101 THINGS DO DURING
“We hear and we forget; we see and we remember; we do and we understand”
~ Chinese Proverb
COLLABORATING
TOUCAN [Two Can Do It]
OWL of Wisdom [Latin: Noctua]
Underlying Message
“I’m OK, you’re OK.”
Mutual respect and agreement to work together to resolve results
Our Way
“Two heads are better than one”
Synergistic problem solver
Our Way - Balancer Win/Win FACE/FLOW
Common Actions/Behavior
Can integrate solutions
Often involved in new learning
Can merge multiple perspectives
Understands how to gain commitment
Will improve relationships
Collaborating Skills
Has the ability to listen
Will use non-threatening confrontation
Will analyze all input
Can identify group concerns
Strives for synergy
Overuse of Collaborating
Spends too much time on trivial matters
May have diffused responsibility
Others may take advantage
Will feel overloaded with work
Under Use of Collaborating
Deprived of mutual gains
Lack of commitment by others
Low empowerment of others
Loss of innovation by all
TOUCAN “TALK THE TALK”
Responses that Help Balance Drama & Resistance
▪ “I disagree with what you did, not with who you are.”
▪ “It is not you against me; it is us against the problem.” [can anyone argue with your experience?] respond.”
TOUCAN “TALK THE TALK”
Responses that Balance Resistance Continued
▪“I am at a loss; I have no idea what to do right now except to tell you that I want us to get along.”
Limit your use of the words, “never, always, but, actually, the truth is, and unfortunately.”
“Maybe we should just be/work together without talking for awhile.”
TOUCAN “TALK THE TALK”
Responses that Balance Tension & Help Detach from the Drama
▪“I understand how you might see it that way and it may be true; I just don’t feel like it happened like that.”
“That could be how it occurred for you, however I experienced as...”
“Yes, that’s one opinion; I guess we each experience things differently.”
TOUCAN “TALK THE TALK”
Responses that Balance Conflict by Changing the Context
▪Replace “no” with “yes” - “Yes you can go on break, as soon as Bob gets back from his.”
“It isn’t you against me; it’s us against this issue and we are in this together.”
TOUCAN “TALK THE TALK”
Responses that Balance Conflict by Changing the Context Continued
▪When an insult is hurled your way, thank them for caring “I am glad to see you are upset about this because it what they said, by paraphrasing their words in a new tone.
TOUCAN “TALK THE TALK”
Responses that Balance Drama by Reducing Urgency & Help Defer Your Response
▪“Please know I need some time to sort out what is going on between us and I will talk to you about it when I am ready.”
“Let’s stop what we are doing to one another right now and work on calming down.”
“Why don’t we think about our conversation, cool off and talk about it again later.”
TOUCAN “TALK THE TALK”
Responses that Balance Discord by Rerouting with a Question
▪Ask a question regarding a consequence of their behavior, “What happens if we don’t order the parts by Friday?”
TOUCAN “TALK THE TALK”
Responses that Balance Problems by Focusing on Solutions
▪“Next time” demonstrates how to behave towards expectations “Next time I would appreciate it if you’d tell someone when you need to leave work
“Thank you for sharing and I understand what you are saying; NOW we need to...”
“Let me see what I can do; It looks like we have a few options here… you able to work with me on this?”
TOUCAN “TALK THE TALK”
Responses that Balance Problems by Focusing on Solutions Continued
▪Highlight what is at stake for the other person
“Once we resolve this miscommunication, customer service should and your department will have a lot less work.”
TOUCAN “TALK THE TALK”
Responses that Balance Challenging Conversations by Reinforcing the Message
▪“I am feeling upset right now but don’t worry, I’m not going to take it out on you. I do need your assistance. Is it a good time to meet?”
intention to disengage from an unhealthy interaction.
TOUCAN “TALK THE TALK”
Responses that Balance Challenging Conversations by Reinforcing the Message Continued
▪Describe their behavior in a factual way by focusing on the person’s behavior rather than labeling them as a person me/act this way.” Rather than, “You are acting like a crazy person!”
[Awareness] “I thought I should bring it to your attention/point it out/make you aware of it.”
Address inappropriate language or behavior with one of the following responses:
TOUCAN “TALK THE TALK”
Responses that Remind Them of Rules and Policies & Help Them Create a Win
▪“Our code of conduct doesn’t support this kind of behavior/response.”
TOUCAN “TALK THE TALK”
Responses that Make Use of a Feeling/Need Language Sequence
▪ Manage Behavior – “I am feeling overwhelmed b/c everyone seems to be talking at once and I need to know that you all hear what I am saying and understand the course
TOUCAN “TALK THE TALK”
Response that Communicates a Clear “No”
TOUCAN “TALK THE TALK” COACHING: BEST PRACTICES
