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outweigh that of the girl child.

There should definitely be a difference in the way to raise a son and a daughter for three major reasons. 1. Gender Difference. 2. Personality Difference. 3. Purpose Difference.

Inasmuch as the approach in raising a boy child will be different from that of a girl child based on the above reasons, the goal must be the same, which is raising godly children, full of values and virtues.

Proverbs 22.6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

There is a peculiar way that every child should go based on their Gender, Personality and Purpose.

For instance, I make it a duty to teach my son to know that there’s no such thing as a “female house chore”. Also, having observed, and still studying his personality type, I know he gets emotional when scolded, so instead, we have very reasonable conversations, devoid of shouting, which actually yield favourable results.

I’m also aware that it’s my duty to let my girls know the difference between submission and subjection, teaching them to have a good self-esteem and being able to draw the line between confidence and pride.

“Just wait until your father gets home!” is a phrase that we might have often heard growing up. Dad as a disciplinarian has defined most fathers throughout history. What is your own form of appropriate discipline?

Absolutely, that is one of the phrases I heard consistently from my mum while growing up, especially because I hardly took her serious, but of course, my dad was fire.

Bearing in mind the generation gap, I consciously approach my own form of appropriate discipline from a balanced perspective, starting with a proper conversation with the child: making the child aware, acknowledging

“It’s also necessary to teach a child the importance of apologizing for wrongdoings. Of course, parents should consider giving some chastisement measures in extreme cases.”

mistakes made, the impending consequences, and reiterating the right thing that should have been done instead.

It’s also necessary to teach a child the importance of apologizing for wrongdoings. Of course, parents should consider giving some chastisement measures in extreme cases, like corner time outs for a while, reducing access to play, play games or watch their favourite TV programs etc.

My wife and I have resolved to maintain a culture of not playing the good cop/ bad cop when chastising our kids. We ensure we speak in one voice and the same language whatever conversation or disciplinary measure is being meted

by either one of us per time.

However we don’t forget to strike a balance by loving up on our kids without holding back, so when we chastise, they know it’s out of love.

Many fathers say they have been transformed by what their religious beliefs teach about the role of a father. How has your spirituality influenced the way you raise your children?

My spiritual belief and my understanding of the role of a father from the scripture has a huge influence on the way I train my children.

Psalms 127:3-5 says, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate.” are privileged to partner with God in training our children. We are just caretakers, whereas He owns them. He however expects us to train them, and channel them on the course of purpose in a certain way, which we need to rely on Him to find out on the go.

I have the understanding that how a child turns out is highly dependent on my actions and inactions, my speech and silence over time. It’s my responsibility not to only pray for my children, but to model a lifestyle of prayer for them, teach them the word as much as I do the word, deliberately teach them values as much as I imbibe such values myself.

The effectiveness of an arrow is dependent on the skilfulness of the archer. And not just sharpening the arrowhead, but also focusing and shooting the arrow accurately.

In the same vein, how far a child will go in life and fulfilling purpose has a lot to do with how skilfully a father sharpens, focuses, and shoots that child according to God’s direction and directives per time. gw

The Dos and Don’ts of Dealing With In-Laws

Busola Jegede

An American former practicing Psychologist Phil McGraw popularly known as Dr. Phil once said, “It’s great if the in-laws themselves put up boundaries. But if they won’t; it’s up to their grown kids to do it and enforce them.” I couldn’t agree more.

Across all cultures and generations the issue of in-laws has and is still of great importance to the family and society at large. As we all know, in-laws are the family members of your spouse. So for both spouses, there can be a father-in-law, a mother-in-law, a sister-in-law, brother-in-law, aunt/ uncle in-law. As much as the in-law relationship is a peculiar one, there are Dos and Don’ts that if observed and adhered to can ensure a peaceful, loving and harmonious relationship within both sides of the family.

DOs

Do learn to Accept: Joining a new family can have its’ fair share of anxious moments. A spouse may be accepted or resented for a lot of reasons. If one family is wealthy and of a higher social status, there is always the tendency to scrutinize the wife/ husband to be, who is from the lower social class.

We need to be careful not to openly condemn, resent or be biased against the fiancé or fiancée coming to our family.

Do Be Respectful: After marriage, spouses should know that the only currency to spend with your in-laws is that of RESPECT. Treat your parents–in–law and other relatives with respect and the law of RECIPROCITY will follow its course. Whatever you give will definitely come back to you.

 Do Defend Your Spouse: It is important that you defend your spouse when they are under any form of attack from extended family members. Depending on the uniqueness of your marriage, people may misunderstand your spouse. For instance, if the wife is the one that is working and the husband has to take care of the children, the in–laws may think the man is being unduly domesticated.

Do Show Equity: There should also be a balance and equity in opportunities given to in-laws in any marriage. It is wrong for you to only welcome your own family and resent your spouse’s family member.

Don’ts

 Don’t Come for War: Coming into a marriage with preconceived ideas about in-laws will not augur well for the relationship. There is no need to be battle ready when there is no problem. Show love to your in-laws.

 Don’t Take Orders from Third Parties: It is unacceptable when a spouse takes orders from any of the parents on issues about his/her nuclear family. The scriptures say that a man should leave and cleave. It is important that none of the spouses, husband or wife should be unduly attached to their parents or siblings to the detriment of the marriage.