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When life gives you lemons... Author Lucy Hone shares keys for resilience through life’s trials.
Choosing the right high school Why school culture is as important as grades.
New Zealand's leading parenting resource
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Kids talking back Beat the back-chat beast with our helpful tips.
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Win Win Win Competitions, giveaways and kids’ games
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ISSN 2324-450X (Print) ISSN 2324-4518 (Online)
DUNEDIN / ISSUE 68 / Winter 2016
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INSIDE THIS ISSUE
Welcome!
t’s amazing what a difference perspective makes. I was bemoaning the onset of winter and feeling miserable about the cold, wet, and rain the day that I interviewed Lucy Hone. I quickly realised that my winter-phobia was somewhat insignificant in light of realworld issues, problems and trauma. That day was about one week shy of the two-year anniversary of the death of Lucy’s 12-year-old daughter Abi in a horrific car crash, and although unspoken, the fact hung over the interview like a tangible presence. We didn’t talk that much about Abi – it still felt too raw. But what Lucy did say that stuck with me was her conscious decision to choose life even in the midst of death and loss. That, by the way, was a daily decision. She reminds herself constantly with necklace trinkets and wall art that she’s not just going to survive Abi’s death, but she’s going to live. The key: resilience. Lucy is a “pracademic” – or practicing academic – in the field of resilience and wellbeing. What she decided to do was to apply that to trauma and grief, and to develop coping strategies for herself, her family and others. But more than that, she says those strategies can apply to all of us and the ups and downs we go through in life.
Contents
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Winter 2016
I’ve noticed that in Canterbury, many of us don’t have the same resilience that we did pre-earthquakes. People seem to have less patience and grace after the trauma of ongoing aftershocks, insurance dealings and constant road blockages. What we might have once brushed off now bothers us and our overall tolerance has taken a hit. All of that affects our families. Some of us cope better with stress than others, and every parent wants to ensure that their kids are as resilient as they can be for all that life will hold for them. If that’s you, check out our main feature this edition for more of Lucy’s story and keys to developing resilience in your family. We’ve also got some top tips for helping to curb kids’ backchat, choosing a high school, kids’ activities, competitions, giveaways and much more. So keep turning those pages, and stay warm this winter. Enjoy!
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4 Developing resilience
16 Healthy winter warmers
6 When grandparents overstep the mark
17 Preteen corner
Lucy Hone talks about how to cope with whatever life deals you.
How to (respectfully) enforce your parenting style.
7 Choosing a high school
Tips for discovering more about the schools you are considering.
8 Talking back
How to nip back-chat in the bud.
9 It’s great to be a parent
For all the struggles, there are true moments of joy writes Karyn Riley.
Handy slow-cooker tips and tasty tarragon chicken. Eva-Maria talks about growing resilient preteens.
18 Science at home
Learn how to grow your own crystals at home!
Kids’ Corner
Kids’ Time 10 Puzzles and competitions
10 Winter outdoors
Resource information
15 Kids with anxiety-based illnesses
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Enjoy nature and earn a medal for it with these DOC day/overnight trips.
When sore stomachs and headaches are more than just a sick day.
Calendar of events Entertainment Help is at hand School term dates
07 16 PUBLISHER Robyn Willis DESIGN & PRODUCTION Sally Travis ADVERT PRODUCTION Target Press Production Office EDITOR Vanessa O’Brien CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Food Michelle Kitney, Munch Parenting Karyn Riley Pre-teen Eva-Maria
DIGITAL TEAM Diane George, Ann Gillies & Jane Madison-Jones MEDIA EXECUTIVES Nicky Barnett, Amy Pawson, Vanessa Callaghan, Lynda Strowger, Gail Cropp OFFICE MANAGER Raelyn Hay EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT Corrin Prebble
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FEATURE STORY
LIVING A
resilient life ucy Hone has a master’s degree in resilience psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and studied resilience through trauma post the Canterbury earthquakes. But it wasn’t until personal tragedy struck that she really found out what it meant to live it. Thirty-one May, 2014, started like any other day for Lucy. Her family was travelling to a mountain biking holiday in the lower South Island and her 12-yearold daughter Abi decided to make the journey there with her friend Ella and Ella’s family instead. Lucy and her husband Trevor were already at Ohau Lodge when the police knocked on the door. Abi had been killed instantly in car accident in rural Canterbury, the victim of a Dutch tourist who failed to stop at a stop sign. The accident also claimed the lives of Ella and Ella’s mother Sally. Lucy said in that very moment she knew straight away that she would be fighting for the survival of her sanity and family unit – her husband and two teenage sons. “At that moment, my life took a completely unexpected and unbelievable turn. I literally remember seeing this fork in the road and thinking to myself, “Wow. We didn’t see that coming. This is going to
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Do you find yourself snapping at your kids at the smallest trigger? Resilience training may be what you need.
be our life now.” Her next thought was remarkably lucid considering the shock. “It occurred to me that we didn’t have any choice in her death, but we did have a choice in how we recovered from that loss,” Lucy said. That’s when her resilience training kicked into gear.
“It occurred to me that we didn’t have any choice in her death, but we did have a choice in how we recovered from that loss.”
What is resilience?
Before studying resilience psychology, Lucy had heard the phrase bandied around a lot and wondered if anyone really knew what it meant. Today, she’s confident in her definition. Resilience in a nutshell she says, is being able to do whatever it takes to get you through the current adversity. It is the skill set that helps you cope and get over things. That includes: Childhood adversities – i.e. not being emotionally loved, being physically abused, a traumatic parental divorce. Daily obstacles – i.e. someone stealing your parking space, being late, the printer not working. The big challenges – i.e. redundancy, divorce, death. Reaching out – i.e. the ability to try new
things, speak to new people, take on new challenges, live in different places.
How do you become resilient?
It may seem that some people are more naturally resilient than others. However, research shows that resilient adults are often surrounded by strong, supportive relationships, and particularly resilient kids who have done well despite the odds thrown at them normally have at least one person who has enabled them to get through. Not everyone is that fortunate. The good news, Lucy says, is that you
can learn resilience, and it’s something that you can change as a parent and foster in your children. That, she says, is what parents want the most. “I work in schools and I ask parents what they want for their kids. They always say “healthy and happy.” That’s how I define wellbeing – it’s feeling good and functioning well.” A telltale sign of non-resilience is being short-fused, always angry, always negative and pessimistic. That’s not to say that resilient people don’t experience negative emotions, but they don’t get stuck there. “It’s absolutely fine to be angry, sad, guilty, anxious, but don’t get stuck in any one emotion,” Lucy said. “And if you find yourself stuck in one emotion, that’s when you need to get help.”
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FEATURE STORY A big part of that help would be cognitive behavioural therapy – or in layman’s terms, changing your thought patterns.
Thought patterns
Our thought patterns determine much of our mood and we may not even realise it. One key as a parent is to help your kids to identify what they are thinking/feeling, and why. Lucy calls it the three Ps. “When something goes wrong, did they personalise that event in their mind, did they make it permanent, and did they make it pervasive?” For example, a child who fails an exam may feel like they are going to fail the entire school year and their life is ruined. Did they personalise that event? Well, probably – it’s important to realise their own role in failing the exam. But in reality it’s not a permanent failure – they can re-sit the exam. And it’s not pervasive – in the scheme of a lifetime, it’s little more than a blip and will soon be forgotten. The ability to break down your own thoughts and determine their veracity is crucial to developing resilience in adults and kids. A big part of that, she says, is learning to fail well. “A teacher that I’m working with said recently that fail stands for First Attempt
“Thoughts are like a radio station: with a bit of effort, you can shift the radio frequency.”
In Learning. And I thought, that’s so cool, because that is what it is.” For adults she suggests disputing negative thoughts like a friend. “So you’re friend says to you, “I’m not going to go to that party because nobody likes me.” And you reply – “well, that’s ridiculous. What evidence have you got for that? Let’s unpack that and talk that through shall we?” So you need to do that for yourself.”
Changing the channel
It’s those kinds of things that have helped Lucy get through the past two years since Abi’s death. She considers her thoughts and decisions in light of whether they ultimately help or harm her. She doesn’t allow herself to fall into thinking traps. She tries to put things into perspective and accept the good things in the midst of the difficult. That said, she admits “It’s very hard work.” But through the pain of loss she chooses life. And when she doesn’t feel like it she’ll use music to shift her mood, go for a walk or run or call a friend who makes her laugh. “Thoughts are like a radio station,” she said. “With a bit of effort, you can shift the radio frequency.” Lucy has detailed her resilience journey through grief in a book released in June, titled What Abi Taught Us. But the lessons learned in extreme circumstances also apply to everyday life. “Having some of these strategies on board enable us to live more easily,” she said.
TIPS FOR DEVELOPING RESILIENCE
1 Is it helping or is it harming?
Assess whether your thinking and decision making is helping or harming you. When you catch yourself in a negative thought pattern or deciding on a course of action, ask yourself whether those thoughts or behaviours are ultimately helping or harming you.
2 Thinking traps
Try not to fall into thinking traps that impede your functioning. Lucy Hone’s example of a thinking trap after her daughter’s death was expecting friends, family and neighbours to know what she needed. Instead of falling into the trap, she worked on communicating clearly with them on what her needs were and weren’t in the weeks and months following Abi’s loss.
3Put things in perspective
As difficult as your situation is, it’s important to accept the good, not just focus on the bad. The Malaysian airline crash in July 2014, so soon after Abi’s death, saw one Australian family lose all three of their children. Lucy released that she and husband Trevor were lucky enough to still have their two boys. “We vowed from that moment that instead of just letting death swallow us up, we would really try to focus on the good. Even in the direst of circumstances, there is some good.”
4 Use your strengths
Identify your character strengths. In Lucy’s family, they decided straight away that they would forgive the driver who killed their child, and that choice – or collective character strength – helped carry them through. “Forgiveness is the only way forward,” said Lucy.
5Be more mindful
Live much more in the present. Be mindful and aware of how negative thought patterns impede your daily life. Don’t let worry for tomorrow stop you from living today.
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When grandparents
cross the line hey often look forward to their new role and the opportunity to finally make use of the warehouse of advice they’ve been storing up, only to find out that parenting today has changed and their well-meaning advice is sounding more like interference to the recipients. Even more difficult, is when grandparents repeatedly refuse to abide by the rules that parents set for the grandchildren. Of course there’s always a bit of leeway – Grandma will almost definitely let you have that ice cream and that’s okay – but how can you both negotiate the tricky divide between helpful and interfering? We’ve got some ideas:
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Parents, assume the best.
Believe that grandparents have the best intentions. They might make mistakes or be unaware of boundaries they’re crossing. Perhaps they feel unsure of what you want or don’t want from them. Let them know how they can be helpful to you. Help them feel included, important and needed.
don’t criticise. 2Grandparents,
No one likes to feel judged or blamed; most of us become defensive and angry when criticised, and
Grandparents await the arrival of a grandchild with almost the same eagerness as new parents do. It’s like being told that you no longer have to eat vegetables – just desert.
“Unsolicited advice is rarely welcome, and if it’s coming from one’s own parents or in-laws, it will most likely be heard as criticism.”
know you may see it differently, but I’d appreciate you following the way I do it on this one.” Give them a role so they feel they have a way to contribute.
then we shut down. Think of it this way— who wants to be near someone who is always judging them? Instead of criticism, ask how you can be helpful.
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When a boundary has been crossed. Parents, let
grandparents know when they have stepped over a line that you’re not comfortable with, such as giving you unsolicited parenting advice. You can say, “I appreciate your expertise. I will definitely ask you if I need help.” Or “I
If a grandparent says something to the grandkids like, “Your parents don’t know what they’re doing,” or “I would never do it this way,” or to the parents, “Come on, give them a break, you’re too strict with them,” they’re stepping over a boundary. If they’re openly saying to the parent, “I think you should do it differently,” or “This is how I would do it,” without being asked, they are also showing a lack of respect for your rules and ideas. That’s when you have to make sure, as a parent, that you are clearly stating your boundaries.
unless asked, don’t tell. 4Grandparents,
Unsolicited advice is rarely welcome, and if it’s coming from one’s own parents or inlaws, it will most likely be heard as criticism. If you respect that boundary, you will probably be asked for your opinion.
- support your mate: 6Parents
You might have to tell your own parents to back off a bit and that they are intruding. While it’s important to get this point across, be sure to never make them feel like a burden. Communicate boundaries, but find ways to make grandparents also feel respected, honoured and wanted.
- define yourself and your role. 7Grandparents
Be clear, honest and thoughtful about what you will and won’t do as a grandparent. Not every grandparent wants to babysit or be at every event. Others long for the invitation. Know what you are willing to do and not do and make this very clear. LOVE THIS ARTICLE? THERE’S PLENTY MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM: VISIT US AT WWW.FAMILYTIMES.CO.NZ.
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high school for your child CHOOSING THE RIGHT
A school’s true nature is found beyond the marketing, the glossy tours and the slick statistics. Here’s how to find it: here’s a lot to consider when choosing a high school for your child. It’s easy to be seduced by stellar reputations, family traditions and locale, but finding the right fit for your child is what is most important. Often parents wander from school tours to open days and never really discover the true nature of the school. Here are some tips on how to determine if the school you are looking at is best for your child:
see what kind of welcome you receive. Stand in the school’s hallways between classes and see if anyone introduces themselves and helps you find your way. All of these things help reveal the culture and character of the school.
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Talk to prior students If you just talk to the students that the school puts forward on an official tour, you are getting only part of the picture. Ask prior students, who no longer have a vested interest in the school, about their experience.
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Where are your child’s friends going? Obviously you don’t want this to be a deciding factor, but unless your child is an extrovert who makes friends as easily as sneezes, it’s a good idea for your child to at least know a couple of kids in his class/year at high school before starting.
“Ask prior students, who no longer have a vested interest in the school...”
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What is the school’s communication like? There are a couple of ways you can test the waters here. Send the principal an email about your child potentially attending their school and gauge how long it takes to get a response. Pop into the school office, introduce yourself and
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Online research Visit the school’s website and check out where the school excels – is it academics, graduation rates, sport, the arts, or something else?
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Speak to the school’s guidance counsellor This is a great way to find out how the school supports students, and also the kinds of opportunities open to your child. Do they have extension programmes, school-to-work programmes, a sports academy or other opportunities that relate to your child?
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Attend an event Maybe you have a rugby or netballmad child. Pop along to a school game and see how their sports teams are supported and what the culture of the team is like. Talk with a coach and a couple of kids about the opportunities available.
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Decide what is really important Different schools will offer different opportunities for your child. Talk with your child about what is most important to them. Also consider each school’s network of support for your child and the learning environment that will bring out the best in them.
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School tour Finally, do the school tour and ask yourself what it is that the school isn’t showing you on its PR day. By now, you should have enough information to work out with your child the best fit for them. GOT QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR CHILD’S EDUCATION? CHECK OUT OUR WEALTH OF EDUCATION RESOURCE ARTICLES AT WWW.FAMILYTIMES.CO.NZ.
St Brigid’s School
We currently have spaces available. Please contact the school for more information. 57 Bayfield Road Andersons Bay, Dunedin Phone: 454 3477 Email: office@stbrigidsdn.school.nz www.stbrigidsdn.school.nz
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FEATURE STORY
BEATING THE
back-chat beast t can also be one of the most exhausting and frustrating elements of parenting, an endless barrage every time you ask for chores to be done, homework completed, or reinforce the rules you have established in your home. Back talk might be annoying and infuriating at times, but it’s a common side-effect of growing up and gaining independence. Kids need a strong sense of personal power on an emotional level at all ages. When they can’t get it because parents are ordering them around or doing everything for them, they lash out with words. It’s a typical “fight or flight” response: since they can’t exactly move into their own house (flight), they’ll fight back by testing limits and trying to get a reaction.
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“The best way to stop back chat is to foster independence within limits.” WE’VE GOT PARENTING COVERED. VISIT US AT WWW.FAMILYTIMES.CO.NZ FOR ALL YOUR UP-TODATE PARENTING ADVICE.
The best way to stop back chat is to foster independence within limits. That said, disrespect is not behaviour to be tolerated. Here are some tips to help you rein in those snide remarks:
example for your child and shows him how he should behave.
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Figure out where it is coming from. It could be a child testing the boundaries, or it could be a hungry/ tired/grouchy child. Keep track of when back talk happens. Is your child irritable after school or extracurricular activities? Are they getting enough sleep? If you know the triggers, you can take steps to change or eliminate them.
Give, and ask for, respect. While children should know that they are safe to express their opinions and that mum and dad are listening to what they think and feel, they must also know that speaking to you respectfully and calmly is not negotiable. Be sure to emphasise the message that you will not listen to what they have to say until they are able to speak to you in a calm and respectful manner.
talking back in your child, do not feed the back talk beast.
Get calm; stay calm. How you respond to your child’s retorts can set the tone for your interactions. Kids can be extremely skilled at pushing their parents’ buttons. It can be extremely tempting to respond to a 5-year-old who declares, “You are not the boss of me!” with a quick, “Actually, I am!” But when you show that you are calm and in control, that sets an
Don’t get into a war of words. When parents respond to kids’ back talk with retorts of their own, they are inadvertently saying that this is an acceptable way to handle conflict. If you don’t want your child to learn that trading barbs is a good way to discuss problems, then do not respond until you can speak in a calm and controlled manner. In short, if you want to curb
Remember that oftentimes kids just want some personal power, and parents can give it to them – to a certain extent. For instance, allow them to decide what they are going to wear (within reason) or when they do their chores (also within reason). Small little concessions of power could prevent you from having daily power struggles with your child.
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A quick retort, a roll of the eyes, a smart-aleck comment – back-chat is the bane of many parents’ lives.
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The dishes can wait... Women’s well-being coach and parenting author Karyn Riley highlights the importance of focusing on and enjoying the positives of parenting.
uch is said about the challenges and stress of parenthood. However, there is little emphasis placed on the joy of being a parent, celebrating the positives of parenting and the benefits of taking time-out for fun and relaxation… without feeling guilty! Sometimes the burden of responsibility and seemingly never-ending demands of parenting mean that there is little time or energy left to reflect on the positives at the end of a busy day. However, we can all benefit from including fun, a positive attitude and gratefulness in our lives. One of the biggest hurdles facing parents today is balancing numerous roles and responsibilities with fostering an enjoyable family environment and spending quality time with our loved ones. In our stressful, often over-scheduled lives, it can seem that there is “never enough time.” This is compounded by the guilt and pressure that comes with believing we aren’t spending quality time
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“We are human beings, not human doings.” with our children. We often feel we are on-demand 24/7 and struggle to find calm, breathing space to stop, be present and simply enjoy the moment. One of my favourite sayings is “We are human beings, not human doings.” We can all benefit by taking time out to just “be” with our kids, partners and ourselves. Spending 5 to 10-minutes of 100 per cent present, fully-focused quality time with our kids is more
beneficial than longer periods of time in which parents are distracted, not fully present or disengaged. Children thrive on attention of any kind. Toddler and teenage tantrums, toxic family environments and undesirable behaviours can often be avoided by being pro-active, stopping what we are doing, listening fully and giving family members our undivided attention. It’s important to prioritise and plan time for fun and relaxation before it becomes lost in the busyness of everyday life. Often, parents are overwhelmed by conflicting demands on their time and energy and
Take time to play this winter. New Zealand
don’t know how or where to begin. Start by scheduling time for fun family activities and special time together in your diary. Plan and write down nonnegotiable blocks of time, even 5 to 10-minutes. Have strong boundaries in place – prioritise family time and stick to it. It’s also important to be spontaneous and relax a little. The dishes can wait. Take time out to simply enjoy being with your children. Everyone will benefit and it can make the end of a busy, stressful day easier and more enjoyable. Gratitude works wonders for focusing on the positives each day. Start a family gratitude book or journal, or ask your kids what was the best thing about their day: this creates opportunities for further discussion and quality family time, too. Learning how to say “No” and manage guilt will relieve pressure and free up time and energy for what’s truly important. When you have fun with your family and children, focus on this alone – not what you “should” be doing instead. Be realistic and go easy on yourself. There is no such thing as the perfect parent. KARYN RILEY HELPS WOMEN HAVE MORE TIME, MORE FUN AND MORE BALANCE IN THEIR LIFE. KARYN IS A PARENT EDUCATOR, LIFESTYLE COACH, AUTHOR, SPEAKER, WRITER AND MOTHER OF TWO. HER FIRST BOOK “HOW TO KEEP THE YOU IN MUM” IS AVAILABLE AT WWW.RILEYLIFE. CO.NZ AND NEW ZEALAND BOOKSTORES.
Lake Tekapo / Mount Cook / Twizel / Fairlie Discover your very own winter wonderland just a short distance from home Sit back and relax with your family in the hot pools
Hit the slopes, on one of three ski fields Have a go at ice-skating, fun for the whole family
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Weathering KIDS' TIME the winter IN DUNEDIN t’s easy to feel trapped indoors by winter. Cold weather and short days make planning outdoor family activities more challenging than during the summer months. But have no fear— there are many places to go and things to do this winter in and around Dunedin. In this article, Dunedin-based DOC ranger Shay van der Hurk suggests a few ideas to help keep your family active, happy, healthy and outside this season.
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In the city Take it easy for your family’s first outdoor day of the winter season and visit Woodhaugh Gardens. Just a short drive or bike ride from the city centre, the gardens are a great spot to meet many different water birds, wander through remnant forest that includes mighty Kahikatea, and spot some native forest birds. To get your kids excited about their day out, introduce them to the Toyota Kiwi Guardians programme on DOC’s website where they can earn medals for exploring nature and engaging in conservation activities. If you park around the back of the gardens on Malvern Street or near the duck pond you can start your visit with nature exploration before you reach the playground. Woodhaugh Gardens is just one of four Kiwi Guardian sites in Dunedin, so make sure to check out the other three as well by visiting www.doc. govt.nz/kiwiguardians. Within 30 minutes’ drive Looking for something a little different? The days are getting short and it's dark early in Dunedin at this time of the year. Only 12 minutes drive from the centre of town, Nichols Falls off Leith Valley Road,
offers the chance to take your family on a curious night-time adventure. Headlamps and warm clothes will set the scene for discovering the magical glow worms, which can be found on either side of the track, under clumps of ferns as well as in the forest. Something more challenging Looking for something a little more challenging? A trip through the misty cloud forest on the Leith Saddle Track, by SH1, might be just the ticket. The forest has some of the quirkiest, prehistoric-looking native trees; the kawaka or New Zealand cedar. Full of tree ferns and plenty of really old trees, the forest is a great place to go exploring in rotten logs with your budding bug enthusiast. The track has a smooth and easy gravel surface with several steeper sections to tire excitable people out. A sweeping view over the city and Blueskin Bay is ample reward. It’s a good idea to check in with a DOC Visitor Centre or online for safety information beforehand, particularly over the cooler months. Keep an eye on the weather and take plenty of warm waterproof clothing, suitable footwear and provisions for your trips. Remember, this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the neat things you can do to keep your family active this winter. Check out www.doc.govt.nz for information on these opportunities and loads of others in your local area and beyond. Enjoy! NEED MORE IDEAS FOR EXPLORING THE GREAT OUTDOORS? CHECK OUT OUR SPORT AND RECREATION FEATURE ARTICLES AT WWW.FAMILYTIMES.CO.NZ.
LEITH SADDLE TRACK – PHOTO BY JOHN BARKLA. 10 www.familytimes.co.nz
Welcome to Kids’ Time at Family Times. Enjoy the fun activities and competitions. For competitions, enter online by visiting www.familytimes.co.nz and click on the competitions link.
Design competition This edition, we want you to share your favourite winter heartwarmers with us. Design, draw, paint or collage a piece of paper with everything that means warmth and happiness for you and your family in winter. When you’re done, send us your picture and be in to win an amazing $50 prize pack from Crayola! Three entry age groups: preschool (ages 1-4), 5-8, 9-12. Create your design on an A5 sheet. Post in to PO Box 36 004, Christchurch 8146. Entries close 25 May 2016.
LARNACH CASTLE
New Zealand’s Castle
Email: info@larnachcastle.co.nz Ph: 0800 527 6224 www.larnachcastle.co.nz
Term & Conditions apply Valid for New Zealand school holidays Children must be accompanied by 1 paying adult Term & Conditions apply • Valid for New Zealand School Holidays only • Children must be accompanied by one paying adult
KIDS DINE
FOR $7
before 7pm OVER
Brother NS15 sewing machine
the school holidays
Do you know the next design star? Registrations are open now for youth fashion and craft competition Brother Design Stars, and this year the hottest young designers will nab a spot on the runway at NZ Fashion Week! To celebrate this competition, Brother is giving away a Brother NS15 sewing machine, valued at $549.95. With 16 built-in utility and decorative stitches, the NS15 will help bring your designs to life! It also features a unique automatic needle threader, making set-up a breeze. Register for Brother Design Stars today at www.brotherdesignstars.co.nz To enter, visit our competitions page at www.familytimes.co.nz. Competition closes 24 July 2016.
AT DUNEDIN LONE STAR...
POW!
FREE Kids Dessert & Kids Drink with any Kiwi Kids Meal... Yee-Ha!
Lone Star CAfe www.lonestar.co.nz
Open 7 Nights 484 George St ph 03 474 1955
*Child must be 12years or under and ordering from our Kiwi Kids Menu. Only valid at the Lone Star Dunedin from 8th July 2016- 24th July 2016 and not valid with any other promotions. Only with mention of this ad.
Ice Age Collision Course
In cinemas everywhere 7 July Scrat’s epic pursuit of the elusive acorn catapults him into the universe where he accidentally sets off a series of cosmic events that transform and threaten the Ice Age world. To save themselves, Sid, Manny, Diego and the rest of the herd, must leave their home and embark on a quest full of comedy and adventure. We have three great Ice Age 5 merchandise packs to give away, each including: 1 x Play tent, 1 x Lunch bag, 1 x Double movie pass (two tickets) To enter, visit our competitions page at www.familytimes.co.nz. Closing date 1 July 2016. Terms and conditions are available on the Family Times website.
BEST VALUE FAMILY PASSES AT THE BEST CINEMA IN TOWN!
Books! Books! Books!
We have 3 copies of the two books (Frankie Potts and the Sparkplug Mysteries and Frankie Potts and the Bikini Burglar) to give away. To enter, visit our competitions page at www.familytimes.co.nz. Competition closes 24 July 2016.
2D FAMILY PASSES* $29 1 ADULT, 2 KIDS $39 4 PERSON *CONDITIONS APPLY
#
Meet Frankie Potts, the village of Tring’s number one girl detective. She has flaming red hair, a questioning mind and an addiction to gobstoppers. And she is really good at solving mysteries. Juliet Jacka’s fantastic new chapter book series for children aged 7-10, with illustrations by Phoebe Morris, are filled with exciting adventures and a good dose of humour. Frankie Potts is a great new heroine that Kiwi kids are sure to fall in love with.
2 SMALL POPCORNS
FOR $5 ANYTIME!
Present this voucher at Rialto Cinemas to purchase two small popcorns for only $5 - save $4! Limit one per customer. Valid until 11 September 2016.
RIALTO CINEMAS - 11 MORAY PLACE - 474 2200 - BOOK ONLINE - www.rialto.co.nz www.familytimes.co.nz 11
COOL ACTIVITIES
Calendar of Events
For more event and entertainment ideas, visit www.familytimes.co.nz and enjoy our large, familyfriendly resource.
Dunedin has some fantastic winter events to get you and your family out and about this winter.
24 June–3 July
● American Express Queenstown Winter Festival. A 10-day extravaganza of Queenstown’s unique culture and community with street parties, fireworks, international and local acts, comedy, family fun and plenty of mountain mayhem. Visit www.winterfestival.co.nz for a full programme.
8–16 July
● International Science Festival. SciFest is a week-long celebration of science and how it is used in everyday lives, aimed at all ages. Visit www.scifest.org.nz for the full programme of events and locations around Dunedin.
9–24 July
● Ice Skating at Meridian Mall. Ice rink will operate on the lower level every day throughout school holidays, from 11am until 4pm. Children aged 13-years and under. Visit www.meridianmall.co.nz for details.
11 July
● Blue Penguins Pukekura Art Day. Young and old can contribute to the exhibit displayed at the Royal Albatross Centre. Free, but reservations essential. At 11am and 1.30pm, Royal Albatross Centre, Harington Point Road. Email education@albatross.org.nz.
12 July
● Regent Theatre Movies: Frozen. Bring your princesses and princes to see Elsa and Anna on the most beautiful big screen in Dunedin. Regent Theatre, 17 The Octagon, 11am and 2pm. Visit www.regenttheatre.co.nz for details.
13 July
● Dunedin Public Art Gallery Tour for Tots. Free, baby-friendly, half-hour exhibition tour followed by a chat and a cup of tea in Playspace. From 11.15am to 12pm, 30 The Octagon. Visit dunedin.art. museum/events.
16 July
● Kids’ T-shirt Sun Print Workshop. Learn how to screen print an image of the sun onto a t-shirt at Dunedin Public Art Gallery. BYO t-shirt. Ages 10-plus. Parent help welcomed. Cost $5 (no eftpos). From 2-4pm. Bookings essential, phone 03-474-3249.
16–22 July
● Dunedin Cadbury Chocolate Carnival. A whole host of delicious and familyfriendly activities throughout the week including a giant jaffa rolling ball track, Jack Frost on Ice and a Teddy Bear’s picnic. Visit www.cadbury.co.nz for details.
16–23 July
● The Emperor’s New Clothes. When the emperor fires his tailor, two scoundrels plan his new wardrobe with hilarious consequences. Fortune Theatre, 231 Stuart Street, 11am and 1pm (no show Sunday). Visit www.fortunetheatre.co.nz.
17 July
● Cadbury Fun Run. A 5km or 10km fun run for all ages. Chocolate treats at the finish line and spot prizes for the best costume. At 12.30pm, Caledonian Ground, Logan Park. Visit www.dunedinmarathon.co.nz.
17 July
● Larnach Castle Peninsula Day. Imagine living in a grand home in the 1800s and explore the enchanting Garden of International Significance. From 9am to 5pm, entry to castle and gardens $15 adult/children free. Visit www.larnachcastle.co.nz.
18 July
● Chocolate Fishing. Perfect your fishing skills to win a yummy chocolate prize. Cost $10, 1.30 - 3pm, Orokonui Ecosanctuary, 600 Blueskin Road, Waitati. Visit orokonui.nz.
HAVE A GREAT DAY OUT AT THE
OTAGO MUSEUM Free entry into the Museum's inspiring galleries and exhibitions. Buy all day family combo passes to Discovery World Tropical Forest plus one show in the Perpetual Guardian Planetarium from $45. Buy tickets and more at www.otagomuseum.nz FREE WI-FI, OPEN DAILY, 10am–5pm 419 Great King Street, Dunedin PH 03 474 7474 www.otagomuseum.nz
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CONTRIBUTE TO THE EXHIBIT DISPLAYED AT THE ROYAL ALBATROSS CENTRE.
19 July
● Regent Theatre Movies: Hop. Take in this family favourite on the most beautiful big screen in Dunedin. Regent Theatre, 17 The Octagon, 11am and 4.30pm, $10 each or 4 for $35. Visit www.regenttheatre.co.nz.
20 July
● Regent Theatre Movies: Despicable Me. See this popular family movie on the most beautiful big screen in Dunedin. Regent Theatre, 17 The Octagon, 4.30pm, $10 each or four for $35. Visit www.regenttheatre.co.nz for details.
28 August
● Royal New Zealand Ballet’s Giselle. This classical ballet is a perfect fusion of human characters, a romantic story, elegant costumes, beautiful choreography and exquisite pointe work. At 7.30pm, Regent Theatre. Book at rnzb.org.nz.
13–14 August
● Ice Hockey: Dunedin Thunder v Admirals. Head down to the rink and show your support for the local side. At 6.10pm on Saturday and 2.40pm on Sunday. Dunedin Ice Stadium, 101 Victoria Road, Saint Kilda. Visit www.dunedinicestadium.co.nz.
$3
OFF ENTRY Bring this voucher to your next visit!
Open 7 days ● 27 Grosvenor Street, Kensington, Dunedin p. 03 455 0095 e. info@leapdunedin.co.nz For more info visit www.leapnz.co.nz * Voucher valid for max of 2 entries, $3 off standard general admission, not valid in conjunction with any other offer, expires 31st August 2016
COOL ACTIVITIES
ENTERTAINMENT It’s time to don the winter woollies, rug up and head out to explore a plethora of exciting events and entertainment destinations around the city. Here are a few ideas to get you started, and we’ve got heaps more at www.familytimes.co.nz. ● Megazone Megazone Dunedin is your one-stop shop of fun with laser tag, mini-golf, arcades, pool tables, game store and a cafe. There is something for everyone, big or small! Phone 03-474-9179 or visit megazonedunedin.co.nz.
mini trains. Plus there are plants, giftware, local fresh produce, The Topiary Café, a barbecue function area and marquee. Phone 03-484-7319, visit www.walsplantland.co.nz. ● Dunedin Public Libraries From books for babies through to solid reading for your little bookworm, Dunedin Public Libraries have got plenty to keep the pages turning at your house. Visit www.dunedinlibraries.govt.nz for details.
● Leap Indoor Trampoline Park A great family activity fun for all ages! Visit www.leapnz.co.nz. ● Chipmunks play-land and café Visit chipmunks for unlimited play for 0 to 11-year-olds and relax over a coffee or lunch at our fully-serviced café.
● Dunedin Art Gallery There’s always a lot to do at Dunedin Art Gallery. Bring the kids and come to explore art and culture. Visit dunedin.art. museum for exhibition, workshop and kids’ activity details.
● Combat Zone Get a group of your friends together and come and blow away the mid-year cobwebs at Combat Zone.
● Toitu Otago Settlers’ Museum Trace the technological innovation, art, fashion, domestic life and transport of indigenous Moari, the early Chinese, and the following waves of migrant groups at Toitu Otago Settlers’ Museum. Visit www. toituosm.com for details.
● Gone Potty Gone Potty provides a fun and entertaining studio environment where the creative talents of young and old can be unleashed. Simply choose your ceramic piece and get painting. Open weekends and school holidays. Visit www.gonepotty.co.nz. ● Wal’s Plant and Fun Land Enjoy mini-golf, driving range and ride the
● Otago Museum Pick up a combo pass to Discovery World Tropical Forest and the Perpetual Guardian Planetarium to enjoy hands-on
science, exotic butterflies and a journey through our universe. Visit www.otagomuseum.nz.
Holiday specials
Here are some great holiday ideas designed to keep you and your little ones entertained during the school break. ● Rialto Cinemas Bring the kids to Rialto Cinemas this winter school holidays to see Finding Dory, the fifth Ice Age and the film adaptation of Roald Dahl’s classic tale The BFG. ● Basketball Otago Basketball Otago is proud to offer school holiday programmes that include basketball skills and other fun activities. Programmes run from 11 – 14 July for various age groups. To register, email development@basketballotago. co.nz or phone 03-456-4063. ● M*A*S*H Dunedin central - WINZ subsidy available. Enrol for our exciting holiday programme - “The best fun your kids can have!” Phone 0800-420-520, admin@mashkids. co.nz, www.mashkids.co.nz.
Party at Chipmunks for
safe, guaranteed fun!
Want Wild Fun these hols?
OTAGO PENINSULA TRUST
Science & Chocolate Festivals
Events
See giant chicks ALBATROSS EXPRESS TOURS SPECIAL DEALS Meet cute penguins BLUE PENGUINS PUKEKURA FAMILY SPECIAL PRICES
Hunt for Gnomes, Pests, Fairies
GLENFALLOCH GNAUGHTY GNOMES
FAIRY PARTY + PESKY PESTS
GET INTO SCIFEST FOR A WEEK-LONG SCIENCE CELEBRATION! ● Meridian Mall Meridian Mall has installed an ice skating rink for the duration of the winter holidays! Visit meridianmall.co.nz for dates, times, terms and conditions. ● Great Big Dino Hunt Help! There are dinosaurs on the loose. Join the hunt by following their tracks, then discover the science in a dinosaur footprint. From 9-15 July, anytime during normal opening hours at all Dunedin public libraries. Free.
REGENT MOVIES
• Hot party meal & drink for each child • Your own party room • Stay & play all day Adults entr y is • Chipmunks lollies ALWA YS * • Party loot bags free • Ice cream cake* • Party game & prize* ive All inclus m fro • Special premium gift packages * for your birthday child per child • No clean up charges
$19.95
Your choice of 5 popular party themes!
Remember to bring your socks! (No socks, no play)
Book your party now!
373 Princes Street, Dunedin Phone 03 477 6762 dunedin@chipmunks.co.nz *Party “loot bags”, party game & prize, premium gift for birthday child, are inclusions in bash & bonanza packages.
www.chipmunks.co.nz
Bring your princesses and princes to see Anna and Elsa on Dunedin’s most beautiful screen. 11am and 2pm|12th July Regent Theatre|$10 (4 for $35) Book at The Regent, TicketDirect or 03 4778597. Fees may apply.
www.otagopeninsulatrust.org.nz/events - Epic Laser Tag! - Pool Tables - Indoor Mini Golf! - Arcade
Come check out the awesome new MEGAZONE! We now have an epic new Laser Tag Arena and Minigolf course! 170 fREDERICK sT Dunedin
Book now on
474 9179 Come have the most fun you can, at MEGAZONE, grab a bite to eat at the on site cafe and relax and watch the kids play... Assuming you don’t want to blast them too! Laser Tag_Mini Golf_Pool_Arcade_Cafe www.familytimes.co.nz 13
A A
s a parent of an infant or toddler faced with choosing as childcare howorcan you trust centre will a parent ofcentre, an infant toddler faceda with choosing provide the centre, best education your child? a childcare how canand you care trustfor a centre will What will happen the education routines you hard to provide thetobest andhave careworked for yoursochild? establish? your get enough attention? What will Will happen to child the routines you have worked so hard to BestStartWill has been education and childcare to New establish? yourproviding child getquality enough attention?
BestStart has been education and childcare New Zealand’s youngest for providing almost 20quality years. With four centres withintoDunedin Zealand’s youngest fortrust almost 20 years. With four within and Mosgiel, you can BestStart to provide thecentres very best careDunedin for your and Mosgiel, you can trust BestStart to provide the very best care for your child. child. Kirstyn Stanaway, Centre Manager of EduKids Kaikorai Valley says, Centre Manager of EduKids Kaikorai Valley says, “WeKirstyn believe Stanaway, you are your child’s most important teacher. Children have “We own believe you are most important have their rhythm andyour pacechild’s and we work with youteacher. to help Children your child feel theirand owndevelop rhythmstrong, and pace and we work with you help teachers. your child feel safe trusting relationships withtotheir safe“Children and develop strong, trusting relationships with their teachers. become responsive to learning when the natural rhythm of become responsive to are learning when natural rhythm of their“Children days are followed. Our centres planned to the allow free movement, their days are followed. Our centres are interests.” planned to allow free movement, responding to and extending upon their responding to and extending upon their interests.” All BestStart centres implement the NZ Early Childhood Curriculum, All BestStart implement NZ Early exploration, Childhood Curriculum, Te Whāriki whichcentres supports children’sthewellbeing, Te Whāriki which supports children’s wellbeing, exploration, communication and sense of belonging. This encourages individual and communication and sense of belonging. This encourages individual and social development, building confidence and self-esteem. social development, building confidence and self-esteem. Infants at BestStart centres are cared for in a nurturing and respectful Infants at BestStart centres are cared for in a nurturing and respectful environment where their routines and individual needs are the priority environment where their routines and individual needs are the priority allowing for the trusting relationships with teachers, children and parents allowing for the trusting relationships with teachers, children and parents alike. alike.
Toddlers are busy, and BestStart centres provide for this perfectly with Toddlers are busy,activities and BestStart centres provide forallows this perfectly plenty of interesting and experiences. This childrenwith to plenty of interesting andteachers experiences. allows and children to their develop at their ownactivities pace, with thereThis to support extend develop at their own pace, with teachers there to support and extend their interests. interests. BestStart has a wonderful Be School ReadyTM initiative for preBestStartensuring has a wonderful School ReadyTM initiative for preschoolers, that everyBechild attending is fully prepared for the next schoolers, ensuring that every child attending is fully prepared for the next stage of their learning journey. stage“When of theiryou learning visit ajourney. centre, discuss how they can accommodate your “When you visit a centre, discuss how they can accommodate your so routines. Talk with staff about communications and planned learning, routines. Talk with staff about communications and planned learning, so you will know your child is happy and progressing well”, says Kirstyn. you will know your child is happy and progressing well”, says Kirstyn. Children receive the best start as lifelong learners when their teachers Children receive the best start as lifelong learners when their teachers are valued and supported. BestStart teachers receive professional support are valued and supported. BestStart teachers receive professional support that is second to none. that is second to none. BestStart offers a range of centres backed by leading ECE experts that BestStart offers a range of centres backed by leading ECE experts that will suit your family’s needs. will suit your family’s needs. For more information, visit BestStart’s website www.best-start.org For more information, visit BestStart’s website www.best-start.org
For education, adventure adventure and friendship Theteam teamat at BestStart BestStart is committed to providing The providing the the highest highestquality quality careand andeducation education for for your child. With four centres care centres across acrossDunedin Dunedin andMosgiel, Mosgiel, we we have have a centre to suit everyone’s and everyone’s needs. needs. We Wewelcome welcome families to come and see our wonderful centres and meet families to come and see centres and meetour ourdedicated dedicated teams. teams. Quality education education programmes programmes tailored Quality tailored to to your your child’s child’s needs needs Centres set up to encourage exploration and discovery Centres set up to encourage exploration and discovery Greatteacher teacher to to child child ratios ratios Great TM Unique Be Be School School Ready ReadyTM initiative Unique initiative Specialised care for infants and toddlers toddlers Specialised care for infants and Friendly, professional teams, focussed Friendly, professional teams, focussed on on fostering fostering strong strongrelationships relationships EduKids Kaikorai Valley 463 Kaikorai Valley Rd, Kaikorai Valley, Ph: 488 0074 EduKids Kaikorai Valley 463 Kaikorai Valley Rd, Kaikorai Valley, Ph: 488 0074 Montessori The Gardens 5 Chamber St, North East Valley, Ph: 473 7630 Montessori The Gardens 5 Chamber St, North East Valley, Ph: 473 7630 ABC Mosgiel 52-24 Bush Rd, Mosgiel, Ph: 489 1920 ABC Mosgiel 52-24 Bush Rd, Mosgiel, Ph: 489 1920 Montessori Mosgiel 65 Murray St, Mosgiel, Ph: 489 0434 Montessori Mosgiel 65 Murray St, Mosgiel, Ph: 489 0434
For For happy, happy, confident learners confident learners www.best-start.org www.best-start.org 14 www.familytimes.co.nz
ARE YOUR KIDS worrying
themselves sick? Have you got a child who is frequently off school with headaches or a sore stomach? ometimes there are underlying issues to recurrent illnesses, and it’s important to know if anxiety is causing your child’s symptoms.
S
What is anxiety?
Anxiety is our body’s way of preparing us for a challenge when faced with stress, by releasing a hormone called adrenaline. This causes a “fight or flight” response so that we are alert and ready to react to the challenge. If you think your child’s anxiety is getting in the way of their day-to-day life, slowing down their development, or having a significant effect on their schooling or relationships, it is best to try and help them tackle it. The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety, but to help a child manage it Help them learn to tolerate their anxiety and function as well as they can, even when they’re anxious. As a by-product, the anxiety will decrease or fall away over time.
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Don’t avoid things just because they make a child anxious Helping children avoid the things they are afraid of will make them feel better in the short term, but it reinforces the anxiety over the long run. If a child in an uncomfortable situation gets upset and starts to cry, and her parents whisk her out of there or remove the thing she’s afraid of, she’s learned that coping mechanism, and that cycle has the potential to repeat itself. Express positive—but realistic— expectations You can’t promise a child that her fears are unrealistic—that she won’t fail a test, that she’ll have fun ice skating, or that another child won’t laugh at her during show-and-tell. But you can express confidence that she’s going to be okay, she will be able to manage it, and that as she faces her fears, the anxiety level will drop over time. Respect her feelings, but don’t empower them
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It’s important to understand that validation doesn’t always mean agreement. You want to listen and be empathetic, help her understand what she’s anxious about, and encourage her to feel that she can face her fears. The message you want to send is, “I know you’re scared, and that’s okay, and I’m here, and I’m going to help you get through this.” Don’t ask leading questions Encourage your child to talk about her feelings, but try not to ask leading questions— “Are you anxious about the big test? Are you worried about the science fair?” To avoid feeding the cycle of anxiety, just ask open-ended questions: “How are you feeling about the science fair?” Try to keep the anticipatory period short When we’re afraid of something, the hardest time is really before we do it. So try to eliminate or reduce the anticipatory period. If a child is nervous about going
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to a doctor’s appointment, you don’t want to launch into a discussion about it two hours before you go; that’s likely to get your child more keyed up. Try to model healthy ways of handling anxiety Don’t pretend that you don’t have stress and anxiety, but let kids hear or see you managing it calmly, and feeling good about getting through it.
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WE’VE GOT PARENTING COVERED. VISIT US AT WWW.FAMILYTIMES.CO.NZ FOR MORE PARENTING TIPS AND TRICKS.
www.familytimes.co.nz 15
FOOD
Slow cooker tips FOR DELICIOUS WINTER DINNERS Slow cookers really are the family’s best winter friend.
t’s a great kitchen gadget for preparing a nutritious family meal with very little effort. You can get dinner prepped and cooking in the morning and avoid juggling cooking during the witching hour! Plus, slow cooking food allows the flavours to develop more intensity and you can make the most of budget cuts of meat. Another bonus is that a slow cooker can cut down on the washing up! It can take a while to get used to cooking with a slow cooker because there are some subtle differences to stove based cooking. Save yourself the trouble
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and check out these great tips from Munch on using a slow cooker: • Plan dishes that utilise cheaper cuts of meat and bulk up with legumes or vegetables to make it go further. • Try not to take the lid off too often; it will let the heat escape and slow the cooking process down. • You don’t need to add oil to a slow cooker; the contents won’t catch as long as there’s enough moisture in there. You don’t need a lot of fat on your meat either. • Liquid doesn’t really evaporate from
SLOW COOKER LEMON TARRAGON CHICKEN Prep time 5 minutes Cook time 6 hours Serves: 4 – 6 people 1.5kg whole chicken 2 lemons 2 cloves of garlic 2-3 tbsp olive oil 1 large bunch of tarragon An oven bag 1. Place the chicken into the oven bag in the slow cooker or on the roasting tray. 2. In a pestle and mortar place 2 cloves of garlic, the juice of half a lemon, olive oil, and half of the remaining tarragon and grind up. 3. Cut a few slits in the skin of the chicken then pour the olive oil mixture over the chicken rubbing it over and
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a slow cooker. If you’re adapting a standard recipe, it’s best to reduce the liquid by roughly a third. The liquid should just cover the meat/vegetables. Don’t overfill your slow cooker. It should be about half to two thirds full. Save time by preparing everything you need for your slow-cooked meal the night before, put it into the slow-cooker dish, cover and store in the fridge overnight. Then put it on to cook before you rush out the door in the morning. Use your “low” setting as much as you can. It’s safer and flavours develop better over the longer period of time. Root vegetables can take longer than meat and other vegetables so put these near the heat source, at the bottom of the pot.
BY MICHELLE KITNEY, WWW.MUNCHNZ.CO.NZ.
MUNCH IS AN ECO-FRIENDLY NEW ZEALAND COMPANY THAT MAKES AND MARKETS KITCHEN PRODUCTS AND OFFERS IDEAS AND RECIPES TO FEED THE FAMILY. IT IS “USEFUL, BEAUTIFUL AND GREEN.”
Harraways – a tasty and healthy breakfast
under the skin, over the flesh and inside the cavity of the chicken. 4. Cut the remaining lemon in half and place into the cavity of the chicken along with the rest of the tarragon. 5. Cook in an oven bag in the slow cooker for six hours. 6. Note - this makes: 4 adult, 2 toddler and 4 baby portions.
Eating less can be difficult. In fact, overeating is a big issue in New Zealand and is a primary reason for our high obesity rates. Consequently, many people go through each day with the challenge of having to eat less. Unfortunately, most people fail at this seemingly simple task because it’s actually quite complex. Various psychological and physiological mechanisms are at play and in the world in which we live, most of them prompt us to eat more - not less. A major influence over how much we eat, however, is our satiety or fullness factor. By choosing different types of foods and changing the way we eat them, we can manipulate our satiety level to help us eat less. Chewing promotes satiety and reduces energy intake When we chew, we programme ourselves - both psychologically and
physiologically - to eat less. It seems that the more we use our mouth in the process of breaking down food, the fuller we feel after a meal, less hungry we feel later on and fewer calories we consume overall. This should come as no surprise as energy-dense, highly processed food and drink is often easily swallowed and as a consequence, we go back for more – again and again. Over time, this may lead us to become overweight. Steel cut oats help us to feel full Making better food choices is essential. Steel cut oats are a slightly courser product than rolled oats and require us to chew more to break down the food. If consumed regularly over other highly processed cereals, this perfect alternative will help us to feel fuller for longer and improve our control over how much we eat later in the day - a great addition to any diet!
PRETEEN CORNER
RAISING A
resilient preteen
The world is so PC these days…no seriously, I remember when bulrush was just another playground game, and getting my ponytail pulled by some prankster from behind me was not punishable. ow we’ve removed boundaries for kids and have replaced them with regulations, because God forbid a child might be traumatised. Instead of teaching our kids boundaries and trusting that other parents are doing the same for theirs, we’re coming up with ways of shielding children after the fact and that’s not healthy. We’re trying to regulate all the outside forces without actually focusing on what’s important: the homegrown discipline, self-defence and feeling of self-worth. If we can just for a second focus on how important it is to prevent children from segregating into bullies and victims, instead of trying to come up with solutions once the damage is done, we as a society could really benefit. How you can do your bit to raise a resilient child: • Work on their self-esteem with them. Tell them how amazing they are. • Had a bad day at work? Great! Tell your child about it and how you held your ground. Children listen, and this will give you a way to lead by example. • Did they lose a game, or not win
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something at school? Discuss what they could have done better so they have a game-plan for next time. • Bad grade? Ask them where they think they went wrong and work through it so it doesn’t happen next time. • Ask them what they think about themselves. Get them to draw a picture. Discuss that. • Discuss how they feel about their life. Have a conversation with your child! Because you’re not asking doesn’t mean their emotions or thoughts don’t exist. • Check in regularly to keep on track so you can be confident that you actually know who they are and what they’re thinking. You can probably see a pattern here: teaching self-esteem and self-analysis. A healthy self-esteem will guide them to make the best decisions in the moment. Self-analysis will help them overcome their actions’ consequences in a logical manner. Show that one bad thing doesn’t spiral anything out of control: they are in control of their future actions and the best way to add confidence is to simply
SCHOOL TERM DATES 2016 - 2017 primary and intermediate school term dates
2016 - 2017 secondary and composite school term dates
Term 4, 2016 Monday 10 October to no later than Tuesday 20 December
Term 4, 2016 Monday 10 October to no later than Friday 16 December
Term 1, 2017 Between Monday 30 January and Tuesday 7 February to Thursday 13 April
Term 1, 2017 Between Monday 30 January and Tuesday 7 February to Thursday 13 April
Term 2, 2017 Monday 1 May to Friday 7 July
Term 2, 2017 Monday 1 May to Friday 7 July
Term 3, 2016 Monday 25 July to Friday 23 September
Term 3, 2016 Monday 25 July to Friday 23 September
Remaining public holidays 2016 24 October Labour Day 25 December Christmas Day 26 December Boxing Day
Be heard! With CARA Speech & Language Therapy services
Early interaction & communication development
Delayed or unclear speech
Difficulty with expressing or understanding language
Feeding & swallowing difficulties
Adult services also available
CARA Speech & Language Therapy team can help
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go over their steps for next time. It’s like studying for a test: study, know your game plan, and you’ll be confident when coming out of it. It’s that simple. I’d like to invite you – the parents of these wonderful preteens – to join me on the mission: the mission to start from home to discipline your children instead of spending the rest of your life fixing a broken self-esteem after a traumatic experience. If we get enough voices where parents themselves are doing their bit to raise a generation they can be proud of, we can focus on raising awesome adults – and that, hopefully, is your game plan. BY EVA MARIA EVA-MARIA IS AN INTERGENERATIONAL RELATIONSHIPS EXPERT AND AUTHOR OF BESTSELLING BOOK YOU SHUT UP! AND SEQUEL SHUSH, YOU!. VISIT WWW.EVA-MARIA.CO.NZ.
HELP IS @ HAND Sometimes you need some information or an answer to a curly question. Why not pick up the phone and call the relative support agency? You’ll find professional caring people ready to assist you. ➜ Citizens Advice Bureau Dunedin Phone: 0800-367 222 or 03-471 6166 Email: dunedin@cab.org.nz For free information and advice. Not sure? Ask us. ➜ Dunedin Budget Advisory Service Phone: 03-471 6158 Free confidential advice on household budgets, how to manage your money, options and plans for debt repayment. ➜ Pregnancy Counselling Services Providing free, confidential information and support 24/7. Phone: 0800 773 462 ➜ Sudden Infant Death Support Phone: 0800 164 455 www.sids.org.nz ➜ ChatBus: Professional counselling for children under 14, in Dunedin. www.chatbus.org.nz ➜ Sticks ‘n Stones are a youth led anti bullying programme based here in Otago. If you want to know more about taking positive action, online and off, to stop bullying please check out our website at www.sticksnstones.co.nz or like us on Facebook: www.facebook. com/onlinesticks
What Abi Taught Us Lucy Hone’s beloved 12-year-old daughter Abi was killed in 2014 in a devastating car accident that also claimed the lives of Abi’s friend Ella and Ella’s mother Sally. Lucy works in the field of resilience psychology, helping ordinary people exposed to real-life traumatic situations. In What Abi Taught Us, Lucy shares her story and research so that others can work to regain some sense of control and take action in the face of helpless situations. Family Times has 5 copies of What Abi Taught Us to give away. Enter online at www.familytimes.co.nz. Enter online at www.familytimes. co.nz. Competition closes 24 July.
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SCIENCE AT HOME
HIDDEN GEMS
WHAT ARE GEMS?
Gems are rare mineral crystals, valued for their beauty.
OKAY, SO THEN WHAT ARE CRYSTALS?
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Snowflakes are ice crystals that are formed in the clouds when the water freezes, and every single one is unique (just like you!).
Crystals are solids formed by a regular, repeated pattern of molecules connecting together. They all have different shapes and properties depending on which molecules are used to make them.
WHERE ARE THEY FOUND? They are found inside different types of rocks and are made from clusters of minerals.
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Did you know you can make your own crystals? There are a few different methods to do this; some use crystals that you melt (borax crystals), which then grow over a few days to a week. You can also purchase special solutions with minerals that slowly grow crystals within a jar.
HOW DO THEY FORM?
Gems are generally classified as precious or semi-precious stones - this changes according to culture, not science (it’s generally to do with how rare they are).
In nature, when liquids cool and start to harden, certain molecules in the liquid gather together and attempt to become solids/stable. Crystals can also form when liquid rock/magma cools.
Materials: Borax crystals - 1-2 cups Boiling water - 1 litre Skewer Thread Pipe cleaners Heat-proof container Food colouring Plate Paper towels
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Gemmology scientists are called gemmologists and crystallography is the science of studying crystals. A great way to get kids involved in science is by doing an experiment. You can buy kits for creating your very own crystals, or if you’d like to learn how to grow your own crystals with borax crystals (available at most supermarkets), read on!
WIN!
Grow your own crystals If you’d like to learn how to grow your own crystals with borax crystals (available at most supermarkets) here are the instructions:
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The best way to classify gems is from their chemicals and minerals, rather than how pretty or rare they are, because the science of them doesn’t change simply due to opinion or popularity.
Instructions: 1. Weave your pipe cleaners into a shape (three weaved together should be enough). 2. Suspend the pipe cleaners from the middle of the skewer with the thread. 3. Then create your crystal growing solution. Make it inside a heat-proof container. 4. Mix boiling water with your borax, then keep adding borax until it won’t dissolve anymore (this will take longer than you think!). 5. Stir it constantly: the solution will be cloudy, slightly heavier feeling
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and some crystals will settle on the bottom. 6. Add your food colouring to achieve the desired colour. 7. Then take your skewer with pipecleaners attached and hang them into the solution so they’re covered. 8. Cover with a plate. 9. Wait 8 to 12-hours and then pull your crystal out and dry with a paper towel. 10. Tadah! A homemade grown crystal!
Visit Science Alive’s blog and you can go in the draw to win a packet of crystal growing kits!
SCIENCE ALIVE ARE EXCLUSIVELY PROVIDING ATHOME SCIENCE EXPERIMENTS TO FAMILY TIMES. FOR MORE, VISIT SCIENCE ALIVE’S BLOG AT WWW.SCIENCEALIVE.CO.NZ.
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