness:
A new path for our lineage to experience, A whole new wave of vibrations.
As you reclaim the strength Of past, present, and future generations.
Blood of my blood, flesh from my womb
My child, such a forceful revelation.
Artwork by: Alyssa Bowman
Age: 17
Caption: "We can't direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails" -Thomas S. Monson - Even though the situation we may be facing may not be ideal, it's the subtle adjustments we make through our attitude that can make a difference.”
What Art Therapy Means To Me
By: Heather Templeton
I remember my first art class class. We were having a casual discussion when my teacher suddenly lifted a painting of a tree and flipped it upside down. "What do you see?" he asked. I had become so used to thinking on the spot, but there was no quick answer here. I took a step back and stared deep into the painting. As my eyes traced through the fine lines and followed the individual brush strokes of the tree, my perspective shifted and I found myself discovering countless new patterns. In this moment, I was a like child again, experiencing something for the first time. This feeling allowed me to view new things that I hadn't seen before. I never knew that I could feel such a rush from such a simple question and such a beautiful painting.
What I enjoy about the concept of art therapy, is that it can be beneficial for people of all ages. Whether you're a teenager or whether you're 90 years old, art therapy is useful for self-reflection and self-discovery. As an adult, doing art has allowed me to peel back the layers of the judgemental adult persona that has existed inside of me and let my inner-child come out. The images I create become a weaving narrative that brings my personal vision to a vibrant form.
Art therapy can help us improve our self awareness. It can help with coping skills and act as a powerful way to safely externalize how we’re feeling. To this day, I have continued to utilize the benefits of Art Therapy to main-
Artwork by: Anonymous
Age: 17
Caption: “I live with bipolar disorder. I want people to know that taking psych meds is not as simple as it sounds. Most of the time the Doctor doesn't even know what will happen to you when you take new meds until the next month when you pay them again to write another "guinea pig" script. Don't judge people who choose not to live that hell.”
Artwork by: Amelia Talbot
Age: 16
Caption: “Positive words can make anyone's day better. "Don't be afraid, your eyes hold the universe." "Mistakes are human, doing one bad thing doesn't make you bad."
Original Submission to MOVE Art Show 2015; permission to share for Hug Me Ink 411 magazine.
Artwork by: Anna Barfuss
Age: 16
Caption: "Acceptance" Like the silver wolf in my painting, you too can be accepted while being different. It is okay to be different, even if in mental illness; because we're all different in our own way. However, acceptance is only brought about when we learn to openly listen and speak one with another; as the pack communicates together.
Original Submission to MOVE Art Show
Original Submission to MOVE Art
HUG ME (Helping to Unite by Generating Mental Empowerment) Ink is a peer-led nonprofit organization increasing mental health awareness & recovery sustainability through the arts. We primarily focus on the performance arts such asdrama and film as our avenue to promote mental health awareness.
Founded in 2012, HUG ME Ink has come a long way since then.After overcoming challenges, HUG ME Ink became an official 501c3 organization in 2013 and as of February 2015, we became a part of the Peer Run Organization Project hosted by ViaHope. We are the ONLY non-profit organization in the state of Texas that ONLY
For more information on HUG ME Ink, please visit www.hugmeink.org or email us at hugmeink@gmail.com uses the performing arts and film to advocate and educate the community on mental health awareness. We produce films and stage productions as a way to reach out to our community on mental illness, recovery, stigma and empowerment. We conduct workshops and host open mic nights to increase self-expression. One of our most popular outreach is focused YOUTH! We use the arts to create prevention tools when it comes to stopping bullying!
