Welcome Question
Welcome to Teen Talk
Lesson 11: Decision-Making and Communication
What three items would you want with you on a deserted island?
Group Norms
Calming Strategies breathe in breathe out
Agenda
✔ Opening Routine
❑ Intro to Self-Advocacy
❑ What Gives?: Refusal & Rejection
❑ Dealing with Pressure
❑ Closing Routine
Intro to Self-Advocacy
What is the difference between being nice and being kind?
Intro to Self-Advocacy
Being Nice: Being Kind:
• Prioritizes not hurting feelings over being honest or speaking up for ourself
• Involves trying to seem easy-going or likeable
Advocating
for Ourself
• Prioritizes our own needs over other people’s comfort
• Involves personal integrity and setting healthy boundaries
Advocating for Ourself self-advocacy
Other people can’t know what we want and need unless we tell them!
What Gives?
Refusal & Rejection
self-advocacy speaking up for our own wants and needs
Remember…
We are constantly evolving and learning about ourselves…
Practicing self-advocacy strengthens the muscles we need to protect our boundaries
Communication Strategies
What strategies do people use to get what they want?
Challenges of Refusal
Why is it sometimes difficult to say “no”?
What can make it easier or harder?
Challenges of Refusal
Is it easier to stand up to a peer or an adult?
Challenges of Refusal
Is it easier to stand up to a stranger or a friend?
Challenges of Refusal
Is it easier to stand up to an individual or a group?
Challenges of Refusal
Standing up for our boundaries may feel uncomfortable… but it usually becomes easier with practice!
Be FIRM
Figure out your boundaries
Inform them
Reason why
Make a suggestion
Be FIRM
Figure out your boundaries
Ask yourself…
• What emotions do I feel?
• Would I enjoy this?
• What are my values?
Be FIRM
Figure out your boundaries
Inform them the next 2 steps are optional…
Be FIRM
Figure out your boundaries
Inform them
Can be helpful to…
• Take a deep breath before responding
• Use “I” Statements
“I’m comfortable kissing, but I want to keep our clothes on.”
Be FIRM
Figure out your boundaries
Inform them
Reason why
Be FIRM
Figure out your boundaries
Inform them
Reason why
Try to…
• Think about your values
• Avoid excuses
“I have soccer tonight.”
“I want us both to get tested for STIs first.”
Be FIRM
Try to…
• Think about your values
• Avoid excuses
“I have soccer tonight.”
Figure out your boundaries
Inform them
Reason why
Remember…
• Honor your feelings
• Be honest – with yourself and with them
Make a suggestion
“Let’s make an appointment to get tested, then we can talk about it some more.”
Example Scenario:
You and your partner have been dating for two months now and you’ve started to get closer. You two have shared a couple of kisses, but never in front of other people. You are uncomfortable with PDA (public displays of affection) and are worried that your partner wants to kiss you in front of your friends. Use the Be FIRM model to talk to them about why you are uncomfortable with PDA.
Example Be FIRM Response
“Hey, can we talk for a second? I wanted to let you know that I’m uncomfortable kissing in front of other people. I think those moments are private, and I wouldn’t want to make anyone else uncomfortable either. We can still kiss when we’re alone, but let’s just stick to holding hands when we’re around our friends. That way we can still feel connected without so much PDA. How does that sound?”
Example Be FIRM Response
“Hey, can we talk for a second? I wanted to let you know that I’m uncomfortable kissing in front of other people. I think those moments are private, and I wouldn’t want to make anyone else uncomfortable either. We can still kiss when we’re alone, but let’s just stick to holding hands when we’re around our friends. That way we can still feel connected without so much PDA. How does that sound?”
Example Be FIRM Response
“Hey, can we talk for a second? I wanted to let you know that I’m uncomfortable kissing in front of other people I think those moments are private, and I wouldn’t want to make anyone else uncomfortable either. We can still kiss when we’re alone, but let’s just stick to holding hands when we’re around our friends. That way we can still feel connected without so much PDA. How does that sound?”
Example Be FIRM Response
“Hey, can we talk for a second? I wanted to let you know that I’m uncomfortable kissing in front of other people I think those moments are private, and I wouldn’t want to make anyone else uncomfortable either. We can still kiss when we’re alone, but let’s just stick to holding hands when we’re around our friends. That way we can still feel connected without so much PDA. How does that sound?”
Example Be FIRM Response
“Hey, can we talk for a second? I wanted to let you know that I’m uncomfortable kissing in front of other people. I think those moments are private, and I wouldn’t want to make anyone else uncomfortable either. We can still kiss when we’re alone, but let’s just stick to holding hands when we’re around our friends. That way we can still feel connected without so much PDA. How does that sound?”
Challenges of Refusal
Sometimes speaking up in the moment is scary or unsafe…
It’s OK to leave the situation and find an adult for support. They may give you advice for next steps or, if needed, take action on your behalf.
Dealing with Rejection
How does it feel when someone says “no” or sets a boundary?
Dealing with Rejection
How does it feel when someone says “no” or sets a boundary?
Rejection is a part of life that we all must learn to deal with…
Dealing with Rejection
Dealing with Rejection
How do we know when we’re feeling angry or upset?
What are some signs or signals to notice?
Noticing Emotions
During intense moments or times of conflict, our body sends us signals
…
• Heart may beat faster
• Stomach may feel tight
• Hands may become sweaty
• May feel a weight on the chest
• May feel confused or “out of sorts”
Intense Emotions
Sometimes emotions can go from 0 to 100 really fast
Intense Emotions
What can we do to lower the intensity of an emotion we’re feeling?
Examples:
• Take a breath
• Listen to music
• Play with a pet Call a loved one
Brain-Body Connection
Grounding is a calming strategy to bring the body to a more relaxed state
AFFIRM Accept their decision
Feel your
Feelings
Increase self-care
Reframe
Move forward
AFFIRM A
ccept their decision
Can be helpful to…
• Take a deep breath before responding
• Repeat back what they said to make sure you understand
“That’s hard for me to hear, but I understand that you already have a date.”
“It sounds like you need more time to feel comfortable. Thank you for letting me know.”
AFFIRM Accept their decision
Feel your Feelings
Ask yourself…
• What emotions do I feel?
• Why am I feeling this way?
• Who can I talk to for support?
AFFIRM Accept their decision
Feel your Feelings
Increase self-care
Reframe
Your feelings are VALID!
AFFIRM Accept their decision
Feel your Feelings
Increase self-care
For example:
• Go for a walk
• Listen to music
• Meditate or read
• Do something you enjoy (painting, cooking, sports)
• Talk to someone you trust
• Reach out to a counselor
• Call a hotline
AFFIRM Accept their decision
We might naturally think… “They must hate me.”
Feel your Feelings
Increase self-care
Reframe
We might naturally think… “They must hate me.” Instead, try thinking…
“They must trust me enough to be honest with me.”
AFFIRM Accept their decision
Feel your Feelings
Increase self-care
Reframe
Move forward
Ask yourself…
• Did I make them feel uncomfortable? If so, what can I do to make it right?
• What could I do differently in the future?
• Who can I talk to for support?
What am I proud of myself for?
Example Scenario:
You and your partner have been dating for two months now and you’ve started to get closer. You two have shared a couple of kisses, but never in front of other people. You are so excited about dating them and want everyone to know! Your partner just told you they don’t want to kiss in front of other people. Your feelings are hurt – don’t they like you? Think about the different strategies for dealing with rejection and use the AFFIRM model to respond to your partner in a respectful way.
Example AFFIRM Response
“Thank you for letting me know how you feel. I’m just so happy to be with you that I sometimes forget how PDA can make others uncomfortable. Holding hands in public and kissing in private is a good compromise though. I’m glad you brought this up so we can be on the same page going forward.”
Your Turn!
Practice having a respectful and mature conversation with a friend:
Decide who will be Friend A
…and who will be Friend B
Your Turn!
Practice having a respectful and mature conversation with a friend:
Friendship Scenario #1(B)
You have recently noticed some changes in your body. You know these are normal puberty changes, but your family has been making comments that make you a little self-conscious. Your best friend just invited you to their birthday pool party and you’ve heard that a lot of other classmates are going. You don’t feel comfortable with the idea of being in a swimsuit in front of all those people. Use the Be FIRM model to let your friend know that you aren’t comfortable going to their pool party.
Friendship Scenario #1(A)
You are so excited about your birthday pool party next weekend! A lot of classmates have already told you they are coming, but you haven’t gotten a straight answer from your best friend yet. When you ask them, they seem uncomfortable and tell you they’re not going to come. You’re really disappointed – they are your best friend! Use the AFFIRM model to accept their decision and move forward in a healthy way.
Your Turn!
Switch roles to practice the other model with scenario #2…
You are now Friend B and you are now Friend A
Friendship Scenario #2(B)
You have been struggling in science class and want to improve your grade. Your best friend is in the class too and always tries to make you laugh with little comments and jokes. You know that you need to pay attention in class so that you’ll do better on the next test, but it’s hard to ignore your friend when they always want your attention. Use the Be FIRM model to explain your situation and set some boundaries with your friend.
Friendship Scenario #2(A)
Science is your favorite class because you get to sit next to your best friend. You love joking around with them and making them laugh. Today after class, they told you they don’t think you should sit together anymore. You’re surprised and a little sad that you won’t be able to have fun with them in class anymore. Use the AFFIRM model to respond to them in a respectful way that accepts their boundaries.
Remember…
Dealing with Pressure
Dealing with
Work with a partner to write a realistic script about two friends using the scene prompt on your worksheet…
If we have time, volunteers can perform approved scenes for us!
We are constantly evolving and learning about ourselves…
Being kind means being honest, advocating for our needs, and setting healthy boundaries that align with our values and goals
Lights…Camera…Action!
Lesson 11 Wrap-Up
Let’s Review!
• What is the Be FIRM model? Which steps are optional?
• What are some kind ways to turn someone down?
• What are some healthy ways to deal with difficult emotions?
Looking Forward
Next class…
Review & Wrap-Up
• Reflect on personal goals for the future and how the information from Teen Talk can help reach those goals
• Play a review game!
• Take the Exit Survey
Self-Care Ideas: Play a board game with a friend or sibling
Create a comic strip
Go swimming
Watch your favorite show or movie
