Frank “Brick” Adkins
The Gift and the Curse: Beautiful Lies
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive self-projection to author new life narratives.
Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.
While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.
This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
The Gift and the Curse: Beautiful Lies
Frank “Brick” Adkins
You have your own good and bad scales of life, try to balance it out before your name get crossed out the book of life. You can’t help everybody but you can forgive them. A beautiful lie is a gift and a curse and I learned that the hard way, trust me. Imma paint you a picture of a sad story I had buried in the archives in my cold heart, one of the many beautiful lies that changed my life. I was in fourth grade when this happened. I had spoke to my father a day before and was told that the following day he would come pick me up from school. Knowing I was gonna spend time with my pops was a wonderful feeling.
The next day came I was excited. Once the bell rang I flew out the door to wait for him. I was supposed to walk home with my little brother but I had him walk home with some friends that lived in our building. I waited for hours as the day grew later and so many thoughts running through my head on why he hadn't shown up. Tears started to form in my eyes but never fell. As I walked home when finally got home my mom was furious wondering why I didn't come home with my brother. And me knowing she didn't like my father I couldn't come to terms to tell her the truth, so I said nothing. That pain felt heavier than carrying a bag of wet sand and I just took the whooping she gave me. I could see in her face she was curious as to why I didn't try to run from her or wasn't crying. She sent me to my room. As I replayed our conversation the day before and the events that lead up to the whooping, I realized I need that whooping.
I needed to know the consequences for trusting the wrong person no matter who they was. From that day forward I was different. I didn't see my father for a while after that, this was around 94. I saw him again for a brief moment. No words were exchanged in 2000. I saw him in 2007 and in 2022, but when we did cross paths I had no love for him. I think he felt the same. My whole life I was never a person that could love or trust many people. I just didn't have that much love to give.
My love tank was half empty. Before I became a teenager and replaced with demon fuel, my heart was colder than the day I was born on in December. As an adult I find myself trying to balance out my scales of good and bad within myself. I’ve been told by women I can be emotionally detached at times and I don't allow people to get to know me. That's the curse of being told beautiful lies. One of the many beautiful lies is I'm sorry or I love you. These words are so quick to be said and slow to be shown. People don't understand the essence of those words. I'm sorry was taught to say when you hurt someone ' s feelings or simply done something wrong. I love you is so commonly used now. I think people are in love with the idea of loving someone but not really knowing how those words have lost their meaning.
I once loved and trusted a woman, my love was deeper than the ocean and too far to see like the universe. But her love came with conditions. She gave me the bare minimum and I gave her my all. I realized whoever loves the most in a relationship always loses and I lost. When I needed her the most she wasn't there especially during my incarceration. Trusting and loving a beautiful lie had me blind to reality. I put my feelings in a letter and mailed it off with a no return to sender address. When we crossed paths at the end of my 12 year bid all she could say was I'm sorry. But the words fell on deaf ears. She once told me jail made me heartless and I said no it just made me use my heart less.
But dealing with women and the beautiful lies they had to offer I wasn’t prepared for. I found myself being hurt and let down more times than I can count. My saying is, I would never burn your bridge, I would allow you to burn your own bridge. So at the end of the day you have no one to blame but yourself when the smoke clears. But it can turn your heart cold. I knew the curse that came with the gift. I couldn’t let it change who I really was on the inside, so I treat everyone equal until you show me different.
Towards the end of my journey my perception on life and people was on another level. I was no longer that man they used to know. I realize how a beautiful lie helped mold and shape me mentally. I would never put my full trust in someone.
So I would never be let down. These life lessons, I learned from the beautiful life I heard over the past 12 years help me become the man I am today. I depended only on the people who really loved me.
With my sister's help and my 12 years coming to an end, I opened a bank account. I was saving my money and she helped me fix my credit. I drew up a business plan for a cleaning service. I signed my lease from jail.
I was the best version of myself. I walked out of prison in Prada from head to toe, with my mind set on success. Those beautiful lies helped me rewrite my moral principles and values on life and my character and integrity as well.
I’ve learned not to take everything so personal. People have a tendency of saying the right thing at the right moment not meaning any of it. Or they have good intentions with no action behind it. Good intentions turns into beautiful lies after so long. So be careful of beautiful lies as it can cost you your life. Will you be taking care of one meaning a child.
You heard the saying that it sounds too good to be true, most likely it is. As I sat in my cell, and reflected on all my life, I remember a time where things wasn’t going how I expected. I was stressed and frustrated and I got on the phone with this female. The words that were flowing out her mouth sounded like angels whispering in my ear.
She knew exactly what I needed to hear. At that moment I couldn’t do nothing but smile because I knew it was a beautiful lie.
And from that day on, I respected that word, and what kind of effect it had on someone ’ s mental. As I thought more on the word I realized how powerful it was.
Many men was put in position of power and stopped and started world wars over a beautiful lie.
If you had any sexual contact with a woman during that time, if y ’all was verbal with each other, it was a beautiful lie--especially when dealing with someone who was hurt. Or after a death, think about it, the first thing they say is, it’s gonna be OK.
You gonna make it.
Maybe they just being respectful or optimistic but at the end of the day it’s a beautiful lie. But they feel comfortable saying it because at that moment it was the right thing to say. But when you playing with someone feeling, it’s beautiful lies.
It becomes a curse. It can turn people violent, have resentment. Make them unlike themselves based off what was told to them without any action to follow behind it.
Beautiful lies have been a major factor in everyone ’ s life without them even knowing it, or at least identifying it. A beautiful lie sounds better than saying a lie or white lie, but a valuable lesson was learned.
Stroking someone ’ s ego is simply a beautiful lie. I could remember sometimes when I use the word as well.
5/15/25 was a rough day for me. I lost my first cousin from gun violence. 7/5/25 I lost my other cousin but this one I had a different attachment to. I couldn't attend either of their funerals. I try not to misuse it, or do it too often, but I realized women fall in love with their ears and men fall in love with their eyes. Women are more likely to hear a beautiful lie than a man would.
But in certain situations you have to do what’s best for that person just to get them through those rough times.
It’s a battle dealing with your mental state. The word isn’t bad, it's how you use it and your intentions behind it.
That’s why I say it’s a gift and a curse. It can lead you to success or demise.
I Am From
