Thrive Mentor Guide by christchapelbc

MENTOR GUIDE

Contents are a licensed Christ Chapel Bible Church derivative of original “STEPS” content

Used by permission.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of Citizens Church.

ISBN 979-8-9875989-2-4

Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Citizens Church 4501 Legacy Dr Plano, TX 75024

www.citizenschurch.com

CONTENT AUTHOR: Michael Snetzer

EDITOR: J. Collin Huber LLC

DESIGNER: Yessie Ortiz

Orientation WEEK 0

Sharing Stories

Meeting #1 (Your First Meet-up)

REMINDERS FOR MENTORS

Before you meet with your mentee, please remember that they will …

• likely have completed some homework, but you’re not meeting to talk about their homework this week.

• have been to their first Large Group and “closed” Small Group meeting

• be organizing their thoughts on sharing their story with you. Part of their “Pre-Thrive” checklist is to prepare to share their story. As their Mentor, please consider giving the below podcast a listen. They were encouraged to listen to this as they prepared to share. We’d love for you to know where they’re coming from.

PARTICIPANTS PREPARING TO SHARE THEIR STORY

Why share? Everyone has a story. Your story is important. It provides the context to who you are today. Your story is unique and needs to be told. Your story is filled with shaping influences (both positive and negative) and ways you responded to those influences. These influences shape how we think about the world around us, including God, self and others.

As you prepare to share your story, consider pain points in your life. Consider the high and low markers in your life and how you were changed or shaped by them. Consider how you responded to these events or people. Consider how your view of self, others, God and your circumstances changed. Change can be for better or worse.

Visit this QR code to get more specific guidance on how to tell your story in Thrive.

How to Tell your Story in Thrive: (share.transistor.fm/s/0e7a9fec)

As you prepare to share, you should think about how you will fit your story into about 30 total minutes as you sit with your mentor during your first meeting. You’ll get to hear their story when you meet, as well.

STORYTELLING FOR MENTORS

If you plan to help others share their story, then you need to know how to share your own first. The difficulty will be limiting your story to 750 words (usually 1 to 1.5 pages of text) or about 7 minutes. Answering the following questions should help you write your story in a way that helps participants see that God is truly the Hero of your story

• WHERE AND WHAT ARE YOU BATTLING RIGHT NOW?

Please be honest! Identify the hardships, trials, anxieties, frustrations, lusts, discouragements, and conflicts trouble you at the present time. Feel free to share any troubles on your mind, but also try to focus on a couple of main ones.

• WHAT SEEMS TO BE GETTING EXPOSED IN YOUR HEART AND WAY OF LIFE?

Consider the loyalties, values, passions, and ambitions being made visible in your life right now. Maybe a longing for the praise of people; maybe a desire for riches; maybe a loyalty to Christ and His kingdom; maybe dreams for a certain kind of marriage or family.

• WHERE DO YOU SEE LIFELONG THEMES, PATTERNS, AND HABITS AT WORK?

Try to see and share any longstanding themes in your life story. Many of the troubles you see in your life at present may have been troubles you have carried for many years. The way you relate to the Lord and people right now could be traced back to how you have always related to the Lord and people. You may not have seen the connection before.

• WHAT DID YOU NEED JESUS TO RESCUE YOU FROM?

Share any experiences from your childhood, family relationships, or previous years as a whole that seem to have strongly influenced patterns of sin you adopted as you tried to live independently from God. Perhaps there were specific relationships or events that were really significant to you. Perhaps there were decisions you made or others made for you that sharply changed the direction of your life.

• HOW DID CHRIST SAVE YOU?

Write down the key people and circumstances the Lord used to draw you to Himself. Perhaps there was a particular passage of Scripture that opened your eyes, humbled your heart, and helped you see your need for the Savior Jesus Christ. How has justification changed your life?

• IN WHAT WAYS HAS JESUS BEEN GROWING YOU AS HIS DISCIPLE IN THE AREAS OF PERSONAL SUFFERING?

Think about and write down a few ways the Lord has transformed you in recent months. Maybe there have been some punctuating moments where God freed you from particular sin struggles, or helped you notice and enjoy something about Him, or given you courage and compassion in the Christian faith in ways you didn’t have before.

Remember:

• Make God the Hero of your story (vs. you, or a friend, or mentor, a program, etc.)

• Include at least one way that you have suffered or are suffering.

• Tell of a specific struggle with sin you have battled with and Jesus freed you from, and an area in which you are currently battling sin patterns.

• Talk about how God is currently changing you to become more like Jesus (sanctification.)

Reflect before you share:

• Were you honest and clear in your story? Is there anything you withheld from your story because you fear what people will think of you once they hear it?

• As you read and think about your story, does it offer a good picture of who you are and what you’re facing in your life right now? Is there anything you would want to add or take away from what you have written?

Responding to stories:

Following any sharing, respond with gratitude and reflection. That is, thank the person who shared for sharing his or her story. Reflect on any aspects of his or her story that were especially encouraging and/or sorrowful for you to hear. What stood out to you? Don’t judge it, but you may mention it to indicate you were listening and remembering. Please remember, this is not a time to give advice or teach one another. It’s a time for one person to share and the other to pay attention and listen well.

MEETING GOALS

This first meeting should take place before the participant completes their first full week of homework. The goal of this meeting is not to discuss any homework; rather, it is to begin to get to know the person, share stories and make sure they have a good understanding of the mentoring component.

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Always open and close your time together in prayer. Be intentional about connecting organically with the person you are mentoring by asking about the week and showing genuine interest in the details of his or her life. Begin establishing a sense of trust by sharing about your own life. After this first meeting most of this time will be spent asking questions and listening. Always feel free take notes in the space provided.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

It is important for those we disciple to see their problems biblically so that we can bring the hope of the gospel to their specific needs. You might feel tempted to think you must have answers to all their problems immediately. Let the process unfold. Be patient. You should use this time to express genuine excitement in working with them and encourage them in the ways they have opened up.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next time.

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important that you cover them with the gospel in prayer as you conclude.

WHEN YOU MEET

Encourage discussion and ask questions to get to know each other. For example:

1. Share a little bit about yourselves (where you’re from, personal interests, etc.)

2. As a Mentor, share your testimony and how God used Thrive in your life. (Include salvation along with seasons of suffering, specific sin struggles, and how God has been redeeming you.)

3. Share with each other any positive or negative experiences in the past regarding church or religion.

4. Empathize with hurts and emphasize your desire to help.

5. Share with each other what you hope to get from this one-on-one time and from Thrive in general.

6. Have them share their story as outlined in their Thrive Prep Work (Orientation Guide.)

SCHEDULE

Decide on a schedule for meeting weekly for at least the next four weeks:

SHEPHERDING TASKS

o Pray for your mentee.

o If something pertinent was shared about the small group time, reach out to your mentee’s small group leader to get on the same page.

Notes:

Understanding God

WEEKS 1-4

The Beginning : Creation and Fall Meeting #2 (Covering Week 1 Homework)

MENTOR HELPS

Before you meet with your mentee, please remember that they will already have …

• Completed days 1-7 of homework from last week.

• Attended Large Group and Small Group, sharing some thoughts about the Large Group teaching which recaps the week’s completed homework.

• Begun working on some of the new homework for the next week.

You are catching them in the middle of their next week of Homework. However, the outline below is covering the prior week of homework because that is what is fully complete and ready to discuss with you. Your meeting is intended to be a capstone for that content (even though they are already starting on the next week of Bible study and homework.)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

o Review your own Participant Guide to refresh yourself with what this person is going through this week, what you went through when you experienced Thrive for the first time, and how you might encourage them with gospel truths from the content taught this week.

ROMANS 5:12

Just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned.

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: Genesis 1:1-2:3

• Day 2: Genesis 2:4-25

• Day 3: Genesis 2:18-25; Matthew 19:1-10; 1 Corinthians 7:10-11; Ephesians 5:22-33

• Day 4: Genesis 3: 1-24

• Day 5: Genesis 3:7-24

• Day 6: Genesis 4:1-16

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• What was your biggest takeaway from your time in the Word and with your mentor this week?

• What are some of the more meaningful “gospel truths” for you and your particular

story? (Truths about God’s character, what the gospel says is true of us in Christ, and the promises of God) How will these truths help carry you through difficult trials? Be specific.

• The gospel can seem too good to be true. What truths do you have difficulty believing are true for you? Where is more faith needed?

• What does the gospel call us to that is challenging, confusing or even questionable?

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word.

Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

1. Day one introduces us to a creation that was initially empty, dark and disordered. To what degree do these describe your life? If they don’t, what words would describe your life?

2. We were also introduced to our Creator, who by His Word, brought order, life and light to His creation. Do you believe that He is doing the same among us? Why or why not?

3. We believe evidence of God’s love, pursuit of and plan for you is why you are sitting under God’s Word in this study. How is your heart responding to that pursuit? Are you listening and receiving or rejecting?

4. According to the creation account, a functional human being is to live in a loving, dependent relationship with his Creator. In what ways have you looked to the creation rather than the Creator for care, direction, protection, provision, power, satisfaction, comfort, security, stability, hope, happiness, purpose, identity, meaning and value?

5. Describe your current suffering. How are you responding?

6. God created us to be in loving relationships with Himself and others. Describe your close community and friends. Do you reach out to others when you need help? Why or why not? Where do they point you for hope?

7. In what ways do you disregard God’s voice and follow another voice in pursuit of your own desires?

8. What are the “fig leaves” in your life — ways you have tried to remedy the problem of sin with external solutions (religious activity, performance, possessions, power, personality, people, posterity, positions, etc.)?

9. How have you attempted to justify yourself (value, worth, etc.) before God and others?

10. Our self-reliant attempts to manage our sin or to control the sin of others reveals that we believe we are powerful enough to fix the problem. Understanding the magnitude of the problem helps us to see it is beyond us. Have you admitted that you are powerless and defeated apart from Christ? Do your actions reflect this? How so?

11. As we examine our lives through the lens of scripture, it helps us to see what is most true. In light of what we have covered this week, what prayer would you like to offer to God about where you are at?

REVIEW TRUTH FROM WEEK 1:

Man, in relationship to his Creator, has fallen from a place of dignity, humility and dependence to a state of depravity, pride and rebellion. This has led to unfathomable suffering. Any attempts on our own to redeem ourselves are futile, only increasing the problem of independence and self-sufficiency. Any perceived success leads only to empty vanity. Apart from Christ, we admitted we are powerless to overcome sin (ours and others) and our attempts to control it only increase our chaos.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

It is important for those we disciple to see their problems biblically so that we can bring the hope of the gospel to their specific needs. You might feel tempted to think you have to have answers to all their problems immediately. Be patient and let the process unfold. Introduce participants to Scriptures that speak to their circumstances and bring gospel hope. Tell them of the character of God.

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next.

AFTER YOU MEET

REFLECTION

A prayerful time of reflection will help lead you to speak redemptively into your mentee.

Ask yourself questions about each participant:

Where is this person spiritually?

What areas need healing?

Were any lies spoken about the truths of God and His character?

What sinful patterns or strongholds did you discern?

Did you hear any unmet longings or desires?

How could you encourage this person?

What Scriptures speak to their situation?

SEEING THROUGH GOD’S EYES

Ask the Lord to help you see each participant through His eyes and speak redemptively into the group. The following questions are meant to guide you, but don’t feel that you need to answer every question every week or let them limit ways the Lord might speak.

SHEPHERDING TASKS

o Make time to communicate with your mentee’s small group leader, if this would be helpful, as you each pray for and pour into the participant.

o Reach out to your Coach for any help you might need.

Notes:

The Remedy : The Gospe l

Meeting #3 (Covering Week 2 Homework)

MENTOR HELPS

Remember, you are catching your mentee in the middle of their next week of Homework. However, the outline below is covering the prior week of homework because that is what is fully complete and ready to discuss with you. Your meeting is intended to be a capstone for that content (even though they are already starting on the next week of Bible study and homework.)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

MATTHEW 7:13–14

“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.”

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: Deuteronomy 5:1–22; Matthew 5:17–48

• Day 2: Genesis 6:5–22; Romans 1:18–2:3

• Day 3: Isaiah 52:13–53:12; 54–55

• Day 4: John 1:1–18

• Day 5: John 8:3–12

• Day 6: Acts 17:16–34

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• What was your biggest takeaway from your time in the Word and with your mentor this week?

• Describe your own insanity cycle (doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result).

• Our insanity cycle and related practices reveal our disordered worship. What is it that

you are living for or worshiping? Suggestion: Read Ephesians 2:1-3.

• Describe how Jesus has revealed to you personally that He alone is worthy of your worship and of the reordering of your heart around Him.

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word.

Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. If your heart wants to follow God’s perfect law but it ends up disobeying God, how heavy does this feel to you?

2. Judgment and hell are unpleasant realities we tend to avoid and dismiss. How do these realities add weight to our sin? How does this help us see the love of God in what Jesus suffered for us? What is happening in your heart?

3. In what ways do you suppress the truth or live in denial? See Romans 1:18.

4. How do you relate to the law? In your sinful nature, are you fairly moral with a tendency to look down on others who are not as good or do you tend to disregard it?

5. If the antidote to unrighteousness is not self- righteousness, what is it?

6. What about Christ and the gospel did you find beautiful this week?

7. In the past, to what or whom did you look to satisfy your thirst (Isaiah 55:1–2)? In what or in whom did you place your trust?

EXTRA OPPORTUNITY: Many times we operate in the moment out of our feelings and patterns established over time rather than what we know or believe deeply to be true. This highlights a gap between our brain and our heart, so to speak. The way we react spontaneously to statements about God and ourselves can tell us where we might be misaligned in our view of the Creator and the way He created us. If we are out of alignment foundationally, the ripple effect can become noticeable. Consider taking this evaluation called “The Concept of God” (located in Appendix B of the Participant Guide). Each of the questions will ask you to complete a simple sentence. Don’t attempt to write the correct answer. Simply write the first thing that comes to your mind. Working with your Mentor, you will begin to see where you may be operating out of a misconception of God and yourself.

8. Scripture is clear: We must make a decision about our belief in Jesus. What is our reality if we do nothing and ignore the call of God?

9. How have you responded to the invitation to trust in the suffering servant, the one who has come to save the world?

10. In Acts 17:22–23, Paul says the men of Athens are very religious. Their practices (whether in the religious centers or in the marketplace) point to what they worship and live for. What do the practices of your life reveal about what you worship and serve?

REVIEW TRUTH FROM WEEK 2:

God lovingly intervened into our chaos and provided a remedy for the insanity of sin and the way back into fellowship with Him. We believe that by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, we can be redeemed.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

participants to Scriptures that speak to their circumstances and bring gospel hope. Tell them of the character of God.

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next.

AFTER YOU MEET

REFLECTION

A prayerful time of reflection will help lead you to speak redemptively into your mentee.

Ask yourself questions about each participant:

What areas need healing?

Were any lies spoken about the truths of God and His character?

What sinful patterns or strongholds did you discern?

Did you hear any unmet longings or desires?

How could you encourage this person?

What Scriptures speak to their situation?

SEEING THROUGH GOD’S EYES

SHEPHERDING TASKS

o Your mentee’s small group leader should be reaching out to you this week. Make a point to connect over ways you are both caring for your Thrive participant

o Reach out to your Coach for any help you might.

Notes:

The Response of Faith : Repentance

Meeting #4 (Covering Week 3 Homework)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

MARK 1:14-15

Jesus came into Galilee, proclaiming the gospel of God, and saying, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.”

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: James 2:14-26

• Day 2: Isaiah 6:1-13

• Day 3: John 3:16-21

• Day 4: Luke 15

• Day 5: John 14:15-31

• Day 6: 2 Corinthians 3:1-4:6

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• What was your biggest takeaway from your time in the Word and with your mentor this week?

• Tell us time where you have experienced worldly sorrow or false repentance.

• Tell us of a recent time when you have experienced godly sorrow/repentance because of your sin. What action or actions did you take? (for instance, confession, obedience, gratitude, worship, a submissive spirit, surrender, etc.)

• What is personally meaningful or helpful to you in contrasting godly sorrow (genuine repentance) and worldly sorrow (false repentance)? Why?

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word.

Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTORSHIP DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. If you have received the gift of faith, how has that led to a heartfelt desire to be obedient to God?

2. Describe any experiences where God’s presence and power humbled you.

3. Describe how the reality of God’s love has affected your life.

4. What of God’s character have you come to know as you have walked with Him?

5. To whom or to what do you point for your justification? Or to put it another way, how do you attempt to justify yourself to others?

6. What is your attitude toward God?

7. What is your view of mankind?

8. Define repentance. What has been your response to the call to repent? Why?

9. What evidence of spiritual rebirth do you see in your life?

10. Have you responded to the gospel in faith by repenting of your sins and trusting in the finished work of Christ? Have you accepted His invitation to follow Him, forsaking all others? If yes, describe the process. If no, why?

11. Scripture gives us a lens to see where we stand before God. We cannot have right standing through our works. We can only have right standing surrendered to Christ. What honest prayer do you need to offer up to God?

REVIEW TRUTH FROM WEEK 3:

Through the Holy Spirit’s illumination of our desperate and helpless condition before God and the hope that comes through the gospel of Jesus Christ, we step out in faith and repent as an act of worship and obedience, surrendering our will and entrusting our lives to Christ’s care and control. We are reborn spiritually and rescued from the domain of darkness and brought into the kingdom of light, where we now live as a part of Christ’s ever advancing kingdom.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next.

AFTER YOU MEET

REFLECTION

A prayerful time of reflection will help lead you to speak redemptively into your mentee.

Ask yourself questions about each participant: Where is this person spiritually? What areas need healing?

Were any lies spoken about the truths of God and His character?

What sinful patterns or strongholds did you discern?

Did you hear any unmet longings or desires?

How could you encourage this person?

What Scriptures speak to their situation?

SEEING THROUGH GOD’S EYES

SHEPHERDING TASKS

o Make time to communicate with your mentee’s small group leader, if this would be helpful, as you each pray for and pour into the participant. o Reach out to your Coach for any help you might need.

Notes:

The Result: Justification, Adoption and Sanctification

Meeting #5 (Covering Week 4 Homework)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

ROMANS 8:29-30

Those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: Romans 8

• Day 2: Revelation 21-22; 1 Peter 1:3-9

• Day 3: Romans 7

• Day 4: Matthew 15:1-20

• Day 5: Ephesians 4:17-5:2

• Day 6: Galatians 2:15-3:3

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• What was your biggest takeaway from your time in the Word and with your mentor this week?

• What are some of the more meaningful “gospel truths” for you and your particular story? (Truths about God’s character, what the gospel says is true of us in Christ, and the promises of God) How will these truths help carry you through difficult trials? Be specific.

• The gospel can seem too good to be true. What truths do you have difficulty believing are true for you? Where is more faith needed?

• What does the gospel call us to that is challenging, confusing or even questionable?

The

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word.

Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. How do you tend to view suffering in your life? How might the precious truths of Romans 8 shape your views? How might God redeem your specific suffering for His glory and your good?

2. Biblical lament includes getting honest with God about our suffering while being reminded of His presence, truth and promises. What difficulty do you need to get honest about? In your free time, write a psalm to God. Be sure to include truths that speak to your difficulty.

3. Where have you excused or placed blame for your ungodly thoughts, behaviors and emotions (examples: family upbringing, suffering and loss, a diagnosis, “the devil made me do it”, blaming others)?

4. If God’s good goal for our lives is to conform us to the image of His Son, is this now your goal? How will you achieve this goal?

5. What reservations do you have about examining your own heart?

6. What “grievous ways” has God revealed to you (ways your sin has grieved the heart of God)?

7. What evidences of the Spirit of God do you see working in you?

8. A changed heart means we move from an attitude of begrudging submission to an honest desire to engage the war going on in our hearts. Where are you as you head into assessments?

9. Scripture tells us that Jesus endured the cross for the joy set before him. Mortification often feels like crucifixion. What future glory is on the horizon for those who suffer with Him in this way?

10. In your own words, what do each of these gospel truths mean for you personally?

ADOPTION

JUSTIFICATION

HEIR

SANCTIFICATION

11. What are your thoughts, concerns, and fears about completing your assessments?

If not ready, why?

What time will you set aside to do them? When will you meet with your mentor to go over them (this may take longer than your previous meetings)?

12. Going into assessments, what prayer would you like to offer to God?

13. (Optional) Biblical lament includes getting honest with God about our suffering while being reminded of His presence, truth and promises. What difficulty do you need to get honest about? In your free time, write a psalm to God. Be sure to include truths that speak to your difficulty.

Note: Psalms often start with heartfelt angst, even questioning God about the trouble the psalmist is facing (see Psalm 13). God often meets the psalmists in the difficulty, reminding them of what is also true that helps them transcend the difficulty.

The Result: Justification, Adoption and Sanctification

REVIEW TRUTH FROM WEEK 4:

As children of God armed with the Holy Spirit and standing firm in the gospel, we engage in the spiritual battle over the reign and rule of our hearts. God set us apart for holiness, and we look to put to death the areas of our lives that keep us from reflecting Jesus Christ to a dark and dying world. We first examine the fruit in our lives (or moral symptoms). As we move through the assessment process, we will uncover the roots of any ungodly fruit (pride and idolatry) that drives our ungodly thoughts, actions and emotions.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next.

AFTER YOU MEET

REFLECTION

A prayerful time of reflection will help lead you to speak redemptively into your mentee. Ask yourself questions about each participant: What areas need healing?

Were any lies spoken about the truths of God and His character?

What sinful patterns or strongholds did you discern?

Did you hear any unmet longings or desires?

How could you encourage this person?

What Scriptures speak to their situation?

SHEPHERDING TASKS

o Your mentee’s small group leader should be reaching out to you this week. Make a point to connect over ways you are both caring for your Thrive participant.

o Reach out to your Coach for any help you might need

Notes:

Understanding Ourselves

WEEKS 5-8

Assessment Prep Meeting #6 (Covering Week 5 Homework)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES (NOT NECESSARILY DAILY READING)

• 1 John 1:5-10

• Proverbs 28:13; James 5:16; Acts 19:18

• Romans 7:18

• Jeremiah 6:14

• 1 Corinthians 15:3-4

• Matthew 15:18-19

• Galatians 5:16-23

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

Caveat: This particular week’s Large Group teaching is live, and the groups will not strictly follow the below prompts. Some may be changed entirely depending on how this lesson takes shape this coming week!

• Are there troubling things from your past that the Lord wants you to talk about? Can you hint at what those things might be?

• How have you pretended like everything is okay when in reality you are deeply troubled?

• What patterned responses to trauma are you most familiar with? (ex: suppress, escape, numb, flee, avoid, deny, control) In what ways are you tempted to respond when triggered? Can you give examples?

• In what ways do you feel your past is creeping into your current reality? What triggers you? (Hint: A sign of the past creeping in is when our responses are incongruent with the situation i.e. when we “overreact.”)

• Living in the light promises fellowship with God and others, cleansing from all unrighteous, life without shame, and forgiveness. Does this describe the reality of your life? What would it take for you to live in the light?

SPECIAL INSTRUCTIONS FOR MENTORS THIS WEEK

This week is a transition week. Rather than processing through their application of the Bible study, you will listen to your mentee as they process how they are preparing their hearts for the assessments ahead of them. They will hear a teaching on suffering during Large Group

this week. This is where we will help differentiate between our identities as a saint (if we are in Christ), a sinner, and a sufferer. We will bring clarity to the definitions of trauma, abuse, neglect, and abandonment … all of which fall under the umbrella of “suffering.”

WHERE WE’RE GOING NEXT WEEK

We have broken the assessments down over a three-week period. The first time the participant works through the process, they may find it overwhelming. Help them focus on the major convictions that hinder their love for God and others.

Below is the suggested order to follow when completing the assessments. Participants should not only set aside time to complete the assessment forms, but schedule time with you to share their assessment. (They write this down on p. 120 of their Participant Guide )

This Week (5)

Assessment Prep

Assessments

Trauma & Suffering Anger & Resentments Sexual Immorality

Guilt & Shame

IMPORTANCE OF MENTORS AND COMMUNITY

Fear & Anxiety

Greif & Loss

Week 9

Uprooting & Repenting

Mentors provide primary support through the assessment process. Mentors should know when participants are doing their assessment so you can be in prayer for them. You should be available in case they have any questions or difficulties.

If we understand the nature of our hearts apart from Christ, we should not be surprised how dark they can be. It is like looking into the bottom of a dark well. We will have to look up for light.

ROMANS 7:18

For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.

We do not balance the assessments in the traditional sense of listing our good moral behavior against our bad, but we do want to balance the assessments with gospel truths as we engage the battle.

As we pursue holiness, we must do so from a firm foundation of who we are in Christ and all that He has done and promised. We must remember what is of first importance.

1 CORINTHIANS 15:3-4

For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also

received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, 4that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

These are taken from pp. 122-132 of the Thrive Participant Guide

1 JOHN 1:5-7

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. 6If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. 7But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

What are the benefits of living in the light?

What can we conclude about living in darkness?

ACTIVE VS PASSIVE HEART

MATTHEW 15:18-19

But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander.

The heart is the wellspring of our lives (Proverbs 4:23). From it comes ungodly thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. This fruit is not merely a product of our biology (nature) or environment (nurture) but emanates from our hearts that actively respond to these influences. These unfruitful responses are our responsibility and we are called to war against them.

Eve was influenced by the serpent (the fertile ground of her sin), but she was still responsible for eating the fruit. Adam was influenced by the voice of his wife (Genesis 3:17), but he was still responsible for what came out of his heart (eating the fruit).

The context or fertile ground often makes our sin understandable, but it does not justify it or make it right. God has compassion for us amidst the ungodly influences in our lives, while at the same time speaking truth to what is coming out of our hearts (with comfort and even correction when out of step with His heart). By God’s grace and in His timing, we will overcome all these influences in Christ. We will bring Him glory through lives changed by the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Living with a passive heart will keep us stuck because we believe we can’t live fruitful lives unless others and our circumstances change. The Bible teaches us that we can have the fruit of joy (Gal. 5:22) and contentment (Phil. 4:12) even in difficulty through our relationship with Him.

Are these active or passive heart statements?

ACTIVE PASSIVE

You make me so angry (feel so guilty, etc.)!

You gave me fertile ground to get angry, but the anger came from my heart.

The devil made me do it!

The serpent deceived me, and I ate. (Genesis 3:13)

The woman whom you gave to me, she gave me the fruit and I ate.

I am grumpy or difficult because I am hungry (hangry) or tired.

I drink because I am anxious. I sin because I am bipolar.

My anxiety is fertile ground for my choosing to drink.

My current sinful patterns are because of what I experienced as a child.

One way we can tell whether we are living passive heartedly is to evaluate what we are focused on changing. Would you say you have been primarily concerned with changing others and your circumstances or being changed by the gospel? Try listing some things you would like to change in the space below.

In what ways can you see yourself living with a passive heart?

HELPING THEM RE-THINK THEIR STORY

In John 5:2-9, we learn the story of a man who encounters healing in Jesus. What is his story? Where has he been seeking healing?

How would you summarize your story before meeting Jesus? What were you pursuing, thinking everything would be okay if achieved?

How has your life changed after encountering Jesus? What now defines your life?

READ EPHESIANS CHAPTERS 1-3 AND NOTE GOSPEL TRUTHS

Ephesians 1:

If you are human, there are likely times you are tempted with self-pity or “poor me.” What is the story you tell yourself and others about your life? Does it result in self-pity or does it lead you to seek and rely on Him?

When we are stuck in self-pity, what are we not considering?

How might these truths influence how you tell your story?

Ephesians 2:

Verses 1-10 describe the testimony of every believer. What worldly direction were you following before being made alive in Christ? What were your flesh patterns?

What changed according to this verse? How?

For what purpose?

What does this all mean for you?

Ephesians 3:

This is the only message worth living for, and the only message that will bring true peace to the world. The message acknowledges our sinfulness and His redemptive love.

Three Circles: Who’s on the Throne?

At any time we are living out of one of these circles.

1. The first circle represents us in our lostness. We don’t know God; born into sin we sit on the throne of our own lives seeking the world to satisfy our desires. We live by a self-centered fear to meet our own needs. We attempt to control others, outcomes, and circumstances. This leads to chaos and a lack of fruitfulness.

2. The second circle represents a Christian that is walking by the flesh. There is some 47circumstance that has presented itself in which we distrust God and attempt to take back control. This again leads to chaos and a lack of fruitfulness.

3. The third circle represents a life of faith surrendered to God. We trust in the goodness and plan of God for our lives. We trust He is in control, so we don’t have to be. This leads to faithfulness.

As we examine the truths about our hearts, why is it important to remember and believe the gospel?

REVIEW TRUTH FROM WEEK 5:

Under the covering of God’s grace, we step out in faith, leaving behind our old, self-protective ways of covering sin and hiding from God. We prayerfully come into the light, confessing our sins before God and to one another so that we may be healed.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next.

AFTER YOU MEET

REFLECTION

A prayerful time of reflection will help lead you to speak redemptively into your mentee. Ask yourself questions about each participant: What areas need healing?

Were any lies spoken about the truths of God and His character?

What sinful patterns or strongholds did you discern?

Did you hear any unmet longings or desires?

How could you encourage this person?

What Scriptures speak to their situation?

SHEPHERDING TASKS

o Your mentee’s small group leader should be reaching out to you this week. Make a point to connect over ways you are both caring for your Thrive participant. o Reach out to your Coach for any help you might need.

Notes:

Instructions for Mentors During Assessments

WHAT IS AN ASSESSMENT?

AN ASSESSMENT IS

Learning to examine our hearts, guided by the Holy Spirit

Understanding our problems biblically

A snapshot of an event

AN ASSESSMENT IS NOT

An attempt to document every sin

Seeing how the gospel can be applied specifically

A definition of who I am

Our goal is not to write a perfect assessment of every sin you have ever committed, but to discover dysfunctional (sinful) patterns of relating to God, self and others. We want to be free of the things that rob us of our affections for Christ and hinder our ability to live for His kingdom purposes. Through this process we want you to learn how to examine your heart. You can always add to your assessment later.

It is important that we root ourselves in the gospel as we examine the darkness of our hearts. We begin by standing in the truths of the gospel what Christ has accomplished, what He is accomplishing and what He promises to accomplish. We ask the Holy Spirit to reveal those areas that hinder us from properly relating to God and others as ambassadors in a lost and dying world. We spend time writing what He reveals in our assessment. We must continually remember the gospel, believe the gospel and stand in the gospel so that the enemy does not cause us to stumble.

MENTOR’S ROLE

YOUR MAIN GOAL DURING ASSESSMENTS: LISTEN AND PRAY.

A PATTERN OF CONFESSION AND PRAYER

As mentors we have the blessing of being an extension of Christ’s love and are able to pray with those who are confessing the most troubling aspects of their lives as they share their hearts. With the compassion of Jesus we bear witness to His faithfulness.

The pattern is simple: They will confess and pray... confess and pray... confess and pray. You will love and listen, ask clarifying questions, share similarities and encouragement as led by the Spirit.

• In Genesis, Adam and Eve ultimately confess their sin and are covered by God’s grace, where Cain denies his sin.

• In the book of Revelation, Jesus rebukes the church in Ephesus for forsaking their first love and are called to repent and do the works they did at first. In Acts we find that the early church in Ephesus is practicing confession.

You will have the opportunity to address the deeper issues of the heart and help the person you are walking with identify any sinful patterns of relating to God and others on Week 9. There is space provided with each assessment type to take notes to refer back to later.

THE ROUTINE FOR EACH ASSESSMENT

First: please read, understand, and ask for God’s help as you prepare for each topic.

As you begin each meeting time, connect with your mentee and open in prayer as usual.

Below is a simplified diagram showing the elements you will go through as you work your way through each story within each assessment. (You may likely have more than one story per topic, in which case you will do all the below steps and then loop back to hear the next story, etc.)

3. Explain prayer and pray with them Repeat with next story

1. Listen to story and make notes of patterns

2. Thank

them for sharing

Trauma and Suffering

Meeting #7 (Part 1)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

MICAH

7:8

Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me.

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES FOR TRAUMA AND SUFFERING

• Deuteronomy 26:7

• Micah 7:8-10

• Psalm 9:7-10; 10:17-18; 12:5; 56:1-11; 71:20-22; 103:4

• Joel 2:25-26

• John 10:10

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• Give examples from your assessments, or recent past, of how you typically respond to injustice or offenses committed against you.

• In what ways do you justify your sinful anger or other bad fruit? (Give everyone the opportunity to answer.)

• Read Matthew 5:21-22. This is Jesus’ teaching on unrighteous anger and its impact (physical abuse to verbal/emotional abuse). Murder and anger in our hearts are clearly different in degree, but who are they both liable to? (One person answers.)

• Read Romans 12:19-21. Most of us respond to perceived injustices/offenses either passively or aggressively. (We can suppress the anger or retaliate.) How does Scripture call us to respond to our enemies? How does the world tell us we should respond? (One person answers.)

• Read Matthew 5:38-42. What examples does Jesus give for responding to personal offenses? How does He say to actively respond to these injustices? (One person answers.)

• What is challenging for you personally in terms of how the Bible teaches us to respond to injustices?

TRAUMA AND SUFFERING

Trauma, abuse, neglect and abandonment often provide the “fertile ground” for our dysfunctional patterns of relating to God, self and others.

Suffering with chronic health conditions, diagnoses, enduring impacts of bodily abnormalities, and physical consequences/damage due to an accident are also opportunities that can lead to seeing God and our relationships differently. These variations of suffering should also be considered as you approach the following Scriptures and assessment.

Trauma, according to the American Psychological Association, is an emotional response to a terrible event that hinders a person’s ability to move forward in a healthy way. Trauma can happen through a single event or through sustained exposure overtime.

Abuse can be understood as the misuse of anything. God created all things for His glory, and misuse of His creation is a type of abuse and ultimately sinful. All sin is abusive, and sin against others is undeserved. There is, however, a type of abuse that moves beyond what might be considered normative in the Christian life. This type of abuse often includes intent to harm and can characterize a relationship of oppression. This type of abuse is particularly horrific and, in keeping with God’s heart for the oppressed, the church must be a redemptive instrument in intervening and protecting the abused. As with any sin, we cannot overcome its efforts independent of God, but He has provided the way to overcome sin through the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Neglect is defined as a failure to care properly for someone. Abandonment can lead to neglect.

TRAUMA AND SUFFERING ASSESSMENT INSTRUCTIONS

Source (Who or What): List the people, institutions or events that may have caused harm to you.

The Story (What Happened): Explain what happened to you. Be specific. Some may prefer writing narrative while others may prefer bullet points.

Type of Trauma/Suffering/Neglect/Abuse:

PHYSICAL ABUSE, ASSAULT, NEGLECT, TRAUMATIC EVENTS, DIAGNOSIS, ILLNESS

SEXUAL ABUSE, DATE RAPE, RAPE, MOLESTATION, INCEST, HARASSMENT, NEGLECT, GROOMNG

EMOTIONAL ABUSE, SHAMING, EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL, GUILT TRIPS, EMOTIONAL INCEST, NEGLECT RELATIONAL COERCION, INTIMIDATION, OPPRESSION, FALSE WITNESS, ABUSE OF AUTHORITY, SLANDER

VERBAL THREATENING, BELITTLING, RIDICULING, DEMEANING, NAME-CALLING, FALSE ACCUSATIONS

SPIRITUAL SATANIC RITUAL ABUSE, OCCULT RITUAL ABUSE, CULTS, CHURCH

Fruit: Circle if Shame, Resentment, Fear/Anxiety, Guilt or Grief are currently present in your life. Add the situation to the corresponding assessment sheets. For example, if you have an uncle listed for physical abuse that has resulted in shame, add it also it to your Guilt and Shame assessment on week 7.

Impact: How has the situation impacted you?

My Response: List ways you have attempted to cope with this.

Here is an example of the Trauma & Suffering Assessment form:

TRAUMA AND SUFFERING ASSESSMENT FORM

The Source Who/What?

The Story What happened?

The Type of Trauma/Suffering/Neglect/Abuse Circle all that apply.

Physical Spiritual Emotional

Verbal Relational Sexual

The Fruit Circle all that apply.

Shame Guilt Grief/Loss

Fear/Anxiety Resentment

The Impact

My Response Attempts to Cope

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Always open and close your time together in prayer. Be intentional about connecting organically and ask about their week, showing genuine interest in the details of his or her life.

LISTEN TO ASSESSMENT(S)

Kindly mention to your mentee that their stories are important, and that you will be making a few discrete notes as they share. This may be fear-inducing to some, but ensure that you are only attempting to remember important aspects so that your time together can be useful during the Thrive mentoring process. You want to pray and encourage well.

LISTEN FOR AND MAKE NOTE OF:

• Lies the participant seems to believe. Some examples may include, “If they had not done this I would be okay”; “The abuse was my fault”; “The abuse was God’s fault”; “I deserved it”; or “I am unwanted.” Other lies might be that God had forsaken them during the abuse, not realizing that God intervened by sending His Son. Also listen for the lies within Satan’s seduction (Genesis 3:1–6) like “I can’t trust God”; “I’m the only one who can be trusted”; “I can be my own God”; and “It is no big deal.”

• Sinful patterns in response to abuse. For example, a child has no role in the abuse that they suffered. They did not cause it and they did not deserve it. In many cases there was nothing the child could have done to prevent it. However, when that same child grows up and uses his or her abuse to justify sin, rebellion and distrust of the Lord, they are responding sinfully.

• Areas that need healing.

• Areas where the participant needs to take faithful action. This may include confession, amends or biblical confrontation.

• Unmet longings and desires.

EXAMPLES OF SINFUL RESPONSES TO NOTE:

• Taking responsibility for what is not theirs and not taking responsibility for what is theirs

• Refusing to trust God or believe the best of others

• Using sex to control sex as a weapon or tool

• A fear or hatred of sexuality, which is a good gift from God

• Taking revenge or fantasizing about getting revenge

• Constantly living in a victim mentality

• Various forms of self-protection, including isolation, idolizing safety, hyper-vigilance to potential harm and disassociation

• Killing good, God-given desires and thinking, If I did not desire these things, then I wouldn’t be hurt

• Manipulating others for their affections, deceiving them out of a fear they will leave

• Rejecting the healing that comes in Christ while insisting on it from the world

Notes:

LIES/VOWS AREAS THAT NEED HEALING

SINFUL PATTERNS/CHARACTER DEFECTS FAITHFUL ACTION NEEDED

UNMET LONGINGS/DESIRES

PRAYER FOR ABUSE

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

I thank You that You are the God who sees. I thank You that when (name the abuser) (name the abuse), You saw. I thank You that when no one else heard my cries, You did. You sent Your Son to this world to rescue me and give me life. Jesus, You know well my pain, as You Yourself suffered much at the hands of sinners. I pray that You might teach me through your Spirit to love as You love. Thank You for rescuing me from the dominion of darkness, bringing me with You into eternity. I thank You that we are no longer victims, but more than conquerors through the cross. In Christ, I am redeemed. I pray, in the name of Jesus Christ, that you would heal any emotional, spiritual, mental, relational or physical damage done as a result of this abuse in my life as well as any others affected, for Your glory and Your name’s sake. Help me not to focus on how I have been treated by people but on the riches of your grace toward me. Show me how to be an instrument of your redeeming love in this situation. (Pray for this person.)

In Jesus’ name, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER:

• Acknowledge that God sees, knows and cares about your specific situation

• Thank Him that He provides a way out

• Acknowledge that Christ understands, as He Himself suffered and ask the Spirit would teach you to love as He loves

• Thank Him that we are no longer enslaved to the darkness and that we will spend eternity with Him

• Pray for healing

• Ask Him to help you focus on the riches you have been given eternally rather than those that have been taken in this life

• Pray for wisdom in being an instrument of His redeeming love in this situation

• Pray for the person

• Acknowledge we are more than conquerors in Christ and, therefore, no longer victims

PRAYER FOR TRAUMA

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

I thank You that You are the God who redeems all things. You truly know my past, my inescapable reality. It wasn’t over, though it seemed all was lost. Memories of the trauma of (name the trauma) haunt me in the still of the night and are often triggered in broad daylight. I attempt to cope by suppressing it all. It left me shell-shocked and numb. Trusting often seems so far away but Your love pursues me. We stand here now on the other side together. I have been given new life by the King. Your Son lives, and so do I. The scars I carry are markers of all You have carried me through. At times they are still tender, but You are near and intimately aware. Your voice gently calls me to the deepest part of my heart at the dawning of each new day.

You say, “My child, trust me and let go” of unfruitful patterns of coping. You call me away from living a life of avoidance and call me into presence with You and others. The fact that Your Son lives is a demonstration that, in You, I will overcome all things. My harmless triggers are no longer things to be avoided but opportunities to press in and commune with You. You desire to replace these former associations with redeemed memories of small victories with You. Help me not to follow my own will just because it is familiar. Help me not to return to the empty ways I seek my own comfort. Help me to know, hear and trust Your voice. Thank You that You are rescuing me from it all, freeing me from the power of sin and bringing me healing and freedom in Christ.

Help me...heal me. in Jesus’ name!

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER:

• Thank God for providing redemption of all things in Christ

• Name the experience and it’s effects on your life

• Acknowledge any unfruitful ways of coping

• Affirm what God is calling us away from and what He is calling us to

• Affirm that He is bigger than our triggers and can be trusted as we lay down new pathways, replacing their former associations with new memories of victories in Him

• Ask for help and healing

A REDEMPTIVE VIEW OF SUFFERING

Abuse is the misuse of anything. God created all things for His glory, and misuse of His creation is abuse and ultimately sinful. All sin is abuse, and sin against others is undeserved. On our own, we cannot overcome the effects of sin, but He has provided a way to overcome sin and its effects through the gospel of Jesus Christ. God has the power to redeem all forms of abuse and suffering. In Christ, through the Spirit, we will display His supremacy and victory over evil as we arise over sin, shame and even death.

WASHING IN THE WORD

After praying through the Trauma and Suffering Assessment you can use these truths to be encouraged in the battle.

1 PETER 2:19-25

This scripture explains that Jesus suffered abuse righteously and left us an example of how to respond to abuse.

Psalm 56:1-11

This scripture illustrates God’s heart for the abused. He has not forgotten them He has heard their cries. The cross of Christ doesn’t just justify sinners it also vindicates victims.

LIFE-GIVING TRUTHS

Jesus suffered abuse. He was neglected, betrayed, humiliated, stripped naked, beaten and killed. This demonstrates three life-giving truths.

He understands. He deeply understands what you have gone through and what you are feeling because He experienced it. He knows your pain.

The abuse does not define you.

Your abuse does not justify your sin. It may give fertile ground for your sin but your response comes from your heart. Jesus did not respond to His abuse in sin or vengeance; He “(entrusted) himself to him who judges justly.” The more Christ reigns and rules in your heart, the more Christ-like your response will be.

God will vindicate you and bring justice. For all those who do not repent, the wrath of God remains and there will be justice.

Anger and Resentments

Meeting #7 (Part 2)

HEBREWS 12:15

See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES FOR ANGER

AND RESENTMENT

• Matthew 5:21-22

• Luke 6:35-36

• Romans 12:19

• John 5:30

• Hebrews 12:15

• James 1:19-2

• Psalm 4:14

REMINDER OF WHAT’S BEEN

DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• Give examples from your assessments, or recent past, of how you typically respond to injustice or offenses committed against you.

• In what ways do you justify your sinful anger or other bad fruit? (Give everyone the opportunity to answer.)

• Read Matthew 5:38-42. What examples does Jesus give for responding to personal offenses? How does He say to actively respond to these injustices? (One person answers.)

• What is challenging for you personally in terms of how the Bible teaches us to respond to injustices?

Anger and Resentments

ANGER AND RESENTMENT

To understand resentment, we must first understand anger. Anger is an emotional response to a perceived wrong that demands justice. A resentment is a “root of bitterness” that takes hold in our hearts when we fail to entrust offenses to the Lord. They make us unfruitful, sucking nutrients (energy) that could be used productively. Resentments also defile others. They can be displayed in acting toward someone in a way we shouldn’t or not acting in a way toward someone that we should. We tend to replay in our minds the situations in which we have been treated unjustly.

ANGER AND RESENTMENT ASSESSMENT INSTRUCTIONS

Who or What: List those whom you are resentful toward. Examples: PEOPLE

• God/Jesus

• Clergy/Pastors

• Step Parents/Grandparents

• Step Siblings

• Extended family

• In-laws

• Adopted/Foster family

• Husbands/Wives

• Boyfriends/Girlfriends

• Babysitters

• Playmates

• Childhood friends

• Family friends

• Middle school/High school friends

• College classmates (fraternity/sorority)

• Current friends

• Teachers/Counselors/Principals/Coaches

• Employers

• Co-workers

• Creditors

• Police/Probation/Parole officers

• Judges/Lawyers

• Church members

• Cult members

• Gang members

• Sports team members

• Acquaintances/Neighbors

• Politicians/Civic leaders

• Counselors/Therapists/Psychiatrists

• Doctors/Nurses/Aides

INSTITUTIONS

• Religion/Church

• Marriage/Family

• Recovery programs

• Treatment centers

• Judicial/Correctional

• Government

• Education

• Mental Health

• Corporations

SPIRITUAL PRINCIPLES

• Authority

• Confession

• Repentance

• Heaven/Hell

• Election

• Predestination

• Law

• Sin

• Sickness/Death

• Restitution

• Divorce/Separation

• Reconciliation

The Story (What Happened): Explain why you are resentful and list the specific action done to you. Some will prefer writing narrative while others may prefer bullet points. The Impact: Describe the impact of this resentment on your life and your relationships (fruitful or unfruitful).

What Part of Self Was Hurt or Threatened (or what I was seeking to satisfy):

There are three major categories:

• Social

• Security

• Sexual

You may view these three major categories as a threat at the time the incident occurred or a threat to a future hope (ambitions). In other words, you could be resentful toward someone who intruded in a current, personal relationship or threatened a future hope or ambition for that relationship.

Here is an example of the Anger and Resentment Assessment form:

ANGER AND RESENTMENTS ASSESSMENT FORM

Who

or What?

What or who are you resentful toward?

The Story

What happened? Explain why you are resentful and list the specifc action done to you.

The Impact

Describe the impact of this resentment on your life and your relationships (fruitful or unfruitful).

What Part of Self was Hurt or Threatened? (Circle all that apply.) Self Esteem

Anger and Resentments

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY,

LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Always open and close your time together in prayer. Be intentional about connecting organically and ask about their week, showing genuine interest in the details of his or her life.

LISTEN TO ASSESSMENT(S)

LISTEN FOR AND MAKE NOTE OF:

• Lies the participant seems to believe. For example, “If I forgive them, they will just get away with this.”

• Patterns of sin and sinful responses.

• Areas that need healing.

• Areas where the participant needs to take faithful action. This may include confession, amends or biblical confrontation.

• Unmet longings and desires.

EXAMPLES OF SINFUL RESPONSES TO NOTE:

• Putting unrealistic expectations on a person and becoming resentful when they fail you

• Judging or being angry over things that you yourself do

• Using judgment as a means of elevating yourself or making yourself feel better about your own sins

• Being passive aggressive (pretending not to be resentful by

• indirectly expressing negative emotions rather than addressing them directly)

Notes:

LIES/VOWS AREAS THAT NEED HEALING

SINFUL PATTERNS/CHARACTER DEFECTS FAITHFUL ACTION NEEDED

UNMET LONGINGS/DESIRES

Anger and Resentments

PRAYER FOR RESENTMENTS TOWARD OTHERS

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

I acknowledge (person’s name) is not exempt from the fall and the effects of sin. Though I don’t like the symptoms of this spiritual disease or how it has affected me, he/she, like me, is a sinner too. I confess that I have stood in judgment of person’s name for the cause. Forgive me, Father, for allowing bitterness and resentment to reside in my heart, preventing my ability to be an instrument of Your redeeming love. As You, Father, have extended Your grace to me through Jesus Christ, I ask the Holy Spirit to enable me to reflect Christ in this situation. Today I, as an unrighteous judge, turn this offense over to You, my righteous judge and king. I trust in Your will and Your plan and choose to live in the freedom You have promised. How may I be an ambassador of Your love, peace and truth in this situation? I pray in the name of Jesus Christ that You would, for Your name’s sake and glory, heal any damage done as a result of this offense in my life, as well as any others who may have been affected. (Finish prayer by praying for this person according to their needs.)

In Jesus’ name, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER:

• Humbling yourself as a fellow sinner

• Confess specific resentment

• Asking for forgiveness for harboring bitterness

• Asking the Holy Spirit’s help in being Christ-like

• Turning the offense over to God

• Asking for wisdom on how to best steward this relationship for His kingdom purposes

• Pray for healing

• Pray for this person

PRAYER FOR RESENTMENTS TOWARD SELF

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

Forgive me for the ways I have attempted to find righteousness apart from the work of Your Son. By standing outside myself, elevating myself and judging myself for my actions, emotions and behavior and, therefore, “hating myself,” I have attempted to deal with my shortcomings according to the law rather than Your grace. I tend to punish myself when I break my standards, seeking some sense of justification. In doing so, I try to deal with my sin independent of You and remain in self-imposed bondage. I have placed myself above You as judge. Today I come humbly before You that I might come under the waterfall of Your grace. Thank you for Your Son, Jesus, and the freedom that grace brings!

In Jesus’ name, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER:

• Ask for forgiveness for attempting to find righteousness apart from Christ

• Acknowledge the self-imposed bondage you have created in attempting to deal with your sin apart from Christ

• Confess your attempt to deal with your shortcomings according to the law rather than grace

• Ask to stand under His grace and the freedom He brings

• Repent of your punishment and judgment of yourself in an attempt to seek justification

• Give thanks for Jesus

Anger and Resentments

PRAYER FOR RESENTMENTS TOWARD GOD

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

I confess my resentment toward You for (the cause). I ask Your forgiveness for my pride, standing in judgment of a good, perfect, just and holy God who can see the eternal perspective, while I can only see what is right before me. Help me, by the power of Your Holy Spirit, to trust You and remember that Your plans are to bless me and not to harm me, to give me hope and a future.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER:

• Confess specific resentment

• Ask for forgiveness for standing in judgment

• Humbly acknowledge you do not knows as God knows

• Repent of not trusting God and His eternal perspective

• Give thanks for the assurance God provides His children

A REDEMPTIVE VIEW OF ANGER

Anger is an emotional response to a perceived wrong that demands justice. Not all anger is sinful it can be the appropriate response to injustice. Unrighteous anger is rooted in man’s attempts to meet his own idolatrous desires. Righteous anger is aligned with the Spirit and flows from the heart of God in love for that which He cares about, spurring us on to gospelcentered action to eradicate evil and injustice.

WASHING IN THE WORD

After praying through the Resentments Assessment you can use these truths to be encouraged in the battle.

Romans 12:19-21

We don’t have to take revenge, not because God doesn’t care about justice, but because God says He will bring perfect justice.

Romans 2:1-5

God is righteous in His judgments. In our judgement of others, we often condemn ourselves because we are guilty of the same things, if even only at the heart level.

LIFE-GIVING TRUTHS

Jesus got angry. However, His anger was never selfish and always reflected God’s heart.

Mark 3:1-6

We see Jesus angered in the synagogue, grieved at the hardness of men’s hearts. This was motivated by a love for His people and anger toward sin. Notice His anger moves Him to act in accordance with God’s redemptive purposes.

Mark 11:15-19

Jesus clears the temple in response to the use of His Father’s house by the money changers for selfish gain. Out of love for His Father and zeal for His Father’s house, He responds with a righteous anger. Notice this was not a reaction to a personal attack but rather a response to an offense against His Father (sin).

God is reconciling the world through His son. No sin will go unpunished. Those who have hurt us will either receive the same grace and mercy we have received through the cross, or they will be judged and spend eternity in torment. Maybe the knowledge of this coming judgment will free you to act as an ambassador of Christ to those who have hurt you.

Sexual Immorality

Meeting #8 (Part 1)

1 CORINTHIANS 6:18-20

Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. 19Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES FOR SEXUAL IMMORALITY

• Genesis 1:22; 2:24

• Micah 7:18-20

• 1 John 3:2-3

• Joel 2:25

• 1 Corinthians 6:14-20; 9:9-11

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• How do you view sex? Do you view it as dirty or a delight? Do you see it as gross or a gift? Do you tend to despise the gift, worship the gift or worship the Giver?

• What has shaped your view of sex?

SEXUAL IMMORALITY

Sexual immorality is any sexual act that occurs outside of God’s intended design for sex between one man and one woman within the marriage covenant. Beyond sexual acts, God looks deeper to the desires and motivations of the heart.

Sexual Immorality

SEXUAL IMMORALITY ASSESSMENT INSTRUCTIONS

Participants are to prayerfully consider areas of sexual immorality. As a subset of guilt and shame, we are looking for those activities that grieve God’s heart and burden us. How have you participated in sex outside of God’s intended design? Feel free to add to the list.

ACTIONS

• Premarital sex

• Adultery

• Promiscuity

• Lust

• Fantasizing

• Pornography

• Prostitution

• Sexual abuse/Rape/Date rape

• Phone/Cyber sex

• Sexual enticement

• Self sex/Masturbation

ORIENTATION

• Homosexuality

• Bisexuality

• Polyamory

• Pedophilia

• Beastiality

Who or What: Who or what have I engaged sexually outside of God’s intended design?

The Story (What Happened): Write what happened.

The Impact: Describe the impact this sin has had on your life and the lives of others.

What Part of “Self” Was Hurt or Threatened?

Remember: A good desire becomes a lust when we are willing to sin to get it.

Prayerfully consider which of these desires you were attempting to satisfy when you engaged in this activity. Examples: “I wanted him to like me” (social ambition) or “If I could be with that girl then I must be important” (self-esteem, treating women like trophies).

• Social

o Self-esteem: Was I driven by a desire to build my self-esteem, self-confidence, value or self-worth?

o Personal Relationships: Was I seeking acceptance, status or belonging? Or was I responding to rejection?

• Security:

o Materially: Was this driven by my desire for material security (money, a place to stay, a nice dinner)?

o Emotionally: Was this driven by my desire for emotional security (love, peace)?

• Sexual: Was I seeking to satisfy my God-given desire for sex/pleasure outside of His design?

• Ambitions: Did this threaten my future hopes and plans?

Here is an example of the Anger and Resentment Assessment form:

SEXUAL IMMORALITY ASSESSMENT FORM

Who or What?

The Story What happened?

The Impact

What Part of Self was Hurt or Threatened? (Circle all that apply.)

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Always open and close your time together in prayer. Be intentional about connecting organically and ask about their week, showing genuine interest in the details of his or her life.

LISTEN TO ASSESSMENT(S)

LISTEN FOR AND MAKE NOTE OF:

• Lies the participant seems to believe.

• Areas where the participant needs to take faithful action. This may include confession, amends or biblical confrontation.

• Sinful patterns in their misuse of sex.

• Areas that need healing.

• Unmet longings and desires.

EXAMPLES OF LIES WE TEND TO BELIEVE:

• Believing that sex is bad or dirty

• Believing that sex is a purely physical act with no spiritual or emotional significance

• Believing that one’s worth is defined by their ability to give sexual pleasure

EXAMPLES OF SINFUL PATTERNS ASSOCIATED WITH SEX:

• Taking on an over-sexualized personality

• Attempting to gain power and control

• Using sex as a form of emotional or physical domination a way to exercise power over another person

• Placing blame on another person for consensual sexual sin. For example: “I was seduced.” “He lied to me.” Although those statements may be true, two people who had consensual sex with each other have both sinned

• A failure to recognize sexual sin as an act of worship (which defiles others as well as self)

• A failure to recognize that using sex to get affection or anything else (including money) is a form of prostitution – using our bodies to get something we desire

• A failure to recognize that participation in prostitution, escorts or strip clubs is a degrading and dignity-robbing practice that reduces a human being, who is made in the image of God, to a base object for sexual pleasure

Notes:

LIES/VOWS AREAS THAT NEED HEALING

SINFUL PATTERNS/CHARACTER DEFECTS FAITHFUL ACTION NEEDED

UNMET LONGINGS/DESIRES

PRAYER FOR SEXUAL IMMORALITY

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

I realize that sex is sacred. It is a beautiful picture of oneness reserved exclusively for one man and one woman within the context of the marriage covenant. Sex is a gift from You, intended to glorify You. It is the mingling of souls. Lord, I confess today that I have sinned and operated outside of Your intended design for this holy endeavor by (name immorality). Father, forgive me. I have given intimate parts of myself to another. Lord, I long to glorify You. I ask that You would restore to me a right view of sex. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, that You would, for Your name’s sake and by Your power, heal the damage done as a result of this situation in my life as well as any others affected. I pray You would break any spiritual ties related to this sin. I trust in the redemptive work of Christ and His covering for my shame. I pray that You would remove or help me take captive the images and emotions tied to these events and help me not to fantasize or take pride in those things which grieve Your heart. Through the cross of Christ, I am made clean.

In Jesus name’, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER

• Acknowledge the sacred beauty and gift that sex is within it’s intended design

• In Jesus’ name, pray for healing

• Acknowledge the spiritual reality that takes place when two people join together

• In Jesus’ name, pray for the breaking of soul ties

• Confess sin specifically

• Express trust in His work in you

• Ask for forgiveness

• Ask for help in taking your thoughts captive, making them obedient to the will of Christ, and for the removal of images and emotions related to the event

• Express your desire to bring glory to Him

• Pray for a restored view of sex

• Acknowledge having been cleansed

A REDEMPTIVE VIEW OF SEX

Sex is a beautiful and sacred gift given to us by God. It is to be worshipful, but not worshiped. It is to be enjoyed and celebrated within the marriage covenant as a reflection of the gospel and our union with Christ. Any sexual act that occurs outside of God’s intended design is sexual immorality. Beyond action alone, God looks deeper to the desires and motivations of the heart. Only through the gospel will God align our hearts with His purposes for this beautiful and sacred gift.

WASHING IN THE WORD

After praying through the Sexual Immorality Assessment you can use these truths to be encouraged in the battle.

1 JOHN 3:3, PSALM 51:7

When Christ died on the cross, He not only took our sin but also our shame. In Him we are clean, pure, innocent and white as snow.

LIFE-GIVING TRUTHS

Sex is a good gift from God, and He created sex to be pleasurable and enjoyable. When you sin sexually, you feel guilt and shame. Because sin taints everything it touches, your mind will begin to attach the feeling of guilt and shame to sex itself, and you may begin to believe that sex is dirty or shameful. This is a lie. It is only the sin that is shameful. No matter how much you have sinned, He can cleanse you of that shame and redeem you to enjoy His gifts.

Guilt and Shame

Meeting #8 (Part 2)

GALATIANS 2:21

I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose.

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES FOR GUILT AND SHAME

• Genesis 3:10

• Psalm 34: 15-18,22

• Psalm 51:7-8,27

• Hebrews 4:15-16

• 1 John 1:7-9

• Romans 8:1

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

How do you deal with your sin and shame when you are not bringing it prayerfully to Jesus? Give examples. (i.e.: beat yourself up, cover and hide, try to manage it, try harder, do religious or good things, minimize it, sit in it, confess just to feel better, deflect with humor, suppress it, etc.)

GUILT AND SHAME

False guilt is when someone didn’t do anything wrong, but they still feel like they did.

HERE ARE SOME DIFFERENCES BETWEEN GUILT AND SHAME:

GUILT SHAME

• Conviction from the Spirit

• Helpful and Necessary

• “I did something wrong”

• Something I can agree with

• I am guilty of ___________.

• Based on a specific action

• Condemnation from the evil one or self

• Not helpful

• “I am wrong”

• Feels like “embarrassment”

• Attacks our identity

• Can be a result of someone sinning against us

• Can be anger towards self

• Often involves “exposure”

• Genesis “naked” - hiding from the Lord and others

• Involves judgment –something we perceive to be ugly, repulsive in ourselves

GUILT AND SHAME ASSESSMENT INSTRUCTIONS

Participants will prayerfully consider areas of unresolved guilt and shame. We are not looking to record every sin you committed or sin committed against you, but those that burden you or need to be reconciled with God. Denial is not resolution.

GUILT

• Abortion (or approval of one)

• Abuse (verbal, sexual, physical, spiritual, authority, emotional)

• Addictions (gambling, shopping, sexual, drug, alcohol, food, etc.)

• Adultery

• Anger (violence, fighting, murder)

• Anything or anyone I put first over God (idolatry)

• Cheating

• Complaining

• Controlling

• Coveting (to have discontent with God’s provision in your life)

• Character defects

• Critical

• Disordered eating

• Dishonesty, lying, unauthentic

• Divorce (biblical or otherwise)

• Jealousy

• Fear/Anxiety

• Gambling

• Gossiping

• Lust (You can lust for things other than sex.)

• Misleading others

• Neglect

• Occult practices

• Promiscuity

• Pride

• Rebelliousness

• Self-harm

• Self-righteousness

• Selfishness

• Sexual sin (broken out separately on the sexual assessment)

• Slandering

• Slothful (not just sitting on the couch, but neglecting the important areas of life)

• Stealing (from family, stores, the government, companies, church, friends)

• Quarrelsome

• Ungodly thoughts, actions, emotions

• Unfaithfulness (to God and others)

SHAME

• Dirty feeling

• Unclean

• Defiled

• Deep desire to hide

• Inability to connect

• Unworthy

• Alienated

• Damaged

• Unlovable

• Infected

• Weakness/Disabilities

Who Was Hurt? List those affected.

The Story: Specifically, what caused the shame or guilt? List the action you did or was done to you. Some will prefer writing narrative while others may prefer bullet points.

The Impact: Describe the impact of this guilt and shame on your life.

In Whose Eyes? Whose standards were violated?

• God

• Self

• Others

False guilt is when we feel guilt and have done nothing wrong in God’s eyes.

What Part of “Self” Was Hurt or Threatened?

Remember: A good desire becomes lust when we are willing to sin to get it.

• Social

o Self-esteem: Was I seeking love, value, worth, identity from others (lust) or was my sense of identity, worth, value, esteem threatened by others (fear)?

o Personal Relationships: Was I seeking belonging (lust) or was there a perceived threat to my personal relationships (fear)?

• Security

o Materially: Was I seeking material security (lust) or was there a perceived threat to my material security (fear)?

• Emotionally: Was I seeking emotional security (lust) or was this a perceived threat to my sense of emotional security or peace (fear)?

• Sexual: Was there a perceived threat to my sexual desires or sexuality (fear) or was I seeking sexual satisfaction (lust)?

• Ambitions: Did this threaten my future plans for what I was seeking in any one of these areas?

Here is an example of the Guilt and Shame Assessment form:

GUILT AND SHAME ASSESSMENT FORM

Who was hurt?

What do you feel guilt or shame about?

The Story What happened?

The

Impact

In Whose Eyes?

Whose standards were violated?

God Self Others

What Part of Self was Hurt or Threatened? (Circle all that apply.) Self Esteem

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Always open and close your time together in prayer. Be intentional about connecting organically and ask about their week, showing genuine interest in the details of his or her life.

LISTEN TO ASSESSMENT(S)

LISTEN FOR AND MAKE NOTE OF:

• Lies the participant seems to believe. For example: “I can never be forgiven for this” or “I can never be made clean.”

• Areas that need healing.

• Areas where the participant needs to take faithful action. This may include confession, amends or biblical confrontation.

• Sinful patterns in response to guilt and shame.

• Unmet longings and desires.

EXAMPLES OF SINFUL PATTERNS OF COPING WITH GUILT AND SHAME:

• Attempts to redeem self apart from Christ through work(s)

• Being a perfectionist

• Self-sabotage (to avoid trying and failing)

• Deflection

• Self-condemnation (an attempt to justify themselves)

• Condemnation of others (judgment of others in an attempt to remedy their own shame)

• Unwillingness to walk in transparency or trust others

Notes:

LIES/VOWS AREAS THAT NEED HEALING

SINFUL PATTERNS/CHARACTER DEFECTS FAITHFUL ACTION NEEDED

UNMET LONGINGS/DESIRES

PRAYER FOR GUILT AND SHAME (AS A RESULT OF OUR SIN)

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

Today I confess that my attempts to deal with my guilt and shame by covering with the works of my hands and hiding in darkness have failed. Today I come before Your throne and ask for Your forgiveness for (name the sin). I thank You that when I come naked before You, hiding nothing, and trust solely in the sufficiency of Christ, I receive the covering of Your grace. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ that, by Your power, You would heal the damage done in my life as a result of this situation, as well as any other lives affected, and lead me to faithful reconciliation in this situation.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER:

• Confess any attempts to deal with guilt and shame apart from the cross of Christ

• Confess sin and ask for forgiveness

• Acknowledge receiving His grace and express gratitude for the sufficiency of Christ’s payment

• Pray for healing and restoration for those affected

• Ask what needs to be done to reconcile the situation

• Thank Him

PRAYER FOR SHAME (AS A RESULT OF ANOTHER’S SIN)

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

Today I confess that my attempts to deal with my shame by covering it with the works of my hands and hiding in darkness have failed. Because I now trust in the cleansing work of the cross of our Lord, Jesus Christ, I now step out of the darkness and into the light. Though (person’s name) may have (the cause), there is nothing that the resurrecting power of Jesus cannot overcome. Through the cross of Christ, I am made clean. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ that, by Your power, You would heal the damage done in my life as a result of this situation, as well as any other lives affected. In Jesus’ name, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER:

• Acknowledge insufficiency in attempting to deal with shame apart from the cross of Christ

• Acknowledge that there is no sin that the resurrecting power of Christ cannot overcome

• Bring to light the specific sin by naming the person and what they did

• Acknowledge having been made clean

• Pray for healing for those affected

A REDEMPTIVE VIEW OF GUILT AND SHAME

Guilt can be both a state and/or a feeling that occurs when we have violated a law or moral standard. We can feel guilty and not be guilty (false guilt) or we may be guilty and not feel guilty. False guilt occurs when someone besides God is lord of our lives and their judgments matter more than His. Not feeling guilt when we are guilty is a sign of a hardened heart. Only the gospel can reconcile a heart of injustice. Life through the Spirit brings conviction when we operate outside of God’s intended design.

Shame is the intense feeling of being unclean, defiled and dirty. Closely related to guilt, it may result from the exposure of one’s own sin and depravity or from sin committed against one’s dignity. Shame is deeply rooted in identity (“I am worthless; I am dirty”). The gospel of Jesus Christ gives us a new identity and a covering for our shame. Even though we may sin or be sinned against, shame no longer rules our lives because our identity is found in Jesus Christ.

LIFE-GIVING TRUTHS

After praying through the Guilt and Shame Assessment you can use these truths to be encouraged in the battle.

Shame has to do with being defiled. This happens when there has been violation of God given dignity as image bearers or exposures of one’s depravity. The good news of the gospel is that when God adopted you into His family and kingdom, He gave you a new name. He gave you dignity of Christ by calling you His daughter or son. The cross of Christ forgives sinners and cleanses victims. We now have an eternal dignity bestowed upon us by the King.

WASHING IN THE WORD

HEBREWS 4:15-16

This scripture emphasizes the truth that we have been made clean and holy through Christ. We no longer have to let shame keep us from approaching God. He knew our dirtiness before we did and still decided to save us. Jesus has willingly taken all the punishment that we deserve so that we may approach our Father’s throne.

ROMANS 8:1

We are guilty when we sin. However, conviction of the Holy Spirit leads to repentance and life while condemnation leads to hiding and pretending. Because there is no condemnation in Christ, we can approach His throne of grace knowing He is merciful and forgiving.

Fear and Anxiety Meeting

#9 (Part 1)

ISAIAH 41:13

For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES FOR FEAR AND ANXIETY

• Isaiah 41:10

• Psalm 91:1-8-16

• Psalm 56:3-4

• Matthew 6:25-33

• Joshua 1:9

• Philippians 4:4-7

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• What are some of the things you fear or get anxious about? Why?

FEAR AND ANXIETY

Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat or danger.

FEAR AND ANXIETY ASSESSMENT INSTRUCTIONS

Participants will prayerfully consider if the fears below are part of their life, and can add to the list.

• Fear of God’s plan for my life

• Fear of man

• Fear of losing a loved one

• Fear of abandonment

• Fear of intimacy/relationships

• Fear of rejection/loneliness

• Fear of authority (parents, teachers,

• police, boss, etc.)

• Fear of unemployment, creditors,

• financial ruin

• Fear of sobriety/relapse

Who or What: List who or what you are afraid of.

The Story: What is the story behind this fear?

• Fear of being found out

• Fear of people different from me

• Fear of conflict/confrontation

• Fear of success/failure

• Fear of getting old/body image

• Fear of losing control

• Fear of illness/germs

• Fear of pain/death

• Fear of change

• Fear of the unknown/future

• Fear of not having enough

The Impact: Describe the effect of this fear on your life. How do you react to fear verbally, physically and emotionally?

Fear and Anxiety

Here is an example of the Fear Assessment form:

FEAR ASSESSMENT FORM

Who or What?

The Story What happened?

The Impact

Describe the impact of this (fruitful or unfruitful).

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Always open and close your time together in prayer. Be intentional about connecting organically and ask about their week, showing genuine interest in the details of his or her life.

LISTEN TO ASSESSMENT(S)

LISTEN FOR AND MAKE NOTE OF:

• Lies they seem to believe that are motivating fear.

• Sinful patterns in response to to fears. Evidence of idolatry, distrust, lust, and old wounds that may be motivating their fears.

• Areas that need healing.

• Areas where the participant needs to take faithful action. This may include confession, amends or biblical confrontation.

• Unmet longings and desires.

SINFUL PATTERNS OF COPING WITH FEAR:

• Fear occurs when, in our pride, we think that we know what is best for us and something begins to threaten that

• Fears reveal old wounds that we have not allowed the Lord to heal (“I am afraid of getting hurt again”)

• Fears reveal what we are trying to protect

• Fears reveal much about what we value

• Fears can reveal our idols in that we fear losing the things we lust for or covet

• Whatever you fear more than God will control and dominate you

• We tend to fear that which we believe holds the keys to what we want

• Greater fears drive out lesser fears

Fear and Anxiety

Notes:

LIES/VOWS AREAS THAT NEED HEALING

SINFUL PATTERNS/CHARACTER DEFECTS FAITHFUL ACTION NEEDED

UNMET LONGINGS/DESIRES

PRAYER FOR FEAR

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Heavenly Father,

Forgive me for walking in the fear of (name the fear). I pray that You would help me to trust You more. I acknowledge that when I fear, I can’t walk in love. I realize that self-preservation is at the root of my fears. In my pride, I attempt to control my world and fail to trust in Your ability to preserve my life. I forget that You are a good God and are fully in control. Therefore, today, I turn these fears over to You. I trust that You will meet all my needs as You promise, not always how I want. I trust that the ups and downs of life have purpose and that through it all, You, Lord, never change. Thank You that You are always with me! Where I have lived under the curse of fear, I pray You would allow me the blessing of faith that comes through grace.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER:

• Ask for forgiveness

• Confess fear

• Ask for help in trusting Him

• Acknowledge your inability to walk in love when in fear

• Acknowledge root of fears

• Turn fears over to Him

• Place your trust in Him and His goodness

• Thank Him for always being with you

• Pray for blessings of faith where you have walked under the curse of fear

A REDEMPTIVE VIEW OF FEAR

Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat or danger. Spiritually, healthy fear is the fear of the Lord. To fear the Lord is to worship Him alone and He is the source of all we need. Outside of the gospel, we live our lives out of a self-centered fear that seeks to meet our own perceived needs. As the Spirit reveals this foolishness, we come under the compassion and care of our loving Father. He knows best in providing, protecting and directing our lives according to His plan and purpose, for His glory and our good.

WASHING IN THE WORD

After praying through the assessment you can use these truths to be encouraged in battle.

1 PETER 3:6

The command not to fear doesn’t mean that there are not frightful things. God acknowledges the reality of frightening circumstances. However, we can trust that the love of God is more powerful than any danger we face.

PHILIPPIANS 4:4-7

If we believe that God will give us everything we need, then what do we have to be afraid of?

1 JOHN 4:7-21

The gospel of Jesus Christ removes the curse of sin and the wrath of God and allows us to approach His throne with confidence. Knowing His love for us frees us from self-protection and allows us to sacrificially lay our lives down for others to know His love. When we walk in fear, we cannot walk in love.

LIFE-GIVING TRUTHS

Our fears are often very revealing. We fear not having the things we lust for or covet. The things we lust for are idols. We are called to repent of idolatry. The things we lust for may not be bad in and of themselves, but we should hold them with an open hand, trusting that God will meet our needs according to His kingdom.

Pride is often at the root of our fears. Rather than allowing God to decide what is good for us, we say in our hearts, “This is what’s good for me.” Then when that perceived good thing is threatened, we become fearful.

God is sovereign. God is good. God is love, so His actions always display love. God loves His children. As God’s children, we know that our Father is mightier than any enemy. All others are small in comparison to Him.

“Fear not” is the most repeated command in the Bible. Not being afraid has little to do with the facts of your circumstances and everything to do with understanding the character of God. Though frightening circumstances are a reality, He is our loving, all-powerful Father who delights in caring for and protecting His children. He supplies all our needs and knows them before we ask. When we find ourselves in fear, we can instead put our thoughts on the faithfulness of God.

Grief and Loss

Meeting #9 (Part 2)

JOHN 16:33

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES FOR GRIEF AND LOSS

• Isaiah 53:3

• John 11:34-36

• Luke 19:41-42

• Matthew 5:4

• Revelation 21:4

• John 10:10-11

• 1 Peter 1:6-7

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• What truths about God’s character and the reality of the kingdom help transcend the loss of earthly treasures, which are vapor (here and then gone)?

• In suffering do you tend toward detached optimism, stoicism, unceasing despair or biblical lament? Give examples.

GRIEF AND LOSS

Grief is the deep sorrow over the loss of someone or something we love. This includes people, relationships, safety, security, identity, possessions, affections and desires. Grief is a natural response to loss and is not sinful. Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus. We should grieve loss fully and in relationship with God. However, dealing with grief independent from God leaves us to cope rather than overcome, which leads to sinful patterns of dealing with loss.

Grief can be very painful and often comes with a myriad of emotions and difficult decisions. Everyone reacts to and handles suffering in different ways, but there are truths to remember and tools/expectations to help you navigate through this season. You are not alone. God is near. He will be very present to walk with you through this loss. Resist temptation to isolate. Don’t avoid the painful reality of your loss by turning to quick fixes instead of entrusting yourself to God. Don’t use biblical truths to avoid heartfelt cries to the Lord (“God uses all things for our good”). Do not neglect being a good steward of your body, mind and spirit.

GRIEF ASSESSMENT INSTRUCTIONS

Participants will prayerfully consider areas of unresolved grief. Feel free to add to the list.

• Death of a loved one

• Divorce

• Disability

• Infertility

• Illness/Injury

• Loss of relationship

• Loss of job

• Extended singleness

Who or What: Who or what have you lost?

• Loss of possession(s)

• Loss of identity (homosexuality,

• Mormonism, etc.)

• Loss of community

• Wayward child

• Difficulties in marriage

• Grief over own sin or consequences

The Story: There are many pieces and dimensions that you will miss about the person or thing you are mourning. For example, when you lose a spouse, you also lose a best friend, your favorite cook, your biggest fan, their laughter, the one you celebrate with, future dreams, etc. What will you miss most? Write out thoughts, desires, questions and complaints you have in regard to your pain.

The Impact: Describe the impact of this loss on your life. Where have you gone for help and hope? In what ways have you attempted to “fix” things, cope or self-protect?

What Temptations Have Come Out of My Suffering?

• Toward God

o Doubt: I have been tempted to doubt in God’s character as it’s revealed in scripture. (God is not good. If He were good, then I wouldn’t be hurting the way I am.)

o Anger: I have been tempted to blame God for what has happened. (If He is sovereign, then He could have prevented this suffering.)

• Toward Others

o Envy: I have been tempted to be envious and jealous of others who have not gone through the same suffering. (I envy those who have been blessed in the way that I want to be blessed.)

o Anger: I have been tempted to be angry with others. (I am angry when others let me down, say the wrong thing or forget about my pain.)

• Toward Myself

o Self-pity: I have been tempted to feel sorry for myself and have feelings of despair. (Everyone always abandons me. I must be unworthy. I’m hopeless.

o Isolation: I have been tempted to isolate myself instead of reach out to others. (I am all alone.)

o Guilt: I have been tempted to put blame on myself for something that was out of my control. (If I had been living a more selfless and obedient lifestyle, God would have given me children.)

Fear/Anxiety: In my pain and suffering, I have become fearful and anxious about various things in my life, such as finances, companionship, safety, etc.

Denial: I know there are things I need to think about and emotions I should feel to truly move toward healing, but I’d rather be numb and not think about it.

Here is an example of the Grief Assessment form:

GRIEF ASSESSMENT FORM

Who or What?

The Story What happened?

The Impact

What Temptations Have Come Out of My Suffering? (Circle all that apply)

Doubting God Anger at God

Envy of Others Anger at Others

Self- Pity Isolation Guilt

Fear/Anxiety Denial

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY,

LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Always open and close your time together in prayer. Be intentional about connecting organically and ask about their week, showing genuine interest in the details of his or her life.

LISTEN TO ASSESSMENT(S)

LISTEN FOR AND MAKE NOTE OF:

• Lies the participant seems to believe. Sinful patterns in response to grief.

• Ways the participant may have responded sinfully in their attemps to handle their grief and loss apart from the Lord.

• Areas that need healing.

• Areas where the participant needs to take faithful action. This may include confession, amends or biblical confrontation.

• Unmet longings and desires.

EXAMPLES OF SINFUL PATTERNS OF COPING WITH GRIEF:

• Repression of God-given emotions in order to protect oneself from pain

• Bitterness toward God and others

• Inability or unwillingness to enter the suffering

• Grief can become complicated when what we lost was idolized

• Instead of carrying our grief to God to receive His comfort, we have tried to comfort ourselves

• Seeking to replace what has been lost rather than grieve the loss

• Rather than lament, living in ungrounded optimism

• Rather than lament, living in unceasing despair (without hope)

Notes:

LIES/VOWS AREAS THAT NEED HEALING

SINFUL PATTERNS/CHARACTER DEFECTS FAITHFUL ACTION NEEDED

UNMET LONGINGS/DESIRES

PRAYER FOR GRIEF

Prior to praying, have your mentee read through, understand, and agree with each prayer, so they pray from the heart and not with empty words.

Father,

I thank You that You are a God who hears my cries and wipes away my tears. My heart is weary and often wants to give in to despair. Give me strength and grace to believe the truth of Your character and Your Word. Give me faith to trust that although difficult now, this momentary affliction is incomparable to the glory that will be revealed. Forgive me for the times I want my pain to disappear more than I want to draw near to You, even when I know You are the only one who can comfort me. I know You are the only one who can heal my broken heart and bind up my wounds. Jesus, I trust You with my heart and my life because I believe in Your great love for me. Will You meet me here and walk me through this process of healing as I begin to let (name the loss) go? Help me keep my eyes on You and Your eternal promises. (Pray and lament as you need to.)

In Jesus’ name, amen.

ELEMENTS OF THIS PRAYER

• Admit sorrow, hurt, grief and pain

• Thank Him for His presence

• Confess your tendency to seek comfort from the world rather than Him

• Acknowledge the Holy Spirit’s ability to bring comfort

• Trust Him with your broken heart

• Ask for healing

• Ask for help

A REDEMPTIVE VIEW OF GRIEF

Grief is a natural response to loss and is not sinful. When we grieve we can do so knowing that we stand in the loving arms of God the Father. Grief in this context is always hopeful because we know that God is making all things new. Grief outside of the gospel leaves us to cope through self-generated means and with false hope or no hope at all. Grief can become complicated when we idolize what we lost.

WASHING IN THE WORD

After praying through the assessment you can use these truths to be encouraged in battle.

PSALM 10:1; 22:1

Though resentment against God is a sin, there is a way to confess your feelings of anger and frustration to God in an honest and humble manner. Even the psalmists were honest with God about feelings of anger, frustration, confusion and abandonment.

MATTHEW 5:4; PSALM 34:18

God is always close to us in our suffering. He promises to heal and restore. We must grieve our loss and allow God to enter into and heal those wounds.

JOEL 2:25

The Lord promises not only to heal but to restore what has been lost.

LIFE-GIVING TRUTHS

These verses illustrate the hope of the gospel amid our loss. We can confess and cry out to God in our suffering, and He comforts us and promises to restore all that has been lost. There is nothing earthly that we will be able to hold onto eternally, and there is nothing eternal that we can lose in Christ. It is secure. Dealing with loss through sinful ways always brings captivity, but God provides a way of dealing with loss that brings freedom.

Upro oting a nd Repenting

Meeting #10 (Covering Post-Assessment Work)

EZEKIEL 36:26-27

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. 27And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.

BEFORE YOU MEET

This week is meant to provide context to connect the ungodly “fruit” to their associated “roots” and establish a pattern of prayer in moving toward the freedom Christ came to bring.

REFLECT AND PRAY

As you consider your time with your mentee, what do you believe the Lord has been revealing? What areas need healing and deliverance? Are there significant patterns from which you believe the Lord wants to bring freedom? In what ways does the Lord want to bring blessing and abundant life? Are there vows that need to be broken in order to fully submit to the Lord? What lies do they believe?

o Review your listening notes from each assessment. These were the categories on the right side of the page.

o Look over the “redemptive views” for each assessment to remind you of the way the gospel of Jesus reclaims and restores.

o Spend some time in prayer asking God to show you where/how to speak into your mentee’s life. Ask the Lord to reveal specific areas where your mentee may not understand truth.

o Review the following from the Mentor Training materials:

o The central truths of the gospel (Appendix E)

o The attributes of God (Appendix H)

o The identity of a believer in Christ (Appendix J)

o The promises of God (Appendix K)

Tips:

• You may want to speak into areas where the Holy Spirit is revealing and convicting (John 16:8-11)

• Don't attempt to address too many areas.

• What Scriptures can you give them?

• Consider how aware/unaware they are of what you are pointing out. If unaware/blind, consider gracious ways to speak. (For example: parable, story, metaphor, Nathan's approach in 2 Samuel 12)

• Were there any parts of the prayers (during assessments) that your mentee was not resonating with? (For example: unwillingness to forgive, difficulty humbling self, unable to confess, not believing God can heal, etc.)

OUTLINE FOR MEETING

Start with an assessment topic (i.e. Suffering). You will be going back through each assessment your mentee has completed and helping them fill out the back side of each page/entry.

As we go back through each assessment, we will see the exact nature of our wrongs. We were rooting in an alternative kingdom, tempted by evil to satisfy our flesh through what the world offers rather than putting our trust in the kingdom of God.

30 min.

o With your mentee, fill out the “Exact Nature of my Wrongs” section on each assessment.

Repeat with each assessment in each category. (Suffering/Trauma, Anger/Resentments, Sexual Immorality, Guilt/Shame, Fear/Anxiety, Grief/Loss)

o Skipping the Suffering and Trauma assessment for now (so start with Anger), tally up the most frequently circled “What Part of Self was Hurt or Threatened” for all assessments. Draw out themes/patterns you are seeing as you’ve gone through these assessments with your mentee.

o Take the themes/patterns from above and read the sections of “Rooted in the Kingdom” to share how God’s love meets our needs and delivers security and hope this world could never offer.

30 min.

o Reveal the sinful responses your mentee has tended to have by identifying and renouncing “Character Defects.”

Go back through your Mentor notes from the grid at the end of each assessment where you’ve likely already jotted down “sinful patterns/character defects.”

1 hr.

o Renounce/Replant

o Pray

CONNECTING FRUIT TO ROOTS

GETTING TO THE ROOT OF WRONGS AND IDOLS

After a season of sitting with and listening to your mentee bring to light the difficult and dark details of their lives and grieving with them, it is now time to revisit each of the assessments from a different vantage point. Although in many cases they may have been deeply wronged by others, we must now help them to see their part.

Consider connecting the teaching from James 4 in Week 9’s lesson to the assessment on anger. Helping your mentee see what is beneath the surface of their resentments will help them to apply it to the other assessments.

JAMES 4:1-10

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. 3You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

4You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. 5Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? 6But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the

humble.” 7Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.

A thorough understanding of James 4:1-10 will give us the insight we need to see what is going on beneath the surface of ungodly fruit. James is addressing fighting and quarreling in the church. We often justify our unrighteous anger because of what someone else has done, however the problem is within us. He goes on to explain this fighting and quarreling is not primarily a horizontal problem between people but actually a vertical problem with God.

THE EXACT NATURE OF WRONGS

(These heart responses are also listed for your mentee on page 227 of their Participant Guide.)

Selfish/Self-centered

Does this stem purely from how this affected me (self-centered), or is it more out of a concern for the individual and their relationship with the Lord (God-centered)? Hint: What part of “self” was threatened or seeking satisfaction? Does this emanate from a selfish or servant heart?

Self-seeking

Am I more concerned with getting something I want or am I seeking to please God? Is it about not getting the esteem (respect, worth, love) I want, the relationships I want, the security I want, the pleasure or comfort I want or the future I want?

Frightened

Is this birthed out of unbelief/distrust (unhealthy fear) of God, leading me to attempt to meet my own needs, or is this birthed out of a faith working through love, leading us to obey God?

Dishonest

Dishonesty is rooted in lies. We can easily believe the lies of the enemy and become deceived. Am I believing the lie that these desires should be fulfilled by the world and sinful people, rather than the truth that they should be satisfied by our perfect, all-powerful, loving Creator?

Inconsiderate

Have I only considered myself, or have I really sought to understand the other person? Am I compassionate toward their story? Have I considered that they, too, are in need of God’s grace? Have I considered how God could use this for His kingdom purposes?

INSIGHTS:

• Once you have gone through a few different categories in the list above, it probably served the purpose in helping your mentee see that they’ve had some negative or fleshly responses. There is no need to go through every one of these.

• If your mentee circled one of these on an assessment, they might as well circle them all. This is because together they describe the flesh (selfish, self-centered, selfseeking, frightened, dishonest, and inconsiderate). We respond out of our flesh or by the Spirit, evidenced by love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, fruitfulness and self-control.

The problem is that we have sought to have our desires met through the world and the people of the world. Satan is deceiving us to believe life is in the world rather than in Christ. We have committed spiritual adultery by looking to the world for what ultimately only God can provide. We have sought to have our desires for value, worth, identity, purpose, love, belonging, acceptance, security, stability, safety, peace, pleasure and hope from those on this list. When it failed, we got angry and resentful. God is jealous for our hearts.

REVIEW THE PART OF SELF THAT WAS THREATENED

Skipping the Suffering and Trauma assessment for now (so start with Anger), tally up the most frequently circled “What Part of Self was Hurt or Threatened” for all assessments. Draw out themes/patterns you are seeing as you’ve gone through these assessments with your mentee.

BEING ROOTED IN GOD’S KINGDOM

Next, look at how God meets our desires in His love through faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ. The things that are so easily threatened in this world are secure in a kingdom that will stand forever.

MATERIAL SECURITY

In reading Matthew 6:19-34, we realize that God is good, He is in control, and He knows what we need materially. However, He warns us not to lay up treasures on earth because they are easily threatened and do not last. Instead of worrying about those things, we should seek first His eternal kingdom and righteousness. He will provide for us according to His goodness and kingdom purposes, in His timing and in His way.

SELF-ESTEEM

God has given us a good desire for dignity, worth and value. However, because of sin, we have fallen to a state of depravity. Rather than encouraging self- esteem, we need to be redeemed. Attempts to find worth and value apart from the cross of Jesus Christ are temporary, but God’s plan for redeeming a people to Himself is eternal. His acceptance is not based in works and worthiness but on faith in the work of His worthy Son. Our worth comes from God.

PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

God created us to live relationally with Him and others. We have a God-given desire to belong. In our fallen state, we try to control and define our relationships. By faith we are never alone: Attempts to find worth and value apart from the cross of Jesus Christ are temporary, but God’s plan for redeeming a people for Himself is eternal.

EMOTIONAL SECURITY

In the perfect garden paradise of Eden before the Fall, there was shalom, or peace. We have a God-given desire for peace. Through faith in Jesus Christ, we are given peace with God. We rest behind the mighty fortress of Jesus, where no person or circumstance can rob us of our peace with Him. Even if the waves of despair and destruction come crashing in, the Lord is our refuge. We will not be moved because He cannot be shaken.

SEXUAL RELATIONS/SEXUALITY

There is a God-given desire for pleasure and intimacy, including sex. God is a God of pleasure and He gave us senses to enjoy His creation; however, we enjoy it within the boundaries He established. God created sex to be celebrated and enjoyed between a husband and wife within the covenant of marriage. Outside of that, it becomes destructive.

AMBITIONS

Ambitions come out of a God-given desire for hope. We tend to put our hope in things of the world. But God is our hope: He overcame the world, Satan, sin and death. We will be raised with Christ and never experience death again. God demonstrated this miraculous, resurrecting power in Christ on the cross. Our future is secure in Christ and we should place our hope in Him alone.

ASK:

1. Do you agree with this?

2. How do you see this playing out in your life?

3. Is this difficult to talk about or accept?

Healing comes as we turn from seeking satisfaction of these God-given desires through the world and our desires are satisfied in Him.

EXPOSE ROOTS

IDENTIFYING AND RENOUNCING CHARACTER DEFECTS

Character defects are dysfunctional or sinful patterns of relating to God, self and others that are often passed generationally and develop as sinners attempt to “cope” with living in a sinful world independent of God. They do not bear image to the character and nature of God.

Since the enemy is behind the whispers to seek preservation through self-generated means, we as God’s children come out of agreement with the enemy and in agreement with God by renouncing these sinful patterns of trusting self, and consequently distrusting God. It is important to be “entirely ready” for Him to remove “all” of these because God is after more than half-heartedness, partial obedience, and double-mindedness. He wants us to be fully submitted to His lordship for His glory and our good. Otherwise, we will give the enemy a foothold in our lives. Where Jesus is not Lord, and we will be under the enemy’s rule instead.

Ask your mentee to consider what it is that the Lord has been showing them in terms of sinful patterns of relating to God and others. You can use the list of character defects provided as an aid. Using the trees diagram, show them the roots of this ungodly fruit. (Consider only focusing on two or three of these.)

We want them to be entirely ready to have God remove all these character defects and not cling to them, withholding them from the Lord. Though they are dysfunctional, it is often familiar to operate in them and it is a step of faith to let go of them to trust the Lord

Character Defect Definitions:

(These are listed on page 230 in the Participant Guide as well.)

1. ABUSE – To treat wrongly or harmfully.

2. ADDICTION – The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or involved in something.

3. ADULTERY – Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful spouse.

4. ANGER – Strong feeling of displeasure or hostility.

5. ANXIETY – A state of apprehension, uncertainty and fear resulting from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation, often impairing physical and psychological functioning.

6. AVOIDANT – A pattern of behavior that avoids difficulty, which could be intimacy, social settings and responsibility.

7. BIGOTRY – Hatred of people who are different from me in a clearly definable way, such as race, gender, or political affiliation.

8. BUSYNESS/OVER-SCHEDULING – Planning too many activities so that I do not have time to think about my life.

9. CO-DEPENDENCY – Depending on people to fulfill my desires.

10. CONDEMNATION – Strong displeasure or judgment.

11. COVETING – Having a desire for another’s possessions, power, wealth or relationships.

12. CRITICAL – Judging, blaming, finding fault with someone or something.

13. DEATH/SUICIDE – Enticement to take one’s own life or fantasizing about death.

14. DEFEATED – Believing there is no hope of victory.

15. DEFENSIVE – Not open to being challenged/questioned/criticized, self-protective.

16. DISASSOCIATION – Self-protective strategy of detaching from pain and at times reality, even self.

17. DECEITFUL – Lying, cheating or stealing; not upright in my dealings with people.

18. DENIAL – Self-protecting strategy behavior that keeps us from honestly facing the truth, leading to a false system of beliefs.

19. FEAR – A feeling which occurs in the face of something threatening.

20. GLUTTONY – Excess in any area, particularly in eating or drinking.

21. GOSSIPING – Idle talk, not always true, about other people and their affairs.

22. GRANDIOSE – Having or showing too great an opinion of my own importance.

23. GREED – Wanting more than my fair share or what I need.

24. DEPRESSION – The condition of being without hope.

25. DETACHMENT – To remove from association (from self, others, emotions, etc.)

26. DOUBT – To be undecided or skeptical.

27. ENABLEMENT – Allowing someone to continue in disobedience without consequence.

28. ENTITLEMENT – Deserving of rights or benefits.

29. GUILT – Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.

30. HATE – A feeling of intense anger or bitterness, extreme dislike toward someone; a feeling of intense ill will toward another.

31. HOARDING – Saving money or things in excess; storing up more than could reasonably be used.

32. IMPATIENCE – Annoyance because of delay or opposition.

33. ENVY – Wishing to have something someone else has, disliking someone who has more than I do.

34. IMPULSIVITY – A problem with emotional or behavioral self-control.

35. INDECISION – Lacking the ability to make decisions in a timely manner.

36. IRRESPONSIBLE – Characteristically careless with responsibility.

37. INTOLERANCE – Unwilling to allow others to have opinions or beliefs that are different from mine.

38. JEALOUSY – Dislike or fear of rivals; anxious or suspicious watchfulness.

39. HYPER-VIGILANCE – Excessive pre-occupation with assessing potential threats around you.

40. LAZINESS – Dislike of work; unwillingness to work or be active.

41. LEGALISM – Strict adherence to rules of conduct without regard to the principles behind them; dependence on my behavior for my sense of self-worth.

42. LICENTIOUS – Lacking moral discipline or ignoring legal restraint.

43. LUST – Strong desire; unhealthy appetite especially in the area of sexual indulgences.

44. LYING – Not telling the truth, exaggerating, boasting.

45. MANIA – An excessively elevated sense of enthusiasm, interest or desire, a craze.

46. MINIMIZING – Making excuses for or making less of my behavior to make myself and others think I am not “that bad.”

47. OBSESSION – Consuming focus on a particular thought, action or person which you have difficulty escaping.

48. OPPRESSION – The act of subjugating by cruelty, force, etc. or the state of being subjugated in this way.

49. PEOPLE PLEASING – Doing activities based upon the positive reactions of people around me; making myself feel better by getting the approval of someone else.

50. PERFECTIONISM – Working to arrange my life so that everything and everyone in it is faultless according to my standards.

51. PESSIMISM – Always thinking on the bad side of a situation; refusing to see good in anything that happens; not looking at things from God’s point of view.

52. PETTINESS – Focusing on the small, meaningless things in my life; giving those things more importance than they deserve.

53. PHONINESS – Deceiving; being insincere, not being genuine; also includes emotional phoniness.

54. PRIDE – Too high opinion of myself; high opinion of my own worth or possessions.

55. PROCRASTINATION – Putting off something I should have done sooner to avoid unpleasant or undesirable consequences.

56. QUARRELSOME – Too quick to find fault; fond of fighting and disputing.

57. RACISM – Prejudice, discrimination or antagonism against people on the basis of their racial or ethnic group.

58. RESENTMENT – Unresolved anger; ill will; bitterness.

59. SARCASM – A sneering or cutting remark; act of making fun of someone; harsh or bitter irony.

60. SELF-PITY – To feel sorry for myself, to live in regret of my past actions; continually reviewing my miseries, often blaming others for my troubles.

61. SELF-CENTEREDNESS – Being overly concerned with my own welfare or interests, having little or no concern for others, what I want is the most important thing.

62. SELFISHNESS – Caring too much for myself and too little for those around me.

63. SHAME – A painful emotion caused by a strong sense of uncleanness, embarrassment, unworthiness or disgrace.

64. SUICIDAL IDEATION – Obsession with ending one’s own life as a means of rescue.

65. UNDISCIPLINED – Untrained; lack of order, lack of self control; disobedient, impulsive.

66. UNGROUNDED OPTIMISM – Elevated reality detached from actual difficulties.

67. VULGARITY – Immoral speech, actions or thinking about things that are unhealthy or immoral; making a practice of dwelling on these thoughts for pleasure or comfort.

RENOUNCE, REPLANT, AND PRAY

We humbly ask Him to remove all of our shortcomings. Following the pattern of prayer Jesus taught (Matthew 6:7-13), we ask that His name would be glorified. We offer ourselves to Him and pray that He would provide what we need for His kingdom purposes.

This is not the type of prayer outlined in James 4:3-4, which is motivated by self-oriented desires, but is instead focused on praying for God’s Kingdom to come and His will to be done. It is under His covering that we ask for provision, protection, and direction. We pray for His leading and that He would deliver us daily

In terms of things to bring before the Lord, we are not looking for a comprehensive list as we all struggle at some level with most of these. We are looking, however, for those that the Lord seems to be pressing on. What needs to be healed? Where does the Lord want to bring freedom? What lies need to be renounced? What truth needs to be believed? What vows need to be broken? Pray and ask what the Lord wants to do.

This is a time to come before the Lord, lay our lives at His feet and ask that He bring freedom, healing and blessing. We can bring all that has been unearthed through the assessment process before the Lord and ask Him to do what only He can do. This is not a magic bullet, but an ongoing practice that helps form us as disciples of Christ. It may seem like a mountain too big to overcome, but we have His promise to rely on.

MARK 11:23-24

“Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done

for him. 24Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

This time of prayer should be for mental, emotional, spiritual, relational and even physical healing. Your participant should share what God revealed through the assessment in terms of significant patterns of sinful behavior, thoughts and attitudes. They should include generational patterns of sin and specific areas where they desire deliverance from bondage and healing from past wounds. This will be summarized in their preparation for prayer.

RENOUNCE:

The numbered questions in bold in the following section should have been answered by your mentee during their homework/Mentor Prep time in their Participant Guide on pages 234 and following.

Sinful Patterns (a k a character defects and shortcomings)

1. What unfruitful patterns of coping or character defects have surfaced during the assessments? List the ones you believe the Lord has been calling your attention to.

2. Do you desire freedom from these patterns? Are you ready to renounce or come out of agreement with them and ask God to remove them?

Lies

Lies from the enemy feed these unfruitful coping strategies. Often the focus of these lies is on self rather than on Him. For example: “I am unlovable” instead of “God is love.”

1. What specific lies are you in agreement with when operating in these dysfunctional patterns? List the lies.

2. Do you desire freedom from these lies? Are you ready to renounce these lies and come out of agreement with them?

Examples of lies and their corresponding truths: Lie Truth

• If I hadn’t desired love, then I wouldn’t have been abused.

• I need to look out for myself because no one else is going to.

• Nobody wants me because I am messed up and unlovable.

Vows

• Evil took advantage of what is precious in God’s sight. It is not my fault. The desire to be loved is a good, God-given desire that He wants to satisfy. It is normal for people to ask why when they suffer (John 9:1-2). See John 9:3 for Jesus’ answer.

• God is a refuge. Only God can protect and defend me. Ultimately, living a life of self-protection, I create a greater mess.

• The Creator of the universe chose me before the foundations of the earth. He loves and cherishes me.

Vows often are focused on what I am going to do or not do (rooted in self). Often they are about self protection (ex. “I will never...”). We must renounce these vows and look to Christ for strength to follow God’s voice into whatever good plans He has for us.

1. What vows have you made that may be hindering you from following God’s voice? Are you willing to renounce the self-generated vows and look to Christ instead?

Examples:

o I will never let anyone close to me so I won’t get hurt.

o I will never allow myself to be put in a shameful situation again.

o I will not desire anything. I will just be “neutral” and without opinions.

I will never I must always

If I ever then

2. Are you willing to renounce these self-generated vows and look to Christ instead?

Examples of vows and their corresponding truths:

Vow Truth

• I will never let anyone close to me so I won’t get hurt.

• I will never allow myself to be put in a shameful situation again.

• I will not desire anything. I will just be “neutral” and without opinions.

• I can trust God to protect me. His love frees me to love others, even if I get hurt.

• “Those who look to the Lord are radiant and their faces will never be put to shame” (Psalm 34:5)

• “A hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” (Proverbs 13:12). The Lord gives good gifts, and we can trust Him with our desires. We lack no good thing in Him (Psalm 34).

Examples of Lies, Truths and Character Defects – by Assessment Category: Abuse and Suffering

LIE: “I am not valuable… I have to do something to earn God’s love… If God really knew me he wouldn’t love me.”

TRUTH: God showed his children in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). I have been chosen by God (Ephesians 1:4), He loved me at my darkest, and I don’t have/can’t do anything to earn His love. God’s love is not conditional, His acceptance is not based on human works and worthiness but on faith in the works of His worthy Son. My worth comes from God and God alone.

CHARACTER DEFECTS: legalism → dependence on our own behavior for our sense of selfworth and value [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]; people-pleasing → making myself feel better by getting the approval of someone else [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

Anger and Resentment

LIE: “If God hadn’t allowed me to be born into the family I was born into, things would be okay now… I don’t understand how that plan can be good, why would he want me to suffer? If my mom and dad had loved me better, I wouldn’t struggle so much now.”

TRUTH: God is good, perfect, just, and holy. He has an eternal perspective that I cannot see or understand. He knows the unjust suffering that has happened in my life and he will be stand as a righteous Judge and King over those who have offended me. I must acknowledge that I am a sinner just as the person who has offended me as a sinner. I have been extended grace by the Lord and I have the ability to now extend supernatural grace to others (Romans 2:1-5). Help me to remember that the Lord’s plans for me are to bless me and not harm me, to give me hope and a future.

CHARACTER DEFECTS: self-justification → clearing myself from blame for my actions and attitudes [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]; self-pity → continually reviewing my miseries, often blaming others for my troubles [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

Sexual Immorality

LIE: “If I have sex with someone, then maybe I will be worth their time and attention, maybe they won’t leave me, I will have security in my relationship with them, it will mean they really love me”

TRUTH: We can never find our dignity, worth, or value apart from Christ. While God gives us a desire to belong and be in relationship with other people, these relationships will never satisfy us. God has adopted us into his family and nothing can ever separate us from His love (Romans 8:35-39).

CHARACTER DEFECTS: perfectionism → working to arrange my life so that everything and everyone in it (including myself) is faultless, according to my standards [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]; people-pleasing → making myself feel better through the approval of someone else [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

Guilt and Shame

LIE: “I have messed up so much, particularly in the area of sexual sin, that I have to make up for it now… I can’t mess up again… I have to earn God’s love and approval.”

CHARACTER DEFECTS: legalism → dependence on our own behavior for our sense of selfworth and value [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]; perfectionism → working to arrange my life so that everything and everyone in it (including myself) is faultless, according to my standards [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

Fear

LIE: “I have to be in control so that I don’t get hurt again… I can’t trust people not to hurt me because it has happened so many times...”

TRUTH: In our pride, we often think that we know what is best for us and when what we think is best for us is threatened, we become fearful and controlling. We tend to doubt God’s sovereignty and His goodness in our lives. We must come into agreement with the truth that God is good, God is love, God loves his children, God is all-powerful and delights in protecting and caring for His children (Romans 8:28). We also have a God-give desire for peace and security but when we attempt to control and manipulate our circumstances and relationships, fear reigns in our hearts (1 John 4:7-21). We must rest in the character of God, knowing that no person or circumstance can rob us of our peace with Him.

CHARACTER DEFECTS: lack of trust/self-preservation → not being able to trust, not being able to depend on someone or something, doubt, lack in belief in God’s goodness [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

Grief

LIE: “I am afraid to love someone too much again, losing people is too painful, I don’t want to experience loss in that way again.”

TRUTH: I don’t have to protect myself from loving others. I can be fully known and fully loved by the Lord and rest in the truth that no loss or suffering can rob me of my peace with Him.

CHARACTER DEFECTS: detachment → removing yourself from relationships with others [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]; denial → self-protecting behavior that keeps me from honestly facing the truth and pain of life on this side of eternity [give examples of ways that you have heard/seen this]

REPLANT IN TRUTH:

As we think about what we are replanting, we realize that we are dead to sin and alive as a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) The old is gone, and the new has come! What we are “replanting,” then, is the new heart that God has given us (Ezekiel 36:26). Help your mentee discover what the truth is that will combat the lies and vows that they have shared with you (See above charts for examples.)

PRAY:

This is a time to come before the Lord, lay our lives at His feet and ask that He bring freedom, healing and blessing. As Jesus’ model prayer teaches us, we must first pray for the furtherance of God’s name, for His kingdom to come and for His will to be done which means that we are laying down our name, our kingdom and our will to His (Matt. 6:9-13).

To be prayed by the Participant:

Heavenly Father, I now see how I have lived in agreement with the ways of the world and for my kingdom, my name and my will. I now renounce those ways and offer myself completely to You to be utilized for Your kingdom plan and purposes. Give us this day what we need to accomplish Your kingdom purposes. Provide protection from any interference from the enemy, his servants, works and effects during our time of prayer. You are greater than he who is in the world.

God, please forgive me for believing the lie . I renounce that lie and come into agreement with the truth that (repeat for each lie and truth)

Loving Father, in my distress, I have vowed to/to never ______ (list all vows if more than one). In doing so, I have alienated myself from You and sought to keep myself from harm. In doing so, I have placed myself under the devil’s authority and given him a foothold. I now break that vow by Christ’s authority and come to You as my protector. I trust You will give me the grace to overcome all that the enemy brings.

Loving Father, please forgive me for the self- generated patterns of coping and seeking to satisfy my desires through the world rather than through your Kingdom. I renounce the pattern of (list each character defect) in Jesus’ name.

Elements of this prayer:

• Desire to come under God’s authority

• Asking for provision, protection and direction

• Renouncing specific lies and breaking specific vows

• Renouncing specific patterns

To be prayed by the Mentor:

The participant should understand the prayer and be praying in agreement as he or she is prayed over. This time of prayer is to engage the spiritual battle at the level of personal entanglement and not beyond that. (We are praying for this person not for other people, nor for the situation/circumstance/environment )

Heavenly Father, for Your name’s sake and according to your love and mercy, we ask that you would deliver (participant’s name) from any demonic influence that is tempting him/her to (character defect/practice) so that he/she may freely serve You and Your kingdom. Lord, we ask You to fill those places previously occupied by the enemy with the Holy Spirit and bless them in the name of Jesus Christ.

Elements of this prayer:

• Acknowledge by what power and authority we come by

• Request deliverance from specific strongholds

• Ask for freedom so he/she can live a fruitful life for the Kingdom

• Pray for the Holy Spirit to fill and bless this person

OTHER WEEK 9 HOMEWORK (OPTION)

You are given the option of stopping here and doing the following section next week in combination with the Week 10 Mentor Prep Homework (so, 2 weeks of mentor prep discussions next week.) Or, you can continue on and conclude this big meeting with a reflection and application of the participant’s Bible study this week (week 9 Mentor Prep homework).

W e ek 9 B i b l e S t u d y Application

Meeting #10 or 11 (Covering Week 9 Homework)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: James 4:1-10

• Day 2: Ephesians 6:10-20

• Day 3: Romans 11:33-12:8

• Day 4: Matthew 6:9-13; 7:7-11

• Day 5: Matthew 8:1-10:1

• Day 6: Luke 18:18-30

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• What was your biggest takeaway from your time in the Word and with your mentor this week?

• What good God-given desires have you elevated and sought to satisfy through the world? What fruit has that produced? Has that pursuit left you fulfilled or unfulfilled?

• In what ways have you killed God-given desires as a way to cope with unsatisfied longings?

• How does faith in the gospel fulfill these specific desires? Do you believe that God’s plans for your life are better than your plans?

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word.

Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. Internal ruling desires lead to fights and quarrels. What desires tend to rule your heart and trigger unrighteous anger?

2. How do you usually deal with this conflict?

3. How we use bodies is a reflection of what we worship. If someone wants to observe your daily routine and corresponding practices, what would they conclude you worship or serve?

4. We tend to worship/fear that which we believe has what our hearts desire. What desires are you trying to satisfy and where are you seeking to satisfy them?

5. Where do you tend to seek value, worth and significance?

6. We all have an innate desire to belong and be included in something bigger than ourselves (community). Historically where have you fought to belong? What was required of you to belong?

7. We tend to form community around shared values, interests and loves. What bonds the community in which you feel most connected? What is attractive about those relationships?

8. To what degree has seeking to meet your own material needs motivated your work?

9. In the story of the rich young ruler we see that his wealth hindered his obedience to follow Christ. What hinders your obedience to Christ?

10. When we withhold lordship (authority) from Christ in any area of our lives, whom do we give that lordship to by default? Who then do we serve?

11. Jesus taught us how to pray. In your own words, how did Jesus teach us to pray?

REVIEW TRUTH FROM THE PAST WEEK:

In attempting to live independent of God, we have developed dysfunctional (sinful) patterns of coping. After careful examination, we have begun to see the demonic roots of our slavery to these sinful patterns. We desire freedom. We renounce our former ways, offer ourselves to God, and, under the waterfall of His grace, ask Him to deliver and heal us by the authority of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit. We also pray for blessing and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit to live life according to His kingdom purposes.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next.

Notes:

Loving Others WEEKS

10-13

Reconciliation and Faithful A c tion

Meeting #11 (Covering Week 10 Homework)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

THIS WEEK’S

SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: Ezekiel 14:1-8

• Day 2: 2 Corinthians 5:11-21

• Day 3: 1 Corinthians 13

• Day 4: Ephesians 5:1-14

• Day 5: Matthew 5:23-26; Numbers 5:5-7; Luke 15:18-19

• Day 6: Philemon 1-25

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• What was your biggest takeaway from your time in the Word and with your mentor this week?

• What fears, concerns or challenges do you see that might hinder making amends? Is this a wisdom issue or a willingness issue?

• Are there specific situations in making amends that are sensitive, requiring counsel?

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word.

Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. How does fear prevent you from loving others like Christ? Give specific examples from your own life (confronting difficult situations, evangelism, etc.)

2. Have you ever used your knowledge and intellect as a source of pride to beat people down rather than build them up? Give examples.

3. Describe times when your own idolatry has distorted your judgment in acting according to God’s will.

4. In Matthew 5:23, the Lord teaches the importance of being reconciled prior to bringing our gifts before the altar. Describe situations in which you offended someone with whom you need to be reconciled.

5. Are there people or institutions who you are unwilling to confess to and make restitution? Be specific.

REVIEW TRUTH FROM THE PAST WEEK:

Relationships break down because of sin. If there were no sin in the world, relationships would work harmoniously, evidenced by love and unity. Division among God’s people provides opportunities to identify sin and purify the body. The gospel of Jesus Christ brings about justice in a way that the law cannot by inwardly reconciling the very heart of injustice to God. As those forgiven by God, we can humbly approach those affected by our sin and make amends. This change of heart brings glory to God by demonstrating the power of the gospel and reflecting His heart in bringing justice through His reconciled people.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next.

Notes:

F o rgiveness

Meeting #12 (Covering Week 11 Homework)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: Matthew 18:1-20

• Day 2: Matthew 18:21-35

• Day 3: Luke 17:1-10

• Day 4: 2 Samuel 11-12

• Day 5: Jonah 1-4

• Day 6: Ephesians 4:1-16

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• What was your biggest takeaway from your time in the Word and with your mentor this week?

• In what ways do your current relationships with other Christians reflect Christ’s vision for His people? In what ways do they fall short?

• What fears, concerns or challenges do you see that might hinder confronting and forgiving? Is this a wisdom issue or a willingness issue?

• Are there specific situations that are sensitive and needing counsel?

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word.

Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. As people confess sin to us and ask for forgiveness, we should be eager to extend it. Our willingness to forgive is evidence that Christ's forgiveness has transformed our own hearts and that it is our desire that they be reconciled to God. Prayerfully consider and list those whom you might have difficulty forgiving and why.

2. Are there brothers or sisters in Christ who may have sinned against you and continue to walk in significant, unrepentant sin? If so, develop a plan with your mentor to be an agent of reconciliation.

3. Now that bitterness, fear and shame no longer rule you, are there those outside the body who may have hurt you and need to be offered peace with God through the blood of Christ?

4. Where are you stuck? Prepare to discuss with your group anyone with whom you are unwilling to make amends, forgive, confront or share the gospel. Why are you unwilling?

5. Are there any fears you have in making amends, forgiving, confronting someone's sin or sharing the hope of the gospel? Why are you afraid? How does God speak to our fear?

6. Are there any relationships that you believe are beyond repair? Why? Spend time in prayer, specifically for those situations.

7. Are there any other questions or issues you are facing?

REVIEW TRUTH FROM THE PAST WEEK:

As ambassadors of Christ, we are to be instruments of grace when we confront those who sin against us. We hand offenses over to God and extend eager forgiveness to those who ask for it. In this way, fellowship with God and amongst His people is preserved.

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next.

Notes:

B e a Disciple

Meeting #13 (Covering Week 12 Homework)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: Hebrews 12:1-17

• Day 2: James 1:2-18

• Day 3: Philippians 3:2-21

• Day 4: 1 Corinthians 9:24-27; Matthew 6:1-18

• Day 5: Psalm 63; Ephesians 5:15-21

• Day 6: Luke 8:4-15

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• What was your biggest takeaway from your time in the Word and with your mentor this week?

• We pursue the things we love. If someone examined your pursuits and practices, what would they conclude is your biggest treasure?

• How would your life look different if Jesus was your greatest treasure and becoming like Him was your greatest goal?

• Maintaining healthy rhythms takes intentionality. Thrive has provided both the structure and accountability to practice the basic principles of spiritual formation that help us to grow spiritually. How do you intend to continue the practice of these principles once Thrive is over?

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word.

Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. What sin or weight do you need to lay aside in order to run the race well?

2. What trials are you currently facing in your life? What ways are you tempted to shortcut God's purposes of sanctification while under trial?

3. What fruit would you expect in your life when you are walking by the Spirit? How does this express itself in your life with the people and circumstances you encounter (family, coworkers, children, prayer life, etc.)?

4. What practices will need to remain in your life after this study is over to maintain spiritual health and continued growth?

5. With which ground (from Luke 8:5-8) do you most identify? Do you typically disregard God's call to obedience, do you become discouraged, are you distracted or does it shape you?

6. If you were to utilize all that Christ has entrusted to you for His Kingdom purposes, what would change?

7. When you are thirsting in the wilderness, where does your soul turn for satisfaction? What does this reveal about your heart? Does this lead to fruitfulness in difficulty?

8. On what do you tend to obsess, fantasize, meditate or dwell? Be specific. What is the result (fear, lust, anger, anxiety, depression, worship, praise, joy, etc.)?

9. What stirs your affections for Christ?

10. Being undisciplined leads to laziness or apathy. How are you disciplined in daily engaging spiritual disciplines? If you are undisciplined, why?

11. What does a disciplined life look like specifically for you?

12. What is your goal and motivation in living a disciplined life?

13. Are there things you need to say no to in order to say yes to the Lord? How does keeping Him first in your heart affect how you relate to your spouse, work, family, friends, food, sex, etc.?

REVIEW TRUTH FROM THE PAST WEEK:

We continue in the fear of the Lord, putting to death those things that rob our affections for Christ while persevering in loving, joyful obedience to Him. When we are out of step with the Spirit, we quickly return to the Lord with a heart of repentance as He trains us in godliness and grows us spiritually. Since He is our ultimate joy, peace and pleasure, we seek to know Him and fill ourselves with those things that stir our affections for Him. We practice spiritual disciplines so that our hearts, prone to wander, might stay in rhythm with His

SPEAK, LEAD, REMIND & PRAY

As the participant is transparent and bares their soul, it is important for you to cover them with gospel hope through prayer as you conclude.

Before concluding your meeting, be sure you both make note of the time and place you will meet next.

Notes:

Make Disciples

Meeting #14 (Covering Week 13 Homework)

WHERE THEY’RE COMING FROM

THIS WEEK’S SCRIPTURES

• Day 1: Matthew 28:16-20; Genesis 12:1-3

• Day 2: Luke 24:36-53; Acts 1:1-12

• Day 3: Ephesians 1:3-14

• Day 4: 1 Corinthians 12:4-31; Matthew 25:14-30

• Day 5: Acts 5:12-42

• Day 6: Matthew 20:1-20

WHAT’S BEEN DISCUSSED IN SMALL GROUP

• What was your biggest takeaway from your time in the Word and with your mentor this week?

• Maintaining healthy rhythms is essential to maintaining spiritual health. A healthy disciple serves. Gospel ingestion without gospel expression will lead to unfruitfulness.

• How do you feel led to use your time, gifts and resources to serve within the church to make disciples?

• What opportunities do you see in the context of your current relationships (family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc.) to make much of the name of Jesus?

• Summarize your experience in Steps. How was God faithful in this process? How will you share with others what He has done?

WHEN YOU MEET

PRAY, LOVE, ASK & LISTEN

Ask if they had any questions from this week’s homework. Ask if there was anything meaningful that stood out in their time in God’s Word.

Discuss following questions, which are from their “Day Seven” homework. Take notes as needed (this is a time to listen).

MENTOR DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. How has God blessed you so that you might be a blessing to others?

2. How has God gifted you – both naturally and supernaturally – with spiritual gifts from the Holy Spirit? How will you use those gifts to serve and build up the body of Christ? Be specific.

3. How will you use the testimony of God's grace in your life to persuade others toward Christ?

4. Where has God placed you to serve? How do you think others would describe your heart in serving?

5. God has called us to make disciples. How will you take what you have learned through this discipleship process to make disciples for Christ?

6. Acts 17 tells us that God places us at the exact time and place where He wants us. How are you living missionally within your community?

7. How will you continue to practice all that you have learned through this process? Who will keep you accountable?

8. With what attitude will you engage/re-engage the world around you? How might pride hinder your effectiveness?

9. The book of Joshua recounts the Lord's powerful deliverance of the Israelites into the Promised Land. As they step out in faith, He holds back the raging waters of the Jordan River so they might cross to safety. The Israelites are then instructed to pick up stones from the riverbed to remind them of the Lord's faithfulness. As you have stepped out in faith and walked through this process, how has God demonstrated His faithfulness?

REVIEW TRUTH FROM WEEK 13:

Before the foundations of the earth, God chose us, the Church, to live as instruments of His grace to a lost and dying world, bearing witness to His wisdom and power through the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is our joy-filled worship to make much of His name. Empowered by the Holy Spirit, we bring a comprehensive gospel demonstrated by our deeds and proclaimed by our words with the goal of glorifying God through making disciples for Jesus Christ. In this way, we embody Christ, being His hands and feet here on earth.

AFTER-CARE & NEXT STEPS

o Work with your mentee’s group leader to develop an after-care plan and to identify next steps.