Grub N' Pub Report - September 2019

Se in n e so t a & B e y o n d !

S e r vin g W isc o n sin , M Min

Grub & Pub Report

TM

See Local Entertainment on pages 38 & 39 or look at our ads!

T h e M a g a z i n e T h a t H e l p s Yo u L a u g h , T h i n k & Fe e l

Vo l . 1 6 / No. 9

SEPTEMBER 2019

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SEPTEMBER 2019 Cover Story

SCHUETZY’S TAVERN Chippewa Falls, WI (See Story on Page 2) Some Adult Content Not Intended for Children 14 and Under!

SEPTEMBER 2019

GRUB & PUB REPORT MAGAZINE

GRUB & PUB REPORT PO BOX 473 CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI 54729

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S E P T E M B E R 2 0 1 9 C OV E R S TO RY

S C H U E T Z Y ’ S TA V E R N C h i p p e w a Fa l l s , W I Written By:Dyzzi Baker - Johnson It takes a whole community of caring people to have a neighborhood where other people want to come to live, work, play and grow together.

This is what you will find at Schuetzy’s Tavern a well known area bar with a big presence located just 7.2 miles south east of Chippewa Falls, WI at 18985 County Hwy J. The building, which is now Schuetzy’s was built in 1934 by Martin Christianson as a gas station and tavern and was named after the town of Lafayette as it is in the Township of Lafayette.

Martin sold it in 1947 to Don and Ann Lawler who also ran the gas station and bar which they named Lawler’s along with adding a small grocery store. Don and Ann successfully ran their business for 52 years all the while also raising their four children in the house they attached to the side of the bar.

In 1999 they leased the business for a year to Randy Nye and then being ready to retire they sold the business in 2000 to Charlie and Lee Armstrong who named it Charlie’s or as some knew it ‘Charlie’s at Lawler’s’. Charlie and Lee also had a thriving community tavern where neighbors could meet over a cold drink and conversation or a weary traveler could sit a spell and hear some good old stories about years gone by or the next fun upcoming event.

On July 1st, 2018 - the tavern was bought by Lisa Schuetz (aka: Schuetzy) who says she has truly found her home here.

Lisa is from St. Louis Park, Minnesota originally and also attended high school there. She attended college at UW – La Crosse for Recreation Management and Administration and then went on to Grad school at Central Michigan University for Sports Administration. In 1998 after completing Grad school she got a position at UW – Eau Clare in Charlie and Lee Armstrong, CJ and Caitlin Leinenkugel the Recreation Department Schuetzy and BRANDY Buss, with Jake and Peg Leinenkugel at Leinenkugel doing what she went to school for and what she loved. Over the many years she worked there running many aspects of the department she recalls her favorite part of her positions was working and coordinating the NYSP program. This program was well known not only in the Chippewa Valley but Nationwide for giving economically disadvantage children leadership and sports opportunities. She also supervised staff and

students and created other helpful programs during the 15 years she worked there. Concurrent with working at the University Lisa also became a volunteer firefighter and EMT in 2002 and over the years also became the EMS Supervisor in Altoona, WI where she lived at the time.

In 2008 Lisa and a business partner opened the Smiling Moose Deli which was located in Eau Claire, WI. Lisa enjoyed learning the business aspect during her time with the Smiling Moose Deli and got a fire in her blood for one day solely owning her own business.

“I remember since being a kid wanting to own a bar and I bartended all during college to help pay the bills and loved it!” Lisa said even after college she continued to bartend. With a reminiscent smile she recalls slinging drinks in this area at Albertville Tavern, Hallie Golf Course, and Girolamo’s Court’n House. She then started bartending at Charlie’s, when Charlie and Lee owned it after Lisa moved to Chippewa Falls, WI with her partner Brandy Buss. I guess you could say that bartending and yes owning a bar (tavern) is in her blood.

It was during a conversation with Charlie that Lisa learned that Charlie was going to sell the business. She decided then and there to bring it up to the two most important people in her life; her mom and her significant other Brandy and see what they thought of her potentially buying the business and fulfilling her lifelong dream. Well as you now know they both supported and encouraged her so she said her next step was to go to the bank to see if it was even feasible.

Thankfully for this little neighborhood tavern it was and Lisa is so thankful that if she ever runs into a problem or has a question that Charlie and Lee just moved to the house right behind the bar. Charlie still bartends every now and again and has been such a huge help already to Schuetzy in her new venture that Charlie is an old hat at.

“I am so lucky to have Charlie and Lee, some people buy a business and get the keys and that’s it. Charlie and Lee are there to support me and the tavern. I am also so fortunate to call them friends. Thank you Charlie and Lee for all your help! I am lucky to have you both right next door, and I have got the best mentors ever!” says Lisa Lisa also feels grateful and couldn’t provide all the events without Brandy’s help. She works her full time job but you will see her quiet often at the bar pitching in and helping out. Schuetzy feels lucky for being in the right place and working at the right time when the bar was about to be sold. She had looked at other locations over the years and could never find just the right fit. She wanted a bar with history and regular customers and found it with this one. People here are somehow connected, either by blood or they went to school with someone, or worked with them…. Lisa says it happens all the time at Schuetzy’s Tavern. “Cousins and friends, sisters, fathers and old friends meet here all the time on the spur of the moment or someone finds some kind of a relationship with someone else in the bar or someone else they know is originally Father and Son; from the area.” (Continued on page 8) Don and Mike Wolfe

SEPTEMBER 2019

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TABLE OF C ONTENTS COVER STORY : Schuetzy’s Tavern Chippewa Falls, WI ............... P. 2

Hello From Dyzzi!

Seasons come and Seasons go but oh Lord I am still not ready for the cold or the snow!

Dyzzi

WELCOME NEW ADVERTISERS.. P. 5 READER COMMENTS.......P. ....... 30 GAME PAGES Crossword ....................... Pg. 4 Word Search..................... Pg. 5 .Movie Ticket Trivia...........Pg. 26 Curvy Word Puzzle...........Pg. 28 Kakuro ............................Pg. 29 .Suduko Hard only.............Pg. 30 Games Answers.........Pg.36­38 Answers TYPO Contest : Rules & Winners ...........Pg. 4 Directory of Advertisers Pg 19 & 22 Maps of Advertisers ..Pg. 20-21 Classified Section .......Pg. 36­37 Subscription Request...... Pg 40 ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR

Pg. 38­39 Submit Jokes, Letters, Subscription or Advertising Requests To:

GNP REPORT P.O. Box 4473 73 Chippewa Falls, WI 54729 Area Sales Representatives: **Call Dyzzi direct for any areas not listed by Sales Rep

Dyzzi *Donna Johnson (Owner) 715­456­7518 dyzzi42@yahoo.com Menomonie ­ Downing, Osseo ­ , Arcadia ­ Strum, Melrose, Mindoro, Owen, Withee, Neillsville, Pray, Granton, Black River Falls Chippewa Falls & the St. Croix Valley

Keith Ewing ­ 715­ 404­0885 (Bloomer ­ Trego ­ Hayward) Dan Callan ­ 715­495­8091 (Eau Claire ­Roberts) Upcoming Cover Stories: OCTOBER 2019: TBA NOVEMBER 2019: TBA DECEMBER 2019 The Pourhouse - Elk Mound, WI

SEPTEMBER 2019

Well here we are jumping right back into fall. The summer again just seemed to go to fast with too much to do and too little time to relax.

I hope that each of had some time to enjoy family and friends along with a bit of sunshine when it wasn’t raining. If not.. why not take some time in these dog days of summer and early fall to do just that. It is a great time of year for taking walks and preparing garden space for next year or transplanting those flowers and bushes that just aren’t growing in the places you want them and for splitting up those perennials that have out grown their current locations in your yard.

Fall is also a good time to get together with family and help each other start and maybe even complete all of those summer projects you just never had time to get to while being a great excuse to gather for a picnic lunch and a couple of beers with all of your helpers whether they are family or friends!

What are your plans for this fall?

Maybe a last minute vacation or just some time to relax in your own backyard before it gets covered in snow? Perhaps you plan to visit family and friends that you haven’t seen for a while or planned to get together with this summer over a campfire but the rain kept interrupting your plans.

Whatever your plans may be would you take a bit of time and stop out to one of our advertisers locations for a cold drink with those same friends and family or a

bit to eat. They have many activities planned for all of you such as; Bingo, card games, purse and painting parties, musical entertainment, comedians, along with birthday celebrations, Pool, Dart and Volleyball leagues as well as great Packer Parties we have all been waiting to start up once again. Our advertisers need you to stop in and when you do would you please let them know that you saw their ad in the Grub and Pub Report! It is because of their advertising investment in the that I am able to continue to bring you this fun and entertaining magazine each month and I can’t express enough my gratitude for each of them who are current advertisers or who have been in the past.

Thank you so much for your patronage. I value each and every one of you not only as a customer, past, present and future but as my friends as well as we have come to know each other thru the years and I am happy to call you friend and help each of you create the businesses you dreamt of when you started.

Thank you all.. for 14 great years! The Grub and Pub became 16 years old this past January and I have owned the publication since September of 2005. Where have the years gone? It is still so incredible to me how fast the time is passing and before I know it I will be a little old lady with grey hair and bad eyesight.. well the bad eyesight is already occurring from working on the computer so much but thankfully for hair dye I

can still cover the grey!!

It is no matter however as we are all the same people no matter what age we are and as I grow older I realize that NO my life did not stop at 30 it really has just started in my 50’s and there is a season like summer going into to fall for every thing and every one under the Son! I hope you enjoy this months issue. I have put a few things in about September historical events will continue each month to offer these history tidbits that I have found at: Source: https://www.

The History Place - This Month in History along with games, jokes, entertainment, stories, jokes and other tips you will find within!

WELCOME NEW ADVERTISERS

-Kelly Grill - located at 143 E 1st Ave, Stanley, WI is owned by Kelly Loibl & Roger Schesel who bought the property on October 16th, 2018. They offer a Full Menu for Breakfast and Lunch Daily and/ or Dinner which is available Thursday thru Saturday.

Stop in during their normal Kitchen hours for delicious homemade meals that will make your mouth water: Tuesday & Wednesday from 6am to 2pm, Thursday thru – Saturday from 6am to 9pm and Sundays from 8am – 1pm. The Bar is open Tuesday thru Friday from 6am - Close and Sundays from 8am to 1pm for your convenience.

Check out their Daily Happy Hour and other Food and Drink Specials.

See their ad on page 24

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Typo Winner of the Month: The August 2019 Typo Contest winner is Michelle Hollmann of Winter,WI who found the word (West) instead of (Fest) in the Girolaama’s ad on page 14. She will receive $10 in GNP Bucks to use at any of our current advertiser locations.

Thanks for reading and Congratulations!

(THESE MAY TAKE UP TO 6 WEEKS TO RECEIVE) Send entries to: Dyzzi Enterprises PO Box 473 Chippewa Falls, WI 54729 or...

Call - 715-456-7518 email: dyzzi42@yahoo.com

Cross Word Puzzle (Answers Pg 36-37)

TYPO CONTEST RULES:

- Only typos found in advertisements are eligible for prizes.

-Typos in the articles are not part of the typo contest.

-Typos in ads are the only typos considered for the contest.

-Everyone who finds a typo in an advertisement whether it’s the correct typo or editorial mistake, will be entered into the contest.

-You can call, e-mail or mail in your answers to the typo contest. See contact information on page three. -All guesses must be turned in by the 15th of the month. (Major Holiday months by the 13th.)

-One winner will be drawn from all received answers on or about the 15th of the month.

-Winners will receive a $10.00 in GnP Bucks to be used at current advertiser locations only.

SEPTEMBER 2019

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CROSSWORD (DOWN CONTINUED)

Words.With Simple Meanings) Word Search Puzzle (Listed(Strange multiple times how many can you find) Answers Pg 36-37

DID YOU KNOW I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

A company in Taiwan makes dinnerware out of wheat, so you can eat your plate!

A crocodile always grows new teeth to replace the old teeth!

A cubic yard of air weighs about 2 pounds at sea level.

A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.

Q&A Q. Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?

A. Because he was out standing in his field!

Q. Which cat would you never play poker with?

A. A Cheetah!

TELL ME THIS How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

(Law of Really!! now I’m out of matches!)

SEPTEMBER 2019

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CHIPPEWA FALLS PAGE

SATURDAY PIZZA SPECIAL Free pitcher of beer or root beer with the purchase of any 16” pizza (in house only) Halfway Between Hwy 124 & 53

Hwy B Tilden, WI 715-288-6303 TAILGATING WOMAN The light turned yellow, just in front of a man who himself was in a hurry. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

There was a woman behind him who had been tailgating him for the last several miles and she was furious that he stopped for a yellow light and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He

took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, ''I apologize for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally ... I assumed you had stolen the car.''

Submitted By: Judy Dahl Bloomer, WI SPEEDING TICKET A cop pulls a guy over for speeding and the guy's defense was, "I was just going with the flow of traffic."

The Cop's response... "Ever go fishing?"

"Yeah...."

"Ever catch ALL the fish?"

River Inn

Bar & Grill

(715) 723-9481 10418 Cty Hwy X Chippewa Falls, WI “Good Food, Good Friends, Good Memories”

Open 7 Days A Week!

SEPTEMBER 2019

Schemboda’s

12942 100th Ave. Chippewa Falls

TALK OR FISH 715-723-0131 A man was fishing on a lake KITCHEN OPEN 2p-Cl Mon-Fri when a game warden pulled up in and 12p - Cl Sat & Sun his boat and boarded the boat of HAPPY HOUR: the fisherman. The game warden M,T,TH & F 2-6P explained they were getting & 2-9p Wed complaints about a man fishing Happy Hour Prices for all.. with explosives and asked if he Packer & Badger Games! knew anything about it. The man THURS: $1.50 BURGERS 2p-9p pulls out a stick of dynamite, Full Menu Available Daily till 9p lights it, and hands it to the warden asking: “You gonna talk or new communist regime. you gonna fish”?

In the midst of his story, he looked at the professor and asked WILD PIGS a strange question.

A Reminder For All A thought to remember, Marx He asked: "Do you know how to said, "Remove one freedom per catch wild pigs?"

The professor thought it was a generation and soon you will have no freedom and no one would joke and asked for the punch line.

The young man said that it was have noticed."

There was a chemistry professor no joke. "You catch wild pigs by in a large college that had some finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the exchange students in the class.

One day while the class was in ground. The pigs find it and begin the lab, the professor noticed one to come every day to eat the free young man, an exchange student, food. "When they are used to who kept rubbing his back and coming every day, you put a fence stretching as if his back hurt. The down one side of the place where professor asked the young man they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they what was the matter.

The student told him he had a begin to eat the corn again and bullet lodged in his back. He had you put up another side of the fence. been shot while fighting "They get used to that and start communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his to eat again. You continue until country's government and install a you have all four sides of the

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fence up with a gate in the last side.

"The pigs, which are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat that free corn again.

You then slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd.

Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity."

The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening in America. The government keeps pushing us toward Communism/Socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tax exemptions, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare entitlements, medicine, drugs, etc., while we continually lose our freedoms, just a little at a time.

One should always remember two truths: There is no such thing as a free lunch, and you can never hire someone to provide a service

for you cheaper than you can do it yourself.

If you see that all of this wonderful government "help" is a problem confronting the future of democracy in America, you might want to share this with your friends.

If you think the free ride is essential to your way of life, then you will probably not share this.

BUT, God help us all when the gate slams shut!

Think about this Quote for today: "The problems we face today are there because the people who work for a living are now outnumbered by those who vote for a living."

REPRINTED (from several years ago.. but a necessary reminder for all Americans and anyone currently living in a FREE country that doesn’t seem so free any longer)

Submitted By: Jerry Torkelson Chippewa Falls, WI DID YOU KNOW September 4, 1781 - Los Angeles was founded by the Spanish Governor of California, Felipe de Neve, near the site of the Native American village of Yang-na. The original name was El Pueblo de la Reina de Los Angeles (The Town of the Queen of the Angels).

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Sign Up for Winter/Spring Volleyball ($210 per team) Enjoy our full service tiki bar, and new shower facilities. Individual, couples, and partial teams welcome. Leagues Start Sept. 5th Enjoy the “World’s only “HEATED Sand” Dome”

Sept 7th: Loop De Lori Triathlon & 5K Registration open.. Sign Up at 723loop.com/doop-de-lori 3.4 mile trail run, 17 mile bike ride, 3.5 mile kayak *Triathlon benefits the Lori Kleich Endowment Fund FRIDAY FISH FRY!

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SEPTEMBER 2019

PARTY SHUTTLE RENTAL 14 Passenger Shuttle Bus $275 for 5 hours + gas ($35 an hr ea. add’l hr) *All rentals include driver!

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WINTER VACATION GETAWAY!

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Build your own sandwiches, deviled eggs & dessert Only $7.50

Sun. Night is Pizza Night 4 til 10 $10 2 Topping 16" cheese pizzas, $1.50 each add’l topping(s) Double punches on pitcher and pizza cards *Free Pool

Book Your Next Party in the Loopy Dome!

HOME OF THE JUMBO DRINK. Pay for 2 Mixers and get the 3rd shot free.

Buy 5 bottles of beer in a bucket and get the 6th free.

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CHIPPEWA FALLS PAGE S E P T E M B E R 2 0 1 9 C OV E R S TO RY

S C H U E T Z Y ’ S TA V E R N ON LAKE WISSOTA

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK Open 11am - Close Kitchen Open Till 10pm Phone: 715-723-2400 9504 County Hwy S, Chippewa Falls, WI WEEKLY FOOD SPECIALS: Mon: Pizza Specials Tues: Wings & Fries $9.95 Wed: Broasted Chicken & Fries $9.95 Thurs: Steak Nite

FRI: Fish Fry, Chicken & Ribs Buffet SAT: Prime Rib & Full Menu Sunday...

Funday w/ Buckets of Beer Stop at The Edge & Try Our ..

Broasted Chicken *Dine In or Carry Out (*Serving 7 Days a Week) FAST.. In & Out Lunch Buffet

Come for lunch..

Stay for dinner Book Your Birthday or Retirement parties, Wedding Showers or Next Event at 1 or 2 Event Rooms!

Available Year

Welcome Boaters! *Float your boat up to one of our 22 Bar &Restaurant docks Then enjoy some food and beverages on our spacious deck! *NON-Ethanol Gas Available Here!

SEPTEMBER 2019

C h i p p e w a Fa l l s , W I

Written By:Dyzzi Baker - Johnson (Contin. from pg. 2)

Burly’s Bar 19 E. Canal St. Chippewa Falls, WI 715-720-9148 Hours Open: Noon(ish) - CL Mon - Sun

HAPPY HOUR If you get a chance (and we hope you do) to stop into Schuetzy’s you gotta check out not only the back wall that she loves to show off and talk about but all the other walls as well as they hold treasures of history about the bar, gas station and store that goes back to its roots and the roots of all the neighbors who have blessed the tavern with their presence. One such story you might want to ask about when you visit Schuetzy’s Tavern is how the original building almost burnt to the ground when original owner Martin Christianson used to filled kerosene lamps and containers in the taverns basement and had an explosion. Thankfully the bar was saved but many of the ceiling supports were charred and still are to this day!

Schuetzy says there used to be a baseball field and softball field on the adjacent property and she has pictures of some of the old teams.

You will also hear stories of the “Coon Club” that was across the street.

The Lawlers (second owners of the business) couldn’t even seem to stray far away from their home of 52 years as they also moved just across the street from the bar. If Don and Ann were alive today they to could see more memories and history being made in this tavern that has seen families grow then come and go and then sons and daughters to come in again.

Join Schuetzy and her bartenders for their Customer Appreciation Party (Schuetzyfest) scheduled for September 28th, 2019 from 2 to 8pm with FREE food and beer (until gone) and live music

by Dawn Marie from 2 to 4pm along with prize drawings every hour!

She also invites you to come in and enjoy the Packers (Brandy’s team) and the Vikings (Lisa’s team) during football where all are welcome to join in on their friendly rivalry and watch their favorite teams.

Schuetzy’s does half time food for all Sunday Packer day games so make sure you put this on your calendars and stop in to root on the Pack....or the Vikings! Then join her throughout the year for a variety of events she is proud to offer her regular customers and newcomers alike.

Kim & Jan Nessle, Bob & Sheila Stabe (Continued on page 13) with Lisa and Brandi

Mon - Thurs Open - 6pm $ 1.75 Dom. Bottles SHORT FISHING JOKES Ben: Where do goldfish go on vacation?

Bob: Where?

Ben: Around the globe!

Allen: Why is it so easy to weigh fish?

Neal: I don’t know. Why? Allen: Because they have their own scales!

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CHIPPEWA FALLS PAGE Sept 28th - Schuetzy Fest - Customer Appreciation Party 2-8p Music By: Dawn Marie 2-4pm Free Food & Beer (Until Gone)

*Cribbage Tournament Start Oct. 13th @ Noon ( $10 Entry, $5 Optional High Hand)

*Oct. 12th Tacky, Tasteless, T-Shirt Contest Reg @ 7p / Starts @ 8p Tippy Cup Tourney Follows! *BINGO Mondays @ 6:24pm (Progressive Pot)

654 - Wed. @ 6:30 pm Phone: (715) 720-7008 18985 Co Hwy J - Chippewa Falls, WI

Thomas: How do you communicate with a fish?

Russ: I don’t know.

Thomas: Drop it a line!

A monastery is in financial trouble, so it goes into the fishand-chips business to raise money.

One night a customer knocks on its door. A monk answers. The customer asks, “Are you the fish friar?”

“No,” he replies. “I’m the chip monk.”

Ben: What’s a fish’s favorite musical instrument?

Morgan: What?

Ben: A bass drum.

Tom Swiftie: “Help me reel in this fish!” Tom wailed.

Dad called upstairs to his daughter when her boyfriend came to pick her up, “dreamboat... your Barnacle is here!”

ALL FOR FUN “Everybody keeps saying that women are smarter than men BUT did you ever see a man wearing a shirt that buttons down the back?”

Author unknown Q: Why are all Jewish men required to make a good cup of coffee? A: Because according to the Torah He Brews!

SEPTEMBER 2019

(www.schuetzys.com) *Like us on FB

GOING QUICKLY TO HIM Relationship advice from one who knows.

It is as if no time has gone by.

Now celebrating 10 years together my husband and I we are more in love than ever. He texts me almost every day asking when I can hurry up and get home and I find myself driving faster than I should to get to home to him. I cannot imagine missing out on life with my husband.

Wouldn’t it be nice to think this way instead of finding an excuse not to go home at all?

If we practice loving each other it can be this way for you as well but it takes two willing hearts to make a home to come home to.

GETTING OLDER Those of you past the 50 mark know now that getting older has some fun moments: My goal for 2019 was to lose just 10 pounds … only 15 to go.

I ate salad for dinner … Mostly croutons and tomatoes ... Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce ... And cheese ... FINE, it was a pizza ...

I ate a pizza …

I just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider web ...

I don't mean to brag but … I finished my 14-day diet food in

three hours and 20 minutes ...

A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it . .

Kids today don't know how easy they have it ... When I was young, I had to walk nine feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel ...

FORGIVENESS IS THE BEST FORM OF LOVE! Why not love someone a little more today than you did yesterday?

Phone: 715-723-7822 29 E. Park Ave. Chippewa Falls, WI NEW HOURS: Mon - Fri 8a - CL Sa & Su 11am - CL Happy Hour: M-F 9a -11a & 3p - 6p

Join Our..

Annual Poker Run Sat., Sept. 12th 11am Sharp!

ONE LINERS It may be that your sole purpose CIRCUS LIFE A husband and wife who worked in life is simply to serve as a for the circus went to an adoption warning to others. agency. Social workers there Why do psychics have to ask you raised doubts about their for your name? suitability.

The couple produced photos of their 50-foot motor home, which was clean, well maintained and equipped with a beautiful bedroom for the child.

8685 St. Hwy 124 Chippewa The social workers raised 715-723-2709 WiFi concerns about the education a Open:Tue - Fri 1pm- Cl child would receive while in the Sat & Sun 11a-Cl couple's care.

FACEBOOK @...Tnc Roundabout "We've arranged for a full-time Open at 11 am tutor who will teach the child all $2.50 Mimosa special & the usual subjects along with beer buckets all day 5 4 $10 French, Mandarin and computer ENTERTAINMENT: skills."

Sept 21st – Sugar Rush 8p – 12a The social workers expressed NOW HIRING BARTENDERS *Day & Night Shifts concern about a child being raised please inquire within! in a circus environment.

HAPPY HOUR TUES - FRI "Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet. 50 Cents Off ALL Drinks 2-6p In addition, there are 17 other Sun & Tues Beer Buckets children who travel with their 5-4-$10 or 6-4-$12 circus parents."

TUES. SHAKE FOR A STEAK! The social workers were finally Wed: $1 Dom Mugs satisfied. They asked, "What age & FREE Pool child are you hoping to adopt?" $3 Cherry/ Jager Bombs "It doesn't really matter, as long Thur: $2 Leinies/Leinies Lt. as the kid fits into the cannon."

Fri: Pizza & Beer Pitcher $15 Sa & Su $3.50 Bloodys 11a-2p

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You Gotta Try Mary’s HOT BEEF’s at the ....

WANDER INN

Happy Hr 4 - 6pm Quick Menu Served All Day Mon - Fri “Sonny’ Burger, Fries, Pizza & More!

Cty. Rd. T & Cty Hwy X. Chippewa Falls, WI 715-874-5590 Coldest Beer Around

ANDY ROONEY QUOTES I've learned....

That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned....

That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned .....

That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

I've learned....

That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

(Oh so true!)

I've learned.....

That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned....

That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned....

That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in any other way.

I've learned....

That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned....

That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to

Slim’s

Lake Hallie Tavern Enjoy.. Good Spirits, Food & Fun! 1979 Cty Hwy OO Chippewa Falls, WI (Lake Hallie) 715-832-9303

O P E N @ 8 A M E V E RY D AY !

TUES. BEAN BAG TOURNAMENTS

Daily Food & Drink Specials

Brewer Game Specials!

Hot Beef & Mashed Potatoes served daily!

DART & POOL LEAGUE'S * TACO & TEQUILA Tuesdays: Starting soon.. * Meat Raffle Wednesdays Looking for players!

Dom Beers & $2 rails $1.50 Inquire at bar! * Sunday & Tuesday Coming Early October..

Ladies Night 1/2 price drinks 8p - CL "Slim's Annual End of the Breakfast & Bloody Mary Year Golf Outing at Hallie Golf Course." Info at Slim's! Special Sat/Sun 8a-12p $7.50

BROASTED CHICKEN & FRIDAY FISH PLATES ARE BACK!

SEPTEMBER 2019

CHIPPEWA FALLS - LAKE HALLIE PG. understand.

I've learned....

That a simple walk with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned....

That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned....

That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned....

That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned...

That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned.....

That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned....

That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned....

That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned....

That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am..

I've learned....

That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned....

That no one is perfect until you

816 N. High St. Chippewa Falls, WI

DARTS - POOL GOLDEN TEE GOLF 616 N. Bridge St. Chippewa Falls, WI Phone: 715-861-5299 Happy Hour: 2-6p M-F *Happy hour pricing during all Sunday Nascar scheduled races.

Thursdays for Karaoke, Friday & Saturday Band or DJ

Food Served During Packer Games! fall in love with them.

I've learned....

That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned....

That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned....

That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned....

That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I've learned....

That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned....

That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned.....

DAILY SPECIALS: Mon: Chef’s Choice Wed: Buy 1 Get 1 (1/2 Off ) Burgers Thur: Chef’s Choice / Fri: Pasta Entree’s Sat: Chef’s Choice Pizza Special Open: Su, Mo, We, Th Sun: Buy (1) 16” Pizza get (1) 1/2 off 11am - 9pm (Equal or lesser value)

715-861-5473 Closed Tues Like Us on FB! Fr & Sa 11a-11p

Pizza Buffet Mon - Thurs 11a-2p $11

10

EAU CLAIRE - LAKE HALLIE PAGE That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, you're hooked for life.

I've learned....

That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned....

That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

ARAB DOG VS. ISRAELI DOG The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world, so they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath. This "duel" would be a dog fight.

The negotiators agreed each side would take five years to develop the best fighting dog they could.

The dog that won the fight would earn its people the right to rule the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay down its arms for good.

The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy of each litter, fed it the best food puppies. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine. After the five years were up, they had a dog that needed steel prison bars on its cage. Only expert trainers could handle this incredibly nasty and ferocious beast.

When the day of the big dogfight finally arrived, the Israelis showed up with a very strange-

SEPTEMBER 2019

looking animal, a Dachshund that was 10 feet long!

Everyone at the dogfight arena felt sorry for the Israelis. No one there seriously thought this weird, odd-looking animal stood any chance against the growling beast over in the Arab camp. All the bookies took one look and predicted that the Arab dog would win in less than a minute.

As the cages were opened, the Dachshund slowly waddled toward the center of the ring. The Arab dog leaped from its cage and charged the giant wiener-dog. As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Arab beast whole in one bite. There was nothing left but a small puff of fur from the Arab killer dog's tail floating to the ground.

The stunned crowd of international observers, bookies and media personnel let out a collective gasp of disbelief and surprise.

The Arabs approached the Israelis, muttering and shaking their heads in disbelief. "We do not understand," said their leader, "Our top scientists and breeders worked for five long years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans, Rottweiler and Siberian wolves, and they developed an incredible killing machine of a dog!"

The Israelis replied. "Well, for five years, we have had a team of Jewish plastic surgeons from Boca Raton working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."

A lot of late nights in the gym, a lot of early mornings, especially when your friends are going out, you're going to the gym, those are the sacrifices that you have to make if you want to be an NBA basketball player. - Jason Kidd

Lake Hallie Sportsman’s Club OPEN TO THE PUBLIC Happy Hour: Mon - Fri 4:30pm - 6:30pm

Pizzas - Hamburgers- Appetizers 2910 109th St. Chippewa Falls, WI 715-726-1050 (Located Between Lake Hallie & the Chippewa River) STRANGERS ON A TRAIN CAR Two strangers of the opposite sex find themselves sleeping companions on a train car.

At 1:00AM the man leans down and gently woke the woman and says to her, “Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.”

“I have a better idea,” she replied BASKETBALL QUOTE You don't play against opponents, “Just for tonight, let’s pretend that you play against the game of bas- we’re married.” ketball.

“Wow! That’s a great idea!” he - Bobby Knight exclaimed.

“Good,” she replied. “Get your GRANDPARENTS DAY IS own damn blanket.”

SEPT 8TH! After the moment of silence,... he farted.

Q&A Q: Why did the snake cross the Q&A road?

Q. What's green and sings?

A: To get to the other ssssssside! A. Elvis Parsley!

TRIVIA #1 A man wanted to encrypt his password but he needed to do it in a way so that he could remember it. He had to use seven characters consisting of letters and numbers only (no symbols like ! or <). In order to remember it, he wrote down “You force heaven to be empty.” What is his password?

(See answer on page 12)

G L E N LO C H B a r & G r i l l Free Pool & Foosball M-F

Phone: 715-861-3828 1300 Jefferson Ave. Chippewa Falls, WI OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK! Mon - Thurs: 3 - CL / Fri 1 - Cl / Sat– Sun 11a – CL

KITCHEN OPENING..

SEPT 2nd!

HAPPY HOUR: Mon, Thurs & Fri 3-6pm

11

EAU CLAIRE - ELK MOUND PAGE TRIVIA #1 ANSWER (Question on page 11) Try to pronounce the sentence like these characters: u472bmt.

GOLFING WITH THE OTHER GUY Moses, Jesus, and this other guy are out enjoying a round of golf at the famed (and Heavenly) Augusta National Golf Club.

Moses steps up to the tee of the picturesque yet deceiving and tricky uphill/downhill Par 4 11th, unsheathes his brand new 9 degree Callaway Great Big Bertha graphite shaft Titanium driver and crushes a long one... Its right down the left-center of the fairway, but in Tigeresque fashion, his ball flies through the fairway and toward the pond in front of the green. His caddie is standing at the crest of the hill watching the flight of the ball and he yells back at the tee box to Moses; warning him it's heading straight for the water. So just before the ball finds its watery

grave, an alarmed Moses quickly raises his club, the water of Rae's Creek begins to part, and his ball takes a huge ounce off a now dry and exposed rock at the pond's bottom and lands safely on the left fringe of the green. He goes ahead and plays out. With an awesome Phil Mickelson type bump- andrun, he chips up to within six inches or so and then drains what's left for a Birdie. He begins to brag to the rest of his threesome about his creative shot-making skills...

Next on the tee, Jesus strolls up and hits a nice, long one directly toward the same water hazard stemming from Rae's Creek. It heads for the exact center of the pond, but just before splash-down, it begins to hover about an inch over the water. Jesus adamantly declines Moses’ offer to let Jesus borrow his new FootJoy DryJoys and GolfSmith Gore-Tex Wet Suit and he walks nonchalantly out onto the pond and chips his Titleist DT Wound 100 Compres-

VFW POST 7232

2900 W. Folsom St. Eau Claire, WI (715) 832- 3528 *Open to Public HOURS: M-TH 6a-2a /Fri 6a-2:30a /Sat 7a 2:30a/Su 7a-2a HAPPY HR- M - F: 6-10a & 4-6p plus.. Sa & Su: 10a-Noon CHECK OUT OUR NEW MENU.. WIFI AVAILABLE HERE!

BREAKFAST SERVED

Deb’s Homemade

7 Days A Weak!

Mon - Fri from 6 - 10a Sat & Sun 7-11am Coffee $1.00 w/Meal

Sausage Gravy & Biscuits 1/2 Order Only $3.50 HOMEMADE Lunch Special 11am - 2pm

Friday Nite Fish FRY 4 - 7pm ONLY $7.75 Facebook.com/VFW Post 7232 Folsom Street SEPTEMBER ENTERTAINMENT: 9/14 BSE band 8 to 12pm 9/21 Moonshine band 8 to 12pm 9/28 Last Open Road 8 to 12

SEPTEMBER 2019

sion HP2 Tour up and into the hole for Eagle. He winks at Moses and gives a boastful smile of confidence to the other guy.

So now this other guy gets up and casually whacks his tee shot. It's a ferocious hook of ugly proportions; flying high and way out of the fairway to the left trees, way beyond the O.B. markers, over a fence and into the neighboring Augusta Country Club where it bounces off a broken-down golf cart, and hits a tree. From there it bounces back out to the edge of Augusta National, finds the top of the leader-board above the 11th green, falls down hard onto a sprinkler head below, bounces high into the grand-stands at the 12th Tee, and then rolls gently down the hill back toward the aforementioned pond next to the 11th. On the way to the pond, the ball firmly hits a little stone in the fairway and bounces out over the water onto a strange lily pad in the pond, where it rests quietly.

Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumps onto the lily pad and snatches the ball into its mouth. A rare bald eagle swoops down, grabs the frog with its claws and soars away. As they pass high over the 11th green, the frog squeals

Open 365 Days a Year!

BREAKFAST SERVED Saturdays & Sundays 8a - 11:30a NIGHTLY SPECIALS EVERY Sunday: Texas Hold’hem @ 4pm Sat: DJ Karaoke 8pm - ?

EVERY DAY.. REDNECK KARAOKE (offered after other events)

Like us on FB Phone: 715-917-1020

W301 Menomonie St. / Hwy 12 Elk Mound, WI

with fright and drops the ball from its mouth, which now lands miraculously onto the center of the large yet narrow green, takes two quick hops forward and then a Tour Balata back spin, runs out in a direct line to the hole, rolls slower and slower on this laser-precise Augusta green, ever closer and closer to the cup and finally, in Masters Championship fashion, drops in, dead center, for a beautiful Hole-In-One! Moses turns to Jesus and says, "I hate playin' with your Dad." CAMPERS: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.

A bank - is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

VFW POST 305 1300 Starr Ave. Eau Claire, WI 715-552-8438 Breakfast:7 Days A Week 7 - 1a / Lunch: Mon - Fri 11a-1p DAILY DRINK SPECIALS

Happy Hour: Mon - Fri: 7-10a & 3-6p

Friday Fish Fry starts after Labor Day on FRI Sep 20th 2 pieces of fish, choice of potato, & cole slaw or cottage cheese for $9.00 (Fish can be substituted for 10 pieces of Shrimp) ENTERTAINMENT: Thur & Fri 9p Karaoke

SAT Sep 7 - Lasso's & Lace SAT Sep 14 - Bear Creek Band SAT Sep 21 - Kid Kactus & The Tumbleweeds SAT Sep 28 - Lasso's & Lace

12

A LT O O N A - E A U C L A I R E PA G E S E P T E M B E R 2 0 1 9 C OV E R S TO RY

SCHUETZY’S TAVERN - Chippewa Falls, WI

Rolly’s Coach Club 2339 Spooner Ave. Altoona, WI

Written By:Dyzzi Baker - Johnson (Contin. from pg. 8) Such as the Kentucky Derby event which was started by Charlie and has run successfully for many years and has become a tradition like the Kentucky Derby itself along with some added events that Schuetzy dreamt up such as her Spam Cook-Off Contest which last year actually got sponsored by the S.P.A.M..

Or perhaps you are already waiting for the New Year. Then make plans to stop into Schuetzy’s for her 8pm toast to the New Year, which this past year was a lot of fun and very successful.

Join her Bingo at 6:24pm on Monday Nights and/or starting September 3rd join her for Sheep’s Head every Tuesday at 1:00pm. Watch her ad in the Grub and Pub Report for sign up information for these events and her Tacky, TasteLisa with Charlie and Lee less, T-Shirt Contest scheduled for October 12th with a Tippy Cup Tournament Armstrong to follow along with Cribbage which will be starting ‘Kentucky Derby Event’ October 13th at Noon.

See her ad on page 9 for more details!

Stay tuned for more Margarita Parties, and join in on the Patio Party next June. Along with all of this Schuetzy also has a Bean Bag League-sign up in April, Horse Shoe League (details coming next spring), Bar Olympics, Meat Raffles, and Soup and Chili Cook-offs. She also sponsors Trap and Bowling Teams and supports the local Snowmobile Club and ATV/UTV Club. As if she wasn’t busy and involved enough she volunteers as a firefighting on the Lafayette Fire Department and is a member of the Lake Wissota Lions!

Some of you readers who have been fortunate enough to spend some time with Schuetzy at her new tavern so you know she loves to dress up for everything especially her special events like her St. Patty’s Day Party, Margarita Party and the Derby Contest. She invites you to dress up to for any occasion including the Halloween Costume contest and bring it on at Schuetzy’s Tavern where she plans to offer new events monthly. Make sure to check out her facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/Schuetzys/ or her website at https://www.schuetzys.com/ or you can call the bar at 715.720.7008 to find out what crazy fun thing she has planned next for you, your family and friends to enjoy. Schuetzy said fondly, “This is a true neighborhood tavern and the regular customers are like family. It is exciting to bring in new customers as well and see them fall in love with this place! With the changing monthly events I want everyone to know they are welcome and I invite you to join in the fun.” So come as a new comer and become one of the regulars. “Intentionally there is no juke box because this is a place people come to talk and create relationships.” You wont have to be yelling over the music (Continued on page 14) to talk to people.

SEPTEMBER 2019

WiFi Available Join us this fall for a cold beer and hot conversation! t

715-832-4120

Open: 10am-Cl All Week!

1411 Spooner Ave. Altoona, WI 715-834-6226

Stop in for a cold beverage during the dog days of summer!

Join Us for Good Times!

OPEN @ 10am 7 Days A Week!

Daily Lunch Specials 10-4 NIGHTLY DRINK SPECIALS

Karaoke Wed & Sat 9p-CL Happy Hour: M-F 10a-6p & Sat 3-6pm 228 Division St. Altoona, WI 715-552-5526

13

- EAU CLAIRE - DOWNING PAGE -

S E P T E M B E R 2 0 1 9 C OV E R S TO RY

GIROLAMO’S COURT’n HOUSE

*Save the date: Sat., Oct. 12th

S C H U E T Z Y ’ S TA V E R N C h i p p e w a Fa l l s , W I

Octoberwest 12 -4 pm

Written By:Dyzzi Baker - Johnson (Contin. from pg. 13)

NIGHTLY SPECIALS Sun - Sat 5 - 9p

*Dont forget our.. (October fest Grand Ave. street party Closed Labor Day weekend 20 rotating tap lines Sept 1 & 2 1113 W. Grand Ave. Eau Claire, WI 715-832-5478 Book Your Next Event @ Our SideBar on Grand!

TRANSITION TO SENILITY Senility has been a smooth transition for me ...

Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school? Me neither.

I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented … I forgot where I was going with this ...

I love being over 70 … I learn something new every day … and forget five others.

A thief broke into my house last night … He started searching for money … so I woke up and searched with him ...

I think I’ll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day ...

Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed."

SUMMER GARDEN TIPS 1. Prune and remove dead branches on shrubs and small trees so nutrients get to the parts of the plant that is growing.

2. . Keep new plantings (planted within the past six months) of flowers, shrubs and trees watered during hot, dry spells. Apply a fresh layer of mulch (1 to 2 inches thick) after you weed. This will help the soil maintain moisture and reduce future weed crops.

SOURCE: https://www2.fiskars. com/Ideas-and-How-Tos/Gardening-and-Yard-Care/Pruningand-Trimming/August-Garden-T ips

SEPTEMBER ENTERTAINMENT: Sept. 7th Live Band Appolo’s Beacon 9pm - 1am

SEPTEMBER 2019

Schuetzy calls the bar itself a “dysfunctional dinner table”, just like at the family dinner table people talk, and they might agree or disagree, they support their teams (Packers or Vikings), they talk about what is happening in the community etc.

“We just let life and conversations happen here.” she says.

Schuetzy’s Tavern is located just across the street from the Chippewa County Snowmobile and ATV/UTV Trail and Schuetzy invites all riders to park across the street and take a short walk over to enjoy a cold brew. Or would you like perhaps a hamburger, cheeseburger, ham and cheese sandwich, pizza, pizza fries or a bar snack like chips or a candy bar? Lisa has you covered there too during the taverns open hours of Monday thru Friday from 11:00 am until Close and 10:00 am on Saturdays and Sundays until Close. For holiday hours you

can check on Facebook or Google.

Along with all of the events, good drinks, some good food and good neighborhood conversation Schuetzy also offers T-shirts, Sweatshirts, Hats and Can Cozies for sale but these are no ordinary apparel!

Many people still call the bar by other names like Lawler’s or Charlie’s and Lisa says she doesn’t care and I think she means it if you look at the saying on her shirt and patio banner pictured here !

So if you have a car, truck, snowmobile, ATV/UTV, tractor, motorcycle, horse, cow, bike, plane or your own two legs YOU are welcome at Schuetzy’s Tavern and Lisa, Brandi and the Schuetzy’s Tavern bartenders will be glad to get to know you and share a story or two over cards, cribbage, bean bags, funny hats, costumes, food and a cold drink. See you soon at Schuetzy’s Tavern!

HISTORY NOTE September 2, 1752 - The British ended their use of the Julian calendar, switching instead to the Gregorian calendar, resulting in a major adjustment as Wednes-

day, September 2, was followed

by Thursday, September 14. The correction resulted in rioting by people who felt cheated and demanded the missing eleven days back.

14

EAU CLAIRE - ELMWOOD - DURAND - FOSTER - SPRING VALLEY - WABASHA PAGE

SHUFFLE BOARD TABLE

Open at 5am 365 Days A Year!

Corral Open Golf Tourney 3-Person Scramble SAT Sep 7th @ Rolling Greens Golf Course Durand, WI 18 holes - Shotgun Start @10am BBQ Chicken & Awards at Corral Bar * All Proceeds To Durand Sports Complex More info & sign up: @ Corral Bar or Rolling Greens (715)672-8139

318 W. Main St. Durand, WI (715)672-8874 Wed Night Special 2 for 1's 7-9 pm NEW DAILY SPECIALS MEXICAN MONDAY - Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner Specials TUE SLIDER NIGHT - BBQ Brisket, Beef, or Chicken WED WING NIGHT - Bone in or Boneless THU PASTA NIGHt -Classic Italian Favorites FRI FISH FRY - Cod or Catfish SAT Fried Chicken - Lunch & Dinner Specials SUN $5 Burger Basket ..

- Sunday All Day Bloody Mary Bar Like Us On FB To See More Daily Specials!

Now Under New Management..

- Stop in and meet Jess & Clint!

715-639-5000 109 N. Main St. Elmwood, WI

SEPTEMBER 2019

THREE LADIES IN SAUNA Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. 'That was my pager,' she said. I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, 'That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.'

The older woman felt very low tech. Not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The older woman finally said .....

Well, will you look at that ......

I'm getting a fax!!

MARRIED A CATHOLIC On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, ' It's Lent.'

In tears, she sobbed, ' Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long ? ' SOURCE: fropky.com Did you know..A baby develops fingerprints at eighteen weeks!

One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball.

- Don Carter, pro bowler WONDERS NEVER CEASE 1. If you sit for more than 11 hours a day, there's a 50% chance you'll die within the next three years.

2. There are at least six people in the world who look exactly like you. There's a 9% chance that you'll meet one of them in your lifetime.

3. Sleeping without a pillow reduces back pain and keeps your spine stronger.

4. A person's height is determined by their father, and their weight is determined by their mother.

5. Hydrochloric acid (Conc. HCL) is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.

6. A completely blind chameleon will still take on the colors of its environment.

BUS OF UGLY A bus full of what some may think were ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This went on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

Foster Bar & Grill Open Daily: Mon - Sun 10am Kitchen Till 12am

Join us on our patio this summers end thru fall and enjoy some great food!

See Info @ facebook.com/Foster Bar S12800 USâ&#x20AC;&#x2C6;Hwy 53 - Foster

715-597-6627

WABASHA VFW Post 4086 Open 11am To Close 7 Days A Week

138 2nd. St. E. Wabasha, MN Phone: (651) 565-4766 SEPT. ENTERTAINMENT (All entertainment 8-12 unless listed) SUN Sep 1 - DJ Zuber FRI Sep 6 - Bear Creek Band FRI Sep 13 - Flipside SAT Sep 14 - Mark Healey & Jim Schuh Duo SAT Sep 21 - Sisters & Company FRI Sep 27 - The Chubs SAT Sep 28 - James "Mudkat" Grant

15

Now Open T -F 4pm-10pm & Saturday 3pm-10pm For Summer Months!

MAGIC BANK ACCOUNT (Reprinted by request) The author is not known. It was found in the billfold of coach Paul Bear Bryant, Alabama, after he died in 1982.

Imagine that you had won the following *PRIZE* in a contest: Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400 in your private account for your use.

However, this prize has rules: The set of Rules: 1. Everything that you didn't spend during each day would be taken away from you.

2. You may not simply transfer money into some other account.

3. You may only spend it.

4. Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another $86,400 for that day.

5. The bank can end the game without warning; at any time, it can say, “Game Over!" It can close the account and you will not receive a new one.

What would you personally do?

You would buy anything and everything you wanted right? Not only for yourself, but for all the people you love and care for. Even for people you don't know, because you couldn't possibly spend it all on yourself, right?

You would try to spend every penny, and use it all, because you would know it would be replenished in the morning, right?

ACTUALLY, This GAME is REAL. Shocked ??? YES! Each of us is already a winner of this *PRIZE*. We just can't seem to see it.

The PRIZE is *TIME* 1. Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life.

2. And when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is not credited to us.

3. What we haven't used up that day is forever lost.

4. Yesterday is forever gone.

5. Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your account at any time WITH-

UNCLE SAM’S OF ARCADIA Tues: Free soda, Dom Beer, or Rail Drink w/purchase of a Burger Bsk or any Dinner Wed: 50 Cent Wings (Check out our Flavors!)

Thurs: WATCH FOR THURSDAY FOOD SPECIALS Fri: Pizza & 6 Pk Dom Beer $20 / Sat: $1.50 Busch Lights 12-8pm Sun: $1.50 Busch Lights, $2 Dom Beers, Chips & Dip Watch for Sunday Specials!

Happy Hr: T -F 2-6p

JOIN US FOR PACKER GAMES *We Have Food and Drink Specials Every Game!

Tues - Thur: 11 am - CL Fri: 6 am - CL, Sat: 10 am - CL & Sun: 6 am - CL 309 W. Main St. Arcadia, WI (608) 323-7USA (7872)

SEPTEMBER 2019

OUT WARNING.. SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds?

Those seconds are worth so much more than the same amount in dollars.

Think about it and remember to enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than you think.

So take care of yourself, be happy, love deeply and enjoy life!

Here's wishing you a wonderful and beautiful day. Start “spending”....

"DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT GROWING OLD!" SOME PEOPLE DON'T GET THE PRIVILEGE! Submitted By: ‘One who knows” the ‘Late’ Bert Engel Chippewa Falls, WI DINNER AND A DATE A guy walks into a bookstore, not looking for anything in particular.

On his way to the back of the store, he spots something of interest. A book with a very interesting title, "Dating for the New Millennium. What Women Want." So, he picks it up and opens it to a random page.

"Chapter 1: The First Date."

He glances the chapter over for a few minutes and then rushes out of the bookstore to call a girl he's wanted to ask out for quite awhile.

When he gets home, he picks up the phone and calls her. She answers, "Hello?"

He says, "Hi, Jessica. Listen, I was wondering if you would want to go see a movie with me tonight."

She says, "Sure, I don't see anything wrong with that."

He gets excited. He thought she'd say no way, but she didn't. So, he decided to take it one step further.

He asks, "Great, well how about dinner before the movie?"

UPCHUC K

S

120 W. Main St. Arcadia, WI (608) 323-9907 OPEN: M-Th Noon - 2am F & Sa 10am - 2:30am Sun 10am - 2am DAILY DRINK SPECIALS DJ Music: Th, Fri, & Sa 9-Cl (Safe Rides Available) She replies, ‘Sure that would be great too!'

'Fine, I'll pick you up about eight.

You should be finished eating by then.'

TOO BUSY TO BE FRIENDS This is being sent to a lot of my friends.

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling.

'Really?' she heard whispered. 'I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!' and, 'I didn't know others liked me so much,' were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after

16

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10505 Co. Rd SS Bloomer, WI GPS & Variable Rate Available Owned by: Charles W. Rufledt Phone: 715-568-4643 Fax: 715-568-5643 class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student.

She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin... The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin..

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. 'Were you Mark's math teacher?' he asked.

She nodded: 'yes.' Then he said: 'Mark talked about you a lot.'

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

'We want to show you something,' his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket 'They

found this on Mark when he was killed.. We thought you might recognize it.'

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times.

The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him..

'Thank you so much for doing that,' Mark's mother said. 'As you can see, Mark treasured it.'

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, 'I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home.'

Chuck's wife said, 'Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.'

'I have mine too,' Marilyn said.

'It's in my diary' Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. 'I carry this with me at all times,' Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: 'I think we all saved our lists' That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love

and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late. Even.. tell the ones who you are disappointed in or mad at or that are disappointed and mad at you. Forgive and grow!

One Way to Accomplish This Is: copy this message and send it on.

If you do not send it, you will have, once again passed up the wonderful opportunity to do something nice and beautiful.

If you've read this, it is because someone cares for you and wants so much for you to truly consider the finality of this life and what is really important.. people!

If you're 'too busy' to take those few minutes right now to copy this message and send it on, would this be the VERY first time you didn't do that little thing that would make a difference in your relationships?

The more people that you send this to, the better you'll be at reaching out to those you care about. Remember, you reap what you sew. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own.

TRIVIA #2 A man condemned to death has the option of picking one of three rooms. The first room is a furnace filled with flames. The second has armed men with loaded guns, while the third has lions starving for years. Which one should the man choose?

(Answer on page 18)

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A. A bad golfer goes: WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes: "Damn." WHACK! "Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club don't you?

- Ben Hogan BASKETBALL QUOTE A basketball team is like the five fingers on your hand. If you can get them all together, you have a fist. That's how I want you to play.

- Mike Krzyzewski TATTLETALE Two Boys; a Catholic boy and an Jewish boy were talking and the Catholic boy said, "My priest knows more than your Rabbi."

The Jewish boy said, "Of course he does, you tell him everything."

September 11th is..

Patriot Day remembering 2001 terrorist attacks.

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CABIN & PONTOON RENTALS

Happy Hour: 4 to 6 Mon-Thurs

17

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WEEKEND BREAKFASTS Sat. 8 - 11 a.m. & Sun 9 a.m. - Noon

715-749-3891 See ya round the Track!

112 W. Main St. Roberts, WI ‘Where Good Neighbors Meet’ Join Us at Sidetrack for Good Times!

TRIVIA #2 ANSWER (Question on page 16) The third room, because lions starving for years would be long dead!

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North Hudson, WI 715.386.2205 OPEN D aily 7 AM-2AM **Full Menu/ Daily Specials Breakfast Daily

GRANDFATHERS ARE DIFFERENT Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers?

Well, here it is: There was this loving grand father who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would, take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy! Just he and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He just knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed.

Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed.

ST CROIX VALLEY, WI - LAS VEGAS, NV PG "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked."

"Not really, Papa, it was boring.

We didn't see a single a-hole, guy lover, piece of shitz, horse's ass, socialist left wing, tree lover, blind hitch hiker, dip shitz, camelhumper, or son-of-a-bee anywhere we went! We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really didn't have any fun."

Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

Submitted By: Mike Greenwold "Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in."

-- Mark Twain SCHOOL DAYS JOKES Q. Why was the math book sad?

A. Because it had too many problems.

SUBMIT YOUR JOKE OR STORY TODAY..

Write us at GNP REPORT Po Box 473 Chippewa Falls, WI 54729!

HISTORIC TIDBIT September 3, 1833 - The New York Sun newspaper first appeared, marking the beginning of the 'penny press,' inexpensive newspapers sold on sidewalks by newspaper boys. The paper focused on human interest stories and sensationalism and by 1836 was the largest seller in America with a circulation of 30,000.

REMEMBER THE FAMILIES WHO LOST LOVED ONES ON SEPTEMBER 11TH, 2011!

Q. What kind of meals do math teachers eat?

A. Square meals!

Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus four?

Class: At once!

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18

CHIPPEWA FALLS AREA MAP 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

9

10 12 13 14 15 16 19 20 22 23

2

BURLY’S BAR ..................................................................................8

3

LINDA & DANS T & C .................................................................. N/A

4

LOOPY'S HIGH SHORES CLUB ........................................................9

5

LEROY'S ON SPRING .................................................................. N/A

7

SCHEMBODA'S ................................................................................6

8

SCHUETZY'S (FORMERLY CHARLIE'S AT LAWLER'S) ...............................9

9

BLUE MARBLE PUB L.L.C. ........................................................... 10

10

DALE & MARY'S RITZ ON THE RIVER .............................................8

11

WEST HILL BAR & GRILL ...........................................................N/A

12

THE EDGE PUB & EATERY...............................................................8

13

LOOPY’S ...........................................................................................7

14

WANDER INN ................................................................................ 10

15

19 E. CANAL ST. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 720-9148

8685 ST. HWY. 124, CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-2709 www.facebook.com/Tnc Roundabout 17985 CO. HWY. X, CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 724-9854

24 WEST SPRING ST. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 720-0976 12942 100TH AVE. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-0131

18985 CO. HWY J., CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 720-7008

816 NORTH HIGH STREET, CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 861-5473 114 W. RIVER ST. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (534) 220-7020

250 WEST ELM ST, CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 720-9281

9504 COUNTY HWY S., CHIPPEW FALL WI • (715) 723-2400

10691 90TH AVE. (BUS. 29) CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-5667 • www.723loop.com 6020 CTY RD X CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 874-5590

RIVER INN BAR & GRILL .................................................................6 BRESINA'S BAR & RESTAURANT ...................................................6

HWY B TILDEN, WI • (715) 288-6303

3D FITNESS................................................................................... 40

312 N. BRIDGE, ST., CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-3800 405 GRAHAM AVE., EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 514-3110

ROOKIES PUB ............................................................................... 10

616 N. BRIDGE ST., CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI 54729• (715) 861-5299

GLEN LOCK BAR & GRILL ..........................................................N/A

1300 JEFFERSON AVE., CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 861-3828

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

AD PAGE #

EAGLES CLUB AERIE 2213 ....................................................... N/A

3 5 6

2 3 4

6 7 14

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

15

LAKE HALLIE SPORTSMAN’S CLUB ............................................ 11

16

LAKE HALLIE GOLF COURSE .....................................................N/A

17

TIM'S SLIM'S LAKE HALLIE TAVERN ........................................... 11

19

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

2910 109TH ST. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 726-1050

2196 110TH ST, CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 861-5442

Y1979 CTY. HWY 00, CHIPPEWA FALLS (LAKE HALLIE), WI • (715) 832-9303

OUT OF STATE 1

1

23

AD PAGE #

RUM RUNNER (MAIN LOCATION) ................................................ 18

1801 E. TROPICANA, LAS VEGAS NEVADA

24 27

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GIROLAMO’S COURT N’ HOUSE .................................................. 14

113 W. GRAND AVE. EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 832-5478

BRICK HOUSE............................................................................... 15

2233 BIRCH ST., EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 832-6227

HILLTOP TAVERN ........................................................................ N/A

924 EAST MADISON AVE., EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 835-9223

ROLLY’S COACH CLUB ................................................................. 13

2339 SPOONER AVE. ALTOONA, WI • (715) 832-4120

SPEED OF SOUND ........................................................................ 37

2113 BIRCH ST., EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 839-8021

VFW POST 305 ............................................................................. 12

1300 STARR AVE, EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 552-8438

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

400 CLUB ..................................................................................... 13

1411 SPOONER AVE., ALTOONA WI • (715) 834-6226

VFW POST 7232 ........................................................................... 12

2900 W. FOLSOM ST, EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 832-3528

BIG T'S SALOON .......................................................................... N/A 2007 3RD ST, EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 832-9508

FOSTER BAR ................................................................................. 16

12800 HWY. 53, OSSEO (FOSTER), WI • (715) 597-6627

GOLDEN SPIKE ............................................................................. 13

228 DIVISION STREET, ALTOONA, WI • (715) 552-5526

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

EAST-CENTRAL AREA MAP

10418 CTY HWY X CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-9481

2588 U.S. HWY 53 LAKE HALLIE, WI • (715) 723-0172

2

EAU CLAIRE/ALTOONA/FOSTER AREA MAP

1ST & GOAL SALOON .....................................................................9

29 E. PARK AVE. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-7822

LAKE HALLIE AREA MAP 1

AD PAGE #

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CORNER BAR BAR.............................................................................. N/A

200 N MAIN ST., MERRILLAN, WI • (715) 333-2028

NEILLSVILLE AMERICAN LEGION ................................................ 24

#6 BOON BLVD. NEILLSVILLE, WI • (715) 743-3859

BIG STREET BAR .......................................................................... 32

N3063 KING ST., HUMBIRD, WI • (715) 964-1401

OTTER LAKE BAIT ....................................................................... N/A

16488 CTH H STANLEY, WI • (715) 644-0609

BEHIND BARR'S ........................................................................... 23

N9302 CTY HWY G & O GREENWOOD, WI • (715) 267-6733

FUNTE'S BAR & GRILL ................................................................. 25

215 S. MAIN ST., GREENWOOD, WI • (715) 267-7599

DOC'S BUNKHOUSE ................................................................... N/A

N11702 ELKER RD, MERRILLAN, WI • (715) 964-8010 docsbunkhouse@gmail.com

MEL'S FOXX DEN .......................................................................... 24

N176 MERIDIAN DR., THORP, WI • (715) 669-5511

MIDWAY BAR ................................................................................ 25

602 DIVISION ST, WHITHEE, WI • (715) 229-4327

LOW RIDERS TAVERN & PAVILION .............................................. 24

N2472 HWY 95, NEILLSVILLE, WI • (715) 743-2422

THE TWILITE ZONE ....................................................................... 23

309 N. BROADWAY STANLEY, WI • (715) 644-2340

DOUBLE D SALOON ...................................................................... 24

505 E. MURRAY ST. BOYD, WI • (715) 667-3441

DARLINGS GIFTS .......................................................................... 27

HWY. 10, OSSEO, WI • (715) 597-5683 & 51 S. HAZELHURST, WI • (715) 358-5683

KELLY GRILL ................................................................................ 24

143 E 1ST AVE, STANLEY, WI • (715) 709-0160 • WWW.KELLYGRILL.COM

CALL DYZZI TO ADVERTISE IN ONE OF THESE PRIME SPOTS!

715.456.7518

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MENOMONIE AREA MAP 1 3 4 5 6 8 9

10 11 14 18 19 20 21 24

PUMP HOUSE ............................................................................... 14

1

UP-CHUCK'S ................................................................................. 16

2

CORRAL BAR AND RIVERSIDE GRILL ......................................... 15

3

THE HUB...................................................................................... N/A

4

CLUB 10 ............................................................................................ 16

6

SIDETRACKS SALOON & GRILL ................................................... 18

7

NORTHWOODS BREWPUB........................................................... 15

9

SNEAKERS .................................................................................... 15

10

THE POURHOUSE ......................................................................... 13

16

504 MAIN ST., DOWNING, WI • (715) 265-7855

120 W. MAIN ST., ARCADIA, WI 54612• 608-323-9907

318 W. MAIN ST., DURAND, WI • (715) 672-8874 www.corralbarandriversidegrill.com 305 W. MAIN ST., ELLSWORTH, WI • (715) 273-4223 W4570 US HWY 10, DURAND, WI • (715) 672-5681

112 W. MAIN ST., ROBERTS, WI 54023• www.sidetracksaloon.com 50819 WEST STREET, OSSEO, WI • (715) 597-1828

S119 MCKAY SPRING VALLEY, WI • (715) 778-4200

W301 MENOMONIE ST, HWY 12, ELK MOUND, WI • (715) 917-1020

KERNS KURBSIDE BAR & GRILL ................................................ 15

2 3 4

6 7 8 9

10 11 12 13

15 16 17

18 19 20 21

20

109 N. MAIN ST., ELMWOOD, WI • (715) 639-5000

HILLTOP BAR & GRILL ............................................................... N/A

2508 HWY. 12, WOODVILLE, WI • (715) 698-2907 634 W. MAIN ST., ARCADIA WI • (608) 323-7005

24

E5690 CTY RD C, MENOMONIE, WI • (715) 235-2465

25

309 W. MAIN ST., ARCADIA, WI • (608) 323-7USA (7872)

27

RIVERVIEW LANES ....................................................................... 16 JAKE'S SUPPER CLUB................................................................ N/A UNCLE SAMS ................................................................................ 16 DEAN & SUES BAR & GRILL ......................................................N/A

2002 MIDWAY RD., MENOMONIE, WI • (715) 235-9940

AD PAGE #

BEV’S SADDLE MOUND TAP ........................................................ 34

31 32 34

N 8376 PRAY RD, PITTSVILLE, WI (IN PRAY A TOWN OF CITY POINT) • (715) 884-7355

R & R’S FIRST & LAST CHANCE BAR & GRILL .........................N/A

1

SUNSET TAVERN ........................................................................... 39

5

KRAZY K'S SALOON ...................................................................... 29

6

CORNER PUB................................................................................ 29

8

HWY 27 SOUTH BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-3121

N5890 HWY 54 BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-9345

15793 WEST 1ST ST. ETTRICK, WI • (608) 525-7171

14611 222ND AVE., BLOOMER, WI • (715) 568-1174

XPEDITIONS ................................................................................. 17

1319 MAIN ST. BLOOMER, WI • (715) 568-5420

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

R-BAR & RED PINES CAMGROUND .................................................31

1190 - 25TH ST. CAMERON, WI • (715) 859-6556

THE RUT ........................................................................................ 30

N705 COUNTY RD M, COUNTY ROAD D, SARONA, WI • (715) 354-3250

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

HOOT'S ON THE WATER................................................................ 31

2091 22 1/2 AVE., RICE LAKE, WI • (715) 475-1300

BLOOMER MEMORIAL GOLF COURSE ....................................... 17

118 E. 13TH AVE., BLOOMER, WI • (715) 568-1743

WHITE BIRCH BAR AND GRILL.................................................... 17

1039 ST. HWY 64, BLOOMER, WI • (715) 568-3662

MIKE & ELLIE'S SHADY CAMPGROUND AND POOR FOLKS SALOON ......................................................... 31 CORNER PIT STOP..................................................................... M/A

18982 STATE HWY 124, BLOOMER, WI • (715) 288-6596

LINCOLNWOOD RESORT BAR AND GRILL .................................. 30

N1075 EAST SIDE RD., BIRCHWOOD, WI • (715) 354-3533 www.lincolnwoodresort.com

AARON'S HAPPY HOUR BAR ....................................................... 31

601 S. MAIN ST., RICE LAKE, WI • (715) 234-6165

SPIDER LAKE SALOON ............................................................... N/A

N2586 SPIDER LAKE TRAIL, BIRCHWOOD, WI • (715) 354-3723

WAGON WHEEL ............................................................................ 30

MAIN ST., BRILL, WI • (715) 234-1823

MICKEY'S .................................................................................... N/A

N5399 WALNUT ST, TONY, WI • (715) 532-7598

FIRESIDE BAR & GRILL ............................................................. N/A

W12745 FIRESIDE LAKE RD., NEW AUBURN WI• (715) 868-1172

ST. CROIX AREA MAP

BACK ROADS SALOON ................................................................. 34

N8395 PRAY ROAD, PITTSVILLE, WI • (715) 884-2036

AD PAGE #

CEDAR BAY RESORT .................................................................... 17

2883 17-3/4TH ST., RICE LAKE, WI • (715) 234-7339 www.shadyrest@centurytel.net

21

SOUTHERN AREA MAP 1

NORTHERN AREA MAP

AD PAGE #

22833 N. MAIN ST. ETTRICK, WI • (608) 525-4863

AD PAGE #

B & L LIQUOR STORE ................................................................... 18

1369 MAIN ST., HOULTON, WI • (715) 549-6589

THE BUNGALOW INN .................................................................... 18

1151 RIVERCREST RD N, LAKELAND, MN • (651) 436-5005

THE VILLAGE INN SPORTS BAR & GRILL .................................... 18

723 - 6TH ST. N., HWY. 35 HUDSON, WI • (715) 386-2205

WABASHA VFW POST 4086 ........................................................ 18

138 2ND ST. E., WABASHA, WI • (651) 565-4766

DWYER'S MY SECOND HOME ...................................................... 27

13272 MAIN ST., PIGEON FALLS, WI • (715) 983-5664

HOLCOMBE AREA MAP

FREDDIES ..................................................................................... 32

N 625 NORTH BEND DR., MELROSE, WI • (608) 488-5823

RUMORS ....................................................................................... 32

N9261 ST. HWY 108, MINDORO, WI • (608) 857-3436

THE BLOCK HOUSE ...................................................................... 34

N2098 SANDBERG RD., MELROSE, WI • (608) 488-4600

COZY CORNER ............................................................................ N/A

43 MAIN ST., BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-2651

BLACK RIVER POWER SPORTS ....www.blackriverpowersports.com ......... 34

W10120 STATE HWY 54 E., BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-2600 FAX (715) 284-2055

WAUGHTAL MOTOR SALES .......................................................... 37

1 2 3 4 5

206 N. WASHINGTON ST., MELROSE, WI • (608) 488-3911

7

N378 ST HWY 108 MELROSE, WI *3 MILES S. OF MELROSE

9

W2606 DAVIS CREEK RD., MELROSE, WI • (608) 857-3880

10

JC’S PIZZA & PUB ........................................................................ 32

BURR OAK AUTO BODY ................................................................ 32 FOB BAR & GRILL ...................................................................... N/A

16

THE WRIGHT PLACE ................................................................... N/A

17

RUSTIC HAVEN BAR & GRILLE .................................................... 27

18

OVERFLOW TAVERN AND EATERY ............................................... 32

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406 NORTH WASHINGTON ST., MELROSE, WI • (608) 396-3020 44 EAST MAIN ST., BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 670-0004 W15683 ST. HWY 121, HIXTON, WI • (715) 984-2519

N621 NORTH BEND DR., NORTH BEND, WI • (608) 488-2730

AD PAGE #

BIG T'S NORTH ............................................................................. 29

116 MAIN ST., CORNELL, WI • (715) 239-6677

BIG SWEDES RESORT .................................................................. 29

840 HWY 27 HOLCOMBE, WI • (715) 456-7518 • www.bigswedes.com

THE BIG MINNOW......................................................................... 28

26490 STATE HIGHWAY 27, HOLCOMBE, WI • (715) 595-6362

TJ'S TIMBERLINE .......................................................................... 29

1189 N. POTATO LAKE, CHETEK, WI • (715) 353-2238

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

ENTWOOD GOLF COURSE............................................................ 29

28135 290TH AVE., HOLCOMBE, WI • (715) 595-4035

JIMMY'S WORLD........................................................................... 26

N1745 RANGELINE RD., CONRATH, WI • (715) 532-0637 CELL (715) 403-3867

COOKIE'S HOLCOMBE INN .......................................................... 26

27575 -0263RD AVE., HOLCOMBE, WI • (715) 595-4092

5TH QUARTER BAR ...................................................................... 28

108 W. MINER AVE., LADYSMITH, WI • (715) 532-7757

CHIPPEWA RIVER CAMPGROUND ............................................N/A

23780 STATE HWY. 178, CORNELL, WI

JIM'S SHADY NOOK ...................................................................... 28

16061 - 296TH ST, CORNELL, WI • (715) 667-3878

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

NEILLSVILLE PAGE HONORING BOB HOPE To one who made a difference…

ON TURNING 70 - "I still chase women, but only downhill."

ON TURNING 80 - "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."

ON TURNING 90 - "You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."

ON TURNING 100 - " I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER (BOXING) - "I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them."

ON GOLF - "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees."

ON PRESIDENTS - "I have performed for 12 presidents but

entertained only six."

ON WHY HE CHOOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER - "When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, congratulations, you have an eight-pound ham."

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY - "Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS "That's how I learned to dance.

Waiting for the bathroom."

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES "I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."

ON GOING TO HEAVEN -

Monthly Events & Extras - Monday, Sept 9 Steak Feed 1700-2000 - Sunday, Sept 22 Breakfast 0830-1200 - Every Wednesday Steak or Ham Steak Sandwich special 1100-1300 - Every Friday Plated Meals 1700-2000

SEPTEMBER 2019

"I have done benefits for ALL religions. I would hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."

THE REASON FOR PEACE The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet is because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara, and of course, Opie -- all single.

The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

TIPS AND TIDBITS 1. Putting dry tea bags in your gym bag or smelly shoes will absorb the unpleasant odor.

2. According to Oliver Einstein, if honey bees were to disappear from the earth, humans would be dead within four years. Side note, butterflies need milkweed also to

Open at 10a *7 Days a Week HAPPY HOUR SU - TH 4-6P

Join us this fall and have a drink with us!

N272 Hwy 95 Neillsville, WI 715-743-2422 survive everyone should be planting some in their yards, fields and ditches.

3. There are so many kinds of apples that if you ate a new one every day, it would take over 20 years to try them all.

4. You can survive without eating for two weeks, but you only live 11 days without sleeping.

American Legion Post #73

WEEKLY SPECIALS:

#6 Boon Blvd. Neillsville, WI

2nd Monday Steak Feeds

(Just off Hwy 10) Phone: 715-743-3859

Every Wednesday 1100-1300 Steak Sandwich Special

OPEN TO THE PUBLIC JOIN US!

Friday Nite Legion Dinner w/ Hooves, Beaks, Scales & Tails 1700-2000

Large & Small Banquet & Meeting Rms Available for Meetings & Parties

4th Sunday Breakfasts

Check it out...Drink Cards Get a punch your 2nd - 8th drinks and get your 9th drink free!

MONTHLY MEETING DATES -Legion & Ladies Auxiliary 1st Monday 7pm

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STANLEY - BOYD - GREENWOOD PAGE Like Us on Facebook!

Open 7 Days A Week Mondays @ 4pm / Tue - Sun 11am - CL

*Full Bar *Video Poker *Pool *Darts .. WiFi Available!

309 N. Broadway - Stanley, WI JEFF AND IAN Jeff and Ian were out for their usual round of golf one day. "Tell you what, Ian; let's make this game worth our time. I'll bet you a dollar that I score lower than you do this round."

"Sounds good, Jeff."

And they were off. They matched scores for the first eight holes, and things were looking good when they teed off on the ninth. After their first drives, they trooped off for the next stroke. Problem was Jeff could not find his golf ball.

He looked all over, but to no avail.

"Ian, help me look for the ball!"

"I'll look around from here, Jeff, but don't forget - a lost ball counts as two strokes!"

Jeff looked around some more, but couldn't find the ball. Finally, out of desperation, he snuck a new ball out of his pocket, and dropped

715-644-2340 it on the ground when Ian was not looking. He then yelled, "Ian, I've found it!”

Ian exploded. "You cheater! How dare you! I never thought that any man I played a friendly round with would stoop to cheating for a mere dollar!"

Jeff replied, "What do you mean 'cheater'? I found that ball; I'll play it where it lies!" Ian said.

"That's not your golf ball! I've been standing on your ball for five minutes!"

SHORT JOKES 1. A man was working out in the gym when he spotted a sexy young woman. He asked his trainer, "What machines should I use in here to impress a girl like that?"

The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I'd try the ATM in

Double D Saloon D Bar & Grill Open 7 Days A Week 10am - CL Homemade Pizza Fresh Daily Join Our Pizza Club (Ask Bartender for Details)

Taco Tuesdays Friday Fish Fry All-U-Can-Eat WINGS

SATURDAYS - DJ / KARAOKE BEST SOUND & LIGHTS Ladies Night Every Saturday 7-9pm Buy (*1 Drink get 1!)

715-667-3441

Denny & Deb Zais Owners

SEPTEMBER 2019

2. Why is the Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

3. After his divorce Frank realized poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.

4. "I have such a big heart," a woman said her friend. "This morning I gave a bum a $100."

"What did your husband say about that?"

The woman replied, "Thank you."

Submitted by: Thomas Frederick Lake Elmo, MN AN ITALIAN FUNERAL A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his Espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.

The Jewish man couldn't stand his

Join us for our Home-made FULL Menu! *Breakfast & Lunch Daily * Dinner Available Thur – Sat Bar Open: Tues thru Sat @6am Sun 8a -1p / *Closed Mondays Kitchen Open: Tue & Wed 6a - 2p) Thur – Sat 6a – 9p / Sun 8a – 1p HAPPY HOUR DAILY 3 - 5pm.. $2 Bottles & Rails / $1.50 PBR All Day Every Day!

143 E 1st Ave, Stanley, WI (715) 709-0160 https://kellygrill.com Like us on FACEBOOK & Instagram!

curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said... "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral, is it?"

"My wife's." ''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

“My mother-in-law. She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her and killed her also."

It was a very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood. Silence passed between the two men.

The Jewish man then asked...

"Can I borrow the dog?"

The Italian man replied, "Get in line.” Submitted By: Sandy O’Connell - Via Online OPEN:

Mon - Thurs 3p - CL/Fri - Sun 2p - CL

Wed All Day & Night

Join Us For Great Food & Entertainment

505 E. Murray St. Boyd, WI

the lobby."

Directions: South of Taft Townhall & North of Stanley & Thorp WI

HAPPY HOUR: Mon - Fri 4 - 6pm **FREE Pool ALL Day EVERY Day!**

*T-Shirts & Hats - PIZZA & Snacks Available

Join us.. Sept 21st: 10th Annual Mitterhoffer Radish Fest *Food, Car Show, Music, Games and Raffle Starts @ 2pm 2nd Sat Monthly: Monthly Drawing & Meat Raffle @ 6:30pm Plus.. DJ & Karaoke N 1 7 6 M e r i d i a n D r. T h o r p , W I P h o n e : 7 1 5 - 6 6 9 - 5 5 1 1

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ARCADIA - BOYD PG

OPEN EVERY DAY 10a - Close Join Us For...

HAPPY HOUR: M, T, & TH 50 cent pull tabs (2 Win $$) plus.. Wed & Fri during...

DOUBLE BUBBLE 5-6PM Serving Hamburgers & Appetizers Phone: (715) 229-4327 602 Division St, Withee, WI DEAR LORD Please give me a sense of humor, give me the grace to see a joke, to get some humor out of life, and pass it on to other folks.

To the person reading this, please have the grace to pass it on to others.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, keep one hand on your wallet and don't worry about tomorrow it has enough problems of it’s own.

ASTUTE OBSERVATIONS There are two sides to every divorce: yours and dipshit's.

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

I saw a very large woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said "Left Tackle?”

I don't do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

I don't like political jokes. I've seen too many get elected.

The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

Shopping tip: you can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

Every day I beat my previous record of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team's winning.

Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

Marriage changes passion . . . suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose

Are your efforts and talents unappreciated?

We Need you! Hiring Now..

We are looking for motivated people in the Health and Wellness Industry to experience and show others new ways to hit their weight loss goals, while feeling more vitality and energy!

Call today for more information 715-456-7518 SEPTEMBER 2019

fitting clothing, I wouldn't need the freakin' class!

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't you know it! Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? Perhaps our nations wardens know something!

HISTORY LESSON September 7, 1999 - For the first time since World War II, Germany's parliament, the Bundestag, returned to Berlin, former capital of Imperial Germany as well as Hitler's Reich. The Bundestag held its first session in the fully restored Reichstag building, attended by parliamentarians from around the world.

FUNTE’S

BAR & GRILL 215 S. Main St. Greenwood, WI 715-267-7599

Join Us For..Wraps, Salads, Burgers, Specialty Burgers & Homemade Pizza Happy Hour: Tues - Fri 3-6p HOURS: Tues - Fri: 11-CL, Sat: 12p - CL, Sorry Closed Sun(s) & Mon(s)

NEW Look.. & Now Table Seating.

Now Open ..

Sundays for Packer Games!

Q & A Q. When do parents complain because of eye pain?

A. When they have their eye on you!

Happy school days 2019 - 2020!

WELCOME..

ATV/UTV Riders

“Voted" Best Fish Fry" by our customers.

(Serving 11a -9p Fridays) STOP BY & SEE WHAT NEW ITEMS ARE COOKING! Hours of Service: Open 6 Days A Week @ 11a CLOSED TUESDAYS Summer Kitchen Hours: Mon - Sat 11am - 9pm Sunday 11am - 7pm HAPPY HOUR: 3-6pm *Mon - Thurs (Located midway between Greenwood & Willard at Cty Hwys G & O Crossroads)

N9302 Cty Rd. O Greenwood, WI Phone # 715-267-6733

*Offering deck drink specials (when summer finally gets here) - Every Sunday Texas Hold 'Em Starts at 1 pm OPEN: Labor Day at 4 pm *Behind Barr's business & property is For Sale: Very profitable turn-key business opportunity for an energetic individual(s) For more info see www.Century21.com

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Win Movie Tickets for Micon Theaters Chippewa Falls & Eau Claire, WI Theaters AUGUST 2019 Winner..

CAROL BOWE Chippewa Falls, WI

Send in your entry TODAY! Grub & Pub Report PO Box 473 Chippewa Falls, WI 54729!

MOVIE TRIVIA AUGUST 2019 TRIVIA 1. Francois Truffaut 2. Christmas Eve 3. Steve Buscemi 4. Deborah Moggach SEPTEMBER 2019 TRIVIA 7. Which electronic band composed all the music for Tron: Legacy in 2010?

8. Who plays corrupt sheriff Hank Quinlan in Orson Welles’s Touch of Evil (1958)?

9. What is the name of the vegetation assessor that becomes the object of the hero’s affection in WALL-E? 10. Which pair of real-life brothers (including first names) play the titular roles in The Fabulous Baker Boys (1989)? And what is the name of the alluring singer for whom they both fall, played by Michelle Pfeiffer?

11. Who got tetchy when British critics ridiculed his English accent in Ridley Scott’s 2010 Robin Hood?

SEPTEMBER 2019

SIGNS Did I read that sign right?

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW. ******In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT. ******In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS... ******In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN. ******In an English office: AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD. ******Outside a second-hand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? ******Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS... ******Spotted in a safari park: (I sure hope so.)

ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR. ******Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR. ******Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES. ******Message on a leaflet:

CONRATH - HOLCOMBE PAGE

Jimmy’s World Bar & Campground

N1745 Rangeline Rd. Conrath, WI Bar # 715-532-0637 / Cell # 715-403-3867 OPEN Great Fishing, Tubing, Canoeing right on Main Creek Noon - CL Laundry Facility, Camp Store, 18 Full RV Hook-up 7 Days a Week Sites & 54 Primitive Sites,Heated Shower House On ATV Trail We Have An... Apartment For Rent .. Call Today!

IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS. ******On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK.) THINK ABOUT IT 1. I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn't sorry, and accept an apology I never received.

2. A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but you cannot do more than pray until you have prayed.

3. Trying times our times to try out. (Triumphant is made up of two words: a little try with a lot of umph!).

4. Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't-

you're right!

5. There may be times when you cannot find help, but there is not a time when you cannot give help.

6. The secret of happy living is not to do what you like, but to like what you do.

7. Language may be a vehicle of thought, but in some cases it's just an empty wagon.

8. Egotism is an act of seeing exceptional qualities in yourself that others cannot see.

9. Whoever gossips to you will gossip of you.

10. A great calamity is not to have failed, but to have failed to try.

11. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.

12. There isn't any situation so hard that if you chipped away at it long enough you couldn't create a monument.

27575 263rd Ave. Holcombe WI 715-595-4092 FREE Pool Sundays!

Open: 11am - CL *7 Days A Wk

JOIN US THIS FALL FOR PACKERS! All Day.. BLOODY MARY Sunday: Bloody Marys w/ 12 Ingredients Only $4.50 Happy Hour: Mon & Tues (Op to CL) & Wed-Fri 3- 6p 75 cent Taps, $1.50 Mugs, $2.00 Domestic beers, $2.00 Rails

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GRANTON - OSSEO - TONY PAGE Dwyer’s ‘My

Second Home’ Bar & Grill

13272 Main St. Pigeon Falls, WI

715-983-5664

Join us for BINGO Sept. 7th & 21st MARK YOUR CALENDERS..

CALENDERS Oct 12: Woman’s Softball Beer Bust @ 2pm *Gun Raffle Open:

*Breakfast Served Daily

Mon - Fri 7:30am-CL Sat & Sun 8am-CL

*Mon - Fri: Lunch Specials

Happy Hour M - F 4-7pm

JOIN US FOR: Burgers, Appetizers & Homemade Pizza Fresh Burger Daily from Local Meat Locker

13. We live in an age at which having made a mess of civilization, petulantly cries, "Why doesn't God do something?"

14. Loser: One who tried almost as hard as the winner.

15. The rules of carving holes good as to criticism: never cut with a knife what you can cut with a spoon.

Submitted by: Kay Johnson Tomahawk WI. You see, you spend a good piece of your life gripping a baseball, and in the end it turns out that it was the other way around all the time.

- Jim Bouton, Ball Four, 1970

OPEN:: 10am - CL (7 Days A Week) Like us @ facebook.com/ Rustic Haven Bar & Grille HAPPY HOUR: PHONE: 715-984-2519 Mon - Thurs 4 - 6pm ADDRESS: W15683 St Hwy 121 Hixton,WI 50¢ Off Drinks!

(Just off I-94 in Town of Northfield) 1st Friday Monthly: Nick Lee On The Road Again 2 DJ & Karaoke 8pm -12am

Sept 8th is Larry’s 58th Birthday - stop in and say Happy Birthday!

Sun., Sept 29th - Hixton Fire Department Fundraiser @ Pork Roast 11a-Gone Band from 11am - 4pm and Celebrity Bartending by the Fire Dept.

FULL MENU: (Available for Dine In or Carry Out *Unless Stated) DAILY SPECIALS: MON: Homemade Pizza *5 - 9pm / TUES: Tacos *All Day WED: Wings *All Day (Traditional or Boneless) THURS: Two-for-One Burgers (Dine In Only) * 5 - 9pm FRI: Beer-Battered Cod or Fish Sandwich *10am - 10pm EVERY SAT: 9-11pm Free Music & Free Pool NEW.. EVERY SAT & SUN: 11am – 2pm $4.00 Bloody Marys, 11am – gone $1 Jello Shots, Any (3) Appetizers for Only $12 11am – 7pm Specialty Drinks.. Moscow Mules

SEPTEMBER 2019

A R E YO U E X P E R I E N C I N G A N Y O F T H E F O L L O W I N G S Y M P TO M S : *INFLAMMATION *NAUSEA *HOT FLASHES *JOINT PAIN *HEADACHES *BACK OR MUSCLE PAIN *ANXIETY *DIGESTIVE ISSUES *SPASTICITY *TROUBLE SLEEPING *CRAMPS *FREQUENT URINATION OR IRRITATED SKIN If you answered yes to any of these symptoms above, CBD may be right for you.

CBD OILS, EDIBLES, CREAMS & MORE AVAILABLE NOW AT DARLINGS LOCATIONS!

STOP AT

Darlings FOR ALL YOUR

VALENTINE’S NEEDS and His or Her WANTS too!

Darlings Your Adult Party Store “Where you get more for your $ and much, much more for your HONEY!” Darlings in Osseo: (Jct. of I-94 & Hwy 10 Behind Shell Truck Stop) Open 9a -11p Sun-Thurs & 9a - 12a Fri - Sat 715-597-5683 / Eldorado’s in Stevens Point: (Bus. Hwy 51 S. Across from Copp Foods) 715-343-9877 Darlings in Hazelhurst: (7015 Hwy 51 S. Hazelhurst) Open 10a -11p Sun - Thurs & 10a -12a Fri -Sat 715-358-5683

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B L A C K R I V E R FA L L S - P R AY

108 W. Miner Ave. Ladysmith, WI 715-532-7757 Happy Hour: M-F 3-6pm ‘Hometown Bar for All’

JOIN IN THE FUN SEPT.. ENTERTAINMENT PAGES 38 -39

PROOF IT Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?

Excerpts from papers around the world. **** Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife And Daughter This one was caught in the SGV Tribune.The Editorial Room was called and asked who wrote this.

It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was

Curvy Word Puzzle

(Answers Pg 36-37)

Jim’s

PG

impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day. **** Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Really? Ya' think? **** Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Now that's taking things a bit far! **** Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over What a guy! **** Miners Refuse to Work after Death No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-andso's! **** Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant See if that works better than a fair trial! **** War Dims Hope for Peace I can see where it might have that effect! **** If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Shady Nook Resort (Located on Pike Lake)

*Bar * Restaurant *Cabins *Campground *Seasonal RV Sites Happy Hr: 4-6p M -Th

Open 7 days a week till December @ 10am JOIN US FOR GREAT FOOD FRI: Fish Buffet 5p – 8p SAT: Smoked Prime 4p - ?

Surf-n-Turf SUN: Broasted Chicken Dinner 11am – 6pm Salad Bar (Fri & Sat Only) 16061 296th St. Cornell, WI

715-667-3878 Ya' think?! **** Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Who would have thought! **** Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide They may be on to something! ****

OPEN 6 DAYS A WEEK TUES - THUR & SUN 10am - 12am FRI & SAT 10am - Close

HAPPY HOUR: Tuesday - Friday 5p -7pm $1.75 DOMESTIC & BAR RAIL SERVING...

Breakfast Served Daily 10a - 2p Daily Lunch SPECIALS 11am - 2pm Daily Dinner SPECIALS 5pm - 9pm

JOIN US FOR OUR.. $0.75 Tappers $1.25 Mugs ..

All Day EVERY Day!

*Like Us on FACEBOOK! Phone: (715) 595-6362 26490 WI-27, Holcombe, WI 54745 facebook.com/the big minnow

SEPTEMBER 2019

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HOLCOMBE PAGE 1189 N. Potato Lk.

CHETEK, WI On North side of Potato Lake

(715) 353-2238 Open: Mon - Thur at 3p & Weekends 10am Resort, Cabins, Camping Newly Remodeled Bar ATM Available!

Re s o r t i s F O R S A L E ! ! www.tjtimberline.com Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? **** Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge He probably IS the battery charge! **** New Study of Obesity Looks for

28135 290th Ave. Holcombe, WI 715-595-4035 www.entwoodgolf.com

*Children 11 & Under FREE! Open 7 days a week 7am to Dusk NEW SPECIALS Tues. Thurs. 7:00 am - noon $10.00 walk - $15.00 w/cart 9 holes and Wednesday All day with Cart $25.00 per person

Senior Mondays (65 and Older) $10 Walk / $18.00 with cart All Day/ Ladies day Fridays $7.00 Walk for 9 holes $15.00 with cart 9 holes

SEPTEMBER SPECIAL Buy Membership in September & Golf the rest of season!

SEPTEMBER 2019

Larger Test Group Weren't they fat enough?! **** Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft That's what he gets for eating those beans! **** Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Do they taste like chicken? **** Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Chainsaw Massacre all over again! **** Hospitals are sued by 7 Foot Doctors Boy, are they tall! **** And the winner is...

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that right? **** Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity (maybe even a chuckle).

Submitted By: Tom Golden Via Online

day, so we're having you put to sleep.

Happy birthday, uncle Dad! (Available only in Mississippi and Arkansas).

Submitted by Sunny Roads Chippewa Falls, WI VEHICLE MAINTENANCE -Check the air pressure in your tires. It makes your car more steady on the road, saves your tire tread for longer wear and also increases your gas mileage and your stopping capabilities.

-Check your air filters. During the fall little pesky animals like chipmunks and mice like to make little nests with their hair and even nuts they are storing for the winter in your air filter compartment. I

FREE Juke Box Fridays On Lake Holcombe Bar, Restaurant, Cabins, Campground 840 Hwy. 27 N. Holcombe, WI

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ENTERTAINMENT: Saturdays and Sundays 4-8pm in SUMMER when Pavilion open with full bar have even&seen myself when Livethis Music a little chipmunk spent all night FREE POOL TUESDAYS cutting a path in my lawn from! a FREEwalnut JUKEtree BOX FRIcar . Nwhich ITES black to my T AKING SM PARTY BOOKINGS..! it had black walnuts stuffed in the

KAKU R O P U ZZLE

Complete the kakuro puzzle. Place a number from 1 to 9 in each empty cell.

Do not repeat any numbers in a given block. Hints are shown in grey squares. The number below a diagonal line is the sum of the numbers below it. The number above a diagonal line is the sum of the numbers to the right of it. There is more than one answer.

HALLMARK CARD (NOT) Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.

When we were together, you always said you’d die for me.

Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.

You are such a good friend that if I was on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birth-

29

The Rut N705 Cty Rd. M. Sarona, WI 715-354-3250

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READER COMMENTS Dyzzi you could start a column or a page like GOOD HEALTH NEWS or HEALTH TIPS, people will read your magazine for the health tips. Here are a few I found in the Natural Health Forum I thought you'd like to share Submitted by: Eddie Lato – Colorado 1. Although I am now a nonsmoker, of several years before I quit smoking I weaned myself off it some ‘roll your own’ cigarettes.

I used some excellent, chemical free tobacco in untreated rolling

papers made of fine white paper from France. I discovered, much to my surprise, that the cigarette would go out if I didn't puff away.

Consequently, I was easily able to reduce my intake from a pack or two a day to only a couple of cigarettes, and eventually discontinue it altogether. I found the chemicals that are put in both the paper and the tobacco to keep the cigarettes burning also cause you to crave more cigarettes. If you’d like to experiment, try rolling some cigarettes with Perle Shag (Danish tobacco) or Three Castles they use untreated paper.

The results may quickly convince you that it isn't what chemicals companies need to add to their products, but what they need to leave out, which makes all the difference. Eugene W. 2. A year ago, the pressure in one eye went up to 36, and 32 in the other eye. I tried drugs and found that they not only did not work, they dried out my eye. The doctor recommended stronger drops, but

SUDUKO ‘Hard’ Puzzle (Answers to puzzle on pg 36)

BRILL - BIRCHWOOD - SARONA PG OPEN DAILY @ 10am SERVING FOOD DAILY 10A-10P

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Brill Harvest Days, Sept. 6-8

Located on Main St. in Brill, WI (715) 234 - 1823 I refused. Three months ago I tried vitamins. I use 2000 to 3000 mg of natural vitamin C complex with rose hips of 150 mg of rutin, twice per day for three months.

Last week my pressures were taken again, and they were normal (20). My eye doctor couldn't believe it and he is telling his other glaucoma patients about it. This also can prevent cataracts, or how to stop it. Julia F 3. I used to feel really tired when I awoke in the morning, even though I thought I was getting a good night sleep. Then I ran in and alternative health newsletter article on sleep disorders explaining how drinking alcohol in the evening could disturb sleep and recommended not in bidding after 7 PM. After I stopped the nighttime drink habits during the week at least. I started waking up in the morning feeling right and chipper.

Lonnie D. 4. I have been combating hypertension and other health problems for years. Then one morning I awoke and decided I wanted to change my whole lifestyle. I quit

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smoking,eating all processed food, fast food, reduced red meat consumption to a minimum, and became pretty much a vegetarian, all within a month's time. My physician removed me from any form of medication the following month, and my blood pressure has been normal ever since. That was five years ago. I believe getting rid of all of the junk food and processed foods really have helped me the most. Nick P. BEFORE 1945 For all those born before 1945 you are survivors! Consider the changes you have witnessed.

You were born before television, before penicillin, before polio shots, frozen foods, Xerox, plastic, contact lenses, Frisbees and the pill. You were before radar, credit cards, split atoms, laser beams and ballpoint pens. Before pantyhose, dishwashers, clothes dryers, electric blankets, air conditioners, drip dry clothes... and before man walked on the moon.

You got married first and then live together. How quaint can you Summer & Winter Accommodations

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Happy Hour: 3 -6pm Mon - Fri Tues: FREE Pool Wed: 2 for 1: 8-10p

HAUGEN - RICE LAKE PG

be? In your time, closets were for clothes, not for "coming-out of".

Bunnies were small rabbits, and rabbits were not Volkswagens.

The designer jeans were scheming girls named Jean, and having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

You thought that fast food was what you ate during Lent. You were before house husbands, gay rights, and computer dating, dual careers and computer marriages.

You were before day care centers, group therapy and nursing homes.

And you never heard of FM radio, tape decks, CD’s, Blueray, electric typewriters, artificial hearts, word processors, yogurt and guys wearing earrings. For you, timesharing meant togetherness... not computers and condominiums.

Hardware meant hardware, and software wasn't even a word.

Back then "made in Japan" meant junk and the term "making out" referred to how you did in your exam. Pizza, McDonald and instant coffee were unheard of.

Mike & Ellie’s

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SEPTEMBER 2019

You hit the scene when there were $.05 and $.10 stores, where you bought things for $.05 and $.10. For one nickel, you could ride a streetcar, make a phone call, AND buy a Pepsi or enough stamps to mail one letter and two cards. You could buy a new Chevy coupe for $600, but who could afford one? A pity too, because gas was $.11 a gallon!

In your day, GRASS was mowed, COKE was a cold drink, and POT was something you cooked in. ROCK MUSIC was a gramma’s lullaby, and AIDS were helpers in the principal’s office.

You certainly were before the difference between the sexes was discovered, and before the sex change operations made man feel like a woman. You made do with what you had. And you were the last generation that was so dumb as to think you needed a husband to have a baby.

No wonder everyone is so confused and there is such a generation today with such a huge identity crisis at least most every teenager and adult under 40.

But, YOU SURVIVED!! What better reason to celebrate.

Submitted by: Paul Halverson Arcadia, WI ONE LINERS Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

Light travels faster than sound.

This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

SOME INTERESTING GOLF EXPRESSIONS Jaws: The yearning chasm that is in front of the cup, when a putt stops just inches short of its intended destination. For example, "He left it right in the jaws."

Jungle: The thickest, deepest, nastiest rough on the course.

Knee-knocker: A putt in the three-to-four foot range that causes emotional and physical problems for the golfer.

The term comes from the nervous trembling that accompanies these short putts.

Leaf rule: Rule used in certain parts of America during Autumn allowing a golfer to play another ball without penalty when his previous shot is lost and assumed covered by leaves.

Lip out: A putt that hits the lip and spins out.

Meat and potatoes par four: A long, straight forward par four devoid of water, bunkers, and other hazards that might make the hole more difficult.

Mickey Mouse course: A golf course with many flaws,

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Phone: (715) 475-1300 possibly including poor maintenance, too many short holes, and tacky architectural features.

Milk the grip: To lighten and tighten the grip on a club before beginning a swing.

This enables a golfer to get exactly the correct grip pressure (light) for a solid stroke.

Million-dollar swing: A flawless swing like that of Tom Purtzer, Steve Elkington or Tiger Woods.

Muff: To mishit a shot.

Nineteenth hole: The bar and grill you visit after your round. This is the place where most golfers find their best lies.

Nip it: When you hit an iron shot without taking a divot, you have nipped it. Good golfers do this in an attempt to minimize backspin; bad golfers do it by accident.

Kitchen Hours: Serving Noon - 9pm Tu- Sa Bar Open: Tues - Sat 11am to Close Closed Sunday & Mondays RED PINE CAMPGROUND *Only 1/2 Mile from Chetek Chain of Lakes *Electric & H2O Sites Available *Book Your Campsite for the 2019 Season NOW!

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might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If you have to get your parents' permission to go on a field trip 15793 West 1st St. Ettrick or to take an aspirin in school, but (608) 525-7171 not to get an abortion — you OPEN: Mon - Fri 10am - CL might live in a nation that was Sa - Sun 8am - CL founded by geniuses but is run by Serving Breakfast: idiots.

Sat 8-10:30a & Sun 8a-12p If you MUST show your identifiGreat Burgers & cation to board an airplane, cash a Homemade Pizzas check, buy liquor, or check out a library book and rent a video, but Stop in for Breakfast .. not to vote for who runs the Sat & Sun 8am - 12 government — you might live in Come in and enjoy Dinner specials a nation that was founded by or FULL MENU! geniuses but is run by idiots.

BIKER FRIENDLY! If the government wants to prevent stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun DUMB AND DUMBER If plastic water bottles are okay, magazines that hold more than ten but plastic bags are banned, — rounds, but gives twenty F-16 you might live in a nation (state) fighter jets to the crazy new that was founded by geniuses but leaders in Egypt — you might live in a nation that was founded by is run by idiots.

DO WE LIVE IN SUCH A geniuses but is run by idiots.

If, in the nation's largest city, you DUMB COUNTRY? If you can get arrested for hunting can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not one 24-ounce soda, or fishing without a license, but not for entering and remaining because 24-ounces of a sugary in the country illegally — you drink might make you fat — you Homemade

Pizza!

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If an 80-year-old woman who is confined to a wheelchair or a three-year-old girl can be stripsearched by the TSA at the airport, but a woman in a burka or a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If a seven-year-old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is "cute" but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly

acceptable — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government regulation and intrusion while not working is rewarded with Food Stamps, WIC checks, Medicaid benefits, subsidized housing, etc. you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

If you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big-screen TV, while your neighbor buys iPhones, time shares, a wall-sized do-it-all plasma screen TV, tatoos body piercings and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he defaults on his mortgage— you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idiots.

OverFlow #

Motorcycles, Cars, Music & More Thursday Nights 5:30 - 8:30p (In Downtown Northbend.. Come Join The Fun!)

Aug 29th - Strumberry Jam Sept 5th - Scott Wilcox is back Sat Sept 21st - Joe Cody & Co Check out our Facebook pages for more info.

SEPTEMBER 2019

Up Coming Entertainment *PACKER GAME TV Give Away Every Game!

OPEN 7 Days a Week @ 11am (Must be present before SERVING FULL MENU DAILY UNTIL 10pm / the end of 1/2 time to win) Lunch & Dinner SPECIALS Happy Hour..

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M E L R O S E - P I T T S V I L L E ( P R AY ) PA G E Bev’s

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PRAY DAYS Labor Day Weekend!

N8376 Pray Rd. Pittsville, WI 715-884-7355 CIRCLING SHARKS Why sharks circle you before attacking.

Two great white sharks swimming in the oceans spied survivors of the sunken ship.

"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark, and they swam to a mass of people swimming in the distance.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins and showing."

And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim

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SEPTEMBER 2019

around them a few more times with all of our fins, showing."

And they did.

"Now we eat everybody."

And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better if you scare the crap out of them first!"

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "You want to talk? The flight seems to go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passengers."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no heaven or hell, or no life after death?" As he smiled smugly.

"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics, let me ask you a question first, a horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff-grass. Yet a dear excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, heaven and hell, or life after death when you don't know shitz?" And then she went

back to reading her book.

THE FART A prompt man-is always ready with a fart.

A lazy man-just fizzles.

An amiable man-likes to smell a ladies fart.

A conceited man-enjoy smelling his own.

A careless man- farts in church.

A smart Alec- farts in the presence of ladies.

A clever man-coughs , and farts at the same time.

A miserly man-battles his own farts.

A stingy man-doesn't care to fart for fear of losing smell.

A timid man-jumps when he farts.

A proud man-His farts tickle his bum.

A crooked man-belches and cheats his bum out of a fart.

An unlucky man-tries to fart and shitz.

And an indifferent man-don't care to fart.

A foolish man- farts and then laughs.

A slovenly man- farts while he eats.

A nervous man-well his farts do startle him.

A mean man-gets sore if anyone lets a fart.

A pretty man-his face looks so much like his butt.. His farts don't know the way out.

A slick man-blames it on the dog.

A grouch-grumbles when a lady farts but not when he does.

A Willy boy- farts in bed.

A fresh guy- farts in front of everybody.

A live bird-jumps in the air and farts three times before he lands.

A silly man- tries to fart the

candle out and singes his bum hole and hopes to not fart again.

An idler-has nothing to do, but well sit down and try to fart a hole in the ground.

A bull shitter - farts and then tells you they don't stink.

The windy guy-raises dust when he farts.

A champion- farts faster and louder than anybody and with a carefree laugh claims it as his own.

ADVICE ON GOLFING If you don't succeed at first, don't despair. Remember, it takes time to learn to play golf; most players spend their entire lifetime finding out about the game before they give up.

- Stephen Baker SUMMER Summer is almost gone along with warm days in the sun as on September 23rd Autumn begins.

THE BARTENDER KNOWS He knows all of our sorrows, he knows all of our joys, and he knows all of the girls who were chasing the boys. He knows all our troubles, he knows all our

BLOCK HOUSE BAR

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608-488-4600

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Karaoke 1st & 3rd Sundays with Coleman starts @ 2pm

34

BLACK RIVER FALLS PG strife, and he knows every man who ducks out from his wife. If the bartender told all that he's seen and knowns he would turn all of our friends into bitter foes. He would start forth a story, which gaining in force would cause all of our wives to sue for divorce; he would get all our homes mixed up in the fight. He would turn all our great days into sorry nights; in fact, he would keep the town in a stew if he told one truth of all that he knew. So when out at a party and from home you steal drop in for a drink. The bartender won't squeal.

Although he should say all that he knows on the day the truth is revealed he may himself may end up with broken nose for keeping the truth from a spouse with nar a funny bone.

DID YOU KNOW A Russian man who wore a beard during the time of Peter the Great had to pay a special tax.

A killer whales heart beats 30 times a minute under water, 60 times a minute on the surface.

A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off - it dies from starvation!

BRAGGING A German, Englishman and American are traveling on a train. get bored and start telling each other about their families. The German says I have four kids, one

more and they'll make a basketball team."

The Englishman says, "Ha! That's nothing I have 10 boys, one W10120 State Hwy 54 E Black River Falls, WI 54615 Phone number - 715-284-2600 Fax #- 715-284-2055 more and I'll be the worldVisit our Website @ www.blackriverpowersports.com champion soccer-team's coach."

The American starts laughing..

"More hose!" She said. "You submitted by: Vicki Schreiner He says, "I've had 17 wives and no Loyal, WI (in loving memory of kids!! But one more wife and I'll ain't nowhere near the fire!" her grandmother Elevline Franert) open a golf course!"

AIN'T IT THE TRUTH. My dear friends: ONE LINERS FIRE DEPARTMENT I have become 71 years old since Better to understand a little than SYSTEM A man who worked for the fire I saw you last, a few changes have to misunderstand a lot. department came home from work come into my life since then.

If you lend someone $20, and and told his wife, "You know, we Frankly, I have become quite a never see that person again; it have a wonderful system at the frivolous old gal! fire department. We have three I am seeing five gentleman every was probably worth it. bells. On the first bell , we put on day. As soon as I wake up in the TIPS AND TIDBITS our coats. On the second bell we morning, Will Power, helps me to Laziness and inactivity kills just all fly down the pole and then on get out of bed. Then he leaves, the third bell we are on the truck and I go to see John. Then Charlie as many people as smoking.

A human brain has a capacity to and ready to go. From now on, we Horse comes along and when he's are going to run this house the here he takes a lot of my time and store five times as much same way. When I say ‘Bell one’ attention. When he leaves, Arthur information as Wikipedia.

Our brain uses the same amount we'll strip naked. On Bell Two you Ritus shows up and stays the rest jump in the bed. Then on Bell of the day. He doesn't like to stay of power as a 10 W light bulb!

Our body gives off enough heat three, we are going to make love in one place for long, so he takes me from joint to joint. After such in 30 minutes to boil 1.5 L of all night long."

The next night he came home a busy day, I am really tired and water!

Success always occurs in prifrom work and yelled, “Bell one!”, glad to go to bed with Ben Gay. vate and failure in full view. and she took off all of her clothes. What a life. Ho Hum..

Author unknown Then he yelled, “Bell two!”, and she jumped into bed.

On “Bell three!”, they began to make love, which they thought would be for all night long, but after two minute she yelled “Bell four, Bell four!”, and he said, "What the heck is Bell four?"

Need more money and a better opportunity for growth?

SEPTEMBER ENTERTAINMENT Sat. Sept. 14 Skipping Stones 8-12 Sun. Sept 29 Hillbilly Fever 1-5 Phone # 715-284-9345

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35

SUDUKO ‘Hard’ Puzzle (Answers to puzzle on pg 36)

PUZZLE ANSWER CROSSWORD Puzzle (Answers)

Curvy Word Puzzle

(Answers Pg 36-37)

KARUKO Puzzle (Answers)

SEPTEMBER 2019

36

CLASSIFIED PAGE: ONLY $10 A COLUMN INCH.. SEEN FOR A FULL MONTH AT ONE PRICE LIST YOUR: FOR SALE ITEMS, JOB OPENINGS, PROPERTY FOR SALE OR RENT, THRIFT/CRAFT SALES AND BUSINESS SERVICES!! CALL DYZZI @ 715-456-7518 FACEBOOK.COM/GRUBANDPUBREPORT SOME INTERESTING GOLF EXPRESSIONS Knife The one iron. The toughest club to hit. If you carry a knife in your bag, you're either a real player, or phony who wants to look like a real player. A few swings with the knife will reveal the true you. Lee Trevino advises golfers caught in a lightening storm to hold their

one irons aloft because "even God can't hit a one iron."

Nuked When you hit a shot that achieves the absolute maximum distance for that club, you have nuked it.

On fire You're on fire when everything you do on the course seems to work out just as you planned.

On the screws

WORD SEARCH

Description for a well-executed shot. In the good 'ol days, when woods were made of wood, club makers fitted a piece of plastic insert into the club face as a safeguard against premature wear.

These inserts were fastened to the club with screws. When a golf would hit a good shot, he would

say, "I hit it on the screws."

Oscar Bravo "OB" or "Out of Bounds" Pin-seeker A shot that heads right for the flagstick from the moment it leaves the clubface.

Quacker Duck hook.

HUNTING AND RECREATIONAL CABIN FOR SALE

Located at N6794 CTH D, Brantwood, WI 54513

Excellent hunting property with cabin and 40 acres located approx 17 miles SE of Phillips and 5 miles N of Brantwood off CTH D! Here is a 465 square foot cabin with electric and has open living, kitchen, and dining area.

There are 2 separate bunk areas for plenty of sleeping space plus 2 sleeper sofas in main living space. Included is a wood stove that will heat the whole cabin, living room, 2 bedrooms with bunkbeds, fully equipped kitchen with dining area, refrigerator, stove, microwave, bunk beds and sleeper sofas, window treatments, etc. The 40 has a mix of birch, aspen and maple trees. The NE corner of the property does have approximately 10 acres of lowland that consist of tamarack and spruce. This property corners price county land and is within walking distance to over 1000s of acres of public hunting land including national, state, and county forest. Location can't be beat! Asking $82,000 OBO. See complete listing at https://www.remax.com/realestatehomesforsale/n6794cth-d-brantwood-wi-54513-id333573659.html

SEPTEMBER 2019

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ON-GOING WEEKLY ENTERTAINMENT DAILY: -The Pourhouse - Elk MoundRedneck Karaoke - to the jukebox (offered after other events) Mondays: -Pump House- Downing- Karaoke every Monday night starting @ 7PM Tuesdays: -The Bungalow – Lakeland MNJorgensen Tagg Duo Acoustic from 6-8 -Sneakers Bar - Spr Vly- 7-11 pm, Open Stage (every 3rd tuesday) Wednesdays: -Golden Spike - Altoona- Karaoke 9-C. -Northwoods Brew Pubs- Osseo-- Live Music Every Wed & Sun Thursdays: -Girolamo’s - E.C. - Karaoke 9P -1st & Goal - C.F. - DJ Not2Shy -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Karaoke -Foster Bar-Foster- Patio Live Music -Freddie’s & Over Flow Tavern - North Bend - Motorcycles, Cars, Music & More Thursday Nights - 5:30-8:30 pm Fridays: -The Bungalow, Lakeland MN- DJ Dance & Karaoke 9pm-12:30am -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Karaoke Every Other Friday Night w/ Todd Olson -Big Swedes- Holcombe-Free Juke Box Every Friday Night @10pm -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Karaoke 9p-1am!

-Rookies Pub- C.F.-DJ or Band -Northwoods Brew Pubs- Osseo-Live Music Friday Night Concert Series 5:30 to 8:30p -The Pourhouse - Elk MoundOpen Mic 9pm - ?

-Block House- Melrose- Librya Union Live Every 2nd and 4th Friday starts @ 7pm Saturdays: -Big Swedes- Holcombe- DJ/Karaoke 10p -Brick House- E.C.-- Karaoke @9pm -Double D - Boyd- Best Sound DJ 9P -Uncle Sam’s of Arcadia – House DJ -Golden Spike - Altoona- Karaoke 9-C. --Rookies Pub- C.F.-DJ or Band -The Pourhouse - Elk MoundDJ Karaoke 8pm - ?

-Mel’s Foxx Den – Thorp – 2nd Sat add DJ Sundays -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Oldies DJ Music Sundays @3pm -Block House- Melrose- Karaoke 1st & 3rd Sundays with Coleman starts @ 2pm -Kern’s Kurbside – Elmwood-Join Us For Live Music Every Sunday 1 to 5pm On Patio

AUGUST 2019 ENTERTAINMENT

TUESDAY, AUGUST 27 -Wabasha - VFW - DJ Dewey

SEPTEMBER 2019

ENTERTAINMENT SCHEDULE PAGE 1 WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 28 - Northwoods Brew Pub- OsseoOpen Mic 7 pm - 10 pm Hosted by Rock Creek Song Dogs

THURSDAY, AUGUST 29 -Freddie’s Bar-Ettrick- Motorcycles, Cars, Music and More - 5:30-8:30 p Strumberry Jam

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 12 -Sneaker’s-Spr ValyStealin'' Home 7:30 pm FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 13 -Sneaker’s-Spr ValyMudcat Grant 7:30 -Wabasha, WI VFW - Flipside

FRIDAY, AUGUST 30 -Wabasha - Sisters & Co -Rumors Bar- Mindoro- Burr Oak Days Music by: Dude Fresh -Sneaker’s-Spr Valy- 7pm, James Mudcat Grant

SATURDAY, AUGUST 31 -Wabasha - The Chubbs -VFW POST 7232 –E.C. – BSE-8:00 till Midnite -First & Last Chance - BRF Attitude X2 1-4pm, Toner 8pm

SEPTEMBER 2019 ENTERTAINMENT

SUNDAY , SEPTEMBER 1 -Wabasha, WI VFW - DJ Zuber TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 3 -The Bungalow Inn - Lakeland, MN - Mouldy Figs 5-8pm THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 5 -Sneaker’s-Spr Valy- Two Frets Up w Larry Radle and Cory VanNorman 6pm -Freddie’s Bar-Ettrick- Motorcycles, Cars, Music and More Thursday Nights - 5:30-8:30 p - Scott Wilcox is back FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 6 -Wabasha, WI VFW - Bear Creek Band SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 7 -Sneaker’s-Spr ValyBlack Sheep 8pm -Pump House- DowningLive Band Appolo’s Beacon 9 pm to 1 am -VFW POST 305 Lasso's & Lace

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 14 -Sunset Tavern – BRFSkipping Stones 8-12 -Wabasha, WI VFW - Mark Healey & Jim Schuh Duo -VFW POST 7232 –E.C. – BSE band 8 to 12pm -VFW POST 305 - E. C. Bear Creek Band TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 17 -Sneaker’s-Spr ValyOpen Stage 7pm FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 20 -Sneaker’s-Spr Valy- Spring Valley Dam Days - 9pm Black Sheep SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 -Rumors Bar-MindoroBear Creek Band 9pm - 1am -Foxx Den – Thorp – DJ Music @ 2pm -Sneaker’s-Spr ValySpring Valley Dam Days 40 Fingers Band starting 8pm -Freddie’s Bar-Ettrick- Cars Motorcycles, Music & More 5:30-8:30 Joe Cody & Co -Wabasha, WI VFW Sisters & Company

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 (Continued) -Linda and Dan’s T &C- C.F. – Sugar Rush 8 – midnight -VFW POST 7232 –E.C. – Moonshine band 8 to 12pm -VFW POST 305 - E.C. - Kid Kactus & The Tumbleweeds FRIDAY, SEPTEMBERB 27 -Sneaker’s-Spr ValyMudcat Grant 7:30pm -Wabasha, WI VFW The Chubs SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 28 -Wabasha, WI VFW James "Mudkat" Grant -VFW POST 7232 –E.C. – Last Open Road 8 to 12 -VFW POST 305 E. C. Lasso's & Lace -Schuetzy's -C.F. – Music By: Dawn Marie 2-4pm during Schuetzyfest 2-8pm SUNDAY , SEPTEMBER 29 -Sunset Tavern – BRFHillbilly Fever 1-5 COMING IN OCTOBER -Girolam’s Court’n House - E. C. Octoberwest Sat., Oct 12th 12p- 4p *Street Party on Grand Ave. -Dwyer’s - Pigeon Falls Oct 12th Woman’s Softball Beer Bust @ 2pm Sneaker’s-Spr Valy- Oct 5 Black Sheep 8pm Oct 11 Stealin' Home 7:30pm

Don’t be a couch potato

Get out and do something fun!

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MICON THEATER MOVIES: (Subject, to change) August 2: Dora & the Lost city of Gold, Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw, The New Mutants, Aug. 9: Artemis Fowl, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, The Kitchen, Where'd You Go Bernadette?, Aug. 14 Blinded by the Light, Aug. 16: 47 Meters Down: Uncaged, Good Boys, The Angry Birds Movie 2, the Informer, Aug. 23 Angel has Fallen, Aug. 23 Overcomer SPECIAL OCCASION DATES OTHER THAN MUSIC BAR PARTIES & Grand Openings: -First & Last Chance – BRF- Grand Opening August 31st *All Day Events!

Poker Run Sign Up at 10 am Starts at 11am Horseshoe Tournament Sign Up at 11am Starts at Noon / Bean Bag Tournament Sugn Up at Noon Starts at 1pm Plus.. Chicken Q with Fixins’, Raffles, Door Prizes, *Kids Penny Hunt Hourly, Music by TBA in early afternoon and Toner at 8pm *A portion of all proceeds will go to the Jackson County Animal Shelter Building Fund -Foxx Den – Thorp –Sept 21st 10th Annual Mitterhoffer Radish Fest *Food, Car Show, Music, Games and Raffle Starts @ 2pm -Schuetzy's -C.F. – Schuetzy Fest (Customer Appreciation Party) Sept., 28th, 2-8pm Music By: Dawn Marie 2-4pm Free Food & Beer (Until Gone) -Girolamo’s – E.C.- *Save the date: Octoberwest Sat., Oct. 12th: 12-4pm (October fest street party on Grand ave) -Schuetzy's -C.F. – Oct. 112th Tacky, Tastless, T-Shirt Contest Oct 12th Reg @ 7pm / Starts @ 8pm Tippy Cup Tournament Following!

BINGO / MUSIC BINGO: -The Bungalow- Lakeland, MNSat. Bingo 2pm cont.. w/20p -Tim’s Slim’s –Lake Hallie Music Bingo" Tues -Kern’s Kurbside – Bingo Every WED @7pm -The Pourhouse - Elk MoundMON: Music Bingo: 7 - 9p -Schuetzy's-C.F. – music Bingo Mondays @ 6:24pm CA$H PRIZE$!

-The Bungalow–Lakeland, MN-Bingo Sat -Kern’s Kurbside – Elmwood-Thursday night Patio Bingo starting @ 7:00 pm -Dwyer’s My Second Home Bar & Grill – Pigeon Falls- 1st Saturday in August is Lion's club bingo -Dwyer’s - Pigeon Falls - Bingo Sept 7th and 21st BIKE AND CLASSIC CAR RUNS: -Tim’s Slim’s –Lake Hallie- Save August 17th for Slim's Annual bike ride!

SEPTEMBER 2019

BEAN BAG /DART / KNUBB -Behind Barr’s – GreenwoodBean Bags every Wednesday. $5 per person/per night - 100% payback. 7 pm * AND Bean Bags -Tim’s Slim’s –Lake Hallie- Bean bag Tourney's Tues @ 6:30p -VFW Post-305-E.C. - Every Wed: in House Bean Bag League -Loopy’s – C.F- Monday night Kubb and Bean Bag leagues -Kern’s Kurbside – Elmwood -MON's Bean Bag Tourney @7pm -Schuetzys-C.F. - Bean Bag League plays Tuesday Nights -Back Roads Saloon – Pray – Bean Bags on Thursday nights BREAKFAST CLUB: -The Pump House-Downing- Sa & SU 8:30-12 -The Bungalow -Lakeland, MNThur & Fri 8a till 10:45/ Sat & Sun 7:30a till 11:45 Sun. Brunch 9a-1:30p -Bev’s Saddlemound Tap - PrayServing Breakfast Sat & Sun 8-10:30a -Big T’s North-Cornell Serves Breakfast 6a-8p every day!

-Corral Bar & Grill - Durand - Serving breakfast from 5am – 11:30 am daily.

-Side Tracks-Roberts- Serving breakfast Sat. 8-11am $ Sun 9a-noon -Village Inn, North Hudson- Serving Breakfast daily 8-11am CARD, CRIBBAGE, DICE: -Kern’s Kurbside – ElmwoodEvery Thursday Euchre @7pm -Behind Barr’s – Greenwood- Sunday Texas Hold Em -starts at 1pm -Neillsville American Legion – NeillsvilleMon & Thurs @ 13:00 Sheepshead -Block House - Melrose Euchre Mondays 6p -The Pourhouse - Elk MoundEVERY Sunday: Texas Hold’em @ 4pm -Schuetzy's-C.F. –Sheepshead every Tuesday at 1 PM The Pourhouse - Elk Mound- Cribbage Wed 6pm - ?

-Schuetzys-C.F.- 654 - Wed @ 6:30 pm -Sneakers Bar - Spr Vly- Every Tues 1:30-3:30 pm Partner Eucre -Schuetzy's -C.F. – Cribbage Tournament Start Oct. 13th @ Noon $10 Entry, $5 Optional High Hand

DART & POOL TOURNAMENTS: -Behind Barr’s – Greenwood- Every Thursday @ 7. "Show Up & Shoot" - in-house pool tourney -Tim’s Slim’s –Lake Hallie- Pool Tournaments every other Saturday! noon start Food a and raffles -Burly’s-C.F.- Weekly Wednesday Night Dart Tournaments Starting March 27th LOD $10pp 7:30pm Start -Sneakers Bar - Spr Vly- Every Monday 7:00 pm Dart League FEEDS & BUFFETS: -Neillsville American Legion – NeillsvilleMonday, Sept 9 - Steak Feed 1700-2000 Sunday, Sept 22 - Breakfast 0830-1200 FUNDRAISER EVENTS: -Rustic Haven - Northfield - Sunday Sept 29th - Hixton Fire Department Fundraiser @ Pork Roast (11am till Gone and Band 11am - 4pm Celebrity Bartending by the Fire Dept.

GOLF OUTING: -Corral/ Rverside - Durand - Corral Open Golf Tourney3-Person Scramble SAT Sep 7th - 2019 @ Rolling Greens Golf Course Durand, WI 18 holes - Shotgun Start @10am BBQ Chicken & Awards at Corral Bar * All Proceeds To Durand Sports Complex More info: Corral Bar (715)672-8874 Rolling Greens (715)672-8139

-Tim’s Slim’s –Lake Hallie- - "Slim's Annual End of the Year Golf Outing in early October at Hallie Golf Course." Specifics at Slim's!

MEAT RAFFLE: -The Bungalow, Lakeland MN- Sat. 1pm -Ritz on the River-C.F. - Thurs. 5:30pm -Wabasha VFW Post -Wabasha, MN every Friday - Meat Raffle @6pm -Lake Hallie Sportsman’s Club – Lk Hallie Meat Raffles @ 6pm -Mel’s Foxx Den - Thorp - 2nd Sat (monthly) Monthly Drawing & Meat Raffle @ 6:30pm POKER RUNS: -1st & Goal- C.F. – Annual Poker Run Saturday Sept. 12th 11am!

TRIVIA: -Kern’s Kurbside – ElmwoodEvery Monday - Trivia @7pm -The Pourhouse - Elk MoundThurs: Trivia 7 - 9p

TOWN CELEBRATIONS: -Rumors Bar- Mindoro- Burr Oak Days August 30th in Music by: Dude Fresh -Pray Days Labor Day Weekend Aug., 31st & Sept 1st in Pittsville WI in town of Pray Parade at 3 pm on Sunday., Sept 1... Join Bev’s Saddle Mound for lots of fun activities, food all weekend / Sunday Chicken with *Donation to veterans & Back Roads Saloon has DJ music with Mad Dog Aug 31st and Sept 1 Sun the band Vadas Rockhouse starting at 7 pm. Raffles, 50/50 Drawings, Horseshoe Tournament Saturday at noon -Wagon Wheel- Brill - Brill Harvest Days, Sept. 6-8) Ball tournament throughout * Sept.7 walk run@9:00, Volleyball@10:00, Horseshoes@11:00, Tractor pull@12:00, Street dance@7:30 (Car Jackers-also Sept.

6 @7-11) Sept.8. Charcoal hicken@11:00, Parade@12:00, Peddle tractor ull@12:30, Log sawing@2:00, Raffle@3:00 -Sneaker’s-Spr Valy- SEPT 20-22 Spring Valley Dam Days - Sept 20 -9pm Black Sheep, Sept 21 Lucky Paws Sponsored Farm Animal Petting Zoo, Raffle, Auction starting 1pm Eucre Tournament starting 1pm / 40 Fingers Band starting 8pm, Sept 22 Spring Valley Damn Days Breakfast Buffet 9am TRIATHLON BENEFIT: -Loopy’s – C.F-2019 Loop De Lori Triathlon & 5K Sept 7th, 2019 Registration is now open.. Sign Up at 723loop.com/doop-de-lori 3.4 mile trail run, 17 mile bike ride, 3.5 mile kayak triathlon. Benefits the Lori Kleich Endowment Fund Natural & alternative cancer care for the Healing for the Mind, Body & Soul VOLLEYBALL: -Loopy’s - C.F. - Tots in the Sand Mondays in our "heated sand" dome, 10 to noon, $5 per child, drink with healthy snacks WINE TASTING: -The Bungalow- Lakeland, MN -2nd Thurs monthly wine tasting 6-8p

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SEPTEMBER 2019

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