Issue 64 | Family Times Dunedin | Winter 2015 by Family.Times

Miscarriage and stillbirth

Talking about it helps, say NZ women

Perfectionist parenting

Why loosening the reins is a good thing

A news magazine and online resource for families

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DUNEDIN / ISSUE 64 / Winter 2015

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inside this issue

From the editor Contents At Family Times we like to look at the upbeat side of parenting, as well as source the best parenting information that we can for our readers. So deciding to tackle a feature about miscarriage and stillbirth is a bit out-of-the normal for us.

3 What works for my family

Our Family Times facebook fans tell us what they think about issues.

4 Miscarriage and stillbirth

It happens more than you’d think, and talking about it helps.

ut the figures surrounding miscarriage and stillbirth are astounding, with one in every three New Zealand women experiencing miscarriage during their lifetime, and 400-plus stillbirths in New Zealand each year. That’s a lot of families affected by the loss of a child. I was a little hesitant to tackle such a sensitive subject: how is it possible to turn such a sad occurrence into a story of hope? Would anyone even want to be interviewed about such a personal and tragic story? The answer, to my surprise, was an astounding (and even though I hate to capitalise) YES! Of the two courageous women who shared their stories with me, one is a good friend and the other my sister, Racheal. It’s predominantly their experiences that convinced me that it’s possible to write about a subject that is little talked about in society and to focus on the strength, determination and overcoming spirit that has seen them through. I’ve seen Racheal at her absolute lowest point: in her pyjamas at eight in the morning, tear-stained face and bagged-eyed after spending a sleepless night lying on the floor hugging the wee white coffin of her baby girl Jasmine, dreading putting her in the earth that day. “I can’t, I can’t,” she sobbed. But she did. It took a long time, but the day came when

she began to smile again, began to laugh again, began to live again. But for her, Jasmine will always be a precious part of the family. Her photo sits on the buffet in the front porch of her home, along with photos of her other three living children. In generations past, that photo would never have existed. Racheal would have been told that Jasmine would be best forgotten. But as I learned when I was in my friend Kirsten’s home one day, talking about a lost child and acknowledging their life is healing. “Would you like to see a photo album of Freedom?” she asked, referring to her stillborn baby girl. “I would love to,” I responded. And I knew that made her day. Grief isn’t comfortable, but it’s a part of life. For many, many Kiwi families, it’s a part of being a parent. I hope that you’ll read about these amazing families in our main feature this issue. Of course, we’ve still got a bunch of other great parenting articles, event listings, competitions, and giveaways, so grab a coffee and start turning those pages. Enjoy.

To enter, visit www.familytimes.co.nz Competition closes 17 July 2015.

12 Grandparents’ changing roles

They may be working, they may be travelling, they may be half a world away.

13 From baby language to communication

What is normal in terms of your child’s language development?

5 The importance of play

It’s a child’s work, and crucial to development.

5 14 Winter wellness

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Features

win win win

Tips and tricks to keep your family healthy in winter.

6 Perfectionist parenting

Pick your battles, and learn when to let it go.

7 Childhood obesity

Comment 8 Kids’ corner

The push for greater in-school food education.

Competitions, games and reviews.

Resource information 10 11 11 12 16

Calendar of events School term dates Entertainment Help is at Hand Top reads

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feature story

Miscarriage and stillbirth A miscarriage or stillbirth are far more than the death of an expectation, hope or dream. They are the loss of a much anticipated family member, as Vanessa O’Brien reports. It was the 24th of February 2008 when the induced labour pains started to wrack Racheal O’Brien’s body at the Garden Room of Christchurch Hospital’s maternity ward. In theory, it was no different than the much anticipated births of her first two children, Justis (now 11-years-old) and Joshua (now 9-years-old). But this time, as the contractions beat out their accelerated rhythm towards inevitable delivery, there was no hopeful expectation: only a deep, gutwrenching agony, as Jasmine Grace’s fragile body slipped into the world just hours after her heart beat for the last time. Ironically, Jasmine’s death meant Racheal’s life: Racheal refused to induce labour until Jasmine’s heartbeat failed, even though every minute she continued the pregnancy, her spiralling blood pressure threatened to kill them both. Racheal hadn’t anticipated the pregnancy: with Justis about to start school and Joshua soon to be in longer preschool hours, she was toying with the idea of a part-time job. But even if the timing was off, she says she had a sense of excitement about the pending addition to the family. “Yes, I was definitely excited, but at the same time I think I intrinsically knew that something wasn’t right, right from the beginning,” Racheal said. A scan at 11 weeks indicated there was a problem with the pregnancy, and that the baby was possibly Down Syndrome. But the real shock came at her 18-week-scan. Medical staff noticed deformities; a missing heart ventricle, underdeveloped kidneys and extra digits. An amniocentesis determined that Jasmine had Trisomy 13 - a chromosomal abnormality in which some or all of the cells of the body contain extra genetic material from chromosome 13. “It was surreal. It was like it wasn’t really happening, but it was happening. It’s like you’re walking through it, but you’re not. Like you’re outside of your own body.” Racheal continued with the pregnancy knowing that she was unlikely to carry Jasmine to term, and that if she did, Jasmine wouldn’t survive more than a few hours. “Every day you wondered, “is this the day?” Yet I could feel her moving.” Jasmine weighed a tiny 3 pound 2 when she was born at 28 weeks’ gestation. Racheal and her husband stayed in the Garden Room overnight, holding Jasmine’s fragile wee body in a Moses basket. Then they took her to the funeral home, and left with a tiny white coffin for the funeral two days later. As traumatic as that was, the hardest part by far, Racheal said, was yet to come: after the burial and everybody went home, and the silence set in. “I think for the first few weeks, people are quite understanding. But after that, they’ve forgotten. I found that really hard, and very isolating.”

Breaking the silence

That’s something that SANDS NZ, a network of parent-run, non-profit groups supporting families who have experienced the death of a baby, is aiming to turn around says SANDS former chairperson Cathy Buntting. “I think the best thing – the most helpful – is to acknowledge the significance of the loss. It’s a huge gift to families that others continue to acknowledge the life of the baby over the www.familytimes.co.nz 4

weeks and months and years.” Rewind to a generation ago and miscarriage and stillbirth were very hush hush. Even today, with all our claims of progression and modernity, we don’t like to talk about it, said Cathy. Conversely, that’s often the one thing that can bring healing. “A generation ago, it was believed that women should just move on, and to forget the baby, not talk about the baby. Often the baby was buried in an unmarked grave. And now, a generation on, those parents – now grandmothers – can find it very difficult to embrace a different way of approaching a baby’s death. “Within SANDS NZ we are very clear that we do not distinguish between levels of grief. A parent who has lost a baby, no matter what age or gestation, is entitled – and should be encouraged – to grieve. They need to be allowed to grieve in order to once again find life that is meaningful.”

“I think I intrinsically knew that something wasn’t right, right from the beginning,” Racheal said.

Miscarriage and stillbirth

What is startling is just how many families are affected by miscarriage and stillbirth. New Zealand’s leading expert, Professor Lesley McCowan of Auckland University’s gynaecology and obstetrics department, stated in a 2012 article that three million babies worldwide are stillborn every year. That’s more deaths than from HIV. Yet according to the World Health Organisation, stillbirth is seriously underfunded. It sits behind other health priorities such as diarrhoea, HIV/Aids, tuberculosis, traffic accidents, and any form of cancer. Back on home turf, a large New Zealand populationbased study established that one in three New Zealand women have experienced miscarriage, and an estimated one in every four pregnancies end in miscarriage. It’s an estimate because miscarriage is not a notifiable event in New Zealand, and no national research has been conducted into the occurrence per known pregnancy. However, statistics from other Western countries such as Australia and the UK are on par. Miscarriage in Australia and New Zealand is defined as a pregnancy that ends spontaneously before 20 weeks gestation. The parameters of stillbirth vary around the world; the international measure is 28 weeks gestation, but New Zealand registers babies from 20 weeks into the pregnancy, or from when the babies weigh 400g. Statistics New Zealand figures say 420 of 2011’s 61,403 pregnancies were stillborn, dying at between 20 and 40 weeks of pregnancy. Cathy has experienced both miscarriage and stillbirth, and says that while it’s impossible to distinguish any difference in the level of grief, the process is very different. “A woman who loses a baby in early stages of pregnancy will sometimes deliver normally or will sometimes have a D&C. A woman who has a stillbirth will deliver naturally or have a caesarean. A natural birth is very much encouraged, and my own personal experience was that that was very traumatic. But for most women to deliver their babies, it is one of the few acts of parenting that they can have.” A stillborn baby is also required to be registered, and the body either buried or cremated. “That means that the experience can be different in terms of farewelling the baby,” Cathy said.

Life after losing a baby

discomfort with the situation. But ignoring it only made them feel better, rather than her, she Kirsten Te Momo says the hardest thing about life after losing a baby, is the fact that it goes on. said. However, sometimes relief came from the “After we’d done her funeral, and we had her most unexpected quarters: for example, friends of her then 6-year-old son Hosea. ashes, life went on. And I remember a week later going for my first hair appointment since “I got some of the most amazing comments from some of the little girls in his class. One I lost her and I just remember sitting on a couch bawling my eyes out thinking “how can little girl came up to me and said, “Mrs Te anyone live still? How can everyone just carry Momo, I am so sorry that your baby died,” on?” It was like having empty arms – I gave and she gave me a card that she’d made. And birth, but where’s my baby?” I remember thinking, that child had more Kirsten’s baby girl Freedom died at 22-weeks compassion and wisdom than more than half gestation in 2013. Kirsten was induced and of the adults I know.” gave birth naturally in the same Garden Room Both Racheal and Kirsten went on to have as Racheal, at Christchurch hospital, after another child: Racheal’s son Shiloh is now complications with the pregnancy. 6-years-old, and Kirsten’s daughter Harmony People’s response to her grief was the hardest is now 1-year-old. thing to deal with, she said. There were a few Racheal said that going on to have another key people who were great, but a lot more child was an incredibly important part of the that she “wanted to slap.” healing process for her, but nothing could “I felt that there were times when people’s replace Jasmine. “Even today, with our family lack of ability to have anything to say just – even for Shiloh, who wasn’t even born – blew my mind. They didn’t even have the compassion to say, “I’m so sorry for what has Jasmine is very much a part of our family. happened.” I had so many people completely He’ll sometimes ask to go and see her grave. I just think it’s really important to be natural and utterly ignore that it had happened and about the way that we acknowledge her and talk about the weather.” She put that down to ignorance, or people’s remember her in our family.”

Tips for helping friends and family who have lost a baby

It’s so hard to know the right thing to say to someone who has experienced miscarriage or a stillbirth. That’s why a lot of people don’t say anything at all. However, there are lots of things that you can do to support them in their grief.

2 3

Acknowledge their loss, and don’t pretend it never happened. Even an early miscarriage can cause significant and lasting grief: don’t ignore or minimise that. Be there for them. Grieving people tend to retreat – keep calling, visiting, and letting them know you are there. Listen to them. They may need to talk about their baby and show you photos. This may not be comfortable for you, but remember: this is their baby, and a precious member of their family. Offer to field phone calls or answer letters and cards until they feel up to it. The parents may be open to lots

of people visiting or they may not – everyone is different. Ask them.

Grandparents and siblings grieve too – they may need some support.

Be practical – organise a roster to bring around dinners, arrange childcare for siblings, and offer to help clean the house or run errands.

Help them to find a pregnancy and neonatal loss support group. Talking to others who have had a similar experience can be very comforting.

Refer to their baby by name, if they had chosen and announced a name. This is a great way to acknowledge their child existed, if only for a short time.

Never, ever say “it was for the best,” or “you can always have another baby.”

10 If you’re really stuck, just say “I am so sorry about the loss of your baby,” and this will mean the world to grieving parents.

Taking play seriously

feature story

5 Games with rules – tag, duck duck goose etc. Play: consider it a child’s Each type of play supports a range of cognitive work. Because it’s in times and emotional developments, and a good of wild imagination, creativity balance of play experience is regarded as a healthy play diet for children. This is something and fun that kids can learn that parents can get involved in – parents; it’s a the most. great opportunity to spend some quality time

There are five kinds of play that are important for kids: 1 Physical play – rough-and-tumble, skipping etc. 2 Playing with objects – building blocks, 3

sand, cars, dolls etc. Symbolic play - this is the ability of children to use objects, actions or ideas to represent other objects, actions, or ideas as play. A child may push a block around the floor as a car or put it to his ear as a cell phone. Pretend play – using imagination, i.e. pretending to shop, mow the lawns, build a space rocket etc.

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with your kids, even if you have to schedule it. Set the oven timer for half-an-hour, and make that transition from work into playtime – maybe even change into relaxed play clothes if it helps. Then enter your child’s magical world, and during this time, give your child 100 percent of your attention – no phone calls, no preparing dinner.

“A good balance of play experience is regarded as a healthy play diet for children.” 3 Here are some ideas to expand on play time for your kids: 1 Pillow fight. This is a pretty 4 straightforward, rough-and-tumble

game that lets out a bunch of energy and laughter. No prep or forward-thinking required. Lego or other building games/toys. These games are great object games, but can also be symbolic or pretend games. You can make a pretend piece of fruit out of Lego, or perhaps build a pretend village with shops and little people. You can add to it over each playtime.

Glow-stick tag. This is a great one for winter, with early sunsets. As dusk settles, hand out the glow-sticks – with one in a different colour for the person who is “it.” Online or technology-based games. While it’s great to get outdoors and release some of that energy, your digital native will appreciate it just as much if you sit down with them for a game of Minecraft and enter their tech-based world. What’s on my butt? This is a winner-of-agame that you won’t have to even move for. Lie face down on the couch and try to guess what object you child has perched on your tush. “Is that a cement mixer

on my butt?” Just getting to hear you say the word “butt” is the best thing that will happen to your kid all day. Built a “tent.” Let them drag the blankets and the sheets out of the cupboards, then use whatever surrounding furniture you can find to build a “tent.” Pretend camp can be fun, especially with snacks inside the new structure. Sock puppets. Drag that pile of odd socks into the middle of the room with some stickers that can be used for eyes, mouth, ears etc, and get creative with sock puppet characters. If your kids are a bit older, they may be able to stitch on buttons.

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ut it’s more than that too. What is increasingly being recognised is that the one vital ingredient in supporting healthy intellectual, emotional and social development in children is the opportunity to just enjoy being a kid through unstructured playtime. Dr David Whitebread from the University of Cambridge argues in a 2012 report supporting play time that people as a whole have essentially become too serious, and too focused on achievement. So while a focus on and investment in a high quality early childhood education has increased, the definition of high quality seems to be on introducing literacy and numeracy as soon as possible, and preparation for school years, rather than on opportunities for rich play.

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Perfectionist parenting Pushing you kids to be perfect may backfire, according to a report by the Journal of Experimental Psychology.

he report, published in 2013, says that parents who practice perfectionist parenting did make their child strive to be more perfect, but also increased their child’s anxiety. Also, children who were not subjected to perfectionist parenting actually performed better than children who were.

What is perfectionist parenting?

Every parent wants the best for their child – they want them to succeed in life. But pushing a child towards perfection, even with the best of intentions, can have dramatic consequences. Dr Jim Taylor says that parents pass on perfectionism to their children in three ways:

Intentional: Some perfectionist parents deliberately raise their children to be perfectionists by actively praising and rewarding success and punishing failure. These parents offer or withdraw their love based on whether their children meet their expectations. When they

succeed, their parents lavish them with love, attention and gifts. But when they fail, their parents either withdraw their love and become cold and distance, or express anger and resentment toward their children. The children then get the message that they must be perfect to receive their parents’ love. Unintentional: Most perfectionist parenting is unintentional. Parents sometimes unintentionally model perfectionism for their children by the way they keep their home, their career efforts, their competitiveness in sports or games, and how they respond when things don’t go their way. These parents unwittingly communicate to their children that anything less than perfection will not be tolerated in the family. These parents tend to over-discipline – every small indiscretion is blown out of proportion and “corrected.” Non-perfectionists. The final type of parent who strives for perfectionism are those who are not perfectionists at all – in fact, they may be the antithesis of perfect. But they want to make sure that they correct all of their mistakes in their children. They usually revert to the withdrawing love and affection model (as in #1), and use a perfectionist model to try and absolve their own imperfections, to no avail.

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What’s wrong with perfection?

There’s nothing wrong with perfection in itself, except that it is unobtainable. This constant reaching for unobtainable perfection, and fear of disappointing parents, can have far-reaching consequences for kids as they mature. One of those consequences is anxiety. Children might link being loved with being perfect, and that message can make a routine maths test or rugby game a cause for sleepless nights and sore tummies. Another outcome is that children become less playful, less creative, and more risk-adverse. They stick to games and projects they know are safe to avoid the anxiety over possible failure. Some kids with perfectionist parents result to rebellion – they give up trying to please their parents, since they can never achieve perfection. In the end, kids with perfectionist parents often end up modelling the same parenting methods with their own kids.

How can you change your perfectionist parenting?

The good news is, it’s not too late to change some of your perfectionist habits and relax a bit more in your parenting style.

Remove yourself from all the pressure around you making you feel like you have

to be a perfect parent with perfect kids, whether it’s external (perhaps from your own parents’ expectations) or the internal voice in your head. There is no perfect parent. Let the washing build up, sit down and read a book. The world won’t end. There’s a world of difference between demanding perfection and striving for excellence. Encourage your kids to strive for excellence, and support them even when they fail. If your child knows that you love him even when he fails, he’ll feel free to take chances and pursue his goals without anxiety. It’s okay to tell him you are disappointed if he didn’t put in his best effort – this is different than failure, and can encourage him to try harder without making him feel like a failure. Relax the rules. Living in a world where there is a rule for everything is souldestroying to kids. Instead, pick a few really important rules and stick to them like glue. That way, your child has the security of knowing boundaries without feeling like he’s in a prison.

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Teaching kids food literacy Every parent wants to raise a healthy, happy child. But with busy lifestyles, healthy eating can easily take a back seat to convenience.

childhood obesity as “one of the most serious public health challenges of the 21st century,” with more than 42 million children under the age of five categorised as obese. Closer to home, New Zealand’s Ministry of Health figures show that childhood obesity in New Zealand is on the rise. According to fter all, it’s easier to pick up fish and 2013 figures, one in every nine children (11 chips for dinner than to prepare a hearty per cent) is categorised as obese, up from 8% casserole or salad. But the result, according to in 2007. A further one in five children (22%) is Garden to Table founding trustee Catherine overweight. Bell, is a lack of “food literacy” in today’s generation, with many children having no clue “Bell wants the New where their food comes from, let alone how Zealand Government to to cook it. invest in a curriculumWith parents having less time to teach food based food skills literacy, and possibly not the same food programme.” knowledge as previous generations, food literacy should ideally be taught in schools to back-up home-based learning says Bell. The question is how to tackle the issue. That’s where she sees organisations such as Lots of schools have gardens, but the Garden to Table playing a role. Garden to Table is a charitable trust established in 2009 difference with Garden to Table according to Garden to Table executive officer Anne to facilitate a programme of food education Barrowclough, is that it is more than growing for children aged 7 to 10-years. vegetables or just understanding how to make Bell wants the New Zealand Government good food choices. to invest in a curriculum-based food skills “It’s actually about empowering children programme. She’s taking her cue from with a hands-on lesson, full of practical skill others overseas, such as celebrity chef Jamie Oliver, who is petitioning the governments of development focused on how to action those choices – what you need to grow your own G20 countries to introduce food education tomatoes, how you follow a recipe, how programmes in their nations’ schools in the wake of a global obesity epidemic. to cook from fresh ingredients. It also adds The World Health Organisation rates immediacy and relevance to science and

Breakfast is sustaining and important “We are what we eat,” and children who consume a balanced and sustaining breakfast that maintains normal blood sugar levels are likely to have a more successful day. Consumption of carbohydrate provides glucose for the body to convert into energy. Carbohydrates can be measured by how quickly the energy is absorbed into the body: white sugar (glucose) is quickly absorbed providing a fast glycemic response. Oats (complex carbohydrate) are slowly absorbed providing a medium to low glycemic response. Over consumption of carbohydrates causes high blood sugar levels with the excess energy stored as fat

and a long term pattern that may lead to type 2 diabetes. We all need carbohydrates and we need to stay aware of fast and slow glycemic response to maintain even blood sugar levels through the day. • Eat more whole grains, porridge oats, low sugar muesli, eggs with wholemeal toast. • Drink water to help obtain the benefits of a diet higher in fibre (wholegrains). • Stay active – 20 minutes of exercise. • Maintain regular meals including sustaining carbohydrates such as oats, barley, brown rice, pasta and wholemeal bread.

maths concepts. “Learning is about more than telling, it is about experiencing, active engagement and interaction.” The Stephanie Alexander Kitchen Garden Foundation, which runs a similar programme in Australia, recently evaluated how well its food literacy programme worked. As well as more children taking initiative to start home veggie gardens and to cook at home, there were unexpected spin-off benefits. These included improvements in students’ social behaviours; improvement in students’ teamwork skills, modifying of previous bullying behaviour,

improvement in managing difficult behaviour, interacting with people of many ages, and development of leadership skills. Bell says with this in mind, food education programmes in schools have the potential to change the attitudes and habits of whole future generations. “It enables children to learn skills and have experiences that will influence and inform the rest of their lives and positively impact outcomes across their education, health and social development as well as give them respect for others and the natural world.

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Disney Pixar’s Inside Out

We have five fantastic prize packs from our friends at Paramount Pictures to celebrate the release of the new Minions’ film. To enter, visit www.familytimes.co.nz. Competition closes 17 July 2015. First prize winner: - 1 x Minions family in-season movie pass (two adults, two children) - 1 x Minions suitcase - 1 x Minions shopper bag - 1 x Despicable Me DVD box set – Despicable Me 1 and Despicable Me 2 - 1 x Minions toy: Interactive Talking Stuart with Guitar (RRP$100) Four runner-up prizes - 1 x Minions family in-season movie pass (two adults, two children) - 1 x Minions shopper bag - 1 x Despicable Me mini-movies series DVD

To celebrate the much anticipated release on 25 June of the Disney•Pixar film Inside Out we have five fantastic prize packs to give away. Each prize pack contains: 1 Inside Out umbrella 1 Inside Out cap 1 Inside Out bag Competition closes 17 July, enter at www.familytimes.co.nz

Maze

Turn old money into opportunities with NZ Lions Did you know that there’s a large amount of unwanted money out there? Apparently, there’s approximately $80m in old coins and some $36m in bank notes plus loads of foreign cash. The Lions’ HU4K project collects everything from pre/old decimal currency and bank notes through to any foreign currency. The magic of this collection is taking something that doesn’t have much use and turning it into something really positive

– life changing opportunities for Kiwi teens. Please take your old NZ/foreign money to any Resene ColorShop or selected New World Supermarkets. It’s as easy as that!

Lions Clubs throughout New Zealand are raising funds to assist our young people by collecting old NZ money and foreign currency.

Connect the Dots

Desig n com petition This issue we would love you to draw your favourite winter scene. Maybe it’s one of your favourite places to go in winter or your favourite winter activity. Then tell us all about it. Send us your picture (either via post or email) and you will be in to win a wonderful prize pack for creative kiwi kids from Crayola. There are three entry age groups: 1-4, 5-8, and 9-12. Don’t forget to write your name, age, description and postal address (so we can send you your prize if you win!) Post to PO Box 36,004 Christchurch 8146 or email: jackie@familytimes.co.nz. Entries close 17 July 2015. A huge congratulations to the winners of our last issue’s design competition: 1-4 Zara Quinn (4) 5-8 Sarah Aitken 9-12 Max Breingan (10) Visit www.familytimes.co.nz to view the winning entries.

win win win

So dig out your old money and take it to your local Resene Color Store or ring 0800 OLD MONEY (0800 653 666). For more information about the project email our national coordinator: hu4kproject@lionsclubs.org.nz or visit our website: www.lionsclubs.org.nz/old money

Places now available!

Specialised care

programmes HOLIDAY

AFTER SCHOOL

WEEKEND

For people on the autistic spectrum or with physical or intellectual disabilities. Home-based care also available.

To ﬁnd out more call Angela Olsen on 03 552 0334 or 027 612 1122 or email angela_olsen@access.org.nz

win win win

Cookie Bear Snap ‘n’ Play biscuits Griffins’ new Cookie Bear Snap ‘n’ Play themed paramountnz #minions biscuits are themed packets of bikkies www.minions.co.nz SUBWAY Disney•Pixar KidsPak™ each with their own set of fun-loving To celebrate the launch of the new characters – from pirates to pop stars SUBWAY Disney•Pixar themed and astronauts – that kids can snap off KidsPak™, we’re giving away a and eat, making them not only yum but Disney•Pixar Inside Out gift pack so much fun! Available in three delicious valued at more than $140 for four flavours and free from artificial flavours or lucky winners. To win, simply visit colours, Cookie Bear Snap ‘n’ Play biscuits www.familytimes.co.nz. Competition are available now from supermarkets closes 5 July 2015. nationwide. paramountnz www.minions.co.nz We have three prize packs to give away, each including 20 packets of biscuits plus a pirate and a pop star re-usable colouring placemat. Competition closes 17 July 2015, enter at www.familytimes.co.nz.

Specialised Care

Family fun

for all

at Wal’s #minions

a division of

• Mini Golf Course • Driving Range • Mini Trains • Wal’s Plant Land – Giftware – Pots & Plants

• Wal’s Vege land – local fresh produce

• Topiary Café • BBQ function Area – Marquee/BBQ for Hire

109 Bush Road, Mosgiel

www.walsplantland.co.nz

Open 7 Days 8.30am-5pm PH: 03-484 7319 www.familytimes.co.nz

cool activities

Calendar of Events fountains and other yummy party favours Get out and about and make to enjoy. Meridian Mall, 267 George Street, the most of winter days with Dunedin. From 9am – 1pm. Free! the following family-friendly 11 July events. For more event and Pa Harakeke & Flax weaving. Visit the flax plantation at Orokonui to learn the entertainment ideas, visit www. NZ importance flax has in New Zealand as you familytimes.co.nz and enjoy our learn to weave flowers and animals. Orokonui large, family-friendly resource. Ecosanctuary, 600 Blueskin Road, 1.30-3pm. 12 July 26 June Toddler Time. Toitu Otago Settlers Museum, 31 Queens Garden, Dunedin, 10-11am. Join a storyteller in discovering a museum full of stories and songs. There will be a chance to play and time for a craft activity. Free. Visit www.toituosm.com.

Castle Tour. Take this wonderful opportunity to visit New Zealand’s only castle. Explore the castle and garden, and finish your experience with a chocolate treat in the Ballroom Cafe. Free, 9am-5pm.

4 - 19 July

Experience our peninsula. As a special Dunedin Cadbury Chocolate Carnival oneday only offer, you can visit Dunedin’s most iconic peninsula attractions for a fraction of the normal price! From 9am – 5pm.

Chocolate Discovery School Holiday Gallery Trail. Who invented chocolate? Come on a trail of discovery to find out! Answer the coded questions to earn a Cadbury chocolate treat! Visit the Discovery Desk on Atrium Level 1, Otago Museum. Phone 03- 474-7474.

11-19 July

The Disaster Brothers. On your marks… get set… KABOOM! The Disaster Brothers are in town with a dangerously delirious, frantically fast-paced, travelling family circus show. Fortune Theatre, $10 tickets.

11 July

Cadbury Chocolate Fun Day. The 15th annual Dunedin Cadbury Chocolate Carnival starts today! Party games, three chocolate

12 July

13 – 16 July

Learn to Skate. Learn skills to enhance your competence on the ice in a happy, safe environment, with hot chocolate and prizes. Free. Bookings essential, phone 03-456-4556. Dunedin Ice Stadium, 101 Victoria Road.

13 July

See The Disaster Brothers’ travelling circus show.

17 July

20-22 August

22 July

28 August

Cadbury Crunchie Train. Taieri Gorge Railway, The Dunedin Railway Station, Anzac Square , Dunedin. The Crunchie Train is heading out, so come dressed up for the hunt for the elusive treasure chest filled with our world famous Cadbury Crunchies. Phone 03-477-4449 for details.

The Wiggles Rock & Roll Preschool Tour. Anthony, Emma, Lachy and Simon have declared the Rock & Roll Preschool open! From 10-11am, ticket $36 adults and children. Visit www.ticketdirect.co.nz.

16 July

Waihi School Dunedin Gathering. Are you interested in Waihi Preparatory School for Boys in South Canterbury? Join us at our Dunedin gathering on Wednesday 22 July 2015 to find out more. Email executive@waihi.school.nz.

Teddy Bear’s Picnic. Dress your Teddy Bear in a fantastic outfit made with Cadbury Chocolate wrappers for the Teddy Bear Fashion Parade. Lanarch Castle, 10am – 12pm, phone 03-476-1616 for tickets.

DISCOVER THE

OTAGO MUSEUM

Open daily, 10am–5pm 419 Great King Street, Dunedin PH 03 474 7474 www.otagomuseum.nz

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Band of Magicians. The four hottest faces of modern magic are bringing a season of aweinspiring entertainment to Dunedin. At the Regent Theatre, 7pm, for tickets and pricing visit www.regenttheatre.co.nz. The Cake & Craft Show. More FM Arena, Portsmouth Drive, 10am – 5pm. High-end retail craft by some of New Zealand’s top end entrepreneurs, artisans, designers and crafts people. Phone 0800-289-849.

28 - 29 August

Swan Lake - Russian National Ballet Theatre. A long-time favourite with the music of Tchaikovsky and the wonderfully dark story of good set against evil. Regent Theatre, adults $79, children $59, phone 03-477-8597 for tickets.

Entertainment Need a fun activity to beat the winter blues? The weather may be chilly but there are still a plethora of exciting events and entertainment destinations around the city. Here are a few ideas to get you started, and we’ve got heaps more at www.familytimes.co.nz. Otago Museum No matter the weather, Otago Museum is always the hottest place in town! Experience a lush, living Tropical Forest, where you’ll meet live butterflies and other tropical creatures in their natural paradise.

2015/2016 primary and intermediate school term dates

SCHOOL TERM DATES

Term 3, 2015

Dunedin Public Libraries

Calling all pre-schoolers! Help us celebrate Slinky Malinky’s 25th birthday at Dunedin Public Libraries by taking part in a colouringin competition from 6-17 July.

Otago Settlers Museum

Join our storyteller and discover a museum full of stories and songs. On 10 and 24 July, 10am – 11am. Gold coin, limited spaces, bookings required.

Family fun for all at Wal’s Plant land

Enjoy a mini golf course, driving range and mini trains at Wal’s Plant land, plus giftware, pots and plants, local fresh produce, Topiary Café, barbecue function area, and marquee. Phone 03-484-7319, www.walsplantland.co.nz.

2015 and 2016 secondary and composite school term dates Term 3, 2015

Term 4, 2015

Term 1, 2016

Term 2, 2016

Monday 2 May to Friday 8 July

Holiday specials

Here are some great holiday ideas designed to keep you and your little ones entertained during the school break. Rialto Cinemas

The Dunedin Chinese Garden

Visit Dunedin Chinese Garden these school holidays to learn about China’s greatest monuments and build your own Great Wall or terracotta army. Open daily: 10am – 5pm.

Tell our advertiser you saw it in...

Bring the kids to Rialto Cinemas this winter school holidays to keep warm and entertained with new Disney film Inside Out and the Minions are coming to town. Out 25 June.

M*A*S*H

M*A*S*H holiday programme is the best fun your kids can have. M*A*S*H, in Dunedin

Term 4, 2015

Monday 12 October to no later than Wednesday 16 December

Between Monday 1 February and Friday 5 February to Friday 15 April

Megazone Dunedin is your one-stop shop of fun, with laser tag, mini-golf, arcades, pool tables, game store and a cafe. There is something for everyone, big or small! Phone 03-474-9179 or visit megazonedunedin.co.nz.

central, was formerly Skidaddle. WINZ subsidy available. Phone 0800-420-520, www.mashkids.co.nz.

Monday 20 July to Friday 25 September

Monday 20 July to Friday 25 September Monday 12 October to no later than Friday 18 December

Megazone

Between Monday 1 February and Friday 5 February to Friday 15 April Monday 2 May to Friday 8 July

Remaining public holidays 2015 26 October 25 December 26 December

Labour Day Christmas Day Boxing Day

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Remember to bring your socks! (No socks, no play)

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373 Princes Street, Dunedin Phone 03 477 6762 dunedin@chipmunks.co.nz *Party “loot bags”, party game & prize, premium gift for birthday child, are inclusions in bash & bonanza packages.

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Grandparents changing with the times Families today are changing, and grandparents are changing with it.

n one hand, greater mobility means that families are spread across the country (and the world) and many children aren’t able to see their grandparents regularly. Life is hectic for all generations and even families who live near each other often don’t spend as much time together as in the past. On the other hand, people are having fewer children and living longer. With fewer family members in each generation, intergenerational relationships can take on added significance. The great news is that with a longer life expectancy, grandparents are likely to be around for longer to be a part of their grandchildren’s lives. But how they define the role of grandparent is changing according to Age Concern CEO Robyn Scott.

Grandparents as caregivers A Families’ Commission report from 2010 estimates that as many as 10,000 children in New Zealand are cared for fulltime by their grandparents. This is for a variety of reasons, such as parents being unable or

unwilling to raise their children, or shared accommodation within the family. Then, according to Scott, there are a whole lot more grandparents who take on a part-time caregiver role with their grandchildren due to their parents’ work commitments. “There are lots of grandparents that are full-time or part-time caregivers to their grandchildren. The impact of that on them depends on whether that is out of necessity or choice – is it because of the need for unpaid childcare because of economic implications, or out of choice, out of love, because they want to be a full-time caregiver?”

Grandparents working On the flipside, in previous generations, even if the grandfather worked until retirement age, the grandmother would be at home. However, Scott says that’s changing. “The concept of retirement – whatever retirement is – has definitely changed. New Zealand has a very high percentage of over 65s in the workforce, so there are a lot of grandparents working either part-time or full-time, particularly between the ages of 65 and 75. When I was a child, my grandparents were in their late 70s early 80s, and there was nobody working in that age group at that time.

If you need help... Breastfeeding support in many ways Meet breastfeeding mothers ContaCt a trained breastfeeding counsellor Read a book from our library BRowse our website Join and receive aroha magazine Buy books and leaflets donate to help La Leche League help more mums like you.

They were grandparenting – that’s what they did. They were at home. “The other thing that has changed is that it is more difficult to generalise on these things than 50 years ago – there is more variation on what a person later in their life is likely to be doing today.”

Connecting with grandparents Grandparents today are much more likely to have grandchildren living in a different city or a different country than they were 50 years ago, and that does have an impact on intergenerational relationships, Scott said. “If your grandchildren are living on the other side of the world, you can’t travel to them every weekend, so your relationship with them is going to vary from what it would be if they were living around the corner. It’s more difficult to be close. But the bonus that’s come along in the last 20-years is the value of

Sometimes you need some Help is information or @ hand an answer to a curly question. Why not pick up the phone and call the relative support agency? You’ll find professional caring people ready to assist you.

technology. Grandparents Skype grandchildren all over the world every day of the week. “I don’t think relationships are necessarily better or worse – I just think they’re different.”

Citizens Advice Bureau Dunedin

Phone: 0800-367 222 or 03-471 6166 For free information and advice. Not sure? Ask us

Dunedin Budget Advisory Service Phone: 03-471 6158 Free confidential advice on personal budgets. How to manage your money, options and plans for debt repayment.

OTAGO PAEDIATRICS SUPERGRANS is a free, confidential and non-judgemental service. SUPERGRANS share their life skills with families in need. SUPERGRANS are mature people who work on a volunteer basis because they care.

Contact Marie Sutherland Phone: 03-474 0582

E-mail: supergrans.dunedin@xtra.co.nz

Dr Andrew Kelly CONSULTANT PAEDIATRICIAN

Regular private clinics held in Dunedin, Queenstown and Cromwell.

• Minimal waiting times • Infants and Children of all ages seen for the range of Child Health and Development issues Contact Mornington Health Centre, Dunedin 03-466 5011 www.mhc.co.nz

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New Oki-Doki Fun Bars are new FUN treat for kids' lunch boxes. They are made in The Netherlands with NO artificial colours, NO artificial flavours, NO preservatives unlike many other products. Oki-Doki Fun Bars are totally natural!! Only the finest Belgium milk chocolate is used in the production of Oki-Doki bars. The best thing about them – they are so Yummy! Kids absolutely love them!! Available from all good supermarkets.Try one today! For more information visit: www.facebook.com/OkiDokiFun www.universaltrade.co.nz

From baby language to communication One of the most exciting developmental stages in infants and toddlers is their growing ability to communicate.

rom their first word – usually Mum or Dad – or a variation of those terms, to when they start school, their brains are hard-wired for learning words and their meanings at a staggering rate. One of the greatest stages of development hits at about 18-months, with a language explosion that will see your toddler’s vocabulary grow from a few words at age one to 1000-2000 by his third birthday. It’s usually around this time too, that he will start to make simple combinations of words to form short sentences, i.e, “go car,” or “no bath.” You probably won’t understand everything they say for some time – after all, some consonants are tricky, and words with blended sounds (such as pl, or br) can take some time. What is important, and worth celebrating, is your toddler’s efforts to make himself understood. If you are a first-time parent, you may have some questions or concerns about your child’s language development. Plunket clinical advisor Marg Bigsby says this is normal. “Language development is a topic that often comes up. First time parents often have more questions, and this is exactly the kind of topic

New Zealand Health Shop Looking for an all-in-one family-friendly supplement to support quality sleep and optimal health? Try our SleepDrops powder! Suitable for ages 2 and above, this product contains a comprehensive blend of key vitamins, minerals and fruit extracts to support optimal sleep, immune response, nervous and adrenal system function, energy levels, and cardiovascular wellbeing. Mix the powder into a delicious drink for the whole family! Prioritise your family’s sleep and get on top of your wellness strategy this winter with SleepDrops’ Essential Sleep and Stress Nutrients. Available at 1100 health stores and pharmacies nationwide and from www. sleepdrops.co.nz. Always read the label and take as directed.

to discuss with your Plunket nurse, who can in most cases offer reassurance that your child’s language is developing just fine or, if required, refer to a specialist.” Here are some general guidelines for language development in little ones:

• Understand simple instructions, such as “Come here.”

• Recognise words for common items, such as shoe.

• Turn and look in the direction of sounds. • Respond to “no.”

By the end of 18 months

By the end of 18 months, your child might: • Point to an object or picture when it’s named. • Recognise names of familiar people, objects and body parts. • Follow simple directions accompanied by gestures. • Say as many as eight to 10 words.

“What is important, and worth celebrating, is your toddler’s efforts to make himself understood.” By the end of 3 months

By the end of three months, your child might: • Smile when you appear. • Startle upon hearing loud sounds. • Make “cooing” sounds. • Quiet or smile when spoken to. • Seem to recognise your voice. • Cry differently for different needs.

By the end of 6 months

By the end of 24 months, your child might: • Use simple phrases, such as “more milk.” • Ask one- to two-word questions, such as “Go bye-bye?” • Follow simple commands without the help of gestures. • Speak at least 50 words.

When to check with your child’s doctor

By the end of six months, your child might: • Make gurgling sounds when playing with you or left alone. • Babble and make a variety of sounds. • Use his or her voice to express pleasure and displeasure. • Move his or her eyes in the direction of sounds. • Respond to changes in the tone of your voice. • Notice that some toys make sounds. • Pay attention to music.

By the end of 12 months

By the end of 24 months

Talk to your child’s doctor or a Plunket nurse if your child hasn’t mastered most of the speech and language development milestones for his or her age or you’re concerned about any aspect of your child’s development. Speech delays occur for many reasons, and it’s important to tackle them quickly in order to prepare your child for school.

Tell our advertiser you saw it in...

By the end of 12 months, your child might: • Try imitating words. • Say a few words, such as “dada,” “mama” and “uh-oh.”

Parent Help is a not-for-profit organisation that has been offering services to parents and families since 1989. • Parent Help line 0800-568-856 • Counselling and family therapy • Parent education courses • Information and resources We listen! Our helpline provides free, confidential and anonymous support assisting parents, caregivers, family and whanau with practical parenting advice. Phone 0800-568-856, 9am to 11pm, seven days a week. Visit www.parenthelp.org.nz or email admin@parenthelp.org.nz.

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Car Seat Services Quality early childhood education from birth to school. Active involvement in your child’s education. A fun safe environment to meet other families. A parent co-operative where all skills are valued. NZQA training and education programme for adults.

www.playcentre.org.nz

Parent Help

0800 488 3932

Whanau tapu ngatahi – families growing together

Safety approved infant & child car restraints

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FREE services

to families • Well Child assessments • Family Suppport services • Parenting education • Playgroups and coffee groups • Car Seat Services

FOR HIRE • Infant seats (birth-2kg, birth-18kg) • Snap ‘n’ Go Strollers • Child seats Shorterm hire also welcome. 18 Lorne Street, South Dunedin Phone: 03-455-9934 Hours: Mon-Wed & Fri, 9am-3pm Thurs 9am-5.30pm, Sat 10am-12 noon

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PLUNKET AREA OFFICE Phone: 03 474-0490 Plunket 24hr Line: 0800-933-922 www.plunket.org.nz

www.familytimes.co.nz

Winter wellness tips and tricks Staying warm, well and safe  Open windows. It’s important to do this regularly – every day – to prevent dampness and in winter takes a bit more mould that create an unhealthy environment. effort than in sunny summer  Draught stoppers. Invest in door sausages for internal doors, v-seal around windows and months. We’ve got some tips doors, and draught stops for under external to keep your family on track doors to stop heat escaping. during winter’s icy grip. Winter driving  Driver slower. Drive slower than you Family health normal would. It only takes a split second to

 Vitamin C – during winter, when vegetables and fruits high in the immune-boosting vitamin are scarce, you may need to take regular vitamin C supplements to support body tissue growth, healthy blood vessels, strong bones and teeth, and to ward off winter influenza.  Flu injection - if you haven’t already, consider getting flu injections for you and your family. It may even be free – enquire with your local GP.  Dress warm – kids will fight it and swear they’re not cold, but make sure they’re wrapped up snug even inside the house to help prevent the onset of coughs and colds.  Hand sanitiser – give the kids small bottles for school, and make sure they use it – this will help stop the spread of germs that result in winter illnesses.

lose control in wet or icy conditions.  Avoid quick movements. Avoid sudden braking or turning movements that could cause you to skid. Instead, accelerate slowly and brake gently.  Safe distance. Drive at a safe travelling distance because it takes longer to stop on a slippery road, especially in poor weather. Double the two-second-rule.  Drive to conditions. When travelling in fog, rain or snow, drive with your lights dipped for increased safety.  Plan your journey. Consider if you really need to travel, especially if the weather is very poor. Always check the weather forecasts and road conditions, and think about which route to take. Choose safety over convenience.

Family home

 Don’t hibernate. We all have tendencies to snuggle up in our homes in front of our televisions until spring temperatures start to kick in. But getting out and about has benefits. When the sun is shining, wrap up warm and take the kids out for a bike ride to the park. They’ll get rid of excess energy, and you’ll all feel better for the excursion.

 Insulation: A snug, cosy and warm environment is crucial for winter wellness. Consider insulating your home if you haven’t already. Check out EECA Energywise grants – you may be eligible for a subsidy towards insulation and an energy efficient heatpump.

 Invite people over. If you really don’t want to leave the safe haven of your snug winter home, invite family members or friends over for a potluck lunch or dinner. Company has a way of lifting our moods and a warm winter meal is always a winner.  Plan activities. Make a concerted effort to plan things to do outside of the house, whether it’s a simple Saturday morning grocery shop or trip to the movies.  Winter sports. Encourage your kids to get involved in a winter sport, or even get involved yourself. Keeping moving in winter is crucial to health.

Me time

 Schedule in personal time. It can be tricky to do when the kids are inside, but try to find a quiet corner, read a book, draw a bath or have a nap.  Start a hobby. Winter is the perfect time to take up a new personal interest. What about scrapbooking, knitting/crochet or exploring some new hearty and healthy winter recipes? You could even take an online language course or explore learning about topics that are of interest to you.

Health

Community minded

Pregnancy Support

Pregnant?

Every day is NOT ok

If you use your blue inhaler every day your asthma is NOT under control See your GP, talk to your prac�se nurse or Asthma Otago to improve it

Have you thought of sharing this special time with a student midwife?

Asthma Otago 4716167 www.asthmafounda�on.org.nz

Retail

J02039 D

The focus for our first year midwifery students is to ‘follow through’ pregnancy, birth and the early weeks at home, with women and their families – the role being that of a companion/support person. Our students enjoy these experiences which provide their best learning opportunities. If your baby is due before early November and you think you might enjoy sharing your childbirth experience with one of our students, please contact:

Emma Morey, School of Midwifery 0800 762 786, emma.morey@op.ac.nz

www.asthmacontrol.co.nz

0800 762 786 www.op.ac.nz

Heating

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market place Education

Family Getaways

Literacy Aotearoa (Dunedin) Inc Carnegie Centre, 110 Moray Place

Phone: 03-477 2055

FREE COURSES • Learner Licence Courses • One to one workplace literacy tuition • Writing Family Stories • Communication in the Workplace • Men’s Literacy Course

Travelling these holidays? For a great day out, beach, boulders, fantastic food, coffee and shopping, visit

Psychotherapy

the Moeraki Boulders Café Open 9am-5pm, 7 Days

7 Moeraki Boulders Road • 03-439 4827 www.moerakiboulders.co.nz

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New range of backpacks and moover toys IN STORE NOW!

win win win The Disaster Brothers On your marks… get set… KABOOM! The Disaster Brothers are in town with a dangerously delirious, frantically fastpaced, travelling family circus show. Come and see them at Fortune Theatre these school holidays. Visit www.fortunetheatre. co.nz. To celebrate, we have 10 children’s passes to give away. To enter, visit www.familytimes.co.nz Competition closes 3 July 2015.

FREE G IN SHIPP WIDE N O I NAT

www.kidscapes.co.nz

Daycare

Local News

www.familytimes.co.nz

Issue 64 | Family Times Dunedin | Winter 2015

Articles inside

Top reads

Miscarriage and stillbirth

Childhood obesity

The importance of play