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Take Pride

Organizers spill on how they built a Tampa classic

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PUBLISHER James Howard EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Ray Roa DIGITAL EDITOR Colin Wolf STAFF WRITER Justin Garcia

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FOOD and THEATER CRITIC Jon Palmer Claridge FILM & TV CRITIC John Allman IN-HOUSE WITCH Caroline DeBruhl CONTRIBUTORS Josh Bradley, Kyla Fields, Thomas Hallock, Dan Savage, Eric Snider

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Apply summer via rroa@cltampa.com SeaWorld in for February, animal rights claiming the practice of keeping wild Spatafora CREATIVE DIRECTOR Jack d dangerous. But even though public ILLUSTRATORS Joe Newton, Dan Perkins, atmany SeaWorld animal rights don’t in seeFebruary, a parallel between the kind Cory Robinson , claiming the practice of keepinganimals wild k and the practice of displaying ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES nd dangerous. even though public asking forSENIOR tooBut much? Or is it time for a Anthony Carbone, Scottthe Zepeda d, many don’t see a parallel between kind t” animals?

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ck and the practice of displaying animals AND MARKETING, PROMOTIONS s asking for too much? Or is it time for a EVENTS DIRECTOR ent” animals? Alexis Quinn Chamberlain

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Even with Lavender Country’s 21st century revival, his radical politics are still at the center of his art.

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GET ON BOARD

JOIN US FOR THE LARGEST PRIDE PARTY AT SEA For the fourth year, we’re celebrating Pride across our award-winning fleet—all around the world. Step aboard one of 12 stunning ships in destinations like Alaska, Europe, and the Caribbean, and experience a party like no other this June, as we pass the baton from ship to ship and keep the festivities going across hemispheres and time zones. Don’t let the world’s most unforge able Pride event set sail without you.

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TAMPA PRIDE

Tampa Pride Parade 2022 Saturday, March 26. Parade starts at 4 p.m. Ybor City. tampapride.org

POLITICS

ISSUES

OPINION

Family time

The oral history of Tampa Pride By Caroline DeBruhl

Before Pride Debbie Ducko: I moved to Tampa in 1968. My brother was gay and lived in San Francisco, so my first Prides were there prior to the ‘70s. It didn’t seem like it was that large of a community [in Tampa] at the time. It’s not like it was in San Francisco or Los Angeles, where the LGBT community was large or more outgoing and out and about. But the main gay club here was El Goya. David Saniz: In the late-’70s, early-’80s, El Goya came around. And it was the most fabulous bar. There were only two or three bars that we had, but it was a bar that had five bars within the bar, you know? A dance bar, a show bar, a cave bar, a Western bar, and it was just where everybody went back then. That’s where we all got to go. It was very difficult back then. It wasn’t OK to be out. And Goya was like the

breaking point. They ventured out, and then they started blossoming. And we started just… to me, it just started happening from there. It was a fun, loving place. You could just—I don’t know how to explain it—you could just go there and be yourself. Although when you left, you had to be careful. You always had the haters that were out there, you know, waiting for you to come out.

POWER COUPLE: Mark-Bias West (L) and Carrie West. Carrie West: Every time you left the bar, the police would pull you over. That was a very heavy presence, intimidation. They would do that outside Rene’s [Lounge] or raid up The Old Plantation. So we left Rene’s, and cops pulled you over, “That bar you just left, you know what kind of bar that was? That’s a homosexual bar. Did you know that, sir?” Because remember, you got caught or anything like that, they could put your name in the paper and list your job, too.

the advocacy groups really were on their own. They really had to fight by themselves. They’re the ones that started Pride. Ducko: It was probably the first one they had that I went to. It was very liberating because it was something that I had been doing in other places, but I finally could do it at home. So it was—it felt good. It felt like “OK, now we’re coming to modern times. We’re not going backwards.” Judy B. Goode: Well, I just checked it out. It was advertised. And at USF, it was really cool. Because back in the day, you didn’t have to pay; you just went there on the campus. You could bring coolers, blankets, have a picnic. And you don’t have to really pay for anything. I think it was like $2 to come into the gate or whatever. And Helen Reddy was playing that year. And I adore Helen Reddy. And they asked me if I would be her warmer back. And I said yes. And then I said: “I’m gonna write a song!” I don’t remember the song, but I did write her a song. And I sang it. Like I told you earlier, she hugged me like this (mimes somebody attempting to hug a person without physically touching them.) But they paid like $10,000 for four songs. And she did four songs, the same four songs. They had two sets. She then took a break and did the same frickin’ four. I still love her music. But yeah, she was very homophobic. Everybody thought she was gay. Everybody thought that her and Anne Murry were getting it on. I mean, she looked like it—with that hair? Like, didn’t she look like a dyke? Anyway, I think she was scared [to come out]. West: The first time I went to Pride, it was Helen Reddy on stage, and her opening act was Judy B. Goode. That was crazy. And it was at USF; on the sand dunes in a park and they had a sock hop that night, a Tampa Pride sock hop, and there was maybe 20 of us there dancing in our socks—it was a “sock hop,” and everyone else came to see the gays. There were more spectators than us, and it was pretty crazy. Goode: You know what it reminded me of? Reminded me of Woodstock….Yeah, we had our picnic, and you know, it was like Woodstock. That’s what it was like back then. And I thought, “This is really cool. I just came out, and this is really cool.” West: There was a small group in St. Petersburg, back in the ‘80s, and there was the continued on page 11

“We’re not going backwards.”

DAVE DECKER

ast year, Tampa made history by hosting the first Pride parade in the country since the pandemic began. It was a huge turnout and became a model for other cities looking to celebrate safely during the pandemic. In the long, winding history of Tampa Pride, the pandemic was not the only time the party was put on hold. What started as a small sock hop and barbeque at the University of South Florida turned into a huge community event that became a hijacked “corporate” flop before being outright banned by a homophobic County Commissioner in 2005. The revitalized Pride in 2015 brought together a new generation of LGBTQ Tampa baes, who worked with some of the first generation organizers to create what we know today. Carrie West and Mark Bias-West invited me to their insanely beautiful home in Ybor City, where they hosted a “Wine Wednesday” for their friends, some of whom they’ve known since the beginning of Pride and some of the younger generation they’ve met through the years. The party had the familial feeling of a Mardi Gras krewe, where no glass went empty, and everyone was in good spirits. While Tampa has always had an LGBTQ scene, it didn’t host its first Pride until 1982. Curious, I began by asking what the scene was like before the first official Pride.

Tampa Pride 1.0 In 1982, the first Tampa Pride festival was held on the USF campus. It was a modest affair that included a barbeque and a softball game. It grew to involve entertainment from headliners. However, not everyone in the community felt safe to go. West: People were afraid to go to Pride. They didn’t want to be identified publically as being gay. There were three differentials: there were gays that wouldn’t go to the clubs. They would go to these late-night clubs only, that would be open between 2 a.m.-7 a.m. And there’s the gays that would go to the bath clubs and we had two or

three bath clubs at that time. That’s the only way they could really be with themselves…they were more closeted, married gays. That’s all they had then… So there were those that went out to bars late at night, and then those that would go out in daylight hours. I call them “light advocacy groups.” Anybody that went to the bars—no advocacy. They didn’t want to be associated with that. So a lot of them never crossed paths. So

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continued from page 7 group in Tampa, and that grew…They had a small parade down in Tampa, went from City Hall, and went down traveling to areas around there. I’d say that was ‘94. Either ‘95 or ‘96 was the big one. They had a big convention, the biggest one in Tampa. It was the Men’s International Chorus. They had that at the same time as Tampa Pride. And it was funny because Dick Greco was the mayor at the time, and while someone was rehearsing “Give Me Kisses,” Harvey Fierstein gave Greco a kiss. Ducko: I think it brought all the different little sub-communities together as a cohesive group because now you had USF, you had Ybor, you had South Tampa. So now everybody is getting together. Goode: And then everything changed. It’s like buy, buy, buy! Spend, spend, spend!

Cha-ching, changes As Tampa Pride grew, there was a push from the former organizers to become bigger and bigger. In 2002, there was an attempt to host Pride at Raymond James Stadium, with Pat Benatar as lead act and tickets that some remember being $80. The event failed to sell enough tickets and left organizers in debt. West: Nobody went. Ducko: Tampa Pride is a community, and it’s mostly volunteers. We all volunteer and this stuff at Raymond James— that wasn’t volunteers, that was corporate. That was corporations making money off of Pride. That’s a big difference. That was business and sponsorship, whereas Tampa Pride is more of the community, and what people get out of it is family. That’s what it’s about, the family.

West: Everyone did major stories on it at the time; you can read all about it, even Creative Loafing. Turns out what happened was they just spent too much money on coke. They even got a cruise ship, one of the ships they had was the “Eagle Empress.” They paid for this cruise ship, and now they’re bankrupt… That was the last year they did it.

TAMPA PRIDE

Stormy weather After the event’s failure at Raymond James, Tampa Pride went on what was meant to be a brief hiatus. However, in 2005, then Hillsborough County Commissioner, Ronda Storms, put to vote the position that the Commission “adopt a policy that Hillsborough County government abstain from acknowledging, promoting or participating in gay pride

ALL ABOARD: Tampa Pride is driven by volunteers.

recognition and events—little g, little p—which passed, effectively banning all sanctioned Pride events in Hillsborough. Storms then added an amendment that would require a supermajority to repeal the ban. Ducko: [Ronda Storms] was an uptight bitch. Always has been, since she was in office. Goode: She stopped Gay Pride. And the St. Pete Pride started, and St. Pete Pride was the biggest in the whole state of Florida. I don’t know what year it was, but when it started, Mark and Carrie and me and my toy poodle, we did a free show benefit for them to start St. Pete Pride. They have never asked me to sing. Even though I was the first person to raise money for them. And I live over there. It’s standing room only at my shows. (Judy B. Goode performs at the Hollander Hotel in St. Pete.) continued on page 16

DAVE DECKER

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DAVE DECKER

FIGHT LEFT: Despite recent attacks on the LGBTQ+ community, Tampa Pride marches on. continued from page 11 West: What we did was Mark, and I and Jay Aller heard—I don’t know how we were notified—but we heard from the mayor of Key West who said, “if you can’t do Pride up there in Tampa, come do Pride in Exile.” So that’s what we did. We had Pride in Exile. We loaded up buses and went down there. We got a police escort down Duval street, first time they let buses on Duval.

David Triplett-Rosa: In 2014 I met Carrie, and he was telling me he was going to start up Tampa Pride. So myself, a friend of mine, and some others were talking, and I thought: “this would be the perfect time to get the Tampa Pride Community Band started” and be the first [marching] band to join Tampa Pride. So in February 2014, we started up and have been in a mutual relationship since. Joshua Triplett-Rosa: I’m not a musician per se...but I did actually learn to play a second bass drum and march in the first Tampa Pride. We wanted to be a part of something nice and a part of the community, so my husband taught me and my friends how to play the bass drum. Josh Leonard: I’ve got to meet great people through Tampa Pride. I feel like Tampa has more of a community, and I feel more involved with [Pride] here than I felt in Orlando. Orlando was more spread out, so it was hard to get involved unless you knew certain people already involved with it. Everyone can be involved in Tampa Pride if they want. I like the fact that we’re like one family here, and everyone’s ‘six degrees of Kevin Bacon’ from each other.

TAMPA PRIDE

Clearer skies In 2013, with the support of openly gay member Kevin Beckner, Hillsborough County Commission voted unanimously to repeal the ban. As a result, the Tampa Pride community started to work, and in 2015, Tampa held its first officially sanctioned pride in 13 years. It also brought together both older and newer members of the Tampa Bay LGBTQ community, who have helped Pride grow. West: I figured it was going to be about 8,000 people. People said, “Oh, we’ll get a couple thousand people, they’ll have their little hurrah,” and it was 25,000. I was up on Hamburger Mary’s, and it started…tears. I just saw it, and it was just so emotional.

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Ducko: It’s been growing and tripling every year with the amount of people that come…I think the community is ready. Most people are more open-minded than what they admit to, and I think more people are accepting of it. It’s not behind closed doors anymore. It’s out, and I think that helped a lot. The future As I spoke with people, I also heard stories of difficulty here in Tampa. I heard about raids happening through the mid-2000s and lying on the floor of bars in case cops shot through the door. More than one person had a tattoo in honor of the victims of the Pulse nightclub shooting. And everyone I spoke to shared their rage and horror at the “Don’t Say Gay” bill and is worried for the safety and lives of Florida’s LGBTQ students. Tampa has an LGBTQ population of 5.9%, the 5th largest in the country, and although it has been 40 years since Tampa held its first Pride, the fact remains that Anti-Gay laws still get passed. The Tampa

Pride Community Band, for example, plays benefits to raise money for local middle and high schools, but they can’t advertise those shows in those same halls. It is hard to look at what is happening in Florida and not see echoes of those cops pulling over men outside of Rene’s, threatening to expose them. But as these people speak, their tone isn’t one of resignation; it’s of resistance. They speak with a fierce pride that comes from bravery and willingness to make things right, West: When you start talking about, “Don’t Say Gay,” I say Gay. People need to be able to say who they are, be who they are, and celebrate who they are. And that’s very important for this day and age… There’s got to be a positive direction, and that positive direction will be coming around the corner very shortly. Step up. Listen. Let’s see leadership. Let’s keep the kids happy and positive. Let’s keep the teachers going in a positive direction, and let’s grow. Let’s grow that positive effort that we all want to see.

“ People need to be able to say who they are, be who they are, and celebrate who they are.”

We’d like to wish Tampa a “HAPPY PRIDE” weekend!

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On Saturday, Tampa Pride’s marquee event, the diversity parade, kicks off at 4 p.m. at the west end of Ybor City (Nuccio Parkway) and heads east on 7th Avenue before it wraps at 20th Street. But the march is just part of a long list of activities taking over two stages at the Cuban Club (2010 N Avenida Republica de Cuba) plus a food truck alley (9th Avenue at 13th Street), artisan festival (9th Avenue at 15th Street), vendor and wellness fair (Hillsborough Community College) and low sensory area in between Palm and 9th Avenues and Angel Oliva Sr. and 19th Streets.

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Last year, Tampa’s was the country’s first Pride parade since the onset of the pandemic, and in 2022, organizers still have health and hygiene in mind, so expect to see more wash stations and hand sanitizer. Get info on some of the events happening below. Cuban Club The courtyard will be home to mainstage performers in front of festival goers every hour from noon until 7 p.m. If it gets too hot for you, the cantina stage will feature an air-conditioned bar plus entertainment every hour. Pride at Night party Starting at 7 p.m., the mainstage at the Cuban Club welcomes headlining performances by Aja and Kandy Muse from RuPaul’s Drag Race, international DJ Matt Suave, live performances from Florida ballroom’s House of West, Florida Ballroom Up & Coming Legend Yummy Prodigy.

Food truck alley Because you’re never too proud to just take down a few glizzys in the middle of a parade day. Eats are available 11 a.m.-11 p.m. Vendor festival and artisan’s fair Local and National artisanal crafts and other vendors, including nonprofits sharing community resources! 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Health & wellness fair Local and National organizations provide education, testing and various other resources. 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Low-sensory area Basically, if you’re tired (or drunk) AF, there’s a a quiet, private courtyard where you can catch back up with yourself. Tampa Pride’s low-sensory area features a soft running fountain and views of the historic district. Sunday film screening at FMoPA And if that’s still not enough, downtown Tampa’s Florida Museum of Photographic Arts (400 N Ashley Dr.) hosts a pay-whatyou-wish 2p.m. screening of “Eye Candy: The Crazy World of David LaChapelle” where the photographer channels Warhol and taps his famous friends (read: Justin Timberlake, Elton John and Pamela Anderson) to help create a “boundless world where women are pictured swinging from crystal chandeliers, squashed by giant hamburgers and half swallowed by sharks.” A panel discussion featuring Creative Loafing Tampa Bay favorites Kalup Linzy, Dr. David Gudelunas and The Tampa Bay International Gay & Lesbian Film Festival Executive Director Victor Gimenez follows. More information is at fmopa.org.—Ray Roa

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Just enough

Tampa Mayor Jane Castor barely gets controversial police chief pick approved. By Justin Garcia her as police chief on Feb. 8. At that press conference, Castor said that O’Connor could start “as early as next week,” pending council approval. But 10 days later, John Bennett, Castor’s Chief of Staff, told council that O’Connor had actually started the job on the day of the press conference, to council’s surprise. “Mayor Castor’s commitment to a national search and due diligence leading to Mary’s appointment is followed by the prescribed process of presenting Mary to council for confirmation,” said Bennett. “Mary was vetted by over 100 years of combined law enforcement experience, and introduced and reintroduced to hundreds of community members, leading to today.” About O’Connor’s arrest history, one Black Tampa resident named Melvin Hicks said, “Shit, if I assaulted a Hillsborough County deputy, I’d be locked up right now.” Brett Bartlett, retired officer, said that O’Connor helped him through issues he had on the force. “As an officer, I had what you call a splotchy disciplinary history,” Bartlett said. “And I had some rough times. I was fortunate in that my leadership recognized my ability to continue to

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serve and maybe do a good job and I’ve benefited from that. So I’m a big believer in second chances.” One of the speakers in favor of O’Connor and Mayor Castor was shuttled by TPD to city hall last year to speak in favor of the city’s controversial crime free multi-housing program, CL found. Several speakers pointed out a double standard in O’Connor holding the position of police chief, including councilman Guido Maniscalco, who said the city wouldn’t let him hire a legislative aide who had a DUI arrest on their record in the past. In early March, councilmen alleged that Mayor Castor’s staff was behind a pressure campaign to get Mary O’Connor elected. CL was initially only able to obtain two emails from influential people writing to council to support O’Connor, one of which had ties to Mayor Castor. Yesterday, CL received more emails through a public records request. Several of the emails used repetitive language, and two of the emails were word-for-word copies of each other. The Tampa Bay Times reported that O’Connor might not have been Castor’s first choice (“Hoping she will be our next chief,” Castor

wrote in a Jan. 27 email about Miami Police Department Assistant Chief Cherise Gause). In a press release about the selection of O’Connor, the City of Tampa said that she helped police departments develop strategic plans for reducing crime by focusing on community engagement, and evidence-based policing. She is a senior faculty member of the FBI’s premier leadership training program that helps develop police officers into leaders who understand the importance of diversity, collaboration, social equity, and trust-building, the city said. Mary also created an after-school program in a disadvantaged neighborhood and was also instrumental in the development of technology that improved officer and community safety. Councilman Bill Carlson said he supported O’Connor because of her qualifications, but was upset at the actions of Castor’s administration, which is why he voted no. “It’s about protecting democracy in this city,” Carlson said. “The process was not transparent. It was disrespectful not just to council, but it was disrespectful to the public.”

“We feel disrespected by this whole process.”

TAMPAPD/TWITTER

ampa City Council confirmed Mary O’Connor as police chief on March 17 in a 4-2 vote, following 37 days of controversy surrounding her appointment by Mayor Jane Castor. Orlando Gudes and Bill Carlson voted no, both citing the flawed selection process led by Castor’s administration. “I wish you well,” Councilchair Orlando Gudes said. “But all I can say is I was candid with you yesterday [during a meeting] and that’s all I can be....We feel disrespected by this whole process.” O’Connor outlined her intentions as police chief to council. “I deeply care about the city and the people that call it home,” O’Connor said to council during the meeting. “And the past five weeks have helped me strengthen existing relationships with those very members of this city that call it home.” She told council that she has four goals as police chief: Work side-by-side with community members, a safety and wellness program for officers, reduce violent crime and creating a strong quality-assurance platform to ensure that all the community is treated with dignity and respect. The decision from council comes after community outcry surrounding O’Connor’s appointment by the mayor, especially the lack of transparency in her selection. O’Connor’s appointment by Castor was also controversial due to her past felony arrest for assault on a fellow law enforcement officer. She and Castor were also among officers who oversaw the controversial policing program “Biking while Black,” and O’Connor was a high ranking officer at TPD during a crime-free multi housing program, which disproportionately evicted Black renters. Councilmen and members of the Latino community pointed out the lack of Latino leadership under Mayor Castor. They said Ruben “Butch” Delgado, who served as interim chief, was an obvious choice for police chief. These issues and more were brought up by several speakers during public comment during the meeting, who landed on both sides of the issue. People from both sides of the argument— and all city council members— acknowledged that Mayor Castor’s police chief search process was the major problem, and contributed to the controversy around her selection. “There’s the process and the response that we’ve seen from members of the community, right, some of whom began with some more caustic responses that have kind of come to the middle, were speaking to a process that was, I believe, mishandled,” said councilman Luis Viera. The councilmen did not have the chance to meet with O’Connor until after Castor announced

ROUGH GO: Mary O’Connor (R) was one ‘no’ vote from being disapproved.

cltampa.com | MARCH 24 - 30, 2022 | 23

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cltampa.com | MARCH 24 - 30, 2022 | 25

Quiet down

Tampa City Council repeals a controversial noise ordinance. By Justin Garcia

ast Thursday, Tampa City Council repealed a controversial noise ordinance that would limit outdoor volume in areas throughout the city. In a 4-2 vote, council repealed the ordinance, with Charlie Miranda and Bill Carlson voting against repealing it. Instead, the city is instead planning on holding meetings to address the noise issues that vary between different parts of the city. Council called for staff to present a community engagement plan by April 21. Council also requested that city staff present an updated ordinance that addresses the immediate problems faced by residents of the Channelside district on April 7. During a March 17 meeting, public comment was split between approving the ordinance and shooting it down. The main complainants about the noise were residents of Channelside. People who live there called for the area to be considered differently than Ybor City, which has been known as a loud entertainment district for decades. Councilman Louis Viera agreed, saying that the ordinance needs to be repealed and revisited so the issues of each district can be addressed. “What I would like to see is for us to move forward from this ordinance, so that we can, like has been said before, deal with the unique issues involved in Ybor City,” he said. The initial ordinance sought to ban all amplified sound in Ybor after midnight and allow police to fine businesses with no warning should they have outdoor music at certain decibel levels. It also sought to restrict decibel levels to conversational volume between 1 a.m.-3 a.m., which is often prime time business hours in the historic and entertainment district. The noise ordinance was initially approved, but after backlash from the community, mainly

business owners and residents of Ybor, council made their first vote to repeal their approval of it on Feb. 17. When the ordinance was first presented in January business owners said that it would disrupt their business and livelihoods. A lawyer representing business owners in Ybor claimed that the ordinance was unconstitutional, citing the right to self expression and free speech. Florida Supreme Court case law supported their claims. City lawyers offered to adjust some language of the ordinance, but stuck by banning all amplified outdoor sound in Ybor after midnight, which was a sticking point for some council members and several community members. After several meetings with the community, city attorneys decided to walk away from talks with the public, informing city council that they should answer questions about the ordinance themselves. “We need direction from Council, which points to which amendments you want to move forward with so that we know what we’re talking to the community about,” Nicole B. Travis, Administrator of Development and Economic Opportunity told council. Gudes gave Travis his input, saying that city staff need to engage with specific problems in each community to create a noise ordinance that is fair for everyone. “Each district is unique in itself,” Gudes said. “The main point of contention was the outdoor amplified sound after midnight,” councilman Bill Carlson said. “And if you look at most of the venues in Ybor, most of them primarily have indoor capability but there are several that have outdoor sound.”

LOCAL NEWS

WIRESTOCK/ADOBE

ALIVE FOR NOW: Ybor City’s nightlife won’t have to deal with a new noise ordinance.

26 | MARCH 24 - 30, 2022 | cltampa.com

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Power culture

Asserting primacy is the closest thing the post-Trump GOP has to an agenda. By Jeffrey C. Billman

30 | MARCH 24 - 30, 2022 | cltampa.com

kill a woman.” When a journalist pointed out that, in real life, those meds are safer than Tylenol and 14 times safer than childbirth, Seitz responded, “I’m not a doctor.” You don’t say. In this same spirit, Idaho Republicans declared transgender youth an “emergency” and not only made it a felony to provide minors with gender-affirming health care—puberty blockers, hormone therapy, etc.—but also made

spokeswoman dismissed the entertainment behemoth as a “woke corporation.” DeSantis banked $50,000 from Disney, while the state GOP brought in more than $900,000 during the 2020 cycle. (Having helped bigots take control of the state, Disney paused its political donations.) There are a few common themes in these examples. One is the constant search for new culture-war territory—another way to define themselves in opposition to the wokes and own the libs—which is the closest thing the postTrump GOP has to an agenda. The other is control: leveraging power to

INFORMED DISSENT

DAVE DECKER

he moment the U.S. Supreme Court’s rightwing bloc washed its hands of the Texas law that made private citizens abortion bounty hunters, it was only a matter of time until other Republican states tried to one-up them. Missouri has proudly taken the lead. Last week, its legislature debated a bill that would ban all abortion—not just those more than six weeks after conception, as in Texas—through the same “private enforcement” scheme. But there’s a twist. While most women who were denied abortions because of Texas’ law ordered abortion pills or went to a neighboring state, Missouri’s bill would allow bounty hunters to sue anyone who helps a Missouri resident obtain an abortion anywhere. As constitutional law scholar Michele Goodwin told Mother Jones, Texas’ law—and now Missouri’s effort—recalls the Fugitive Slave Act passed in the Compromise of 1850, which required everyone to help capture escaped enslaved people. This antiabortion campaign is “meant to chill conduct” and “inspire fear.” Missouri’s law is, of course, blatantly unconstitutional. And not merely for the reasons Texas’ law is—or should be—unconstitutional. It’s also that Missouri has no authority to regulate what transpires outside of its territorial boundaries. The notion that someone (not necessarily a Missouri resident) can sue an internet service provider for hosting a website in Illinois or California or anywhere else “that encourages or facilitates efforts to obtain elective abortions” is, or should be, absurd. Then again, the Supreme Court’s conservatives haven’t been entirely beholden to precedent lately. And, technically, the Fugitive Slave Act was never declared unconstitutional. That’s not Missouri lawmakers’ only “innovation” in their quest to control the uterus. Representative Brian Seitz’s HB 2810 makes it a felony to traffic “abortion-inducing devices or drugs”—and the most serious felony, with as high as a 30-year sentence, for doing so if those devices or drugs are used to abort a fetus older than 10 gestational weeks or an ectopic pregnancy. You read that last part correctly. Ectopic pregnancies—when the fetus implants outside of the uterus—are always nonviable and can be harmful, even fatal, to the mother. Seitz has no idea what an ectopic pregnancy is, and he’s writing laws to prevent women from getting medical care to treat it. Unsurprisingly, his bill is based on other scientific fallacies. In a hearing last week, he argued that abortion medications can “actually

parents who provided their children with gender-affirming care as abusers—until a state judge shut that down last week. The state has promised to appeal, and it seems more likely than not that the legislature will intervene if a higher court doesn’t. Across the country this year, Republicans have proposed nearly 30 bills that seek to prevent transgender children from accessing health care. Eleven states have banned transgender girls from participating in school sports. Republicans in Tennessee and Wisconsin have introduced legislation to preempt local antidiscrimination protections.

YOU DON’T SAY: The Florida GOP’s latest salvo allowes parents to sue if they believe little Johnny was forced to endure an ‘age-inappropriate’ discussion about The Gays. it a felony for parents to take their children across state lines for treatment. Both crimes are punishable by life imprisonment. Again, in more normal judicial times, such legislation would immediately be laughed out of federal court. But these times are not normal. Texas was no slouch in the anti-trans department, either. At the governor’s direction, the state’s child welfare agents were investigating

Then there’s Florida’s grossly homophobic “Don’t Say Gay” bill, which seeks to eradicate any mention of sexual orientation or gender identity from the state’s elementary classrooms and allowing parents to sue if they believe little Johnny was forced to endure an “age-inappropriate” discussion about The Gays. (Here again, enforcement by bounty hunter.) When Disney’s CEO belatedly weighed in against the bill, Gov. Ron DeSantis’

impose white, Christian, heteronormative values on a society whose people—especially young people—are rejecting them. In that sense, the Fugitive Slave Act was little different. Southern states asserted the primacy of their beliefs over others’ freedoms and—by threatening secession—bend the rest of the country to their will. We haven’t gotten to secession. But Republicans are trying to privilege their beliefs over the rights of others.

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Start me up

Late Start Brewing’s new storefront, plus more foodie news. By Kyla Fields

Now open 3 Daughters Brewing The St. Pete brewery’s latest tasting room will be on the third floor of a building above Hooters and next to the Ron Jon Surf Shop. Although there’s no exact grand opening date listed, this upcoming location will debut at the end of this month. 381 Mandalay Ave., Clearwater Beach. @3daughtersbrewing on Instagram Bare Naked Kitchen Although it was supposed to open in fall of 2021, Bare Naked Kitchen is up and running in the building that formerly housed Lauro Ristorante—a fine dining Italian restaurant that closed in 2014. The menu features stacked bowls, salads and pizzas—with cauliflower crust options for all you gluten-free folks out there. Kitschy names also occupy the

salad menu, with offerings like the “Freekish” and “Eve’s Temptation”—with herb chicken, kale, romaine, apples, toasted walnuts, crispy quinoa and honey cider dressing. For this new concept, co-founder of Outback Steakhouse and PDQ Bob Basham has teamed up with Chris Ponte—the local chef behind culinary standouts like, Olivia, On Swann, and Ponte Tampa. 3915 Henderson Blvd., Tampa. eatbarenaked.com Fazoli’s Back in 2019, Fazoli’s CEO Carl Howard announced plans to bring five locations of the beloved Italian chain to Tampa Bay, and it all starts at this Busch Gardens-adjacent location. The fast casual chain is best known for classic baked pastas like the chicken carbonara or loaded baked spaghetti, as well as “fan favorites” (which has its own section on the menu), including chicken fettuccine alfredo, lasagna and spaghetti and meatballs. Pizza and wings occupy the non-pasta section of the Fazoli’s dinner menu. 4011 E Busch Blvd., Tampa. @fazolisbuschgardens on Facebook

Coming soon 4 Rivers Smokehouse The popular Floridabased barbecue chain 4 Rivers Smokehouse will bring its 15th locato to Lakeland’s Shoppes at Lake Miriam Crossing.This storefront is expected to open later this year with 4,279 square-feet of space, enough for 87 guests to dine in Curbside, drive-thru, delivery, and catering will also be offered. Heralded as one of the “South’s Best BBQ Joints” by Southern Living, the smokehouse will serve classic dishes to a Lakeland community

anticipating its arrival. Guests can enjoy the 18-hour smoked angus brisket, pulled pork, and burnt ends. Homestyle sides such as baked cheese grits, smokehouse corn, and smoked jalapeños can be found on the menu as well. 4747 S Florida Ave., Lakeland. 4rsmokehouse.com Bakes and Wakes It won’t open for another month or so, but owner Scottie Freeman says that folks keep stopping by, intrigued by the building’s bright rainbow exterior. Rolled ice cream, shaved ice, bubble tea and baked goods will be the stars of the menu, while novelties like toys and magic tricks will be for sale in the retail portion of Bakes and Wakes. And for the adults— bongs, pipes, and everything you’d expect to find at a typical smoke shop will also be available for purchase in its own separate room, away from the kid-friendly areas. There will also be espresso drinks and build-your-own ice cream sandwiches on the menu, although Freeman eventually plans on incorporating more breakfast items—and even a cereal bar—once Bakes and Wakes is fully up and running. And since he’s a diehard fan of the ‘90s rock band Ween, you might even see hot dogs or “Ween-ers” available at this eclectic ice cream parlor. 2148 49th St. S, St. Petersburg. Bakes and Wakes Fat Lenny’s World Headquarters on Facebook

LATESTARTBREWING/FACEBOOK

owntown Tampa is getting a new spot for craft brews thanks to Late Start Brewing Instagram, a “Tampa born-and-bred” company that started buildout on its upcoming brewery on Cass Street just a couple blocks from Tampa’s Union Station. The roughly 2,500 square-foot building formerly housed a convenience store and market. Building plans and city records from November show that the proposed use includes an in-house food service. Plans also show a dining room and bar area that can accommodate about 50 people, with outdoor seating with picnic tables and tables for approximately 50 more people. With its current home-base located inside of Pour House Tampa in the Channelside District, Late Start Brewing is no stranger to downtown Tampa. You can still grab its collaborative ales, lagers and stouts at Pour House before its permanent location—only half a mile away from its current one— opens later this year. Late Start Brewing co-founders Jordan Copher and Tyler Sankey started home-brewing in 2012 out of a two-door car garage in Tampa. It quickly became an obsession as the duo spent early mornings and late nights perfecting their brews—hence the name of the business. Both Copher and Sankey are now brewing veterans who have worked at countless breweries throughout Tampa Bay, including Cigar City, 7th Sun, Rock Brothers, Angry Chair and Carrollwood Brewing. 1018 E Cass St., Tampa. latestartbrewing.com

King of the Coop The King has come to Tyrone. The hot chicken joint is take-out and credit or debit card only until further notice. Uber Eats and EZ cater options are available, too. St. Pete’s offerings mirror the menu of other King of the Coop locations across the Bay, with fat chicken sandwiches ranging in spiciness—from naked to “Coop’s Fury,” its signature Nashville hot with added habanero. Besides chicken sandwiches, King of the Coop also features chicken and waffles, hot chicken-topped fries and mac and cheese, and chicken tender baskets. Slides include coleslaw, collard greens, fries, hush puppies and mac and cheese. The new Seminole Heights “Flocale” location should open any day now. 6928 22nd Ave. N, St. Petersburg. kingofthecoop.com

MARKET RATE: Late Start’s roughly 2,500 square-foot building formerly housed a convenience store and market.

cltampa.com | MARCH 24 - 30, 2022 | 33

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MOVIES

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CULTURE

A creek with no name

With nothing to call it by, does a rivulet mean less?

have a favorite spot at Boyd Hill Nature Preserve, our cherished patch of wildness in south St. Petersburg. I visit as often as I can (and still then, not enough). I like to walk halfway across the bridge over the Willow Marsh Trail. The view captures what I most appreciate about the city. An ever-expanding skyline in the distance and Lake Maggiore framing a perfect, February blue sky. The marsh below teems with life. Egrets, ibis, and long-legged waders fish the shallows. Moorhen nudge the duckweed. Cooters are common, as are rabbits and gators. St. Petersburg specializes in this confluence of condos and alligators, high art and cold-blooded wilderness. We live in a city where you can hear Brahms at the Mahaffey Theater on Saturday night, and the next morning, get eaten by an apex predator. Boyd Hill captures the true paradox of Florida. And this paradox contains contradictions. The willow marsh (over which the bridge crosses) is fed by a stream to the south. Visitors pass this stream right after they pay their trail fee, just before the aviary. The creek does not appear on trail maps (nearby soccer fields do) and has no identifiable name. It is blocked off, near the service entrance, by a chain link fence. A waterway disappears at the nature preserve. I’ve always wanted to explore this creek with no name—which feeds the lake, then Salt Creek, then Bayboro Harbor, Tampa Bay, and the Gulf. Maya Burke, a Pinellas native and bona fide Friend of Boyd Hill, lives nearby. She thinks a lot about watersheds; her day job is assistant director for the Tampa Bay Estuary Program (the Tarpon Tag folks). She likes to wade this stream with her son and she offered to trace its course with me. Kira Barrera, who works for the city and volunteers with the Sierra Club, agreed to join us. I could not ask for more intrepid, informed guides. (They had the good sense to secure city permission for this morning’s adventure.)

Maya leads Kira and me to the 14th hole of the St. Pete Country Club, just south of the preserve. Here, sheet flow and a once-winding stream have been engineered into a series of water hazards. Here, the creek does not mean much more than a one-stroke penalty and a lost two-dollar ball. “Nature on a leash,” the huckster marvels in Sunshine State, teeing off the great John Sayles film. Maya points out the southernmost impoundment, where the water’s path is sculpted around fairways and greens. We note the absence of any buffer between the artificial pond and manicured grass. The country club mows right up to the edge—so golfers do not lose their shot? Clippings and who-knows-what-else run off the course, into the creek, then the Gulf of Mexico. In just a few months, red tide will eat up this junk. The creek connects. When we step into the open culvert, we find more than our share of lost Titleists. Just past the golf course, the stream runs by a hidden neighborhood with some of the best mid-century modern architecture in the entire city. My friend Tanya, who died a few years back, used to live here in a converted bird cage home. Maya and her family own a Harvard-Jolly bunker, designed by the same firm who did our city’s once-landmark inverted pyramid pier. Because the creek’s banks remain in private hands, the erosion control is uneven. Invasive taro and ginger dominate. Along her property, Maya proudly points out leather fern and cypress, which shade a culvert where otters den. Tidal creeks make ideal fisheries, she points out. “If we all took up a creek like this,” Maya notes, the entire region would benefit. Instead we get fragmentation. At Country Club Way, I crawl on all fours under a concrete bridge. The shallow water races over sand and Corbicula, an invasive mollusk, notorious for clogging pipes. Scientists and policy experts measure the global damage of this bivalve in the billions. Around the Ocklawaha, a friend tells

CITY WILDS: CREEKSHED PROJECT

THOMAS HALLOCK

By Thomas Hallock

“Perspectives shift when walking a stream.”

A-TEAM: Maya Burke (L) and Kira Barrera exploring the nameless creek at Boyd Hill. me, the Corbicula has concretized so thickly that no other mollusk can reach bottom. Just outside the preserve (granted permission!), we duck under the chain link fence. On city property, the creek’s character changes. Thick fronds of leather fern, beautyberry, maple, and cypress replace the taro and ginger. Perspectives shift when walking a stream. Here below the familiar trails, the creek opens onto new vistas. Park landmarks appear

unexpectedly. We wade past the aviary and an outdoor classroom where I take my USF students for nature writing classes. For the first time, I walk under the bridge by the Visitors Center. Past the parking lot, then an underutilized stone amphitheater, the tangle of leather ferns widens into a vine-covered, cypress floodplain. Maya, Kira, and I deliberate our next step. From here the stream will merge into marsh, continued on page 43

cltampa.com | MARCH 24 - 30, 2022 | 39

40 | MARCH 24 - 30, 2022 | cltampa.com

PLEASE VISIT TBJFF.ORG TO VIEW ALL CURRENT FESTIVAL COVID PROTOCOLS

WHERE MOVIEGOING IS AN EVENT! FILMS LISTED IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER: OPENING DAY EVENT RED CARPET HOUR CHAMPAGNE BRUNCH – 11:30 AM OPENING CREDITS – 1:00 PM THE TATTOOED TORAH & TIGER WITHIN (1 HR 50 MIN) English | 1:15 PM DIRECTOR & FILMMAKER TALK-BACK DIRECTLY AFTER THE FILMS l Sunday, April 3 | Bryan Glazer Family JCC

THE ONE AND ONLY JEWISH MISS AMERICA

(1 HR 25 MIN)

English

l Sunday, April 3 | 4:30 PM

Bryan Glazer Family JCC

WET DOG (1 HR 43 MIN)

German with English subtitles

April 3 | 6:00 PM Bryan Glazer Family JCC TEEN NIGHT FEATURING GRAFFITI ART & AUCTION l Sunday,

1618 (1 HR 25 MIN)

Portuguese with English subtitles

l Wednesday, April 6 | 2:00 PM AMC Veteran’s 24 – Tampa l Tuesday, April 12 | 3:00 PM Studio Movie Grill – Seminole

PLAN A (1 HR 49 MIN)

English

l Wednesday, April 6 | 4:30 PM

AMC Veteran’s 24 – Tampa

200 METERS (1 HR 36 MIN)

English, French, Italian with subtitles

l Wednesday, April 6 | 7:00 PM AMC Veteran’s 24 – Tampa

l Monday,

April 4 | 2:00 PM AMC Veteran’s 24 – Tampa

tbjff.org PERSIAN LESSONS (2 HR 7 MIN)

English, French, German, Italian, Persian

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CARNIVAL GAMES & ENTERTAINMENT GREENER PASTURES

MAVERICK MODIGLIANI

(1 HR 37 MIN)

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Arabic, Hebrew with English subtitles

(1 HR 30 MIN) Hebrew with English subtitles

l Sunday, April 10 | 12:00 PM Bryan Glazer Family JCC l Tuesday, April 12 | 5:30 PM Studio Movie Grill – Seminole

THE RAFT (1 HR 36 MIN)

Hebrew with English subtitles

DOUBLE FEATURE BLACK FLOWERS (59 MIN)

Hebrew with English subtitles

April 4 | 4:30 PM AMC Veteran’s 24 – Tampa l Monday,

AND 8000 PAPERCLIPS (1 HR) Hebrew with English subtitles

BERENSHTEIN (1 HR 50 MIN)

Hebrew with English subtitles

April 7 | 3:00 PM Studio Movie Grill – Seminole l Monday, April 11 | 4:00 PM AMC Veteran’s 24 – Tampa

l Thursday,

THE ADVENTURES OF SAUL BELLOW

(1 HR 25 MIN)

English

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AMERICAN BIRTHRIGHT

(1 HR 25 MIN)

Hebrew with English subtitles l Monday,

April 11 | 2:00 PM AMC Veteran’s 24 – Tampa

April 7 | 5:30 PM Studio Movie Grill – Seminole

l Thursday,

HAPPY HOUR: SHORTS & SHOTS PORTRAYAL (1 HR 36 MIN)

English

April 4 | 7:00 PM AMC Veteran’s 24 – Tampa l Saturday, April 9 | 10:00 PM AMC Sundial 12 – St. Pete l Monday,

VALIANT HEARTS (1 HR 32 MIN)

French with English subtitles

April 5 | 4:00 PM Studio Movie Grill – Seminole l Monday, April 11 | 7:00 PM AMC Veteran’s 24 – Tampa l Tuesday,

NEIGHBOURS (2 HR 4 MIN)

Arabic, English, Hebrew, Kurdish

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BETRAYED (2 HR)

Norwegian with English subtitles

April 7 | 7:30 PM Studio Movie Grill – Seminole

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CLOSING FESTIVAL FIESTA

l Wednesday, April 13 | 7:30 – 10:00 PM

Bryan Glazer Family JCC

Ticket includes entertainment, dessert & margaritas!

MY DEAREST ENEMY (1 HR 40 MIN)

Hebrew with English subtitles

April 8 | 4:00 PM AMC Veteran’s 24 – Tampa l Tuesday, April 12 | 7:30 PM Studio Movie Grill – Seminole l Friday,

Tampa JEWISH COMMUNITY CENTERS & FEDERATION

TANGO SHALOM

(1 HR 55 MIN)

English

The Jewish Federation OF FLORIDA’S GULF COAST

cltampa.com | MARCH 24 - 30, 2022 | 41

Learn traditional printmaking Workshops in - Etching - Lithography - Letterpress - Silkscreen and more. Our gallery space has local and handmade gifts Drop by during normal hours Tuesday thru Friday 11-4 Saturday 11-6 • Sunday 12-4

42 | MARCH 24 - 30, 2022 | cltampa.com

continued from page 39 where gators nest. A boardwalk looms in front of us. The remainder is cypress (mostly dry, because the level of Lake Maggiore is kept low). We agree to take the boardwalk, now joining other civilians for the usual Sunday hike. We nod hello to the birders, families, and occasional mountain bikers, as we wind our way to the Willow Marsh Bridge. We are off the creek, back on designated “Nature Preserve.” But the question of a forgotten stream remains. If a little rivulet has no listed name, does one care for it less? What should we call

the stream that runs through Boyd Hill? Little Salt Creek? Willow Branch? Fairway Ditch? How many other unnamed streams await our exploration? Let us know. Tell us your story about an undervalued or invisible waterway. For what is Tampa Bay, but the sum of culverts, spring runs, brooks feeding rivers, and creeks with no name? Thomas Hallock teaches English and Florida Studies at the University of South Follow. He and Amanda Hagood have teamed up for the #creekshed project, stories in Creative Loafing Tampa Bay about the human and natural lives that feed into Tampa Bay.

“Boyd Hill captures the true paradox of Florida. And this paradox contains contradictions.”

Take me to the waters: a group show of mixed media with works As made clear in the latest edition of City Wilds’ Creekshed Project, St. Petersburg’s Boyd Hill captures the true paradox of Florida—and also finds that this paradox contains contradictions, like the nameless rivulet explored by Thomas Hallock, Maya Burke and Kira Barrera. That creek eventually feeds Salt Creek, which you can learn more about from Monday to next Thursday, March 28-31 during “Take Me to the Water(s).” The installation will show at the Harbor Hall gallery on the St. Petersburg campus of the University of South Florida— located at 1000 3rd St. S—from 3 p.m.-7:00 p.m. each day. This multi-media show features artist-writers Saudade Toxosi, Geveryl Robinson, Sabrina Dalla Valle, and Thomas Hallock, and is sponsored by Friends of Salt Creek and the Tampa Bay Estuary Program. The show is free and open to the public. In a press release, organizers laud Salt Creek’s role in providing intimate meeting spots and spaces for personal restoration and says the show exhibits work from artists who participated in the Friends of Salt Creek Inc. open-air nature writing workshops during the months of June and July 2021. “This open-air project provided opportunities for the community regardless of age or experience by raising the profile of ‘place,’ being invigorated through an exchange of ideas, and new ways of working intersectionality between nature, culture and economics,” organizers added. “ Most of the work took place at the Frank Pierce Recreation Center located in Bartlett Park, a 133-acre greenspace with Salt Creek---a shoreline fishing location adjacent to St. Petersburg Tennis Center.” Learn more about the artists below. Saudade Toxosi A cultural worker, multidisciplinary artist and image curator whose vision is to articulate the “New Indigenous African” experience in America. In 2020,

Saudade was named a distinguished fellow by Hambidge Center for the Creative Arts and Sciences in Atlanta, Georgia. She has shown her art globally at Norval Foundation in South Africa, Hordaland Kunstsenter in Norway and Bonnefantenmuseum, Maasstricht, the Netherlands. Toxosi has been named the BIPOC Guest Curator at Dunedin Fine Arts Center in Dunedin, Florida for 2023. Sabrina Dalla Valle, MFA An awardwinning experimental writer and podcast producer who explores environment, language and sound—from physical to metaphysical. She teaches writing at Ringling College of Art and Design in Sarasota, Florida. Geveryl Robinson A Baltimore native,educator, author, screenwriter, and former columnist for the Savannah Morning News. Her columns and musings have been mentioned or featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, CNN, Tampa Bay Times, the Dallas Morning News, More magazine, and many other online and print publications. Geveryl is presently an Assistant Professor of Instruction in the English Dept. at USF-St. Petersburg, and a 2021 recipient of the Dr. Kathleen Moore Women in Leadership and Philanthropy’s Faculty Excellence Award for her forthcoming documentary, “Violent Politeness in Black and White,” slated for release later this year. Thomas Hallock The author of “From the Fallen Tree: Frontier Narratives, Environmental Politics and the Roots of a National Pastoral” and the co-editor of “Early Modern Ecostudies: From the Florentine Codex to Shakespeare; William Bartram, the Search for Nature’s Design: Selected Art, Letters and Unpublished Manuscripts.” His book “A Road Course in American Literature” is a series of travel and place-based essays that explain why he loves teaching the American literature survey.

cltampa.com | MARCH 24 - 30, 2022 | 43

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Marxed man

‘Cocksucking Tears’ songwriter is out of exile and here to kickoff Pride weekend. By Kyla Fields

INTERVIEW

Thursday, March 24. 7 p.m. $15-$18 comed back decades later, using it for the very same Hooch and Hive, 1001 W Cass St., Tampa Haggerty continued his reason I wrote it in the brokenmoldentertainment.com radical activism in the first place,” he says. greater Seattle area and pursued non-traditional His adopted son, Afro-Cuban filmmaker ways of parenting. For money, he crooned Patsy Amilcar Navarro, describes Lavender Country Cline and Connie Francis songs to the old folks in as Haggerty’s revolutionary obligation. “Amilcar retirement homes, who had no idea that Lavender told me that the universe handed me a magnifiCountry ever existed. cent opportunity to use my music as a pro-Marxist Even with Lavender Country’s 21st century tool to get the word of anti fascism out to exporevival, his radical politics are still at the center of nentially more people,” Haggerty explains.“If I his art—amidst a political climate that’s becom- passed up the opportunity, it would send me to ing “increasingly fascist,” as he says. Although what he calls revolutionary hell.” the Florida Senate just passed the hateful and I quickly interjected to say, “We’re living in discriminatory “don’t say gay” bill, Haggerty and America, Patrick. We’re already there,” and was his crew will unabashedly push their leftist, queer met with a loud chuckle from Haggerty. agenda all throughout the Sunshine State next His son is right to say that the universe handed week. Using the traditional Marxist framework him the opportunity—Lavender Country’s recent

DON GIOVANNI RECORDS

“W

hat are you, my 250th interview of Dialectical Materialism, Haggerty analyzes since the album came out?” Lavender his Lavender Country project—specifically the Country’s Patrick Haggerty asks single “Cryin’ These Cocksucking Tears’’—to me through laughter, ahead of his first-ever understand how the thing that was his “Scarlet Tampa gig. It’s getting a little hard to ignore Letter” turned into the catalyst that made him the unique life story of the 78 year-old country a star, after a stranger put the song on YouTube star, who released his second LP a few weeks ago. almost 10 years ago. Blackberry Rose comes several decades after his “I cant escape my queer Marxist origins, and debut 1973 album, Lavender Country, which is I couldn’t even if I wanted to,” Haggerty tells now regarded as the first ever gay country music CL. “I made Lavender Country to be a vehicle album. Blacklisted from the music industry for for social change. That was my motivation in the decades after his outlandishly queer and radical 1970s, and it hasn’t changed since.” debut album and its most jaw-dropping single The dialectical method analyzes the relation“Cryin’ These Cocksucking Tears,” Haggerty ship between contradicting phenomena—typically and Lavender Country are back and better than between people, their ideas, and the material world ever, as they prepare to play their first-ever run that surrounds them. According to Marxists.org, of Florida shows. it’s a method of reasoning that aims to understand “I guess I’m turning into this little starlet,” reality, as the same forces that create these contraHaggerty—who Paper Magazine coined as “The dictions, can also become their solutions. American Radical Granpappy of Gay Country”— says slyly. society, which once excommunicated Haggerty “But to be honest…I’m getting a little old for all because of his outlandishly gay music, welcomed of this.” him back with open arms almost 50 years later; Haggerty says the only time he’s ever been an example of contradictions becoming solutions. to Florida was about 35 years ago when he visHaggerty thought that Lavender Country ited a friend in Leesburg (outside of Orlando.) and its queer ballads were dead forever—but Consistent with his anti-capitalist politics, he the rest of the world just really had to catch up. was abhorred at the thought of visiting Disney “The beauty of the Lavender Country project World—and still is. and its dialectical nature During the 40-year is that now I get to be a gap between excommustar playing the same Lavender Country nication from the music music that once excomindustry and being wel- w/Austin Lucas/Pasley Fields/more municated me— and I’m

COME OUT SINGING: ‘If I wanted to be a fucking star, I would have stayed in the closet,’ Patrick Haggerty told CL. revival randomly fell on Haggerty’s lap almost a decade ago. Shortly after a stranger put “Cryin’ These Cocksucking Tears” online, a representative of the indie label Paradise of Bachelors called Haggerty up and offered him a record deal. Since then, there have been multiple documentaries about Haggerty’s life—including Dan Tabersky’s award-winning 2016 film— an album reissue, a glowing review from Pitchfork, a Lavender Country ballet, and multiple collaborations with modern country artists. Both “RuPaul Drag Race”’s Trixie Mattel and masked country crooner Orville Peck have collaborated with Haggerty—artists that he ultimately paved the way for decades ago. At the end of the day, the brilliance of Lavender Country lies in unadulterated self expression and steadfast authenticity. Throughout the entirety of his career, Haggerty has never lost sight of his true self, or true politics. “If I wanted to be a fucking star, I would have stayed in the closet, went to Nashville, and wrote drippy heterosexual tunes,” Haggerty explains. “I had the capacity to do that, and I deliberately chose not to. Because I’m a loudmouth queer Marxist activist—and in 1973, you couldn’t be both of those things.” And at this upcoming Tampa gig, there will be no deficit of politically-charged commentary,

as the ever-so-charming Haggerty will MC and facilitate the show as well. His husband of over 35 years will act as the hype man, as well as the “merch girl,” as Haggerty describes. Haggerty and his backing band of Austin Lucas, Paisley Fields and Native activist and musician Mali Obomsawin, will boast a roughly 90-minute show. They’ll all serve as each other’s backing bands and play each other’s songs, but Haggerty will be the only original member of Lavender Country present. And of course, the beloved and dialectical “Cryin’ These Cocksucking Tears” will see the light of day on Hooch and Hive’s stage, alongside other singles from this year’s Blackberry Rose album, like the tongue-in-cheek “Stand on Your Man” and “Gay Bar Blues.” Haggerty also hopes to incorporate a cover of Connie Francis’ “Where the Boys Are” into his setlist too—one of the many classic country songs he crooned to old folks before Lavender Country came back from the dead. “I can be a screaming Marxist bitch that sings blatantly revolutionary country music and get away with it, ‘’ Haggerty says through a laugh. “I’m getting away with murder! The world just had to catch up with me!”

cltampa.com | MARCH 24 - 30, 2022 | 47

THU MARCH 24–WED MARCH 30 By Josh Bradley C

CL Recommends

THU 24

C Chuck Owen and the Jazz Surge In March 2020, Chuck Owen had planned to kick off a year-long celebration of Jazz Surge with a reunion show at USF Tampa. Considering the date, you can probably imagine what happened to that show. In December, the Grammy-nominated composer confirmed that the original 2020 affair was finally going to happen at the same place this week. We’re not sure if there’s going to be a year-long celebration, or maybe even a tour, but considering that the ex-head of the USF jazz program just retired, he has all the time in the world. Whether he’s making big band

albums, or a documentary on how he created them, Owen is a machine, and you don’t want to miss this historic performance. (Concert Hall at University of South Florida, Tampa)

Freiberg, who was in Jefferson Airplane for a short time near the end, will be present on vocals. (Hard Rock Event Center at Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, Tampa)

Grand Funk Railroad w/Jefferson Starship Listen up, Pasco. Before hitting the road with Kid Rock this year, Grand Funk Railroad—featuring two of the three original members—is taking Jefferson Starship on the road for a string of dates. Having formed after Jefferson Airplane’s reign, but a few years before Mickey Thomas and “We Built This City” came into the picture, the middle child of a group had its name revived by the late Paul Kanter in the early 90s. The group opens for the group behind “We’re An American Band” at the Hard Rock Events. Unfortunately, Grace Slick will not be present, and we still miss exfrontman—and Tampa Bay resident—Marty Balin, who died in 2018. But at least David

C Lettuce Funk favorite Lettuce just announced Unify, a new record set for release in June. The band was scheduled to perform at Jannus in December, but Lettuce finally returns without the aid of an opening act. If this set is anything like its opening set for Gloria Gaynor at Clearwater Jazz Holiday in October, nobody is going to be even slightly disappointed. (Jannus Live, St. Petersburg) The Lords Of 52nd Street Didn’t make it to Billy Joel’s electrifying concert in Orlando two weekends ago? His old band has got your back. The piano man’s longtime drummer Liberty DeVito, saxophonist Richie Cannata, and rhythm guitarist Russell Javors pieced together

The Lords of 52nd Street in 2014, and they stick to performing hits and deep cuts exclusively from Joel albums that they appeared on. You won’t hear “We Didn’t Start The Fire,” but if your favorite is somewhere between 1976’s Turnstiles and 1981’s Glass Houses, you might want to mosey down to downtown C-town. (Bilheimer Capitol Theatre, Clearwater)

FRI 25

C Cannibal Corpse w/Whitechapel/ Revocation/Shadow of Intent Whether you see death metal group Cannibal Corpse as the ultimate snowbird band or not, it’s back with new music to promote. Pat O’Brien is no longer shredding in the group, so replacing him on the new Violence Unimagined is

continued on page 52

Cannibal Corpse

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48 | MARCH 24 - 30, 2022 | cltampa.com

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continued from page 48

C Slash feat. Myles Kennedy & The Conspirators The 56-year old Guns N’ Roses guitarist has been to Tampa before—with and without the Rock and Roll Hall of Famer band—but Ruth Eckerd is a new venue for both him and Myles Kennedy, with whom he’s been collaborating with since 2009. If you’re looking for something to build your hair-metalhead anticipation, the two just released a new record, 4, last month. While the show is mainly going to center around that rather than the Guns N’ Roses tunes that put Slash on the map, you don’t just turn down a chance to see a guitar legend like that. Because when push comes to shove, who needs Axl Rose and his bullshit? (Ruth Eckerd Hall, Clearwater) Teddy Swims w/Stephen Day According to a Rolling Stone profile of the Atlanta-based rapper, “Swims” is an acronym for “Someone Who Isn’t Me Sometimes.” See that as you will, but Teddy—who just released Tough Love this year—appeared on James Corden a few weeks back, and is taking the record on tour this year. Before heading to Europe, the 29-year-old starts things off in Ft. Lauderdale, followed by a stop at Ybor City’s Orpheum, for what may very well turn out to be his only show in the beloved space (the venue announced plans to move out of the historic district). Tickets are sold out, and opening for him will be his friend, R&B artist Stephen Day. (Orphuem, Ybor City)

SAT 26

C Damon Fowler’s Big Birthday Show feat. T.C. Carr w/Josh Nelms/Eddie Wright/Chuck Riley/Justin Headley Brandon-born Damon Fowler could have been an honorary Allman Brother, having been a permanent member of the late Butch Trucks’ band. After his passing, Fowler took his slide guitar and joined Dickey Betts on his most recent (and hopefully, not final) tour. Fowler’s been compared to Jeff Beck, and has worked with said guitar legend, as well as Buddy Guy, and both Edgar and Johnny Winter. His birthday was earlier this month, but Fowler planned a massive party at Skipper’s Smokehouse this weekend, featuring his Floridian music friends T.C. Carr, Josh Nelms, Eddie Wright, Chuck Riley, and Justin Headley. None of them have quite the resume that Fowler does, but he doesn’t care about that. Who should? (Skipper’s Smokehouse, Tampa) David Kibby w/Peter Nuffer/Shae Krispinsky/Jeff Brawer If you regularly support local music, you’ve been in David Kibby or Peter Nuffer’s presence before. Nuffer joined Same Day Delivery Orchestra at its Billy Joel benefit concert in October for “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant,” and David Kibby, with the former, was at the tribute concert dedicated to the much-missed Kaleb Stewart last year. Now, the two are

52 | MARCH 24 - 30, 2022 | cltampa.com

reuniting in a sense for an art gallery concert that also features Shae Krispinsky and Jeff Brawer (both of Navin Ave.), presented by Tempus Projects. (Tempus Projects, Tampa) C Ghost Town Remedy w/Pet Lizard/ Rutterkin Rutterkin just celebrated the October 2021 release of its debut album with a major release party. As we eagerly await its follow-up in the next few whatever time periods, the group is included in a stacked lineup this weekend. Joining Rutterkin will be Nashville quartet Ghost Town Remedy and Philly-hailed Pet Lizard. The show originally featured opening act Big Sad, featuring CL photographer Dave Decker, but the group is no longer able to do this show, due to a member recently testing positive for COVID-19 (American Legion Seminole Post 111, Tampa) Paul Thorn COVID-19 is not the worst thing that Paul Thorn has faced in the last few years. In 2018, the “I Don’t Like Half The Folks I Love” songsmith’s sister Deborah, died of cancer. As one of his biggest supporters, it’s only natural that Thorn’s latest album, Never Too Late To Call, was dedicated to her. Its title track, which would serve as a gorgeous tribute on its own, released in November 2020. Though the new record is certainly something to celebrate, this stop at the Cap— located in the heart of historic downtown Clearwater—is one of three Florida dates on the itinerary for Thorn, who’s pretty much an adopted son of Tampa Bay. (Bilheimer Capitol Theatre, Clearwater.)

KIM BLACK

Hate Eternal frontman Erik Rutan. Him and the remaining members—including George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher who is a regular at Orpheum for metal shows—are traveling with a stacked lineup this year, made up of fellow death metal groups Whitechapel, Revocation, and Shadow of Intent, and the tour itinerary includes this homecoming show. (Jannus Live, St. Petersburg)

SUN 27

Hearts & Hope w/ Stormbringer/The Hazies/Kind Villain/more The nonprofit Better Living For Seniors Pinellas throws its big fundraiser and music bash. The gathering, billed as “An Event of Extraordinary Giving an Entertainment,” happens in south St. Pete on an indoor “concert” stage and an outdoor acoustic stage. The indoor lineup skews rock, with venerable classic rockers Stormbringer holding court, as it has for 22 years. Also: The Hazies, which had a strong run during the ‘90s and makes accomplished alt-rock; Push Button Rockets, a new band of old hands (Rob Stoney, Tom Perry, Mark Busto and Kyle Ashley); the power-pop group Kind Villain; and Brother Brownlow. Holding down the acoustic end of things are the Angie Rey Project, Janelle Sadler, Debra Miller and Greg Petryk, and Sierra. The $35 ticket also includes lunch and two drink tickets. Bayboro Brewing has created Hearts & Hope Key Lime Blonde Ale specially for the event. (Bayboro Brewing, St. Petersburg)— Eric Snider Joywave Indie trio Joywave is back with a new album, Cleanse, which it’ll promote this weekend at Orpheum, which is moving out of Ybor City soon. Joywave was supposed to headline a show at the venue in March 2020, but because of COVID-19 axing everything, the last time the band actually played in Tampa Bay was in June of 2018, as an opening act for Jared Leto’s Thirty Seconds to Mars and Walk The Moon. Things have changed for Joywave’s lineup since then. Last year, keyboardist Benjamin Bailey announced his departure due to having the drive to fully focus on a solo project that was

Iron & Wine

conceived during the pre-vaccine days of the pandemic. (Orpheum, Ybor City) C Underoath w/Spiritbox/Bad Omens/ Stray From The Path Aaron Gillespie— the only founding member of ex-Christian band Underoath still playing with it—must be feeling extra homesick this year. The band played an intimate gig at Crowbar to raise money for a family friend, whose kid was in dire need of special medical treatment. Almost all the money needed was raised, but for Underoath fans, that didn’t change the fact that the group’s Saturday show at Jannus Live is long-sold out. The good news is that Underoath—touring behind a new album, Voyeurist—decided to add a second homecoming show to its tour itinerary, set for this Sunday, with plenty of tickets still available. Joining the band both nights will be Spiritbox, Bad Omens, and Stray From The Path. (Jannus Live, St. Petersburg)

MON 28

C Portrayal of Guilt w/World Peace/ Vacancy/Shining Wizard/Dead Mirrors Texas punk band Portrayal of Guilt last came

to Tampa exactly one week before COVID19 officially caused temporary job layoffs to begin. Praised by the likes of NPR and Pitchfork, the band has two new albums to promote, both of which were released last year. January’s We Are Always Alone, and October’s Christfucker, described by Stereogum as more wholesome, in the sense that there aren’t many screamo elements this time. The Blue Note hosted the last Tampa show, but this go-around, the group has decided to go a touch larger scale. (Crowbar, Ybor City)

TUE 29

C Iron & Wine Sam Beam’s 2018 show at Tampa Theatre already felt like a living room gig, but this one will be even more intimate. Iron & Wine is the project of the former University of Miami film & media professor. The 47-year-old is regularly backed by a kickass band buoyed by drummer Beth Goodfellow, but a press release says this Clearwater concert finds Beam “on tour with only his guitar as backing band - taking the show back to basics, putting his song-writing front and center.” (Bilheimer Capitol Theatre, Clearwater)—Ray Roa

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The Weeknd’s rescheduled North American tour is coming to Tampa

auto-tune rap pioneer brings his “Road To Wiscansin” tour to Tampa.

After twice postponing the “After Hours Til’ Dawn” tour, The Weeknd (pictured for his O0;\]P'[' project) is finally bringing his record-breaking hits to stadiums nationwide, and Tampa Bay fans should clear their summer schedules, because Abel Tesfaye is making his way to the Tampa this summer.

Tickets to see T-Pain play The Ritz in Ybor City on Tuesday, May 24 at 7 p.m. are on sale now and start at $37.50. The only other Florida stop on the tour is on May 25 in Orlando A press release says the 37-yearold, Tallahassee born six-time Grammy winner will be traveling the country in a customized school bus turned “Nappy Boy Gaming” center featuring a bar on one side and a gaming center on the other. Only meet and greet ticket holders will be able to hop on to play games and drink with T-Pain.—Ray Roa

Tickets to see The Weekend play Raymond James Stadium in Tampa are on sale now and start at $39, and Grammy-nominated Doja Cat will open the show. The only other Florida show is at Miami’s Hard Rock Stadium on Aug. 6. The Weeknd, of course, is no stranger to the venue, as he headlined the SBLV halftime show there as part of the Buccaneers Super Bowl victory. And while the booking is good news for Tampa fans, Orlando Weeknd stans hoping to see him at Amway Center this month are going to have to travel after that show’s cancellation. In explaining the schedule change, the Weeknd told fans a new version of the tour would be “something bigger and special for you which requires stadiums.” The Grammy-boycotting songwriter did say that anyone who had tickets to canceled shows will get priority to the sale. The “After Hours” world tour, originally slated to stretch out across winter and spring, was rescheduled in October due to “constraints of arenas and demand for more shows”, according to the artist.— Brandalynn Nuñez Cepeda Auto-tune rap pioneer T-Pain is bringing his ‘Road To Wiscansin’ tour to Tampa this summer T-Pain wants to buy you a drink and play games with you this summer when the

Baby-faced classic-rock revivalist Greta Van Fleet is playing Tampa this fall Grammy-winning rock band Greta Van Fleet has plans to bring its baby-faced take on arena-ready classic-rock to Tampa this fall. Tickets to see Greta Van Fleet play Amalie Arena in Tampa, Florida on Wednesday, Oct, 26 are on sale now and start at $45.75, and openers in downtown Tampa will be soul band Durand Jones & the Indications Canadian rock rising star Crown Lands. Purists have long hated on Greta Van Fleet for some reason, but there’s no denying the band’s ability to channel the classic sounds of Zeppelin and other classic-rock giants and distill it down into a product that sold more than 100,000 tickets in two days after the announcement of last year’s spring tour. Greta Van Fleet is touring behind The Battle at Garden’s Gate, from 2021, and it’ll be cool to watch fan response to Durand Jones & the Indications (including Jones’ drummer Aaron Frazer, who has one of silkiest vocals in soul today) at the show.—RR

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Where the vinyl is: a list of Bay area record stores

It’s no secret that locally-owned and operated businesses are taking a hit from coronavirus closures and curfews. Some Tampa Bay record stores have adapted by offering curbside pickup, free shipping and private shopping during the COVID-19 pandemic. Stock up on some vinyl, and spend money like all your favorite concerts are getting canceled. Just make sure to call ahead of time to see what’s up at the shop. Big shouts to CL reader Chuck who updated us on these listings.—Kyla Fields

ArtPool Records (2030 Central Ave., St. Petersburg) 727-433-5195, artpoolrules.com

Blue Moon Antiques, Books & Music (1413 Cleveland St., Clearwater) 727-443-7444

Asylum Sights and Sounds (6566 Central Ave., St. Petersburg) 727-384-1221

The Clearwater Record Shop (1610 N. Hercules Ave., Clearwater) 727-755-1201, clearwaterrecordshow.com

Bananas Records (2887 22nd Ave N., St. Petersburg) 727-327-4616 ext. 1, bananasrecords.com Bananas Records Warehouse (2226 16th Ave. N., St. Petersburg) 727 327-4616 ext. 2, bananasrecords.com

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Daddy Kool Records (The Factory, 800 28th St. S, St. Petersburg) 727-822-5665, daddykool.com Disc Exchange (6712 Central Ave., St. Petersburg) 727-343-5845, thediscexchange.com

Dunedin Records & Audio (757 Main St., Dunedin) 727-423-4108, dunedinrecords.com Green Shift Music & Comics (5713 N. Nebraska Ave., Tampa) 813-238-4177, greenshiftmusicandcomics.com Hello Darlin’ Records (Roving VW Camper) 727-479-6783, hellodarlinrecords.com Kingfish Records (Main Store) (26024-B US Highway 19 N., Clearwater) 727-3515177, kingfishrecords.com

Planet Retro Records (226 Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. St. N., St. Petersburg) 727218-7434, planetretrorecords.com Sound Exchange Tampa (14246 N. Nebraska Ave., Tampa) 813-978-9316, soundexchangetampabay.com Sound Exchange Pinellas Park (66th Street N and 86th Avenue N., Pinellas Park) 727-545-0042, soundexchangetampabay. com

Microgroove (906 N. Florida Ave., Tampa) 813-667-7089, microgroovetampa.co

Steelworker Records (708 W. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., Tampa) 813-666-4933, steelworkerrecords.com

Mojo Books & Records (2540 E. Fowler Ave., Tampa) 813-971-9717, mojotampa.com

Unique Music & Collectables (123 Main St., Dunedin) 727-240-0757

Patrick’s Book and Record Store (6629 U.S.-19,New Port Richey) 727-203-3284, patricksbooksandmusic.com

Vintage Vinyl (201 Douglas Road E, Suite 8, Oldsmar) 727-491-3800, vintagevinyl.biz

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Potential By Caroline DeBruhl

Dear Oracle, I’ve been living in Florida my whole life. Recently, I got offered a promotion… in the Midwest. While the job pays more and the cost of living is cheaper there, I’m having a hard time deciding if I should take it or not. I love my life here and, to be honest, I’m worried about how boring the new city might be. (it’s a small city in a pretty rural state.) Do the cards have any advice if I should stay or go?—Sunshine State of Mind Take the Job: Four of Wands, Six of Wands, Knight of Cups (all reversed) Stay in Florida: Nine of Cups, Four of Swords (reversed), Justice Dear Sunshine, despite being the butt of so many national jokes, people still aspire to live in Florida. Our winter is non-existent; you can watch the sunrise over the Atlantic then drive 2.5 hours to watch it set in the Gulf; you’ve got theme parks (if you like mice) and sprawling nature preserves (if you like snakes) and all the citrus you need. It’s not a bad place to live—which is why so many people from the north and Midwest retire here (that and our tax code, but I digress). But Florida is not always Spring Break 4Ever. The Nine of Cups is a card of rosy-eyed glasses, of seeing what you hope for and possibly

getting swept up in a fantasy. Florida is great, but it might be promising more than it’s delivering for you. The Four of Swords reversed suggests that you might be limiting yourself to just being a “Florida Man.” This identity could be true—you might get out in the Midwest and think, “fuck the snow”—but it’s important to find the truth of it. Justice is a Major Arcana about seeking capital “T” Truth and coming to it from a place of balance, not ego. As for taking the job, it’s a path of potential vs. a path of the known. With all the cards reversed, there is nothing established yet. All of it is potential. But the cards aren’t bad here. Four of Wands is one of community, and this new city might be a place where you do find stronger ties to a community. You might even find yourself with a packed social schedule thanks to The Midwestern Nice. The Six of Wands is also a card of victory, and if you’re going for a job, this might be a place where you really can rise to your potential. We also have the Knight of Cups, who, funny enough, is heading off to a snowy mountain range in my deck. There’s potential here for you to love your new city and possibly inspire some emotional growth as well. I know how difficult it is to give up on a life you love for the unknown, so if you need an escape latch, think of it this way: with a

higher paycheck and lower cost of living, how long would it take you to save up to move back to Florida if you really hate it? Three months? Six? A year? Could you tolerate it for that long? If so, why not try? Who knows? You might find yourself happier in the mountains than you were at the beach. Dear Oracle, I recently got a promotion at work, and now I’m in charge of a team of two. One of the co-workers is totally fine with this. The other is not. This co-worker started by saying we should have a meeting to hash out “how the hierarchy should work to benefit everyone on the team.” My boss told her, “the hierarchy is X is your boss. ” But still, she keeps saying things like “this is a collaborative partnership, there is no boss” when I am, again, her boss. Any advice on how I should deal with her?—But I am your boss, babe

shaping your role into something you can work with (Ace of pentacles.) You need to lead in a sustainable way, so I suggest the scepter instead of the sword. Being diplomatic and giving her no fodder for drama is the way to go. The waxing Gibbous is about refining, so when your coworker says things like “there is no boss,” say matter-of-factly, “I am your boss.” What is she going to say? “No, you aren’t”? It’s a silly and passive-aggressive move and if she keeps refuting basic facts, feel free to say calmly, “That isn’t correct. How can I help clear up your confusion?” The Three of Wands is about looking towards the future, and I’m not surprised to see that here for your team of three. If this woman is going to be with your team for the long game, you need to play it as such. Don’t fall for her weird factdisputing bait, and don’t let her get you riled up. The Ace of Wands is a hopeful card about new beginnings, so it wouldn’t surprise me if she was gunning for this job before you were promoted. It would certainly explain the denial. If you want to lend a sympathetic ear to her, feel free to do so, but you certainly don’t have to. Lead your team with diplomacy and if she continues, get things down in writing and meet with HR. If she doesn’t recognize your authority, she’ll certainly recognize theirs. Best of luck!

ORACLE OF YBOR

Cards: Ace of Wands (reversed), Waxing Gibbous, Ace of Pentacles, Three of Wands Dear Boss, all of the cards above have something to do with “potential.” This potentially could become a great team of three. This also has the potential to become a passive-aggressive torment. I suggest gently but firmly shutting this shit down now. You’re just starting out in this role, and you have all this strong force in you (Ace of Wands), but you want to make sure that you’re

Send your questions to oracle@cltampa.com or DM @theyboracle on Instagram

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Quickies By Dan Savage

My boyfriend and I have not had sex for more than two years. When I first asked him about it, he hemmed and hawed. When I pressed him, he said he doesn’t have any interest. I felt like he was not telling me the whole truth. When I suggested he tell his doctor, my boyfriend said he could not do that because his doctor is an old family friend. He won’t go to another doctor. I don’t know what to do. Staying in a long-term relationship without sex does not appeal to me. But I love him, so leaving him is not an option. On all other levels we have a great relationship. But I miss his cock and I miss intimacy. I have tried many things, but I am sick and tired of being refused. He will remove my hand from his cock if I touch it, and he does not seem to ever get hard anymore. I used to think that it was my fault but no longer accept the blame. What can I do?—Unhappy Not Having Any Penetration Play In Literally Years

understanding because, again, his mom had just died. But nothing helped. A month ago, he started yelling that he now knows for sure I had cheated on him at least three times, even if he doesn’t have any proof. (I never cheated on him.) So, I broke it off. But he continues to send me dozens of abusive text messages every day. At the same time, he makes excuses to see me. Two weeks ago, he came over to get his phone charger, which was not here. Today, he came demanding a sweatshirt, which I do not have. Between these surprise visits he sends text messages saying he would be happy if something terrible happened to me. What should I do? Blocking him isn’t an option, as we continue to work together, and must communicate for work-related reasons.—Pushy Ex Abusing Confused Ex

SAVAGE LOVE

Why do adult men want to look like prepubescent boys by cutting away their pubic hair? Hair is masculine and should be allowed to thrive in its natural habitat.—Bush Lover In Maryland Are you suggesting you can’t tell the difference between a 30-yearold man who shaved his pubes and a pre-pubescent 11-year-old boy who doesn’t have any pubes to shave? Because if you can’t, BLIM, you shouldn’t be having sex with anyone. OK, wherever you are right now, BLIM, I’m sure you’re saying, “Of course I can tell the difference!” To which I would respond, if it’s unfair for me to suggest you can’t tell the difference between a 30-year-old man and an 11-year-old boy unless there are pubes present, it’s unfair for you to suggest that adult men who shave their pubes are trying to pass themselves off as pre-pubescent boys. (And why would they do that? To attract pedophiles who can’t tell the difference?) You can make

N TO

I broke up with my boyfriend about one month ago after almost a year together. I’m 22 and he’s 20, and we met at work. A month after we started dating, his mom died. He is a jealous and controlling person, whereas I’m a very friendly and outgoing person, and he didn’t like it that I had friends. He was constantly worried I was cheating on him, and I would reassure him as best I could. I tried to be

Top/bottom/vers works for anal, it works for fisting, it works for BDSM, and it works for piss, too. And if telling someone you’re exclusively a piss bottom doesn’t do the trick, hand them a laminated printout of your question and my response. And if a guy still doesn’t get it after reading this, PISS, he’s probably not smart enough to find his dick and point it at you. EW

Only if you’re unhappy, MOANS, and you don’t sound unhappy to me. (And if you were, you might be better off seeing a sex worker.)

Get him fired, PEACE. Show his text messages to your boss or to HR, and demand they do something about the hostile work environment he’s created for you, i.e., tell your bosses you expect them to fire him. If your employer won’t fire your ex, PEACE, talk to a lawyer about suing your employer and, if you must, seek employment elsewhere. I’m sorry this is being done to you, PEACE, and in the future… a controlling, possessive piece of shit who “constantly worries” you’re cheating on him needs to be dumped immediately. Because those sorts of “worries” always—always—become angry and sometimes violent accusations in the end.

I’m a 29-year-old queer boy with a language question for you. I LOVE seeing other people piss. Pissing at a urinal, pissing their pants, pissing in the tub, pissing on me. However, when I say to people, “I have a pee fetish,” invariably the response I get is, “I don’t want you to pee on me.” I don’t want to pee on them! That literally does nothing for me! I’m only interested in other people pissing on or near me! No judgment on people who vibe with that, as my fetish relies on those wonderful people. But I’m just not turned on by my own piss. So, my question is, can you think of separate words or labels to better distinguish between people who like to pee on, people who like to be peed on, and people who like both?—Pee Is Super Sexy

I’m a 65-year-old gay man and over the past few years, I’ve completely lost interest in having sex with other men. Coincidentally, pleasure from the prostate has gone to a whole new level. I am now having the most intense and powerful prostate-induced orgasms one could ask for—like joining the universe intense. Do I need to see a therapist?—My Orgasms Are Now Sensational

I’ve been hooking up with someone for a while. It’s been OK, but not great, and I don’t want to do it anymore. She’s perfectly good people, very friendly, but we’re only fuck buddies and I’m not enjoying fucking that much. How can I end this nicely? A person can say, “Hey, it’s not you, it’s me,” when breaking up with a romantic partner. Somehow saying, “Hey, I don’t want to do this anymore,” to someone you’re just boning seems almost cruel, like I’m saying, “Hey, you suck in bed.” Do I need to make up a white lie? I’m in an ENM marriage, so I could say, “My partner wants to close things up for now,” but I kind of hate lying.—This Is The End

“It’s not you, it’s me,” what they’re saying to us is, “Look, I know this sucks and it hurts and I’m sorry and I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I have to and if it takes even a little bit of the hurt away for me to blame myself when we both know I don’t blame myself and that I want out of this relationship because you’re not who or what I want… I’m willing to do that.” So, while you can’t avail yourself of the facesaving, ego-sparing, off-the-shelf “It’s not you, it’s me” lie, you can and should avail yourself of the lie you were workshopping there at the end of your question: “My partner wants to close things up for now.”

If you’re going to rule out leaving, UNHAPPILY, your options are staying and enduring a sexless existence or staying and having sex with other people. If you don’t wanna be accused of cheating, you’ll have to ask your boyfriend’s permission to seek sex elsewhere. If you don’t wanna ask his permission or you ask and don’t get it, well, then you’ll either have to endure a sexless existence or discreetly fuck other people when you have the chance. (I hesitate to describe that as cheating in a case like yours, UNHAPPILY, since you wouldn’t be cheating your boyfriend out of anything he seems to want.)

your preference for hairy adult crotches clear to potential sex partners without impugning the motives or tastes of people who prefer to keep their adult crotches shaved or trimmed. P.S. I get a lotta unsolicited dick pics in my line of work—not complaining, just saying—and half the dicks I see in any given week have pubes. So, there are plenty of naturally hairy guys out there for you to choose from, BLIM.

When the Bible says “come” it means cum. That seems rather important for deciphering its hidden meaning. It’s all about the importance of sperm retention. Dry ejaculation is the desert, Israelites are sperm cells, Jacob’s Ladder is fighting the urge to ejaculate, ejaculation is Christ rising to Heaven to meet God, Aaron’s rod is his penis, Moses’s staff is his penis. And so on.—Intense Biblical Studies

Trust your instinct and lie—and that’s what, “It’s not you, it’s me,” is, right? It’s a lie, TITE, and everyone knows it’s a lie; the person who says it during a breakup knows it’s a lie, the person who hears it during a breakup knows it’s a lie. But it’s a lie most of us are comfortable being told. Because when someone says,

I don’t argue with crazy people on subways, in restaurants, on airplanes, or at family gatherings. So, whatever you say, IBS, whatever you say. Send questions to questions@savagelove. net, listen to the Savage Lovecast and follow @ FakeDanSavage on Twitter. Columns, podcasts, books, merch and more at savage.love!

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creative loafing puzzler 66 67 69 70

SOUP OR SUNDAE by Merl Reagle 1 4 11 17 18 19 21 23 25 26

28 29 31 32 36 37 38 40 41 42 43 44 47 49 51 52 54 57 60 62 65 1

ACROSS Island paste 71 Knocked down 73 Old Italian country 74 One of Mary’s 76 followers? 78 Company that has 79 80 captains Happy ___ 82 Crucial play, or 84 snack-sharing? Certain infraction, or glutton’s action? 85 88 “Oh! You gave me ___!” 91 Narrow inlet (or backward, something 96 inspired?) Singer Gaye or 98 Hendryx 99 But, to Brutus ___ de triomphe 100 Quarterback action, 101 or breakfast action? 102 Hawaiian island 103 Ex-quarterback 104 Marino Start the betting Sprinted 107 Church tower Farm insect 109 Betting figures 110 Gets to play, or 111 digs into 112 a steak? Short on tolerance 114 Old action show, with The 117 Cornet, for one Code of conduct Type of offense, or 121 a carving leftover? Crummy Deal (with) 122 With 67 Across, 123 lobby plants 124 Having overhangs 2

A Whitney 125 See 62 Across 126 Parking area, often Start of a 1 Youngman line 2 Suitor 3 ___ standstill Yokel Yokum Early auto Mirror-image name 4 Unassertive Interception, 5 or a pastry? 6 Not ___ (blah) 7 Picasso 8 contemporary 9 Story twist 10 Words on a dirty 11 car 12 Old offense, or a 13 cheese-slicing 14 mishap? Takes home, in a 15 16 way Japanese seafood 20 22 Panetta et al. 24 Who, to Henri 27 U.N.C.L.E. foe Early Elvis signer Phillips 30 Chills 32 Type of offense, 33 or type of friedchicken deal? 34 Old gas station 35 giveaways Fell for it 36 Song for one ___ Paulo 37 The Pleiades’ 39 constellation Pro team, or final 41 food tallies? Pro team, or those 44 45 who paid those 46 final food tallies? “I am a galley ___ 48 50 pen and ink” 53 (Balzac) Doodling Stevenson’s inits. 55 Chole or ergo ending

22 26 32 38

NUN S B R I E A S T E A RR S OE OO D ND A YORC R I P N S A I N E K I ND E Z A E S T OR T S F A U Y A RN ON U T T I E RR S I S

82 86

100

98 102 107

111

108

112 117

101

116

106

110

66 71 77

105

104

29 36

103

MA L F E S T RO I D OWS D O T E R H I E H A RD E N E D M P A S S N OW L I B I A T E S C A R S K B A R A E RO N S K Y A T I C T I N E

124

H S I O L DO

Z U Z U E R I N K E N S E GEM H E R E OUR M NG F O CH E RR E X I I A P L A S T A L L P E N S L A D P I S S U E T E S P S B E E U K E S P E N E B I GB A C A B B EGS

115

E L L A

N B AG E A N A WA Y T O S E K C A S A B A L P L A BOR I OB I T Y V E N D I E S E E N S H CR Y I DO O R V I L E E E N E X T L S A U YO F MR S R I N OHOHO N EWA V E E A ND E R S S A R A

121

S K I D

A L B E E

114

E R I K A

62 68

109

B P L U S

E L U D E

PUZZLE FANS ! For info on Merl's Sunday crossword anthologies, visit www.sunday crosswords.com.

Solution to Space Exploration (2) B I S O N

97 Something underfoot or overhead? 101 Made-for-TV movie length, usually: abbr. 104 Series of advancing plays 105 Houston player, for 36 years 106 “___ Joe’s” 108 Summer mo. 110 Blind as ___ 112 Container weight 113 Radiator sound 115 Chicago trains 116 Aero ending 118 Season for Seurat 119 100 lbs.: abbr. 120 Clausian chuckles

31 37

56 Make the bread 57 Win a bet, or whip up some butter? 58 Landed 59 Flintstones’ pet 60 Figuring folks: abbr. 61 Solemn promise 63 Under-20 one 64 1 Across ingredient 68 Fine fabrics 70 Corrida victim 72 Seeks as a spouse 75 Hamlet 76 Simple 77 Hamlets 81 Wary watches 83 Field guides, or grease spots on morning dishes? 84 Coal hole 86 Brand of soda 87 Sailor’s tale 89 Recipe follower, often 90 Shade tree 91 Spare tire 92 On the up and up 93 They may be tried as adults 94 The same as 95 Christen

DOWN June honoree Inclined Slo-mo video, or second cup of coffee? Type of reception, or enough fish for the day? Pocket buildup The NFL, e.g. Yeller’s adjective Ipanema’s city Fold around Strauss’s material? Track circuit Stoogean Claw Cupcake covering Arm bone Ms. or GQ Tile art Men’s patriotic grp. Ex-P.M. of India Ex-Army Chief of Staff Creighton W. ___ Song for two Actor Erwin Job legistation estab. in 1973 “If I rest, I ___” “Mighty ___ a Rose” In the clear, as a pass receiver Courtroom VIPs Waiter’s disappointment Tatters Hazel, for one Trenchers’ needs ___ color (timbre) Exciting couple Water pitcher Braided hairstyle feature Monkees movie written by Jack Nicholson

Flies from Africa ER folks

118

119

113

120

122

123

125

126

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