SLC-FY-Nov2012 by Hometown News

ST. LUCIE County HOMETOWN NEWS

FOREVER YOUNG

November 2012

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FOREVER YOUNG

ST. LUCIE County

HOMETOWN NEWS

Boomers are filling of the ‘sandwich generation’

St. Lucie County

ASSOCIATE NEWS EDITOR SHELLEY KOPPEL

possibility in advance is one way that parents and adult children can approach these conversations in a calm and thoughtful manner. Home Instead Senior Care has put together a series of pamphlets designed to help broach topics such as when to stop driving, health care issues, financial arrangements and other sensitive subjects. The booklet “The 40-70 Rule: A Guide to Conversation Starters for Boomers and their Senior Loved Ones,” is one such resource.

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f you’re a Baby Boomer, you are probably rejoicing that the kids are in high school or college or maybe even starting families of their own. That’s great news because now it’s possible to have some “me” or “us” time. For many of us, the reality is quite different. We now confront the issue of aging parents, many of whom have serious health problems. Perhaps one parent has died and the remaining cannot stay alone. Even if they are still both living in their own home, it’s often true that neither is able to drive anymore. As a result, many of us are called on to make difficult and often unpleasant decisions. This situation is so widespread that we Boomers have been called the “sandwich generation,” taking care of those younger and older, sometimes under one roof. Planning for that

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November 2012

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FOREVER YOUNG

ST. LUCIE County HOMETOWN NEWS

When it all f a l l s on By Shelley Koppel Associate news editor

PORT ST. LUCIE — Jolie Mahuron has a very full plate. The married mother of two is responsible for the care of her mother, who is in a facility and has Alzheimer’s disease. She home-schools her two children, one of whom is a diabetic with celiac disease. On the weekends, she works in the floral department at Publix. There are many demands on her time and it is sometimes hard to know who to take care of first. “I care for my mother out of respect for her as my mother,” Ms. Mahuron said. “It’s my duty as a mother to care for my daughter.” For Ms. Mahuron, the emotional challenge of her mother’s illness took its toll. “With my mom, some of her needs don’t make sense,” she said. “She can’t tell me what she really needs. I may just need to be there when I can’t, to talk her through something she doesn’t understand. It makes it difficult. She thinks I haven’t been there in three weeks when I was just there.” The decision to home-school her children has helped her manage her daughter’s health problems. The diabetes is difficult to control and having her at home makes it easier to monitor. Ms. Mahuron felt overwhelmed by the demands on her and turned to the Alzheimer’s Association. They referred her to caregiver counselor, Laura Zel of the Just Checking program. Ms. Mahuron and her sister, who lives in Boynton Beach, met with Ms. Zel to try to ease some of the

stress. “She offered hope,” Ms. Mahuron said. “She showed us ways to work with my mom to let her know we’re still on her side, without arguing about being right, even if she’s making false statements. “I’m not leaving her, even though I’m losing her piece by piece, but I don’t want her to feel that she’s losing me. I want to be on her side to the end. The memories she has of me are that I’m there for her. Laura gave me the power to do that.” Ms. Mahuron said learning about the disease that afflicts her mother was also a help. “The biggest thing that Laura taught me was about the disease and the brain,” she said. “She said the disease progresses from the outside in, so the earliest memories are protected. If we have to be with her in early memories, I’ll join her where she is.” Ms. Mahuron said her son noticed a difference after she talked to a counselor. “He said, ‘You don’t dread talking to grandma,’ Ms. Mahuron said. “He said it was so much better. That was huge to me. They’re starting to understand how to redirect grandma and they’re not so frightened. They say they’ll be frightened when she doesn’t know them, but it’s a process. She talked to my daughter about carousels and my daughter made her a carousel sun catcher.” Ms. Mahuron knows her kids are taking their cues from her. “I’m trying to model behavior,” she said. “They see me hurt or crying and they know it’s not been easy, but they See YOU, Page 7

November 2012

you

Photo provided by Jolie Mahuron

Evelyn, Grace and Jolie Mahuron. Ms. Mahuron takes care of her mother and homeschools her two children.Her mother has Alzheimer’s and though Ms. Mahuron knows she is losing her mother to the disease, she wants her to know she is there for her.

November 2012

FOREVER YOUNG

ST. LUCIE County

HOMETOWN NEWS

Talking to aging parents takes tact, planning must be made. “The best approach is always a loving approach,” Ms. Zel said. “You can say, ‘I’m concerned about you and I’d feel better if we got you more support.’ Then give choices. Have a family member sleep over and take the person shopping, have someone else come in to do some of the household chores or move to assisted living. Leaving things the way they are now is not one of the choices, but there are other choices.” Sometimes it is easier for parents to accept the need for change if the person telling them they cannot continue to drive or live alone is not emotionally involved. That can include a doctor, a social worker or a case manager. “The doctor becomes the heavy,” Ms. Zel said. “If the doctor says it, there’s a respect for authority and they won’t blame the spouse or child.” Ms. Zel said it is important to under-

Laura Zel stand parents who need to make these changes have feelings about them. “Validate and acknowledge the feelings of the person having to make changes,” she said. “It’s a loss, it’s tough. And it’s OK to grieve. You also wish that it didn’t have to be this way. Go back to the bigger picture and tell See PLANNING, Page 7

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PORT ST. LUCIE — Laura Zel is a social worker and caregiver counselor who has worked with many caregivers in Martin and St. Lucie counties. Some are caring for aging family members; others have children with disabilities. Helping aging parents presents some special challenges. While Baby Boomers grew up in an era of “letting it all hang out,” their parents did not. Many are very private, especially about financial matters. Having a discussion with them takes planning. “I think you can use generalities,” Ms. Zel said. “Use the example of a friend or neighbor that’s struggling. You can say, ‘let’s have a conversation about how I can help you before we get to that.’” Maintaining parent-child boundaries are important.

“Don’t overstep the bounds before they’re ready to accept it,” Ms. Zel said. “Use your own example. Perhaps you attended a seminar given by an elder law attorney or read something in an article. People are less defensive if you’re not talking about them. The more casually you bring it up, the less likely you are to put people on the defensive.” One of the most important things adult children can do is educate themselves about community resources. Ms. Zel will come to the home and talk to the family about what is available now and for the future. “It’s best to present it as enabling and empowering them to be independent,” she said. “You’re not trying to take away their independence. You want to be supportive to help keep them in place and not make changes.” Giving the older person choices is also helpful, especially if changes

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ST. LUCIE County HOMETOWN NEWS

FOREVER YOUNG

November 2012

Planning provides choices for aging parents PORT ST. LUCIE — Attorney Michael Fowler, who specializes in elder law, says there are a few documents everyone should have. Some, such as the durable power of attorney, designate the person who will take care of finances and assets. Others, including the health care surrogate designation and Living Will, deal with health-related issues. On Oct. 1, 2011, a new statute took effect that changed some aspects of the power of attorney. “Before the new power of attorney came into effect, you could draft springing powers that came into effect as needed,” Mr. Fowler said. “We used an escrow arrangement where the law firm held onto the original with the understanding not to

release it until there was incapacitation.” The new law changes the springing powers. “It has to be immediately effective, and a copy is as good as the original,” Mr. Fowler said. “Part of the purpose of the change is to move into the electronic age. “Make sure you have a durable power of attorney and you trust the person named. If you don’t have one in advance and you become incapacitated, someone has to petition the court to become the guardian, and that’s complicated.” A designation of health care surrogate allows someone to make decisions regarding health care in the event of incapacitation, whether permanent or temporary, as during surgery. The Living Will deals with final health-care decisions.

“If your condition, because of injury or illness, has deteriorated, you can say that no extraordinary procedures to prolong life should be used,” Mr. Fowler said. “Both the health care surrogate and the person designated in the Living Will are supposed to make decisions the way the principal would want them made. They are to be clear and convincing evidence of what you want.” It is also important that adult children know if their parents have a will and where it is kept. If it is kept with the parents’ attorney, that does not obligate the heirs to use that attorney. “In the event of death, just because the attorney has the will does not lock heirs into using that attorney,” Mr. Fowler said. “If the attorney knows about the death, he needs to get the will into probate court. The family is free to hire its own attorney who will

Michael Fowler be informed that it has been sent to probate court for safe-keeping.” Mr. Fowler said making the best decisions about long-term care takes planning. People often delay getting advice about Medicare, Medicaid, long-term care insurance and skilled See PARENTS, Page 8

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By Shelley Koppel Associate news editor

FOREVER YOUNG

November 2012

The perils of peanut butter for your pet AMY COUSINO OWNER OF THE CAT’S MEOW CAT CLINIC

is in progress for 101 peanut butter products in 19 states, suspected of being contaminated with a bacteria called salmonella, including one made for dogs called Dogsbutter RUC with flax (the manufacturer has voluntarily recalled the product). The other 100 recalled peanut products made for human consumption could have also been fed to dogs. At this time it is unknown how many dogs could be affected by salmonellacontaminated peanut butter. Salmonella is a bacteria which inhabits the digestive tract of people,

From page 4

know we did it because that’s my mom and she cared for me and now it’s our turn to care for her. Ms. Mahuron knows she has to take care of herself, too. Even work can be a source of comfort. “We have to be cared for as caregivers,” she said. “When we get the right kind of help, we can take better care.”

Planning From page 5

then you’d rather they not have an accident or have to worry about them.” Ms. Zel said children with aging parents have to respect the dynamics of the marital relationship their parents have developed over time. “Mom may not be able to exert control because that’s not what it’s

HOMETOWN NEWS

On the weekends, when she goes to Publix to work, she is surrounded by beautiful flowers. It’s a help in dealing with everything else. “It’s my passion,” she said. “I love working with flowers.” Laura Zel is a caregiver counselor for the Just Checking program of Morse Life. She provides individual counseling, as well as support groups for particular issues. Contact her at (561) 209-6124 or visit the website www.morselife.org. been for 50 years,” she said. “They also have to remember that there is no such thing as role reversal. Parents never see you that way, even if you are doing the caregiving.” Laura Zel is a caregiver counselor for the Just Checking program of Morse Life. She provides individual counseling, as well as support groups for particular issues. Contact her at (561) 209-6124 or visit the website www.morselife.org.

See PEANUT, Page 10

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y father has a saying: “Man does not live by bread alone … he must have peanut butter.” Peanut butter is creamy and delicious and has been enjoyed by Americans and their pet dogs since about 1884. Peanut butter is enjoyed heartily by dogs and is used widely as flavoring in dog treats. Dog owners use peanut butter to entice their dogs to take medications, as a reward in training settings and spread on chew toys. Peanut butter sticks to dog toys well because it is a smooth thick paste. The process for producing the paste was patented by a Canadian, Marcellus Edson from Montreal, Quebec, in 1884. Roasted peanuts were pressed between heated plates, then upon cooling the resulting tenacious gooey product is what we know today as peanut butter. Today a massive peanut butter recall

You

ST. LUCIE County

ST. LUCIE County HOMETOWN NEWS

Filling From page 3

The “40-70 rule” is a reminder that conversations about elder planning should start early and not when a crisis looms. The “40-70 rule” means that if you’re 40 or your parents are 70, you should be talking and planning. If you haven’t, now is still a good time to start the conversation. Home Instead and consultants on senior care suggest seven tips to help get the conversation started. • Get started. If you’re 40 or your parents are 70, begin observing and gathering information. Don’t make decisions based on one incident or observation and keep an open mind. • Talk it out. Talk to your parents in a conversation, not an inquisition. Discuss what you’ve observed and ask your parents what they think is going on. If they acknowledge the situation, ask them what they think a good solution would be. If they don’t recognize a problem, use concrete

S U D O K U P U Z Z L E

FOREVER YOUNG examples. • Sooner is better. Talk before a crisis occurs. If you know a loved one has poor eyesight or has trouble with night driving, begin the discussion before there’s a problem. • Forget the baby talk. Remember that you are talking to your adult parents, not to a child. Don’t patronize or them on the defensive. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine how you would want such a conversation to go. • Maximize independence. Always try to find solutions that allow your loved one the maximum amount of independence. Look for answers that play to strengths and compensate for problems. Some household assistance or medication reminders may help preserve independence longer. • Be aware of the whole picture. If your dad dies and your mom’s house is in disarray, it is probably not a separate issue, but the result of the loss. See if people can visit and maybe help out for a bit to see if the

November 2012

situation improves. • Ask for help. Local agencies and resources exist to help older people maintain their independence. Find out what is available for your parents and seek out whatever help you can. Senior centers and area agencies on aging are wonderful resources. To obtain copies of “The 40-70 Rule” or other helpful pamphlets on talking about aging, contact Diane Butler, director of community outreach at Home Instead Senior Care at (772) 564-8821. Thanks to Kathy Ridner of One Senior Place, Diane Butler of Home Instead, Laura Zel of Just Checking, Crystal Edmunds of the Kane Center and Peggy Cunningham of the Alzheimer and Parkinson’s Association of Indian River County for their assistance in preparing this issue of Forever Young. As always, we welcome your comments. Email us at ForeverYoung@hometownnewsol.c om

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Parents From page 6

nursing, even though rules regarding them change frequently. Planning for eventualities is important to preserve assets and ensure quality of care. “One of the frustrating things as an elder attorney is that folks don’t come to see us soon enough,” he said. “Anytime you start spending money on long-term care, you should see an attorney. “There are techniques we can apply to help keep our clients from running out of choices. If we do Medicaid planning and have money protected, we can private pay for what Medicaid won’t pay for to increase quality of care and take care of the financial security of the spouse.” Michael Fowler is founder of The Estate, Trust and Elder Law Firm, 240 N.W. Peacock Blvd., Port St. Lucie. Call (772) 878-7271.

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November 2012

FOREVER YOUNG

ST. LUCIE County

HOMETOWN NEWS

Bring plenty of appetite for good food PORT ST. LUCIE — If the smell of barbecuing meat isn’t the main reason to turn off U.S. 1 in Port St. Lucie and head into Sonny’s Real Pit Bar-B-Q, it has to be at least in the top three. The delicious smell hit me as soon as I stepped out of my car when I visited the restaurant. I grinned with anticipation and quickened my step to meet the staff and enjoy some lunch. Sonny’s has been a staple in Port St. Lucie for about 15 years, and judging by the crowd on a regular workday, it’s going to be here for a while. “There are some wonderful people here in Port St. Lucie,” said Ginny Hagler, manager of the restaurant. “We appreciate their support.” The bulk of their diners were returning customers, and I’m sure the friendly service has a lot to do with it. I was greeted by at least four people before I was

even seated. Looking over the menu, I saw what a person would find in a barbecue restaurant in the selection of meats. But that’s where Sonny’s breaks out on its own. All the food is made on site every day, from the coleslaw to the cobbler dessert. Approximately 30 employees make it their goal to make sure customers enjoys their meals. “The meat starts cooking at 7 a.m. every day,” said Ms. Hagler. “People driving to work can smell it cooking.” Even though it was lunch, I was told I could order from the dinner side if I wanted. Knowing the large portions that come from the kitchen, I stuck with lunch and ordered the pulled-beef brisket with coleslaw, green beans and cornbread. While waiting for my food, I took a sip of my huge drink and looked around at their recently renovated dining room. I noticed that no matter the person, there

Staff photo by Dawn Krebs

The staff at Sonny’s Real Pit Bar-B-Q in Port St. Lucie is ready and waiting to serve up some great-tasting food. From left: Debbie Heit, WandaLynn Jackson, manager Ginny Hagler, Nancy Shanahan, Tabitha Millar, Ariel Vandergrift and Doris Hood. was something for everyone at the restaurant. For those with large appetites, there’s the all-you-can-eat menu, while those

watching what they eat could put together a plate off a salad bar that had See FOOD, 10

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For Forever Young

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By Dawn Krebs

FOREVER YOUNG

November 2012

Food

From page 9

not only fresh vegetables, but a variety of prepared salads such as pasta, macaroni, potato and carrot. There were even two soup choices and some puddings for dessert there. For those watching their budgets instead of their waistlines, a variety of daily specials will have them leaving happily. I was glad I ordered from the lunch menu and not the dinner menu when my meal arrived. The portions are large, but definitely not unwelcome. My brisket came out juicy and flavorful, and I selected the “sweet” flavored sauce from the many choices on my table to complement it. My sides came in separate dishes, and my green beans had a hint of spiciness to them that gave them a little extra kick. The coleslaw was cold and creamy, with bits of carrots and purple cabbage for color. My meal also came with what I call

Peanut From page 7

SUDOKU PUZZLE ANSWER

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animals, birds and reptiles. Feces from any of these can cause contamination of peanut butter. Once the peanut butter is contaminated, refrigerating opened containers can slow the growth of bacteria, but not eliminate it or its toxins, so it can still cause illness. After a dog eats salmonella-contaminated peanut butter, symptoms may include sudden diarrhea and

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LUCIE County 10 ST. HOMETOWN NEWS

dessert: a mini loaf of cornbread. It was warm and moist, but still broke apart in that wonderfully crumbly way that all cornbread does. I used cinnamon butter on mine, which melted right in. The restaurant has a large assortment of barbecued meat to select from including: ribs, pork, brisket, turkey, chicken and catfish. Combined with the many sides such as beans, macaroni and cheese, coleslaw, fries, corn on the cob, baked potato or sweet potato, and I could see myself coming back many times and not having the same meal twice. I was too full for dessert, but I will have to make it a point to come back and try their cobbler with ice cream, or maybe even the banana pudding. From the huge drinks to the even bigger plates of food, Sonny’s is definitely in the business of serving delicious food. And they’re very good at it. Sonny’s Real Pit Bar-B-Q is located at 10180 South U.S. 1 in Port St. Lucie. It is open from 11 a.m. to 9:30 p.m. seven days a week. For more information, call (772) 335-2983. possible septicemia (infection of the blood) with fever. In addition, peanut butter contains a mold called aspergillusflavus, which produces a carcinogenic (cancercausing) and liver-toxic substance called aflatoxin. This mold is considered to be an unavoidable contaminant in peanut butter and is allowed up to 20 parts per billion, according to the FDA. In 2005 a pet food recall came after aflatoxin in one manufacturer’s pet foods caused the deaths of 100 dogs and at least one cat from liver failure. Early symptoms included lack of appetite and jaundice (yellow discoloration of the gums). Therefore, to avoid salmonellosis or aflatoxicosis illnesses in your dogs, please do not feed them peanut butter! Dogs can live without peanut butter, as for man, that is up to you. Dr. Amy Cousino is the owner of The Cat’s Meow Cat Clinic and the author of “How to Cook for Your Pet.” To order a copy, go to www.strategicbookpublishing.com/howtocookforyourpet.html. For a mini-list of foods and seasonings that are safe/not safe to feed your dog or cat, email syesnonolist@aol.com.

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TOP OF the line RV park lot for rent, monthly or seasonal. Across from beach on Hwy A1A between Vero Beach and Fort Pierce. Boat docks, tennis and heated pool overlooking the ocean. Call 352-347-4470 or Email: lwhy2@aol.com.

ROOFING ROOF REPAIRS Roof overs Mobile Home Roof Specialist & Flat Roof. Free Insurance Inspections. Lic/Ins CCC1327406. All Florida Weatherproofing & Construction. 877-572-1019

0703 Auctions SMOKY MOUNTAINS Absolute Auction Saturday October 13th, 10:30am Newport, Tennessee 58+ Acre Farm 5-Bay Carwash 3.24 AC w/2 Homes McCarter Auction, Inc. 877-282-8467 Auction Lic#335 www.mccarterauction.c om

725 Residential Lots & Acreage for Sale

ADULT CARE MOTHERS HAVEN Senior Home Care Serving Volusia County You've come to the right place! Affordable, experienced care in your home. *Housekeeping *Meal preparation *Bathing/ Personal Care *Walks & Conversation *Medication Reminder *Transportation *Incontinent Care

LOW HOURLY RATES 386-262-2550 For more information

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SUSAN STEWART Unlimited Clng. & Handyman Serv. Maintaining & deep cleaning. 1-bath $60. Each addt'l bath $20 extra. 772-4538890 Lic.

GEORGIA LAND SALE COUNTRY LIVING AT IT’S FINEST! 1.5acre-30acre homesites. Amazing weather, Augusta Area, low taxes. Starting @ $3200/acre. Financing w/Low down, from $195/month. (U.S. Citizenship not required) Owner 706-364-4200

735 Out of Area for Sale **5 ACRE Estates** On paved roads in N Florida from $24,900! Seller Financing, Low Down Payment. Call 800-352-5263 Florida Woodland Group, Inc. Lic RE Broker 20 ACRES FREE! Own 60 acres for 40 acre price/ payment. $0Down, $168/ mo. Money Back Guarantee, No credit checks! WestTexas. 800-843-7537 www.SunsetRanches.com

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NORTH CAROLINA MOUNTAINS WARM WINTERS! Ready to finish log home, 2bdrms or 3bdrms on 1.3 acres $89,900. Mountain & lake homesites starting $29,900. 1-828-429-4004 (Code 41) WESTERN CAROLINA Real Estate Offering unbelievable deals on homes and land in the beautiful NC mountains. Call for free brochures, foreclosures, and area information. 800-924-2635

805 Apartments/ Condos for Rent SEBASTIAN - Updated 2Br/2Ba with New appl. in kitchen. All amenities, (clubhouse, pool, tennis) $850/mo. 772-538-0031

835 Vacation/ Timeshare for Rent FLORIDA KEYS Marathon. Luxurious Oceanfront vacation homes. 4-6 Bedrooms. Private Pool, hot tub, docks & more! Start Planning Your Fall & Winter Vacation Now! 1-888-564-5800 american-paradise.com NORTH CAROLINA MOUNTAINS Come enjoy a wonderful winter vacation! Cabins, Condos, Vacation Homes. Bring the family pet! Boone, Banner Elk, Blowing Rock. Foscoe Rentals 1-800-723-7341 www.foscoerentals.com

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0917 Automobile Parts BLOWN Headgasket? Any vehicle repair yourself. State of the art 2-Component chemical process. Specializing in Cadillac Northstar Overheating. 100% guaranteed. 866-780-9038 www.RXHP.com

0920 Automobiles Wanted

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CASH FOR CARS! We Buy ANY Car, Truck or Van! Running or Not. Get a Free Top Dollar Instant Offer Now! 800-558-1097 We’re Local!

Treasure Coast 772-465-5551

A-1 DONATE Your Car! Breast Cancer Research Foundation! Most highly rated breast cancer charity in America! Tax Deductible/ Fast Free Pick Up. 800771-9551 www. carsforbreastcancer.org

Volusia 386-322-5949

CASH FOR CARS: All Cars/Trucks Wanted. Running or Not! Top Dollar Paid. We Come To You! Any Make/Model. Call for Instant Offer 800-871-9638

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P E R S O N A L STRENGTH COACHPrivate Gym, Reverse Biological Age! Improve Bones & Joints. All Ages. Compare Qual. Bob Whelan 561-283-7309 www.BobWhelan.net

270 Medical Equipment & Supplies

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LUCIE County 12 ST. HOMETOWN NEWS