April 22, 2005

campms

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Academic Council discusses

rr^ FRIDAY, APRIL 22, 2005

equity of professor salaries

i THE INDEPENDENT DAILY AT DUKE UNIVERSITY

ONE HUNDREDTH YEAR, ISSUE 138

Longoria aims for openness Oil eliminates 23 jobs, closes pri nter by

Saidi Chen

THE CHRONICLE

Waving to friends, strangers and basketball players alike, newly elected Duke Student Government

president Jesse Longo-

ria greeted just about anyone who walked by his dinner table

Wednesday night.

“I want to be approachable,” he said, “I want people to feel comfortable in coming up to me and telling me what they want DSG to improve.”

A focus on making DSG more accessible to students seems to be the overarching theme in Longoria’s goals for next year. Whether discussing Central Campus, social life at Duke or safety concerns, he stressed the importance of student input. “First and foremost the student government has to advocate for students. After we ensure that we’re representing student issues, we look at the best way to address them',” he said.

To help bridge the disconnect between students and the representatives in DSG, Longoria has proposed assigning each student to a specific senator, sending out weekly e-mail updates and dinners with DSG members as “human suggestion boxes.”

Since his election, Longoria has met with administrators and members of various offices and LAURA

SEE LONGORIA ON PAGE 4

bulk mail jobs that are in the queue.” OIT is also in the After about a decade in opprocess of creating a program eration, Duke Publications to provide customers with supGroup will close May 13, the port as DPG transitions its servUniversity announced this ices to contracted vendors. week. More than 20 employees Several customer service will be laid off or hired by other workers and a DPG designer will campus services when DPG, remain in place until December which handles bulk mail and to facilitate the transition to a printing services for the Unisystem modeled on the Print Management System used by versity, ceases its operations.

Angel Dronsfield, senior di- Duke University Health Systems. rector of planning and business “We will be moving from a model of print and bulk mail strategy for the Office of Information Technology, said the ‘operations’ to a form of print decision to close DPG wr as and bulk mail ‘services,’” Dronsmade after an extensive review field wrote in an e-mail. “While process that began when OIT we did at one point consider an assumed oversight of DPG 18 outsource opdon, we ultimately decided instead to expand on an months ago.

Dronsfield cited a competiexisting service already in place tive local market; alternative here at Duke.” service options at Duke, finanTwenty three workers—many cial shortfalls and the evolving of whom are long-time Duke publishing needs of the Univeremployees—will lose their jobs sity as reasons DPG can no in areas such as customer servlonger successfully operate. ice, accounting, design and bulk Many campus publications have mailing when DPG closes. also moved to electronic distriOIT representatives met with bution, she noted, which elimi- the employees whose positions nates the need for DPG. will be eliminatedand gave them In an April 19 memo to DPG 90 days notice April 14, Dronscustomers, Dronsfield said OIT field said. Workers who were not will be working over the next present at the meeting were con30 days “to complete and/or transition existing print and SEE CLOSING ON PAGE 7 by

BETH

DOUGLAS/THE

CHRONICLE

New DSG president Jesse Longoria stresses the importance of student input.

Skyward Darby THE CHRONICLE

Faculty task force Pratt breaks ground for lab set to review C2K by

Diana Ni

THE CHRONICLE

The University’s top brass three Duke Blue shovels into a plot of dirt Thursday afternoon, marking the middle of what will soon become the Delta Smart House, Duke’s “living laboratory of the future.”

The 4,500-square-foot, twostory structure will be “an experiment of what the force of student ingenuity can do,” President Richard Brodhead said. For one school year at a time, the Smart House will serve as the home to 10 undergraduates and one resident advisor who will carry out research in engineering and eventually other disciplines using the resources of the two laboratories, media room and

plunged

by

Sarah Ball

THE CHRONICLE

Barely one year after its first major revision, Curriculum 2000 is undergoing added scrutiny in the form of a Quantitative Studies task force, said Robert Thompson, dean of Trinity College. The new committee, scheduled to report its findings May 1, will determine the availability and effectiveness of statistics courses as part of new and additional Quantitative Studies requirements.

Previous revisions to Curriculum 2000, announced in February 2004, divided the once-confederated Natural Sciences and Quantitative Studies into two separate categories. Only one math-based Quantitative Studies

course was required at that time.

Since the changes, Trinity freshmen and all subsequent matriculants have been required to take two courses in each field.

The move is anticipated to significantly boost demand in the Quantitative Studies field for sequential or follow-on courses, such as Math 31 and 32.

“We’re looking at more than just one stand-alone course now,” said Thompson, who also serves as vice provost for undergraduate education.

The task force is charged with both analyzing the problem as it stands, as well as proposing ways to remedy the situation. Thompson said statistics is SEE C2K ON PAGE 5

SEE HOUSE ON PAGE 8

TOM

MENDEL/THE CHRONICLE

President Richard Brodhead and officials from the Pratt School of Engineering break ground for the new Smart House, a 4,500-square-foot"living laboratory."

FRIDAY,

THE CHRONICLE

APRIL 22, 2005

worldand nation

newsinbrief Pope maintains old hierarchy

Iraq helicopter crash leaves 11 dead by

Thomas

Wagner

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

BAGHDAD Insurgents brought down a Russian-made helicopter carrying 11 civilians with missile fire north of the capital Thursday and said they captured and shot to death the lone crew member who survived.

The dead from the crash included six American bodyguards for U.S. diplomats.

The chartered flight was believed to be the first civilian aircraft shot down in Iraq since the U.S.-led invasion two years ago.

An Internet statement by a group identifying itself as the Islamic Army in Iraq was accompanied by a video showing the repeated shooting of a man who was found

in tall grass and forced to stand up and walk. The video showed burning wreckage just before the shooting.

“One of the crew members was captured and killed,” the statement said.

The man who was shot to death in a grassy field spoke English with an accent and was wearing a blue flight suit, indicating he was one of the three Bulgarian crew members. Two Fijian helicopter security guards were also on board the flight.

The video also showed two charred bodies near the burning wreckage, about 12 miles north of Baghdad.

The authenticity of the video, posted on a Web forum often used by militant

groups, could

not

1

2

be confirmed. A U.S.

Embassy official in Baghdad said he had no knowledge that anyone on board survived the crash and was killed later.

The Mi-8 helicopter was shot out of the air as growing numbers of contractors, diplomats and other civilian officials are turning to aircraft to avoid insurgent attacks on Iraq’s roads.

Elsewhere in Iraq, two U.S. Marines were killed Wednesday by a roadside bomb in Ramadi, west of the capital, the military said. The attack was followed by more explosions and gunfire Thursday in Ramadi and Baghdad that killed at least five people, including two foreign civilians.

U.N. nomination debated in Senate by

Anne Gearan

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

President George W. WASHINGTON Bush prodded the Senate Thursday to confirm John R. Bolton as U.N. ambassador and blamed politics for holding up the vote. Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., said that if Bolton is approved he will be weakened by the allegations against him.

Two days after the Republican-led Senate Foreign Relations Committee postponed plans to vote on the nomination, Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn., said he strongly supports Bolton but added, “I can’t speak for all of leadership” of the Senate GOP.

No top Senate Republican has -voiced opposition, but unexpected cracks in his support by some GOP senators have put the nomination in question. The White House is lobbying three Republicans on the Foreign Relations panel whose reluctance derailed Tuesday’s planned vote and set in motion three more weeks of probing into questions including how he treated subordinates who disagreed with his views.

Before speaking to a meeting of insurance agents about Social Security, Bush described Washington as a place where “sometimes politics gets in the way of doing the people’s business.”

“John’s distinguished career and service

our nation demonstrates that he is the right man at the right time for this important assignment,” Bush said.

As it resumed digging, into Bolton’s past, the Foreign Relations panel received a new accusation of abusive behavior by the nominee, according to a Democratic committee staff member who spoke on condition of anonymity.

The latest allegation dates to the Reagan administration, when Bolton was general counsel for the U.S. Agency for International Development and concerns reports that Bolton berated another agency employee. to

Pope Benedict XVI reinforced his caretaker image Thursday, reappointing the entire Vatican hierarchy chosen by his populist predecessor, John Paul ll.The pontiff sought to dispel any impression that he was aloof or dour.

Senate increases war funds The Senate overwhelmingly approved $Bl billion for wars in Iraq and Afghanistan in a new bill Thursday that would push the total cost ofcombat and reconstruction past $3OO billion. Both the Senate and House versions of the measure would give President George W. Bush much ofthe money he requested.

Sergeant convicted of murder An Army sergeant was convicted Thursday by a military jury of premeditated murder and attempted murder in a grenade and rifle attack that killed two of his comrades and wounded 14 others in Kuwait during the opening days of the Iraq war.

N.C. population rise projected According to U.S. Census Bureau projections released April 21, North Carolina will pass Georgia, New Jersey, Michigan and Ohio in population to become the state with the seventh largest population. The state is also predicted to be the seventh fastest-growing state, just behind Idaho.

News briefs compiled

from wirereports

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THE CHRONICLE

FRIDAY,

F acuity question salary data

Multicultural meal

by

PETER

GEBHARD/THE CHRONICLE

Students share food at the Freedom Seder, a multicultural event organized by the Freeman Center for JewishLife as a part of Jewish Awareness Week.

Campus Council discusses priorities by

Ikee Gardner

THE CHRONICLE

At Campus Council’s last meeting of the academic year Thursday night, members discussed potential improvements to residential life at Duke —from increasing quad unity to improving the toilet paper.

Membersreminisced about the past year’s successes and proposed means to improve the organization.

Since resident coordinators hold their positions for three years and 9 out of ten next year will be new, effective communication between students and their RCs is important, said at-large representative Ryan Kennedy, a senior. Kennedy also

APRIL 22,2005 3

said he wants to improve the quality of the toiletpaper in campus bathrooms.

Former Campus Council President Anthony Vitarelli said he was “all about fixing the toilet paper,” but he said the meeting needed to focus on broader residential issues.

Few Quadrangle Representative Katherine Robinson, a senior, said she wants to increase the success of quad programming and enhance quad identity by strengthening the Quad Councils.

Members also discussed the potential creation of a Campus Council event log that would be submitted to the University Archives.

Communications Coordinator Brenna Benson, a junior, said she hopes to alleviate some students’ disappointment with Duke social life through next year’s event programming. She also said she hopes to reverse the off-campus movement of Duke’s social scene.

“I think we have a great and vibrant campus that has been underutilized,” Benson said.

Members also discussed the destruction to the Main Quadrangle caused by Alumni Weekend tents. Vitarelli mentioned alternative places where Alumni SEE CAMPUS COUNCIL ON PAGE 8

Meg Bourdillon THE CHRONICLE

Salary data prompted plenty of discussion at the Academic Council’s meeting Thursday, the first session attended by the 2005-2006 members.

Faculty were eager to question the results of the biennial study of salary equity.

Michael Lavine, chair of the Faculty Compensation Committee, reported that although race and sex have a statistically insignificant effect on salary, both appear to be tied to the rate of promotion.

Lavine, an associate professor in the Nicholas School of the Environment and Earth Sciences, gave members a crash course in statistics as he explained the analysis. He noted the need for University administrators to control for other factors—such as rank, department and experience—in considering salary differences between races and between genders.

“It is true that the ranks of full, associate and assistant professors have different proportions of men and women in them,” Lavine said. This disparity affects overall average salaries for the two genders.

This year’s study included a new component: an examination of the length of time needed to earn promotion from associate to full professor.

After serving the same number ofyears as associate professors, women seem to be promoted at about half the rate as men, while the promotion rate for minorities is about double the rate for Caucasians, SEE ACADEMIC COUNCIL ON PAGE 5

CORRECTION In the April 21 issue of Recess, the name of one of the pizza places should be Pop's Restaurant.

4

(FRIDAY,

APRIL 22, 2005

LONGORIA

from page 1

student groups to prepare for taking over the reins on the Last Day of Classes.

“It’s important to start off the year by identifying our deficiencies and understanding our role to ensure that the changes we make will really impact students and impact Duke,” he said.

As president next year, Longoria will continue to focus on the issues that occupied his time this year as Vice President of Athletics and Campus Services.

He described the safety walk that members of DSC completed Tuesday night with members of other organizations.

“It’s important to understand the campus and make sure that we’re working with [Duke University Police Department] and working with the Office ofCampus Services and making sure that we’re doing everything we can to put ourselves in the safest situation possible,” Longoria said.

Another concern for Longoria will be reexamining the social scene at Duke and

THE CHRONICL ,E

how it can be brought back onto campus “The answer, if it even exists, to the offcampus social life isn’t easy or it would’ve already been solved,” he said. “I think it’s important to understand where the issues are coming from. Understand why the residents are upset, understand where students can improve to ensure that the parties off campus are happening in as safe a manner as possible.”

Longoria said that it was important to examine areas where social life could be brought back to West Campus, including possibly reinstating a bar.

Next year will also be a crucial year in the University’s planning to renovate Central Campus. Longoria hopes to hold more town hall-type meetings so that students can voice their opinions.

“It’s important to continue to ensure that student input is being heard by the administration. he said. “To go around to the various groups on campus and listen to what they want to see on Central, and then take those opinions back to the planning committees.” ”

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FRIDAY,

ACADEMIC COUNCIL,™ pag e3 Lavine said. He added that chance variations could not explain racial differences in promotions.

“Minorities are being promoted to full professor faster than Caucasians,” Lavine said. “Those results are fairly consistent across the [University].”

Many hands went up during his presentation. Several faculty members asked why the study did not consider the potential equity problem of gender distribution among distinguished professors. Others inquired about the effects of leave time on rates of promotion.

Provost Peter Lange stood up to address the professors’ concerns. “One of the ways that you get promotion from associate professor to full professor is to ask or to press,” Lange said, adding that according to anecdotal evidence, “Women ask to be promoted less frequentiy and less forcefully than their male colleagues.”

Lange informed the faculty that he and the divisional deans carefully consider the cases of any individuals whose salaries are one standard deviation below the

mean for others of similar positions and experience.

Lange explained that sometimes he and the dean conclude that a faculty member is receiving unfairly low compensation.“Within a year or two, the dean rectifies through his normal or her normal salary mechanism the salary that has been identified as low,” Lange said.

C2K from page 1 the area most affected by last year’s changes.

“The committee I put together is a committee to try to look at that end of the Quantitative Studies spectrum,” he said. “What would be a good sequence of courses? This curriculum provides an opportunity for a more thorough grounding in statistics, data analysis and design.”

John Rarer, vice provost for academic affairs, is the chair of the committee. Rarer declined to comment on his task force’s findings before the official report is released.

Plans are in place to analyze the overall effectiveness ofall Curriculum 2000 revisions this summer.

“I know that in the summer when I do my analyses again that I can kind of see what the experience has been,” Thompson said, adding that the revisions made the curriculum more pliant to student preferences.

“We increased the degrees of freedom when we made those last changes.”

Seyward Darby contributed to this story.

In other business: The council elected three new faculty members to the Executive Committee of the Academic Council. Sally Kombluth, associate professor of pharmacology and cancer biology; Elizabeth Livingston, associate professor in the Division of Maternal and Fetal Medicine; and Marjorie McElroy, professor of economics, were elected to two-year terms. Serving on the executive committee “is a task that takes considerable time and thought and energy,” said Dr. Nancy Allen, chair of the Academic Council.

Additionally, David Jamieson-Drake, director of the Office of Institutional Research, updated professors on the progress of the online faculty survey, which went live Monday and will remain available for about a month. So far, about 27 percent of professors have responded. '

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APRIL 22, 20051 5

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CLOSING from page 1 tacted individually in the following days Rann Bar-on, a member of Students Against Sweatshops—an organization that advocates for workers’ rights—said he was informed that a security officer forcefully escorted the DPG manager to his car before OIT representatives told the employees about the closing. Bar-on also said the workers had received no prior notice of the closing.

“OIT decided to shut down the department and have the employees pay for OlT’s incompetence,” Bar-on said, alleging that OIT exercised poor management over DPG. “Duke advocates for fair working conditions, but treats its own employees exactly the opposite: extremely cold, sending in security officers.”

Dronsfield could not confirm whether security was present when OIT spoke to the employees, but she said it was a possibility.

“While I did not personally see security escort anybody out because I was meeting with the remainder of the staffat the time, it is a usual practice to have security on hand whenever an employee is given notice that it is her/his last day working on site,” Dronsfield wrote, noting that human resources representatives also attended the meeting.

DPG employees were unavailable for comment because it is OIT policy that nonmanagement employees not speak to the press as representatives of the organization.

Dronsfield said the workers are eligible for the University’s standard severance package—one week of pay for every year of service at Duke.

Bar-on said the size of the severance package the employees will receive “is ex-

APRIL 22, 20051 1

Dronsfield said helping DPG employees in the coming weeks is one of OlT’s top priorities as they transition the group’s services to a new system.

“There are many qualified individuals within DPG who have served Duke with great dedication over many years, and we are committed to finding alternate positions for them within the Duke system,” she wrote in the April 19 memo.

Baron, however, criticized OIT for its handling of DPG employees and said the situation is indicative of the manner in which President Richard Brodhead’s administration treats Duke workers.

“This seems to be a developing pattern under President Brodhead that the hardliners are being much less supervised than they were under President [Nan] Keohane,” Baron said. “The more moderate voices who have more concern for the employees are being shut up.”

tremely small and extremely unfair, given

some of them have been working there for over 15 years.”

Each DPG worker was also assigned to a recruiter in the University’s Office of Human Resources who will help them find other jobs at Duke or build resumes, prepare for interviews and search for job opportunities, Dronsfield said.

Paul Grantham, director of communications for HR, said the workers who are not reassigned at Duke will be placed on “priority status” for up to a year —meaning they will be contacted if a suitable job position becomes available.

HR has had success reassigning employees in the past, but varying circumstances dictate whether workers are able to find new positions at the University, Grantham explained.

“It depends on the type of positions and areas we are talking about,” he said.

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[FRIDAY,

APRIL 22, 2005

THE

CAMPUS COUNCIL

HOUSE from page 1

Weekend events could be held, such as the Sheffield Tennis Center, Wilson Gym or the Card Gym parking lot.

Vitarelli said that he “has all the confidence in the world” in next year’s members and leadership but hopes the organization will increase its involvement in the issues that Duke students face, such as the University’s discussion about eliminating the Student Affairs Leadership Assistance Program. SALAP is a scholarship offered to three student leaders each year that allows them to take fewer classes and focus their time on their positions.

“Think strategically, be proactive, stand up for yourselves,” Vitarelli instructed Campus Council members.

their own bedrooms. Students will even be able to test their experiments inside their bedrooms before extending them to the rest of the building.

Located off Swift Avenue on Central Campus, the $1.2-million building should be completed in time for its first high-tech undergraduate researchers to move in by Fall 2006. Planning for the project began in March 2004. Over 110 students collaborated with architects and construction teams until a design for the house and its highly automated features was finalized in December.

Some of the Smart House’s amenities will include facial recognition security cameras, adaptable lights and music and temperatures powered by voice command. It will also contain sensors that measure everything from pathogens and toxins to power levels and infrastructure changes over time.

Mark Younger, Pratt ’O3, offered his senior project designs for the “home of the future” to kickstart the Smart

In other business: Campus Council’s Old Duke party will take place tomorrow in Keohane Quadrangle between 4:30 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. It will feature several activities, including potato sack races and tug-of-war.

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House. The project then “snowballed into the incredible day that is today,” said Kristina Johnson, dean of the Pratt School ofEngineering. She added that the Smart House has the potential to serve as a model for more homes to save energy and water and become more efficient.

The University also aims to partner with many different industries to promote integrated technology in housing development and provide “a fantastic learning experience for students—to build something and to experience it,” said Deborah Hill, director of communications for Pratt.

Pratt students are required to complete senior design projects as part of the engineering curriculum, and faculty will begin working together with the Smart House team to integrate parts of the completed project into that requirement. Each semester, 50 students will work toward creating new technologies and experiments for the house, and faculty members are ready to encourage and expand student involvement with Smart House technology.

In one case, freshman Bob Koutsoyannis has been collaborating with junior Omar Al-Jadda to create a type of “surround sound with LED lighting” for the media room.

“It’s every engineer’s dream to build your own thing,” Koutsoyannis said.

Ultimately, the Smart House team will integrate more interdisciplinary involvement with the new building, investigating the uses of technology and reaching out to the Nicholas School of the Environment and Earth Sciences and the sociology and psychology departments.

“Expect more—the best is yet to come,” Younger said.

“As soon as this house is built, we’re going to have a lot to work with.”

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PUCURS TAKES THE BRONZE Freshman Daina Pucurs earned third place in the women's javelin at the ACC track and field championships in Tallahassee, FL Thursday.

TOURNEY TIME *

MEN'S TENNIS BEGINS ACC TOURNAMENT IN CARY, NC "

WOMEN'S TENNIS

Duke cruises by ’Pack in ACCs by

Will Waggenspack THE CHRONICLE

The seventh-seeded Blue Devils made quick work of lOth-seeded N.C. State Thursday, defeating the Wolfpack 4-0 in the first round of N.C. STATE 0 theACC

DUKE

4

Championships

the Cary Tennis Center, Duke only lost eight games in three singles matches as it moved one step closer to its 18th consecutive ACC Finals appearance.

With the win, Duke (15-9, 6-5

at

TIAN QINZHENG/THE

CHRONICLE

SarasArasu defeated N.C.State's Virginia Romero for her 100th career victory.

in the ACC) improved to 45-0 against N.C. State (9-14, 1-10).

More importandy, however, the team gained much-needed confidence and experience.

“This match was very important for us,” head coach Jamie Ashworth said. “We have players in our lineup who haven’t been in this situation and needed to get comfortable.”

The Blue Devils looked as though they might be in trouble early when they trailed the Wolfpack in all three doubles contests. Down 2-1 after three games, Tory Zawacki and Clelia Deltour took two of the next three games to level the match at three and shift the momentum in Duke’s favor.

The duo then rattled off five consecutive games for the 8-3 win at No. 2 doubles.

While Deltour and Zawacki were turning the tables on their opponents, Kristin Cargill and Jackie Carleton mounted a comeback of their own at the No. 1 slot. After falling behind 6-3, the pair took the next four games to go on top 7-6. The Wolfpack recovered briefly to win the next game and tie the match at 7-7. Cargill and Carleton responded, however, by winning the next two games, clinching the doubles point and giving the Blue Devils the early 1-0 overall lead.

With the first point secured, Duke cruised through the top SEE W. TENNIS ON PAGE 12

t"

WOMEN'S LACROSSE

PETER

GEBHARD/THE CHRONICLE

Duke women's lacrosse will claim a share of the ACC regular-season title if they defeat Virginia Tech tonight.

Lax looks to finish strong by

Galen Vaisman

THE CHRONICLE

With their goal of winning back-to-back ACC regular season titles within reach, the No. 2 Blue Devils (11-3, 2-1 in the ACC) have only one major obstacle to overcome—a 6 p.m. matchup in Koskinen Stadium tonight against ACC-newcomer Virginia Tech (5-8, 0-3).

A win today would move the Blue Devils into a tie atop the ACC standings with No. 4 Virginia, giving Duke a share of the

regular season championship for the second consecutive year.

“It’s obviously really exciting for us,” head coach Kerstin Kimel said. “I think winning the regular season tide is a good indication of your consistent performance over the year against ACC competition.”

In addition to the title, a victory would secure Duke’s position as the top seed in next weekend’s ACC tournament, because the Blue Devils hold the tie-breaker over the Cavaliers

after beating them 16-12 in Charlottesville April 2. A win would also allow Duke to face the winner of the Friday play-in game instead of facing a fresh No. 7 Maryland squad in its first tournament game.

“It’s certainly a goal of ours to clinch that No. 1 seed,” Kimel said. “So we’re really excited to play.”

A young and relatively inexperienced Virginia Tech squad SEE W. LACROSSE ON PAGE 12

BASEBALL

Surging Devils prep for Tobacco Road showdown by

John Taddei

THE CHRONICLE

LAUREN

The Blue Devils must sweep North Carolina,ranked fourth in the ACC, to keep Duke's hopes for a Carlyle Cup victory alive.

STRANGE/THE CHRONICLE

Duke’s hopes of bringing the Carlyle Cup home for a third-straight year will be at stake on the diamond this weekend.

The Blue Devils (12-27, 3-15 in the ACC) will travel to North Carolina for a three-game series at Boshamer Stadium against the No. 10 Tar Heels (30-8-1, 11-4-1), who are fresh off a 3-2 win over Virginia Commonwealth Wednesday.

Duke will need to win the series if it wants to prevent the Cup from landing in Chapel Hill for the first time since 2002.

The Blue Devils will face a Tar Heel squad that has won the annual series each of the past three years, taking eight of the nine games between the two teams. UNC has been successful in the ACC this year—Clemson and Miami have been the only conference opponents to defeat the Tar Heels so far.

The Blue Devils have won three of their last four games, and they said the series could not have come at a better time. Duke has played its best baseball of the season SEE BASEBALL ON PAGE 12

THE CHRONICL ,E

10 IFRIDAY, APRIL 22. 2005

MEN'S TENNIS

MEN'S LACROSSE

Duke enters ACCs seeded 2nd Devils to joust with Knights by

Jordan Koss

THE CHRONICLE

The Duke tennis team, ranked in the nation’s top-10 all season, will enter the postseason without the gritty Stephen Amritraj.

The Blue Devils (18-4, 8-2 in the ACC) begin ACC Tournament play today as the second seed, facing seventh-seeded North Carolina in the quarterfinals at the Cary Tennis Center. Duke defeated UNC 7-0 in Chapel Hill on April 13, but their task will be more difficult in the wake of

Greg Czaja THE CHRONICLE

by

The No. 2 men’s lacrosse team (12-1) will finish the regular season Saturday at noon against No. 7 Army (10-2)Jn West Point, N.Y. A win would tie the school record, which was set in 1999, the last time the Blue Devils won 13 games.

Last season, Duke lost a 13-7 contest to the Black Knights at historic Michie Stadium. The 2004 defeat meant little to the Blue Devils, who had already lost in the ACC Tournament and had little hope of making the NCAA Tournament.

Junior Matt Zash scored four goals in the contest.

In nine total games against Army, Duke has only won once. In 2000, the Blue Devils vanquished the Black

Amritraj’s injury.

A junior from Calabasas, Ca., Amritraj

played second and third singles before tearing his anterior cruciate ligament during the Blue Devils’ final regular-season win against Virginia Tech. He compiled a record of 16-12 on the season and was the squad’s most visible on-court leader.

“It’s going to be tough to make up for losing a player like Stephen,” senior Peter Shults said. “We really need to regroup and try to stay together. We need to fight harder and work harder, and I think we can do it.”

Freshman Ned Samuelson and senior Jason Zimmermann will be responsible for filling Amritraj’s void in the lineup.

Samuelson has a 6-0 ledger in dual match singles play but has yet to be tested in a pressure situation during his short career.

Zimmermann has much more experience, and a 10-9 record in doubles and a 3-2 mark in singles is the Blue Devils other option to play at the bottom of the lineup.

“Zimmermann or Ned or both might be playing, and both are definitely capable SEE M. TENNIS ON PAGE 12

Knights 17-6.

LAUREN PRATS/THE CHRONICLE

Ludovic Walter was named to theAll-ACC team Wednesday. He has compiled a 23-8 singles record this year.

DJUKE Se«fbn 1

Duke leads the nation in scoring offense, averaging 13.8 goals per game.

Sophomore Matt Danowski leads the ACC with 53 total points, and freshman Zack Greer leads the nation with 42 goals this season.

Saturday’s matchup will be the Blue Devils’ second appearance on national television. The game will be taped and broadcast Sunday at 9 p.m. on ESPNU.

Congratulations

(Duly Dancing Devils

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THE CHRONICLE

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FULL-TIME RESEARCH POSITION. Duke Psychology Lab seeks Lab Manager to start June 20, 2005. Lab focus is on human memory. Duties will include scheduling and testing human subjects, preparation of experimental materials, data input and analysis, library research, and general lab management tasks. Applicants with prior research experience in psychology are especially encouraged to apply; fluency with computers is required. This is a full-time position with benefits. To apply, send resume and reference information to Dr. Elizabeth Marsh at emarsh@psych.duke.edu.

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THE CHRONICLE

12 FRIDAY, APRIL 22, 2005

M.TENNIS

In its last outing, Duke defeated Virginia Tech 6-1, advancing its record to 18-4 overall and 6-1 in the ACC.

from page 10

of stepping up,” Shults said.

According to Zimmermann, the team is not going to stick with one particular look.

“I think we’re going to be changing up the lineup everyday,” Zimmermann said.

“We’re looking to get the best matchups possible and keep everyone fresh and wellrested. We have a really deep and strong team and we definitely have a chance to win the ACCs.” With every starter with the exception of all-ACC performer Ludovic Walter moving up one spot, everyone will help account for Amritraj’s loss.

At singles positions four through six, the Blue Devils have combined for records of 15-7, 19-3 and 18-3, respectively, and moving up one spot could hinder their success.

Coach Jay Lapidus’ Duke squad no

longer dominates the ACC the way it once did, mostly because the rest of the league is catching up. This year top-seeded Virginia presents the biggest obstacle to overcome for Lapidus’ 11th ACC championship. The Cavaliers appear to have Duke’s number, as UVa has won the last three matches, including two 4-S comeback victories. Virginia was also responsible for eliminating the Blue Devils in the 2004 ACC semifinals.

Although the NCAA Tournament is generally considered every team’s main focus, the Duke players think that a strong showing in the ACCs would provide a much needed boost for the NCAAs. “After losing the regular-season title, it will be important to enter the NCAAs on a high note,” Zimmermann said. “We need to be confident, and if we get a good result, if we win this, it would really prove we are ready for the NCAA Tournament.”

W. LACROSSE from page 9

W. TENNIS from page 9

will attempt to knock off the Blue Devils to gain its first conference win. Through three conference games, the Hokies have been outscored by a margin of 44-20, headlined by a 18-3 loss at Virginia last week. The team has also struggled on the road this season, prevailing in only one of

of N.C. State’s singles lineup. Senior Saras Arasu quickly put the Blue Devils ahead 2-0 as she won easily 6-1, 6-0 and claimed her 100th career victory.

“Over my four years at Duke I have tried hard and given my best,” Arasu said. “It’s good to have that accomplishment, and I am happy about that.”

Playing in place of the injured Katie Blaszak at No.l singles, Carleton followed Arasu’s victory with a similar performance, defeating N.C. State’s Barbara Orlay 6-1, 6-2. The win was Carleton’s first of the season at the top singles position and marks the first time a Duke player has defeated Orlay in her two seasons at N.C. State.

Cargill completed the Blue Devil sweep with another straight set victory, winning 6-4, 6-0.

The victory propels Duke into a faceoff against second-seeded Miami in the second round today. The two teams split a pair of 4-3 matches earlier this season.

The Blue Devils beat the Hurricanes at National Team Indoors Feb. 4, but Miami won the more recent contest in Durham April 2.

Duke enters Friday’s 3 p.m. matchup still missing its No.l and No. 3 singles players, Blaszak and Jennifer Zika, because of injuries.

“We have been in a tough situation this year with injuries,” Ashworth said.

“Prior to this season, we had said our strength would be our depth, and I guess they are challenging that.”

seven contests.

One of the bright spots for the Hokies has been their passing game. Virginia Tech currently leads the ACC with 5.85 assists per game. The majority of the team’s assists have been tallied by freshman standout Natasha Fuchs, who ranks first in the ACC and second in the country with 34 assists.

“Offensively, they’ve got a couple of nice players in Natasha Fuchs and Lindsay Pieper,” Kimel said. “They do a lot of work together and have good stickwork.”

Pieper, Virginia Tech’s 2004 rookie of the year, has already surpassed her freshman goal total with 27. However, Pieper’s real strength is face-offs; she is second in the conference with 33 draws.

Duke’s recently hobbled defense is expected to return to full strength to counter this attack as Tewaaraton Trophy nominee Caline McHenry’s groin injury has nearly finished healing.

Goalie Meghan Huether’s ankle troubles have also shown signs of improvement, although Kimel said that she is still lacking some of her usual mobility coming out of the cage.

“We definitely want them healthy as we head into this last stretch of the season,” Kimel said.

Virginia Tech goalie Nikki Schiavone, however, will be hard-pressed to stop the

Duke has amassed 67 total errors this season but only committed one in its 9-8 victory over Davidson.

-

Michelle Menser and the Duke defense rank second in the conference with a 7.85 goalsagainst average.

Blue Devils’ explosive trio of Katie Chrest, Kristen Waagbo and Rachel Sanford. She has a goals against average of 9.96 per game. To slow down this offensive attack, the Hokies will try to employ a

sag man-to-man scheme which will seek to isolate these scoring threats, “Their defense is solid,” Kimel said.

“But it’s nothing that we haven’t seen yet this year.”

BASEBALL

aside and just played baseball,” Berger said. “I can’t say enough about it. It shows there’s a character to our team and to our coaching staff.”

Head coach Bill Hillier will send Greg Burke to the mound Friday. Duke’s ace will take the ball after throwing his first complete game of the season in his last start, a 2-1 victory over Maryland last Friday.

The Blue Devils hope that leftfielder Javier Socorro’s hot bat will continue to light up opposing pitching. The junior has been an offensive catalyst at the top of the order over the last two games, going 6-for-8 with an home run, 4 RBIs, 3 runs and 2 stolen bases.

Duke will likely need production from Socorro and the rest of an offense that came alive Wednesday with 16 hits.

The Blue Devils face a Tar Heel pitching staff that is tops in the ACC. Tar Heel sophomore Andrew Miller, who ranks second in the ACC in strikeouts with 69, anchors a staff that sports a conferencebest 2.62 ERA.

f.om page 9

over the past week. The Blue Devils captured their first ACC series of the year with a decisive 6-1 victory over Maryland Sunday. Duke’s momentum carried into Wednesday’s thrilling win against Davidson that was decided with a walk-off single in the bottom of the ninth. The Blue Devils have won consecutive games for the first time since mid-February.

“We’ve got some momentum going into Carolina this weekend,” first baseman John Berger said. “Hopefully we’ll go over there and keep playing like we’ve been playing.”

Although the team has faced increased scrutiny after The Chronicle reported on the steroid use offormer Blue Devil players, Duke has put together its best string of games since it swept Maryland Eastern Shore Feb. 11-13.

“I’m real proud of the way that everyone’s kind of put all of the distractions

TIAN QINZHENG/THE

CHRONICLE

The Blue Devils take on the Miami Hurricanes today in the second round of the ACCToumament

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THE CHRONICLE

14 [FRIDAY, APRIL 22, 2005

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Duke University

Get creative with insurance day sick in order to avoid missing classes and teaching assistant responsibilities, only to have no where but the emergency room to go to after a long day. Expanded hours at Student Health could save StatteftltOriai costs by decreasing ularly graduate stuthe number of emerdents with families. gency room visits.

Next year, premiums for single stuAnother option Student Health dents will rise 21.3 percent to $1,589. A student wishing to add a spouse and should consider would be the estabchildren will be asked to fork over an lishment of a partnership with the additional $3,392. This latter amount Duke University Health System and is particularly staggering, considering area physicians. Currently, students’ that many professional students are livspouses and children cannot visit Student Health. Student Health is simply ing off loans and other graduate stunot equipped to handle pediatrics and dents receive only small stipends. non-student health needs. Instead, These skyrocketing health insurance premiums are symptomatic of when spouses and children get sick the broader national-level problem of they have to visit their own doctor, rapidly increasing healthcare costs. which results in an expensive insurance claim. To cut down on such costs, With no immediate governmental solution to the national healthcare crisis, Duke should investigate partnerships though, Duke must take the initiative with DUHS and other area physicians.

As Jean Hanson, administrative directo create a viable solution for the 4,700 tor for Student Health puts it, partnerstudents and 268 families on its single student health insurance plan, adminships with area physicians have the pofor istered by Blue Cross/Blue Shield of tential to improve care non-students and reduce costs.

North Carolina.

Ultimately, Duke will have to go beOne option would be the expansion of the Student Health Center’s yond expanded hours at Student operating hours. Doing so would re- Health and establishment of partnerduce the number of emergency room ships if it truly seeks to rein in the visits that students make; unnecessary alarming rise in student health insuremergency room visits are one of the ance premiums. Duke will have to infactors that drive up health insurance vestigate other means and resources it has available to it and develop creative premiums. ways to reduce costs.

Currently, the East Campus WellWhile any solution that Duke ness Clinic is only open weekdays from does generate will not solve the na8:00 am to 4:30 pm, and the Duke Stutionwide healthcare problem, it will dent Health Center only takes appointments weekdays from 8:30 am to 5:30 be a unique customized solution pm. College and graduate students, that makes a substantive difference in the quality of students’ lives. In however, are notorious for their unconventional hours and get sick at requiring that all full-time students have health insurance, Duke owes night or during the late evening. Additionally, students may trudge through a its students no less.

Duke

University should take advantage of its in-house resources and develop its own unique solution to the challenge of providing affordable health insurance for its students, partic..

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Duke Publications Group. See story page 1.

The Chronicle

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KAREN HAUPTMAN, Editor KELLY ROHRS, Managing Editor MATT SULLIVAN, Managing Editor TRACY REINKER, Editorial Page Editor JAKE POSES, Sports Editor JONATHAN ANGIER, General Manager SEYWARD DARBY, University Editor PETER GEBHARD, Photography Editor EMILY ALMAS, Projects Editor JON SCHNAARS, Recess Editor MIKE COREY, TowerView Editor WHITNEY ROBINSON, TowerViewEditor MEG CARROLL, Senior Editor CHRISTINA NG SeniorEditor CINDY YEE, SeniorEditor YOAVLURIE, Recess SeniorEditor KATIE XIAO, Sr. Assoc. Features Editor BARBARA STARBUCK, Production Manager YU-HSIEN HUANG, Supplements Coordinator ,

where different people all want to become the same person. It just seems disingenuous.

And skin color is still an issue. Women are still not respected as equals. Homophobia is still rampant.

I’ve learned that group projects are useless.

Have a few drinks with friends at a pub like the Joyce or the Down Under and start a serious conversation. Then you will get somewhere.

That’s how the Greeks did it. That’s how the drama of the 16th and 17th centuries was written. That’s where modem philosophy and literary theory come from.

I’ve learned that laughter really is the best medicine (unless, as Norm McDonald has pointed out, you’re a diabetic. And then: insulin). For stress, for awkward situations, disappointed. for a mild fever, for shingles, But I’ve fooled myself into maybe even for hangovers, thinking that people actually read what I write. No, no. You laugh.

Laugh at life. Laugh eric vivier with other people. Laugh at don’t have to. This is for me. calmer than you are There are other things that I yourself.

I’ve learned that “whereshould have taken saxoI regret. fore” means “why.” Juliet is asking Romeo why phone lessons. I should have gone to play bashe is Romeo, a Montesquieu. She is apparently ketball at the gym that one day thatreal basketball players showed up. I should have gotten unconcerned for his whereabouts.

I’ve learned that ray girlfriend is always involved in a club earlier. right. I’ve learned that burritos are great, Maybe the whole growing of the hair experiment sophomore year was a mistake. The chicken tikka is tasty and gnocchi with pesto can hit the spot, but there is nothing tfiat can piercing, however, was not But I am happy with my education. I have compare to the food in Buffalo. I’ve learned learned that I know very little. I’ve learned that that you should never wash green sheets with other people are smarter, cleverer, more talentyour whites and that you should check to make ed, more motivated, more insightful and more sure there aren’t any crayons in random pockdestined for success than I am. Many are even ets when you put clothes in the dryer.

And I’ve learned that there is always room better looking. Almost everyone I know can for improvement. I will not stop learning once grow better sideburns.

I’ve learned that more than one thing I graduate. I will not stop looking for opportunities. I don’t want to miss out can be right. Life is full of pluralities. Meaning can be found when horizons are broadJust like the time I would have met Mr. T at ened. If a person does not agree with you, the mall. The entire day, I kept saying, TU go they could be just as right—or as wrong—as a little later, I’ll go a little later.,..” And when I you are. They have thought about things got there, they told me he just left. And when I asked the mall guy if he’ll ever come back differently. And that means something.

I’ve learned that everything does not hapagain, he said he didn’t know. Well, I’m never pen for a reason. Sometimes things occur that going to let something like that happen again!

I’m going into space right now! have no higher meaning. S— happens.

I have learned that Duke is not a place where you can dare to be different, despite all Eric Vivier is a Trinity senior. His column apits talk about diversity. This is an environment pears every other Friday.

It’s all just a popularity contest.

But this is my last column. I should have started this earlier.

And I don’t just mean that I should have started writing this particular one sooner—although as it is after 4 a.m., maybe I should have—l mean that I should have applied for a column before senior year.

I admit that I have struggled with column topics. The creative process has generally included waiting until the last minute, staying up late at night and staring at a blank screen. I say a little prayer to the Judeo-Christian God that I have all but renounced, promise to save the whales and improve global recycling in return for lucidity and go to bed

letterstotheeditor

Rann Bar-on, a member ofStudents Against Sweatshops, on the elimination of 23 jobs as the result of OITs closing or

Est. 1905

Stupid carbon rod

STEVE VERES, Health & Science Editor DAVIS WARD, City & State Editor MIKE VAN PELT, Sports Managing Editor VARUN LELLA, Recess Photography Editor MOLLY NICHOLSON, TowerView Editor EMILY ROTBERG, Wire Editor ANDREW COLLINS, SeniorEditor MALAVIKA PRABHU, SeniorEditor HILARY LEWIS, Recess Senior Editor KIM ROLLER, Recess Senior Editor SUE NEWSOME, Advertising Director MARY WEAVER, OperationsManager NALINI MILNE, Advertising Office Manager

The Chronicle is published by the Duke Student Publishing Company, Inc., a non-profit corporation independent of Duke University. The opinions expressed in this newspaper are not necessarily those of Duke University, its students, faculty, staff, administration or trustees. Unsigned editorials represent the majority view of the editorial board. Columns, letters and cartoons represent the views of the authors.

To reach the Editorial Office at 301 Flowers Building, call 684-2663 or fax 684-4696.T0 reach the Business Office at 103 West Union Building, call 684-3811.T0 reach the Advertising Office at 101 West Union Building call 684-3811 or fax 684-8295.VisitThe ChronicleOnline at http://www.chronicle.duke.edu. ® 2005 The Chronicle, Box 90858, Durham, N.C. 27708. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form without the prior, written permission of the Business Office. Each individual is entitled to one free copy.

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Earth Day is a time when we examine our impact on the planet and make personal resolutions to help make the environment cleaner and improve the treatment ofanimals. Some of us vow to be more consistent recyclers; others pledge to plant trees in their neighborhoods.

What many of us have yet to discover is that one of the most important actions we can take for the planet has to do with our food choices.

Most animals raised today for food are forced to live inside huge warehouses known as factory farms. Almost 98 percent of egg-laying hens are restricted to overcrowded cages too tiny for them to spread their wings. They’re often starved for up to two weeks to shock their bodies into another egg-laying cycle. These birds are never able to partake in natural behavior, breathe fresh air or even go outside.

Those chickens raised for meat are selectively bred and given loads of antibiotics to reach market weight as quickly as possible. This

process takes only 45 days, nearly twice as fast 35

responsible for an immense amount of suffering, including heart problems and painful leg disorders. These chickens, like their egg-laying counterparts, never escape the stench of their own feces nor do they step foot outside.

Pigs are also intensively confined in factory farms. Both pregnant and mother pigs are held in crates too narrow for them to turn around or move to change direction, while their piglets have their tails cut off and are castrated, both without painkillers.

Right here at Duke University, students can help animals raised for food by urging dining services not only to offer more vegetarian meals, but to stop purchasing the most abusive animal products, including eggs from caged birds. It’s hard to imagine a better way to celebrate EarthDay. Josh Balk Outreach Coordinator The Humane Society of the United States

LETTERS POLICY The Chronicle welcomes submissions in the form of letters to the editor or guest columns. Submissions must include the author’s name, signature, department or class, and for purposes of identification, phone number and localaddress. Letters should not exceed 325 words; contact the editorial department for information regarding guest columns.

The Chronicle will not publish anonymous or form letters or letters that are promotional in nature. The Chronicle reserves the right to edit letters and guest columns for length, clarity and style and the right to withhold letters based on the discretion of the editorial page editor.

Direct submissions to: Editorial Page Department The Chronicle Box 90858, Durham, NC 27708 Phone: (919) 684-2663 Fax: (919) 684-4696 E-mail; letters@chronicle.duke.edu

THE CHRONICLE

FRIDAY,

commentaries

'05!!!

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it Thanks to my family, who gives me ideas for columns and was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it gives me constant love and support. Thanks to my friends was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, who have kept me sane here at Duke, and sometimes it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, drove me crazy, too. From banging on my door when I’ve it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we overslept, to giving me rides to class, to pulling allhad everything before us, we had nothing before us, we nighters with me, to lending me points when I’m starvwere all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct ing, to supporting me in all my activities, you guys have the other way....” been there in countless ways and I’m grateful for it. I’m This is about the point when A Tale of Two Cities took also proud to be a member of the best class here at a sharp turn downhill, and I decided it was pretty much Duke—’os!!!! You guys are amazing; we’re almost done, the most boring book I ever read. However, when I and we’ve definitely left an irreplaceable mark. think about the best way to adequately To everyone who takes the time to sum up the last four years, these classic read my bi-weekly “radical” rants, whether you hated them or loved them, opening words are the only that come to mind (either that or those T-shirts that thanks. You’re e-mails, postings or comments on the quad have only fueled my just say “College.”, but I’ll go with this).

How Charles Dickens managed to make passion for writing and sharing my voice.

1775 France and the college experience And finally for all those I’ll be leavsound so much alike in his description, ing behind, I’ll share with you some of the small discoveries I’ve made here at especially when he makes everything else amelia Duke, that I wish someone would have sound so dry, is beyond me.

In these past four years, we’ve had don't believe the hype shared with me. Use them wisely. some of our best, and worst, times. We 1. Duke sucks really bad when it have experienced friendship, love, disapcomes to advising freshmen and sophopointment, laughter, tears, anger and a host of other mores. Don’t listen to the random person they assign emotions. Some days we were at home on vacation, you! (Duke should really revamp this and have a stueager to get back to Duke, and other days we were at dent academic advising system for underclassmen. UpDuke, this close to filling out transfer forms or going perclassmen know way more about the ins and outs of home. But most importantly, we’ve all experienced classes and departments at Duke, and hindsight is 20/20 so they can give great advice.) growth, and the person who arrived here on East Cam2. You can get parking tickets at Duke even if you pus freshman year is not the same one who will be sitdon’t have a car or a license —$500 worth of them—and ting in Wallace Wade on May 15.

College is an intellectually stimulating environment Duke will not accept these two minor facts as explanawhere people will stay up until 5 a.m. having an obscure tion of why it is virtually impossible for you to have philosophical discussion or go to a guest lecture on a parked illegally 3. You never know which side a door opens at Duke. topic of interest. It’s also a place where these same people is no logic to it, so don’t try and figure it out do foolish like eat as a There will extremely things pizza staple food or drink themselves into oblivion. I don’t even know plan on looking stupid multiple times.

4. Cultural anthropology and literature are two of the amount of times I’ve been greeted with the argument, Duke’s best kept secrets and should be publicized more “It’s college,” as an excuse to do something outrageous.

Some of us are leaving here with everything planned to freshman. I had no idea what Culanth was when I got here, and I definitely did not know the difference beout before us—a top-ten school, a fellowship, a job the we’ve chotween literature and English; I only wish I would have disfrom set path security a sense of feeling sen. Others are leaving here with “nothing” set before covered these earlier.

5. Get a radio show at WXDU! them, choosing to make their own path or explore their how 6. Interlibrary loan is amazing—use it! of where we are or going, first.

Regardless options 7. Writing a senior thesis is a painful, painful experiwe are getting there, I hope that none of us leaves here with a sense that we know all the answers, because if any ence. The kind of pain that has you in Perkins slaving of us feels like that, I’m pretty sure our education has away while other seniors are at fun-sounding events like “pub crawl” or “senior night.” You have been warned. failed. to take to (No seriously, it has its rewards too; just make sure you there were a test we had Think about it; if graduate college, containing all the facts we should realize what you’re getting into.)

8. Graduation is pretty pointless —and by graduaknow after a four-year education at Duke University, tion, I’d I’m referring to the big one, in the hot sun outfact, it? have no idea. probaIn what would be on I bly fail. The most important things I’ve learned here at side, where everyone text messages their friends or Duke are not facts, but ways ofknowing, ways qf finding plays games on their cell phones. But perhaps it won’t be a complete waste of time... maybe I can take off my out. I have not learned answers, but I have learned how gown and get a good tan while I’m there. to ask the questions, and how to appreciate the questhe tions themselves. And to this day, I have found that Amelia Herbert is a Trinity senior. Her column usually apmore you learn, the less you should know for sure. every other Thursday. pears without some thank you’s. end last column can’t I my

Herbert

—

—

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APRIL 22, 2005115

The Horatio Alger feedback loop [Lights up. The two gentlemen are seated in a booth.]

Hey, you know who Horatio Alger is? Yeah, um, wasn’t Horatio Alger the guy who wrote those dime novels about the American Dream? Yep, that’s the guy. Have you ever read any of them? Who, me? No. I did. Oh yeah? Yeah, I read one called Ragged Dick, or, Street Life in New York. Instead of doing orgo? I don’t take orgo.

You don’t? What’s the deal with your away messages then? Oh, that. That’s a joke. Sometimes I like put up “ORGO!” in them so people will feel bad for me. So you don’t take it, then? No, man.

[Relative silence. Clatter of plates, low hum of people.]

Anyway, I heard Horatio Alger was a pedophile.

Mmm. No, really, he was. It’s ironic, too, because most of his books are about young boys who come in contact with older men who help them out. That’s messed up.

Yeah. His book is called Ragged Dick ? Yeah. I guess that’s pretty messed up, too. I was thinking about e-mailing my professor from last semester—he taught a linguistics class—to find out the origin of our usage of “dick” as slang for

“penis

”

What else has been going on? Nothing really, I mean, I am making some progress on my 331*011 kirSChonfeld movie.

You’re making a so tar, so good • r Yeah, its for movie? u my intermediate documentary film class. What’s it about? I don’t know, man. What do you mean you don’t know? I mean, the film isn’t really about anything. We’re in a mechanic shop, just kind of watching what goes on in there. It’ll be a weird one.

Anyway. Oh, I met George McGovern the other day.

Oh man, I wanted to go to that, but I had class. That’s a shame. I really enjoyed it. Yeah. But I went up to McGovern afterwards to get him to sign my copy of Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail ’72. Huh? It’s the book where Hunter S. Thompson follows McGovern during the ’72 presidential campaign. Oh, cool. Yeah, McGovern told me a story about Thompson and his wife. Apparently Thompson wanted to fornicate with her.

[From off-stage] Sixty-seven. Sixty-seven.... Sixtyeight. Sixty-eight....

[The two gentlemen rise, get the food and then return to their seats.]

Hey, you know how smart you’d be if you read the New York Times everyday. Pretty smart. Yeah, real friggin’ smart. I read it the other day. Cover to cover? Well, the front page section. Yeah. Anyway, what’s up with you?

I’ve been working pretty hard; I have all of these memos due. Memos? Yeah. Like “The Water Cooler will be serviced on Monday and Tuesday.” No, like policy memos. Oh. Anyway, they’re a pain in the ass. Yeah, I bet.

That’s why I’m a history major. You just get to sit back, chill, listen to the prof tell a story and then take a test on it every once in a while. It’s great, not much research, not too many hours doing extremely complicated and technical assignments. A lot of reading, a lot of time to think and reflect. Yeah, but history is boring. Yeah, I mean, sometimes it is.

[The Chorus] Eating well is the goal! Ask the nutrition facts!

You know, I’m driving my car west this summer. To do what? I’m going to New Mexico to be a moving man. A what? You know, a guy who moves boxes from one house to another. Oh. Why? I dunno, maybe I want to get some experience, meet some sketchy poor people. That sounds....

[From off-stage] “That sound means we’ve reached the end of the bonus round! It looks like Jason is on top with 355....”

I wish they didn’t have TVs in here.

[Minority male takes away the plates. The two gentle°

.

_

___

_.|

-

men rise.]

I saw Angels in America the other night? What’s that? It’s this play about AIDS. Oh. Well, I really liked it. It was intense, man. It was real good. Reminded me that there’s a lot of good theater out there. Yeah.

So what are you doing now? I have to go write my last column of the year. Yeah? What’s it going to be about?

About how I’m livin’ the American Dream

Aaron Kirschenfeld is a Trinity sophomore. His column usually appears every third Monday.

16 (FRIDAY, APRIL 22, 2005

THE CHRONICLE