The Dos and Don’ts of Dealing With In-Laws

We love our parents and we appreciate every single sacrifice that has been made for us but it’s important that parents also see things from the children’s point of view.

every little thing they do wrong. Most children won’t learn and may even start to resent you for it.

Another thing I’ve noticed is the habit of name calling. There are some names you just don’t call a child even if it’s out of anger. There’s immense power in the tongue and whatever you profess will come to pass. Names such as stupid, idiot, useless, mad, crazy and so on need to be stopped and not just because of the power of the tongue, but because children listen and will ultimately start using the same language.

Not disciplining a child at all is also very wrong because you’re basically telling that child that what they did is right and they can do it again without having to think of consequences. Appropriate discipline should be given to every wrong action of a child.

Overprotection

Parents need to stop babying their children. At some point your child is going to grow up to be an adult and if you keep babying them even into adulthood, the chances of them surviving will be very slim. Experience is the best teacher and even though I understand that the way the world is, no one would want their child to face any adversity, adversity will always come one way or the other. I’ve always said that if you trust the training you’ve given your child then you should trust their ability to be independent and make decisions for themselves. Parents are there to guide children not limit them or help them live their lives. It doesn’t work that way. Parents need to give their children space to grow and let them make certain decisions themselves.

Discouraging Children

The millennial generation is a very creative generation. These days you don’t have to be a doctor or a lawyer or an engineer to make money. If your child comes to you and tells you he or she wants to be a fashion designer, don’t discourage them. Don’t try to push them to do what they don’t have any desire to do. What if you’re pushing them away from the path God wants them to take? Money is very important but it should be about the money alone. It should be about the skill your child possesses and how that skill would propel them towards the future. Don’t tell your children not to do what they want because the money they will gain won’t be much. It might not be much at the beginning but Rome wasn’t built in a day! Please don’t discourage your children. And children please don’t waste your parents efforts on you. It’s not easy to pay school fees or music club fees.

We love our parents and we appreciate every single sacrifice that has been made for us but it’s important that parents also see things from the children’s point of view. Parents were children once and we implore them to please understand where we’re coming from. Thank you. gw

3 Keys to Positioning Yourself for a Job during

the Pandemic Iboro Tonye-Edet

The world as we know it is no longer how it used to be. To many, this might just be a rude shock. But to the well prepared, it is time to adjust and ‘flow with the tide.’ The lockdown in the past three months crippled many businesses hence leading to lots of people losing their jobs. Getting another job or even looking for a job (from a fresher in the labour market) at this period will be like the proverbial camel passing through the eye of a needle. These are uncertain times, but expanding your network and doing informational interviews might just help.

1Networking Seriously? How is that even possible with social distancing? Yes, the lockdown and social distancing has made most of us kind of nervous, unsure and maybe vulnerable. But we can take proper advantage of it by opening up to new connections. Before now it was almost an uphill task connecting or collaborating with others to get something doneespecially someone you barely know. But now, people seem to have some more extra time on their hands to consider making new contacts.

2Talk to the right people One of the ways people are often considered for jobs within companies is if they’re referred by people they know within those companies.

You could also try getting some information from someone at one of the companies you’ve applied for- probably just close enough to the bottom of the management team. You could ask for other available opportunities which you may not have thought through.

If they feel really important that you’ve called them, they’ll take your Getting another job or even looking for a job (from a fresher in the labour market) at this period will be like the proverbial camel passing through the eye of a needle.

call and explain exactly how the place works.

3Communicate wisely Should you be called for an interview, whatever you have to say, say it with calmness and selfconfidence. But note that there is a thin line between confidence and cocky. So it is in your best interest to let the panel interviewing you know that you respect the opportunity that they have to offer.

Also, you need to be a good listener. It can be tough listening when you’re nervous—which mostly we are when we are being interviewed. Listen well. gw

Raising A Child With Autism

Dr. Aleruchi Oleru

At the birth of her baby, a mother is not really concerned about herself except for the wellbeing of her new born child. Every part of her being longs to know that the baby is healthy and strong. At the sound of her baby’s first cry, her concerns are eased. Now the journey to development begins- a journey which is never the same with every child. While some develop at the expected milestones in life, others in the process of showing promising progress suddenly display worrisome changes. This can be very confusing, painful and frustrating for the parents.

This was Dr. Mrs. Aleruchi’s experience when her son, a sharp active toddler suddenly lost his motor skills and was diagnosed with autism. In this interview, she shares her 12 years of struggles, challenges and victories in raising a child with special needs.

Tell me how you discovered your child had a disability?

My son was normal and a smart child at birth. He reached all his milestones early and was already learning the same things as his three year old sister when he was one year old. He had learned to say the grace before meals and I remember my husband looking at me once and commenting on how smart he was.

The first difference we noticed came at about 17 months when his sleep habit changed and he wanted to stay awake all night. My husband was in Nigeria for three weeks and when he returned, he noticed my son was not responding to him like he usually did. I thought nothing of it then but slowly he began losing all his skills. Saturday and there was this faraway sad look in his face that bothered me. He had a cold then but I still thought something was not right. That was when I took him away from his siblings for some alone time and realized he was no longer answering to his name and the simple games we used to play together were foreign to him. He was just under two years old. That’s how our journey started.

We met with several physicians and eventually he was diagnosed with autism. His is the regressive type and I’m grateful to God to have met and

known his potential, so as not to give up on my child.

How did you feel when your child was diagnosed with autism?

It is a terrible feeling watching your child disappear. In my case, in many ways it felt like death. He lost all his skills. He nosedived from speaking in full sentences and having meaningful conversations to being nonverbal. The only thing he never stopped saying was “mummy”. I felt utmost desperation. I wanted to help my child at all costs but I didn’t know how. I am a physician and so I knew that medicine really had no answer or solution. I started praying and enlisting people to pray but he kept getting worse with aggressive behaviour; that made it difficult to be at social gatherings, even at church. I was called many times to come and take him out of Sunday school because he did something to another child. Finally one Sunday, they refused to let him into Sunday school and so I carried my child to the room for nursing mothers and cried as I held him through the service. Those were difficult times. But I’m grateful for those times because I had to draw closer to God and pray.

What things have you found to enjoy about having a child with special needs?

Truthfully, there’s nothing enjoyable about it. Parenting them is a hard journey and you are thankful for every little milestone that’s taken for granted in neuro typical kids.

What has God taught you through your child with special needs?

There’s a feeling of helplessness and desperation and strong desire to help your child that is common with parents of children with autism and I was not immune to it. There is a whole industry out there that preys on us parents and you can spend all your life savings on trying to help your child. And for us Christians we go from one minister to the other looking for healing.

God told me in no unclear terms that He would heal my son but it would not be an instant healing like I so badly craved. He also told me to use medication and supplements when I struggled with the Bible verse in John 9:6. I did a lot of reading and I did a lot of therapy and supplements for my son.

There was a time that was especially challenging for us. He had stopped eating. He went several days only drinking and then would only eat French fries. I had to take him out of school because he would get very irritable when he was hungry. One Wednesday I went for midweek service and there was a word of knowledge for families dealing with autism and how the enemy is stealing our children and a generation. I was one of those who came out for prayers and the Lord told me that my son was healed and I believed it. The next day, he ate rice and chicken nuggets and started eating again like nothing happened. Since then God has been true to His word.

What are the challenges you face as a parent to a child with special needs?

For the most part, children with autism don’t stand out from others like a child with Downs’s syndrome or cerebral palsy would. People therefore expect normalcy from them and you “At 12 he does his own laundry, his room is spotless, he makes simple meals and is very affectionate. He loves the house of God. He wants to be in church every time it opens and has gone for church camps alone.”

are usually a recipient of all kinds of looks and unsolicited advice from people that question your parenting skills. Also when people discover the diagnosis, there’s a tendency to expect little from them and assume they are mentally retarded. So as a parent, I’m constantly advocating for my son.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed?

Yes it’s overwhelming and I am immensely grateful for the help I have gotten. I have noticed that there is a lot of shame and denial sometimes masquerading as faith in a lot of families dealing with this. A lot of times the kids suffer as a result because there is delay seeking help and