Australian Motorcyclist Issue #39 by Tony Clemenger

New Multistrada 1200 Enduro

The Wild Side of Ducati

The world has no boundaries Over any distance, over any terrain, the new Ducati Multistrada 1200 Enduro is designed to conquer with all new levels of style, performance and technology

With the 160hp Ducati Testastretta DVT engine, 30 litre fuel tank, 19" front and 17” rear spoked wheels and 200mm wheel travel, it's time to follow the adventure wherever it takes you with no limits

New Ducati Multistrada 1200 Enduro. We’ve given it everything. Except boundaries.

Editor Stuart Woodbury

Editor Emeritus J Peter Thoeming

Sales Manager Terri Dodd advertise@ausmotorcyclist.com.au

Designer Amy Hale

Photo Editor Nick Wood

Photographers Nick Wood Photography, Half-Light Photography

Contributors Robert Crick, Mike Grant, Jacqui Kennedy, Robert Lovas, Phil Gadd, Boris Mihailovic, Lester Morris, The Possum,Guy Stanford, Stuart Strickland, Michael Walley, Colin Whelan

Editorial contactus@ausmotorcyclist.com.au

Subscription enquiries www.ausmotorcyclist.com.au info@ausmotorcyclist.com.au 0412 220 680 or 0418 421 322

Printer

PRINTED IN AUSTRALIA

Distributor Gordon and Gotch

Australian Motorcyclist Magazine is published by Australian Motorcyclist Magazine Pty Ltd. PO Box 2066, Boronia Park NSW 2111 Phone 0412 220 680 or 0418 421 322

This publication is copyright. Other than for the purposes of research, study, criticism, review, parody or satire and subject to the conditions prescribed under the Copyright Act 1968, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted without the prior written permission of Australian Motorcyclist Magazine Pty Ltd. Opinions expressed within this publication do not necessarily represent those of Australian Motorcyclist Magazine Pty Ltd. No responsibility is accepted by Australian Motorcyclist Magazine Pty Ltd or the editor for the accuracy of any statement, opinion or advice contained in the text or advertisements. Readers should rely on their own enquiries in making decisions tailored to their own interest.

*Recommended retail price

We encourage you to keep or recycle this magazine.

EDITORSPEAKS

what’s he blabbing on about now?

FirstlyI must give a big “sorry” to one of our readers. This particular bloke (umm, I didn’t even catch your name) called my phone and left a message saying how he was about to head off over to New Zealand on a tour and wanted to know how we carry our helmets while travelling on a plane. My kids accidently deleted his message (and a number of others) so I never got to call him back. My apologies and just to ﬁll you in, I have a motorcycle gear bag that has a padded helmet compartment, so I carry my helmet that way. The Bear normally puts his helmet in the suitcase for longer ﬂights or carries his helmet on the plane and stores it in overhead luggage.

We both recommend that if you don’t have a padded compartment or space in a hard-shell suitcase for your helmet, you take it on board with you. Helmets are expensive for your wallet and important to your life and they’re worth protecting. Most helmets will ﬁt in overhead luggage, just beware if you’re travelling on smaller planes as their overhead luggage compartments can be much smaller and may not ﬁt your helmet, resulting in extra “man-handling” by airline staff.

It was great to talk to a number of you who came out to the fantastic Barry Sheene Festival of Speed at Sydney Motorsport Park recently. I hope you all had a great time seeing, smelling and hearing the experiences that only Classic Racing can bring.

The Bear and I get a number of enquires to our “subscriptions department” and the caller, emailer or whatever is quite surprised when either he or I return the call or email. We are pretty much a twoman band, apart from our sales and design contractors, so please don’t

be overly shocked that you’ll get one of us on the receiving end when you call or email. It’s also great to hear that when you do ﬁnd out that we are pretty much a two-man band that you all appreciate the high quality product we produce for you every month. We work hard and hope you enjoy what we produce for you.

Talking of subscriptions, our new gift, the Australian Motorcyclist branded Power Banks are moving fast (hurry to get one for yourself!). I do have some instructions on how to use them for those that have/will get them. The included cable has a USB end and three connectors at the other end. To charge the unit, plug the ‘Samsung’ connector into the unit and the USB connector into your computer or USB wall adaptor and press the larger of the silver buttons to start it charging. You’ll see a faint red pulsing light – this tells you it is charging. Once it turns to a solid red light, it is full charged. Then to use the Power Bank, plug the USB end into the unit and whichever connector ﬁts your device into that and press the larger silver button. A faint blue light will show it is charging your device. Then you can enjoy the power that only Australian Motorcyclist can bring to you!

Enjoy!

Cheers, Stuart.

WHO’S TESTING WHO?

GRIZZLING FROMTHEBEAR

TAKING YOUR CHANCES

I’m sure you’re aware of the old saying that there are three types of lies – lies, damned lies and statistics. Often credited to Mark Twain, this was actually ﬁrst pointed out by Benjamin Disraeli who also famously suggested that if he wanted to read a good book he’d write one. Err… where was I?

Oh yes, statistics.

In a world of dubious statistics, the chances of joining the Choir Invisible if you’re a motorcyclist in Australia are usually quoted as somewhere between twenty and forty times those of car occupants. Now I have pursued the reasoning behind these ﬁgures a few times, and have never found a convincing procedure yet that would provide them. But as they say, by the time truth has its boots on, falsehood has girdled the world. I still get those ﬁgures, or one somewhere near them, quoted at me on a regular basis.

But now I have an alternative, backed by the full authority of the Australian quality press.

In a story called “RIDESHARING IN BANGALORE”, the Australian Financial Review reckons that “despite Indian helmet laws in certain regions, motorbikes account for twice as many fatalities on the road than cars do.”

Who would have thought it; despite

helmet laws only ”in certain regions”, motorcycling in India is up to 20 times safer than in Australia… Yeah, right.

SAY WHAT?

We just got a press release from one of the bike distributors. You know, a message telling us (and more importantly, you) some good news about the company. But underneath, in a footer that’s common to a lot of emails, it says: “… It is illegal to use or divulge this information without authorisation...”

Er, folks… does that mean we have to ask you before we pass the information on to our readers? In this case, anyway, we took the safe way out and didn’t print the press release.

NO BEARS THERE, MATE

‘Grizzly’ (real name Urs Pedraita) – a Swiss endurance biker – has begun an around the world record attempt from the USA, departing from Daytona Beach last week.

He intends to ride a Victory Cross Country around the world through all six continents in under 100 days. His aim is to ride with a continuous speed with as few stops as possible, rather like the Australian FarRiders, and he even plans to put the Victory’s wheels on the ground in Antarctica. Sadly, there are no other bears there; they are restricted to the Arctic (which is actually named after them).

“What shall it proﬁt a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own sole?” Ibrahim, though a Muslim, demonstrates Mark 8:36 in Cuba. You’ll read all about my Cuban adventures in our next issue.

“Man, that water’s cold!” / “You think you’ve got problems!”

“ While this powerful bagger might be more used to cruising on paved highways, Grizzly shows that this kind of bike can be ridden everywhere –even on ice, snow, sand, mud and gravel,” says Victory.

“Additional items on his Victory Cross

Grizzly looks for other bears at Daytona, before the start of his ride

Country include navigation systems, a 33-litre fuel tank, a customised seat with back support and two LED headlights added on the front for better visibility during his long night rides.”

Take a look at his progress at www. grizzlyraceteam.ch/?page_id=1540 .

Peter ‘The Bear’ Thoeming

BOW TO GREATNESS

Yamaha Legends Honoured

Two legendary Yamaha riders have been inducted into the inaugural Australian Motorsport Hall of Fame. In front of a packed Melbourne Exhibition Centre, lifelong Yamaha ambassador and four times Mister Motocross, Stephen Gall joined Yamaha Grand Prix rider and successful team manager, Kel Carruthers in receiving the tribute. Formula 1 champions Sir Jack Brabham and Alan Jones were inducted alongside touring car luminaries Peter Brock, Dick Johnson, Allan Moffat and Frank Matich. And a number of motorcyclists were honoured including world champions Wayne Gardner, Mick Doohan, Casey Stoner and Troy Bayliss. Talented

grand prix winner and car racer Gregg Hansford was also honoured. Hansford and Doohan both started their careers racing Yamahas.

FROM THE HEART

Indian Springfield

For more information, visit www.indianmotorcycle.com.au.

GET STUNG!

Named after the birthplace of Indian Motorcycle and designed for a pure riding experience, the Indian Springfield is a soulful and versatile new addition to the marque’s 2016 line up. It features true, authentic American craftsmanship, superior refinement and only the most essential touring features for the ultimate in open road touring without distractions.

Priced from $33,995, the 2016 Indian Springfield comes in Thunder Black and Indian Motorcycle Red.

Pirelli Scorpion fitted to Ducati Multistrada Enduro

The highly anticipated Ducati Multistrada Enduro is nearly here and Pirelli gives it plenty of sting with the supply of its hugely successful Scorpion Trail II tyres as standard fitment. As an optional choice, Pirelli also offers the Scorpion Rally which is more suited to off-road riding. Get to your local Ducati dealer and/or Pirelli dealer to view the entire range. www.linkint.com.au

A NEW BALANCE OF POWER, PRECISION AND PERFORMANCE.

In 1994 we launched a bike that ignited a segment, defined a category and gave birth to the term Streetfighter. Over the past 21 years it has evolved but stayed true to its roots through its brooding minimalist stance encasing a thrilling Triumph Triple engine delivering a perfect balance of POWER, PRECISION, CHARACTER AND PERFORMANCE.

So how to make the new generation even better… with eye catching lines, billet machined components, stick-tothe-road Öhlins suspension on the R , incredible stopping performance from Brembo Monobloc brakes… add to that cutting-edge rider-aid technology combined with fistfuls of torque and real world power from the all-new 1050cc Triple engine, tuned for ultimate performance…we believe that’s how.

To find out more visit: triumphmotorcycles.com.au

EPIC ADVENTURE

KTM Australia Adventure Rallye

The inaugural KTM Australia Adventure Rallye totally lived up to its name when 121 riders on KTM adventure bikes took part in an epic five days of glorious travel through the beautiful Victorian high country. Taking in over 1500 kilometres of prime Snowy Mountains riding, the orange riders left from their Jindabyne assembly and technical check point first thing on a Monday morning, destined for evening stopovers at Omeo and Dargo, with the Wednesday night stop at Bright proving particularly memorable. There, the group got a surprise visit from Australia’s very first Dakar Rally champion Toby Price, who, after joining them there at dinner rode the rest of the way with the group, on an 1190 Adventure R. Thursday night’s stopover took the KTM riders to Dinner Plains before the final night’s return to Jindabyne saw a wrap-up dinner with photos and video from the week.

Riders also got the chance to choose their own adventure, with an alternative to the day’s main route offered in a breakout route, which took a more challenging course. Terrain varied from rocky hills to forest tracks, rivers and creeks to sweeping landscapes and ridges with broad vistas.

Dinner every night for the hungry travellers was included as part of the Rallye, which also featured a KTM goody bag with KTM Rallye

t-shirt, genuine KTM Buff, KTM Rallye stickers, KTM Rallye stubby holder and Motorex chain lube and visor cleaner.

For more information on KTM Motorcycles, visit www.ktm.com.au or www.facebook. com/KTMAustralia

PHONE HOME!

Emergency Satellite Phones on country roads

THE OMENS ARE LOOKING GOOD

Isle of Man TT 2016

Whom will you be backing at Isle of Man TT 2016 fuelled by Monster Energy?

Bruce Anstey, Lee Johnston, Peter Hickman, John McGuinness, Gary Johnson, Dean Harrison, Conor Cummins, Ivan Lintin, William and Michael Dunlop and more are all in with a shot, this is sure to be an epic year! Also remember the three Aussies racing over there this year, Cam Donald, Davo Johnson and Alex Pickett.

Let’s not forget the sidecars either - Molyneux, Reeves, Birchall, Harrison, Holden and more. 2015 saw the bar raised further and faster than any time in the last five TT meetings and it looks like going even higher this year. We cannot wait! Visit www.iomtt.com to keep up to date with all that’s happening.

The Motorcycle Council of NSW has seen a number of its initiatives being rolled out by the NSW Government recently. In a very important move for riders, the Centre for Road Safety completed the trial stage of the installation of Emergency Satellite Phones on the Putty Road. Statistics for late last year and early this year have shown 21 “Triple 0” calls in late 2015 and 15 “Triple 0” calls up to Feb 2016. Plans are being made to have the ESPs rolled out on other popular roads in NSW in the near future.

The MCC’s Chairman, Christopher Burns has made a presentation to The Roads and Ports Minister’s Road Safety Advisory Committee on 6 April on issues specific to motorcycle riders including road conditions and the lack of a reporting facility and lack of crash investigation on single vehicle motorcycle crashes. 

Words sT uarT Wood B ury Photos nick Wood

Weshowed you a quick preview of the ﬁve new Triumph Bonneville’s back in issue #34. The smallest capacity of the ﬁve, the Street Twin, had only just landed in Australia at the time of this test and the larger 1200cc capacity models shouldn’t be too far behind it. In fact as I write this we hear they’re on the way to dealers.

We’re told by Triumph that the Street Twin is aimed at the younger buying market, but I think they might have their target wrong. If our time on the Street Twin is anything to go by, this bike has appeal over all age groups, but especially to mature riders and wouldbe riders. Whenever I stopped at trafﬁc lights or somewhere when I was out riding, it wasn’t the younger blokes who came up to me to talk about and check out the Street Twin. No, it was the 45+ age group. Let’s wait and see who the real buyers are out there.

Look at one of the previous model Bonnevilles next to the Street Twin, and the main thing that pops out is the cleaner lines. The new bike has a more integrated appearance and offers considerably more attention to detail in the ﬁnish; especially the frame and design of the engine.

Then, when you see the Street Twin in the metal, the attention to detail is obvious everywhere. The headlight brackets, the seat material and the way the fuel injection is hidden all add to the overall improved quality Triumph offers with the new Bonnie. The Street Twin has effectively been taken up a few notches, which will no doubt appeal to many people who wander into a Triumph dealership and see one for themselves. One Triumph dealer I spoke to said he can’t get enough of the Cranberry Red version as well as the Black, so you might want to get in fast to place an order.

Triumph says that the newer, contemporary styling is an effort to catch the “new wave custom scene”. It’s true that this is an inviting blank canvas for those custom types, but the 150+ accessories Triumph has on offer will be more like the kind of

customising that owners are likely to do with the Street Twin. Triumph has also made it easy for those looking for a bit of guidance as to the direction they’d like to go, by offering three distinct accessory packages called the Scrambler, Brat Tracker and Urban – all priced between $1900 and $3200 plus ﬁtting.

The bike beneﬁts from its all-new parallel twin engine which has been carefully designed with a focus on low to mid-range torque. Triumph claim 18 per cent more torque over the previous model, and this truly is a great engine to use. The low to mid rev range is where you ride the Street Twin, so making this area stronger was far better than giving the bike top end power which no one will use. Out in the real world the torque allows you to have a much more pleasurable ride, versus something where you need to keep the revs up or be constantly making sure you are just at the right revs to keep it in the sweet spot.

The parallel twin’s cylinders have a 270 degree firing order. This in turn has changed the exhaust note significantly from that of a ‘normal’ Bonnie, and has reduced engine vibration. Triumph claims that this gives it the unique sound of a British Twin, but to be honest it doesn’t sound much different to our long term Yamaha MT-07, which also has a 270 degree firing order. I guess this might turn away some of the purists out there, but most of us will love the new, deeper, throatier pulse that comes out of the twin mufflers.

If you hadn’t already noticed there’s now a radiator nicely integrated between the front frame tubes. Being liquidcooled, the Street Twin is cleaner with reduced emissions, exceeding the requirements of Euro 4 (which everyone will eventually have to meet). It has also improved fuel consumption (Triumph claim 36% better) and the ‘cleaner’ engine has allowed for longer servicing intervals, now at 16,000km. During our time riding the Street Twin around we rode 90 per cent city/metro and 10 per cent out on country type roads. Fuel consumption ended up being between 4.21-4.38L/100km, which is certainly good. Off the top of my head I think mid ﬁve litres per 100km is

AUSTRALIA Cassons Pty Ltd

D-STORMER D-DRY®

CHEST

Adventure and boundless spaces: what the D-Stormer was designed for. With incredible versatility, this jacket can be used in extreme heat just as in intense cold: the modular construction that allows you to remove the thermal lining and waterproof and breathable membrane D-Dry®, are combined with an innovative ventilation system, which provides a modular control of airflow on the back, combined with ample ventilation on the chest and arms.

Characterized by a look inspired by the world of rally, with many adjustments and pockets, D-Stormer will be the perfect companion on longer trips just as between the curves of the Alpine passes. D-Stormer is for use with Teren D-Dry® pants and D-System Evo D-Dry®.

P: +61(0)2 8882 1900 F: +61(0)2 8882 1999 E: enquiries@cassons.com.au W: www.cassons.com.au NEW ZEALAND Northern Accessories Ltd- New Zealand E: sales@northacc.co.nz W: www.northern.co.nz

BIKETEST

" THIS BIKE APPEALS TO ALL AGES… IF OUR TIME ON THE STREET TWIN IS ANYTHING TO GO BY ”

what the previous model did, so the improvements are noticeable.

A slipper clutch has also been ﬁtted to the new engine and keeps down changes very smooth.

One thing I did notice and this is my only negative comment about the new Street Twin, is that your right inner thigh does get a bit of engine heat and the right side of the tank heats up, too. Whether this is to do with the direction in which the fan blows the air once it comes on, I’m not sure, but it is noticeable during low speed riding in trafﬁc. Once up to normal riding speeds, the heat is dispersed pretty well.

The bike’s handling is as you would expect – light and extremely easy to maneuverer so that no matter what your level of experience, you’ll ﬁnd the Street Twin an easy bike to live with. The rear shocks are a little soft on the standard setting, but with preload adjustment available this can be sorted somewhat.

The nice handling can also be put down to the excellent ergonomics.

A very low, 750mm seat allows you to get your feet ﬂat virtually no

matter how tall or otherwise you are and the reach to the bar puts a tiny amount of weight on your wrists for excellent control. If you compare it to the previous model Bonnie, the bar is a touch lower and more forward and the pegs are lower and a touch further back. The sculpting of the rear of the tank also offers comfort while riding and control at a standstill as your legs aren’t spread apart. Overall this gives you comfort, control and a bike that is easy to balance at low speeds.

The seat has been designed for comfort and is signiﬁcantly better than the previous model’s. It’s still not all-day touring type comfort, but then again that is not what this bike is about.

Braking sees the Street Twin retain the single front disc which provides adequate levels of power, but the big addition is ABS. You also get traction control on the Street Twin, so there’s plenty of safety if you need it. I didn’t set the traction control off while I was riding the Street Twin but if you don’t like it, you can turn it off.

Triumph has been as faithful to its history as you could probably get with the new Street Twin, while trying to modernise the bike with modern day emissions controls and upping the build quality. We like the direction this bike is taking and from the reaction we got from many riders during our time with the Street Twin, so will you. 

SPECS

TRIUMPH STREET TWIN

PRICE: $13,350 (plus on-road charges)

WARRANTY: Two years, unlimited distance

SERVICING INTERVALS: Every 16,000km or 12 months

ENGINE: Liquid-cooled parallel twin cylinder, 4-stroke, SOHC, 4 valves per cylinder

BORE x STROKE: 84.6 x 80mm

DISPLACEMENT: 900cc

COMPRESSION: 10.55:1

POWER: 40.5kW @ 5900rpm

TORQUE: 80Nm @ 3250rpm

TRANSMISSION: 5-speed, wet multiplate slipper clutch, chain ﬁnal drive

SUSPENSION: Front, 41mm inverted fork, non-adjustable, travel 120mm. Rear, twin-shock, adjustable preload, travel 120mm.

DIMENSIONS: Seat height 750mm, weight 198kg (dry), fuel capacity 12 litres, wheelbase 1415mm

TYRES: Front, 100/90/R18. Rear, 150/70/R17

FRAME: Tubular steel

BRAKES: Front, 310mm disc with dual-piston ABS caliper. Rear, 255mm disc, dual-piston ABS caliper.

FUEL CONSUMPTION: 4.29 litres per 100km, premium unleaded

THEORETICAL RANGE: 279km

COLOURS: Cranberry Red, Aluminium Silver, Jet Black, Matt Black, Phantom Black

VERDICT: EASY, FUN AND ENJOYABLE

TRAVEL

The wine bar at Laguna, on the Wollombi road north of Sydney, always repays a stop.

PRE-APPROVED MANOEUVRES

Acup of coffee always tastes good. But it tastes even better in a place recommended by fellow motorcyclists. And the chance of having a natter with another rider and checking out some bikes is too good to miss, as well. We’ve had a bit of interest in motorcycle-friendly places, so I thought – why not ask the Bear Army? There are troopers all over Australia and if anyone would know, they would. And they did, as you can see from this little story.

Gil Schilling really got stuck into it. “Mmm, Peter, a bit of a tough challenge for a somewhat out-of-theway loner like myself”, he writes.

“Most of the places I frequent around the Northern Rivers of NSW are not what I would call ‘hugely popular’ with the biker hordes - and that’s just the way I like it! There are however, a couple of popular haunts around the Northern Rivers that I will mention ﬁrst, before listing my own favourites:

The Tyalgum Pub. Slightly out of the way and just south of the QLD border, readily accessible from Murwillumbah and Nimbin as well as from north of the border via the Numinbah Valley road. Good atmosphere with ordinary pub grub and really popular on weekends and public holidays.

TIPS FROM THE BEAR ARMY

THE MOUNT WARNING PUB (UKI). I’m sure you are familiar with this popular location, but still can’t say I have dropped into the new pub since its recent opening.

THE NIMBIN PUB (and backpackers). Always a favourite with plenty of bikes parked nearby, especially with Qlders visiting on the weekends. The major attraction is fairly obvious - not that there is anything wrong with that!

THE IDLE IN CAFE (Nana Glen). Located on the Orara Way back road from Coffs Harbour/Coramba to Grafton for those who like to get off the over-policed Pac Hwy. A beaut little spot with excellent conventional fare - good coffee etc. A lovely quiet place to rest up on a trip, either indoors or out in the sunshine. There are almost always other twowheeled travellers doing the same, and conversations on the road come easily.

Now for some of the places not quite so familiar to riders, but which are my own favourites:

THE SPHINX ROCK CAFE (Mt Burrell).

Located about half way along the tricky but fun Kyogle to Murwillumbah Rd, the cafe is owned by chef John Squire, who is also a keen adventure/enduro bike rider. John’s food and coffee/ teas etc are of exceptional quality, with many fresh ingredients sourced locally and from their own organic cafe garden. Bikers and locals who know and frequent this special cafe would probably prefer to keep it to themselves. OTH, John would probably love to see as many bike riding customers as possible, as he is always up for a knowledgeable chat when not too busy in his kitchen. Sunday afternoons are a particular treat with live music, though sometimes a little too alternative or hippy-trippy for mainstream rockers.

ARMONICA PIZZA CAFE (Nimbin). A genuine Italian family affair, Armonica, though fairly new on the Nimbin street scene, has rapidly gained a following as the absolute best place in town for coffee and a wood-ﬁred pizza, cold freshly made juices etc.

DOMA CAFE (FEDERAL). Tucked away up in the scenic hills behind Byron Bay/ Mullumbimby, Doma is run a by a crew of young Japanese guys and gals serving up a choice of meals fusing western and Japanese food ideas. This is not your average Sushi bar, but some of the standard nori rolls are available if that is more to your taste. All delicious and the coffee is also well above average too, with green teas

THE BEST IN BRISBANE

One of my favourite stops is the WaDe-Lock cellars and café in Stratford, Gippsland. Nice cool garden, too.

THE RIDES YOU’VE DREA MED ABOUT WON’T TAKE THEMSELVES (But they could happen without you!)

STURGIS BIKE WEEK

Guided Tour • 7-14 August 2016 • 12 Ride Days

It’s not just Bike Week! Meet us in Las Vegas and spend twelve days riding through some of the most spectacular scenery in the American West Feel the wind in your face and the steady rumble of your iron horse beneath you Each day the thunder builds, until you join over 500,000 of your new friends in Sturgis Don’t miss the biggest motorcycle event on Planert Earthspace is limited!

Route 66 Guided Tour s 3-18 June 2016 • 14 Ride Days 14 Oct . - 1 Nov. 2016 • 17 Ride Days

On Route 66, the magic is in the stops, the local history and the folks you'll meet along the way Immerse yourself in a view of America that’s not much changed since the last century We ride from the heart of the American midwest in Chicago to the Pacific in Los Angeles Don’t get left behind!

Guided Tours • The best "no worr ies" Holiday available! Small groups, relaxed style and great roads every day Includes motorcycle hire, fuel, lodging, many meals, chase vehicle and an experienced staff

Self-Guided Tours • Your adventure, built on our exper ience Road Trip Auto Tours • For non-r iding Family & Fr iends Motor cycle Hir e • Competitive rates, round tr ip or one-way

BEST of the WEST

Best of the West was over a year in the making - in collaboration with Peter “The Bear” Thoeming, Editor of Australian Motorcyclist Magazine Together we created a once-in-a-lifetime motorcycling experience

We had a great run in 2015 - read all about the Bear’s journey with us in the December 2015 issue It’s a fantastic ride that will be even better in 2016 and you’re invited!

Our adventure starts and ends in Los Angeles and includes Grand Canyon, Capitol Reef, Bryce Canyon, Zion, Joshua Tree, Death Valley, Yosemite, Kings Canyon and Sequoia National Parks

You’ll see the lowest AND the highest elevations in the US – 282’ (86m) below sea level in Death Valley to 14,505' (4,421 m) at Mt Whitney Plus a very special tour of Monument Valley, two nights in Las Vegas, Route 66, the Pacific Coast and much more

Fourteen days of riding and memories to last a lifetime!

TRAVEL

Phone: 02 6579 7015 info@greygumcafe.com.au www.greygumcafe.com.au EXACTLY HALFWAY BETWEEN WINDSOR AND SINGLETON ON YOUR PUTTY ROAD RIDE

CLUBS AND GROUPS WELCOMEPHONE AHEAD FOR QUICKER SERVICE

 Cafe Style Food

 Giftwares

 Toilets/Showers

 Air Conditioned

 Free 24 hour Camping

 Open 7 days 7.00am to 5.00pm and by appointment for evening functions 8679 Putty Rd, Putty NSW

The Corrugated Café at Peats Ridge, near Gosford, is a good, honest food stop – nothing fancy, but good tucker. / Now that’s a burger, as provided at the Corrugated Café.

available. Live music is also often on the weekend menu.

A great place to relax and chill-out mid-week, and rightly popular with discerning local riders.

“Well Bear, you may already be familiar with some of my more eclectic recommendations, if not you might like to seek them out when you are next in this neck of the woods. Sorry there are no bakeries on my list.”

“Good evening Commander,” writes Duncan Wass. “Just did a nice little trip from Mt Victoria to Bellingen via Singleton, Dungog, Gloucester and Wingham.

Can report that Roadies in Gloucester still does good coffee, and as well as burgers etc they do daily specials. We had an excellent roasted beetroot and fetta salad and a roasted pumpkin and walnut salad. Generous and fresh.

“In Wingham we had a good breakfast at bent on food (no capitals in the name is about the only thing I

Great co ee, award winning breakfasts, friendly service and a locally inspired menu sets this fabulous cafe apart.

Come in and see why we are the region’s most awarded café/restaurant!

can ﬁnd wrong with this place) and the coffee was worth doing again, so we did. Also bought some of their homemade Apple and Balsamic Chutney, which was really good. Spoke to Donna about possibly inundating her with a mob of bikers, and she was very happy at the prospect. They have a large area out the back and can cater for big groups. Might be worth thinking about as a manoeuvres destination. Great roads in and out. Except for the Paciﬁc Highway at the moment. Took an extra hour and a half to get up to Bellingen!

“Returned through Dorrigo, Armidale (beautiful ride in the cool, with light mist most of the way) and turned right at Tamworth, stayed the night in Gunnedah. Had breakfast at jack and jill’s cafe (grrr... more capitalisation luddites) on Sunday morning (open at 7, woohoo, got away before the heat of the day). Have to report that the eggs benedict was one of the best we’ve had. (And we ran a tea rooms in Little Hartley for ten years so we know what we’re talking

about.) Beautifully presented and on corn fritters rather than toast. Coffee pretty good too.

“Rounded off the trip with an entirely forgettable cappuccino at The Butchers Cafe in Mudgee.”

One of the reasons many of us value roadside cafés is because they can be sources of hangover cures, or at least mitigation of same.

“G’day Bear,” writes Tim Standen. “If you have to trawl along the Hume these days, then pull into Barney’s at Bookham. We were hung over as all get out on the way back from an o’nighter at the Alpine Hotel in Cooma when we stopped here to recuperate!”

Recommendations don’t get much better than that.

“Greetings Peter, I hope this e-mail ﬁnds you safe and well,” writes Paul Primmer. “In Newcastle and surrounds, the Oak Café at Freemans Waterhole (890 Freemans Drive, Freemans Waterhole) has to be one of the most motorcycle friendly venues in the area. On any given day you will ﬁnd bikes there, and good luck trying

Nana Glen’s best kept secret

Take a picturesque ride through the Orara Valley to the village of Nana Glen for the best coffee and home baked scones in town. Owned by fellow bikers, you’ll

be welcomed like old friends. Enjoy the atmosphere of our rustic décor as we serve you a delicious breakfast, lunch or Devonshire tea with warm friendly service in our cozy cafe.

to get a park on the weekends. This is a popular venue for both road and dirt, with some good examples of roads and tracks of both surfaces in the area. Coffee is pretty good, and food is pretty standard takeaway fare… there is a Subway restaurant on site as well.

“Another venue closer to the city is Custom Espresso at Speers Point (192 The Esplanade, Speers Point)from memory, the owner is a rider… good food, good coffee, and a great waterfront view of the lake.”

Ken Hager chose an unusual way of recommending the Moto Bean Coffee Roasters Café at 50 Clowes St, Malmsbury in Victoria, 03 5423 2327, web: http://motobean.com.au/. He quoted the opening hours.

Thursday 8 AM – 4 PM

Friday 8 AM – 10 PM

Saturday 8 AM – 10 PM

Sunday 8 AM – 4 PM

Monday Closed

Tuesday Closed Wednesday Closed

Open Wed - Sun 8.00am - 3.30pm

30 Nana St, Nana Glen Ph: 6654 3582 (only 25 min from Coffs Centre) www.facebook.com/idleincafe

Riders will love our warm welcome, sensational food and comfortable, a/c rooms. Group bookings. Spectacular riding in national parks near Mudgee, NSW.

Intersecting the Oxley Hwy & Thunderbolts Way, we're the perfect spot for a quick bite or overnight, group celebrations.

“Must be a good place, look at the hours! Great coffee according to those who consume it! Good food. Usually busy, but good service. Oh, in the shop are several vintage motorcycles on display. Some of the bikes on display change during the year.”

“Peter, I must be a boring old fart,” writes Russell Hammond in his recommendations. “You mentioned two of mine in the latest copy of Australian Motorcyclist on the old Paciﬁc Highway and the Pie Shop at Robertson. Then there is also the ‘rider friendly café’ outside Hartley on the way to Lithgow on the Great Western Highway.

Others I have frequented are:

Elephant Boy, Bong Bong Street, Bowral – takes you back into time to the time between WWI and WWII. Lots of memorabilia and old black and white movies of the era are playing. Coffee is of a reasonable quality and the food tasty. Avoid when most tables are full as the service can be a little slow.

The Shack Café, Lawrence

Hargraves Drive, Thirroul – used to be a vegetarian café but is now batting for the right team. It has always been a little ‘rough and ready’ in the decor but the breakfasts now make it worthwhile starving on the way down from Sydney.

Boyo, who admits to not being good with numbers, sent the following recommendations: “We often frequent the Grey Gums Café on the Putty; Monkey Creek Café on the Darling Causeway, Bells Line Of Road; Megalong Tea Rooms, Megalong Valley; Spencer Village Store, Wisemans Ferry Road and Maccas at Panthers Penrith where the coffee is always good. Will think of some more and then on to the pubs.”

He obviously did go on to the pubs, because that was the last we heard from him. So, only a half dozen or so of the Army managed to put pen or whatever to paper, eh. They can do better, I promise you! This matter will be raised at the next Manoeuvres…

Which, by the way, will be at one of my own favourites. I have recently written about the Royal Café in Walcha, so I will just remind you

about it and its remarkable owners. It was not chosen as the venue for Manoeuvres for nothing!

And while we’re on the subject of the Manoeuvres: I think everyone was very pleased with the reception and treatment we got at the Globe Hotel in Rylstone for our second event. The food was excellent, and sitting in the bar with the ﬁre going was a wonderful way for all of us to get to know each other and share our stories. If you feel like visiting the beautiful countryside around Rylstone, give Lynelle a call on 0423 788 089 and tell her we sent you!

And all right, a cup of coffee doesn’t always taste good. One day I’ll tell you about the tea and coffee that Mrs Bear and I got at a small servo/café up near Texas in Queensland, back in the early ‘80s… PT 

Barneys on the Hume, during a hangover stop. I can guess where everyone is… (Photo Tim Standen) / Even Spiderman gets his coffee hit at the Royal Café, as long as he can get out of the cage…

DON’T GET REAR-ENDED

WHAT YOU DON’T SEE CAN HURT YOU WORDS MARK MCVEIGH, MOTODNA

“Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.” That may seem like sensible advice for many, but it’s really not so good for motorcyclists. Especially when you’re stopped at an intersection and don’t see the distracted driver bearing down on you from behind. It takes more than a working brake light to prevent being punted into a busy intersection or squashed like a bug between two bumpers.

Here are some tips to help you avoid getting caught in a squeeze.

As you decelerate for a stoplight, check your mirrors to see if the trafﬁc behind you is slowing down, too. Be extra vigilant if you decide to stop for a fresh orange light in case the tin top behind you decides to run it. And while we don’t generally advocate running an orange (mainly because it’s against the road rules), that’s your best course of action if it’s clear that the car behind

you is planning to do just that.

Now that you’ve stopped, be ready to go again in a heartbeat in case the space you’re in seems in imminent danger of being occupied by a speeding car. Position your bike on either side of the greasy centre of the lane. Leave the bike in gear and hold the clutch in. If that’s not practical, put your right foot down, leave your left foot on the peg ready to engage ﬁrst gear, and cover the clutch lever.

Always have an out in case the car in your mirror is becoming alarmingly large, alarmingly quickly! If you’re turning left and there’s a curb or a median to your left and a car in front of you, position your bike on the right side of the lane so you can slip around the car if necessary. But be aware of through trafﬁc coming up behind you that’s not slowing down to turn. Stop far enough back from the car ahead

to give yourself room to manoeuvre. If your front tyre is millimetres from a bumper, you won’t be able to turn without backing up ﬁrst. That’s a bad place to be.

In addition to bike placement, bike equipment can help tip the odds in your favour. Keep your mirrors clean and adjusted properly, and if all you can see in them is your elbows, swap them out for ones that do what mirrors are supposed to do. Check your brake light and indicator lights often, invest in some auxiliary brake lights, and add some reﬂective tape to the back of your bike for night riding (if you feel your brake light isn’t as powerful as you’d like).

Every little bit helps.

Mark McVeigh is CEO of advanced rider training company – motoDNA. Visit their website to book your spot – www.motodna.net

No animals were hurt in the making of this article (as far as we know)

OS CAMPING

COULD THIS BE THE WAY TO GO?

WORDS/PHOTOS THE BEAR

Here’s a bit of an afterthought about camping. You can indulge in it overseas, too, and in some countries it can save you money and increase the fun factor. All you need is to be prepared. I’ve camped all over the world and generally speaking I’ve enjoyed it tremendously. That’s partly because camping gives you a lot of options.

When Mrs Bear and I rolled off the ferry from Britain and found the ﬁrst campground for our seven month

North Africa and Eastern Europe trip, we were somewhat bemused to ﬁnd that it had closed for the season a couple of days before. In the end we just camped on the nature strip outside the gate, but I would suggest that you get some idea of opening dates before you head off yourself. That’s more important in Europe than most other places, because the Europeans are more likely to take such things seriously. In Africa or Asia any time’s a good time to

accommodate you – and perhaps but not necessarily take payment.

In Europe, out of season camping can be very economical because rates go right down - provided the campground stays open at all. We set up in an absolutely beautiful place once, high in the Massif Central in France, where a million dollar view, absolute silence and fantastic facilities were all to be had for a quarter of the usual fee because we were there in late autumn.

The US can be a wonderful place with a tent. I’ve often said that there are two kinds of Americans, those who can’t do enough for you and those who can’t do anything for you. Fortunately the former are in the majority, which also helps when you’re camping over there. American commercial campgrounds are, generally speaking, not set up for bikes. They expect giant RVs and of course that’s what they get, except for an occasional weirdo Aussie on a 250 Honda with what they call a “pup tent”.

I’ve generally avoided the big parks such as the KOA franchises, but I’ve found that when I have to use them they are usually obliging. One manger let me camp on the grass outside her own trailer home. Mind you, another told me that he couldn’t guarantee my safety, or even survival, because my camp was “so damn little” and he was afraid an RV would back over me. I took the hint.

The place to camp in America is in Forestry or similar sites. See

www.recreation.gov for inspiration and information. You get the best of both worlds here, the wonderful outdoors and comfortable if not always elaborate facilities. Many sites are free, and you can buy a pass that will get you into the others. You may need to be ready to deal with bears or alligators, but if you follow the rules that’s not so difﬁcult.

Camping gear is camping gear, so my comments from the previous story stand regarding tents, cooking and so on. You may have trouble buying small gas cartridges in some less developed countries, but you can get the larger gas cylinders reﬁlled almost anywhere. European supermarkets have a huge range of pre-prepared meals in tins, so you can eat quite ﬂash dishes which only need to be heated up in the can.

On my solo trip across the US I found that a small foam esky (about twice the size of the ones made to hold a six pack) which I found outside a Walmart and strapped to the top of a pannier made a terriﬁc container for any food

or drink I bought along the way. There are countries where it could be difﬁcult to buy food and you’ll just have to make do with what you can get. This can still be better than what you’d get at roadside eateries, mind you. Down in the Sahara in Algeria we were reduced to eating oranges (plentiful because local), bread (available as long as you queued from dawn) and tinned sardines (don’t ask me). A diet of sardine sandwiches with oranges for dessert might seem a bit monotonous, but better monotony than the fatty mutton in grease sauce that the “cafés” offered. Not that I want to be dismissive of regional cooking. High in the hills in Serbia I once dined on slices of meat cooked on the top of a 44 gallon drum – it had a hole cut in the side and held a ﬁre – in a hardware shop doubling as a roadside eatery. Or was it a roadside eatery doubling as a hardware shop?

Clockwise from left: Autumn might not seem to be the best time to travel by bike, but it can save you money. / Where there’s no flat land to camp, the Turks make it flat with terraces. / In a lot of countries in Europe, campsites are licensed and even have their own “pub”. / Campgrounds are usually well signposted, at least in Europe. / It’s not difficult to carry camping gear when you have good luggage.

The meat was served with relatively fresh bread and was delicious.

Mind you, the ﬁrewater served with these sandwiches might have helped stoke my appetite.

Thinking of the old Jugoslavia reminds me. If you want to camp somewhere, in Eastern Europe in you’ll than

particular, just ask. Chances are you will be welcomed with open arms, shown a good campsite and then plied with the above ﬁrewater. No tests for blood alcohol content in those days… I tried to compile a list of my top camping countries, but the more I thought the more there were. The absolute top candidates would be New Zealand, with both free camping and campgrounds like the town commons; the old Jugoslavia, Greece, Turkey and Morocco (also for both free camping and commercial campgrounds); the US, France and Norway (for organised but possibly free camping) and Germany, where commercial (but affordable) campgrounds often provide more services than quality hotels do. If I had to sum up the attraction of camping overseas in one word, I wouldn’t be able to do it. Ha. Didn’t expect that, did you? Summing it up in a few words, though, is easy. It’s cheap, lets you meet people (including lots of motorcyclists) and if you’re prepared is more comfortable than a lot of hostels and such. No bedbugs, for a start, and fewer drunken [nationality deleted] singing late into the night. Hard to beat. 

Barry Sheene FeStival oF Speed 2016

The roar of T he engines, T he smell of T he crowd!

The Barry Sheene Festival of Speed at Sydney Motorsport Park was the largest ever. The amount of spectators ﬂowing through the gates was huge, which really shows that Classic Racing in this country is at an all-time high. I even had reports from some spectators who had recently been to the Island Classic that the number of people at the BSFoS was much higher, so a big ‘well done’ to the Post Classic Racing Association NSW for all their hard work.

The number of living Legends at this year’s event had doubled. They included superstars like Kevin Schwantz, Freddie Spencer, Steve Parrish, Jeremy McWilliams, Kevin Magee, Graeme Crosby, Kork Ballington, Murray Sayle, Chris Vermeulen and Maria Costello. Riding original racing machines or replicas, they participated in the ‘Legends Clash’ and it was exciting to see most of them not just idling around either, but actually giving their 2-stroke

machines a real workout,. The smell of Castrol R was like incense.

The Legends were also very approachable in the pits, signing autographs, posing for photos and interested in talking to everyone. This brought a lot of smiles to people’s faces.

As for the racing, it was action packed for the entire three days. A mix of rain and sunshine on the Friday restricted some (including me) from

Words sT uarT woodbury Photos h alf- l igh T PhoTogra P hy

The Legend, Barry Sheene’s Heron Suzuki! Yes, it’s his original bike!

Riding Pirelli

going out racing because we lacked wet weather tyres, but Saturday and Sunday’s sunshine made for hard and fast racing both days.

The main event on the track was the Barry Sheene Top 50, won by Chas Hern racing a Bimota YB5. This is an event for the fastest 25, Period 5, 1300cc and fastest 25, Period 6, 1300cc machines. I was going to race our recently built FZR1000, which would easily have qualiﬁed for this event, but it didn’t make it there, sadly.

Instead I raced my faithful CBR900RR in Pre Modern F1. As I mentioned I didn’t turn a wheel on the ﬁrst day of racing. The rain came through for my qualifying and for my ﬁrst race and with a limited budget and no wet weather tyres, the risk of

crashing on slicks was too high, so I sat in the garage.

On Saturday the sun was out and I could get stuck into making some good laps and ﬁnished 3rd in both races. The two bikes ahead of me are ex-world superbikes which make things a bit difﬁcult for me on my $3000 machine, but I tried. On the Sunday I again got 3rd in the morning race and 2nd in the afternoon race while setting the fastest lap time. I will admit that the fastest bike, an ex-Colin Edwards Yamaha superbike with an A-grade racer on board, didn’t start the last race, but I’ll take the satisfaction anyway.

Other attractions on the Sunday were the Show ‘N’ Shine and the parade laps. Loads of ﬁne classic machines turned out for onlookers to gawk at. The spectator parade laps are a chance

I must give a big thanks to Link International for supplying me with the awesome Pirelli SC1 and SC2 slicks for me to race with. They made it possible for a pretty much standard road bike to take on the might of ex-WSBK bikes (both with A-grade racers on board), and a lot of that comes down the amazing feel and grip Pirelli tyres give you. This technology is also bred into their road tyres, so look at a set of Pirellis next time you need tyres. I like them, so will you: www.linkint.com.au .

for you on your road bike to see what it’s like to circulate the GP circuit at SMSP. Taking their helmets off after the ride, those who took part had obviously had a fun time and their looks of pure excitement were enough to bring a smile to my face. I didn’t even need to talk to them, I knew they’d had a once in a lifetime experience.

Next year’s Barry Sheene Festival of Speed promises to be even bigger and better and I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait! This is a must-attend event! Keep your eye on www.barrysheene.com.au for all the details of the 2017 event. 

Clockwise from top left: Freddie Spencer had a ball over the course of the weekend. / Kevin Schwantz on his 500cc Suzuki. His ﬁrst time at the Barry Sheene Festival of Speed and he shook hands, posed for photos and raced hard! / Stuart enjoyed some decent results. / People everywhere! Sunday’s Show N Shine was popular.

Part No: 08732GLR003

Combo pack including Honda Glare Wash and Honda Glare Professional Polish. The number 1 wash and polish for your motorcycle and ATV.

Part No: 591ml: 087320020B

Cleans an entire motorcycle or ATV in just minutes. Removes dirt, oil, road grime, and insects. Cleans paint, chrome, alloy, and rubber.

Part No: 08C50C321S01

Part No: 082030004

High-temperature formula for heavy-duty or racing applications

Designed for use in all hydraulic brake and clutch systems requiring DOT 3 or 4.

ALWAYS demand

Honda Genuine:

• Oil Filter

• Air Filter

• Spark Plug

• Brake pads/shoes

Chain Cleaner

Part No: 08732CHC00

Prepares chain for re-oiling. Emulsifies and removes dirt, grime & built up grease. Safe on all types of drive chains.

Exclusive formula developed by Honda R&D. Specifically designed for use in aluminium engines.

HP4 10W-30

Part No: 1 Litre: L1002HP41312

4 litre: L1002HP41304

Increased anti-foaming qualities & higher viscosity index for stability over a broader range of temperatures.

Part No: 08732CLM00

Contains Moly and PTFE for superior lubrication. Resists wear and weather for long-lasting lubrication. Compatible with O-ring and non O-ring chains

Part No: 08732SCP00

Cleans road grime, grease, and bugs without water. Polishes paint, chrome, glass, and clear plastic. Protects vinyl, plastic, and rubber.

Part No: 08732CBL49

Removes grease and oil quickly. Cleans brake drums, liners, cylinders, and springs. Safe for most plastics. Dries fast with no residue.

Part No: 1 Litre: L1002GN41312

4 litre: L1002GN41304

Testing & development give todays GN4 even better shear resistance, viscosity stability & cleanliness.

surfaces come to life. Easy spray applicator included.

CHAIN LUBE SYNTHETIC - $19.99

Advanced race proven formula designed for both on and off-road applications. Ultimate protection for your drive system from rust, corrosion, and premature wear. Super tacky formula resists “fling off”. Safe for O-ring and non O-ring chain types.

ROCKY CREEK DESIGNS

www.rockycreekdesigns.com.au

GEARLOK - $37.95

If you’ve ridden for any amount of time, you’ve probably experienced this familiar scenario. You’re out on a ride and it’s 34°C. You stop for lunch or to sightsee

and you just don’t feel like lugging your heavy riding jacket and helmet around. If your bike doesn’t have locking hard bags big enough to take your gear, what do you do?

One approach is to simply drape your jacket over the bike and hang your helmet on the mirror…but that hardly seems wise, leaving it sitting on your bike is an invitation for someone to steal it.

The GearLok offers a 150cm long braided galvanized steel plastic coated cable to lock your helmet, jacket, backpack or any other accessory to your bike. Simply pass the loop end of the cable through a convenient part of your bike like the frame, handlebar or grab rail.

GEARLOK CABLE - $21.95

If you already have a Helmetlok from Rocky Creek Designs, simply use the GearLok Cable on its own, with the Helmetlok, in the same way as you would use the GearLok except one end loops through the Helmetlok. Best thing about it is that you are able to pop it all into your carry bag.

FICEDA www.ficeda.com.au

IPONE FULL POWER KATANA OIL 1 AND 4 LITRES - $25.95 AND $94.95 RESPECTIVELY

Full Power Katana is a 100% synthetic, ester-based lubricant for 4-stroke motorcycles, designed to deliver good sports

riding performance on the road. The “speed and easy shift” innovation will transform your riding experience. Gear changes are fast and smooth; you will discover pure riding pleasure and faster acceleration. Available in the following viscosities - 5W40, 10W40, 10W50, 10W60 and 15W50.

R&G CRASH PROTECTORS - AERO STYLE – VARIOUS PRICES

If you crash, you want to minimise damage and R&G crash protectors

help reduce the damage bill. These crash protectors have been developed as a non-drill crash protector kit featuring stylish, aerodynamic Aero Bobbins and are available in black utilising stainless steel mounting blocks and brackets for strength and powder coated black for a superb finish.

DID ZVM-X CHAINS – VARIOUS PRICES AND SIZES

A strong chain – DID’s ZVM-X series has greater strength than the VX Series and is designed for heavyweight motorcycles with tremendous torque and horsepower. Being stronger also mean a longer wear life – the twisting action of

the X-Ring increases its sealing performance and its four contact points minimise power loss. You also get quicker response – the ZVM-X Series’ high rigidity, born from experience in MotoGP, means greater resistance to stretching under load for a smoother ride.

Dunlop Roa D sma R t III –Va RI ous s I zes an D p RI ces

Adding new tyres can make your bike feel like it just rolled off the showroom floor. Dunlop’s new RoadSmart 3 is the latest addition to the Sportmax family, taking over from the hugely successful

RoadSmart 2. Designed to offer high mileage, comfortable feel and excellent handling, the Roadsmart 3 claims to reduce rider fatigue, with superior grip in the wet or dry. The RoadSmart 3 is the pinnacle of touring tyre technology on the market today, says Dunlop.

o xfo RD o x I m I se R 3 x – $169.95

The Oximiser 3X is Oxford’s most versatile, most powerful, multipurpose battery maintenance unit. It offers not one, but three automated charging programs for differing battery size – perfect for motorcycles and those with more than one bike! So, if you have multiple toys in your garage, it’s the

only battery optimiser you are ever likely to need.

o xfo RD toolK I t pR o - $59.95

A comprehensive 27 piece motorcycle tool kit that features soft gel handles which are ergonomically designed and comfortable to use, chrome vanadium steel sockets, a mini ratchet handle with robust

mechanism requires just 5mm of movement to turn a fastener, extension bar and hex keys; made for a durable life, all in a compact storage case ideal to keep under your rear seat.

BMW MOTORRAD

www.bmwmotorrad.com.au or your local B m W m otorrad dealer

t u B eless t y R e Repa IR K I t - $53

The BMW Motorrad Tubeless Tyre Repair Kit will become an essential part of your riding kit. Whether you are going across the Simpson Desert or touring the Great Alpine Road this kit offers you the peace of mind that knowing you’re covered just in case that you do get that puncture brings. The kit

includes 3 gas canisters, 3 puncture plugs, reamer, plug glue and a canister to tyre valve adapter.

c ompact f oot p ump - $105

The BMW Motorrad compact foot pump can be used to inflate the tyres of your motorcycle, bicycle, automobile, scooter or football -

even your air mattress! Includes pump, hose and valve head with digital pressure gauge, needle adaptor which stores in the pump base, airbed adaptor, high-pressure hose for use with pneumatic-suspension elements and nylon storage pouch, which makes it easy to store on your motorcycle.

CASSONS www.cassons.com.au

RJAYS MOTORCYCLE COVER –FROM $39.95

Protect your motorcycle with this aluminium polyurethane coated inside and out cover, which makes it highly water resistant, breathable and heat resistant! Featuring double

stitched seams giving extra strength and longer durability and a durable locking slot that’s reinforced with double stitching to ensure the lock doesn’t damage the cover, this will provide great protection if you have to park your bike outside in the elements.

The cover is now also available for scooters, with a number of scooter specific features.

RJAYS LINED MOTORCYCLE COVER – FROM $49.95

Go one step further and protect your motorcycle with this 100% waterproof fleece lined cover from Rjays. It’s UV resistant and has double stitching around the locking slot for strength. Available in sizes Large, Large + rack, X-Large and a size for scooters.

RJAYS CAMOUFLAGE COVER –FROM $29.95

Go stealth mode and camouflage your motorcycle with this durable cover. Also available for scooters.

BEL-RAY BIKE WASH - $19.95

Bel-Ray bike wash is an advanced, biodegradable micro-emulsion

concentrate specifically formulated for the powersports enthusiast. Hard on dirt and grime, safe for use on painted, fibreglass, rubber and plastic surfaces as well as chrome, aluminium and alloy wheels.

BEL-RAY WATERPROOF GREASE - $21.95

Some of the best grease out in the market. Stuart has used this awesome grease for the last 20+ years and loves it. It is a waterproof grease for all bearing and bushing applications and much more. It offers corrosion protection (even in salt water), its wear protection extends bearing life and it will not melt or run.

BEL-RAY SUPER CLEAN CHAIN LUBE - $18.95 (175ML), $26.95 (400ML)

Everyone with a chain is after a lube that doesn’t fling and Bel-Ray claim their Super Clean chain lube is designed to resist fling-off even in high speed applications, and furthermore that it will not attract dirt, sand or grit. This lube offers a protective coating which dries white to ensure complete coverage with wear and corrosion protection for long chain and sprocket life. Suitable for all chain applications,

including ‘O’, ‘X’ and Z ring units and roller chains.

BEL-RAY BRAKE AND CONTACT CLEANER - $17.95

Maintain your brakes by giving them a good clean every now and again. This cleaner is designed to clean and degrease all metal surfaces, dry instantly with no residue and is safe for paint, plastic and rubber, so

you can use it to clean other parts of your motorcycle too.

MCLEOD ACCESSORIES www. mcleodaccessories.com.au

RYCO FILTERS – FROM $10.95

Everyone knows Ryco filters and their motorcycle range is guaranteed to meet or exceed

OEM filtration efficiency, and “Deliver Genuine Performance”. A proud Australian company with over 70 years filtration experience.

Delta Braking – From $29.95

Delta disc brake pads are expertly machined to exacting tolerances to provide extreme stopping power across street, off-road, ATV and racing applications. They combine metal-ceramic friction materials

to produce optimum braking performance in both wet and dry riding conditions. Delta’s patented technique achieves maximum static friction co-efficient, PLUS extremely Low abrasion to the disc rotor material.

Bri D gestone Battlax s 21 tyres – Various sizes an D prices

Your favourite (and your least

favourite!) corner will feel completely different with a set of S21s fitted to your ride. Ultimate grip with loads of feel will help to transform your riding. Available in most popular sizes.

Dynali F e B atteries –Various sizes an D prices

Lithium Ion batteries that offer high power, stable performance with low discharge and a long life – at least twice that of a lead acid battery. The other bonus is that these batteries weigh less than one-third of the equivalent lead acid battery in the same model.

HONDA www.hondagenuine.com.au or your local Honda dealer.

HONDA HP4 & GN4 OILS –PRICE FROM $13.80

Protect your Honda motorcycle with an oil that has been specifically formulated for your engine. Available in either the HP4 & GN4 variants both offering high levels of viscosity and heat stability and shear resistance.

HONDA BRITE - $26.80

Cleans an entire motorcycle or ATV

in just minutes. Removes dirt, oil, road grime, and insects. Cleans paint, chrome, alloy, and rubber. Contains powerful corrosioninhibitors. Easy to spray on and hose off. Surface safe when used as directed.

CHAIN CLEANER - $16.60

Prepares chain for re-oiling. Emulsiﬁ es and removes dirt, grime and built up grease. Spray

on / rinse off. Safe on all types of drive chains.

CHAIN LUBE WITH MOLY - $26.20

Contains Moly and PTFE for superior lubrication. Resists wear and weather for long-lasting lubrication. Compatible with both O-ring and non O-ring chains and works at both high and low temperature extremes. Contains no chlorinated solvents or CFCs. No-ﬂ ing formula. 

WALTER BURLEY GRIFFIN’S LEGACY

SAMPLE SMALL TOWN AUSTRALIA ON WALTER’S WAY

BINALONG

This is the most easterly town on the Burley Grifﬁ n Way and it’s where Banjo Paterson’s family lived from 1869 and the poet went to primary school. The town’s on the north side of the BGW with a road in on both sides so you don’t need to backtrack. The Binalong Pub is down on Fitzroy St next to the old and crumbling and closed Old Patersons Pub. Some great old photos on the walls. The pub’s not open on Sundays but back on the BGW the Swan Inn, housed in a beautiful 1847 building, is open for light meals and good wine on Sundays only.

Binalong Hotel: T: 02 6227 4246 The Swan Inn: T 02 6227 4531 (Yvette and Kerry)

GALONG

A couple of kilometres to the north of the BGW, this is a sad story. The Royal Hotel here is a magniﬁ cent building and once had the most amazing beer garden I’ve ever experienced. Unfortunately it’s closed and doesn’t look like opening any time soon. A bad loss. Now the major attraction is the Catholic Retreat on Kalangan Rd north of the town.

HARDEN

The town centre is to the north of the BGW. The IGA’ is at 45 Neill St and is open from 8am all days ’cept Sunday when they sleep in for an extra hour. Best thing for me here is the fantastic and cheap council swimming pool at the eastern end of town.

MURRUMBURRAH

Bad news: The Commercial Hotel is gone! Good news: The Light Horse has replaced it. This same old pub is in the hands of new owners intent on providing a great stop and paying homage to local history, especially the role of the local town in the formation of the 1st Light Horse Regiment in the Boer War. I’ve stayed here and despite being on the main drag, it’s surprisingly quiet even in the front veranda rooms. The Caltex on the south side of the road in the middle of town sells 91 and 98.

WALLENDBEEN

A top pub run by a great bloke in Groover. He had a ‘zero’ birthday last year and closed the pub for six days so everyone could piss off ﬁshing with him! That kinda guy, that kinda pub. No meals and nothing else in town ’cept the ghosts in the Emporium and

other stately old joints on the hill. You can free camp across from the pub or stay in the cottage with its air con and swimming pool. Lots of reno’s going on upstairs so it’s only going to get better. The locals are beyond friendly. Great place to overnight and chat!

Wallendbeen Hotel T: 02 6943 2512

STOCKINGBINGAL

Not many sadder things than watching a town die. The pub ﬁnally closed its doors for the last time just before Christmas and with it, the struggling café back on the BGW. There’s just a post ofﬁce open for a couple of hours each morning now, and the silent silos across the road from the line of closed shops. Your visits and your travels will help other towns at risk of becoming ghosts. Ride On!

SPRINGDALE

Not much at Springdale anymore but you won’t have any issues if you need to camp around the recreation reserve on the north side of the road in the middle of town.

TEMORA

The IGA is on the corner of Victoria and Baker Streets, closed on Sundays but open from 8 am the rest of the week. I really enjoy the people and the food at Zest Café in the guts of town near the crossing. There’s designated bike parking right across in front of Target. Last time I dropped in the manager of a nearby store ﬁgured she’d park her car there. She told

www.hemamaps.com.au

The Burley Grifﬁn way is a 290km east-west corridor in the northern Riverina stretching from the Hume Highway just west of Yass to Grifﬁth. It’s less congested than the Sturt Hwy to the south and the Mid-Western Hwy to its north. Not brilliantly varied riding but well suited to cruisers who are interested in less congested good surfaced road dotted with some very interesting small pubs and towns.

If you’re doing it east to west, it’s probably a good idea to ﬁll up at the Yass Service Centre where you can get all grades before heading 11km down the Hume, past the turn for Cowra and then right onto the Burley Grifﬁn Way.

Then it’s just keep heading west for almost 300 clicks but most of the towns are no longer slap bang on the main road so you’re going to need to turn off the main road and into the towns.

Almost without exception, the detour is worth the effort.

For Binalong, at a bit over 16kms

from the eastern beginning of the BGW, take the right onto Fitzroy St, signposted Binalong (1km) and Boorowa (31kms), and follow this for a bit under the stated 1km and you’ll ﬁnd the old pub and the new(er) one on your right. Once you’re done here, take the left onto Wellington at the pub (you’ll see the old general store on your diagonal right) and follow this back up to the BGW where you turn right.

Turn west and follow the highway as it takes an immediate hard left.

The turn off to Galong is on the right a bit over 10km further west from Binalong and the old town is about 3km to the north on this road. A beautiful old pub which alas welcomes drinkers no more.

Continue west for about 18km and you’ll hit Harden and then down the straight dip and up the rise and you’ll be in Murrumburrah.

Seventeen kilometres west of Murrumburrah and through some scenic ridge stretches, you’ll come to the stop sign at the Olympic Highway.

Cross this and then take the next right and then a left at the T, over the crest and you’ll ﬁnd the Wallendbeen pub on your left as the road swings around it.

Once you’re done here just continue and follow this road as it bends left then take a right back onto the BGW and you’ll get to the soon to be a ghost town of Stockingbingal and then another 34km to Temora.

The town centre here is to your right at the main roundabout but the BGW continues straight through, signposted Grifﬁth.

Thirty three kilometres west of Temora is the well signed turn right to Ariah Park and the turn for Mirrool is just 12km more. If you visit either, and they are worth it, you’ll need to U-turn and re-trace back the BGW. The same goes for Beckom, 15km west of Mirrool and for Ardlethan just 7km further along.

Yenda is 68km west of Ardlethan. To get to the old pub and the beautiful town centre park take a right onto East Ave at the Yenda Diggers’ Club. COLLECT THEM ALL

me that ‘everyone parks here and the police never do anything about it so it’s okay’. Kinda defeats the purpose! Just park the bastards in! The Caltex at the north end of town on Hoskins St sells 91 and 95. A couple of pubs also on Hoskins, but they are pretty unappealing bog standard rural hub town hotels.

ARIAH PARK

This is a beautiful old town that oozes the love and care of the residents. The centre strip is a grove of pepper trees and pretty much every store has old memorabilia in the windows. There’s a small general store and a chemist and a whole pile of old petrol bowsers. It’s like a drive in museum!

The splendid old pub opens at 4 pm on Mondays and Tuesdays and at noon the others and it does dinners Wed through to Sunday. It has 10 twin rooms each of which will set you back 60 bucks a night with no discount for singles. There’s camping up behind the beautifully maintained Aussie rules/cricket oval. (12 bucks for powered and 6 for unpowered.) Pick up the keys from the hardware store in town. There’s limited shade but good showers are part of the deal.

Ariah Park Hotel T: 02 6974 1068

MIRROOL

Just the pub and the silos. The pub’s run by Selina and Adam (ex Darlington Point) and they do lunch and dinner seven days. Rooms are just 40 bucks a pop but the price is ﬂ exible for riders, the

more you drink the less you’ll be hit for the bed! There’s free camping across the road with a donation box for the showers and toilets. If you enjoy putting the slipper in, there’s a ‘kick the ball over the silos’ comp each October and it sounds a real hoot. Cheapest beer on the road! This is an off the track pub that really does have the welcome mat out for riders. It would be ideal stopping place for a large group ride. Royal Hotel, Mirrool T: 02 6974 1237

BECKOM

BARELLAN

The Commercial Hotel is struggling but it’s a good place for a mid-ride break. They’ve just joined the ‘Big Thing’ group of towns. In addition to the Big Banana, Big Prawn, Big Mango, Big Bull, we now have Barellan’s Big Racquet, a tribute to local legend Evonne Goolagong.

YENDA

This is just a beautiful small country pub with a delightful vine covered ground ﬂ oor veranda. It’s run by Colin and costs just 35 bucks a night for a single or 45 for a twin. It’s closed on Mondays but opens at 3pm Tues through Friday and from noon on the weekends. Meals of course all days ’cept Mondays but if you’re coming through and need a Monday bed, call Colin on 0427 871 016 and he’ll be happy to sort you out. There’s parking round the back.

ARDLETHAN

Unlike the neighbouring councils in Temora and Bland, the council here is not prepared to even consider doing anything to cater for motorcycle riders so it’s a town probably worth avoiding. Which is a pity; there’s a good café here and an IGA but there seems to be no point in putting your hardearned into a town whose council is simply not willing to do anything to support riders, especially when the neighbouring towns and councils are supporting us.

Just love the huge grass park in the centre of town a bit off the highway. Most of the shops on the main street are shut but the pub’s still hanging in there. Really friendly folks inside and ask to see the nudes out back: A great painting of (supposedly) local women butt naked around a pool. Done by a local eccentric, it’s just one of what the barman told me is a ‘massive’ collection of, ‘muriels’ that the guy painted. None of ’em terrible, Muriel! Yenda Hotel T: 02 6968 1014

GRIFFITH

The end of this particular line with all you’re going to want and need but most accommodation is bog standard and characterless. Better to stay out at Yenda or down at the Rice Bowl Hotel at Whitton. There’re two IGAs on Yambil just east of Jondaryan Ave. The Caltex at the east end of town sells all grades of fuel.

Griffith Motorcycle Centre’s on the corner of Wakaden St and Burrell Place and will be able to fix up any issues you have with your ride. T: 02 6962 4677 

GET CAUGHT WITHOUT...

Handy Neoprene Storage Bag

Lock & Cable

The GearLok is designed to lock your helmet, jacket, backpack, or any other accessory to your motorcycle.

» 150cm long, 5mm thick plastic coated steel cable

» Re-settable 4 digit combination lock

» Soft silicone cover to protect lock and bike parts

CAN BE USED TO LOCK 2 helmets/jackets/bags to your bike!

Also available from all good motorcycle shops through Pro Accessories.

BEARARMY

MANOEUVRES

INVASIONS GOING TO SCHEDULE

I’ve been neglecting you a little in the past couple of months, so here’s a catch-up. It’s difﬁcult to keep up the chat when you’re a long way away – and under the inﬂuence of the famous Havana Club rum…

CUBA CONQUERED

The invasions planned for this year are running smoothly so far. Cuba was conquered in a couple of weeks, and local supplies of Cristal and Bucanero beers were decimated in a carefully planned operation undertaken every evening. Rum cocktails and cigars helped out when the beer was warm, which was only once.

You’ll read the full details here of course, but I can tell you now that Cuba makes an attractive target for future forays; my thanks to Edelweiss for all the logistical planning, provision of a bike and all the rest. I have now been on three of their tours – Spain, Norway and Cuba – and have enjoyed them all. If you’re heading off overseas, consider taking an Edelweiss tour. You won’t regret it.

Commanding Ofﬁcer, Bear Army

Your Commanding Ofﬁcer with a typical German-made but Cubanpainted two-stroke MZ. Believe it or not but this paint is camouﬂage in Havana! / The regular Cuban Army with the latest in personnel carriers. Note oddly-shaped assault vehicles in background.

Two AMMHIAM o T o UR

Riding to EuphoRia

With the help of Mother Nature

Words Stuart Woodbury photos Stuart Woodbury & robert Shorter

Welcome back to the South Island. Mother Nature had turned on the magic for us so far and where she had belted me (especially) and the group last year, she made up for it this year with sunshine, and she even turned down the wind for our ride around the Southern Scenic Route.

Everyone on the tour has been impressed by the simply stunning scenery and the roads so far, but I kept saying to them, “just you wait. It only gets better”. No one believed me, they couldn’t imagine how things could get any better, but they did. From Day 6 on we headed south, down to the “bottom of the Earth”, then north to the ﬁnish.

Day 6 Queenstown – Te Anau. Distance – 173km

Alana and I woke the morning of our departure from Queenstown to

Te Anau and we didn’t want to leave. We’ve always said to each other that if the opportunity arose to move there, we would. You never know. We headed for our favourite café, The Boat Shed, for another stunning breakfast with Andre and Frank in tow. We’ve converted them to The Boat Shed. If you’re in Queenstown, it is a must visit. It’s away from the hustle and bustle and the food and coffee are great.

It was a bit of a lazy start to the day, and we left mid-morning. Everyone had really enjoyed their time in Queenstown and many wanted to stay, just like Alana and I. But riding to Te Anau is another simply stunning experience. You follow Lake Wakatipu south past The Remarkables and Devil’s Staircase until it’s time to turn right and head west with the Fiordland National Park on display in front of you, its huge mountains normally covered in snow.

Arriving at Te Anau, a few in the group decided to take the water plane ride to see the mountains from the sky. The rest of us met for some pre-dinner drinks in the motel bar then headed for Café La Dolce Vita, Italian restaurant where we had another very funny host liven everyone up with his antics. A great night was had by all.

Day 7 Milford Sound Cruise

Distance - 120km

Last year on our Hiamo tour (despite it being summer) there was deep snow up at Homer Tunnel. This time though the temperature only

Dunedin – this is the train station!

Clockwise from top: Stuart saying g’day to Jimmy Speight. / Hard to show in photos, but Baldwin Street is very steep! / Pour your own at Speight’s Brewery! / Murray and his, “glove”. / One of the locals has capitalised the popularity of Baldwin Street by running a small ‘café’ type place, selling cold drinks and so on.

dipped from a nice 20 deg to 14 and light drizzle, not minus 2 and snow! As we were waiting for the tunnel control lights, the group (who hadn’t seen them before) were introduced to the Kea bird. Stories of ripping cars apart, eating motorcycle tyres, seats and just about anything else had been thrown around the group (mainly by me) and it all came true at the entrance to Homer Tunnel. Here were two Kea birds ripping shreds off the door and windscreen rubbers of a rental car!

Once we got down the other side to the carpark at Milford Sound, the drizzle eased and our Mitre Peaks cruise along The Sound (which is actually a ﬁ ord) was a stunning one.

The road out to Milford Sound does see lots of tourists so you must be mindful that you will probably come around

a corner and a campervan will be on the wrong side of the road in front of you; or a car will be stopped for photos of the massive mountains that line the road all the way out. Despite this, it is an amazing place to visit, just watch out for the Kea birds!

DAY 8 Te Anau – Dunedin

Distance – 320km (plus 100km: Southern Scenic Route)

Today was the day that Mother Nature ruled. It was up to her to decide whether we’d be riding the Southern Scenic Route, or not. But she must have

ROUTE FOR PART TWO:

WE HEADED TO THE BOTTOM OF THE WORLD AND BACK UP THROUGH THE SOUTHERN ALPS. SIMPLY STUNNING!

felt sorry for smashing me last year with 130km/h winds and driving hail and turned on a pretty good day (or as good as it will probably get around this area). First, of course, we made our way down to Invercargill and the E. Hayes and Sons hardware store for everyone to see Burt Munro’s World’s Fastest Indian. A functioning hardware store full of classic bikes and cars, along with a large slice of Burt Munro’s amazing feats – for any bike fan, it is a must see.

After ﬁnding somewhere cool to have a bit to eat we gathered the group around to see if they wanted to do the extra one hundred or so kilometres of the Southern Scenic Route and there was a resounding, “yes!” from

everyone. So, off we went and enjoyed Mother Nature at what is probably the kindest she can be around the “Bottom of the World” (as I like to call it for more than one reason). We arrived in Dunedin late in the afternoon, almost evening and the temperature was still quite high, so everyone was exhausted. Nonetheless we headed for another great night out of Italian food and many laughs among the group.

Only the best

New Zealand is an amazing place to visit, especially the South Island. For guided tours, self-guided tours and bike rental, contact our friends at Paradise Motorcycle Tours NZ –www.paradisemotorcycletours.co.nz, info@paradisemotorcycletours.co.nz, Ph: +64 9473 9404.

Clockwise from top: View from our motel at Mt Cook. / Enjoying great times. / Smile! / Say, “Cheese”!

Day 9 Free day in Dunedin

Everyone did their own thing today. As for Alana and I, we went to Baldwin Street – the steepest street in the world - and blasted the big K 1600 GT up and down a few times. We then walked through the town and viewed some of the amazing buildings. Dunedin is known for its Scottish and Maori heritage; Victorian and Edwardian architecture is everywhere you look.

Tonight was all about Speight’s Brewery. We were booked in to do a guided tour of the brewery and if you’ve ever been to New Zealand, or tasted Speight’s Gold Medal Ale elsewhere, you’ll know it is one of the ﬁnest around. I could certainly sit around and enjoy “a few” of the Gold Medal Ales at the best of times, that’s for sure!

I’ve done a few brewery tours now and Speight’s is by far the best. The

tour of the premises is much longer than any other I’ve done and when it came time to taste testing the range, we ran through the six that Speight’s had on offer and then we could ﬁll up our own glasses at our own pace with whatever we liked, and as much as we liked, over the half hour or so we were in the private bar. The tour of the brewery included a two course dinner, which was another great meal had by all.

Day

10 Dunedin – Mt Cook Distance – 420km

Today was all about showing everyone what I’d been saying this entire trip – “just wait, the scenery gets better” and boy did I deliver, well, Mother Nature delivered for me, again! The ride was fairly long, but very enjoyable with plenty of fun corners. Upon arrival at a distant lookout/carpark on the main road, a couple of whimsy

clouds hung over Mt Cook, but they soon blew away so that by the time we reached the Sir Edmond Hilary Centre everyone could experience the huge Mt Cook and Mt Sefton. I’ve been lucky enough to ride out to see these mountains three times now and never have I seen them so stunning. Even the caretaker at our motel that evening said we got a rare sight of just how beautiful this area can be. When I told her that my wife and I would like to do a walk out to the base of Mt Sefton, she showed me the best one to do, mentioning that we should get up early and see the sunrise on Mt Sefton and the side of Mt Cook – a rarity, apparently.

Day 11 Mt Cook – Christchurch

Distance – 342km

Alana and I got up well before dawn for our walk. This was a couple of hours’ walk in total but we had

perfect weather conditions to watch the sunrise on the face of Mt Sefton and Mt Cook. We also got to hear the mountain rumble. We were told by the lady at the motel that this usually happens at sunrise, raising the temperature of the glaciers causing them to move and crack. One such rumble sounded like an FA-18 was about to give us a haircut, it was that loud!

Sadly, this was our last day of riding, the tour was coming to an end but the excitement was still running high because of the wonderful time everyone had had. It took a couple of days after the tour had ended for everyone to come down enough to

express their sadness at returning to real life (via Facebook).

Many have already expressed an interest in coming back for our next tour and some are already planning on returning very shortly to do some touring of the North Island. While the North Island does have some spectacular sights to see, such as the Bay of Islands and the volcanos,

kilometre for kilometre the South Island has the most amount of euphoric scenery you can pack in, of just about anywhere in the world. Get there, enjoy and you’ll see exactly what everyone has been talking about! Or better still; join us for our next Australian Motorcyclist tour with Paradise Motorcycle Tours NZ. 

Mt Sefton on the left, Mt Cook in the middle. / More stars than the Oscars!

you love night time scenery, this and nearby Lake Tekapo offer some of the world’s brightest.

PUBOFTHEMONTH

RATED

Tattersalls Hotel Barringun

T: 02 6874 7588

On the only relevant criterion, the unique character, it’s simply off the scale. This is a pub with no draft beer, no accommodation, no gambling, no wiﬁ, no mobile phone reception, no meals and no helmet rating! But, when was the last time you had an experience you will never forget? Who was the last person you met that you’ll always remember? Who was the last stranger you only met once but now, months, years later, often wonder about?

Out here at Barringun, in the middle of the country and in the middle of nowhere is a pub whose owner will etch into your memory. If you even slightly ‘get’ the bush; if you collect experiences, I can tell you one truth: Your experience of the outback, of our unique bush pubs and of our special culture, will be incomplete until you drop by Tattersalls Hotel at Barringun, grab a stubby and pull up a pew next to Mary Crawley, a living treasure of the bush. (Merriwagga down south on the Kidman claims to be home to the real Black Stump and the story involves an accidently cremated drover’s wife.There can’t be a more Australian ride than one including the Black Stump to the Back o’ Bourke. Get some mates and get crackin’!

TATTERSALLS HOTEL, BARRINGUN NSW

WELCOME TO THE REAL OUTBACK

WORDS/PHOTOS COLIN WHELAN

There’s something about the outback. You either ‘get’ it. Or you don’t.

The outback either touches your soul, or it doesn’t. You connect with it, and like artesian water ﬂow beneath its surface, feeding off it and returning the richness it gives you or you skim over it, oblivious to its rich and endlessly changing character.

As you ride, the change from mulga to box, from turpentine to wilga, from gidgee to cypress to brigalow will enthral you or it’ll all just be ‘trees’.

The earth’ll glide from brown to grey to black to red, from sand to clay to iron stone or it’ll all just be dirt. The changes

will either transﬁx you or they’ll be unseen, unheard, untasted, unfelt and unknown.

‘Getting’ the outback is about your soul not your senses. It’s about your core in tune with the country’s heart.

In the 1880’s one of the more erudite transients, the Hon (no less!) Harold Finch-Hatton published his, “Advance Australia! – An Account of 8 Years’ Work, Wandering and Amusement in Qld, NSW and Victoria”.

The Hon Harold didn’t ‘get’ Sydney, writing that he was, “quite at a loss to imagine... where Sydney got its

reputation for beauty. I never saw,” he added, “anything more forlornly ugly in the way of scenery.”

But he ‘got’ the bush. He wrote of its ‘lifeless solitude’ then quickly added how, “the sensation of loneliness very soon wears off… and even the endless trees come to look like friends.”

This pommie aristocrat felt the connect, he even honoured it with a capitalised name: “There is a deep fascination about the freedom of the Bush,” he wrote, “whose subtle inﬂuence very soon enslaves those who go to live there, and generally unsettles them for any other mode of living.”

The bush rewarded Harold with good ﬁnds of gold and despite him elegantly insulting Mackay as the “Boeotia of Australia” he got a really quaint town just 40 miles inland named after him.

Not that everyone who lives out here is so ‘enslaved’. Fifty years later Myrtle Rose White wrote “No Roads Go By’, an account of 7 mostly wasted years with her husband in the outback working in the main for Sidney Kidman.

Of her first night on the station, she wrote, “I crept forth to take a dejected survey of the world outside…(t)he myriad stars were diamonds of the first order in that clear rarefied atmosphere. But what an appalling loneliness! And what a dreadful menacing silence… the terrible silence sinking in and sinking in…I stood there in the terrible frightening dark. It was a feeling I never entirely erased in all the years I lived in the bush.”

After seven years of hard slog, no nearer to owning their own dream patch of dirt, the depression hitting, Kidman rewarded White’s husband’s loyalty and effort by slashing his wages by 50%.

White got night-sweats but Kidman got a knight-hood.

And later he got a highway named after him. It stretches from just outside Jerilderie in the south to, depending on your map, either Bourke or 140km further north on the NSW-Qld border at a ﬂy spec town of Barringun.

Barringun’s got a population of just four. There’s Darryl (the only bloke in town) and his partner, Jan who run the Bush Tucker Inn (no fuel) plus Darryl’s mother. And then there’s Mary who runs

the pub a rock throw to the south. I’d heard about Mary and rang to let her know I was coming out for a chat and a beer.

“You’ll be wasting your time. I’m old and boring.”

I doubted that.

“And I’ve got no draft beer.”

Which was ﬁne because I have catholic tastes.

“And there’s no accommodation.”

Not a problem ‘cause I have my own tent.

“Well the trafﬁc’ll keep you awake, there’s four or ﬁve trucks through here some nights.”

I thanked her for the encouragement and said I’d see her in a week or so.

And began packing.

Because a town of just four but still with a pub is enough on its own to get me riding a couple of thousand kilometres. But when you throw in the fact that Mary, at 92 years (in May) is the oldest publican in the country, the whole thing changes from a ‘can do’ to a ‘gotta do’.

I’d just finished reading Jill Bowen’s biography of Sidney Kidman and with Myrtle Rose White’s book fresh in my head, I figured it only fitting to get up there I should head down to Jerilderie then up the Kidman Way. To ride over his Way the way he rode over his employees kinda seemed fitting.

If you’re riding between Melbourne and Darwin or coastal FNQ the Kidman Way is going to be your most direct route.

It’s a pretty damn decent ride too, punctuated with some good pubs (at Merriwagga, Goolgowi and Enngonia) and some very ordinary ones staffed by tired and over-it folks (Hillston and Mt Hope).

And once you get past Hillston the road becomes all red dirt and roadtrains and as the sign says, Welcome to the Real Outback.

I get to Barringun with my left cheek burning from the sun and ﬁnd Mary in her favourite chair, Gidgee the dog at her feet. It’s Saturday and there’s a decent crowd in. Peter one of Mary’s sons and his wife are helping out whilst the boss puts her feet up.

I grab a $5.20 stubby and sit down beside Mary and we begin chatting. The tale runs backward, the more recent

Getting the country

A coupla days later, back in Bourke, I’m graced with the company of Phillip Sullivan, a proud Ngemba man, under the shade of a gum tree on the banks of the Darling.

The Ngemba are the traditional owners of the brown land south of the river they know as the ‘Barwon’. On the other bank, the Barkindji or ‘river people’ have lived since the dreaming.

For over an hour we talk about ‘getting’ the country.

He explains to me the connection and the relationship between his mob and the river and then to the earth at large. He tells me a story, sets me a puzzle centred on a group travelling in the vast dry heat and explaining their oneness with the land.

At the end he explains the importance to his people of ‘getting’ the land, “They know,” he says with giant arms outstretched as is to encompass the world, “the land will either take care of them or it will take them.”

It’s a quote I’ll never forget.

stories come ﬁrst and I keep gently pushing her back. Back through the passing of her husband Bay and the loss of her oldest son, Michael.

Back through buying the pub in 1977 from Neil Lack, whose late dad’d owned it for many years.

Back through the days when Bay worked in Bourke for Hales a major retail store whose tag line was simply, “For Everything”.

Back through the seven kids and their early local schooling and then boarding down in Bathurst. Storeys of stories.

All this time Mary is holding a hand written note on a crumpled sheet torn from a pad.

“I want you to read this and tell me what you think.”

Gidgee looks up as though understanding the importance of the

note. I read it, both sides, and then I read it again.

Then, some 2 hours and 52 minutes after we ﬁrst started, Mary gets onto the day in 1948 when she ﬁrst arrived out here.

With her 70 something year old mother and two kids, she ﬂew from Sydney with the Butler Air Transport Company. There were fuel stops at Cessnock, Mendooran, Tooraweenah, Coonamble and Walgett before Mary caught herself looking down from the long window of the De Havilland Dragon 84 at the sun glistening off the river as the pilot used the Darling River for navigation.

“As we headed west, I looked down at that shining river and I thought: isn’t this so peaceful and beautiful.” Mary pauses then adds, “And, you know what, Colin? I’ve never ever changed…it was just glorious, it was perfect.”

Mary simply ‘got’ it. Before she even set foot on it.

I hand Mary back the note. Gidgee looks up, seems to relax an extra bit and lays her snout on the cool ﬂoorboards. The pub has a stack of rooms (including a huge billiards room) but Mary’s always slept in the front room, not because it’s next to the road but because it faces east.

“The sunrises out here are the best in the world,” she conﬁdes and the next morning from my tent on the other side

of the bitumen, a stupendous golden orb conﬁrms her claim.

After shooting the sunrise, I ﬁnish my brew then head up to the Bush Tucker Inn where Darryl cooks me up a decent breakfast. Then it’s back to the pub.

Each Sunday Mary rises early and watches 6am Mass on her television and when I get back she’s in her chair, massaged for the week and with Gidgee beside.

The sun climbs until the awning shades our faces and I ask Mary about Rose White’s ‘Appalling loneliness’ and ‘frightening dark’. She tells me how she’s never lonely, how it’s good when people arrive, and it’s good when they go. How the sounds of the wind in the trees, of the windmill clanking, of livestock and native animals, and of the birds are the theme songs of her life. She talks of the colours which change every moment and of the countless stars at night. She talks of her love of a good cuppa and of her dog.

And after a while, Mary asks what I thought of the note.

It was given to her in an envelope by a fella who’d come by with his wife and two young daughters. He’d waited ‘til the others’d headed to the car and he and

Mary were alone and he didn’t wait for Mary to open it.

The note told of how, 20 years ago he’d passed through, doing it tough and how he’d done something unspecified that’d weighed on this conscience ever since. Also in the envelope was a ‘pineapple’ and the final words were, ‘I hope you can forgive me. Please find enclosed the $50 that was rightfully yours 20yrs ago. Chris.’

I told her that I understood. I told her that whether he’d nicked money, booze or fuel, it would’ve troubled him stealing from someone like her.

Because there might be ‘something’ about the outback that some get, but everyone who meets her knows, there’s deﬁnitely something about Mary. 

THE BIKE THAT BMW FORGOT HISTORY

THINK YOU KNOW ALL THE TURBOS? THINK AGAIN WORDS THE BEAR PHOTOS BUCHMANN+BUCHMANN, BMW

Like any industry, the motorcycle business is full of apocryphal but funny and often revealing stories. In the 1970s, when sales were tanking for the European manufacturers, there was a rumour around that BMW was thinking of closing the motorcycle division. The company was no stranger to drastic moves; in 1959, facing bankruptcy, the board decided to sell the entire BMW operation to Mercedes-Benz. It was only major

Those white suits were supposedly inﬂatable.

shareholder Herbert Quandt’s decision to raise his stake to 50 per cent that kept it out of the clutches of what its employees now call “The Evil Empire”.

So in the ’70s, the rumour was that BMW was considering getting out of motorcycles entirely. The story goes that when one senior Japanese motorcycle industry executive heard about the potential closure he suggested that BMW bikes were so important to motorcycling that the Japanese factories would probably pass the hat around to save the marque.

At any rate, important as they may have been to the industry, it is true that BMW motorcycles were not having a good time in the market. Eventually, the mother company decided to spin its motorcycle division off into a separate entity with its own board and management. The idea appears to have been to force the division to work towards a proﬁtable future or alternatively, as one German friend of mine from the motorcycle industry suggested, “abstürzen und ausbrennen”; crash and burn.

Of course the policy worked. Today BMW Motorrad GmbH is highly proﬁtable and highly innovative, leading the motorcycling world in many areas with its technology and aesthetics. It’s not the ﬁrst time, of course. Even in living memory the R 90 S and then the R 100 RS offered major and indeed unique innovations. And so did the Futuro.

The what?

a pre S ent from the future

Come to Cologne, in Germany, in 1980. The then major international motorcycle show, IFMA, ﬁlled the old and somewhat decrepit trade fair halls on the right bank of the Rhine. Well, to tell the truth the bicycle industry (the initials IFMA come from Internationale Fahrrad + Motorrad Ausstellung) took up more than half of the space. But the big news was on the motorcycle stands as far as I was concerned. Suzuki was showing the

revolutionary Katana; Honda exposed the CX500 (yeah, all right…); the Yamaha range, comprising the TR1, XV750 Special and XJ550, “was truly the sensation of the… Show”- well, at least according to Yamaha.

But even in such stellar company, BMW took the prize for its all-new (and partly Australian-inspired – yes!) R 80 G/S. Nobody could know at the time just how successful the concept would prove to be, but just seeing the bike for the ﬁrst time was quite an experience. For me, certainly; and I hope I can be forgiven for spending less time on the other “launch” on the BMW stand. The Futuro, backed up by a set of incongruous solar cells, had quite a bit of space and attracted a reasonable amount of interest. After the show, however, it seems to have been swallowed by a black hole. I asked BMW Australia for some photos of the bike a year or two ago; they kindly passed my request on to Munich, but nothing ever eventuated. Nobody seemed to know much of anything about the Futuro, either here or in Germany.

That was a shame, because the Futuro is an interesting bike for any number of reasons. One of them is that it was not a project of the bike division at all. “Parallel to ongoing engineering development at BMW Motorrad GmbH, the motorcycle division of BMW,” says the press introduction, “a contract for an advanced motorcycle-concept project was signed with the b+b design team [best known for their work on Porsches] of Frankfurt... The BMW Futuro took shape through scientiﬁc contributions from experts in safety, trafﬁc and homologation as well as engineering and chassis specialists.”

More than that. It has been said that the Futuro project was intended to push the motorcycle division, seen as somewhat staid and backwardlooking, into the use of new technology and new design ideas. These were after all the people who had blocked the creative ideas of their design chief Hans Muth which caused him to go ﬁrst to MV and

then to Suzuki with the Katana design. BMW management, according to a press release at the time, was “a little scared of in-ﬁrm nearsightedness.”

So they commissioned Buchmann + Buchmann (b+b), people who knew nothing about motorcycles, “a ﬁrm,” they admitted, “which had previously had nothing whatever to do with motorcycles” The development engineer, Eberhard Schulz, “had also had nothing to do with two-wheeled vehicles before.”

The Futuro was, in effect a project of the car guys in Munich, not the bike guys. To give you an idea of what that led to, consider that the Futuro had “microprocessor-controlled digital displays like those developed by b+b for retroﬁtting in the VW Rabbit…” Mm, that does sound promising.

Saved by the G/S

Had the R 80 G/S not been such a big hit, it is conceivable that the Futuro would have been a much more accurate pointer to the future of the Bavarian marque. As it happened, I suspect that the G/S made it possible for the bike guys to bury the competing project, never to be resurrected. Which, when you look at the Futuro, was almost certainly a good thing. That fairing is just not right, at least to present-day eyes. “The fathers of Futuro were perfectly aware,” said the factory at the launch, “that with this fairing they were on the narrow border between motorcycle and ‘single-track car’. They believe, however, in a readjustment of buyers in this respect: The advantages of good aerodynamics will convince many a rider for whom otherwise a motorcycle can never be stripped down enough.”

Digital instruments were the latest thing, even though they look like leftovers from an early episode of Dr Who. / BMW’s only bike to be inﬂuenced by the styling of the Futuro, and then not very much: the K1. / Now this is interesting, and quite tidy.

Futur… oh!

“Multicylinder machines with complicated technical features, which weigh 250 or even 300 kilograms, have their fascination, of course, for buyers who rate power above handiness and reliability,” said the factory at the launch of the Futuro, rather snippily. “But even those power-freaks are occasionally overcome by longing for the simpler motorcycle life. Here… lies the chance for BMW and their ﬂat-twin and drive-shaft machines.”

Then these same people launched the K Series and tried to kill off the ﬂat twin…

The bike is reminiscent of a powered water craft more than anything else. Had its design been handed to Muth and included some of his advanced ideas, BMW might have had a worldbeater. As it stood, b+b’s creation did offer some spectacular technological advances. The package, even without its turbo, allowed the 75 horsepower engine to take the Futuro to well over 200km/h.

“Why then the luxurious exhaust turbocharger with boost intercooling on the 800cc ﬂat twin engine?” asked the factory. “First and foremost, to give greater tractive power at low and medium rpms… (to give) dash and

short acceleration times...”

But the immediate brief from Munich was to “quickly come up with something to counter advances in the industry by the Japanese.” That, to BMW management, meant safety. So the subtext was all about safety, and b+b responded by building “an intelligent, not a pretentious motorcycle” according to its boss, Rainer Buchmann. Making extensive use of titanium and Kevlar, the bike was an expensive prototype. It offered race-based integral brakes with sintered pads, had solid disc wheels designed to absorb some of the

impact energy, and even included an inﬂatable riding suit. So-called “leg rails” were intended to project the rider up and over any obstacles the bike hit [sound familiar?]. There was provision to send warning messages to the rider in a newly developed helmet, well before the advent of bluetooth. The rear suspension unit was horizontal under the seat (see photo), an almost unheard-of concept at the time.

So the bike was well ahead of its time in many ways. But it needed power to make it an attractive proposition. BMW was insisting that it should use an existing engine and

drivetrain, including the shaft ﬁnal drive. “A motorcycle concept is not unmodern just because it is sixty years old. On the contrary: Anything that lasts that long has a future, too,” said the factory. So b+b settled on the standard 800cc air-cooled horizontally opposed engine, but punched its power up to 80 horses by ﬁtting a turbocharger.

Rainer Buchmann, by the way, warned any customisers to be wary of ﬁtting solid wheels like the Futuro’s to their creations. Wind tunnel tests had shown this to produce dangerous instability. “Try it without aerodynamic compensation at the rear [b+b ﬁtted a

rear wedge to the Futuro] and you’ll deﬁnitely land on your face,” he said. One wonders how HarleyDavidson later overcame this problem when it began ﬁtting solid disc wheels to its bikes.

So this “very expensive” prototype was launched at Cologne, with the proviso that it would need to undergo crash testing before any decision would be made about production. The crash tests never eventuated; you could see that in 2014 at the EICMA motorcycle show in Milan where the Futuro saw the light of day – or the lights of the BMW stand – once again. But it wasn’t on display as a pointer

to the future any more. It was in the “Classic” section, representing BMW’s outstanding history department. Just as well. The R 80 G/S and its descendants have done more for the Bavarians than this strange bike could ever have done. The Japanese never had to pass the hat. Still, it was nice to see the Futuro again after 34 years. =

Left to right: What is that on the righthand side of the bike? An airbox? / Why the topless photo? We do not know, but you can see the riding position. / Blinkers are pretty obviously from the RT. Nice blue headers!

“how does iT feel?

“To be wiThouT a home

“like a ComPleTe unknown,

ThaT’s how Paolo CaTTaneo rolls

Words/photos

Paolo CaTTaneo

New Year’s Eve 2014. I decided that my 2015 wasn’t going to be the usual day-after-day 9-5 job kind of year. So I went to work, quit my job, came back home and sold everything I had. A week after that, I strapped a few things on my motorcycle and then rode off, with no destination.

Just a desire in mind: to go all around Australia.

I left in in February 2015 and only came back seven months later, covering the entire perimeter of our country and riding for more than 37,000km.

I still remember that day, when everything was ﬁnally ready, my things were all strapped securely on my bike and the only thing left to do was to start the engine of my KTM 1190 Adventure and take that road… That road that would lead me south of Sydney that I’ve done a million times but that this time would have a different vibe. It would give me the feeling of riding toward the unknown, to embrace my new challenge, to undertake this new journey of my life, which I wasn’t sure where it would take me.

A mixture of fear and excitement. Like when you go to your ﬁrst day of work and you know you are by yourself and you are the only one out of place in that environment where everyone already knows everything.

I was enthusiastic and frightened at the same time. That was the only deciding moment in my adventure, the moment that deﬁned my future, really. I could have said “no”. I could have stayed there and watched the sun rise and set exactly where I knew it would. But somehow, no matter how good my life already was, I knew that there was more out there, just waiting for me to go and discover it. So I pushed that red button and I heard my bike roaring, at ﬁrst, and then idling… like she was saying “Ok I’m ready. Now GO!” And so I did. I let my bike take me, to the end of that road. I didn’t really have plans. No destinations in mind.

Yallingup, WA / Tom Price, WA / Pentecost River, WA

No stops arranged. I didn’t want to ruin it. The beauty of living in the moment, and seeing what life has to bring. A true adventure.

My journey has been rich in incredible discoveries, exciting encounters, beautiful rides and intense moments of fear. Other than being a magniﬁcent country for a road trip, Australia is a fantastic land full of opportunities for my other passion in life: Photography.

If you are a landscape and nature photographer, you cannot but be stunned by the immense beauty of “our” Nature. We have something like 11,000 beaches to choose from in our beautiful country, as well as prehistoric sites, unique rocky formations, paleolithic gorges, millenary trees and so much more that it’s just a pity to not see it all.

One of the highlights of my trip was Tasmania.

The Spirit of Tasmania took me and my trustworthy steed to the other side of the strait, from Melbourne to Devonport, and I remember that it was roughly around the 20th of February when I landed there; I was wearing just a t-shirt underneath my leather jacket. As soon as I hopped off the ferry, I realised that my outﬁt wasn’t appropriate anymore.

It was eight am and six degrees.

The sunny day helped in making me feel welcomed on this new island, but the serious climatic conditions weren’t designed for my riding, which soon became intolerable, especially for my hands. My gloves were simply inappropriate for the Tasmanian temperatures and the pungent morning breeze naturally led me to the ﬁrst cafe, where I stopped for a couple of hours till the temperature ﬁnally rose to a manageable 11 degrees.

Tasmania was certainly the best riding territory of the whole trip; a perfect mixture of turns, uphills, downhills, coastal roads and dirt tracks. The Island is relatively small too so you can just leave your voluminous belongings and panniers behind and take off for the day, just with your photographic

An important highlight for my photography, instead, was Uluru and Kata Tjuta, in the hearth of our country. I rode solo toward Alice Springs and beyond, spending a night on a red sand dune, just a few kilometres from the famous monolith. Somebody had had the courtesy to leave a chair and a table, so I even had something to sit on for a change. The fact that I actually got bogged trying to go over some “red powder” and spent an hour trying to pull my beast out of the sand, didn’t ruin the experience.

The silence at night, over that mystical land was simply breathtaking. Because of the full moon that night, I wasn’t able to appreciate much of a starry night, but I indeed got some nice photos of our satellite setting in the morning over the nearby (50km)

sacred place named “the Olgas”.

The toughest challenge was to stabilise my tripod on soft surfaces,

like sand, at night for long exposure shots. A head torch is pretty much necessary for any activity after 6pm, if you’re camping in the middle of nowhere. The few times that I dared to not to use one; I promptly had the skin of my big toe removed by a rock, while walking on sand. Call it luck!

Stargazing at night, camped on a remote area in the middle of the outback, became my favourite activity.

The best spots to admire our galaxy and our distant neighbours were certainly in the Kimberly region and between Northern Territory and Queensland. These areas are so desolate and far away from any noticeable amount of lights, that you can really appreciate the brightness of our sky, in all its magniﬁcence.

Deﬁnitely a must do for any keen night photographer.

I am very thankful to have been able to enjoy this trip of mine.

The best thing I’ve seen overall, I

have to say, are the shooting stars, the biggest I’ve ever seen in my life. Stars that brightened the road like street lights, when passing above my head. Stars that were lasting like 3-4 seconds while passing by over the horizon. One night there was something like 100 shooting stars per hour.

Unfortunately to capture a great phenomenon like this is not so easy, even with good photographic equipment, like the gear I had with me. Nothing can beat the emotion that a spectacle like that can give you in real life, anyway.

In the end what this trip left with me is a great appreciation for this beautiful country we have and g reat respect for the helpful motorcyclist community that I encountered in every State. Go out and ride.

See more of Paolo Cattaneo’s work on wOZuup.com. =

BOOKREVIEW

HOGS ALL ROUND

THREE HARLEYS, THREE AUSSIES, ONE AMERICAN DREAM WORDS & PHOTOS STUART HOOPER

“I needed to test my theory that these United States were shaped by shared experience, became a country built on common values, and are now a society bonded by a collective dream of a better life.”

Stephen W Starling, Three Harleys, Three Aussies, One American Dream

“We went looking for America but we couldn’t find a thing, ‘Cause the air was thick and yellow and our eyes began to sting, And the traffic was so heavy that you couldn’t turn your head, If you slowed down below eighty you’d be dead!”

Gilbert Shelton, Theme song from The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

The ﬁrst thing that struck me about this book is that none of the “Three Aussies” was in fact born in Australia; two are from England and the other is from Germany. But then the reviewer of this book was born in Germany as well. Sometimes Australia feels like Alice Springs, where you can allegedly never ﬁnd anyone who was born there.

“Which proves that people born in The Alice are smarter than other people,” says my mate Ray who hails

from there. “We get out as soon as we can.” But of course that has nothing to do with “Three Harleys…”.

The title of the book is straightforward, and misleading. Of course the bikes that Stephen, Jim and Peter hire are Harleys, but not only are the riders all adopted Australians, but the American Dream turns out to be rather more slippery than Stephen might have hoped. The tentative closing words of the book are “I hope all the decent folks I met hold true to the values of their founding fathers, and that they continue to pursue their elusive American dreams until those dreams become The Real America.”

In fact, this book is best read as a simple, plain and occasionally very funny road trip. Three quite different blokes ﬁgure out how to get along together despite personality clashes, and enjoy their time to the full. They eat (a lot), drink (a lot more), get blown away by the scenery and ride the roads of western America while trying to understand how American football works. You could almost use the same description for most of my American trips.

They even ride many of the same roads that I’ve tackled, under similar conditions. That includes Utah 12. This is one of my favourites and is referred to by the locals and Stephen as The Devil’s Backbone. I had snow across there on one trip, and our protagonists have their

snowfall only a little later. They’re also all about my age. Mature, you know.

It is always refreshing to read someone else’s impressions of places you’ve visited and written about. You learn a lot when you see them from another viewpoint, and that’s all the more useful when you don’t agree with the new insights. Not that I ﬁnd myself disagreeing with Stephen’s well researched and pretty thoroughly considered views terribly often, but he has different angles on a lot of things. And it doesn’t rely on familiarity. The book is also fun to read if you’ve never been to the places it describes. It’s full of its author’s pleasure at what he and his friends are doing, and the down bits never get out of proportion.

Is the book rewarding to read? Yes, I think so. Will it make you want to do the same thing? Quite likely. I’d certainly be happy to pick up any other books by Stephen, and I think it would make a terriﬁc present for an older rider. The book is pretty much standard paperback size, has 388 pages – no pictures except front and back, but some maps. It is well produced. PT

Where can you get it?

Take a look at Stephen’s website, www.metapublishing.com.au . That offers several ways of buying the book, including a Kindle option. =

The “miniature Harbour Bridge” our heroes found out in the boondocks; I’ve ridden it as well, and had the same idea.

NEWINTHESHOPS

that can be dialled in to suit the needs of virtually any rider. The stylish, contoured pads are wrapped in premium black or tan synthetic leather that’s weather-resistant and tailored to ﬂawlessly match factory Indian saddles. Height, fore and aft can be adjusted for relief where it’s needed most. A removable Velcro pouch attaches to the rear of the backrest pad to provide a zippered stash pocket and additional foam padding for

passenger comfort. Contact Rollies Speed Shop, 07 3252 5381.

Keep em safe

Bull it Kids’ riding jeans

Price - $139.95 - $149.95

Finding suitable riding gear for the little ones can be quite hard, but Bull It jeans has them covered with their riding jeans. Fitted with all the great features of the adult version along with the protective Covec layers for impact abrasion. Finished in a water repellent denim

and available in a couple of version and kids sizes ranging from 7-12, see your local bike shop or visit www.cassons.com.au

gloves are long, certiﬁ ed sports gloves which offer a high degree of protection thanks to their carbon composite knuckle inserts.

THE LONG OR THE SHORT?

Dainese D1 Carbon Long and Short gloves - Price$269.95 (L), $229.95 (S)

Dainese Carbon D1 Long motorcycle

The Short version is also certiﬁ ed and extremely protective thanks to the carbon composite knuckle inserts and, as you no doubt guessed, is the short version of the long version!

The palm and the ﬁ nger joint polyurethane inserts provide extreme protection on both models. Available in sizes S-2XL, and three colours for the

long model and black only for the short. See your local bike shop or visit www.cassons.com.au

STRETCH IT!

Rjays Stretch

Men’s and Ladies’ riding jeansPrice - $139.95

If you like a closer fi tting pair of riding jeans with stretch, just like your casual stretch jeans, then have a look at the Rjays version for both men and women. Reinforced with DuPont Kevlar fi bre and pockets for optional hip and knee armour kits, they are a stylish design with a comfortable fi t. Available in men’s sizes 28-42 and ladies’ 8-18. See your local bike shop or visit www.rjays.com.au 

Shoei Hornet and Neotec

Jetboil

Bahco tools

TECHNICAL

FAST RIDE

A VELOCETTE TAKES LAKE GAIRDNER, SA

WORDS & PHOTOS STUART HOOPER

“The Big Velo has come through another Speed Week with ﬂying colours.

“An initial sighting run of 177mph appeared OK until we discovered a nearly empty fuel tank... Almost 10 litres of fuel used is a bit much even for its insatiable thirst. On the next run this fuel consumption became problematical with fluctuating cylinder head temps and eventually drowning the engine which at least allowed us to identify a very unusual fuel flow problem related to our specific installation.

“For the third run we upped the supercharger drive ratio and the engine

ran like a clock resulting in a 188mph average, however the Velo was not happy with major stability issues requiring me to roll off the throttle three times through the timed miles to keep her on the track. This run however put the Velo ﬁrmly in the record books as the World’s Fastest Single Cylinder Motorcycle. A bit of head scratching over the errant handling led to a few minor suspension changes and we were off again, this was a dream run using only half throttle and 5000rpm she passed 150mph in a mile and then it was tuck in and twist the throttle to the stop, this time she ran straight as an arrow and the revs just kept building to 6800 at the end of the measured mile, in fact I kept the throttle wide for another

untimed mile just for the hell of it and saw another 100 rpm or about 2 to 3 mph on the old Chronometric tachometer.

“Five miles absolutely ﬂat out… 193.061mph… The next day looked like we might crack the magic 200 mark and the ofﬁcials kindly offered us an extra timed mile, but alas it was not to be. Upon close inspection we found that the oil was discoloured and coming from the breather, and the crank and cush drive were suffering badly so the nitro was left unopened, a nitro engine failure at 200mph is not high on my bucket list!

“Truly there is nothing quite like… a fast ride with a naked lady!” 

SO MANY ROADS TO RIDE…

COMPILED

BY THE BEAR

ALL WE CAN SAY IS WOW!

Mike and Denise Ferris

pioneered Australia’s and one of the world’s first professional tour companies specialising only in motorcycle adventures. They guide and support adventurous safaris into the planet’s most remote and exotic locations. Mike pioneered the first motorcycle crossing of the Himalaya by an Australian group in 1994 before becoming a fully qualified travel agent and establishing Ferris Wheels in 1995. After more than 20 years this has grown into World On Wheels. “www.WorldOnWheels. tours has the greatest experience in ensuring that you will have the greatest experience!” Denise tells us. www.worldonwheels.tours

OH MY OSH WITH COMPASS

Compass Expeditions is jumping up and down with excitement. They will be offering motorcycle tours of the Central Asian country of Kyrgyzstan in July 2017.

“Kyrgyzstan has always been considered the jewel in the 105 day Road of Bones Expedition crown and it is a perfect destination to offer a shorter 14 day ride,” says Compass

director Mick McDonald. “We may get the opportunity to go golden eagle hunting and witness a game of headless goat polo from Genghis’s Khan’s time,” continues Mick, “it’s such an amazing and diverse country that seemingly has not changed in millennia”.

Starting and ﬁnishing in the southern Kyrgyz city of Osh the ride ascends immediately into the towering snowcapped mountains that cover the vast majority of the land, stopping enroute at long since abandoned

Silk Road

Caravanserais, 5000m passes, stunning alpine valleys, glaciers and high altitude crystal clear lakes.

“The accommodation is as varied as the ride with hotels, homestays (in super remote

regions), and wonderful yurt camps lakeside and in remote Jailoo’s or summer pastures,” says Mick. “Often described as Central Asia’s Shangri-La, Kyrgyzstan is a rider’s paradise and as yet remains mostly undiscovered, we look forward to making Kyrgyzstan a permanent feature on our tour schedule.”

For more information see www.compassexpeditions.com/ kyrgyzstan-explorer/ or email info@compassexpeditions.com.

THINK AND SCOOT BIG

Rocky Mountain ScooTouring (RMST) is now taking reservations for their guided riding tours. The American Rocky Mountains and Southwest are among the most desired riding destinations anywhere. The spectacular twisting mountain roads, spacious deserts, exhilarating elevations, old-west ghost towns, legendary National Parks and vast canyons are the dream of riders worldwide. There are already motorcycle touring companies providing services in these areas, but RMST is unique with guided tours on a ﬂeet of MaxiScooters.

RMST is near Denver, Colorado, which is a perfect location to offer tours of prime riding country. Tour schedules are seasonal — the Colorado Rocky Mountains for the Summer, the Utah and Arizona canyon lands for Spring and Fall, and southern Arizona and New Mexico for Winter.

For more information on Rocky

THINK WEAKLY. ERR, WEEKLY

Can you only take one week off, asks Adriatic Moto Tours?

“Choose among our 6 various 9 day tours and ride the Alps, Sicily, Tuscany, the Adriatic coast, lovely Slovenia or discover great European cities.”

Drop a line to info@adriaticmoto tours.com for more details.

BLASTING AWAY

Mountain ScooTouring visit www. RockyMountainScooTouring.com or email Info@ RockyMountainScooTouring.com . or the delights of each

“It’s time to have a blast... Ride across the mountains of Europe!” says Motoadventours. “Our new 12 day tour starts on the 30th of May 2016; join us on this amazing journey across Europe. This tour starts in Malaga and takes you across Europe to our destination, Prague, the pearl of European cities. We will ride through verdant rolling mountains and ﬁelds full of lavender. You will ride through national parks, over famous and less known mountain passes, from Spain to Andorra, France, Switzerland, Liechtenstein, Austria, Germany and the Czech Republic.

“Every night in Paradors or quirky typical hotels will give you opportunity to enjoy your holidays to maximum with the delights of each country´s local cuisine. Beautiful scenery and

amazing biking roads are just add-ons for this in every sense exciting tour with no days off. The mountains of Europe are waiting... see www.motoadventours.com .”

GOING OFF THE GRID

“Each year, more and more people travel to Alaska to enjoy the raw natural beauty that this place has to offer,” says MotoQuest, “but few get the opportunity to see the wilder side of Alaska.

“It’s quite simply enormous, and while we do hit some must-see

places, this trip really focuses on exploring some of the more remote reaches and fully immerses you in the Alaskan wilderness. The landscape is vast, but the rewards of traveling off the beaten path are endless. Join us for this phenomenal journey through the heart of Alaska.”

Alaska Northern Lights Adventure, Aug 27 - Sep 4, 2016. See www.motoquest.com .

GO BIG, SPEND LITTLE

Zenith Motorcycle Tours has a huge discount on offer for you! Book the ultimate riding experience to one of their India/Himalaya tours this year and receive 40% off! Yes, you read that right, 40% off!

Don’t delay, there are only a few spots left. Call Scott Chapman on 0405 197 182. 

A BIT OF EVERYTHING

Any manufacturers or distributors out there who are interested in us “using and reviewing” their product or products and reaching our many readers, just send them along to Unit 4b, Level 1, 11-13 Orion Road, Lane Cove West NSW 2066 Australia. It might be an idea to contact us ﬁrst on contact@ aumotorcyclist.com.au if you have any questions, and please advise whether you want us to return the item or keep using it (that may result in additional exposure for it). Alternatively, please supply a few words and a high resolution image for our “new in the shops” pages. These services are free.

TAKE IT TO THE STREET

Mustang Seats

Just because you’re on the Street doesn’t mean you can’t sit comfortably… The sign of a good custom seat is that it complements the look of the bike for which it is designed, as well as offering more comfort for the rider and possibly the pillion. The Mustang Fastback does all of those, even including looking after the pillion.

“The seat is tapered in back but can still conveniently accommodate a passenger,” says the company.”

But if you’ve bought a HarleyDavidson Street 500, a pillion is probably not your main concern.

That is almost certainly reserved for making the bike look slick, and saving your own backside. The Fastback does both. It gets rid of the steep hump on the original seat and its streamlined shape blends into the lines of the bike. The result is a low, lean look which is perfectly suited to the bike.

And your backside and other anatomical bits beneﬁt as well. You sit back about an inch, which might not seem like much but it provides more freedom to position your legs for an overall improved riding position. I found the change surprisingly pronounced, as well as enjoying the improved feel from the special foam and covering material. Even

Man Mountain Stuart noticed the difference. I wouldn’t be surprised if the seat added a signiﬁcant amount to resale value, too.

I’m not criticising Harley-Davidson for their choice of seat design, but I ﬁnd that the smooth contours of the Mustang seat (not to mention the stylish stitching) matches the lines of the bike better. I’m open to argument. So, you can set up your Street 500 to look different from (and better than) your mates’ and at the same time save your bum and legs; not a bad deal at all for US$319 plus a guaranteed low US$50 postage rate. See www. mustangseats.com to order; you’ll notice that Mustang also makes a

couple of touring seats for the Street, including one with a backrest. Do not diss the backrest! We have one on the seat of our Yamaha outﬁt bike, and it is brilliant even for short rides. On the website you’ll also see that Mustang Seats now offers several different vinyl colour inlays for seats, as well as different stitch patterns and stitch thread colours. Unique? U bet! PT

PUMPING (UP) IRON

Rocky Creek Designs

MotoPressor Pocket Pump

Misfortunes allegedly come in threes. I’m still waiting for number three after I… but you’re not interested

in my misfortunes. Are you? Even though you’d get a pretty good laugh out of them…

So, what I’m trying to point out is that when you’re travelling (or at least when I’m travelling) punctures seldom come alone. Yes, sometimes that’s because I have not fixed the original puncture properly, thank you for pointing that out. But it hardly matters – no air in tyre is no air in tyre, no matter what the reason. Now those soda syphon style CO2 cartridges that look like they should be producing a refreshing whisky drink for you are fine for the first flat tyre, but after that you’re on your own. Usually a long way from a purveyor of soda syphon cartridges, or other tyre inflation devices. So… if you tackle some serious country on your bike, or just go a long way from civilisation, you might want to consider taking a pump. I know that all the owners of old airhead BMWs are turning up their noses right now and chuckling quietly to themselves, a combination which is not as easy to achieve as it might seem. Their bikes came with hand pumps, and they still have them even though they’ve replaced the seals eleven times. But try pumping up a fat modern tyre with one of those. After you wake up in Emergency with heart palpitations you’ll understand why an electric pump like this one is a good idea. The $49.95 MotoPressor Pocket Pump from Rocky Creek Designs, www.rockycreekdesigns.com , might well be the answer here. It is small enough to hold in the palm of your hand, pretty ugly but highly effective – it will pump to more than 100psi, and allegedly take two minutes to fill a front tyre on an R 1200 GS from flat to 28psi. You can blow up footballs and air beds with it, too, and even those new inflatable tents. It took about that to fill the rear tyre of my Yamaha Bolt outfit, although I didn’t let it down entirely. This is good value and a good thing, and now has a permanent place in my touring kit. Oh, it even has a workaround for CANbus equipped bikes. PT

Gerber Strata “Gerber” is the German word for “tanner”, which has absolutely nothing to do with this review of the Gerber Strata Multi-Plier. That, in turn, is not something that multiplies strata units but a stainless steel E-Coated multi-tool which offers 13 different applications; all the usual tools plus carbide cutters on the pliers. The more dangerous tools are locked when they’re fully unfolded, an excellent idea.

Gerber gear is designed and engineered in Oregon, USA and made in China. This tool costs $99.99 and you can ﬁnd out more on the website http:// au.gerbergear.com .

I’ve used it for a couple of weeks instead of my usual Skeleton Leatherman, and found it to be a little heavier but also more versatile. That’s not surprising, seeing that the Leatherman is especially designed to be light and therefore does not have as many tools. The Gerber has a pleasantly professional sort of sheen and feels good in the hand. It is also easy to use. Will I go back to the Skeleton? I’m not sure what I’ll do eventually, but for the

time being I’m happy with the Gerber. Even though it doesn’t do any tanning. PT

MORE POWER TO ME, ER… YOU

Australian Motorcyclist

ourselves: a powerbank. Equipped with plugs to suit two generations of iPhones (4, 5 and 6) and iPads, Samsung phones and a lot of other electronic equipment. If you’ve read the magazine all the way to the end you will know that we give these away with subscriptions, but demand has encouraged us to sell them as well. You can order them from our website, www. ausmotorcyclist. com.au . They are

going for $19.95 including postage, or if we have any left you will be able to buy them from us at the shows we attend.

Scrambler has a USB charging socket, but with the powerbank,

The powerbank has a bright red anodised-type ﬁnish and is charged from any 5 volt socket – on your computer, a phone charger and so on. When the red light stops ﬂashing it’s charged, and a blue light tells you it has charge. It’s small enough to carry in your pocket as a backup for many of your gadgets, also at 5 volts. I take one with me just about whenever I leave home. Yes, I know my Ducati Scrambler has a USB charging socket, but I still need a cable (one of which comes with the powerbank, see photo, but not the bike) and carrying the two of them together (the cable and the powerbank, not the bike and…) is no more hassle than just carrying the cable – and I’m not potentially draining the bike’s battery. You need a powerbank, but why not subscribe instead of buying one? See the inside back page. You will also get one if

DRRRT, DRRRRT, BUGGER

Rocky Creek Designs

MotoPressor Jump Starter

Useful as a powerbank is, not to mention good-looking, it probably won’t start a bike. Stand by, though, because the next time I have a ﬂat battery I’ll try it! But I won’t expect it to work. For a bike you need something A little more substantial, I think. Something like the MotoPressor Jump Starter.

According to the good folk at distributor Rocky Creek Designs, the fully charged starter will ﬁre up a bike with a dead ﬂat battery –15 or more times.

Instead of flattening the battery on one of my bikes, I simply detached the leads from terminals of the battery on the Yamaha, and clamped on the starter’s cables. The bike fired up five or six times before I got tired of the game and went back to drinking beer. It worked.

“What else can you do with our jump starter?” the Rocky Creekers ask. “Our jump starter carries a

• European designed/CE approved Helite airbag vests (black or high viz) and touring jackets • For the price of a helmet, Helite protects your neck, vertebrae, chest, hips, abdomen, internal organs and tailbone

accessory cable that can plug in many different devices including Apple, Samsung, HTC, Nokia, Motorola, and Sony phones, iPads, GPS etc. It also has an LED ﬂash light with three modes:

illumination, strobe or SOS.

“This mini jump starter has short circuit protection, overcharge protection and discharge protection. See more at: www.rockycreekdesigns. com.au .” PT

IF ONLY, IF ONLY… Gearwrench MultiFunction Ratchet

When I ﬁrst read about this gadget I thought the copy said “gear wench”.

This is not to belittle the “81018 Quarter Inch Drive Compact MultiFunction Ratchet Five and three

thing which, despite its diminutive size has a huge number of applications. Both of its ends, one equipped with a male and the other with a female ratchet driver, rotate so that it’s remarkably easy to get into tight corners. You might even ﬁnd that you don’t need to disassemble your bike quite as much as you did before.

The GearWrench has joined the toolkit I have assembled for my Sportster, where it ﬁts neatly into the tool bag in front of the engine. I haven’t used it in anger yet – the Sporty hasn’t given me

any trouble – but I did try it out and found it easy and consistently smooth to use. One obvious drawback is that it is quite short, reducing leverage, but a full-sized ratchet socket driver won’t ﬁt into the tool bag.

When I have a problem or help someone else who has a problem I’ll report further on the GearWrench, but in the meantime I’m happy. Even though it isn’t a wench. The wrench costs $69 and you can ﬁnd out more at www.gearwrench.com.au . PT

GO OUT WITH A BANG

Helite Airbag Vest - $795 (Black) $825 (Hi-viz) + postage.

“Stayin alive, hi, hi, hi, hi, stayin alive, ahhh, ahhh, hmm, yeah I’m stayin

UP SKILLING 2 AT CAMERON PARK MAY 5TH UP SKILLING 1 AT CAMERON PARK MAY 6TH

‘GETTING TO KNOW YOUR BIKE COURSE’ 13TH MAY UP SKILLING 1 AT PICTON MAY 20TH UP SKILLING 1 LADIES COURSE AT PICTON MAY 27TH www.skillmaster.com.au

alive”. Okay, so I won’t give up my day job and start singing but when the Helite Airbag Vest arrived for us to review from Aussie distributor Motosmart and we “exploded” it this is the feeling we got. We used our good mate, Rob as the test dummy and he said that the vest is quite comfy and feels light to wear over your normal jacket and when it explodes/inﬂates it is snug but you feel protected. I was the one with the cord which you need to attach to a point on your motorcycle and it takes quite a pull to activate the vest. So accidental inﬂation should be avoidable on most occasions.

Helite claims their airbag vest can save you from serious injury or it might even save your life. They state that the advantages of having an ‘airbag’ around your body, is that an impact is absorbed by the airbag surface and the energy is dispersed. A head strike is delayed and the brain decelerates sooner preventing many traumatic brain injuries. The head and vertebrae stay straight in place preventing whiplash injury and hyper-ﬂexion. The

following is the impressive list of the areas which Helite claims the airbag vest will protect: neck, vertebrae, thorax, hips, abdomen, tailbone. Plus it provides indirect protection for your head, liver, lungs, pancreas, heart and collarbone. When you invest in a Helite vest you get the latest Helite “Turtle technology” - CE Certified airbag that fully inflates in 100ms, a built-in and removable CE certified EN1621/2 Knox high end back protector, one tether for your motorcycle, rugged yet easy-to-use

SOUTH PACIFIC MOTORCYCLE TOURS Ltd - Over 12 Years Motorcycle Touring Experience - Latest Harley Davidson, BMW, Suzuki & Triumph Motorcycles. - Award Winning Service - South Island Specialists - Fully Guided Tours - Self Guided Tours - Motorcycle Hire

adjustment clips to close the vest (easy to use even with gloves on), and one cO2 cartridge. And the vest itself is made from high quality textile to resist abrasion. The Helite Vest is available in black or high viz.

If you want that added safety that only something like an airbag vest can give, contact Motosmart on 08 8339 6781, email wayne@ motosmart.com.au or visit the website www.motosmart.com.au SW

Maybe

I could help?

Welcome to the world of the FCAI, a world absolutely identical to the one that you and I live in, with one exception: it has no motorcycles or scooters…

Federal Chamber of Automotive Industries

Press Release 11 February 2016

FCAI welcomes consultation on reducing CO2 emissions in light vehicles

The Australian light vehicle industry supports a mandated target for new cars which is tailored to the Australian market, taking into consideration consumer choice, consumer driving conditions, market fuel and infrastructure.

And motorcycles, right?

While the CO2 contribution of annual sales of new passenger cars, SUVs and light commercial vehicles is low (less than one percent of Australia’s total annual greenhouse gas emissions), vehicle manufacturers selling light vehicles in Australia recognise they have a role to play in emissions reductions and are committed to developing and delivering new technologies that reduce CO2 emissions in their vehicles.

Which would be easy with motorcycles.

The industry is also committed to working with the Government to establish a CO2 target that takes into account the realities of the Australian market and will produce real fuel consumption savings to Australians.

HEY, WE’RE JUST OVER HERE…

Motorcycles, of course, being generally far more economical than cars.

Welcoming the Government’s Vehicle Emissions Discussion Paper, FCAI

Chief Executive Tony Weber said the FCAI will continue to work closely with the Government to ensure a thorough understanding of the Australian automotive industry; and he was pleased the Government recognised the inter-relationship of fuels, pollutant emissions and CO2 emissions in their discussion paper.

And vehicle weight, right? Like, motorcycles and scooters are lighter and therefore pollute less.

“The automotive industry’s continued commitment to introduce new technology for new motor vehicles is achieving continued emissions reductions in Australia. To make further reductions from private road transport, it is important the Government considers a range of policy matters, including fuel quality, infrastructure and incentives for the take up of low-emissions vehicles, and driver behaviour. I am pleased the Government has recognised in its discussion paper the need to consider all of these factors before a target can be determined,” Mr Weber said.

Encouraging motorcycle use would help.

Mr Weber noted that emerging vehicle technology, including hydrogen and electric vehicles, presents another opportunity for the achievement of further emissions reductions in Australia in the longer term. “To effectively introduce a range of low-emissions vehicles, it is important the industry and governments work together to provide the appropriate infrastructure. In countries

such as Japan, Government-led consumer incentives and infrastructure investment played signiﬁcant roles in the uptake of vehicles with these technologies,” he said.

And you don’t even need new technologies with motorcycles!

“CO2 emissions from light vehicles can also be reduced through improved driving habits. Public education and awareness raising may provide drivers with techniques to reduce fuel consumption and CO2 emissions. Such education may also improve road safety.”

Maybe encouraging some of them to switch to motorcycles? Hello?

Mr Weber highlighted a recent presentation by global automotive industry research experts IHS Automotive to the Government, which shows emissions reductions policies around the world and which highlights that Australia needs its own solution for emissions reductions.

With MOTORCYCLES! Right? MOTORCYCLES! And scooters!!

“IHS Automotive has presented the facts and realities of emissions reductions in the automotive industry globally. When looking at the facts, they state that no ‘cookie cutter’ approach can work. Australia is not Europe or the United States, and has its own unique market, consumers and driving needs.”

And if we had more motorcycles… aargh, what’s the use?

My comments in italics. By the way, the FCAI has a Motorcycle Division. You wouldn’t know it, would you? PT 

Mount Panorama for a slooow lap of the Mountain. With photos taken care of, most riders headed for the Panorama Motel where festivities were based. A few cool drinks by the pool were well received!

As evening rolled around, everyone found a seat in the large dining room of the motel and an excellent feed was devoured, with suitable refreshments.

who made a last minute purchase on the night walked off with the prize - lucky bathplug !

Local artist, Amber Cashel, performed during our evening function. Amber is a local resident of the Central West, and is a talented singer / song writer.

With everyone fed and the watering (?) well underway, organiser Keith had a few words to say, then the auction and raffle commenced. KTM provided a 390 in either Duke or RC flavour for the lucky winner of the raffle. A bloke

This ride attracts a wide variety of the riding public, Harleys and Victorys, BMWs of various ﬂavours, plenty of Japanese rockets and some Ducatis for spice. It does show that all sub-branches of motorcycling can get together and kick the tin for a good cause.

Keep an eye on Al’s ride.org for news on next year’s ride and consider coming along for a great ride and a top night. I believe the Bear is making plans for just that. 

Keith with his mouth full. / The lucky KTM winner!

CLASSICMORRIS

dissolved by the wrong type of oil might not have occurred.

This may well be the reason why the YC-1 disappeared without trace, long before anyone knew anything about it; except for a few cow-cockys, that is, who were said to have buried more than one or two of them in their driest paddocks.

It is also fair to assume that farm bikes were the rarest of the rare in pre-war times, because the rigid-frame, poorly-sprung machines which were about in those days would probably have seen many a rider spend more time face-down in the dirt than he would riding the range. These machines were certainly not ideal for farm work.

If that 1961 YDS-1 Liberty/Yamaha was an early example of a farmbike, then it was by no means the ﬁrst of its type.

In the late forties P and R Williams imported the semi-advanced LE Velocette into NSW; the very cleverly designed, well-sprung little machine somewhat ahead of its time, while

being equally behind the times. I say ‘semi-advanced’ because this unique little motorcycle employed an advanced, swing-arm rear suspension, ﬁrst-class front forks, comfortable sprung single saddle, foot-boards with integrated leg-shields, felt-lined box-section frame, rubber-mounted engine and shaft drive, all of which allowed for very smooth running and very precise handling. But it bucked convention by being badly underpowered with a very old-fashioned, water-cooled ﬂat-twin, side-valve engine of only 150cc……. and it employed an even more old-fashioned three-speed hand gear-change!! In 1948? Come on!

This was clearly a backward step, because Velocette was the ﬁrst factory on earth to employ the now-universal ‘positive stop’ foot gear-change mechanism, which they introduced on their KTT racing machines as far back as 1929. Besides which, after the war old-fashioned side-valve engines were still in the occasional catalogue, but were swiftly falling out of favour.

Starting the LE was by a long hand lever, which also doubled as the method by which the little bike could be hauled onto its centre-stand and off it again, but that side-valve engine, what the heck was that all about: oh, and what about the ancient hand gear-change lever?

Why then a hand gear-change, and no kick-starter, you may ask? The machine was intended, it was said, as a Gentlemen’s Commuter, the absence of a kick-starter and the hand gearchange suggesting that a Gentleman who might – or might not – have decided to leave the Rolls at home and commute upon this neat little bike, might not sully his white spats, or his patent leather or suede shoes, with scuff-marks engendered by kicking an engine into life, much less operating a foot gear-change pedal.

Oh, and the exhaust of the trim little bike was so well-muted that you couldn’t hear the thing running, and the engine was similarly silent; in fact, it sounded like a small sewing machine, and developed about the

same amount of power. I had ridden two or three of them in the dim, dark ages – should I say ‘of course?’ – and was very impressed by their eerie silence, smoothness and great comfort, but I couldn’t ﬁnd any performance to speak of.

Fortunately, later models enjoyed an engine boost to 200cc, but not much more power while, by 1958, the LE employed a kick-starter and four-speed foot gear-change, but the bike was still a poor performer. I doubt if it could have dragged Stuart Woodbury up a shallow driveway, while a one-legged man, recently discharged from Hospital and struggling with his newly-acquired crutches, might kick his hat along in front of him at a far greater speed than that little machine could ever have managed.

OK, so what am I on about with that LE (the initials stood for ‘Little Engine’) I hear you shriek?

Let me tell you why. I was strolling past the P and R Williams shopfront one day in the early ﬁfties

when I beheld a large notice board prominently displayed in their front window. Upon it was a range of black and white photos depicting several LE Velocettes being ridden enthusiastically by felt-hatted men with elastic-sided boots as they rode quietly amongst a ﬂock of sheep on an unknown station.

The sheep looked as though they couldn’t have cared less, the comments written on the large display board suggesting the bike was so unobtrusive that it could be ridden into the midst of a ﬂock of otherwise twitchy sheep without disturbing any of them. It also suggested that fuel economy was part of the machine’s charm, its shaft drive and comfortable ride yet another. I must say the riders all looked relaxed enough, the machines clearly moving about.

But there was no word mentioned about how the bike – and in particular its rider – would fare in the midst of a herd of cattle; especially during breeding season. It’s a safe bet that the bike could not have accelerated

quickly enough to out-run a rampant bull, which could result in that randy beast having its way with a hapless rider without the bull breaking into more than a casual trot.

It may not have been the ﬁrst farm bike to have seen duty on the land, and was never intended to be used in anything remotely like that roughand-tumble pursuit, but the little LE Velocette was very surely the ﬁrst one we know of which was at least tried on the land. How it managed to perform is anybody’s guess, but I doubt if it was very successful. The machine’s speed was, however, not an issue – except in a desperate attempt at escaping a rampaging old bull.

As a footnote, no fewer than ﬁfty (50) British Police forces ordered many hundreds of the later Mk 3 series LE for patrol bike duties – along with a large range of spare parts - which assured its longevity until the midseventies. A very nice little machine, to be sure, but not one for the land, and certainly less than ideal if one was in a hurry to go anywhere. 

WHATSAYYOU

WELOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU, the letters are among the most keenly read parts of the magazine. Please try and keep letters down to no more than 300 words. Then you can read many, not just a couple. We do reserve the right to cut them and, unless you identify yourself and at least your town or suburb and state, we will print your email address instead. Please address letters to thebear@ausmotorcyclist.com.au or Australian Motorcyclist Magazine, PO Box 2066, Boronia Park NSW 2111. All opinions published here are those of the writers and we do not vouch for their accuracy or even their sanity!

Abag for some hats – that seems only fair. Quite a few people seem to use old stack hats as plant hangers, but Neal Gowen has gone one better: and his idea has

won him the Andy Strapz Shoulda Bagz for this issue. If you’ve never clapped eyes on one of these excellent bags (sorry, bagz) then you won’t know just how useful and well-made they are. If you have seen one then you’ve probably bought one; yes, we do use them ourselves. Andy makes a heap of other terriﬁc touring gear (and tests it all himself) so why don’t you take a look at his website www.andystrapz.com and discover all the other things that could make your life easier? Go on it right now!

UP FOR A DRY’ER RIDE?

Hi Stuart and Bear, Congrats on an excellent compilation of Tests, Travel Features and Techo information on my second favourite subject (sorry, bikes play second fiddle to Business Aircraft). I spend a lot of time flying in and out of Airports all over Asia Pacific with my role and look forward to reading the articles via Zino on my iPad whenever I get a bit of downtime in a lounge or mid-flight.

I live in Singapore with my young

CRASH HATS SAVE LIVES

Hello Bear, Just saw the letter in the latest issue asking what to do with old helmets. I donated 10 old ones of mine to the Ambos at ACT Emergency Services. They use them in training exercises in simulated crashes and are always after spare ones.

NSW Ambos may do something similar.

Cheers, Neal Gowen Kaleen ACT

family and have lived throughout Asia for the past ten years. The Editorial in the March ‘16 caught my eye. Although I’m a bit time poor to put together a detailed plan and research great roads (on and off) I would really like to tour up from Singapore, through the Genting Mountains in Malaysia, then through KL, Penang then up into Thailand with a few likeminded Adventurers who wouldn’t mind getting off the sealed roads every now and then and enjoy the culture, sights and culinary experience of SE Asia

caught my eye. Although

If there is a club or a tour heading up in the dry’er seasons I would be up for it. I’m sure I’m not Robinson Crusoe out here, I see plenty GS’s and similar equipment to mine (‘13 KTM 1190 Adventure R) that may have learned owners that read your publication and may join either Northbound, Southbound or both. The pic is my little man Jude (4) who

is already obsessed with bikes. The pic was snapped just seconds after he turned the ignition, waited a few seconds then thumbed the starter... A quick study. Regards, Anthony Cox Coxytech@hotmail.com

NZ, KANGAROOS AND MUNRO

Hi Stuart just an update from my South Island trip, we most likely were over taken by u guys at some stage as we were down south at the same time as your tour. We also did the Queenstown to Glen Orchy ride and like u guys we loved it also. I’ve got an early copy of this month’s mag as my son brought one over last week from Sydney so that was good. After reading the mag I’ve got a couple of questions. In the article where u compare the two countries as in “rides” not to be missed I noted something you left out, but as you have ridden in both countries you will be well aware of I’m sure, “kangaroos” and the fact that here all u have to worry about wildlife wise are possums, where there you have

the big hopping disaster waiting to happening animals, not to mention camels, pigs, donkeys etc etc. Stuart have you or the Bear attended the “Bert (sic) Munro” challenge? as it would be a good one for you guys to do then the follow-up article would be of interest to your readers both side of the Tasman. Ok mate probably wasted too much of your time, OH one thing the chap from south of Sydney that went on and on and on AND on after u mentioned they should have advertised their function better… He reminds me of people that write into us over the smallest thing, sooooooooooooo you have my sympathy.

Steve Samuels

Hi Steve, I hope we weren’t going too fast? LOL! In my best road piece (#38) I mentioned those hopping things and also monitor lizards! My mate, Chris and I have just built a new Period 6 FZR1000 and are seriously considering coming over for it with his TT racer son riding it ; )Never wasting my time, mate. Always good to chat. Cheers, Stuart.

GOING HAYWIRE!

G’day Peter

This letter is mostly to say g’day, how’s things, have a wafﬂe and mention your atlas and ride guide. I have loved atlases and maps as long as I can remember and I enjoy yours. I went on another ride to Sydney a couple of weeks ago, family stuff that’s the excuse anyway; we have the standard choices of three roads from QLD, in this case Toowoomba,

0021 + years

and having a full two weeks to do it plus the WSBK being on the second Sunday the choices were to try roads that either I had not travelled on or only used by car or van.

The grand plan for this was started by laying the three East Coast state maps down, picking a rough route then using The Australia Motorcycle Atlas with 200 Top Rides , to pick the best top ride to suit the trip, simple enough.. The plan sorted, bike packed I started zig-zagging south, Mount Lindsey Hwy, Urbenville , the Bruxner, couple back roads to Grafton via Lawrence on the River Clarence for lunch, across the Waterfall Way to Armidale and Walcha for the night at the Walcha Royal, well worth the stop, comfy beds, good food and people, maybe ring ahead during the warmer weather, easy to be booked out. Sunday was to be the Jewel in the Crown, ﬁrst time on the Oxley on a bike, including breakfast at Gingers Creek and a beautiful sunny day heading down Mount Seaview to Wauchope and south. The back road from Taree to Bulahdelah, Cessnock , Wisemans Ferry and good old Sydney, oh yes the same week it was 40+ degrees in the Western Suburbs, nice. The down side of this was an intermittent electrical fault the poor old BM developed, sort of like a nose bleed because you’re too far from home! Stalling and idiot lights ﬂashing away then coming good for a dozen or so starts, I messed with it for a bit and a couple of shops had a look but

of course it performed perfectly didn’t it?

With that in mind it was decided to head back north after a week enjoying myself , electrical gremlins aside, funny in retelling, not so when it plays up in places like ﬁve pm on Parramatta Road or the M5 tunnel with B Doubles and foreign cab drivers cursing you and trying to have you for a bonnet mascot!

The bike is now sitting in the shed with bits of wiring hanging out and me cursing its miserable German electrics. The fun of motorcycling, eh?

Anyway this story is in part about a Motorcycle Atlas and its 200 Rides. After dinner, and a beer at the Walcha Royal I sat up in bed and read it for a bit, not just looked at it, actually read it, and realised that over the years I have ridden many of the 200, not as many as some but maybe more than most, some were dirt back in the day and some of the bikes are in museums today. Never pushed a bike home yet, although I have sat on the side of the road on occasions twiddling with some. Don’t get me started on H-D Wallers with Linkert

Life is a or nothing at all (formerly Ferris

Wheels Safaris)

Turkish Treasures 21 days: Istanbul, Gallipoli Capadocia, Black Sea

carbies (?) and their stupid cork ﬂoats (that don’t) 50 miles (yes miles ) from civilisation in NSW, like I say funny after the event.

I thought I should send you an image of Max taken at a rest stop in Tenterfield last winter, the Oz flag and Boxing Roo are from our trip to the 2011 IOM , one of our suppliers who fits decals to our trucks made them, minimum of a dozen, so when some riders from UK and Europe spotted them they were pretty chuffed I could offer them a couple. Cheers, Paul Cadman.

Hello, Paul, and thank you for your note. I really enjoyed it because it brought back so many memories. My “favourite” recollection of one of my WLAs is the Bakelite lever that pushes the points apart – until it cracks in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night - The Bear

MONTH OF RIDE DAYS

Gerday Stuart and Bear, Having to spend a few days home crook but I perked up when the postie delivered AMC #38 April 2016 yesterday. I always enjoy reading the Editorial blabber, it gets me warmed up for what to expect in the issue. I also only ever read from the start resisting the temptation to ﬂick back and forth on occasions . Well OK, I have been known to be outrageous at times and have a quick squizz foreward, but resist reading the articles. So your invitation to tell you what we like and don’t like about AMC reminded me there are 2 suggestions that I would like to nominate on

behalf of my fellow readers, both related to travel.

As part of my research before we travel somewhere I go back and reread old editions of the bike mags I have (I keep a bit of an index). I often use these in working out routes and things to look out for, etc. The problem is that travel articles rarely tell you what month the writer was there. On a bike the different seasons can make the difference between a great adventure and a ﬁzzer, particularly when you have the wrong expectations.

So for example if I’m planning to do the South Island of NZ in July, it’s going to be very different from doing it in Feb (very envious about missing the recent tour, Stuart). It’s all maybe taken for granted when you write and read the article today that regular local readers will know of the just completed Hiamo Tour. But let’s say I don’t know about that and in a few months sit down to plan my July trip to NZ and I read about what I now know to be the NZ summer conditions you’ve just written about. I’d probably choose another destination altogether if I knew what it it was really going to be like in July (let’s face it there are simply better parts of the world to go then) but if I really had to go I’d probably want different gear from what you said you took. Yes I know us Ozzies are probably all fairly familiar with the weather across the ditch but the point is that the extremes of seasonal conditions can make a country have up to 4 completely different trips (hot/cold and dry/wet). If you read Bear’s recent stories on Norway and

SHORT ADELAIDE TOURS ON BENELLI BN600Rs

Don’t have much time? We lead one-day or shorter tours on some of the best roads in the Barossa Valley, Adelaide Hills and Fleurieu Peninsula. Hire exciting BN600R Benellis. Visit www.radtours.com.au and click on the TOUR LOCATIONS button.

Sweden you’d have absolutely no idea when he did the trip, it was likely 6 months or more before publication and I imagine some parts of the year are, at best ... unfashionable.

Having said all that I read Bear’s articles on Adriatic Tours “Beautiful Balkans Adventure” last year and despite the lack of details we found dates that suited us and we couldn’t book fast enough (yes I told them the connection) – and by booking so quickly we got in before the 2016 price increases kicked in.

Thanks, Bear.

‘What we would like’ Suggestion No. 1: at the opening or in a summary of the travel article note the month travelled, and perhaps also the season it is.

Secondly, and you’ve beaten me to it a bit with this and last month’s articles on NZ, travel stories would come to life if a map or sketch was included. Stories about going from A to B and then passing through 10 locally named villages on Highways X, Y and Z each day in central Cuba, can make the difference between an otherwise interesting story to mind numbing torture and a premature end. It’s probably fair to assume there’s someone out there who knows some of these names but for the majority it’s wasted reading effort…… unless there’s a simple map to give some context. Like a good graph, a map can tell a thousand stories (words).

‘What we would like’ Suggestion No. 2: include a map or sketch of the route being travelled in the story (a la NZ AMC 37 & 38).

Cheers guys, Archer 

BRAAAP www.braaapmotorcycles.com

CAN-AM (BRP)www.brp.com *All

DAELIM www.daelim.com.au

Rain?

You can’t handle the… no, wait, that’s Truth, from that Jack Nicholson movie. But can you handle the rain? I have had a few somewhat memorable encounters with rain. If you live elsewhere in Australia you may not be aware of the staggering power of Sydney rainstorms. I was living in Camperdown one summer, and was riding home from the beach. There was a crack of thunder and then what seemed like a solid wall of water hit me. I was heading for the awning of a shop about two houses away, but before I reached shelter I was not only soaked through but also at a severe angle from the pressure of the rain. When I did slide under cover out of the downpour I fell over with the bike, only to be swamped by the flood that had overwhelmed the drain. Lying there in the filthy water I started laughing uncontrollably, set off by the comically horrified face of the woman in the shop just before my bow wave engulfed her outside display. I guess she didn’t have motorcyclists skating into her shopfront every day…

Then there was the time the rain caught my friend Charlie and me in Thailand. We were on a dirt road somewhere upcountry, on the way from Chang Mai back to Bangkok by way of the Cambodian (Laotian?) border. There was very little warning as a roaring curtain of water came across the rice ﬁelds off to the side and cut off our contact with the rest of the world. We both stopped – there was no point in trying to ride on – and simply sat on the bikes, beaten down by the force of the rain. We hadn’t had time to even think about wet weather gear. A couple of minutes later the rain

BEAR FACED

HE’S WET. WHAT ELSE CAN YOU SAY?

stopped as quickly as it had started. The curtain simply headed off across the rice paddies on the other side of the road, leaving us sitting there soaked and steaming.

We started up again and less than 20 minutes later we were bone dry as the sun boiled the water off us. It was actually hard to believe that the storm had happened at all…

On a narrow potholed road in northern India, a few weeks later, the monsoon we had been evading for quite a while ﬁnally caught us. The rain was nothing like that bucketing in Thailand, but it was still heavy enough to overwhelm what little there was of drainage. The water rose to about a foot over the road, and of course (this being India) it became thin mud on the way.

We were now not just riding on a narrow, deeply potholed road; we were riding on a narrow, deeply potholed road without being able to see where the road went, and where the potholes were. This is not recommended. We paddled glumly ahead, with the front wheels occasionally disappearing under the ﬂood as we hit a pothole. Not that you have to hit a pothole. A staffer of one of the other Australian bike magazines who shall remain nameless, mainly because I have forgotten his name, was once on a delivery run from Melbourne to Sydney. I think the bike involved was a Honda, but it doesn’t really matter because the sequence of events would have been the same with most bikes.

He came over a small ridge just south of the Murray to ﬁnd the road ahead covered in ﬂoodwater. Not having

checked the weather and road reports, he didn’t know that this was part of a major ﬂood moving down along the river. As a result the water was deeper than he (presumably) thought. When he banged the throttle on in an attempt to get through the water to the next bit of dry land, the bike dipped well below the waterline and the engine inhaled more liquid than Boris inhales on a Saturday night.

It blew, he fortunately came to rest still vertical and then he had not only a long walk back to civilisation – no mobile phones in those days –but also an explanation to concoct for his editor and for the distributors of the bike.

I’ll expound upon the matter of wet weather gear at another time, except for this occasion.

On a long and lonesome highway, east of Omaha… no, no, somewhere north of Eden NSW, on my way home from a “road test” of a new riding suit (actually a couple of days off to see a mate in Gypsy Point) I ran into another proper East Coast summer storm. One moment the road was bathed in sunshine, the next it was bathed in tonnes of water which were descending from the skies. I think I could possibly see three feet; certainly I was following the road more by feel than by sight. I wasn’t game to pull off the tar because there might have been a car there which had sought refuge from the opaque world. Slowing right down and putting on my emergency ﬂashers, I hoped I would not be collected from behind by a car effectively driven by a blind person or run off the road and plunge into an abyss or simply hit a tree.

When it was all over, the suit had worked – I was completely dry except for one side pocket, which was completely full of water. I had had its ﬂap folded back just a little. Maybe I’m the one who can’t handle rain…

Peter “The Bear” Thoeming 

FrOMTHecAVe

CUBA

THE LIGHTER SIDE

“Take me to the April sun in Cuba…

Cause right before my eyes

See Castro in the alleyway, Talkin’ ’bout missile love…” Dragon, April Sun in Cuba

You may not know this, but I designed the logo for the Hunter brothers when Dragon recorded its ﬁrst album (big, round black thing, a bit like a huge DVD). I also designed that ﬁrst album’s cover. Ah, memories. No wonder I’m so old…

Never mind that. I’ve just been to Cuba on a bike tour with Edelweiss, and I had a great time. Here are a few of the somewhat funnier photos I came back with; you’ll have a chance to read all about Cuba, soon. It’s worth it, too; amazing place, in the true sense of the word. PT

Hardware shop in central Havana. Stock may be limited, but it’s all nice and shiny. Overheads are minimal, and so is staff. Closed during rain. / Cuba may be the home of godless communism, but the locals are easily smart enough to hedge their bets with Jesus as well. Especially in the trafﬁc. / You didn’t know that Che Guevara was a triplet, did you? You probably didn’t even know that he was of Irish descent, too. / The Revolution may well be invincible, but the FSM Niki (at lower right) is not; in fact it is quite possibly the worst car in the world.

BORIS

REMEMBERING BEASTS

Ispent three days at the recent Barry Sheene Festival of Speed. Great event. I love it, but not for the racing. I go there to look at the bikes. Specifically, the fire-breathing, illhandling, Neanderthal-like cave-beasts from the early Eighties. Even more specifically, any of them breadboxtanked Suzuki GSX1100s upon which I learned to be a motorcycle hoodlum. They speak to me. They remind me of myself, and things that once were and can never be again.

I stand off from them and behold them in deferential silence. I’m like a primitive brute standing before a totem of his savage and bloodthirsty god. I feel like I should kneel, but that would be a sign of weakness. And these primeval werebikes do not deal well with weakness. So I stand. I hold my head high. You may have murdered and maimed many of my brothers, o thuggod. But you didn’t do me. Thank you. The bike’s lines are achingly familiar, and viscerally handsome in their own brutish way, even if many of them have been heavily modiﬁed to make them handle better.

Today’s technology is a wondrous thing. It is powerful modern voodoo, because it can make even these old death-bulls far better mannered than we could thirty-ﬁve years ago.

Though we are starting from a relatively low baseline.

I’d modiﬁed

mine, of course, pouring my measly teenage pay-packet into fork-braces, stupid Italian shock absorbers and Pirelli Silverdot tyres. I’d already gone as far as I could afford (and legally register) in terms of performance, and while the bastard now went like a comet, it handled more and more like an asteroid with every jump in horsepower. So I began to direct my paltry dollars into handling. I was dumb enough to imagine the standard brakes were ﬁne, but there were few affordable options in that area in the Eighties, anyway. I did ﬁt braided lines, which was one mod that did actually make a proper difference.

Naturally, all of my handling ‘improvements’ primarily acted in a placebo fashion. I would tell myself it was handling better with typical teenage fervour and ignorance, and therefore that was what I believed with all my heart.

In real terms, and with the wisdom of hindsight, no matter what I did, my GSX still handled, by today’s standards, like a bison falling out of a tree. The frame ﬂexed like a bodybuilder, the forks were smalldiameter vacuum cleaner tubes, and the cutting-edge alloy swingarm was a cruel Japanese joke.

The GSX weaved psychotically in corners and would either shake its head in displeasure, or move directly into vicious tank-slapping bastardry if it was offended at my hamﬁsted inputs. I told myself that the super-expensive Pirelli Silverdots were the last word in grip (because they were) and would screech in horror whenever the backend stepped out or the front threatened to tuck. It must have been the tyre pressures/road surface/ oil patch that did that, I would tell myself. By comparison with today’s tyres, it was like riding on bathroom tiles.

But we certainly did not know any better in those mad and bad old

days. We rode what we had and we told ourselves it was great, precisely because it was in so many ways. There was none of this mollycoddling Learner Approved Motorcycle bullshit. A teenage male went out and bought the most powerful motorcycle he could afford, or he neutered himself with scissors and became a teenage female.

Is it any wonder that most of today’s L-platers and P-platers are nothing but terriﬁed, safety-obsessed ﬂuff-bunnies?

The bikes they are given to ride are nice, friendly little toys. They don’t bite. They don’t bark. Hell, they don’t even growl. They don’t terrify you and thrill you to the core of your being when you take them for a blast. They just piddle along like little kittens and even girls can ride them.

As I stood reverently before one of these ancient iron ﬁ ends at the Barry Sheene Festival Of Speed, I felt like ﬁ nding one of those screeching, selfempowered teenage she-knobs (or her even more disgusting, respectdemanding quasi-male opposite), and dragging them before one of these Old Dark Gods.

“Here,” I would say, throwing the snivelling creature at the tyres of the monster. “This is what you’re going to ride. Get on it. Start it. Ride it to Melbourne through the Snowy Mountains. You have 12 hours. Stop crying (accompanied by a sharp ﬁ ve across the eyes). If you live, you may call yourself a motorcyclist. If you die, you would have done us all a favour by removing yourself from the gene pool. If you are maimed, then think of the heroic tale you will be able to tell. All three outcomes are thus excellent. Understand I am doing this not only for your beneﬁ t, but for the good of the lifestyle as a whole. This is your chance to earn the respect you think you’re automatically entitled to. Yes, you may nod at other riders.

Now piss off.”

I was smiling as I walked off to buy myself a beer. 

Shannons insurance is for motoring enthusiasts just like you, with features like:

n Choice of repairer n Agreed value n Multi-Vehicle & Multi-Policy discounts

n Flexible coverage for bikes that are laid up, being restored, or at club events

n Home Contents Insurance including $10,000 enthusiast cover for your collectables & tools Call Shannons on 13 46 46 for a quote on your special bike, special car, daily drive, or your home, and speak with a genuine enthusiast.