FISHBOWL MAY 2023

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READ US ONLINE AT ISSUU.COM/FISHBOWLMAGAZINE EMAIL US TODAY AT THESALTYFISHBOWL@HOTMAIL.COM get your may horoscope Page 11 MAY LONG WEEKEND HEATS UP WITH EL JOSE'S CUBAN PARTY AT MOBY’S PUB page 3 A SPRING CLEANSE! Dr. Hannah Webb ND Page 7 WHAT'S ON THE "ROCK" Page 8 MAY 2023 FISSUE #176
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Jose Sanchez calls Salt Spring Island home, where he not only records tracks for other music projects but also produces for various artists and composes his own music at Magic Lamp Studios. Magic Lamp Studio is where he actually makes magic happen.

His poetic compositions hold very unique melodies which are simply beautiful.

“Unintentionally you turn on again the lights that I turned off inside my soul.” (Translated from Spanish)

This summer Jose will be launching his second album “Querer Bonito” To Love Sweetly.(Translated from Spanish) Where he plays the guitar and sings from his heart with phrases like:

“When you are listening to that song and it changes the rhythm of your heart”

Falling in love with his compositions and the guitar Jose was able to take advantage of the time during Covid to create something beautiful. When you listen to the new material he is producing, you don’t need to know Spanish to understand the deepness of the music Jose is creating.

Jose came to Canada in 1997 after being in the Cuban music scene with some of the best well-known musicians. He is recognized by many as a world-class percussionist.

Part of the Salt Spring music scene includes Jose’s Cuban Party that puts everyone to dance with very little effort. Bringing the sounds of Cuba into the Ganges corridor where you can hear Jose’s timbales

On

across the water — a reminder of being home in Cuba. Jose has not only an impressive and very cultivated technique but, also has a contagious and elaborate rhythm with an extraordinary taste for AfroCuban music.

On May long weekend Jose will be rocking the house at Moby’s two nights in a row. Fun is guaranteed.

May Long Weekend is the kickstart to a very busy summer on Salt Spring Island. The holiday weekend features the Round Saltspring Sailing Race, an annual 20 team soccer tournament, and live music at Moby’s. Friday, it’s Everyday People, some ultra talented locals offering a great party. Then Saturday and Sunday, it’s El Jose’s Cuban Dance Party. The dancefloor will be wild, the energy will be fun and memories will be epic.

Salt Spring Island’s #1 Source for Arts, Entertainment & Culture. Check out our Facebook page! THE
Green Printing & Layout: Imagine That Graphics.ca Ad Sales: Deadlines are the 10th of the month previous to book ad space & submit content. Calendar events can be submitted up until the 15th. For rates & information call Genevieve today at 250.538.8427 or email thesaltyfishbowl@hotmail.com
FISHBOWL is brought to you by publisher Genevieve Price Columnists: Seth Shugar, Mishka Campbell, Jen Redpath, Jessica Terezakis & Hannah Webb ND.
May Long Weekend Heats Up With El Jose's Cuban Party at Moby’s Pub Our Cover

Price is Right

PRODUCT REVIEWS

Mint Cleaning Products

live on stage in MAY 2023

With April showers, it’s brought the May flowers, and things are blossoming at ArtSpring this month!

I am thoroughly impressed with the new, local (Van. Island) line of Mint cleaning products now available at Pharmasave. This product line is refillable, handmade in small batches, ecofriendly, all-natural, non-toxic and woman owned.

Not only do these products work but they smell fantastic, like really, really good.

I tried the All Purpose Spray and the Cleaning Scrub. The spray is fantastic, no streaks, perfect for wiping the table, inside and out of the fridge and top to bottom in the bathroom. I keep it on the counter for a quick spray down every evening after I cook dinner leaving it fresh and smelling fantastic for the morning. Of course it’s also great when the sink needs a proper wash however now that I have the scrub that’s my go to for sinks, toilet and tough spots. It also does wonders on my glass stove top.

Pharmasave currently offers most of their products (see image) including a few accessories like the copper scrubby and micro fibre cloths. Next on my list to try is the laundry detergent. Can’t wait!

CALL FOR ARTISTS

On May 3 artist Kunji Ikeda brings us Sansei: The Storyteller, which examines one of Canada’s darkest moments. On December 7, 1941, an attack on Pearl Harbor triggered the internment and dispossession of tens of thousands of Japanese Canadians living along Canada’s west coast. Through an engaging blend of dance, spoken word, historical audio, family interviews, and unexpected humour, Ikeda weaves an illuminating tale that is profoundly personal.

Sansei: The Storyteller offers Ikeda’s observations about the Internment, his discovery of where he came from, and how his family navigated their histories. A special post-show panel moderated by Kisae Petersen with educator Keiko Mary Murakami-Kitagawa, human rights activist Tosh Kitagawa, and author Brian Smallshaw will address direct experiences with this time and Salt Spring’s role and legacy with the Japanese-Canadian peoples.

Youth voices will be on stage May 27 with the Makana Youth Choirs and their Spring term finale concert. Ranging from grade two to grade nine, these young singers are eager to show what musical concepts they have learned such as harmony, tone, and note reading. Their repertoire includes pop, folk, classical, and music from all over the world.

National prize-winning ensemble Elektra Women’s Choir returns to ArtSpring May 28 for a matinee performance from its 45-voice Vancouver-based female chorus. Under the direction of Artistic Director and world-class conductor Morna Edmundson, the choir’s mandate is to inspire and lead in the choral art form through excellence in performance and the creation, exploration, and celebration of women’s repertoire. It is known for its adventurous programming, seeking out music written specifically for women, and frequently commissioning new works.

May also sees a strong line up of community engagements including “Electrify Salt Spring” with CBC’s Bob McDonald Friday May 5 to talk about the future of energy, The popular Salt Spring Singers bring us their Broadway Gold show tunes May 6 and 7, Dogs in the Moonlight have booked its Thematic Rock Concert for six days, and 100+ Women Who Care gather in the theatre to select their next charity to support.

Archipelago: Contemporary Art of the Salish Sea continues its international exhibition with visual art from the San Juans through May 24 and the lobby features the paitings of local artist Pamela Thornley.

Box Office - Tuesday-Friday 10am-2pm | 250.537.2102

Online Sales – tickets.artspring.ca

THE FISHBOWL • MAY 2023 • PAGE 4
$50,000 in awards • $20,000 top prize
Juried by eminent arts professionals
Open to all Canadian citizens and permanent residents over the age of 18
Residency prize
$30 entry fee Submit today! saltspringartprize.ca SSNAP Exhibition The 2023/24 The Salt Spring National Art Prize
Juried exhibition of Canadian contemporary visual arts
May 31st
Closes
photo credit marc j chalifoux

This is my final book review for The Fishbowl Magazine, as it’s time for me to move on to other things. I want to thank all of you for reading over these past 11 years and to thank Genevieve and The Fishbowl for the opportunity and support. And with that, dear readers, I bid you all adieu.

Age of Vice

Mishka’s Book Reviews

This novel is a thriller, a gangster laden saga reminiscent of “The Godfather”, replete with complicated family dynamics, brutal violence and political power plays. Primarily taking place in the early 2000s in New Delhi, this is an epic story of the elite and the corruption they wield like a weapon over the have-nots. It almost reads more like a movie than a book; the descriptions are staccato bursts of information that keep the pace on the frenetic side. I hear a series from FX is in the works so clearly it’s obvious, this story was meant for the screen.

The first part of this book tells the backstory of Ajay, who is one of three central characters. I was riveted through this section, hearing about the poverty and painful circumstances that Ajay endures, only to one day find himself the personal assistant to Sunny Wadia, the son and heir to a powerful crime family. Not your typical rags to riches story arc, Ajay worships Sunny but is also clearly shocked and overwhelmed by some of the things he witnesses. He’s loyal but seems to retain a sense of humanity. Sunny on the other hand, was not someone I found likeable. He’s not really the villain of the story, that role is reserved for other members of his family, but he also doesn’t have many compelling qualities. He’s spoiled, disaffected, and moody, and although he attempts to use his wealth to bring some artistic or humanitarian projects to his community, as a reader I did not feel his sincerity. When he meets Neda, a journalist who is (inexplicably) drawn to him, their affair creates a ripple effect amongst their respective circles, which results in an explosively destructive situation, that tragically, Ajay bears the brunt of. I loved the first third of this story. Unfortunately, that’s where it lost momentum for me, and as I had little to no empathy for Sunny, every time a chapter focussed on him, my attention drifted. At over 500 pages, this book requires you to be somewhat invested or you’ll never make it through to the end. So, did I like it? Short answer is yes; long answer, see above. The knowledge that this is the first part of a planned trilogy, made me realize that the unsatisfying ending will have every opportunity to redeem itself in the future.

A Spring Cleanse!

Spring is traditionally the season for cleansing the body after the hibernation of winter. This is the case across a variety of wisdom traditions. For example, in Traditional Chinese Medicine spring is the season of the liver, the most important detoxification organ of the body.

There is synergy between the natural cycle of the earth and our body systems. Early in the spring season wild bitter greens start to sprout, and the bitter flavour of these greens stimulates the liver. Because many bitter plant constituents found in nature are poisonous the body recognizes bitter taste as a potential poison or toxin. It upregulates the detoxification processes of the liver. It also upregulates bile production and other digestive processes to reinvigorate the system after a winter of traditionally heavier, preserved foods such as stews, fats and meats.

The body has 5 organs of elimination. For proper detoxification and elimination all these systems must be functioning optimally. I learned this from my elders in the naturopathic medical community who refer to these organs as “emunctories,” and emphasize the importance of these systems to ensure a healthy body.

The number one detoxification organ is the liver, whose job it is to filter the blood and deactivate toxins. This can include pesticides and other chemicals, alcohol, excess estrogens, and pharmaceutical medications. The end products from the liver then travel to the kidneys and bowels. The kidneys filter the blood and eliminate any watersoluble waste products. The bowels facilitate excretion of solid waste.

The skin is also an important organ of elimination – sweating helps eliminate heavy metals and other toxins from the body. The lungs too, excrete some toxins via gas exchange processes as you breathe.

But, do we need to detox? Is detox just an unnecessary wellness trend? I advise caution here, absolutely. Words like “clean lifestyle” and “clean eating” can all too easily imply that we are somehow dirty, unclean, un-whole. The wellness industry (perhaps inspired by the profit motive) often subtly equates health issues and morality, sending the message that if you eat well/exercise well you are a good or superior person. Which is simply untrue. Health does not equate to worth. And. We live in a world with many toxins: industrial chemicals, pesticides, heavy metals, and the list goes on. Our bodies have fantastic detoxification systems, but, our collective toxic burden is high, and these substances do affect our health especially over the long term. So yes, it is important to detoxify.

That being said, detoxification is not prudent for all bodies in all circumstances. It is not appropriate for those in a depleted state (i.e. infections, cancer) where your body’s resources need to be focussed on healing and repair. Also, detoxing is often not appropriate for those with orthorexia or other eating disorder. I advise working with a practitioner during this process because often “detox kits” or other products are not evidence-based and can even be dangerous. Use your judgement and seek support as needed!

THE FISHBOWL • MAY 2023 • PAGE 5 drhannahwebb.com | 250-931-1334
Health with

Local artists still have time to submit to SSNAP!

May is looking to be a busy month for submissions to the Salt Spring National Art Prize as artists across Canada finesse their submissions ahead of the May 31 deadline.

“We see a huge influx of submissions in May,” says SSNAP Society’s Operations Manager Zoe Zafiris. “Artists wisely take advantage of the time they have available to create the strongest submission they can.”

The SSNAP Society encourages local artists to not be intimidated by entering a Canada-wide art prize. Zafiris notes that Southern Gulf Islands artists are consistently represented in the approximately 50 finalists chosen for SSNAP. “Our islands are blessed with so many world-class artists,” she says.

Southern Gulf Islands artists who enter SSNAP have extra opportunities. They are automatically entered into The Parallel Art Show, known commonly as PAS. PAS is a separate exhibition dedicated to Southern Gulf Islands artists. Like SSNAP, approximately 50 finalists are chosen, with four prizes awarded. Parallel Art Show Finalists will be exhibited at ArtSpring on Salt Spring Island in September and October. Jurors for the 2023 Parallel Art Show include artist Sophia Burke, curator Richard Steel and Helen Mears, owner of Pod contemporary gallery in Ganges.

In 2021, Salt Spring Island artist Liljana Mead Martin won the Parallel Art Show’s top award with her work “The Listener” (pictured). “Through magical realism, ‘The Listener’ speculates on our current environmental conditions and the potential for learned exchanges with other forms of life,” says the artist.

Submissions close May 31 at midnight. More information: saltspringartprize.ca

The 13th annual Campbell Bay Music Festival is happening June 23 – 25th, 2023!

We are a family-friendly festival set on a waterfront farm on SḴŦAḴ / Mayne Island. Join us in the field by the sea for a weekend of incredible music, workshops, and kids’ events, with art installations tucked into the trees and local food & drink vendors nearby.

W̱SÁNEĆ elder J’SINTEN / Dr John Elliott will open the festival with knowledge sharing and song. Come hear Toronto’s Juno nominated Tara Kannangara, Cree roots powerhouse Fontine, Dene fiddler Wesley Hardisty, americana bluegrass duo Golden Shoals, Tsimshian artist Saltwater Hank, Montreal art-rock from Corey Gulkin, and many others - we always aim to have music you’ve never heard before, and that you’ll fall in love with.

Workshops include a lichen identification walk, cedar rose making and more. To top it off, two Welcome poles carved by W̱SÁNEĆ artists TEMOSENG / Chas Elliott and Mathew Parlby Elliott will be unveiled on Saturday! Check campbellbaymusicfest. com or find us on FB and Instagram for tickets (or volunteer – the perks are amazing!), camping, and updates on artists and workshops. Don’t swim here - take the ferry or take Aqualink! See you on SḴŦAḴ!

artspring.ca

liljana mead martin - “the listener” credit: the parallel art show the matt steffich jurors' choice award winner 2021

The Guilds Show

May 24th through 28th at Mahon hall Exhibition and Sale by six Salt Spring Guilds: Basketmakers, Photographers, Potters, Printmakers, Weavers & Spinners, Woodworkers

The SaltSpring Photography Club 14th Annual Exhibition“Eclectic Visions”

Opening Reception at Gallery 8, Friday June 2nd, 5pm Show runs through June 15th

Live on Stage May 2023

Sansei: Storyteller | May 3

Makana Youth Choirs | May 27

Elektra Women's Choir | May 28

Archipelago Exhibition | May 1-24

THE
• MAY 2023 • PAGE 6
FISHBOWL

Jen’ll Tell Ya Featuring

Ethical or consensual non-monogamy is an umbrella term used to describe relationships wherein folks may have more than one sexual and/or romantic partner at a time. The terms ethical and consensual are used because everyone involved is enthusiastically consenting to the relationship boundaries and dynamics.

There are many different expressions and types of nonmonogamy and we would love to share just a few. These terms are meant as a guide and not as a way to label or box identities. The wonderful thing about expressions of sexuality and identity is that they can be self-defined. Some folks may identify with many of these types or none of them at all!

Polyamory: Having multiple romantic and/or sexual relationships with everyone’s knowledge and consent. This may be part of their identity or something they practice on and off.

Solo Polyamory: Values personal agency as a core value. They tend not to merge finances or domestic lifestyles with partners.

Hierarchical Polyamory: Involves having primary and secondary partners. Some relationships may take priority over others or be their central focus.

Non-Hierarchical Polyamory: A form of polyamory that rejects a ranking system. The value of each relationship is the same with each partner.

Polyfidelity: A type of romantic relationship with more than two people that are dating each other. It is a closed relationship dynamic to other relationships.

Relationship Anarchy: There is no hierarchy between friendships and/or romantic or sexual partnerships. All relationships have equal value. This model is centred around personal freedom, autonomy, and community interdependence.

Monogamish: Primarily monogamous but has agreedupon exceptions.

There are so many wonderfully creative ways that people choose to express their sexuality and be in relationships with one another. Although monogamy and expressions of non-monogamy are often shown as being on opposite sides of the relationship spectrum, they actually have a lot more in common than is often presented. Healthy expressions of any kind of relationship all have foundations of respect, trust, honesty, consent, and communication. All the way from romantic and sexual relationships to the ones we have at work or with friends and family.

For more information about this topic, we recommend reading this article by Scarleteen. https://www.scarleteen.com/article/ relationships/a_first_polyamory_guide

Have a specific question? Check out our Sex Sense Line at 1-800-739-7367

If you’ve got more than questions that are burning, feel free to make an appointment at our clinic!

Stay Sexy Salty!

Options for Sexual Health is open on Tuesdays from 4:30-6:30 pm. For appointments, please call (250)537-8786 or email opt.ssi@gmail.com

May Offerings

Please register at staroftheseassi@gmail.com

All our programmes are held at St. Mary’s Church, 2600 Fulford-Ganges Road, unless otherwise listed.  Donations for participation in these events are welcome. For details, visit our website at www.staroftheseassi.ca

Sunday, May 7th 9:30 am – 3:30 pm

Day Long Meditation Retreat with Nicola Bishop

‘Thoughts and Sensations are Innocent’

Thoughts and sensations in the body are taken to be ‘me’, and that identification causes unnecessary distress.

Experientially, when we see and feel what’s there, without trying to fix, change, or ignore it, a discovery is made that changes our relationship to experience. It becomes a happier, more ease-full relationship, and from there, the deepest change can occur.

Instructions and guided meditation will be offered, with periods of walking and sitting meditation. There will be a group discussion/sharing, with Q & A.

Please arrive by 9:20 am. Lunch between 12:00 and 12:45 pm. Please bring your lunch. Tea is available. Participating for a half day from 9:30 am – 12:00 pm, is an option. Requested donation of $15.00.

Nicola is looking forward to spending a meaningful day with you. For more information, please contact her directly at: nbwrite1000@hotmail.com

Tuesday, May 9th 7:00 pm

Spiritual Conversation: God and Gods, Theism and Atheism

Join us for a conversation on the place of God and gods in the spiritual life and how a spiritual path takes shape with or without a deity. Facilitated by Heather Martin and Brian Day.

Saturday May 13th 2:00 pm – 3:30 pm

All Saints Church, 110 Park Drive, Ganges

Mother’s Day Labyrinth Walk

At this auspicious time, we’ll walk the labyrinth for deeper insight, peace, and inspiration, honouring the mother within, those in our families, community, and around the world. We’ll begin with a short introduction before we enter the labyrinth to walk in silence. Afterward, we’ll have time for reflective writing and sharing if desired.

Facilitators are Lorraine Gane and Lolla Devindisch.

Participants are asked to bring a notebook and pen, to wear either socks, slippers, or soft soled indoor shoes when walking the labyrinth. Participation is by donation.

Monday, May 15th 7:00 pm

Gospel, Vespers, Kirtan

Marilyn (Em) Walker on guitar, percussion, vocals; Edgar Hann on button accordion; Adam Huber on guitar, vocals; and Terri Wyllie on tabla/drums, vocals. They draw on various spiritual and cultural traditions and faiths - Christian, Tibetan, Hindu, gospel, Celtic and folk - from traditional and contemporary artists such as Krishna Das and Emmy Lou Harris; and from Mātā Amritānandamayī Devī who is known as Amma, the Hugging Saint.

This is an ongoing programme, offered every 3rd Monday evening.

Tuesday, May 16th 7:00 pm

Sacred Poetry, Facilitated by Brian Day

This is an ongoing programme, recurring every 3rd Tuesday evening.

Saturday, May 27th 10:00 am – 1:00 pm

St.Mary's Spring Cleaning Work Morning

Everybody is invited to come together to spruce up the Churchyard and the church, inside and out, and share lunch afterwards.

THE FISHBOWL • MAY 2023 • PAGE 7

Twin Book Launch

May 13th 1-3 pm at the Salt Spring Public Library

What do you get when you take a feminist activist from the heart of 1960’s Berkley , mix in an intrepid traveller, a professional cello player, a jazz singer, several artists including one whose childhood including a brief time in a British nudist colony, a dancer who lived on a houseboat in Tofino, a midwife who grew up on Salt Spring and several others who were smart enough not to reveal too much about themselves and then bring them all together to share their love of writing?

"Finding Home Within" - Book Cover Art by Joan

You get a lot of fun and a bit of chaos. The process of collectively sharing our lives, confronting change, the pandemic, aging and the passing of two of our beloved members through story, poetry and memoir strengthens us all. The result: “Finding Home Within: Solace and Sanctuary during Tumultuous Times” reflects the work and encouragement of our mentor Wendy Judith Cutler. Wendy, Aly Coy and Maggie Ramsey took the helm to edit this 2nd volume of writing from this fine group of women.

Bedtime Stories

"Bedtime Stories for Women Who Can’t Sleep at Night: Tales and Reminiscences for the Awakened Woman” by

Laurissa Wieler is a collection of short stories and poems, both nonfiction and fiction based on authentic experiences from the author’s life. A retired teacher of languages, Laurissa travelled widely in search of her identity as well as for solutions to her own sleep dilemma. Through writing she sought to make meaning of her life’s experiences and in so doing she discovered that approaching our days through a poetic lens and an edge of humour holds much magic and medicine. She hopes that her stories will inspire the reader to reflect on the stories from her own life, finding her own unique meaning, more fulfilling days and peaceful nights.

for the

Join us on Saturday, May 13th 1-3 pm at the Salt Spring Public Library for our double book launch! Books will be available for sale at the launch and are currently available at Barnes & Noble online Finding Home Within is also available on Amazon

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bedtime-stories-for-women-who-cant-sleep-at-night-laurissa-wieler/1143274121

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/finding-home-within-aly-coy/1143314832

https://www.amazon.ca/Finding-Home-Within-Sanctuary-Tumultuous/dp/1999048237/

THE FISHBOWL • MAY 2023 • PAGE 9
photo credit megan coupland Left to right Premilla Pillay, Diana Morris, Lisa Dahling, Wendy Judith Cutler, Corrie Hope Furst, Yarrow Sheehan, Laurissa Wieler, Johanna Elise Peters, Maggie Ramsey. Not present: Aly Coy, Andrea Palframan, Dale Chandler, Jane Phillips and Joan Ayles
Tales and Reminiscences
Awakened Woman Bedtime Stories For Women Who Can’t Sleep at Night BEDTIME STORIES Laurissa Wieler
Laurissa Wieler
For Women Who Can’t Sleep at Night Tales and Reminiscences for the Awakened Woman is a lovely collection of stories and poems imbued with humor, romance and magic. ey may lead you to the gates of sleep or inspire you to contemplate life on a lazy afternoon. With this book, author and sleepseeker Laurissa Wieler invites you journey with her, exploring life’s joys and dilemmas. In doing so, you may discover unknown or forgotten places of refuge. at peaceful state of mind may just be the recipe for a good night’s sleep, and in turn, personal insight leading to more ful lling days. Is there anything better than sleeping deeply, and waking up to a rising dawn with a smile? Studies show that 57 percent of North American women experience insomnia at least a few times a week, making their way through restless nights as best they can. 155060 781039 9

the Sweet Spot

Compassion is the Remedy for Shame

In his recent book The Good Life, Robert Waldinger, the current director of the longest running psychological study in human history, the Grant Study of Adult Development at Harvard Medical School, writes, “If we had to take all eighty-four years of the Harvard Study and boil it down to a single principle for living, one life investment that is supported by similar findings across a wide variety of other studies, it would be this: Good relationships keep us healthier and happier. Period.”

Unfortunately, there is one incredibly common experience that prevents many people from getting into good relationships and many more from deepening into them: shame, the painful belief that we are, in some way, unworthy of love or belonging.

Perhaps the biggest reason shame has such a corrosive impact on our relationships is because it prompts what researchers call “self-verifying” patterns: relationship patterns that verify or confirm our negative beliefs and feelings about ourselves. For instance, over several decades of meticulous, painstaking research the social psychologist William B. Swann has shown that people with firmly-held negative self-views (e.g. “I am unlikable”) tend to:

• seek out and embrace partners who verify their negative self-views;

• provoke others to treat them in ways that confirm their shameful self-views;

• solicit feedback from others that match their negative self-views;

• be less committed to partners who appraise them positively;

• withdraw emotionally from spouses who view them positively;

• leave relationships in which they fail to receive self-verification.

In other words, while people who like themselves tend to like people who like them and dislike people who dislike them, people who dislike themselves tend to like people who dislike them and dislike people who like them.

What’s worse, our self-verifying tendencies are stubbornly resistant to change because, as the research on self-verification theory shows, we selectively attend to evidence that confirms our negative self-views, remember self-verifying evidence better, and even interpret evidence that disconfirms our shameful self-views in such a way that it seems to confirm them. As Abraham Maslow said, “If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” Which is probably why, when an interviewer asked Harville Hendrix what in his half-century of experience working with couples his clients have found most difficult about the process, he said, “Surrendering their self-rejection/hatred and letting themselves be accepted and loved.”

All of which raises a vexing question: why on earth would it be so difficult?

The main answer that has emerged from the self-verification research echoes the proverb “Better the devil you know than the

devil you don’t know.” Between life-patterns that are painful yet familiar and life-patterns that are potentially liberating yet unfamiliar, most people choose the former simply because they provide a sense of familiarity, predictability and control, albeit at an immense cost.

A second answer is that despite the considerable suffering they cause, our inner critics may ironically believe they are protecting us from pain and keeping us safe and on-track. They may, for instance, hope that if they can shame us into being a certain way (accomplished, beautiful, fit, enlightened) then we won’t get judged or rejected and will win approval or love. Or they might hope that by keeping us scared or small or shut-down, they will keep us safe from attack. Or they may have no redeeming value whatsoever and simply be automated recordings of parental scripts playing on repeat.

Either way, the remedy is the same: compassion.

Conventional self-compassion practices, which have a robust evidence-base thanks to the research of Kristin Neff, Chris Germer and Paul Gilbert, encourage us to notice when our inner critics attack, understand their motivations, allow ourselves to be moved by the pain they cause, extend compassion to the parts of us in pain, and then replace self-criticism with a kinder response.

Deeper forms of self-compassion, like the Internal Family Systems process, encourage a similar approach except that after understanding our inner critics’ hopes and fears, they emphasize the importance of compassionately witnessing the situations in which we got saddled with shame and then, harnessing the science on memory reconsolidation, use our imaginations to offload that shame before updating our inner critics and inviting them to take on more helpful roles.

On their own, however, neither of these approaches are enough. Just as the Grail King’s wound in Parsifal can only be healed by the spear that caused it, because shame is a relational wound it requires a relational remedy. Paradoxically, only you can do it, but you can’t do it alone.

Seth is a Registered Clinical Counsellor, Marital and Family Therapist and Board Certified Life Coach. He works with individuals and couples in private practice. You can reach him at sethshugar@me.com or book a session at www.sethshugar.com

THE FISHBOWL • MAY 2023 • PAGE 10

Please join us!!

Help us celebrate the 50th Anniversary of Salt Spring Singers with Broadway Gold at ArtSpring

Saturday May 6 at 7:30pm and Sunday May 7 at 2:00pm

Tickets at ArtSpring: Adult $25 and Student $5

Come join the Salt Spring Singers as they head down the yellow brick road. It is the Singers’ 50th anniversary and for that special occasion, the Director Don Conley has selected showtunes that are loved and enjoyed by all. From West Side Story through a medley of Lerner and Lowe to the Wizard of Oz, the Singers offer a lively, bright and fun program with some audience participation.

The idea of the Singers was born in 1973 when a few people inspired by the joy of singing got together and started the organization. The first concert was in 1974 and the Singers have offered concerts nearly every year since that year. While membership has gone up and down, the Singers have always cherished their relationship with the community and tried to bring music that is both interesting to the audience and that offered some challenge to the performers.

Concerts have been performed with other groups and singers, both local and otherwise: one concert featured a choir that came from Edmonton to participate!

This year the concerts will take place at ArtSpring on Saturday, May 6th at 7:30 PM and on Sunday, May 7th at 2:00PM. Tickets for adults are $25.00 and $5.00 for students.

 Aries

Your horoscope is coming through a little fuzzy this month. All I'm able to tell you is that it's going to be hectic and possibly traumatic. Wait that could just be what's on television, and not what's going to happen to you.

 Taurus

Although you would like to do it all yourself Leo, the stars are insisting that you work together in a team. Being the Leo that you are, of course you don't like this. You may need to hire a councilor to help you through this one. Hold your tongue. You chose to live on this island didn't you?

Gemini

This is a test horoscope. You will only receive this if you are at odds with the Stars. Are you at odds?

 Cancer

When you get home today don’t be upset if your loved one gives you something unexpected and homemade. At least they tried to get your birthday right this year.

 Leo

Now that you’re single the liquor store has the perfect bottle of wine to set you up with!

 Virgo

You will overhear gossip today about your love life whilst you attempt to relax at the gym. Time to step up the routine!

 Libra

This is a good month for dealing with things which have actually been bugging you for a while. Start with editing your Facebook friends list. That always makes me feel better!

 Scorpio

The only way you could do less at work this month is to start working at the competition! Way to go Scorpio!

 Sagittarius

Romance is in the air today but only in Fulford. If you don't happen to be in Fulford then chances are you're going to strike out again this month. With that said I am not sure about the accuracy of these horoscopes, so don't panic yet!

 Capricorn

We hope this months Spring cleaning helps you accept the fact that you really are a hoarder the rest of the year.

 Aquarius

When your lover starts wearing more clothes to bed than to work, it's a good guess that your happiness is close to being over.

 Pisces

Bits and pieces of the day will flash before your eyes. This is all due to the excitement and pleasure at a new found loveyour love of drinking boxed wine.

Brought to you by our own in-house astrologer who now goes by her numerologically correct name of “Ya Righta”
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Scopes
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