Kaleidoscope (2024) - A Collection of Poetry, Fiction, & Photography

Kaleidoscope

Spring 2024

32nd Edition

Kaleidoscope A Journal of Arts and Letters

Formerly published as Pipedreams 1990-1994

Gamut 1995-2005

Faculty Editors

Brittany Seay & LeeAnn Garland

Layout & Design

Matthew Harmon

Connors State College

Warner, Oklahoma

Accredited by the Higher Learning Commission and a member of the North Central Association.

Web Address: http://www.ncahlc.org

Phone Number: 1-800-621-7440

poetry, fiction,

a collection of photography and

by the students, faculty, & staff of connors state college

EAT MORE CHICKEN

~ AVERY ARMSTRONG

Poetry

Kaleidoscope

Your Mother’s Kitchen

A small nook with walls painted red

Where we sat, prayed, and broke bread

A large wooden table with worn-out chairs

A leafy green plant sits and shares the air

So many times laughter filled the room

A fly buzzes not knowing his doom

She swats it down without thinking twice

It falls and dies under the kitchen lights

Dishes noticed, she walks to the sink

The oven in the corner makes me think of all the birthday cakes that were made and the family dinners sauteed.

~ Mackenzie Dalton

Poetry

Unwanted

I am unwanted unneeded unloved

Never have understood Men

Loving you to throw you away.

He can’t look at me. Never says how he really felt Spent a year away, Comes home.

All my own fantasy unwanted haunted taunted

Never knowing where time’s going Farewell, I should just go away.

~Briana Raney

Kaleidoscope

The Small Apartment

I duck through the door to see the space. I gaze at items; it’s a nice place. A broken chair with a pillow on top, In the closet, a Swiffer wet mop.

Two cabinets standing tall, television in the middle of it all. A couch with blankets and a pillow, Above, a picture of an armadillo.

Around the corner, you’ll see where we cook. On the counter, some wine and cooking books.

The sink is filled with plates and bowls, A pan with half a pizza getting cold.

~Donovan Cox

The Shark Has Bitten

The sound of a slamming door

She stomps down the sidewalk

Her heart full of sorrow

The cold, black storm filled her eyes

Lightning strikes from her head to her toes

Bruises like clouds covering her body

The words, “You may never come back” circling her mind

Like a group of sharks circling their prey

The inevitable has finally come

The shark has bitten

Her heart has broken in two

Like a surfboard floating in the ocean

Completely alone

Broken into pieces

The shark has bitten

~Mackenzie Milchesky

Kaleidoscope

The Mourning

Sun is asleep and so should I, the desire so deep as deep as the black of the sky.

The calm breeze pushes against my face, as the clouds reflect artificial light. If not for them, I could see space, but that won't be tonight.

My mind wanders at a speed unmatched, the realities of life dragging me under. But in a moment an old familiar sound, something inside me unlatched, and I was sent back, I could remember.

The soft cooing of an old friend, he slowly and rhythmically called, so somberly.

My anxieties and fears came to an end, as my old friend, the mourning dove, sang so longingly.

A song so simple and yet the most beautiful, giving me the hope to go on. I hope that he could know the hope he gave to the most pitiful, and I hope he keeps cooing his song.

~Everett Claunch

Kaleidoscope

The Color in Your Eyes

The color in your eyes,

Peaceful;

Waves crashing on a shoreline.

Calm; The summer sky.

Deep blue;

Sadness and confidence.

When I look at you, Peace and serenity.

Mine.

Oh, the color in your eyes.

~Kara Palmer

Poetry

The Black Sheep

In their eyes, I am a fool

Never meant to give them fuel

Tripping over empty cans

I never meant to be this man

Just a sip of perfection

I cannot stand seeing my reflection

I drowned my sorrow

Until tomorrow

Crying aloud

I am not proud

My consequences

Deep My fate

Bleak

~Mackenzie Dalton

Kaleidoscope

Sunset

I used to see a sunset

And be awed with its picture

The view of the sun cascading down

Filled with reds, and oranges, and pinks

Was enough to keep me at ease

Now, a sunset is a reminder

A reminder of those gone

Whose favorite colors were those of a sunset

The reds and oranges and pinks now remind me

Of those who used to be

Now, I have the sunrise to remind me of the new day

Blue overcoming the reds, oranges, and pinks

Blue bringing on new challenges and losses to face

Blue bringing hope for the next day

Poetry

I used to see a sunset

And be in awe with its picture

But now the view of a sunset brings me peace Of those who are gone

And as a reminder, there are always endings

Sunsets bring sunrises

Sunrises bring me hope for the new beginning

New beginnings after you lose something

Sunrises keep me hopeful in better days

~Jennifer Magee

Kaleidoscope

One Summer Day

The light in the sky

Just before sundown.

High up in the tallest tree

A bird sings such a sweet melody.

A cool breeze blows through my hair.

Peeling back the bright yellow banana’s peel.

The butterfly’s bright blue wings

Flap hard against the wind.

Things like this always make

A great day better than before.

~Kenly Hokit

Monday Poetry

Living for the weekend,

When stress can fall away. No work, no school, nothing to do, The slate is clean today.

Sleep in late, a breakfast date, A pair of comfy shoes. I look around, and on the ground, I suddenly got the blues. A mountain pile of laundry, Left throughout the week.

Reminded me there’s work to do, My rest is looking bleak.

Dishes, dusting, the kids are fussing, Work all afternoon.

Weekends are exhausting, the work week is calling, Monday, get here soon.

~Jamie Fears

Kaleidoscope

Evolving

“Worlds are altered rather than destroyed.” - Democritus

Two are happy in life, Youthful, fun, and crazy in love.

Soon,

Two little lines appear.

In the middle, Fear, Excitement.

Bows or boots?

My thoughts run.

Nose, eyes, mouth, Who will you look like?

Eventually, it happens. She’s all alone, Only one.

Rumors spread, Why?

Why! Why.

Hearts shattered, Composure. Everything is okay. I promise you.

1:53 in the darkness I meet you.

You are my light, I promise you. Our world is Reconstructing, It’s Evolving.

~Sarah Rice

Poetry

Kaleidoscope

But Why

When the circle spins

it is so much more

vibrant wandering energy thriving to go...

...somewhere

When it goes what might even stop

Might never blink

Blink. I dare you...

all is one anyway

You won’t do it.

Chicken. Made you look.

But why was that bad Or was it good?

All is one...

~Seth Mitchell

...plus two, though.

Poetry

He’s Gone

Woken up in the middle of the night

Pacing, yelling, crying

He’s gone… he’s really gone

Auntie’s in the kitchen

Bruised and battered

Tears falling from her swollen eyes

He’s gone… he’s really gone

Flashing lights, blinded eyes

No one can cross the lines

Sirens so loud, thoughts are drowned

He’s gone… He’s really gone.

~Mackenzie Milchesky

Kaleidoscope

Burst Open

I want to quit.

It is draining me every day.

I work day in and day out, Trying to succeed, trying To please you, to make you Proud. I can only do so much. My adolescent mind can only Take so much before it is full, And out of space for new things. It is full. To the top of the brim.

It has no more room. I want to Quit. Telling you this seems foolish. An absurd idea. But my mouth, It can only stay shut so long. Before it bursts open. It is about to burst.

~ Kenly Hokit

Each Day

Each day begins with a new beginning, Filled with laughter and sorrow.

Each day begins with new hope, For the hope that had been lost in the days before.

Each day begins with love, Love to help keep you going strong.

Each day brings on new treatments, One seemingly to keep the cancer away.

Each day brings new life,

For those we have lost in tragic ways.

Each day begins with the opening of eyes, For those who have been seemingly blind.

Each day brings on new challenges, Challenges that can impact your life.

Each day brings on new accomplishments, Accomplishments that you never thought you would see.

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Each day the world is continuously changing, Encouraging change for everyone. Each day brings on new endings, Endings bring on new beginnings.

~Jennifer Magee

Drops of Rain

Serenity, Rhythmic beating on the roof. Serendipity, I see things in myself because of you.

Reflections, More than the puddles you produce. Repentance, There is nothing more I can do.

Contrition, A fire that burns inside.

Clemency, The rain clouds extinguish - and my emotions complied.

Peace, it now fills my mind. Piece, Of myself, separated - deep down inside.

~Everett Claunch

Kaleidoscope

Love Languages

Saying there are five

Believing there are countless Countless customs to love

All in numerous ways

Says mine is physical

His spending time

How do I satisfy?

While ours don’t combine

He spent a year away

Now he’s here to stay, yet I still pray.

Pray I get to keep.

Hard time not for the weary.

Prison cells are so dreary.

Reading books, playing cards

Never getting time in the yard.

Poetry

Welcome home

You were never alone.

Though it seemed.

I always visited you while you dreamed.

~Briana Raney

Kaleidoscope

Loss

One loss, two loss, Three loss, four.

How many loved ones will walk out the door?

Five loss, six loss, Seven to count.

Our loss is undoubtedly a great amount.

Grief has a home,

In our heart and soul.

Never to diminish

engraved permanently in bold.

~Kara Palmer

Poetry

Descriptor

Shimmering crystal chandelier oil painting of a stormy sea.

Maroon flowers withered in wallpaper time tired wooden floor.

Faded brass umbrella holder yawning wooden door.

Tattooed hand handle grasping

Sweet bird songs air filling

Mother Nature kisses Father Time forevermore forevermore

~Seth Mitchell

PLANE VIEW OF CHICAGO

~ ADLER GRAHAM

Flash Fiction

Kaleidoscope

The Owl

By Jeri Birdtail

Nobody warns you, somebody you love can just suddenly die. Many try, but it’s gentler and tactful. There is no way it can possibly prepare you for the pain that awaits you. The isolation, grief, and anger that consumes you. Hatred can be a part of the equation, depending on the situation. Grief is complicated. Sometimes grief happens prior to the death. Sometimes there is no physical death to grieve. Sometimes the only thing you can grieve is your own sanity.

June 2017, the day after Father’s Day. It was supposed to be a typical, mundane afternoon. I guess Typical and Mundane decided to step out for the day. My father went to take a shower before work, something he did every day. Before he was able to even lock the bathroom, Tragedy forced her way through the door. He collapsed, bound to the paralyzed husk that is his body. Was his body. Foam began erupting from his mouth. My poor

Flash Fiction

stepmother, having to witness the crime scene Tragedy had created. Having to see the man she loved, so helpless in his own body. He was trapped in his own mind, unable to voice what was happening to him, or perhaps he wasn’t even able to comprehend it. My stepmother rushed him to the hospital. The ambulance could only fit one person, so I opted to ride with my friend, who happened to be at my house when Tragedy struck.

My friend, who is more of a sister to me, was just as stunned as myself. It was like we both forgot that we are allowed to speak during the ride. We were too concerned for my father’s condition. She loved my father just as I did. He treated her as his own, so she spared no time when it came to chasing the ambulance to the hospital he was headed towards.

The ride to Tulsa was a long one. Every minute felt like an eon. During the drive, every potential scenario plagued my mind. Will he survive this sudden attack from his own body? If he does, will it disable him?

Will it not affect him at all once he recovers? Is he going to take his health more seriously if he recovers? How are we going to provide for the family? These questions tortured my brain the entire hour-long drive. I tried to doubt Tragedy’s victory.

“It is only this, and nothing more,” I soothed myself.

Every question was answered when I stepped into the hospital room and two golden eyes locked with my own. An owl. The bird of prey every Native person dreads the most. His gaze torments me. He was there to tell me what I did not want to hear. The news that was impending. The messenger that should not be shot.

My father always told me, “To Cherokees, owls are sacred messengers.” He said they can bring good news, or bad news. If you see an owl, you should be on the lookout. You won’t know the news until it happens to you. They can bring good or bad news, but their most common message is none other than death itself.

Flash Fiction

Death. The ultimate equalizer. The most painful and permanent separation. The way it can just take without warning. The way it leaves an entire family mourning. The way we should always be prepared, but never are.

I knew. The moment I looked into those golden orbs; all questions that tormented me suddenly dissipated. My ears that were being pounded with the harsh beeping of the hospital equipment, went silent. What filled the sudden emptiness of my mind, was grief. My father had not yet died, but I knew it was time to begin the grieving process. Many say animals do not have emotions but gazing into this nocturnal bird of prey’s eyes told me otherwise. The almost somber look he gave me as he silently delivered my father’s prognosis, before the doctor was able to even look at him. The feathers atop his head resembled the horns of the devil himself, but his gentle delivery said he is not here to hurt me, but to warn.

Even though the news he delivered was

Kaleidoscope

was grave, I understood. I finally mouthed the words “Thank you, ” to the bird, and away he flew. I asked anyone else if they had seen him. Nobody. Not a soul except I. He was there for me.

Though brief, this non-verbal interaction will stay with me, forevermore.

Author’s Note: Based off a true story of the day my father passed. Inspired by “The Raven,” by Edgar Allan Poe.

Flash Fiction

Clothes

By Mackenzie Dalton

I sat on the floor of my daughter's room, with a tall kitchen trash bag in hand, and started going through her closet's current contents. She was possibly the only child I would ever have, and I was settling in to complete her long-awaited clothing shuffle as she had outgrown so many. I made a pile for donation a yellow onesie I had taken her one-month photos in, a rather plain creamcolored onesie that she had gotten as a handme-down from an older cousin, and a purple onesie with white flowers that I had brought her home from the hospital in. Digging a little deeper in her closet, I find the soft, offwhite colored sleeper with brightly colored apples and instantly a memory overcomes me.

Looking down at my precious baby laying on her changing pad, her hair sticking up in all directions, her cheeks rosy, she gave me her first sweet smile. I felt tears in my eyes coming back to the present, sleeper in

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hand.

Sadness set in with the realization that she would never wear it again. I hesitate, switching between piles and eventually decide to put it to the side. I continued my necessary chore and thought of how I would never again unzip the cream-colored onesie carefully to avoid her sensitive skin. I would never again feel the buttons from this purple onesie rub against me while nursing. I won't maneuver her chunky thighs into that applecovered onesie while she looked at me smiling. I stood and hung up the new clothes that she would be wearing for now, dreading the next time I would have to do this chore. After folding the apple-covered onesie, I placed it on the top shelf of her closet. I looked over at my sweet sleeping baby girl laying in her crib and shook off the sadness that was hanging on my shoulders. After buckling my baby girl into her car seat, I grabbed the tall white bag now filled with her clothes and memories. Placing it in the back of my car, I made the drive to

Flash Fiction

to the consignment store a few blocks away. Walking through the doors of the store, I saw a new mother sifting through the racks with her newborn strapped to her chest. I found solace in the fact that someone else could make new memories in these clothes. After giving the clothes to the employee at the counter, I walked back out to the car carrying my daughter to her car seat.

A few days later, we got ready to make our weekly trip to the small community grocery store to pick up our few routine items. Walking through the aisles pushing the basket with my smiling baby sitting in front of the cart wearing one of her new outfits. A lilac-colored sweatshirt onesie with the words “little love” across her chest. After I had grabbed all the cold grocery items we needed and placed them in the basket, I made my way over to the baby section. After looking through the clothes absentmindedly, I headed over to grab a box of diapers while talking to my sweet girl who was making cooing sounds and looking around at all the bright colors.

Kaleidoscope

Turning down the aisle, I noticed a mother with her new baby girl. Her outfit caught my eye. The baby girl was wearing a purple onesie with white flowers, and I couldn’t help but think it was the one I had previously brought to the consignment store. Smiling to myself, I grabbed the diapers and placed them under the shopping cart and continued my way to check out. Looking at my daughter, I told her about the onesie while she smiled at me, laughing in her little, lilaccolored sweatshirt.

Flash Fiction

The Transplant

By Donovan Cox

The room was cold and lifeless. The sounds of the machines clanking filled the silence. New sheets were put on the bed as the workers completed their rounds. The bed was in the middle of the room. A tray to the right of it, a bedside table to the left. Directly across the room was a TV mounted to the wall. There was a chair to the right of the bed next to the table, for visitors to sit. This was a common theme throughout the hospital.

In room 215 was a mother lying in a bed, at her side, her son grasped at her hand. She had been in this room for six months now. The son came every day to visit. He brought her card games and puzzles to play while she waited for the doctor to check in. While playing a round of cards, the doctor visited.

“Today is the day we found a kidney for you,” announced the doctor as he strode into the room.

As the thought processed in her mind,

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she looked up smiling. The doctor wrote down some chart notes and data to submit to the surgery team.

The time came for the surgery; they rolled the woman to the operating room and put her under anesthesia. She dozed off when the surgeon came into the room.

“Everyone ready? We have a long surgery ahead of us.”

There was a collective nod, and the surgeon took a breath, leaned over the woman, and put the knife to her skin. After an hour passed, the doctor removed the kidney. He handed the withered organ to the closest nurse. After handing the doctor the new kidney, they resumed the surgery. The doctor went to attach the blood vessels when he heard a loud, long beep sound from a machine.

“Grab the defibrillator!” shouted the doctor.

They brought it in and placed the paddles on the mother's chest.

“Clear!” said the nurse.

Flash Fiction

Her body thumped on the table as the steady beep came back. They clamped the vessels and ureter; the doctor stopped the surgery because of the danger. He stitched the mother up.

They brought her back to her room to rest and wait for her to gain consciousness. The son walked into the room.

“How did the surgery go?”

The nurse turned to the son, “We were not able to replace the kidneys.”

The son fell to his knees, face in his hands. As they discussed what they will do next, the doctor explained the dangers of her trying again.

“She could die if she goes under the knife.”

The mother woke up muttering, “Please do the surgery.”

The doctor shaking his head, “cannot be done, I'm sorry.”

The son lay on the mother sobbing in her arms. She dozed back to sleep, and the nurses and doctor left to let her rest.

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The mother woke as the doctor came in to check on her.

“Your heart failed as we were trying to put in the new kidney. There is no way for you to get the transplant now.”

The doctor grabbed a pamphlet and handed it to the woman.

“This has great therapy, self-help, and even a contact when you need somebody to just talk to.” The doctor sat down in the chair, “Hey, can you let me and your mom talk privately? We need to go over her surgery”

The son left, and the doctor shut the door.

“I am afraid that with your heart failing, and no viable way to give you a transplant; you are going to pass within the week.”

“How am I going to tell my son?”

asked the mother teary-eyed. The son came back into the room.

“Sit down son let's play a card game.”

The son grabbed the cards and sat down next to the bed. He shuffled and his mother wiped

Flash Fiction

the tears off her face. He passed out cards on the bed.

“Jason, I want you to know that I love you, and I need to tell you something. I need you to not cry.” The mother grabbed the son’s hands, “I am going die and the doctor only gave a week.”

The son stood up and hugged his mom, and they cried in each other's arms.

“I decided I am tired; let me sleep.”

The son turned off the light and left.

An hour after the son left, an elongated beep comes from the mother's room. The nurse rushed in to see the mother having a heart attack. They grabbed the defibrillator and tried to bring her pulse back. After the fourth attempt, they turned off the vital monitor and covered her with the blanket. The doctor called the son to tell him what happened. While on the phone with him, he heard the screech of a tire and the crashing of metal.

Kaleidoscope

Hand-Me-Down

By Courtney McMahan

The annual track meet is one of the most anticipated days for the kids at Hilltop Elementary. Each child is invited to bring their parents to watch them navigate through competitive obstacle courses and run races. On this cloudy day, the students show off their new tennis shoes; shoes with air pockets in the soles gave more bounce, holes for ventilation added to comfort, and the cleanliness showed how new they were.

From the morning until second hour, the students’ stomachs were filled with butterflies. They ran through the halls as the bell sounded. Out the doors they went to the track and playground.

"Woahhh, your mom really got you those? Awesome!" says Tommy.

"Thanks, my mom said they have to last me till next year," Peggy giggled. The kids made their rounds, complimenting one another and bragging about their shoes.

"Lily, are those your new shoes?",

Flash Fiction

Peggy asked.

Lily wore her sister's hand-me-down shoes that smelled of old potato chips.

"These are my new shoes, Peggy. They're the kind that are scuffed up when you buy them." Lily said in hopes that Peggy would overlook her poker face.

Peggy laughed, "Do they come with the smell too?"

Lily brushed it off and headed to her first activity.

The kids lined up for the race, and with a teacher’s whistle, the race started. Lily jumped into action. With every step, the friction in her shoes caused a burning sensation. The soles started to give, leaving Lily with holes in her socks. Still, Lily loved these shoes. Her sister's initials were carved into the side using the back of a hair clip, and there was an unfinished embroidery of a flower used to cover up a hole in the toe.

"And the winner is Tommy," the teacher announced.

Tommy's parents cheered from the bench.

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Lily shuffled her eyes through the crowd of parents and noticed a blue ball cap. Lily rushed to her father in her scuffed-up tennis shoes with dried ketchup in the cloth.

"Lily, we put those shoes in the garbage for a reason. Your mother and I bought you a new pair for today," Lily's father says.

Lily was disappointed that her father didn’t see the beauty in the shoes as she did.

"I love these shoes. They make me feel like big sister."

Lily's dad shook his head with a smile, "Well, then I love them too."

The obstacle competition was about to start. Lily raced to the course. She felt the dampness of the grass soak into what was left of her shoes. The match began with a whistle. The students defeated the obstacles one by one. First, hopscotch; Lily hopped through each hula hoop till she reached the end.

Second, the potato sack race; she leaped into her sack nearly slipping with each jump.

Last, the race. The bottom of her shoes were

Flash Fiction

as smooth as a windowpane, making it impossible to grip onto the grass. The kids around her began falling. Still, Lily continued.

Rain began to pour over the field. The mud-coated new shoes all around. Lily used the rain to her advantage. As the kids were outraged at their muddy shoes, Lily stayed on track and used the mud as a grip.

Through persistence, the competition ended with Lily being the winner. She had never felt more accomplished and was excited to tell her sister about it. She hopped into her dad's truck and headed home. Lily leaped out of the truck before her father could put it in park.

"Alex, you won't believe what happened at the track meet," Lily exclaimed.

"Why are you wearing my old shoes?" Alex giggled.

MISSOURI BIG CEDAR LODGE

~ ONTARIO ELLEN

Short Stories

Kaleidoscope

Never Ending

By Courtney McMahan

Claudia was a young woman. She had soft blonde hair that fell to the middle of her back with the tips curled underneath. She smelled of the roses that she and her mother would pick in her grandfather's field behind the old shed.

The alarm clock sounded as the sun rose from the hills. Claudia stepped out of bed and went straight to the kitchen. Her breakfast consisted of two eggs cooked until the whites were opaque, and the yolks were runny with one piece of toast lightly browned around the edges.

After eating, she walked to her room. Her cat meowed, knowing Claudia was coming with every creek of the wooden floor.

"Hello, Miss. Penelope," Claudia said as she entered her bedroom. Penelope's purrs filled the room with calming hums. A ring came from the doorbell as Claudia slipped into a light pink dress with a scalloped skirt. She quickly pulled the dress

Short Stories

over her head.

"Mom?" she said as she looked outside the window.

She opened the door, and they embraced with a hug.

"Oh, sweetheart, I missed you," her mother said.

They let go of one another and walked inside. Her mother sat on the couch putting her half-used lipstick on the side table.

"Mom, what brings you here?" Claudia said awkwardly as she sat down beside her. Claudia saw her mother lose the glow on her face. This made Claudia nervous; her palms began to sweat, and her mouth became dry.

With a gulp, her mother said, "I need money again, but this is the last time, I promise."

Claudia felt sick as she looked at her mother's wrinkled face with unhealed scabs.

"Are you kidding me," she said, raising her voice, "how many times do I have to give you free handouts until you get your life together?"

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"Sweetie, please,"

Claudia grew angrier, "No, I'm done being the mom in our relationship. Get out of my house, please."

Claudia watched as her mother’s eyes grew narrow. Her mother grabbed the lipstick that she had placed on the table and walked out.

With the day still early, Claudia needed a breather. She wiped her face with a cool, wet rag and fixed her hair into soft curls with her front hair tucked behind her ears.

Penelope was given a kiss, and out the door, Claudia went.

Claudia drove an orange, 1965 Chevy pickup truck that her grandfather gave her. The beautiful glossy finish had turned into a thin flaky coating that broke away when touched. Inside were rusted holes covered by floormats. Still, Claudia loved the truck as it was a piece of her grandfather. As she drove into town, Claudia dialed her brother.

"Hello," he said.

"Hey, are you doing anything at the

moment?”

"No, what's up?"

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"Mom just came to my house and was asking for money again. I am heading to the shops; do you think you can come down to talk?"

"Yeah, no problem; I’ll be there soon.” Claudia tossed her phone onto the dash and continued into town. An older man with long grey hair stood in the patch of grass to the right side of the road. He wore nothing but a trash bag around his waist, and his skin was covered in dried, rodent feces. Claudia saw him from a distance. As she drove closer, the man began to wave his arms in the air and stepped closer to the road. With nobody else around, Claudia grew confused. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up as she came closer to him. There was an unseen dip in the ground that the man walked closer to. Claudia was only ten feet away and had no time to react. The man tripped and was run over. The blood was on Claudia’s hands.

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Thirty minutes passed, and Erick pulled up beside Claudia’s truck. He saw Claudia in the front seat of her truck with her face stuffed into the palms of her hands. He quickly parked on the left side of her and went to her window.

"Claudia, are you okay?"

She turned to Erick with red eyes, "Umm," she paused to breathe, "I… I think I just killed somebody."

Ericks's eyes widened, "Claudia, if this is a joke, it's not funny." But the look on her face was one that he had never seen before. "No, Claudia, there is no way. Talk to me please."

Claudia felt like a monster leaving the man on the road for someone else to find. She felt like she was losing her mind. Her thoughts were flooded.

"I should've slowed down," she said, "I mean, what was he even doing there?"

"Claudia, talk to me."

Claudia quickly pulled the gear into drive and backed over Erick’s foot. Her mind

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was chaotic as she drove back home. She pulled into her dirt driveway and put the car in park. She drug her feet with every step to her front door. With the front door closed and locked behind her, Claudia's vision went black.

"Claudia! Open the door!" Erick yelled. Claudia woke up on the ground, confused. It was dark outside, and the toads were croaking. Hearing Erick at the door, she got up to let him in.

"I've been out here for hours. Sit down; I need to know what happened."

"I didn't have enough time to stop. He kept walking closer to the road."

Their phones sounded simultaneous. A message from the local news read, "Unidentified male found deceased on Old Highway 74. If anyone has information, please contact the local police department. We will give out more details as the investigation progresses." Erick looked up.

"Yeah…I don't know what to do,” Claudia said.

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Claudia had a restless night thinking about the tragic event on the old highway. Who was the old man? Why was he waving his arms? Why did she leave him on the road?

The sun rose, and the birds did their morning chirps. Claudia, having little rest, rolled herself out of bed and walked to the kitchen. Erick was gone; Claudia’s stomach ached from hunger. With much motivation lost, she grabbed the bag of bread, soft and bland.

She heard rapid knocks from her front door. It was her mother.

She opened the door and said, "Mom, what do you want?"

"Well, that's no way to greet your mother. I haven't seen you in forever, so I wanted to stop by."

Confused, Claudia said, "I know your mind might be a mess with whatever drugs you are on, but I'm not doing this with you again. If you want money, get a job."

Claudia shut the door and walked to the bedroom, passing Penelope's empty food

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"I know you're hungry, honey; I'm going to the store today, don't worry."

Claudia's phone started buzzing; it was Erick calling.

"Hey, Mom just called me and said that you were being hateful to her."

"Well, with how yesterday went down, of course, I was a little mean to her this morning…Why are you so worried about her anyway? Can't you see I have a much bigger problem to worry about?"

"I don't care what happened with the two of y'all, all that I know is that she is very hurt by how you acted. I'm just going to go because I can tell this call is only going south."

Erick hung up, and Claudia, confused and frustrated, went about her day.

Claudia didn't want to leave the house in fear that the death might get traced back to her, but with Penelope out of food, and her pantry not having much potential, Claudia had to make a trip. She threw on one of her grandfather’s old shirts and walked

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out the door.

The fastest way to the store was through the old highway, so Claudia decided on the long way. Not far into her drive, she was met with a detour that forced her onto the old highway. As she got closer to the spot of the accident, she saw an old man. His hair was grey, and he only had a black trash bag around his waist. Claudia's heart dropped; she slowed down as her car approached the man and rolled down her window, "Are you uhh," she said in fear, "Are you okay, sir?"

"What are you doing with my truck?" the man yelled.

"Excuse me?"

"Wait, I know you from somewhere," the man attempted to open Claudia's door. Frightened, she swiftly drove away, leaving the man behind.

"What's going on today?" Claudia yelled to herself. She pulled into the store, bought her groceries, and left. As she drove back home, she noticed what seemed to be five police cars with an ambulance parked on

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the side of the road where she interacted with the man. She continued home and parked in her driveway. As soon as she made it inside, she fed Penelope and sat on the couch.

She began to sob, "Am I crazy?"

It was only 3:00 pm. Claudia began searching the web for information on the man's death; she found nothing. Her heart began to race, and her mind could not comprehend what was happening. Penelope walked over to her and hopped into her lap, purring Claudia's anxiety away. Claudia slowly began to drift into sleep.

Knocking at the door woke Claudia.

She got up, "Hello?"

"I'm Officer Nichols; would you come to the station with me? I think we've found your grandfather."

"My... my grandfather?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Uhh,” Claudia followed the officer, “I thought he was dead.”

Claudia loved her grandfather. When she was young, he would tuck her into her

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bed with sheets smelling of fresh cotton and tell stories of her grandmother. Her grandfather had been missing for seven years. At the time of his disappearance, the family was led to believe that it was a hunting trip that went wrong.

They arrived at the station, where her mother and brother were sitting in the lobby. The look on her mother's face was still angry.

"Oh, you decided to come? Didn't know you cared about your family," her mother said.

Claudia continued walking with the officer.

"Here are the photos of the man we found. I know this is a lot to handle, but we need to know.”

Claudia began looking through the photos. She suddenly realized it was the man with long grey hair coated in brown dirt, with only a black trash bag around his waist. She began to cry.

"It's him. That's my grandfather. Where did you find him?"

"He was unconscious, laying in the

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middle of the old highway…I'm sorry for your loss."

Claudia was driven home, and the officer gave her his number in case she needed to call. She walked into her house and fell into bed. It was like her entire day started over, and she was left with a different outcome. She fell asleep confused and hurting.

Morning came; Claudia climbed out of bed and went into the kitchen. With more groceries in her pantry, she decided to eat something; after all, she hadn't eaten much in the past two days. She enjoyed her perfectly cooked eggs with her browned toast. She even treated herself to a crisp fuji apple that tasted like a summer breeze.

After, she walked to her bathroom and started the shower. Her hair was in knots, and pimples were peeking through her skin. She stepped into the steamy shower.

"Today is a new day," she said to herself as she twisted the shower handle to the right.

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Claudia stepped out and dried herself off. She put on a blue dress that filled her with confidence. She blew out her hair into soft curls and sprayed two sprits of rose perfume on her neck and wrists.

Claudia wanted to go to the old highway again. Although it seemed like things made more sense yesterday, she felt like there was unfinished business. She strapped her shoes into place and headed out the door. Claudia was met by her mother, who was about to knock.

"Hi, sweetie," her mother said, "I missed you."

Claudia felt like her heart stopped. She pushed her way past her mother and hopped into her truck.

"No, this can't be happening again," she said as she sped to the old highway. There he was the man with only a trash bag around his waist. Claudia quickly pulled to the side of the road and jumped out of the truck.

"Grandpa, I'm here."

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The old man's eyes brightened with joy.

THE ELLIE MAY

~ JAMIE FEARS

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Nothing but Time in Radio City

By Donovan Cox

In the small town of Radio, Texas lived a man named Fred Waters. Fred was the local mechanic of Radio and religiously loved Ford vehicles. He owned his own shop and refused any make or model that was not Ford. It was a humid July morning, nothing different than Fred had experienced before, but something on this day felt off. As he rolled into work with his coffee in hand, he stepped inside and opened the garage doors. He walked toward his office and noticed a small package on the front desk. Fred dismissed the package thinking that it was a part for a customer's car. As he set his cup down, he heard a faint ticking coming from the box. He stepped out of his office and moved to the counter. He grabbed the small box giving it a rattle. Prying the box open, he pulled out a note and a watch. He set the watch aside while glancing over the note that said, “Don’t let them find the watch.” He tucked the note in his back pocket as he

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noticed a customer roll in the shop.

Fred stepped out to meet the new customer and asked, “How can I help you?”

The customer, a short stocky man, hopped out of the pick-up. “I just need an oil change.”

Fred grabbed his keys and asked him if he had ever been there before. Usually, Fred remembered everyone that rolled through but since the morning had been slightly off, he figured he should ask. Shaking his head, the man headed inside. He sat down on the bench by the front desk. As Fred grabbed his rusty toolbox out of his office, he pointed out his motto which was plastered above the front desk. “We do any job in an hour or less, Guaranteed.” He pulled out an hourglass from underneath the desk and promised to get his request done by the time the last grain of sand had fallen. Fred strutted to the car, coffee cup in hand, and started working on the car intent on maintaining his reputation.

The man whose feet barely reached the

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ground got up and peeked into the workshop. He checked to see if the coast was clear and then hobbled over to the back office. He wreaked havoc on the office digging and searching.

"Excuse me, sir. No customers in the office please,” Fred said tapping him on the shoulder and then wiping his hand on a towel.

The man was startled and quickly walked back to his seat.

“Forgive me, sir, I was looking for the bathroom.”

Directly next to his office was a bathroom door with a large sign flashing bathroom.

“Oh, okay, no problem. It’s the next door down when you gotta use it again,” Fred said.

After wrapping up the oil change, Fred walked back inside to the front desk. The man hopped up and dug around in his pockets.

“Give me a second, sir. I know I have my wallet.”

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“No problem take your time.”

Walking to his car, the man said, “Do you mind if I check the car, I'm sure I have at least cash in the glove box”

“Go ahead, let me print out your work order.”

Fred stepped into his office to print out the paper, and as he passed the doorway, the man hopped up, grabbed the keys, and sprinted toward his car. Fred heard the screech of the tires peeling out and stepped out of his office to find that the man took off with, not only his keys, but also the package he got this morning.

“Well, I guess he was short on change,” Fred said sitting down and kicking up his feet to wait for the next customer to come through.

As lunchtime came around, he noticed a familiar car roll into the shop. It was a Chevy old school pickup carrying two passengers.

Fred got up and shouted through the door, “WE DON'T SERVE UNRELIABLE

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VEHICLES HERE.”

A tall slender woman stepped out of the driver’s side and said, “Well then why do you only work on dumb ole fords.”

A small, plump kid carrying a backpack and a fire truck jumped out of the passenger side.

“Hey Uncle Fred!” The boy yelled as he fell into the dirt.

“Hey, sis. Hey there, little man. What did y'all bring me today?” Fred said as the three of them walked toward the front desk. The boy grabbed the brown lunch bags out of his backpack and handed them to Fred. Fred rustled it open to see two cheese sandwiches.

“What did y'all do today, John?” Fred asked grabbing the sandwich from the boy. The boy, face full of food and crumbs in his hair joyfully responded, “We went to the fire station today where I got this truck! See!”

Fred grabbed it from the boy pretending to seriously inspect the toy.

“Well, if this ain't the most realistic truck I've ever seen then I don’t know what

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“Don’t eat and talk, you’re going to choke,” Fred’s sister said.

The boy slumped into his chair as he mumbled, “Yes, Mom.”

John gobbled down his food avoiding the sharpness of his mother's eyes. While gobbling his food, he noticed the watch.

Rushing to the counter, he grabbed the watch.

“Hey, Uncle Fred when did you get this cool thing?”

“I got it this morning in a package, why don’t you try it on?”

John wrestled it onto his wrist twisting and turning the two dials amazed by the clock’s hands tuning this way and that.

Fred turned to Cheryl and whispered, “A random man this morning stole the package that this thing came in.”

“Well, that is just probably another dumb redne…”

She was interrupted as the watch made a loud beep. They turned towards John to see

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a bright flash and John disappeared. Cheryl began shrieking and waving her hands panicking. After fifteen seconds, John reappeared right in front of them.

“John!” said Cheryl as she fought to get the watch off his wrist. “What is that, Fred?” she asked as she chunked it to the floor.

Fred walked over to the watch and bent down to inspect it.

“Where did ya go, John?” Fred asked as he picked up the watch and wrapped it in a towel.

He sat it on the counter he headed to the workshop to grab his toolbox.

“Why are you grabbing your tools?”

Cheryl said stomping after Fred. “Did you know that it did that? Why would you just leave something like that lying around?”

“Like I said before, it came in a package with a weird note,” Fred said as he returned to the counter, Cheryl still following closely behind him. He grabbed a screwdriver and began trying

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to pry the face of the clock open.

Cheryl clinging tightly to John's arm said, “I’m calling the police. That is too weird for us to have.” Cheryl dragged John by the arm to the phone on the wall. “Yes, officers, we need your help at Fred's; something happened to John.”

John pried his arm from his mother's iron grip. He stumbled back and bumped into Fred’s arm. Fred jammed the screwdriver into the watch causing it to make the same beeping noice it had earlier. A bright light filled the room blinding everyone. As Cheryl's eyesight comes back, Fred and John have disappeared. Crying, she feels her way around the desk as two police cars park in the driveway.

“Are you okay, Cheryl?” asked Chief Brentford as he looked around the shop.

Cheryl collapsed in his arms as said, “They disappeared; Fred and John were right here, and now they are gone!” The chief called over his radio for his officers in the other car to come in.

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“Can I call someone for you, Cheryl?

“I need to call my mom,” Cheryl said barely able to hold herself up. The Chief escorted her to her truck and had one of the officers call Cheryl's mother.

After a few hours of searching, the sun set. Chief Brentford sent the officers home, he along with two officers followed Cheryl home to try and get pictures or any other identifiers of Fred and John. They parked in front of her home in the trailer park. Cheryl led them through the broken door of her trailer and told them to make themselves at home. The men sat down on the coffeestained, cigarette-burned couch.

“Please excuse me, I'm gonna go clean up real quick,” Cheryl said as she headed down a hallway covered in mold. After five minutes, she walks out in overalls and white furry socks. In her hand was a halfway-torn-open photo album. She carefully opened the album, pulling out a picture of John.

“I figured you’d need this to put on the news

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news or something,” She said as she handed it to one of the men.

“What was he wearing last?” the Chief said as he looked at the dishes piled in the sink.

“He was wearing a yellow shirt with dinosaurs on it and black basketball shorts,” Cheryl said as she grabbed the trash piled up in the corner. “Do y'all want anything to drink?” she said pulling four bottles out of the fridge.

She handed each man a bottle before sitting down in the rocking chair to the left of the couch. The photo album falling open in her lap.

“Let’s run back what happened since you’ve had time to calm down,” said Chief Brentford.

“I already told y'all what happened,” she said quietly as tears fell onto the picture of her and John when they went floating with Fred.

“I know you did, Cheryl, but nobody just disappears out of thin air. Have you been

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taking your medicine?”

“They don’t work Chief, and you know it.”

“They do work; you forget things,” the Chief said as he searched through her kitchen cabinets. He pulled out a full bottle labeled Olanzapine. “Please take it,” the Chief said holding out two pills.

“No, they make me feel funny,” she said getting up and pacing to the door.

“Cheryl, we can’t find Fred and John unless you take them.” He said placing the pills in her hand.

Cheryl threw the pills on the floor, grabbed her slippers by the door, and slid them on. The Chief picked the pill off the floor and moved to stand in front of the door.

“Take the pills, Cheryl.”

“Fine,” she spits, as she grabbed the pills from Chief Brentford’s hand and popped them into her mouth refusing the water that one of the other officers tried to hand her.

She swallowed hard and then went back to sit

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in her chair. The chief sat down on the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table.

“Do you mind if we turn the TV on?”

Cheryl nodded her head and handed Chief the remote. He flipped through the channels until he landed on the news.

“It’s supposed to rain tonight ya know?”

Cheryl sat up, “Something like that. Any word of John and Fred?

“No word yet. Do you want to check out the workshop again?”

Cheryl nodded and grabbed the photo album before following Chief Brentford. “Are the men going to follow?” Cheryl asked.

“They’re gonna stay there in case they come back,” the chief said as they hopped into his car. He started it up, backed out of the driveway, and set off for the workshop twenty minutes away. He clicked on the radio and slow country played. “How long ago did you stop taking them, Cheryl?”

“About a month or two, they make me feel weird, and I don’t feel like myself,” She

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said staring out the passenger side window.

“You can’t just stop because you feel like it,” he said as he turned right down Main Street.

“We ain’t married anymore, John. You can’t control me,” Cheryl said now turned completely towards the door.

“I know, Cheryl. I'm just worried about you.” They remained quiet until Chief turned into the driveway of Fred’s workshop. “What were you and John doing at Fred's old workshop?”

“We went to have lunch with Fred; we do every day.”

“They’re not here anymore. They’ve been gone for a while now,” Chief said as he parked in front of Fred's old workshop. Cheryl looked out the front window staring at the half-crumbled wooden shack. She stepped out of the car and walked to the front door. She opened the album she was still carrying and flipped through the pages slowly.

“I guess it has kicked in now. Do you

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you remember what happened?” the chief asked coming up beside her. Cheryl shrugged her shoulders and closed the book.

“I remember,” Cheryl mumbled under her breath.

“Okay, let me take you back to the car,” the chief said as he guided her to the passenger side. He hopped in the driver's side and then started to head back to the trailer home. After a moment, he turned off the radio and asked, “What happened so I know it’s you.”

“We went to the Frio River with Fred and John and you for vacation. John fell in without his life jacket and Fred dove in to save him,” Cheryl said picking at her nails.

“Keep going,” Chief said turning left down main street.

“As Fred dove in, he and John hit their heads on a rock and passed out. You pulled them out and tried to wake them. The ambulance came and said they died from hypoxia,” she said with tears pattering on her shirt.

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The Chief turned into Cheryl's driveway and escorted her inside helping her to her room. She took off her slippers and grabbed her water from beside the rocking chair as she passed the couch with two water bottles and the picture of John on it. She headed to her room and Chief pulled the hole-worn blanket over her as she rolled over in the bed. He moved to the light switch, and turned off the light, but before he left the room his cell phone rang.

“Yea? Okay, I’ll be there in a minute,” the Chief said as he walked out of the room.

“You sure you can’t stay?” Cheryl asked, sitting up and turning on her bedside light.

“I’ll be back tomorrow to check on you; something is going on at the gas station.” He walked out, closing the door behind him.

SOONER THAN LATER

~ AVERY ARMSTRONG

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The Rules

By Mackenzie Dalton

“Hannah dear, the boys are in the backyard. Why don’t you go check on them?” Mrs. Forewoodson called over to me from her place next to my mother.

Her voice snapped me out of the thoughts I had been lost in. Go in the backyard? No thanks. That would mean facing the person I actively ignored and avoided at all costs and breaking my rules.

“No thank you. I’m fine here with Ella,” I replied as I settled further into my place on the living room floor. I flopped Ella’s Barbies around in an attempt to entertain the toddler, but her eyes narrowed at me like she knew my heart wasn’t in it. My mind drifted towards the Forewoodson’s backyard. My brother Jake was back there tossing the football around with his best friend Jaylon. They had been attached at the hip for as long as I could remember. They were opposites, and yet, it would be impossible for anyone watching them not to

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see the close friendship. Up until a few months ago, I was their third wheel. I was a quiet kid which made it hard to make friends, so I usually attached myself to whatever they were doing. Jake never seemed to mind too much, but Jaylon, on the other hand, well, he minded. Not that I could blame him. The problem was that I had loved Jaylon Forewoodson for as long as I could remember.

I wish I could say that I kept my cool and didn’t allow this love to bleed into my consciousness. But sadly, that was not the case.

“God, can you believe our Hannah Banana is 16 today? She is def about to have her first make-out sesh tonight,” Paisley exclaimed while she hung twinkle lights on the wall. I laughed as she wiped an invisible tear away from her cheek.

“Our girl is going. To. Get. Some.” Charlee chimed in dramatically.

“Okay, first of all, we still don’t even know if anyone is going to show up. And

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second, I'm not making out with anyone! There is no one coming that I’d want anyway.”

They shared a look that I understood immediately. Of course, there is someone I want to kiss. But I wasn’t even sure he was showing up. There was no way in heck that I could invite him directly mostly because every time I looked into his eyes, I lost my train of thought and started mumbling incoherently. So instead, I invited Jake in hopes that he'd bring Jaylon. I was determined to show him that I was grown up. He had always treated me like a little kid. But I was 16 now, and I needed him to notice. A sigh escaped my lips as I rushed to finish getting ready.

The door to the garage slammed just as I put out the final bowl of snacks. I assumed it was the first wave of guests, so I took off running to greet them, but I halted when I heard Jaylon’s angry voice coming from the doorway.

“Seriously Jake, what am I doing

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“C’mon Bro. She’s my baby sister. We just have to make an appearance then we can head out to Rachels.”

“Yeah, whatever. Rachel has been hitting on me all week, but we both know how she gets when she's drunk. She’ll grab the first guy available. I swear if coming to this lame party means I miss out on that, I am never going to talk to you or your creepy little sister again.”

They made their way to the main level of the house, and I sank to the ground, eyes blurring with tears. Sitting there for what felt like hours as I obsessed over Jaylon’s words. I was creepy? My stomach squeezed with an intense feeling of embarrassment. My thoughts spiraled as I realized how horrifying this truly was. Paisley and Charlee both knew I loved Jaylon without me ever saying anything. Did that mean everyone else knew? Shame washed over me as I wracked my brain for how I could save myself from any more humiliation. Dragging myself to the

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bathroom, I dabbed my eyes to try to save what was left of my makeup. I needed to let go of this silly crush, so I created rules in my head and repeated them.

1) Do not look directly at Jaylon.

2) Do not think about Jaylon.

3) Do not stay in the same room as Jaylon for too long. If I followed these rules, or at least tried, maybe I could prevent feeling this gutwrenching, heart-squeezing embarrassment ever again. He wasn’t going to ruin this night for me. Guests had arrived, and I found the girls in the living room; they gave me a concerned look, but I shook my head letting them know we could talk later.

“Who wants to play spin the bottle?” I shouted. I noticed Jaylon and averted my gaze remembering my new rules. A girl from my English class reached out and started the game. The bottle spun, and it landed on a boy who shrugged his shoulders in agreeance. They both leaned in, and their lips touched briefly; everyone cheered. Over and over the

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the bottle spun, and finally it was my turn. Hand shaking, I reached out and spun the bottle. It spun around until it landed right between Jaylon and a boy named Tommy from my science class. Without hesitation, I leaned in and kissed Tommy, probably longer than I should have, but I wanted Jaylon to notice. Hearing the girls shouting excitedly, I pulled away laughing. Already breaking rule number two, I looked around at everyone searching. Jaylon was gone.

I laughed as Charlee and Paisley screeched the lyrics to “Paper Planes” at the top of their lungs as we pulled out of the Senior parking lot driving slowly to avoid the students lulling around. More than a few heads turned toward the car to check out the commotion as we drove past. I ducked my head in embarrassment. As I looked in the rearview mirror, I could see my cheeks were flushed from the unwanted attention, but I still smiled at my friends. A small pang of sadness filled my heart as I drove home. Everything was about to change.

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“Okay, you both need to calm down before I have my dad rip the radio out of my car.”

“Yeah, yeah. Papa Moore loves us too much to do that,” Charlee replied. I turned the radio down as I parked the car in the driveway. Streamers peeked through the window at us as we walked up to the house.

“Mom, Dad, I'm home!” Charlee shouted the second we were through the front door.

“Uh nope, go home, wrong house,” my dad jokingly yelled back from his office.

“Don’t listen to him girls; you know you're always welcome.” Following her voice, I rounded the corner and found my mom in the kitchen.

“Mom, I told you not to make a big deal about this!”

“Oh honey, I'm not. It's just a few decorations and a small cake for dessert.”

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Mom never did anything small. The doorbell rang, and as I went to answer it, the girls stayed in the

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kitchen with Mom.

“Hey, sweetie congratulations,” My grandpa excitedly said as he wrapped his arms around me for a tight squeeze. After greeting my grandma too, I led them into our living room where Paisley and Charlee had already settled on the couch. Jake should be home from work soon. After he graduated, he declared that he refused to waste money on school when he didn’t know what he wanted to do yet. So instead, he got a job working at a tire shop right out of high school. As we waited for Jake to arrive, a sick feeling crept into my stomach. It had been more than two years since I realized how much I had embarrassed myself around Jaylon. Thankfully, Jaylon was away at college right now, so I wouldn’t have to worry about my brother bringing his permanent plus one. Reminding myself of rule number two, I forced my mind to drift to something else.

“Look who I found in the driveway,” Jake shouted as he walked through the front

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door. I turned towards the door and my heart dropped to my feet. Jaylon Forewoodson was standing in my doorway. Years of practice allowed me to robotically swallow my surprise and remain cool on the outside.

“Nice to see you,” I said shortly, and, following rule number three, I turned around and walked to the kitchen getting out of the same room as him as fast as possible. After enjoying dinner, everyone was sitting around talking when Dad lifted his glass.

“As you all know we have invited you here tonight to celebrate our little Hannah Banana’s huge accomplishment. It’s hard to believe my baby girl is old enough to be graduating from high school. Yet, here we are.” Everyone at the table listened to my dad with smiles on their faces. “Not only is she graduating soon, but we just got word that she has been accepted to ORU. So, congratulations baby, we are all so proud of you!”

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I took my time thanking and smiling at everyone, except one. I did not want to look at Jaylon and potentially see the accusation in his eyes. I did not want to attend the same school as him, but I had been waitlisted everywhere else that I had applied.

The evening had started to wind down and the only people left in the living room were my brother, Jaylon, Charlee, and Paisley.

“Jake, could you give us a ride home? My mom just texted she’s getting off work late.” Charlee asked quietly. I looked at Charlee, but she was avoiding making eye contact with me. Looking towards Paisley, I saw she was staring at the ceiling.

“Sure, just let me go grab my keys,” Jake replied as he turned to jog up the stairs. The girls pulled me along with them outside.

“Jay has been staring at you all night. We think you need to talk to him.”

“Are you crazy? Don’t you remember what happened?” I whispered looking at them with crazy eyes.

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“Hannah. You need closure. Especially now, with the whole same school thing.” Paisley looked at me with kindness in her eyes.

“You’re right. I don’t care about me and Jaylon being friends or anything, but I’m tired of this awkwardness.”

“You’ve got this,” Charlee said. Paisley gave me a reassuring nod as Jake walked out. I guess I was going to have to break my rules.

Returning inside, I went and sat on the chair across from Jaylon. I was trying to build up the confidence to say something when he broke the silence first.

“Congrats on getting into ORU.”

“Thank you,” I stammered out. Silence again filled the living room. “I know you probably don’t want your friend's creepy sister around, but it’s a big campus, and we will probably never see each other. I mean what even is your major?” I rambled trying to recover from the shock of that slipping out.

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“Creepy Sister, what do you mean?” Is he joking, how could he not remember? I felt my stomach tighten. He doesn’t even remember the words he said that completely shattered my heart.

“Two years ago, at my birthday party, I heard you talking to Jake about not wanting to be at my lame party. You said I was his creepy little sister, and you had better places to be.”

“Crap, Han. I don’t remember, but I’m sorry. I had already been drinking that night.” He sat quietly for a moment. “Han. You are my best friend's little sister. I didn’t want to see that. All I remember was you kissing that punk next to me.”

“Oh,” I whispered. Great, so he thinks I’m a gross little kid.

“I don’t think you understand, I don’t know how to even say this. I’m embarrassed. You were my best friend's little sister. “

“Yeah, and Jake had already left the party, so what are you whining about? Why were you even still there?” I said, my temper

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rising.

“No, listen. I couldn’t, well you know, well I couldn’t have feelings for you. I couldn’t do that to Jake.”

Panicking inside about what he had just told me I decided to fall back to rule number three and get out of there as quickly as possible. I got up and went out the back door, pacing back and forth on the patio, my thoughts racing. The back door opened behind me after a few minutes, and Jay followed me out.

“I'm so sorry, Hannah. Please just say something.”

Stopping in my tracks, I turned around and found myself standing in front of him. “You broke my heart. I know you didn’t even know you had it, but it's like you crushed my heart in your hand. That was the worst pain and embarrassment I've ever felt in my life.” I said as I jabbed my finger forcefully into his chest. He looked at me with pain in his eyes. Taking a few deep breaths, I continued. “I acknowledge your

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apology, but I don’t accept it. It's going to take more than a twenty-minute conversation to make up for the years of pain you caused me. You're going to have to earn it.”

Walking towards the back door I turned as I grabbed the doorknob. “We start school in the fall. I don’t want to see you till then.”

Shutting the door behind me I finally breathed out, my body relaxing. For the first time in years, it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Screw the rules.

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Promises of Home

By Kara Palmer

Sipping from her cup of coffee and staring out of the window into the bleak and dreary weather, Jenna prepared to start her day. Food preparations, errands, laundry, and dinner were the schedule for her all day, every day. Even though her husband, Mike, was famous for switching up his plans, Jenna was never quite able to escape her routine. As she finished her coffee and began to pack Mike's meals for the day, she heard him shuffling around in the bedroom of their fifth wheel.

With a groan, Mike asked, "Are we running low on clothes? I hate these pants; they are so tight."

"Laundry day is Tuesday, which is tomorrow. I will have the clothes cleaned and put away when you come home tomorrow evening."

"Don't forget to bring my jeans home and hang them with starch; they shrink when you dry them." He snatched his food box

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from her hands and walked out the door to work.

After a full day of errands, Jenna arrived home to unload groceries and prepare dinner. While preparing the food, she got a text from Mike, Be home late, having a drink with the crew, don't wait up. She sat her phone down. "Well, I guess that means dinner alone." She sighed, rolled her shoulders, and muttered, "It's fine, really; he deserves this time; he earns it." She turned off the stove, cleaned up, and went to their room to get ready for bed because laundry day was always her busiest day.

5 AM, Jenna slid out of bed, careful not to wake her sleeping husband. She tiptoed down the stairs and into the kitchen to fill her teal-colored coffee tumbler with water to pour into her matching coffee machine. She grabbed the coffee pods from the top shelf and slipped one into the machine. Halfway through her tiny tumbler of coffee, Jenna's stomach churned. She fumbled around in the medicine cabinet

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above the fridge and snatched the pill bottle with the cracked lid. She opened it and grabbed a pill between two of her fingers. She placed the little, white pill under her tongue, closed her eyes, and waited for it to dissolve. She turned to the counter by the sink and prepared Mike's meals for the day. Like clockwork, he shuffled down the stairway to grab his food box. Mike bumped into Jenna as he reached for his box. She could smell the stale beer on his breath, "I will be home on time tonight, so have dinner ready." He staggered down the steps and slammed the door behind him. Just like that, he was gone.

Jenna cleaned up the fifth wheel and headed to the Washeteria. She worked to ensure every piece of clothing was washed, dried, and neatly folded before placing it in the basket to go home. Jenna finished up, grabbed the wet jeans and clothing, and headed towards the R.V. park where the two had moved for Mike's job. When she was home, she began to prep dinner. While the noodles were in the pasta pot and the meat

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was in the skillet, Jenna went to the bedroom to change into comfortable clothing and packed some of her things into a small, pink bag. She flipped the light off in the bathroom on her way back to the living area and started her search through the junk drawer under their TV for a piece of paper and a pen. She scribbled, Dinner is on the stove. I am going home. Don't wait up, and tossed it onto the laundry sitting on the couch. She spun around to the kitchen, turned the stove off, threw her phone on the counter, and walked out the door.

Once Jenna was in her car and on the road, she quickly realized she wouldn't make it far without a phone. She flipped on her blinker at the light and turned into the Chevron. She went inside and grabbed a bag of Skittles and a Red Bull before heading to the counter to pick out a pre-paid cell phone. Jenna tossed her stuff on the counter and pointed to a pink Motorola flip phone hanging behind the counter. The cashier grabbed the phone and rang it up along with

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the other items. She paid and thanked the man before rushing out to her little, red Tacoma. Jenna dialed her mother's number on her new flip phone.

"Hey, it's Sheila; I can't come to the phone right now, so please leave a message."

Jenna rolled her eyes and cleared her voice, "Hey, Mom, it's me. I wanted to call and give you my new number in case you need to reach me. I didn't want you to panic if I didn't answer my old number. Save this one. I love you." She slapped the phone shut and pulled out of the Chevron.

Jenna had just crossed the Atchafalaya bridge into Krotz Springs when her phone rang. Jenna answered before the second ring, but before she could say hello, her mother's frantic voice rang out on the other end, "Honey, I called your phone, and Mike picked up. He said you left it at the camper and didn't know how to reach you. He asked if I had heard from you. I hadn't checked my voicemail yet to know you had a new phone; is everything okay?"

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"What did you tell him?"

"I wasn't sure what to say, honestly. He rambled on about some note he saw and told me that if I hear from you to have you call him then hung up." Jenna had been deliberately vague in her voicemail to her mom. She didn't want to worry her.

"Oh, well, I needed to get out of the camper. I was homesick, so I wrote him a note and left."

"Well, honey, you need to let us know these things, so we don't worry about you. Anything could happen, and you're so far away."

"I called, and you didn't answer, so I left a message. I did tell you”

"Yeah, I know. I didn't mean me. I meant Mike. You’re married to him, ya know? He is going to worry just like me.

"Ya, I guess. I left him a note too. Anyway, I'm alright, but I have to go. I'm driving. I love you." Jenna snapped her phone shut and set it in the cupholder beside her. She could feel the sweat beading up on

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her forehead, and her stomach gurgled. She looked around for a gas station to pull into and noticed a flashing Exxon sign.

Jenna pulled up to the gas pump just in time to see her gas light switch on. She reached into her bag in the passenger seat and fumbled around for her medicine. She grabbed a pill, placed it under her tongue, and closed her eyes. After a few seconds, she climbed out to pump gas. Had she made a mistake? Just as her mind began to wander, the gas pump clicked off, dragging her back to reality. Jenna hung the pump and pulled onto the highway. The ride was long, but Jenna didn't mind; she enjoyed the peace of nothing but her tires rumbling on the highway and her favorite music on the radio. Driving on an open highway was Jenna's therapy, and just as she started to think about the years she spent traveling, a weight lifted from her shoulders.

"Welcome to Oklahoma." She was home. In just one hour, she would be greeted by her dad's warm smile and customary wink,

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something she longed for. Jenna's eyes grew heavy. She yawned as she reached for the volume button on the radio and popped open her 2nd can of Red Bull. Between that, the music kicked up, and the Oklahoma potholes, she was sure to stay awake for the remainder of the drive.

Jenna pulled into the driveway at 2 in the morning and was relieved to see her dad's face when she walked through the door. He smiled and winked, turned the TV off, got up from his recliner, and walked towards his room. Those moments were the best part about coming home. She walked to her old room, pulled the door closed behind her, and looked around. Her lips formed into a smile as she fell back on her feather-down comforter. Nothing felt better than her bed, her room, and her home. She felt a bit of relief as she lay there, but tomorrow was coming. She knew she would have to explain herself to her parents. She shivered, and her hands started to sweat. She shook her head to shake away the thoughts. As she ran

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through her logical explanation, her mind kept wandering to Mike. What was he doing? Did he miss her? "He's probably at the bar with his work buddies," she whispered as she pulled the covers over her head and drifted off to sleep.

Jenna startled awake. She glanced over at the clock. 5:00 AM, she rolled over to escape the clock's light and decided to squeeze out the final few minutes of rest. It wasn't long before her stomach started to ache. Jenna didn't have time for medicine; she groaned as she hurried to the bathroom down the hall. After holding herself over the toilet for what seemed like hours, Jenna lifted her head and wiped the excess saliva from her mouth. She got up from the rug and reached for the sink; Jenna was pulling the towel down on her face when she froze. "Oh no." The words came out of her as a guttural noise. As she stared into the mirror, a shiver ran across her body. "No. That can't be. I had one…" she trailed off as the realization hit her. She turned and slung the bathroom

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door open. Almost at a dead run, and forgetting to keep quiet, she made a beeline for her bedroom door. The upcoming conversation with her parents had just gone from bad to impossible. The sweat returned to her hands, and her body started to tremble. "Calm down, Jenna, you got this," she said as she heard the clinking of pots and pans and the shuffling of her dad's feet making their way down the hallway to the living room. She looked at her phone for the time: 7:00 AM. They were awake, so it was now or never. Jenna groaned as she pushed herself off her bed and walked through her door into the living room. Jenna's mom was standing over the stove.

She looked up, smiled, and said, "Good morning, sweetheart."

"Good morning, Mom. Where's Dad?"

"Oh, you know your dad. He likes his morning coffee on the porch."

"Yeah, I think he would stay out there all day if you'd let him." Jenna grabbed a spatula from the counter and flipped the

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sausage over. "So, I… I think we should all talk," she mumbled.

"Honey, we will have all the time to talk after breakfast, but for now, just sit down and wait for your plate."

After breakfast, Jenna gathered the dishes and took them to the kitchen sink. As she did this, her parents made their way to the living room. Jenna finished up and walked into the living room to find her parents sitting on the couch waiting for her. They were staring at her intently. Her mother patted the cushion beside her on the sofa. Jenna gulped and walked over to the couch. She knew that her mom was silently reminding her about her talk. She sat down and looked around before meeting her dad's gaze. She took a deep breath and said, "So I, um… I know my decision to drive home out of the blue last night was totally out of character for me. I'm sorry if I scared you. I just wanted to reassure you both that I'm okay. Mike has been working so much lately, and I've been alone, so I wanted to be home

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for a while, where the house is never empty, ya know?"

Her mom sighed, "Well, whatever is happening, you two need to talk about it. We're happy to see you and glad you’re home, but please don't do this to Mike."

"There's more," Jenna said, cutting her mom off, "I might be pregnant."

The words barely left her mouth before her dad tuned into the conversation and asked, "Have you taken a pregnancy test?"

"I'd rather just make an appointment at the Indian Clinic because…well, I don't actually remember my last menstrual. I didn't realize that until this morning."

Jenna's mom groaned, "You need to pay attention to your health, Jenna. Especially in cases like this. Call and make an appointment."

"Will you go with me?"

"Sure. I will."

Jenna waited for her name to be called. Although her mother was excited about the possibility of a first grandchild, Jenna was

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nervous, and her mind ran wild when the nurse finally came out. Jenna looked at her mom and said, "You can wait out here if you want to. Those rooms are kind of crowded." She followed her down the widened hallway and through a glass door into a small, bright room.

"The doctor will be in shortly."

Jenna looked around the room at all the posters about pregnancy. She started to read a birthing sign when the doctor tapped on the door and entered with a nurse.

"Jenna?"

"That's me."

"Okay, great. The nurse is going to take some blood to track your levels. Since you're unsure of your last menstrual cycle, this will be the most accurate way of knowing." Jenna stretched her arm out for the nurse to take her blood. The nurse collected two tubes of blood and stepped out of the room. "Have you had any pain or abnormalities with your body lately?" The doctor asked.

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"No, I don't think so."

"Okay. Give us a few minutes, and we will return with the results."

Ten minutes went by before the doctor came back and said, "Okay, Jenna, your H.C.G. levels are in the 50,000s. This means you are pregnant and that the baby is somewhere between 16 and 18 weeks. I'd like to do an ultrasound, though, to ensure the age of this fetus."

"I didn't expect to be that far along. I um… yes, let's do an ultrasound."

"Great. I will send for the machine."

The doctor left the room and returned a few minutes later with a mobile ultrasound machine. She pulled out a small bottle from the side. "You can go ahead and lift your shirt now. This is a lubricant for the machine," she said as she shook the bottle. Jenna laid back on the recliner and rolled her shirt up under her bra. "Thank you. This may be a little cold." Jenna placed her arm over her chest as the doctor rubbed her stomach with the probe. She rubbed around her entire

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stomach before stopping just below Jenna's belly button. She smiled and turned the screen towards Jenna, "Here is your baby. I can tell you the sex if you'd like?"

"Really?" Jenna leaned up on her elbows and looked closer at the screen. She smiled and said, "Yes, please. Can you show me on there?"

"It looks like you're having a little boy." The doctor pointed to the screen and explained, "He measures at about 17 weeks and appears to be in excellent health. I will print some images for you."

"Awesome. Thank you. My mom will love those." Jenna couldn't help but feel somewhat happy as the doctor reached to the side of the machine and grabbed the photos.

After the ultrasound, Jenna stepped into the hallway and pulled her phone out of her pocket to dial Mike's number. The phone gave one ring before Mike picked up.

"I was wondering if you would call," he said.

"How did, how did you know it was

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me?"

"Your mom sent it to me this morning. She told me you were heading to the doctor. Is there something you need to tell me?"

Jenna rolled her eyes. Her mother was never very good at keeping quiet. She let out a sigh. "By the sounds of it, I assume you already know."

"Yes, I do. I wasn't supposed to tell you, but your mom already told me. So, what did the doc say?"

Jenna was hesitant to answer him. She paused momentarily before sighing and saying, "I'm 17 weeks pregnant, and it's a boy."

"Oh wow! A boy! Finally, someone to have my back when you're acting crazy. You know what this means, right?" Jenna felt a lump forming in her throat. Her mouth became dry, and she couldn't speak. "Now we are a true family."

Jenna never intended to return to the camper, but now, a wrench was thrown into her plan. Mike's voice echoed through the

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speaker as he talked about the baby. "I can't wait for you to get back. I'm so ready to see my baby boy in pictures. You did get ultrasound pictures, right? Oh, this is perfect."

"Mike, stop. I want to stay home for a bit. I need to return to the doctor next week for genetic screenings and other tests. I will come back, but I need time." Her breathing was heavy as she waited. Mike was silent for what felt like an eternity. Suddenly, Jenna's mom poked her head around the hallway's corner. Jenna turned around and whispered into the phone, "I have to go. I'll call later. Bye."

The car ride home was exhausting. Jenna's mom made multiple phone calls, chatting happily with everyone on the other end. Jenna kept hearing Mike's "family" comment and couldn't shake the sadness that statement brought. She knew that this wasn't the time for a baby. She had almost made it out. She was practically free. Now, it was not only her who would be trapped. Her phone

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buzzed. She read the text, just come home. She closed her phone and laid her head back on the seat. She wasn't sure what to do or say. If her parents knew about her relationship, they would probably kill Mike. Well, unless he managed to turn it around on her again. She was alone. Her phone buzzed again, if you don't come home, I will come there. I love us. I will do whatever it takes. It will be better. I promise. Jenna had heard this many times before, but what if a baby helped? Fix it. Fix them.

When Jenna and her mother arrived home, she jumped out of the truck and ran to her room. Her mother and father barely even noticed as they skimmed through the ultrasound photos, giggling and shouting at one another. Jenna closed her bedroom door and shrunk to the floor against it. Mike wouldn't wait much longer before reaching out to her parents for "advice," like he always had when things were rough. Jenna reached over to her bean bag and pulled it close before she laid over on it. What was she

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going to say to Mike? She needed to create space that he would approve of for a little longer.

Jenna's mother yanked the door open, and Jenna's body came crashing into the hallway with a thud.

"Ow! What's going on?! What time is it? She looked up at the clock in the hallway: 8:00. "Oh no. I must have slept most of the night on my floor."

"Honey, you slept all night like that. It's 8 AM, and you have a surprise."

Her mom turned and walked down the hall to the living room. The sing-song tone of her mother's voice made Jenna's head spin. She tiptoed down the hall. When she reached the end, she poked her head around the corner to see Mike sitting on the couch, talking to her parents. She pressed herself up against the wall. Her heart felt as if it would explode from her chest. "You got this," she whispered as she pushed herself off the wall and turned into the living room.

Jenna was greeted with smiles as she

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hurried over to Mike and sat beside him.

"What are you doing here," she asked under her breath.

He put his arm around her and announced, "I missed you so much, and with the news of a baby on the way, I couldn't help myself. If you are homesick and need to be home with your family, I need to be as well. I packed up the camper, quit my job, and headed straight here. I want to be us again," he said as he placed his hand on her stomach. Jenna stared at him in shock; she had no words. Mike whispered into Jenna's ear before getting up from the couch, "We can figure out the rest later." Jenna looked out the window to see the camper parked in the driveway. She turned her head towards Mike, who was standing in the hallway, motioning for her to join him. "Come on. Let's go to the room and talk about my new baby boy."

She got up and followed him into her room. She closed the door behind her and made her way to the bed. “What will you do

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for work now," she asked as she twirled a stray piece of thread from her shirt around her finger. "We can't live in a camper in my parents' yard."

"Can't you just be happy that I came all this way for us? I mean, if it weren't for me, we wouldn't be together." Mike paced back and forth as he threw his hands around and continued, "You left, you weren't planning to come back, and you didn't even call like you said you were going to."

Jenna had learned to pick and choose her battles; this one was unnecessary. She agreed and apologized for treating him poorly. She looked at him with tears in her eyes and said, "I promise to be better."

Mike shook his head and walked out of the room. Jenna stayed behind to gather her thoughts and clean herself up. At that moment, she realized there was no chance of the freedom she had hoped for two days ago. She had allowed her freedom to slip through her hands. Maybe this time, it would be different.

KANSAS CITY MONARCHS

~ ONTARIO ELLEN