18
April 2017
www.foolishtimes.net
Mira, WOW! By Daria James
Mastery of Bicycle! “I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike, I want to ride it where I want,” the great Freddie Mercury said that. I for one like to second that leg motion conduction in conjunction with some percussion. I listen to Queen when I ride my fixie bike, is what I am trying to say here. I am fortunate to ride my bicycle for recreational and adrenaline seeking purposes at this tender age of mine, once upon a struggle time, it was my only mode of transportation. That and the bus. Which reminds me, it is not as “cool” when it is your only option. Today, biking is something I do to relax, blow off some steam even. The bike and I are connected. We break through the wind and victoriously conquer them hills. Everybody loves a winner, and I start with me. Bike riding is great for your selfesteem. Nevertheless, you cannot afford to daydream when riding a fixie bike or you will end up waking up in the Emergency Room, and you do not want to find out how much an ambulance ride costs. I will give you a hint: that arm you just broke. When riding, you have to scan the road ahead, look for bumps, obstacles and those cute couples that like to hold hands when going for a walk and hog the whole darn lane. Hey if you love them, let them walk on their own and do not block traffic, you beleaguering cow. Consequently, you speed up or slow down respectively, all while keeping control of your handlebars and managing to look cool as you pass pedestrians
and slower riders. I almost fell in a creek once; I did not lose my cool and kept a poker face while swerving away from the edge (although, internally I was the Grinch speeding downhill on his sled, yelling he was going to die). Thank you, Ray-Bans... What?! You have to protect your eyes from the dirt, sun and small bugs on the road. I happened to have a pair of wayfarers and I am not buying those silly bike sunglasses, I’ll leave that to Dog the bounty hunter and those guys who should not be wearing spandex. There should be restrictions when purchasing those, really.
Endorphins are kicking, your heart is pumping, and it is also good for your brain. Albert Einstein used to ride bikes. Point made! No, I do not drink a 40 while riding my bike; I do carry a backpack with healthy snacks and cold water. #ballin’onabudget Bike riding strengthens your arms, upper body and legs, not to mention your butt looks great, wearing space pants every day. Endorphins are kicking, your heart is pumping, and it is also good for your brain. Albert Einstein used to ride bikes. Point made! Now, I have met a few cynics and they claim that you could get hurt biking, well yes, you could, but you could also get hurt walking to the Taco shop. Working out helps exercise your
heart and lungs, we need them to live. It is easier to replace a knee than to replace a heart, but then again I am not a doctor. It is about harmonizing with the elements in our life. Take me for example, I love Mexican food, I eat a whole burrito and wash it down with a large horchata. When I bike, I bring balance to my body and soul; I smoke cigars, I drink red wine, I ride my fixie bike and I feel fine. Virtuously balancing vices, talk about multitask. Extremes are not healthy, even if you are trying to be extremely healthy!
“I’m too tired, and I do not have time” are just excuses; one does not have time for such affairs. Hard work and dedication will help us achieve our goals, perhaps you have to want it more. Not all of us can borrow a couple of million dollars to play real estate. More importantly, biking helps you get a nice natural tan, not a terrible orange complexion. Seriously, orange... you glad vitamin D is free? There are things money can’t buy, for anything else, there are terrible fake tans.
What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with an overstressed person? An Easter basket case!
January 2014
JOKES
SUBMITTED
FUNNY BONES BY THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY
A man goes to the doctor and says, “I have this problem with gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. I’ve farted at least 10 times since I’ve been here, and I bet you didn’t even notice!” The doctor says, “Take these pills and come back next week.” The next week the man returns. “Doctor,” he says, “I don’t know what you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens.” The doctor says, “Good! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”