Grub & Pub Report - February 2020

Se in n e so t a & B e y o n d !

S e r vin g W isc o n sin , M Min

Grub & Pub Report

TM

See Local Entertainment on pages 38 & 39 or look at our ads!

T h e M a g a z i n e T h a t H e l p s Yo u L a u g h , T h i n k & Fe e l

Vo l . 1 7 / No. 2

FREE

Fe b r u a r y 2 0 2 0

FREE

Fe b r u a r y 2 0 2 0 C ove r S t o r y (See Story on Page 2)

CHIPPEWA FALLS | EAU CLAIRE | DOWNTOWN CINEMAS

$2.00 Leinies VIP lounges during Packer games!

It’s time to check out a great summer movie!!!

GRUB & PUB REPORT MAGAZINE February 2020

1st & Goal Saloon Big Street Bar 3D Fitness

River Inn Bar & Grill Schemboda’s

Black River Power Sports Brickhouse Pub & Grill UCP Girolamo’s R & R’s First & Last Chance Kern’s Court n’ Kurbside Micon Corral Bar House Bar & Grill Cinemas & Riverside Grill BJ’s Airport Bar & Grill

The Pump House The Double D Funte’s Club 10 Village Inn Saloon Bar & Grill Rolly’s The Bungalow Xpeditions Midway Bar Coach Club Inn Pub & Grub VFW 400 Club Mel’s Foxx Den VFW Post 7232 Spider Lake Post Back Roads Saloon 305 Bye the Willow Rustic Haven Golden Spike & Catering Bye Design R-Bar Lake Hallie Dwyer’s Sportsman’s Club Darling’s Adult Twilight Zone B & L Liquor Party Store My Second The Wright Place Sunset Tavern Kelly Grill Hilltop Tavern Home Hallie Golf Dean & Sue’s Bar Behind Tim’s Slim’s Foster Barrs Lake Hallie Tavern Bar & Grill Bar & Grill T&C Loopy’s Cedar Saloon Grill & Saloon American Legion The Corner Bay JC’s Resort Post 73 Loopy’s High Shores Pizza & Pub The Edge The Block House Pub Rookie’s Pub Pub & Eatery Rum Runner Krazy K’s Saloon Uncle Ritz On The River The Sidetrack Saloon Sam’s of Pourhouse & Grill Arcadia Bev’s Saddlemound Tap Hoot’s Otter Lake Cozy Wander Inn On The Bait White Corners The Rut Glen Loch Water Birch Bar Bresina’s Bar & Grill Wagon Hometown 5th Quarter Bar Wabasha VFW Wheel Bar & Grill Freddie’s Jim’s Riverview Jimmy’s Shady Nook Resort Sneaker’s Lanes Cookie’s Pub & Eatery World Up-Chuck’s Holcombe Mike & Ellie’s Bloomer Ag-Lime Inn Shady Rest Schuetzy’s Campground Burr Oak Auto Body Tavern Poor Folks Blue Marble Pub Jake’s Burly’s Saloon Low Rider’s Tavern Super Club

GRUB & PUB REPORT PO BOX 473 CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI 54729

www.miconcinemas.com or 715-874-7000. Check us out on facebook.com/miconcinemas

We LOVE Our Advertisers!

F E B R UA RY 2 0 2 0 C OV E R S TO RY

Written By: Dyzzi Baker - Johnson

We LOVE Our Advertisers & Salute Them For Their Continued Support of The Grub & Pub Report Magazine As you can see by the front page of the magazine this month we are saluting our advertisers and we hope that you do as well!

Advertising as you may or may not know is what makes it possible to produce, print and distribute the Grub and Pub Report each month. It is our advertisers hope that by sponsoring the GnP Report with their advertising dollars that you will see the events they have going on and the drink and food specials they offer and well choose to visit them on your next outing with friends and family. When you tell our advertising sponsors that you saw their ad .. event, drink or food special in our little publication it helps them to continue advertising in the magazine and that keeps us going month after month and year after year bringing you all sorts of fun jokes, stories, antidotes, games and of course the afore mentioned specials and events that our advertisers have to offer. Because we love and appreciate our advertisers so much and because each of them or at least most of them have become personal friends of mine thru the past 14 and half years that I have owned and produced the magazine I wanted to spend a bit more time telling you a bit about them and what they offer. Won’t you take time this year to visit our sponsors and tell them you read about them in the Grub and Pub Report.. I would appreciate it and so would they.

In Chippewa Falls, WI please make sure to check out Schemboda’s and 1st and Goal Saloon for casual fun and conversation. Schemboda’s kitchen is open from 2pm to Close Monday - Friday and Noon to Close on Saturday & Sunday. They also have $1.50 Burgers on Thursdays!. 1st and Goal offers a great Happy Hour Monday - Friday from 9am - 11am and again from 3 - 6pm check it out. Then for some really great wings you gotta go to River Inn where well over 28,000 lbs of chicken are sold yearly it is so good along with other delicious food items on their menu. Loopy’s Saloon offers a yummy full menu along with Homemade Pizza, volleyball in winter in the only ‘heated’ dome and summers outside plus a beautiful scenic view of the Chippewa River and now Loopy has purchased the High Shores Club he renamed Loopy’s High Shores Super Club for a fine dining experience over looking small Lake Wissota. Ritz on the River is a quaint bar with a big attitude of welcome and open to everyone who wants to just enjoy a couple of drinks with friends along with Burly’s where you can hang out with friends and watch all the games or join in on few at the bar. Check out Schuetzy’s Tavern for all kinds of events that change monthly if you are looking for a place that always has something going on for you to enjoy and make sure to stop out to The Edge Pub and Eatery for a large delicious menu and view of the Lake Wissota Bay off their two tier deck this summer. The Wander Inn is owned by my Aunt Mary and I have to say.. has the best Hot Beef Sandwiches anywhere so you gotta go there to taste them for yourself and then there is Tim’s Slim’s Lake Hallie Tavern where you can always find a pool game or tournament and good food. If this isn’t enough for you then make sure to stop at Rookie’s and T& C Saloon (who also has a full menu of great food) for music on most weekends from bands to DJ’s not to mention Lake Hallie Sportsman’s Club who serve pizza, hamburgers and appetizers along with all your favorite beverages by a nice warm fire this winter and Glen Loch Bar & Grill for pizza and burger specials! Then after eating all this good food check out 3D Fitness where you can work it all off so you can go enjoy more the next day! I also want to say West Hill Bar & Grill and Blue Marble Pub have some great food at good prices!

In Eau Claire our VFW Post 7232 offers a fine selection of food along with Deb’s Homemade Sausage Gravy & Biscuits and the VFW Post 305 offers a Friday Fish Fry. Both serve breakfast also 7 days a week and have weekly entertainment for your enjoyment. The Brick House also offers daily food specials and even has a shuffle board table for something different to do in the area and Girolamo’s Court n’ House has 20 rotating beers on tap and delicious menu to go along with your chosen beverage.

Then in Altoona you gotta stop at Rolly’s Coach Club for some well deserved ribbing from Rolly and fun conversation from his regulars or stop at the 400 Club for this and their Happy Hour Monday - Friday from 3-6pm and all your sports entertainment. The Golden Spike also offers nightly drink specials, Karaoke on Wednesdays and Sundays along with daily lunch specials that are sure to fill you up.

I love that most of our local pubs, taverns, and bars now have grills and The Pourhouse in Elk Mound is no exception. They also offer some fun monthly events and nightly specials. Or you can check out Foster Bar in Foster for more great food and large menu plus specials on drinks and food and entertainment that is just off Hwy 94 heading towards Osseo where you can stop at Darling’s Adult Super Store for those items needed for a fun fu or romantic special evening and/or gift ideas for that special someone in your life. In Durand you will find the historic Corral Bar & Riverside Grill that showcases posters from years gone by that were uncovered during renovations and brought back into public view. They also offer a large delicious menu for your enjoyment and many events throughout the year. Kern’s Kurbside in Elmwood offers a large selection of yummy food along with daily food and drink specials and occasional entertainment and then there is also Sneaker’s Pub & Eatery in Spring Valley who has entertainment most weekends along with tasty wings, stone baked pizza and fried specialties to tempt your pallet.

If you want to have a really fun time you need to take a trip to Arcadia as the bar owners and regular customers will make sure you enjoy your stay. Be sure to stop at Up-Chuck’s and Uncle Sam’s for daily drink specials and eats. Both bars also offer karaoke and if that isn’t to your liking then at Riverview Lanes you will always find a new and unique drink to try along with bowling and great food for they whole family. In Bloomer, Xpeditions has the food you crave and fun times along with the White Birch Bar and Grill who has a great Friday Fish Fry or stop at Cedar Bay Resort which is open all year for your enjoyment. They also have pontoon and cabin rentals along with R-Bar in Cameron who also has an open yet cozy dining area for you to enjoy a drink of choice or something off their full and appetizing menu.

In Hudson it is a must to stop at The Village Inn for all your food craving needs along with fun events and sports viewing or if you want to take a little drink home then stop at B & L Liquor in Houlton who offers everything you may want for a fun night with friends and family. The Bungalow in Lakeland, MN is located just over the Hudson River and offers daily food and drink specials and unique menu items along with weekly entrainment and wine tasting too. Then if you are traveling to Las Vegas you gotta stop at the only Packer Bar in the area and that is Rum Runners where I guarantee you will have a great time with Geno and his staff of awesome bartenders. I know I have!! (Hey Geno.. I’m coming back to Vegas May 13 - 17.. I’ll see you then when I stop in!!)

(Continued on page 3)

February 2020

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TABLE OF C ONTENTS COVER STORY : We Love Our Advertisers... P. 2 WELCOME NEW ADVERTISERS N/A READER COMMENTS.......P. ....... 30 GAME PAGES Crossword ....................... Pg. 4 Word Search..................... Pg. 5 ..

Movie Ticket Trivia.............Pg. 5 Curvy Word Puzzle...........Pg. 28 Kakuro ............................Pg. 29 .Suduko Hard only.............Pg. 30 Games Answers.........Pg.36­38 Answers TYPO Contest : Rules & Winners ...........Pg. 4 Directory of Advertisers Pg 19 & 22 Maps of Advertisers ..Pg. 20-21 Classified Section .......Pg. 36­37 Subscription Request...... Pg 33 ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR

Pg. 38­39 Submit Jokes, Letters, Subscription or Advertising Requests To:

GNP REPORT P.O. Box 4473 73 Chippewa Falls, WI 54729 See the GnP Report Online @ https://gnpreport.com/ Area Sales Representatives: **Call Dyzzi direct for any areas not listed by Sales Rep

Dyzzi *Donna Johnson (Owner) 715­456­7518 dyzzi42@yahoo.com Menomonie ­ Downing, Osseo ­ , Arcadia ­ Strum, Melrose, Mindoro, Owen, Withee, Neillsville, Pray, Granton, Black River Falls Chippewa Falls & the St. Croix Valley

Keith Ewing ­ 715­ 404­0885 (Bloomer ­ Trego ­ Hayward) Dan Callan ­ 715­495­8091 (Eau Claire ­Roberts) Upcoming Cover Stories: FEBRUARY 2020: We Love Our Advertisers MARCH 2020: VFW 7232 EC Expansion APRIL 2020: Up-Chucks-Arcadia, WI MAY 2020: TBA

February 2020

F E B R UA RY 2 0 2 0 C OV E R S TO RY

Written By: Dyzzi Baker - Johnson

We LOVE Our Advertisers In Neillsville please stop out to the American Legion Post 73 for steak feeds and plated meals and other food to fill your belly along with a banquet hall they are ready to open up for your next event! If you are traveling on Hwy 29 heading towards Wausau you should stop at Double D’s Saloon in Boyd for great pizza and other fixings and great service with a smile. In Stanley just a few miles east you will find the Twilight Zone for great drinks, local news along with little treats offered to anybody who stops in for a visit, on most days anyway! Kelly’s Grill is just around the corner and if you want a homemade meal that the smell alone will make you salivate.. well that is Kelly’s for sure. Great food and Service! Just a bit off the highway is Mel’s Foxx Den just outside of Thorp who offers free pool all day .. everyday and drink specials plus pizza and snacks if you want a quick bit.

In Withee, stop at Midway for their Double Bubble or full food menu that won’t leave you hungry but will keep you coming back for more. Make sure to stop in Greenwood at Funte’s Bar & Grill for wraps, salads, burgers and homemade pizza and Behind Barr’s Bar & Grill for their fish fries voted ‘Best Fish Fry’ by their customers along with being the only place I know with heated toilet paper! Plus they have other yummy specials all day long for you to sample and stop back for!

If you are in the Northfield area then Rustic Haven is your spot to stop for good food, daily specials, conversation and a stiff drink if it’s needed. Plus they also have a small motel if you are needing a place to hole up for the night. Then just a few miles down the road is Dwyer’s My Second Home where Deb will make sure you get enough to eat of her homemade treats and enough conversation you will feel like Dwyer’s is your second home too. Other great places to eat with food that are said by their customers to be the best around for price, taste and meal size are Jim’s Shady Nook in Cornell, Krazy K’s in Ettrick, JC’s Pizza and Pub in Melrose and Rumor’s in Mindoro. All have large menus and food that fills you up and satisfy’s all at once while boasting comfortable atmospheres. Check out also Jimmy’s World Bar & Campground in Conrath for a fun bar atmosphere with a genuine attitude along with Hoots in Rice Lake for a to die for homemade pizza and drinks. Cookie’s in Holcombe has a bloody Mary that will make your mouth water for more and great casual dining and I can’t forget The Rut for great down home fun, entertainment and food specials. Check out Lincolnwood Resort in Birchwood also for homemade pizzas, lunch, dinner and drink specials and the Wagon Wheel in Brill for awsomely good pizzas, soups, burgers and fish fry. At Mike & Ellie’s Shady Rest Resort & Poor Folks Saloon you will see that Mike is a die hard music fan and collects memorabilia you just gotta stop in to see and The Corner Pub in Ettrick is where you want to go if you just need a drink and want it now. Big Swede’s and the Big Minnow in Holcombe both have large tasty fully menus and great service along with drink specials and Big Swedes has cabins for rent all year round.

For more great food and a casual dining experience where you can just come and relax stop into the Block House Bar in Melrose and they will take care of you and if along the way you notice a few dings in your car stop out to Burr Oak Auto Body where Greg or Billy can help get your car or truck and even classics spruced up perfectly.

In Black River Falls please stop in and say hello to the crew at Cozy Corners who always have snacks out for you and great drink specials with a story or two or The Wright Place that offers a huge menu of really good food, all your favorite drinks and some new ones along with breakfast, lunch and dinner specials. R & R First and Last Chance also offers food and drink specials and the occasional event or two for you enjoy with friends or their regulars who love to welcome newbies. Plus BJ’s Airport Lounge has a large dining room with a cozy and comfortable atmosphere to enjoy their great food and drink specials as well. While in Black River Falls be sure to check out all the ATV’s, Side By Sides, Motorcycles & Snowmobiles offered at Black River Power Sports or stop into Sunset Tavern for the latest news, a drink or some great local weekend entertainment. If you are horseback riding, ATVing, snowmobiling, walking, or driving you are also always welcome at Bev’s Saddle Mound Tap in Pray, WI for great food and drink specials and a story or two or stop into Back Roads which is also always a fun and happening place to be with great drink specials and some weekend entertainment as well. There is so much going on with our advertisers it is hard to mention it all but did I mention that you should also stop out to Humbird and check out Big Street Bar for sandwiches, apps, chicken strips, drink specials and good times and also in New Auburn stop out to the Fireside Bar for great eats and conversation.

Truly I know that I will have forgotten to mention someone that has been an important part of the growth of this magazine and truly your local communities and I apologize for this if I have. Let me mention a few that are not advertising right now but have in the past and I hope will again in the not to distant future. Most of these have food and drink specials and some entertainment or annual events including; Jakes Supper Club and Dean & Sue’s in Menomonie, Hilltop Tavern in Eau Claire and Hilltop Bar & Grill in Woodville, The Pump House in Downing,, Low Rider’s in Neillsville, Doc’s Bunkhouse & The Corner Bar in Merrillan, Entwood Golf Course in Holcombe, Big T’s in Eau Claire, Big T’s North in Cornell, and now Big T’s Midway in Cadott, TJ’s Timberline in Chetek, the Wabasha VFW Post 4086, Spider Lake Saloon, Bloomer Memorial Golf Course, The Casa Mexicana in Bloomer, Club 10 in Durand, Northwoods BrewPub in Osseo, the FOB Bar & Grill in Melrose, Freddies Bar and the Overflow Tavern & Eatery in Northbend and many others that have made this magazine possible through the years with their advertising dollars and faith in me. Thank you all so much and everyone who has advertised in past years that are not mentioned in this story due to space. I know who you are and so do my readers and we hope you come back on soon so we all know what great events you have to offer all of us along food and drink specials to enjoy with you also! Have a great 2020 and thank you for reading.. and advertising!

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Typo Winner of the Month: The January 2019 Typo Contest winner is Peggy Meyer of Rice Lake, WI who found the word (Jun) instead of (Join) in the Tim’s Slim’s Lake Hallie Tavern ad on page 10. She will receive $10 in GNP Bucks to use at any of our current advertiser locations.

Thanks for reading and Congratulations!

(THESE MAY TAKE UP TO 6 WEEKS TO RECEIVE) Send entries to: Dyzzi Enterprises PO Box 473 Chippewa Falls, WI 54729 or...

Call - 715-456-7518 email: dyzzi42@yahoo.com

February Cross Word Puzzle (Answers Pg 36-37)

TYPO CONTEST RULES:

- Only typos found in advertisements are eligible for prizes.

-Typos in the articles are not part of the typo contest.

-Typos in ads are the only typos considered for the contest.

-Everyone who finds a typo in an advertisement whether it’s the correct typo or editorial mistake, will be entered into the contest.

-You can call, e-mail or mail in your answers to the typo contest. See contact information on page three. -All guesses must be turned in by the 15th of the month. (Major Holiday months by the 13th.)

-One winner will be drawn from all received answers on or about the 15th of the month.

-Winners will receive a $10.00 in GnP Bucks to be used at current advertiser locations only.

February 2020

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Win Movie Tickets

(WINTER SPORTS AND ACTIVITIES) Word Search Puzzle

for Micon Theaters Chippewa Falls & Eau Claire, WI Theaters

ENTER TODAY TO WIN!!

Send in your entry TODAY! (Hint.. LOOK ONLINE!)

Grub & Pub Report PO Box 473 Chippewa Falls, WI 54729!

MOVIE TRIVIA JANUARY 2019 TRIVIA ANSWERS: 1. Duck Soup 2. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me and Austin Powers in Goldmember 3. Mike Myers 4. Seth Green 5. Battleships; Cluedo, table, football, twister FEBRUARY 2020 TRIVIA 1. How many days did it take David Niven to go Around the World?

2. In the 1957 film about Japanese prisoners of war, where was the Bridge?

3. Which Ben won 11 Oscars in 1959?

4. In which 1940 film did Mickey Mouse conduct the orchestra?

February 2020

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Schemboda’s

12942 100th Ave. Chippewa Falls

715-723-0131 KITCHEN OPEN 2p-Cl Mon-Fri and 12p - Cl Sat & Sun HAPPY HOUR: M,T,TH & F 2-6P & 2-9p Wed

Happy Hour Prices for all..

Packer & Badger Games!

THURS: $1.50 BURGERS 2p-9p Full Menu Available Daily till 9p

LOST HAT Sleazy Tom once spent days looking for his new hat. He decided that he’d go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door.

On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments.

He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister.

“I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind.”

The minister said, “Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach “Thou shall not steal” that changed your heart?”

Sleazy Tom responded, “No, it was the one on adultery. When

CHIPPEWA FALLS PAGE you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat.”

WHAT HAPPENED Hillary Clinton went to a primary school to talk about the world. After she talked, she offered question time for the kids and one little boy put up his hand.

Hillary asked the kid his name, and the boy responded, “Billy”.

“What is your question Billy?”

Billy replied, “I have three questions. First, what happened to your medical plan? Second, why would you run for president after your husband shamed the office?

Third, what happened to the things you took from the White House?”

Just then the bell rang for recess and Hilary informed the kids that they would continue after recess.

When they came back from recess, Hillary said, “Now, where were we? Oh, that’s right, it’s question time. Who has a question?”

A different little boy raised his hand and Hillary asked him his name.

“Steve” he replies.

“And what is your question Steve?”

“I have five questions, “said Steve.” First, what happened to your medical plan? Second, why

River Inn

Bar & Grill

(715) 723-9481 10418 Cty Hwy X Chippewa Falls, WI “Good Food, Good Friends, Good Memories”

Open 7 Days A Week!

February 2020

would you run for president after your husband shamed the office?

Third, what happened to all those things you took from the White House? Fourth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? Fifth, what happened to Billy?”

HELP FROM ABOVE An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, “I’m screwed.”

There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out:”No, you are not screwed.

Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you.”

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the life out of the chief. He is breathing heavily while standing above the lifeless body. Surrounding him are 100 cannibal warriors with a look of shock on their faces.

The voice booms out again, “Okay, now you’re screwed.”

QUOTE OF THE MONTH Ill-health, of body or of mind, is defeat. Health alone is victory.

Let all men, if they can manage it, contrive to be healthy!

- Thomas Carlyle

Phone: 715-723-7822 29 E. Park Ave. Chippewa Falls, WI NEW HOURS: Mon - Fri 8a - CL Sa & Su 11am - CL Happy Hour: M-F 9a -11a & 3p - 6p HELPING THE HUNGRY A wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limo one day when he noticed two men at the side of the road eating grass. He told the driver to pull over and got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass?” he asked the first man.

“We have no money for food.” the poor man replied.

“Well, come with me then.” instructed the lawyer.

“But sir, I have a wife and two children!” the man said.

“Bring them along’ replied the lawyer. “And what about you?” he asked, turning to the other man.

“I have a wife and six children!” the second man answered with his head hung low.

“Bring them all!” the lawyer ordered. The two families climbed into his limo and stared at him with gratitude.

“Sir, you are very kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

Serving Full Menu... 7 Days A Week!

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Mon thru Thur: All-U-Can-Eat Wings Jumbo Broasted Chicken Wings Over 28,500 Lbs of Wings Sold in 2017!!!

F r i da y Fi sh S peci a l : 2p $8.45 / 3p $9.95 / Fish & Shrimp Combo $12.95

Try Our: Hot Beef & Fries Only $6 Join Us for AmpQuiz Trivia Monday Nights @ 7pm!

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CHIPPEWA FALLS PAGE “No problem, “the lawyer replied. “The grass at my house is almost a foot tall!”

RIGGING THE ODDS A local bookie was given a parrot in lieu of cash payment.

The bird’s vocabulary included choice phrases in English, French, Spanish and German. Sensing a winner, the bookie hauled the bird off to his favorite bar.

“He speaks four languages, “the bookie explained to the bartender, who snorted in disbelief. “Wanna bet on it?” the bookie challenged.

Annoyed, the bartender finally agreed to a $20 wager. The bookie turned to the parrot and said, “Parlez-vous francais?” There was no response.

Nor was there any reply to the question in English, Spanish and German. The bartender picked up the bookie’s $20 bill from the bar and went about his business.

On the street, the bookie glared at the bird. “You fink!” he exclaimed. “You clammed up on me. I oughta strangle you!”

“Don’t be a jerk.” the parrot replied. “Just think of the odds you’ll get tomorrow.”

Q. Where did the one legged pirate go for breakfast?

A. IHOP THE JOKES ON YOU The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up.

Everybody but one girl laughed uproariously. “What’s the matter?” grumbled the boss. “Haven’t you got a sense of humor?”

“I don’t have to laugh, “she said.

“I’m leaving Friday.”

February 2020

WELCOME TO LOOPY’S ..

HOME OF THE WORLD’S ONLY HEATED SAND VOLLEYBALL DOME

Q. Did you hear that some NFL football teams don’t have a website?

A. They can’t string three “Ws” together.

DOGGONE A vacationer noticed a sign that warned DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! Posted on the glass door of a little country store. Inside the store, a harmless-looking old hound dog was asleep on the floor by the cash register.

“Is that the dog people are supposed to beware of?” he asked the store manager.

“Yup.” The man replied.

The vacationer was amused.

“That doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why the sign?”

“Well, “the manager replied, “Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”

WRONGFUL TERMINATION

There was this 78 year old lady in Florida who wanted to work for one of those topless restaurants.

Of course, none of them would hire her, so she sued. She won and they had to hire her. But the manager fired her on her first day on the job. Seems she came to work in a wrinkled uniform.

TRUE FACTS Barbie’s measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.

Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

John Lennon’s first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.

HAPPY HOUR MON - FRI 3-6pm *$.75 off EACH Drink! *Happy Hour Drawing & 1/2 Off Select Appetizers

WIN Loopy’s Jackpot Draw each night @ 6pm Feb 1: 19th Annual Kiwanis Tasting Gala 5-9pm *Wine & beer sampling *specialty foods, and desserts *Silent auctions, drawings, and raffles! Proceeds will benefit the Boys & Girls Club of Chippewa Falls * FREE shuttles available within 15 miles of Loopy's! Must be 21 to attend. GA tickets are $25pp. / $30 at door *Limited # of Reserved tables for 8- $200

Feb 22: Abbey-Palooza Feat Benefiting Ronald McDonald House Charities through a donation in the name of Abbey Matthes. Headliner: Chris Kroeze! Guests: Phoenix & Hales Brothers Band.

Tickets go on sale Thursday Jan 16th at 10AM / VIP Entry 6P / GA 7:30P

WINTER VACATION GETAWAY! Rent a beach front condo, 20 steps to the water! Vacation on Beautiful Island of St. Thomas *Go to VRBO.com and Enter 803500 - Ask Loopy for details FRIDAY FISH FRY! HOME OF THE

Leinenkugel Honey Weiss Beer BatJUMBO DRINK. tered Cod w/your choice of a potato & soup or salad.

Pay for 2 Mixers and OLD FASHIONED FRIDAYS get the 3rd shot free. **Try our hand muddled Buy 5 bottles of beer in a classics with your choice of liquor, mix and garnish $4.50 bucket and get the 6th free. *Loopy’s favorite ..Bacardi Oakheart Rum, Sweet w/Olives **LUNCH BUFFET M - F 11a - 2p * Friday Nights..

Open Courts for Volleyball & Kubb & Bag Toss, Giant Jenga, Hammerschlagen ** Families Welcome PARTY SHUTTLE RENTAL 14 Passenger Shuttle Bus $275 for 5 hours + gas ($35 an hr ea. add’l hr) *All rentals include driver!

Free Shuttle Pick-Up & Drop Off from Home or Hotel within 15 Min. of Loopy’s *7 Days A Week!

Full Salad Bar w/ soups & homemade pizza!

Build your own sandwiches, deviled eggs & dessert Only $7.50

Sun. Night is Pizza Night 4 til 10 $10 2 Topping 16" cheese pizzas, $1.50 each add’l topping(s) Double punches on pitcher and pizza cards *Free Pool

Book Your Next Party in the Loopy Dome!

"Sickness is felt, but health not at all."

- Thomas Fuller, M.D.

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CHIPPEWA FALLS PAGE PUNS TO MAKE YOU CRY In democracy your vote counts.

In feudalism your count votes ON LAKE WISSOTA

Open 11am - Close Kitchen Open Till 10pm Phone: 715-723-2400 9504 County Hwy S, Chippewa Falls, WI WEEKLY FOOD SPECIALS: Tues: Wings & Fries $9.95 Wed: Broasted Chicken & Fries $9.95 Thurs: Chef’s Special Fri: Fish Fry, Chicken & Ribs Buffet Sat: Prime Rib & Full Menu Sun: Pizza Special & Funday w/ Buckets of Beer

Stop at The Edge & Try Our ..

Broasted Chicken *Dine In or Carry Out FAST.. In & Out Lunch Buffet

Come for lunch..

Stay for dinner Book Your New Year’s, Birthday or Retirement parties, Wedding Showers or Next Event at 1 or 2 Event Rooms!

WELCOME FISHERMEN! Marine an snowmobile gas available non­ethanol MARK YOUR CALENDARS...

Feb 1: Snowmobile Drag Races Feb 8: Weigh-Station Jigs Up Ice Fishing Contest Feb 15: Golf on the Bay (SNOLF) Feb 22: Polar Plunge

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

Y ou feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted - taint yours and taint mine.

Closed Mondays

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

Unless Packers are playing! **10 Full Screens**

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

February 2020

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

HUSBAND NEEDS REST Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace. So here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you!

Submitted By: Jerry Torkelson Chippewa Falls, WI LOST JOHNSON An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name. 'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred

Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.

Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

8

Burly’s Bar 19 E. Canal St. Chippewa Falls, WI 715-720-9148 Hours Open: Noon(ish) - CL Mon - Sun

Join us..

ANNUAL VALENTINE’S CO-ED DART TOURNEY SAT., FEB. 15TH $20 Per Team, $$ AddedChicago Style, 100% payback Q&A Q. What kind of cheese do rodents like?

A. Mousearella.

MICHIGAN POEM (Snorkeling in Michigan) It's winter in Michigan And the gentle breezes blow Seventy miles an hour At twenty-five below.

Oh, how I love Michigan When the snow's up to your butt You take a breath of winter And your nose gets frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful So I guess I'll hang around I could never leave Michigan 'Cause I'm frozen to the ground.

Q&A Q. What is small, furry and brilliant at sword fights?

A. A mouseketeer!

CHIPPEWA FALLS PAGE STUDENT TROUBLE A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Feb 2 Superbowl Sunday @ 5:30pm Join us for the Game.. Drink Specials & Food

Sat Feb 8 Texas Hold’em Tourney @ Noon

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your DOUG’S BACK IN CHARGE.. pants that you have but I do not Come & Have a Drink With Him! have?'

WELCOME BACK DOUG!!

The principal wondered why she Daily Drink & Food Special would ask such a question!

Open: 11am – to Close Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

7 Days a Week Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do Halfway Between Hwy 124 & 53 that a man steps into?'

Hwy B Tilden, WI Harry: 'Digs a hole.'

715-288-6303 Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your three legs?' energy into a positive present."

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling..

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts PROVERBS with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that He who has health has hope, and means a lot of heat and excite- he who has hope has everything." ment?'

- Arabian Proverb Harry: 'Firetruck.'

He who enjoys good health is The principal breathed a sigh of rich, though he knows it not. relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the - Italian Proverb last several questions wrong!’

REMEMBER TO LOVE ' FIRST and FIGHT LATER DID YOU KNOW 1. The Ovum egg is the largest ...MUCH LATER! cell and the sperm is the smallest cell.

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February 2020

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AVAILABLE SEAT On a crowded train, traveling from Paris to the South, a U.S. Marine on furlough walked the entire length of the train looking for a seat before realizing that the only seat available was currently occupied by a well-dressed, middle-aged French woman's poodle.

The weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"

The French woman just sniffed, and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat."

The Marine walked the entire

length of the train again, and discovered that the only seat available was in fact the one currently being occupied by the poodle.

Trudging tiredly back, the marine arrived once more before the French woman and said, “Please Ma'am, may I sit down? I'm very tired?”

She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant. Why should I care if you are tired?"

This time, the Marine didn't say a word, but simply picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train

Slim’s

Lake Hallie Tavern

Enjoy.. Good Spirits, Food & Fun! 1979 Cty Hwy OO Chippewa Falls, WI (Lake Hallie) 715-832-9303

N O W O P E N @ 6 A M E V E RY D AY !

Super Bowl Party @ Slim’s Buckets of beer for $11.00 & other Drink Specials!

Feb 15th: Ice fishing contest Sign Up @ Slim’s 11am Pool tournaments Every other weekend at Slim’s!

Daily Food & Drink Specials DAILY: Hot Beef & Mashed Potatoes *Tues: TACO & TEQUILA *Wed: Broasted Chicken w/ Chicken & Wild Rice Soup & Meat Raffle $1.50 Dom Beers & $2 rails Fridays: Fish Fry w/New England Clam Chowder * Sunday & Tuesday Ladies Night 1/2 price drinks 8p - CL Breakfast & Bloody Mary Sat/Sun 8a-12p $7.50

BROASTED CHICKEN & FRIDAY FISH PLATES ARE BACK!

February 2020

CHIPPEWA FALLS - LAKE HALLIE PG. window, then sat down.

The woman shrieked, "Someone, defend my honor! This American needs to be put in his place!"

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold your fork in the wrong hand, and you drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.

And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong ***** out the window."

CHILDREN ON THE OCEAN Children Writing About the Ocean. The next time you take an oceanography course, you will be totally prepared.

1) - This is a picture of an octopus.

It has eight testicles.(Kelly, age 6 ) 2 ) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6) 3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. ( Mike , age 7) 4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson . She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6) 5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.

(Billy, age 8)

cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans.

(William, age 7) 8) - Mermaids live in the ocean.

I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really?

(Helen, age 6) 9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.

(Amy, age 6) 10) - Some fish are dangerous.

Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea

DARTS - POOL GOLDEN TEE GOLF 616 N. Bridge St. Chippewa Falls, WI Phone: 715-861-5299 Happy Hour: 2-6p M-F FEBRUARY EVENTS: Monday:

Meat Raffles @ 6pm

*Every Monday through NFL season.

EVERY Tues: Free Pool & Jukebox

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with two other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

EVERY Thursdays: DJ Karaoke Contest *CASH Prizes!!

Fridays & Saturdays: DJ Music st nd Feb 1 : 2 X-It Rock Band 9pm!

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to

Feb 16th: Daytona 500 Party *Free Food, Raffles & Prizes!!

10

EAU CLAIRE - LAKE HALLIE PAGE where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers.

(Christopher, age 7) 1 1) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.

(Kevin, age 6) 12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.

(Becky, age 8) 13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.

(Julie, age 7) 14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6) 15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

It would be good to be born with the gift of laughter and a sense that the world is mad.

Author Unknown TRIVIA #1 You have a 3-gallon jug and a 5gallon jug. You need to measure out exactly 7 gallons of water.

How can you do it?

(See answer on page 12) A QUESTION OF EFFICIENCY “So let me get this straight, “the prosecutor says to the defendant, “you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man.”

“That’s correct, “says the defendant.

“Upon which, “continues the prosecutor, “you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her.”

“That’s correct, “says the defendant.

“Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?” asked the prosecutor.

“It seemed easier,”replied the defendant, “than shooting a

G L E N LO C H B a r & G r i l l Phone: 715-861-3828 1300 Jefferson Ave. Chippewa Falls, WI OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK!

Lake Hallie Sportsman’s Club OPEN TO THE PUBLIC!

Happy Hour: Mon - Fri 4:30pm - 6:30pm Feb 1st: Ice Fishing Contest **Raffles and Prizes ($500 for 1st place) Feb 15th: Kids Ice Fishing Contest (Every Kid Gets A Prize!) ** Both contest Start at Noon till 2pm– Weigh in on ice 2910 109th St. Chippewa Falls, WI 715-726-1050 (Located Between Lake Hallie & the Chippewa River) different man every day!”

“I see your point...”

IT’S A BIRD! It’s a Plane! It’s Super Cat! In Lardal, Norway, many people reported seeing a fireball explode in the night sky and then fall slowly down to earth. Unsure of what they were watching, several witnesses panicked and called police, believing it to be a fallen alien spaceship. As it turns out, what was thought to be an unidentified flying object was actually an electrocuted cat.

Investigators solved the otherworldly mystery when they found the charred body of a cat at the base of an electrical mast. They believe the unlucky feline used up all nine lives after it climbed up the pole and touched a live wire.

As police spokesperson Lars Helge Sogn told a Norwegian newspaper, what the people were watching was the cat exploding and falling off the mast. The people were shocked by what they saw, but certainly not as much as the cat.

EVERY.. WEDNESDAY NIGHT $2.00 Burgers from 4-8pm!

HAPPY HOUR: Mon - Thurs 3pm - 5:30pm

Q&A Q: Why is a bad cup of coffee the end of a marriage?

A: Because it's GROUNDS for divorce!

LUNCH MENU COMING SOON w/ Delivery Options!

LIKE US on FACEBOOK & Watch for Updates!

Feb 14th - IS Valentine’s Day!

Mon - Thurs: 3 - CL / Fri 1 - Cl / Sat– Sun 11a – CL

TUESDAY NIGHT Pizza Special: Buy 1 Get 2nd Half Price

February 2020

AND SO IT IS Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Forgive them for everything. There is no time to wait.

Life is meant for the living so stop acting like you’re dead.. or at least stop acting like a dead beat.

Get up.. Get moving and live life!

8685 St. Hwy 124 Chippewa

715-723-2709 WiFi Open: Tue - Fri 1pm- Cl Sat & Sun 11a-Cl facebook.com/tandcroundabout

ENTERTAINMENT:

Feb 8th – Karaoke 8-12 HAPPY HOUR TUES - FRI 50 Cents Off ULL Drinks 2-6p Sun & Tues Beer Buckets 5-4-$10 or 6-4-$12 TUES. SHAKE FOR A STEAK!

Wed: $1 Dom Mugs & FREE Pool $3 Cherry/ Jager Bombs Thur: $2 Leinies/Leinies Lt. Fri: Pizza & Beer Pitcher $15 Sa & Su $3.50 Bloodys 11a-2p

11

The other man replies, “No.” “Would you sell it to me?”

KILL ING TIME AT real loud, ’Hey we’re out of toilet “No, but you can have it for paper in here!’

WAL-MART free.”

-In the auto department, practice Waiting forever for your spouse So he takes the bowl of chili and to get out of Wal-Mart? There are your Madonna look using begins to eat it. When he gets some things you can do to make different sizes of funnels. about half way through the bowl, the waiting more fun. he notices a dead mouse in the REAL KILLER CHILI -Get boxes of condoms and bowl and pukes the chili back into A man enters a cafe and sits the bowl. randomly put them in people’s down. He notices that the special carts when they aren’t looking.

The other man notices and says, -Set all the alarm clocks to go off of the day is cold chili. When the “That’s about as far as I got, too.” waitress comes to take his order at 10 minute intervals.

-Make a trail of lemon juice on he says, “I would like a bowl of THE DOOR SWINGS cold chili.” the floor to the rest rooms.

BOTH WAYS “I’m sorry; the gentleman next -Walk up to an employee and tell What’s the difference between a him or her in an official tone, ’I to you got the last bowl, “says the girlfriend and a wife? -- 45 lb. think we have a Code Three in waitress.

What’s the difference between a “I’ll just have coffee then, “the boyfriend and a husband? house-wares,’ and see what man says. happens.

-- 45 min.

After a while, he notices that the -Move ’Caution: Wet Floor’ signs What is it when a man talks guy next to him (who got the last nasty to a woman? to carpeted areas.

-Hide in the clothing rack and bowl of cold chili) is finishing a -- Sexual Harassment when people browse through say, rather large meal and the chili is What is it when a woman talks still there. So, he asks, “Are you nasty to a man? -- $3.99 a minute.

“Pick me! Pick me!”

-Go into the fitting room and yell going to eat that bowl of chili?”

How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

How can you tell if your 2900 W. Folsom St. Eau Claire, WI husband is dead? -- The sex is the same, but you get the remote.

(715) 832- 3528

EAU CLAIRE - ELK MOUND PAGE

VFW POST 7232 *Open to Public

Facebook.com/VFW Post 7232 Folsom Street HOURS: Mon - Thurs 6a-2a /Fri 6a-2:30a Sat 7a-2:30a and Sun 7a-2a

HAPPY HR- M - F: 6-10a & 4-6p plus.. Sa & Su: 10a-Noon C H E C K O U T O U R N E W M E N U . . W I F I AVA I L A B L E !

FEBRUARY 2ND: Ladies Breakfast *8AM -11:30AM .Friday Fish FRY

11am - 2pm & 4 - 7pm $8.00 BREAKFAST SERVED

Deb’s Homemade

7 Days A Week!

Mon - Fri from 6 - 10a Sat & Sun 7-11am Coffee $1.00 w/Meal

Sausage Gravy & Biscuits 1/2 Order Only $4.00

February 2020

HOMEMADE Lunch Special 11am - 2pm

Electricity comes from electrons; morality nowaday seems to comes from morons.

Open 365 Days a Year!

BREAKFAST SERVED Saturdays & Sundays 8a - 11:30a NIGHTLY SPECIALS EVERY Sunday: Texas Hold’em @ 4pm EVERY DAY..

REDNECK KARAOKE (offered after other events)

Like us on FB Phone: 715-917-1020

W301 Menomonie St. / Hwy 12 Elk Mound, WI

"Measure your health by your sympathy with morning and Spring." - Thoreau TRIVIA #1 ANSWER (from page 11) Fill the 5-gallon jug, pour it into the 3-gallon jug until the 3 gallon is full, and leaving 2 gallons in the 5-gallon jug. Now pour the 3gallon jug out. Pour the remaining 2 gallons from the 5 gallon into the empty 3-gallon jug. Now fill the 5 gallon from the faucet.

You now have exactly 7 gallons.

Q&A Q: Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?

A: Yup, it's in the Bible. It says. .

"He-brews"

VFW POST 305 1300 Starr Ave. Eau Claire, WI 715-552-8438 Breakfast:7 Days A Week 7 - 11a / Lunch: Mon - Fri 11a-1p Daily Drink Specials & Happy Hour: Mon - Fri: 7-10a & 3-6p

Come Try Our... Friday Fish Fry 2 pieces of fish, choice of potato, & cole slaw or cottage cheese for $9.00 (Fish can be substituted for 10 pieces of Shrimp) ENTERTAINMENT: Karaoke Thursdays 8p-Midnight/ Fridays 9p- 1a Sunday Oldies Show @2:30p - 6:30p SAT FEB 1 - Moonshyne Sky / SAT FEB 8 - Bear Creek Band SAT FEB 15 - Rock-A-Billy Riot SAT FEB 22 - Moonshyne Sky SAT FEB 29 - Kid Kactus & The Tumbleweeds

12

CLUELESS IN ARKANSAS Deep in the backwoods, a woman went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.”

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

“Don’t put the lantern down, said the doctor. “I think there’s another one coming.”

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.

“Don’t put the lantern down yet, “cried the doctor. “Here comes another one!”

The father scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor, “D’ye think it’s the light that’s attractin’ ’em?”

TRIVIA #2 What has a mouth, but cannot eat; moves, but has no legs; and has a bank, but cannot put money in it? (Answer on page 25) 19 YODA QUOTES SOURCE: By: Flavia Merut

Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.

In a dark place we find ourselves, and a little more knowledge lights our way.

Fear is the path to the dark side.

Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering.

Patience you must have, my young padawan.

When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good you will not.

Truly wonderful, the mind of a

February 2020

A LT O O N A - E A U C L A I R E PA G E child is.

So certain were you. Go back and closer you must look.

A Jedi uses the force for knowledge and defense, never for attack.

Adventure. Exactment. A Jedi craves not these things.

Judge me by my size, do you?

Wars not make one great.

Clear your mind must be, if you are to find villains behind this plot.

Always two there are, no more, no less. A master and an apprentice. Always pass on what you have learned.

Mind what you have learned.

Save you it can.

To answer power with power, the Jedi way this is not.

In this war, a danger there is, of losing who we are.

Attachment leads to jealousy.

The shadow of greed, that is.

In the end, cowards are those who follow the dark side.

Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.

When you look at the dark side, careful you must be. For the dark side looks back.

You will find only what you bring in.

Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future.

VICTORIA’S SECRET I know what Victoria's Secret is.

The secret is that nobody older than 40 can fit into their stuff.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my heal when my thighs kept rubbing

together and setting my pantyhose on fire. amazing!

You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!

Skinny people irritate me!

Especially when they say things like, 'You know, sometimes I just forget to eat.'

Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills.

She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.

The trouble with some women is.... that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast.

Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.

Celebrate Womanhood! Share this with all of those amazingly brilliant and tremendously talented women who are intelligent enough to call YOU their friend.

RETIRED WITH A JOB A retired guy was often asked, 'What do you do now that you're retired?'

He would say, 'Well, I don't have much of a chemical background but one of the things I enjoy the most is turning beer into urine!'

Submitted By: Judy Dahl Bloomer, WI

Rolly’s Coach Club 2339 Spooner Ave. Altoona, WI WiFi Available HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY..

From Rolly and the Crew at Rolly’s Coach Club! t

715-832-4120

1411 Spooner Ave. Altoona, WI 715-834-6226

Happy Valentine’s Day from Your Friends At The 400 Club!

Join us for Happy Hour Mon - Fri 3-6pm!!

Join Us for Good Times!

OPEN @ 10am 7 Days A Week!

Daily Lunch Specials 10-4 NIGHTLY DRINK SPECIALS

Karaoke Wed & Sat 9p-CL Happy Hour: M-F 10a-6p & Sat 3-6pm 228 Division St. Altoona, WI 715-552-5526

13

THE CONSEQUENCES OF LAUGHTER One day a young boy ran crying to his mother and rubbing his behind. His mother said, “Bobby, why are you crying?”

“Because daddy hit his thumb with the hammer!” little Bobby wailed.

“Why, that’s not something to cry over.” his mother told him.

“That should make you laugh.”

Bobby rubbed his behind and said tearfully, “I did laugh!”

Moral of the story.. Never laugh at dad especially when he’s hurt!

LOVE, LUST OR MARRIAGE LOVE: When you write poems about your partner. LUST: When all you write is your phone number. MARRIAGE: When you write only checks.

LOVE: When sex is called “making love.” LUST: When sex is called “doing it.” MARRIAGE: When you can’t remember what you used to call it.

LOVE: When your eyes meet across a crowded room. LUST: When your tongues meet across a crowded room. MARRIAGE:

Curvy Word Puzzle

(Answers Pg 36-37)

- EAU CLAIRE - DOWNING PAGE When you lose your child in a crowded room.

LOVE: When your heart flutters every time you see them. LUST: When your groin twitches every time you see them. MARRIAGE: When your wallet empties every time you see them.

LOVE: When you argue over how many children to have.

LUST: When you argue over who gets to make the bed.

MARRIAGE: When you argue about money.

LOVE: When you have concern for your partner’s feelings. LUST: When you have concern for your partner’s test results.

MARRIAGE: When you have concern for what’s on TV. LOVE: When nobody else matters. LUST: When nobody else knows. MARRIAGE: When everybody else matters and you don’t care who knows.

LOVE: When you like to be seen in public with your partner.

LUST: When you like to see each other naked. MARRIAGE: When you never see each other awake.

LOVE: When you share everything you own. LUST: When you steal everything they own.

MARRIAGE: When the bank owns everything.

LOVE: When you phone each other just to say, “Hi.” LUST: When you phone each other to pick a hotel room. MARRIAGE: When you phone each other to gripe about anything and every-

thing..

LOVE: When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel. LUST: When the song on the radio determines how you do it.

MARRIAGE: When you listen to talk radio.

LOVE: When your farewell is “I love you, darling.” LUST: When your farewell is “Same time next week?” MARRIAGE: When your farewell is “Pick up some toilet paper.”

DID YOU KNOW - You should eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college student with maxed out credit cards. This is the sure way to lose more weight and stay fit in this new year!

- Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes every day. If you can do this in the dark it will be even better for your overall health.

- Help the needy, be generous!

Be a ‘Giver’, not a ‘Taker’.

- What other people think of you is none of your business.

- Your job will not take care of you when you're sick. Your friends well. Stay in touch.

- Envy is a waste of time. You truly already have all you need.

You just need to open your eyes to see it.

You have air to breathe. If you don’t have food there are several food pantries around each state.

There is much to be thankful for if you reach out for it.

GIROLAMO’S COURT’n HOUSE NIGHTLY SPECIALS Sun - Sat 5 - 9p

Watch the Super bowl with us..

Sunday February 2

WARM UP With a Winter Warmer Drink Check out our winter beers on tap!

1113 W. Grand Ave. Eau Claire, WI 715-832-5478 Book Your Next Event @ Our SideBar on Grand!

February 2020

14

EAU CLAIRE - ELMWOOD - DURAND - FOSTER - SPRING VALLEY - WABASHA PAGE

SHUFFLE BOARD TABLE

Open at 5am 365 Days A Year!

Don't Forget Your Sweetheart On Valentines Day - FRI Feb 14th MARK YOUR CALENDARS! Pepin County Tavern League's Mini Putt Putt (benefit for Safe Ride Program) Saturday, March 14th

318 W. Main St. Durand, WI (715)672-8874 Wed Night Special 2 for 1's 7-9 pm NEW DAILY SPECIALS

CALL FOR WORLD PEACE Two Arabs boarded a flight out of New York. One sat in the window seat and the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an American got on and took the aisle seat. After takeoff, the American kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, “I think I’ll get up and get a Coke.”

“No problem, “said the American, “I’ll get it for you.”

While he was gone, one of the Arabs picked up the American’s shoe and spat in it. When he returned with the Coke, the other Arab said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.”

Again, the American obligingly went to get it and while he was gone, the other Arab picked up the other shoe and spat in it. When the American returned to his seat, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the American slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He looked at the two Arabs and asked, “Why does it have to be this way? How long must this go on this fighting

between our nations, this hatred?

This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?”

Hatred from all truly needs to stop before we will all be able to live in peace to enjoy this life.

WHAT YOU WISH FOR While trying to escape through Iraq, Saddam found a brass lamp and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the lamp and with a smile said, “Master, may I grant you one wish?”

“You ignorant unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don’t you know who I am? I don’t need any common woman giving me anything” barked Saddam.

The shocked genie said, “Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that lamp forever.”

Saddam thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman, and said, “Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning, so just do it and be off with you!”

The annoyed genie said, “So be it!” and disappeared. The next morning Saddam woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton.

Are your efforts and talents unappreciated?

MEXICAN MONDAY - Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner Specials TUE $5.00 Reubens THU PASTA NIGHT -Classic Italian Favorites FRI FISH FRY - Cod or Catfish SAT: Juicy Lucy Day *Multiple Different Unique Juices to Try. *Changes Weekly!

SUN Buy one get one 50% Off Pizzas

We are looking for motivated people in the Health and Wellness Industry to experience and show others new ways to hit their weight loss goals, while feeling more vitality and energy!

VALENTINE’S DAY DINNER RESERVATIONS for 5pm, 6:30pm & 8pm Prime Rib starting at $18.99 Shrimp Trio $18.99

Call today for more information 715-456-7518

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February 2020

We Need you! Hiring Now!.

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Foster Bar & Grill Open Daily: Mon - Sun 10am Kitchen Till 12am Come join us for .. with your sweetheart for Valentine’s Day! Plus we have MORE..

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Call Dyzzi @ 715-456-7518 or email dyzzi42@yahoo.com

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Now Open M - F 4-10pm & Saturday 3pm-10pm For WINTER Months!

HAD TO BE IN HEMET Gene, age 89, and Lillian, age 78, were all excited about their decision to get married. They went for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they passed a drugstore. Gene suggested they go in.

Gene walked up to the man behind the counter looked at his name tag, and said, “Excuse me, ahhh, Anthony. Are you a pharmacist?”

The pharmacist answered, “Yes.” “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?” Gene asked.

Anthony replied, “Of course we do.”

“How about medicine for circulation?”

“All kinds” stated the

pharmacist “Medicine for rheumatism, sclerosis?”

“Definitely", replied Anthony.

Gene asked, “How about Viagra?”

"Of course", answered Anthony, a bit irritated.

“Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?”

His patience fading, the Pharmacist said, “Yes, a large variety. The works.”

Gene continued, “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”

“Absolutely.”

“You sell wheelchairs and walkers?”

Exasperated, Anthony said, “Yes, yes. All speeds and sizes.”

Gene then said to Anthony, “We’d like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.”

TRIVIA #3 When young, I am sweet in the sun.When middle-aged, I make you gay. When old, I am valued more than ever.

What am I? (Answer on page 18)

UNCLE SAM’S OF ARCADIA HAPPY HOUR: Tue - Fri 4-6PM with $1.50 Busch Lite & $2.00 Domestics Tues: Free soda, Dom Beer, or Rail Drink *w/purchase of a Burger Bsk or any Dinner Wed: 50 Cent Wings (Check out our Flavors!)

Sat: $1.50 Busch Lights 12-8pm Sun: $2 Busch Lights w/ Seasoned Pretzels *Watch for specials!

Feb 22nd: Mini Golf Bar Tournament 4 person teams $20 per team CASH Prizes thru out the day 1st and 2nd place and best dressed team Sign up at Butch’s Bar in Arcadia / Shot Gun Starts at Noon *limited to around 100 teams! ***BRING A DESIGNATED DRIVER!!

HOURS: Tues - Thur: 11 am - CL Fri: 6 am - CL, Sat: 10 am - CL & Sun: 6 am - CL 309 W. Main St. Arcadia, WI (608) 323-7USA (7872)

February 2020

LEAVE THE WATER A fun but actually untrue tale told and retold by many. However debunked as untrue due to actual ships logs.

The U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides) as a combat vessel carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators.

However, let it be noted that according to her log, “On July 27, 1798, the U.S.S. Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot, 11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum.”

Her mission: “To destroy and harass English shipping.” Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum.

Then she headed for the Azores, arriving there 12 November. She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.

On 18 November, she set sail for England. In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war and captured and scuttled 12 English merchantmen, salvaging only the rum aboard each.

By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted. Nevertheless, although unarmed she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland. Her landing party captured a whiskey distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn.

Then she headed home.

The U.S.S. Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February, 1799, with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum, no wine, no whiskey and 38,600 gallons of stagnant water.

UPCHUC K

S

120 W. Main St. Arcadia, WI (608) 323-9907 OPEN: M-Th Noon - 2am F & Sa 10am - 2:30am Sun 10am - 2am DAILY DRINK SPECIALS DJ Music: Th, Fri, & Sa 9-Cl (Safe Rides Available) SILKY UNDER THINGS A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving him the evening off to do as he pleased since they would be out until quite late. The couple went to a ball and dinner. After an hour and a half, the wife told her husband that she was horribly bored and that she preferred to go home and finish some work for the next day. The husband responded that he had to stay for a few more hours to meet some very important people who were his new business partners.

So the wife went home alone and found the butler spread out on the couch watching TV. She slowly moved toward him and sat down very seductively.

She then told him to come closer.

Then even closer. She moved forward and whispered in his ear, “Take off my dress. Now take off my bra. Next remove my shoes and stockings. Now remove my garter belt and panties.”

She then looked deep into his eyes and said, “The next time I catch you wearing my clothes, you’re fired!”

FELINE THOUGHT As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, “I just love Baskin’ robins and Kentucky fried chicken!”

16

BLOOMER PAGE

BLOOMER AGLIME SERVICES For ALL Your Agriculture Needs

10505 Co. Rd SS Bloomer, WI GPS & Variable Rate Available Owned by: Charles W. Rufledt Phone: 715-568-4643 Fax: 715-568-5643 CAUSE FOR DIVORCE When Wanda Sue, the Buckhorn waitress was married, she decided to join the church choir.

From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she would start in on a song, her husband would head outside to the porch.

Wanda Sue, with hurt feelings, said, “What’s the matter? Don’t you like my singing?”

He replied, “Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I’m not beating you.”

THE DEER HUNT “My Dad and I went on a deer hunting trip. We saw a huge 18-point buck in the field and my Dad aimed and shot it right in the a**hole, “Little Johnny said.

The teacher was mad.

“Johnny you mean rectum, “she said.

“Rectum? You bet it rectum.

Shot his balls clean off.”

THE PRICE OF JEWELRY There’s a Lesson Here, Somewhere Two cuties were comparing notes concerning their latest boyfriends.

The first said, “He took me to his condo in Ocean City and showed me all these expensive jewels. There was an emerald-cut diamond of at least five carats, a tennis bracelet of six carats, and even a wrist watch with eleven carats.”

“Impressive, “said the second young thing.

“Well, yes, “the first agreed.

“But the downside was that with all those carats, he expected me to behave like a rabbit.”

THE FINE PRINT A beautiful young woman was walking through an orchard one day and came across a lovely pool. The water looked so inviting that she decided to go skinny dipping. She didn’t see anyone around, so she quickly undressed and dropped her clothes by the edge of the pool. Just then the owner of the orchard appeared from behind a tree and told her that swimming was prohibited.

“Well, if you were there all along why didn’t you tell me before I undressed?” she complained.

He replied, “Swimming is prohibited, but undressing isn’t.”

A man’s logic if I have ever heard it!

FRIDAY NIGHT FISH FRY

PLAYING IT SAFE Sleazy Tom prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party he was giving.

In his haste, however, he forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. He was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. He called the local Poison Control Center and voiced his concern. They advised him to boil the sauce again. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and a guest volunteered to answer it.

Sleazy’s face dropped as the guest called out, “It’s the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out.”

THE IDIOTS AROUND US Sacramento warned that if Lucille M. G. did not show up to her allotted jury duty date, there would a bench warrant out for her arrest. Caryn G. thought this was hilarious. Why? Because Lucille, or Lucy, is her dog. Last year, the chocolate Labrador retriever received a summons for jury duty in Sacramento Superior Court.

Caryn read the summons and sent the form back in, writing where it reads, “affidavit for disqualification, “she put, “Lucy is a dog” and sent it in. Earlier this month, Lucy got another summons. When Caryn called the office, the employee claimed they had heard every excuse imaginable. Caryn ended up having to show proof that Lucy might not serve too well on the jury, especially if a cat was the defendant.

1319 Main St. Bloomer 715-568-5420 Open 7 Days A Week @ 11a Check Out Our NEW...

Xpeditions COFFEE CO. & MARKET! Open: M - F 6a - 6p Sa 7a - 2a & Sun 8a - 1p STAGES OF LIFE What’s the difference between women at the ages of 8, 18, 28, 38, 48 and 58?

8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.

18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.

28 - You don’t need to tell her any story and take her to bed.

38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

58 - You stay in bed all day to avoid her story.

POKER-PLAYING DOG A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog playing poker. The guy is amazed that the dog is playing poker. “Bartender is that a real dog playing poker?” the guy asks.

“Yep, real as can be, “the bartender replies.

“Well is he any good?” the guy asks.

“Nah. Every time he has a good hand he wags his tail.”

SATURDAY NIGHT BROASTED WINGS

$1.50 Taps & $2.00 Cans Every Day! When snowmobile trails are open..we open at noon on weekends Phone: 715-568-3662 Open: Sun, Mon, Thurs, Fri & Sat 3 pm - CL 1039 St. Hwy 64 Bloomer WI (Just West of Hwy 53 about 7.5 Miles)

February 2020

14611 222nd Ave Bloomer, Wisconsin Call (715) 568-1174

WELCOME FISHERMEN! Open Tues. - Fri. @10am Sat. - Sun. @9am Closed Monday's til Memorial Day CABIN & PONTOON RENTALS

Happy Hour: 4 to 6 Mon-Thurs

17

Join Our Annual..

St. Pat's Celebration Sat., March 14th 3 p.m. Tippy Cup Tourney with Corned Beef Cabbage 715-749-3891 and Music to Follow!!!

112 W. Main St. Roberts, WI ‘Where Good Neighbors Meet’ Join Us at Sidetrack for Good Times!

TRIVIA #3 ANSWER ( from page 16) 1. I am Wine I BEG YOUR PARDON The governor was in the habit of scheduling part of his day to hear the pleas of relatives of prisoners.

One day, a woman came to beg that her husband be released from prison. “What was he convicted of?” the governor asked.

“Stealing a loaf of bread.”

“And is he a good husband to you?”

“Not really, “the woman replied.

“He beats me when he’s drunk, bullies the kids, runs around with

B & L LIQUOR STORE 1369 Main Street Houlton Wisconsin *Your FIRST Stop In Wisconsin Open 365 Days A Year!

NEW HOURS M-W 1pm-8pm Th & F 9am-9pm Sa & Su 8am-9pm Phone: 715-549-6589

other women, and he’s not much use for anything else.”

“Then why would you want him released?” the governor asked.

“We’re out of bread again.”

IMPROPER BEHAVIOR In Fullerton, Calif., four police officers have been suspended after they gave one woman a face full of hot fart. The officers had been called to the woman’s house after she apparently had attempted to commit suicide. Thinking she was unconscious, one officer propped his butt up next to the woman’s face and gave the old - “this oughtta wake her up” - bit. He wasn’t aware that the woman was actually awake. A second officer climbed on the bed and pretended to lick her, acting like a cat licking milk. Those two officers were given 60-hour suspensions without pay, while the other two were cut 12 1/2 hours each for failing to stop the misconduct. Hopefully her mouth wasn’t open at the time.

ST CROIX VALLEY, WI - LAS VEGAS, NV PG ENTERTAINMENT: *Live Music Every Tuesday 5-7P various artists (Dec 3: Mouldy Figs)

50% off Select Bot. Of Wine - Wed

Friday all can eat fish Fry $15.75 *Karaoke DJ every Friday 9pm *Sat. Meat Raffles at 1pm *Bingo every Saturday 2-4 Coming New Years Eve..

Music BY: Gary LaRue 9:00

Luis Chavez, 33, was arrested in Cypress, Calif., in February after he allegedly set off aerial fireworks in his condominium bedroom leading to a $135,000 fire.

The Palo Alto, Calif., City Council scheduled for a final vote on a proposed code of conduct that includes an official admonition to avoid even nonverbal forms of disagreement with each other, such as rolling one’s eyes or shaking one’s head or frowning.

Dining Hours: 11am Mon - Wed 8am Th & Fr 7:30am Sa & Sun HAPPY HOUR: MON -FRI 3-6PM

One Block North of 1-94 & MN 95 Lakeland MN 651.436.5005

RUDE AWAKENING A wife went in to see a therapist and said, “I’ve got a big problem, doctor. Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell.”

“My dear, “the doctor said, “That’s completely natural. I don’t see what the problem is.”

“The problem is, “she complained, “It wakes me up!”

ONE SUNDAY MORNING A priest announced to his congregation: “My good people, I have here in my hands three sermons: a $100 sermon that lasts five minutes, a $50 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes, and a $10 sermon that lasts a full hour. Now, we’ll take the collection and see which one I’ll deliver.”

Best Selection of Fine Wines, Liquors & Specialty Beer in the Valley!

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North Hudson, WI 715.386.2205

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February 2020

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CHIPPEWA FALLS AREA MAP 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

9

10 12 13 14 15 16 19 20 22 23

2

BURLY’S BAR ..................................................................................8

3

LINDA & DANS T & C .......................................................................7

4

LOOPY'S HIGH SHORES & BURLY ..................................................9

5

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

8

SCHEMBODA'S ................................................................................6

9

SCHUETZY'S (FORMERLY CHARLIE'S AT LAWLER'S) ...............................9

10

BLUE MARBLE PUB L.L.C. .........................................................N/A

11

DALE & MARY'S RITZ ON THE RIVER .............................................8

12

WEST HILL BAR & GRILL ...........................................................N/A

13

THE EDGE PUB & EATERY...............................................................8

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LOOPY’S ...........................................................................................7

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19 E. CANAL ST. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 720-9148

8685 ST. HWY. 124, CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-2709 www.facebook.com/Tnc Roundabout 17985 CO. HWY. X, CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 724-9854 YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

12942 100TH AVE. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-0131

18985 CO. HWY J., CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 720-7008

816 NORTH HIGH STREET, CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 861-5473 114 W. RIVER ST. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (534) 220-7020

250 WEST ELM ST, CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 720-9281

9504 COUNTY HWY S., CHIPPEW FALL WI • (715) 723-2400

10691 90TH AVE. (BUS. 29) CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-5667 • www.723loop.com

WANDER INN ................................................................................ 10

6020 CTY RD X CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 874-5590

10418 CTY HWY X CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-9481

BRESINA'S BAR & RESTAURANT ...................................................9

1

3D FITNESS................................................................................... 40

2

HWY B TILDEN, WI • (715) 288-6303

312 N. BRIDGE, ST., CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-3800 405 GRAHAM AVE., EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 514-3110

ROOKIES PUB ............................................................................... 10

616 N. BRIDGE ST., CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI 54729• (715) 861-5299

GLEN LOCK BAR & GRILL ............................................................ 11

1300 JEFFERSON AVE., CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 861-3828

BYE THE WILLOW & CATERING BY DESIGN .............................N/A

501 N. HIGH ST., CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 790-7530

AD PAGE #

EAGLES CLUB AERIE 2213 ....................................................... N/A

3 5 6

4

6 7 14 15

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

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LAKE HALLIE SPORTSMAN’S CLUB ............................................ 11

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YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

2910 109TH ST. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 726-1050

LAKE HALLIE GOLF COURSE .....................................................N/A

2196 110TH ST, CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 861-5442

TIM'S SLIM'S LAKE HALLIE TAVERN ........................................... 11

Y1979 CTY. HWY 00, CHIPPEWA FALLS (LAKE HALLIE), WI • (715) 832-9303

19 23 24

OUT OF STATE 1

3

AD PAGE #

RUM RUNNER (MAIN LOCATION) ................................................ 18

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AD PAGE #

GIROLAMO’S COURT N’ HOUSE .................................................. 14

113 W. GRAND AVE. EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 832-5478

BRICK HOUSE............................................................................... 15

2233 BIRCH ST., EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 832-6227

HILLTOP TAVERN ........................................................................ N/A

924 EAST MADISON AVE., EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 835-9223

ROLLY’S COACH CLUB ................................................................. 13

2339 SPOONER AVE. ALTOONA, WI • (715) 832-4120

VFW POST 305 ............................................................................. 12

1300 STARR AVE, EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 552-8438

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

400 CLUB ..................................................................................... 13

1411 SPOONER AVE., ALTOONA WI • (715) 834-6226

VFW POST 7232 ........................................................................... 12

2900 W. FOLSOM ST, EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 832-3528

BIG T'S SALOON .......................................................................... N/A 2007 3RD ST, EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 832-9508

FOSTER BAR ................................................................................. 16

12800 HWY. 53, OSSEO (FOSTER), WI • (715) 597-6627

GOLDEN SPIKE ............................................................................. 13

228 DIVISION STREET, ALTOONA, WI • (715) 552-5526

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

EAST-CENTRAL AREA MAP

RIVER INN BAR & GRILL .................................................................6

2588 U.S. HWY 53 LAKE HALLIE, WI • (715) 723-0172

2

EAU CLAIRE/ALTOONA/FOSTER AREA MAP

1ST & GOAL SALOON .....................................................................6

29 E. PARK AVE. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-7822

LAKE HALLIE AREA MAP 1

AD PAGE #

AD PAGE #

CORNER BAR.............................................................................. N/A

200 N MAIN ST., MERRILLAN, WI • (715) 333-2028

NEILLSVILLE AMERICAN LEGION ................................................ 24

#6 BOON BLVD. NEILLSVILLE, WI • (715) 743-3859

BIG STREET BAR .......................................................................... 34

N3063 KING ST., HUMBIRD, WI • (715) 964-1401

OTTER LAKE BAIT ....................................................................... N/A

16488 CTH H STANLEY, WI • (715) 644-0609

BEHIND BARR'S ........................................................................... 23

N9302 CTY HWY G & O GREENWOOD, WI • (715) 267-6733

FUNTE'S BAR & GRILL ................................................................. 25

215 S. MAIN ST., GREENWOOD, WI • (715) 267-7599

DOC'S BUNKHOUSE ................................................................... N/A

N11702 ELKER RD, MERRILLAN, WI • (715) 964-8010 docsbunkhouse@gmail.com

MEL'S FOXX DEN .......................................................................... 24

N176 MERIDIAN DR., THORP, WI • (715) 669-5511

MIDWAY BAR ................................................................................ 25

602 DIVISION ST, WHITHEE, WI • (715) 229-4327

LOW RIDERS TAVERN & PAVILION ............................................N/A

N2472 HWY 95, NEILLSVILLE, WI • (715) 743-2422

THE TWILITE ZONE ....................................................................... 23

309 N. BROADWAY STANLEY, WI • (715) 644-2340

DOUBLE D SALOON ...................................................................... 24

505 E. MURRAY ST. BOYD, WI • (715) 667-3441

DARLINGS GIFTS .......................................................................... 27

HWY. 10, OSSEO, WI • (715) 597-5683 & 51 S. HAZELHURST, WI • (715) 358-5683

KELLY GRILL ................................................................................ 24

143 E 1ST AVE, STANLEY, WI • (715) 709-0160 • WWW.KELLYGRILL.COM

1801 E. TROPICANA, LAS VEGAS NEVADA

CALL DYZZI TO ADVERTISE IN ONE OF THESE PRIME SPOTS!

715.456.7518

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Hudson

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Wabasha, MN

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Houlton

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Conrath

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Ladysmith

13

5 Spooner Ave. 10

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53

Lake Hallie

30th Ave

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Make money using the internet today!! Go to : www.talkfusion.com . Click on the white arrow or the product tab for a short preview or call Dyzzi @ 715-456-7518 to schedule FREE! No Hassle! Learning Session.

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100th Ave.

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24 Osseo

Spring Valley

Hudson

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Fall Creek

Hammond Woodville Hersey

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Ellsworth

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Bayport, MN

12

Jim Falls

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Webb Lake

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250th St.

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130

90th St.

Rudolph Rd.

Pearl St

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Starr Ave

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MENOMONIE AREA MAP 1 3 4 6 8 9

10 11 14 18 19 20 21 24

PUMP HOUSE ............................................................................. N/A

1

UP-CHUCK'S ................................................................................. 16

2

504 MAIN ST., DOWNING, WI • (715) 265-7855

120 W. MAIN ST., ARCADIA, WI 54612• 608-323-9907

CORRAL BAR AND RIVERSIDE GRILL ......................................... 15

318 W. MAIN ST., DURAND, WI • (715) 672-8874 www.corralbarandriversidegrill.com

CLUB 10 .......................................................................................... N/A

W4570 US HWY 10, DURAND, WI • (715) 672-5681

2 3 4

6 7 8 9

10 11 12 13

15 16 17

18 19 20 21 22

3

4

SIDETRACKS SALOON & GRILL ................................................... 18

6

NORTHWOODS BREWPUB.........................................................N/A

7

SNEAKERS .................................................................................... 15

9

THE POURHOUSE ......................................................................... 13

10

KERNS KURBSIDE BAR & GRILL ................................................ 15

16

HILLTOP BAR & GRILL ............................................................... N/A

20

112 W. MAIN ST., ROBERTS, WI 54023• www.sidetracksaloon.com 50819 WEST STREET, OSSEO, WI • (715) 597-1828

S119 MCKAY SPRING VALLEY, WI • (715) 778-4200

W301 MENOMONIE ST, HWY 12, ELK MOUND, WI • (715) 917-1020 109 N. MAIN ST., ELMWOOD, WI • (715) 639-5000

2508 HWY. 12, WOODVILLE, WI • (715) 698-2907

RIVERVIEW LANES ....................................................................... 16

634 W. MAIN ST., ARCADIA WI • (608) 323-7005

24

E5690 CTY RD C, MENOMONIE, WI • (715) 235-2465

25

309 W. MAIN ST., ARCADIA, WI • (608) 323-7USA (7872)

27

2002 MIDWAY RD., MENOMONIE, WI • (715) 235-9940

31

JAKE'S SUPPER CLUB................................................................ N/A UNCLE SAMS ................................................................................ 16 DEAN & SUES BAR & GRILL ......................................................N/A

SOUTHERN AREA MAP 1

NORTHERN AREA MAP

AD PAGE #

AD PAGE #

34

BEV’S SADDLE MOUND TAP ........................................................ 33

BACK ROADS SALOON ................................................................. 33

N8395 PRAY ROAD, PITTSVILLE, WI • (715) 884-2036

1

HWY 27 SOUTH BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-3121

5

N5890 HWY 54 BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-9345

6

R & R’S FIRST & LAST CHANCE BAR & GRILL .........................N/A SUNSET TAVERN ........................................................................... 39

KRAZY K'S SALOON ...................................................................... 31

15793 WEST 1ST ST. ETTRICK, WI • (608) 525-7171

8

CORNER PUB................................................................................ 31

22833 N. MAIN ST. ETTRICK, WI • (608) 525-4863

DWYER'S MY SECOND HOME ...................................................... 26

13272 MAIN ST., PIGEON FALLS, WI • (715) 983-5664

FREDDIES ................................................................................... N/A

1 2

N9261 ST. HWY 108, MINDORO, WI • (608) 857-3436

3

N2098 SANDBERG RD., MELROSE, WI • (608) 488-4600

4

43 MAIN ST., BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-2651

5

THE BLOCK HOUSE ...................................................................... 33

COZY CORNER ............................................................................ N/A

BLACK RIVER POWER SPORTS ....www.blackriverpowersports.com ......... 34 W10120 STATE HWY 54 E., BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-2600 FAX (715) 284-2055

7

WAUGHTAL MOTOR SALES .......................................................... 37

9

JC’S PIZZA & PUB ........................................................................ 32

10

BURR OAK AUTO BODY ................................................................ 32

16

206 N. WASHINGTON ST., MELROSE, WI • (608) 488-3911

N378 ST HWY 108 MELROSE, WI *3 MILES S. OF MELROSE

W2606 DAVIS CREEK RD., MELROSE, WI • (608) 857-3880

FOB BAR & GRILL ...................................................................... N/A

406 NORTH WASHINGTON ST., MELROSE, WI • (608) 396-3020

THE WRIGHT PLACE ..................................................................... 34

44 EAST MAIN ST., BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 670-0004

RUSTIC HAVEN BAR & GRILLE .................................................... 26

W15683 ST. HWY 121, HIXTON, WI • (715) 984-2519

OVERFLOW TAVERN AND EATERY ............................................... 32

N621 NORTH BEND DR., NORTH BEND, WI • (608) 488-2730

BJ'S AIRPORT BAR & GRILL ........................................................ 35

W9944 AIRPORT RD., BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-4080

XPEDITIONS ................................................................................. 17

1319 MAIN ST. BLOOMER, WI • (715) 568-5420

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

R-BAR & RED PINES CAMGROUND .............................................. N/A

1190 - 25TH ST. CAMERON, WI • (715) 859-6556

THE RUT ........................................................................................ 30

N705 COUNTY RD M, COUNTY ROAD D, SARONA, WI • (715) 354-3250

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

HOOT'S ON THE WATER................................................................ 29

2091 22 1/2 AVE., RICE LAKE, WI • (715) 475-1300

BLOOMER MEMORIAL GOLF COURSE ....................................... 17

118 E. 13TH AVE., BLOOMER, WI • (715) 568-1743

WHITE BIRCH BAR AND GRILL.................................................... 17

1039 ST. HWY 64, BLOOMER, WI • (715) 568-3662

MIKE & ELLIE'S SHADY CAMPGROUND AND POOR FOLKS SALOON ......................................................... 31

2883 17-3/4TH ST., RICE LAKE, WI • (715) 234-7339 www.shadyrest@centurytel.net

LINCOLNWOOD RESORT BAR AND GRILL .................................. 30

N1075 EAST SIDE RD., BIRCHWOOD, WI • (715) 354-3533 www.lincolnwoodresort.com

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

SPIDER LAKE SALOON ............................................................... N/A

N2586 SPIDER LAKE TRAIL, BIRCHWOOD, WI • (715) 354-3723

WAGON WHEEL ............................................................................ 30

MAIN ST., BRILL, WI • (715) 234-1823

FIRESIDE BAR & GRILL ............................................................. N/A

W12745 FIRESIDE LAKE RD., NEW AUBURN WI• (715) 868-1172

18 19

AD PAGE #

B & L LIQUOR STORE ................................................................... 18

1369 MAIN ST., HOULTON, WI • (715) 549-6589

THE BUNGALOW INN .................................................................... 18

1151 RIVERCREST RD N, LAKELAND, MN • (651) 436-5005

THE VILLAGE INN SPORTS BAR & GRILL .................................... 18

723 - 6TH ST. N., HWY. 35 HUDSON, WI • (715) 386-2205

WABASHA VFW POST 4086 ........................................................ 18

138 2ND ST. E., WABASHA, WI • (651) 565-4766

HOLCOMBE AREA MAP

N 625 NORTH BEND DR., MELROSE, WI • (608) 488-5823

RUMORS ....................................................................................... 32

14611 222ND AVE., BLOOMER, WI • (715) 568-1174

ST. CROIX AREA MAP

N 8376 PRAY RD, PITTSVILLE, WI (IN PRAY A TOWN OF CITY POINT) • (715) 884-7355

AD PAGE #

CEDAR BAY RESORT .................................................................... 17

AD PAGE #

BIG T'S NORTH ........................................................................... N/A

116 MAIN ST., CORNELL, WI • (715) 239-6677

BIG SWEDES RESORT .................................................................. 31

840 HWY 27 HOLCOMBE, WI • (715) 456-7518 • www.bigswedes.com

THE BIG MINNOW....................................................................... N/A

26490 STATE HIGHWAY 27, HOLCOMBE, WI • (715) 595-6362

TJ'S TIMBERLINE ........................................................................ N/A

1189 N. POTATO LAKE, CHETEK, WI • (715) 353-2238

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

ENTWOOD GOLF COURSE..........................................................N/A

28135 290TH AVE., HOLCOMBE, WI • (715) 595-4035

JIMMY'S WORLD........................................................................... 28

N1745 RANGELINE RD., CONRATH, WI • (715) 532-0637 CELL (715) 403-3867

COOKIE'S HOLCOMBE INN .......................................................... 29

27575 -0263RD AVE., HOLCOMBE, WI • (715) 595-4092

5TH QUARTER BAR ...................................................................... 28

108 W. MINER AVE., LADYSMITH, WI • (715) 532-7757

JIM'S SHADY NOOK ...................................................................... 28

16061 - 296TH ST, CORNELL, WI • (715) 667-3878

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

CALL DYZZI TO ADVERTISE IN ONE OF THESE PRIME SPOTS!

715.456.7518

NEILLSVILLE PAGE MY FRIEND .. BEER I don't drink to forget. I drink because beer is delicious.

Forgetting is just a bonus.

HANDY CARDBOARD MEN A car gets a flat on the interstate one day. The blonde driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.

The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers.

Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up.

It isn't very long before a police car arrives. The officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling,

'What's going on here?'

'My car broke down, officer' says the woman calmly.

'Well, what in the world are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?' he asks.

'Helllooooooo!!!!' says the blonde. 'Those are my emergency flashers!'

Submitted By: Rick Smith Menomonie, WI OLE AND LENA JOKES Norwegian deer hunters Two Norwegian hunters from Minnesota got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose.

The two lads objected strongly. “Last year we shot six, and the

Monthly Events & Extras

February 2020 1st - Chamber of Commerce Banquet 8th - RCDO Steak Feed 10th - Steak Feed 1700-2000 15th - Clark Co Youth Hockey Chicken Feed 17th - Red Cross Blood Drive 22nd-23rd - Winter Carnival Pool, Cards 23rd - Breakfast 0830-1200 - Every Wednesday - Steak or Ham Steak Sandwich special 1100-1300 - Every Friday Plated Meals 1630 - 2000

February 2020

pilot let us put them all on board, and he had the same plane as yours.'

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. Climbing out of the wreck one Norski asked the other, 'Any dea where we are?'

'Yaaah I tink we's pretty close to where we crashed last year.'

Turn signal Lars: 'Ole, stand in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working.'

Ole: 'Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No...'

Ole died So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the

counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole. Lena replied, 'You yust put 'Ole died'.'

The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, 'That's it? Just 'Ole died'? Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole. If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more.'

So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, ' OK. You put, 'Ole died. Boat for sale.''

Olympics Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench, a lady turned to Ole and said, 'Are you a pole vaulter?'

Ole said, 'No, I'm Norvegian and my name isn't Valter.'

And dat's enough for now.

American Legion Post #73

WEEKLY SPECIALS:

#6 Boon Blvd. Neillsville, WI

2nd Monday Steak Feeds

(Just off Hwy 10) Phone: 715-743-3859

Every Wednesday 1100-1300 Steak Sandwich Special

OPEN TO THE PUBLIC JOIN US!

Friday Nite Legion Dinner w/ Hooves, Beaks, Scales & Tails 1700-2000

Large & Small Banquet & Meeting Rms Available for Meetings & Parties

4th Sunday Breakfasts

Check it out...Drink Cards Get a punch your 2nd - 8th drinks and get your 9th drink free!

MONTHLY MEETING DATES -Legion & Ladies Auxiliary 1st Monday 7pm

23

STANLEY - BOYD - GREENWOOD PAGE Like Us on Facebook!

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*Full Bar *Video Poker *Pool *Darts .. WiFi Available!

309 N. Broadway - Stanley, WI THE FILTERS OF TRUTH In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold great knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?”

“Hold on a minute, “Socrates replied. “Before telling me anything, I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”

“Triple filter?”

“That’s right, “Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what

715-644-2340 you’re going to say.

The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“No, “the man said, “actually I just heard about it and...”

“All right, “said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?”

“No, on the contrary...”

“So, “Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test

SUDUKO ‘Hard’ Puzzle (Answers to puzzle on pg 36)

though, because there’s one filter left: The filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really.”

“Well, “concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”

This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out his best friend was most probably sleeping around with his wife.

Join us for our Home-made FULL Menu! *Breakfast & Lunch Daily * Dinner Available Thur – Sat Bar Open: Tues thru Sat @6am Sun 8a -1p / *Closed Mondays Kitchen Open: Tue & Wed 6a - 2p) Thur – Sat 6a – 9p / Sun 8a – 1p HAPPY HOUR DAILY 3 - 5pm.. $2 Bottles & Rails / $1.50 PBR All Day Every Day! **Closed New Year Eve & Day

Dirty Clubs Tournaments Feb 9th and 23rd. $5 buy in, 100% payout!

143 E 1st Ave, Stanley, WI (715) 709-0160 https://kellygrill.com Like us on FACEBOOK & Instagram!

THE OTHER GUY DID IT George was planning on going out when his wife complained that the last time he went out he got so drunk he puked on his shirt.

But George said, “Honey, I promise that I won’t drink!” So he gets permission to go out, but of course he gets so drunk he ends up puking all over himself. Drunk as he is, he staggers home and at least has some idea of how to explain himself.

His wife says, “I knew you’d get drunk and puke all over your shirt!”

“No, no” George said. He pulls a couple of 20s out of his wallet.

“Some drunk puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned.”

His wife snatched the money out of his hand and said, “Where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?”

“Oh, that’s from the guy who crapped in my pants.”

Husbands love your wives and they will respect you. Wives respect your husbands and they will love you

Double D Saloon D Bar & Grill Open 7 Days A Week 10am - CL Homemade Pizza Fresh Daily Join Our Pizza Club (Ask Bartender for Details)

Taco Tuesdays Friday Fish Fry All-U-Can-Eat WINGS Wed All Day & Night

Join Us For Great Food & Entertainment SATURDAYS - DJ / KARAOKE BEST SOUND & LIGHTS Ladies Night Every Saturday 7-9pm Buy (*1 Drink get 1!)

505 E. Murray St. Boyd, WI

715-667-3441

Denny & Deb Zais Owners

February 2020

24

STANLEY - BOYD - GREENWOOD PAGE Like Us on Facebook!

Open 7 Days A Week Mondays @ 4pm / Tue - Sun 11am - CL

*Full Bar *Video Poker *Pool *Darts .. WiFi Available!

309 N. Broadway - Stanley, WI THE FILTERS OF TRUTH In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold great knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?”

“Hold on a minute, “Socrates replied. “Before telling me anything, I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”

“Triple filter?”

“That’s right, “Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what

715-644-2340 you’re going to say.

The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“No, “the man said, “actually I just heard about it and...”

“All right, “said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?”

“No, on the contrary...”

“So, “Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test

SUDUKO ‘Hard’ Puzzle (Answers to puzzle on pg 36)

though, because there’s one filter left: The filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really.”

“Well, “concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”

This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out his best friend was most probably sleeping around with his wife.

Join us for our Home-made FULL Menu! *Breakfast & Lunch Daily * Dinner Available Thur – Sat Bar Open: Tues thru Sat @6am Sun 8a -1p / *Closed Mondays Kitchen Open: Tue & Wed 6a - 2p) Thur – Sat 6a – 9p / Sun 8a – 1p HAPPY HOUR DAILY 3 - 5pm.. $2 Bottles & Rails / $1.50 PBR All Day Every Day! **Closed New Year Eve & Day

Dirty Clubs Tournaments Feb 9th and 23rd. $5 buy in, 100% payout!

143 E 1st Ave, Stanley, WI (715) 709-0160 https://kellygrill.com Like us on FACEBOOK & Instagram!

THE OTHER GUY DID IT George was planning on going out when his wife complained that the last time he went out he got so drunk he puked on his shirt.

But George said, “Honey, I promise that I won’t drink!” So he gets permission to go out, but of course he gets so drunk he ends up puking all over himself. Drunk as he is, he staggers home and at least has some idea of how to explain himself.

His wife says, “I knew you’d get drunk and puke all over your shirt!”

“No, no” George said. He pulls a couple of 20s out of his wallet.

“Some drunk puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned.” His wife snatched the money out of his hand and said, “Where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?”

“Oh, that’s from the guy who crapped in my pants.”

Husbands love your wives and they will respect you.

Wives respect your husbands and they will love you more.

Double D Saloon D Bar & Grill Open 7 Days A Week 10am - CL Homemade Pizza Fresh Daily Join Our Pizza Club (Ask Bartender for Details)

Taco Tuesdays Friday Fish Fry All-U-Can-Eat WINGS Wed All Day & Night

Join Us For Great Food & Entertainment SATURDAYS - DJ / KARAOKE BEST SOUND & LIGHTS Ladies Night Every Saturday 7-9pm Buy (*1 Drink get 1!)

505 E. Murray St. Boyd, WI

715-667-3441

Denny & Deb Zais Owners

February 2020

24

ARCADIA - BOYD PG OPEN EVERY DAY 10a - Close Join Us For...

HAPPY HOUR: M, T, & TH 50 cent pull tabs (2 Win $$) plus.. Wed & Fri during...

DOUBLE BUBBLE 5-6PM Serving Hamburgers & Appetizers Phone: (715) 229-4327 602 Division St, Withee, WI THWARTING A HIJACKING

A plane is in mid-flight way out over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door bursts open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot, navigator, and stewardess.

He holds his gun at the pilot’s head and says, “Take this plane to Cuba or I’m gonna spill your brains all over the place!”

The pilot calmly reaches up, pushes the gun aside and says, “Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and you’ll die along with the rest of us.”

The hijacker thinks about this and then holds the gun at the copilot’s head and says, “Take this plane to Cuba or I’m gonna spill his brains all over the place.”

But the copilot also calmly reaches up, pushes the gun aside and says, “Listen to me. The pilot’s got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed like that. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you’ll die

along with the rest of us.”

The hijacker thinks about this for a moment and then holds the gun at the navigator’s head and says, “Take this plane to Cuba or I’m gonna spill his brains all over the place.”

But the navigator calmly reaches up, pushes the gun aside and says, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.

Those other two guys have no sense of direction. Without me they couldn’t find their way out of a paper bag much less get this plane to Cuba. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you’ll die along with the rest of us.”

The hijacker thinks some more, shrugs and this time holds the gun at the stewardess’s head and says, “Take this plane to Cuba or I’m gonna spill her brains all over the place.”

No one says a word, but the stewardess leans over and whispers something into the hijacker’s ear.

The hijacker turns beet red, drops his gun, and runs out of the cockpit in a panic.

Later, after the crew has tracked down the hijacker (whom they found cowering behind some crates in the hold) and tied him up, the pilot asks the stewardess what she said that terrified the man so.

“I told him, sir, that if he killed me, he’d be the one who’d have to give you two blows .. jobs. He may have misunderstood?!”

OPEN:

Mon - Thurs 3p - CL/Fri - Sun 2p - CL Directions: South of Taft Townhall & North of Stanley & Thorp WI

HAPPY HOUR: Mon - Fri 4 - 6pm **FREE Pool ALL Day EVERY Day!**

*T-Shirts & Hats - PIZZA & Snacks Available

2nd Sat Monthly: Monthly Drawing & Meat Raffle @ 6:30pm Plus.. DJ Mitch of AV Live N 1 7 6 M e r i d i a n D r. T h o r p , W I

February 2020

Phone: 715-669-5511

PERKY IS IN There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer’s research. So, by 2020 there should be a large, elderly population with perky breasts, superb erections, and no recollection of what to do with them.

HE’S REALLY A NICE GUY One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose.

Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. “Dear, “said the mother diplomatically, “he doesn’t seem very nice.”

“Oh please, Mom, “replied the daughter, “if he wasn’t nice, why

FUNTE’S

BAR & GRILL 215 S. Main St. Greenwood, WI 715-267-7599

Join Us For..Wraps, Salads, Burgers, Specialty Burgers & Homemade Pizza Happy Hour: Tues - Fri 3-6p HOURS: Tues - Fri: 11-CL, Sat: 12p - CL, Sorry Closed Mondays

NEW Look & Table Seating OPEN NOW FOR

PACKER SUNDAYS *Complimentary Lunch & Snack *Drink Specials! would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

TRIVIA #2 Answer (from page 13) A. A River WELCOME ATV / UTV & SNOWMOBILE Riders

“Voted" Best Fish Fry" by our customers.

(Serving 11a -9p Fridays) STOP BY & SEE WHAT NEW ITEMS ARE COOKING! Hours of Service: Open 6 Days A Week @ 11a CLOSED TUESDAYS Kitchen Hours: Mon - Sat 11am - 9pm Sunday 11am - 8pm HAPPY HOUR: 3-6pm *Mon - Thurs (Located midway between Greenwood & Willard at Cty Hwys G & O Crossroads)

N9302 Cty Rd. O Greenwood, WI Phone # 715-267-6733

Kitchen is now open until 8pm on Sundays!

- Every Sunday Texas Hold 'Em at 1 pm

"HOME OF THE HEATED TOILET PAPER" *Behind Barr's Business & Property Is For Sale: Very profitable turn-key business opportunity for an energetic individual(s) FOR SALE BY OWNER

25

GRANTON - OSSEO - TONY PAGE DEFINITION OF CONGRESS I have become convinced that one useless man is called a disgrace, two useless men are called a law firm and three or more useless men are called a congress. -- John Adams BIZARRE MUSIC FACTS Melba toast is named after Australian opera singer Dame Nellie Melba (1861-1931).

Elvis’s favorite collectibles were official badges. He collected police badges in almost every city he performed in.

Duran Duran took their name from a mad scientist in the movie Barbarella.

The world’s largest disco was held at the Buffalo Convention Centre, New York, 1979. 13,000

danced the place into the Guinness Book of World Records.

In August 1983, Peter Stewart of Birmingham, U.K. set a world record by disco dancing for 408 hours.

The Beatles song Martha My Dear was written by Paul McCartney about his sheepdog Martha.

The harmonica is the world’s best-selling music instrument.

Themes from movies Unforgiven, A Perfect World, The Bridges of Madison County, and Absolute Power were all written

by Clint Eastwood.

The last name of the only guy without a beard in ZZ TOP is Beard.

The Carpenters’ signature song, We’ve Only Just Begun, was originally part of a television

KA KU R O P U ZZLE

Complete the kakuro puzzle. Place a number from 1 to 9 in each empty cell.

Do not repeat any numbers in a given block. Hints are shown in grey squares. The number below a diagonal line is the sum of the numbers below it. The number above a diagonal line is the sum of the numbers to the right of it. There is more than one answer.

A R E YO U E X P E R I E N C I N G A N Y O F T H E F O L L O W I N G S Y M P TO M S : *INFLAMMATION *NAUSEA *HOT FLASHES *JOINT PAIN *HEADACHES *BACK OR MUSCLE PAIN *ANXIETY *DIGESTIVE ISSUES *SPASTICITY *TROUBLE SLEEPING *CRAMPS *FREQUENT URINATION OR IRRITATED SKIN If you answered yes to any of these symptoms above, CBD may be right for you.

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February 2020

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108 W. Miner Ave. Ladysmith, WI 715-532-7757 Happy Hour: M-F 3-6pm ‘Hometown Bar for All’

THE HOME An Hispanic family had to decided what to do with their aging Grandpa as everyone in the family was working and unable to watch over him 24/7. They found however that all the Hispanic facilities were completely full so they had to put their Grandpa in an Italian home. After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa.

'How do you like it here?' asks the grandson.

'It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful, says

Jim’s

Shady Nook Resort (Located on Pike Lake)

grandpa.

'We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone."

'Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents.

Abuelo says with a big smile.

'There's a musician here, he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!'

'There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'!'

'There's a dentist here -- 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him Doctor!'

'And me -- I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The F’en Mexican" Now if they would all have a bit more respect for the staff here that would be an improvement.. They keep calling them the white honkies with the little skirt jackets.

Submitted By: Rick Smith Menomonie, WI

*Bar * Restaurant *Cabins *Campground *Seasonal RV Sites Happy Hr: 4-6p M -Th

WINTER HOURS: Open.. WED - SUN 10am - Close JOIN US FOR GREAT FOOD FRI: Fish Buffet 5p – 8p SAT: Smoked Prime 4p - ?

Surf-n-Turf SUN: Broasted Chicken Dinner 11am – 6pm Salad Bar (Fri & Sat Only) 16061 296th St. Cornell, WI

715-667-3878

February 2020

SPORTS OF COLOR Hockey is a sport for white men.

Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

--Tiger Woods Hint..

A dinner date is a good Valentine’s Gift!

CONRATH - CORNELL PAGE 9 THINGS I HATE 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually. Does this make any sense to you really??

3. When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $8 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.

6. People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. So.. where is the improvement of it?

If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say 'life is short'.

What the heck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here?

Submitted By: Nick’s Automotive Altoona, WI 7 KINDS OF SEX The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. * This kind of sex happens when you are intimate with someone for the first time and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. *This sex is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a long time.

Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you have been with your partner for too long.

When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. * Which means you get Nun in

Jimmy’s World Bar & Campground

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28

HOLCOMBE - LADYSMITH - RICE LAKE PAGE the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular) The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. * This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. * You get a little each month.

But not enough to enjoy yourself.

THINGS GOT YA DOWN Well Then, Consider These once thought true stories but are only six tales of unspeakable irony to help you feel better today The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was 80,000.00.

At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt Happy Hour: 3 -6pm Mon - Fri Tues: FREE Pool Wed: 2 for 1: 8-10p Homemade Pizzas Available Come Join Us for..

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Phone: (715) 475-1300

February 2020

him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are Ya OK Now? - No? Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.

The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?!? STILL having a Bad Day????

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it.

Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, Feeling Better????

Oh my your are having a bad day.. try this one.

Trying to keep warm in freezing weather, a 50 year old Cypriot huddled over his paraffin heater.

Accidentally overturning it, he set himself on fire, screaming in pain as his clothes were engulfed he ran out of his abode and jumped into a nearby reservoir, where he sunk like a stone and drowned.

Still not better.. here’s one more..

In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. By the time he had come down, eight hours short of the 400 day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.

Submitted By: Sue Shaw Eau Claire, WI

OUT OF BUSINESS This will no doubt put Coca Cola out of business in the near future!

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good oldfashioned stiff drink.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them. (That is just around the corner guys and gals!) Real is better.

And...if you don't share this with five senior friends right away, there will be five fewer people laughing today.

Submitted By: Jerry Torkelson Chippewa Falls, WI AS WE GROW UP Beautifully stated....

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.

You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend.

You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

HINT..

A great Valentine’s Gift for a man.. nothing.. and nothing on.

27575 263rd Ave. Holcombe WI 715-595-4092 FREE Pool Sundays!

Open: 11am - CL *7 Days A Wk

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY from All of Us at COOKIE’S HOLCOMBE INN! All Day.. BLOODY MARY Sunday: Bloody Marys w/ 12 Ingredients Only $5.00 Happy Hour: M & Tu (Op to CL) & Wed-Fri 3- 6p 75 cent Taps, $1.50 Mugs, $2.00 Domestic beers, $2.00 Rails

29

The Rut N705 Cty Rd. M. Sarona, WI 715-354-3250

Join Us for...

Beer, Booze, & Fun Live Music Entertainment Calendar for listings

COMMUNICATION ERRORS Husbands and wives seem to never be able to communicate.

Really neither can those of the opposite sex that aren’t married.. we just speak what we think differently such as; 1. AVOCADOS A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again!

Men will get it the first time.

Ladies if you still don’t get it after re-reading it.. ask a man.. they got it! Yep.. we just hear and speak differently!

BRILL - BIRCHWOOD - CAMERON - SARONA PG CARBURETOR WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous " WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?

WIFE: "In the pool".

3. STATISTIC This is a frightening statistic, probably on of the most worrisome in recent years.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated. and 75% of all men are running around while only 25% are faithful to their wives.

That’s even scarier as that means they are running around with the 75% of women who are unmedicated.

4. HE MUST PAY Husband and wife had a tiff.

Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."

Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.

2. THERE IS WATER IN THE & Winter Accommodations Lincolnwood Direct Summer Great Food & Drink Specials TV NFL Resort Package +Lunch & Dinner Specials 11a - Cl

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GRIZZLY’S BACK!!

NUL-2C Rod $29.99 *Call 608-792-4024 To Order Fishing Tackle also Available *Pick up or Shipped for Cost 5. TODAY'S SHORT READING FROM THE BIBLE From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth."

Then he made the earth round and He laughed and laughed and laughed . . . .

Submitted By: Judy Dahl Bloomer, WI HAMMER FIX “If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem” Fact.. actually written into to a Texas newspaper by a 56 year old resident of Texas at time of writing. we will not name to protect his privacy.

PUT ME IN CHARGE . . .

Put me in charge of food stamps no cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho's, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.

Put me in charge of Medicaid.

Then, we'll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine. If you want to use drugs, alcohol, or smoke, then get a job.

Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks? You will maintain our

*Huge Specialty Drink Menu!

property in a clean and good state of repair. Your "home" will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place.

In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a "government" job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22-inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the "common good."

Before you write that I've violated someone's rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules. Before you say that this would be "demeaning" and ruin their "selfesteem," consider that it wasn't that long ago that taking someone else's money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self-esteem If we are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.

I love this one...

AND while you are on Gov't OPEN DAILY @ 10am

Serving HOMEMADE Pizzas!

SERVING FOOD DAILY 10A-10P

*Summer Boat Docking Available *Visit us on beautiful Long Lake *Gas Available for ATV’s, Boats & Snowmobiles

Pizza, Soups, Burgers, Fish Fry

N1075 East Side Rd. Birchwood, WI 715-354-3533 L i n c o l n w o o d r e s o r t . c o m

February 2020

There’s no place like the Wagon Wheel!

Happy New Year!

Located on Main St. in Brill, WI (715) 234 - 1823

30

The Rut N705 Cty Rd. M. Sarona, WI 715-354-3250

Join Us for...

Beer, Booze, & Fun Live Music

Entertainment Calendar for listings

COMMUNICATION ERRORS Husbands and wives seem to never be able to communicate.

Really neither can those of the opposite sex that aren’t married.. we just speak what we think differently such as; 1. AVOCADOS A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again!

Men will get it the first time.

Ladies if you still don’t get it after re-reading it.. ask a man.. they got it! Yep.. we just hear and speak differently!

BRILL - BIRCHWOOD - CAMERON - SARONA PG CARBURETOR WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous " WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?

WIFE: "In the pool".

3. STATISTIC This is a frightening statistic, probably on of the most worrisome in recent years.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated. and 75% of all men are running around while only 25% are faithful to their wives.

That’s even scarier as that means they are running around with the 75% of women who are unmedicated.

4. HE MUST PAY Husband and wife had a tiff.

Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."

Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.

2. THERE IS WATER IN THE & Winter Accommodations Lincolnwood Direct Summer Great Food & Drink Specials TV NFL Resort Package +Lunch & Dinner Specials 11a - Cl

*BAR *grill *BAIT *tackle

‘Home of Long Lake Tea’

Wed - Sun (Grill Open till Midnight) (Closed Mon & Tues thru May)

5. TODAY'S SHORT READING FROM THE BIBLE From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth."

Then he made the earth round and He laughed and laughed and laughed . . . .

Submitted By: Judy Dahl Bloomer, WI HAMMER FIX “If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem” Fact.. actually written into to a Texas newspaper by a 56 year old resident of Texas at time of writing. we will not name to protect his privacy.

PUT ME IN CHARGE . . .

Put me in charge of food stamps no cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho's, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.

Put me in charge of Medicaid.

Then, we'll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine. If you want to use drugs, alcohol, or smoke, then get a job.

Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks? You will maintain our

*Huge Specialty Drink Menu!

OPEN DAILY @ 10am

Serving HOMEMADE Pizzas!

SERVING FOOD DAILY 10A-10P

Pizza, Soups, Burgers, Fish Fry

*Summer Boat Docking Available *Visit us on beautiful Long Lake *Gas Available for ATV’s, Boats & Snowmobiles

N1075 East Side Rd. Birchwood, WI 715-354-3533 L i n c o l n w o o d r e s o r t . c o m

February 2020

property in a clean and good state of repair. Your "home" will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place.

In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a "government" job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22-inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the "common good."

Before you write that I've violated someone's rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules. Before you say that this would be "demeaning" and ruin their "selfesteem," consider that it wasn't that long ago that taking someone else's money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self-esteem If we are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.

I love this one...

AND while you are on Gov't

There’s no place like the Wagon Wheel!

Happy New Year!

Located on Main St. in Brill, WI (715) 234 - 1823

30

JC’s Pizza & Pub OPEN Tues. thru Sat. 4p to CL Join Us for... Delicious, Home-mad e Piz z a, Bu rgers , & Subs *Great Food / Friendly Service NOW SERVING FRIDAY NIGHT FISH! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Phone: 608-488-2228 3 miles South of Melrose on @ N378 St Hwy 108 30th BIRTHDAY RIGHT It was my 30th birthday and I wasn't feeling too great when I woke up that morning.

I went down to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday" and probably have a present for me.

She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone "Happy Birthday."

I figured, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember."

The children came down to breakfast and didn't say a word.

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday."

I felt a little better - at least someone had remembered.

I worked until noon, then Janet

knocked on my door and said, "You know, it is such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "That's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go.

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go. We went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it is such a beautiful day, we don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment, she smiled at me and said, "If you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."

CHECK OUT..

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JOIN US February 2nd..

SUPERBOWL PARTIES @ Rumors in Bangor and..

Rumors Mindoro will have Music with Joe Cody 2-6pm before Game! *TV & Recliner Giveaway at BOTH Locations *Must Be Present to Win!

N9261 County Rd. ‘C’ - Burr Oak, WI (Formerly State Hwy 108) Phone: 608-857-3436 Like & Follow Us: facebook.com/Rumors Bar and Grill

February 2020

BURR OAK - MELROSE PAGE Mad at my wife for forgetting about my birthday, not to mention that Janet was quite beautiful, I felt justified in staying. "Sure," I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a few minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends.

They were all singing Happy Birthday... and there I sat on the couch... naked.

Moral of the story..

Just because you feel you have just cause and feel justified that ‘feeling’ is probably wrong and you will ‘Feel’ much worse if you go with only your ‘feelings’.

Submitted By: Craig Yamauchi Eau Claire WI AGE DISCOVERY I JUST discovered my age Group!

I am a Seenager (Senior teenager).

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 55-60 years later.

I don't have to go to school or work.

I get an allowance every month.

I have my own pad.

I don't have a curfew.

I have a driver's license and my own car.

I have an ID that gets me into bars and the wine store. I like the wine store best.

The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren't scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long, why be scared?

And I don't have acne.

Life is Good!

Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this, if you are a Seenager.

Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.

People do not decline mentally with age; it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains.

Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear.

Older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem; it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.

SO THERE!!

I have more friends I should share this with, but right now I can't remember their names.

Submitted By: Sandy O’Connell Via Email

Burr Oak Auto Body & Detailing *Auto Body Repair & Refinishing We Handle Insurance Claims *Restoration of Classic Cars & Trucks * Plus.. Fiberglass Restoration Call Greg or Billy Fremstad ICAR Training 1-608-857-3880 ASE Certified W2606 Davis Creek Rd. Melrose, WI (Burr Oak)

32

VALENTINE’S QUOTE There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal in women.

Chief among these is the Mercedes 380SL. --Lynn Lavner

M E L R O S E - P R AY PA G E

need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

ALL SENIORS AREN'T Monday morning, the jeweler SENILE phoned the old man. "There's no An older, white haired man money in that account." walked into a jewelry store one "I know," said the old man, "But Friday evening with a beautiful let me tell you about my weekyoung gal at his side. end!"

Submitted By: Judy Dahl He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his Bloomer, WI girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his I AM A 'KEPT' WOMAN stock and brought out a $5,000 It is alright you will see to be a ring. kept woman or a kept man.

The old man said, "No, I'd like to You see, there were a few times see something more special." when I thought I would lose my At that statement, the jeweler mind, But GOD kept me sane. went to his special stock and (Isa. 26:3) brought another ring over. "Here's “You will keep in perfect peace a stunning ring at only $40,000" those whose minds are steadthe jeweler said. fast, because they trust in you.”

The young lady's eyes sparkled There were times when I thought and her whole body trembled with I could go no longer, But the excitement.

LORD kept me moving.

The old man seeing this said, (Gen 28:15) "We'll take it."

“I am with you and will watch The jeweler asked how payment over you wherever you go, and I would be made and the old man will bring you back to this land. I stated, "By check. I know you will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”

At times, I've wanted to lash out BLOCK HOUSE at those whom I felt had done me wrong, But the LORD kept my BAR mouth shut.

N2098 Sanberg Rd - Melrose, WI (Psa. 13) 608-488-4600 Sometimes, I think the money Join us.. just isn't enough, But GOD has helped me to keep the lights on, Wed & Thur $2.00 Dom & Rail ALL DAY! the water on, the car paid, the house paid, etc.., Monthly Drawing (Matt. 6:25 -34) 2nd Sat. Monthly!

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not Karaoke 1st & 3rd worry about your life, what you Sundays will eat or drink; or about your with Coleman body, what you will wear. Is not starts @ 2pm life more than food, and the body

February 2020

more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’

32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

When I thought I would fall, HE kept me up. When I thought I was weak, HE kept me strong!

(I Pet.. 5:7, Matt. 11:28-30) Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. / “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

I could go on and on and on, but I'm sure you hear me!

I'm blessed to be 'kept.'

Are you...or do you know a 'kept'

Bev’s

Saddle Mound Tap Where ‘Nice’ Friends Meet Open 7 Days A Week M-F 11am - ? / Sa - Su 8a-?

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Weekend Breakfast, Nightly Specials, Full Menu & Drinks WELCOME RECREATIONERS!

N8376 Pray Rd. Pittsville, WI 715-884-7355 woman (or man)?

If so share this with them and let them know they are lovingly 'Kept' also.

I 'm Kept by the Love and Grace of God! Submitted By: Sue Shaw Eau Claire, WI ACTUAL EXTRACTED NEWSPAPERS CORRECTIONS

1. Mrs. Rebecca X., 99, recites poetry as a hobby. One of her favorites is “There Are No Sects In Heaven, “not “There Is No Sex In Heaven, “as stated incorrectly in Wednesday’s edition.

2. Erroneous information was inadvertently inserted into the story on Peter X. in Tuesday’s Democrat and Chronicle. Peter cannot simultaneously whistle,

N8395 Pray Road Pittsville, WI (In Town of PRAY)

(715) 884-2036 OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK 11a - CL

WELCOME ..

ATV’ers, Horse Riders, and Snowmobilers

Happy Valentine’s Day from Back Roads Saloon!

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MAN'S BEST FRIEND Q: How can you prove that a dog is truly a man's best friend?

A: Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?

LATE After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she'd been stood up.

Exasperated, she changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV. No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her doorbell rang. There stood her date. He took one look at her and gasped, "I'm two hours late, and you're still not ready?"

JUST SO YOU KNOW My body is not a temple..... it's a microbrewery with legs.

PAIN IN THE CROUCH A woman from Los Angeles , who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland, near Grants Pass , OR. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract.

She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three

Join us for Bloody Mary Sundays & Our Wing Special.. during Packer Games

SERVING BREAKFAST, LUNCH & DINNER KITCHEN OPEN: 11AM-CLOSE TUE - THRU FRI, SAT & SUN 7AM - 10PM Friday Fish Fry 4-10pm Smoked Prime Rib Saturdays 4-10pm BAR HOURS: 11AM - MIDNIGHT Happy Hour: 3 - 5pm / $2 Domestics and Rail Mixers $3 16oz. Tappers

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44 E Main St, Black River Falls, WI

B L A C K R I V E R FA L L S - H U M B I R D P G hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, 'What took you so long?'

He smiled and then told her, 'Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area.

I'm sorry, but they turned me down.'

GOD BLESS AMERICA MIDDLE WIFE The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved showand-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.

Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing

kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there.

He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.

'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing an hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife.

She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.'

(Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!'

Welcome to Humbird OUR.. Little America

BIG

@ Street Bar Food Served 11am - 10pm Appetizers till Closing Juicy 1/3Lb. Burgers, BLT’s

Grumpy Hour 4-6pm M - Th Chicken Strips & Appetizer New Hours: Mon - Fri 10am - CL and Sat & Sun 8am - CL Tuesdays Buck Day on Domestic beer and Rails 8a -6p

N3063 King St. Humbird, WI

February 2020

715-964-1401

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We carry - Polaris , CFMOTO, Suzuki, and Gravely!

Service : For most major brands of ATVs, Side by Sides, Motorcycles, & Snowmobiles

BLACK RIVER FALLS PG (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

Now you have two choices... laugh and close this page or read it to someone else to spread the laughs.

Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!

Have a wonderful day Submitted By: Paul Clark E. C.

A VOICE FROM THE BACK PEW There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary.

There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church.

Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd. ‘Children are a gift from God,' he said. Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, 'Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.'

And the congregation said, 'Amen.

Submitted By: Cindy Helm

COFFEE Q & A Q: How do you make Pig Jerky?

A: Give them some coffee.

MORE ON BEER No! for the last time stop asking if I am drunk. I am not drunk!

Q: What do you call a baby calf Who would name their kid drunk?

Anyone who says that beer is a that's lost his head? depressant isn't drinking enough A: De-calf of it.

Men make passes at girls who Q: Where do birds go for coffee? drain glasses.

A: on a NESTcafe FEBRUARY ENTERTAINMENT Fri. Feb. 7 - Karaoke with Josie 9-1 Sat. Feb. 8 - Team Penguin Fund Raiser Benefit for Special Olympics Sat. Feb. 15 - Rewind Society 8-12 Fri. Feb. 21 - Karaoke with Josie 9-1 Sun. Feb. 23 - Great River Troubadours 1-5 Sat. Feb. 29 - Abate Chili Cook Off Kaiged Acoustic Band Phone # 715-284-9345

February 2020

N5890 Hwy 54 Black River Falls, WI www.facebook.com/SunsetTavern

W10120 State Hwy 54 E Black River Falls, WI 54615 Phone number - 715-284-2600 Fax #- 715-284-2055 Visit our Website @ www.blackriverpowersports.com ONLY IN TEXAS MY FRIENDS A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.

He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then a cop from Houston . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says, "License and registration, please."

"What for?" says the lawyer.

The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

"You still didn't come to a complete stop" Says the deputy.

"License and registration, please."

The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

"The difference is you have to

come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" the Deputy says.

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"

Liquor Pick Up Lines 1. Baby, you put the 'hot a**' in my shot glass.

I'm not drunk; I'm just intoxicated by you.

Hey, you owe me a drink. I dropped mine when you walked past.

JOIN US FOR: *Tapper Tuesdays $1 Off Tap Beer *Wednesdays LADIES NIGHT Happy Hour All Night Long! *THIRSTY Thursdays -All TALL Cans Only $2.00

Happy Hour Monday - Friday 2 - 5p OPEN @ 11am 7 DAYS A WEEK

PACKER GAMES:

LUNCH & DINNER SPECIALS SERVED: 11am - 9pm

Happy Hour During Game & *FREE Shot on Packer T.D.

MUSIC Every Other Saturday FULL MENU AVAILABLE **See Facebook Schedule** W9944 Airport Rd., Black River Falls, WI

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SUDUKO ‘Hard’ Puzzle (Answers to puzzle on pg 36)

PUZZLE ANSWER CROSSWORD Puzzle (Answers)

Curvy Word Puzzle

(Answers Pg 36-37)

KARUKO Puzzle (Answers)

February 2020

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CLASSIFIED PAGE: ONLY $10 A COLUMN INCH.. SEEN FOR A FULL MONTH AT ONE PRICE LIST YOUR: FOR SALE ITEMS, JOB OPENINGS, PROPERTY FOR SALE OR RENT, THRIFT/CRAFT SALES AND BUSINESS SERVICES!! CALL DYZZI @ 715-456-7518 FACEBOOK.COM/GRUBANDPUBREPORT WANTED--HUSBAND A lonely widow, aged 60, deciding to get married again posted a want ad. WANTED: HUSBAND! Must be in my age group (70’s).

Must not beat me nor run around on me. Must still be good in bed.

All applicants please apply in person.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-

haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs. 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?' the widow said. 'Just look at you you have no legs!'

The old gentleman smiled, ' Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'

'You don't have any arms either!' she snorted.

Again, the old man smiled,

WORD SEARCH

'Therefore, I can never beat you!'

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed??'

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, 'I rang the doorbell, didn't I?' The wedding is scheduled for Saturday.

Submitted By: Eugene Novotney Lake Wissota, WI Q&A Q: What wobbles when it flies?

A: A jellicopter!.

Q: Why is the railroad angry?

A: Because people are always crossing it!

HUNTING AND RECREATIONAL 3+ Room CABIN FOR SALE

F O R S A L E B Y OW N E R PRICE REDUCED!

Located at N6794 CTH D, Brantwood, WI 54513

Excellent hunting, recreational or update for homestead property. 3+ room cabin w/ 40 acres!

Located approx 17 miles SE of Phillips and 5 miles N of Brantwood off CTH D! Here is a 465 square foot cabin with electric and has open living, kitchen, and dining area.

2 bunk areas for plenty of sleeping space plus 2 sleeper sofas in main living space to open kitchen & dining area.

Includes wood stove that will heat the whole cabin, open living room (with 2 sleeper sofas), dining room (with table, chairs & benches that sits 6-10) and fully equipped kitchen area (refrigerator, stove, microwave). 2 bedrooms (with bunk beds), window treatments, etc. 40 acres has a mix of birch, aspen and maple trees. The NE corner of the property does have approximately 10 acres of lowland that consist of tamarack and spruce.

Corners Price County land and is within walking distance to over a 1000 acres of public hunting land including national, state, and county forest. Location can't be beat!

Was $82,000... Asking $80,000 OBO CALL 715-456-7518 OR 715-379-8224 FOR SHOWING!!

February 2020

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ON-GOING WEEKLY ENTERTAINMENT DAILY: -The Pourhouse - Elk Mound- Redneck Karaoke - to jukebox (after other events) Mondays: -Pump House- Downing- Karaoke every Monday night starting @ 7PM Tuesdays: -The Bungalow – Lakeland MNLive Music -Various Artists 5-7pm -Sneakers Bar - Spr Vly- 7-11 pm, Open Stage (every 3rd tuesday) -Rookies Pub- C.F.- Free pool and jukebox every Tuesday!

Wednesdays: -Golden Spike - Altoona- Karaoke 9-C. Thursdays: -Girolamo’s - E.C. - Karaoke 9P -1st & Goal - C.F. - DJ Not2Shy -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Karaoke 8 -Midnight -Foster Bar-Foster- Patio Live Music -Rookies Pub- C.F.- DJ Karaoke Every Thursday Cash Prizes Fridays: -The Bungalow, Lakeland MN- DJ Dance & Karaoke DJ 9pm-12:30am -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Karaoke 9p-1a -Big Swedes- Holcombe-Free Juke Box Every Friday Night @10pm -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Karaoke 9p-1am!

-Rookies Pub- C.F.-DJ or Band -The Pourhouse - Elk MoundOpen Mic 9pm - ?

-Block House- Melrose- Librya Union Live Every 2nd and 4th Friday starts @ 7pm Saturdays: -Big Swedes- Holcombe- DJ/Karaoke 10p -VFW Post 305 - E.C. -Live Music Every SAT from 8pm to Midnight

-Brick House- E.C.-- Karaoke @9pm -Double D - Boyd- Best Sound DJ 9P -Uncle Sam’s of Arcadia – House DJ -Golden Spike - Altoona- Karaoke 9-C. --Rookies Pub- C.F.-DJ or Band -Mel’s Foxx Den – Thorp – 2nd Sat add DJ Sundays -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Oldies DJ Music Sundays @2:30-6:30pm -Block House- Melrose- Karaoke 1st & 3rd Sundays with Coleman starts @ 2pm -Kern’s Kurbside – Elmwood-Join Us For Live Music Every Sunday 1 to 5pm On Patio

ENTERTAINMENT SCHEDULE PAGE 1 JANUARY 2020

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 14 HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY -Sidetrack’s Saloon-RobertsSATURDAY, JANUARY 25 -VFW POST 305 -E.C. -Driving Miss Annual St. Pat's Celebration Dixie Music following after the Tippy Cup Tourney SATURDAY, JANUARY 31 -Sneaker’s-Spr Valy-Sunset Tavern – BRFStealin' Home, bluegrass Karaoke with Josie 9-1 -Sneaker’s-Spr ValySATURDAY, FEBRUARY 15 Steve Szydel, country and gentle comedy -Sunset Tavern – BRFRewind Society 8-12 FEBRUARY 2020 ENTERTAINMENT -VFW Post-305-E.C.Rock-A-Billy Riot SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 1 -Sneaker’s-Spr Valy- Mudcat -Rookie’s Bar-C.F – Grant, classic rock and country 2nd X-It Rock Band 9pm!

-VFW Post-305-E.C.THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 20 Moonshyne Sky -Rookie’s Bar-C.F –Karaoke -Sneaker’s-Spr ValyContest Every Thursday Night Black Sheep FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 21 SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 2 -Sunset Tavern – BRFGROUND HOG’S DAY Karaoke with Josie 9-1 & SUPERBOWL SUNDAY SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 22 THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 6 -Loopy’s – C.F- Headliner: -Rookie’s Bar-C.F –Karaoke Chris Kroeze! Special guests: Contest Every Thursday Night Phoenix & Hales Brothers Band. EVENT: Abbey-Palooza FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 7 Feat: Benefiting Ronald Mc-Sunset Tavern – BRFDonald House Charities through a donation in the Karaoke with Josie 9-1 name of Abbey Matthes.

-Sneaker’s-Spr ValyMike Hanson, modern ballads Tickets go on sale Thursday and original songs. Jan 16th at 10AM. / VIP Entry ENTERTAINMENT

6PM / GA 7:30PM SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 8 -VFW Post-305-E.C.-VFW Post-305-E.C.Moonshyne Sky Bear Creek Band -Sneaker’s-Spr Valy- Duane SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 23 & Lonnie, country and old time -Sunset Tavern – BRF-Linda and Dan’s T &C- C.F. – Great River Troubadours 1-5 Karaoke 8-12

Looking for a better career? www.valentus.com/donnajusa or Call 715-456-7518 Join one of the fastest THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 13 THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 27 growing companies today.. -Rookie’s Bar-C.F –Karaoke -Rookie’s Bar-C.F –Karaoke Great Full or Part-time Contest Every Thursday Night Contest Every Thursday Night Career Opportunity...

Why Wait To Be Your Own Boss!

February 2020

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 28 -Sneaker’s-Spr ValyMike Hanson, modern ballads and original songs.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 29 -Sunset Tavern – BRFKaiged Acoustic Band -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Kid Kactus & The Tumbleweeds

COMING IN MARCH -Loopy’s – C.F- March 7 – 5th Annual Beersbee Tourney Registration Starts at 10am / tournament starts at 11am.

Just $20 per team (2 people).

Max 24 teams. Stop in and sign up at the main bar or call us at 715-723-5667 -Corral/Riverside - Pepin Co Tavern League's Mini Putt Putt SAT Mar 14th!

-Sneaker’s-Spr ValyMar 6 Carr Creek, old time and gospel Mar 7 Black Sheep Band, classic rock Mar 13 Mudcat Grant, classic rock and country Mar 20 Mike Hanson, modern ballads and original songs.

Mar 27 Duane and Lonnie, country and old time Mar 28 Black Sheep Band, classic rock

DO YOURSELF A FAVOR CHECK THIS OUT! https://www.valentus.com/donnajusa (CLICK THE OPPORTUNITY TAB AT THE TOP!

or call 715-456-7518 For Info TODAY!

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It’s time to check out a great summer movie!!!

CHIPPEWA FALLS | EAU CLAIRE | DOWNTOWN CINEMAS

$2.00 Leinies VIP lounges during Packer games!

www.miconcinemas.com or 715-874-7000. Check us out on facebook.com/miconcinemas

MICON THEATER MOVIES: (Subject, to change) Feb. 7 Birds of Prey, Feb. 14 Fantasy Island, Feb. 14 The First Lady, Feb. 14 Sonic the Hedgehog, Feb. 14 The Photograph, Feb. 21 Brahms: The Boy II, Feb. 21 The Call of the Wild, Feb. 21 The Invisible Man, Mar. 6 Onward, Mar. 6 The Lovebirds, Mar. 6 The Way Back, Mar. 13 Bloodshot, Mar. 13 I Still Believe, Mar. 13 My Spy, Mar. 20 A Quiet Place II, Mar. 27 Mulan SPECIAL OCCASION DATES OTHER THAN MUSIC BINGO / MUSIC BINGO: -The Bungalow- Lakeland, MNSat. Bingo 2pm cont.. w/20p -Tim’s Slim’s –Lake Hallie Music Bingo" Tues -Kern’s Kurbside – Bingo Every WED @7p -The Pourhouse - Elk MoundMON: Music Bingo: 7 - 9p -Schuetzy's-C.F. – Bingo -Mondays @ 6:24pm CA$H PRIZE$!

-The Bungalow – Lakeland MNBingo every Saturday 2-4 / Purse Bingo Dec.9 at 6:00 -Kern’s Kurbside – Elmwood-Thursday night Patio Bingo starting @ 7:00 pm -Glen Lock Bar & Grill – C.F. – Wednesday Night Meat Raffle Bingo @ 6pm BEAN BAG (Summer)/DART / KNUBB -Behind Barr’s – GreenwoodBean Bags every Wednesday. $5 per person/per night - 100% payback. 7 pm * AND Bean Bags -Tim’s Slim’s –Lake Hallie- Bean bag Tourney's Tues @ 6:30p -VFW Post-305-E.C. - Every Wed: in House Bean Bag League -Loopy’s – C.F- Monday night Kubb and Bean Bag leagues -Kern’s Kurbside – Elmwood -MON's Bean Bag Tourney @7pm -Schuetzys-C.F. - Bean Bag League plays Tuesday Nights -Back Roads Saloon – Pray – Bean Bags on Thursday nights BLOOD DRIVE: -Neillsville American Legion – NeillsvilleFeb 17th - Red Cross Blood Drive DAYTONA PARTY: -Rookie’s Bar-C.F –Feb 16th: Daytona 500 Party *Free Food, Raffles & Prizes!!

CHILI COOK-OFFS: -Schuetzy's -C.F. – Sun., Feb 23 – SOUP OFF 2-4pm $10.00 to Enter -Sunset Tavern – BRF- Sat. Feb.29 Abate Chili Cook Off Kaiged Acoustic Band GOLF OUTING ON ICE: -The Edge-C.F.- Feb 15: Golf on the Bay (SNOLF) -Uncle Sam’s of Arcadia – Feb 22nd: Mini Golf Bar Tourney 4 person teams $20 per team CASH Prizes thru out the day

February 2020

BREAKFAST CLUB: -The Pump House-Downing- Sa & SU 8:30-12 -The Bungalow -Lakeland, MNThur & Fri 8a till 10:45/ Sat & Sun 7:30a till 11:45 Sun. Brunch 9a-1:30p -Bev’s Saddlemound Tap - Pray- Serving Breakfast Sat & Sun 8-10:30a -Big T’s North-Cornell Serves Breakfast 6a-8p every day!

-Corral Bar & Grill - Durand - Serving breakfast from 5am – 11:30 am daily.

-Side Tracks-Roberts- Serving breakfast Sat. 8-11am $ Sun 9a-noon -Village Inn, North Hudson- Serving Breakfast daily 8-11am CARD, CRIBBAGE, DICE: -Kern’s Kurbside – ElmwoodEvery TUESDAY Euchre @1pm -Behind Barr’s – Greenwood- Sunday Texas Hold Em -starts at 1pm -Neillsville American Legion – NeillsvilleMon & Thurs @ 13:00 Sheepshead -Block House - Melrose - Euchre Mon(s) 6p -The Pourhouse - Elk MoundEVERY Sunday: Texas Hold’em @ 4pm -The Pourhouse - Elk Mound- Cribbage Wed 6pm - ?

-Schuetzys-C.F.- 654 - Wed @ 6:30 pm -Schuetzy's -C.F. – Fri Euchre @1pm -Sneakers Bar - Spr Vly- Every Tues 1:30-3:30 pm Partner Euchre -Kelly Grill – Stanely -Dirty Clubs Tournament Feb 9th and 23rd! $5 Buy in.. 100%payout!

-Schuetzy's -C.F. – Texas Hold’em Tourney Sat., Feb. 8th @ Noon Only 36 Entries, $25 -Schuetzy's -C.F. – Cribbage Feb., 16th @ Noon $10.00 / $5.00 High Hand Optional DART & POOL TOURNAMENTS: -Behind Barr’s – Greenwood- Every Thursday @ 7. "Show Up & Shoot" - in-house pool tourney -Tim’s Slim’s –Lake Hallie- Pool Tournaments every other Saturday! noon start Food a and raffles -Burly’s-C.F.- Weekly Wednesday Night Dart Tournaments Starting March 27th LOD $10pp 7:30pm Start -Sneakers Bar - Spr Vly- Every Monday 7:00 pm Dart League -Sidetrack’s Saloon-Roberts- 27th Annual Etta Johnston memorial dart Tournament... sat Feb 1st. 11 a.m. sign up!!! Food and friends as always just for fun!!!

FEEDS, BANQUETS, BREAKFASTS etc.

-VFW POST 7232 –E.C. – Ladies Breakfast on 2/2/2020 -Neillsville American Legion – Neillsville-Feb Feb 1st - Chamber of Commerce Banquet Feb 8th - RCDO Steak Feed Feb 10th - Steak Feed 1700-2000 Feb15th - Clark Co Youth Hockey Chicken Feed Feb 23rd - Breakfast 0830-1200 FUNDRAISERS: -Sunset Tavern – BRF- Sat. Feb. 8 Team Penguin Fund Raiser Benefit for Special Olympics -Loopy’s – C.F- Feb 1: 19th Annual Kiwanis Tasting Gala 5-9pm *Wine & beer sampling, specialty foods, & desserts. *Silent auctions, drawings, and raffles! Proceeds benefit Boys & Girls Club of Chippewa Falls & other local charities in the Chippewa Valley! *FREE shuttles available within 15 miles of Loopy's! Must be 21 to attend. GA tickets are $25pp. / $30 at door *Limited # of Reserved tables for 8$200 -Loopy’s – C.F-Feb 22: Abbey-Palooza Feat: Benefiting RMHC *donation in the name of Abbey Matthes. Headliner: Chris Kroeze!

Special guests: Phoenix and Hales Brothers Band. Tickets go on sale Thursday Jan 16th at 10AM. / VIP Entry 6PM / GA 7:30PM ICE FISHING CONTESTS: -Lake Hallie Sportsman’s Club –Lake HallieFeb 1st: Ice Fishing Contest **Raffles and Prizes ($500 for 1st place) Feb 15th: Kids Ice Fishing Contest (Every Kid Gets A Prize!) ** Both contest Start at Noon till 2pm– Weigh in on ice -The Edge-C.F.- Feb 8 Weigh-Station Jigs Up Ice Fishing Contest -Tim’s Slim’s –Lake Hallie –Feb 15th Ice Fishing Contest - Sign up at Slim’s at 11am!

ST. PATRICK’S DAY CELEBRATIONS: -Sidetrack’s Saloon-Roberts- Annual St. Pat's Celebration Sat., March 14th 3 p.m. Tippy Cup Tourney .. Music to Follow!!!

SNOWMOBILE RACES: -The Edge-C.F.- Feb 1 Snowmobile Drag Races POLAR PLUNGE: -The Edge-C.F.- Feb 22 Polar Plunge

TRIVIA: -Kern’s Kurbside – ElmwoodEvery Monday - Trivia @7pm -The Pourhouse - Elk MoundThurs: Trivia 7 - 9p MEAT RAFFLE: -The Bungalow, Lakeland MN- Sat. 1pm -Ritz on the River-C.F. - Thurs. 5:30pm -Lake Hallie Sportsman’s Club – Lk Hallie Meat Raffles @ 6pm -Mel’s Foxx Den - Thorp - 2nd Sat (monthly) Monthly Drawing & Meat Raffle @ 6:30pm -Rookies Pub- C.F.- Monday night meat raffles. 6pm every Monday - NFL season.

SUPERBOWL PARTIES: -My Second Home Bar & Grill –Pigeon Falls- Chance to win a recliner. Must be present to win. Pot luck.

-Schuetzy's -C.F. – 5:30pm Drink Specials & Food -Tim’s Slim’s –C.F. – all day!

-Rumors Bar-Mindoro & Bangor- Music by: *Joe Cody 2-6pm before Game at Mindoro!

TV & Recliner Giveaway at BOTH Locations *Must Be Present to Win! VOLLEYBALL: -Loopy’s - C.F. - Tots in the Sand Mondays in our "heated sand" dome, 10 to noon, $5 per child, drink with healthy snacks -Loopy’s – C.F-March 7 – 5th Annual Beersbee Tournament Sign up NOW! Registration starts at 10am and the tournament starts at 11am. Just $20 per team (2 people). Max 24 teams. Stop in and sign up at the main bar WINE TASTING: -The Bungalow- Lakeland, MN -2nd Thurs monthly wine tasting 6-8p -Loopy’s – C.F- Feb 1: 19th Annual Kiwanis Tasting Gala 5-9pm Join our fun night of wine & beer sampling while enjoying specialty foods, and desserts. *Silent auctions, drawings, and raffles! Proceeds will benefit the Boys & Girls Club of Chippewa Falls & other local charities in the Chippewa Valley! * FREE shuttles available within 15 miles of Loopy's! Must be 21 to attend. GA tickets are $25pp. / $30 at door *Limited # of Reserved tables for 8- $200 WINTER CARNIVALS: -Neillsville American Legion – Neillsville22nd-23rd - Winter Carnival - Pool, Cards

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SUBSCRIBE TO THE GRUB & PUB REPORT 12 MONTHLY ISSUES DELIVERED RIGHT TO YOUR DOOR or a Friends Door!

ONLY $43.00 A YEAR!!

MAIL TO: DYZZI ENTERPRISES P.O. BOX 473 Chippewa Falls, WI 54729 _____ Yes! I would like to SUBSCRIBE SUBSCRIB to the Grub & Pub Report. (check one)

_____ For Myself

_____ Gift Subscription

Your Name: ________________________________________________ Phone # ________________________ Address: ____________________________________________________________________________ Mail subscription to: Same as above (circle) or Send to: Name: __________________________ Address: ____________________________________________________________________________ Total Subscriptions _____________ x $43 = ____________ Total enclosed (For more than one subscription -please fill out requested info. on a separate sheet of paper.) **Enclose a Check or Money Order for the amount of $43.00 each- along with your mailing address.

February 2020

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