September 2017 Grub and Pub Report

Ser ving W isconsin, Minnesota & B e y o n d !

TM

Grub & Pub Report

Vo l . 1 4 / N o . 9

S e p t e m b e r 2 0 1 7F R E E

September 2017 Cover Story

The Village Inn

North Hudson, WI

(S t a r t s o n P a g e 2 )

GRUB & PUB REPORT PO BOX 473 CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI 54729

AUGUST 2017

GRUB & PUB REPORT

FREE

T h e M a g a z i n e T h a t H e l p s Yo u L a u g h , T h i n k & Fe e l

Some Adult Content Not Intended for Children 14 and Under!

S E P T E M B E R 2 0 1 7 C OV E R S TO RY

THE VILLAGE INN NORTH HUDSON, WI

(Written By: Dyzzi Baker)

Tired of the same old fare from fast food to greasy quick deep fried foods and leftovers and want something more tantalizing for your palette? Search no more.. go immediately to the Village Inn Restaurant and Lounge located at 723 - 6th St. N. Hwy 35 in North Hudson, WI. where you will always find something interesting. different and delicious to tempt your taste buds!!

The Village Inn Restaurant and Lounge has been owned for the past 12 years by Leigh and Dianne Halvorsen who bought it on September 16th of 2005.

Leigh came from a Land Survey-

from the program and so went into the surveying business as he already knew this trade. For the next 30+ years he worked this job with five different companies.

Some people may think surveying to be the ideal job but Leigh found it to be hard work when faced with working outdoors in 20 to 30 below zero weather and trudging thru stinky swamps and manure yards to find land markers at all times of the year or being blasted with heat in the upper 90's and lower 100 degrees. Because of these conditions he decided to leave this industry and buy the Village Inn as he had been a patron there for the past 20 years any way and even bartended there for a time in his younger - Leigh Halvorsen years.

Owner of the Village Inn Recusant & Lounge

ing back ground which is a trade he learned from his Dad at the early age of 10 while growing up in North Hudson, WI. He had gone to school after high school to become a Civil Engineer but this did not pan out for him as the private architectural schools administration board of the school he was attending decided that due to space, if students did not make at least a B average they would be cut from the program and although Leigh was only 4 points shy of that B average he was cut

September 2017

Leigh's wife Dianne who is a Dental Assistant by trade and also grew up in the North Hudson, WI area, bartended also at the Village Inn for a time and was a sister to one of Leigh's good friends.

They did not know each other however until one night meeting for the first time at Josie's Last Chance For Romance Bar which was the only bar that was open

past 1a.m. at the time and everyone went there for that last drink and .. meeting up with the opposite sex!! Leigh and Dianne hit it off right away and now have two children; Joe (34) and Tylor (28), along with one grandchild; Layla age seven who is Joe's daughter.

The Village Inn building was built to be a bar around 1952 and was much smaller than it is today at 7500 square feet as it has undergone two significant additions to add kitchen space and a large dining area and lounge over the past 36 years. Some may remember it as the Big Orange, Len's Bar and D & L Bar. It then was owned for 24 years by Kent Wolff who renamed it the Village Inn who then sold it to Leigh and Dianne. Kent's daughter Staci is a bartender today for Leigh and Diane.

Today Leigh and Dianne offer not only a large yet comfortable lounge and dining area to enjoy but a bar area for your pleasure as well, pool tables, ames, darts and 23 large HD T.V.'s.. even one in each of the bathrooms for your PACKER party viewing

pleasure this season and all thru the year for other sports and favorite shows!! Join Leigh and Dianne for all Packer Games.. when Leigh has Pork Chops on a stick that are smoked outside on-site (weather permitting) that are sold before the game for only $4.00 plus other food and drink specials during the game! Also join them for their Packer vs. Viking trip to Lambeau. This is a two day trip with hotel stay (based on hotels double occupancy), game tickets, plus all you can drink on the bus to and from the game with bartenders there to serve your needs!!

Call the Village Inn for more details, date, and to sign-up today as seating for this trip is limited.

(Continued on page 17)

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TABLE O F C ONTENTS :

Cover Story

The Village Inn, North Hudson WI.................P. 2

New Advertiser Welcome....... N/A reader Comments............N/A ............

GAme PAGeS Crossword ....................... Pg. 4 Word Search..................... Pg. 5 movie ticket trivia...........Pg. 29 Curvy Word Puzzle...........Pg. 37 Kakuro ............................Pg. 35 .Suduko Hard only.............Pg. 41 Games Answers.........Pg.44-45 Answers tyPo Contest : Rules & Winners ...........Pg. 4

Directory of Advertisers

Pgs. 19 & 22 Directory of Advertisers Pg 23 & 26 maps of Advertisers ..Pg. 24-25 Classified Section .......Pg. 44-45 Subscription Form Pgs. 40 & 48 eNtertAiNmeNt CAleNDAr

Pg. 46 - 47

Submit Jokes, letters, Subscription or Advertising requests to: GNP rePort P.o. Box 473 Chippewa Falls, Wi 54729 Area Sales representatives: **Call Dyzzi direct for any areas not listed by Sales Rep

Dyzzi Baker- (owner) 715-456-7518 dyzzi42@yahoo.com

menomonie - Downing, osseo - , Arcadia - Strum, melrose, mindoro, owen, Withee, Neillsville, Pray, Granton, Black river Falls

Keith ewing - 715- 404-0885 (Bloomer - trego-Hayward) Dan Callan - 715-495-8091 (eau Claire -roberts)

St. Croix vAlley CoNtACt Patricia thatcher psthatch@q.com

Upcoming Cover Stories:

Sept 2017: The Village Inn N. Hudson, WI Oct , Nov & Dec 2017: TBA (Call if you have not had a cover story yet or desire one)

September 2017

Hello From Dyzzi!

The leaves are .. changing and stealing awa y with my sun.

Like the snow it comes and covers my warm dreams in a blanket like a ruse.

Dyzzi

Hello to the beginning of our fall weather.. storms are still plaguing us it seems as we head into September. It seems as if we only had a rainy spring and two weeks of really hot weather. Almost like our weather doesn’t know what to do with itself.

The farmers almanac is prediction a long winter and if the geese flying in formation half of August was any indication I would have to agree that it looks like winter may be coming early and staying for a while.

So it is a really good idea to think about your winterization, Halloween, Thanksgiving and even Christmas decorating for the out doors a bit earlier this year. But please do not turn on your Christmas lights until after Thanksgiving!!

I am so tired of all the stores in their thirst for more sales and hence more profits stealing me of my holidays! They seem to pile each one on top of the other and are displaying Christmas stuff

even before we start to think yet on or about Halloween let alone Thanksgiving.

I am here to say.. STOP IT! Stop rushing my life by just so you can make early sales and stuff your pockets. You would make more from me if I was actually in the mood to spend money at Christmas time rather than being forced to think about for 3 to 4 months in a row.

If you agree with this.. please write to me at Grub & Pub Report PO Box 473, Chippewa Falls, WI 54729... heck even if you don’t agree.. let me know your opinion on this and maybe we can effect some kind of change so that all of us and especially our children can learn to enjoy the seasons and their subsequent holidays in their right time.. and not before!

With the on set of fall it is also time to check your car and do some seasonal maintenance like checking your oil, tire tread, air filters, and especially coolant, belts and plugs.

You may also want to get an emergency kit together witha warm blanket or two, snow boats, extra mittens, gloves, hats, scarves, a candle or two and several lighters and/or matches plus dried natural foods that will last

NOW... BOOKING FOR THE WINTER CANCUN AND DOMINICAN VACATIONS Go to..

affordabledominicanvacations.com

the winter in your kit.. for just in case you get stuck somewhere this winter or in an accident and there is no one around or may not be for a while.

It is also time to winterize your house by putting plastic on all your windows, changing to energy efficient light bulbs, cleaning the chimney if you still have one and any heating/cooling duck work along with your heaters air filter. Check all the seals along your windows for air leaks and seal these also if you can or hire a professional to do this for you.

Then maybe caulk around any cracks in your foundation.. turn off your water from your house to the outside by first frost or right after and check your siding, etc for any exposed or damaged areas that may also leak cold air into the house. Make sure also that your thermostat has fresh batteries.. mine have died in the middle of winter (on a weekend of course) and I did not know why my heater wasn’t running.. it got really cold and cost me $225 for the heating repair man to come and replace some batteries for me.. ignorance is no excuse and your home and apartments are your responsibility.

Thank you for reading.. Dyzzi

WELCOME NEW ADVERTISERS

-Corner Pit Stop (formerly Mornings Corner) - Located at 18982 State Hwy 124 in Bloomer, WI is now owned and operated by Kenny and Heidi Davis. They are open at 10am Week days and 11am on Weekends until Closing. They offer home-made Hot Beefs, Pizza and Deep Fried Appetizers. Stop in and check out thier friendly bar and great service!

See her ad on pg 21

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Typo Winner of the Month:

The July 2017 Typo Contest winner is Sandra Bels of Melrose, WI who found the word ‘intendence’ instead of ‘independence’ in the Tommy’s Hilltop ad on page 29. She will receive $10 in GNP Bucks to use at any of our current advertiser locations.

Cross Word Puzzle

(Answers Pg 44-45)

Thanks for reading and Congratulations!

(THESE MAY TAKE UP TO 6 WEEKS TO RECEIVE)

Send entries to: Dyzzi Enterprises PO Box 473 Chippewa Falls, WI 54729 or...

Call - 715-456-7518 email: dyzzi42@yahoo.com

TYPO CONTEST RULES:

- Only typos found in advertisements are eligible for prizes.

-Typos in the articles are not part of the typo contest.

-Typos in ads are the only typos only. considered for the contest.

-Everyone who finds a typo in an advertisement whether it’s the correct typo or editorial mistake, will be entered into the contest.

-You can call, e-mail or mail in your answers to the typo contest. See contact information on page three. -All guesses must be turned in by the 15th of the month. (Major Holiday months by the 13th.)

-One winner will be drawn from all received answers on or about the 15th of the month.

-Winners will receive a $10.00 in GnP Bucks to be used at current advertiser locations

September 2017

4

Cross Word Puzzle (Down)

Q&A Q: How are men and parking spots alike?

A: The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or really small.

Too bad .. really!

September 2017

Word Search Puzzle

(Answers Pg 44- 45)

5

Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'

'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'

Sorry..

We Will Be Closed on Labor Day Mon., Sept. 3rd *See you regular hours on Sept., 4th!

Halfway Between Hwy 124 & 53

Hwy B Tilden, WI 715-288-6303

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values..

Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'

Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' 'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

'How was he killed?' asked one detective..

'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.

'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'

'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.

'What do you think?' I asked.

'Should I get a bikini or an all-inone?'

'Better get a bikini,' he replied.

'You'd never get it all in one.'

He's still in intensive care.

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...

River Inn

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September 2017

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The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there'

A WIFE ASKS HER HUSBAND, A SOFTWARE ENGINEER...

"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!"

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs."

About 10% of U.S. households pay their bills in cash.

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the

An old woman goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse she has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'

The old woman says without TRIVIA hesitation, 'I now pronounce you Source: http://www.squiglys man and wife.' play house.com/BrainTeasers/ A blonde calls Delta Airlines and Question: What word in the asks, 'Can you tell me how long English language uses all five vowels plus Y in alphabetical it'll take to fly from San order and uses each one only Francisco to New York City ?'

The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' once?

'Thank you,' the blonde says, and Answer: Facetiously, which means not hangs up. seriously.

DID YOU KNOW ONE LINERS About 1 in 30 people in the U.S. "By the time you make ends are in jail, on probation, or on pameet, they move the ends." role.

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C H I P P E W A FA L L S PA G E

10 FACTS OF SEPTEMBER 1. September is the only month with the same number of letters in it’s name as the number of the month: it is the ninth month and has nine letters.

2. The Anglo-Saxons called September Gerst Monath (Barley Month) or Haefest Monath (Harvest Month) celebrating the barley harvest.

3. September is the worst month for share prices which on average lose one per cent of their value.

4. September (from the Latin septem, seven) was the seventh month of the old Roman calendar.

5. One Day In September, about the murder of 11 Israeli athletes at the 1972 Olympics, is the only film with September in the title to win an Oscar.

6. In 1752, September had only 19 days in the UK. The 3rd-13th were omitted in the change from Julian to Gregorian calendar.

7. Until Julius Caesar’s calendar reform of 45BC, September had only 29 days. l8. My favorite poem is the one that starts ‘Thirty days hath September’ because it actually tells you something.”

(Groucho Marx) 9. On an average September day more babies are born in the US than on a day in any other month.

10. In the UK, September 26 is

the most common birthday for people born in the last 20 years.

THE OTHER SIDE Two Pollock's sit by the shore of a lake. One says "Let's go on the other side".

The other responds "I thought we already WERE on the other side!!!"

(This is really what the chicken thought too!)

PRECISE MEASUREMENT GUYS BLONDE FILES Two blonde engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

'We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole,' said one, 'but we don't have a ladder.'

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, and announced, 'Twenty one feet, six inches,' and walked away.

One blonde engineer shook his head and laughed, 'A lot of good that does us. We asked for the height and she gives us the length.'

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September 2017

WELCOME TO LOOPY’S

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HAPPY HOUR MON - FRI 3-6pm

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Sunday through Friday. Divisions A, B or C.

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Free beer, Free pizza, Triple drink buckets, Beer buckets, great discounts, Pitcher and Pizza punch cards, Free river floats all summer long, End of season party.

More play in the dome and out of the cold. Warm sand for your feet.

The Chippewa Valley's original and the world's only "Heated Sand Dome" PACKER GAMES: 2 for 1 on all Packer T.D.'s, Free food at the half, guess the score and win the Packer Jackpot starts at $200 1st regular season game, 14 T.V.'s, Not a bad seat!

BADGER FOOTBALL: FRIDAY FISH FRY! 2 for 1's on 1st Badger T.D. Leinenkugel Honey Weiss Beer Battered Cod w/your choice per half, $5 off all regular priced 16" of a potato & soup or salad. pizzas, $2 off all appetizer over $5

OLD FASHIONED FRIDAYS **Try our hand muddled classics with your choice of liquor, mix and garnish $4.50 *Loopy’s favorite ..Bacardi Oakheart Rum, Sweet w/Olives * Friday Nights..

Open Courts for Volleyball & Kubb & Bag Toss, Giant Jenga, Hammerschlagen ** Families Welcome

PARTY SHUTTLE RENTAL 14 Passenger Van $225 for 5 hours + gas ($25 an hr ea. add’l hr) 14 Passenger Shuttle Bus $275 for 5 hours + gas ($35 an hr ea. add’l hr) *All rentals include driver!

Free Shuttle Pick-Up & Drop Off from Home or Hotel within 15 Min. of Loopy’s *7Days A Week!

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**LUNCH BUFFET M - F 11a - 2p Full Salad Bar w/ soups & homemade pizza!

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HOME OF THE JUMBO DRINK. Pay for 2 Mixers and get the 3rd shot free.

Buy 5 bottles of beer in a bucket and get the 6th free.

7

CALL TO THE FOUR SACRED WINDS I call to the East, where the Father ascends to all Mother Earth where life begins.

I fly through the cedars, pines, willows, and birch as animals below me wander and search.

I call to the South, to the land down below.

Turtle stands silent, as man strings his bow to hunt food and fur for his kin before snow.

A life will end so others will grow.

I call to the North, that yansa once knew.

I follow their path til it disappears from view.

Once vast in number, there stand but a few.

September 2017

C H I P P E W A FA L L S PA G E

I hear only ghost thunder of millions of hooves.

I call to the West, to the ends of the lands, to the Tsalagi, Kiowa, Comanche ... all bands.

Unite for the strength.

Teach the young and demand that you are Native Americans.

Learn your tongue and stand.

My name is Freedom...

I fly through this land.

I call to the Four Sacred Winds of Turtle Island.

by Spirit Wind (Pat Poland) TX. Gulf Coast Cherokee

MINNESOTA FACTS Source: http://welshco.com/ resources-and-news/tips/ minnesota-facts Minnesota has a lot to offer, but perhaps there are somethings about this state that you probably don’t know.

1. The Mall of America in Bloomington is the size of 78 football fields – 9.5 million square feet.

2. The Minneapolis Sculpture Garden is the largest urban sculpture garden in the country.

3. Minneapolis’ skyway system connects 52 blocks (nearly 5 miles) of buildings downtown.

Minneapolis has more golfers per capita than any other city in the country.

4. Minnesota has 90,000 miles of shoreline, more than California, Florida, and Hawaii combined.

5. The first open heart surgery and the first bone marrow transplant in the U.S. were done at the University of Minnesota.

6. The nation’s first Better Business Bureau was founded in Minneapolis in 1912.

7. Southdale Mall in Edina was the first enclosed climate-

controlled mall in America.

8. Minnesota has one recreational boat per every six people, more than any other state.

OH TO BE IN THE 5TH GRADE AGAIN A teacher asks the kids in her 5th grade class: 'What do you want to be when you grow up?'

Little Larry says: 'I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest girl play toy, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.'

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson 'And how about you, Sarah?'

'I wanna be Larry's girl play toy' QUOTE OF THE MONTH I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.

Then it's time for my nap.

- Bob Hope

Glory Hallelujah.. school starts!

ICEBREAKERS &TRIVIA Q1. There are three houses. One is red, one is blue, and one is white. If the red house is to the left of the house in the middle, and the blue house is to the right to the house in the middle, where is the white house?

Q2. You are in a cabin and it is pitch black. You have one match on you. Which do you light first, the newspaper, the lamp, the candle, or the fire?

(See answers on pg. 9)

A MINISTER TELLS A JOKE A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.

Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!"

The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!"

The crowd burst into laughter and he delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well.

The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached (715) 861-5442

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8

Schemboda’s

12942 100th Ave. Chippewa, Falls

715-723-0131

KITCHEN OPEN 2p-Cl Mon-Fri and 12p - Cl Sat & Sun HAPPY HOUR: M,T,TH & F 2-6P & 2-9p Wed

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the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.

Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"

WRONG WAY....

As a older man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on route 290. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them !!!"

C H I P P E W A FA L L S PA G E

OH, YEAH? Thanksgiving Day was approaching, and a family had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on its way to church.

Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing, "The pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers."

"Oh, yeah?" her grandson replied, "So why is their dad carrying that rifle?"

BRUISED TORTOISE A man walks in a pub and seats himself at the bar. The bartender walks up to him, notices that the man has a badly bruised tortoise with him. The bartender politely ask the owner why the animal is so hurt.

Owner replies, “Never mind the bruises, I bet you my bruised animal will beat your dog to that wall.” (pointing to the back wall).

"Never!" Replies the bartender, ‘I'll bet one Jack Daniels that my dog will win.”

The bet is on ,and the bartender starts the countdown. One............, Two.......,Three. the dog starts running, the man picks up his bruised pet, and WHAAAAAM BANG , THROWS IT AT THE WALL. He obviously won, and the bartender says" That's why you wouldn't tell me where the bruises came from?

Daily Lunch & Dinner Specials *2 for 1 Burgers Tuesdays Fri-Sun Serving Breakfast 8am to CL! *Friday Fish Fry & Shrimp *Saturday Prime Rib Homemade Pizza 7 Days a Wk OP-CL Winter Hours :

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September 2017

Q&A Q. Why was the baby ant confused?

A. Because all of his uncles were ants!

ICEBREAKERS &TRIVIA (From pg. 8) A1. In Washington, D.C.!

A2. You light the match first!

MIDDLE AGED STUPIDITY A middle-aged couple are sitting on the couch. The man reaches over and grabs the woman's boob.

He said: "If this could give milk we could get rid of the cow.

The woman laughs.

He then grabs her betwixt the knees.

He said:"If this could lay eggs we could get rid of the chickens.

The woman laughs harder. She then reaches over and grabs his man part and says:"Yeah, and if this could get hard, we could get rid of your brother."

DANDRUFF One day a the Ellen DeGeneres goes to a doctor. She told the doctor" Doctor, doctor my friends son has dandruff, what do I do?"

The doctor replied "Give him Head and Shoulders."

So the next day Helen comes back and asks: "Doctor, Doctor how do I give him shoulders?"

JUST ONE A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini.

The bartender asks “dry?”, he replies “nein, just one”

In German the number 3 is ‘drei’ or ‘dritte’ which lead to this confusion in the first place.

Really you bartenders now have to be multilingual!!

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ART GALLERY A couple goes to an art gallery.

They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the husband keeps looking. The wife asks: "What are you waiting for?"

The husband replies: "Autumn."

DARTS - POOL GOLDEN TEE GOLF Happy Hour: 2-6p Daily 616 N. Bridge St. Chippewa Falls, WI Phone# 1-534-220-7027 DART TOURNAMENTS at 7pm Thru September Happy Hour Pricing for EVERY Packer Game!

Entertainment: Thursday Karaoke @ 9p, Watch for ...DJ or Band Every Weekend

Join Us for..

NASCAR Sunday's with Happy Hour Prices During Race!

9

Burly’s Bar

19 E. Canal St. Chippewa Falls, WI 715-720-9148 Hours Open: 2:30pm(ish) - CL Mon - Sun Sept 30th Burly's 20th Anniversary Party Free Tap Beer and Food Till Gone.. 1997 Prices 2pm - Cl

FARMER'S NAMES George, the farmer, had so many children that he ran out of names.

So he started calling his kids after something around his farm.

It was the first day of September and the first day the children had gone to their new school. The teacher greeted the children and asked each child their name.

When he got to one of the farmer

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September 2017

C H I P P E W A FA L L S PA G E

George's sons, the boy replied, 'Wagon Wheel.'

The teacher said, 'I need your real name boy, to which the lad replied, 'It's Wagon Wheel, sir....Really.'

The teacher, rather annoyed rejoined, 'All right young man, take yourself right down to the Principal's office this minute.'

The youngster pushed himself out of his chair, turned to his twin sister and said, 'C'mon, 'Chicken Feed', he ain't gonna believe you, either.'

YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS The expressions, 'I don't believe it,' and 'You cannot be serious,' came to mind when Will and Guy discovered this story about an elderly Polish gentleman. We think it has to be runner up in the loser of the month competition.

Having been driven quite mad by an invasion of ants into his apartment which is in a block of flats in Lublin, eastern Poland, Mr. Marcin B., aged 74, poured gallons of insecticide into a ventilation shaft in order to rid the condominium of the pests. When this had no effect whatsoever on the ants, the senior citizen decided to throw a burning towel after them and into the shaft.

The explosion that followed left Mr. B. with third degree burns and a stay in the local hospital.

Incredibly, we have found out that none of his neighbors was in any way hurt.

NEW FASHION Bernie, a farmer, was in a café in Shepton Mallet, Somerset, one day having lunch, when he noticed his old friend, Big Matthew. What really caught his attention was that Matthew was

wearing an earring.

Berjnie knew his old mate to be a very conservative fellow, tough and macho, and he was curious about his sudden change in 'fashion sense.' So he approached Big Mat and gently enquired, 'Ooo, argh, Big Mat, I didn't know you was into earrings an' that.'

'No big deal, Bernie, argh but 'tis only an earring,' Big Mat replied rather sheepishly.

Bernie, the farmer, was silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity got the better of him and he demanded, 'So, Big Mat, then 'ow long have you been wearing one then?'

'Ahaaa, ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment of my lorry,' Matthew answered.

MORE LITTLE KNOWN MINNESOTA FACTS

Source: https://www.newscastic .com /news/20-facts-you-may-or-may-nothave-known-about-minnesota-1606174/

1. Rice Cakes were created by a Red Wing, MN man by the name of Alexander Anderson.

2. Surprisingly, Minneapolis has the most golfers per capita than any other United States city.

3. In 1912, the first Better Business Bureau was founded in Minneapolis.

4. There is one recreational boat per every six humans.

5. Home of the first Automatic Pop-up toaster which was marketed in Minnesota in 1926.

6. The always attractive Zubaz were popularized by two Minnesotans.

Gym owners, Dan Stock and Bob Truax, created the brand in the early 1990s after they desired a garment that would accommodate the often shapely bodies that bodybuilders possessed.

7. The delicious Honeycrisp apple was invented at the University of Minnesota.

8. The first open heart surgery and bone marrow transplant to be done in the U.S. were at the University of Minnesota.

9. Within the Minnesota state lines there are 201 Mud Lakes, 154 Long Lakes, and 123 Rice Lakes.

10. The Minneapolis Public Library is said to be the first Library to contain a Children's department.

11. Rollerblades were invented by two Minnesota students. In 1980, Scott and Brennan Olson were looking for a way to practice hockey during the off-season.

BAM, the first in-line Roller Skates were born.

12. The Twin Cities is home to TWO full-time professional orchestras: The Minnesota Orchestra and The Saint Paul Chamber Orchestra.

The only other city in America to have two full-time professional orchestras is New York City.

13. Cheerleading first became a "thing" in 1898 when University of Minnesota medical student Johnny Campbell wanted to orchestrate unified cheers at a Gopher/Northwestern football game.

14. Minnesota actually can

Phone: 715-723-7822 29 E. Park Ave. Chippewa Falls, WI OPEN: Tue - Fri 9a - CL Sa, Su & M Noon - CL Happy Hour: M-F 9a -11a & 3p -6p

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C H I P P E W A FA L L S PA G E

experience earthquakes.

The most recent one occurred near Forada, MN on April 29th, 2011. It registered a magnitude of 2.5 on the Richter Scale which is pretty minor compared to what our friends in California experience on the regular.

15. In 2005, the Guinness Book of World Records deemed "The Quietest Place on Earth" to be in Minneapolis, MN. This enormous level of solitude was found in the anechoic chamber at Orfield Laboratories Inc. 16. St. Paul, Minnesota wasn't always so. It used to be called "Pig's Eye" until 1841 when it was changed to its current name.

Pierre "Pig's Eye" Parrant, the first white settler to live within the borders of what would eventually become the city of Saint Paul. The French-Canadian fur trapper was nicknamed Pig's Eye because he was blind in one eye. In 1838, he built a small shack, the first business house of the area, becoming the first inhabitant of the future city of Saint Paul. His tavern was known as "Pig's Eye Pandemonium". When Lucien Galtier, the first Catholic pastor of the region, established the Log Chapel of Saint Paul, he pleaded that the settlement be called Saint Paul and the pastor was successful in effecting the change

POEM OF THE MONTH Here are flowers enough in the summertime, more flowers than I can remember—

But none with the purple, gold, and red, that dyes the flowers of September!

—Mary Howitt (1799-1888)

RUBBISH SAVINGS ACCOUNT A Chinese man put his savings in a rubbish bin to hide them from burglars - then forgot and threw them out.

Mr. Cui hid the equivalent of £3,200 [$6411USD] in the kitchen bin before he and his wife went away on a business trip. 'We looked around our home and finally decided to hide the money in the garbage bin, where we believed it was safest from burglary,' said Cui who lives in Qingdao city.

But Cui and his wife forgot about the money when they returned, reported a local papers.

'I threw away the garbage the day after I came home, since the bin was full,' he said.

Two days passed before Cui remembered where he had hidden the money, and when he rushed to check the garbage room, it had already been taken away.

'Our last hope was the city garbage treatment centre, but the landfill was so vast that we knew our money was lost forever,' he said.

Moral of the story: Never just throw your money away.. even if you think is safer that way!

Teachers.. get ready the tornados are coming.. again!

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September 2017

EXCUSE NOTES WHY PUPILS ARE NOT BACK AT SCHOOL

•Please excuse Susie, she has been sick and under the doctor.

•Please excuse Barry for being.

It was his father's fault.

•Cedric will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

LONELY IN SEPTEMBER It's September and two geese are chatting in a farmyard. One says to the other, 'What do you do now that summer is over and you begin to feel lonely?'

The other one replied, 'Oh, I just have a gander around.'

SHOWN UP - BIG TIME Dylan and Charlie are talking about fishing. Charlie says emphatically, 'I am never going to take my wife fishing with me ever again, Dylan!'

'That bad, eh?' enquires Dylan smiling.

'Yeah, she did everything wrong, got nothing right. She talked too much, made the boat rock constantly, tried to stand up in the boat, baited the hook wrongly, used the wrong lures and worst of all she caught more fish than me!' bellows Charlie.

CLEAN PIRATE JOKE Why can't you play cards on a pirate ship?

The captain keeps standing on the deck.

MOST WANTED Little Ronnie's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'

Little Ronnie asked,' Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?'

ORIGIN OF THE PHRASE 'DUCKS AND DRAKES' An early reference in the sixteenth century talks of 'making ducks and drakes'. Even allowing for medieval English, there is a clear connotation that the skimming stone is imitating a duck taking off from a pond.

A little later the phrase 'ducks and drakes' implied wasting, squandering, or idling away one's money.

Latterly, the meaning has mutated to playing fast and loose, or being reckless.

September is the best time for skimming stones because the weather is warm, but the rivers and beaches are less crowded than in August.

PIRATE Q & A Q. How do you make a tall pirate short?

A. You take all his money.

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September 2017

THE LITTLE MAN...

Rodney walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots--one for me and one for my best buddy here."

The bartender says, "You want both drinks now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour this?"

Rodney says, "Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here." With that, he pulls out a little three-inch man from his pocket.

The bartender says, "Wow! And you mean to say he can drink that much?"

"Oh, sure. He can drink it all and then some," the man retorted. So the bartender poured the two shots. Sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.

"That's amazing!" says the bartender. "What else can he do?

Can he walk?"

Rodney flicks a penny down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Al, go get that penny!" The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the penny, and hauls it back down and gives it to Rodney.

The bartender is totally amazed by this display. "That's amazing," he says. "What else can he do?

Does he talk?"

Rodney looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and squawks, "Talk? Sure, he talks! Hey, Al, tell him about that time we were down in Africa on safari and you insulted that witch doctor!

L A K E H A L L I E PA G E

POTATO SACKS For strength building at home..

Take two 5lb potato sacks begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level!)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

Slim’s

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PREPARING SOIL FOR PLANTING SOURCE: http://studylib.net/doc/ 7063221/preparing-soil-for-planting When it comes to a healthy garden, soil preparation matters.

All vegetables need soil that’s rich in nutrients. Some soil needs a helping hand. Here are tips on building healthy soil: TEST YOUR SOIL •Test your soil. Results will reveal its pH, phosphorus, lime, potassium, soluble salts, soil texture, and more. However, a general test will not reveal insects, diseases, or chemical residues.

There are a few ways to get a soil test. First, you could buy an inexpensive soil test kit at your local garden store. Or, you could contact your local cooperative extension service office for a free (or low-fee) soil test. Or, see

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E AU C L A I R E PA G E

gardening blogs online about a resource that provides soil types around the country.

AMENDING YOUR SOIL PH •Achieve the proper soil pH. A very high or very low soil pH may result in plant nutrient deficiency or toxicity. A pH value of 7 is neutral; microbial activity is greatest and plant roots absorb/ access nutrients best when the pH is in the 5.5 to 7 range.

•Add organic matter to your soil.

It improves structure, slowly releases nutrients, and increases beneficial microbial activity.

(NOTE: It is virtually impossible to know the nutrient content of aged manure.

KNOW YOUR N-P-K Plants’ primary nutrients are nitrogen (N), phosphorus (P), and

potassium (K). These are available in chemical/synthetic (nonorganic) fertilizers (on the package, the numbers of each nutrient indicate the percentage of net weight contained) or as organic additives suggested here.

•Nitrogen (N) promotes strong leaf and stem growth and dark green color, such as desired in broccoli, cabbage, greens and lettuce, and herbs. Add aged manure to the soil and apply alfalfa meal or fish or blood meal to increase available nitrogen.

•Phosphorus (P) promotes root and early plant growth, including setting blossoms and developing fruit, and seed formation; it’s important for cucumbers, peppers, squash, tomatoes—any edible that develops after a flower has been

VFW POST 7232

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SEPT 16th CUSTOMER APPRECIATION PARTY Starting at noon, FREE Food, Music & Refreshments. *First Annual Raffle Ticket Drawing 5pm PLUS.. More Raffles & Silent Auctions Come j the FUN!!

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OPEN: M - TH 6a-2a / Fri 6a-2:30a / Sat 7a-2:30a / Su 7a-2a

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September 2017

Deb’s Homemade

Sausage Gravy & Biscuits

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HOMEMADE Lunch Special 11am - 2pm Friday Nite Fish FRY 4 - 7pm ONLY $6.75

Q&A pollinated. Add (fast-acting) bone Q. What do you call two crows meal or (slow-release) rock phosphate to increase phosphorus. on a branch?

•Potassium (K) promotes plant A. Attempted murder. root vigor and disease and stress resistance and enhances flavor; it’s Did you get it? I didn’t get it!! vital for carrots, radishes, turnips, Let indignations and onions and garlic. fire and hope Add green sand, wood ashes, for a better gypsum, or kelp to increase world not potassium. be...

Avoid applying excess forgotten chemical/synthetic fertilizer. It can Dyzzi B. damage roots and/or reduce the availability of other elements. It is virtually impossible to overdo organic fertilizers. Plants cannot distinguish between synthetic and organic fertilizers.

SOIL FIXES •If you have clay soil, add coarse sand (not beach sand), compost, and peat moss.

•If you have sandy soil, add humus or aged manure, peat moss, or sawdust with some extra 2007 3rd St. nitrogen. Heavy, clay-rich soil can Eau Claire, WI also be added to improve the soil.

715.832.9508 •If you have silt soil, add coarse OPEN DAILY sand (not beach sand) or gravel 6a - CL and compost, or well-rotted horse Ultimate Bloody Mary Sundays manure mixed with fresh straw.

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Enjoy a BIG T'S SALOON •Manure: best if composted.

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September 2017

A L T O O N A - E A U C L A I R E PA G E

SUPER COMPUTERS The early history of supercomputers is closely associated with Seymour Cray, who designed the first officially designated supercomputers for Control Data (CDC of Minnesota) in the late1960s. His first design, the CDC 6600, had a pipelined scalar architecture and used the RISC instruction set that his team developed. Seymour Cray than moved his operations to Chippewa Falls, WI and it is where Grub & Pub Report owner Dyzzi Baker worked as a computer board inspector then a C90 Board Repair Person finishing as a Training Specialist before moving into her career in marketing and advertising sales and eventually buying and producing this great magazine. She knew Seymour Cray briefly before his death on Oct 5 of 1996 from serious injuries from a traffic accident.

2ND OPINION A Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

Q&A Q. How many people does it take to eat a possum?

A. 3 One to eat 2 to watch both ways.

MINNESOTA FACTS SOURCE: http://minnesotafacts .facts.co/funminnesota facts about /minnesotafacts .php #l5l3 G5zSXQEUk07U.99 1. Frank C. Mars of Minneapolis introduced the Milky Way candy bar in 1923, Snickers in 1930 and 3 Musketeers in 1932.

2. The first bus service in the United States was started in 1914

by Eric Wickman in Hibbing, Minnesota by transporting paid passengers (mainly iron ore miners) from Hibbing to Alice, Minnesota at 15 cents a ride. The bus line grew to become Greyhound Lines, Inc. 3. Minnesota’s waters flow outward in three directions: north to Hudson Bay in Canada, east to the Atlantic Ocean, and south to the Gulf of Mexico.

4. Before he was Prince, The Artist Formerly Known As Prince, and then Prince again, singer/ songwriter and music legend Prince Rogers Nelson was born in

Minneapolis on June 7, 1958.

5. The Minneapolis Skyway System is the largest continuous network of skyways in the world.

It connects over 69 city blocks and spreads eight miles. Its built to enable people to travel buildingto-building in a safe, comfortable, climate-controlled environment even during harsh winters.

TAXI DRIVER GONE MAD A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

VFW POST 305

1300 Starr Ave. Eau Claire, WI 715-552-8438

Breakfast Served 7 Days A Week 7am - 11am Lunch Served Mon - Fri 11am - 1pm PRIME RIB DINNER: SAT Sep 9th from 4 ot 7pm (Queen $14.50 / King $16.50) NOW SERVING DINNER STARTING Sep 11TH

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Daily Happy Hour NOW... Mon - Fri: 7-10a & 3-6p DAILY DRINK SPECIALS ENTERTAINMENT:

SAT Sep 9 - Schuh Fly , SAT Sep 23 - Sweet Mash SAT Sep 30 - Jeff White THUR & FRI Karaoke @9pm, SUN - Oldies Music

14

A

SEPTEMBER BAND SCHEDULE SUNDAY MUSIC JAMS FROM 6 to 9PM

Aug 27 - Anything Goes Open Mic w/Two Frets Up Sep 3 - NO CLASSIC ROCK JAM DUE TO HOLIDAY WEEKEND Sep 10 - Bluegrass Jam Sep 17 - NO CLASSIC COUNTRY JAM DUE TO PACKER GAME Sep 24 - Anything Goes Open Mic w/Two Frets Up Oct 1 - Classic Rock Jam

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September 2017

F O S T E R - E AU C L A I R E - K N A P P M E N O M O N I E PA G E

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm tables and chairs, so shall an sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today infusion of gum tree leaves make is my first day driving a cab. I've feathers stick to chickens." Hing been driving a hearse for the last agrees, saying "Studies show that infusions of gum tree leaves 25 years." alleviate feather loss in chickens."

The influential Chinese farmer is FARMER HAS PROBLEMS There was once a very influential ecstatic, for the two wisest men in farmer in a remote part of China, town are of a single mind. He who had a problem. His chickens decides to follow their were losing their feathers and recommendation. It does not dying. He sought the counsel of work. the two wise men in town, Hing, Moral of the Story: "All of Hing's who was scientist, and Ming, who courses and all of Ming' ken couldn't get gum tea to feather a was a sorcerer. hen."

Hing, who has had many advanced course hours in poultry PLEASE BACK UP science, consults the classic text in poultry disease, "Everything You It was a sunny Saturday morning, Always Wanted to Know About and Mike was beginning his Diseases of Chickens, But Were pre-shot routine, visualizing his Afraid to Ask." In the book Hing upcoming shot, when a voice finds a reference to the report of a came over the clubhouse speaker, study showing that feeding the "Would the gentleman on the chickens with an infusion of gum Ladies Tee please back up to the tree leaves is often a remedy for Men's Tee!" Mike, still deep in his routine, chickens losing their feathers.

Meanwhile Ming reads obscure seemed impervious to the writings of ancient wise men, he interruption. Again the meditates, and he reads tarot cards announcement-- "Would the man and examines the entrails of a pig. on the Ladies Tee kindly back up Getting no inspiration he uses his to the Men's tee, PLEASE!" old standby, reading tea leaves. In Mike had had enough. He turned a spark of discovery, it comes to and shouted, "Would the him that an infusion of gum tree announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second leaves is the cure.

So the two wise men report back shot! I’m gettin’ over taken by a to the influential Chinese farmer. bunch of women.”

Ming says, "As gum sticks to

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Open at 5am

UCP - CORRAL OPEN 3 Person Golf Scramble

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September 2017

9 TOP-RATED TOURIST ATTRACTIONS IN MINNESOTA SOURCE: http://www.planetwa re.com/tourist-attractions/minnesota-usmn.htm 1. The Superior National Forest and Boundary Waters Canoe Area: This wilderness with pristine lakes and rivers, covers large areas of northeast Minnesota. The town of Ely, home to the International Wolf Center, is an excellent base from which to explore the unspoiled landscape.

The Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness, which lies within the forest, is well known among paddlers in the United States and Canada. It is located along the boundary between the two countries and is a great area for back country canoe and kayaking trips, as well as fishing.

2. North Shore Drive The scenic North Shore Drive near Duluth follows the north shore of Lake Superior from Duluth to Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada. Along this route are many attractions, including Split Rock Lighthouse State Park, waterfalls, and great views of Lake Superior.

3. Cathedral of St Paul Built in the early 1900s and is today the National Shrine of the Apostle Paul and a pilgrimage site. The design is Classical Renaissance and the large interior can hold up to 3000 people.

4. Voyageurs National Park This pristine wilderness area combines natural beauty with history. This mainly back country park, accessed primarily by water or air, is a wonderful place for canoeing, boating, fishing, and other outdoor pursuits. The park is remote and offers great opportunities to see wildlife, such as bears, moose, loons, and much more. Historically this area was

Join Today to support the Blues in the Chippewa Valley and all around! www.chippewavalleyblues.com important during the fur trade, when the French- Canadian Voyageurs traveled these waters in huge birch bark canoes.

5. International Wolf Center Near Ely is an educational center that supports and promotes the survival of wolves. Hands-on exhibits, demonstrations of wolf tracking methods, and all kinds of information on wolves is presented. Visitors learn about the natural history of wolves by observing the resident wolf pack.

6. Mall of America Located on the outskirts of St Paul in the suburb of Bloomington is the Mall of America. When it opened in 1992 it was one of the largest malls in the United States.

In addition to the hundreds of shops and dozens of restaurants, the facility includes theaters, hotel accommodation, and other amusements.

7. Split Rock Lighthouse State Park Located 20 miles northeast of Two Harbors. It is home to Split Rock Lighthouse which was built in 1910 to protect Lake Superior shipping. Visitors can tour the

lighthouse, foghorn building, keeper's house, tower, and light.

8. St Cloud Clemens Gardens The Munsinger Clemens Gardens in St Cloud are some of the summertime delights of the city. The Munsinger Gardens feature approximately 80,000 annual plants within a setting of trees, benches, swings, fountains and ponds. The Clemens Gardens are known for having more than 1,100 rose bushes, and an all white garden devoted to white flowers and flowering shrubs.

9. Aerial Lift Bridge Located in Duluth began as an aerial transfer bridge. Built in 1905, it has a huge gondola that carries more than 60 tons of traffic, from pedestrians and horse-drawn wagons to automobiles. The bridge allows residents of Minnesota Point to reach the mainland. The bridge is listed on the National Register of Historic Places.

Note.. the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden is the largest urban sculpture garden in the United States.

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S E P T E M B E R 2 0 1 7 C OV E R S TO RY VILLAGE INN RESTAURANT & LOUNGE N. HUDSUN - WI (Continued from Pg. 2)

Also stop into the Village Inn for their Daily Specials like Tuesday Tacos and Wednesdays Home Style Meals plus check out their deliciously loaded home-made pizzas daily with all fresh cheeses

and meats and their signature home-made sauces. As a matter of fact Leigh tells me all of 'his' recipes are made with all fresh veggies , cheeses and meats. Now for a surveyor by trade with no culinary training I have to tell you His 'made-up.. one of a kind' recipes are out of this world and you MUST stop in and check them out!! They not only look like they come from a five star restaurant .. they taste like it too but not much on his menu is over $10 a plate!! Also check out their meat raffles which raise money on a needed basis for local charities.. you can find this information on their Facebook page or website.

Leigh had leased his kitchen out for many years but found that he was always having to pay the extra bills while not making the

profit that went to the leasers.. so he took it back over himself and has since enjoyed creating many meal choices you will not find anywhere else such as Appetizers including; Bavarian Pretzel Sticks, Chips & Queso, Real Wisconsin Cheese Curds and Mexi Potato Skins to his Famous Wings, Bacon Wrapped Beef'Tips and Teriyaki Beef Tips, Coconut Shrimp and Jalapeno Poppers, and Cheesy Garlic Pizza Fries . Or check out a mouth watering Entree including; Village Tacos, Walleye Dinner, Chicago Dogs, and Chicken Strip Platters. Leigh also offers healthy yet delicious Salads, Wraps and Home-made Soups, Burgers from Bacon

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September 2017

LAKE HALLIE PG.

Cheddar, Classic, California, Blue Cheese, Mushroom and Swiss and their Patti Melt or try a Sandwich from their Walleye Filet and Philly Cheese Steak to their Grilled Reuben and/or Rachel to

French Dip, Triple Club House, Steak Filet or your Classic BLT! You can also build your own tantalizing Pizza or try one of the house recipes that are ooohhh sooo good! Or you can join them for Breakfast with a Breakfast Burrito, Build Your Own Omelets, Rise and Shine Eggs and Meat plate, and so much more I couldn't

fit it all in this story if I tried.

The Village Inn is famous for their Bloody Mary's with their home-made blend and they also make all of their salsas and sauces from scratch using Leigh's own recipes. Stop in any time for Moscow Mules to Margaritas on the rocks.. no blended drinks at this time .. sorry but Leigh is planning on offering them out on his deck next year plus all your favorite domestic beers and some specialty ones as well and wine.

The Village Inn is a family friendly bar (however you are responsible for making sure your children are acting appropriately in this fine establishment and not throwing food or popcorn all over each other or the floor please).

(Continued on page 18)

Give it up to the Chef.. Leigh Halverson and his great cook!

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17

S E P T E M B E R 2 0 1 7 C OV E R S T O R Y VILLAGE INN RESTAURANT & LOUNGE N. HUDSON - WI (Continued from Pg. 17)

Meat Raffles, Packer Parties and Memorabilia.. Patio and More..Parties at the Village Inn Restaurant & Lounge

The bar is open from 6am to 2 or 2:30 Daily and the Kitchen is open from 11am to 10pm week nights and 11am to 11pm on weekends.

Leigh and Dianne invite you over

Open 7 days a week @11a Serving Great Food w/ Fun Daily Specials!

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NOW SERVING LUNCH DAILY @ 11am Mon: Spaghetti $5 Tues: $1 Soft Shell Tacos Wed: Buy 1 Burger Get 1 FREE Thurs: 1 Lg. Topping Pizza with Pitcher of Beer $10 Fri: Haddock Fish Dinner 1pc, 2pc or ...

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September 2017

N E W A U B U R N PA G E

SEE ENTERTAINMENT SECTION FOR SEPTEMBER SCHEDULE Bookings: (715)495-8091 w w w. b e a r c r e e k b a n d . c o m

enjoy local music

by Rock Hard Band from for their 9pm-1am.

Annual This band only Anniver plays twice a sary Party year and it is at which will The Village be held Inn!! outdoors Leigh and (weather permitting) on Dianne are proud to have the staff September 9th this year. Stop in of 34 cooks, servers, and barand enjoy 'AESOP'S' Twin Cities tenders that they have today who Best BBQ Ribs, Brisket and work so well in their establishfixings plus great beverages! ment and that are ready to serve They also host yearly Halloween, you.

New Year's Eve, and St. Patrick's Leigh is always looking for good Day parties. You definitely don't people to come and join his staff want to miss out on these. that understand that you work Especially the St. when you are Patty's party if you at work and like a really good show up for your Corned-Beef and scheduled shifts.

Cabbage that they He is also serve all day from thankful for his open to 11pm. cleaning Along with this professional; Cindy who cleans Enjoy Drinks Outside!

365 days a year and keeps the Village Inn looking and smelling it's very best!

Stop into the Village Inn Restaurant and

Lounge today.. you are sure to become a regular customer after your first visit!

DEAR IN DISTRESS Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity of the hard drive.

Applications such as Poker night 10.3 and Beer bash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system.

I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me?

- Mr. IN Distress Dear IN Distress, This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES / ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.

WARNING DO NOT TRY TO un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. Trying to un-install Wife 1.0 can be disastrous.

18

D O W N I N G - E L L S W O R T H - E L M W O O D - W O O DV I L L E 17th Annual Oktoberfest Sat Oct. 21st 3p.m. Parade Food, Music & Games to follow!!!

715-749-3891 112 W. Main St. Roberts, WI ‘Where Good Neighbors Meet’

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.

Look in your manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support. Others have tried to run Girlfriend 2.0 in the background, while Wife 1.0 is running.

Eventually Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Girlfriend 2.0 and a system conflict occurs, this can lead to a non-recoverable system crash.

Some users have tried to download similar products such as Fling and 1NiteStand. Often their systems have become infected with a virus.

I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs).

You must assume all responsibil-

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ity for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action will be to push the apologize button then reset button as soon as lock-up occurs.

The system will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance.

Suggestions for improved operation of Wife 1.0 -Monthly use utilities such as clean and rebot..Daily use TLC and FTD. -Frequently use Communicator 5.0 With best wishes, Tech Support.

PST...

The Lift Bridge is now CLOSED to people: on foot or bicycle, in cars or light trucks, and also the egg man on top of the Houlton hill who has a regular weekly route in Stillwater and takes his horse and wagon across the Lift Bridge. No more.

Shame on you egg man for giving

Open 365 Days a Year Mon-Fri @ 11am Sat & Sun @ 8:30am Breakfast KITCHEN OPEN 11a - 10p Daily *Serving Appetizers till Closing

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September 2017

your fresh brown eggs to the seniors in the Rivertown Commons all these years and had only one way to get there since you don’t drive a car. No more.

No horses allowed on the new St. Croix River Crossing.

No no no no no no no change is not always good.

Perhaps.. the city should also try to figure out a way for this man to continue doing his business and not at his expense.

NUNS DISCUSSING DRINKS Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. "How do *you* know, Sister?"

"My Mother Superior told me so" "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous - of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life" "How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no-one will know" The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Arthur goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "... and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"

"Oh no! It's not that drunken Nun again is it?"

Monday Special: 2 7" Pizzas w/bucket of Domestic Beer

VEGAS FOOTBALL GIVEAWAY

17 Weeks - 17 Trips to Las Vegas To qualify, just stop in during any NFL or Badger game and purchase either a 14" pizza or bucket of beer GOOD LUCK! POTATO DUMPLING SPECIAL THU SEP 14TH 1am until gone

715-639-5000 109 N. Main St. Elmwood, WI

& Pizza Planet 2508 Hwy 12 - Woodville, WI 715-698-2907 Open 7 Days a Week 11-2am

SUN Sep 3 - 2 for 1 acoustic duo FRI Sep 8 - Jeff Lovin SAT Sep 9 - 6th Annual Smoker Showdown w/ David Snyder & Hunyucks SUN Sep 10 - The Band e FRI Sep 15 - Justin Barts acoustic SAT Sep 16 - Poker Benefit SUN Sep 17 - Pre Packer Party w/Trandy Blue FRI Sep 22 - Bear Creek Band MON Sep 25 - Family Fall Festival SAT Sep 30 - Trandy Blue

MON & SAT: Free Pool FRI: Karaoke 9p-12a SUN: Happy Hour All Day!

Happy Hour Mo - Th 8-10P -

Football Drink Specials 5 for 10$ beers 5 for 12$ beers Join Us for..

Karaoke Every Friday Night at 9pm 305 W. Main St. Ellsworth, WI

715- 273 - 4223

19

B & L LIQUOR STORE 1369 Main Street Houlton Wisconsin

*Your FIRST Stop In Wisconsin

OPEN 365 Days A Year!

Mon - Fri 9a - 9p Sat & Sun 8a - 9-p P h o ne: 7 1 5 - 5 4 9 -6589

Best Selection of Fine Wines, Liquors & Specialty Beer in the Valley!

723 - 6th Street N. Hwy 35

North Hudson, WI 715.386.2205

OPEN Daily 7AM-2AM

**Full Menu/ Daily Specials Breakfast Daily

*22 HD TVs /Gaming

50% off Select Bot. Of Wine - Wed

One Block North of 1-94 & MN 95 Lakeland MN 651.436.5005 Dining Hours: M-T 11a-9:30p W 11a-10p /Th 8a-10p /Fri 8a-10:30p Sa 7:30a-10:30p / Sun 7:30a-9p HAPPY HOUR: MON -FRI 3-6PM

Tuesdays, Aug. 1st Mouldy Figs 5-8

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September 2017

BIRDS AND THE BEES..

BUT PLANES? A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The mother said, "Well, maybe that's something you could ask the stewardess."

So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

The boy admitted that this was the case.

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."

3 LITTLE BOYS Three little black boys sitting on a porch. The first little black boy says, "What would you do with a million dollars?"

The second boy said, "I'd buy that blue Cadillac over there."

The third little boy said, "I'd buy the pink Cadillac sitting over there."

Then the third little boy asked the first what he'd do with the money. The first boy replied, "I'd cover myself in hair."

The other two asked "why?" and he said because my sister has a what her husband calls the best patch of it and she owns both those Cadillacs!

Q&A Q: What's the difference between a brunette and a trash can?

A: At least the trash can gets taken out once a week!!

S T. C R O I X VA L L E Y PAG E

THE MAIDS REVENGE Just after the maid had been fired. She took five bucks from her purse, she threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered, "I never forget a friend.

This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time

THE RING An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that Statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man.

"There's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

Don't mess with Old People.

Their sneaky!

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF .....

You might be a redneck if...

Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

There are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.

You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in soup.

You've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.

You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

You're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.

TOO STARE CAN LEAVE CONFUSION A friend hosted a dinner party for people from work and everyone was encouraged to bring their children. All during the sit-down dinner one co-worker's three-yearold girl stared at the man sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.

The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for him. He asked her, 'Excuse me little girl, but why do you keep staring at me?'

Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior, and the table went quiet for her response.

The little girl said, 'I just want to see how you drink like a fish like mommy said you did at work.�

20

B L O O M E R C H E T E K - N E W A U BU R N

18982 State Hwy 124 Bloomer, WI Phone# 715-288-6596

OPEN: Mon-Fri 11am-close Sat-Sun 10am-close Homemade Hot Beefs, Pizza & Deep Fried Items Available

Packer Game Special

Buckets of domestic beer 5/$10.00 Pitchers of domestic beer $6.00

1000 POINTS TO GET INTO HEAVEN A man dies and goes to heaven when Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates. Peter says, “You need 1000 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all of the good things you’ve done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item. When you reach 1000 points, you get in.”“Okay,” the man says, “I was happily married to the same woman for fifty years and never cheated on her, not even in my mind.”

“That’s wonderful,” says Peter, “that’s worth two points!”

“Two points?” he says. “Well, I attended church all my life and gave my ten percent tithe faithfully.”

“Terrific!” says Peter. “That’s definitely worth a point.”

“One point? My goodness! Well, what about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in

a shelter for the homeless?”

“Fantastic, that’s good for two more points,” he says.

“TWO POINTS!” the man cries.

“At this rate the only way I can get into heaven is by the grace of God!” “Now that’s what we’re looking for! Come on in!”

INTERESTING MINNESOTA SOURCE:http://minnesotafacts.facts. co/funminnesotafactsabout/minnesotafacts.php#l5l3G5zSXQEUk07 U.99 -Akeley, Minnesota is the birthplace of Paul Bunyan and Babe, the Blue Ox as those fictional characters are the mascots of Akeley-based Red River Lumber Co. A 30 and 1/2-foot-tall Paul Bunyan statue was erected in 1984 at Akeley. The Paul Bunyan statue was made to bend down on one knee, his mighty axe in one hand, his other hand stretched down to the ground so that tourists can sit in his big palm for unique photos.

Located in Bemidji is the largest Paul Bunyan statue, this attraction has been on the National Register of Historic Places since 1988.

They have been named by the Kodak Company as the “second most photographed statues in the Unites States,” only second to Mount Rushmore in South Dakota. While kneeling, Paul Bunyan is 20 feet tall, but if he were standing, it is thought he

18 Hole Public Golf Course

Wed: All-U-Can-Eat Wings Thurs: $2 Burgers & **Friday Night Fish Fry 5 -9 p

118 E 13th Ave, Bloomer, WI

Month 2016

FALL RATES START MON., SEPT. 11TH *Until the end of the season $20 for 18 Holes Riding

Phone: 715-568-1743

might reach 33 feet tall. It’s also the home of Paul Bunyan’s cradle.

-The Minnesota Valley Canning Company was founded in 1903 in Le Sueur, using the name Le Sueur Z for its canned veggies.

Eventually, the brand “Green Giant Great Big Tender Peas” was create in 1925 and the Jolly Green Giant, the company’s mascot was create. He stands, tall and green, in Blue Earth at 55.5 feet tall.

-A single half-husked corn on the cob in Olivia has stood tall over top a roadside gazebo at 25 feet tall since 1973.

TOO MANY KIDS Some newly married friends were visiting us when the topic of children came up. The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.

They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he`d put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."

Without a moments hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope

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you'll love the third one as if it's your own."

BUBBA CALLS 911 Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. 'Where do you live?' asked the operator.

Bubba replied, 'At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.'

The operator asked, 'Can you spell that for me?'

There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, 'How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?'

One of 7 Bars Located on Chetek Chain Of Six Lakes

OPEN IN MAY: May Hours: Friday 4-CL, Saturday & Sunday Noon -CL Season Opens: Memorial Day Weekend (w/fishing opener) thru September Hours: 11am - CL Every Day *Boat Docking with 14 Slips Available! *Serving Square One Pizza All Day 967 25 1/8 Street #7 Chetek, WI Phone# 715-859-2271 www.somersetpubwi.com

21

MINNESOTA SITES TO SEE Source: http://www.onlyinyour state. com/minnesota/historical-landmarksmn/ Gunflint Trail -Grand Marais You’d be hard-pressed to talk about incredible places to go in this state without mentioning the amazing Gunflint Trail. This 57mile stretch of roadway and hiking paths has some of the most incredible scenery in the entire state and it attracts thousands of campers and hikers during the gorgeous summer months every year.

Forestville/Mystery Cave State Park - Preston Caves are just cool and this one is no exception. Inside, it is a constant 48 degrees, which makes it a great spot to cool down during the summer months, but it’s also accessible in the spring and fall.

"One of the top 10 Packer Bars in the U.S." GRUB & PUB READERS, We are your local bar in Las Vegas!

Come in and ... sign our Wisconsin only Guest Book.

Month 2016

M E N O M O N I E , W I - L A S V E G A S , N V PA G E

Above the cave sits a historic, fully restored village from the 1800s so there’s definitely a lot to take in here.

The Munsinger-Clemens Gardens - St. Cloud These two separate, but adjacent gardens serve as a visual feast for St. Cloud residents. Munsinger is built on the site of a former mill that was converted into a park and garden in the early 1900s whereas Clemens serves as a memorial to Virginia Clemens who suffered from multiple sclerosis for over 40 years. The plot of land was bought and donated by her husband as a way to share his wife’s love of roses.

SUPER SECRET MILITARY You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, supersecret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base.

They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got lost, and

spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see -abase" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Las Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again.

Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane ... only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"

Your round of golf is interrupted by a lightning storm.

Just walk around holding your 1-iron above your head, because even God can't hit a 1-iron!

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Come Check Us Out

DONALD GLOVER: SERIOUS BLACK CANDIDATE When he was coming up, people were like, We have a serious black candidate for president. This is crazy. We have a serious black candidate. And then when he won, they were like, Our first multiracial president. And I was like, That's not fair. I mean, let's set the record straight. If you went outside tonight after this show and Barrack Obama was stealing your car, you wouldn't yell, Hey, someone stop that mixed guy!

NO CLEANER WAY "Mummy, that dentist wasn't painless like he advertised."

"Why, did he hurt you?"

"No! but he yelled just like any other dentist when I bit his finger."

715-235-1166 2100 Cty Rd. B Menomonie, WI (off I-94)

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SMALLER PORTIONS SMALLER PRICES! Served 11a - CL Sunday 4 -6p Mon. - Thurs.

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CHIPPEWA FALLS AREA MAP 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

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3D FITNESS................................................................................... 48

312 N. BRIDGE, ST., CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-3800 405 GRAHAM AVE., EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 514-3110

ROOKIES PUB ............................................................................... 20

2 3 4

616 N. BRIDGE ST., CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI 54729• (715) 220-7027

6

13 W. CENTRAL STREET, CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 723-4848

7

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

9

THE SNOUT SALOON .................................................................. N/A

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

10

LAKE HALLIE AREA MAP 1

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EAGLES CLUB AERIE 2213 ......................................................... 12 2588 U.S. HWY 53 LAKE HALLIE, WI • (715) 723-0172

2 3 5 6

14 16

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

17

LAKE HALLIE SPORTSMAN’S CLUB ............................................ 11

18

LAKE HALLIE GOLF COURSE ....................................................... 12

19

TIM'S SLIM'S LAKE HALLIE TAVERN ........................................... 12

23

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

2910 109TH ST. CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 726-1050

2196 110TH ST, CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI • (715) 861-5442

Y1979 CTY. HWY 00, CHIPPEWA FALLS (LAKE HALLIE), WI • (715) 832-9303

24

OUT OF STATE 1

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RUM RUNNER (MAIN LOCATION) ................................................ 22

1801 E. TROPICANA, LAS VEGAS NEVADA

GIROLAMO’S COURT N’ HOUSE .................................................. 15

113 W. GRAND AVE. EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 832-5478

BRICK HOUSE............................................................................... 15

2233 BIRCH ST., EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 832-6227

MORGAN MUSIC .......................................................................... 45

2405 E. CLAIREMONT AVE, EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 834-7177 www.morganmusiconline.com

ROLLY’S COACH CLUB ................................................................. 14

2339 SPOONER AVE. ALTOONA, WI • (715) 832-4120

SPEED OF SOUND ........................................................................ 45

2113 BIRCH ST., EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 839-8021

VFW POST 305 ............................................................................. 14

1300 STARR AVE, EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 552-8438

PINE MEADOW GOLF CLUB .......................................................N/A

4234 FAIRFAX PARK DR., EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 832-6011 facebook.com/pinemeadowgolfclubinc.com

400 CLUB ..................................................................................... 14

1411 SPOONER AVE., ALTOONA WI • (715) 834-6226

VFW POST 7232 ........................................................................... 13

2900 W. FOLSOM ST, EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 832-3528

BIG T'S SALOON ............................................................................ 13

2007 3RD ST, EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 832-9508

FOSTER BAR ................................................................................. 16

12800 HWY. 53, OSSEO (FOSTER), WI • (715) 597-6627

GOLDEN SPIKE ............................................................................. 15

228 DIVISION STREET, ALTOONA, WI • (715) 552-5526

TAILGATES..................................................................................... 15

1505 N. CLAIREMONT AVE., EAU CLAIRE, WI • (715) 552-1733

EAST-CENTRAL AREA MAP 1

26 27

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CORNER BAR................................................................................ 36

200 N MAIN ST., MERRILLAN, WI • (715) 333-2028

NEILLSVILLE AMERICAN LEGION ................................................ 26

#6 BOON BLVD. NEILLSVILLE, WI • (715) 743-3859

BIG STREET BAR .......................................................................... 38

N3063 KING ST., HUMBIRD, WI • (715) 964-1401

OTTER LAKE BAIT ......................................................................... 29

16488 CTH H STANLEY, WI • (715) 644-0609

BEHIND BARR'S ........................................................................... 25

N9302 CTY HWY G & O GREENWOOD, WI • (715) 267-6733

FUNTE'S BAR & GRILL ................................................................. 25

215 S. MAIN ST., GREENWOOD, WI • (715) 267-7599

K & B'S HAYLOFT ........................................................................ N/A

CORNER OF HWY. X & T, WITHEE, WI • (715) 229-4694

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

DOC'S BUNKHOUSE ................................................................... N/A

N11702 ELKER RD, MERRILLAN, WI • (715) 964-8010 docsbunkhouse@gmail.com

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

LOW RIDERS TAVERN & PAVILION .............................................. 29

N2472 HWY 95, NEILLSVILLE, WI • (715) 743-2422

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

THE TWILITE ZONE ....................................................................... 25

309 N. BROADWAY STANLEY, WI • (715) 644-2340

DOUBLE D SALOON ...................................................................... 25

505 E. MURRAY ST. BOYD, WI • (715) 667-3441

DARLINGS GIFTS .......................................................................... 31

HWY. 10, OSSEO, WI • (715) 597-5683 & 51 S. HAZELHURST, WI • (715) 358-5683

EXIT 88........................................................................................ N/A

12830 COX LANE, OSSEO, WI • (715) 597-2443

• www.exit88osseo.com

TOMMY'S HILLTOP........................................................................ 29

W2860 US HWY 10, GRANTON, WI • (715) 238-7852

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Hudson

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Curtiss

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Riplinger

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Bruce

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Greenwood K Loyal

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Withee

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6

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93

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33

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Melrose

9 7

95

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12

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155

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8

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Osseo

178

64

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22

27

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17

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12

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95

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Eau Claire

12

53

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Melby St.

9

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4

93

8

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36

53

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9

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27 Holcombe

Houlton

36

36

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26

Conrath

34

8

Ladysmith

13

5 Spooner Ave. 10

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29

94

53

Lake Hallie

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14

26 24 Osseo

7

29

26

70

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100th Ave.

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Fall Creek

5

Hammond Woodville Hersey

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Ellsworth

5

Bayport, MN

12

Jim Falls

21

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Webb Lake

53

6

250th St.

48

t 130

90th St.

Rudolph Rd.

Pearl St

10th St. W

Can al S t.

Park Ave.

109th St.

3rd St.

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110th St.

th S

Starr Ave

270

MENOMONIE AREA MAP 1 3 4 5 6 7 8

10

12 14 18 19 20 21

23 24

PUMP HOUSE ............................................................................... 19

1

UP-CHUCK'S ................................................................................. 28

2

CORRAL BAR AND RIVERSIDE GRILL ......................................... 16

3

504 MAIN ST., DOWNING, WI • (715) 265-7855

120 W. MAIN ST., ARCADIA, WI 54612• 608-323-9907

318 W. MAIN ST., DURAND, WI • (715) 672-8874 www.corralbarandriversidegrill.com

THE HUB........................................................................................ 16

305 W. MAIN ST., ELLSWORTH, WI • (715) 273-4223

CLUB 10 ............................................................................................ 16

W4570 US HWY 10, DURAND, WI • (715) 672-5681

EXIT 45 RESTAURANT AND BAKERY .......................................... 22

2100 CTY RD. B, MENOMONIE, WI • (715) 235-1166

SIDETRACKS SALOON & GRILL ................................................... 19

112 W. MAIN ST., ROBERTS, WI 54023• www.sidetracksaloon.com

ROOSTER TAIL .............................................................................. 16

106 W. MAIN ST., DURAND, WI • (715) 672-3640

BOO'Z BAR & GRILL ..................................................................... 15

414 MAIN STREET, KNAPP, WI • (715) 665-2215 www.facebook.com/BoozBarandGrill

KERNS KURBSIDE BAR & GRILL .............................................. N/A

2 3 4

5 6 7 8 9

10 1 12 13

15 16 17

4 6

7

9 10 12

13

109 N. MAIN ST., ELMWOOD, WI • (715) 639-5000

16

2508 HWY. 12, WOODVILLE, WI • (715) 698-2907

20

HILLTOP BAR & GRILL ................................................................. 16 RIVERVIEW LANES ....................................................................... 28

634 W. MAIN ST., ARCADIA WI • (608) 323-7005

JAKE'S SUPPER CLUB................................................................ N/A UNCLE SAMS ................................................................................ 28

24

CHERI & LARRY'S FOOLISH PLEASURE BAR ............................. 28

25

DEAN & SUES BAR & GRILL ........................................................ 15

27

E5690 CTY RD C, MENOMONIE, WI • (715) 235-2465

309 W. MAIN ST., ARCADIA, WI • (608) 323-7USA (7872) 114 - 5TH AVE. STRUM, WI • (715) 695-3687

2002 MIDWAY RD., MENOMONIE, WI • (715) 235-9940

31 32

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34

BEV’S SADDLE MOUND TAP ........................................................ 39

N 8376 PRAY RD, PITTSVILLE, WI (IN PRAY A TOWN OF CITY POINT) • (715) 884-7355

JOE & LINDA’S FIRST & LAST CHANCE....................................... 33

1

SUNSET TAVERN ........................................................................... 39

5

DONNA K'S BAR & FAMILY DINER .............................................. 38

6

HWY 27 SOUTH BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-3121

N5890 HWY 54 BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-9345

44 MAIN ST., BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 670-0303 www.facebook.com/Donna K's and Family Diner

KRAZY K'S SALOON ...................................................................... 29

15793 WEST 1ST ST. ETTRICK, WI • (608) 525-7171

CORNER PUB................................................................................ 29

1 2

13272 MAIN ST., PIGEON FALLS, WI • (715) 983-5664

3

FREDDIES ..................................................................................... 35

N 625 NORTH BEND DR., MELROSE, WI • (608) 488-5823

4

HIDEAWAY TAVERN .................................................................... N/A

5

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

7

COZY CORNER .............................................................................. 43

9

2625 HIDEAWAY DR., BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-2580 YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

43 MAIN ST., BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-2651

BLACK RIVER POWER SPORTS ....www.blackriverpowersports.com ......... 39

10

W10120 STATE HWY 54 E., BLACK RIVER FALLS, WI • (715) 284-2600 FAX (715) 284-2055

16

206 N. WASHINGTON ST., MELROSE, WI • (608) 488-3911

17

N378 ST HWY 108 MELROSE, WI *3 MILES S. OF MELROSE

18

W2606 DAVIS CREEK RD., MELROSE, WI • (608) 857-3880

19

WAUGHTAL MOTOR SALES .......................................................... 37 JC’S PIZZA & PUB ........................................................................ 37

BURR OAK AUTO BODY ................................................................ 37

XPEDITIONS ................................................................................. 20

1319 MAIN ST. BLOOMER, WI • (715) 568-5420

SOMERSET PUB ........................................................................... 21

967 28 1/8 STREET #7, CHETEK, WI • (715) 859-2271

R-BAR & RED PINES CAMGROUND .................................................34

1190 - 25TH ST. CAMERON, WI • (715) 859-6556

THE RUT ........................................................................................ 35

N705 COUNTY RD M, COUNTY ROAD D, SARONA, WI • (715) 354-3250

MYSTIC GRILL............................................................................... 18

23583 CTT GWT SSM BEW AYBYRB, WI • (715)0237-2500

HOOT'S ON THE WATER................................................................ 34

2091 22 1/2 AVE., RICE LAKE, WI • (715) 475-1300

BLOOMER MEMORIAL GOLF COURSE ....................................... 20

118 E. 13TH AVE., BLOOMER, WI • (715) 568-1743

RICE LAKE VETERANS CLUB ....................................................... 34

1404 MACAULY AVE., RICE LAKE, WI • (715) 236-7623

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

THE ADVENTURE .......................................................................... 34

2251 CTY SS, RICE LAKE, WI • 715-719-0669

MIKE & ELLIE'S SHADY CAMPGROUND AND POOR FOLKS SALOON ......................................................... 34 CORNER PIT STOP........................................................................ 21

18982 STATE HWY 124, BLOOMER, WI • (715) 288-6596

LINCOLNWOOD RESORT BAR AND GRILL .................................. 37

N1075 EAST SIDE RD., BIRCHWOOD, WI • (715) 354-3533 www.lincolnwoodresort.com

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

SPIDER LAKE SALOON ................................................................. 35

N2586 SPIDER LAKE TRAIL, BIRCHWOOD, WI • (715) 354-3723

WAGON WHEEL ............................................................................ 33

MAIN ST., BRILL, WI • (715) 234-1823

MICKEY'S ...................................................................................... 30

N5399 WALNUT ST, TONY, WI • (715) 532-7598

FIRESIDE BAR & GRILL ............................................................. N/A

W12745 FIRESIDE LAKE RD., NEW AUBURN WI• (715) 868-1172

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B & L LIQUOR STORE ................................................................... 19

1369 MAIN ST., HOULTON, WI • (715) 549-6589

THE BUNGALOW INN .................................................................... 19

1151 RIVERCREST RD N, LAKELAND, MN • (651) 436-5005

THE VILLAGE INN SPORTS BAR & GRILL .................................... 19

723 - 6TH ST. N., HWY. 35 HUDSON, WI • (715) 386-2205

HOLCOMBE AREA MAP

22833 N. MAIN ST. ETTRICK, WI • (608) 525-4863

DWYER'S MY SECOND HOME ...................................................... 29

YOUR ADDRESS., CITY, WI • PHONE NUMBER

ST. CROIX AREA MAP

RUMORS BAR............................................................................... 40

N9261 ST. HWY 108, MINDORO, WI • (608) 857-3436

AD PAGE #

YOUR LOCATION HERE ............................................................... N/A

2883 17-3/4TH ST., RICE LAKE, WI • (715) 234-7339 www.shadyrest@centurytel.net

21

SOUTHERN AREA MAP 1

NORTHERN AREA MAP

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BIG T'S NORTH ............................................................................. 31

116 MAIN ST., CORNELL, WI • (715) 239-6677

BIG SWEDES RESORT .................................................................. 34

840 HWY 27 HOLCOMBE, WI • (715) 456-7518 • www.bigswedes.com

FLATER’S RESORT...................................................................... N/A

N270 CTY E. HOLCOMBE, WI • (715) 595-4771 • www.flatersresort.com

TJ'S TIMBERLINE .......................................................................... 32

1189 N. POTATO LAKE, CHETEK, WI • (715) 353-2238

BOGIE'S BAR .............................................................................. N/A

HWY E, HOLCOMBE, WI • (715) 595-4710

ENTWOOD GOLF COURSE..........................................................N/A

28135 290TH AVE., HOLCOMBE, WI • (715) 595-4035

JIMMY'S WORLD........................................................................... 30

N1745 RANGELINE RD., CONRATH, WI • (715) 532-0637 CELL (715) 403-3867

COOKIE'S HOLCOMBE INN .......................................................... 41

27575 -0263RD AVE., HOLCOMBE, WI • (715) 595-4092

5TH QUARTER BAR ...................................................................... 30

108 W. MINER AVE., LADYSMITH, WI • (715) 532-7757

CHIPPEWA RIVER CAMPGROUND ............................................N/A

23780 STATE HWY. 178, CORNELL, WI

JIM'S SHADY NOOK ...................................................................... 31

16061 - 296TH ST, CORNELL, WI • (715) 667-3878

PEACOCK’S BAR & GRILL............................................................ 33

W8380 COUNTY HWY D, CONRATH, WI • (715) 532-6888

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NUMBER JOKES A man is sent to prison for the first time. At night, the lights in the cell block are turned off, and his cellmate goes over to the bars and yells, "Number twelve!" The whole cell block breaks out laughing. A few minutes later, somebody else in the cell block yells, "Number four!" Again, the whole cell block breaks out laughing.

The new guy asks his cellmate what's going on. "Well," says the older prisoner, "We've all been in this here prison for so long, we all know the same jokes. So we just yell out the number instead of saying the whole joke."

So the new guy walks up to the bars and yells, "Number twentynine!" This time the whole cell block rocks with the loudest laughter, prisoners rolling on the

715-644-2340

floor laughing hysterically.

When the guffaws die down, the bewildered new guy turns to the older prisoner and asks, "How come you guys were laughing so hard this time?"

"Oh," says the older man wiping tears from his eyes, "We'd never heard that one before."

LOST AT SEA Yossi and Janine, an elderly Jewish couple, are sitting together on an aero plane flying to the Far East. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down in a few minutes time. The good news is that I can see an island below us that should be able to

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715-667-3441

Denny & Deb Zais Owners

September 2017

FUN TE’S

BAR & GRILL accommodate our landing.

215 S. Main St. Greenwood, WI The bad news is that this island 715-267-7599 appears to be uncharted - I am Join Us For..Wraps, Salads, unable to find it on our maps. So Burgers, Specialty Burgers the odds are that we will never be & Homemade Pizza rescued and will have to live on Happy Hour: the island for a very long time, if Tues - Fri 3-6p not for the rest of our lives."

HOURS: Yossi turns to Janine and asks, Tues - Fri: 11-CL, Sat: 1p - CL, "Janine, dear, did we turn off the Sorry Closed Mondays All Year oven?" and Janine replies, "Of Open Sundays for course."

Packers "Janine, are our life insurance Regular Season! policies paid up?"

"Of course."

DID YOU KNOW "Janine, did we pay our pledge The Kensington Rune stone was for the synagogue appeal?" found on a farm belonging to Olaf "Oh my Goodness, I forgot to Ohman near Alexandria send off the check."

Minnesota in 1898.

"Thank Heaven! They'll find us The carvings on the stone are for sure!" reported to tell the story of the journey of a band of Vikings in the 1300’s.

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27

TO KISS OR NOT TO KISS The subject of kissing was debated with much earnestness for a half hour between the girl and her young man caller. The fellow insisted that it was always possible for a man to kiss a girl at will, whether she chose to permit it or not. The maiden was firm in maintaining that such was not the case. Finally, it was decided that the only solution of the question must be by a practical demonstration one way or the other. So, they tried it. They clinched, and the battle was on.

After a lively tussle, they broke away. The girl had been kissed -ardently for a period of minutes.

Her comment showed an undaunted spirit: "Oh, well, you really didn't win fair. My foot slipped... Let's try it again."

THE GOLF CHALLENGE The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. "Your Holiness", said one of his Cardinals, Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."

The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand. "Don't we have a Cardinal to represent me?" he asked.

"None that plays very well," a Cardinal replied. "But," he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal, then ask him to play Mr. Netanyahu as

Monthly Events & Extras Monday, Sept. 11 Steak Feed 1700-2000 Saturday, Sept 16 Molly B Event Sunday, Sept 24 Breakfast 0830-1200 Monday, Sept 25 Blood Center

WEEKLY SPECIALS: Lunch Mon - Fri 1100-1300 Every Wednesday 1100-1300 Steak Sandwich Special

Fridays 1700-2000 Plated Meals Friday Nite Legion Dinner

w/ Hooves, Beaks, Scales & Tails 1700-2000

September 2017

N E I L L S V I L L E PA G E

your personal representative. In addition, to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match."

Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result. "I have some good news and some bad news, your Holiness, " said the golfer.

"Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus," said the Pope.

"Well, your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I've played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must have been inspired from above.

My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and

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purposeful, and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous.

"There's bad news?", the Pope asked.

"Yes," Nicklaus sighed. "I lost to Rabbi Tiger Woods by seven strokes.

OLD SAYING...

It’s better to have lobsters in your piano than crabs on your organs!

ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGE 260 Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep.

If I die before I wake, Remember to erase the tap.

JON DORE: PREDICT THE WORDS I don't like cell phones. I'm never sending another text message as MEETING DATES:

-Legion & Ladies Auxiliary 1st Monday Monthly 7pm

- Sons of the American Legion 2nd Monday Monthly 8pm -VFW 2nd Tuesday 7pm

Weekly Events Drink Happy Mon - Fri 1600-1900

Mondays & Thursdays Sheepshead @ 12:30

28

N E I L L S V I L L E - G R A N TO N PA G E

Open at 10am *7 Days a Week JOIN US..

September 16th, 2017

1/2 Barrel Party..

Hosted by: Sarah Vollmer & Don Subke Where: Low Rider Tavern Pavilion, Starts at 2pm *Weather permitting Come meet up with friends!

N2472 Hwy 95 Neillsville, WI 715-743-2422

long as I live because I don't like a phone that tries to predict the words I'm trying to send to people.

Cause I move quickly. Last week I ended up sending a text that read, Hey baby, I had a great night. I hope you have a home day. But I meant to text, You should get tested.

JESSI KLEIN: BACKHANDED COMPLIMENT Guys have said to me, You know, Jessi, part of what makes you so pretty is you have no idea how pretty you are. And then they're just like, Enjoy. And I'm like, That

Otter Lake Bait

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HOURS Tues -Sun 7am -7pm Sun & Mon 7am - 6pm **License agent & offering online registration!

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Butch and Kathy Kuester owners

September 2017

is not nice. That is like, at best, that like a backhanded compliment. And at worst, that just like a forehanded insult because I know that what that sentence really means is, Part of what makes you so pretty is that your self-esteem is so low, it's easier for me to f**k you.

MINNESOTA TOURISM Source: www.thrillist.com /lifes tyle/minneapolis/the-15-most-beatiful-places-in-minnesota 1. Fort Snelling on the Mississippi is one of the city's favorite landmarks, and rightfully so. It is surrounded by beautiful river adjacent land, now a state park. It was built from 1820 to 1824, and originally called Fort Saint Anthony. It was used as a training ground during the Civil War, and World War II, and decommissioned in 1946. The buildings are continually being resorted, and the fort is now an education center run by the Minnesota Historical Society where you can learn about military history, the fur trade, and the significance of the land to Native American communities.

2. The James J. Hill House might be one of the most fun to tour in MN. Built in 1891 by railroad magnate James J. Hill, the house in St. Paul features a grandiose interior and massive lot. It is a fun place on the shore of Superior to learn about Ojibwa culture and the voyageurs who traded and traveling along the Pigeon River.

3. Grand Portage National Monument tells the story of MN's fur trade as well as Ojibwa history.

4. The Hull-Rust-Masoning Mine is huge. So huge in fact, that it's one of the world's largest open pit iron mines.

In Hibbing you can find this epic mine and peer into its abyss, as well as find the remnants of Old Hibbing, before the town was moved. That's right... the entire town was moved, to make room for (you guessed it) more mining!

5. Mille Lacs Kathio State Park holds some of MN's most fascinating history in its archeological sites. The site of Native Burial Mounds and evidence of copper tools, this place is a up and coming history buff's dream. Even a simple stroll can teach you more than you ever thought you'd know about Minnesota's history.

(Continued on page 30)

NAMESAKES A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor says.

The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!"

Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies, DeNephew.

Because of religious beliefs a Jehovah's Witness was the first patient to receive a transfusion of artificial blood in 1979 at the University of Minnesota Hospital.

Refusing real for religious beliefs.

Enter to Win Movie Tickets for Micon Theatres

AUGUST WINNER MARK SHAFER!!

Send in your entry TODAY! Grub & Pub Report PO Box 473 Chippewa Fall, WI!

MOVIE TRIVIA ANSWERS TO AUGUST TRIVIA: 1. Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) 2. The Coldest City 3. The Loser Lounge 4. Harry Styles 5. Alpha

SEPTEMBER 2017 TRIVIA QUESTIONS 1. What od the stars of Wind River have in common?

2. What movie is being homaged with the poster for The Nut Job 2: Nutty

by Nature?

3. What famous ape did The Glass Castle stars Brie Larson and Naomi Watts work with?

4. Detroit director Kathryn Bigelow and writer Mark Bowl worked on which movies together before?

5. What iconic image did The Hitman’s Bodyguard parody?

29

ARCADIA - HUMBIRD - STRUM PG

Call 4 Open Bowling Times Open:T - F @ 4p & Sat @ 3p

Starting In October: Open M-F @4p & Sat @ 3p

ANSWERING MACHINE French monologue in the background: Around the world today, millions still speak French as either a first or second language.

But with your continued support and help, we can wipe out French in our lifetime. Please leave a message in English at the tone, and remember, if someone tries to speak French to you, just say, "non".

SHENG WANG: DESIGNATED DRIVER I recently went out with my girlfriend. I decided she was going to be the designated driver but I did not bother to tell her about my decision. I just went ahead and got crazy sloppy -- 'cause actions speak louder than gibberish.

BUCKET At the checkout counter of a grocery store, a man asks the cashier if they sell condoms.

She says "Yes, and asks what size."

He says he doesn't know, so the cashier reaches down his pants, and announces on the loudspeaker, "Condoms, aisle 7, Medium."

The guy behind him, hearing this conversation also asks the cashier for condoms. She goes through the same routine, puts her hands down his pants and announces on the loudspeaker, "Condoms, aisle 7, Large."

A frisky young kid, third in line, after watching the men before him, also asks for condoms. She reaches down his pants and says on the loudspeaker, "Clean-Up, Mop and Bucket, Counter 2," Minnesota students Scott and Brennan Olson invented Roller blades,. Which were the first commercially successful in line Roller Skates in 1980 . They had been looking for a way to practice Hockey during the off-season. TaDa the 3 in line wheel hockey boot.

UNCLE SAM’S OF ARCADIA

Tues: Free soda, Dom Beer, or Rail Drink w/purchase of a Burger Bsk or any Dinner Wed: $0.50 Cent Wings Happy Hr: T -F 2-6p (Check out our Flavors!) & FREE Pool Thurs: $1 OFF Stuffed Burgers (Made to order basket) Fri: Pizza & 6 Pk Dom Beer $20 Sat: $1.50 Busch Lights 12-8pm Sun: $1.50 Busch Lights, $2 Dom Beers, Chips & Dip

NEW EXPANDED MENU STOP IN & EAT WITH US! Tuedazes Authentic Homemade Cajun Dinners 1 till Gone NEW HOURS: Tues - Thru: 11am - CL, Fri: 6am - CL and Sat & Sun 10am - CL

309 W. Main St. Arcadia, WI

September 2017

(608) 323-7USA (7872)

MINNESOTA TOURISM (Continued from page 29) 6. The Plummer Building in Rochester is a part of the worldrenowned Mayo Clinic and an architectural masterpiece. It was designed by Ellerbe & Co., and was the tallest building in Minnesota until the Foshay Tower was built.

7. The St. Croix Boom Site holds the stories of MN's logging industry of the early 1900s. The series of booms caught logs in the river as they were cut, and the St. Croix Boom Company would collect them and distribute them to the proper owners (as previously marked on the trees). It has one of MN's first historical roadside markers, and is a symbol of the one of the massively destructive industries in Minnesota that has since faded.

8. Soudan Underground Mine State Park is another state favorite for the adventure it provides visitors. The underground mine holds a University of Minnesota laboratory, and allows visitors to go down 27 levels near Lake Vermilion and learn about mining history and construction.

9. Mill City Museum is a gorgeous museum and historic landmark in Minneapolis that tells the story of MN's milling industry. It was once the Washburn "A" Mill, which had a history with a massive explosion, and then a horrible fire, which left it in a state of disrepair until the Minnesota Historical Society built

U PCHUC K

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120 W. Main St. Arcadia, WI (608) 323-9907 OPEN: M-Th Noon - 2am F & Sa 10am - 2:30am Sun 10am - 2am DAILY DRINK SPECIALS DJ Music: Th, Fri, & Sa 9-Cl (Safe Rides Available)

the museum.

10. Pipestone National Monument is Minnesota and national treasure for the history it contains. The stone from this sacred Native American site is used to make special pipes essential to the prayer process.

12. In Saint Paul, Summit Terrace, or the F. Scott Fitzgerald House at 599 Summit Avenue, is one of Minnesota's most treasured homes. It's part of a "New York" style rowhouse and part of the Historic Hill District. It is where Fitzgerald's parents lived for many years, and where the author lived for some time and wrote frequently before moving out of state.

A Buddhist monk says “Make me one with everything” at a hotdog stand. The vendor makes the hot dog and hands it to the Buddhist monk, who pays with a $20 bill.

The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it.

“Excuse me, but where’s my change?” asks the Buddhist monk.

The vendor replied, “Change must come from within.”

Monthly Birthday Party - 2nd Sat. @ 10:30pm *Join Us on YOUR Birthday! * GIFT CARD DRAWING

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30

APA An angel came down for a meeting of the American Philosophical Association.

Greeting the assembled philosophers, the angel offered to answer a single question for them.

Immediately the philosophers set to arguing about what they should ask. So the angel said, “Alright, you figure out what you want to ask. I’ll come back tomorrow.”

And he left the philosophers to deliberate.

Some of the philosophers favored asking conjunctive questions, but others argued persuasively that the angel probably wouldn’t count this as a single question. One philosopher wanted to ask “What is the best question to ask?, in the hope that some day another angel might make a similar offer, at which point they could then ask the best question. But this suggestion was rejected by those who feared that no such opportunity would arise and did not want to waste their only question.

Finally, the philosophers agreed on the following question: “What is the ordered pair whose first member is the best question to ask, and whose second member is the answer to that question?”

Satisfied with their decision, the philosophers awaited the angel’s return the next day, whereupon they posed their question. And the angel replied: “It is the ordered pair whose first member is the question you just asked, and

ARCADIA - OSSEO PAGE

whose second member is the answer I am now giving.” And then he disappeared.

GOING DOWN Five guys are in a plane. The pilot, an army general, a scientist, a priest and a college student. The pilot comes running out of the cockpit and screams, "We're going down, but we only got four parachutes. I'm out of here". He immediately grabs a chute and jumps out the door.

The general jumps up and says, "I've gotta fight a war tomorrow, I have to live". He grabs a chute and jumps out the door.

The scientist jumps up and says, "I have the cure for cancer, I have to live". He then grabs one and jumps out the door. Only the priest and the college student are left.

The priest says, "You take the last parachute, your young".

The college student then says, "No, we can both go. That scientist took my book bag".

not bother anyone...

So the bartender says, “Alright sit in the corner!

In walks a cowboy five minutes later and says, “I'm so thirsty I could lick the sweat off a cows balls!”

Back in the corner you could hear that gay man say "Moo moo buckaroo"!

There goes the summer!

DID YOU KNOW On September 2, 1952, a five year old girl was the first patient to undergo a heart operation in which the deep freezing technique was employed.

Her body temperature, except for her head, was reduced to 79 degrees Fahrenheit.

Dr. Floyd Lewis at the Medical School of the University of Minnesota performed the operation.

GAY AGAIN This gay guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says, “I'm sorry we don't serve gays here!”

The gay guys says, “ohh... come on I'll sit in the corner and not bother anyone!”

The bartender says, “ I'm sorry we don't serve gays here!”

The gay man says please I promise I'll sit in the corner and

TOMMY’S HILLTOP

Open Sun – Thurs 9A - 2a Fri & Sa – 9A - 2:30am

*Sunday Breakfast Served 9-11a

Join us at Tommy’s Hilltop for Great Food, Great Service and Friendly Conversation TODAY! W2860 US Hwy 10, Granton, WI 54436

September 2017

(715) 238-7852

31

Jimmy’s World Bar & Campground

N1745 Rangeline Rd. Conrath, WI Bar # 715-532-0637 / Cell # 715-403-3867 OPEN Great Fishing, Tubing, Canoeing right on Main Creek Noon - CL **Apartment Rental, Laundry Facility, Camp Store 7 Days a Week 18 Full RV Hook-up Sites & 54 Primitive Sites, On ATV Trail Heated Shower House & More!

DOGS TO WHAT If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.

- Unknown

Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

- Unknown

Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies.

- Gene Hill In dog years, I'm dead.

- Unknown

28135 290th Ave. Holcombe, WI 715-595-4035 www.entwoodgolf.com email: golf@entwoodgolf.com

*Group Rates Available *Special Event Bookings *Children 11 & Under FREE! Buy membership in September *Golf rest of 2017 season into 2018 for 2017 price!

Senior discount on Mondays (65 and Older) $17.00 all day with cart Ladies day Fridays $7.00 Walk for 9 holes, $15.00 with cart 9 holes.

Open 7 days a week @ 7am Wednesday All Day Golf with cart for $25.00 ea per

September 2017

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.

- Aldous Huxley

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

- Robert Benchley Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?

I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

- Sue Murphy

I loathe people who keep dogs.

They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

- August Strindberg

No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

- Fran Lebowitz

CONRATH - HOLCOMBE - TONY PG

Mickey’s Bar & Grill

Open: Wed - Sun @ 11am Happy Hour: 4 - 6pm T-F 50cents OFF ALL Drinks!

Serving Full Menu till 10pm PIZZA ANYTIME! Try Our ..SPORTY BURGER

(715) 532-7598

N5399 Walnut St. Tony, WI

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can.

That's almost $7.00 in dog money.- Joe Weinstein

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

- Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.

- James Thurber

Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of the most fond memories!

- Dr. Tom Cat

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

- Ann Landers

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

- Edward Abbey

You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets.- Nora Ephron

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

- Robert A. Heinlein

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

- Ben Williams

Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

- Unknown

Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!

- Anne Tyler I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

- Rita Rudner

32

C O R N E L L - H O L C O M B E PA G E

Open Daily @ 11am - CL Kitchen Hrs: 11am-8pm Tues - Thurs / Fri & Sat 11am - 10pm HAPPY HOUR:Mon - Thurs 4-6pm Full Menu Plus... ALL DAY Friday Fish Fry & Saturday Smoked Ribs

W8380 County Hwy D, Conrath, WI

Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.

- Unknown

that loves you more than he loves himself.

- Josh Billings

A dog is the only thing on earth

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person .- Andrew A. Rooney

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

- Christopher Morley

NORTH Bar & Grill

116 Main Street - Cornell, WI (715)239-6677 The ‘ULTIMATE Bloody Mary is Back Sundays 6a-6p Only$5

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September 2017

Man is a dog's idea of what God should be.

- Holbrook Jackson

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.

You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.

- Unknown Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.

- Smiley Blanton

Pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the difference between a dog and a man.

- Mark Twain I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.

- John Steinbeck

CHECK OUT..

Split Rock Lighthouse in Two Harbors, MN There’s no better view of Minnesota’s Lake Superior than from the decks of this lighthouse, erected in 1910 in the wake of an infamous storm that led to a score of massive shipwrecks. Today after standing up to decades worth of weather, it looks almost like new, having recently been restored to its original 1920s aesthetic.

108 W. Miner Ave. Ladysmith, WI 715-532-7757 Happy Hour: M-F 3-6pm ‘Hometown Bar for All’

some of your favorite scenes from Temple of Doom. Either way, this is definitely a place worth checking out.

Great River Bluffs State Park Winona The views from these bluffs are virtually second to none and you can stare out for miles taking in the breadth of the Mississippi River Valley. Scenic doesn’t even feel like the right word for the views offered here. You can also check out the expansive goat Jay Cooke State Park -Carlton prairies and do some serious bird If you’re a fan of having your watching. heart jump up into your throat, Jim’s then check out the suspension bridge in one of the state’s most beautiful state parks. You can peer (Located on Pike Lake) out across the rough waters of the *Bar * Restaurant St. Louis River or you can reenact *Cabins *Campground

Shady Nook Resort

27575 263rd Ave. Holcombe WI 715-595-4092 FREE Pool Sundays!

Open: Noon - CL *7 Days A Week

Come Watch the PACKERS

** 5 TVs. Two for 1's on Packer Touchdowns.

Prizes every quarter. * Food at halftime.

Badger Games: 2 for 1's on T. D.’s

All Day.. BLOODY MARY Sunday: Bloody Marys w/ 12 Ingredients Only $4.50

Happy Hour: Mon & Tues Op to CL & Wed-Fri 3- 6p 50 Taps, $1.00 Mugs, $1.75 Dom Beer, $2.00 Rails

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Sun $3 Bloody Marys All Day! OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK 10a-CL Memorial Day Thru Labor Day FRIDAY FISH FRY w/ Soup& Salad Bar 4 pm to 9 pm

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715-667-3878

33

BARFING George was planning on going out with "The Boys" when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house.

George's Wife: "The last time you went out with your friends you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt."

George: "But Honey, I promise that I won't drink a drop of alcohol all night!"

So after begging his wife for an hour, George got the OK the go out with the guys as long as he stayed off of the booze.

George met up with the guys at a local bar and proceeded to get shit-faced. After about three hours of guzzling liquor, George blew chow all over his shirt.

George: "Shit! The wife is going to throw my butt out of the house for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!"

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TAKING SM PARTY BOOKINGS..!

September 2017

Bill, George's best pal, gave drunk ass George an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife.

Bill: "All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door. Then, when she accuses you of barfing all over yourself, just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned."

So, when drunk George walked into the house with money in hand, his wife was waiting for him in the living room.

Georges wife: "I knew that your drunk ass would spew bile and booze all over that new shirt!"

George: "Honey, let me explain!

This drunken fool at the bar puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned."

His wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills.

George's wife: "Is that so? Then where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?"

George: "Oh, That's from the guy who sh** in my pants."

MORE ON MINNESOTA Source: http://www.movoto .com/ guide/mn/minnesota-facts/ 1. Bob Dylan. The legendary poet/ song writer /singer /guitar player/musical genius was born in Duluth in 1941.

2. Scotch Tape was invented by the Minnesota-based company 3M in 1925. “Scotch” was a word used to describe “stingy.” Legend has it that during the testing phase, an auto painter asked “Why so scotch with the adhesive?” More adhesive was added, and the name stuck.

3. The stapler was invented in Spring Valley by Charles Henderson. He also invented a silent shutter for the Conley Camera and

B I R C H W O O D - H O L C O M B E PA G E

creative bag tiers, earning him the moniker in town as “the man who can make anything we need.”

4. It’s against the law to sleep naked in Minnesota. But don’t worry, birthday suit lovers, it’s an old, unenforceable law. It is also illegal for anyone from Minnesota to enter the state of Wisconsin wearing a chicken on your head..

5. Tonka Trucks have been manufactured in Mound since 1946, and were named to honor Lake Minnetonka.

6. Author Laura Ingalls Wilder lived in Walnut Grove, Minnesota, which she wrote about in her books. It became the filming site for the TV Show "Little House On The Prairie."

7. The first Target opened in Roseville in 1962, thereby making it impossible for women everywhere to ever “run in for just one thing” ever again.

8. Eat your Wheaties! They were first made in 1922 by accident when a technician for Washburn Crosby Company spilled wheat germ on a hot stove.

9. Canned meat had to come from somewhere: Austin, Minnesota. The Hormel Company marketed the first canned ham here in 1926 and the first can of Spam in 1937.

10. New London -In Sibley State Park resides the legendary Mount Tom. Okay, maybe it’s not so much legendary, or a mountain

really, as it is a high point with a really cool overlook which gives you a spectacular view of the surrounding park. For those of you non-mountain climbers, you can basically drive right up to the lookout which makes for easy access to some incredible views.

11. and in Minnehaha Falls Minneapolis one of the most beautiful spots in the entire state is right here in the Twin Cities: South Minneapolis plays host to this gorgeous waterfall on Minnehaha Creek and there are some great walking paths that’ll take you from the falls, down the creek, and to where it lets out into the Mississippi River.

PRISON VS. WORK IN PRISON...You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.

AT WORK....You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...You get three meals a day.

AT WORK....You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON...You get time off for good behavior.

AT WORK....You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

IN PRISON...A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

AT WORK....You must carry around a security card and unlock

Kitchen Hours: Serving Noon - 9pm Tu- Sa Bar Open: Tues - Sat 11am to Close Closed Sunday’s & Monday’s RED PINE CAMPGROUND *Only 1/2 Mile from Chetek Chain of Lakes Seasonal Sites *Electric & H2O Sites Available Starting *Book Your Campsite for the 2017 Season NOW! @ $800!

NIGHTLY SPECIALS START @ 4PM

1190 25th St. Cameron, WI 715-859-6556 email: r-bar@citizens-tel.net

34

B R I L L - S A RO N A P G

OPEN DAILY @ 10am

SERVING FOOD DAILY 10A-10P

Pizza, Soups, Burgers, Fish Fry All Your Yummy Eats!

Harvest Days Sept. 8-9-10

*5:00 Softball Tourney

*DJ Fri. and Sat.

*Truck and Tractor pulls

Located on Main St. in Brill, WI (715) 234 - 1823

and open all the doors yourself.

IN PRISON...You can watch TV and play games.

AT WORK....You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON...You get your own toilet.

AT WORK....You have to share.

IN PRISON...They allow your family and friends to visit.

AT WORK....You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

IN PRISON...All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.

AT WORK....You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...You spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.

AT WORK....You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON...There are wardens who are often sadistic.

AT WORK....They are called supervisors.

When I finally left my last place of work, it was just like being released from prison, as I was free to do whatever I wanted to.

REAL ADVERTISEMENTS Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

-Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.

Automatically burns toast.

lots of women wear nothing else.

-Stock up and save. Limit: one.

-We build bodies that last a lifetime.

-For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

-Man, honest. Will take anything.

-Wanted: chambermaid in rectory.

Love in, $200 a month.

References required.

-Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

-Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

The Rut

N705 Cty Rd. M. Sarona, WI 715-354-3250

Join Us for...

Beer, Booze, & Fun

Live Music

Entertainment Calendar for listings

DID YOU KNOW Candy maker Frank C. Mars of Minnesota introduced the Milky Way candy bar in 1923. Mars marketed the Snickers bar in 1930 and introduced the 5 cent Three Musketeers bar in 1937. The original 3 Musketeers bar contained 3 bars in one wrapper.

Each with different flavor nougat.

KA KUR O P UZ ZL E

Complete the kakuro puzzle. Place a number from 1 to 9 in each empty cell. Do not repeat any numbers in a given block. Hints are shown in grey squares. The number below a diagonal line is the sum of the numbers below it. The number above a diagonal line is the sum of the numbers to the right of it. There is more than one answer.

-Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that

Home of the ‘Northwoods BEST’ Bloody Mary Events: www.SpiderLakeSaloon.com *5 Miles N. of Hwy D on Hwy T

715.354.3723

N I G H T LY D I N N E R S P E C I A L S S ee Our Web s ite for Mor e De ta ils !

S irl oin S t ea k Sa tu rd a y - $ 9 .0 0 S i rl oin S t ea k & Sh rimp - $ 1 3 .0 0

Located at.. N2586 Spider Lake Trail Birchwood, WI

Neighborhood Weekend Poker Run

Runs Thursday Oct. 5th thru Saturday Oct 7th

Poker Cards drawn @ Spider Lake Sunday Oct 8th from 10am to Noon 1st Place $125, 2nd Place $75, 3rd Place $50 Run Covering Birchwood and Long Lake Bars and Restaurants Poker Run Cards can be picked up at any participating location *See Full List of Stops at www.spiderlakesaloon.com **FREE to ENTER

CABIN available for YEAR ROUND Rental *On Beautiful Spider Lake Chain *Cabin Sleeps 10 guests / *See website for details

September 2017

35

Mike & Ellie’s

Shady Rest Campground & Poor Folks Saloon (Located on 1300 Acre Bear Lake) 2883 17 3/4th St. Rice Lake, WI 715-234-7339

Open:

Mon - Thurs @5pm Fri - Sun @ Noon

Serving: Pizza & Hamburgers Daily Check Out Our ..

George Jones Memorabilia!

MUST SEE IN MINNESOTA Minneopa State Park Mankato The name Minneopa in the Dakota language means “water falling twice” which is in reference to the park’s stunning waterfalls. There are also some great prairie views, and if you’re lucky, you can catch the view of a wild bison herd that the DNR and Minnesota Zoo have been working hard to reintroduce to the park.

Itasca State Park- Park Rapids It’s always worth visiting the place where the Mississippi River is born and the visuals are absolutely stunning. You can actually walk across the river as it transforms itself from a moderate trickle into one of the world’s largest waterways.

Iron Range scenic viewsNortheast MN If it wasn’t for the iron mines, Minnesota would be a very different place, and the labor of many hard workers has managed to forge a “natural” wonder unlike anything else. There are several Meet Andy & Jill at...

The Adventure OPEN:

6 Days a Week 9am - CL Closed Sundays for the summer May 4th - Sept 3!

H AU G E N - R I C E L A K E PA G E

great spots to take in the man-made orange mountains and lakes, including the Leonidas Overlook, the Hull-RustMahoning Mine, and the Mineview in the Sky. Sibley State Park

DETECTIVE TEST A policeman was interrogating three SARDARS who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first SARDAR a picture for five seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first SARDAR answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh. ..that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second SARDAR and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second SARDAR smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two??

Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

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September 2017

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third SARDAR and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The SARDAR looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer.

Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work!

How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the SARDAR replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

PASSWORD A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.

Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter 'penis.'

Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password.

She then almost died laughing at the computer's response: PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH! .. Oh..SNAP!

Happy Hour: 3 -6pm Mon - Fri Tues: FREE Pool Wed: 2 for 1: 8-10p

Homemade Pizzas Available Come Join Us for..

Volleyball & Bean Bags (seasonal) FISHERMAN WELCOME..

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2091 22 1/2 Ave. Rice Lake, WI

Phone: (715) 475-1300

A SMART RESPONSE My wife and I were comparing notes the other day. 'I have a higher IQ, did better on my SAT's, and make more money than you,' she pointed out.

'Yeah, but when you step back and look at the big picture, I’m still ahead,' I said.

She looked mystified. 'How do you figure?'

'I married better,' I replied.

RUSS MENEVE:

UNPROVOKED SHARKATTACKS

There were 79 unprovoked shark attacks last year. Unprovoked -do we need that word in there?

Are there people provoking shark attacks? Is there some dick from Jersey in the water: Hey shark, you freakin' lookin at me? You got a problem or somethin'? I got somethin' for you to bite right here!

BLONDE JOKES 101 A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise. She ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in her car. "Did you see their face?" her friends asked when she came back inside.

"No, but it's okay - I got the license plate number!"

Drive Slowly.. Kids Are Now More Present During School!

36

CHETEK - LINCOLNWOOD PG

THE BLACK EYE...

Mr. Bailey saw his son's shiner and demanded, "Scott, who gave you that black eye?"

"No one gave it to me dad," replied the spunky lad. "I had to fight for it."

YOUR KID HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid.

Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground.

Signed, A blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

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‘Home of Long Lake Tea’

COMPETITION AT THE RETIREMENT HOME An old man and an old woman are together every night. They aren't married, but for years and years they have spent every night together. All they ever do is sit on the couch buck naked and watch TV while she holds his wiener.

Every night, like clockwork, they do this - sit on the couch watching TV while she holds his wiener.

One night he doesn't show up.

Then a second night goes by - no show. She calls him up. "Where you been?"

"Oh ... I've been down at what's her name's." "What are you doing there?"

"Pretty much the same thing we do - sitting naked on the couch watching TV while she holds my wiener."

"Well, what does she have that I don't have?"

"Parkinson's."

with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, "What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?"

The doctor replied, "It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs."

1189 N. Potato Lk.

CHETEK, WI On North side of Potato Lake

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Open: Mon - Thur at 3p & Weekends 10am Resort, Cabins, Camping Newly Remodeled Bar ATM Available!

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CRISIS A blonde, worried about the HIV crisis, walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms.

"Tax," replies the clerk.

"That will be $1.08, please," says "Gee," says the blonde, "I the clerk. thought you just rolled them on "What's the 8 cents for?" asks the and they stayed put." blonde. "It says one dollar right here on the packaging."

Curvy Word Puzzle

(Answers pg 40)

HOW TO WAKE UP A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns. With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding Summer & Winter Accommodations

Great Food & Drink Specials Daily Lunch & Dinner Specials 11a - Cl (Grill Open till Midnight)

*Huge Specialty Drink Menu!

Now Serving HOMEMADE Pizzas! *Boat Docking Available *Visit us on beautiful Long Lake *Gas Available for ATV’s, Boats & Snowmobiles

N1075 East Side Rd. Birchwood, WI 715-354-3533 L i n c o l n w o o d r e s o r t . c o m

September 2017

37

DANE COOK: WATCHING THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL I'm watching some television tonight. I'm watching The Discovery Channel. You know, this channel, you never ever plan on watching this. It just happens.

You're flickin' around, all of a sudden -- boom -- you're watching a mole for an hour-and-a-half.

10 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO POLICE 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been going about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are you Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the officer says "Gee

son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?"

ABOUT MINNESOTA Source: https://en.wikipedia.org /wiki/Geography_of_Minnesota Minnesota is the most northern state outside of Alaska; its isolated Northwest Angle in Lake of the Woods is the only part of the 48 contiguous states lying north of the 49th parallel. Minnesota is in the U.S. region known as the Upper Midwest...

The state shares a Lake Superior water border with Michigan and Wisconsin on the northeast; the remainder of the eastern border is with Wisconsin. Iowa is to the south, North Dakota and South Dakota are west, and the Canadian provinces of Ontario and Manitoba are north. With 87,014 square miles (225,370 km2), or approximately 2.26 % of the United States,[1] Minnesota is the 12th largest state.

13,000 years ago gigantic Lake Agassiz formed in the northwest; the lake's outflow, the glacial River Warren, carved the valley of the Minnesota River, and its bottom created the fertile lands of the Red River valley.[3] Minnesota is geologically quiet today; it experiences earthquakes infrequently, and most of them are minor. The state's high point is Eagle Mountain at 2,301 feet.

BIG

Welcome to Humbird OUR.. Little America

@ Street Bar Food Served 11am - 10pm Appetizers till Closing Juicy 1/3Lb. Burgers, BLT’s Chicken Strips & Appetizer

Grumpy Hour 4-6pm M - Th New Hours: Mon - Fri 10am - CL and Sat & Sun 8am - CL Tuesdays Buck Day on Domestic beer and Rails 8a -6p

N3063 King St. Humbird, WI

September 2017

715-964-1401

GALESVILLE- MERRILLIAN PG

Two continental divides meet in the northeastern part of Minnesota in rural Hibbing, forming a triple watershed. Precipitation can follow the Mississippi River south to the Gulf of Mexico, the St. Lawrence Seaway east to the Atlantic Ocean, or the Hudson Bay watershed to the Arctic Ocean.

The state's nickname, The Land of 10,000 Lakes, is no exaggeration; there are 11,842 lakes over 10 acres in size.[10] The Minnesota portion of Lake Superior is the largest at 962,700 acres (3,896 km2) and deepest (at 1,290 ft (390 m), 393 m) body of water in the state.[10] Minnesota has 6,564 natural rivers and streams that cumulatively flow for 69,000 miles (111,000 km).[10] The Mississippi River begins its journey from its headwaters at Lake Itasca and crosses the Iowa border 680 miles (1,094 km) downstream.[10] It is joined by the Minnesota River at Fort Snelling, by the St. Croix River near Hastings, by the Chippewa River at Wabasha, and by many smaller streams. The Red River, in the bed of glacial Lake Agassiz, drains the northwest part of the state northward toward Canada's Hudson Bay. Approximately 10.6 million acres (42,900 km²) of wetlands are contained within Minnesota's borders, the most of any state except Alaska.[11] Minnesota has 90,000 miles of

shoreline, more than California, Florida and Hawaii combined.

Minnesota is home to a variety of wilderness, park, and other open spaces. Minnesota's first state park, Itasca State Park, was established in 1891, and is the source of the Mississippi River.[20] Today Minnesota has 72 state parks and recreation areas, 58 state forests covering about four million acres (16,000 km²), and numerous state wildlife preserves, all managed by the Minnesota Department of Natural Resources. There are 5.5 million acres (22,000 km²) in the Chippewa and Superior National Forests. The Superior National Forest in the northeast contains the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness, which encompasses over a million acres (4,000 km²) and a thousand lakes. To its west is Voyageurs National Park, the state's only national park.

The Territory of Minnesota was an organized incorporated territory of the United States that existed from March 3, 1849, until May 11, 1858, when the eastern portion of the territory was admitted to the Union as the State of Minnesota.

The eastern half of the Minnesota Territory, under the boundaries defined by Henry Mower Rice, became the country's 32nd state on May 11, 1858. The western part remained unorganized until its incorporation into the Dakota Open: 7 Days A Week at 10am

ENTERTAINMENT:

Sept 1, 2, & 3: Decades Ent 8pm Sept 15 & 16th: Decades 8pm Fri., 22nd: One Man Band Gator 8pm Sept 23rd: Decades 8pm

200 N. Main St. Merrillan, WI

715-333-2028

38

ETTRICK - PIGEON FALLS PG

Territory on March 2, 1861.

The first inhabitants of Minnesota were Paleo-Indians as early back as 7,000 to 9,000 years ago. The Dakota (Sioux), and Ojibwa (Chippewa) Indians arrived later from the North and East. Minneapolis is situated at elevation 262 meters above sea level. Minneapolis has a population of 382,578 making it the biggest city in Minnesota.

On a basic level, the state is divided between the MinneapolisSaint Paul or Twin Cities metropolitan area (often referred to locally as The Cities), and Outstate or Greater Minnesota.

TWO WORDS The other day I drop by my department head's office. He's a friendly guy and, on the rare opportunities that I have to pay him a visit, we have had enjoyable conversations. While I was in his office, I asked him, "Sir, what is the secret of your success?"

He said, "Two words."

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Right decisions."

"But how do you make right decisions?"

"One word," he responded.

"And, Sir, what is that?"

"Experience."

"And how do you get experience?"

"Two words."

"And, Sir what are they?"

"Wrong decisions."

Open Daily @ 9am

THANK YOU, UPS After my wife landed a coveted job offer from UPS, we went out of town to celebrate.

While on our trip, she was contacted by the company's Human Resources department with an urgent request to complete and send back her tax forms.

'No problem,' she said. 'I'll FedEx them right over.'

I WON! A blonde walked in a diner and orders a cup of coffee. When she gets her drink, she notices that it has a "contest game piece" on the side of the cup. She peels off the sticker and instantly starts screaming, "I won a motor home!"

She continues shouting, "I won a motor home!" until the waitress decides to get her boss.

"What's the problem here?" the manager asks.

"I won a motor home!" she shouts again.

"That's impossible!" he replies.

"We didn't give out motor homes."

She says "Well, it says so on this sticker."

The boss takes the sticker and reads it. It says: "Win a bagel."

STUPID PARROT Two parrots sitting on a perch and one says to the other.. “You smell fish?”

CORNER PUB

HAPPY HOUR: 3-6pm Sunday - Friday 50 Cents Off ALL Drinks!

2 2 8 3 3 N Main St. Ettrick, WI

Month 2016

Open Daily @ 9am

Come right to the corner.. for more fun!

(608) 525-4863

BEGINNER WEIGHT LIFTING Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

ARRESTED DUCKS Three baby ducks were arrested, the next day they were sent to face the judge. The first baby duck came in and the judge asked him why he was there and the baby duck said, "I was blowing bubbles in the park."

Then the judge said, "Illegal, you have 65 days in jail."

The next baby duck comes in and

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goes through the same procedure.

When the judge asks him why he's there he answers, "I was blowing bubbles in the park."

The judge, now furious says, "Illegal, 65 days in jail!"

The third baby duck comes in and the judge asks him "Why are you here?"

And the baby duck replies "I don't know." So the judge asks "What's your name?"

And the baby duck replies happily and with a giggle, "My names bubbles!"

Dwyer’s ‘My Second Home’ Bar & Grill 13272 Main St. Pigeon Falls, WI 715-983-5664

NEW.. $4.99 WEDNESDAY WRAPS! SERVED ALL DAY..EVERY WEDNESDAY ONLY $4.99

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BBQ, BBQ Memphis Sweet, BBQ Tangy Gold, 100 Island, Blue Cheese, Spicy Ranch, Creamy Poppy Seed, Caesar, Mayo, Miracle Whip

Tomato Basil, Spinach, Jalapeno Cheddar, Herb & Garlic REGULAR SPECIALS Tues Men's Night Buy 1 Get 1 FREE 7-CL & Euchre 7pm, Wed Dr. Night 7-CL $1 for Shots of Dr. Plus.. All-U-Can-Eat Shrimp $8.99 5-9pm Thurs Ladies Night 7-CL.. Buy 1 Get 1 FREE! Open: *Breakfast Served Daily Mon - Fri 7:30am-CL *Mon - Fri: Lunch Specials Sat & Sun 8am-CL Join Us for: Burgers, Appetizers Happy Hour Pull Tabs & Homemade Pizza *Fresh Burger Daily from Local Meat Locker M - F 4-7pm

39

MINNESOTA BEAUTY Source: http://www.onlyinyour state. com/minnesota/historical-landmarksmn/ Voyageurs National Park -Orr This national park is broken up and divided by a series of interconnected waterways that the early voyagers used as a means of transportation. Now you can canoe, hike, camp, and learn about the ways of said voyagers in what is often referred to as “the heart of the continent.”

North shore -Duluth Another one of Minnesota’s most notoriously beautiful locations, the entire north shore of Lake Superior is nothing shy of a spectacle. With vast rock formations, cliffs, scenic waterways, forests, and more, it’s basically most of what Minnesota has to offer all along a 151-mile stretch of highway.

Interstate State Park -Taylors Falls Separating us from our great cheesy neighbors lies Interstate State Park, a stretch along the St. Croix River that offers incredible rock formations, landscapes, and vast swatches of forest. It’s always great for a day of hiking or just taking in the seriously intense fall colors.

School Dayz.. School Dayz..

M I N D O R O PA G E

BUSINESS ONE-LINERS 75 -In every work of genius we recognize our rejected thoughts.

-In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.

-In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe is composed of only two basic substances: magic and lies.

-In the fight between you and the world, back the world.

-Incompetence is a double-edged banana.

-Influence is like a savings account. The less you use it, the more you've got.

- Andrew Young, American politician -Inspiration and perspiration are related by more than rhyme.

-Intelligence is a tool to be used towards a goal, and goals are not always chosen intelligently. Larry Niven 'Protector' -Interchangeable parts won't.

-Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.

-It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

LONE RANGER Tonto and the Lone Ranger had a falling out... because the Lone Ranger discovered that "Kimosabee" actually means... "asshole!"

Burr Oak Auto Body & Detailing

*Auto Body Repair & Refinishing We Handle Insurance Claims *Restoration of Classic Cars & Trucks

* Plus.. Fiberglass Restoration Call Greg or Billy Fremstad ICAR Training 1-608-857-3880 ASE Certified W2606 Davis Creek Rd. Melrose, WI (Burr Oak)

Month 2016

SEND THE WINE BACK A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone.

He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she is his for the night.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying it is from the gentleman at a nearby table.

She looks at the man, then at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and seven inches in your pants."

The man, after reading this note, sends another note to her. It read: "Just so you will know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage, plus I have over twenty-million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my dick. Just send the wine back."

SHORT JOKES Q. What happened to the Plastic Surgeon who sat near the fire place?

A. He melted..

Q. What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay ?

A. When you pull your meat out of the refrigerator it don't fart.

Yo Mama Your mama is so stupid, she thinks that your dad had you with another woman.

A’FEARED FOR LIFE One day a man walked down the woods to go hunting. After a good couple of hours he found a deer, but as he is about to aim, he hears a thunderous roar behind him. He turns and noticed a lion standing behind him.

Fearing for his life, he jumps up the nearest tree, feeling very pleased with himself for being alive. As the day progresses he starts getting tired so he wants to move to the nearest branch.

As he looks to his left, he spots a tiger. On his right, a leopard is awaiting him, and as he looks up, he sees this python coming slowly at him. The man wonders how to escape, and all of a sudden begins to pray.

The man explains to his Creator what has happened and says, “Father as you can see, on my right there is the tiger Father, on my left there is the leopard most merciful Father. Father and above me, there the python is coming at me Father. Father please help me soo Father. and please Father, don't send your son Father for this is not child's play.

608-857-3436 N9261 County Rd. ‘C’ (Formerly State Hwy 108) Burr Oak, WI Happy Hour Mon -Fri .. 1p to -5p

Breakfast: 7-11a Sat/Sun

(Last day for Breakfast Oct. 15th)

S ORRY.. W E WILL BE CLOSED ..

Monday Sept 4th thru Sept 11th.

Re-Opening Tuesday, Sept 12th

*HIRING 2 FULL -TIME COOKS (Nights Required & Every other weekend) call or inquire at bar!!

OPEN 7 Days a Week @ 11am

40

TRAPPED Two cannibals trapped a hunter in the jungle. As they prepared to eat him, they agreed that one should start at the head and the other at the feet. After a few minutes the cannibal at the head asked the other, "How ya doing?"

The one at the feet replied, "I'm having a ball!"

The cannibal at the head said, "Slow down! You're eating too fast!"

ANNIVERSARY WISH A couple had been married for 40 years and on the occasion of their anniversary the wife expressed her love for her husband and asked if there was anything she could do for him. He replied as he had on almost every anniversary they had shared. "Honey, I'd really like a blow. I'm going on 65 now and I've lived my whole life having never experienced one. I don't want to die without experiencing this event."

The wife rolled her eyes and said "All right, goosh da** it! I'll give you your blow!"

That night the husband took his wife to dinner, gave her a dozen roses and created a very romantic bedroom setting. Candles, soft music - the works. The wife did as he requested and said... "Now what am I supposed to do with this...?" to which he replied..."How should I know?

MELROSE - MINDORO PAGE

I'm not a cocksucker!"

BREATHE IN A blond went to her stylist for a haircut. She was wearing a pair of headphones. When she sat down in the chair, she said to her stylist.

"Whatever you do, don't remove these headphones. Just cut around them!"

The stylist, being very curious, snatched the headphones off the blonde when she suddenly dropped dead. He couldn't figure out what happened. When he picked up the earphones and put them on, all he could hear over and over again was "Breathe in, breathe out....breathe in, breathe out."

LITTLE LIES Girl about to get married goes to doctor. "Doc, how can I make him think I'm still a virgin, I lied to him."

Doc says; "Put a rubber band around your leg, once he goes into you, snap it. Tell him it was your cherry."

The girl gets married and on the wedding night starts screwing her new husband, snaps rubber band.

"What was that?" he yells.

"Why, that was my virginity breaking, just for you.", she replies.

"Well, you better make it snap

HELIUM AND DRINKING Helium walks into a bar and again," he says, "It has my balls orders a beer, the bartender says, stuck to your leg." ouch!!!!!

“Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” He doesn’t react.

There’s a band called 1023MB. They haven’t had any gigs yet.

POOR AS THE DAY IS LONG There was a girl and her mother A SNAILS PACE were poor. So they couldn't afford A guy is sitting in his den, underwear or new cloths. One day watching the Super Bowl beside a the girl goes to church. She was nice fire. He hears a knock at the wearing a mini skirt and no undies door and gets up and opens it. A so at the end of the service the small voice near his feet says priest goes up to her and says "Hello," and he looks down to see "here is $2, go and buy some a snail. underwear".

The snail says "It's cold, and I'm The girl goes home and tells her freezing. Let me into your house mom. The next day the girl goes to sit by the fire." again and the priest goes up to her The guy yells "No!" and kicks again and gives her $5 and tells the snail into the yard. Six months her to go buy undies. later, the guy is watching baseball, She goes home again and tells with a cold beer in hand. He hears her mom. The next day the mom a knock and gets up and opens the went to church to see how much door. money she could get and at the The snail is sitting there. The end of the service the priest goes snail says "Hey, what the' hell was up to her and gives her $200 and that all about?" says "Go buy yourself a weed wacker!"

SUDUKO ‘Hard’ Puzzle

(Ans. pg 40)

JC’s Pizza & Pub NOW OPEN Tues. thru Sat. 4p to CL

Join Us for Delicious Home-made Pizza, Burgers & Subs

Stop in for great food and friendly service!

Phone: 608-488-2228 3 miles South of Melrose on @ N378 St Hwy 108

September 2017

41

HOROSCOPE COLUMN BY: Neeta Colaco of Mumbai, India

Email neetagcolaco@gmail.com

SEPT 2017 HOROSCOPE PREDICTIONS Aries Sept 2017 Transitional month when priority will move from domestic to professional goals. Social contacts and others will have major role in worldly success.

Finance..this is a great month for monetary success. Surplus funds must be used to pay off outstanding loans and debt. Paying all debts is very important to the rightness of your soul.

Love and relationships...

Love period not great and possibly separation.. stay alert and work towards re-discovering your mate.

Health... 14th up to 21st some problems need to take care.

Taurus Sept 2017

Facebook.com/ neeta colaco dalal

Tough times in personal decision but career opportunities are good.

Child problems may be possible Finance... is wonderful!

Love and relationships.. will be good.. Heath is generally good Gemini September 2017 Financial.. This period will have good news. After 7th to 13th money will be more plentiful. If plans for house or vehicle then period 10th to 17th September is favorable.

Love ..period may go through some difficulty.

Health.. Private parts need more attention. Life partner better times. Cancer, Mental problems will need to make careful decisions.

Money.. will be more plentiful but need to take care in financial

ANNOUNCING Same great food at an add’l location!!

Lost At Donna K's

3514 Blarney Rd. Warrens, WI Phone# 608-372-2657

Restaurant/ Diner Hours: Open: 6am-8pm NOW 7 DAYS A WEEK! Bar Open Daily..

Sun - Thur 11am - 11pm Fri - Sat 11am - Closing

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Cues & Accessories DAILY BREAKFAST & LUNCH SPECIALS *Only Retailer in 75 Complete New Menu *65 New Items miles of BRF! for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner

44 Main St. Black River Falls, WI

Phone: 715-670-0303

Facebook.com/Donna K’s and Family Diner

September 2017

B L A C K R I V E R FA L L S We carry - Polaris , CFMOTO, Suzuki, and Gravely!

Service : For most major brands of ATVs, Side by Sides, Motorcycles, & Snowmobiles W10120 State Hwy 54 E Black River Falls, WI 54615 Phone number - 715-284-2600 Fax #- 715-284-2055 Visit our Website @ www.blackriverpowersports.com

transactions. If going on tours you will need to take precautions Leo Sept 2017 This period is more powerful and will take good decisions. Possibly feuds with close friends or life partner.

Finance... no problems. Need to take care. Success in affair.

Possible good news for kids.

Heath.. knee problems Virgo Sept 2017 This month will be more towards devotion. Money will be more fruitful from work. If looking for career changes then do after 13thPossible arguments with elders take care. Love problems may occur Libra Sept 2017 This month is ok. Money shortages however possible. Your decisions may go wrong. Pray for your forefathers whose wisdom will benefit you.

Scorpio Sept 2017 This month will have more stress but there will not be financial issues. Children's promotion possible. Take care to avoid head injury. Respect life partner decisions\(s).

Sagittarius Sept 2017 Month smooth for all things generally and can achieve what you plan. Take care while driving. Heath good ..Finance good also.

Capricorn Sept 2017 Don't change your decision.

Possible money problems. Heath

good. Chances of settlement of divorce in your favor.

Aquarius Sept 2017 Will not get support from others and will have to be independent .

Possibilities of operation.

Disputes with life pa.rtner Breakups possible with business partner Promotion may be held up Pisces Spet 2017 Good time generally..Money no problems and you will experience good health and feelings of well being.

RACING GRANNY There was an old woman in an old age home and she had a motorized wheelchair. She was racing around the old age home...she turns one corner and a guy jumps out and says "Let me see your license for that."

She pulls out a candy wrapper and gives it to him.

He looks at it and says "OK that's good." and gives it back.

The old lady starts racing again and she turns another corner and another guy jumps out and says "Let me see your license plate for that." she gives him a paper and he gives it back and says "Ok that'll do" And she's racing again. She turns another corner and a naked guy jumps out and the woman

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B L A C K R I V E R FA L L S - P R AY P G

NOW... BOOKING FOR THE WINTER CANCUN AND DOMINICAN VACATIONS Go to..

affordabledominicanvacations.com

says "Oh no. Not the breathalyzer test!"

BILLY’S BET Little Suzy comes home from school one day and says, "Mommy, at recess Billy bet me 10 cookies I couldn't climb to the top of the flag pole. And I did".

Suzy's mom says, "Don't do that Suzy. Billy just did that so he could see your underwear".

The next day little Suzy comes home and says, "Mommy, at recess Billy bet me a hundred cookies that I couldn't climb to the top of the flag pole. And I did".

Suzy's mom says, "Don't do that Suzy. Billy just did that so he could see your underwear".

The third day little Suzy came home and says, "Mommy, at recess Billy bet me a million cookies that I couldn't climb to the top of the flag pole. And I did".

Suzy's mom says, "Don't do that Suzy. Billy only did that so he could see your underwear".

And Suzy says, "But mom I tricked him. Today I didn't wear any underwear".

Her mother fainted!

REDNECK CONVERSATION

Three rednecks are sitting in a bar talking. The first one says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I went into the bedroom and found a plunger under the bed".

The second one says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I found wire cutters under the bed".

The third guy says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse".

The other guys stair at him in disbelief.

The third guy says, "No seriously. The other day I found a jockey under the bed.

MINNESOTA FACTS & TRIVIA Source:http://www.50states. com /facts/ minnesota.htm 1.Minnesotan baseball commentator Halsey Hal was the first to say 'Holy Cow' during a baseball broadcast.

2. The Mall of America in Bloomington is the size of 78 football fields --- 9.5 million square feet.

3. Minnesota Inventions: Masking and Scotch tape,

ENTERTAINMENT

Sat. Sept 9: Quick Fire 8-12 Sat. Sept 16: Toner 8-12 Sun. Sept 17: Marshall Star Band 1-5 Sat. Sept 23: Notify 8-12 Sun. Sept 24: Legends & Outlaws 1-5

N5890 Hwy 54 Black River Falls, WI 715-284-9345 www.facebook.com/SunsetTavern

September 2017

Wheaties cereal, Bisquick, HMOs, the Bundt pan, Aveda beauty products.

4.The St. Lawrence Seaway opened in 1959 allowing ocean going ships to reach Duluth.

5. Minneapolis is home to the oldest continuously running theater (Old Log Theater) and the largest dinner theater (Chanhassen Dinner Theater) in the country.

6. The original name of the settlement that became St. Paul was Pig's Eye. Named for the French-Canadian whiskey trader, Pierre "Pig's Eye" Parrant, who had led squatters to the settlement.

7. The world's largest pelican stands at the base of the Mill Pond dam on the Pelican River, right in downtown Pelican Rapids. The 15 1/2 feet tall concrete statue was built in 1957.

8. Garden is the largest urban sculpture garden in the country.

9. The Guthrie Theater is the largest regional playhouse in the country.

10. Minneapolis’ famed skyway system connecting 52 blocks (nearly five miles) of downtown makes it possible to live, eat, work

Bev’s

Saddle Mound Tap

Where ‘Nice’ Friends Meet Open 7 Days A Week M-F 11am - ? / Sa - Su 8a-?

Join Us for...

Weekend Breakfast, Nightly Specials Full Menu & Drinks

N8376 Pray Rd, Pittsville, WI 715-884-7355

and shop without going outside.

11. Minneapolis has more golfers per capita than any other city in the country.

12. The climate-controlled Metro dome is the only facility in the country to host a Super Bowl, a World Series and a NCAA Final Four Basketball Championship.

13. Minnesota has 90,000 miles of shoreline, more than California, Florida and Hawaii combined.

14. The first open heart surgery and the first bone marrow transplant in the United States were done at the University of Minnesota.

Cozy Corner Tavern Corner of 1st & Main St. Black River Falls (715) 284-2651 Celebrity Bartenders..

3rd Wednesday (Monthly)

September 20th: Bill Moe Black River Falls Education Association * BARTENDER’S MONTHLY DRINK SPECIALS

*KARAOKE Every (Other) Week Sept 1st & 29th 9p - CL

w/Clay 10 Ent. & Our Famous Josie

*Try Our

NEW

APPETIZERS!

Promos: CELL PHONES FOR SOLDIERS (Drop Off Here!) *COATS FOR KIDS - Good Coats & Snow pants Appreciated

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P U Z Z L E A N S W E R PA G E S

WORD SEARCH PUZZLE ANSWERS

WHERE IS A GREAT PLACE TO ADVERTISE Your Restaurant, Bar or Service Business, Goods & Services??

THE GRUB AND PUB REPORT (Hand delivered to over 300 locations in a 75 mile radius of Chippewa Falls, WI) Contact Dyzzi @ 715-456-7518 or email dyzzi42@yahoo.com My mother-in-law is like a fine impressionistic painting.

She's very lovely, but best appreciated at a distance.

CURVY WORD PUZZLE ANSWERS

September 2017

New Product NV Gives YOU a Flawless Look.. Official Page

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C L A S S I F I E D PA G E : O N LY $ 1 0 A C O LU M N I N C H . . S E E N F O R A F U L L

M O N T H AT O N E P R I C E

LIST YOUR: FOR SALE ITEMS, JOB OPENINGS, PROPERTY FOR SALE OR RENT, THRIFT/CRAFT SALES AND BUSINESS SERVICES!! CALL DYZZI @ 715-456-7518 FACEBOOK.COM/GRUBANDPUBREPORT MUSIC & INSTRUMENTS

Pro Audio Sales, Rentals, Service, and Installation HOURS: M-TH: 11a-6p / Fri: 11a-5p Sat: 11a-2p (most of the year) Sat: 11a-2p (Jun-Sept) 2113 Birch Street Eau Claire, WI 54703 (715) 839-8021

Q & A’s Q: Whats the difference between a divorce and a circumcision?

A: In a divorce you get rid of the whole prick.

2405 E. Clairemont. Ave Eau Claire, WI 715-834-7177 www.morganmusiconline.com

SALES, RENTAL, REPAIRS of all Musical Instruments Voted #1 Music Store in the Valley by Volume One Q:Whats pink and wrinkly and hangs out your granddads trousers?

A:Your Grandma Q: How many Pollock's does it

KARUKO PUZZLE ANSWERS

September 2017

BUSINESS & HOME SERVICES *Steam Pressure Washing *House Facia, *Roof Ice Dam Build-Up *Siding *Carpet *Restaurant Hood & Exhaust Systems *Motor Home Restoration *Tile Cleaning * Blown Insulation **2 Mobile Units Serving..

Northwest Wisconsin! *Remodeling New or Old *FULLY INSURED *FULLY LICENSED

FREE ESTIMATES Call Scott @ 715-205-9335

take to have sex?

A: 3, two to do it one to read the directions!!!

Q: What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?

A: Beer nuts are about $5.00, deer nuts are under a buck.

AUTOMOTIVE SERVICES

ASE Certified FULL Service & Repair

*Air Conditioning *Alignment *Brakes *Drivability *Suspension *26 Years Exp.

(715) 830-0606

603 Fairfax St. Altoona, WI 54720 Email: NicksAutomotive@SBCGlobal.net

Nick Rineck - Owner

Q. Have you heard about the constipated mathematician?

A. He worked it out with a pencil.

FEELIN HAPPY The 7 Dwarfs were all in bed feeling happy, then happy got out and they all felt Grump!

CROSSWORD PUZZLE ANSWERS

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ON-GOING WEEKLY ENTERTAINMENT

Tuesdays: -Loopy’s-C.F.- *Trivia -The Bungalow – Lakeland MNJorgensen Tagg Duo Acoustic from 6-8 -Hilltop Bar – Woodville- : Wed Live music Sarah OR Nici Peper (alternating) -Boo’z Bar - Knapp- Open Mic Nite w/Nici Peper Sign Up @ 5:30p 6-9:30p -Tuesday Nite Blues-Owen Park E.C 6p Wednesdays: -Golden Spike - Altoona- Karaoke 9-C. -Hilltop Bar – Woodville- Acoustic Shows every Wednesday 6 to 8pm!

Thursdays:

-Girolamo’s - E.C. - Karaoke 9P -1st & Goal - C.F. - DJ Not2Shy -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Karaoke -Foster Bar-Foster- Patio Live Music -Pump House- Downing- Karaoke every Thursday night starting @ 7PM -Rookies - C. F. - Karaoke 9pm Fridays: -The Bungalow, Lakeland MNDJ Dance & Karaoke 9pm-12:30am -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Karaoke Every Other Friday Night w/ Todd Olson -Big Swedes- Holcombe-Free Juke Box Every Friday Night @10pm -Eagle’s Club -Lake Hallie-2nd Fri DJ -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Karaoke 9p-1am!

-Rookies Pub- C.F.-DJ or Band Every Weekend -The Hub-Ellsworth-Karaoke Friday nite at 9p to 12a.

Saturdays: -Big Swedes- HolcombeDJ/Karaoke10p -Foolish Pleasures-Strum-Karaoke 2nd Sat. Monthly w/ Ron LaTour 9-?

-Brick House- E.C.-- Karaoke @9pm -Double D - Boyd- Best Sound DJ 9P -Uncle Sam’s of Arcadia – House DJ -Golden Spike - Altoona- Karaoke 9-C. -The Hub-Ellsworth-Free Juke Box every SAT from 7pm to close -Rookies Pub- C.F.-DJ or Band Sundays -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Oldies DJ Music Sundays @3pm )

AUGUST 2017

ENTERTAINMENT

SUNDAY, AUGUST 27

-Dean & Sue’s – Menom - Open Mic w/Two Frets Up from 6 to 9pm -Jake’s Supper Club-MenomonieEverett Smithson -Bear Creek Band - Pioneer Grill & Saloon in Menomonie, WI 3 to 7pm -Hilltop Bar – Woodville- 2 -5 pm The Band - E featuring Eliiah Adams -Sunset Tavern – BRF- Ginny and the Right Combination 1-5pm

September 2017

E N T E R TA I N M E N T S C H E D U L E PA G E 1

TUESDAY, AUGUST 29

-The Bungalow – Lakeland MNNico Piper 5-7

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 30

-Tailgates –E.C. -Country Night w/Black Sheep Karaoke 7p-12a

THURSDAY, AUGUST 31

-Foster Bar-Foster- Wayne Allen Compeau 6:30-9:30

SEPTEMBER 2017 ENTERTAINMENT

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 1 -Bear Creek Band - Trail's End Resort in Hayward, WI - 9:30-1 -Corner Bar – Merrillan- Decades Ent 8pm -Cozy Corner - BRF-Karaoke SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 2 -Boo'z Bar- Knapp- DJ/karaoke *After 4 Wheeler Run -Bear Creek Band - Trail's End Resort in Hayward, WI 9:30pm to 1:30am -Corner Bar – Merrillan- Decades Ent 8pm -Jake’s - Menom- Rockin' Ivy from 8 to Midnight

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 3 -Dean & Sue's- Menom- NO CLASSIC ROCK JAM DUE TO HOLIDAY WEEKEND -Hilltop Bar – Woodville- 2 for 1 acoustic duo -Bear Creek Band - Music in the Park in Manitowish Waters, WI - 3 to 6pm -Jake’s - Menom- 40 Fingers from 2 to 6pm -Corner Bar – Merrillan- Decades Ent 8pm MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 4 -Bear Creek Band - Jake's Tiki Bar in Menomonie, WI - 2 to 6pm WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 6 -Tailgates – E.C.- Classic Country Jam Bear Creek Boys 7 to 10pm

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 8 -Wagon Wheel- Brill- Harvest Days - DJ -Pump House- DowningSunday's Regret 9-1

-Hilltop Bar – Woodville- Jeff Lovin -Bear Creek Band - Wabasha VFW in Wabasha, MN - 8 to Midnight

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 9 -Wagon Wheel- Brill- Harvest Days - DJ -Pump House- Downing- Bear Creek Band 9-2 -Sunset Tavern – BRF- Quick Fire 8-12 -VFW Post-305-E.C.-- Schuh Fly -Tailgates – E.C.-Bad January -Hilltop Bar – Woodville- 6th Annual Smoker Showdown w/ David Snyder outside and Hunyucks inside -Jake’s - Menom- Cutaways 1-5p (5th Anuual Fur Kin Fest) SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 10 -Dean & Sue's- MenomBluegrass Jam -Hilltop Bar – WoodvilleThe Band e -Bear Creek Band - Bear's Den in Pepin, WI (Laura Days) - 3 to 7pm FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 15 -Hilltop Bar – Woodville- Justin Barts acoustic -Corner Bar – Merrillan- Decades Ent 8pm -Bear Creek Band - Iron Horse Saloon in Spring Valley, MN (Dam Days) - 8:30pm to 12:30am

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 16 -VFW Post 7232 –E.C. -Customer Appreciation party...Music -Corner Bar – Merrillan- Decades Ent 8pm -Bear Creek Band - Mole Lake Casino in Mole Lake, WI - 8 to Midnight -Neillsville American Legion – Neillsville- Molly B Event -Sunset Tavern – BRF- Toner 8-12 SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 17 -Dean & Sue's- Menom- NO CLASSIC ROCK JAM DUE TO PACKERS -Hilltop Bar – Woodville- Pre Packer Party w/Trandy Blue

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 17 (Continued) -Sunset Tavern – BRF- Marshall Star Band 1-5

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 20 -VFW Post-305-E.C.-Bear Creek

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 22 -VFW Post-305-E.C.-2 x-iT -Hilltop Bar – Woodville- Bear Creek Band -Corner Bar – Merrillan- One man band Gator 8pm

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 23 -Foster Bar-Foster- Live Music w/Bear Creek Band from 9 to 1 Free Admission -VFW Post-305-E.C.-2 x-iT -Corner Bar – Merrillan- Decades 8pm -Sunset Tavern – BRF- Notify 8-12

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 24 -Dean & Sue's- Menom- Anything Goes Open Mic w/Two Frets Up -Sunset Tavern – BRF- Legends and Outlaws 1-5 FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 29 -Bear Creek Band - Great Dane in Wausau, WI - 9pm to 1am -Cozy Corner - BRF-Karaoke

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 30 -Snout Saloon- C.F.- Sunset Strip 8pm-midnight -VFW Post-305-E.C.- Jeff White -Hilltop Bar – WoodvilleTrandy Blue -Bear Creek Band - Black Bear Bar in Minocqua, WI - 9pm to 1am COMING IN OCTOBER -Dean & Sue's- Menom- Oct 1 Classic Rock Jam

See Video on Instantly Ageless and NV Airbrush Foundation @ mlmrockstar1.jeunesseglobal.com

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Movies & Times Subject to Change: Sept. 8 - Home Again, Sept. 15 - All I See is You, Sept. 15 - American Assassin, Sept. 22 - Friend Request, Sept. 22 - Granite Mountain, Sept. 22 - Ninjago, Sept. 22 - Spa, Sept. 29 - American Made Sept. 29 - Flatliners, Sept. 29 - Kingsman: the Golden Circle, Sept. 29 - Samson

Entertainment Schedule Page 2

BAR OLYMPICS: -Eagle’s Club-Lake Hallie- 4th Saturday Bar Olympics 7:30p

BEAN BAG /DART TOURNEYS: -Behind Barr’s – GreenwoodThursdays - Bean Bags - starts at 7

-Christine & Tim’s Slim’s –Lake HallieBean bag Tourney's Tuess @ 6:30p -Behind Barr’s – Greenwood- Wed..: "Hump Day" in house bean bag league.

2 person teams. Sign up anytime.

-VFW Post-305-E.C.- Every Wed: In House Bean Bag League -Kern’s Kurbside – Elmwood- Every Monday is GAME NIGHT in August Bean Bags @6pm

BENEFITS: -Hilltop Bar – WoodvilleSAT Sep 16 - Poker Benefit

BIKE & ATV / 4 WHEELER RUNS

-Boo'z Bar- Knapp-Sept. 2nd 4 Wheeler Run Leaving Boo'z at 10am.

No cost, everyone welcome.

Free will donation *Milk Can Dinner & DJ/karaoke when we return -Behind Barr’s – Greenwood- Sept 9, 2-4 pm - "Nick Stuttgen Memorial RIde" Raffles, Giveaways, Food and Fun. -Spider Lake Saloon -BirchwoodNeighborhood Weekend Poker Run Runs Thursday Oct. 5th thru Saturday Oct 7th Poker Cards drawn @ Spider Lake Sunday Oct 8th from 10am to Noon

BINGO / BANGO: -Eagles Club - Lake Hallie Bingo Wednesday Nights -Burly’s-C.F.- Bingo Sundays 1pm -LeRoy’s-C.F.- Thurs. Bingo 7-9pm -the Bungalow- Lakeland, MNSat. Bingo 2pm cont.. w/20p -The Hub-Ellsworth- Tues Bingo -Christine & Tim’s Slim’s –Lake Hallie Music Bingo" Tuesday's at 5:00 BLOOD DRIVE

-Neillsville American Legion –

September 2017

SPECIAL OCCASION DATES OTHER THAN MUSIC

Neillsville-Monday, Sept 25 - Blood Center

BIRTHDAY / ANNIVERSARY PARTIES: -Fool ish Pleasures-Strum 2nd Sat. 10:30pm- Monthly

CELEBRITY BARTENDERS -Cozy Corner-BRF- 3RD Wed Monthly

CARD, CRIBBAGE, DICE: -Behind Barr’s – Greenwood- Sunday Texas Hold Em -starts at 1pm -Neillsville American Legion – NeillsvilleMon & Thurs (s) @ 13:00 Sheepshead -Eagle’s Club-Lake Hallie3rd Sat. Mon Smear Tourney at Noon -Hilltop Bar – Woodville- Poker every Tues night & 2nd Sat. of the month -Veteran’s Center Post 87 Rice Lake - Dirty Clubs Wed. @1p -The Hub-Ellsworth- Euchre every Sunday starting at 2pm -Christine & Tim’s Slim’s –Lake Hallie Ducky dice throughout Winter" -Tailgates – E.C.- Texas hold em at 7 on Tuesdays

CUSTOMER APPRECIATION & ANNIVERSARY PARTIES:

-VFW Post 7232 –E.C. -Sept 16h Customer Appreciation party Starting at noon, FREE Food, Music & Refreshments. *First Annual Raffle Ticket Drawing 5pm, PLUS..

More Raffles & Silent Auctions -Burly’s-C.F.- Burly's 20th Anniversary Party Sept 30th Free Tap Beer and Food Till Gone.. 1997 Prices 2pm - Cl

DART & POOL TOURNAMENTS: -Behind Barr’s – Greenwood- Every Thursday @ 7. "Show Up and Shoot" - in-house pool tourney -Christine & Tim’s Slim’s –Lake Hallie Pool Tournaments every other Saturday -Burly’s-C.F.- Weekly Wed Nite Dart Tournaments 301 LOD starts at 7pm -Rookies Pub - C.F.- Dart Tournaments at 7pm Thru September

DRAWINGS & MONEY WHEEL: -LeRoy’s-C.F.- Bingo- Wheel of Money on Thursday Nights 7-9

FEEDS, BREAKFASTS: -Veteran’s Center Post 87 – Rice LakeBreakfast 1st Sunday Monthly 8-11a -VFW Post 7232 –E.C. – Ladies Auxi. Breakfast (1st Sun. mon)

-Neillsville American Legion – NeillsvilleMonday, Sept. 11 - Steak Feed 1700-2000 Sun., Sept 24 - Breakfast 0830-1200

FESTIVALS LABOR DAY WEEKEND

-Rumors Bar-Mindoro- Burr Oak Days L abor Day Weekend *6 Bands, Sept 1st, 2nd & 3rd - Friday; Raizin Kain, Saturday: 4th Generation, Autumnatic, Wayland, Sunday: Studebaker 7 & Dude Fresh -Bev’s Saddlemound Tap-PrayRd., In Pray Saturday, Sept. 2nd Bingo/ Pool tournament @ Noon (outside), Bean Bag Tournament @1pm (outside) Pool Teams Welcome / Food Served!

Sunday, Sept. 3rd Horseshoe Tournament & Bingo @ Noon, Grilled Chicken Dinner starts at noon Parade @3p -Wagon Wheel- Brill- Harvest Days Sept. 8-9-10 5:00 softball tourney/ DJ Fri. and Sat. Truck and Tractor pulls -Hilltop Bar – Woodville- MON Sep 25 Family Fall Festival GOLF -Corral Bar & Riverside Grill-DurandUCP - CORRAL OPEN 3 Person Golf Scramble Sat. Sep 9th @Rolling Greens in Durand 18 Holes 10am Shotgun start PARTIES: -Low Riders- Neilsville - Sept. 16th, 1/2 Barrel Party Hosted by Sarah Vollmer and Don Subke 2pm In pavilion, weather permitting

MEAT RAFFLE -Eagle’s Club-Hallie-Every Thursday -The Bungalow, Lakeland MN- Sat. 1pm

-Ritz on the River-C.F. - Thurs. 5:30pm

NEW...BREAKFAST CLUB -The Pump House-Downing- Sa & SU 8:30-12 -The Bungalow -Lakeland, MN- Thur & Fri 8a till 10:45/ Sat & Sun 7:30-a till 11:45 Sunday Brunch 9am-1:30p -Exit 45-Menom. - Breakfast All Day, -Bev’s Saddlemound Tap - Pray- Serving Breakfast Sat & Sun 8 to 10:30 a.m.

-Jake’s -Menom. -Sunday brunch 10-2pm -Donna K’s-BRF- breakfast all day (Except Fri & Sat unless busy) -Dwyers-Pigeon Falls -Breakfast Mon-Fri at 7:30 a.m. Sat & Sun 8a -Big T’s North-Cornell Serves Breakfast 6a-8p every day!

-Corral Bar & Grill - Durand - Serving breakfast from 5am – 11:30 am daily.

-Side Tracks-Roberts- Serving breakfast Sat. 8-11am $ Sun 9a-noon -Village Inn, North Hudson- Serving Breakfast daily 8-11am

VOLLEYBALL:

-Loopy’s – C.F- Loopy's "Heated Sand" volleyball. League runs from Sept. 10th to Dec. 21st. Sunday through Friday. Divisions A, B or C.

WINE TASTING:-The Bungalow-Lakeland, MN -2nd Thurs monthly wine tasting 6-8p Wine & Apps

CALL DYZZI @ 715-456-7518 or LARAYE @ 715-379-1174

F a c e b o o k . c o m/ At t i t u d e X 2

Sept 15: Mystic Grill New Auburn 9pm-1am Sept 30: Private Wedding

BOOK YOUR WEDDING NOW!

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MAIL TO: DYZZI ENTERPRISES P.O. BOX 473 Chippewa Falls, WI 54729

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September 2017

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