11 minute read
Femi Enigbokan
10 Practical Ways to Keep Your Marriage Intact
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Most of us are familiar with the lines above; they are vows mostly exchanged during a wedding ceremony between a man and woman who have agreed to walk together in love in the union called marriage. These are vows that must not to be taken lightly at all.
Marriage is not a bed of roses and neither is it a bed filled with thorns and thistles. Every marriage requires determination and active effort by both husband and wife to keep the union intact and thriving; most especially when trying times come; hence the lines: “in good times and bad…”
Here are some practical tips to keep your marriage a priority, even when life is hectic and overwhelming.
1Say No You might be wondering if No should be the line of action to keeping a marriage intact. The answer is yes. Focusing on your priorities means saying no to other things. This ranges from not making other plans on your weekly date night or rescheduling your itinerary so you can spend time together. It may even mean saying no to that favorite TV show so as to spend quality time not just talking but communicating.
2Be Thankful It’s amazing how a change of perspective will impact the way you view your marriage.
Focus less on your spouse’s shortcomings. Rather focus on their strengths and what attracted you to each other and be thankful for them. Then you’ll notice growth in your marriage.
3Assume The Best If you are in a marriage where none of these four avoidable A’s are present (Abuse, Abandonment, Addiction, and Adultery) then you can and should assume the best of your spouse.
Yes, we all make mistakes in the way we present, say and do things. But if you can assume that your spouse will not intentionally want to mess things up, misunderstandings will diffuse a lot more quickly and there will be less yelling and no passive aggressive down talk.
4Drop the lofty expectations I know we all wish our spouses could read our minds. Well, it’s time to come to terms with the hard truth. It will never happen. tough your day went and expect them to compensate for it. Don’t expect them to know you think it’s time to clean up. Don’t expect them to know you need a hug at a particular time. Sort out this expectations department and just tell them what you need.
510 Second Kiss What has kissing got to do with keeping your marriage intact? What about, somehow it helps to reclaim the passion in your marriage?
Kissing doesn’t always have to happen only when it’s time for lovemaking. Be spontaneous! Kiss your spouse just because...
6Go to bed at the same time This isn’t ALWAYS possible with work schedules or baby sleep schedules but make it a priority to try to go to bed together. Just lying in bed and reading with your spouse with no TV can actually become one of the favorite parts of the day.
7Learn His/Her Love Language Have you ever taken the five Love Languages assessment? This will help you figure out your spouse’s love language. You just might be surprised by the results.
For the ladies, I think we all can assume we know what a man’s love language is (*wink*)…and forget that there are four others that play a HUGE part in this equation (the physical touch love language is way more than just sex).
It also helps to know YOUR love language. How you both give and receive love (which can be different). 8 Rock A Daily Communication
Method
Technology can be a beautiful thing when used well. It can help build and strengthen communication between couples. There is absolutely no reason why you can’t spend a good chunk of your day talking and flirting with each other via texting or chatting. You decide. It has a way of thawing you up and makes things run smoothly when you meet at home in the evening.
9Share An Interest Or Hobby My husband is a soccer fanatic. I was never into soccer before I married but spending time with him watching soccer helps us bond even more and the surprising thing is that I actually now enjoy soccer. He in turn keeps me company in the kitchen while I cook and he helps clean up after. But the time spent together solidifies our bond.
10 Pray For Each Other Prayer always works. Don’t get me wrong; it is not like a magic wand that once it is waved things begin to change. You need to understand that many times the issues that you see on the surface might have underlying factors that are contributing to what is going on but God knows. He sees and can bring about the change required. Tell it all to God. Regardless of whether you have an excellent marriage or yours needs some extra work. Every marriage can be better when taken to the Manufacturer (God). “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.”—Philippians 4:6 NLT. gw
Dunsin Oyekan
Father, Worshipper and Minister
Interview by Bolanle Olawale
It’s hard to describe in a word the type of gospel minister Dunsin Oyekan is. Maybe because he isn’t just a singer. Although widely acclaimed to be one of the most sought after gospel artistes in recent times in Nigeria, ‘The Eagle’ as he is fondly called, plays the guitar and has done so from the tender age of 10, but he’s rarely seen to do that on stage. Beyond his multi-instrumental and vocal gifts, he is a songwriter. But in performance and on his albums, he is unquestionably a powerhouse. Every song written and led by him has always touched the very core of my heart and whenever I listen and sing along, it feels like every word is personal and is speaking my heart to the Father. I know the lyrics are indeed spiritually inspired, but then, how does he do it? I mean every single time he releases a new song, it just seems to be what is needed in the season and I know I am not the only one who feels this way. I am glad that God set up the perfect time to have him grace the cover of our special fatherhood edition. This interview affords a closer look into the life of acclaimed singer, songwriter and worship minister, Joshua Oluwadunsin Oyekan as he sheds more light on his calling as a music minister. He also gives us an atypical glimpse into his experiences in fatherhood following the loss of his wife, in addition to legacies handed down from his father to him and those he’s passing on to his children.
YOUR SPIRITUAL LIFE
What does it mean for you to be a Christian artiste?
Well, for me it is that you are first a Christian before being an artiste. Your being an artist is God picking you as a tool through which He can reach out to the people allocated by Him for you with a peculiar message. So, every time I find myself on any stage or work on any project, the aim is to deliver the message and ultimately get God glorified. Being a Christian artiste isn’t a business venture or a quest for fame, it is a mandate that comes with instructions per time on how to carry out the assignment.
How do you nurture yourself spiritually?
The assignment is spiritual and what that means is that physical strength can’t take you anywhere. Jesus Christ our perfect example was a Man given to prayer. If He wasn’t ministering to the people or his disciples, He was always fellowshipping. I am a man given to prayer, fasting and studying. I read the Bible as well as materials from fathers of faith that
have results speaking. I also listen to messages. I don’t joke with His presence; if I am not on an assignment or with my family, I am right there in my praying corner fellowshipping with the Father.
How do you care for yourself physically, emotionally, socially?
I do my best to eat right. I am about what I allow within my space. I love to laugh, so sometimes I take out time to visit the page of one of my favourite Christian comedians just to have a good laugh. I also crack jokes and catch as much fun as I can within my small circle. I am always accused of not resting enough by my folks, so I try as much as I can to get some sleep too.
Tell us how you share your Christian faith with young people.
There is the popular saying “what you don’t have, you can’t give.” I basically just pour out as I have received. The teams that I am opportune to work with always hear me say, “I don’t share revelations I haven’t tested.” So when I receive revelations, I put them to test; only then will I be able to share with the world. I like to be bold with my declarations. I also do my best to lead by example- it is very important.
What would be your advice to young people struggling with their faith?
Ask God to help you; by yourself you can really do nothing. Give yourself to prayer, fasting and study of God’s word. Get yourself some good friends who can motivate and encourage you when you feel weak. Be sold out to service, find yourself a fertile ground where you can serve God.
YOUR FATHERHOOD LEGACY
How do you describe your relationship with your father and how has this influenced your decisions as a father?
I had a good relationship with my father of blessed memory. He was a disciplinarian, therefore there was no room for nonsense around him at all. He was a man dedicated to the cause of Christ and the kingdom and he loved his family. He was a forward-thinking man- that is why today, I usually don’t think anything is impossible. There may be some difficulties but I believe there is always a way out. And yes, I have learned to love my family but strict on discipline and character.
What top three qualities did your father instill in you?
Service to God, Dedication and Integrity.
How would you want to pass them on to your children?
I am doing my best to not only teach them by word of mouth, I also teach them by my actions. Children imitate what they see.
What personal traits and gifts do you have that make it possible for you to be effective as a father?
I would say that I am dedicated and committed to my children. I love them with all my heart and I do not joke with their wellbeing at all. Nothing interferes with my time when it comes
to them. If I have to be away from them responding to an assignment, I speak with them so they are aware. And whilst I am away, I speak with them at the slightest given opportunity.
Please accept our sincere condolences on the loss of your wife. How has this affected your parenting style?
Thank you. Truth of the matter is, it’s not been easy but God has been faithful. The homegoing of my wife left a vacuum only God has been filling; but one thing I can say is this- it has caused my dedication and commitment as a
father to be doubled. My beloved mum and sisters have been great support systems too, so we are doing well by God’s grace.
What are the top 3 things you want to instill into your children?
Service to God, Dedication and Integrity.
Time spent worshipping God with my children.
Not being able to ascertain what may be wrong with your child in a particular time can be heartbreaking. You won’t be at peace until you have found out and solved the problem.
What advice would you give to young fathers or potential fathers?
Be dedicated and committed to your family.
