Australian Motorcyclist Issue #53 by Tony Clemenger

THE KODIAK

KODIAK JACKET & PANTS

The Kodiak Islands in Alaska are wild and untamed. The Kodiak jacket by KLIM, inspired by this sense of wild freedom, is designed for you to handle long days riding and touring. Whether you are riding over sketchy mountain passes, the desert outback or passing through storms that typically accompany an epic touring adventure, the Kodiak is a Euro designed and fit Jacket and Pant that will handle four seasons in one day.

This jacket features 8 air vents to maximise air flow for those hotter days and multiple pockets which allow you to carry all you need. The refined aesthetic and fit of the Kodiak, with leather trim on high wear areas, lend comfort and durability. With GORE-TEX® GUARANTEED TO KEEP YOU DRY® you will give you confidence on your next adventure.

The Kodiak comes in a Regular, Stout and Tall sizing to fit just about any rider.

ORDER ONLINE, OVER THE PHONE OR DROP IN AND SEE US

SHOWROOM: UNIT 1/915 OLD NORTHERN ROAD, DURAL, NSW 2158 MONDAY-FRIDAY 9.00AM - 5.30PM SATURDAY 9.00AM - 1.00PM

THE BADLANDS

BADLANDS JACKET & PANTS

The Badlands Jacket is our most popular Adventure Jacket and Pant combo for Australian conditions.

As tough as hell and able to withstand Inspired adventure rides anywhere on the planet. The Badlands by KLIM is focused on providing a sleek, comfortable fit from durable-yet comfortable fabrics. The Badlands Jacket provides you an onslaught of full-tech D3O™ armour, GORETEX® GUARANTEED TO KEEP YOU DRY® fabrics and a massively intelligent layout of pocket storage, ventilation, reflective and abrasion-resistant systems.

KLIM JACKETS ARE WATERPROOF FROM THE OUTSIDE IN.

NO FUSSY LINERS THAT ADD BULK, OR FRUSTRATION WHEN YOU CANNOT FIND A SAFE PLACE TO PULL OVER TO LAYER UP WHEN THE STORM IS ALREADY ON THE HORIZON. WITH KLIM BADLANDS AND KODIAK JACKETS AND PANTS, YOU JUST ZIP UP YOUR VENTS AND KEEP ON RIDING.

KTM

Riding

HONDA

Wizards

BMW

“Liberty is liberty, not equality or fairness or justice or culture, or human happiness or a quiet conscience.”

ISAIAH BERLIN, FOUR ESSAYS ON LIBERTY

USED

KEDO

Check

GRIZZLING

Growling

CLASSIC

Munching

The

Spend

BEAR

Sleeping

BORIS

Heading “Towards

Editor Stuart Woodbury

Contributing Editor J Peter Thoeming

Sales Manager Ralph Leavsey-Moase ralph@ausmotorcyclist.com.au

Photo Editor Nick Wood

Designer Amy Hale

Photographers Nick Wood Photography, Half-Light Photography

Contributors Robert Crick, Jacqui Kennedy, Robert Lovas, Phil Gadd, Boris Mihailovic, Lester Morris, The Possum, Colin Whelan

Editorial contactus@ausmotorcyclist.com.au

Subscription enquiries www.ausmotorcyclist.com.au info@ausmotorcyclist.com.au 0412 220 680

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Distributor Gordon and Gotch

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EDITORSPEAKS

The words of wisdom just bubble forth. True.

AS I SIT AT MY desk to type my wise words this month, I have just gotten back from riding the new Honda Fireblade at Phillip Island Grand Prix circuit. It has been at least a year since I last rode that stunning track. If you’ve never ridden Phillip Island I strongly advise you to do so! It is nothing like watching the professionals on the tele, and you get a real sense of the elevation changes and will appreciate what the pros do even more. There are plenty of ride days, so pick one. You’ll have a really great day out experiencing one the world’s best and fastest Grand Prix circuits. But you don’t have to go fast. It’s about having a great time! So you do have to go fast. A bit.

I recently read a piece (well, I tried to read it) published by the Sydney Morning Herald about motorcycles with a tank between your legs being classed as “crotch rockets”. I was quite amused as this term has never been applied to all bikes, rather only super-fast sportsbikes and not in the way this writer was doing. This particular writer was saying how riding a motorcycle is dangerous for a male’s crown jewels. Hasn’t this always been the case? And what about tank nacelles, handlebars, mirrors, the dash, the screen, basically anything forward of your crown jewels might damage them! Essentially this writer had no idea what she was on about,

which leads me to wonder how people like this sleep at night? Wouldn’t you rather research a particular subject so your readers get the best possible information, not just try and grab a “headline”? Seems not, in this case and the poor old motorcyclist is always the one getting rubbish written about them in main-stream media, which has no idea. I would suggest you search out this article and read it, but then again I’d prefer not be responsible for killing some of your brain cells and totally wasting minutes of your life you’ll never get back. But, if you must read it, I posted it on our Facebook page around mid-May. I offer you my apologies already if you do.

We just picked up a new long-term bike – the Royal Enﬁeld Classic 350. You may well laugh as you all know how I like a powerful motorcycle, but Ralph and The Bear have been shocked that I now turn up to the ofﬁce in suit and tie carrying a brown leather briefcase. I’m yet to grow my handlebar moustache but that might take the entire three months we’ve got this little beauty for! You might see me commuting on the Classic 350. Just look for the elephant (in suit and tie) that looks like it’s riding a monkey bike.

Enjoy!

Cheers, Stuart.

SMART BOY WANTED HIMALAYAN MIGHT BE HIGHER

In fuel consumption, anyway. In issue # 52, I gave the range of the Royal Enﬁeld Himalayan as 500km. But please hold your horses before you work on a trip with anything like that distance between fuel stops. I might have miscalculated.

How do I know this? Well, because I’ve just ridden our new longterm Himalayan up to the office in Sydney from the importers in Melbourne. And the fuel consumption was rather higher…

In fact, instead of roughly 3 litres per 100km, I got ﬁve litres for the same distance, which would make the range 300km, not 500. How could this happen?

Well, there are two possibilities I can see. The ﬁrst is my calculator has gone

bung (no, actually I have forgotten how to do basic maths); the second is the bike’s consumption rises steeply as the speed goes up. I’m not sure how fast we were going on average in Tasmania, but probably around 80km/h. On the Hume I was sitting on the speed limit and possibly… er, a little more. So that’s half as fast again. It wouldn’t be the ﬁrst time a

motorcycle has recorded a steep increase in consumption when ridden faster than usual; I’ve had that experience with several other bikes. So hang about; we will do more testing. But when you think about it, 300km is a fair range for a bike like the Himalayan anyway. PT

RETURNING TO THE HARBOUR SYDNEY MOTORCYCLE SHOW

The bi-annual Sydney Motorcycle Show will make a return to Darling Harbour with organisers conﬁrming the 2017 event will be held at the allnew Sydney International Convention Centre (ICC) on 24-26 November.

Building on the successful 2015 event, the Sydney Motorcycle Show continues to grow under the management collaboration between the Federal Chamber of Automotive Industries (FCAI) and Troy Bayliss Events. The show, which is attracting excellent exhibitor sales, welcomes a new presenting sponsor for 2017. Leading insurer of motorcycles, Shannons Insurance will partner with the event to deliver even more beneﬁts to visitors.

Boasting 15,000 square metres of indoor exhibition space as well as an additional 5,000 square metres of outdoor decking overlooking Darling Harbour, the iconic location will provide a unique venue for showcasing the latest offerings from the motorcycle industry. Over 100 exhibitors are expected to participate in the event which will unveil the latest new-release motorcycles to the Australian market.

Showcasing the latest motorcycles, scooters, ATVs, side-by-sides,

and much more, the 2017 Sydney Motorcycle Show will give visitors the opportunity to engage with industry experts, test-ride a range of both adult and children’s motorcycles, as well as be entertained by a full program of demonstrations, stunts, and special features. Australian Motorcyclist will be there, so come say G’day and see the latest and greatest. We’ll probably have a special deal going as well, so look out for that!

For visitor information visit www.SydneyMotorcycleShow.com.au or Facebook.

FOR A MAN MOUNTAIN MILLYARD VIPER V10

Allen Millyard isn’t your average bikebuilder. Which is just as well, because your average bike-builder wouldn’t consider ﬁtting a motorcycle with an eight-litre V10 from a Dodge Viper. Unlike some special concepts, the Millyard Viper actually works, sort of. Cornering may not be an elegant affair as the wheelbase is longer than a B-double, although Allen insists it actually corners pretty well. But this bike is all about the power – 500hp to be precise, but you’ll also need to be very friendly with your local service station as it guzzles fuel like Marine on shore-leave.

“I did look at the Aston Martin V12, but it was very messy to look at from the side and the mounting points were not ideal for my frame concept,” Allen said.

The engine sat in his shed for two years before he ﬁnally decided to get cracking. The whole job took six months in total – then it was off to

Bruntingthorpe’s two-mile straight for some speed testing.

The bike cracked an “effortless” 207mph with more in reserve. Not bad for an unfaired bike. So what’s next for this crazy builder? “Maybe a motorbike with an Enzo engine, or a Porsche Twin Turbo. If someone wants one, I’m ready to do it”. See it running on YouTube: https://youtu. be/ANwiN2jAa3s

SELL THE WIFE!

LAVERDA MUSEUM FOR SALE

An entire museum collection of 81 Laverdas from the Laverda Netherlands museum is up for sale, including prototypes and race bikes. Included in the collection, which spans the entire history of the North Italian marque from 1950-2000, is one of the ﬁrst production Laverda 75 Turismos built in 1950, and Massimo Laverda’s personal 1951 75 Turismo. I can see Ralph salivating already.

Among the more special items in the collection is a 1000 3C Prototipo that was shown at the Milan Show in 1971 and is estimated to be worth

€45,000. That’s not the most expensive item in the collection, though. That honor goes to one of three remaining 1975 ex-Brettoni, Gallina, Fougeray and Lucchinelli 1000 spaceframe endurance racers, worth an estimated €135,000. Memorabilia including manuals, sales brochures, photographs, posters and even engine-cutaways are also included in the sale.

A full list of the bikes included in the sale can be found at www.viathema.com/laverda/ cor-dees-museum-collection.

CREATE A SPIN THE LATEST CRAZE

If you’ve got kids or grandkids under the age of 15-years-old, you have probably seen some weird thing they’ve got with bearings in it? It’s the latest craze and they’re called Fidget Spinners. Our resident tinker, Rob decided to make a “motorcycle” ﬁdget spinner and hit the shed and grabbed some bits from an old motorcycle, along with some cable ties and made his own. Not a bad job we reckon, especially the “attention to detail” of using different coloured cable ties. LOL! D

KTM AdvenTure rAnge

Head for the hills!

Words Stuart Photos iKapture & Jeff Crow

The wonderful product shots we get from KTM always show the bikes being ridden in rugged terrain, complete with snow and ice. It was only fair then, that the Asia Pacific launch of its new adventure range should be held in the cold Blue Mountains of NSW. We were riding both road and dirt on the amazing new 1290 S, 1090 R and 1290 R. We were spilt into two groups – road (1290 S) and dirt (1090 R & 1290 R). I was first up on the 1290 S on the road (and a little bit of dirt thrown in) for the first half of the day, so why don’t we start there…

1290 S

THE S VERSION of the 1290 Adventure is more of a ‘sports’ version versus what we last year knew as the 1290 Adventure. That big pearl white beast is now known as the T model, so the S had me a little confused at the start. I thought why has KTM released a bike so similar to the already great 1290 Super Duke GT? Then I remembered the GT is essentially a touring bike on steroids, whereas the 1290 S has longer-travel suspension, a larger 19-inch front wheel and a ‘milder’ engine. When I say milder, I need to point out that by no means is the S a tame beast. It is just a little more controlled.

A retuned version of the 1290 Super Duke R V-twin engine will have you grinning from ear to ear if you love an engine with masses of torque and playful power in the tight stuff. And who doesn’t? And when it’s time to cruise on open ﬂ owing roads, the grunt this V-twin puts out makes life a breeze, especially if you set the cruise control (standard) in top gear and really enjoy the sights. There are four ride modes to choose from, but I found anything but Sport (even Offroad) took the

enjoyment and connected feel away from the S, but having the option for various rider preferences opens up the S to many more customers.

Electronics are a big feature on the 1290 S and when you press the on button for the ignition, it illuminates the large, new TFT dash (designed in conjunction with Bosch), and you realise the extent KTM has gone to.

The impressive dash looks like a mini iPad staring at you in all its glory and feature-packed goodness. No matter the lighting conditions you can still read the information being displayed, and with ‘Gorilla’ glass ﬁ tted you can swipe, touch, push, poke and whatever at the screen with much less chance of it being scratched like other TFT instrument panels. Scrolling through the features

is hugely easier than last year’s model and there is so much scope for personalising the dash, you can always have the exact information you want displayed, which is an excellent feature for any traveller.

A water-resistant compartment large enough to ﬁ t any-sized smartphone is nestled nicely to the right-hand side of the dash. Here you can charge your phone and connect it to the KTM My Ride feature (It’s an accessory with an App) which allows you to accept calls and use the audio function to listen to music and so on.

The frontal appearance of the 1290 S might polarise some potential owners but the LED lights are great. They are true cornering headlights which really work great. During the launch we ended up riding part of

THE NEW CLASS LEADER

THE NEW DEFINITION OF ADVENTURE

When the road comes to an end, knock it down a gear and attack the terrain. From sweeping roads, to knee deep beach sand or rutted out mountain ranges the new KTM 1090 Adventure R is the ultimate adventure partner. The powerful twin cylinder engine outperforms the toughest rivals. The new KTM 1090 Adventure R incorporates the innovation and technology we have developed from our experience and victories on the world’s toughest terrain. Meet the new definition of adventure. Meet the new class leader. Don’t believe us try it for yourself.

Photo:

the route at night and seeing the headlight ‘turn’ the corner as you go around is an awesome feature to have, especially on dark backroads where you need all the light you can get.

Handling is sharp but a little too sharp on rough bitumen for my liking. Fitted with WP semi-active electronic suspension there are many combinations to setup the ride, but I tried solo, solo with luggage and two-up, with solo being the most rideable for me. There are also four active parameters to choose from, Comfort, Street, Sport and Offroad. Offroad gave the overall best realtime damping over rough roads, with Street being the one I found best for smooth, fast corners.

It would be hard to crash the 1290 S. KTM has ﬁtted MSC (stability control) which works in conjunction with the lean-angle sensitive traction control and combined cornering ABS, and in Offroad mode, Offroad ABS which disengages the rear. Ergonomics are top-notch. I was so comfortable during my four hours riding I can only imagine all-day comfort covering whatever distance. Three-dimensional foam padding with two seat-heights, adjustable footpegs (two positions), the self-locking winder-adjustable screen and two-position adjustable tapered-handlebar, all combine to let you get into just the right riding position. And while the 1290 S might look like a big bike it doesn’t feel like it thanks to all the adjustability.

Accessories via KTM Powerparts are extensive, most are touring orientated and you can also go the whole hog and kit yourself out with the KTM Powerwear range. The accessory I see most owners ﬁ tting is the “Travel Pack”. This contains Hill Hold control, My Ride, up-and-down quickshifter, and motor-slip regulation which essentially works in opposite to traction control for added safety if the engine has too much drag torque after quick downshifts or abrupt throttle closing.

SPECS

KTM 1290 SUPER ADVENTURE S

PRICE: $23,995 (plus on-road charges)

WARRANTY: Two years, unlimited distance

SERVICING INTERVALS: Every 15,000km or 12 months

ENGINE: Liquid-cooled V-twin cylinder, 4-stroke, DOHC, 4 valves per cylinder

BORE x STROKE: 108 x 71mm

DISPLACEMENT: 1301cc

COMPRESSION: 13.1:1

POWER: 118kW @ 8750rpm

TORQUE: 140Nm @ 6750rpm

TRANSMISSION: 6-speed, wet multi-plate A&S clutch, chain ﬁnal drive

SUSPENSION: Front, 48mm

inverted fork, semi-active adjustable, travel 200mm. Rear, monoshock, semi-active adjustable, travel 200mm.

DIMENSIONS: Seat height

860-875mm, weight 215kg (dry), fuel capacity 23 litres, wheelbase 1560mm

TYRES: Front, 120/70/ZR19. Rear, 170/60/ZR17

FRAME: Tubular steel

BRAKES: Front, twin 320mm discs with radial mount four-piston ABS calipers. Rear, 267mm disc, dual-piston ABS caliper.

FUEL CONSUMPTION: N/A

THEORETICAL RANGE: N/A

COLOURS: Orange, Grey

VERDICT: THE ALL-ROUNDER

1290 R

MANY OF the features seen on the 1290 S are ﬁ tted to the 1290 R like the awesome TFT dash, powerful V-twin engine and high-tech electronics. The main differences are ﬁ tment of a 21-inch front wheel, 18-inch rear wheel, single-piece seat, shorter screen, crash bars and longer travel non-electronic suspension, giving you much more gnarly adventuring capability.

For those long-distance dirt-road adventurers, the 1290 R is right up your alley. It ﬁ ts in with the likes of the BMW R 1200 GSA (just with a smaller 23-litre tank), yet is a little more hardcore in its execution, utilising the characteristics of the powerful V-twin.

During the afternoon of the launch we rode some muddy dirt with a nice rocky hill climb thrown into the mix and a small amount of single trail. On the rocky hill-climb the front forks would bottom out over sharp step-ups and to be fair I really don’t think the 1290 R was designed for the hill-climb we took it up. Throughout all of the other dirt it was easy to manage but I dare say you’ll need to know the local tyre dealer well as the crazy power output urges you to leave more squirrely lines than an anaconda chasing its prey.

The footpegs are grippy and offer a large platform for greater control. I preferred them over many of the other footpegs ﬁ tted to adventure bikes. I actually thought KTM had

fitted its accessory Rally pegs, which are even better again, but having great control from a standard peg is top-class.

Accessories are more ‘adventure’ inspired, like a skid plate, LED fog

lamps, radiator grille and so on. The list is extensive, so make sure you’ve got a big pad to write them all down on when placing your order! As with the S you can get KTM Powerwear, like the Rally or Durban GTX range.

SPECS

KTM 1290 SUPER ADVENTURE R

PRICE: $25,995 (plus on-road charges)

WARRANTY: Two years, unlimited distance

SERVICING INTERVALS: Every 15,000km or 12 months

ENGINE: Liquid-cooled V-twin cylinder, 4-stroke, DOHC, 4 valves per cylinder

BORE x STROKE: 108 x 71mm

DISPLACEMENT: 1301cc

COMPRESSION: 13.1:1

POWER: 118kW @ 8750rpm

TORQUE: 140Nm @ 6750rpm

TRANSMISSION: 6-speed, wet multi-plate A&S clutch, chain ﬁnal drive

SUSPENSION: Front, 48mm inverted fork, adjustable preload, compression and rebound, travel 220mm.

Rear, monoshock, adjustable preload, compression and rebound, travel 220mm.

DIMENSIONS: Seat height 890mm, weight 217kg (dry), fuel capacity 23 litres, wheelbase 1580mm

TYRES: Front, 90/90/21. Rear, 150/70/ZR18

FRAME: Tubular steel

BRAKES: Front, twin 320mm discs with radial mount four-piston ABS calipers. Rear, 267mm disc, dual-piston ABS caliper.

FUEL CONSUMPTION: N/A

THEORETICAL RANGE: N/A

COLOURS: Orange/White

VERDICT: THE LONG DISTANCE DIRT BIKE

1090 R

GONE ARE THE 1190 versions and now we have the 1090 R, which is meant to be a more pared-down and easier to manage adventure beast. Someone who is more like a long-travelling enduro rider would be suited to the 1090 R.

Unlike the 1290 models, there’s no electronic suspension or large TFT dash. The dash is the same as last year’s Adventure range, which was made in conjunction with VDO.

I mostly rode the 1090 R on the afternoon dirt ride, as I wanted to get a feel for how different this beast was to the 1290 models. There isn’t a large amount of weight difference between the two models (217kg v 207kg dry), but riding the two back to back, it feels like there’s a 50kg difference! The 1090 R is so easily chucked around over really rough terrain, but I would be sorting out the front forks as again, just like the 1290 R, the front forks bottomed out over big step-up and -downs. Thankfully the WP suspension is fully adjustable front and rear.

The latest Bosch ABS system has three settings – On (front and rear), Offroad mode, where the rear is disengaged, or you can turn off ABS altogether. Also the traction control can be set to the interaction you’d like or be turned off completely. And then you have the drive modes for different power levels. I found Sport on all surfaces to give the most connection

to what the bike was doing and of course it was the most fun.

A 1050cc V-twin engine with a manageable 92kW of power is nice in the dirt, hence the reason you’ll find the most connection with the full-powered Sport mode. There is an assist and slipper clutch which is fitted to all three models and works just fine, as well as giving a lighter

clutch-pull over the old models. Ergonomics are similar in adjustment to the 1290s with adjustable handlebars and footpegs. From the rider’s position, the 1090 R does feel a little smaller than the 1290. This is due to the smaller headlight area, but you still get the 23-litre fuel tank and the side bodywork of the 1290. The screen is adjustable via a clamping

SPECS

KTM 1090

ADVENTURE R

PRICE: $19,955 (plus on-road charges)

WARRANTY: Two years, unlimited distance

SERVICING INTERVALS: Every 15,000km or 12 months

ENGINE: Liquid-cooled V-twin cylinder, 4-stroke, DOHC, 4 valves per cylinder

BORE x STROKE: 103 x 63mm

DISPLACEMENT: 1050cc

COMPRESSION: 13.0:1

POWER: 92kW @ 8500rpm

TORQUE: 109Nm @ 6500rpm

TRANSMISSION: 6-speed, wet multi-plate A&S clutch, chain ﬁnal drive

SUSPENSION: Front, 48mm inverted fork, adjustable preload, compression and rebound, travel 220mm.

Rear, monoshock, adjustable preload, compression and rebound, travel 220mm.

DIMENSIONS: Seat height 890mm, weight 207kg (dry), fuel capacity 23 litres, wheelbase 1580mm

TYRES: Front, 90/90/21. Rear, 150/70/18

FRAME: Tubular steel

BRAKES: Front, twin 320mm discs with radial mount four-piston ABS calipers. Rear, 267mm disc, dual-piston ABS caliper.

FUEL CONSUMPTION: N/A

THEORETICAL RANGE: N/A

COLOURS: White

VERDICT: THE ENDURO TRAVELLER

mechanism and there’s a set of crash bars if things go pear-shaped in the bush.

Accessories are similar to the 1290 R, which are very much offroad adventure-orientated. In terms of KTM Powerwear you can get Racecomp gloves, adventure boots, and iridium goggles.

THE FLAVOUR OF ORANGE

You might have heard there were some air-filtering issues with the previous models, but KTM has addressed this with redesigned inlet tracts. You’ll see on the 1290 R a pre-filter in orange (of course) to help catch those first bits of dust. Steering-head bearings have also been changed from a tapered bearing to a cage ball-bearing, which gives better

movement and better stability, and there has been a lot of work done to increase the amount of heat protection offered by the fairings to the rider. Picking one of these bikes all comes down to what I’d be looking at doing with them. But for me, and I think the majority you, the Australian Motorcyclist community, I see the 1290 S being the best all-rounder. It is great on the bitumen and will easily handle most dirt roads you would ﬁnd. It’s only when you’re looking at much more serious off-road stuff that I’d go the R version. D

1. Extreme enduro maestro, Chris Birch was along for the ride

2. Have logs, will use. The Aussie way to ﬁx a front puncture

LONG, WHITE AND A CHANCE OF RAIN

The Bear takes readers for a ride in the South Island

www.motorbiketours.co.nz

NEW ZEALANDERS will be pleased to know that the ﬁrst beer made in Oceania and Australasia was brewed in the South Island, on the orders of Captain Cook. In a fjord on the West Coast, Cook used the leftover yeast from a bottle of ale, manuka leaves and molasses instead of malt, and rimu bark instead of hops. According to contemporary reports, it tasted terriﬁc. But Cook’s sailors would say that, wouldn’t they… it wasn’t as if they could choose another brand.

These days you can choose from many brands in the Shaky Isles. And choose we did on the Australian MOTORCYCLIST Magazine tour of the South Island! With our intrepid leaders Carole and Mike, ably abetted by Dave, we were in good hands…

DAY 1 – 350KM FROM THE FLATTEST TO THE SHARPEST

One of the things I like about the South Paciﬁc Motorcycle Tours base is that you don’t have to ride through the city at the beginning. Don’t get me wrong, I like Christchurch as much as anyone; but I’d rather hit the open road instead of tackling trafﬁc and potentially different road rules. New Zealand has junked its weird right turn rule, where someone turning across your track had right of way, but who knows what else lurks in the rule book that includes such weirdness as judder bars and rumble waves.

A point of interest that’s unique to this road is that it is so long and straight that John Britten used it to test his bike designs. A Kiwi mechanical genius in the mould of Richard Pearse, who was the ﬁrst person to achieve powered

1. Rolling, rolling, rolling along among unequalled beauty.

2. The Big Fruit Salad on Sticks looks really appetizing.

3. The road isn’t all there is on the way to Glenorchy.

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING

Meet a full-on track and street weapon. The all-new race-bred 765cc inline triple powered street fighter that delivers an astounding wall of torque at 77Nm @ 10,800rpm, and a game-changing power output of 123PS @ 11,700rpm, 16% up on the previous generation. With an avalanche of rider-focused technology, razor-sharp looks and lightweight agile handling, courtesy of its range-topping suspension, tyres and brakes, it’s the most explosive Street Triple we’ve ever made.

To find out more visit triumphmotorcycles.com.au

ﬂight quite nearby, Britten built worldbeating motorcycles in Christchurch. Mind you, he was a little more of a publicity hound than Pearse, who never even claimed his record.

It might be something in the air in Christchurch – both of these blokes also excelled in a variety of other ﬁelds – but I think New Zealand just breeds somewhat eccentric geniuses. Maybe it’s because the TV is so boring.

We took the Tram Road, named after a narrow-gauge railway that transported logs along here, to Oxford. Every civilized country needs an Oxford; the United States has 28 by my count. Here in New Zealand there is only one, and it’s a pleasant little town on the edge of the Canterbury Plains. On the subject of the plain – it might seem dull to ride for some 30km without a bend, but in fact the colours and the promise of the mountains which slowly rise before you make it anything but boring.

First stop was the Rakaia River Gorge, an excellent example of the surprising style of this country. After a long time on the ﬂat you tend to assume that you’re travelling at a kind of base level, but the Canterbury plain is transected by deep and very steep gorges cut by its active rivers. This is one of the most picturesque, with the oddly green water of the river, coloured by its sediment from the mountains, and pebbled ﬂats. It’s interesting how even a short, shared experience like our ride to the little parking lot above the Rakaia can

4. I swear I didn’t read the sign until after I’d zipped up…

break the ice within a group; we were all chatting and sharing impressions the moment we stopped. One impression that bears sharing is the relative frequency of road kill. The place seems to be full of Suicide Possums, no great loss here where they are acknowledged as pests. I only wish it was the same in Australia, where the little bastards eat the buds off my magnolia tree.

Sorry. That’s just me.

The road became considerably more interesting from here with the typical open curves that make so many New Zealand roads so much fun. There was another plain bit of Canterbury Plains road and then we stopped for our first morning tea break in Geraldine. Oddly, the place is not named after a woman but comes from the Irish family name of the founders. Or so they do be sayin’. From here it was a terrific ride though the foothills of the Southern Alps, our first real encounter with this 500km long chain of mountains that form

1. The Heroes of Glenorchy: the ﬁve of us felt the magic.

2. Busking in Queenstown with some popular classics.

3. My bike, hanging around Cardrona hoping for a drink.

the backbone of the South Island and provide so many wonderful motorcycle roads. The Great Dividing Range does a similar job in Australia, but when you consider that its highest point is at 2280 metres as against the South Island’s Aoraki at 3724 metres, you get some idea of the relative effect. Actually, that’s less than twice as high but New Zealand mountains are also steeper. Much steeper.

2. Yes,

3. Parts of the South Island look just like Europe.

4. This is a part of the Glenorchy Road, motorcycle magic.

1. Riding through Arrowtown to the Crown Range Road.

that’s Aoraki, the Cloud Piercer, up ahead.

The Omaka Air Show was a ﬂying success!

I sometimes reckon that Australia and New Zealand are actually the same size. It’s just that Australia is all stretched out, whereas New Zealand is all crumpled up… The road crosses Burke’s Pass before running down to Lake Tekapo. Did you know that New Zealand has 3820 lakes bigger than one hectare? The biggest is Lake Whackidupya which… no, I made that up. A tidy-looking little interdenominational chapel, the Church of the Good Shepherd, occupies a promontory and looks north along the path of the now extinct glacier that once created the lake. You’re not allowed to take photos inside the chapel, which sits oddly with the usual Kiwi attitude of laissez-faire.

When we reached Lake Pukaki, we stopped at the Mt Cook Lookout. They’re a bit uncertain about the names of some of their major natural features here; sometimes they use an English name and sometimes it’s Te Reo Maori. Usually I must say I prefer

Gentlemen, start our engines

“I once took away four licenses in one afternoon along here,” Dave Cherry told us later when we were riding the Wairau Valley. “All car drivers.” For the moment, though, Dave (now retired from the Highway Patrol) was just doing what all good tour guides do – making sure that everyone understood the corner marking system, and giving us a thorough brieﬁng including details of the roads we would encounter.

Lokesh Medappa, who was taking part with his wife Sawmya, Sunil Ponnappa and Nikhil Devaiah, all from southern India, listened especially carefully. After a mixup with Australian transit visas, he and his group had only arrived that morning. They were recovering after the ﬂight and the hassles.

The Bear Army was ably represented by Rex Steel, Trooper number 3; Peter (and Elizabeth) Macpherson, Trooper number 36; and Peter (and Nita) Richardson, Trooper number 49. And me, of course, CO of the Army.

Ross Clements, Craig and Andy Wienert, Gillen and Ruth Strachan and Paul Healey made up the rest of the group, plus Carole and Mike Lester who were wrangling the escort van carrying our luggage. As you can see from the photo, we were mainly a… mature group. In age, anyway…

The Cardrona pub is a fake, but our cheerful faces were real.

the latter. In this case, Mt Cook can’t really compete with The Cloud Piercer. Almost sounds like something from The Lord of the Rings. And yes, much of the background for the ﬁlms lies around here.

Then it was the 50 plus kilometre ride up along the western shore of the lake, on a road that would win prizes from motorcyclists anywhere else in the world. Here, nobody even mentions it. At the end is a staggering view of The Cloud Piercer and Mt Cook Village with the very neat motel whose chalets would be our overnight homes. We all sampled the excellent bar food together and got acquainted over a few Speight’s, and then I spent quite a bit of time wandering around in the dark. Not, as usual, because I had forgotten how to get back to where I was staying but because the mountains are so beautiful at night.

Day 2 – 265km Wrinkly rams anD bouncing bungies

We got another go at the lakeside road in the morning – there is no other road in or out of Mt Cook Village. I doubt that you’ll ever hear a complaint about having to do this run twice – for one thing, it’s completely different at different times of day. Then it was onward through Twizel (I must say I was a disappointed here; given the cute name I was expecting some kind of garden gnome village, but it was just a nice little town) to Omarama where the Wrinkly Rams Cafe made good coffee and offered the usual Kiwi sugar hits with various slices. No, not slices of anything. Just slices. Yum. There goes another hundred grams on the scales tomorrow morning… Then it was the right turn towards another motorcycling paradise, Lindis Pass, and down the Lindis Valley to more Lord of the Rings scenery at Tarras. Another lakeside road, this time along Lake Dunstan, saw us reach Cromwell. By now our little caravan of 12 bikes had settled into the pattern we would follow for the rest of the ride. Dave at the front, allocating turn markers whenever we changed roads, followed by a little ‘quick pack’ of

riders with most of the others strung out behind them and with another little group bringing up the rear. Think of it as a kind of attenuated dumbbell, with those more interested in the actual riding at the front and those who were gobsmacked by the scenery at the rear.

This goes to the core of riding in New Zealand, really. How can you do justice to both the roads and the views? By doing every ride at least twice, I suppose.

Nobody took the – literal – plunge when we stopped at AJ Hackett’s original bungy jumping bridge, now a major tourist attraction with a shop that could do duty as a villain’s lair in a James Bond movie. But we all took photos; you can always lie about what you did when you get home… Mind you a couple of the boys did reckon they would come back here later; it was still early with such a relatively short distance covered.

Queenstown was just up the road, and I must say I agree with the locals who reckon the place has become too popular. I hadn’t been there for a few years, and the change was quite amazing. In fact, I would not have said it was the same town. Never mind that, though. The view across Lake Wakatipu to The Remarkables was just as stunning as ever, and it was tempting to sit on my balcony at the Heartland Hotel and just mellow back with a few beers. But no.

One of the most outstanding motorcycle experiences, by reputation, lay just at our front doorsteps. The road to Glenorchy was waiting.

I won’t try to describe this wonder of civil engineering. From one point of view, it’s just a road along a lake. But when I asked the heroic little group who rode it with me, nobody could think of a better ride they’d had. Anywhere. At any time. The surface is excellent, the surveying is of a very high quality with no surprises among the dozens – many dozens - of corners and if you can take your eyes off the road (not really recommended) you can check out the Humboldt Mountains across the lake, which when we were there glistened golden in the light of the setting sun. The road is not without its dangers, admittedly. Apart from the usual tourists

stopped in the middle of the roadway to admire the scenery, there’s a horse at Blanket Bay that requires some care. The palomino came charging out of a laneway before turning and very nearly having one of the Peters (there were three of us, and I’m not identifying him further) insert his BMW in its posterior.

As Peter said, “The ABS is good, isn’t it?”

Dinner was in an Irish pub down by the lake, recommended by Dave, with our Indian participants being introduced to Irish cuisine and Irish drinks other than Guinness.

Day 3 – 77km

Weather or not to visit carDrona

Seventy-seven kilometres doesn’t sound like a big day, does it? Well, just wait… our first stop was just north of Queenstown, at a tourist attraction that equals bungy jumping with a significantly lower chance of detaching your retinas and watching them plop into the river below you. If you could still see, which of course you couldn’t. This was of course the famous and original Shotover Jet Boat Ride, a terrific buzz down through an almost ridiculously narrow gorge plus neck-whipping turns in wider parts of the river. I was grateful to be reassured by our boat driver that no other boat traffic was allowed in this stretch of the Shotover River while the jet boats are out there. It would be a mortal encounter.

When I got out of the boat, shaking only slightly (due to cold, not fear –seriously) I was greeted by cries of “It’s Pirate Pete!” from our assembled little group at the top of the stairs. Sure enough, I looked as if I was wearing an eye patch – one of the lenses in my glasses had popped out. A search followed which located the lens in the bottom of the boat. It had obviously decided to abandon me and my glasses to hide as low as it could.

I’ve done other jet boat rides, but I must tell you that no spectacle lenses have ever abandoned me and no river has ever seemed so amazingly rugged. I lost the others for a short while but we found each other in Arrowtown, a

$ return * for a standard bike size (shorter than 2.3 metres long) November, January and February shipment dates currently available.

rather sweet version of the universal historic-town-tourist-attraction type. As usual in Kiwiland, the souvenirs were of a somewhat higher standard but sadly I could not afford a possum/ merino jumper.

And this is where we strike the inevitable problem that anyone who is describing motorcycling in New Zealand encounters. Yesterday, I waxed lyrical about the Glenorchy road. Well, what am I to say about the Crown Range Road? From its tight hairpins at the western end to the open sweepers down the Cardrona River Valley it is an absolute knockout. Perhaps it’s a little more drawn-out than the tight Glenorchy road, but then it is also far more technical at the steep end and faster for the rest of the ride.

Apparently the constabulary is aware of its attraction, too…

The Cardrona pub makes an excellent stop roughly halfway to Wanaka, and despite the fact that it’s a fake (built as a movie set) it is a wonderfully cozy stopover with motorcycle parking right outside. Keep in mind that it is sometimes closed when the road closes due to heavy snow. We did not imbibe, saving ourselves for Wanaka, but we enjoyed the atmosphere just the same. And then we stopped at Wanaka Airport to check out Warbirds and Wheels, a museum showing (among other things) the history of Tim Walls, the bloke who founded the Warbirds over Wanaka Airshow (which we will probably visit on our tour next year!).

Fascinating display, topped off by an A-4 Skyhawk, ex-Australian Navy and then RNZAF. I used to order spare parts for these when I worked for the RAAF Air Stores. These things were the

1. This long one-lane bridge has pullouts if you meet someone.

2. It’s cosy inside the Cardrona Hotel even if it’s cold outside.

3. Arrowtown has real and fake history on display.

only modern jets small enough to ﬂy off HMAS Melbourne; this one still looked huge to me.

For dinner that night I tried a Mexican restaurant at the hotel where we stayed, and discovered yet again that the best place to eat Tex-Mex is in Tex. Or perhaps in Mex.

Deary me, I’m going to have to be a bit more concise with this story or I’ll ﬁll the entire magazine, edging out Stuart’s reviews of the latest crotch rockets…

Dinner that night was in a Kiwi pub, rather than an Irish one, and I continued my search for New Zealand whiskies. To no avail, sadly. Everybody reckoned they had some on order and it would be there “any time now”, but any time was never now.

Day 4 – 285km

CyClone Debbie Does its Dying aCt

So far we had been riding in beautiful, clear weather. I was almost coming to think that we would be lucky with the entire ride; the weather in the North Island was appalling, with ﬂooding and houses being washed away, but down here we had seen nothing but blue skies. Well… optimism goeth before a fall, and while we were crossing Haast Pass, the remains of Cyclone Debbie found us. And worked us over, too.

Haast Pass is a bit of a conundrum, even when it’s dry. To my mind it isn’t actually so much of a pass, more just like a road through the mountains. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a top ride. But what’s really impressive is what Carole calls “its Jurassic trees and bush”. This is truly wild country, with the Haast

River mostly on one side and steep cliffs or green hillsides on the other. You could be in another world here, and it’s not hard to imagine that something as little less placid than a giant tree fern might suddenly pop out of the thick, green undergrowth and consider you with ancient eyes.

No real danger of anything like that, of course. There are few dangerous animals in New Zealand. First, there are possums which infest everything and which could get under your wheels on the road. Then there are wetas, which are gruesome and perfectly harmless insects which could nevertheless scare you to death. And ﬁnally there are keas, bright and cheerful birds which will happily eat your bike’s seat. Tough place. The wildness does not abate when you reach the west coast, or is it West Coast? This is an eerily lonely stretch of sand, windblown and empty and, inevitably, starkly beautiful. Haast township has really come along in the past few years; it must have almost doubled in size since I was here last, and now consists of nearly eight houses. Just kidding, it’s actually a nice little place with a pub that has the most and biggest deer heads on the wall that I’ve ever seen in licensed premises.

Haast is not the furthest settlement south, on the West Coast. That honour belongs to Jackson Bay. I once asked someone at Haast what was there. He considered me for several moments, but seemed unable to compose an answer. “It says on my map that there are penguins and seals,” I said to help him along.

“Yep,” he said, “that’d be right.”

Just outside town is an enormously

long one-lane bridge. One-lane bridges are pretty common, at least in the South Island. Dave told me that a few years back one of the political parties had promised that they would use the road funding to replace all the one-lane bridges. They were duly elected, but the bridges are there to this day.

“Can’t see that they’re really a problem,” said one of the Peters.

“Everyone knows how to use them, and there isn’t exactly a lot of trafﬁc anyway.” We rode north through the rain and ﬁnally made it to Franz Josef Glacier. German explorer Julius von Haast named it after the emperor of Austria; the Maori call it Kā Roimata o Hine Hukatere, or The Tears of Hukatere, and have a legend to go with it.

Nobody is quite sure what an Austrian emperor had to contribute, other than his name. He might not even have known about it, I guess.

Our little troupe dried out and found itself in the pub on the corner, which turned out to have terriﬁc meals as well as well as local (well, from Greymouth) beers. Ah, wait, I have to tell you about that drying out business. Kiwi hotels and motels all have heaters in the bathrooms. This is a tradition that places of accommodation which are keen to attract motorcyclists would do well to copy. All you need to do is display your gear all over the bathroom, turn on the heater with its blower – and in the morning you have dry clothes, boots, gloves – anything you want, short of an entire bike.

In Hokitika, they make tourist attractions from driftwood.

Actually, I seemed to get wheelchairaccessible rooms at most of our stops, so I could probably have brought my BMW R 800 GT inside as well. Brilliant, brilliant.

It was too wet for our helicopter ﬂight, so we ﬁnished sampling the beers, tucked ourselves and let the rain lull us to sleep.

Day 5 – 275km a glacier from the air anD no Weka Worries

The weather was just better enough for our flights, although the helicopter people declined to land on the glacier. We would just fly over them – was that all right? It sure was. I love flying in helicopters, something that a mate of mine who flew Hueys in Vietnam can understand – but not agree with. “Planes,” he says, “want to fly. These bastards want to crash.” He’s right in one way; I wouldn’t want to fly the things. I tried the Army’s Tiger simulator once and crashed so often that the bloke in charge became worried I might actually break something. But flying in them is great.

Unfortunately I couldn’t open the window, rather spoiling my idea of a few wonderful photos, but then my camera told me that its memory card was full anyway. One of the hazards of visiting New Zealand, I’m afraid. There is just so much to photograph. The glacier looked most impressive from the air, anyway. It wasn’t smooth and white at all but incredibly jagged and a kind of glossy teal blue colour.

The rain resumed and faithfully followed us up the coast. Mike pointed out that one of the earliest people to ride this wonderful road on a motorcycle was John Hughson, John Britten’s grandfather, who got around on an Indian V-twin.

The little towns along the road are mostly, well, little and it’s really only Hokitika, where they make everything either of driftwood or pounamu (greenstone), and Greymouth, where they brew some excellent beer. We made our soggy arrival in Punakaiki, which one source says comes from “puna” for spring and “kaike” meaning to lie in a heap. It’s eerie how that

described my clothes after I removed them – wet and disorderly.

Rain showers kept my visit to the famous and free pancake rocks rather short, but we went to the pub for dinner and I had an absolutely excellent tuna dish. Still no Kiwi whiskies at the bar, though. The resort where we stayed was just as nice as I remembered it from a visit with The Ghost and Mike Grant. At the time it had been recommended by Carol, I remembered.

Day 6 – 271km

Wai oh Wai is it still raining?

“Wai” is the local word for water, and we had water aplenty this day. It was there in the ocean off to the left, which we could hardly see because of the water falling from the sky. It was also rolling down the Buller River in substantial quantities. It was also inside my now inoperative so-called wet weather gear. Never mind, the day was a pleasant jaunt up the coast and then up along the Buller River. We stopped in Murchison where a large café fed us with Kiwi snacks and more than passable coffee, and we admired the views both along the Buller and afterwards when we picked up the Rainy River. Ha.

The motel in Nelson was particularly nice, and we braved the rain (how did you guess?) to check out the restaurants. I’m sure it had nothing to do with us, but a couple of them did close with suspicious haste as we approached, including the one that Dave had suggested. We found a pub in what looked like an old bank building (how’s that for recycling with style?) and ate huge meals accompanied by a steady stream of beers. The walk back to the motel was pretty short, and quite funny…

Nelson, by the way, is reputed to be New Zealand’s sunniest region. Why does it have a watercourse called the Rainy River, then?

Day 7 – 143km

Dry Days are here again This was the day the rain broke; Cyclone Debbie had ﬁnally had enough and withdrew far out into the Paciﬁc.

Interestingly enough, while we all cheered up when the clouds lifted (a bit) none of us bemoaned the rain we’d been through. That’s one of her things about successful motorcycle touring, of course; you take what Mother Nature hands out, and though you may not like it you don’t complain. Well, not too much. Carole, Mike and Dave had taken us through the wet in good spirits, and we always knew that we’d have a comfortable, warm and dry place at the end of the day’s ride, a place where we could dry ourselves and our clothes and prepare to get out there again on the morrow. Good for them; well done.

Our ride took us through yet more of that wonderful scenery and the reliable, well-surfaced and well-surveyed Kiwi roads. Approaching Blenheim, we turned off to the airﬁeld where the airshow was taking place. Today was not, however, our day for the show. Today we were going to see the Knights of the Sky museum, a place I have previously called the best air museum in the world. Nothing changed my mind this time, but I think I’d better leave it for another story. As I said above, this one is getting too long already… Oh, entry was included in our tour.

Our hotel in Blenheim was the Scenic, right in the middle of town. A couple of us took a turn around Blenheim and concluded that the place was actually closed. There was a pizza place, a noodle takeaway and that was it. Of course Carole and Mike had foreseen this potential problem and instead of making us eat takeaway pizza, took us to an excellent Indian restaurant where I had one of the best – and spiciest –vindaloos I have ever had. Top marks, Blenheim! You have worked out that the way to a Bear’s heart is well and truly by way of his digestive tract.

Day 8

VergeltungsWaffe eins on the job

The queues on the way to the Classic Fighters Omaka Air Show were pretty amazing, for New Zealand anyway. We had become used to empty roads, but not today. Fortunately we were taking the bus, which had right of way and which meant that we didn’t have

TRAVEL FEATURE

Home Base and all mod cons

Nine years ago, when I met Carole and Mike Lester of South Pacific Motorcycle Tours for the first time, their base was still a b&b with a small motorcycle rental business attached. We borrowed three bikes from them, and they had to borrow one of those in turn from the local Honda dealer. This time was different. The b&b business has been closed, and they have more than 30 bikes on their fleet with more to come. The garage has been joined by a full-on workshop, change rooms, a briefing room and secure storage for gear you don’t want on the ride. South Pacific Motorcycle Tours now does a booming business in renting out bikes as well as conducting pre-planned and guided tours. Do I personally endorse them? I sure do; check my comments on Trip Advisor. I would be happy to go on any of their tours, at any time. See the full range of their services at www.motorbiketours.co.nz .

to negotiate the increasingly muddy approaches with our bikes. It also meant that we could hit the booze which came with our Platinum tickets, all part of the tour. So drinks and food were all organised and all we had to do was either wander around and take in some of the amazing stuff on show, or just mellow back at our table and watch the action while enjoying one of the aforesaid refreshments.

I did both. On my wanderings I came across a fascinating war games area.

Here, a British and New Zealand WW2 contingent was established happily and comfortably next to a detachment of the Waffen SS! Kiwi accents rang out from both sides, but the accuracy of the uniforms, vehicles and weapons on both sides was slightly unnerving.

I’ll write about the air show some other time, but I can tell you this; it was a real eye opener. I’ve always admired the Kiwis for the care they take with their own and other people’s history, and this just sealed that opinion.

Early morning light on

the mountains near Mt Cook Village.

“Look,” said one of the Peters, “they have two WW1 tanks here. And they run. We have one in all of Australia, it’s privately owned and only on loan to the National War Museum.”

But that wasn’t all. One of the displays that rolled out onto the field – all while the air show itself was happening overhead – was a Vergeltungswaffe Eins, a V1 complete with launcher, carrying cradle, truck (presumably from the correct era) and a motorcycle escort. Amazing enough, you might think. But then the buggers launched it and flew it around the airfield, obviously radio controlled! Radio control was more than the Germans ever managed! There was one concession to modernity: the missile, an early precursor of the now popular cruise missiles, was powered by a standard jet engine, not a pulse jet like the originals.

After a few passes and a bit of mucking around, the V1 landed on the grass and was recovered with the mobile cradle. I still can’t believe that I saw this.

Day 9 – 383km

From the air into hot water

Now let’s just take a minute to think about what motorcycle tours are actually about. I can hear you say, “Motorbikes, Bear, and touring.” And of course, you’re right. But that doesn’t answer my question.

Why do we go on bike tours? I suggest to you that it’s a mixture of just plain wanting to travel; wanting to ride; and wanting to see and experience different places. And to come back home and tell people all about it and show them your photos, yep, got that. The mix will be different for everyone, but for me there is a significant bias towards just wanting to ride. Why, you ask? Can’t I find corners at home? Yes, I can. But I can’t find the kinds of corners I can find in the Alps, or the American West, or New Zealand. Because even from the viewpoint of just riding, there are interesting differences wherever you are.

Mm. I guess that makes sense. Anyway, what I’m leading up to is that we had quite a bit of everything so far on this trip, but today was going to be something really outstanding. Today

was going to be the day to ride. Not to sightsee, except just a little bit, to ride. The ﬁrst stretch was up the Wairau Valley, the road where Dave had told me he once took away four drivers’ licenses in one afternoon. Or was it a morning? Never mind, I could see why and I was glad that he wasn’t a cop any more. After Saint Arnaud the riding got a bit more technical, and then when we passed Springs Junction it started to climb to Lewis Pass, a true motorcycle destination in its own right. After the pass there was a long stretch through myrtle forest and open alpine grasslands before we reached the Waiau Valley and its open views.

The turn to the left into the Hanmer Springs road was not entirely without incident…

A Highway Patrol car was sitting near the intersection, and the occupant wasn’t happy about the way everyone took the corner. He stopped a couple of the riders, but one of the Peters explained to him that we were strangers in this strange land and we didn’t necessarily understand all the fine points of riding here. Mollified, the officer let everyone go.

I was in Hanmer Springs by this time and ready for a beer. While most of the others made use of the free entry to the hot pools that was included in the tour price, I headed across the road to the pub, where I encountered a problem.

“It’s Easter Sunday,” said the waiter, “and I can’t serve you a drink unless you order a meal.”

“All right,” I said, confused by this antique attitude but willing to ﬁt in, “I am not hungry but I’ll play along. What’s your cheapest meal?”

“Soup,” he said.

“Very well,” I replied, feeling for some reason as if I was trapped in a Monty Pythion sketch, “I shall have the soup. And a pint of whatever is local by way of beer.”

I received both and ﬁnished both at much the same time, although there was still a slice of bread unconsumed. I called over the waiter.

“Another of your excellent beers, please.”

“Ah, I can’t serve you because you’ve

ﬁnished your meal,” he said.

“No, I haven’t. I still have a slice of bread.” I checked just to make sure that he wasn’t John Cleese in disguise.

“I’ll have to check with my manager,” the waiter replied. Check with his manager about a slice of bread? On his return, he said, “No, that’s not enough.”

“If I had two slices of bread and – oh, a couple of spoons of soup left, would that be enough?” I asked carefully. “Because we could pretend, couldn’t we? You and me?”

His face took on all the signs of deep confusion, and he said, “It’s Easter…”

I shook my head and said “Happy Easter,” before returning to the Hot Springs Motor Lodge where we were staying and where I was pretty sure I’d be able to get a drink without eating more soup.

I fueled up on the way out of town the next morning, and encountered a young couple on Honda Groms. One of the bikes had a learner plate on it, and both were covered in mud. They told me they had done the Molesworth Track on the little bikes.

“Isn’t that supposed to be really tough?” I asked.

“Oh, no,” the young woman said. “The river crossings were only this deep,” indicating about a foot.

“It’s a shame,” said the bloke, “but you can’t buy Groms in New Zealand any more. If you want one you have to import it from Australia.” The strange ways of motorcycle distributors…

Day 10 – 134km

Back to Base, anD a wine whine

It was a relaxed ride back down to the coast, broken by a lunch stop at a stylish winery restaurant the name of which I’m not going to tell you. While the food and service were good, the bloke conducting the wine tastings was spectacularly rude about motorcyclists and managed to put everyone off. Carole complained to the winery management, and they promised they’d tie him to the back of the Trekka and drag him around the property line. Or something like that.

And then it was all over. D

Our peripatetic rider takes her tiny postie bike Mo to the world of Big Things, but miss an encounter with a real cassowary. Just as well!

COMING

DOWN off a Whitsunday high, Mo and I ambled towards Townsville collecting lots of Big Things along the way. The Big Mango was back in place at Bowen after it “disappeared” in a Nando’s publicity stunt and the Big Snake at Ayr had had a makeover. Mo and I have now visited over 150 Big Things in our two plus year journey around Australia. [www.postienotes.com.au/p/bigthings.html] .

Mick, a fellow postie rider, was awaiting our arrival in Townsville with great anticipation. After all the mayhem of the previous week at Airlie Beach, it was good to have a place to chill out with the bonus of delicious home-cooked meals. Life on the road is wonderful but every now and then you need some down time - if only to get your clothes washed and a decent haircut. Stray travellers are always grateful for the warm hospitality extended by welcoming hosts.

Mick showed us all the delights Townsville has to offer and after a weekend jaunt to Magnetic Island, Mo and I trekked ever onward to the Far North of Queensland.

Tully is the home of the Big Gumboot – being the wettest place in Australia. The top of the gumboot at 7.9 metres marks the high point of the 1950 ﬂ ood which ripped through the town. It was no surprise then that it was raining when Mo and I arrived.

We ducked in to Mission Beach to visit the Big Cassowary and in spite of all the warning signs, did not meet any of the real ones. I had spent part of my wayward youth picking and packing bananas around Mission Beach and El Arish but I could not recognise any of the places I’d once known.

A short detour inland is Paronella Park – one of the MUST DOs in Far North Queensland.

It is a castle built by a romantic Spaniard with a vision of grandeur and it had served as a ballroom, a wedding venue and a picnic playground throughout the 1930s and ‘40s. A series of floods, mishaps and cyclones caused its slow decay during the following decades until new visionaries came on the scene. Mark and Judy Evans bought it and began the resurrection - maintaining and preserving, rather than rebuilding.

Paronella Park is like stepping inside an old movie set. It has the remnants of magical times and mystery oozes out of the crumbing concrete with whispers of past lives and afﬂ uent times.

The entry fee allows unlimited access to the park with the day tour and night tours presented by expert guides, as well as a night of free camping in the caravan park. All the campers trooped over to the Mena Creek pub for an excellent meal and to watch Queensland get beaten by NSW in the State of Origin. My little Bandaged Bear Sprocket was kidnapped and became an honorary cane toad for the duration.

Cairns, for me, was a gateway destination with Sledge and Marg as our wonderful hosts and Mositters. My daughter was fl ying in for a week and, swapping two wheels for four, we jammed in every tourist activity we could manage. A day trip to Kuranda via the Skyway with the bonus of the open-air Canopy Glider was a magnifi cent experience, then fi nishing the day with the Scenic Railway back down to Cairns. A few days up at Cape Tribulation and the Daintree rainforest saw us once again Ocean Rafting out to the reef snorkelling among the turtles. On the Atherton tablelands we visited the giant fi g trees and the Avenue of Honour beside Lake Tinaroo. Sprocket got a tattoo at the Night Markets; my daughter being a bad infl uence on my bear, not to mention leading me astray with far too many margaritas at the Green Ant Cantina.

Farewelling my offspring and retrieving Mo, I once more headed off north on my solo journey.

On our way to Cooktown I met Ray at the Palmer River Roadhouse. Ray was the son-in-law of Jose Paronella

and had spent most of his youth at Paronella Park in its heyday. Ray had lost his driver’s licence due to old age so he was pulling his caravan with an old tractor, powered by cooking oil and accompanied by his poodle named Night. Top speed 20km/h. This is the only vehicle Mo has managed to overtake in the last 40,000kms.

I looked on enviously as the sign to the northern tip of Australia ﬂ ashed past on my left and although I would have loved to have joined the Cape York Postie Adventure [Australian

MOTORCYCLIST Magazine #36], I did not have the off-roading skill to tackle the 1000km distance on dirt and sand nor the desire to rush the journey.

Cooktown was therefore my furthest destination north and I managed a tiny taste of the peninsula conditions by doing the Battle Camp Road to Laura. All was going brilliantly well on the hard packed red clay until Mo found the only patch of sand in the entire 150km stretch. Down we went with a graceless thump, snapping Mo’s brake lever as we hit the deck.

We then had to limp back to Mareeba on back brake only. Overloaded grumpy little posties which steer like a washing machine on a good day, don’t stop terribly well with pathetic old drum brakes.

Turning Mo south from Laura, instead of north, felt all wrong. We should have been heading to the equator, not the Tropic of Capricorn. It felt like unﬁnished business, not reaching Cape York and so it remains on my ToDo list.

Stay tuned for more of Jacqui and Mo’s adventures in future issues. D

LAUNCH TEAROUTMAP#53

ALBURY, MATE!

Yeah, she’s a gooden, eh!

IF YOU’VE EVER driven/ridden from Sydney to Melbourne or vice versa via the Hume Highway you more than likely stopped for a feed or fuel in Albury. As much as Albury is used as a “rest stop”, did you actually know there are some cracking good roads to be enjoyed pretty much straight out of town? This particular ride takes you out around Lake Hume and comes back towards Albury where you can take the optional Granya Gap Road, which is a truly awesome set of twisties. Enjoy!

ALBURY

Despite most people doing a ﬂythrough of Albury on their way to either Melbourne or Sydney, the town is quite pretty with many old historic buildings, wide country streets and the stunning Sumsion Gardens. Being a major regional town, you can get anything and everything you’ll need. I’ve normally stayed at The Hume Inn which is reasonably priced and has an Italian

WORDS STUART PHOTOS VARIOUS

restaurant out the front. In fact, The Hume Inn is where our very own Lester Morris used to have his cabaret show!

An interesting fact - Albury Wodonga is home to Australia’s Flying Fruit Fly Circus, the only full-time circus school in Australia catering for young people 8-18 years of age.

WODONGA

Wodonga is essentially a part of Albury, just across the Murray River.

TALLANGATTA

The township on the present site was officially declared in 1956, as it replaced an earlier township 7km to the east, which was flooded by the waters of the enlarged Lake Hume. It is now the service centre for the surrounding farming district as well as being an all-season holiday location and a convenient stopping place on the way to the ski fields/Snowy Mountains area.

CORRYONG

Home of the Man from Snowy River, you can explore the Man from Snowy River Museum, visit the grave of The Man from Snowy River (Jack Riley) and participate in an annual celebration at the Man from Snowy River Bush Festival, if you happen to be there at the time.

Corryong has some nice cafes to choose from as well as the hotel if you’re in need of an ale. There’s also plenty of beautiful places to stay.

TINTALDRA

It is claimed “tintaldra” is a local Aboriginal word meaning “young man by the water”. It was used by the Aboriginal guides who brought Charles Huon de Kerrilleau to the area to show him fresh grass and water. The Tintaldra Hotel sadly closed earlier this year. It is a signiﬁ cant historic hotel on the bank

www.hemamaps.com.au

HEAD NORTH, WHEN THE SOUTH IS COLD

MAIN ROUTE - YELLOW

Head south out of Albury on High Street, turning left on Osburn Street at the Red Rooster chicken joint. Head through a couple of roundabouts always veering left until you’re on Murray Valley Highway, and essentially follow it all the way round Lake Hume, past Tallangatta and continue on to Corryong. Once you’re past Corryong, the next town is Towong where you need to make sure you veer left to stay on Murray River Road which heads up to Tintaldra. Continue on Murray River Road and follow the Victorian side of the Murray River where you’ll come to a Y-piece of the road with signs saying Granya to the left and Albury/Hume Dam to the right. If you’re not fussed on the optional route, veer to the right heading back towards Albury –this is still Murray River Road. When you get to the bridge, enjoy the sights and you’re not far from a T-intersection where you need to turn right and head back into Albury.

Distance – 285km Fuel – Albury, Tallangatta, Corryong

OPTIONAL ROUTE – PINK

Once you’re about 235km around you’ll come to the Y intersection where you can decide to do the Granya Road section. I recommend heading down and then turning around once you hit Murray Valley Road and coming back. Trust me, it’s certainly worth it. Just watch some leaf litter and of course those Highway Patrol people.

Distance – 17km each way Fuel – As above

just above the Murray River. The original hotel was built by Sydney Grandison Watson around 1864. The present hotel had been built by 1874 and was originally known as the Pet Lamb Hotel. Now, only the general store is open, but the town is still worth checking out.

GRANYA

Hotel Granya is the main attraction here (apart from the surrounding roads). The hotel offers free camping, has great food and cold beer, and the best part is that they love to cater for motorcyclists. Call them on 02 6072 9548 or email: mfabik@ skymesh.com.au

LAKE HUME VILLAGE

Mainly just a reference point for this ride, but Lake Hume Resort offers some nice cabin-style accommodation. D

Time for Techno Blade Words Stuart Photos robert Murdoch

Honda CBR1000RR FiReBlade

IreMeMBer when the Honda CBR900RR Fireblade ﬁrst rolled off the production line back in 1992 and stunned the world with its amazing handling, lightness and fast engine. Twenty-ﬁve years later, Honda is hoping its all-new Fireblade will stun the world again, and offered up a bike packed with electronics never seen on a CBR before.

Previous model Fireblades have all been about the handling; getting weight distribution near even, and frame stiffness at the right point for excellent levels of feel. And while the Blades have always been powerful, they have never been class-leading.

But, I always look at races like the Isle of Man TT and what wins there. Most of those bikes are about as close to a production bike as you’ll get on any racetrack in the world, and the Fireblade has had massive success. This success isn’t due to horsepower, but handling. Sure, the engines are hotted up but it’s no good having ﬁve million horsepower if it won’t stop and go around a corner properly.

As I mentioned, the 2017 Fireblade is all about the electronics, but Honda hasn’t just stopped there; many other areas of the Fireblade have been enhanced to essentially produce a ‘new’ machine.

A big part of making any motorcycle faster and betterhandling is to make it lighter. Honda has reduced the weight by a staggering 15kg! It makes me wonder how you can get so much weight out of a modern supersports motorcycle, but

Honda has reduced the thickness of the frame, redesigned the swingarm, and made a new subframe to shave off around 1.2kg there alone.

The frame does look similar to the previous model but the geometry has been changed quite a bit and offers a faster turn-in and better traction.

Honda has also shaved weight from the front calipers and the wheels (going from a six-spoke to a ﬁve-spoke), but the big weight reduction is in the ABS unit which sheds more than three kilos from the bike.

How technology has changed – the processor is miniaturised, yet has more functionality and processes more inputs. The engine has also shed more than two kg with the introduction of magnesium, and utilises lighter and shorter bolts where possible. The

mufﬂer has also been put on a diet. It’s 2.8kg lighter thanks to the titanium mufﬂer. All this weight-saving adds up fast and Honda has also tried to centralise components as much as possible, which gives the Fireblade a 600cc-like lightness.

1. Stuart battling with ex-WSBK and World Endurance racer, Steve Martin

2. Getting the hot tip from ex-500GP rider, Kevin Magee

In terms of styling, the new Blade is smaller and more compact. It’s nine millimetres thinner through the middle section and 12mm thinner through the upper cowling area. It’s actually quite a tiny bike, probably too tiny for tall riders like me. I struggled to hold on down the front straight of Phillip Island during the launch at 290km/h due to the lack of enough fairing and screen protection.

The in-line four-cylinder engine is now eight kW more powerful and has a 750rpm increase on the rev limit, which is now 13,000rpm. Higher-lift cams, larger 48mm throttle bodies and a redesigned airbox all contribute to this power increase, and it is seriously fast. Some of the pro-racers at the launch were hitting the maximumindicated 299km/h down the chute which is right up there with the current crop of litre bikes.

You also quickly realise how fast this bike is when you see how easy it is to wheelspin! An assist and slipper clutch works perfectly with a nice, easy lever pull. But missing as standard ﬁtment is a quickshifter, and I’m at a loss to

understand why it isn’t there from the showroom ﬂoor. Honda does offer one which takes care of both up- and down-shifts as an accessory, but it should be standard ﬁtment in my view. I did ride a Blade with the accessory quickshifter at the launch, and it is excellent, just add in the extra $700-odd dollars at the time of purchase.

Electronics (as I mentioned) play a huge part in the new Blade, and I didn’t gel with all of them.

ABS with cornering and anti-rear lift-control might be good for a lot of riders, but when you are pushing that last couple of percent it’s not such a good piece of technology. It essentially releases the front brake slightly, thus increasing the overall braking distance.

The next big electronic goodie to be fitted to the new Blade is throttleby-wire (TBW), or fly-by-wire as everyone else calls it. Honda has taken the throttle-by-wire from the mega RC213V-S and recalibrated it for the Blade. Doing away with throttle cables, TBW has allowed Honda to fit five different power modes to the Blade.

I felt anything but Power 1 was a waste, but my mind might change in slippery conditions with cut slick-like tyres. Let’s wait and see. The TBW was a bit of a disappointment for me. It has taken away the connectivity from what your right wrist is doing to what you’re feeling through the rear tyre. It also doesn’t like being treated with smoothness. You essentially need to crack it more than you might want to for the bike to perform with feel; this does induce a lot of rear wheelspin which can be controlled by the HSTC (Honda Selectable Torque Control, or Traction Control to you and me).

HSTC has nine levels of interaction and it was interesting to note you could achieve a higher top-speed down the straight with HSTC turned on levels 1 or 2 versus it turned off entirely. I did ﬁnd the throttle felt a bit better with HSTC turned off, but that resulted in a slower top speed, which in turn would result in a slower lap time. This is obviously the electronics controlling some of the wheelspin and giving the

Blade better drive out of turns – common sense, really.

But making the Fireblade a truly exciting ride is the wheelspin-into wheelstand you get out of turns! A heavier rear-spring would need to be ﬁtted if you’re doing a lot of track work as even the lightweight racer boys had the same trouble.

One electronic feature I loved to play with was Selectable Engine Braking. There are three levels to choose from and I ended up using level 3 the most. This also helped with partially overcoming the interaction of the anti-rear lift.

But that’s not all. You also get a Ride Mode Selector which has three standard non-changeable settings and two User modes which can be conﬁgured how you like, and all of which can be scrolled through and used while on the move.

A full-colour TFT dash gives the new Fireblade a feel of high quality. It is bright and super easy to read at any speed and/or lighting condition. You can choose from Street or Circuit Mode to change the information you’re seeing, and you can also change the background colours and patterns to what you like. Of course, the information delivered to you is extensive.

Honda has always been about quality. It has always been a bike finished to very high standards, and the new Fireblade takes this to another level with premium plastics, paintwork, fitment, and beautiful finishes on the engine. The list goes on, with LED lighting for the entire bike. The headlights are excellent, and both now come on, rather than the odd-looking single headlight stunt most manufacturers seem to use on twin-headlight bikes.

Anyone who knows me knows I love my Honda Fireblades. For me to be even remotely critical of the new 2017 Blade is awkward, but I think the precision of the Blades of old has been a little lost with the introduction of so many electronics in this new bike. It is still a blindingly fast machine and I will be interested to see how the ASBK boys of Troy Herfoss and Bryan Staring go when they debut their new Blades shortly. They attended the launch and said they liked the power and lightness. Let’s see how they go sorting the electronics to their liking. D

SPECS

HONDA

CBR1000RR FIREBLADE

PRICE: $22,500 (plus on-road charges)

WARRANTY: Two years, unlimited distance

SERVICING INTERVALS: Every 12,000km or 12 months

ENGINE: Liquid-cooled inline four cylinder, 4-stroke, DOHC, 4 valves per cylinder

BORE x STROKE: 76 x 55mm

DISPLACEMENT: 999cc

COMPRESSION: 13.0:1

POWER: 141kW @ 13,000rpm

TORQUE: 114Nm @ 11,000rpm

TRANSMISSION: 6-speed, wet multi-plate A&S clutch, chain ﬁnal drive

SUSPENSION: Front, 43mm inverted fork, adjustable preload, compression and rebound, travel 120mm.

Rear, monoshock, adjustable preload, compression and rebound, travel 130mm.

DIMENSIONS: Seat height 832mm, weight 196kg (wet), fuel capacity 16.2 litres, wheelbase 1405mm

TYRES: Front, 120/70/ZR17. Rear, 190/50/ZR17

FRAME: Diamond aluminium twin spar

BRAKES: Front, twin 320mm discs with radial four-piston ABS calipers. Rear, 220mm disc, single-piston ABS caliper.

FUEL CONSUMPTION: N/A

THEORETICAL RANGE: N/A

COLOURS:Victory Red, Matt Ballistic Black

VERDICT: A QUALITY BIT OF KIT

Transterra Alpine Explorer

Words/photos RALPH

EVENT HigHeR ground

‘In the high country of the mind one has to become adjusted to the thinner air of uncertainty’

robert

M. Pirsig rIP

Abraham m aslow’s Hierarchy of Needs states humans are wired into an assortment of fundamental necessities in life quite apart from food and shelter for survival. Maslow’s pyramid of needs lists at its base physiological needs like safety, belonging and love. He then moves up the pyramid to add self-esteem, self-actualisation, and caps the pyramid with a dose of self-transcendence to describe all human motivation.

The last couple had me drifting off into a ‘Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance’ trance, knowing motorcycling is 100 per cent of my living and breathing requirements.

I think poor ol’ Abraham, a New Yorker from the ’40s, had a massive oversight in nourishing the soul by not expanding his list to include ‘to ride an adventure bike across the best man-formed roads in Alpine Victoria over ﬁve days’. Especially when KTM came to the party with the single-minded beast of an 1190 Adventure R.

Ralph doing the right thing at Craigs Hut.

maschine

Nick aNd Trudi Selleck maschine not only conduct tours, they also run excellent training and events.

www.maschine.com.au

Ph: 03 5428 8433

In order to make that concept ﬁt into a busy life, I called on the best in the business for escorted adventure touring – a company called maschine –which operates TRANSTERRA (TT) – and who invited me to their Alpine Explorer ride, starting out from Bright in middle-Victoria.

Bike and riding-gear was sorted by me, so all I had to do was turn up. The company provides everything else, and not just the route and maps, but backup transport, booked hotels, food every night, and an impressive preevent get together at the Porepunkah Pub where 110 riders on every brand of dual-sport bike rendezvoused, and where support staff tuned into our every need. The only thing I had to do was to remember to ﬁll up the KTM’s 21-litre tank.

Day 1 – Bright to Mansfiel D

The good news on the ﬁrst day is everyone doesn’t leave like it’s a Le Mans race-start. It’s all pretty casual. People amble up to drop off their kit-bags at the back-up 4WD ute and trailer (a daily ritual), and get themselves breakfast at various businesses in Bright. The ambling was a good thing too as Victoria, while pristine in April’s climate, was a little dusty on the trails after a prolonged absence of rain, so it paid to let people get ahead and not eat their dust. My physiological state wasn’t the best, but I can’t really blame the pub the night before. I was nursing a severe medial crucial ligament injury, so while I felt I could at least ride well enough to enjoy the KTM at a leisurely pace, there was no way I was going to stand up on the pegs for the week.

The ﬁrst day provided superb scenery, skirting around the Mount Buffalo massif and heading in a circular route to the north and west,

then tracking down to Mansfield. Nick Sellick, head dude of maschine (along with his wife Trudi), and his brilliant staff of helpers kept the route to a shorter ride to ensure the vast cross-section of skills on tour could settle in and develop confidence, not only in their riding but also in their navigation skills. I choose a form of self-harm, opting for analogue map-reading, forgoing the charms GPS and IPhone technology and relying on the signposted arrows to indicate a change-of-direction and helped you remain confident you are still on the correct route. What could go wrong? Well, unless you aren’t great at spotting fluoro-green arrows, not a lot. Day One was about finding your own comfortable pace, meeting new people and knowing there was a huge amount of support, not only behind the scenes, but also at both ends of

1. Enjoying a late afternoon burn off 2. Detailed maps are excellent

DAY 2 – MANSFIELD TO MARYSVILLE

Safety is the mantra of almost any organisation these days. From ‘We

put your safety first’ to ‘Nothing is more important than your safety. These are the Days of Litigation, after all. I like the onus of responsibility coming back on the individual and while TRANSTERRA can tick every single box in providing a safe environment, it will

Jim Jim Falls, Kakadu

the group. Lots of epic scenery and a bit of culture visiting the scene of the stick-up by the Ned Kelly gang.

always come back to how you ride or behave. That is the key to dual-sport or adventure riding. Stay within your own skill-set and the bikes limits all the time. It is equal parts both a physical and mental challenge. Because it’s Victoria, we were never more than 300kms from Melbourne and a decent hospital. Some people carried spare tubes and levers, and tools, along with drinks

and snacks. Some packed lighter knowing there was a sweep-rider, and if you absolutely needed it, a ute with off-road credentials was only a mobile call away. There was even a truck stocked with tyres, tools and expertise! I packed super-light. Two litres of water, and I forgot my snake-bite kit anyway (It’s still on your desk, Bear. It’s been there the entire summer!).

DAY 3 – MARYSVILLE TO MERRIJIG

This day started with the ﬁrst dustfree riding along the Stevenson River, and I was thinking about the mix of people who are happy to sign up, pay a reasonable fee to have everything organised, and just ride.

1. Have fun getting out of that, Ralph.

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The V9 is an elegant cruiser which has been designed from the legacy of its predecessors. Created with genuine Italian style, this universal mid-range cruiser allows you to follow your heart wherever it may roam.

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Great mix, too. Seven girls and 103 blokes, ranging from early 20s to mid70s, from professionals to company directors to tradies and everything in between. It didn’t take more than a few hours for groups to form, and people who seemed poles apart just got along.

As Hawkeye said in the ﬁnal episode of M*A*S*H, “I didn’t love you all, but I loved as many of you as I could”. I felt like that a little. With so many diverse and interesting individuals I really didn’t have time to buddy up with anyone or any group. I tended to mingle in and out, but then I hooked up with F800-riding Peter from Sydney, who as luck would have it, happened to be the craziest person there. We had much in common, like losing mobiles, bits of kit, and our way! But I was really all about enjoying the ride and seeing

“WE WERE RIDING A WAVE OF EUPHORIA. THE BEST RIDING, THE BEST VIEWS, AND THE CHALLENGES OF SOME TASTY BREAKOUT ‘ENDURO’ SECTIONS”

how other people took in adventure-style riding in an organised way. I was happy to see the evidence of bonding. Cracking up in spontaneous laughter was never more than a breather-stop away. Nearly everyone I spoke to enjoyed the event, and the way it was organised, and thought maschine provided real value for money.

DAY 4 MERRIJIG TO BEECHWORTH

The ride just kept getting better and better and this day was special. We were riding a wave of euphoria. The best riding, the best views, and the challenges (for a nonstanding-in-constant-pain whinger like me) of some tasty breakout ‘enduro’ sections. It was the longest, yet most satisfying day by far. As Nick said at the previous night’s brieﬁng “Don’t overdo anything (I think he meant taking undue risks although try saying that to any motorcyclist worth his MotoOz knobby tyre) that may require outside assistance because even though we will only be 100 kilometres by the way the crow ﬂies from civilisation, we are in some very remote places tomorrow.” He wasn’t kidding. In middle-Victoria you can feel very isolated staring out from Craig’s Hut. An almost 360 degree panorama of forest, mountains and sky – it was breathtaking. I even overheard someone say: “This is

There’s always someone to help you ﬁx a ﬂat!

where I want to have my ashes spread”. An hour later I was glad not to have ashes to spread. After the Hut, I chose a down- hill run to let some steam off. Then it was uphill into the Staircase, which has a reputation for wrecking egos and denting crash-bars. My gimpy knee meant I didn’t have the speed to properly address the boulders and chewedout track. Eighty metres is a huge distance to hop beside a 10-metre high 1190R being inched ahead by its clutch, while cursing in three languages. The Staircase gave my selfesteem a decent boost and realigned my survival instincts, although I’m not going to admit the pain was worth it.

DAY 5 – BEECHWORTH AND BACK TO BASE AT BRIGHT

For some the Alpine Explorer route was more ride and mateship than life-changing event. From what I could see, words like ‘camaraderie’, ‘insight’ and ‘resourcefulness’ took on their true meanings for many.

Conversations invariably dealt with the meaning of life, male health, depression and saving the bush for our grandkids. It was all pretty warm and fuzzy. DualSport riding, whether in the Hindu Kush or the wilds of Kakadu, is partially taming fear and partially climbing the Everest of riding skill and looking back over the smaller peaks you’ve conquered. This is sure to be different for everyone. I saw riders deck and bend their bikes, only to dust off and plug along nursing a few battle-scars. They’d put up with the odd bruise and come out smiling and with a few more skills to boot.

The KTM 1190R taught me more about my lack of skills rather than increase them, but my biggest realisation of how skilled I wasn’t, was when I went trawling off-path, through a ﬂexible road marker, skimmed past a tree and over a metre-high mound (actually through rather than over) and somehow got back on the track. I learned to trust the 1190 R is inherently built to resist gravity despite my best efforts.

MOVE OVER MASLOW

Saddle up with maschine, and maybe you can redeﬁne some of Maslow’s pyramid of needs for yourself – and maybe include ‘opportunity’ in there. The grandeur of the Victorian high country will help you do this, providing you with spectacular vistas and a riding experience like no other. And the maschine operation would be hard to beat. It provides everything you require to rebuild Maslow’s pyramid in your image.

The TT ride gave more than 100 riders opportunities they would never have had, and the next one is staring at me on the screen. The guys are heading over to ride the Italian Alps and that’s an opportunity my self-esteem can handle. Bring it on! D

» Weighs only 570g

» Inflate a low or flat tyre quickly and safely

» Ideal for use on motorcycles, ATV’s and scooters

COMPACT POCKET PUMP TYRE GAUGE

Measures PSI or KPA

0-60 PSI/0-4.2 KPA read out

50mm (2”) analogue dial

300mm (12”) braided flex hose

Push button air bleed valve

Protective rubber gauge guard

Self-locking air chuck PLUS A SECOND 45° chuck for those hard to

get to valves

LOCK & CABLE » 5 ft long, 5mm thick plastic coated steel cable

» Re-settable 4 digit combination lock

» Soft silicone cover to protect lock and bike parts

AND

Must. Not. Sleep.

CELEBRATION EVENT

I’m sUrE IF I had a shrink, the conversation might go along the lines of “You need to get out more often”, and “While we are talking about the things between

Harley-Davidson hits the ton in Aus! Words/photos RALPH

your legs, I really think one of them should be a Harley-Davidson”.

I think by now you know where I am going with this. Long rides, cool parties, good company

and a sense of freedom go hand in hand with the marque; especially as the iconic American brand has some serious celebrations going on in Australia.

I was invited to one of these parties, and joined in the clapping and hollering at Morgan & Wacker in Brisbane, celebrating 100 years of selling Harleys in Australia.

Brisbane was the kick-off point for the obligatory ride and the factory’s recognition of its 100year Australian connection. The

Australian importer put on a great roadshow, supplying a range of its touring ﬂeet for the press as well as organising the logistics of an epic ride down the eastern seaboard to Sydney, ducking inland to Canberra and down over the spine of the Great Divide, on to Melbourne and wrapping up in Geelong.

Work commitments conspired to make sure I only did the ﬁrst half. But this was an opportunity for the travelling celebration to draw in some very passionate HOG (Harley Owners Group) members who were able to ensure there was always a cavalcade of bikes and people along the route.

Topping off the event was a certain Mr Bill Davidson who responded to the Australian request to come along, with a “Hell yeah!”. The factory

itself is well past its 115-years of manufacturing, and is as supportive of Morgan & Wacker as any doting parent would be witnessing the

success of its children. Australia is, after all, recognised as one of the factory’s largest and most successful markets.

Interview with Bill Davidson

Bill is not only immersed in the brand and linked by birth, all the way back to his Great-grandfather, he also boasts an almost evangelic following among Harley riders. The queues to get a signed T-shirt or a selﬁe moment with Bill were huge. But despite his celebrity, away from the crowd Bill is a as normal and down-toearth as anyone I’ve met.

RLM

Is your role purely ambassadorial and linked to the Harley-Davidson museum?

Bill Davidson

No, it is a little be more than that. I am a company spokesperson, and so an ambassador for our brand. I travel all over the world and run our museum business, which is an awesome place to be with the company. It’s not only a museum, but a place where a lot of people who don’t ride but have an interest in the brand come to have a look. They visit and we work very hard to inspire them to maybe buy a Harley-Davidson or get involved in motorcycling, and that’s a lotta fun. I have

another role on our executive team involving global marketing and sales. It is the strategy of how we take our products and market them and sell them around the globe.

Do you take the brand to the world or because HarleyDavidson is such a strong brand you are asking the world to come to you?

Bill

It probably depends on the different sectors around the world. There are locations where people are coming to Harley because they are curious and the museum is a perfect example. India is another perfect example where riding has been part of the culture, but as it emerges and Harley becomes bigger and people become curious, it is important for us to continue to pull people in and that’s a big deal.

RLM

You’ve ridden all over the world, so I’m wondering what your favourite ride might be.

Bill

I’ve been fortunate to ride in many very beautiful areas of the world, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, Europe, the States, and I don’t know if one is really a big favourite. I do enjoy riding the backroads to Sturgis and that’s kind of a neat thing to do every year. I’m really looking forward to my ride here. The last time I was over here in Brisbane was in 1998 with my dad, mum, and sister. We were here for the National Australian HOG Rally. I’ve been in Perth, Sydney and Melbourne since, but I haven’t been back to Brisbane until now.

RLM

Have you ever thought about writing a book?

Bill

You know I often talked about writing a book and someday I hope that dream comes true. The Harley-Davidson world is pretty amazing. It’s much more than a motorcycle, it’s a lifestyle. It’s something people are so passionate about… people are tattooing their skin with our brand. The people I have met from all walks of life all over the world are wonderful and it’s the camaraderie and that excitement I want to write about.

RLM

I have to come clean, Bill. In my 45 years of motorcycling, I haven’t really been overly concerned with the brand. So how do you get someone like me ignited about Harleys?

Bill

I think it is the opportunity to ride one of our motorcycles, either by yourself or with in a group. Do a phenomenal ride and really understand how that Harley-Davidson touches you in an emotional sense. It’s a lot to do with the look, sound and feel of that mechanical sculpture. With our bikes, there is authenticity from front to back. We don’t create something mechanically and then cover it up with a cover. Everything on a Harley is there for people to view and aesthetically it’s an ingredient of our motorcycles that sets us apart. We look at every single fastener, screw, washer, nut and bolt. Does it look right, what colour is it, what material is it made from, and so on? So, it’s the look, the sound of our V-Twins, the unique feel to be honest. When you ride a Harley-Davisson we want to see you connected to it. Its talking to you. Its soothing and it’s great.

I get it, Bill. I really do. Now I’ve just got to ﬁnd the money…

Davidson

I flew into Brisbane in time for the Friday night party and a sitdown one-on-one with Bill. The icing on this cake was being able to join the parade, and then head off to Sydney, which also gave me a chance to sample four of H-D’s 2017 models.

And I’ll confess, those few days just about equalled my entire lifetime’s exposure to the H-D brand. Seems remarkable really. I think I might need some more American Iron therapy to address what I have clearly been missing.

I have ridden maybe four models in the previous 40 years and I have to say the experience wasn’t high on my must-repeat list. My world was just too full of excellent Italian machinery, stunning German and Austrian adventure options, and a host of English and Japanese experiences to be had, but I’ve got to say the good folks at H-D did a great job of trying to convert me to their side of the road.

Making a choice isn’t easy. H-D’s phone-book-sized catalogue is just too abundant and confusing for

someone like me. You are looking at a platform of engines and chassis options, then delving even deeper to ﬁnd another range of models, and never quite getting away from the basic look of a big rig dominated by a V-Twin engine. I made it easy on myself and stuck to the comfy-looking ones with lots of interesting knobs and loud music.

One thing struck me about the H-D experience and culture. The ﬁrst was it is as passionate as any other genre of motorcycling, and then some. You can’t knock that. There must have been

more than a 1000 riders at dealerships enroute. Their collective tune was as playful and as loud as could be. If you put a line of Harley’s together the noise is thunderous. The low-revving twins have a distinctive if not relaxed note, and it is a syncopated beat, which Harley even tried to patent once. It’s a noise that does tend to part the waves when it comes to other road-users.

As I rode across the range over the ensuing days I kept hearing Australia’s CEO Nigel Keogh’s mutterings to me after I dissed the brand a little (only through lack of exposure, I hasten to add)…

“Spend some time in the saddle and you will understand why HarleyDavidson offers more freedom than any other brand…”

It was starting to make a strange sense. After the three days cycling through the Road King, Street Glide, the Senior Vice-President Marc McKesser’s own CVO Road King, and ﬁnally Nigel’s own orange Street Glide, I was getting the message.

They really are like no other bike –but the whole Harley experience is a combination of many things, which I suppose can be looked at as a type of unique freedom.

The bikes themselves are very comfortable and the new Milwaukee Eight iteration is big step forward in terms of performance. You can’t help but be… well, really satisﬁed with the ride.

Damn my short legs, damn the weight of straightening up the ‘bars to dismount and doubledamn the fact I don’t have a spare 30-odd thousand dollars to own this sucker.

Yes, the evil Harley magic worked on me. My indifference was replaced with envy and satisfaction. Job done, I guess. D

Snake Valley Royal Hotel

Middle of town, Snake Valley,Victoria. T: 03 5344 9224

THE SNAKE VALLEY Pub is so close to the road parking right out front is impossible. And across the road is a weird parking area some genius in the Pyrenees council thought up and the locals immediately destroyed.

I’ve been riding up from the coast in a gale, the bike skipping sideways in the crosswinds, and rain lashing my visor.

I park Super-Ten there in the storm and head for the refuge.

Fay’s working and immediately suggests I move the bike around undercover beside the boss’s car. It’ll be safe and dry and much closer to my $60 room.

She passes me the key.

The room’s got everything I need; strong hooks to hang the armour stuff, an oil heater to dry out my boots, and an electric blanket on the double-bed. Down the hall is a little kitchen with a fridge and a kettle: Simple needs fully met.

Back in the bar, I get a red wine and check the place out. There’s a huge water

buffalo head mounted in pride of place on the wall behind the bar. No-one’s got a clue as to its significance, who killed it, who stuffed it or who stuck it on the wall. Beside it are half-a-dozen of those framed racing photos from the finish post of trotting races, all feature a thing called ‘Belts’ crossing the line first. There’s a TV at one end, a bingo-ticket machine next to the fire, and a pool room out the back.

A trio of chainsaw jockeys comes in after a day cutting up trees that’ve blown down. I’ve passed half a dozen bits of their work on the way up from Mortlake. Meanwhile Cupcake’s sucking on a long neck beside the raging fire and I muscle in to get some feeling into my fingers. He’s a shearer, had an early finish when

the sheep got too wet so he’s kicking back, the ﬁrst fella I’ve seen who wears orange crocs to match his hi-viz top. I’ve obviously stumbled on a fashion capital. London, Paris, New York, Snake Valley.

Four years ago he had a stroke. The doctors reckon it was from the stress of year-round shearing six days a week. He’s fully recovered but now has two days a week off and uses a harness.

It’s pretty quiet. The ﬁre crackles, the trio are entertaining each other and Fay is keeping an eye on things.

Then Ian and his mates rock up.

They’ve all come down from a trotting stable across the valley and they’ve got a sleep-in in the morning so they’re up for a session. Ian and a couple of mates are blow-ins from the city but the others

work the stables. They’re an eclectic mix spanning the less-polished end of the roughness scale and in their midst Ian seems almost genteel. The boss man hasn't joined them.

Together with Fay and the owners of the pub and seemingly half the town, most of these fellas own a share in the trotter on the wall. And because it’s racing at Ballarat tomorrow they don't have to get up at sparrow’s.

We talk about their horse and they tell me to get on it. It doesn't win every race, but it’s looking pretty good.

We talk of the old days when the trots truly were the ‘red hots’. Where some races were seemingly so well-scripted they deserved a Helpmann Award!

We talk of cattle prods, electric whips,

Yep, it’s a good’n

Any rider will tell you after a day out in cold pumping rain and constant side-winds, we set the bar pretty low: just give us somewhere dry, warm and friendly.

On the ride out from Snake Valley I mulled over: Was it really a good pub or was I just desperate and easily satisﬁed?

But yeah, no… it had been a high-quality night with good people in a good place.

This is a pub without pretention, a place which succeeds 100 per cent in delivering on its aspirations to make all who visit, locals, regulars and blow-ins like us, welcome and comfortable. Oh, and there’s some great riding in every direction! I’ll have to try it in the dry one day soon.

It’s like a good outback pub transplanted into the wilds of Victoria.

It rated four helmets on our scale and just on 180 on our value ratings.

ﬂat tyres, getting a trotter to ‘break’, how taking the enforcer to a galloper coming up the rise at Randwick was a good way of tiring it out well before the post.

We share stories about the meaning of the signals when the driver or jockey heads out from the enclosure with his goggles either up over the brim of his cap, over his eyes or around his neck. (Hint: don't back a horse if pilot heads out with his goggles around his neck!)

Of how looseners always come out the barriers just that little bit hesitantly, but ﬁrmers always come out clean.

And how to back winners, especially in 1400m midweeks.

We order dinner. I opt for the lamb shanks and mash which is perfect what my mum calls, ‘stick to your ribs’ food for cold weather. Seems there’s only two sorts of people in the bar, those who live here and those who wish they did.

A few of the stable crew head out to play pool. One’s the worst player I’ve ever seen. The white spends more time in the air and on the ﬂoor than on the table, but everyone’s having a ball.

Other locals drop in for a chat and a drink, a few go for chow.

Before I head off, I settle the bill, careful to pay in only twentydollar notes.

I leave the racing boys trading foul shots and fouler stories. Before I head, Ian grabs me, tells me he’s not an urger, and that their horse is no certainty but still a decent chance. I note Belts’s details: Number 9 Race 6 at Ballarat.

After a great sleep in a good bed and then a shower of endless heat, I head out in the cold damp morning up to the local primary school where John Flynn spent his youth.

I’m hoping they have a plaque or some other tribute.

The deputy principal knows he attended but there’s nothing. No memorial, no photo, no evidence and certainly no celebration or recognition.

John Flynn founded what was to become the Royal Flying Doctor Service.

He was a dreamer who imagined it was possible before there were planes capable, who persevered until he got a ﬁnancial break from HV McKay and a very cheap plane from Hudson Fysh, the founder of Qantas. This is the man honoured with his mug and his story on each of the 20 bucks I handed to Fay to settle my slate last night.

Every one of us who travels into the heart of this land does so with a safetynet of sorts. Every pub worth its salt collects for this safety-net, the RFDS, with either notes stuck to the ceiling, an upturned umbrella where you chuck your change, or a simple collection box.

Yet the local Pyrenees Council can ﬁnd the money to erect a hopelessly useless carpark, but has neither the vision nor the will to honour the school of the founder of our most unique, iconic and respected national institution (along with the SLSA).

I ﬁgure the Council must be permanently blinded by the sort of fog and mist that hits me as I head north and out of town.

By lunchtime I’m at Daylesford’s Royal and seeing that it’s just a massive soulless place dominated by gambling I ﬁgure why not chuck a few bob on Belts?

Two days later I’m in Berrigan, one of the homes of Federation. I check at the TAB and the bloody thing’s won so I pull the ticket from my wallet. I’m up for a free night and a free meal!

But, bugger it, I’ve crossed the Murray. “Sorry mate, this’s a Victorian ticket and we can’t cash it here.”

You’re kiddin! I stick it back in my wallet and curse the politicians of the 1890’s who met here in the town, for forgetting to unify the gambling system while they were busy federating the states!

When people hear I write this column and have a book on pubs coming out, the ﬁrst question is often about the best pub I’ve visited. I tell ’em there’s no single best joint but rather there’s a formula for being up with the greats.

See, ‘pub’ is a contraction of ‘public house’ and for a public house to be great it’s gotta have that right balance of ‘house’ and ‘public’. From the moment you walk in (some do it from the moment you pull up), it has to make you feel at home; in your own house. But it also has to instil that feeling of being out.

You have to feel like you own a bit of it, but not act like you do.

The ﬁrst question you’ll get in such places (after what you’d like to drink), is usually what brings you to these parts. And the next is very often what your name is. See, once you’ve got a name, and once you know Cupcake’s and Fay’s, you’re home, despite being out!

And when that happens, you just know you’re in a good pub! And the Snake Valley Royal is a good pub!

This is a (very) condensed version of an episode from my forthcoming book, “Pub Yarn, the Pub, the Whole Pub and Nothing but the Pub”. For information search Facebook for ‘Nothing but the Pub”. D

KawasaKi Versys X

IT’S AlwAYS interesting to see the emergence of a new ‘class’ of motorcycle. It’s true that our esteemed Editor Emeritus rode a 250 ‘dirt bike’ around the world, but he hardly set a trend and none of the manufacturers came out with a ‘Bear Brand’ adventure bike.

small really is beautiful. But hard

WORDS/phOtOS sTUarT

But roll forward to today, and most of the major manufacturers are doing precisely that.

Take Kawasaki; take the hugely popular Ninja 300, add some longer travel suspension, new frame, higher handlebar, wire wheels and other adventure features and bam, you

have the Versys X! The Versys X is not a full-on adventure bike, rather a light, maintained dirt road adventurer but I think they are onto a winner. Both the newbies keen to get into the adventure riding world or those who simply want an ultra-light machine for some dirt will be well served by it.

An all-new highly rigid backbone frame was designed to handle any off-road (or as Kawasaki put it –‘unpaved road’) excursions and it was also designed to support a pillion and luggage if you so desire. Bolted to the frame is the long travel suspension giving 130mm front and 148mm rear travel – enough to navigate some rougher terrain if you come across it, although I would be ﬁ tting some knobby tyres to the 19 inch front and 17 inch rear wheels ﬁ rst! The suspension doesn’t feel cheap as it does with a lot of small bikes; the Versys is suspended well to handle pretty much whatever you want to chuck at it.

In ‘standard’ trim with its road orientated tyres the Versys X is stable and easy to manoeuvre around on or off the road. The long travel suspension gives you a comfy ride on

South

our crap bitumen. In the dirt the high standard continues with excellent feedback which allows you to navigate dirt roads easily and conﬁ dently – a big bonus for any

newbies looking to explore the off-road sights. I guess the only downside is the rather hard seat. You will ﬁnd yourself buying an Airhawk or Wild Ass seat cushion if you want to cover long distances in any kind of comfort. The rest of the ergonomics are perfectly good with good legroom and a nice bar width with a ‘sit n beg’ reach. The X’s voluminous bodywork gives it the appearance of a much larger bike to rider or onlooker, yet it feels light and agile when you’re aboard thanks to the slim riding position (if you know what I mean…). The large screen deﬂects a good amount of wind, adding to the comfort.

The only thing beside the seat that I didn’t like on the Versys X was the super-short gearing. On the road you’ll be shifting more than Jonny Rea during a WSBK race, but I do understand Kawasaki’s reasoning for such short gearing. It is for those who are not so conﬁdent out in the dirt and who might not keep up as fast a pace as more experienced off-road riders, so they have some punch when it’s required at their slower pace. That’s good and safe thinking, but on the road you’ll either be shifting quickly from a standstill, or revving the little 300 twin up towards its 13,000rpm redline to get the most out of it and lengthen the time between the gear changes.

Mated to the parallel twin is an assist and slipper clutch which gives the X one of the lightest clutch lever pulls on the market. I reckon even a ﬁveyear-old could easily handle the pull!

Fuel consumption is low, and a real bonus of having something like the

X. With a 17 litre tank and a low 4.8L/100km usage you’re looking at a theoretical range of 354km which is pretty good.

The stylish and informative dash is packed with features including a gear indicator and an economical riding indicator to maximise your fuel range. Other useful features include dual trip meters, a clock, fuel gauge, remaining fuel range and current and average fuel consumption – with all this emphasis on fuel, the bike really is green.

Accessories are touring orientated, and you get the rear rack standard which is excellent. To complete the touring package Kawasaki offers hard plastic panniers, a topbox, engine guards, fog lights, hand guards, DC outlet, centre stand and an Ergo-Fit seat which is 25mm higher than the standard 815mm seat.

If you’re new to adventure riding

or want a super light and easy to handle adventure/commuter the Kawasaki Versys X should be right in your sights. It’s chain driven, so a ﬁx for the gearing is easy with some different sprockets. D

SPECS

KAWASAKI VERSYS X

PRICE: $6399 (plus on-road charges)

WARRANTY: Two years, unlimited distance

SERVICING INTERVALS: Every 6000km or 12 months

ENGINE: Liquid-cooled parallel twin cylinder, 4-stroke, DOHC, 4 valves per cylinder

BORE x STROKE: 62 x 49mm

DISPLACEMENT: 296cc

COMPRESSION: 10.6:1

POWER: 29.3kW @ 11,500rpm

TORQUE: 26Nm @ 10,000rpm

TRANSMISSION: 6-speed, wet multi-plate A&S clutch, chain ﬁnal drive

SUSPENSION: Front, 41mm telescopic fork, non-adjustable, travel 130mm. Rear, monoshock, adjustable preload, travel 148mm.

DIMENSIONS: Seat height 815mm, weight 175kg (wet), fuel capacity 17 litres, wheelbase 1450mm

TYRES: Front, 100/90/19. Rear, 130/80/17

FRAME: Tubular steel

BRAKES: Front, 290mm disc with dual-piston ABS caliper. Rear, 220mm disc, dual-piston ABS caliper.

FUEL CONSUMPTION: 4.8 litres per 100km, premium unleaded

THEORETICAL RANGE: 354km

COLOURS: Candy Lime Green / Metallic Graphite Gray, Metallic Graphite Gray / Flat Ebony

VERDICT: LIGHT N EASY, BABY!

WHERE’STHEBEAR

BEAR IN THE AIR?

No, not bloody likely! Not on that aircraft, anyway. This month The Bear has been riding for quite a stretch before he found himself in this town which might be at the other end of nowhere but which has two major tourist attractions. He’s parked at one of them in the photo.

Answers to contactus@ausmotorcyclist.com.au.

And where could that confounded Bear be this month? On the way (if you come that way) you can ﬁnd out a lot about the Australian union movement.

HERE’S THE WINNER!

Was WHERE’S THE BEAR #3 too easy once again? It looks as though it might have been, but then again pubs tend to be more easily recognised than most buildings. Replies once again came in at a satisfying rate, and the ﬁrst entry out of

The Bear’s hat and our winner this month was from Richard Hay in Canberra. With commendable brevity and impeccable accuracy, Richard wrote “The photo is the Buckleys Crossing Hotel Dalgety N.S.W.” Too right, Richard, and by the time you read this the mailman will have brought your set of four excellent Adjust-a-Straps from Rocky Creek Designs, valued at more than $60. The straps, not Rocky Creek Designs which is priceless! You will be able to apply the strap from now on with no thought of failure!

Hang onto what’s yours

It costs $38.95, but it’s truly priceless because it can save not only your helmet but also your jacket, any other items of clothing and even your bag when you have to leave them on the bike. Run the cable through some ﬁxed part of your possession, lock them to the bike with the attached digital lock and you can walk away secure in the knowledge that it’s safe from nefarious chaps and chapesses of all descriptions. Loop it through a wheel and they won’t even be able to wheel the bike away. What could be more convenient? A butler, you say? Tch tch.

SHOEI RYD HELMET

Riding with a great one

Price - $649.90

Gold iridium visor - $169.95

Transitions Photochromic visor$269.95

The Shoei range of helmets are all premium quality, which does bring a premium price tag however you need to think about what you’re sticking on your noggin and how valuable you think that is. If you’re not fussed, grab an ice-cream container and strap it on with some cable-ties. But if you really do have half-a-care in the world about high-quality ﬁ t, high-quality ﬁ nish and high levels of safety, grab a Shoei helmet!

I have the full suite of Shoei helmets –race, road, open face and adventure, and love each one for its premium ﬁt and quality features. The same high levels apply to Shoei’s new RYD full-face helmet. Classed as the “entry” helmet into the Shoei range, it is clouds above some top-of-the-range helmets. This is why I really love Shoei helmets and have done so for the last twenty plus years.

The Shoei RYD is not available with graphics or wild prints; rather basic colours that will suit all types of riders. I opted for the matte black version which costs another $50 over the gloss Black, White, and Basalt Grey versions and I think this could be the ﬁrst time a matte paintjob has cost more than gloss!

Styled as an aggressive full-face helmet, the RYD comes with matte black vents on all versions. Four shell sizes (1: XXS-S, 2: M, 3: L, 4: XL-XXL)

are available for the perfect ﬁt from the outer shell which is made from ﬁberglass layers. Optimised protection through the EPS inner shell with different shock-absorbing levels adds great safety, and if it all does go pearshaped and the ambulance crew is there to help you, Shoei has its EQRS (Emergency Quick Release System) which makes it easier to take off the helmet in an accident.

There is a double-D ring chin strap, which I ﬁnd to be the safest (in my opinion) and the most comfortable, but the best part of the new RYD has to be the top-quality inner liner which is also removable and washable. The inner liner is made from the same beautiful material as Shoei’s top dollar Spirit X III helmet, giving it a very high quality feel. Fit is exceptional with no ‘hot spots’ and the nice earpadding makes it a reasonably quiet helmet, too.

Venting works better than a lot of helmets I’ve had and now the weather is cooling off I’ve had to shut all but the chin-vent as my head gets too cold, so I can’t wait for summer to really reap the beneﬁts.

The visor, which offers excellent peripheral vision, comes standard with the awesome Pinlock antifog lens. I also received the accessory gold iridium visor and the absolutely amazing Transitions Photochromic visor. The Transitions visor changes according to the available light –clear, mid, dark all in roughly two minutes either way – from clear to

full dark/full dark to clear. This makes life very simple as you really only need one visor from now on and the more I use the Transitions visor the more I’m loving it and I’m sure I’ll shortly only ever use the Transitions visor on the road, period.

If you want a custom ﬁt or feel you’d like a little less or a little more padding in some areas, Shoei has full range of cheek and centre pads to choose from, as well as an extensive range of visors, replacement parts and breath guards. I can’t recommend the Shoei RYD helmet enough. If you ever see me riding on the street, guess what I’ll be wearing and that speaks volumes, so get out to your local bike shop, try one on, pick a colour, pick a visor and get out there, RYDing! SW

DNA AIR FILTER

There’s life in an old girl yet Price - $158

Breathing is fairly important I guess and that doesn’t matter if you’re a

living, breathing being, or a beautiful motorcycle. So what better does any motorcycle deserve but to breathe clean, performance-enhancing air from the great DNA High Performance Air Filter range? My stunning CBR900RR road-bike went for a service with the awesome crew at D Moto Motorcycle Engineering

and I got bit of a shock when the air fi lter came out for what looks to have been a bike that has been exceptionally cared for throughout its life. But to fi nd a fi lthy, dirty and very old air fi lter! I won’t talk to you about the spark plugs other than to say they are now new, but back to the air fi lter. Back in 1999 this

particular bike had a lot of money spent on it at Phil Tainton Racing with the fi tment of the exhaust, rejetting and dyno-tune and this is when I reckon the air fi lter had last been changed! Nearly 20 years of crap clogging this beautiful machine. But no more! I grabbed a DNA air fi lter from the wonderful folk at Kenma and whacked it in. DNA air fi lters are washable and reusable, so never again will rubbish be placed in my black beauty.

Starting is now much easier, it runs smoother and there has been a bit of a power increase throughout the midrange of 4-6000rpm, but mostly I’m loving the easy starting and smoother running – well worth purchasing for any motorcycle.

See your local bike shop or visit www.kenma.com.au to purchase. SW

HELD ARAS JACKET

Style in Suede

Price - $600

Sizing range is 46- 60

The one standout feature of any Held jacket, apart from how great they look, or how well-made they appear, is the level of true comfort every jacket imparts. If high levels of good ﬁ t and feel and instant comfort are top of your list then include a look-see of a Held jacket in your shopping. I have slipped into a few of the renowned German’s kit over the last few years and the ﬁ rst up thing that always crosses my mind is the way the inside of their jackets feel ‘just right’. The Aras jacket is just like that.

The almost matte black Aras jacket (like my other two HELD jackets) provides that same immediate sense of comfort I described and that is straight out of the wrapper. This is down to the polyester and cotton lining and most importantly, the cut and shape of the supple Mochetto

cowhide exterior. Even the CE certiﬁed protectors in the elbow and shoulders don’t intrude or rub and cause discomfort. In the Aras’s case you still need to be reminded that it is very much a style jacket. It isn’t quite a summer or a winter jacket, but for me it seems ideal for the other two seasons that are cooler and hopefully drier. As fantastic as it looks I wouldn’t want to spend the time making it look new again so it depends on the look you want. Ray from HELD told me not to be too precious and Dry Clean the dirt and bugs away! I prefer the ‘You wear it well’ look as Rod Stewart crooned and see what a few years of normal riding does to the suede. I’m sure it will look like it’s been through a Mad Max movie but if you want to keep

it looking like a newish high quality garment then take the time to keep it protected and clean. RLM

SMART TURN SYSTEM

The Bear will never forget Price - $149 Euro

looks it a

Do you ever forget to turn off your indicators? I’m sure we’ve all done it, or know of that one rider who always leaves the indicator on! Well,

I happen to know one of those very riders – The Bear! So when the people from Smart Turn System (based in Slovenia) send me an Email with their genius STS (Smart Turn System) selfcancelling indicator device I knew just the rider and bike to ﬁt it to.

The STS took about a week-anda-half to arrive in the mail with easy enough to follow wiring and ﬁtment instructions. All it took was to get The Bear’s Ducati Scrambler out of his furry paws to wire the STS in.

Wiring and ﬁtment took about two hours with the removal of the tank for locating and getting to the correct wires. You do need to place the rectangle box (which has all the selfcancelling wizardry inside it) level, on a non-moving part like the frame and with the arrow pointing forward.

There is an easy testing procedure to get the STS dialled in with your bike and after that it will recognise left or right turns, changing lanes, roundabouts and even overtaking.

I have found it works an absolute treat. The Bear is probably oblivious it is cancelling the indicators for him, but he recommends getting the STS onto your bike. It’s like having luxury car technology on your bike.

To purchase simply jump onto www.safer-turn.com or to check it out more, visit the STS Facebook page - www.facebook.com/ SmartTurnSystem SW D

BMW R nineT PURE & RACER

The menu grows WORDS/PHOTODS RALPH

$17,690 – Pure

$19,150 - Racer

DOES THIS TELL you anything? The retro ranges of Triumph, with the Classics; Ducati with the Scramblers; and BMW with the R nineTs have

all been a huge success. Indian, meanwhile, is an all-retro brand and you could argue that Harley-Davidson is much the same. Even Yamaha is doing well with its one-model retro ‘range’, the SR400. Retro sells, and it’s you, our readers, who are in the age and income group to whom it sells. And we’ve got more good news.

Not since I let a bargain BMW HP2 slip through of my ﬁngers for a ridiculous knockdown price have I ever watched the world of Boxer twins with so much interest. We have been served up a savoury entrée with the naked R nineT and Scrambler retro models and ﬁnally BMW Motorrad has dished up one of the coolest and best versions of

a ‘70’s café racer since, well, we built our own ‘70’s café racers. That’s the R nineT Racer, and for dessert at the launch, we also got to have a whip around on the pared-back Pure. As part of the heritage supply line at BMW, the most recent pair of 1200cc retro models are purely cosmetic adaptions aimed precisely at their target markets, and what a decent makeup job BMW has done. It’s recreated the thrill and ride experience of a Café Racer and managed to produce, with the Pure, the look and feel of a plain urban naked in its purest form. Just play around with hardware like footrests

Ken and

bike parking. Phone ahead for large groups.

THE TIN SHED 69 Bridge Street, Lithgow NSW

Motorcyclists

Tania welcome you to their highly recommended cafe. Wood Fired Pizza, Tapas and Espresso Bar.

and the ‘bars, change the look and presto change-o you have a new model. Not a bad day’s work, creating two new ‘dishes’, with clearly distinct models from what is basically the one platform. The German factory has saved us a lot of effort by extending its heritage breed into these two markets. Built around reminiscing but clearly also suitable as an everyday ride, both the Racer in its BMW race colours and its simple, upright, naked-styled entry level Pure are a lot more than meat and three veg.

We, the reptiles of the press, had a gentle ride around the foothills of the Blue Mountains west of Sydney and a few blasts up and down some oldschool escarpment climbs and I can report that the Racer is as satisfying as its sexy looks. It is so in my psyche that I would have to just love the Racer regardless of any major failings or blemishes - but thankfully there are none. Well, unless you call being extruded into a riding position with my arms stretched out to almost the front axle and my neck reminding me of too many ‘racing incidents’.

Built in the low and long fashion of a race bike, the fuel tank is the right length, and the seat the correct shape with just the right amount of padding,

to make a morning’s sprint through the back-country lanes a magic experience. The screen is low enough to look like it means business, and if you were twenty ﬁve again you could tuck down low enough so that the ‘ton’ could be achieved with another two gears to go. The fairing allows just enough engine noise to produce an encouraging ‘thrumm’ and the exhaust noise offers some proud memories of ﬂogging along at a ‘decent clip’.

I was impressed by the ride, expecting the Racer to be unforgiving and a bit harsh (not that I would have cared). But there is plenty of compliance and comfort from the suspension with predictable sharp steering as long as you are prepared to put some effort into the clip-ons. For under $20,000, the Racer is going to give other retro rockets a serious scare. It will also give more than a few café racers more free time to ride rather than ponder and build. There is something indeﬁnably classy about the Racer. It is happy and elegant at any signposted speed yet once it has been let off the leash the build quality and ride become something unexpectedly ‘special’.

Compared to the Racer on the same roads, the Pure needs so little

effort or commitment and comes across not only as lighter and simpler but… wait for it… purer. Fun and a roguish demeaner reign from the wide handlebars down, and this is a motorcycle that everyone should ride at least once. You’ll discover what the ‘…ing’ in motorcycling is all about. Stripping the nineT of USD forks and replacing them with more periodcorrect telescopic forks as well as reducing the instruments from two to one pod and changing the twin mufﬂers to a single low-slung unit all works. The Pure feels better for the tweaking - and the price drop. Here is a bike that has its nomenclature nailed. This latest nineT could have been called ‘Fun’ although ‘Pure’ tells the whole story well.

Just in case either models doesn’t quite make the statement you want to make, BMW has an extensive aftersales catalogue sufﬁcient enough to keep you off cruising the internet on a lonely winter’s night.

With the addition of these two models, new riders have been given an even wider choice; the Pure for the city and outer urban rides and the Racer for Sundays and twisty roads. Both are bikes that really should be on your menu at some stage. D

KEDO PARTS

Custom Central

WORDS PICKO

STYLE GOES in cycles, whether it be haircuts, clothes or shades. Even records are making a comeback. It’s the same with motorcycles. Some might think

the Cafe Racer craze is new, but it’s really mimicking a style from the ’50s and ’60s.

And now, like then, an industry has popped up to cater for those Cafe Racer lovers. Sure, the idea 50-plus years ago was partly about turning ‘cooking’ model motorcycles into street racers, but now it’s mainly about the style.

mega popular MT-07 and Triumph Bonneville 865cc models. Kedo has an Australian importer, Kedo Parts Australia (KPA), and everything is in stock and can be bought via its website, www.kedopartsaustralia.com. Alternatively you can call Kedo on 0438 366 418.

We caught up with Mick Connolly from KPA to see what Kedo Parts Australia offers and what got the business started in the ﬁrst place.

“I’d been into bikes for as long as I can remember,” Mick told us. “From custom Harleys to MX racing, I loved it all. I’m especially into vintage MX, I love the racing and the camaraderie of it all.

Kedo is a German brand making an impact on the modiﬁed motorcycle market, and supplying a huge range of custom parts, mainly for Yamaha’s venerable SR/XT based bikes, including the new SR400. Whether it’s a cafe racer or street-tracker, there’s almost nothing Kedo doesn’t offer to do the job, even right down to the smallest of detail parts.

branching out into custom kits and

In conjunction with JVB Moto and Wrenchmonkeys, Kedo is also branching out into custom kits and other models too, including Yamaha’s

“Through VMX (Vintage Motocross Racing) racing I met Les Richters who sold VMX parts and Kedo parts. At the time I owned Valley Motorcycles in Raymond Terrace, servicing and repairing all types of bikes. One thing

“SOMe MIGHt tHInK tHe CAFe RACeR CRAZe IS neW, BUt It’S ReALLY MIMICKInG A StYLe FROM tHe ’50S AnD ’60S”

led to another, and the next thing you know Les and I joined forces to start Kedo Parts Australia. There are other Kedo suppliers throughout the world, it’s like being in a family.

“I really love custom bikes, and also the Kedo back-story; two friends who were into TT/XT Yamahas and started the business 25 years ago. They have grown over that time, of course, supplying lots of modiﬁed parts for the venerable Yamaha

singles, and now offer kits for the later MT-07, XSR700 and Triumphs, with more kits in the pipeline.”

To give the ﬂedgling business some credibility, Mick put the Cafe Racer project circling in his mind for the previous six months into reality, buying a low kilometre Japanese import SR500, and looking at the Kedo catalogue with adventurous eyes. Mick knew the look he wanted and went to town with bolt-on parts, and also inside the engine for better performance.

By this time a great working relationship grew with Kedo in Germany and orders started coming in from Aussie customers. It helped that Kedo Parts Australia’s website is easy to navigate and that most parts are sitting on the shelf ready for their new owners.

“Kedo prides itself on making parts that will ﬁt, and don’t require fettling to get them on your machine. This is from the smallest of parts right through to full kits that we sell

for some models, like the Super 7 Yamaha MT-07 and Triumphs,” Mick explained.

“It is Yamaha-biased at the moment – but this is changing into other brands as well – and besides the custom parts, we sell lots of parts just to keep your older Yamaha running.”

With Kedo Parts Australia running well it was time for Mick to step back from the workshop game to concentrate on KPA.

“We don’t build complete motorcycles for people, but we do have an extensive network of experts who can work on our customers’ motorcycles if needed. From complete engine builds to custom paint, we know some of the best people in the game,” Mick told us.

“We have an extensive inventory of parts, from original replacement spares, to custom parts and kits for Cafe Racers and Street Trackers, and this is continually updated as parts are sold. If it’s not on the shelf you won’t have to wait long for us to get it.” D

RADIO CITY

WATCH OUT, Adelaide motorcyclists. A company called Cohda Wireless has been given $2 million of a total of $10 million by the Government of South Australia to test driverless cars on your streets. Cohda “provides innovative software solutions” including “Vehicleto-Pedestrian” connections. I’m not sure how that could work, but road deaths among pedestrians are up, so there might be some help there. There are also Vehicle-to-Vehicle and Vehicle-

to-Infrastructure connections; as usual, motorcycles are not mentioned.

Cohda Wireless CEO Paul Gray said South Australia was the ideal location to develop CAV technology.

“Not only was South Australia the ﬁrst state in Australia to pass laws allowing autonomous vehicles to be tested on the road, but The Future Mobility Lab Fund demonstrates the South Australian Government’s commitment to fostering new technologies and new industries in the State,” he said.

“Cohda Wireless will use these grants to test the company’s new CAV applications on the streets and highways of Adelaide. Part of the grant will be used to acquire two autonomous vehicles capable of driverless operation in urban and highway environments.”

Right. So what we’re seeing is a company being given public money to do its own research, claiming to be looking after pedestrians in an unexplained (and unlikely)

To match the increasing popularity of “retro” motorcycles like Triumph’s Bonnevilles and BMW’s R nineTs, Italian design company Bertone is offering retro helmets, carefully styled after 1960’s models. The helmets are made of solid ﬁberglass and weigh up to six kilos, depending on the model.

way and apparently not considering motorcycles or scooters. Is this an appropriate use of government money? Over to you.

are careful.

BEYOND “RIDERLESS”

In San Francisco (where else) another new project is taking shape – but this time it is all about motorcycles. Well, motorcycle-like, er, things. Vehicles. These things have a detachable capsule which, in case of a crash, pops away from the rest of the bike and rolls down the road with the rider cocooned safely inside. Safely?

Quite apart from the possibility that the capsule will be squashed by a 22-wheeler, there is the chance that it will roll through footpath cafés and over displays of fruit and veg, creating havoc for some distance. Still, it could be fun I suppose…

Peter ‘The Bear’ Thoeming

And here we go, ready to roll!

Well, at least the little red bastards

Your ride is awaiting you, sir…

CLASSICMORRIS

SIZE DOES MATTER

Lester was once referred to as Australia’s ‘Wild Half’; he wanted to be the ‘Wild One’ but he was too short. All the more fascinating is his story of riding one of the world’s most massive and remarkably well-named motorcycles - ever.

SOMETIMES IT doesn’t take much to give the memory banks a nudge…

The Bear’s piece on the Munch Mammut (Mammoth) which was a feature in Australian MOTORCYCLIST a few issues back put me in mind of the ﬁrst of that breed of hand-built Monstrous Motorcycles to make my acquaintance more than forty years ago. It was at the Melbourne Motorcycle Show in the Exhibition Building in 1974, when I was on the Ron Angel stand; and almost single-handedly at that. Ron spent much of the time strolling about looking at the various exhibits while I was left on my own, comforted by the range of Moto Guzzi and Ducati motorcycles he was importing at the time, along with the BMW machines for which he held a Victorian distributorship. He was also already importing Nolan helmets, a small range of which was prominently on display, while he was yet to import one of the smartest little motorcycles on the planet in the mid-seventies, the trim little OHV 3-1/2 (350cc) Vee-twin MotoiMorini and its 500cc stable-mate.

I was supposed to be assisted at the stand by another bloke during the run of the show, but he disappeared almost instantly every day and thenceforth returned very briefly somewhat the worse for wear – pissed as a newt might be a better description – occasionally lying on the floor of the stand and snoring loudly while I was then able to move briskly away on tip-toe to enjoy some very swift, if painful, relief. I could have argued that he was officially on duty on those occasions even though anybody who felt so inclined could have

removed the entire display without his knowledge. He would have remained entirely unaware of this, I suggest, even if some miscreant accidentally ran over him while swiftly removing much of the display, from the slim Desmo Ducati singles, or the mouthwatering 750SS Desmo Sportsters, to one or more of the bright-red, highly-obese OHV V850 Moto Guzzi tourers which were also on display.

But the machines which mostly piqued my interest at the Show was a pigeon pair of the hitherto-unknown, un-streamlined Munch Mammoths which were displayed on a nearby stand. One of them was a pillar-box red TTS1200 with twin-headlamps, the other a very urgent-looking ‘Sports’ version, employing a much more highly-tuned, jet black TTS 1300cc power-plant and one large, square-section headlamp.

The motorcycles were massive indeed, and correspondingly very heavy, weighing every bit of 290Kg (638lb), although an attempt had been made to make them as light as possible with the use of many magnesium alloy castings. The most impressive of these was a huge casting which incorporated the large seat base, while stiffening the entire ‘Featherbed’ Norton-type frame and supplying mounting points for the Koni multi-adjustable rear spring/

damper units. The feather-light alloy casting was in effect a strong sub-frame, for it bolted ﬁrmly to the mainframe at the nose of the long seat and just behind the gearbox. The inside of the impressive moulding also contained twin batteries and other electrical ancillaries. To overcome the bugbear of corrosion from the surrounding air - a serious problem of oxidisation with magnesium alloys - all the castings were very heavily ‘anodised’.

The massive swing-arm unit was a mag-alloy casting, incorporating an oil-bathed rear chain. The rear wheel

WORDS LESTER MORRIS PHOTOS MATT WHELAN (probably, but don’t blame him for the quality)

It’s difﬁcult to see Lester’s grimace of terror behind that open-face helmet, but it’s easy to imagine that it is there.

was also made of a mag-alloy material, with large vanes where the spokes would normally be: it was said that an early test Mammoth had actually pulled several spokes out of its steel rear wheel rim, complete with locating nipples!

The two behemoths employed brandnew, air-cooled, four-cylinder NSU Prinz OHC car engines almost half-a meter wide, nearly 500 of which, it has been said, being supplied for some years (sans gearbox) from the NSU factory. Some of them had been over-bored from the original 1000cc by Friedl Munch, then ﬁtted with multi-plate, sinteredbronze clutches and Horex/Munch manufactured gearboxes, both of which had been heavily modiﬁed for Munch by Porsche.

I was later to learn that the massive, road-going TTS1300 Sports machine on display in Melbourne was a de-tuned version of the fearsome ‘Daytona Bombe’, an over-bored, 125(DIN) BHP 1370cc machine which was taken to the Daytona Speed Bowl in 1970 with the express purpose of beating the one-hour record of 154mph, set by the incomparable Mike Hailwood on the

road-race factory MV three years earlier.

The huge Munch circulated the steeply-banked oval for four laps at the average speed of an amazing 178mph (285 km/h) before the bike was sidelined with premature tyre wear. Because of the machine’s prodigious weight, the NSU engine’s enormous power output and the track’s rough, abrasive surface, the 400 x 18” rear tyre was worn through to the canvas (canvas?) in just those four laps. Sadly, with tyre technology of nearly half a century ago nowhere near where it is today, the record attempt was then hastily abandoned.

In retrospect, it ought to have been no surprise that the tyres were gone so quickly, because it has been reported that a hard-ridden Mammut, regularly hurtling along the German Autobahn, could wear out its rear tyre in about 2,500 clicks, with the front tyre not too far behind.

Be that as it may, both Mammoths were sold very quickly, the red 1200 to Bill Rylett, a local identity, the other, that over-powering Sports 1300, to an unknown buyer who was said to be a

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Welding and machining service

Fuel injection specialists

Race and track bike preparation

Tyre supply and fitting

Ducati spares

REXXER ecu tuning

Although our background is Ducati we will happily service any motorcycle brand!

‘wholesale butcher’. The latter must have been a well-heeled motorcyclist, because the 1300 carried a price tag of just over $7000, which was nearly three times the price of the new R90S BMW.

According to the small plaque which sat on display beneath the 1300 Sportster, the bike employed four-pot Kugelﬁsher fuel injection, 11:1 compression ratio pistons, ‘threequarter race cam’ - an odd, oft-used but meaningless phrase – and computerdesigned (in the early ‘70s!) exhaust system. Both bikes used double-sided twin-leading shoe drum brakes of 250mm diameter (that’s all of ten [10] inches on the old Imperial scale), with a similarly large single-leader drum brake on the rear. According to the speciﬁcations, the Sports model delivered no less than 100 (DIN) BHP at 7,500rpm, which equates to 115 BHP on the more often quoted SAE scale, which all Japanese motorcycles currently adopt.

Exciting machines though they were, the huge Munch motorcycles were clearly much too large for me to ever consider riding, so I dismissed them as

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impressive curiosities, although their appearance, credentials and (claimed) prodigious performance remained with me long after they were snapped up.

Several weeks after the Show I ﬁelded a phone call at Ron Angel’s store from Matt Whelan, the Editor of a motorcycle quarterly magazine called The Bike Book. Matt told me he wanted me to carry out an ‘in-depth’ road test report on a new bike, adding that he was coming to Melbourne specially to photograph us and had arranged for the owner to bring the ‘very rare’ bike to Angel’s store.

I know you are already ahead of me, because the bike which pulled into the gutter outside Angel’s premises the following day when I was chatting with Whelan happened to be none other than the black, over-bored, heavily over-tuned Monster, that TTS1300 Munch Mammoth!!

However daunting it might have been there was no alternative for me but to ride that monstrous thing, because there were about a dozen or more eager people who suddenly appeared from a small convoy of cars which had swiftly pulled into the gutter. There were several photographers, a bunch of grim-faced men ‘power-dressed’ in dark suits, crisp white shirts and dark ties, and one or two obvious ‘mechanics’.

When I sat gingerly upon the Munch’s long, soft dual-seat and stretched well forward to reach its low-slung handlebars I was surprised to note that I could actually place my feet on the ground, even though I was pretty much on tippy-toe: I was also surprised to note that its prop-stand suddenly sprang closed with a loud clanging noise when I eased it upright. The bike ﬂopped down with its left footrest on the kerbstone, for it could not be held upright unless it was dead vertical.

There was once a huge howitzer cannon called ‘Big Bertha’ which the Germans used to great effect in WW2, the cannon so big it was mounted upon a set of railway tracks. Later versions employed a massive bore size of 60cm (24-inch), the gigantic gun capable of easily sending a projectile weighing more than two VW Beetles well into the next country.

Those shells enjoyed no brains nor reasoning power, and probably felt no emotion, but if they felt anything at all about being pelted out of the maw of those giant cannons at an enormous speed, then I know exactly how they would have felt. That Munch Mammoth was a very serious projectile rather than a motorcycle, for its fearsome power could have had no equal on the roads of any nation on earth nearly half a century ago! Its acceleration had to be experienced to be believed, and its brutal performance showed no signs of levelling out no matter how long a straight stretch of road might be.

It should have employed a neat fairing, because I might have been plucked out of the saddle whenever I turned the wick up in earnest. It attempted to leap out of my hands any time I did that. However I reckon its true performance could only be fully accessed on a road racing circuit: I reckon much of its enormous potential as a genuine Road Rocket could hardly be utilised by riding it at about one-tenth of its capacity on any of this nation’s roads.

The engine was surprisingly tractable but, even with such an enormous weight, the moment the bike moved forward about a meter I had both feet on the footrests and the monster was then all but weightless. I felt like a flea riding an elephant, but the machine’s size and first-rate suspension left it glued firmly to any road surface, which allowed some of my favourite corners in the Yarra and Kew boulevards to be taken at a pace which I had never experienced before, nor since. Surprisingly, that Munch could be pelted about like a skateboard when on the move, monumentally heavy though it was when standing still.

And the first time it came to putting those enormous brakes to the acid test, they hauled that huge machine to a tyreyelping halt in nothing flat… but the first time that happened the bike simply fell over, for it was not entirely vertical at the time and was thus entirely horizontal very shortly thereafter. I had the good sense to be trapped underneath the thing, which meant it was not damaged (neither was I, thankfully) but two passers-by leapt into action and heaved

the bike upright, one bloke farting mightily several times at the effort, the other breathing the fumes of secondhand garlic prawns into my reddened face as he scooped me to my feet. I was assured by those two blokes that the bike was much too big for me, which I told them l already knew. Those same words were uttered to me once or twice more during the test when the bike found itself face-down on the roadway again and was being lifted up once more with me standing morosely alongside it. This is not to say that every time I had to stop the bike fell over, but I had to be very sure it was entirely upright every time we came to a standstill.

It’s hardly a criticism, but a bike that size will need somebody equally large to ride it with ease. Anyway, ride it I did and for most of the day, and it was a one-off, mind-blowing experience. In spite of its bulk it was a very comfortable machine: except for one very annoying let-down. Because the aircooled car engine employed a fan and large engine cowling, the alloy cylinder head and cast-iron engine block used close-pitched, quite thin cooling ﬁns, which resulted in a furnace-like blast of hot air which turned my aching shins into the appearance of highly polished Jonathan apples: I was wearing short boots at the time!

The Munch Mammoth was, and will forever remain, the most impressive motorcycle I have ever ridden anywhere and that is really saying something, but unhappily it will never be a favourite motorcycle.

I rode two other machines which were too big for me some ﬁve or six years later; one, the CBX1000 six-cylinder Honda I rode deliberately for an unpublished road test report, the other a six-cylinder Z1300 water-cooled shaftdrive Kawasaki which was all-but forced upon me one evening in Bathurst. Impressive though the two Japanese bikes were, they were both a handful to ride, and it’s a safe bet the Munch would have left tyre marks all over them if they’d thrown out a challenge, while adding insult to injury by dusting both of them with a heavy coating of powdered rubber as an encore as it swiftly vanished from sight. D

WHATSAYYOU

WELOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU, the letters are among the most keenly read parts of the magazine. Please try and keep letters down to no more than 300 words. Then you can read many, not just a couple. We do reserve the right to cut them and, unless you identify yourself and at least your town or suburb and state, we will print your email address instead. Please address letters to thebear@ausmotorcyclist.com.au or Australian Motorcyclist Magazine, PO Box 2066, Boronia Park NSW 2111. All opinions published here are those of the writers and we do not vouch for their accuracy or even their sanity!

HEAR THIS!

Adealership for sale and mine had the blue tank the same as you tested. I just thought mine may have been the very same bike featured in your test?

four T100s, one T120, one 1917 Thruxton R, and one a classic 1979 Bonnie T140 in the mix, which by the way had no trouble at all keeping up.

S YOU HAVE probably realised, there’s been a change in our prize for the Letter of the Month.

Welcome Alpine MotoSafe earplugs – the earplugs you want when your ears need plugging, which is any time you’re out on the bike. Believe me, these things are just as important as safety gear; in fact they matter more because abrasion-resistant clothing only works when you fall off; earplugs work all the time. I would not be the deaf old bugger I am if I had listened when I was young to the wise old heads who told me to always wear them. So, we’re doing a good deed as we reward you for your letter, and save your hearing. This month the lucky winner is Reg Hammond, who bought the bike Stuart “ran in” for him. Send me your address, Reg – The Bear.

BONNIE CHEER

Hi Stuart, I took delivery of my T100 Bonnie from Peter Stevens in Melbourne on 21 Feb, 2017. Triumph Victoria had released a few demos to the

I’m 79 years of age, still riding, absolutely love this bike and I agree with everything you wrote about it. When I picked it up it had 699km on the clock and the Registration is IX 2DL. Maybe your photographer also took a rear shot showing the plate number? This old Taffy would be quite chuffed if my Bonnie was the very same bike. On our last month’s midweek run with our club (Classic Bike Club of Victoria), I was the leader and it was the Bonnie’s ﬁ rst club run. We had seventeen bikes of which six were retro Triumphs,

Seven out of seventeen! The report was headed: “Triumphs are back in Force”. Two of the riders on other makes on the day also have classic Triumphs at home.

Mate, these retro Triumphs are walking out the door, and rightly so! They look great, handle beautifully and as you rightly said, with those seats the comfort is exceptional.

Best Regards Reg Hammond Greensborough, Vic

Yes, Reg. It’s the same bike. Enjoy! – Stuart

ADVENTURE DECISIONS

Hi guys, I just wanted to thank Stuart for his recent review of the BMW GS and explaining the four models. I was keen on the new Rallye X until reading Stuart’s review. I am now going to purchase the Tour version. Keep up the great work.

Thanks, Sam Ferntree Gully, VIC

FURRY FOOLS

G’day, Bear, Not sure who wrote the bit about the water-cooling of air-cooled bikes, but it seems a bit furry. Only trouble is, the government may believe it and think it is a good way to make money knowing them (drum roll for the conspiracy theorists). Good joke, hope everyone gets it!

Have a good April, Bronwen Lawrence Woods Point SA

Wasn’t me! Blame it all on Stuart – The Bear

CRACKER

Dear AMM crew, I recently renewed my subscription and when I spoke with Stuart he asked if there was anything you guys could do better, or anything that was lacking in the mag and should be included. I had a think about it over

the next week and really can’t come up with anything. You have a great mix of mild to wild, and an amazing mix of motorcycles I love to read about. Even my mates who buy the mag mention they love the variety you get only in Australian Motorcyclist. So keep up the awesome work.

John, NSW

Well, thanks, John. We always love to hear what our reading community has to say about the mag –Cheers, Stuart.

SERIOUSLY!

I just wanted to drop you guys a line and say that you can love him and you can hate him. I’m talking about Boris here. In issue 51 he was such a wanker carrying on about how riding with outlaws is basically better than riding with any other rider. Most of these wannabes couldn’t ride out of sight on a dark night so f#*k knows what Boris is carrying on about.

Then on the other hand, I love Boris for writing about “Don’t Lie”. He hit the nail on the head for me, he even drops himself in the pot saying how he stuffed up and broke his wrist. I know of so many riders who think they weren’t the ones at fault when they were. So keep ’em comin’, Boris, and I’ll keep wanting to bitch-slap you when you talk shit and then shake your hand when you write something I agree on.

Cheers, Anthony Northern QLD

LOL! I’d love to see you try and bitch-slap Boris, mate – Stuart.

TURNING 50

Bear and Stuart,

Well done on churning out 50 issues of the best Aussie motorbike mag. I really loved the extra-special touch you added to the cover with the shiny red chrome stuff, and of course for packing it full of the best read I’ve ever read. I look forward to the next 50 and what you’ve got in store for Issue 100!

Regards, Raymond.

Mount Barker, SA

CROTCH ROCKETS

Stuart mentions in his editorial the mind-numbing piece about Crotch Rockets written by The Sydney Morning Herald. Well, we had a huge response from our Facebook community and here are just some of the replies…

A mate once used Armour All on the seat and tank of his dirt bike. Riding through town one day he had to brake suddenly. I rode up a couple of minutes later to see him still in the foetal position next to his bike uttering a high pitched groaning sound. Don’t think he used Armour All again.

Also, what is a neurologist doing studying testicular injuries?

Daniel Coyne

This has been talked about since the early days of motorcycles – it’s not new.

Alistair MacDonald

Happened to me. Got SMIDSYed by some foreign dude. Along with the usual broken bones and ligaments I managed to score myself a testicular fracture. Shit prize. Don’t recommend.

Ryan Bailey

(1) You guys going to write on this in the mag? (2) I remember in the 70s Evan Green, a motoring journo, wrote about the Australian V8 Performance cars of the time.

Result was manufacturers got scared and pulled production, notably the about-to-be released XA Falcon GTHO Phase 4. Irony is a current HSV Holden is much more powerful!

Ed N Joanne Towner

What a stupid article. Not even going to read it. If you’re injured enough that your nuts are a problem, I can guarantee you’ve got

bigger problems than future kids.

Daniel Jones

I got about half-a-paragraph in before I couldn’t read any more...my IQ is dropping every sentence.

BJ Clark

Well, pain aside, at 66 years of age, it doesn’t really matter does it. LOL!

Paul Schlanger

And that’s why we should just leave them in the wife’s handbag where they are safe.

Simon Ford

So can the handlebar, mirrors, wind-shield, foot-pegs, the road, other cars...

Joshua Lette Simple! Only let women ride them.

Sharon Heritage

Hahaha! Who wrote that?

Car driver.

Michael Thomas Coppo

What about the wire-frame coatrack on the old Triumph tanks. Yowwwwwwww!

Stuart Langfield

The real questions is, why do morons like this get funding to study this shit?

David Cooke

BLACK BEAUTY

G’day Stuart,

Well done on buying one of my favourite motorcycles – the 90s-era CBR900RR. I am quite jealous you got such a good one. In fact, I’m a little peeved with myself I didn’t buy it first! I saw it for sale on Bikesales and took too long to make up my mind on the purchase and you must have got it in that time. If you ever want to sell it, give me a call.

“Kicking myself”, Jim.

Wonthaggi, VIC

Looks like I got in just at the right

time, Jim! You can always buy it off me now. I’ll only ask 20k! How does that sound? Hahaha!Cheers, Stuart.

PUB KING

Hi Colin,

I just wanted to say a big thank you for your Pub of the Month articles. I see what you’re trying to achieve in getting motorcyclists to visit out-of-the-way country towns and pubs to inject some money their way. I visited a number of the pubs you’ve reviewed, so keep it up, mate. I’m sure there are many more AMM readers that have done the same.

Regards, Nigel Port Stephens, NSW

Thank you for your note, Nigel. Colin was over in the US when you sent this, so I couldn’t get a personal reply, however I’m sure he appreciates your comments – The Bear.

AUTOMATION RUBBISH

I’m really concerned with all this push about automated cars and so on, I’d love to see what “calculations” a car takes into consideration when a motorcycle comes lane filtering past them and the possibly nose to tail pile up that will probably ensure. I say this as surely the car will slam its brakes on because it has sensed a “vehicle” too close to it, whereas an actual driver would not be fussed by a motorcycle threading its way through the throng of vehicles in heavy traffic. I really hope Governments wake up and see that all of automation rubbish will do more harm than good, but then again, maybe I’m hoping for too much from our so-called, “powers that be”?

Regards, Jack.

Batemans Bay, NSW D

Colin certainly loves his Rabbits!

NeWbikePRiCes

New motorcycle prices go up, they go down. It can be hard to keep track of all the changes. Australian Motorcyclist Magazine supplies you with all the

latest up to date prices from all the manufacturers currently in the country. Things like special deals, cashbacks, factory discounts and bonuses are what you’ll ﬁnd. Bear in mind all prices (unless indicated) exclude dealer and on road costs and some prices may have changed at the last minute as we went to the printer.

F 800 GT

S 1000 R

S 1000 R Sport

S 1000 RR

S 1000 RR Sport

S 1000 RR Race

R nineT

R nineT Pure

R nineT Scrambler

R nineT Racer

R nineT Urban G/S

R 1200 R

R 1200 R Sport

R 1200 R Exclusive

R 1200 RS

R 1200 RS Sport

R 1200 RT

K 1600 B

K 1600 GT

K 1600 GT Sport

K 1600 GTL

K 1600 GTL Elegance

$16,300

$19,390

$21,690

$21,990

$23,990

$25,690

$22,490

$17,690

$18,750

$19,150

$18,750

$22,100

$22,500

$23,100

$23,450

$30,940

$TBA

$36,490

$36,990

$37,990

$40,490 adv SpoRt

S 1000 XR

$22,190 adv touRing

F 700 GS

F 800 GS

F 800 GSA

R 1200 GS

R 1200 GS Rallye

R 1200 GS Rallye X

R 1200 GS Tour

R 1200 GSA

R 1200 GSA Triple Black

$12,890

$16,940

$18,650

$21,850

$23,050

$27,250

$24,890

$29,585 ScooteR

C 650 Sport

C 650 GT

CAN-AM (BRP) www.brp.com

RS S Red SE5

Spyder RS S Wht SE5

DB8 OroNero

$14,150

$14,990

F3S SM5

F3S SE5 $28,890

Spyder ST S SE5

Spyder ST Ltd SE5

Spyder RT SM6

Spyder RT S SE6

Spyder RT Ltd SE6

Panigale 959

XDiavel

HONDA

http://motorcycles.honda.com.au roAd Grom

CB300F

CBR300R

CB500F

CBR600RR

CBR650FL ABS

CBR1000RR Fireblade

CBR1000RR Fireblade SP

F6B

HARLEY-DAVIDSON

HUNTER

www.huntermotorcycles.com.au

HUSQVARNA

www.husqvarnamotorcycles.com.au

HYOSUNG

www.hyosung.com.au

KAWASAKI

Brutale 1090 Corsa $27,999 F4

NOrTON MOTOrCYCleS

www.frasermotorcycles.com.au

Commando 961 Sport

Commando 961 Café

Commander 961 SF

PIAGGIO

www.piaggio.com.au

*Some Piaggio prices are ride away sCooteR

MOTO GUZZI

$29,990

$33,990

$35,990

Typhoon 125 $2790

Fly 150 3V $3490

Liberty S 150 3V

Medley 150

rOYAl eNFIelD

www.royalenﬁeld.com.au Road Classic 350

MV AGUSTA

www.mvagusta.com.au

Brutale 800 Dragster RR $23,499

F3 800 $19,999

F3 800 RC $23,490

Stradale 800 $19,999

Turismo Veloce 800 $20,499

Turismo Veloce Lusso 800 $23,499

Brutale 1090 $19,999

Brutale 1090 RR $22,999

Continental GT

SOl INVICTUS

www.solinvictus.com.au Road

SUZUKI

www.suzukimotorcycles.com.au Road

TORINO

URAL

www.imz-ural.com.au cT

VESPA

www.vespa.com.au

Scooter

TRIUMPH

www.triumphmotorcycles.com.au *Some

$19,950

VICTORY

www.victorymotorcycles.com.au

*All Victory prices are ride away crUISer

VIPER MOTORCYCLES

BEARFACED

JOHN’S RIGHT ON

ONE OF MY favourite T-shirts is from the John Wayne Foundation series. It has a picture of The Duke on it and the legend “Old Guys Rule” on the front. On the back, it also says “Life’s tough. It’s tougher if you’re stupid.”

There are some things I’ve done that were so stupid that I will never write about them, but that still leaves quite a few.

High on the list has to be the way I used to commute up to my mother’s place in Ballina and back to Sydney. I’d create a long weekend by taking the Friday off and then I’d leave after work on Thursday. My routine was to ride as far as Nabiac, where there was an old servo by the left-hand side of the road which had a bit of grass, bushes and the odd tree out the front. Here I would unroll my sleeping bag and get a few hours of kip. The fact that it was appallingly uncomfortable made sure that I didn’t sleep in. I’d be on my way again before sunup and in Ballina for lunch.

One of my mates had assured me that there was much better free accommodation to be had a bit further along at a rest stop in Kew. It was well off the road and therefore quieter, and it had a roof and was therefore distinctly drier. So I carried on the extra few kilometres, but then struck a problem. The stop in Kew was being upgraded, and there was no room at the inn because piles of dirt occupied it all.

I should have just turned off onto the

Kendall road and found myself a patch of ground to go to sleep. But my judgement wasn’t the best by this stage because I was tired, and as happens in cases like this I was sure that I was in fact not tired. So I pushed on.

The most amazing display of idiocy followed.

I would ride for a while and find my eyes closing. Aha! I must be tired after all. I’d stop, roll out my sleeping bag and find that the moment I lay down I was pretty much awake. Certainly in no danger of going to sleep. So I’d roll up the sleeping bag again, strap it to the back of the bike and set off once more, only to find my eyes closing. Repeat ad infinitum, except that once or twice I really went to sleep. On the bike, not in the sleeping bag. On one occasion, I woke up bouncing along in the roadside drain.

The rising sun did not make things better. Indeed I seemed more tired than ever, and ﬁnally, in broad daylight, I fell asleep on a patch of waste ground near a river of some sort and only woke up when the mosquitos had drained somewhere near half of my blood supply. Stupid? Is there a stronger word?

Sometimes I, like everyone else (I hope) make a mistake that is really more forgetfulness than stupidity. When I set off on my way to the Guinness Brewery in Dublin, I took a full face Shoei helmet that I’d had for some time

and never considered the fate of the visor. Now, you know, everyone knows that visors do not last forever. If I considered that at all, I probably thought I’d be able to buy a replacement along the way, when the old one became less than transparent. Had I actually thought about it I would have realized that the chances of buying a visor to ﬁt an expensive Japanese helmet in, say, Allahabad were slim.

Indeed, the visor became useless and then worse than useless because what I saw through it bore practically no resemblance to what was actually out there. I had been polishing it with toothpaste, as recommended by all knowledgeable intercontinental riders, but the scratches were deep enough by now that even an angle grinder would not have got them out. I threw the visor away, somewhere in Turkey. If you ﬁnd a terminally scratched Shoei visor by the road somewhere in Turkey it will quite possibly be mine.

I wear glasses, so things were not too bad even in Jugoslavia where we spent quite a bit of time on dirt roads – the weather was so bad that they had turned to mud. But then came the St Gotthard. There was a toll for the tunnel and we were short on cash, so we decided to take the pass instead. It got colder and colder as we went higher, and our beards developed fringes of ice. Charlie was visorless as well, and in no better position than I. Eventually I found that I was having trouble seeing, and that my eyes felt as if I was cracking something when I closed the lids. It turned out I was; my eyeballs were being covered by thin layers of ice, or at least felt that way. Stupid? Eh. D

BORIS

IT’S JUST FILTHY GREED

HAVE YOU EVER wondered why our respective state governments have no interest in teaching people how to drive and ride better?

Sure, they all trumpet the same nauseous propaganda about ‘All The Safety All The Time’ as they pursue some impossible-to-achieve zero road toll paradigm. But they don’t really give a shit about that.

Not at all.

What they do care about is more draconian policing, heavier ﬁnes and lower speed limits, which only lead to more people being ﬁned because that’s what is meant to happen.

No-one, at any level of any state government, is interested in anything other than money, and how much of it can be gouged from the hapless motorist.

For at least the last two decades stakeholders (ie. Riders and drivers who have been driven well beyond the brink of insanity by ever more onerous ﬁnes) have been in state governments’ warty ears about improving rider and driver training.

Among these proposals are good ideas like including rider and driver training in the school curriculum from Year 10, far more stringent licence tests, ongoing training every few years, and reduced licence fees as an incentive for people who have completed advanced rider and driver training courses. You know, shit that will actually reduce the road toll and road trauma by upskilling road-users.

At the moment, nearly everyone rides and drives like a chimpanzee with its penis in its hand. So you’d think that evolving that masturbating ape into something approximating a skilled road-user would go some way to reducing our road toll, wouldn’t you?

It certainly works in other countries, like Germany, where you can drive pretty fast on the freeways because you’ve been trained to do so, and because it was hard and expensive to get a licence for just that reason.

No, says each and every state government this has been proposed to. The shit that works in other countries will not work here, they say in response.

“Why not?” they are inevitably asked. “Are Australians simply incapable of being trained to be better drivers? Is it because we’re dumber than the Germans? Is it because we cannot understand simple things like texting on your phone while driving is a bad thing? What?”

“This meeting is over,” the government would reply. “We already have an effective road-user management strategy. Thank you for coming.”

Of course, this strategy of theirs is neither effective or even any kind of strategy – a term which implies critical thought has been used to arrive at a policy.

More extreme ﬁnes, more police, more speed cameras and more childish propaganda – most of which has been so effective, road-users themselves are actually starting to believe it.

At the bottom of the governments’ obvious cognitive dissonance when it comes to road-users, and its retard-like resistance to any suggestion of training, lies one thing and one thing only.

Money.

If people were better riders and drivers, they would have less incidents on the road. It’s a no-brainer. The speed limits could be raised to realistic levels, and road trauma would start to decline.

The road toll, in real per-capita terms, has not been going up anyway, and has been ﬂat-lining for more than 15 years. An idiot can understand this is all down to safer cars, and faster and better responses by trauma teams – not speed cameras.

That the road toll has not declined even further is entirely due to the governments’ constant refusals to address rider and driver training.

As far as they’re concerned, we’re crashing ourselves at a level which is perfectly sustainable – but which still

allows them to scream about “carnage on the roads” and install even more speed cameras, while buying the cops endless ﬂeets of ﬂashy V8s so they can sleep under trees and photograph our number plates.

All of which allows them to reach even further into our pockets to extract more of the money they have all become addicted to.

And make no mistake. The greedy swine are itching junkies when it comes to the money generated by their various roads and police departments. They rake in literally billions of dollars each year from hapless motorists, and plan their entire budgets on the fact that each year will rake in more money than the year before.

They writhe in bed like dank whores with speed camera pimps who have been chased out of several US states for being corrupt animals. They employ fat, venal, non-cop turds to sit on the side of the road with cameras to funnel even more money into their gaping coffers. They use some of the money they gouge from us to create ever more strident propaganda campaigns about Speed, and feed us more lies about how vehicular velocity is way more evil than pumping our kids full of sugar in school canteens, and allowing reality TV shows to be made and broadcast.

But rider and driver training? Actually implementing a policy that will effectively reduce road trauma? Hell no.

Ain’t no-one got time for that. D