March 25, 2005

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Campus Co uncil questions Duke's flooiding problems

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basketball preps for Georgia in the Sweet 16

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FRIDAY, MARCH 25, 2005

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THE INDEPENDENT DAILY AT DUKE UNIVERSITY

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ONE HUNDREDTH YEAR, ISSUE 118

DUKE £|vor Faculty discuss Central Campus Takin’ care of business VS MSU

by

Meg Bourdillon THE CHRONICLE

Continuing the lengthy process of planning the redevelopment of Central Campus, administrators sought out faculty opinions at Thursday’s Academic Council meeting.

While speaking to faculty about the present state of the project, both Provost Peter Lange and Executive Vice President Tallman Trask cautioned council members that plans were far from finalized.

“We’re trying to get the first steps correct and set the right tone,” Trask said.

Lange compared current discussions within the University7 to

Engineering prof Linda Franzoni voiced concern about a "critical"bar on Central.

Top-seeded

a family’s deciding what amenities would be nice to have in a new home. Working out the specifics with the architects will come later, he said.

There is no “secret set of documents,” Lange assured the faculty. He added that administrators are still working to address the concerns of community members opposed to the changes on Central.

Central needs a true faculty presence, Lange said, citing international studies and the arts as possible areas of emphasis.

He and Trask invited input from council members, who received the reports of the first planning subcommittees.

Noting a suggestion in the reports that certain academic program clusters move to Central, Tomiko Yoda, associate professor of Asian and African languages and literature, wanted to ensure due consideration for faculty opinion.

“When and how would these programs be participating in the discussion of these plans?”

Yoda asked.

Other questions focused on Central’s future atmosphere.

This is an opportunity to create

JESSICA SCHREIBER/THE CHRONICLE

TONIGHT, 7:10

Duke looks to continue streak against Spartans by

“really distinguished

and memorable and important” buildings, said Peter Burian, professor of classical SEE CENTRAL ON PAGE

4

Alex Fanaroff

THE CHRONICLE

PETER

GEBHARD/THE CHRONICLE

Daniel Ewing is hoping to repeat his stellar shooting from Duke's Nov. 30 win over Michigan State, when the Blue Devils square off with the Spartans again tonight.

The NCAA Tournament is full of distractions. Players have to navigate practices in strange buildings, hotel rooms in new cities, sessions with the national media and the tough task of turning their six-ticket allotment into enough to take care of their family and friends.

With all those commitments on the side, it is easy to wonder how Duke’s players can even find time to play a basketball game.

But the players say that when the game begins, anything else is far from their thoughts.

“I understand what’s at stake here so it’s not like I’m going to play [around],” Daniel Ewing said.

“I’m going to take care of business, try to win a game, try to help my team get back to the Final Four.”

Against fifth-seeded Michigan State in an NCAA Tournament Sweet 16 matchup tonight at 7:10 in Austin, Texas, the top-seeded Blue Devils will face the additional psychological distraction of potential over-confidence. They will SEE MSU ON PAGE 7

UNC, Duke student centers promise fancy facilities by

Jenny Bonilla

THE CHRONICLE

DAN GINZHENG/THE CHRONICLE

UNC's new $72-million Rams Head Center opened to students Monday.

In an era of heightened student expectations, student facilities have become an important component in the race for universities to “keep up with the Joneses”—especially when there is already a long and strong history of competition among institutions, as is the case between Duke and the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

This week UNC opened the doors to its posh new student center, the Rams Head Center, leaving some members of the Duke community wondering how Duke’s future student plaza will measure up.

Many students and University

officials believe the student plaza will act as much more than a marketing tool, but they do not deny that it could help the University’s image while simultaneously serving student needs.

“If it is done right, I think it will be an improvement to what we have now, and could definitely be a calling card for the University,” sophomore Megan Bode said.

Treat Harvey, major gifts officer for student affairs, emphasized instead that the main beneficiaries will be current students.

“The plaza is really something being built for the students here now to enhance student life,” she said. “A school like Duke has so much to offer that I do not think we will need to use something

like the plaza to lure students.”

But prospective and current students alike are drawn to having the best at their fingertips. “I do believe that people have high expectations for the project,” Bode said.

Naturally, officials say, students will look at the facility as they do any space. “Anytime a student looks at a place, they look with a critical eye,” Harvey said.

UNO’s $72 million center had been characterized by the administration as “a multipurpose building that will help bring together North and South Campus.” It boasts a 700-space parking deck, high-tech eateries, an SEE PLAZA ON PAGE 5

FRIDAY, MARCH

THE CHRONICLE

25,2005

worldandnation

newsinbrief Few options for Schiavo family

Kyrgyzstan's president overthrown by

Steve Guttermai

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

BISHKEK, Kyrgyzstan President Askar Akayev reportedly fled Thursday after protesters stormed his headquarters, seized control of state television and rampaged through government offices, throwing computers and air conditioners out of windows.

A leading opponent of the Akayev regime, Felix Kulov, was freed from prison and praised the “revolution made by the people.” Kulov said Akayev had signed a letter of resignation, the ITAR-Tass news agency reported.

Members of the reinstated parliament

that was in power before February’s disputed election met Thursday night to discuss keeping order in the nation and conducting a new presidential vote, perhaps as early as May or June. They elected a former opposition lawmaker, Ishenbai Kadyrbekov, as interim president.

Sitting in Akayev’s chair surrounded by supporters, opposition activist Ulan Shambetov praised the latest uprising to sweep a former Soviet republic.

“It’s not the opposition that has seized power, it’s the people who have taken power. The people. They have been fighting for so long against corruption, against that [Akayev] family,” he said.

The takeover of government buildings in Bishkek followed similar seizures by opposition activists in southern Kyrgyzstan, including the second-largest city, Osh. Those protests began even before the first round of parliamentary elections Feb. 27 and swelled after March 13 runoffs that the opposition said were seriously flawed. U.S. and European officials concurred.

Later Thursday, Kyrgyzstan’s Supreme Court declared the election invalid and recognized the former parliament as the legitimate legislature, said former parliamentary speaker Abdygany Erkebayev.

Akayev’s whereabouts were not known.

U.N. calls for international inquiry by

Nick Wadhams

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

UNITED NATIONS A U.N. report into the assassination of former Lebanese Prime Minister Rafik Hariri concluded that Lebanon’s probe of the killing was unsatisfactory and an international investigation is needed.

The report, released Thursday, says there was a “distinct lack of commitment”

by Lebanese authorities to investigate the crime, and the investigation was not carried out “in accordance with acceptable international standards.”

In Beirut, Lebanese President Emile La-

houd responded by saying he had told U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan to do “what is necessary” to learn who was behind the Feb. 14 killing.

Hariri died in a blast in central Beirut that killed 17 other people. The Lebanese opposition has blamed Syria and its Lebanese allies, who have both denied any involvement.

The report does not directly assign blame, saying the causes were unable to be determined.

“However, it is clear that the assassination took place in a political and security context marked by an acute polarization

With Terri Schiavo drawing closer to death, her parents continue to fight to reinsert their brain-damaged daughter's feeding tube. Bob and Mary Schindler held onto hope that Gov. Jeb Bush would somehow find away to intervene or that a federal judge would see things their way.

1

2

around the Syrian influence in Lebanon,” the report says.

It also says Syrian military intelligence shares responsibility to the extent that it and Lebanese security services failed to provide “security, protection, law and order” in Lebanon.

The opposition and Hariri’s family have insisted on an international investigation, saying they have no trust in the Lebanese probe. The report implicitly backed that sentiment, saying the Lebanese investigation “lacks the confidence of the population necessary for its results to be accepted.”

NYFD to release 9/11 tapes New York's highest court has ruled that New York City's Fire Department must release audiotapes and transcripts of interviews conducted with firefighters who responded to the 2001 terrorist attacks, but it can withhold portions that could cause serious pain or embarrassment.

Death toll rises in Texas blast A thunderous explosion at a BP refinery in Texas has left at least 15 dead. Investigators are trying to determine the cause of the worst accident in the nation's gas and chemical industry in nearly 15 years.

Ancient dino tissue recovered Researchers have recovered 70-millionyear-old soft tissue, including what may be blood vessels and cells, from a Tyrannosaurus rex. If scientists can isolate proteins from the material, they may be able to learn new details of how dinosaurs lived.

News briefs compiled from wire reports "Let us be poised, and wise, and our own today."

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THE CHRONICLE

FRIDAY, MARCH 25,20051 3

Event planning tops sola candidate s list by

TIAN QINZHENG/THE CHRONICLE

Campus Council President Anthony Vitareili took theFacilities Management Department to task Thursday night.

Council roasts grounds crew by

Ikee Gardner

THE CHRONICLE

Campus Council discussed flooding, mud and mulch at its meeting Thursday night. Glenn

Reynolds, acting director of the Facilities Management Department, discussed the department’s abilities and plans to rectify ongoing problems with Duke’s grounds.

Campus Council members voiced their dissatisfaction that the Facilities Management Department has not adequately addressed Campus Council’s resolution last April concerning

grounds problems.

“Why do we have a system that would limit usability?” Campus Council President Anthony Vitareili asked.

Though some grounds problems are included in the University budget, such as the leveling of areas flooded during rain, other prevalent problems are considered special initiatives.

“There’s not enough money to do everything we want and do it up to the level we want,” Reynolds noted.

Jay Ganatra, Campus Council president-elect, presented maps

of the unsightly features on both East and West Campuses following rain, including puddles, muddy ground, the lack of grass outside House P and the flooded pathways in Keohane

Quadrangle. “[Flooding] is something you can’t miss—it’s blatandy there,” said Ganatra, a sophomore.

Campus Council members mentioned other grounds problems, including the sparse grass on the East Campus Quad and the ineffective drain located

at

SEE CC ON PAGE 4

Seyward Darby THE CHRONICLE

Paige Sparkman has a selfprofessed passion for improving student life—and she is running for Duke Student Government vice president of student affairs to put that passion into practice.

A junior from McLean, Va., Sparkman has spent the last three years working as a senator on the DSG Student Affairs committee and currently serves as DSG’s public relations director. One of three candidates running unopposed in the March 31 elections, Sparkman said she hopes to enhance student life as both a leader and collaborator if elected.

“I have a vested interest in Duke and its future,” Sparkman said. “I want to work to improve it with other people.”

Listening to students’ needs and concerns—both articulated and subtle—will be the launching point for her actions as vice president, Sparkman explained.

“I want to read the student body, see what’s going on and prioritize my different platforms and goals to best benefit the student body,” she said.

But Sparkman already has several goals oudined for next year.

Sparkman’s main priority will be helping student groups plan more successful events. After working this year to create a universal event registration form, Sparkman said she wants to launch a website devoted to the aspects of registering events that will help groups understand and cotrecdy complete the process.

She also plans to lobby for the removal of the security fund cap—a University policy that limits the amount of motley groups have to

DSG

THE VOTE

2005

VP OF STUDENT AFFAIRS

Paige SpaHonan Junior, Trinity McLean, Va.

PLATFORM POINTS:

“4 Launch a website to help students better im|

2 3 4

derstand the process of registering events

Lobby against the poficy that limits the amount of money pad for event security

Reevaluate Duke alcohol poficy, implement an educational program about students’ rights Push for establishment of the 24-hour clinic on East Campus and similar fadity on West

pay for event security.

“It’s ridiculous and contrary to safety on campus,” she said.

Tweaking Duke’s alcohol policy is another of Sparkman’s priorities. She said unclear aspects of the current policy often leave students feeling “trapped by the administration.” A broad education program about the rights the policy affords students and the consequences of violations will be key to helping students understand and respect the policy, Sparkman explained. She said she also plans to meet with administrators to thoroughly evaluate the existing regulations.

“We’fl come across certain parts of the policy that we will identify as needing clarification and perfections,” she said.

In addition, Sparkman said she will focus on improving student health care. She plans to push for SEE SPARKMAN ON PAGE 5

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THE CHRONICLE

4 I FRIDAY, MARCH 25, 2005

CC from page 3

CENTRAL from page 1 studies. He was optimistic about the possibilities of developing such a huge amount of land.

“There’s no other university in the country, as far as I know, that has anything like this,” Burian said.

George McLendon, dean of the faculty of Arts and Sciences, echoed Burian, suggesting more artistic architecture and public art displays. “It doesn’t have to be a gendeman with a cigar,” McLendon said.

Trask, however, remarked on the expense of purchasing high-quality art and the importance of avoiding trends that would quickly pass. He also noted that “Duke stone” would not be a main building material.

By allowing private stores in Universityowned space, administrators could retain authority over the types of businesses and building designs on campus, pointed out Will Wilson, associate professor of biology.

“It would be nice if we had non-Duke eclecticness,” Wilson said.

A description of bars as “critical to the social ‘scene’” in the report of the Housing and Dining Committee disquieted Linda Franzoni, associate professor of mechanical engineering and materials sciences.

“The biggest red flag for me is security,” Franzoni said, suggesting that such venues might draw in individuals unaffiliated with the University.

Trask and Lange tried to allay these concerns, emphasizing that there were no answers yet to many professors’ questions.

‘You are all identifying points of unresolved issues,” Lange said.

In other business: A new Ph.D. program in public policy won the council’s unanimous endorsement. This is the third doctoral program approved by the faculty this year.

The council also voted on the Coalition on Intercollegiate Athletics’ statement on “Academic Integrity in Intercollegiate Atheltics: Principles, Rules and Best Practices.” Kathleen Smith, faculty athletics representative, expressed concerns about some of the document’s details, but a resolution supporting its “general proposals and overall thrust”

passed unanimously.

the intersection of the Bryan Center

walkway and the Main Quadrangle.

Suggested solutions included the use

JESSICA

SCHREIBER/THE CHRONICLE

The standard "question for theProvost" at Thursday's Academic Council meeting took a new twist, as Peter Lange (above) responded to a question about using class timefor discussion ofcurrent events.

Provost talks classroom politics by

Meg Bourdillon THE CHRONICLE

Does academic freedom extend to classroom discussions of the war in Iraq?

Provost Peter Lange gave his answer to this question Thursday afternoon in the Academic Council meeting. An unnamed faculty member solicited Lange’s response to a letter to the editor published in The Chronicle Jan. 25 concerning a “teach-in” in a Chinese history class.

The inquiry is one of a series of anonymous “Questions to the Provost” Lange has been answering at council meetings all year. Although Lange welcomed the opportunity to speak on the important issue of academic freedom and dialogue, he pointed out that the limited information in the letter did not permit him to make a firm response about the specific event.

“Students learn many things in many ways throughout their campus careers, and faculty can contribute to that learning in multiple ways,” Lange said.

Academic freedom is an important right, Lange emphasized. He noted that although the announced subject should be the focus of a course, professors may choose how best to use their classroom time to enmatter

hance the education of students and faculty alike.

Lange affirmed his faith in professors’ judgement: “Rare is the circumstance in which [faculty] will abuse the ability to choose what they teach or to squander the time that they have to teach their subjects.”

An environment characterized by “shared norms of conduct” is the best way to foster learning, Lange said. He added that students should handle concerns about politics in the classroom by directly approaching the professor in question or, if necessary, going to another memberof the department “Recourse to the Allen Building is unlikely to be the first-, second- or even third-best course of action,” Lange concluded.

Duke Water Polo Come show your support as Duke takes on UNC in its final tournament of the year!

Where:

Duke University Medical Center

The Genetics of Environmental Asthma

And a few people without asthma or allergies are asked to

When: Saturday, March 26th 10:30am, 3:3opm

(*exact game times will be determined by outcome of Saturday’s games)

In other business: Campus Council discussed the feasibility of removing bathroom door locks for convenience or allowing DukeCard access to bathrooms. The removal of locks in any dormitory would require a unanimous affirmative vote by secret ballot for each key unit. DukeCard reader access would cost more than $3,000 per year per unit, representing a financial difficulty.

Healthy non-smokers (Age 18-40), with mild Asthma or allergies.

UNC’s Koury Natatorium in Chapel Hill

Sunday, March 27th 8:00am-3:30pm*

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of catch basins to prevent floods, investment in perennial plants, a more proactive Facilities Management Department and an online method for students to inform the department about problems they see around campus more easily.

Sophomore Jared Layne suggested Campus Council members plant small quantities of flowers in individual quads, to demonstrate what “unskilled manpower” could do to improve the grounds.

Reynolds noted that some problems were the result of conflicting priorities and goals within Facilities Management.

Work done by the grounds division may conflict with work done by the utilities division, resulting in flooding or other problems. “There is a constant battle there,” Reynolds said.

Facilities Management has also discussed grounds problems with Duke Student Government and works with the Office of the University Architect to construct a long-term plan for Duke’s grounds, Reynolds said.

Reynolds acknowledged the significance of the grounds problems, the need for better communication between Duke students and Facilities Management and the “pet peeves” each student has about traversing the campus when it rains. Senior Michael Lamb mentioned the flooding of the pathway from the East Campus bus stop to the West Duke Building as an annoyance to himself and others.

“I was walking with two professors who stepped in it, and they were pretty mad,” Lamb said.

Contact person: Catherine Foss (919) 668-3599 or fossooos@mc.duke.edu

participate in an asthma study.

Go Duke Water Polo!

Three visits required.

Compensation offered.

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THE CHRONICLE

FRIDAY, MARCH 25, 2005 5

SPARKMAN from page 3 the re-opening of a 24-hour clinic on East Campus and the establishment of a similarfacility on West.

“Due to health insurance increases this year, I think there needs to be a similar increase in the assistance provided to students,” Sparkman said. “Students [should] get the care they paid for.”

Sparkman also plans to push for the creation of a comprehensive calendar that includes both student and University-related events and dates. She noted that many ofDuke’s peer institutions

have a universal calendar and said buying the expensive software to create one is well worth the money.

Sophomore Joel Kliksberg, current DSG vice president for community interaction, said Sparkman’s track record in DSG prepared her well for a vice presidential post.

“I think Paige brings a broad understanding of student affairs,” he said, noting her work improving the public relations strategies of DSG and with sim-

plifying

event

registration.

“She’s taken on a broad range of responsibilities and come out with effective results in the past.”

TIAN QINZHENG/THE CHRONICLE

North Carolina's new student center isfull of deluxe dining options, which will be on a smaller scale in Duke's student plaza.

PLAZA from page 1

dents. “I really do think it will provide visibility for people, pro-

extensive arcade, a recreational facility, a lavish 6,500-square-foot grocery store and a rooftop

landscaped plaza overlooking Kenan Stadium.

While Duke will not be completely revamping the Bryan Center anytime in the near future, administrators hope the new $lO million, 40,000-squarefoot student plaza will be “the living room of West Campus” —exactly what the center was meant to be—and satisfy a student need that is currently unfulfilled.

It will provide “a place to see and be seen,” said Sue Wasiolek, assistant vice president for student affairs and dean of stm

grams and activities that the BC has not been able to.”

Unlike the Rams Head Center, the plaza will be an outdoor space and will include performance areas, eateries, social gathering space and a mist fountain.

But UNC students will pay the price for their sumptuous center—students will face an increase of $76 per student in debt service and recreational charges.

The Duke student plaza, however, will be completely financed by private donations.

The project’s success will essentially be determined by how students use it.

“Our hope is to have students see that the whole is greater than

the sum of its parts,” Harvey said.

While University officials can send the message that this is a place that fosters communication, it will ultimately be up to the students whether they take advantage of it or not. As President Richard Brodhead has articulated in many of his statements to the University community, it is each student’s responsibility to make Duke the school they want it to be.

“I’m hopeful that it will be designed such that it creates an atmosphere where students can both socialize and study,” Bode said. “The BC walkway doesn’t really serve much purpose, and I think Duke kids are looking for that to change with the new plaza.”

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THE ROAD TO ST. LOUIS MEN S SWEET 16

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MILWAUKEE

DUKE VS GEORGIA

SATURDAY, 2:30

Quick Georgia to test Blue Devils by

Having a seven-player squad was never the plan.

Lindsey Harding was supposed to play point guard, Jessica Foley was supposed to anchor Duke’s shooting attack and Brittany Hunter and Tasha Humphrey were going to be the face of a new era of Blue Devil dominance.

Duke’s game Saturday against sixthseeded Georgia (24-9) in the regional semifinals in Chattanooga, Tenn., will provide a glimpse at part of what could have been. The Bulldogs will center their attack around Humphrey, who had verbally committed to Duke before changing her mind and going on to win National Freshman of the Year honors at Georgia.

Second-seeded Duke (30-4) will attempt to contain Humphrey while also worrying about problems of its own, most notably the continued absence of Foley because of tendinitis in her left foot. In the first two rounds of the NCAA Tournament, the Blue Devils were forced to play big, and barring an unexpected return from the junior guard, they will have to again this weekend.

“It’s just a little bit more difficult with seven,” head coach Gail Goestenkors said.

“I don’t think it’s necessarily the numbers as much as it is the rotations and the ballhandling and the shooting.”

After developing a comfortable rotation for most of the season, Duke was forced to depart from it in wins over Canisius and Boston College last weekend in Chapel Hill. Monique Currie shifted

Will Waggenspack THE CHRONICLE

A dominant second-half performance lifted the sixth-ranked Duke women’s lacrosse team past No. 19 Vanderbilt Thursday in Nashville, Tenn. .

Led by hat tricks from Katie Chrest and Kristen WaagDUKE bo, the Blue DevVANDY 4 ils (7-2) trounced the Commodores (2-4), outscoring them 8-1 in the final 30 minutes. Duke’s second-period effort doubled Vanderbilt’s scoring on the day and gave them the 13-4 victory.

Despite the lopsided outcome, the game was still close after the first period as Duke led 5-3. But a four-goal run by the Blue Devils early in the second extinguished any hopes of a Vanderbilt comeback.

Waagbo scored her second goal a minute into the second half and followed with her third 1:15 later. Chresfs third goal of the match put Duke ahead 9-3 with 23:39 to play.

The Commodores then scored their only goal of the second half to bring the score to 9-4, but Duke closed the period with another four-goal streak.

Vanderbilt managed to keep the game close throughout the first period thanks to poor shooting by the Blue Devils and superior goalie play from Ashley Bastinelli, who saved 1 l-of-22 shots.

Gregory Beaton THE CHRONICLE

I

TIAN QINZHENG/THE CHRONICLE

With 12 points in Saturday's Sweet 16 game, Mistie Williams will break the 1,000-point markfor her career.

SEE GEORGIA ON PAGE 7

MEN'S TENNIS

Healthy Shults enjoys by

Jordan Koss

THE CHRONICLE

Following the 2002-2003 men’s tennis

season, then-sophomore Peter Shults underwent shoulder surgery. Before the sur-

PETER

GEBHARD/THE CHRONICLE

Aft:r returning from successful shoulder surgery PeterShults hasachieved a 10-2 singles record.

gery, doctors told him he would be ready for the Spring 2004 season.

After the surgery, the doctors changed the prognosis for full recovery from six months to 18.

“My shoulder was messed up all last year,” Shults said. “It was definitely my hardest year, but now I’m glad I had the surgery since I am completely healthy.”

Not only is he feeling 100 percent, Shults is having the best season of his career. Now a senior, he is 10-2 in dual match singles play and 6-2 in doubles play.

In addition to putting up impressive numbers, Shults has been named ACC Player of the Week two times in the last

three weeks, which is largely because of his clutch play.

Shults earned his most recent honors for his role in 4-3 wins over No. 12 Texas A&M and No. 32 Texas Christian. Against the Aggies, Shults and Stephen Amritraj enabled the Blue Devils to win the doubles point, and Shults put Duke up 2-0 with a straight-set victory at the No. 6 position. Two days later he vaulted the Blue Devils over TCU, breaking a 3-3 tie with a 6-3, 6-3 triumph.

During the first week of March, Shults clinched Duke’s 6-1 victory over N.C. State at No. 4 singles, and four days later scored a 6-0, 6-0 victory in his singles match against Maryland.

“Peter is one of the hardest-working guys we’ve ever had come through our program,” head coach Jay Lapidus said.

“It’s not a surprise that he’s playing the

success

way he is now that he’s healthy.”

This season the Blue Devils have exceeded preseason expectations, especially considering the graduation of four-time AllAmerican Phillip King. This is in large part due to strong leadership, which the subduedShults has provided by example.

“Every day in practice, when you put him against somebody, you know it’s going to be a good practice for the other kid,” Lapidus said. “We’re going to miss his attitude a lot next year.”

Shults, a native ofLittle Rock, Ark., will lead the Blue Devils into action Friday at 3 p.m. against No. 33 Virginia Commonwealth and Sunday at 1 p.m. against No. 27 Florida State.

“Both teams are really tough, neither is ranked as high as it should be,” Shults said.

“If both teams stay healthy, they should be top 15 teams by the end of the year.”

THE CHRONICLE

MSU

FRIDAY, MARCH 25,20051 7

players average 10 minutes or more on the

from page 1

be playing the Spartans for the second time this season after beating them in the teams’ first meeting Nov. 30.

But Blue Devil players were quick to point out that their past performance against the Spartans—two convincing wins in the past two seasons—will not help them at all.

“We played them and we beat them, but that was a tremendous game and they came into Cameron and played us right down to the wire,” forward Shavlik Randolph said.

‘We won the gamebecause of a tremendous performance byJJ. [Redick] and Daniel.”

In the teams’ first meeting, an 81-74 Blue Devil victory, Redick was unstoppable in the first half, scoring 21 of his 29 points. Ewing picked up the slack in the second frame, scoring 15 ofhis 29. The Spartans held Duke forward Shelden Williams in check, though, limiting him to just 10 points in 36 minutes.

“We did not get much inside that night and hopefully we’ll have a little bit better balance,” Duke head coach Mike Krzyzewski said. “I’d like to have those two guys do the same thing, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

The Spartans are deep, quick and experienced, each of which is likely to cause the Blue Devils problems.

Krzyzewski said the Spartans push the ball as well as any team in the nation, even comparing them to North Carolina, the nation’s top-scoring team.

Michigan State head coach Tom Izzo moved freshman point guard Drew Neitzel into the starting lineup after the team lost at home to Illinois Feb. 1. The guard immediately picked up the pace of the Spartan attack and may have turned around Michigan State’s season. The Spartans were 14-4 before Feb. 1 and 12-2 after.

The Spartans’ depth makes their uptempo style possible. Nine Michigan State

WEIYITAN/THE CHRONICLE

Wanisha Smith will need to increaseher production and cut down her turnovers against Georgia.

GEORGIA from page 6 from small forward to shooting guard, and senior forward Wynter Whitley was inserted into the starting lineup after coming off the bench all season.

The different look provides Duke with even more of a size advantage than it already had over most teams all season. But even with Foley healthy, the Blue Devils struggled against athletic teams. Without the junior guard, Duke will be even less able to handle quicker squads.

Georgia plays exacdy the kind of game that could give Goestenkors headaches.

They start three guards, all of whom are 5foot-8 or shorter.

“They’re quicker than we are at the guard slots, but we’re taller,” Goestenkors said. “I’m sure they’ll try to push the tempo and pressure us, and we have to counteract that with taking care of the ball

DUKE vs. MICHIGAN ST.

season and no player was forced to play more than 30 minutes a game.

With so many options, the Spartans can also create matchup nightmares, especially for a thinner team like the Blue Devils.

“They can go real big with [6-foot-ll

Paul] Davis, [6-foot-10 Drew] Naymick and [6-foot-4 Kelvin] Torbert, where Torbert is playing the third perimeter guy, and they can go small with Torbert and [6foot-6 Alan] Anderson playing the two bigs,” Krzyzewski said. “So they give you a lot of different looks, so continuing to know who our matchups are against will be a big factor in the game.”

Like Duke, Michigan State is an experienced and tournament-tested team; three Spartan seniors are major contributors.

With so much upperclass leadership, Michigan State is not the type of team that will be intimidated by the Blue Devil mystique, even if they have lost twice to Duke in as many seasons.

“It happened so long ago that it doesn’t seem like it’s even this season,” Krzyzewski said of the teams’ first meeting. “I’m sure they’ll use it as a motivational tool, but for us, it was November. That’s a long time ago.”

Friday, March 25

•

(1)

and posting up our guards.’r Freshman point guard Wanisha Smith, along with Currie, will shoulder even more of the ball-handling and shooting burden while also trying to contain the Bulldogs’ up-tempo offense.

Georgia is 15th in the country in scoring, and its offense is multi-dimensional.

Its guards can each handle the ball, and the Bulldogs will look to get Cori Chambers open for shots. Alexis Kendrick will have to contend with Smith’s physical defense, but she is an equally capable distributor and will get the offense moving. And then there’s Humphrey.

“She’s a monster down on the low block,” said Goestenkors, who noted that the freshman also has the range to knock it down from the outside. “She has the ability to take advantage of any mismatches.”

The combination of different looks the Bulldogs can provide is only one of many reasons why this will be a difficult matchup for Duke, even though it is favored. After finishing a disappointing SEC season, Georgia is hot now, coming offof an upset victory over third-seeded Texas in the second round.

The disjointed nature of Duke’s lineups has some predicting an early exit for the team this year.

“People haven’t really expected us to do really well,” Currie said, but she added that the team will not be deterred. “We know if we lose it’ll be our last game.”

NOTES: Goestenkors said Foley is still day-to-day but has not practices this week.... Duke leads the all-time series 2-0, with both victories coming in the NCAA Tournament.

The Blue Devils defeated the Bulldogs in the Sweet 16 in both 1999 and 2003....

With a victory, Georgia would advance to its eighth Elite Eight in the past 11 years.

Duke (27-5.11-5)

(5) Michigan 5t.(24-6,13-3)

Giard DauM Ewing (15.2 gpg, 4.1 am) Snag Dockery (6.5 pm, 2.9 mg) Gnard Gaard URedick (22.1 pm. 3.3 mg) SfeaUop wmans (15.4 mg. 11.3 mg) Forward Forward SfeavUk Randolph (4.5 ppg, 4.4 mg)

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With athletic slashers in Ager, Anderson and Brown, the Spartans will likely use the combination of their athletic guards and depth to wear down Duke's defense and draw fouls in the lane. Kelvin Torbert has come off the bench and put up 13.5 ppg in the tournament. Michigan State has outscored its opponents 36-6 on the fast break in the first two rounds but has only shot 19.2 percent from three-point range.

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Giard Draw Nettie) (3.5 mg, 2.8 am) Gaard Shannon Brown (19.4 pm. 3.2 mg) Giard Manrice Agor (13.5 pm. 3.7 rm> Forward Man Anderson (13.6 pm. 5.4 tm) Center Rail Davis (11.8 pm. 7.6 rm)

Duke will need Redick to bounce back after two sub-par performances. The team relied heavily on Redick and Ewing in the win over Michigan State earlier this year, but the Blue Devils' bench has stepped up significantly since then. In the post, Williams and Randolph will have to team up to get past 6-foot-11 Davis, but the Spartans have very little depth in the post, so Davis must stay out of foul trouble.

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Duke leads the all-time series 5-1 against Michigan State, including an 81-74 win this season in Cameron this year. In addition, the Spartans are only 1-2 against ranked opponents this season, while the Blue Devils are 4-2. In high school, Ewing won two state championships in the Frank Erwin Center, and Saturday will be somewhat of a homecoming for the senior as he plays in front of a host of relatives and friends.

INTAGBLES The Blue pevil defense has held opponents to 37.5 percent shooting in its two NCAA Tournament games.

Frank Enrnin Center. Austin. Texas CBS 1:10 p.m.

•

The Spartans will no doubt use their depth to wear down the Blue Devils for a slight advantage late in the game. But MSI) has not found the same consistent leadership that has carried the Blue Devils. Many people predicted Duke to lose in the Sweet 16, compiled by Ryan Pertz but they will slide past MSI) tonight. Duke wins, 85-79.

DUKE vs. GEORGIA Saturday, March

26

McKenzie Arena, Chattanooga, Tenn.

ESPN 2:30 p.m.

•

•

(2)

Duke (29-4)

(6) Georgia (24-9)

ppg.

Guard Wanistia Salt!

Monique Carrie <17.6 ppg, 7.1 rpg) Guard Center Alison Bales (7.5 ppg, 6.7 rpg) Forward Mlstie Williams (11.5 ppg, 7.1 rpg) Forward Wyiter Whitley (5.4 ppg, 3.0 rpg) (11.3

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2.7 mg)

Guard Cod Chambers (13.2 ppg, 3.9 mg) Giant Sheril Baker (11.5 ppg, 4.8 rpg) Guard Alexis Kendrick (6.7 ppg, 3.5 apg) Center Rebecca Rowsey (4.1 ppg, 5.1 rpg) Forward Tasha Hnmphrey (19.1 ppg, 8.2 mg)

Duke has a huge size advantage over most teams in the country, and Georgia is no exception. Chante Black, Bales and Williams will likely dominate the paint, especially when the Blue Devils opt for three post players in the lineup at once. But the Bulldogs have three quick guards who will have their hands in Duke's passing lanes all night long and should give Smith and Currie problems starting the offense.

Georgia's offensive attack revolves around Humphrey, who is extremely versatile. Duke will try a few different set-ups to confuse the Bulldogs, including more zone defense than it usually plays. The Blue Devils have now set an NCAA record for blocks and should continue to add to their total against a smaller Georgia backcourt. The Bulldogs will need to get hot from long-range if they expect to break down Duke's defense.

It doesn't look like Jessica Foley will play Saturday, leaving Duke with only seven players. Even if Foley does play, she will not be able to contribute as she did before her injury. Both teams are tournament-tested and should not choke under the pressure of a win-or-go-home situation. Georgia has been coming together of late, whereas Duke has been spending its time learning how to adapt to a new lineup.

Foley's absence hurt Duke against Canisius and Boston College, but the Blue Devils were able to squeak by against weaker opponents. Georgia is a much tougher matchup for Duke, however, and it is exactly the type of team that Duke has struggled compiled by Gregory Beaton against this year. Georgia wins, 72-67.

(FRIDAY,

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Diversons e Class Menagerie

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10IFRTPAY. MARCH 25, 2005

The Chronicle The Independent Daily at Duke University

Endorsing an endorsement?

The spirit behind the changes in election season for Duke Student endorsement guidelines—a desire to Government, and the campaigns encourage groups to give each candiare in full swing. Public endorsedate an equal shot at selling himnot be—or ments, however, might worse, they might bear a government self—is fair and appropriate, but some of the stipulastamp of approval. c a ff itOrial tions miss the mark.

SlaTTeu before Ten days By requiring—or DSG’s executive eleceven requesting —groups to submit tion March 31, the Election Commission released its reforms for this their endorsements for certification year —most notably a change to the before they submit them for publicaendorsement process that infringes tion, the Election Commission is on student groups’ autonomy from opening the door for manipulation.

Even though the Election ComDSG and adds a layer of oversight mission is largely independent of that could allow for manipulation of still includes members of the DSG, it itself. the election According to the new guidelines, a Senate and is chaired by a Cabinet member. And even if these election member of the Election Commission—which is technically separate officials would run the certification from DSC but overlaps significandy process without getting in the way of with the governing body —will sit in groups’ right to make their own decisions, there is no guarantee that such on each group’s endorsement meetmanipulation wouldn’t happen in the that all candidates are to ensure ing heard and receive equal time. The future. In institutionalizing such a regroups are then asked to submit their form, the Election Commission must guard against its future abuse. endorsements to the Election ComThese reforms seem like they were mission, which would certify the enrushed and not thought through comand inform candidates dorsements that a decision has been made before pletely, judging by the way they were the groups submit their endorsement passed and subsequently publicized.

They were released just a week and a for publication.

Student groups’ endorsements halfbefore the election, after the candidates had declared they were runadd a valuable dimension to the elecand after it was too late for them more of ning tion process because they get the student body thinking about the to participate in any serious discussion candidates and what they want out of of the changes’ merit. Several student group leaders learned of the reforms their leaders. Published endorsewhen The Chronicle interviewed ments benefit not only members of those groups, but the community at them to ask for their reaction, and the changes seem firm even though there large, as many students are not affiliated with the groups that endorse is neither time for debate nor any enand would not otherwise have any forcement mechanism.

If your group decides that it wants extra information about the races. to endorse candidates, then you Each group that chooses to endorse candidates has the responsibility should trust yourselves to follow whatever mechanisms are necessary to be to support those candidates who will fair and make the right decision for serve its needs best. Furthermore, each group has the right to decide your group. It’s your call, too, how to how it will select the candidates it publicize that endorsement—and deems best fit for the positions and whether you want to participate in a how it will publicize that endorsement. process that inherently impinges on your autonomy. Sure, it’s well intenThe DSG endorsement reforms complicate the process and add regulation tioned, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be manipulated. that is neither necessary nor proper.

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History’s notable nutpunches nation of Julius Caesar, delivering the last in a It was the thwap heard ’round the world.

Such, I believe, is a reasonable appellation hail of withering blows to the upper thighs and for the nutpunch that, however indirectly, eject- testicles. Historians estimate that the Roman ed Wake Forest from the NCAA Tournament dictator received 97 separate fatal crotch last Saturday. We all know that second-seeded wounds. Caesar’s famous last word: “Oooof.”

33 CE: Jerusalem “And while he yet spake, Wake lost to West Virginia in a stunning, doubleovertime second-round upset. Wake met the behold, a multitude, and he that was called Mountaineers as a result of that two-seed. And Judas, one of the 12, went before them and drew that two-seed was the result of an early exit from near unto Jesus to nutpunch him. But Jesus said the ACC Tournament, in which Wake lost a unto him, Judas, betrayest thou the Son ofMan quarterfinal matchup against underdog N.C. with a—oooofl” (Luke 22:47-48, KJY) Outnumbered 1415; Agincourt, France State—understandably enough, as Wake was V faces five-to-one, Henry Chris Paul. without playing superstar almost certain defeat at the And why was Paul riding the pine? hands of a well-supplied He was suspended —suspended beand well-rested French cause of a low blow to State’s Julius army under command of Hodge in the game immediately previthe Comte de Noix. But un“Paul bewas ous. As the AP reports, beknownst to their adverhind Hodge as the lanky senior was saries, the English had rebattling for position to rebound a centty Evtimov. developed the missed three-pointer by Ilian ro u noodmall* nutbow, capable of accuAfter Cedric Simmons got the rebound, Paul reached around from lobster sticks to magnet rately delivering a blunt object over 200 yards. Four Hodge’s right side and hit him in the later, an embarrassed hours ACC Playthe groin. Hodge, reigning French army hobbles off the field, leaving the er of the Year, crumpled to the court.”

Paul would later allow that “my emotions got victory to King Henry, 1492: Hispaniola, West Indies An emissary the best of me.” But he could hardly have foreseen just how far his hand was reaching—not of the Arawak Indians greets Chritopher Columsimply between Hodge’s thighs, but into the fu- bus with the ceremonial nutpunch of welcomture, sparking a chain of events that would ing. Culturally insensitive and extremely upset, begin with his suspension and end in defeat 13 Columbus responds by unleashing 400 years of days later on a basketball court in Cleveland. No Western imperialism.

1517: Wittenburg, Germany At-Sunday Paul, no ACC title, no one seed, no longer in the Dance. From nuts to naught, the causal mass, a clumsy altar boy directs a swinging censer into the crotch of a local monk—and chain is clear. the costliest the prompts the incensed brother to dramatically It was arguably nutpunch in rethink his relationship to the Catholic 52-year history of the Atlantic Coast Conference—but in the broader perspective, Paul’s Church. The monk’s name: MartinLuther.

Friday, March 25, 2005: Durham, N.C. As blow is nothing. Indeed, history is positively riddled with portentous blows to the testicles; and frustration with the declining quality of his writthough these incidents are well known to every ing mounts, Chronicle columnist Rob Goodman is physically assaulted on no fewer than schoolboy, they are always worth the retelling; 1200 BCE: Troy Having been advised by four separate occasions. Reaching rock-bottom Apollo of a hidden vulnerability, Prince Paris as the Lobby Shop refuses to sell him a bag of slays swift-footed Achilles, Peleus’s son and ice on points, Goodman vows to try harder next mightiest of the long-haired Achaeans. Ever time, as well as to invest in a protective codpiece. since, “the Achilles nut” is synonymous with a Rob Goodman is a Trinity senior. His column sole weakness.

44 BCE: Rome Brutus joins in the assassi- appears each Friday.

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lettertotheeditor

Brodhead deserves better Yesterday, President Brodhead was insightful, witty, engaging and a delight. The poor attempt by a student group to hijack the president’s stage was disrespectful to him and showed deficient foresight towards delivering the group’s message.

I will not mention or discuss the merits of the group who flopped in their stunt, because they unfairly attempted to steal President Brodhead’s well-deserved stage time, and they have not earned mentioning in this letter. Enough ink will be spent on their merits, but I am writing to urge a more appropriate course of action for student groups.

The president has only once dared to address the undergrad community for a discussion on “Student Life and the Duke Experience.”

And thus far, he has once been disrespected to his face in front ofan eager audience by a group addressing a topic not fit for the discussion at

hand. If the president of the university asks you politely to ask whatever question you would like when he is accepting questions and to let him havehis stage when he is speaking, I would say it is quite disrespectful to tell him to “go ahead and speak but [you are] not moving” your banner offstage.

A much more appropriate and productive approach would have combined the pamphlets which the group passed out with a thoughtful question for the president on the issue at hand.

The stunt [Tuesday] night was not even followed by a true question. I hope that in the future, student groups address our president through dialogue, not disrespect. I zdso hope that the President takes the time to come out again, as I thoroughly enjoyed his thoughts on Duke.

Craig Bohn Trinity ’O6

notetoreaders A debate among the Duke Student Government presidential candidates will take place next Monday, March 28. The event, sponsored

by the Election Commission, will include ques-

tions formulated by The Chronicle and will give

voters a chance to see the candidates respond to

relevant issues before the March 31 election.

We would like to invite you to submit your original questions for the candidates to eventsubcom@lists.chronicle.duke.edu. Student responses will be considered when we for-

mulate the final question list, which will include both questions for all of the candidates and those directed at specific candidates.

If you have any further questions, please contact us at the same e-mail address.

Karen Hauptman Editor, The Chronicle Elizabeth Ladner Chair, Election Commission

THE CHRONICLE

commentaries

FRIDAY, MARCH 25,2005111

FRIDAY, FRIDAY

Black, like me?

I’m Black Whether I’m poor or rich, or rich or poor Though it’s all the same *@%s

While some of Cosby’s comments about high crime and pregnancy rates in black communities had some merit, hearing comments like this one makes one wonder at what point cultural or class differences can be acknowlwords are excerpted from a song by rap artist edged among different sectors of the black community. I Styles P entided “I’m Black” that focuses on what it am 100-percent sure that you’d find some alternate intermeans to be black and the notion of connection pretations of the English language in America’s trailer that is often present between black people. The other day parks as well, but because of the nature of race in this nawhile listening to it, I started to think “What does it mean tion, this is not seen as a problem endangering the reputo be ‘black’?” tation of an entire race. Cosby doesn’t seem to consider It means that somewhere along the line an individual is the fact that being a doctor may not be on the agenda for of African descent. But beyond that, does it mean one all blacks and not all blacks have aspirations to be like the walks a certain way? Talks a certain way? Has a certain reHuxtable family. Sometimes critiques of black America from members of the “talented tenth” can ligion? Has certain political views? take on a rather paternalistic nature in Stereotypes exist about every group of people under the sun, but given a united scolding lower economic sectors of blacks sense of historical struggle that blacks to act like they do. worldwide have often shared, there seems There are many other ways in which a to be an effort to make blacks appear unitfalse uniformity is often expected of ed and monolithic in all ways —not only blacks. Sexuality, specifically among black from outside but from blacks as well. Much males, is one example. The idea of a black, of this notion stems from the way blacks gay male becomes oxymoronic in a conamelia Herbert text where being black implies heterosexwill inevitably be identified by others whether one is Haitian or Ghanaian, from ual prowess. Even discussions of the alterdon't believe the hype West Virginia or Westminster, when walknative sexual lives of famous black icons ing down the street you are still simply like Langston Hughes or James Baldwin black in the eyes of most, with all of the assumptions that are looked down upon as somehow detrimental to their often come with that. legacy as outstanding black men.

Because of these factors, it is easy to overlook the fact When people talk about the “black church” in the that black people represent a variety of things, and there United States, it is also easy to imagine that blacks do not is not, and should not, be an “authentic” way to be black. also represent multiple religious affiliations outside of the While this may seem obvious, there are many circumMethodist and Baptist tradition. There are many regions stances in which a common “black experience” is taken of the U.S. that have always had strong populations of for granted. black Catholics and Episcopalians. The Islamic faith also One thing often overlooked in an age where blacks are has strong a black following.

It is often assumed that blacks always identify together increasingly reaching the upper echelons of the workforce is class differences among blacks. When I first came politically. While blacks have often had to work together to Duke, the biggest culture shock I encountered was toward certain political ends, they represent a wide specprobably among my black peers. I’d always known there trum of views. During the civil rights movement, for examwere many different types of black people out there—not ple, communists worked side by side with Democrats, and just the middle and working class ones I was surrounded revolutionaries marched alongside pacifists.

Because of this history of struggling for things that by in my New Jersey neighborhood, but somehow characters like designer addict and socialite Hilary Banks nonwere radical when placed among the backdrop of a racist chalandy asking her father for $5OO to go to the mall on nation, and because of the legacy of people like the Black Fresh Prince ofBel-Air had always remained in a semi-fiction- Panthers and Malcolm X, it is often assumed that being al realm for me. black automatically means being “radical.” In discussion Despite desires by black leaders to claim a unified about specific issues like the death penalty and abortion, struggle on all fronts, the truth is that black people come many ofmy peers who are self-reported “liberals” express from all different walks of life when it comes to class. Yet views that are traditionally conservative. While part of this Carlton Banks does not represent a “real” black person to stems from the problematic dichotomy and limited choice most people. Efforts to remain identifiable with struggle of conservative/liberal in American politics, it often seems or “the street” can often be observed. Admittedly, most many do not stop to actually consider whether their views blacks, no matter their income, are not far removed from on actual issues align with the label they use, as if “black” struggle generationally, and part of this reflects a desire to were itself a political viewpoint. remain grounded and not forget where one came from.

Being a black person, there are often pressures to conBut it also implies a need for an “authentic” blackness duct oneself in a certain way and have specific tastes in that still represents “the streets.” Even rap artists, after sellmusic, food, sports, etc. Turning on the TV, opening a ing 10 platinum albums, still feel the need to tell elaborate magazine or watching a movie, and seeing standard represtories of how they husde for money and claim that they sentations of what “black” signifies simply adds to these are still “’hood.” When your income bracket skyrockets, at notions. what point can you no longer claim financial struggle as a While pointing out differences among blacks may part ofyour “black” identity? at what point do you become seem divisive in some senses, my purpose in doing do is “the man” that people work “night and day” for? quite the opposite. Acknowledging the many things that A recent infamous event that has implications of class black can be can allow for a more inclusive approach, differences and differences of values among black people one that leaves behind discussions of who is authenticalis Bill Cosby’s rant on the 50th anniversary of Brown vs. ly black and who’s not. Can we acknowledge a common Board of Education about what black people “need” to do. struggle and legacy without also placing boundaries “Ladies and gendemen, the lower economic people are around what is “black?” Can we share a sense of unity not holding up their end in this deal,” Cosby said. without limiting what we can become? Can I be “black and proud” while still welcoming the fact that not all “They’re standing on the comer and they can’t speak English. I can’t even talk the way these people talk: ‘Why you blacks are “black” like me? ain’t,’ ‘Where you is’.... Everybody knows it’s important to speak English except these knucldeheads.... You can’t be a Amelia Herbert is a Trinity senior. Her column usually runs doctor with that kind ofcrap coming out of your mouth!” every other Thursday.

These

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Letters should not exceed 325 words; contact the editorial department for information regarding guest columns.

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It’sfunny, ‘cause it’s bigger than a normal hat.

—Turd Ferguson was not particularly upset when I saw that our most recent Monday, Monday columnist(s), TOMMY SEABASS, had been dismissed. Perhaps it had something to do with a small grudge I held against him (them) for calling me a “no-talent ass clown” and telling me that I could “go {*#%” myself in print. Perhaps it was because he (they) was (were) terrible.

But TOMMY SEABASS forces us to examine why we here at Duke have such a problem finding worthwhile humor columnists. There is either a serious problem with Duke students or there is a serious problem in the nature of the Monday, Monday column itself. In any case, the situation is serious.

This column was written on a napkin over lunch in the Great Hall. I had Subway. By myself. It was delicious.

The first possibility is perhaps the most alarming: Duke students just may not be funny. For proof of this, I turn to myself. I am not funny. I rely on quoting funny things that other people have said because I lack the ability to produce anything original.

Duke students (including me) do tend to take things a little too seriously. We take ourselves seriously. We take academics—grades more so than learning— seriously. We take basketball seriously. We take fashion seriously. We take drinking seriously.

Are you Serious?

But this argument does GNC VIVIGr not really seem to hold up. ca | mer than you are My friends are hilarious.

Some are clever and witty, some are (were) willing to pose for prom pictures in a male thong, some interpret a new meaning in Beck’s phrase “two turn tables and a microphone” and some are so sardonically rude that you can’t help but laugh. Yet none of these friends have written a humor column.

The funny and original students that we have at Duke might simply lack the motivation to submit applications to be Monday, Monday columnists. Those who take life less seriously also tend to take deadlines less seriously. If you are funny, start writing a sample now. I don’t care if you hate The Chronicle or don’t want the responsibility of writing something every week. This is for the greater good.

Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed at the unusually large amounts of blood.

The problem, however, could just as easily be with the nature of the Monday, Monday column itself. The format to which humor columnists at Duke traditionally adhere—an alter ego thatrefers to himself in the THIRD PERSON with CAPITAL LETTERS who walks around Duke and interacts with various campus figures in compromising situations, making references to B-level movies and sitcoms from the early ’9os along the way—is no longer funny. Stop it.

Perhaps the fact that most Monday, Monday columns have been co-written by two members of the same sex—usually males—works to their disadvantage. In Textual Intercourse (Cambridge: Cambrige UP, 1999), Jeffrey Maston associates collaborative writing during the English Renaissance with a certain amount of homoeroticism.With the continued presence of homophobia in our community, it is reasonable to think that columnists have been dissuaded by the homosocial nature of co-authorship.

Our culture needs to move in the direction of fewer, rather than more, strawberry-banana flavored products.

It would be just as easy, however, to blame the editors, who have the final say in the selection of Monday, Monday columnists. One must not discredit this argument too quickly. At the risk of losing whatever esteem I may have (or more likely, have not) earned in their eyes, the editors come across as remarkably unfunny people. That isn’t to say they are bad people. But maybe the amount of time they spend at the top of the Flowers Building (the ceilings are low, there are few windows, everything is a mess) makes them unqualified to adequately evaluate humor.

Perhaps, then, the selection process needs to change.

Make it a little bit more democratic. Choose three or four candidates out of the pools of applicants and allow the people who actually read The Chronicle (what few remain) to vote. This way, if we ever got another TOMMY SEABASS, it would be our own fault.

I

Eric Vivier is a Trinity senior. His column other Friday.

appears

every

121FRIDAY, MARCH 25, 2005

THE CHRONICLE