RITUALS — From Pg. 54 provide practical resources for growing a stronger bond. Or you might attend workshops and retreats for couples. These retreats give couples time away to focus on each other and strengthen their commitment. Celebrate milestones even if that’s not your “thing” Planning and remembering special days like anniversaries and birthdays mark the importance of people and relationships over time. Making a special effort to express appreciation for your partner communicates how important they are in your life. This strengthens your bond. Oh, and just because you grew up in a family that didn’t make a big deal about these occasions, don’t assume the same is true of your partner. “Partners bring different family experiences to their relationships, and with these experiences come different expectations,” says Bradley. “A missed birthday or anniversary can be seen as a lack of care or concern. Taking time to discuss your different experiences and to share expectations can help you avoid hurt feelings and misunderstandings in the future.” Find an interest you can share Familiarity and boredom are intimacy killers. Securely attached couples find time to play together. Attachment rituals should be life giving to both of you. If not, it’s time to find a new ritual. “Vital couples find fun activities to share,” asserts Furrow. “Having fun together is a source of renewal and refreshment for them.” For example, physical activity can be energizing and provide you an opportunity to stay fit and healthy. Hiking, dancing, or sharing a sport offers you a chance to organize around activities that combine leisure time and companionship. “Other couples organize around common artistic interests such as concerts, culinary arts, or literature,” he adds.
“Others involve being fans of a sports team. Couples who are able to find a shared interest that they can invest in find new ways of investing in the bonds they share.” Serve others Helping others or give to those in need offers couples a unique opportunity to invest in their relationship. Serving a common goal helps a couple find a deeper sense of unity by transcending personal interests. When you dedicate your time or resources to others, you make a joint expression of your values. “Couples find many ways to serve,” says Bradley. “Some couples focus on caring for the environment, while others get involved in efforts to conserve and improve their communities. Volunteering as a couple expresses a common purpose that others see and affirm. Many couples share in religious and spiritual activities that involve helping others.” Make time for hugs, handholding, and sex
Making love is an important ritual of connection. Sexual contact in a relationship of care, trust, and vulnerability communicates a deep level of intimacy. Couples who keep a focus on each other and expressions of sexual affection find a greater meaning in these rituals than those who focus mostly on their sexual needs. Keeping romance in sex often requires couples to find ways of being intentional about expressing both their physical and emotional desires. “Of course, you don’t always have to have sex to show affection,” notes Furrow. “Everyday moments of sharing physical affection, like hugging, kissing, and holding hands, show partners that they’re important and special. Deliberate acts of affection are subtle and effective reminders of care and kindness and a demonstration that you hold a special place in each other’s life.” ∆ 63
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