Grub n Pub Report January 2019

Ser ving W isconsin, Minnesota & B e y o n d !

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January 2019 Cover Story The Hypnosis Center of Eau Claire Est. 2003 Banbury Place - Eau Claire, WI (S e e P a g e 2 )

“HOW CAN HYPNOSIS HELP ME?”

GRUB & PUB REPORT PO BOX 473 CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI 54729

JANUARY 2019

Stop Smoking.. Lose Weight... and Much, Much More!

Check it out.. you’ll be glad you did!

(LOOK FOR COUPON ON PAGE 2!)

J A N UA RY 2 0 1 9 C OV E R S TO RY

THE HYPNOSIS CENTER O F E AU C L A I R E , W I Written By: Richard Marano So you are ready to make a change in your life and perhaps put to bed some bad habits or try to get help with an issue that has been nagging at you for a while. Let me introduce you to someone who may be able to help you accomplish your goals this New Year. Richard Marano, B.S., C.H., is the most experienced hypnotherapist in all of North West Wisconsin. He has owned and operated The Hypnosis Center right here in the Chippewa Valley since early 2003. He has seen over 4,000 clients in his career. As you read on he will dispel the common myths surrounding hypnosis and explain what hypnosis is and how it can help you become the best version of yourself. “Hypnosis is the harnessing of the power of your own mind to make changes that are positive in some way.” Marano explains, "Nothing can change unless the participant truly wants the change and that it's good for them." He goes on to say, "Hypnosis, while most relaxing, is a very focused state of concentration when communication of our conscious goals and wishes are better translated AND accepted by our loving, powerful subconscious minds, which is in control of most everything. It can even help you discover the solution to a problem or concern. Answerers and solutions are all within your own mind. The mind is, after all, the vehicle for change."

Hollywood and stage hypnosis shows are the leading cause of misconceptions. One cannot be suggested to do or feel anything that is not in his or her own best interest.

Hence, unlike in the movies, one cannot be hypnotized to assassinate someone, a common story line. The stage hypnotist is good at creating an illusion that he or she is somehow

JANUARY 2019

controlling those who volunteered to participate on stage. Nothing could be farther from the truth. We are guides in this process. On stage or in a hypnotherapist's office, one is always in complete control. If something is ever suggested, whether on a stage or in a hypnotherapy session that is against their moral fiber, or they think it will hurt themselves or someone else or it's just too plain embarrassing, it's as if it goes in one ear and out the other. Remember, the only things that can happen or change are things you wish. So those on stage acting out silly gags are doing so as was their choice.

Folks in the audience can follow along, if they choose and can often feel some affects but NO ONE can be hypnotized without their knowledge and consent.

Marano exclusively does clinical hypnosis. He does not do the shows nor does he do the large, one night group sessions we see coming to town every once in a while. "I will not do these," Marano says, "as the success rate is watered down in large group settings. The more the distractions, the less easy it is to focus and concentrate. It's also general and not specific to your exact needs. These traveling guys don't care as much as they already have your money at the start and are gone for a year or two or more.

These are typically for weight management or to stop smoking. I feel they charge too much for the very large number of people who shows up for what looks like a bargain.

They are expert in making you believe that you need all of their vitamins and tapes, bells and whistles they have to sell. I sell absolutely nothing except the truth that you have the ability within you to make almost any change for the

better you may be struggling with."

While in a pleasant hypnotic rest, one is never asleep or unconscious.

"In my office, Richard says "one is always aware that they are in a professional office and ultimately in the comfy recliner they sit in during the session. You hear every word and you remember everything that goes on. Hypnosis feels good during...very relaxing and great afterwards...very refreshing. You are always welcome to have someone in the office with you at all times if you wish.”

The applications of clinical Hypnosis are broad. Hypnosis will work for almost anyone and for almost anything. "While it has been and continues to be my privilege and pleasure to help literally thousands stop smoking and lose weight I really enjoy helping people lessen or eliminate pain, depression, anxiety.

I see people from all walks of life from professional athletes to little children who wet the bed and everything in between." (Richard said as he's originally from New York City and is an avid Yankee fan, his Minnesota Twins clients don't seem to mind!) Richard has worked with local schools, businesses and other groups. At no cost to you, he will gladly speak at such venues.

Many challenges like stopping smoking can be accomplished in a single session while others can take two or three or four sessions but rarely, more than that. There is much, much more good news to share about the safe, natural, relaxing and effective use of hypnosis.

Mr. Marano invites you to check out his web site at www.hypnosiscenterec.com and/or give him a call for a free phone consultation any morning, including weekends between 8 and 9:30 A.M. at (715) 861-5355.

You can try his Eau Claire office at 715-552-5355 but beware...he is very busy or as Richard puts it, "I am beautifully busy!"

Call him...you'll be glad you did!

Richard Marano is a NGH Certified Hypnotherapist and a Pain Management Practitioner. He holds a Bachelors of Science Degree from the University of Wisconsin/ LaX and is also a graduate of the world renowned Leidecker Institute of Hypnotherapy, Chicago, Illinois, as well as the Banyan Hypnosis Training Center, St. Paul, Minnesota for Advanced Techniques.

He is President of the NW WI Chapter of the National Guild of Hypnotists. Mr. Marano also served on the Board of Directors of Triniteam, a not-for-profit social service agency dedicated to helping under-served individuals improve the quality of their lives and reach their full potential.

Is Hypnosis right for you?

Here is just a few ways hypnosis can help you: * Weight Management * Stress Management * Smoking Cessation * Pain Management * Self-Confidence/Self Esteem * Motivation * Pre & Post Surgery * Fears: Public Speaking, Flying, Driving, Claustrophobia, etc.

* Sports Improvement * Nail Biting * Sexual Enhancement * Depression Relief * Stop Panic Attacks * Relieve Insomnia * Lower Your Blood Pressure * Test Anxiety * General Anxiety * And Much, Much More!

$25.00 Off! (With this coupon) Schedule your appointment NOW! Offer Expires 12/31/2019

2

Typo Winner of the Month: The December 2018 Typo Contest winner is Amber Sweeney of Chippewa, Falls WI who found the word “Curner” instead of “Corner”in the Back 40..

She will receive $10 in GNP Bucks to use at any of our current advertiser locations.

Thanks for reading and Congratulations!

(THESE MAY TAKE UP TO 6 WEEKS TO RECEIVE) Send entries to: Dyzzi Enterprises PO Box 473 Chippewa Falls, WI 54729 or...

Call - 715-456-7518 email: dyzzi42@yahoo.com

Cross Word Puzzle (Answers Pg 36-37)

TYPO CONTEST RULES:

- Only typos found in advertisements are eligible for prizes.

-Typos in the articles are not part of the typo contest.

-Typos in ads are the only typos considered for the contest.

-Everyone who finds a typo in an advertisement whether it’s the correct typo or editorial mistake, will be entered into the contest.

-You can call, e-mail or mail in your answers to the typo contest. See contact information on page three. -All guesses must be turned in by the 15th of the month. (Major Holiday months by the 13th.)

-One winner will be drawn from all received answers on or about the 15th of the month.

-Winners will receive a $10.00 in GnP Bucks to be used at current advertiser locations only.

JANUARY 2019

WORDS THAT RHYME WITH JANUARY

4

CROSS WORD PUZZLE (DOWN) CONTINUED

Word Search Puzzle (Answers Pg 36-37)

GAME PARK PRAYER Two guys are walking through a game park and they come across a lion that has not eaten for days.

The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord."

He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."

ROUND AND ROUND You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.

Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it.

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Get your drunk ass off the merrygo-round!

Please be safe this New Year’s Eve as you celebrate! You want to be able to celebrate next year too!

JANUARY 2019

5

CHIPPEWA FALLS PAGE

MARK YOUR CALENDAR

Valentines’ Day Dinner Prime Rib, Shrimp (battered or garlic butter), choice of potato, and side (salad, coleslaw, cottage cheese), glass of wine, and desert.

Prime Only $18.50 Prime & Shrimp $21.50 Serving 5pm – 9pm Halfway Between Hwy 124 & 53

Hwy B Tilden, WI 715-288-6303 TEN INDICATIONS OF A NEW YEAR HANGOVER 1. You get it into your head that chirping birds are the Devil's pets.

2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "Stay still!"

3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as drinking a glass of fresh paint.

4. The bathroom reminds you of the fairground cry, "Step right up and give it whirl!"

5. You'd rather chew tacks than be exposed to sunlight.

6. You set aside an entire afternoon to spend some quality time with your toilet.

7. You replace the traditional

praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.

8. Your catch phrase is, "Never again."

9. You could purchase a new fridge on the proceeds from recycling the bottles around your bed.

10. Your new response to "Good morning," is "Be quiet!"

Happy New Year!

THINGS TO DO IN ALASKA The White Pass and Yukon Route is a Canadian and American narrow gauge railroad that links Skagway in Alaska and Whitehorse in Yukon. It was built in 1900 during the Klondike Gold Rush – the fastest way miners could reach the goldfields. It operated until 1982 and was resurrected in 1988 as a heritage railway. It allows passengers to travel back to the past, riding the rails on a real gold rush train, past waterfalls, glacial rivers, steep gorges, and dense forests that have hardly changed since the time of the gold miners.

The train climbs up 3000 feet with passengers aboard parlor cars, both vintage and replicas and with huge windows and observation decks, along the 10foot-wide train track carved into

River Inn

Bar & Grill

(715) 723-9481 10418 Cty Hwy X Chippewa Falls, WI “Good Food, Good Friends, Good Memories”

Open 7 Days A Week!

JANUARY 2019

the mountain. The scenery is breathtaking, and the places the train passes by, such as Dead Horse Gulch or Inspiration Point, fire the imagination and take you all the way up to the headwaters of the legendary Yukon River.

SUCCESS Growing up is a weird notion to wrap your mind around. As you go through life, your perspectives on almost everything will change.

How you define success will change as well. Things that you thought were important at the age of 35 will be useless when you’re 65. You may not realize it now, but everything will shift.

At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is having friends.

At age 16 success is having a driver’s license.

At age 20 success is having sex.

At age 35 success is having money.

At age 50 success is having money.

At age 60 success is having sex.

At age 70 success is having a driver’s license.

At age 75 success is having friends.

At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.

Schemboda’s

12942 100th Ave. Chippewa, Falls

715-723-0131 KITCHEN OPEN 2p-Cl Mon-Fri and 12p - Cl Sat & Sun HAPPY HOUR: M,T,TH & F 2-6P & 2-9p Wed

Happy Hour Prices for all..

Packer & Badger Games!

THURS: $1.50 BURGERS 2p-9p Full Menu Available Daily till 9p

It all comes full circle, whether you like it or not.

May you always have Love to Share, Health to Spare, Friends who Care.. and Dry pants!!

Submitted By: Bert Engel Chippewa Falls, WI HOW TO QUIT SMOKING Peter, at a New Year's party, turns to his friend, Ken, and asks for a cigarette.

'I thought you made a New Year's resolution to quit smoking,' Ken responds.

'I'm in the process of quitting,' replies Peter with a grin. 'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.'

'Phase one?' wonders Ken. 'Yeah,' laughs Peter, 'I've quit buying.'

Serving Full Menu... 7 Days A Week!

Try the rest then come back for the best!

Mon thru Thur: All-U-Can-Eat Wings Jumbo Broasted Chicken Wings Over 28,500 Lbs of Wings Sold in 2017!!!

F ri da y Fi sh Sp eci a l: 2p $8.45 / 3p $9.95 / Fish & Shrimp Combo $12.95

Try Our: Hot Beef & Fries Only $6 Join Us for AmpQuiz Trivia Monday Nights @ 7pm!

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CHIPPEWA FALLS PAGE COVER PHOTO ‘Joy of Christmas’ By: Angie Lineman angielinneman@yahoo.com

LOVING RELATIONSHIPS A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husband.

The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"

All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text to their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."

The women were then instructed to exchange phones with another

person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.

Below are 12 replies; some are hilarious.

If you have been married for quite a while, a sign of true love, who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?

1. Who the hell is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeah, and I love you too.

What's up with you?

4. What now? Did you crash the car again?

5. I don't understand what you mean?

6. What the heck did you do now?

7. Are the firemen still there?

8. Don't beat about the bush; just tell me how much you need?

9. Am I dreaming?

10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.

12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she?

Submitted By: Jerry Torkelson Chippewa Falls, WI DOCTOR, DOCTOR Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!

Pull yourselves together man!

WELCOME TO LOOPY’S ..

HOME OF THE WORLD’S ONLY HEATED SAND VOLLEYBALL DOME

HAPPY HOUR MON - FRI 3-6pm

WIN Loopy’s Jackpot Draw each night @ 6pm **Buy 1 .. Get $1.50 off Your 2nd Drink!

February 2nd, 2019: 18th annual Kiwanis Club Classic Tasting Gala!

Come out for a fun night of sampling from an exciting variety of wine, beer, specialty foods, and desserts. Silent auctions, drawings, and raffles too!

Proceeds will benefit the Chippewa County Foster Care programs!

We will also be running FREE shuttles within 15 minutes of Loopys!

Must be 21 to attend. Tickets are $25 per person for general admission.

Reserved tables of 8 are also available for $225. When you pre-pay for a reserved table, you will get an entry for a special drawing for GREAT PRIZES! PACKER GAMES: 2 for 1 on all Packer T.D.'s, Free food at the half, guess the score and win the Packer Jackpot starts at $200 1st regular season game, 14 T.V.'s, Not a bad seat!

BADGER FOOTBALL: 2 for 1's on 1st Badger T.D. per half, $5 off all regular priced 16" pizzas, $2 off all appetizer over $5

FRIDAY FISH FRY!

WINTER VACATION GETAWAY! Leinenkugel Honey Weiss Beer Battered Cod w/your choice Rent a beach front condo, 20 steps of a potato & soup or salad. to the water! Vacation on OLD FASHIONED FRIDAYS Beautiful Island of St. Thomas **Try our hand muddled classics with your choice of liquor, *Go to VRBO.com mix and garnish $4.50 and Enter 803500 *Loopy’s favorite ..Bacardi Oakheart Rum, Sweet w/Olives Ask Loopy for details * Friday Nights..

Open Courts for Volleyball & Kubb & Bag Toss, Giant Jenga, Hammerschlagen ** Families Welcome PARTY SHUTTLE RENTAL 14 Passenger Van $225 for 5 hours + gas ($25 an hr ea. add’l hr) 14 Passenger Shuttle Bus $275 for 5 hours + gas ($35 an hr ea. add’l hr) *All rentals include driver!

Free Shuttle Pick-Up & Drop Off from Home or Hotel within 15 Min. of Loopy’s *7 Days A Week!

**LUNCH BUFFET M - F 11a - 2p Full Salad Bar w/ soups & homemade pizza!

Build your own sandwiches, deviled eggs & dessert only $7.50

Sun. Night is Pizza Night 4 til 10 $9.99 16" cheese pizzas, $1.25 each topping Double punches on pitcher and pizza cards *Free Pool

Book Your Next Party in the Loopy Dome!

HOME OF THE JUMBO DRINK. Pay for 2 Mixers and get the 3rd shot free.

Buy 5 bottles of beer in a bucket and get the 6th free.

JANUARY 2019

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CHIPPEWA FALLS PAGE

ON LAKE WISSOTA

Open 11am - Close Kitchen Open Till 10pm Phone: 715-723-2400 9504 County Hwy S, Chippewa Falls, WI WEEKLY FOOD SPECIALS: Tues: Wings & Fries $9.95 Wed: Broasted Chicken & Fries $9.95 Thurs: Pizza 1/2 off

FRI: Fish Fry, Chicken & Ribs Buffet SAT: Prime Rib & Full Menu Sunday...

Funday w/ Buckets of Beer Stop at The Edge & Try Our ..

Broasted Chicken *Dine In or Carry Out FAST.. In & Out Lunch Buffet

Come for lunch..

Stay for dinner Book Your Christmas, New Year’s, Birthday Party or Next Event NOW.. at the Edge! *Event Rooms Available Year Round!

Closed on Mondays for the season *except when Packers are playing!

MARK YOUR CALENDARS

Feb 2nd: Snowmobile Drag Races Feb 9: Jigs Up Ice Fishing Contest Feb 16: SNOLF Tournament Feb 23: Polar Plunge (Proceeds for the UW - Eau Claire Athletic Department)

JANUARY 2019

NEW YEAR'S DAY QUOTES Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

Mark Twain

animals, including grizzly bears, foxes, wolves, lynx, moose, reindeer, owls and others. Steve combines his filmmaking and animal care with a message about the interconnectedness of all life on Earth and natural healing.

Burly’s Bar 19 E. Canal St. Chippewa Falls, WI 715-720-9148 Hours Open: 2:30pm(ish) - CL Mon - Sun

HAPPY HOUR $1.75 Domestic Bottles Mon - Thurs Op - 6pm

GOING TO CHURCH IN CHICAGO One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise When I heard Al Sharpton and above the little things.

Jesse Jackson were guest John Burroughs preachers at a nearby church, I decided to go there and check Good resolutions are simply them out in person. checks that men draw on a bank As soon as I sat down, Reverend FOOT BALL Q & A where they have no account.

Sharpton came over to me. I don't Q: What's the difference between Oscar Wilde know why, maybe it was because the Detroit Lions and a dollar bill?

I was the only white person in the A: You can still get four quarters THINGS TO DO IN ALASKA church. He laid his hands on my out of a dollar bill Located about 28 miles from shoulder and said: "By the will of Haines, Alaska, the Kroschel Jesus the Lord Almighty, and the will of God, you will walk today."

Films Wildlife Center is an I told him I was not paralyzed. amazing place where filmmaker and naturalist Steve Kroschel Then Jesse Jackson came by and said: "By the Grace of God, and takes care of abandoned or orphaned wild animals from his Son Jesus, the Lord Almighty, Alaska or Canada. It is not a zoo, you will walk today." though, and the animals live free Again, I said that there is nothing wrong with me. After the sermon and unmolested in their natural 114 WEST RIVER ST. environment, providing you with I stepped outside and lo and CHIPPEWA FALLS some perfect photo opportunities behold ---My car was gone!

534-220-7020 JOIN Submitted By Judy Dahl as you walk along a well-groomed US ON FACEBOOK! Bloomer, WI trail for about 600 yards through the magnificent Alaskan Open 10am Mon-Fri Definition of a hangover: wilderness.

Wrath of Grapes.

You will encounter 15 species of & 9am Sat & Sun

BINGO: MONDAYS @ 6:24pm CA$H PRIZE$!

NEW YEAR’S EVE: Champagne Toast at 8pm NEW YEAR’S DAY: $3.00 Mimosa’s 11a-3p SOUP OFF: Jan 27th from 2p - 4pm Packer Game (12 spots, Entries open Jan. 1st, $10 to Enter, Specials $.50 off 1st prize $75, 2nd Prize $25 Bar Tab) ALL Drinks Come & Sample / Judge 12 Soups!

Phone: (715) 720-7008 (Formerly Charlie's at Lawlers) 18985 Co Hwy J - Chippewa Falls, WI *Like us on FB

Happy Hours M-F 10am-5pm JOIN US FOR ALL THE SPORTING EVENTS

WE

HAVE 6 LARGE SCREEN TVs

MEAT RAFFLE ON THURSDAYS @ 5:30PM $1.50 DOMESTICS & HAPPY HOUR PRICES DURING RAFFLE FEATURING 62.83·6 0($76

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CHIPPEWA FALLS PAGE

Wi Fi

See us on FACEBOOK @...

Tnc Roundabout

NEW YEARS WISH I wanna kiss you on December 31st from 11:59 pm to 12:01 am, so I can have an amazing ending FOOD FOR THOUGHT to 2018 and a beautiful beginning Politicians and neighbors have into 2018. one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly,

OL

S

8685 St. Hwy 124 Chippewa

OPEN: Tue - Fri 9a - CL Sa, Su & M Noon - CL Happy Hour: M-F 9a -11a & 3p -6p

RT

Open Hours: Tue - Fri 1p - Cl Sat & Sun 11a-Cl

Phone: 715-723-7822 29 E. Park Ave. Chippewa Falls, WI

DA

Sorry.. Closed Mondays

ahead of whatever is in second place.

-It's just as easy to marry a rich man as it is to marry a poor one.

-When you're through luck.... you're through.

-Why is there never enough time to do it right but always enough time to do it over?

-If you ain't got nothing to do ..don't do it here.

-I dreamt I went to bed with a bunch of chickens last night and I woke up with a cock in my hands.... It didn't crow as I was choking it. Submitted by Sunny

PO

NEW YEAR’S MEANDERING THOUGHTS -I complained because I had no shoes until I met a man without feet.

-I'll take a pint, quart, and another small bottle..

- I've been drunk yesterday, today and tomorrow.

-Your best friend is your pocket book.. a friend in need is a friend indeed.

-It's not a sin to be a poor but it's awful inconvenient.

-Money isn't everything, but it's

Roads Chippewa Falls, WI ONE LINERS -To kick start my New Year, I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

-The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.

-When I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year.

I gave up thinking.

715-723-2709

NEW YEAR’S DAY ..

Open at 11 am $2.50 Mimosa special and beer buckets all day 5 for $10 ENTERTAINMENT: Jan. 12th The Cragars 9 - 1 Feb 9th JFT Party Band 8-12

New Year’s Eve Party Dec. 31st

Super Bowl Party Feb. 3rd!

HAPPY HOUR TUES - FRI 50 Cents Off ALL Drinks 2-6p Sun & Tues Beer Buckets 5-4-$10 or 6-4-$12

Multiple TV’s For Your Sports Viewing Pleasure

TUES. SHAKE FOR A STEAK!

(Formerly LeRoy’s On Spring)

Wed: $1 Dom Mugs & FREE Pool $3 Cherry/ Jager Bombs Thur: $2 Leinies/Leinies Lt. Fri: Pizza & Beer Pitcher $15

See Our New Website Soon For Details On..

Our Grand Opening in January 2019!

Sa & Su $3.50 Bloodys 11a-2p

PACKER DAY SPECIAL Beer buckets 5-4-$10 or 6-4-$12.

Free shot on Packer T.D.’s

JANUARY 2019

Website: www.mr-d-bar.com 715-720-0976 24 W. Spring St. Chippewa Falls, WI 9

You Gotta Try Mary’s HOT BEEF’s at the ....

WANDER INN

Happy Hr 4 - 6pm Quick Menu Served All Day Mon - Fri “Sonny’ Burger, Fries, Pizza & More!

Cty. Rd. T & Cty Hwy X. Chippewa Falls, WI 715-874-5590 Coldest Beer Around

QUOTEABLE QUOTE “The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes. If you foolishly ignore beauty, you will soon find yourself without it. Your life will be impoverished. But if you invest in beauty, it will remain with you all the days of your life.”

-Frank Lloyd Wright Submitted by: Mrs. Tony Tomesch Rice Lake, Wisconsin Q&A Q. Why was the meat packer arrested?

A. For bringing home the bacon.

THINGS TO DO IN ALASKA

An adventure with the Bering Sea Crab Fishermen’s Tour aboard the legendary F/V Aleutian Ballad is not quite the hair-raising deathdefying battle with the sea you saw in the series Deadliest Catch.

You will meet the same crew and board the same boat, but the boat has been made more comfortable with a heated amphitheater and a panoramic upper deck.

The boat will take you on a comfortable cruise through the calm, protected waters of the Inside Passage around the bays and islands surrounding

Slim’s

Lake Hallie Tavern Enjoy.. Good Spirits, Food & Fun! 1979 Cty Hwy OO Chippewa Falls, WI (Lake Hallie) 715-832-9303

O P E N @ 8 A M E V E RY D AY !

JOIN US FOR ..

Packer Game specials!

See you for the

NFL PLAYOFFS Jan 5th & 6th, 12th &13th, & 20th and

SUPERBOWL LIII FEB 3RD!

Daily Food & Drink Specials Hot Beef & Mashed Potato's served daily! * TACO & TEQUILA Tuesdays:

* Meat Raffle Wednesdays $1.50 Dom Beers & $2 rails * Sunday & Tuesday

CHIPPEWA FALLS - LAKE HALLIE PG. Ketchikan until you reach the rich fishing grounds. Watch the crew haul the catch and place some of the animals in a live tank so that you can see them and take photos before they are released unharmed back into the sea. Have a look around on the trip to the fishing grounds and you might spot some of the rich Alaskan wildlife such as bears, bald eagles and seals.

The cruise lasts about three hours WHY WOMEN ARE CRABBY We started to get our boobs at nine or 10 years old only to find anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so it made us cry. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we started our monthly women's time, in the early to mid teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we have the hormone crazies, have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed rods in places we didn't even know we had. Seriously , the next little rite of passage which was having sex for the first time was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (if he got it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his

Ladies Night

POOL TOURNAMENTS Every Other Saturday thru Winter!

1/2 price drinks 8p - CL Breakfast & Bloody Mary Special Sat/Sun 8a-12p $7.50

BROASTED CHICKEN & FRIDAY FISH PLATES ARE BACK!

JANUARY 2019

816 N. High St. Chippewa Falls, WI

715-861-5473 Like Us on FB!

Open: Sun -Tues 11am - 9pm Wed - Sat 11am - 11pm

DARTS - POOL GOLDEN TEE GOLF 616 N. Bridge St. Chippewa Falls, WI NEW Phone: 715-861-5299 Happy Hour: 2-6p M-F JOIN US..

KARAOKE CONTEST (Running Now thru Feb 7th) *Stay in top 4 each week with final judging on Feb 7th for your chance to win..

1st place $500, 2nd $300, 3rd $200, or 4th $100!

Top Winner Gets Extra $100 for staying in the longest!

MUSIC EVERY WEEKEND! horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it was off to motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we could spend the entire day leaning over brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are and we are, we learned to live with the growing little angels inside of us, steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have a horse.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we pee’d our pants Mon & Tues: Chef’s Choice Wed: Smoked Jumbo Chicken Wings w/ff’s & Apple Bacon Coleslaw Thur: Chef’s Choice / Fri: Pasta Entree’s Sat: Chef’s Choice Pizza Special Sun: Buy (1) 16” Pizza get (1) 1/2 off (Equal or lesser value) Open New Year’s Eve 2pm - Midnight Join us for our ...

Dec. 31: New Year’s Eve Casino Party *Sorry Closed New Year’s Day

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Lake Hallie Sportsman’s Club

CHIPPEWA - LAKE HALLIE PAGE every time we sneeze. When the moment arrives, the dam of our blessed nether regions fairly burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain, all the way to the ER. Than it was huff and puff and beg to die but the OB says, “Please stop screaming, Mrs. Irma Moore.

Calm down and push. Just one more good push’ (more like 10), which brought about a welldeserved impulse to punch the lip of the OB. and Dr. square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole. After that, it was time to raise those angels, only to find that when all that cute wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking, jabbering, wet, sucking little machines. Then came their teen year’s need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we hit our sexual prime in our early 40s-while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday. So we progress into the grand finale; menopause, the grandmother of all womanhood. If you take HRT you chance cancer, we sweat like a hawk in July, wash our sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you asked why women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, including the icing on my cake; being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, womanhood would make the great Gandhi a touch crabby. You think women are the weaker sex? Yeah right. Bite me.

Submitted by: W.D. ‘Lucky’ Smith

JANUARY 2019

Remember your sweetie this coming February..

Valentines is coming Feb 14th!

True love should flows from your heart to the one’s you love!

MY FIRST TIME EVER The sky was dark.. the moon was high.. all alone just her and I. Her hair so soft.. Her eyes so blue..I knew just what She wanted to do.

Her skin so soft.. Her legs so fine I ran my fingers..Down her spine. I didn't know how But I tried my best, I started by placing My hands on her breast.

I remember my fear My fast beating heart.

Slowly she spread her legs apart And when I did it, I felt no shame.

All at once, The white stuff came.

At last it's finished..It’s all over now. My first time ever..

At milking a cow.

Submitted by Bernie Scherer REDNECK JOKES Q. Why is it OK for a redneck mama to call all her sons Harlan?

A. Because she can still refer to them by their different surnames.

I am having a redneck moment.

Please speak slowly and use small words. UNLESS YOU LIKE THE WORD HUH! CLASSIC NEW YEAR POEM Ring out the old, ring in the new Ring out the old, ring in the new, Ring, happy bells, across the snow: The year is going, let him go; Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson.

(1849 --> 50)

Happy Hour: Mon - Fri 4:30pm - 6:30pm

Sat., Feb. 2nd: Adult Ice Fishing Contest (purchase tickets at club) Open to the Public

Sat., Feb 16th: Kids Ice Fishing Contest

Noon-2pm Free Hot Dogs & Prizes!

2910 109th St. Chippewa Falls, WI 715-726-1050 (Located Between Lake Hallie & the Chippewa River)

CUTE Q & A Q. Why was the baby ant confused? A. Because all of his uncles were ants! Q: What do you call Alpacas taking over the world?

A: The Alpacalypse.

Q&A Q. Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?

A. Because it had more cents.

WINTER FUN I went bobsleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs. Poor guys never had a chance.

G L E N LO C H Bar & Grill FREE POOL Mondays & Thursdays

Phone: 715-861-3828 1300 Jefferson Ave. Chippewa Falls, WI Open Hours: Mon: 3 - CL / Thurs: 3 - Cl / Fri – Sun 11a – CL

Monday & Thursday Specials ...

Served until 10pm Mon: 16oz. Domestic Taps $1 Thurs: Domestic Bottles $2

Friday, Saturday & Sunday Drink Specials (from 11am – 3pm) Bloody Marys $2.50 / (Loaded $4) Bottles of Bud and Bud Light $2

JOIN US FOR...

HAPPY HOUR: Mon, Thurs and Fri 3-6pm

11

EAU CLAIRE PAGE NEW YEAR'S DAY PARTY THAT NEVER WAS As in many homes on New Year's Day, Janet and Nigel, a happily married couple, faced the annual conflict of which was more important: the football match on television, or the lunch itself.

Hoping to keep the peace Nigel ate lunch with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-lunch chat before retiring to the lounge to turn on the television.

Some minutes later, Janet looked in to see how he was and graciously even bought a cold beer for Nigel. She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was. Nigel told her it was half time and that the score was still 0-0.

'See?' Janet said happily, 'You didn't miss a thing.'

ELECTIN’ POLITICIANS Electin’ politicians can really be up-setting... you cast your vote in the ballot box... and wonder what you're getting!

It's something like a game of cards... or maybe going fishing...

You never know what’s coming up... when you elect a politician!

I don't mind him shaking hands... or even dauphin hats... but why do they promised us so much... and change their minds... like that!

Some say they'll fix the national debt... the others inflation... but it causes much to see these men... trying to run the nation!

Each got a cure for everything... from immigration to pollution..

VFW POST 7232 2900 W. Folsom St. Eau Claire, WI (715) 832- 3528 *Open to Public SEE OUR FACEBOOK PAGE! Facebook.com/VFW Post 7232 Folsom Street HOURS: M-TH 6a-2a /Fri 6a-2:30a /Sat 7a 2:30a/Su 7a-2a HAPPY HR- M - F: 6-10a & 4-6p plus.. Sa & Su: 10a-Noon

JANUARY ENTERTAINMENT: JAN 4: Jeff White Check Out Our New Menu..

JAN 11: DJ JAN 12: Black Sheep WiFi Available 8pm to midnight JAN 19: Chippewa Valley Roller Girls Fund Raiser-Spaghetti Feed 5PM till gone JAN 25: DJ BREAKFAST SERVED

7 Days A Week!

Mon - Fri from 6 - 10a Sat & Sun 7-11am Coffee $1.00 w/Meal

JANUARY 2019

Deb’s Homemade Sausage Gravy & Biscuits 1/2 Order Only $3.50 HOMEMADE Lunch Special 11am - 2pm Friday Nite Fish FRY 4 - 7pm ONLY $7.75

But when the elections over... they’ve forgotten each solution!

“I will lower the cost of living! “ They cry from staging gallery... and then their first official act... is to raise their salary!

They say they're for the working man... they preach it all the time, but they spend $1 million... to give him back a dime!

If we would run a business... the way the countries run... we'd all be taking welfare... basking in the sun!

They throw $100 dinners... with folks dancing and drinking...

Then hire 20 experts... to help them do their thinkin’!

And limousines may add prestige ..when traveling hill and holler... but I'd sure like a candidate... who’s thrifty with a dollar!

I guess I'm just a simple man... indulging in a suspicion... but I'd rather trust a nervous cow... than to trust a politician!

Compliments of an old dairy farmer Submitted by: Anton Tomesh Rice Lake, Wisconsin SHORT JOKES A maid of honor mistakenly invited the bride-to-be’s grandmother to the bachelorette party.

After hours of champagne, one of the bridesmaids drunkenly asked the older woman, “ Have you ever tried 69 your life? “ “ No, no, no, “ the grandmother replied. “But I did have 56. -that's all the sailors I could screw in one night. “ _______________ One night a husband asked, “What turns you on more, my handsome face on my sexy body?”

His wife looked him up and down and said, “Your sense of humor.”

Submitted by: Thomas Friedrich

POLICE UNIFORM Sonya asks a man in uniform, 'Are you a policeman?'

'No, I am an undercover detective.'

'So why are you in a policeman's uniform?' demands Sonya.

'Today is my day off.'

Q & A’s Q: How do you stop a Atlanta Falcons fan from beating his wife?

A: Dress her in a Saints Jersey

Q: If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get?

A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries

2007 3rd St. Eau Claire, WI 715.832.9508 OPEN DAILY 6am - Cl New Years Eve "Black Light" Party.

9 - 2 AM ..

DJ for your entertainment Champaign toast at midnight!

GLOW HARD OR GO HOME! OPEN FROM 6AM TO? WAIT, WE DON'T CLOSE UNTIL 2:30 AM JANUARY 2, 2019

Ultimate Bloody Mary Sundays 6a - 6p ** Only $5 Loaded

Join us at Big T’s!

12

A LT O O N A - E A U C L A I R E PA G E Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

THINGS TO DO IN ALASKA There is so much to do in Juneau, which is surrounded by lush rainforests and ancient glaciers and has more trails than roads and more wildlife than people. However, nothing can compare to seeing your first humpback whale slowly emerging from the cold depths of the sea with breathtaking majesty. Juneau Whale Watch is an established local company that will make your encounter unforgettable.

Their whale watching adventure takes three to five hours and starts on a bus that takes you from downtown Juneau to the Juneau port at Fisherman’s Bend in Auke Bay Harbor, where you board one of their custom-made whale watching boats. While cruising the bay looking for whales, keep an eye out for bald eagles, sea lions, seals, black bears, and other Alaskan wildlife. You can see the humpback whales and orcas who often hunt in these waters. Once the whale is in sight, the captain will shut down the engine so that

whales can approach the boat, as if posing for the photos. You can stand outside or in the heated cabin with a large viewing window.

Remember .. January 21st Is Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day 19 REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX 1. You can GET chocolate 2. Chocolate satisfies, even when it's gone soft.

3. You can safely have chocolate while driving.

4. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

5. You have chocolate in front of your mother.

6. If you bite the nuts too hard, chocolate doesn't mind.

7. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.

8. You have chocolate on top of your desk during working hours without setting your coworkers.

9. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting a facelift.

10. You don't get yours in your mouth with chocolate.

VFW POST 305 1300 Starr Ave. Eau Claire, WI DAILY DRINK SPECIALS 715-552-8438 Breakfast:7 Days A Week 7 - 1a / Lunch: Mon - Fri 11a-1p NOW SERVING FRIDAY FISH FRY EVERY FRIDAY! Happy Hour: Mon - Fri: 7-10a & 3-6p ENTERTAINMENT: EVERY THUR & FRI: Karaoke 9P Packer and Badger We Wish YOU A Happy New Year! game specials...

SAT Jan 5 - Blind River Band from 8p to 12a $2.00 dom bottles, SAT Jan 12 - Bear Creek Band from 8p to 12a Enter to Win Prizes SAT Jan 19 - 40 Fingers from 8p to 12a

JANUARY 2019

11. With chocolate, there is never any need to fake it.

12. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.

13. You can have chocolate any time of the month.

14. Good chocolate is easy to find.

15. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.

16. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

17. When you have chocolate at night, it doesn't keep the neighbors awake.

18. With chocolate, size doesn't matter and it's always great.

19. The word committment doesn’t scare chocolate.

Rolly’s Coach Club 2339 Spooner Ave. Altoona, WI WiFi Available Happy New Year from Rolly & his entire staff!

Join us on New Year’s Eve to bring in 2019 w/Rock N' Roll to Go Plus from 8pm to ???

715-832-4120

Resolve this year to be the person you wish everyone else was!

REMEMBER YOUR VALENTINE Again this coming February issue of the GnP Report we will be running Valentine Wishes that are sent in by YOU... to your special sweetie! Cost is $5.00 per special message that will put in a decorative heart or valentine related pic and Your special someone will be so surprised that you remembered them this coming February!

Mail your special message and $5.00 Check or money order to GnP Report PO Box 473 Chippewa Falls, WI 54729 (Messages need to reach us by the 9th of January.. so get them in the mail today and don’t miss out on remembering your sweetie!

Open: 10am-Cl All Week!

1411 Spooner Ave. Altoona, WI 715-834-6226

Start the new year off right...

Stop in from the cold weather and have one at the 400 Club!

Join Us for Good Times!

OPEN @ 10am 7 Days A Week!

Daily Lunch Specials 10a-4p Nightly Drink Specials!

Karaoke Wed & Sat 9p-CL Happy Hour: M-F 10a - 6p & Sat 3-6p 228 Division St. Altoona, WI 715-552-5526

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SHORT JOKES Q. What do you cows celebrate on December 31st?

A. Moo Years Eve. Q. What do farmers give their wives at Midnight on New Years Eve? A. Hogs and kisses!

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS BY FIDO I will not bark each time I see or hear a dog on TV. I will not steal underwear belonging to my mistress and then dance all over the back yard with it.

I will not chew red crayons or pens, because my master will think that I am hemorrhaging.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of

my coat BEFORE I enter the house.

I WILL NOT RUB MY BUTT ON THE MASTERS CARPET! KNOCK, KNOCK Knock Knock!

Whos there?

Mary and Abby!

Mary and Abby who?

Mary christmas and a Abby new year.

THINGS TO DO IN ALASKA The Alaska Fisheries Science Center is home to the Kodiak Laboratory Aquarium & Touch Tank, a 3500-gallon freestanding aquarium and touch tank containing species from the Kodiak Island waterways.

Common species in the aquarium and tank include crabs, shrimp, snails, starfish and fish.

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK BAR HOURS: 11am - CL KITCHEN HOURS: 11am - 2pm DAILY LUNCH SPECIALS Burgers, Chicken Sandwiches & Select Menu Available

EAU CLAIRE - FOSTER- MENOMONIE GIROLAMO’S COURT’n HOUSE NIGHTLY SPECIALS Sun - Sat 5 - 9p Monday & Tuesday Nights *8-close Come Enjoy TOM & JERRY’S FOR THE HOLIDAYS

Happy New Year..

Join Us.. New Year’s Eve..

Champagne Toast @ Midnight!

Sorry Closed New Year’s Day

CHECK OUT OUR..

Lunch Double Punch Days!

1113 W. Grand Ave. Eau Claire, WI 715-832-5478 Book Your Next Event @ Our SideBar on Grand!

Children and adults alike will enjoy handling the residents of the touch tank. Tour guides are on hand to provide information about the sea life and answer questions.

The science center's conference rooms provide fantastic views of the water and visitors can marvel at the massive, 25,000-square-foot complex that houses the aquarium.

Said the city girl to the country boy, “this sure is a funny cow I'm milking, it's only got one teat.”

FOR THE LOVE OF BACON Q. What do you call a pig that’s wrong?

A. Mistaken bacon.

Patient: "Nurse I’m suffering from bacon disease!"

Nurse: "Baloney"

Looking for the...

Newest, Freshest Information about property?

Call Rick Schunk!

*Available ALL Day - Everyday Op - Cl Hot Beefs, Hot Ham and Cheese, & Heggies and Moke’s Pizza

JOIN US FOR ... HAPPY HOUR 4 - 7pm DAILY $2 Dom Bottles and Rail & $2.50 Rail Tubs Happy Hour Specials include: Hot Beef or Ham & Cheese with Pint of Beer $5 DRINK SPECIALS 5 for $11 Buckets of Dom Beer, $1 Mystery Shots * Available ALL Day - EVERY DAY Op - CL Sunday All Day Screw Drivers or Bloody Mary $3.00 Monday: $6 Pitchers Sunday - Thursday: 11am - 1am $2 Sambuca or Fireball Shots & Pick a Price Happy Hour Pull Tabs 11am - 2am Mon - Fri: Rotating Beer Line Pint and/or Leinies/ Leinies Lite 7-9 pm for only $2 PHONE: 715-835-9223 924 East Madison Ave. Eau Claire WI 54703

JANUARY 2019

New Listing VACANT (Residential) LOTS FOR SALE LOT 2 MLS#:1521201 & LOT 4 MLS#:1521203 ROCKIE RD Fall Creek, WI 54742 Price: $44.900 each Very nice 5 Acre surveyed lots, 5 minutes from town, LOT 2 has nice slope, possible walkout LOT 4 has Level, Sloping, Wooded lot.. Both lots have a great mixture of hardwoods Oak, Maple, Pine. Build your dream home or have your own hunting parcel. Both lots have Electricity hook up at street and lot 2 also has Telephone Hook up at street. Located in Eau Claire County in the city and school district of Fall Creek, WI

Contact: Rick Schunk @ 715.379.9224 Email: rcschunk@outlook.com

BRENIZER REALTORS

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ELMWOOD - DURAND - MENOMONIE OSSEO - WABASHA PAGE

SHUFFLE BOARD TABLE

50819 West St, Osseo, WI (715) 597-1828 See daily and monthly specials ..

www.northwoodsbrewpub.com or on facebook!

Open T- Sa 11a - Cl *Open again Mondays starting May 28

Serving Lunch, Dinner, & Drinks LIVE ENTERTAINMENT Classic Country Jam w/Bear Creek Boys on first WED of every month Open Mic w/Brian Bethke from 7 to 10p on all other WED's Live Music every FRI from 5:30 to 8:30p

Wednesday Night Special 2 for 1's 7-9 pm DAILY FOOD SPECIALS MON: 14' 2 Topping Pizza w/Bucket of Domestic Beer $20 TUE: All You Can Eat Taco Bar from 5 to 7pm $7 WED: Burger & Fries $5 THU: 1/2 Priced Appetizers FRI: Fish Fry Happy New Year from Steph & Her Entire Staff!

715-639-5000 109 N. Main St. Elmwood, WI

JANUARY 2019

PSYCHIATRIC HOTLINE Hello welcome to the city after cutline psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press one repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press t3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you watch; stay online and we will trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice well tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press; If you are none of these then some will say you are normal however normal is relative so press zero and someone will help you immediately after helping everyone else.

LAWYER ON HOLIDAY A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.

The lawyer said, 'I'm here because my house burned down, and all I owned was destroyed by the fire.

The insurance company paid for everything and I'm using some of the insurance money for this trip.'

'That's quite a coincidence,' said the engineer. 'I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.'

The lawyer looked confused...

'How do you start a flood?'

A girl who goes in for premarital heavy petting on a big scale now may find herself doing something on a smaller scale later.

OLD POLICE JOKE SERIAL OFFENDER Two policemen are called to the scene of a crime at a local convenience store. One asks the manager, “What happened?”

The manager replies stolidly, 'There's a man over there covered in Corn Flakes and, I'm afraid that he's dead.'

'That's odd,' frowned the first police detective, 'didn't we have one covered in Bran Flakes yesterday and another covered in Wheeties last week?'

'You're right,' agreed the second detective, 'This is obviously the work of a cereal killer.'

A MAFIA DON An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed. “Grandson I want you to listen to me. I want you to take my 45 automatic pistol, so you always remember me.”

“But grandpa I really don't like guns, how about you leaving the Rolex watch instead?”

“You lisina to me, someaday youa going to be arunnin the business, havea beautiful wife, lotsa money, abiga home and maybe a couple bambino, someaday you comea home and maybe finda your wife ina bed with another man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, “Time's up.”

DOCTOR, DOCTOR Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of wigwams.

The problem is, you've become too tense.

This New Year Lend An Ear To All Who You Should Hear!

DAILY SPECIALS SAT & SUN - Bloody Mary Bar 9-2pm MON - $2. Hamburger with Chips TUE - $6 tacos taco salad taco platter WED - Prime Rib Sandwich w/ fries $7.50.

6 wings fries toast ranch $8.75 THU - 12" One top pizza with beer $10 FRI - 2 PC fish $ 8.50/ 3 pc fish $9.50 ENTERTAINMENT Sunday, January 13 from 6-9 Music Jam w/Uncle Brew & Charly Sunday, January 27 from 6-9 Open Mic w/Two Frets Up Tuesday, January 29 from 1-4 Old Time Music w/Top Notchman

Trivia every Sunday from 1 to 3

2002 Midway Rd, Menomonie, WI Phone:(715) 235-9940

E5690 Cty Rd. C Menomonie 715-235-2465 KNOWN FOR HAND-CUT STEAKS 20 beers on tap, local craft and seasonal brews HAPPY HOURS: 3:30-6pm Mon - Fri & 11am-5pm Sat. Daily Specials Mon: Baked Chicken 10.99/Qrt 13.99/Hf Tuesday- Closed Wed: Wine Night - $1off all wine by the glass at the bar and 1/2 Price bottles of wine with purchase of two entrees.

Thurs: - Prime Rib Night 17.99 Fri: Fish Fry $13.99 Sat: Surf n' Turf $28.99 Sun: Steak Night $15.99

WABASHA VFW Post 4086 Open 11am To Close 7 Days A Week

138 2nd. St. E. Wabasha, MN Phone: (651) 565-4766 JOIN US IN JANUARY 2019!

FRI Jan 4th - Bear Creek Band from 8pm to Midnight SAT Jan 19th - Pool Tourney 11am Sign Up SAT Jan 26th - Firemen's Dance from 8pm to Midnight TUE Jan 29th Sunshine & Roses Painting Party

15

Foster Bar & Grill Open Daily: Mon - Sun 10am Kitchen Till 12am New Years Eve Party w/free juke box, munchies, and toast to bring in 2019!

Happy New Year to all .. from Shawn and his entire staff at the Foster Bar & Grill!

S12800 US Hwy 53 - Foster

715-597-6627

Open at 5am

Happy New Year from the Corral & Riverside Grill!

Annual UCP FUNDRAISER FRI JAN 11TH Games-Raffles-AuctionsCelebrity Bartenders Fun For All 5pm until ????

318 W. Main St. Durand, WI (715)672-8874

4570 US Hwy 10 Durand, WI 715-672-5681 Happy New Year from Club10!

JOIN US...

Knights of Columbus 9 Pin Tournament January 20th Three shifts 11am, 2pm & 5pm Raffles and Bowling for Dollars thru out the day Contact any knights of Columbus member or call Club 10 at 715-672-5681 and book your time slot first com first serve

JANUARY 2019

CRAIGSLIST AD To the guy who tried to mug me in downtown savanna night before last. 2010 --09 -- 27, 1:43 AM EST. I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled a knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow, come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket... the evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason... my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my second tour as a combat Marine in Afghanistan... she had just bought me that Kimber custom model 1911..45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you came from whit crap in your pants.

I'm sure it was even worse walking barefoot as I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help you and from you accosting us again!

After I called your mother or mama as you have listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, on your credit card.

The guy with the big motor home

ELK MOUND - FOSTER - DOWNING -DURAND NIGHTLY SPECIALS EVERY Sunday: Texas Hold’em @ 4pm Wed: Music Bingo: 7 - 9p / Thurs: Trivia 7 - 9p Fri: Fish Fry 5 - 9p & Open Mic 9pm - ?

Sat: DJ Karaoke 8pm - ?

EVERY DAY.. REDNECK KARAOKE (offered after other events)

Open 365 Days a Year! *We NEVER Close Early!

Breakfast Served Saturdays & Sundays 8am - 11:30am Like us on FB

W301 Menomonie St. / Hwy 12 Elk Mound, WI

took 153 gallons it was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go-Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. That made his day!

I then threw your wallet into the big pink ‘pimp mobile’ that was parked at the curb... after I broke the windshield the inside window and indeed scratched the entire drivers side of the car.

Earlier, I managed to get into threatening phone calls to the DAs office iand one to the FBI, while mentioning a former President as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat I guess while he trace your number etc. ; in a way, perhaps I should apologize for not shooting you... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort some of these

Music Sat. Nites!

Phone: 715-917-1020

rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a great day!

Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi, Alex NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS YOU HAVE NO CHANCE AT KEEPING When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL, LMAO, or ROTFLMAO!" I will start using Facebook for something other than Farmville and stupid quizzes.

I will try to figure out why I "really" need 5 facebook accounts.

I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.

Open 365 Days a Year Mon-Fri @ 11am Sat & Sun @ 8:30am Breakfast KITCHEN OPEN 11a - 10p Daily *Serving Appetizers till Closing We NEVER Close Early!

Guaranteed Last Call Every Day!

*1st Sat. Of Month..

Prime Rib Served 5-9pm B e s t F i s h Fr y A r o u n d T h e A r e a 1 1 a m t o 9 p m !

504 Main St. Downing, WI Phone# 715-265-7855

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BLOOMER PAGE

BLOOMER AGLIME SERVICES

FOR SALE

For ALL Your Agriculture Needs

BAR MAID MODEL A200 5 BRUSH ELECTRIC BAR GLASS WASHER Heavy Duty, With Extra New Brushes Only $150

14611 222nd Ave Bloomer, Wisconsin Call (715) 568-1174

Call Gerald at 715-641-0905 Q & A Q: Why didn't the boy believe the tiger? A: He thought it was a lion!

Open Tue - Fri @ 10am Sa-Su @ 9a Sorry Closed Mondays Cabin & pontoon rentals **Bait Sold Here!

THINGS TO DO IN ALASKA Located on the Fairbanks campus of the University of Alaska, the University of Alaska Museum of the North is a great introduction to vast, mysterious Alaska, including its people, history, art, culture, plants and animals, through a range of galleries with permanent and temporary exhibits. A new wing, added in 2005, is an art exhibit in itself, evoking glaciers, alpine slopes and the legendary Yukon River, and has won many awards.

The gallery showcases two thousand years of Alaska art – from old Eskimo carvings to contemporary sculptures and paintings, both Native and nonNative. Exhibits in the Gallery of Alaska represent Alaska's major cultural and ecological regions, with Alaska's biggest gold display, major displays of Native artifacts, and the world’s only fully restored steppe bison mummy from the Ice Age. The exhibit; The Place Where You Go to Listen, is a fascinating light

Lose 20 pounds by going to the gym!

I will stop using, "So, what's your URL?" as a pickup line.

I will spend less than five hours a day on the Internet.

I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.

Spend less than $1000 for coffee at Starbucks this year.

Lose weight by inventing an anti-gravity machine.

Stop repeating myself again, and again, and again.

I will stop tagging pictures of myself in pictures even when I'm not in them.

I will think of a password other than "password".

18 Hole Public Golf Course SORRY KITCHEN CLOSED FOR SEASON

Winter Bar Hours: Wed - Sat @ 3pmclose,

Happy Holidays from All of Us at Bloomer Golf Course!

Have a Happy & Safe New Year!

Sunday 11am118 E 13th Ave, Bloomer, WI

JANUARY 2019

Phone: 715-568-1743

and sound display that is constantly changing with the current position of the moon and the sun, aurora borealis activity and the frequent earthquakes.

DOCTOR, DOCTOR Doctor, doctor...I've just swallowed a roll of film!

Come back tomorrow and we'll see what develops!

RESOLUTIONS YOU CAN KEEP Read less.

I want to gain weight.

Put on at least 30 pounds.

I will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store Stop exercising. Waste of time.

Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.

Watch less T.V. in standard definition Gain enough weight to get on The Biggest Loser.

Watch more movie remakes.

Start washing my hands after I use the restroom.

Procrastinate more.

I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.

I will become a vegan for a day and subsequently learn that it was a missed steak.

I will no longer waste my time relieving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future. Drink. Drink some more.

Stop buying worthless junk on Ebay, because QVC has better specials Start being superstitious.

Spend more time at work.

Stop bringing lunch from home:

10505 Co. Rd SS Bloomer, WI GPS & Variable Rate Available Owned by: Charles W. Rufledt Phone: 715-568-4643 Fax: 715-568-5643 I should eat out more.

Take up a new habit: maybe smoking!

SUSPECT GIVES POLICE THE RUN-AROUND Police in Oakland, California, spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home.

After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting to please come out and give himself up.

FOOTBALL Q & A Q. Why do ducks fly over Ford Field upside down?

A. There's nothing worth crapping on

1319 Main St. Bloomer 715-568-5420 Open 7 Days A Week @ 11a Check Out Our NEW...

Xpeditions COFFEE CO. & MARKET! Open: M - F 6a - 6p Sa 7a - 2a & Sun 8a - 1p

17

715-749-3891 112 W. Main St. Roberts, WI ‘Where Good Neighbors Meet’

NEW YEARS EVE ONE LINERS A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

My new year's resolution is to

B & L LIQUOR STORE 1369 Main Street Houlton Wisconsin *Your FIRST Stop In Wisconsin Open 365 Days A Year!

NEW HOURS M-W 1pm-8pm Th & F 9am-9pm Sa & Su 8am-9pm Phone: 715-549-6589 Best Selection of Fine Wines, Liquors & Specialty Beer in the Valley!

723 - 6th Street N. Hwy 35

North Hudson, WI 715.386.2205 O P EN D aily 7AM-2 AM **Full Menu/ Daily Specials Breakfast Daily

JOIN US FOR OUR..

26th Annual Etta Johnston Memorial Dart Tourney..

Noon sat. Feb 2nd!!!

Food a and raffles !!!

Join Us at Sidetrack for Good Times!

be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

New Years Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.

I'm getting drunk just thinking about tomorrow night.

My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.

If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!

I have only one resolution.

To rediscover the difference between wants and needs.

May I have all I need and want all I have.

Happy New Year! If 2018 was a person, I'd sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.

This New Year's I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.

You don't have to wait until

ST CROIX VALLEY, WI - LAS VEGAS, NV PG midnight to see my balls drop.

People treat New Year's like some sort of life-changing event.

If your life sucked last year, it's probably still going to suck tomorrow.

I'll remember 2018 like it was yesterday Dear Luck, .....can we be friends in 2019 Please?

I raised my left leg before the ball dropped so I could start the New Year off on the right foot.

In 2019 may your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you, and heaven accept you.

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.

I hereby resolve not to catch fire while riding a flaming hover board....again.

Dear God, my prayer for 2019 is a FAT bank account and a THIN body. Please don't mix it up like you did this year.

I want to get so drunk that if vampires bit my neck they'd get a Bloody Mary.

Remember you can reset your resolutions on January 14th (Orthodox New Year) and February 16th the (Chinese New Year).

After that, even I can't help you.

Many things can be preserved in alcohol this New Years Eve. DIGNITY is not one of them.

TRIVIA I have no voice, yet I speak to you.

I tell of all things in the world that people do.

I have leaves, but I am not a tree.I have pages, but I am not a bride.

I have a spine, but I am not a man.

I have hinges, but I am not a door.

I have told you all. I cannot tell you more.What am I? (See answer on page 23)

*22 HD TVs /Gaming

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New...

Lombardi Room Non Smoking “Family Friendly” Featuring a 75” BIG Screen TV for your viewing pleasure!

Happy New Year!

JANUARY 2019

18

CHIPPEWA FALLS AREA MAP

AD PAGE #

EAU CLAIRE/ALTOONA/FOSTER AREA MAP

AD PAGE #

1ST & GOAL SALOON .....................................................................9

2

BURLY’S BAR ..................................................................................8

3

LINDA & DANS T & C .......................................................................9

4

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

5

SWAN DIVE (FORMERLY LEROY'S) .................................................9

7

SCHEMBODA'S ................................................................................6

8

SCHUETZY'S (FORMERLY CHARLIE'S AT LAWLER'S) ...............................8

9

BLUE MARBLE PUB L.L.C. ........................................................... 10

10

DALE & MARY'S RITZ ON THE RIVER .............................................8

11

WEST HILL BAR & GRILL ................................................................7

12

BIG T'S SALOON ............................................................................ 12

THE EDGE PUB & EATERY...............................................................8

13

FOSTER BAR ................................................................................. 16

13

LOOPY’S ...........................................................................................7

14

GOLDEN SPIKE ............................................................................. 13

14

WANDER INN ................................................................................ 10

15

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

9

10 12

15 16 19 20 22 23

29 E. PARK AVE. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-7822 19 E. CANAL ST. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 720-9148

8685 ST. HWY. 124, CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-2709 www.facebook.com/Tnc Roundabout YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

24 WEST SPRING ST. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 720-0976 12942 100TH AVE. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-0131

18985 CO. HWY J., CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 720-7008

816 NORTH HIGH STREET, CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 861-5473 114 W. RIVER ST. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (534) 220-7020

250 WEST ELM ST, CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 720-9281

9504 COUNTY HWY S., CHIPPEW FALL WI • (715) 723-2400

10691 90TH AVE. (BUS. 29) CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-5667 • www.723loop.com

6020 CTY RD X CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 874-5590

RIVER INN BAR & GRILL .................................................................6

10418 CTY HWY X CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-9481

BRESINA'S BAR & RESTAURANT ...................................................6

HWY B TILDEN, WI • (715) 288-6303

3D FITNESS................................................................................... 40

312 N. BRIDGE, ST., CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-3800 405 GRAHAM AVE., EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 514-3110

ROOKIES PUB ............................................................................... 10

616 N. BRIDGE ST., CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI 54729• (715) 861-5299

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

LAKE HALLIE AREA MAP 1

AD PAGE #

EAGLES CLUB AERIE 2213 ....................................................... N/A 2588 U.S. HWY 53 LAKE HALLIE, WI • (715) 723-0172

2 3 5 6

2 3 4

6 7 14

LAKE HALLIE SPORTSMAN’S CLUB ............................................ 11

16

LAKE HALLIE GOLF COURSE .....................................................N/A

17

TIM'S SLIM'S LAKE HALLIE TAVERN ........................................... 11

19

2196 110TH ST, CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 861-5442

Y1979 CTY. HWY 00, CHIPPEWA FALLS (LAKE HALLIE), WI • (715) 832-9303

OUT OF STATE 1

1

15

2910 109TH ST. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 726-1050

23

AD PAGE #

RUM RUNNER (MAIN LOCATION) ................................................ 18

1801 E. TROPICANA, LAS VEGAS NEVADA

BRICK HOUSE............................................................................... 15

2233 BIRCH ST., EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 832-6227

HILLTOP TAVERN .......................................................................... 14

924 EAST MADISON AVE., EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 835-9223

ROLLY’S COACH CLUB ................................................................. 13

2339 SPOONER AVE. ALTOONA, WI • (715) 832-4120

SPEED OF SOUND ........................................................................ 37

2113 BIRCH ST., EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 839-8021

VFW POST 305 ............................................................................. 13

1300 STARR AVE, EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 552-8438

GLEN LOCK BAR & GRILL ............................................................ 11

1300 JEFFERSON AVE., DHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 861-3828

400 CLUB ..................................................................................... 13

1411 SPOONER AVE., ALTOONA WI • (715) 834-6226

VFW POST 7232 ........................................................................... 12

2900 W. FOLSOM ST, EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 832-3528 2007 3RD ST, EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 832-9508

12800 HWY. 53, OSSEO (FOSTER), WI • (715) 597-6627

228 DIVISION STREET, ALTOONA, WI • (715) 552-5526

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

EAST-CENTRAL AREA MAP

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

GIROLAMO’S COURT N’ HOUSE .................................................. 14

113 W. GRAND AVE. EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 832-5478

24 27

AD PAGE #

CORNER BAR..............................................................................

BAR N/A

200 N MAIN ST., MERRILLAN, WI • (715) 333-2028

NEILLSVILLE AMERICAN LEGION ................................................ 24

#6 BOON BLVD. NEILLSVILLE, WI • (715) 743-3859

BIG STREET BAR .......................................................................... 32

N3063 KING ST., HUMBIRD, WI • (715) 964-1401

OTTER LAKE BAIT ......................................................................... 24

16488 CTH H STANLEY, WI • (715) 644-0609

BEHIND BARR'S ........................................................................... 23

N9302 CTY HWY G & O GREENWOOD, WI • (715) 267-6733

FUNTE'S BAR & GRILL ................................................................. 23

215 S. MAIN ST., GREENWOOD, WI • (715) 267-7599

DOC'S BUNKHOUSE ................................................................... N/A

N11702 ELKER RD, MERRILLAN, WI • (715) 964-8010 docsbunkhouse@gmail.com

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

DEANO'S BIG TEN PUB ................................................................ 24

207 BROADWAY ST., STANLEY, WI • )715) 644-5146

LOW RIDERS TAVERN & PAVILION .............................................. 24

N2472 HWY 95, NEILLSVILLE, WI • (715) 743-2422

THE TWILITE ZONE ....................................................................... 23

309 N. BROADWAY STANLEY, WI • (715) 644-2340

DOUBLE D SALOON ...................................................................... 23

505 E. MURRAY ST. BOYD, WI • (715) 667-3441

DARLINGS GIFTS .......................................................................... 27 HWY. 10, OSSEO, WI • (715) 597-5683 & 51 S. HAZELHURST, WI • (715) 358-5683

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

CALL DYZZI TO ADVERTISE IN ONE OF THESE PRIME SPOTS!

715.456.7518

18

10

Hudson

29

15

8

13

53

10

Elmwood

94

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4

Durand

10

Z

170

16

53

Q

25

D BB

7

20

170

12

Augusta

Boyd

S

B

Mondovi

10

37

B

29

94 12

H

19

3

M

16 9

23

Q

I

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3rd Ave.

4th Ave.

4

33

16

3

20 5

10 m St El

6

8

Independence

93

73

124

124

23

1

10

7

124

1

2

19

9

3

2

O

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G

9

Owen

17

S

12

H

8

7

98

40th Ave.

29

27

S

121

G

6

7

Blair

Burr Oak

16

11

14

Reedsburg

10

10

3

Baraboo

12

95

Humbird

33

11

4 19 12

Spring Green

23

17

15

94

J

F

27

Black River Falls

Melrose

9 18

95

Alma Center

12

Fairchild

155

Northfield

10

Pigeon Falls

53

21

Jim Falls

Osseo

178

64

Tony

32

Cornell

22

27

Ladysmith

Ettrick

8

Mindoro

X

124

Curtiss

1

N

Riplinger

E

22

15

Greenwood K Loyal

27

P

AA

Bruce

64

Withee

73

28

Chippewa Falls

124 29

40

Bloomer

F

28

D

8

Neillsville Boon Blvd. 2

6

29

N

10

40

53

26

Ave. Grand al Ave Centr

Osseo

9

Merrillan

14

27

Thorp

73

M N

11

A

SS

4

24

3 Humbird

Fairchild

Rock Dam

X

21

Arcadia

11

11

H

H

Stanley

16 19

20

Colfax

23

G

G

Dallas

Menomonie 22 25

6

24

12

Eau Galle

72 D

12

Bo yc ev il

12

27

27

Tilden 100th Ave.

g Wilson

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1 D ow

Glenwood City

94

Cadott

S

S

3

Brill

31

12

Rice Lake 25

Chetek Barron 10 Cameron 53

Spooner

63

20

Main St.

123

13

12

8

73

37

WI Dells Broadway

94

.

ing A ve.

E. Clairemont Ave

15

5

D

Madison St.

17

Hard

12

3

Pray Rd.

Pray 1

2

27

Pittsville

Mondovi

95

12

54

11

Folsom St.

2

64

Cornell

1 18

18

4

3

Bus

6

E

E

36

7

94

Golf Rd.

Eau Claire

12

53

Bus.

312 Bypass

Melby St.

1

OO

93

8

CC

36

53

M

D

1

53

64

2

Q

53

10

8

5

95

3

94

9

7

64

15

12

G

6

10

94

13

Sheldon

Gilman

73

Hudson

27

6

14

16

Augusta

K

Bayport

4

N

Fall Creek

Wabasha, MN

95

95

2

12

14

3

27 Holcombe

Houlton

36

36

26

Conrath

34

8

Ladysmith

13

5 Spooner Ave. 10

OO

29

94

53

Lake Hallie

- 53

9

27

30th Ave

4

N

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T

14

26 24 Osseo

7

29

26

70

G

A

ve. th A

14

100th Ave.

X

Fall Creek

5

Hammond Woodville Hersey

17

Ellsworth

5

Bayport, MN

12

Jim Falls

21

H

Webb Lake

53

6

250th St.

48

130

90th St.

Rudolph Rd.

Pearl St

10th St. W

Can al S t.

Park Ave.

109th St.

3rd St.

t.

110th St.

th S

Starr Ave

270

MENOMONIE AREA MAP 1 3 4 5 6 8 9

10 11 14 18 19 20 21 24

PUMP HOUSE ............................................................................... 16

1

UP-CHUCK'S ................................................................................. 25

2

CORRAL BAR AND RIVERSIDE GRILL ......................................... 16

3

THE HUB...................................................................................... N/A

4

CLUB 10 ............................................................................................ 16

6

SIDETRACKS SALOON & GRILL ................................................... 18

7

504 MAIN ST., DOWNING, WI • (715) 265-7855

120 W. MAIN ST., ARCADIA, WI 54612• 608-323-9907

318 W. MAIN ST., DURAND, WI • (715) 672-8874 www.corralbarandriversidegrill.com 305 W. MAIN ST., ELLSWORTH, WI • (715) 273-4223 W4570 US HWY 10, DURAND, WI • (715) 672-5681

112 W. MAIN ST., ROBERTS, WI 54023• www.sidetracksaloon.com

NORTHWOODS BREWPUB........................................................... 15

50819 WEST STREET, OSSEO, WI • (715) 597-1828

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

THE POURHOUSE ......................................................................... 16

W301 MENOMONIE ST, HWY 12, ELK MOUND, WI • (715) 917-1020

KERNS KURBSIDE BAR & GRILL ................................................ 15

2 3 4

6 7 8 9

10 11 12 13

15 16 17

18 19

9 10 16

20

109 N. MAIN ST., ELMWOOD, WI • (715) 639-5000

HILLTOP BAR & GRILL ............................................................... N/A

2508 HWY. 12, WOODVILLE, WI • (715) 698-2907

RIVERVIEW LANES ....................................................................... 25

634 W. MAIN ST., ARCADIA WI • (608) 323-7005

JAKE'S SUPPER CLUB.................................................................. 15

E5690 CTY RD C, MENOMONIE, WI • (715) 235-2465

24 25 27

DEAN & SUES BAR & GRILL ........................................................ 15

31

2002 MIDWAY RD., MENOMONIE, WI • (715) 235-9940

32

AD PAGE #

34

BEV’S SADDLE MOUND TAP ........................................................ 35

BACK ROADS SALOON ................................................................. 35

1

JOE & LINDA’S FIRST & LAST CHANCE.....................................N/A

5

HWY 27 SOUTH BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-3121

SUNSET TAVERN ........................................................................... 39

N5890 HWY 54 BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-9345

KRAZY K'S SALOON ...................................................................... 29

15793 WEST 1ST ST. ETTRICK, WI • (608) 525-7171

14611 222ND AVE., BLOOMER, WI • (715) 568-1174

XPEDITIONS ................................................................................. 17

1319 MAIN ST. BLOOMER, WI • (715) 568-5420

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

R-BAR & RED PINES CAMGROUND .............................................. N/A

1190 - 25TH ST. CAMERON, WI • (715) 859-6556

THE RUT ........................................................................................ 30

N705 COUNTY RD M, COUNTY ROAD D, SARONA, WI • (715) 354-3250

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

HOOT'S ON THE WATER................................................................ 31

2091 22 1/2 AVE., RICE LAKE, WI • (715) 475-1300

BLOOMER MEMORIAL GOLF COURSE ....................................... 17

118 E. 13TH AVE., BLOOMER, WI • (715) 568-1743

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

MIKE & ELLIE'S SHADY CAMPGROUND AND POOR FOLKS SALOON ......................................................... 31 CORNER PIT STOP..................................................................... M/A

18982 STATE HWY 124, BLOOMER, WI • (715) 288-6596

LINCOLNWOOD RESORT BAR AND GRILL .................................. 30

N1075 EAST SIDE RD., BIRCHWOOD, WI • (715) 354-3533 www.lincolnwoodresort.com

AARON'S HAPPY HOUR BAR ....................................................... 31

601 S. MAIN ST., RICE LAKE, WI • (715) 234-6165

SPIDER LAKE SALOON ............................................................... N/A

N2586 SPIDER LAKE TRAIL, BIRCHWOOD, WI • (715) 354-3723

WAGON WHEEL ............................................................................ 30 MAIN ST., BRILL, WI • (715) 234-1823

MICKEY'S .................................................................................... N/A

N5399 WALNUT ST, TONY, WI • (715) 532-7598

FIRESIDE BAR & GRILL ............................................................. N/A

W12745 FIRESIDE LAKE RD., NEW AUBURN WI• (715) 868-1172

ST. CROIX AREA MAP

N 8376 PRAY RD, PITTSVILLE, WI (IN PRAY A TOWN OF CITY POINT) • (715) 884-7355

N8395 PRAY ROAD, PITTSVILLE, WI • (715) 884-2036

AD PAGE #

CEDAR BAY RESORT .................................................................... 17

2883 17-3/4TH ST., RICE LAKE, WI • (715) 234-7339 www.shadyrest@centurytel.net

21

UNCLE SAMS ................................................................................ 25

309 W. MAIN ST., ARCADIA, WI • (608) 323-7USA (7872)

SOUTHERN AREA MAP 1

NORTHERN AREA MAP

AD PAGE #

6

8

CORNER PUB................................................................................ 29

AD PAGE #

B & L LIQUOR STORE ................................................................... 18

1369 MAIN ST., HOULTON, WI • (715) 549-6589

THE BUNGALOW INN .................................................................... 18

1151 RIVERCREST RD N, LAKELAND, MN • (651) 436-5005

THE VILLAGE INN SPORTS BAR & GRILL .................................... 18

723 - 6TH ST. N., HWY. 35 HUDSON, WI • (715) 386-2205

WABASHA VFW POST 4086 ........................................................ 18

138 2ND ST. E., WABASHA, WI • (651) 565-4766

22833 N. MAIN ST. ETTRICK, WI • (608) 525-4863

DWYER'S MY SECOND HOME ...................................................... 26

HOLCOMBE AREA MAP

13272 MAIN ST., PIGEON FALLS, WI • (715) 983-5664

FREDDIES ..................................................................................... 34

N 625 NORTH BEND DR., MELROSE, WI • (608) 488-5823

1

RUMORS ....................................................................................... 32

2

THE BLOCK HOUSE ...................................................................... 34

3

COZY CORNER ............................................................................ N/A

4

BLACK RIVER POWER SPORTS ....www.blackriverpowersports.com ......... 39 W10120 STATE HWY 54 E., BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-2600 FAX (715) 284-2055

5

N9261 ST. HWY 108, MINDORO, WI • (608) 857-3436

N2098 SANDBERG RD., MELROSE, WI • (715) 488-4600 43 MAIN ST., BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-2651

WAUGHTAL MOTOR SALES .......................................................... 37

206 N. WASHINGTON ST., MELROSE, WI • (608) 488-3911

JC’S PIZZA & PUB ........................................................................ 32

N378 ST HWY 108 MELROSE, WI *3 MILES S. OF MELROSE

BURR OAK AUTO BODY ................................................................ 32

7 9

10

W2606 DAVIS CREEK RD., MELROSE, WI • (608) 857-3880

16

406 NORTH WASHINGTON ST., MELROSE, WI • (608) 396-3020

17

44 EAST MAIN ST., BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 670-0004

18

FOB BAR & GRILL ........................................................................ 34 THE WRIGHT PLACE ................................................................... N/A

19

AD PAGE #

BIG T'S NORTH ............................................................................. 29

116 MAIN ST., CORNELL, WI • (715) 239-6677

BIG SWEDES RESORT .................................................................. 29

840 HWY 27 HOLCOMBE, WI • (715) 456-7518 • www.bigswedes.com

THE BIG MINNOW......................................................................... 28

26490 STATE HIGHWAY 27, HOLCOMBE, WI • (715) 595-6362

TJ'S TIMBERLINE ........................................................................ N/A

1189 N. POTATO LAKE, CHETEK, WI • (715) 353-2238

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

ENTWOOD GOLF COURSE............................................................ 28

28135 290TH AVE., HOLCOMBE, WI • (715) 595-4035

JIMMY'S WORLD........................................................................... 26

N1745 RANGELINE RD., CONRATH, WI • (715) 532-0637 CELL (715) 403-3867

COOKIE'S HOLCOMBE INN .......................................................... 28

27575 -0263RD AVE., HOLCOMBE, WI • (715) 595-4092

5TH QUARTER BAR ...................................................................... 28

108 W. MINER AVE., LADYSMITH, WI • (715) 532-7757

CHIPPEWA RIVER CAMPGROUND ............................................N/A

23780 STATE HWY. 178, CORNELL, WI

JIM'S SHADY NOOK ...................................................................... 28

16061 - 296TH ST, CORNELL, WI • (715) 667-3878

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

NEILLSVILLE PAGE Here is Wishing Everyone a Very Safe and Happy 2019!

OTTER LAKE BAIT 16488 Cty H Stanley WI 715-644-0609 Find us on Facebook CALIFORNIA VERSUS ARIZONA A Californian is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumped out and attacks the dog.

1. Californians starts to intervene, reflects upon the movie Bambi and then realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what is natural.

2. He called animal control .. animal control captures coyote and spends $200 testing for diseases and $500 relocating it.

3. They call it a veterinarian. The

Butch and Kathy Kuester Owners

vet collects dead dog and spends $200 testing it for diseases.

4. The Californian goes to the hospital and spends $500 getting check for diseases of the coyote and on getting bite wounds bandaged.

5.Running trail gets shut down for six months while wildlife services conduct a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is clear of dangerous animals.

6. California spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a coyote awareness program for residents

Monthly Events & Extras Legion Closed December 29 - January 1 Opening January 2... for Steak Sandwich Special

JOIN US..

Mon. Jan. 14 Steak Feed 1700-2000 Jan. 25 & 26 SAL Gun Show Sun. Jan. 27 Breakfast 0830-1200 MONTHLY MEETING DATES -Legion & Ladies Auxiliary 1st Monday 7pm

JANUARY 2019

of the area.

7. State Legislature spends two million investigating how to better handle rabies and how to possibly eradicate the disease.

8. PETA protests the coyote relocation and files suit against the state.

In Arizona a man is jogging with his dog along a nature trail and a coyote jumped out and attacks the dog.

1. Arizonian shoots coyote and continues jogging.

2. Buzzards eat that coyote.

Arizonian has spent $.50 on a 45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

Case closed.

Any wonder why California is broke. It’s not only the fires.

TRIVIA ANSWER (from page 18) Answer: A book

Open at 10a *7 Days a Week HAPPY HOUR SU - TH 4-6P

New Year’s Eve Party Music starts at 9pm N272 Hwy 95 Neillsville, WI 715-743-2422 A SPEEDING WOMAN A police officer stops Moira Wilde for speeding and asks her if he can see her license. Moira replies in a huff, 'I wish you people would get your act together. Only yesterday you took away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.'

American Legion Post #73

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Friday Nite Legion Dinner w/ Hooves, Beaks, Scales & Tails 1700-2000

Large & Small Banquet & Meeting Rms Available for Meetings & Parties

4th Sunday Breakfasts

Check it out...Drink Cards Get a punch your 2nd - 8th drinks and get your 9th drink free!

23

STANLEY - BOYD - GREENWOOD PAGE Like Us on Facebook!

Open 7 Days A Week Mondays @ 4pm / Tue - Sun 11am - CL

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309 N. Broadway - Stanley, WI NEW YEARS EVE ONE LINERS Every year I make a resolution to change myself....... this year I’m making a resolution to be myself!

I'm planning on finding new and interesting things to hate about my

715-644-2340 job in 2019.

I just heard that in 2019 there will be a new device that can turn thoughts into speech. I have had that for years, it's called alcohol.

My New Years Resolution is to break my New Years

Curvy Word Puzzle

(Answers Pg 36-37)

Resolutions....That way I succeed at something!

Anyone who says that alcohol is a depressant isn't drinking enough of it.

Keep the smile, Leave the tear, Hold the laugh, Leave the pain, Think of joy, Forget the fear.

Be joyous, cause its a New Year.

New Year's is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendar.

I'm actually feeling pretty okay about not accomplishing anything this year.

My 2019 resolution is for everyone else to gain the 50 pounds I refuse to lose.

People think New Years is a life changing event. If your life sucked last year, it's probably still going to suck tomorrow.

May all your troubles last as long

FUNTE’S BAR & GRILL 215 S. Main St. Greenwood, WI 715-267-7599

Join Us For..Wraps, Salads, Burgers, Specialty Burgers & Homemade Pizza Happy Hour: Tues - Fri 3-6p HOURS: Tues - Fri: 11-CL, Sat: 1p - CL, Sorry Closed Mondays All Year

Join Us for Packer Games as your New Years resolutions.

I heard Donald Trump wants to Make New Years Eve great again.

I was going to quit drinking for the new year, but then I remembered no one likes a quitter.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Home of the ‘Breakfast’

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JANUARY 2019

24

ARCADIA - BOYD PG

Now Open M-F 4pm-10pm & Saturday 3pm-10pm Call for Open Bowling!

TWO FRIENDS Dwight and Bob, two friends, meet in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Dwight didn't show up.

Bob didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Dwight had not shown up for a week or so, he really began worry. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn't know where Dwight lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Dwight, but one day, Bob approached the park and--low and behold!—There sat Dwight! He was very excited and happy to see

him and told him so. Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Dwight, what in the world happen to you?’

Dwight replied, ‘I have been in jail.’

‘Jail!’Cried Bob. ‘What in the world for?’

‘Well, Dwight said, ‘you know Stephanie, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?’

‘Yeah,’ said Bob, ‘I remember.

What about her?’

‘Well, one day she placed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud when I got into court, I to plead guilty.’

‘Then judge gave me 30 days for perjury.’

POLICE FORCE RESIGN ENMASSE [TRUE STORY] In 2009 an entire police force resigned in Hungary after winning more than £10 GBP million [$16.4 million USD] in a lottery.

The 15-strong squad policing Budaörs, a town in Pest county, Budapest metropolitan area, Hungary, scooped the jackpot with their ticket and all quit on the spot.

Double D Saloon D Bar & Grill Have a Happy New Year from Denny, Deb and staff in 2019!!

Open 7 Days A Week 10am - CL Homemade Pizza Fresh Daily Join Our Pizza Club (Ask Bartender for Details)

Taco Tuesdays Friday Fish Fry All-U-Can-Eat WINGS Wed All Day & Night

Join Us For Great Food & Entertainment SATURDAYS - DJ / KARAOKE BEST SOUND & LIGHTS Ladies Night Every Saturday 7-9pm Buy (*1 Drink get 1!)

505 E. Murray St. Boyd, WI

715-667-3441

Denny & Deb Zais Owners

JANUARY 2019

TRIVIA You are a cyclist in a crosscountry race. Just before the crossing finish line, you overtake the person in second place. In what place did you finish?

(Answer on page 26) Q&A Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?

A: Odor in the court!

Things to Do in Alaska Located in the Chena Hot Springs Resort, the Aurora Ice Museum is open year-round.

Created with over 1,000 tons of ice and snow, the museum is kept at 25° Fahrenheit (-7° Celsius), so visitors are loaned parkas to tour the museum in comfort.

The museum contains a gallery displaying sculptures by world champion ice carvers Steve and Heather Brice, an observation tower, three bedrooms (polar bear, Christmas tree and children’s fort), a Northern Lights room and even an ice outhouse. An ice alter can be rented for onsite special events or weddings, and the

UPCHUC K

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120 W. Main St. Arcadia, WI (608) 323-9907 OPEN: M-Th Noon - 2am F & Sa 10am - 2:30am Sun 10am - 2am DAILY DRINK SPECIALS DJ Music: Th, Fri, & Sa 9-Cl (Safe Rides Available) museum’s chandeliers change color to evoke the aurora borealis.

More: Things to Do in Anchorage, Indoor Zip Line, Zip Line Niagara Falls,Louisville Zip Line, Cusco Elevation, Grand Central station, Lake Tahoe Zip Line, Largest Cities in Japan, Castle Rock Zip Line, What Is Elevation, Belize Zip Line HUSBAND A woman brings a Alpaca home , tells her husband it's a pet. He asks , "Where are you going to keep it?" She replies , "In the bedroom." "But what about that horrible nasty smell?' , He asks.

She says, "I got used to you , I'm sure he will too!"

UNCLE SAM’S OF ARCADIA Tues: Free soda, Dom Beer, or Rail Drink w/purchase of a Burger Bsk or any Dinner Wed: 50 Cent Wings (Check out our Flavors!) & FREE Pool Thurs: $1 OFF Stuffed Burgers (Made to order bkt) Fri: Pizza & 6 Pk Dom Beer $20 / Sat: $1.50 Busch Lights 12-8pm Sun: $1.50 Busch Lights, $2 Dom Beers, Chips & Dip Happy Hr: Watch for Sunday Specials during Football Games!

T -F 2-6p

SKIP’S RETIRING FROM TRUCKING! Stop down after 1st of year to celebrate with him!

Tues - Thur: 11am - CL Fri: 6am - CL and Sat & Sun 10am - CL 309 W. Main St. Arcadia, WI (608) 323-7USA (7872)

25

Win Movie Tickets for Micon Theaters Chippewa Falls & Eau Claire, WI Theaters December 2018 Winner..

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MOVIE TRIVIA DECEMBER TRIVIA ANSWERS 1.. Space Jam 2. 9. The Bodyguard 3. Sister Act 4. The Righteous Brothers 5. “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing,” “What Kind of Love Are You On,” and “Sweet Emotion”.

JANUARY 2019 TRIVIA DIRECTIONS..

Here is a quote. I give you the quote, you give me the movie it came from and which character or actor said it.

1. “There’s no crying in baseball.”

2. “You can’t handle the truth!”

3. “I see dead people.”

4. “Keep the change, ya filthy animal.”

5. “You had me at hello.”

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JANUARY 2019

MORE NEW YEARS EVE ONE LINERS It's officially New Year’s Eve, and you only have a couple of hours to do all the things you will resolve not to do in the new year.

On New Year’s night the Mayor will drop the ball in New York while Congress is dropping the ball in Washington.

There have been many times in 2018, when I have annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you, and bugged the hell out of you....today I just wanna tell you I plan to continue in 2019!

THINGS TO DO IN ALASKA Less than half hour from downtown Fairbanks is the Running Reindeer Ranch, where you can learn all you ever wanted to know about these curious animals of the north. The ranch owner and manager Jane, who has lived most of her life in Alaska, will take you on a walk through the beautiful, dense birch forest with the reindeer and engage you in reindeer games, tell you about the forest, the reindeer’s home, and explain all their adaptations to life in the Arctic.

You can watch the reindeer as they run free and happy in their forest world, untrained and often unpredictable, so what kind of adventure you will be having is pretty much up to them. Once the walk is over, Jane will take you to a nice, warm room by a fire, give you cookies and a hot drink and tell you stories about life in the north and, of course, about reindeer. In the summer, she will proudly show you her vegetable garden.

Q & A Q: What fish only swims at night?

A: A starfish!

CONRATH - HOLCOMBE PAGE

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TRIVIA ANSWER (from page 25) Second Place. If you pass the person in second, you take second place, and they become third.

BRAIN TEASERS Jimmy’s mother had four children. She named the first Monday. She named the second Tuesday, and she named the third Wednesday. What is the name of the fourth child?

(Answer on page 29) RETIREMENT BONUS A Navy Officer found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.

He promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted as Dwyer’s ‘My

that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes.

He was measured at 6 feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

A second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a noncommissioned officer, a grizzly old chef who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, ‘From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.’

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about a nice big checks the previous two officers had received.

But the old chef insisted and they decided to go on with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

The medical officer arrived and instructed the chef, ‘to drop’em’, which he did.

Second Home’ Bar & Grill

13272 Main St. Pigeon Falls, WI

715-983-5664

JOIN OUR.. NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY w/ Blondie Blue 9 to ???

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Open: *Breakfast Served Daily Mon - Fri 7:30am-CL *Mon - Fri: Lunch Specials Sat & Sun 8am-CL Join Us for: Burgers, Appetizers & Homemade Pizza Happy Hour Fresh Burger Daily from Local Meat Locker M - F 4-7pm

26

GRANTON - OSSEO - TONY PAGE The medical officer placed a tape measure on the tip of the chef’s weenie and began to work backwards from the tip. ‘Oh Lord!’ he suddenly exclaimed, ‘where are your testicles?’

The old chef, replied, ‘Vietnam’.

Pauline interrupts her protesting, 'Why Vicky, your husband is 5 ft 8 inches, corpulent, bald, has a big mouth, and is horrid to your children.

Vicky replied, with a sigh, 'Yes, but who wants HIM back?'

RARE OFFENSE Solly, an elderly tramp, is brought, by the police, before the magistrate and he doesn't half smell; in fact he is distinctly solid.

The judge says, 'What's the charge against this man?'

The policeman says, 'A fragrancy charge, your honor.'

WALKING THE PLANK Hollywood, Robert Louis Stevenson's 'Treasure Island' and the story of Peter Pan, are responsible for perpetuating the myth that pirates used to kill their enemies by making them 'walk the plank.'

The fact, it is hard to imagine that real pirates such as Captain Kidd would waste time killing someone by drowning in this fashion. A quick throw overboard would suffice. If a buccaneer wished to be cruel, or wanted to torture their victim, then Keelhauling would be more effective.

Another reason why 'walking the plank' is lionised (quite famous) is because of Howard Pyle's illustrations in the 19th Century. which first appeared in Harper's Monthly in 1887.

SOMETHING MISSING Last week, Vicky, a distraught wife went to the local police station in Wigan, Lancashire, along with her next-door neighbor, Pauline, to report that her husband was missing.

The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.

Vicky described him clearly and in detail, 'He is 35 years old, 6ft 4 inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is softly-spoken and is fabulous with the children.

BRAIN TEASER You are in a room that has three switches and a closed door. The switches control three light bulbs on the other side of the door. Once you open the door, you may never touch the switches again. How can

you definitively tell which switch is connected to each of the light bulbs? (Answer on page 28) CUTE Q & A Q. Why can't a nose be twelve inches long?

A. Because then it'd be a foot!

Osseo: Open 9a -11p Sun-Thurs & 9a - 12a Fri - Sat Stevens Point & Hazelhurst: Open 10a -11p Sun - Thurs & 10a -12a Fri -Sat

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son of a bitch.

27575 263rd Ave. Holcombe WI 715-595-4092 FREE Pool Sundays!

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All Day.. BLOODY MARY Sunday: Bloody Marys w/ 12 Ingredients Only $4.50 Happy Hour: Mon & Tues Op to CL & Wed-Fri 3- 6p 50 Taps, $1.00 Mugs, $1.75 Dom Beer, $2.00 Rails

JANUARY 2019

27

B L A C K R I V E R FA L L S - P R AY WISCONSIN WINTER January 8: 6 PM it started to snow. The first of the season and the wife and I took her cocktails and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down all over the area. It was beautiful.

January 9: we awoke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape.

What a fantastic site! Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shovel snow for the first time of the season and loved it. I did both our driveway and sidewalk. Later the snow plow came along and covered up our sidewalk with compacted snow from the street click clean them again.

January 12: the sun has melted all our lovely snow. Oh well, I'm sure we will get some more before the lovely winter is through.

January 14: it snowed 8 inches last night and the temperature dropped to 20° below zero.

Jim’s

Shady Nook Resort (Located on Pike Lake)

PG

Shoveled the driveway and sidewalk again and snow plow came by and buried the sidewalk again.

January 15: so my van died and I bought a 4x4 Blazer to drive in the snow.

January 16: fell on my butt on the ice on the driveway.. All that was hurt was my pride.

January 17: so cold ..below zero in the a.m., and icy roads make for very tough driving.

January 20: another 14 inches of white last night. More shoveling in store for me today.. that damn snow plow came by twice.

January 22: 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and with this freezing weather it won't melt until August. Got all dressed up two gloves and shovel with boots, jumpsuit, heavy jacket, scarf, blows, etc. And then I got the urge to pee.

January 23: I was going to go ice fishing today but my worms froze and I didn't want the fish to break their teeth on my bait.

January 24: if I ever catch the son of a bleep that does that snow plow, I’ll grab him by the balls. I

108 W. Miner Ave. Ladysmith, WI 715-532-7757 Happy Hour: M-F 3-6pm ‘Hometown Bar for All’

BRAIN TEASER ANSWER (from page 27) Turn on the first two switches.

Leave them on for 5 minutes.

Once 5 minutes has passed, turn off the second switch, leaving one switch on. Now go through the door. The light that is still on is connected to the first switch.

Whichever of the other two is warm to the touch is connected to the second switch. The bulb that is cold is connected to the switch that was never turned on!

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think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street 100 mph and throws snow all over what used to be my lawn.

January 25: they predict 20 more inches of that white stuff tonight.

Do they know how many shovels full of snow that is. To hell with the holiday season. Even Santa was late this year when it first snowed in December but we were gone in Florida.. wish I was back there.. Santa ..he doesn't have to shovel that white crap. The snow plow driver came by asking for donations, I hit him over the head with my shovel.

January 26: well we got 20 more inches and then some. I must have a severe case of cabin fever, if the wife is beginning to look good to me again.

January 27: the toilet froze. If you go outside, don't eat the brown stuff.

January 28: I set fire to the house.

Now that white crap will cling to the roof!!

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28

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Join Us for...

Beer, Booze, & Fun Live Music Entertainment Calendar for listings

TECHNICAL ARREST An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Years Eve. One was charged and the other was let off.

NEW YEARS EVE FORECAST Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.

Q. Where can you find comedians on New Years Eve? A. Waiting for the punchline.

THINGS TO DO IN ALASKA Located on the banks of the Chena River in downtown Fairbanks, the Morris Thompson Cultural and Visitors Center is a regional visitor center for Interior Alaska and Fairbanks. The center is an interesting and very successful cooperation between the Fairbanks Convention and Visitors Bureau, the Tanana Chiefs Conference and the Alaska Public Lands Information Center.

There is a 9000-square-foot exhibit hall with dioramas and displays featuring rural Alaska seasons and landscapes from the interior. The information center part offers brochures, walking and driving tour schedules, and a vacancy listing, and answers visitor questions and inquiries.

There is also a theater with free films on Alaska’s natural and cultural history.

Q & A Q. What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? A. I haven't seen you for a year!

SUDUKO ‘Hard’ Puzzle (Answers to puzzle on pg 36)

BRILL - BIRCHWOOD - SARONA PG OPEN DAILY @ 10am SERVING FOOD DAILY 10A-10P

Pizza, Soups, Burgers, Fish Fry All Your Yummy Eats!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Located on Main St. in Brill, WI (715) 234 - 1823

There’s no place like the Wagon Wheel!

DECADES OF CHANGE Things changed in the past decade or so AARP: cards for baby boomers Aging: nobody seemed to look their age. Clothes for 50-year-old women started looking more like garb for 18-year-olds, and tweens resembled teens. In many ways women's fashion seems morph into a single age group.

Airports: remember when you didn't have to remove your shoes before getting on a plane? We could bring a bottle of water on board? Terrorism changed all of that.

Apps: the phrase comes from Apple iPhone advertising but could only apply to the decade’s gadget explosion, from laptops to global positioning system units.

Blackberries: introduced in 2002, the Smart phone version now seen by more than 20 million people, said its maker, research in motion.

Blog; how did we spend our time before blogging, there are more than 100 million of these Web logs.

Book clubs: thanks in part to

Lincolnwood Resort *BAR *grill *BAIT *tackle

Oprah Winfrey, a decade saw not only a profusion in a book discussion clubs but a growing reliance on them by publishers.

Cable: cable 24 hour news made the evening network news seem quaint, cable dramas reaped Emmys, and even Oprah is now on cable.

Cameras: remember getting film developed? No? Even your grandma owns a digital camera, and she's e-mailing the photos or uploading them to a photo sharing sites.

Cell phones: more than 85% of the US population now uses cell phones, and some have replaced landmines entirely. They've made cheating on a spouse more difficult-just ask Tiger Woods.

Conductivity: we're expected to be connected wirelessly all the time. Boss e-mails you on Sunday? Better answer, unless you're in Antarctica.

Crocks: Those ubiquitous plastic clogs debuted in 2002 and became the shoes you love to hate.

Dating: Internet sites render other ways of meeting people obsolete.

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JANUARY 2019

30

Aaron’s

Happy Hour Bar

Happy Hour: 2-6pm D A I L Y !

Like Us on FACEBOOK!

601 S Main St oke Rice Lake, Wisconsin Kara t Call (715) 234-6165 Fri & Sa

Facebook: can you believe this social networking site once was limited to Harvard students? Now it's a time sucking obsession for more than 300 million users globally in a new form of social etiquette: who to friend on Facebook?

Fat: this was the decade that fat became the enemy of the state.

New York City banned Trans fats.

Alabama, second in national obesity rankings, introduced a tax on overweight state workers.

However if your grandson tells you that you're fat it means that you are really beautiful at least that's what my grandson said and it is considered urban slang.

Going green: from the kind of light bulbs we used to the kind of shopping bags we carry to the cars we drive, going green took hold of this decade.

Google: this was a decade google became a part of her brain Mike & Ellie’s

Shady Rest Campground & Poor Folks Saloon (Located on 1300 Acre Bear Lake) 2883 17 3/4th St. Rice Lake, WI 715-234-7339

Open: Mon - Thurs @5pm Fri - Sun @ Noon

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George Jones Memorabilia!

JANUARY 2019

Happy Hour: 3 -6pm Mon - Fri Tues: FREE Pool Wed: 2 for 1: 8-10p

HAUGEN - RICE LAKE PG function. You know the guy who was in that movie-when was it?

Just Google it.

GPS: we can't get lost anymoreor at least it's pretty hard, with a global positioning system unit.

Information overload: explosion in Internet use lead to an overload of information about practically everything.

Instant gratification: anything you want in an instant. Often referred to as the theme of the decade. And oh by the way everyone deserves it.

IPods: an icon of the digital age, it's hard to believe this portable media player was only launched in 2001. Six years later the 100 millionth iPod was sold.

Organic; Americans rushed to fill grocery carts with organic food, making it a big business-now a $21 billion industry, up from 2.6 billion in 1997. Michelle Obama planted the first White House organic vegetable garden.

Sexting: combine texting on the cell phone with it’s camera function and you get this parental nightmare. Pew Research Center's Internet and American Life Project found 15% of teens ages 12 to 17 with cell phone had received sexually suggestive images or videos. And parents if you don't think that's your kid I suggest you look at their phone most kids these days are sending explicit messages even before they're asked. Sorry to tell you but the days of holding hands seem to be over.

Starbucks: it's a cliché that there is one on every block, but sometimes it seems like it. Millions now consider it normal to spend four dollars or so on a coffee drink in the morning.

Tattoos: it started innocently-

maybe a butterfly on the shoulder or a tribal symbol on the bicep.

Few characters from the Chinese alphabets later, it seemed any hipster had a suite of tattoos. Did this all started with tattooing servicemen during wartime?

Texting: R u still rding this sty?

This is a decade we started communicating in the shorthand of text messages. E-mail is so’00’s.

Twitter: a new social network introduced tweets, retweets, follows and trending topics-as long as it fits in 140 characters.

Wii: this simple console became the decades breakout hit by appealing to the non-gaming masses. Wiis became a center of family gaming, on fitness and senior socializing.

Wikipedia: the open source encyclopedia use the masses to police the entries.

Youtube:: the video sharing site was born in 2005. The most popular video yet ‘Charlie bit my finger’, in which baby Charlie bites the finger of his brother Harry. Submitted by Robert Ewer Holcombe, WI

Homemade Pizzas Available Come Join Us for..

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Catch the BIG One Then stop in to enjoy a beverage!

2091 22 1/2 Ave. Rice Lake, WI

Phone: (715) 475-1300 BURGLAR HANGS AROUND A Victorian house in Dartford, Kent, England was the scene for this hilarious story of failure. The robber, armed with only a hammer attempted to smash his way into the house through the front windows.

The man somehow got his foot caught and unable to free himself, was left hanging upside down in the window frame for more than an hour as a crowd of 30 neighbors and passers-by gathered to ridicule him in Dartford, Kent.

One wag called out, 'Hang in there, mate' to the would be robber.

Police were seen laughing as they arrested the bungler.

Crime doesn’t pay.. at least not forever..

NO WAY... Yes WAY!!

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715-456-7518

Take a FREE Tour @

https://www.valentustour.com/donnaJusa

31

Homemade

Pizza!

15793 West 1st St. Ettrick (608) 525-7171 OPEN: Mon - Fri 10am - CL Sa - Sun 8am - CL Serving Breakfast: Sat 8-10:30a & Sun 8a-12p

Stop in & Check Out Our

Saturday Prime Rib and Tips & Shrimp HOMEMADE PIZZAS! Come in and enjoy juicy Burgers, Homemade Pizzas, Dinner specials or FULL MENU! BIKERS WELCOME!

THE S**T LIST Ghost S**t- the kind where you feel the s**t come out, have S**t on the toilet paper, but there is no S**t in the toilet.

Clean S**t -the kind where you S**t it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Second Wave S**t -happens when you are done S**tting and you’ve pulled your pants to your knees and you realize you have to S**t again.

Brain Hemorrhage Thru Your Nose S**t -the kind where you strain so much to get it out you practically have a stroke.

Richard Simmons S**t -the kind where you S**t so much you lose

30 pounds.

Corn S**t -self explanatory.

Lincoln Log S**t -the kind of S**t that is so huge that you are afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it into a few smaller pieces with your toilet brush because you know it is going to clog the toilet and over flow all over your clean floor and bare feet.. gross!

Drinkers S**t -a kind of S**t you have after a long night of drinking. The most notable trait is the trend marks left on the bottom of the toilet.

Gee, I wish I could S**t’ S**t the kind where you want to S**t, but all you can do is sit on the toilet and fart a couple of times.

Bloody S**t -self explanatory.

Spinal Tap S**t -the kind where it hurts so much coming out you could swear it's was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks S**t -or the-‘power dump’- the kind that comes out of your butt so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with toilet water. Equally as gross as Lincoln Log S**t.

Liquid S**t –the kind were yellowish brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splatters all over the inside of the toilet bowl, while the whole time it is chronically burning your tender anus.

Mexican food S**t -in a class all its own.

NEW YEAR’S EVE - PARTY Dude Fresh 10p-2a

OPEN 7 Days a Week @ 11am SERVING FULL MENU DAILY UNTIL 10pm / Lunch & Dinner SPECIALS

New Pizza & Salad Bar Lunch Buffet Monday and Thursday 11am – 2pm & Mondays 4:30 – 8:30pm New Menu New Menu Items .. So Delicious!

Including Homemade Soups..

N9261 County Rd. ‘C’ - Burr Oak, WI (Formerly State Hwy 108) Phone: 608-857-3436

JANUARY 2019

ETTRICK - HUMBIRD MELROSE - PIGEON FALLS PG Submitted by: Vicki Schreiner gram on raptor birds and environLoyal, WI mental conservation in general.

THINGS TO DO IN ALASKA Alaska Raptor Center - Even in remote and sparsely populated places like Alaska, wild animals suffer from human encroachment into their habitats and are increasingly injured or killed. Two Sitka ladies decided that someone had to do something about the injured raptor birds and so they developed the Alaska Raptor Center in 1980.

They started in their backyard with one injured bald eagle. Eventually, their action attracted other volunteers and they were able to help more birds, so they first moved to a shed on the campus of Sheldon Jackson College and then, in 1991, to the current 17acre space on the Indian River.

The center provides medical care and treatment to about 200 injured birds each year, mostly bald eagles. The main goal is to rehabilitate them and release them back into the wild. Those birds that are too severely injured and would not be able survive in the wild stay in the center’s Raptorsin-Residence facility and are visited by tourists and school kids as part of the educational pro-

TURNER BROWN A small guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge guy standing next to him. The big guy looks down upon the small guy and says, "7 foot tall, 350 pounds,3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown."

The small guy faints!

The big guy picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, "What's wrong?"

The small guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?"

The big guy looks down and says, "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says, "Thank God, I thought you said, "Turn around."

Submitted BY: Craig Yamauchi Eau Claire, WI Lack of Will is our greatest enemy.. it lacks power!

Q & A Q. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

A. Because it’s pointless

Burr Oak Auto Body & Detailing *Auto Body Repair & Refinishing We Handle Insurance Claims *Restoration of Classic Cars & Trucks * Plus.. Fiberglass Restoration Call Greg or Billy Fremstad ICAR Training 1-608-857-3880 ASE Certified W2606 Davis Creek Rd. Melrose, WI (Burr Oak)

32

Open Daily @ 9am

CORNER PUB Come right to the corner.. for more fun!

2 2 8 3 3 N M a in S t. E ttrick , WI

( 608) 525- 4863

You have to go potty-19 Total denials and 29 Do you think you could improve your record this year?

PS Out 36 successful times: 6 times you chewed gum all the while 5 times you watch TV all the while 10 times you said hurry up and get it over with 6 times I had to wake you up to tell you we were through AND one time I thought that I had hurt you because I felt you move!

Your ever loving husband Q&A Q. What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year?

A. He gave up thinking.

Q. What did the Buffalo say to his son?

A. Bye-son Q. What's the problem with jogging on New Years Eve? A. The ice falls out of your drinks!

JC’s Pizza & Pub OPEN Tues. thru Sat. 4p to CL Join Us for Delicious, H ome- m ad e P i zz a , Bur ger s , & Subs *Great Food / Friendly Service NOW SERVING FRIDAY NIGHT FISH!

Happy New Year!

Phone: 608-488-2228 3 miles South of Melrose on @ N378 St Hwy 108

JANUARY 2019

BIG

@ Street Bar Food Served 11am - 10pm Appetizers till Closing

Open Daily @ 9am

HAPPY HOUR: 3-6pm Sunday - Friday 50 Cents Off ALL Drinks!

NOTE TO WIFE To my ever- loving wife: During the past year I have tried to seduce you 365 times; I succeeded 36 times. This is an average of once every 10 days.

The following list of reasons why I did not succeed: We will wake the children-7 It is too cold-5 It is too hot-15 Too tired-52 It’s too early-15 It’s too late-23 Pretending to sleep-49 Window open, the neighbors would hear-9 Backaches-16 Tooth-ache - 4 Giggles-2 Too full-10 Headaches-6 Not in the mood-21 Baby crying-17 Watching the late show-7 Watching the early show-5 Mud pack-2 Greese on fire-1 Reading the Sunday paper-25 Company in the next room-7 You are too drunk-11

Welcome to Humbird OUR.. Little America

Juicy 1/3Lb. Burgers, BLT’s

Grumpy Hour 4-6pm M - Th Chicken Strips & Appetizer New Hours: Mon - Fri 10am - CL and Sat & Sun 8am - CL Tuesdays Buck Day on Domestic beer and Rails 8a -6p

N3063 King St. Humbird, WI

715-964-1401

E T T R I C K - M E L R O S E PA G E Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you -not because they are nice, but because you are. ~Author Unknown

Q&A Q. What do you call always wanting a date for New Year's Eve? A. Social Security Only fools think life will never change and always be the same!

BRAIN TEASER I left my campsite and hiked south for 3 miles. Then I turned east and hiked for 3 miles. I then turned north and hiked for 3 miles, at which time I came upon a bear inside my tent eating my food! What color was the bear?

(Answer on page 34) Why is it that when you like someone.. they seem to like someone else? Timing!

Join us for Bloody Mary Sundays & Our Wing Special.. during Packer Games SERVING BREAKFAST, LUNCH & DINNER DAILY KITCHEN OPEN: 7AM - 10PM Friday Fish Fry 4-10pm Smoked Prime Rib Saturdays 4-10pm BAR HOURS: 11AM - MIDNIGHT Happy Hour: 3 - 5pm Happy $2 Domestics and Rail Mixers New $3 16oz. Tappers Year!

Buy 1 Get 1 half off Appetizers

PHONE: (715) 670-0004 Like us on Facebook/The Wright Place Saloon

44 E Main St, Black River Falls, WI

33

B L A C K R I V E R FA L L S - M E L R O S E PA G E OLD DOG One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep s*** now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can

put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says..."Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs ...Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age

Cozy Corner Tavern

Corner of 1st & Main St. Black River Falls (715) 284-2651 OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK! *Try Our 10am-CLOSE

NEW

Join Our...

APPETIZERS! KARAOKE CHALLENGE 1st place up to $1,000, 2nd $500 & 3rd $250

and experience.

Of course, I am in no way insinuating that you are old, just 'youthfully challenged'.

Submitted By: Judy Dahl Bloomer, WI THINGS TO DO IN ALASKA Located in Seward, Alaska, on the scenic shores of Resurrection Bay, the Alaska SeaLife Center is Alaska’s main public aquarium and its only permanent rehabilitation facility for marine mammals.

Since opening in 1998, the center works on preserving the integrity of the marine ecosystems of Alaska using research, conservation, rehabilitation and education.

Most funds for the 115,000square-foot facility came from the 1989 Exxon Valdez Oil Spill restitution and its purpose is to remind visitors through interactive activities of the importance of the integrity of Alaska's nature.

Through viewing windows, visitors can watch a Steller’s sea lion swimming underwater, puffins diving into the waters of a carefully designed habitat, or harbor seals sprawled on rocky beaches.

There is a discovery touch tank that engages your senses and the Chiswell Island exhibit, where you can watch what is happening at the Steller’s sea lion rookery in Resurrection Bay through a remote camera live video.

JANUARY 2019

N2098 Sanberg Rd - Melrose, WI

608-488-4600

Join us..

Monday Night Euchre @ 6P

Wed & Thur $2.00 Dom & Rail ALL DAY!

Monthly Drawing 2nd Sat. Monthly!

Serving Jan’s Pizza *Watch all your SPORTS Here The center offers self-guided tours as well as special behindthe-scenes tours and animal encounters.

BRAIN TEASER ANSWER (from page 33) White. The only place you can hike 3 miles south, then east for 3 miles, then north for 3 miles and end up back at your starting point is the North Pole. There are only polar bears in the North Pole, and they are white!)

Q & A’s Q. When does the family ask a lot of questions?

A. When it's made of why bread.

Q. What kind of snack food does somersaults?

A. Potato flips.

Tue – Thur: 3:00 PM – 12:00 AM Fri – Sat: 11:00 AM – 2:30 AM Sun: 11:00 AM – 12:00 AM Serving: Burgers, Appetizers & Jan’s Pizza

Dates at Cozy’s: Jan 11th & 25th , Feb 8th (check other bar for their dates)

* bring in gently used or new Coats, hats, gloves, boots, snow pants No Celbrity Bartender or Regular Karaoke in January!

BAR

BUSINESS HOURS: Mon: Closed

(Hosted by Cozy’s, The Wright Place in BRF, and 400 Club in Milston, WI)

HELP US.. COLLECT.. Cell Phone for Soldiers, AND JOIN OUR.. COATS FOR KIDS DRIVE

BLOCK HOUSE

HAPPY HOUR: Tues - Fri 4-6m $2 Domestic & Rails & During Packer Games Serving Friday Fish Fry 4-9 pm / Todd's Ribs Sat. @5pm Phone: (608) 396-3020

406 North Washington Street Melrose, WI

34

BLACK RIVER FALLS PG We carry - Polaris , CFMOTO, Suzuki, and Gravely!

Service : For most major brands of ATVs, Side by Sides, Motorcycles, & Snowmobiles W10120 State Hwy 54 E Black River Falls, WI 54615 Phone number - 715-284-2600 Fax #- 715-284-2055 Visit our Website @ www.blackriverpowersports.com PIRATE STORIES Captain Morgan, typifies the buccaneer spirit. He also typified how both the establishment and history blurred the line between good and bad. If you were English and you robbed ships belonging to enemy countries such as Spain, then you were a good privateer. But if you looted English or allied ships, then you were bad pirate.

In 1673 Captain Morgan stood trial for piracy, however instead of being convicted, the King (Charles II) intervened personally, knighted Captain Morgan, and then made him governor of Jamaica.

Captain Kidd, the scourge of the Indian ocean. Famously, Captain Kidd was hanged in London in 1701; his body was then dipped in tar, and displayed on the bank of the river Thames as a deterrent to would be pirates.

Blackbeard, terrorized the American coasts in the early 18th century. Killed in 1718 by Lieutenant Maynard of the Royal Navy (Pre-independence).

FOUR DIFFERENT TYPES OF PIRATE: 1) Buccaneers Buccaneers were rovers who plied their sweet trade in the Caribbean. The original name is Buccaneer; meaning someone who barbecues meat. The original buccaneers were hard, strong men who were involved in the wood trade. When economic times were tough, they resorted to piracy to make ends meet.

2) Corsairs Corsairs was the name given to pirates who plied their sweet trade off the coast of North Africa. The Barbary Corsairs were such a band of pirates who sailed off the Barbary Coast.

The Barbary states were semiautonomous Muslim cities along the coast from which the pirates hailed. Their chief claim to fame is the cruel manner in which they treated Christian captives, who were chained to the benches of Corsair galleys and made to row nonstop for hours on end. If the rower quit, he was mercilessly whipped to death and tossed to the

DECEMBER ENTERTAINMENT Here Is Wishing You the Happiest and Most Profitable.. Healthy New Year to You & Yours!

Phone # 715-284-9345

JANUARY 2019

N5890 Hwy 54 Black River Falls, WI www.facebook.com/SunsetTavern

waves.

Corsair forts were known to be places where prisoners were maltreated in a great variety of ways; including being tossed onto hooks which were imbedded in the outer wall of the fort's gate and left to rot in the hot sun.

3) Pirates Pirates are people who rob and plunder at sea; the sea worthy equivalent of highwaymen. Down the centuries Kings and Queens ..

Presidents and all manner of leadership over countries, nations, cities and towns have done both through their surrogates; privateers and tax collectors.

4) Privateers Privateers were often private boat owners who operated under a 'Letter of Marque' from their government, which allowed them to plunder the ships of "enemy" countries. Privateers also used their vessels to help protect their country in the event of war. As Samuel Johnson's dictionary definitions make clear, in the eighteenth century 'the difference between a pirate and a privateer was as thin as the piece of paper bearing a royal letter of marque.'

MOMENT AT D.C. AIPORT A Great Senior Moment! Here's a quote from a government employee who witnessed a inter-action between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester in a D. C. airport. There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets, on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one. The elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely also declined.

The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a

Bev’s

Saddle Mound Tap Where ‘Nice’ Friends Meet Open 7 Days A Week M-F 11am - ? / Sa - Su 8a-?

Join Us for...

Weekend Breakfast, Nightly Specials, Full Menu & Drinks Snowmobilers & Atver’s Welcome!

HAPPY NEW YEAR..

Join us for ..

Prime Rib, Shrimp Alfredo and BBQ Ribs on New Year’s Eve Thank you for a great 2018 See you in 2019! gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice the young lady said, "Lady, don't you care about the children of Iraq?"

The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea, and a son in Vietnam. All three died so a girl like you could have the right to stand here and badmouth our country. If you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your a** and open it."

N8395 Pray Road Pittsville, WI (In Town of PRAY)

(715) 884-2036 OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK 11a - CL

HAPPY NEW YEAR! from Patty and the Gang @ Back Roads Saloon!

JOIN US FOR..

Bingo Thursdays @ 6:30pm *Premium Gas Sold Here!

35

SUDUKO ‘Hard’ Puzzle (Answers to puzzle on pg 36)

PUZZLE ANSWER CROSSWORD Puzzle (Answers)

Curvy Word Puzzle

(Answers Pg 36-37)

KARUKO Puzzle (Answers)

JANUARY 2019

36

CLASSIFIED PAGE: ONLY $10 A COLUMN INCH.. SEEN FOR A FULL MONTH AT ONE PRICE LIST YOUR: FOR SALE ITEMS, JOB OPENINGS, PROPERTY FOR SALE OR RENT, THRIFT/CRAFT SALES AND BUSINESS SERVICES!! CALL DYZZI @ 715-456-7518 FACEBOOK.COM/GRUBANDPUBREPORT MUSIC & INSTRUMENTS

BUSINESS & HOME SERVICES

AUTOMOTIVE SERVICES

W H E R E I S A G R E AT P L A C E T O A DV E R T I S E

TWO BATS ASE Certified FULL Service & Repair

Pro Audio Sales, Rentals, Service, and Installation HOURS: M-TH: 11a-6p / Fri: 11a-5p Sat: 11a-2p (most of the year) Sat: 11a-2p (Jun-Sept) 2113 Birch Street Eau Claire, WI 54703 (715) 839-8021 Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?"

The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"

*Air Conditioning *Alignment *Brakes *Drivability *Suspension *26 Years Exp.

(715) 830-0606

Your Restaurant, Bar or Service Business, Goods & Services, THRIFT SALE ITEMS??

603 Fairfax St. Altoona, WI 54720 Email: NicksAutomotive@SBCGlobal.net

Nick Rineck - Owner

Q &A Q. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?

A. "How do you breathe through something so small?"

(Hand delivered to over 300 locations in a 75+ mile radius of Chippewa Falls, WI) Contact ..

Call Dyzzi @ 715-456-7518 or email dyzzi42@yahoo.com

WORD SEARCH (Answers to Left) MOLE FAMILY There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!"

Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!"

Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles.

Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."

ANIMAL CONVERSATION An elephant and a camel are talking. The elephant asks, "Why do you have boobs on your back?" The camel replies, "Ha! That's a funny question coming from an animal with a weenie hanging from his face."

JANUARY 2019

37

ON-GOING WEEKLY ENTERTAINMENT

ENTERTAINMENT SCHEDULE PAGE 1

DAILY: -The Pourhouse - Elk Mound- Redneck Karaoke - to the jukebox (offered after other events)

Mondays: -Pump House- Downing- Karaoke every Monday night starting @ 7PM Tuesdays: -The Bungalow – Lakeland MNJorgensen Tagg Duo Acoustic from 6-8 -Dean & Sue’s-Menom- EVERY 4TH TUE Old Time Music 1- 4pm Live Music w/David Snyder

Wednesdays: -Golden Spike - Altoona- Karaoke 9-C. -Northwoods Brew Pubs- Osseo-Open Mic w/Brian Bethke 7-10p every other WK Thursdays: -Girolamo’s - E.C. - Karaoke 9P -1st & Goal - C.F. - DJ Not2Shy -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Karaoke -Foster Bar-Foster- Patio Live Music Fridays: -The Bungalow, Lakeland MN- DJ Dance & Karaoke 9pm-12:30am -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Karaoke Every Other Friday Night w/ Todd Olson -Big Swedes- Holcombe-Free Juke Box Every Friday Night @10pm -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Karaoke 9p-1am!

-Rookies Pub- C.F.-DJ or Band -Northwoods Brew Pubs- Osseo-Live Music every FRI from 5:30 to 8:30p -The Pourhouse - Elk Mound- Open Mic 9pm - ?

Saturdays: -Big Swedes- Holcombe- DJ/Karaoke 10p -Brick House- E.C.-- Karaoke @9pm -Double D - Boyd- Best Sound DJ 9P -Uncle Sam’s of Arcadia – House DJ -Golden Spike - Altoona- Karaoke 9-C. --Rookies Pub- C.F.-DJ or Band -The Pourhouse - Elk MoundDJ Karaoke 8pm - ?

Sundays -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Oldies DJ Music Sundays @3pm -Dean & Sue’s-Menom- EVERY 2ND & 4TH SUN - Open Mic Music Jams 6 - 9pm

DECEMBER 2018 ENTERTAINMENT FRIDAY, DECEMBER 28 -Loopy’s – C.F-New Years Eve Dinner and Party Featuring Arch Allies 8:30 PM – 12 AM -Northwoods BrewPub-Osseo Friday Night Concert Series music 5:30-8:30pm

by Nick Hensley

JANUARY 2019

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 29 -Linda and Dan’s T &C- C.F. Contingency Band 9-1 -VFW Post 7232 –E.C. – Last Open Road -Wabasha VFW Post 4086The Chubs SUNDAY, DECEMBER 30 -Northwoods BrewPub-Osseo Sunday Fun Day w/Zach & Nate starts at 11am.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 31 NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTIES!!

-VFW Post 7232 –E.C. –Moonshine -Rolly’s-Altoona-bring in 2019 w/Rock N' Roll to Go Plus 8p to ???

-Blue Marble - C.F.- Open New Year’s Eve 2pm - Midnight Casino Party -Rumors- New Year’s Eve party w/ Dude Fresh 10pm - 2am -Big Minnow - Holcombe New Year’s Eve Party -Tim’s Slim’s –Lake HallieNew Year party -Schuetzy's-C.F. – Bingo Champagne Toast at 8pm -400 Club- Altoona- Bring in the New Year with the 400 Club!

-Big T’s - E.C. - 2018 - 2019 New Years Eve "Black Light" Party. DJ for your entertainment * Champaign toast at midnight!

-Foster Bar-Foster- New Years Eve Party w/free juke box, munchies, & toast -VFW Post-305-E.C. NYE PARTY w/Rock-A-Billy Riot from 9p to 1am Food & Drink Specials -Rookies Pub- C.F. – New Year’s Party w/ music by Blivets -Back 40- BloomerPlease RSVP for NYE Dinner -Big T’s North- Cornell- Party Party - Party New years eve.

-Corral Bar & Riverside Grill-DurandSpecial NYE Menu.

-Low Riders - Neillsville - New Year’s Eve Party Music at 9pm -Jakes Supper Club - Menom NYE Menu RSVP Music TBA -Girolamo’s – E.C.- New Year’s Eve..

Champagne Toast at Midnight!

-Dwyer’s My Second Home Bar & Grill –Pigeon Falls- New years eve with b Blondie blue 9 to ???

-Big Minnow – Holcombe –New Year’s Eve Party Ducky Dice @ 1am, Breakfast Served from 4 - 6 am

JANUARY 2019

FRIDAY, JANUARY 18 -Northwoods BrewPub - Osseo Friday Night Concert Series - Dawn Marie 5:30 - 8:30 pm

ENTERTAINMENT FRIDAY, JANUARY 4 -VFW POST 7232 –E.C. – Jeff White -Northwoods BrewPub - Osseo Friday Night Concert Series Dave BeBeau 5:30 - 8:30 pm - Wabasha VFW Post 4086 Bear Creek Band 8pm to Midnight SATURDAY, JANUARY 5 -VFW Post 305 -E.C. Blind River Band SUNDAY, JANUARY 6 -Northwoods BrewPub - Osseo Zack & Nate's Sunday Fun Day - 11 am - 8 pm WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 9 -Northwoods BrewPub - Osseo Classic Country Jam Hosted by: Bear Creek Boys 7-10 All welcome!

FRIDAY, JANUARY 11 -VFW POST 7232 –E.C. – DJ -Northwoods BrewPub - Osseo Friday Night Concert Series Nici Peper & Justin Arnol 5:30 - 8:30 pm SATURDAY, JANUARY 12 -Linda and Dan’s T &C- C.F. The Cragars 9 - 1 -VFW POST 7232 –E.C. – Black Sheep 8:00pm to midnight -VFW Post 305 -E.C. Bear Creek Band from 8 - Midnight SUNDAY, JANUARY 13 -Dean & Sue’s – Menom - Music Jam w/Uncle Brew & Charly from 6-9 -Northwoods BrewPub - Osseo -Zack & Nate's Sunday Fun Day - 11 am - 8 pm.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 16 -Northwoods BrewPub - Osseo Open Mic 7 pm - 10 pm Hosted by Rock Creek Song Dogs.

All performers welcome Check Us Out Online! www.gnpreport.com or on FB!

SATURDAY, JANUARY 19 -VFW Post 305 -E.C. 40 Fingers from 8 to Midnight SUNDAY, JANUARY 20 -Northwoods BrewPub - Osseo Zack & Nate's Sunday Fun Day - 11 am - 8 pm.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 23 -Northwoods BrewPub - Osseo Open Mic 7 pm - 10 pm Hosted by Rock Creek Song Dogs.

All performers welcome FRIDAY, JANUARY 25 -VFW POST 7232 –E.C. – DJ -Northwoods BrewPub - Osseo Friday Night Concert Series Jeff White 5:30 - 8:30 pm SATURDAY, JANUARY 26 -Northwoods BrewPub - Osseo 2nd Annual Firefighters Chili Cook-off & 487 Maibock Release Party 1-8 pm Chili Cook-off 1-4 pm / Music from 48 pm by an Eau Claire Firefighter's band - Contingency - Wabasha VFW Post 4086Firemen's Dance 8pm to Midnight SUNDAY, JANUARY 27 -Dean & Sue’s – Menom - Open Mic w/Two Frets Up from 6-9 -Northwoods BrewPub - Osseo Zack & Nate's Sunday Fun Day - 11 am - 8 pm.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 29 -Dean & Sue’s – Menom - Old Time Music w/Top Notchman from 1-4 WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 30 -Northwoods BrewPub - Osseo Open Mic 7 pm - 10 pm Hosted by Rock Creek Song Dogs.

All performers welcome COMING IN FEBRUARY -Behind Barr’s – GreenwoodSuper Bowl Party, Sun., Feb. 3 Food, Raffles Specials -Linda and Dan’s T &C- Feb 9th JFT Party Band 8-12

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MICON THEATER MOVIES: (Subject, to change) Dec. 7 The Silence, Dec. 14 Mortal Engines, Dec. 14 Spider Man: Into the Spider-Verse, Dec. 19 Mary Poppins Returns, Dec. 21 Alita: Battle Angel, Dec. 21 Aquaman, Dec. 21 Bumblebee, Dec. 21 Holmes & Watson, Dec. 21 Welcome to Marwen,Jan. 4 - Eli, Jan. 11 - A Dog's Way Home, Jan. 11 - Hellboy, Jan. 11 - the Upside, Jan. 18 - Glass, Jan. 18 - Pigeon Impossible, Jan. 25 - Miss Bala, Jan. 25 - Serenity

SPECIAL OCCASION DATES OTHER THAN MUSIC BEAN BAG /DART / KNUBB -Behind Barr’s – GreenwoodBean Bags every Wednesday. $5 per person/per night - 100% payback. 7 pm * AND Bean Bags -Tim’s Slim’s –Lake Hallie- Bean bag Tourney's Tues @ 6:30p -VFW Post-305-E.C. - Every Wed: in House Bean Bag League -Loopy’s – C.F- Monday night Kubb and Bean Bag leagues -Kern’s Kurbside – Elmwood -MON's Bean Bag Tourney @7pm BINGO / MUSIC BINGO: -The Bungalow- Lakeland, MNSat. Bingo 2pm cont.. w/20p -Tim’s Slim’s –Lake Hallie Music Bingo" Tues -Kern’s Kurbside – Bingo Every WED @7pm -The Pourhouse - Elk MoundWed: Music Bingo: 7 - 9p -Schuetzy's-C.F. – Bingo Mondays @ 6:24pm CA$H PRIZE$!

-Back Roads Saloon – Pray – Bingo Thursdays @ 6:30pm BOWLING TOURNAMENTS: -Club 10 – Durand- Knights of Columbus 9 pin tournament January 20th three shifts 1100am 200pm and 500pm / Raffles and Bowling for Dollars thru out the day Contact any knights of Columbus member or call Club 10 at 715-672-5681 and book your time slot first com first serve

BREAKFAST CLUB: -The Pump House-Downing- Sa & SU 8:30 - 12 -The Bungalow -Lakeland, MNThur & Fri 8a till 10:45/ Sat & Sun 7:30a till 11:45 Sun. Brunch 9a-1:30p -Bev’s Saddlemound Tap - PrayServing Breakfast Sat & Sun 8-10:30a -Jake’s -Menom. -Sunday brunch 10-2p -Big T’s North-Cornell Serves Breakfast 6a-8p every day!

-Corral Bar & Grill - Durand - Serving breakfast from 5am – 11:30 am daily.

-Side Tracks-Roberts- Serving breakfast Sat. 8-11am $ Sun 9a-noon -Village Inn, North Hudson- Serving Breakfast daily 8-11am CARD, CRIBBAGE, DICE: -Kern’s Kurbside – ElmwoodEvery Thursday Euchre @7pm -Behind Barr’s – Greenwood- Sunday Texas Hold Em -starts at 1pm -Neillsville American Legion – Neillsville- Mon & Thurs @ 13:00 Sheepshead -Block House - Melrose Euchre Mondays 6p -Schuetzy’s-C.F. - 6,5,4 on Wednesday night at 6:30 pm -The Pourhouse - Elk MoundEVERY Sunday: Texas Hold’em @ 4pm -Schuetzy's-C.F. – Cribbage Sundays at Noon $10 Entry, $5 High Hand (Optional) Jan 20, Feb 17, March 24, & April 28 -Schuetzy's-C.F. –Sheepshead every Tuesday at 1 PM

DART & POOL TOURNAMENTS: -Behind Barr’s – Greenwood- Every Thursday @ 7. "Show Up & Shoot" - in-house pool tourney -Tim’s Slim’s –Lake Hallie- Pool Tournaments every other Saturday!

- Wabasha VFW Post 4086-SAT Jan 19th Pool Tourney - 11am Sign Up -Sidetrack’s Saloon-Roberts26th Etta Johnston memorial dart tourney noon sat. Feb 2nd Food a and raffles

SNOLF TOURNAMENTS: -The Edge - C.F. -Feb 16: SNOLF Tournament

PAINTING PARTY: - Wabasha VFW Post 4086- TUE Jan 29th Sunshine & Roses Painting Party

SNOWMOBILE DRAG RACES: -The Edge - C.F. - Feb 2nd: Snowmobile Drag Races

JANUARY 2019

FEEDS & BUFFETS: -Neillsville American Legion – Neillsville- Mon. Jan. 14 - Steak Feed 1700-2000 AND Sun. Jan. 27 - Breakfast 0830-1200 GUN SHOWS: -Neillsville American Legion – NeillsvilleJan. 25 & 26 - SAL Gun Show

FUNDRAISERS: -UCP Fundraiser - -Corral & Riverside GrillDurand - Annual UCP Fundraiser Fri., Jan 11th Games-Raffles-Auctions-Celebrity Bartenders Fun For All 5pm until ????

-UCP Fundraiser -Hudson Fun Run - Jan 12 - Dick’s Bar & Grill Hudson -VFW POST 7232 –E.C. – -1/19 Chippewa V alley Roller Girls Fund Raiser-Spaghetti Feed 5PM till gone -UCP Fundraiser -SnowBiz & UCP Star Fest Telethon Jan 26th SnowBiz 10am - 11pm Cleghorn School Park - Cleghorn, WI - Star Fest Telethon 12pm - 6pm -Loopy - C.F. - Join us February 2nd, 2019 for the 18th annual Kiwanis Club Classic Tasting Gala! *Fun night of sampling from an exciting variety of wine, beer, specialty foods, and desserts. Silent auctions, drawings, and raffles too! Proceeds will benefit the Chippewa County Foster Care programs! We will also be running FREE shuttles within 15 minutes of Loopys!

Must be 21 to attend. Tickets are $25 per person for general admission.

Reserved tables of 8 are also available for $225. When you pre-pay for a reserved table, you will get an entry for a special drawing for GREAT PRIZES! -The Edge - C.F. -Feb 23: Polar Plunge (Proceeds for the UW - Eau Claire Athletic Department) ICE FISHING CONTESTS: -Lake Hallie Sportsman’s Club –Lake HallieIce Fishing Contest Coming.. Feb 2nd (purchase tickets at club) Food Available -The Edge - C.F. - Feb 9: Jigs Up Ice Fishing Contest -Lake Hallie Sportsman’s Club –Lake HallieSat., Feb 16th: Kids Ice Fishing Contest Noon-2pm Free Hot Dogs -UCP - Altoona Fishing Classic - 24 hr Ice Fishing Contest held on Lake Altoona Beach Fri., Jan 25th 4pm till Sat., Jan 26th 4pm WINE TASTING: -The Bungalow- Lakeland, MN -2nd Thurs monthly wine tasting 6-8p Wine & Apps

KARAOKE CONTESTS: -Rookies - C.F. - Karaoke Contest (Running Now thru Feb 7th) *Stay in top 4 each week with Final Judging on Feb 7th for your chance to win 1st place $500, 2nd $300, 3rd $200, or 4th $100!

Top Winner Gets Extra $100 for staying in the longest!

-Cozy Corner - BRF - Karaoke Challenge 1st place up to $1,000, 2nd $500 and 3rd $250 (Hosted by Cozy’s, The Wright Place in BRF, and 400 Club in Milston, WI) Dates at Cozy’s: Jan 11th & 25th , Feb 8th (check other bar for their dates) MEAT RAFFLE: -The Bungalow, Lakeland MN- Sat. 1pm -Ritz on the River-C.F. - Thurs. 5:30pm -Wabasha VFW Post -Wabasha, MN every Friday - Meat Raffle @6pm -Lake Hallie Sportsman’s Club – Lk Hallie Meat Raffles @ 6pm SOUP OFF: -Schuetzy's-C.F. – SOUP OFF Jan 27th 24pm (12 spots, Entries open Jan. 1st, $10 to Enter, 1st prize $75, 2nd Prize $25 Bar Tab) Come & Sample / Judge 12 Soups!

TRIVIA: -Kern’s Kurbside – ElmwoodEvery Monday - Trivia @7pm -Dean & Sue’s – Menom - Trivia every Sunday from 1 to 3-The Pourhouse - Elk MoundThurs: Trivia 7 - 9p VALENTINES DINNERS: -Bresina’s – Tilden – Valentines’ Day Dinner Prime Rib, Shrimp (battered or garlic butter), choice of potato, and side (salad, coleslaw, cottage cheese), glass of wine, and desert.

Serving from 5pm – 9pm VOLLEYBALL: -Loopy’s - C.F. - Tots in the Sand Mondays in our "heated sand" dome, 10 to noon, $5 per child, drink with healthy snacks - Loopy’s - C.F. -Mid Season Winter / Spring Volleyball Sign Up only

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JANUARY 2019

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