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ThE aMM TRIBE
Inthe main, I love Aussie and the Aussie spirit. I admit I love seeing those folks out there making madcap fun with ‘two engines, a skateboard and a piece of string.’
But when does our endearing capacity for taking it easy, roll into bad management. And embarrassing management with it comes to something as simple as running the correct anthem at the right time. (Sorry Zarco, and all his fans and team).
It’s not as if this was a first. In 1977 Austrian officials happily played what they thought was the national anthem for Australian winner Alan Jones (F1 GP).
Except out rolled the tune of Happy Birthday to You. At least humorous vs culturally insulting. I do wince for the pain of the person who set up the music. But no quick check?
Or no idea? Maybe sympathy is too generous.
And it’s not the first time by a long shot. Check this list: www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ List_of_wrong_anthems_incidents
Also, in my view altogether insulting, a security risk, and pragmatically ridiculous, is the need for riders to tramp across to use public toilets.
I was told that building a toilet block was hard for environmental reasons. In 2023 we know how to build environmentally sound structures. There’s no excuse bar unwillingness to spend, and ‘awwww...isn’t this sort of cute and Burning Man’ attitudes that enable this sorry scenario to continue.
These teams pay a lot to come to Aussie – surely we can give the riders a convenient toilet area as a simple point of respect and support.
On another topic, it’s been pointed out to me that a recent article on dealing with hot weather had several problem suggestions. Yes, I agree that putting sunscreen under a full-face helmet and visor is likely to lead to stinging eyes and sweaty wetness running down your cheeks. And yes, rather than a cooling vest you can simply pour water over your shirt, throw your jacket on, and off you go. And there were a few others. Common sense rules. And comments always welcome either to myself or to contributors via my desk.
RIDER TRAINING
(Including online programs)
I participated in this ADV course in South Australia, and it was an excellent experience. Highly recommended for beginners looking to get into ADV riding, those aiming to enhance their skills, or even individuals seeking to evaluate their current abilities. https://youtu.be/ NdecDY7KC8A
Martin Winters
ALERT MT Motorcycle Training
Great operator knows his stuff and great instructor
Dan Diesel
Editorial comment:
There is no chance of something you do physically ever being fully trainable on ine. I have watched countless videos and these are great to understand and compare nuances in technique, or different ways of explaining a technique. But nothing beats hands on and direct feedback. I can’t talk highly enough of BMW Off Road Training Australia, they have it absolutely dialled (sic) and consistent.
Lisa Potter
I have watched some of the videos that discuss technique, I have participated in off road rider training, and in the last few years delivered
Unfortunately, we are still unable to access the AMM Facebook page however, this question was asked on Adventure Rider FB and the comments are relevant to
off road training. While I believe there is a learning element in watching/ listening to someone I find facilitated training way more effective. Often you think you are doing it right but until someone with experience points out what your doing you can
be blissfully unaware.
Jim Alexander
Have watched plenty of videos o YouTube. Have also done quite a few training courses with Stay Upright and HARTS. All very worth while.
Biker Torque
readers here. You are welcome to send your own opinions to yourview@clemengermediasales.com.au
Susan
a GOOD ThING GETS EVEN BETTER 2024 Yamaha MT-09
The latest MT-09 has recently been upgraded with a heap of changes and improvements. Capitalising on its already agile-handling, Yamaha has taken inspiration from its YZ motocross range to improve the rider’s freedom of movement, engaging a “less is more” approach. The bike boasts a newly-designed fuel tank with clearly defined edges unique to the MT range.
To achieve the freedom of movement, Yamaha has redesigned the rider triangle, changing the relationship between handlebars, seat, and foot-pegs with the aim of
ElECTRONIC CluTChES?
Honda has just announced its new E-clutch. It says it’s the world’s first automatic clutch-control system, and claims the electronic system offers a more fine-tuned clutch for optimum performance in different situations, enabling smooth starts, gearshifts, and stopping without the need for the rider to operate the clutch lever. There’s not a whole lot of information about the new system, but Honda says it
accommodating a range of different riders while maintaining its sporty feel. In conjunction with the slimmer fuel tank, the handlebars are now lower and the rider can choose between two adjustable handlebar positions, the foot-pegs are 30.6mm further back and have been raised by 9.5mm, and also have two adjustable positions.
The MT-09 has a new LED headlight, tail and stop lights, and new transparent LED position lights. The bike also features a newly designed airbox and air-intake ducts, new brake and gear shifters, Brembo brakes, five-inch TFT colour screen with Smart phone connectivity, and heaps more.
See your local Yamaha dealer for more details.
can be fitted to most models without the need for any major changes.
The electronic mechanism itself appears to be an electronic actuator that sits near the clutch plates. Unlike Honda’s DCT models, you still have a clutch lever the rider can use at any time to take manual control of the clutch. Honda says it plans to have it fitted to their entire range of motorcycles over time.
ClOSE BuT NO MXON BaNaNa
Australia finishes second in the Motocross of Nations
The2023 MXON was held in Ernee, France from the 6th to the 8th of October. Australia had a solid team this year, with both Jett and Hunter Lawrence, along with newly-crowned Aussie champion, Dean Ferris.
The MXON is regarded as the Olympics of Motocross. Each participating country selects three riders to form a team. The scoring works almost reverse to what we are normally used to, i.e., one point is awarded for first place, two points for second place, and so on. There are three races, and the worst score out of three races for each team is dropped, and then the final two scores added together and the lowest combined score wins.
Three riders compete in three classes, MXGP, MX2, and the Open class.
Jett finished second in the MXGP
GERMaN luBE
qualifying race, Hunter finished third in the MX2 qualifier, and Dean Ferris was riding well in the open qualifying race, when an unfortunate mishap on a triple jump saw him land slightly short, getting crossed up, and going down in what looked like a nasty crash.
Thankfully, Dean got up with no injuries, rejoined the race with a bent set of handlebars and sadly finished nine laps down. Still, a huge effort to rejoin after such a fall.
Race One was won by Frenchman Romain Febre, with Spain’s Jorge Prado second, and Ken Roczen for Germany in third. Jett Lawrence had an unfortunate fall in Turn Two on the first Lap, and had to rejoin the race to carve his way through the field.
France took another win in Race Two, with Maxime
Renaux in first, second was Tom Vialle from France, and in third was Liam Everts from Belgium. Hunter Lawrence unfortunately went down in Race Two, but came home in fifth place; a respectable effort.
Race Three winner was Jett Lawrence, Germany’s Ken Roczen was second, and third place was grabbed by Maxime Renaux from France.
The overall results went as follows, 1st France, 2nd Australia, 3rd Italy, so the host nation won the Chamberlin trophy and was crowned world champion.
Dry, rough, noisy chain or drive belt? There’s been a long-standing discussion about the correct lube to use on your chain, and there are lots of options, but we think you should check out this dry lube from German company Wurth. It goes on wet so you can see where you have applied it, but dries to the touch within seconds. It’s resistant to temperatures up to 180-degrees, and permanently resistant to water acids and alkalis. It’s even able to be used on rubber drive-belts and is guaranteed not to leave that oily mess flicked around your rear wheel or up under your seat.
Order online at eshop.wurth.com.au
PhIllIP ISlaND MOTOGP
The pinnacle of motorcycle racing returned to Phillip Island on October 21st and 22nd.
It was a mixed bag of excitement and drama, for spectators and organisers alike, with bikes and cargo arriving late to the island, and teams and organisers rushing to be ready in time for the weekend’s racing. All turned out to be OK as far as logistics were concerned. The next worry was the weather.
As always, the island’s weather was a major concern. The weather was perfect for both Friday and Saturday, and riders made the most of the good conditions. But it was the Sunday forecast that had Race Control concerned, with strong winds and rain on the cards. The decision was made to move the main race to Saturday with the possibility of running the Sprint Race on Sunday should the weather allow.
The MotoGP race on Saturday won’t be easily forgotten. The two title contenders, Jorge Martin and Pecco Bagnaia, were positioned well, but Jorge Martin took a gamble running the soft-tyre option, and it almost paid off, but unfortunately for Martin the tyre wouldn’t go the distance and started to fade on the final two laps. Race winner was Frenchman Johann Zarco, riding the Prima Pramac Ducati. He took the lead in the final stages of the race to secure his first MotoGP win and celebrated with a backflip in front of fans.
The Moto2 and Moto3 races were held on Sunday in horrendous conditions. In Moto3, Aussie young gun, Joel Kelso, fought hard and bought home third place in front of
the home crowd, with Ayumu Sasaki in second, and Deniz Oncu first. Moto2 followed the Moto3 race again in terrible wet, windy, and cold conditions. The race had to be red-flagged before two-thirds race distance, and after an assessment of the weather, it was deemed too dangerous to continue. The race was declared, and half points awarded to the Moto2 riders. Results were Fermin Aldeguer in third, Aron Canet in second, and Tony Arbolino in first with a massive winning margin of 15 seconds.
Call OF DuTY hElMET
Whether you’re in the market for a new helmet or simply just wish to make this upcoming festive season a little more festive for yourself, you should check out the HJC RPHA11 Call of Duty helmet, because its skull and military graphics will no doubt bring you joy. This helmet also features an advance channelling ventilation system, emergency-kit cheek pads, anti-fog insert lens, a quick drying function, and an enhanced shield dual lock system. Available now at AMX Superstores.
haRlEY PRODuCT RECall
On certain Harley-Davidson Softail models, a fault with the rear shock-fastener has been found, where the fastener may fracture and allow the rear shock to contact the rear tyre. If you own a motorcycle with the identified fault, you should contact your nearest dealer and have the fault rectified. Softail models affected are from 2017 to 2023 aMM
aSBK PhIllIP ISlaND
The weekend following the Australian round of the MotoGP, the Phillip Island circuit hosted Round Six of the Australian Superbike series.
The MotoGP boys left plenty of rubber on the track which forced track management to clean the surface twice before the ASBK. The result was a track with very low grip, in a very low grip situation, contrary to what most people were expecting.
Cru Haliday topped the time-sheets on Friday with a 1m32.651, followed by Mike Jones with 1m.32.836, and Josh Waters on his Ducati with a 1m33.006.
Race results saw Cru Haliday take the win with Josh waters in second and Max Staufer in third.
Championship points: First –Troy Herfoss 276, Second – Josh Waters 268, Third – Glenn Allerton 213.
XSR900GP
Giving the nod to its racing heritage, Yamaha is set to release the XSR900GP. Painted in the most iconic Yamaha
Grand Prix colours of all time, the bike also gets yellow number boards on front and rear cowlings. Combining 80s nostalgia with modern technology, the new XSR900GP features sixaxial IMU lean-sensitive rider aids, including slide control, wheel-lift control, and brake control, as well as new clip-on handlebars that move the rider slightly more forward to
give a sportier riding position. This is balanced out with a thicker and more supportive seat. To accommodate the extra load over the front-end with
the new riding position, the frame has seen some slight adjustments to optimise stability in cornering, and the subframe has also been reinforced. The new bike comes with KYB fully adjustable suspension front and rear, and Brembo master cylinder on the front brake.
There’s a five-inch TFT full colour display dash mounted in the retro-styled cockpit with smartphone connectivity, and integrated handlebar switches to enable the rider to easily use and access their Smartphone, navigation, and ride modes. aMM
The GreATesT show
ON EaRTh
ThIs Is ThE GREATEsT sport on earth. There is no doubt in my mind about that. If there is any doubt in yours, then you have not seen it up close and personal, or if you have, maybe you just don’t understand what it is you’re seeing. But since it’s fair to assume if you’re reading this, you’re a motorcyclist, I’ll do my best to couch this in terms you can relate to.
MotoGP is a sport that serves up appalling danger, vicious cruelty, breath-taking thrills, otherworldly skills, and dizzying exaltation – sometimes all at once and often in amounts too large to immediately comprehend, and you have to walk off and process what it is you just saw.
It is a sport of savagely intense passion – fans, teams, and riders are basted with the same flavoursome
fanaticism. The riders inspire intense loyalty or deep loathing. The teams and the marques represented are also loved or hated. And all based on pure emotion.
Intrigue stalks every lap. Controversy every decision. It is a crazed high-speed soap opera fuelled by technological wizardry, blinding bravery, and murderous ruthlessness. It is the last true blood-sport.
The Factory Ducati being kept warm under a blanket.
Above & right: A box full of Brad Binder’s beast, and the same beast with fluffy exhaust covers.
Below: I found Brad Binder in shorts.
Below middle: Tony Arbolino I interrupted mid-dinner at Pino’s.
Below right: My good mate, Simon Crafar, MotoGP’s pit-lane commentator.
I have been to many MotoGPs – more than 30 at last count. As a rider, the sport intrigues me for all the reasons I’ve stated above. But, as a rider, it also blows me away at what impossible-to-me level motorcycles can actually be ridden. You think you are a good rider? Bitch, please. Let me explain a few hard truths about this delusion...
An ordinary Aussie A-grade roadracer is so much better at riding than almost every one of us. Moving up a notch, the blokes tearing up the ASBK paddock are very much better
than the aforementioned A-graders. Another notch up, and you’ll find the WSBK boys – the slowest of whom is still incredibly better and faster than the ASBK lads. Just as a reference, Alvaro Bautista is currently crushing the field in WSBK. They have had to change the rules because he is virtually unbeatable. Alvaro once raced
MotoGP. He was crap at it. Racing at MotoGP level is many orders of magnitude different – harder, faster, and more demanding – than any other class of motorcycle racing. Millions of dollars are at stake. The bikes are all insane prototypes worth untold sums of money. If you’ve ever stood next to one when it’s fired
Left:
up, you’ll understand a MotoGP bike is not like any motorcycle you have ever ridden.
It is not so much a bike as it is a monstrous creation of supreme mechanised violence. Sure, it looks like a bike. But it’s not a bike as you or I understand bikes to be.
MotoGP machines don’t idle. They grind explosions and vomit hatred. The engine is nothing but a steel and alloy container for a succession of hideously savage rapid-fire hell-blasts whose energy is somehow directed to the back wheel by parts no mortal mechanic can even identify, let alone replicate. You cannot buy the forks, the frame, or the wheels. The seamless gearbox is simply not of this earth, and contains wizardry beyond the ken of mortals. MotoGP bikes, each of them, are the nil plus ultra of the motorcycling world. Mortals cannot ride them.
Above & left: Hopefully, Brad and Alex Marquez don’t go through all of them in a weekend.
Top right: These Moto2 weapons belong to Tony Arbolino and Sam Lowes.
Right: Factory Ducati Team Manager, Davide Tardozzi.
Far right: The men from IRTA.
I’m not kidding. The brakes are made of carbon. They need to be hot before they will even work. In order for them to be hot, you need to ride very fast and brake very hard. Same goes for the tyres. If you were to make this attempt you would die because you cannot ride fast enough to make those things work.
A typical MotoGP bikes makes 300 horsepower and weighs 157kg. They can do more than 360km/h. They outaccelerate a Formula One car, hitting 100km/h in less than 2.5-seconds.
Yes, those are numbers that simply do not compute in our world. Progress on the track is measured in tenths, hundredths, and thousandths of seconds, and it’s not unusual for the first 10 riders on the grid to be separate by less than half-a-second. Then consider the logistics of
putting on this show.
There are 22 riders on the MotoGP grid and each has two bikes at his disposal. There are up to 30 riders each in the Moto2 and the Moto3 supporting classes, and they have one bike each. Every rider has a team, which can consist of up to 16 people –obviously less for the support classes. Then they all have tyres, hundreds of them. Spare parts, spare race gear, catering, a vast media contingent, Dorna staff, IRTA staff, cameramen, video and content producers, commentators – and the list goes on – all of whom travel the world as the MotoGP “Circus” makes its way from country to country each season. As a logistical exercise, it boggles the mind. When the rounds are back-toback, this entire army and its gear has to pack up on the Sunday after the
race, be loaded onto a fleet of planes, flown to the next racetrack, then be unloaded, re-assembled, and be ready to hit the track on the following Friday. Is it any wonder I wandered around Phillip Island with my Access (Almost) All Areas Press Pass around my neck, gawping like a primitive cargo-cult native seeing his first television. This is the second time in my life when I have been granted access to the engine room of the Circus. And seeing this vast, complex, and blisteringly intense performance leaves me utterly awestruck. It beggars belief.
Getting a Paddock Pass is not cheap (the area behind the pits on the inside of the racetrack is called the Paddock), and most spectators are on the other side of the track – either in the shitty temporary grandstands
or just lined up against the fence. That’s General Admission and that’s not exactly cheap either. And you don’t get all that much for your money.
Phillip island is hailed as one of the greatest racetracks on earth and it is certainly that. But everything around it, the facilities, the pits, the paddock, the main building, the control tower, the campgrounds, and the portable toilets, are just rubbish. It all desperately needs to be upgraded, but the owner of the racetrack, Lindsay Fox, struggles to see why he should invest money in the circuit when the local Council is hell-bent on preventing any kind of development. And you can’t blame him. Mr Fox has been wanting to build a hotel next to the circuit for ages. That would offer an upgrade to the current shit facilities, and give people a beaut place to stay, as well as bringing Phillip Island in line with the great racetracks of the world. Can’t do it, says the Council. The impact on the environment would be unacceptable. So nothing much is ever done and race-goers are given temporary grandstands, rubbish toilets, appalling food at stupid prices, and the whole place turns into a fetid mud-swamp if it rains – which it does pretty much every year.
But the racing is great. Like, seriously great. Phillip Island is one of the fastest tracks on earth. The layout is such that everywhere is stupid fast
Left: Alex Rins’ LCR Honda.
Below left: The World Champion’s female fans.
Below middle: The World Champion’s male fans. Below: These girls are Monsters.
Top right: Sexy bit of two-stoke on display at the Expo.
apart from two dead-slow corners – Miller and MG. Racers love it. It terrifies them. But it also exalts them. You do well at the Island, and you’ve done something very special.
I was at the track and in Cowes (the main town on the island) from Wednesday until Monday morning. I saw the entire process of set-up
and tear-down. I spent a lot of time walking around the Paddock and talking to racers, mechanics, and various movers and shakers. I stood next to bikes being started and fired out of the pits, watched specialists balancing wheels, techs performing the most intricate of dances inside the pit garages as racers came in and out
during Practice and Qualifying, and beheld the expressionless faces of the team managers as they stared at the TV screens in their garages beholding their racer fail or succeed.
I immersed myself, as much as my access allowed, in the entire otherworldly hum of the MotoGP circus as it went about its unique
business. And it was utterly brilliant, and an experience I long to repeat, because there is nothing else like it on this earth.
So here’s what my five-and-a-bit days at the island was like...
wEDNESDaY
Arrived at four pm. Collected press
credentials. Went to the pub, because the pub is where the commentators and hardcore fans gather, and I am both of those things. Noted that reigning world champion, Peco Bagnaia, had been fishing off the wharf all afternoon. Was told most of the freight has been delayed coming from Indonesia and some teams have no bikes. Speculated on the weather. We’d been promised appalling rain and winds on Sunday. No-one knows the truth about what the weather will do, because “It’s Phillip Island”. Caught up with old friends. Drank in moderation.
ThuRSDaY
Arrived at the racetrack at 7am. Noted pitlane looks like a container terminal. Noted the utter lack of urgency and panic among the teams. Usually, all the pit garages are built internally and the bikes are being prepped, but all of this seemed to be happening simultaneously. Retired to the Media Centre to eat the free sandwiches. Noted the same sandwiches are provided each year. They are edible in the morning when they are fresh. They are less edible in the afternoon, but must still be consumed because there is no alternative. There are
Left: Marc Marquez spared me a second.
soft drinks and reasonable coffee. The Media Centre contains around 100 foreign journalists and photographers. Some are friendly. Most are not. Everyone is at work. Noted there was a problem with the flag cupboard. A rope used to hoist one of the three flags was broken. The rope resides inside a tube, which some genius thought was a good idea when this facility was built last century. No-one thinks this is a good idea now. Dorna officials mutter at Australian MotoGP Corporation officials. The former owns and runs the sport. The latter is a Victorian Government department. There is tension. Spent the day walking around the Paddock, watching the process of race preparation – a high intensity dynamic of parts cleaning, impromptu consultations between team managers and mechanics, with the odd rider appearing out of the squalid portable cabins they’re given to change in and relax. The riders have to piss into bottles because there is only one main toilet in the Paddock. There is a second, but it is a long way from where the MotoGP teams are. If they have to
shit, then they have to go to the toilet where several hundred other people are also shitting all day. It is less than ideal and quite a national disgrace. I chat to a few riders, who are relatively relaxed and approachable. As Marco Bezzecchi said to me when I asked him how he managed his preternatural placidity: “It is Thursday. It is easy to be calm.” I leave the track at five, and go to Pino’s to eat dinner. Everyone must go to Pino’s to eat dinner when they are at the Island. So, everyone goes to Pino’s to eat dinner. Race suits hang on the walls. The place is always full,
and the food is Italian and magnificent. Rosa, who has run the place since the 80s, is an icon and an institution. The race teams all venerate her and pay homage to her restaurant. A few years ago, the Factory Ducati team found her original Fiat 500 in Italy, restored it to concourse condition, and presented it to her. You will be eating in close proximity to racers (current and former), managers, team owners, and the real movers and shakers of the
Main: The sky was still blue on Friday.
Far left: The hardest-working snappers on earth.
Right: The MiniGP Ohvale bikes are ridden by adults.
sport. It is bad form to interrupt them during a meal for selfies. Do it before or after, and be polite. After dinner, I went back to the pub for some more hand-shaking and catching up with old friends. I fell asleep about 11pm, apparently in my own room because that is where I woke up.
FRIDaY
Back at the track at 7am. Things were more intense. Today there is Free Practice and Practice. Practice
decides who goes into Qualifying One and Qualifying Two. Everyone wants to go into Q2 because that determines the first 12 places on the grid. Only the fastest two riders from Qualifying One get to have another crack in Qualifying Two. Pitlane is now fully functioning. All the pit garages have been built internally. They are cleaner than operating theatres and every bit as intense. A chiaroscuro of team colours. Aprilia black, KTM blue-and-orange, Ducati red, Yamaha
blue, Honda orange. Those are the factory teams. The satellite teams use other parts of the rainbow. The first engines bark into life. Ear muffs are everywhere. The bikes are appallingly and painfully loud. And that’s at idle. The mechanics move with smooth precision. Nothing is dropped, nothing is rushed, nothing is overlooked. It’s an astonishing dance to watch up close. Sometimes you are allowed to see the inner workings of a MotoGP bike when the fairings come off. And sometimes you’re not. Media-minders move to block your sight-line. Screens can be put up. The riders are concentrated
Left: Trackside food is not cheap…or great. Above: Gas Gas knew it was gonna rain. Bottom left: Johnny and the team from Noiseguard. Below: It’s possible they lost a bet.
Top right: Johann Zarco aboard his Pramac Racing’s Ducati.
and absorbed, they either stare ahead or have animated conversations with their team bosses and head mechanics. When the riders are on the track, most of the team is staring up expressionlessly at the screens and
timing tables. Emotion only appears if a rider crashes or tops a session. The second bike stands ready if the first one is disassembled on some corner. While most of the time the mechanics work at a measured clip,
things get very hectic if a crashed bike needs to be quickly repaired before the session ends. But no matter how hectic it gets, there is never any yelling, throwing of tools, or tripping over things. It’s very different to me
doing work on my bike. Rumours begin to swirl the main race will be moved to Saturday and the Sprint Race will be on Sunday. The weather is predicted to be terrible on Sunday and Dorna would rather cancel the shorter Sprint Race than the main event. Upstairs in the Media Centre, new sandwiches have not arrived. I eat some of yesterday’s. Needs must. There is nothing else, though I do find a mandarin at the back of the fridge. It may be someone’s. I don’t care. I eat it. At the flag cupboard, there is more tension. The rope has not been fixed, and a tradesman has been brought in. He appears unamused. I wander around the paddock some and talk to more people. The championship is close and it seems either Bagnaia or Martin will win it. But Bezzecchi cannot be discounted. There are four more races after this one. As MotoGP is always a Spain versus Italy thing, there’s some unrest. The Italians want Bagnaia to win. The Spaniards want Martin to win. The issue is that both are on Ducatis. Bagnaia is on the Factory Ducati, Martin is on
one of the satellite Ducatis. Ducati’s bosses say there are no team orders, but no-one believes them. I leave the track at five pm and head back to my motel. I eat at a nearby Chinese restaurant because it’s the only one without a line waiting to get in. After my meal I understand why this is so. I drink some strong liquor at the pub for medicinal reasons and fall facedown onto my bed at 11pm.
SaTuRDaY
This is the new race-day, so things are dialled up to 12. I notice this because I have been here since Wednesday and have observed the gradual ratcheting up of tension in the Paddock. Someone who walked in now would not notice much of anything. And much of it is hidden from public view. You can’t just walk into a pit garage or access a rider’s cabin. I can do the former. I need an invite for the latter, but I can still see the faces and the body language of the men marching to and fro. The mechanics move with more purpose. Everyone is on a mission
New sandwiches have arrived. I take four of them, since I know the media will seagull this shit in very short order. I’m right. An hour later nothing remains in the fridge but some chicken wraps that have been untouched since 2022.
The weather is obviously turning. Yesterday it was T-shirts. Today it’s cloudy and T-shirts are not enough. The wind is also rising. Things feel strange because race-day is never on a Saturday. The God-bothering Dutch raced on a Saturday in Assen until 2015 because their Gouda-flavoured Jesus refused them permission to contend on the Sabbath. But TV rights eventually over-ruled Him.
Race-day normally proceeds with a Warm-Up for the MotoGP class, and is followed by the support class races, before climaxing around three-pm with the main event. Today, the main event has been pushed up to one-pm in an effort to beat whatever insane weather is on its way.
It is a great race. A man muchloved unexpectedly won it.
Frenchman Johann Zarco is a
two-time, back-to-back Moto2 world champion, but has never won a single MotoGP race. His thing was to do a back-flip each time he won a race and the world always looked forward to him doing a back-flip if he ever won a premier-class event. But as he got older, we all began to worry the back-flip might end poorly for him. We worried needlessly. He did three of them – in full race-leathers, boots, and a helmet. Of course, Australia disgraced itself by not managing to play the French national anthem on the podium. A technical error, apparently. They managed to fix the flag issue, but then no-one thought to check if the sound system was on. I witnessed a tense conversation between embarrassed Australian officials and dour-faced Dorna officials. My friend, Ignacio, who shepherds the racers around the podium, told me it was not a good time to take pictures on the podium because there was “tension”.
Peco Bagnaia came second and was once again leading the championship points-tally ahead of
his main rival, Jorge Martin, who’d come fifth. Third place was a surprise. The un-rated Fabio Di Giannantonio, who has been told he has no MotoGP ride next year thanks to a somewhat lacklustre performance, rode a brilliant race to grab the final step of the podium. No-one was more surprised than him.
Martin did lead for a much of the race, but he’d made the wrong tyre choice. He opted for soft tyres, planning to make enough of gap so the others couldn’t catch him when the tyres started to fade. Two things went wrong. He didn’t make enough of a gap, and the tyres went off earlier than he thought. Phillip Island is tough on tyres. His crew would have told him that. But it’s the racers who make this call.
I left the track around four, and headed into Cowes. It was packed, but then a rain squall unpacked it pretty quickly. The temperature dropped, and the rain started. The wind was rising as well. Seems like Race Direction made the right call in moving the main race.
Normally, at the end of race-day (Sunday), Cowes is partying. The pubs are full and many of the racers are at big parties which you can access if you know people, or have the right credentials. I knew people and I had the right credentials. But there were no parties because there was the Sprint Race to go on Sunday, and no-one wanted to get too badly pasted the night before. The show was not over yet.
I left the pub around 10pm, just as the police arrived to quell some unrest between some nonmotorcycle-riding locals who’d taken to slashing at each other and the bouncers with wine-glasses.
SuNDaY
Grey, rainy, very windy and getting windier. And I was at the track an hour earlier because everything had to be moved up. The two supportclass races still had to run before the MotoGP Sprint Race. The conditions were pretty shit and getting shittier. The sandwiches were all gone. There was lots of rushing around by the
Main: Johann Zarco snatches the lead on the last lap to take his first ever GP win.
AM2023 M o T o GP
team managers. I spoke briefly to one of the IRTA boys who was standing near the pits with comms on his head. IRTA stands for the International Road-Race Teams Association, and it is the body that looks after the wellbeing of the riders. If it’s unhappy, no racing occurs. IRTA then informs Dorna of its unhappiness and Dorna cancels the race. In this instance, the IRTA bloke told me they were currently “discussing” the situation. What happened next was the team managers were called into a meeting with Dorna and IRTA. The Moto3 race had just been run, a few riders crashed, and conditions were getting worse – but Australia’s Joel Kelso had scored his first-ever third-place podium, so we were all beaming with Aussie pride and joy. The wind was the problem, not the rain. It was gusting
and the gusts were getting stronger. They then started the Moto2 race, but a third of the field ploughed into the gravel, so they red-flagged the race and were planning to re-start it if the conditions improved. They did not. The race was called and half-points awarded. The question was now about starting the MotoGP Sprint Race. The teams voted on it. They voted not to race. Dorna called the whole thing off, and the event ended at 1pm. The riders did their best to mollify the fans, crossing the track on the main straight to sign autographs and hand out their race gear. Jack Miller gave away his boots, his gloves, and his helmet, then spent an hour walking the length of the main straight in his socks signing autographs in the pouring rain.
Everyone in the media centre looked nonplussed. No-one there leaves the track until maybe five or even six pm on race day. We could now leave
before one pm. Here’s the problem with that. When you leave at six, you’re not usually legless drunk with joy until maybe nine pm or ten pm, which is when the best parties are kicking off – and you arrive at these soirees glowing with tequila and reasonable manners. Leaving at one pm, meant you would be swinging from the trees before it was even dark. And so, it came to pass. Thousands of damp, roaring fans descended on the pubs to celebrate. And the sun was still in the sky. Sure, you couldn’t see it thanks to the thick cloud-cover, but it was still day-time.
There was lots to discuss. The swapping of race-day. The glory of Joel Kelso. The unexpected victory of Zarco. The immeasurable skill and bravery of the racers. The passing manoeuvres. The bastardry of Aleix Asparagus blocking Jack’s fast lap during Qualifying and the obvious
blindness to this heinous crime by Race Control.
The discussions were loud, passionate, and very good-natured. Then Joel Kelso entered the cavernous space of the North Pier Hotel, and the crowd erupted in applause. I immediately cried that three cheers should be sounded –and the roof shook with those cheers. I kissed Joel on the head. He only comes up to my chest so it was pretty easy. And then I left him to enjoy his night in the sun.
I made it back to my hotel at some stage. It seemed to be a longer walk than normal. I may have been walking slower, or I may have taken the scenic route. The rain was still falling, the wind was still gusting, but the Australian round of the greatest show on this earth had been held.
Did you not go?
Oh well, maybe next time, huh?
Main: Some of the racers crossed the track to sign autographs when Sunday’s race was cancelled. Above: Three Ducatis on the podium with Johann Zarco 1st - Francesco Bagnaia 2nd - Fabio Di Giannantonio 3rd.
The Super Meteor 650 has been built on our enduring belief that people and journeys cannot be limited to hours or kilometres. Its heart is our iconic parallel twin engine, which offers seamless gear transitions, strong low-end acceleration and an effortless throttle response.
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Kawa S a KI N INJ a ZX-4R a ND ZX-4RR T R a CK T EST
wORDS BY TuG MCCluTChIN - IMaGES BY MOTOThING
WAy BAck IN ThE late 80s and early 90s, the big four Japanese factories all produced a 400cc version of their 750cc superbikes. kawasaki’s ZXR400 of that time was the mirror image of its ZXR750 big brother, with a twin-spar alloy frame, cool paint job, funky air intake tubes, sports exhaust, flat slide carbs, the lot. The same went for suzuki’s
GsXR400, yamaha’s yZF400RR and honda’s uber-cool RVF400, which came complete with a single-sided swingarm and V4 engine. Pretty trick, with lots of fruit.
These bikes were shrunken versions of their full-sized namesakes and were epically popular in some parts of the world, particularly in Japan where registration laws made the bigger superbikes excessively expensive
to own, if not impossible. The 400cc versions were fast enough, light, handled beautifully, made great noises and looked the part, so the Japanese loved them. Relatively few of them made it to Australian or New Zealand shores via the manufacturers, but they were popular as grey imports, secondhand bikes privately imported from Japan. Some dealers made lots of money from importing them.
Sadly, they all went the way of the Black Rhino, and by the mid-90s there wasn’t much around in terms of small-capacity sports bikes. It was a segment the manufacturers had almost abandoned in Australia, and probably rightly left to the seductively fast 2-strokes like Suzuki’s RGV250, Kawasaki’s relatively short-lived KR-1, and the stunning Aprilia RS250. They made the little 4 strokes look
pedestrian, and the evolution of performance is unyielding, so the 4 strokes died.
So, you can imagine my trepidation when I headed to Queensland’s Morgan Park Raceway for the press launch of the ZX4R and ZX4RR. Would it be as good as I remember the 400s being back in the 90s? Or would it be another small 4-cylinder buzzbox that makes a lot of noise but can’t
Left: Get up close and look it the details. This is a well-built motorcycle. Much better than most of the other stuff you can buy under $15k.
push its way out of a jelly wrestling competition at the local CWA? It is after all based on the ZX-25R platform, a 4-cylinder 250cc machine that doesn’t come to Australia, but, from experience, revs a lot without being in danger of pulling your arms out of their sockets. Would it be a scalpel like the ZX6R, or a soft but very adequate thing like a Ninja 400 LAMS bike? A serious sporting weapon or a toy?
“ Would it be as good as i remember the 400s being back in the 90s? or Would it be another small 4-cylinder buzz-box that makes a lot of noise but can’t push its Way out of a jelly Wrestling competition at the local cWa? ”
And more importantly, what the hell is the point of it anyway? That was the biggest question of the lot.
You have to hand it to Kawasaki, they have some balls. They have built their reputation on engines that make you smile. From the old days of crazy two-stroke triples that wanted to kill you to the mighty Z1, the 6-cylinder Z1300, and then just when you thought things were getting a bit staid they launched the incredible supercharged H2R, followed by its lovely but mental road going variants. One thing you can always rely on from Kawasaki is that they rarely rest on their laurels. They push boundaries sometimes, and they make great engines. It’s their thing.
This new bike is similar to those, but in a very different way. Nobody else is building 4-cylinder 400cc bikes anymore. At that capacity, twins are a much more sensible solution for most real-world riding applications, and
Kawasaki’s incredibly popular Ninja 400 (and the Ninja 300 before it) are the perfect example. A twin produces good useable power lower in the rev range than a 4-cylinder motor, is cheaper to build, and is probably a little easier to ride for a novice. Small twins work, and work well.
So why build this new 4-cylinder bike? Because fuck you, that’s why. Kawasaki decided they could, and they wanted to, so they did, and they didn’t care that some people wouldn’t like it. There is a definite market for it,
albeit a small one. But the same went for the “track only” supercharged H2R that wasn’t even eligible to race in any class. A track bike that isn’t allowed to race? Really? Yet people bought them. It appealed to a tiny part of the market, yet that didn’t stop Kawasaki from building it. This 400 is completely different to the H2R, but with a similar ethos in some ways.
I am standing and applauding, because building brilliant and beautiful and crazy motorcycles is what breathes life into motorcycling,
and I wish all manufacturers did it more often. Too many bikes now are as boring and uninspiring as the
Above: The base R model turned in a little more precisely and held its line better on exit. Bottom left: TFT screen looks good and is easy to read, even for people who need glasses to read, like me.
Below: Adjustable levers on both bars are a nice touch, and the lap timer will be popular with track day junkies.
Bottom: Switchgear is simple and doesn’t feel cheap like some.
overblown reviews that blow smoke up their plastic arses. This bike doesn’t need me to lie to you, because it hits its brief. So how about I tell you what that brief is, and how the baby Ninja tears those briefs off?
Firstly, let’s get the basics out of the way. This is not a LAMS bike. Despite being only 400cc, it makes close to 80 well-bred ponies, which puts it well outside the power-to-weight cut-off for the Learner Approved Motorcycle Scheme. That says a lot about how moronic the LAMS scheme is because there is no good reason why
learners should not be allowed to ride this bike. It’s much better quality and safer than some of the bikes in the LAMS system, but that’s a whole other piece I might write another day.
And let’s go back to the question I asked earlier, is it more like a trackfocused ZX6R, or a novice-focussed Ninja 400? You probably expect me to say it’s somewhere in the middle, and I’m trying to think of a creative way to say exactly that, but I can’t. No, it’s certainly not as hard-edged as a ZX6R. Yes, it is a sportier beast than a Ninja 400. So, there you go. You nailed it.
Above: It’s not ugly compared to most standard exhausts, but fitting a sexy full system will make it look sweeter and let slip some more horses. Below: Radial monoblock 4 piston callipers from Tokico are plenty for this bike.
What that leaves you with is a bike that at lower revs is very mildmannered and should be easy to live with on the road day-to-day around town, and once you get the revs up and start throwing it around it will reward you with handling and performance that will leave most average riders on big sports bikes
floundering on a tight and twisty road, assuming you’re good enough to wring its pretty neck. And that’s what this bike is all about.
Sure, on a big open track, or a fast country road with lovely flowing sweepers, a ZX6R will eat it alive. And that is entirely reasonable. This bike was not designed for that. But get it in the tight stuff in the hands of someone who knows their shit and has moves like Jagger, and this baby will boogie.
On the test day, we had both models to play with, the ZX-4R and the ZX-4RR. The most obvious difference between the two is the colour, with the cheaper version coming in a mildly metallic and understated black, and the more sporty RR being available only in the Kawasaki Racing Team colours. Dressed up like that it looks very much like it is part of Kawasaki’s sports bike family along with the
ZX-6R and ZX-10R. The only other real difference between the two is the RR version gets an “up and down” quick shifter and upgraded suspension with some adjustability. Other than that, they’re the same machine.
Individual buyers will decide whether the paint and the extra goodies are worth the price of admission. I’ll tell you which one I prefer a little later.
The bikes have very good brakes, with Kawasaki branded Tokico radial callipers up front grabbing a pair of 290mm discs, and a single pot Nissin unit on the rear. I can’t think of another bike under 450cc that has that kind of quality gear for the price. I can’t comment on the rear brake as I didn’t use it, and normally at the track I use a fair bit of rear brake to help keep a bike settled, so not using it says something positive about the bike’s behaviour. I didn’t get any brake fade on the
front, and I don’t think anyone else at the launch reported any fade either. Brakes get a big tick.
The TFT screen is very nice, with a road and a track mode, the latter changing the tacho layout to focus on the region above 10,000rpm, and making the built-in lap timer accessible. Nice touch, and very handy for those who will take this bike to the track.
There’s also some beaut tech that allows you to connect your phone to the bike and access all sorts of data through an app that Kawasaki calls Rideology, which to me is utterly useless, but it might float your boat. I ride bikes to get away from phones and I have no idea why you would want to make your phone part of the process, but that’s a matter for you. If that’s your bag, you’ll probably enjoy it. I’m sure it will make the
younger folk fizz.
There’s Kawasaki’s KTRC traction control system with three levels (as well as “off” for the track), and the usual rain/road/sport engine maps. The correct map is always “sport”. Always.
I won’t comment much on the styling because beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder, though this drinker finds its looks favourable.
Build quality is very good, as you’d expect. It’s certainly better put together than most other small-capacity bikes (including the Ninja 400), and while part of me was a little disappointed the bike doesn’t share the same alloy beam-style frame that its big brothers get, I understand the financial implications of that and I couldn’t fault the steel trellis frame when riding it, for what it is.
The chassis isn’t as stiff as a ZX-6R, but that’s probably no bad thing in this niche. It’s also notable that the rear part of the frame is not a detachable subframe as you usually find on a sports bike, which makes things a little easier when repairing crash damage on race bikes. This frame is all one piece, but being high tensile steel, it should be easy enough to straighten in the event of an off that twists things around a bit.
The chassis is straight from the ZX-25R, so it’s small. That will be magnificent for some riders, but for my build it was too small and inhibited my ability to move around on the bike and get comfortable. That’s not a criticism, that’s just life. It’s my problem, not the bike’s. If you’re smaller than me you’ll likely think it was made just for you.
So to the engine. It’s a peach. The
Above: On higher speed sweepers the chassis gave hints of needing a better suspension set up. That can be fixed.
Below left: The Ram Air system adds a couple of ponies at high speed.
Below right: The RR gets a sexy adjustable rear shock from Showa. It will make most owners happy. The really fast riders will upgrade it.
bikes we rode were straight out of the box and even though the Kawasaki team put a few laps on them to bed things in a little, they were basically new, and we spared them no quarter. They were bouncing off the rev limiter before the end of the first lap. The engines and gearboxes were a little tight, but I could feel them loosen up throughout the day. The highest speed I saw on the straight before hitting the braking area was a touch over 180kmh, but we still had some
revs to go, plus another gear, so top speeds into the 200’s will be there for you to chase.
Power delivery is pretty linear, there’s no real perceptible kick anywhere, it just revs and revs until it doesn’t. The power does build as you climb the tacho, but there’s no point where it really takes off, it just keeps building more urge as you go. There’s no benefit in short shifting, so maxing it out in each gear when you’re looking for rapid progress will be the go.
The engine pushes out a little under 80hp, the last few ponies coming only at high speed with the benefit of the Ram Air system. It’s enough. Bear in mind the 400cc sports bikes of the early 90’s produced around 15hp less than this new bike, and they were considered fast enough to be great fun. This motor won’t leave you
The Ninja ZX-4RR pairs a 399 cc In-Line Four engine with class-leading performance in a compact chassis. Experiencing the exhilaration of the Ninja ZX-4RR’s power, high-rpm wail, and sharp handling will surely awaken the supersport within you.
HIGH-REVVING 399 cc IN-LINE FOUR ENGINE WORLDSBK-INSPIRED CHASSIS DESIGN
FIERCE NINJA ZX STYLING
CENTRE RAM AIR
Ø37 mm SFF-BP FRONT SUSPENSION WITH ADJUSTABLE PRELOAD HORIZONTAL BACK-LINK REAR SUSPENSION WITH BFRC LITE SHOCK
DUAL Ø290 mm SEMI-FLOATING DISCS WITH RADIAL-MOUNT CALIPERS INTEGRATED RIDING MODES (WITH KTRC AND POWER MODES)
DUAL-DIRECTION KAWASAKI QUICK SHIFTER
TFT INSTRUMENTATION WITH CIRCUIT MODE
SMARTPHONE CONNECTIVITY
KRT EDITION GRAPHICS
wanting too much if you are part of the target audience. Besides, you can feel where it’s been hobbled a little to pass noise and emissions rules. Put a full exhaust on it, add in a free-flowing air filter and re-flash the ECU and I reckon there’s another 5 or 6 horses waiting to be unleashed easily. Maybe 10.
“ it’s not the straight-line speed that Will excite you, it’s hoW fast it goes through corners.”
Next job is to lower the gearing a little if you’re buying it for track use. Maybe one tooth down on the front or a couple up on the rear. It will make first gear almost useless, but acceleration will improve and it will be an even more vibrant ride.
Normally on a launch like this I would try and ride the entry level model first to get a baseline, then switch to the higher spec bike to see the difference the extra money makes.
On this occasion I found myself doing the first two sessions on the RR model with all the goodies, then reverted to the base R model for the next couple. So which version did I prefer? This may surprise you. As much as quickshifters and adjustable suspension should point to the RR version being the pick, I was faster on the black R model. Why?
Tyres and suspension
Now that’s weird, huh? The up-spec RR bikes had been fitted with Dunlop Sportsmart TT tyres, which are more suited to fast sports and track riding, while the standard bikes had the standard Dunlop Sportsmax tyres. The thing is, the standard rubber is very good, and grippy enough to handle everything I asked of it (bearing in mind nobody ever wants to be the guy that crashes at a press launch). Plus, being a street-focussed tyre, it is designed to run at higher pressures and has a stiffer carcass than the Sportsmart TT rubber fitted to the RR models for the day. For me, this stiffer carcass provided a more precise corner entry, and better feedback midcorner. It also created more stability under heavy brakes when the nose
Left: Once you get the suspension to your liking, it will be a great fun bike to throw around.
Right: There’s no doubting the ZX-R family resemblance.
was being force-fed some bitumen. For my weight the suspension is under-sprung and under-damped, so perhaps the stiffer tyre made up for that a little.
The non-adjustable (except for rear preload) suspension on the R model was pretty good for a bike of this price. I’m a big unit at 6ft tall and I’m closer to 100kg than 90, so I anticipated the standard bike would be set up too soft for me, but it was a little better than I expected. And that isn’t a criticism, as the bike is not designed for me. The motor would be much more effective lugging around someone who weighs 65kg rather than my Bison-like torso, as proven by the lighter people at the test giving me semi-regular fly-bys on the straight.
That’s not to say the R model was perfect. Under heavy braking over the bumps at the end of the front straight at Morgan Park I managed to get the rear end to skate around quite a lot. It was fun though, if you like that kind of thing. It never felt out of control. Coming into the braking zone and hitting the anchors hard while slamming down a couple of gears at once is a great way to test a chassis, and the slipper clutch did its best to
keep the whole show under control. But most owners won’t mistreat it the way I was. I was trying to catch the slipper clutch out and see if I could get it to misbehave, but it didn’t. One thing Kawasaki really does have a handle on is their slipper clutches. And while the black R model bikes gave more feel mid-corner, that can come at the expense of stability, and they did feel a little less stable at lean thanks to the road biased tyres. But I was good with that. I like bikes that tell me what they’re doing. Never did it feel loose or like it was going to do anything
TuG’S hOT TaKES
untoward, no matter what I did to it. It is entirely predictable, quite unlike any girlfriend I’ve ever had.
To sum the suspension up, most owners will find it quite suitable for their needs and think it’s really good. Serious track riders will be looking to swap the forks and shocks out for something more suitable for their needs, but that’s not unusual for track riders.
This is a seriously capable and safe motorcycle. I know that may not sound exciting, but as soon as you learn to trust it you will find yourself throwing it
Someone asked me how it compares to the CF Moto 450SR. It doesn’t compare at all. One is a predator, the other is bait. The Kawasaki wins everywhere.
Could I live with it full time? No, I’m too big and I carry lots of luggage sometimes. Too much for this beastie. But if you’re smaller than me and can get away with carrying less luggage, then sure, you could live with it as a full-time ride very happily.
Is it really a sports bike? Sure it is. It’s not as hard edged as a ZX6R, but you wouldn’t want it to be. It’s useable, and sporty enough for most riders that will be attracted to it.
Will it be a good track bike? Yes, especially on smaller tracks. It will need suspension tweaks and a pipe and
at apexes with ever-increasing velocity, and the excitement will then flow from that. It’s not the straight-line speed that will excite you, it’s how fast it goes through corners.
So now I hear you ask about the quickshifter and wonder why I would prefer the model that didn’t have it. Quickshifters are entertaining, but on a bike like this they are a little superfluous unless you’re chasing that extra three tenths of a second a lap. Changing up through the box old school style is fine. Just put some pressure on the gear lever as you
tune to get the best out of it.
The bike uses a 160-rear tyre, so most high-end sports tyres will be available to suit it.
Can I tour on it? Sure, you can. There will be some sort of luggage available to suit it, and you can fit most of what you need for a few days away in a backpack anyway.
Is it fast enough? For most buyers in this segment, it probably is. Track riders will go looking for more power, most road-riding owners will put a pipe on it and be happy with that.
Does it sound good? Oh yes. It doesn’t scream like you’d expect from a small 4 cylinder. It’s more of a howl with a bit of a roar thrown in. It’s throaty. Nice.
approach redline, keep it pinned, and as soon as it hits the rev limiter it will change gear and you’re straight back on the gas. Bingo, instant quickshifter. And changing down gears at high revs with a good slipper clutch is fun, so why spoil it with a bi-directional quickshifter? A little bit of clutch lever action involves you in the process a little more, and that’s part of the fun of riding. You’ll probably disagree, and that’s the wonder of motorcycles.
While we’re on the gearbox that’s probably where my only real criticism lay, although it is extremely minor. The box wasn’t as slick as I expected through clutchless upshifts, although I assume that would improve as the gearbox loosened up with some miles
under its belt. To be fair, we were mistreating them at a very young age. And while I loved the slipper clutch, the clutch also has something called “clutch assist”, which basically makes the clutch lighter to operate at the lever. For me it was too light, and lacked a little feel, but it is a very minor criticism, and one most prospective owners would not share or likely even notice. Most would likely take the opposite view entirely and appreciate the light lever feel.
So, where the hell does this bike fit into the current marketplace?
It doesn’t. There is nothing like it, and to me, that is a beautiful thing. As the great jazz musician Miles Davis once said, “Don’t play what’s there,
play what’s not there”. Kawasaki is playing what’s not there right now. They are expanding the market, and providing a solution to a problem that nobody else is really addressing. This will be a great next bike for people coming off their provisional licenses and who want something sporty but not intimidating. It will be a fantastic track bike, particularly on smaller tracks. It will be a really good bike for people who are a bit shorter or smaller and don’t want to wrestle with a bigger sports bike. Or you might be an experienced rider who wants to experience the joy that comes with thrashing good quality small capacity bikes.
It will also make a really good basis for a race bike once race regulations make a category for them, and if I had my way, the 300cc class at national level would be thrown in the sea in favour of a one-make series using this bike. Use the base model, put a pipe on it, change the suspension at both ends to something race-focussed, and away you go. Cheap, fast, and fun.
Verdict? I rate bikes based on how well they hit the mark that they are trying to hit, and this one gets 6 out of 7 on the Tug-O-Meter. It’s a shame it’s not just a little bigger physically with a really trick aluminium frame. But that’s just me being selfish.
Top: The bike will inspire confidence for riders looking to improve their sport riding skills
Left: Morgan Park Raceway was a perfect track for the launch. Tight, technical, and fun. aMM
YOu’ll NEVER BE TOO GOOD
BY TuG MCCluTChIN - IMaGES BY SDPICS.COM
ThE VERy BEsT BIkE racers in the world have coaches. Not only does raising their skill level improve their chance of winning, but it also enhances their ability to stay in one piece. Our sport, and for us road riders our chosen method of transport, comes with some inherent perils.
But you know that. The thrill is one of the reasons we ride, and thrill cannot exist independently of peril. Motorcycling is a wondrous mistress, but she is intolerant of ineptitude and laziness.
So how can we ameliorate the inherent risks of what we love doing, at least to some degree? The simple answer is, be better. Becoming a better rider is the only way to be safer on the roads than you are now, other than choosing not to ride at all. And the side
benefit is you’ll probably become faster too. Faster and safer. What’s not to love?
And if it’s okay for MotoGP champ Pecco Bagnaia to have a riding coach, it’s okay for us too. So, let’s go and get a coach.
Throughout my life, I’ve covered upwards of half a million kilometres on the road on a whole lot of different bikes, and I’ve raced a variety of bikes on tarmac and dirt. Sadly though, between Covid and a confluence of other life events, I haven’t pointed a bike at a racetrack apex in anger for a few years. I’m hoping to change all that soon though. My old Yamaha TRX850 race bike and my newly acquired 1997 Kawasaki ZX9R are being prepped to get me back on the track in the
Tug getting ready to begin a session. Which way does the track go and what’s the lap record?
next few months for some Post Classic road racing.
Though while the mind is willing, I am well aware that my skills would have slipped in the last few years. I’ve still been riding on the road during that time, but that is certainly not preparation for banging bars with 30 other lunatics all aiming to get to the chequered flag before you. I’ve always been a loud advocate for rider training, so I figured it was time to follow my own advice and get some coaching. I went online and booked myself in for levels 2 and 3 of California Superbike School at Sydney Motorsport Park. These guys are the leaders in race training in a school environment, and I had already completed level 1 about 15 years ago. And in case you’re wondering, I paid for the courses myself, and they had
no idea I was going to write this piece. I didn’t want special treatment. That’s not how I roll. It also means you can be sure that what I write here are truly my thoughts. I have no favours to repay.
While the California Superbike School is set up to run on racetracks and its programme is track-focused, that doesn’t mean road riders won’t benefit substantially from the courses as well. Most of the people learning along with me were on registered bikes. Many were sports bikes, but there were also naked bikes, and a few cruisers and adventure bikes. Everyone is welcome.
All of the skills they teach will make you a measurably better rider. It doesn’t matter whether you ride on the road or the track, the skills you will gain will work for you. Top-level racers train with these guys, so let’s
Above: The coaches have a fleet of BMW S1000RR bikes to play with, and they have hire bikes too if you don’t want to use your own.
Below left: Superbike School riders briefing at the start of the day.
Below right: Coaches getting psyched for the day. They’re a very likeable bunch.
Top right: It’s hard not to know where the apex is when your coach literally points at it for you.
not pretend any of us mortals are so good at riding that we couldn’t benefit from asking them to help us improve our skills.
The programme is structured into four individual day-long courses, and the skills gained from each flow into the next. So even if Jack Miller wants to go, he has to start at level 1, just like you and I. There’s no point doing Level 3 if you haven’t completed Levels 1 and 2, as you probably won’t
understand some of the things you’ll be asked to do.
And right about now, you’re thinking you probably don’t want to be on track doing level 1 if there will be really fast guys out there too, right? Well, there will be. There will also be old people, fat blokes, ladies, adventure riders, and probably a guy with one eye and a bad case of PTSD from a nasty opal mining accident in the early 90s. Anything is possible. But the way they have things set up it doesn’t matter. Numbers are strictly limited, so the track is never crowded. The fast guys have no problems picking their way safely through the slower riders, and the slower riders quickly get used to race bikes blasting around the outside of them with knees kissing the tarmac. A few people told me they found it quite a thrill to see some really fast bikes and riders up close like that. It’s not something you experience every day, especially from a few feet away. So don’t be put off because you think you or your bike might not be suited to the track. It’s an issue only in your head. The day starts as you expect, you register that you are there, your bike gets checked for safety and they will adjust your tyres to a suitable pressure for the track, and then you are given
numbers to stick on your bike. These are to help your on-track coach identify you when you’re riding around. Even if you have a race bike with numbers like mine, you will still have to put on the stickers with your school number.
Then you will head to a short-riders briefing where your coaches are introduced and you will learn about how the day is to run, from there you are split into groups according to your course level.
The programme consists of individual drills, focussing on one skill at a time. For example, one of the first drills you will do in Level 1 is all about throttle control. In that exercise, you will be asked to stay in one gear throughout the entire session and to not use your brakes. So, the only input you use is the throttle (and obviously your bars to turn). It is done that way to focus the mind on one skill, and it’s not until you do it that you realise you are probably pretty shit at it. That’s one of the beauties of the way the course is set up, it does make you realise just how much improvement you can make to your riding, even if you have been on bikes most of your life.
Before each drill, there will be a classroom session where a coach
talks about the skill you are going to practice in your next track session. Most importantly, they will teach you the science of why you are learning each skill. California Superbike School is very focused on making sure you not only know what you are expected to do but that you learn the science behind why it works.
This is one of the areas where their process departs from most other rider training outfits, and for me, it is a really important step. They discuss the physics of how motorcycles work, and how we impact the behaviour of the bike with our inputs. They don’t just teach you how to ride it, they teach you why they want you to ride it that way.
After your classroom session, you will have 20 minutes or so to prepare to get out on track. Once you are out there riding around, your assigned on-track coach will come and find you. Initially, you won’t even know they are there, as they will follow you to see how you are progressing with the assigned drill. Then they will come past you and give you a wave, and tap the back of their bike to tell you to follow them. They will demonstrate the skill that you should be working on to make sure it is clear to you.
They use a variety of hand signals and body movements that you will have been told to look for in your classroom session beforehand.
Then after a little while they will wave you by and follow you again to check your progress. Each on-track coach only has three students to look after, so you get plenty of close contact coaching out on track. This is an important feature of the way they operate. Personal attention is at the core of effective learning, and these guys nail it.
Once the chequered flag comes out to end your session, you park your bike and go and find your on-track coach who will now be waiting to debrief the session with you. And here’s where the magic happens.
The coaches are brilliant at giving feedback. They reinforce the positives of your riding to build your confidence and still manage to point out what you can improve on in a supportive
way. They will also pick up on things that may not be part of the drill you were working on but will lead to improvements, and even give you other things to try in your next session on top of the assigned drill. Even when you come off track and think you’ve ridden like a short-sighted guide dog, they manage to find the positives and lift you up. This is part of the culture at the school, and it is part of their system that makes the experience really worthwhile. It is a fun and positive day out.
From there it’s back to the classroom to discuss the next skill to work on and the next on-track drill. This continues through the day until you are pretty well stuffed. It’s a big day, with lots of riding, and lots to take in.
The first three levels of the programme each focus on different aspects of riding. It’s not the kind of thing where you might decide that
if you’re “only” a road rider and not interested in track riding then you only need to do Level 1, because the skills you will learn in Level 3 are just as relevant for road riders as everything in Levels 1 and 2. One of the best drills for me was called the “Hook Turn”, and it was the second last drill in Level 3, but possibly contributed more to my improvement (even for riding on the road) than all the other skills we learned in the two days. It just made everything we had worked on “click” for me.
Everyone will have their penny-drop moment. Some people will have lots of them. They’re the really lucky ones.
Best of all for road riders is it will
Above: Tug searching for an apex in Turn 12. It must be there somewhere.
Below left: The one-on-one coaching is a huge benefit to students.
Below right: The post session debrief. It’s one coach per three riders, so everyone gets personal attention.
STuDENT PROFIlE: - Kellie Millard
Kellie’s teenage son introduced her to motorcycling. He obtained his licence, bought a Ninja 300, and shortly after attended his first track day. Knowing his mother was someone who thrives with a little peril in her life (Kellie competes in multiple equestrian disciplines, so she’s no stranger to horsepower), he suggested she would enjoy riding on track too, and not long after Kellie found herself at a Kawasaki dealer buying herself a Ninja 400 and heading off to get her licence.
Her introduction to riding on the track was while she was still on P plates, when she did a rider training course on Eastern Creek’s South Circuit.
Fast forward a year and Kellie was off her P’s and free to buy a bike more in keeping with the type of riding she was now doing, which was weekends away and some longer holiday trips on the bike, as well as the occasional day ride. She wanted more power, and a bike that could do highway speeds a little more effortlessly than the little Ninja.
So, a new KTM Duke 890GP joined the family and was broken in on a weekend away to country NSW, where her clearly moronic lesser-half screwed up the route and had her tackling dirt roads and a couple of creek crossings on her new bike. Somehow their relationship survived.
She’s ridden from Sydney to Phillip Island for World Superbikes via three days in the NSW and Victorian Alps and pulling 700km days on trips away doesn’t phase her.
Doing track days provides her with the opportunity to both enjoy riding her bike the way it was designed to be ridden, as well as spend some fun time with her son, as it’s something they do together.
But riding at the track is a great way to amplify the areas where you can improve your riding, so when the opportunity to do levels one and two of California
Superbike School came up, they both jumped in.
“I really enjoyed the two days. The way they structure the course and break it down into individual skills is great for a relatively inexperienced rider.”
“I enjoy doing track days, but I also want to improve my riding on the road, because that’s what I do most of the time. Since I started riding it sometimes feels as if I’ve spent more time riding in the rain than in the sunshine, so that makes you really aware that you need to be the best rider you can be to stay safe and to also enjoy it.”
“I remember when I first started riding, and you sometimes feel quite anxious when you’re learning, because you know your skills might let you down. So, learning how to be a better rider makes the whole experience of being on the bike more enjoyable. It’s so much more fun when you feel confident that you’re in control.”
I asked Kellie what she thought about the way the CSS team had run their programme, and her initial response was similar to mine. “The coaches are so supportive! After every session they make you feel good about the way you’re riding. Their feedback is really detailed, and your confidence grows session by session”.
It’s interesting that Kellie, with less than three years of experience, was impressed with the same aspect of the programme that I was, and I’ve been riding for over thirty.
I asked if she planned to continue on to do level 3. “I want to do Level 3 and then Level 4!”
Kellie plans to do more track days, and hopefully get a track bike so she can keep her precious KTM for the road. Most of her riding will continue to be on the road, doing trips away and day rides, but it seems doing training days may well be a semi-regular fixture too.
Kellie powering her 890 Duke out of Turn 2.
give you an armoury of tools that you can deploy next time you find yourself in a little bit of trouble. Found yourself running into a corner too hot? That’s ok. Where are you looking? Are you gripping the tank with your legs? Can you steer further? Sure, you can. Move your eyes. Look up. Lower your upper body. Change your body position. Push your outside knee into the tank. Free your arms. There’s lots you can do to solve the situation you find yourself in, now that you know what to do and have practiced it. Those who don’t know what to do often end up on the wrong side of the road when they get into a corner a little too quickly, or worse, off the road completely. Then they tell their mates they “had to lay it down”, and all their mates laugh at them. Don’t be that person.
Still not sure if California Superbike School is for you? That’s OK, there are other coaching options, and one of
them is bound to suit you.
My first introduction to rider training was around 30 years ago with Warwick Schuberg, who started Stay Upright about seven thousand years ago. Well, it feels like it anyway. I remember doing a course with him at Amaroo Park before they turned it into houses for rich people. The number of Australian riders who owe their lives to Warwick and the school he started would be countless. These days they are probably the biggest providers of compulsory pre-licence training in Australia. But they also still run their always-popular advanced and cornering courses.
Stay Upright also utilises racetracks and other closed-circuit locations for training, primarily because trying to teach people anything on the road is fraught with difficulties, though their courses are very much aimed at road
riders. Closed circuits allow you to practice new skills in a manageable environment.
Honda immersed itself in rider training many years ago too, with the advent of Honda Australia Rider Training, or HART. The HART schools started in the late 80’s and Honda has contributed to the skills and safety of over 100,000 riders since their schools began. In NSW HART operates out of their facility at St Ives in Sydney’s North, and the place was once the training facility for the NSW Highway Patrol. They not only have the training ranges for the pre-licence courses, but they have other areas, including what is essentially a country road loop that is part of their facility, so you can replicate real world riding while you learn.
There are a variety of other schools around Australia, both large and small and everything in between. Boutique
The coaches really like to get a close up view of what you’re doing on the bike.
schools are focussing on female riders and other subgroups, and individual coaches who offer one-on-one training in real world environments are out there too. You can even look up guys like former World Endurance Racing champion Alex Cudlin and his Aussie Bike or Hike business, where he takes tours on and off road, and some of those tours will also include some rider training along the way. Alex and his crew are qualified coaches as well as great tour guides, and it’s a great way to improve your riding and have a holiday at the same time.
Then there are the training activities being organised by the bike manufacturers, with Honda, Yamaha, and BMW being notably active in providing training opportunities for their owners, particularly in the world of off-road and adventure riding. Yamaha even runs schools for owners of their quad bikes and side-byside machines.
So please don’t look at rider training as something that only the track riders or new riders need to do. We can all benefit from it, and there is a training option to suit every rider. It will make you a better rider, your riding will become even more enjoyable. Best of all, it might just save your life someday.
PILLIONs ARE ThE MOsT wretched of creatures.
Male or female – I do not discriminate. But the simple fact of the matter is the vast majority of pillions are females. So, I have pillioned far more girls than boys. And all are wretched.
Happily, and science will back me on this, girls are easier to pillion than boys. Girls tend to weigh less, and weight is a major factor in pillioning. The less you weigh, the less you screw with the bike’s handling.
Boys who are being pillioned, for the most part, are usually also riders as well as being bigger than girls. And riders make garbage pillions. They know how this shit works.
Girls who don’t ride, on the other hand, usually have no idea how terrified they should be at any given time, and have no interest in critiquing the way you’re riding.
But it really is all about weight and mass. Pillion-terror, male or female, is just a given.
Let’s face it, depositing anything short of a 10kg bag on the pillionseat is gonna change the dynamics of the bike. And a pillion, with his or her much higher mass location –all of which is above and behind the rear axle of the bike – just ruins the handling.
But we make it work because we either love you, want something from you, or can’t leave you stranded for the wolves to eat.
So pillions are either on the back of your bike because they have no other choice – in which case their
ThE ShIT PIllIONS SaY
I T ’ S u S uallY BEST wh EN YO u C a N ON lY h E a R YO u R ENGINE , T h E w IND , a ND
T h E VOICES IN YO u R h E a D .
wORDS BY BORIS MIhaIlOVIC
wretchedness is at a nuclear level – or they are there because they love you and you love them, and you carting them about the place on a bike that now handles like a washing machine tumbling down a hill, represents some kind of cutsie life-sharing bollocks for the both of you.
In which case your pillion is still cloaked in wretchedness which is only mildly tempered by her affection for you. And that affection is entirely dependent on so many factors, ie. It being a nice warm day, her not needing to go to the toilet, you not speeding like a madman, the police not pursuing you, the seat being comfortable, her boot-heels not melting on your exhaust pipe...and the list goes on. Her wretchedness is always only a bird-strike to the face away.
Of course, I understand many couples state they love going away together. They will tell everyone in ear-shot about this if you let them. They are lying, just like their happymotorcycling-couple Instagram pictures are lying. That confected joy is a Potemkin village of bullshit.
She’s either going with him as a pillion because she doesn’t trust him, or she wants him to be miserable. And he’s only taking her because she controls the money, and she only let him buy the bike if he promised to take her everywhere with him.
In my case, my beloved wife knows full well I am a fey and cursed creature who is not to be trusted. I will speed, overtake on double yellows, consider any bike in front of me a challenge that
needs to be passed and shamed, and all in the company of like-minded evil men with whom I associate. But I will also do this when I am alone. So, she really is up against it.
It’s fair to say that when she does come with me, I ride and behave very differently, and it is all about her, as it must be because she is precious cargo. And I know this too shall pass and things will go back to normal.
I have carted many pillions over the years, male and female, and while I have often not heard what they were saying due to how fast I was going, or how disinterested I was in what their views might have been, I have heard some of it.
And before you ask, the answer is “No”.
I shall never ever ever fit an intercom to my helmet and my pillion’s helmet. If I wanted to converse with my pillion, we would be in a car or having lunch. When I am riding, the passenger is best served by a vow of monastic silence. Do not distract the artist during the performance. Clearly, this is the optimum situation.
But life is not like that, and neither is pillioning someone. I am already discomfited because my bike no longer handles like it was meant to, and you jabbering at me only makes me hate you more.
So, here’s a small selection of pillion utterances, and my responses. If the response is in brackets, then I was just thinking it and felt it wiser to keep my mouth shut. I will provide context when it’s needed, because that is sometimes important...
Girl pillion: “Why are you riding so fast?”
Me: “This is not fast. I can show you fast.”
Girl pillion shortly thereafter: “OMFG! I feel sick, stop, please, no more, PLEASE!”
Girl pillion: “I need to go to the toilet.”
Me: “We just left the servo.”
Girl pillion: “The toilets were filthy.”
Me: “I’ll pull over just up ahead.”
Girl pillion: “There are no toilets here. What am I supposed to do?”
Me: “I’d be checking for snakes before pants-off committing, but you do you.”
Boy pillion: “I feel sick.”
Me: “You throw up on me I’ll kill you.”
Boy pillion: “I really feel sick. I’m serious.”
Me: “I will really kill you. I’m more serious than you.”
Boy pillion: “Why you riding so slow?”
(What? I’m going as hard as I can so this nightmare of you on the back can end sooner.)
Boy pillion: “Is there something wrong with the bike?”
(Yes, you’re sitting on the back, you mouthy fat sack of shit.)
Boy pillion: “Ouch! Why did you stop so suddenly? I smashed my face into the back of your helmet!”
Me: “Sorry, red light camera.”
Girl pillion: “Did you see that?”
Me: “Did I see what?”
Girl pillion: “That thing.”
Me: “What thing?”
Girl pillion: “Back there, that thing near the trees.”
Me: “What trees? There’s trees everywhere.”
Girl pillion: “Don’t yell at me!”
Girl pillion: “My shoes! You bastard! My shoes!”
I’d pulled over after winning an impromptu drag-race down George Street in the Sydney CBD, and saw that not only were my hot date’s strappy stilettos no longer on her feet, but her feet had been shredded by their departure. She seemed OK about that, but was really pissed her shoes where somewhere on the road behind us. Why she was wearing strappy high heels and a short skirt on the back of the bike can be explained by the fact she was Polish and wanting to find a husband as soon as possible, and her strict parents would not countenance her going out with a motorcyclist, so she had to dress like she wasn’t going out with a motorcyclist, and I would park my bike up the road when I came to pick her up. This problem was sorted that evening since she never went out with me again. In my defence, I did tell her not to put her feet down each time I stopped the first time we went riding. It’s possible she forgot.
Girl pillion: “How much further?”
Me: “To where?”
Girl pillion: “To where we’re going?”
Me: “Six hours...maybe seven.”
Girl pillion: “Why is it so far?”
Me: “It’s where they built the Gold Coast. I had nothing to do with that.”
Boy pillion: “What are you doing?”
Me: “Riding.”
Boy pillion: “You overcooked that corner heaps.”
Me: “Wasn’t heaps.”
Boy pillion: “Was bloody heaps!”
Me: “You should keep your eyes closed.”
Girl pillion: “Why are you stopping?”
Me: “It’s what the police want me to do.”
Girl pillion: “What do they want?”
Me: “They’ll tell me in a minute. Or you can ask them, if you like.”
Girl pillion: “Were you speeding?”
Me: “Matter for the magistrate to determine.”
Girl pillion: “Do they have one of them in the car?”
Me: “Let’s hope not.”
Boy pillion: “Is that the cops behind us?”
Me: “Yes.”
Boy pillion: “What do they want?”
Me: “Money and grovelling.”
Boy pillion: “Why are you stopping?”
Me: “I can’t run away with you on the back.”
Girl pillion: “This seat is awful.”
Me: “What’s wrong with it?”
Girl pillion: “It’s too hard.”
Me: “Yeah, it’s a sportsbike.”
Girl pillion: “No, it’s a seat. Did you know it was so hard?”
Me: “No, I have never sat on it.”
Girl pillion: “Why didn’t you try it before you picked me up?” (Because I don’t care.)
Girl pillion: “My feet keep falling off these things.”
Me: “The pegs?”
Girl pillion: “These things here.”
Me: “Those are the exhaust pipes. You need to put your feet on the pegs.”
context: Large drunken mate needed a lift home. I volunteered because I am an idiot.
Drunk: “Where we goin’?”
Me: “Home.”
Drunk: “Wass there?”
Me: “You, a soon as I can get you there. Now hold onto me.”
Drunk: “Piss off! I’m not a poofta!”
Me: “That’s good to know, but you need to hold onto me, or you’ll fall off.”
Drunk: “Not touchin’ ya.”
Me: “OK.”
Drunk: “Oi! Arrgghhh...shit...”
Me: “Can you get up?”
Drunk: “Yeah, yeah, I’m good...shit...”
Me: “Wan to hang on this time?”
Drunk: “OK.”
Me: “No, that’s too much hanging on. Way too much.”
Girl pillion: “Can you stop doing that?”
Me: “What?”
Girl pillion: “That thing when the bike lurches.”
Me: “The bike is not lurching.”
Girl pillion: “No, before. When you take off. It lurches.”
Me: “That’s me changing gears.”
Girl pillion: “Stop doing it.” aMM
ITRy NOT TO READ bike reviews.
Life is too short to subject myself to the feckless word-salad so many offer these days.
I am not alone in this. The industry is also pretty much over the tosh being served up by the mum-anddad concerns, the family-based nepo-baby platforms, and the oldschool still-doing-it-because-can’tdo-anything else.
The over-arching feel is that so few try, or are even able to create copy that engages the reader with any passion or credibility.
They just churn out dreck – and deep-down inside I’m sure they know it’s dreck, and the editors know it’s dreck, and most don’t care, because content is always in demand. Any damn content.
That is the way of the world we live in.
But it was not always like that, was it?
Like many of you, I got into bikes when I was very young because the stuff I was reading in bike magazines inspired me, excited me, and captivated me. I had to have me some of that shit.
Where is that inspirational, exciting and captivating stuff now?
If I was starting today, there is almost nothing being offered in the motorcycle media that would or could enthuse me to buy a bike.
And I suppose this is a strange way to kick off a review of what is one of the most exciting and brilliant
Below: You will never complain about these. Ever. Below right: Yes, that magical golden tube is all it makes itself out to be.
motorcycles you will ever throw a leg over – Triumph’s utterly magnificent Street Triple RS.
But I am compelled to do this. It has to be done. Because a great wrong has been committed against one of the best bikes currently on the market, and the people who committed it
must be called out.
Happily, the damage is not too bad. The audience exposed to the tripe they served up is small. And it will remain that way.
Firstly, let me tell you what you need to know about the new Street Triple RS. It is superb. It is one of the most
precise-handling, if not the most precise-handling bike you will ever ride. It rewards your efforts – be they ham-fisted or I-know-what-I’mdoing-baby in a way few bikes do. You come yammering into a corner hard, electronics ablaze (and it has them all – Optimised Cornering ABS and switchable Optimised Cornering Traction Control with IMU, Front Wheel Lift Control –and they can be tweaked to your personal fetishes), seamlessly downshifting via a superb quickshifter, that Moto2-inspired engine howling in joy, and you commit.
“ seconds later, you understand you could have committed much, much harder. and so, you do on the next bend. you’re still not upsetting it. try harder. much harder. you’ll cave before it does. ”
Seconds later, you understand you could have committed much, much harder. And so, you do on the next bend. You’re still not upsetting it. Try harder. Much harder. You’ll cave before it does. The front is planted. It is integrity incarnate. It’s mated to Diablo Supercorsa SPs. Not glorious in the wet, but otherworldly in the dry.
From the Brembo brakes to the top-shelf Showas at the front and the golden Ohlins goodness on the back – this is a package designed to corner like all the bastards in the whole world.
Much of this ability has to do with
Right: The tank is a work of art, and the paint is stunning.
Far right: Relax. There is a pillion seat under there. Or you can lie to her. :
its steering geometry and weight, obviously. Triumph really wanted the Street Triple RS to handle the incredible way it does. How much of this has leaked down from its involvement in MotoGP is anyone’s guess since it only supplies the engines for the Moto2 class...but, you know...
Look, you can Google all the specs for yourself. I do not need to list them all here. They don’t much matter anyway. They are just numbers. When you start a review by using all the conjunctions to pad out the specifications box, you’ve exposed yourself as an idiot.
It’s what those numbers add up to
that matters.
That expression “More than the sum of its parts” is exactly what applies here. Triumph has managed to create a bike entirely possessed of that elusive X-factor, that sweet-spot combo of power-delivery, handling, ergos, and build-quality that makes a bike extraordinary.
But reading the dross the Mumand-Dad reviewer combo offered up in a recent issue, you’d think they were riding another bike altogether.
Dad had more of clue than Mum because he’s maybe ridden a few more bikes. But then he states the RS looks “too modern and aggressive” and then wanders further into idiocy by following that up with a qualifier that plumbs the nether depths of dumb, ie., “although looks can be deceiving because this isn’t necessarily and (sic) aggressive bike to ride”.
Huh? What does that even mean?
Then Dad complains about the sidestand. He stated it felt a “bit flimsy” but “worked fine”.
Do you see what the problem is here? It is meaningless world-salad. It is not a reasoned critique. It’s “I have to produce 2000 words, but I ran out of anything valid to say after 500”.
So that’s Dad. And he’s the one with a vague clue.
Mum on the other hand is completely at sea with the whole writing and riding thing. And it’s quite insulting to women who ride. I know a few of them. None of them are as utterly clueless as Mum is. I’m thinking she’s been included in this grab-bag of
Above and left: This iteration of the Street Triple is easily the most aesthetically right, and the lights aren’t too shabby at night, with a nice wide beam.
rubbish-as-bike-review as some kind of PC sop.
Permit me to demonstrate...
In the section entitled “What didn’t I like?” Mum confesses she’s being really picky and states she “probably wouldn’t use all the rider modes”. Well, given she admits to only spending a few days commuting in Sydney and one run through the Royal National Park, I am not surprised. What do the rider modes do, love? How have they upset you? Did you try any of them? There are five of them, you know – Rain, Road, Sport, Track, and Rider. Too many? Not enough? No variance in what they offer?
Because what you’re stating you didn’t like was the fact you wouldn’t use them. Not that they exist. Not what they do. Just that you wouldn’t use all of them. Sweety, just so you know, that is so NOT a thing not to like on a bike you’re allegedly reviewing.
Then, and this is when I threw up in mouth a bit, Mum and Dad told us about how they went for a
ride. Or rides. This consisted of commuting around Sydney (Dad even went out at night once) and that ride through Nasho.
Dad states the Street Triple is a better bike than the Speed Triple in “every way”. Obviously, the commute revealed things in this regard Dad feels are best kept to himself, since he doesn’t tell us how the Street is better than the Speed.
Mum, for her part in this catastrophe, was very proud some bloke who went riding with her commented on how “comfortable and confident” she looked toodling through Nasho. He said that? He said exactly that? “Wow, you look so comfortable and confident!”?
I do not believe you. No-one says that. Surely?
My friends say shit like: “You came into that 45 so hard I thought you were gonna die!” or “How strong does that bastard pull in second!”
But then after Mum stops for
“brunch”, she is reinvigorated and we are treated with the following grammatically-crucified glory: “On the way back, it felt like the bike was responding to my every command with unparalleled finesse, so not sure if it was that my riding skills have (sic) improved or that the bike makes you a better rider”.
I could answer that question for you, love. But I won’t. What I will tell you is that you need to stop pretending you can do bike reviews. Please. I’m sure you’re good at something else. It ain’t this.
For his part, Dad chose to make some bizarre and rather messianic declarations in conclusion, to wit: “I think I can safely say that the 2023 Street Triple RS has re-written the rules of the game (What game is that?). In a world where conformity is the norm, the 2023 Triumph Speed Triple RS (Why are you repeating the name of the bike so often, dickhead?) refuses to blend in (Really? How
Left: The seat-to-pegs-to ‘bars ratio is spot on for my six-foot frame.
Above: Yes, Pirelli. Thank you.
does it being a great bike not blend into a conformist world?). It’s a rebel with a cause (Fuck...did you actually write that?), a machine that dares to challenge conventions and redefine what it means to ride (What? How does it redefine the meaning of riding, you clueless gibbon? Is there an extra wheel somewhere? What conventions does it dare challenge? List them. I dare you.)
I read that several times. It gave me leprosy. It is a melange of meaningless drivel concocted by someone striving to make some kind of point, and failing in every single aspect.
The Street Triple RS deserves better than this.
Motorcycling deserves better than this.
And sure as shit, you, the reader, deserve better than this.
It may sound like I’m pointing and laughing at the Special Needs kids, but I’m not. Mum and Dad are not poor unfortunate children who have been born with some intellectual deficiency and trying to make their way in the world.
They purport to be professional motorcycle reviewers.
That, they are manifestly and demonstrably not.
And that is why I am pointing and laughing.
The Street Triple RS?
Go ride one. See why this is one of the greatest bikes Triumph has ever built.
2023 ROYal ENFIElD SuPER METEOR 650 would You liKe soMe TruTh?
wORDS aND IMaGES: BORIS MIhaIlOVIC
IT’s FAIR TO sAy marketing is marketing and truth is truth. And never the twain should meet. Obviously, any bike review worthy of itself must concern itself entirely with truth. Anything else is marketing, and grovelling at the altar of a manufacturer’s advertising dollar.
Which is pretty much what happens whenever a Royal Enfield “review” appears on or in the few remaining Australian motorcycle magazines and digital media platforms.
You probably know almost all of the motorcycle media in this country long ago abandoned anything resembling quality editorial. Its only concern is raking in what advertising dollars and freebies it can still leech from the industry. There are a few notable exceptions, but you’re all grown-ups, and I’m sure you can work out who they are.
All of which is a preamble to what I promise you will be an honest review of Royal Enfield’s latest offering, the Super Meteor 650. Of course, it will be subjective. All reviews are subjective.
The only objective thing in a motorcycle review is the spec box. Everything else is what the reviewer thought. Or, it should be what the reviewer thought.
And far too often it is not that at all.
So, let’s first look at what is entirely objective as far as the Super Meteor is concerned.
The bike is a parallel twin with a capacity of 648cc. It weighs 241kg
Left: That’s about as “retro” as it gets. Right: Sidecovers are still a thing here.
wet. It produces 47bhp and 52Nm of torque. So, on paper, it is relatively heavy and will certainly not over-awe you with performance.
To compare it with other LearnerApproved similar-capacity parallel twins is instructive. Yamaha’s MT07LA gives you 52.1bhp and 57.5Nm. But, and this is most salient, it weighs 184kg wet.
Given both bikes produce around the same power, this almost 50kg weight variance is what makes all the difference in terms of handling and performance. That is an objective truth.
Moving right along, we come to one of Royal Enfield’s most appealing
“ royal enfield is indeed become one of the World’s leading and indeed, biggest bike brands, certainly in terms of output and sales. ”
aspects – and certainly one that governs the strength of its sales. It costs $12,040, following a recent price-drop from $12, 540. The Yamaha retails for $13,549.
This begs the question: Is the Yamaha a $1000 better bike than the Super Meteor? “Yes”, if you like something that handles, and “Maybe” if it’s a question of styling. But weight is weight and physics are physics.
The other plank of Royal Enfield’s appeal to market is its “look”. And it’s fair to say, the entire range is all about retro-styling and its appeal to riders young and old. And then there’s a beaut marketing line that encourages you to believe there’s a continuity between today’s Indian-made Royal Enfields and the original Redditch concern in England which kicked off at the start of the 20th century.
This is marketing. The objective truth is that in 1955, Enfield Cycle partnered with Madras Motors in Indian to produce the 350cc Royal Enfield Bullet for the Indian police force. The original bikes were made
from parts brought in from England, but by 1962, all the components were made in India.
Investors, E & HP Smith acquired Royal Enfield and then sold it to Norton Villiers in 1967. You’ll recall the entire British motorcycle industry was in irrevocable decline at this time, and Enfield ceased producing motorcycles in 1970 and was wound up a year later.
Enfield of India carried on making the 350cc Bullet. And in 1999, it started branding its motorcycles as “Royal Enfield”. A lawsuit over the “Royal” appellation was brought by the then trademark owner David Holder, and a court ruled in favour of the Indian company.
And here we are today. Royal Enfield is entirely owned and controlled by the Indian conglomerate Eicher. You may draw your own conclusions about lineage and brand-continuity from these objective facts.
Now let’s look at the meat on these bones, shall we?
Royal Enfield does not sell bikes that anyone in their right mind would equate with performance and handling. In that, it is exactly like Harley-Davidson, the only other motorcycle company that has foregone performance-based bikes in favour of image. Both brands sell the sizzle rather than the sausage.
But Harley has an advantage over Royal Enfield in this aspect. Its bikes are irrevocably linked to the outlaw motorcycle scene. That link is what makes Harleys cool. That is its image. Royal Enfield does not enjoy the same association, and it never will.
So the sizzle it sells is entirely based on a retro look, coupled with what has long been a very approachable price-point.
And it certainly works. Up to a point and with a certain category of rider.
Royal Enfield’s are not, as some may think, built in a squalid collection of huts in Uttar Pradesh. The factory is the last word in technology and development, boasting manufacturing facilities that rival the world’s leading bike brands. And Royal Enfield is indeed become one of the world’s leading and indeed, biggest bike brands, certainly in terms of output and sales.
According to Motorcycledata.com, Royal Enfield sales are through the roof. It has sold more than 700,000 units and
Top right: The LED jobbie is OK, but you can’t ride that fast at night anyway.
Right: The instruments are new and very nice, actually.
is projected to hit 900,000-plus before the end of the year.
So there is clearly a huge market for them.
And there has to be a reason for it. India, as the world’s most populous country, loves them and buys them in droves. It is unpatriotic not to. Patriotism is also the reason Harley sells the bulk of its bikes in the USA.
What else makes sense is that these relatively low-powered bikes seem to suit the roads and traffic conditions
of India and most of Asia. They’re not electronically complex, and they aren’t made of exotic materials, and they’re not at all suited for howling up Autobahns or slaying alpine corners.
And they are not at all intimidating to ride – which goes a long way to explain their popularity in Australia. Sure, there’s that whole retro-styling thing going on – but Triumph does that just as well, with a much higher build-quality (and commensurate price tag), and its bikes can and do
Below: The seat is not a whole-day proposition.
howl at the moon.
There is no howling with a Royal Enfield. You kinda just doddle along. Nothing bad is happening. Nothing super-exciting is happening either, but you didn’t buy it for that, did you? The weight is noticeable,
Top left: Yes, that’s bits of my boot on the exhaust. Above: Nothing fancy in terms of brackets. Below left: Just the basics, which is great for some people.
Above left: Again, more than adequate rear brakes, albeit a touch wooden.
Above: Ye Olde Worlde tail light.
Above right: Relax, it’s not like they have to pull you up from 200km/h.
but if you’re not asking it to do anything...well, untoward, it’s not much of an issue.
The build quality has certainly improved from the models I rode a few years back when they first started coming to Australia – and it had to. Those early Royal Enfields were pretty shabby. I said so, and incurred the ongoing wrath of the importer.
No more Royal Enfields for Borrie. I even remember a conversation I had with the marketing guy at my first and last Royal Enfield press launch, who busted me
photographing the rusty bolts on the brand-new Himalayans we were to ride the next day. After assuring me the bolts would be painted over that evening, he declared that I maybe didn’t “get” Royal Enfields. “Really?” I grinned. “I’ve actually ridden a few of the English ones from the Sixties. I had a bit of a handle on those ones. These are obviously different, huh? Oh...you haven’t ridden those?”
In the ensuing years, I watched the Australian motorcycle media gush its advertising-hungry brains out over the Royal Enfield. All
except Trevor Hedge at MCNews, who maintained his integrity, and called it as he saw it. You’ll notice that he, like me, has not been bathed in the largesse of Royal Enfield – which has gone on multiple charm offensives to reward the gushing gibbons in the motorcycle media. One of those even included a lovely trip to the Himalayas to ride Royal Enfields and which resulted in the predictable wank-fest of tripe from the media which declared, to a man, the bike to be ideal for the conditions, and therefore beaut and
Right: That handle above the shocks is to help you pull it onto its centrestand.
great and so on.
But what else could they say? They’d just been shouted a trip to the Himalayas. Best they sing the praises of the bike, huh? That Himalayan roads and conditions have nothing whatsoever to do with riding in Australia was something no-one addressed.
I guess I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know about the Australian motorcycling media. But I am going to tell you some stuff you may not know about the Royal Enfield Super Meteor 650. I imagine that’s what I am meant to do, right?
“ it doesn’t pretend to be something it’s not, so i can’t mark it doWn on that. ”
Firstly, there was nothing at all to hate about it. It doesn’t pretend to be something it’s not, so I can’t mark it down on that. Ignore the inane Royal Enfield marketing hype, because the bike is not that either. It is not a “quintessential cruiser”. It certainly does not have anything resembling a “physically imposing presence”.
What it is, and what its appeal is, is that it is a simple and easy-to-ride bike. It is certainly much better finished than I expected, and if all did was tootle around at or below the speed limit, it was perfectly fine. All bikes go around corners, and the Super Meteor did as well. It just didn’t encourage me to apply myself. It’s geometry and weight are not favourably disposed to spirited applications. And that slowrevving engine does not enjoy being slammed through the gears. Though the gearbox is smooth and precise if, as I keep saying, you’re not asking hard questions.
It’s not a big bike and it sits quite low to the ground (740mm seatheight), and the ergos are very neutral. The seat is comfortable, and
the dash, an all-new LCD jobbie, is very flash and easy to read. It carries 15.7-litres of petrol, which should be good for around 250 pretty smooth-riding kilometres.
I came to understand why a certain type of rider would be very pleased with it. I am not that type of rider, and I don’t know any riders of that type, but they are out there.
I have seen them. They are what the bike is and the Super Meteor 650 is a stolid, evenmannered, gentle soul of a bike. It will not stir your blood, but you’re not the kind of rider who wants that blood stirred, are you? And that’s fine. In so many ways, it is a bike for our times. It is also something of an anachronism. There are no exotic materials, no high-end rider aids
or ECUs. Just honest steel, clean welds, solid-looking mounts, and the commensurate stolidity that goes with that.
But here’s the thing...every time I rode it, I wanted to do things to it. I began to view it as a challenging blank canvas. This was the way so many mad bastards of my acquaintance viewed the appalling Harley Sportsters of the 70s. And they did things to them. Evil things. Wicked things. And you know as well as I do that evil wicked things are cool.
Could the gentle, user-friendly
Royal Enfield Meteor 650 be infused with evil and wickedness? And thus, become more than the sum of its parts? And maybe ascend to another plane of motorcycling?
I wouldn’t mind finding out.
BEING AskED TO PIck ten photos for a gallery of my stuff in AMM created a bit of a dilemma. how to find ten that were representative of my shooting and didn’t make me cringe. yeah, I’m often not a fan of my own work. Don’t get me wrong, I know some of my photos are nice enough, but I don’t have any of them up on my wall at home. The only way to approach the challenge was to sit in down and see what photos I’ve taken since 2014, because that’s when I started shooting bikes seriously, although, I’d been shooting wildlife for a while already.
Some, like the one’s of Troy Bayliss, Marco Melandri and
Damon Rees wrote themselves into the plot quickly; some of the others, like the wall mural in Malaysia, took a little longer to make their presence felt. The rest of the photos all mean something to me. Boris being Boris, a good friend of mine manning a flag point at Eastern Creek; Rossi on a charge. They’re all good (and one tinged with much sadness) memories from the last nine years and remind me how damned lucky I am to have had the opportunities I’ve had to capture moments in-camera. Let me tell you another secret, I hate cameras. They’re like hammers with a lot of buttons and can be the most frustrating tools at times. But when you’re on song with them, they play good music.
Valentino Rossi. ‘nuff said.
Pho
Sarah and I have had some great riding holidays. Tasmania, New Caledonia, Malaysia. This lovely piece of wall art is in Penang.
Above: Shooting pre-race grid is five to ten minutes of manic, crazy fun. The racers, like Michael Ruben Rinaldi here on the WorldSBK grid at Phillip Island, are way more relaxed than the photographers.
Left: No volunteers, no racing. It’s that simple. If you want to get close to the racing, joining the orange army is a great way to do it. Even if it can get a bit lonely sometimes. Nice night for it though...
Below: They say you should never meet superstars, they’ll always disappoint. That’s so not true with Troy Bayliss. Fierce competitor but one of the nicest guys you could hope to meet off-track.
The difference is astonishing!
Loud pipes may save some lives but in a built up area loud percussive sounds reflect off many surfaces and become omni-directional. Meaning that interpreting the direction of travel of a bike by audible means alone is virtually impossible.
Drivers get 95% of information from their eyes and recognition of other road vehicles requires either large physical size, movement or contrast.
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Shooting under lights is one of my happy places. The floodlight system they’ve got at Sydney Motorsport Park (it’s still Eastern Creek to me) makes for a fantastic racing, and photographic, environment.
Above: Boris. How could there not be a Boris in this collection?
Left: The first time I shot WorldSBK grid, hardly anyone was taking photos of Marco Melandri and he wasn’t expected to run with the front of the field. I just liked the way he was in his own world, head down, helmet on. It must’ve worked, he went on to win the race.
Bottom left: I’m fortunate to be able to shoot national and international events but club racing is the heart and soul of the sport.
Below: I took plenty of photos of Kiwi racer Damon Rees when was competing in Australian Superbikes. Lovely guy, always had time for a chat and was a fierce racer from a family of fierce racers. It hit us all hard when Damo died after a short illness whilst chasing his dreams racing in the UK. aMM
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NEVER BEEN Much OF an each-way or exotics bloke. When I bet, I prefer to put it all on the nose. Backing just a single horse for the win leaves me hating just one horse and jockey each time I lose.
Like most of us I bet once a year and with the Melbourne Cup` coming up, it was that time and I wanted to watch it somewhere suitable. Deloraine south of Launceston seemed a fair bet. Malua who won the
big one in 1884 was bred there; there’s a statue to him in town and Piping Lane who took it out in 1972 was owned by a local publican.
So, I sort the logistics of getting Super Ten to Tassie and get digging on Malua’s story. He was bred in 1879 and was bought as a yearling by Thomas Reibey, the grandson of Mary Reibey whose dial is on 20 buck notes. Ten years after Thomas became the Archdeadon of Launceston, he was charged by a
close friend with groping and sexually assaulting that friend’s wife.
Reibey charged his mate with libel. And lost. The Hobart Mercury exquisitely labelled him ‘the ecclesiastical debauchee’ and he resigned from the Church two years later. He took up farming and horse racing.
Later he did what any “disgraced, dishonored, and perjured” clergyman would do. He became premier of Tassie. He lived at Entally, the estate
DElORaINE’S ThREE hOTElS TAsMAniA
wORDS aND IMaGES: COl whElaN
his father had built south of Launceston (you should drop by, it’s stunning).
He named the cheaper horse ‘Bagot’ in honor of his friend, then secretary of the VRC, Robert Bagot, who convinced the government that there should be a day off work so people could head out to Flemington and flounce around in their glad rags and fascinators.
In 1882 Reibey took both horses
to Flemington in November. Stockwell lead the field in the Melbourne Cup as they entered the straight but it wilted to be beaten by a half-head. Reibey was shattered. Bagot winning the Yan Yean later in the day was little consolation. He spat his dummy and put all his horses up for sale.
Bagot was picked up by J.O.Inglis who promptly changed his name to ‘Malua’ and in May 1884, after it’d won the VATC
Fellow bike rider Chris and Deloraine Hotel
Oakleigh Handicap had him set for the Adelaide Cup. This was the richest race in Australia and it was over 3,500 metres, more than three times the distance of the Oakleigh. Inglis knew his horse didn’t stand a chance, so he instructed his jockey, Charles Ivemy to hold the thing back because, you know, Malua had little experience on wet tracks and besides, he’d laid a fortune on Conjecture one of the other horses.
Trouble was that Ivemy had been having conversations with a ‘colourful racing identity’ who’d stumped Malua to the extent that if it won, he’d slip Ivemy a quiet 2,000 quid.
Charlie ignored Inglis’s instructions, rode the ears off Malua, caught Conjecture about 100 yards out and won by three-quarters of a length.
Inglis was incensed, abused Ivemy for ten minutes in the dismounting
Above: The Deloraine Hotel.
Left: Deloraine Hotel’s balcony view.
Below left: Deloraine Hotel common room.
Below: Bonney’s Inn plaque.
RATED 2 OUT OF 5 HELMETS
2 Helmets (I’m in a generous mood).
Deloraine Hotel
Emu Bay Road, Deloraine
T: 03 6362 2022
Accommodation is top notch. Beautiful upstairs balcony where the stinking crescent-shaped cigarette-butt troughs are emptied at least annually. Off-street but no secure parking for bikes. Basically, a licensed TAB and pool hall. If its personality were any deader, you’d need a cadaver dog to find it. Not called the ‘bottom pub’ for nothing.
Melbourne Cup, was then put out to stud but incredibly, five years later returned to Flemington to win the Grand National Hurdles of 4,800 metres.
So, I have a horse that’s completed a unique double, that’s been owned by both a defrocked Archdeacon of the Church and a shonk who’s not above telling his jockey to run dead. Scandal and shady – a winning quinella.
I check the form-guide for the pubs of Deloraine. One’s now a brewhouse, one doesn’t have accommodation and, of the other two, the Deloraine Hotel seems to have the best historical pedigree, so I book it for the win.
The Deloraine Hotel is mostly a beautiful old building – pity about the bottelo on the ground floor. The hotel was built in 1884 by Thomas Bonney with balconies added later. He had it erected because his old inn, still standing next door was getting too popular and he wanted the money but also want some quiet.
The staff are great as I check in and the en-suite room is very good. The common room is huge and comfortable and there’s parking around the back. But, if you’re not a gambler, if you’re not a member of the footy club, you’re going to be ignored by the boss. If you think you’ll be included in the afternoon bar nibbles, if you think you’ll be acknowledged, you’re going to be disappointed. Just why people with the hospitality skills of a fencepost think they can run a pub is beyond me. The topper was being parked in by a PFD truck when it was time to pull out. But, the accommodation is top notch. Should’ve just backed it for a place!
So, having lost my bet that the pedigree of the Deloraine Pub would make it a surefire winner and with its bar having all the atmosphere of an empty fridge, I head out to gauge the other contenders.
I’ve hit town for a Monday and Tuesday so the Bush Inn, which is the only pub on the right bank of the Meander River and which morphed about a year ago from a pub to a brewhouse, is closed for the duration. It’s a pity coz back when it was just getting started in 1849, a year after he’d built his own hotel, old mate John Bonney didn’t take kindly to the upstart competition. Instead of appealing to the liquor regulators, he went higher, way higher .... to god’s chief operative on the island.
He penned an open letter to “The Right Reverend Father in God, F.R.Nixon, D.D. Lord Bishop of Tasmania” alerting him to the fact that the licensee of the Bush Inn had erected a pig-sty and skittle yard on the Church graveyard and
was hosting bushmen “of every grade, sawyers, fencers, splitters &c for the purpose of gambling and drinking (and all that could be heard were) the uttering of disgusting and abominable oaths and the ravings of inebriates”.
The Bush Inn’s publican fired back an hilarious bile-filled rebuke. Just how God or indeed his Vandemonian bestie responded, I’ve not been able to ascertain.
The Empire’s closed so I head to the far end where the British Hotel stands sentinel just below the Malua
RATED 5 OUT OF 5 HELMETS Can’t be faulted for character or value. Five helmets.
British
Hotel
80 Emu Bay Rd, Deloraine. T: 03 6362 2016
No accommodation but right up there for a laidback, family-run no-bullshit, no rip-off pub. Try their tea-immersed ginger beer and their home grown, house made rhubarb desserts.
Above: British Hotel Deloraine with Calstock.
Far left: British Hotel Steve. Left: My Ginger Beer.
Below left: British Hotel Deloraine bar including dog.
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Statue. When I chuck up the drone for a few shots, in the background, pristine white against the bush, Calstock homestead, birthplace of Malua, stands out like dogs’.
Every head nods “g’day” as I walk in, the muted TV has pre-race
action from Flemington, a white boxer stretches out on floor, I grab a schooner of ginger beer and very soon I’m chatting with the boss.
After a year from hell managing a caravan park in Burnie, Steve and his late wife, Robyn, bought this pub in
2015, having fallen in love with the town through several visits.
He used his trade skills as a builder and gas-fitter and the experience gained through 30 years of renovating NSW regional pubs, to rejuvenate the British. Walls were removed to make a large back bar. The front bar’s carpet was rank so they bought new stuff but when they ripped back the old one, as Steve tells it, “the floor boards just told too many stories so we polished up the wood and left it as it was. Some of the boards weren’t great but we found some old bookshelves in the cellar made from the same wood so we broke them up and used them to replace the floor and now you can’t tell which is which.”
Tom became the boss of the kitchen and spent his free time developing a 5 acre plot a bit out of town into a vege patch to provide fresh produce for the pub meals. Any excess they have they sell or barter for other local produce with the Mennonite-run greengrocery store in town. Brilliant.
Above: Empire Hotel Deloraine.
Left: Empire Hotel bar.
Right: Empire Hotel Deloraine Pork Belly.
The old cellar’s been turned into a micro-brewery. At any time they offer half a dozen brews, plus a stunning ginger-beer mainly mid-strength because as Steve’s older son, Evan explains, “most of our customers can’t walk home -they have to drive. So we want them to enjoy a couple of glasses of good beer and still be able to legally drive back to their farms.”
And at $7.50 a schooner, the prices are rock bottom for craft brews. Evan again: “We’re firm believers that the savings from it not being packaged, advertised,
freighted or passing through middlemen should be passed on, not pocketed.”
I could go on about watching the running of the Cup in this pub – how relaxed and fun it was – but there is nothing I can add to that philosophy. This is an honest, family-run salt of the earth pub. One which I’ll bet you’ll enjoy.
Then back down to the Empire where Mark’s behind the bar, immediately asks my name and introduces me to the fella on the next stool. Everyone’s chatting and changing places as the conversation roars and ebbs. With his brother and another bloke, Mark – an ex Canberra public servant, bought the then closed pub in 2014. The previous owner, a generally agreed ‘grumpy arsehole’ closed the doors one night and disappeared. Mark
Above: Empire Hotel Deloraine.
Left: Empire Hotel Menu.
Below: Mark from Empire Hotel.
now runs the bar and his partner, Amanda does the same in the restaurant.
After an hour of pure good times, I head around into the restaurant with its walls of peeled-back render.
Simply put, the meals here are up with the best pub food you are ever going to find. Like at the British, the food’s sourced locally. Sauces are made in house and very little’s ever been frozen. The first night I have pork belly which is delish.
The next night, as I’m savoring the chicken, I realize that my betting system might have flaws so take this tip:
If you’re headed to Deloraine, take a trifecta: Back the Deloraine Hotel for accommodation, the British for its philosophy and family and back the Empire for its food and conviviality.
That way it’s London to a brick you’ll come out a winner.
RATED 5 OUT OF 5 HELMETS
Beautifully restored and decorated. Five helmets.
Empire Hotel
19-23 Emu Bay Road, Deloraine T: 03 6362 1029
A brilliant host and outstanding food with top local wines available. Nine en-suite rooms of accommodation and secure parking for bikes if you pre-arrange it. Has its own café attached. I’ll be staying there next time. Forgive the lycra on sale in the lobby. Highly recommended.
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Below: Empire Hotel Chicken dinner.
Right: Empire Hotel dining room.
conFessions oF A
REPEaT OFFENDER
FROM ThE DAy I first snicked a bike into gear, speed has enthralled me. The acceleration, coupled with your essential exposure to the elements, and the thrilling fact that bits of you are scant centimetres away from being ground into meatpaste, became a drug I still mainline every time I go for a ride.
Safety? Yeah, when has that ever achieved anything?
I have told you before, only bizarre weirdos took up riding because they thought it was safe. The rest of us do it precisely because it is dangerous. So why make it more dangerous by speeding?
Who told you that bullshit?
Most accidents occur at or well below the speed limit. That entire line of heinous deceits the government pumps out about “Speed Kills!” is scientifically disprovable nonsense. The government knows that. Surely you know that as well. Fines for breaching entirely arbitrary speed limits is pure state government revenue-raising because state government may not, under our Constitution, impose taxes upon the serfs. Only the Federal Government can do that.
If speed actually killed, all of Germany would be dead. But all of Germany is not dead, and in fact has a lower road-toll per capita than we do, and they can ride as fast as they like on their Autobahns.
But if you don’t wish to break arbitrary limits, that’s fine. You just ride just as fast you’re comfortable riding and mind your own business when it comes to what people like me are doing.
Because, bitches, we too are riding just as fast we are comfortable riding. I am far more at ease and aware doing a 110 km/h-posted freeway at between 140 and 180 than I am at 110. Why? Well, obviously, if you’ve been riding for more than ten minutes, you’d know that for your own personal
wORDS: BORIS MIhaIlOVIC.
safety, you must be riding faster than the flow of traffic. Being part of the mindless driver-swarm is one of the most dangerous things you can do on the roads. Always be ahead of them. Always be situationally aware. Always be on your A-game.
Doing 160 in a 100 zone centres the mind beautifully. You are very focused at that speed. You are very attentive and alert. You have to be. You’re travelling at a zesty pace.
So I tend to ride, and have always done so, at a pace I deem most suitable for the conditions. It’s maybe why I am still alive after almost threemillion kilometres. I have always ridden and will always ride in a way that ensures my survival, and not because the speed limit is whatever it is. And yes, I was lane-splitting in the 80s, long before it was legal.
I am not a risk-taker. I am a riskmanager. There’s a difference.
Of course, this is not the kind of defence one would run in front of a magistrate when you are arraigned before him stinking of sin and evil. Their Honours do not often see things as they really are for motorcyclists. And I have paid a price for my sins, make no mistake. I have lost my licence seven times. And no, I have not learned any lessons, or mitigated my behaviour. There are no lessons to be learned and I do not think my behaviour requires mitigation. Their Honours and I disagree on this point, but that’s as may be. I’m gonna do what I’m gonna do.
And I’m gonna do it because I’m not a subjugated slave and I am not stupid. My problem is not so much with authority per se, though I can mount a superb argument for anarchy because I actually know what that word means and what anarchy entails. Anarchy is merely the
absence of an over-riding authority. That is its true meaning. Look it up. It does not necessarily mean chaos and disorder, which is what our rulers would have their slaves believe. And, of course, the rulers would, wouldn’t they? The issue I have is when authority is abused or used to raise revenue via a cascade of lies and propaganda specifically designed to make you comply.
That is what I have an issue with.
So, yes. I speed, if you take that word to mean I exceed the posted and arbitrary limits imposed by rulers to ensure a steady supply of coin from the masses.
For my part, I am not speeding at all. I am riding at a pace my long decades of experience have shown me to be the correct velocity for the conditions I am in.
Now I’m sure some of you may be gronking at the “long decades of experience” bit, and see that as some kind of admission that maybe motorcycle beginners should never exceed the posted limits.
You’re a special kind of idiot, aren’t you? How else does one acquire experience? How else does one make one’s bones?
Understand that I am not advocating that you exceed the speed limit.
I don’t care what you do, provided you’re not getting up into my shit. And
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IhAVE LITTLE TIME FOR The Bronze. I understand they have a job that contains some shitty responsibilities, though that fails to buoy any empathy for them. They see and deal with some pretty gruesome shit, but so do Ambos and Fire Fighters, and they don’t expect special privileges or behave like they are our rulers.
I’ve heard NSW cops refer to themselves as “zookeepers”. I’ll let you figure out who they think the animals are.
Don’t get me started on the Police Unions and how the various State and Federal Police Forces around the country believe they deserve a seat at the table where legal and social policies get decided. That’s not your job, boneheads. We elect politicians to create laws, then police arrest people who break them, and then the courts punish them. Somehow the police believe they deserve a role in all three parts of the process. They were never elected and their legal experience doesn’t rise to the level of our judges, so they need to butt out of the legislative and disciplinary processes. More catching crims, less social engineering, thanks.
Of course, there is also the constant refrain from the supporters of the
Police that they are the ones we call when everything in our world turns to shit. Unless of course your grandma is in a nursing home suffering from dementia, in which case they will likely tase her to death for shits and giggles. Best they stay out of most things I reckon.
What I do know very well is what makes a police officer want to join the “Cockroaches”. That’s what the normal cops in NSW call the HWP. Even most of the normal cops hate them. For some, being a HWP copper is the sole reason they joined the police. They saw all the other laws and shit they had to learn to get in as a complete waste of time. They don’t want to protect and serve. They don’t want to deal with domestic violence cases. Catch rapists and murderers? No.
They want to be judge and executioner. Most cops don’t get to hand out penalties. Highway cops do. For the few that I knew who wanted to join, it was all about chasing people in fast cars and being a prick. Because they were pricks before they joined the cops, and pricks will always prick.
And I know they don’t join the Highway Patrol because they want to save lives. Spare me the bullshit. The current push in NSW to curb “casual
speeding” is one such load of it. A few K’s over and they will now cause you grief, because some road safety boffin justified a $250k government research grant by producing a paper that said being 5Kmh over the limit was catastrophic. We all speed. Everyone does, yet by some fantastic force of wonder not everyone is dead.
There were two major declines in road trauma over the last 50 years. The first coincided with seatbelts becoming compulsory and the second was when random breath testing began. No other initiative has had such a serious impact on the road toll as those two things. Speed Cameras have had had no discernible impact on the road toll, and targeting casual speeding won’t do anything either.
And the truth is, the cops know casual speeding is not the big deal they are now forced to pretend it is. Before they started this nonsense, the cops in NSW wouldn’t pull you over unless you were doing at least 10kmh over the limit, unless they were having a slow day. Not only could they not bother, they knew pulling people over for being 7kmh over the limit is a public relations disaster. Nobody respects them for that. So, they generally wouldn’t do it. The cameras will get you for
Our Adventure riding guided tours are all about experiencing Tasmania and combining it with the simple joy of motorcycling. We will have you winding through endless corners, up and over hills and mountains in the morning and then cruising wide-open sweepers beside the ocean in the afternoon. But simply having great motorcycling roads doesn’t make a memorable tour. We combine riding with the fantastic local foods and premium accommodation Tasmania is so famous for.
3 over, but the cops generally won’t.
Do you know how I know they know it’s not a big deal? I’ll tell you a story about a land far, far away, and a Highway Patrol walloper that was actually a reasonable bloke.
I was heading South towards Tathra on the NSW South Coast and was belting along the Monaro Highway having just left Cooma on the way to Nimmitabel. The sky was blue, the air was warm, I assume the birds were chirping, and I was cruising at somewhere in the order of 140-150. I was enjoying the ride, and you can see forever on that road as the land either side is clear grazing country. It’s as safe as a country highway can be.
On the horizon I spotted a Ford Falcon coming towards me, so buttoned off in case it was The Goose in a car. As he got close to me the red and blues started flashing and he sailed past, looking for somewhere to turn around.
By the time he turned and headed back my way I had pulled over and had my helmet off.
“Do you know how fast you were going back there?”.
Don’t ever answer that question with anything that incriminates you. That’s why they ask it. Any chance of appealing your fine is gone if you admit anything on tape, and they will always be recording you.
“Not sure officer. I was just enjoying the ride. It’s a gorgeous day and I was taking it all in and concentrating on riding safely”. He smiled at me. He knew that I knew we were playing a game, and I wasn’t going to throw in the towel yet.
When he got out of the car, I noticed he had the Boozalyzer unit in his hand. Here’s a tip for new players, if the officer has the breath testing machine with him, you’re half a chance of getting off. They can write the stop down as a random breath test if they choose to. It’s their chance to use some discretion.
“I got you initially at 154, but you’d slowed to 132 by the time I logged it.” He grinned. Check. Whether we got to checkmate was now in my hands.
In NSW the state limit is 100, and 30 over means an instant 3-month holiday from riding. I was in trouble. But it was obvious the officer was in good spirits.
He asked where I was heading, if it was a holiday, what I thought of
my new bike. We had some friendly general chit chat, and I played nicely. There is an attitude test, despite what some will tell you, and I was determined to graduate with honours.
“Had anything to drink?”, he asked. I was starting to feel a little more positive now.
I admitted that I’d had a beer and a pie for lunch at the Bredbo pub about an hour earlier. He asked me to blow into his Grogometer and after checking I wasn’t a drunken psychopath, I was good to go, ticketless and with my licence intact.
I checked my watch. It was shift change time. Perhaps he couldn’t be bothered writing me up and wanted his day finished. I had no idea, but I was praying to The Gods Of Macadam in thanks.
When I arrived in Tathra, I checked into my room at the Tathra Hotel and went to the bar for a drink. I sat myself at a table on the back deck overlooking the ocean, next to a table of seven other riders. We came to chatting, and I told them about my lucky escape.
“Older fellow with grey hair, was he? Silver Falcon?” One of them asked me.
“Yep, that’s the guy.” I responded. “He got us about an hour before you went through. Pulled us all over. He got
Mick on the Ducati at the front of our group at 210 and said he could either write him up for 210 and give him a massive fine and instant suspension, or do us all for 20 over. We chose to take one for the team and cop the 20 over.”
So, the reason he let me off was he likely had RSI from booking all my new friends. And if speeding was as heinous a crime as we are constantly told, Mick would have been riding bitch with one of his mates, having left his lovely Ducati parked on the side of the road somewhere near Nimmitabel. The walloper knew nobody benefited from that. Not Mick, not the police, not society.
Perhaps they’re not all pricks. aMM
adventure rider magazine, australian motorcyclist magazine – With the generous sponsorship cooperation of World on Wheels – are offering 6 explore ride experiences in the first half of 2024.
you must be a subscriber to apply for the rides. Participants will be chosen based on a draw if numbers are high.
ThE CuRRENT RIDES:
Victoria:
VIc Ride 1: Day ride tour of Mornington Peninsula with Andy Strapz. www.andystrapz.com Your lunch is included (exclusive of alcohol). Date to be announced.
VIc Ride 2: Day ride tour of with Heather Ellis (Sunday 24th March). We will ride Don Road over to Don Valley. A short stretch of dirt on this section. Then through Warburton and up to Donna Buang and the tower then down where we take the turn off along Acheron Way then through Marysville where we can stop for coffee before tackling the Reefton Spur then to Reefton Pub. From there every one makes their own way home. Your lunch is included (exclusive of alcohol). Sunday 24th March 2024. A copy of Heather’s first book Ubuntu: One Woman’s Motorcycle Odyssey Across Africa will go to one lucky rider via a ‘helmet’ draw at lunch. Maximum of six bikes.
NSw:
NsW Ride 1: Weekend ride to Wiseman’s Ferry with Mike Ferris (24th and 25th February), 30-year experienced international tour director of World on Wheels. Starting out from the Northern Beaches with several join-up points along the way, Mike will lead riders via Mt White, Peats Ridge, Bucketty, Perrys Crossing and St Albans to reach Wisemans Ferry on the Saturday afternoon, 24th Feb. Accommodation at the Wisemans Inn, ask Mike about accommodation prices. Rocking to Mike’s hand-picked live band, with dinner and (some!) drinks on WOW. Sunday morning will see various options for the return run home. Numbers are limited!
NsW Ride 2: Weekend ride to Southern Highlands with Tug McClutchin (Sunday March 3rd). as he tests a bike for one of the magazines. Tug will take you on a guided tour of some of his favourite roads in the NSW Southern Highlands for a day. Lunch at one of his favourite pubs will be included. (Alcohol excluded). Ride will start at Pheasants Nest, an hour Southwest of Sydney. It will be a fun day, where you will get some inside info on what goes into testing a bike, and get to pick Tug’s brains, ‘for what that’s worth’. Maximum of five bikes (pillions welcome).
NsW Ride 3: Weekend ride to Spring cart Farm with Bob Wozga (3rd, 4th and 5th of May). Camping fee and a BBQ dinner included (exclusive of alcohol). Road bikes aren’t suitable for this ride. Numbers are limited.
NsW Ride 4: An EXPLORE bike review ride experience with Boris Mihailovic. Ride your bike along with Boris as he repeats the same section of road 10 times while the photographer snaps. Learn what it takes to write a bike review. Lunch included (alcohol excluded). SINGLE RIDER ONLY Date to be announced.
NsW Ride 5: An EXPLORE photography experience with Nick Edards as he snaps Boris’ bike review (see above). Perfect for someone with interest in photography who would like to know more about taking publishable, professional motorcycle images. Date to be announced. SINGLE RIDER ONLY. Lunch included (alcohol excluded). Date to be announced.
Please send your interest in participating, with your name and which ride(s)
6 explore ride experiences in the first half of 2024. subscribe to apply for these rides
