Silent Battles
Roger Tilson Jr.
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive self-projection to author new life narratives.
Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.
While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.
This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
Silent Battles
Roger Tilson Jr.
Fentanyl also known as "Opioid”
In 2024, 126 people overdosed and died in Chicago. More than 30% of deaths in Chicago come from this drug. Fentanyl is the number #2 drug behind marijuana. Chicago, Illinois always known for it’s gang culture. Chicago has had some of the most infamous gangs birthed here and some of the toughest gang leaders from Al Capone, to Larry Hoover (Gangster Disciple) Jeff Ford (Black P Stone) Willy Lord (Vice Lord) and David Barksdale (Black Disciple) just to name a few.
Those gangs were put together to help the community at some point things changed; the gangs had to stay funded so they began to sell drugs in the same community they were trying to keep up. Drugs got the community in a strong hold and began to take over the black household; taking mothers away from their children, fathers away from the head of the house. It began to destroy the black family as a whole.
To some, selling dope was the way of life. The way to get the flyest cars, lots of money, all the women,, it was the fast line to go from rags to riches. Everyone wanted that, not caring about killing the community in the process. In the 1980’s crack cocaine hit the streets, and hit hard. Crack not only affects poor people, it also affects the working class family. Some people thought it was a party drug, something they can turn on and off, but nope, drugs are no joke nor a party. Crack still affects families now.
On January 30, 1982 a child was born by the name of Micheal; to the proud parents of Big Mike and Carrie. A nice working class family. Big Mike worked for the Chicago transit authority while Carrie was a bank teller for Chase Bank. With them both being first time parents they both were extremely happy and nervous at the same time. They was raising a smart well mannered kid.
Over the years they seem to be a perfect family. By the time Lil Mike turned 17 his father was just about to retire from his CTA job of 30 years and with that Lil Mike figured he would step up and hold the house down like he seen his father do for many years.
Seeing the fast money and the way things were going with his friends he figured he would sell DOPE as they did; so now he began to sell DOPE, but why? Here it is a young man with a bright future, loving family, two parent household; but he wanted to sell DOPE!! There’s no need to do this other than wanting fast money; fast women, flashy cars and things that comes with it.
As Lil Mike gets in the streets and begins to sell DOPE, he starts to skip school, failing his classes; he begins to become a rebellious teenager, not listening to his mother or father, missing curfew; but to him everything was going just fine. Outside of school work and house chores Lil Mike was getting the street credit and the money he wanted. He began to buy the best label clothes, dating the flyest girls.
He was living the life he could only dream of. The life his hardworking father and mother were not able to give him. Little did he know, the same DOPE! He was selling, his middle class father was secretly battling an addiction with. Big Mike’s last day of work has come, to everyone it’s a celebration. Big Mike has worked a steady job for 30 years, he is retiring with a nice pension for a black man, he has beat the odds. As his wife and friend prepare for a small party at home Big Mike is stressed, upset and hurt. He let his drug addiction, which is the real reason he’s no longer working for CTA anymore.
One day before he began his shift at work his boss came to him and let him know that he was pulled to take a random drug test, and yup…. He FAILED. Due to the CTA drug free policy to ensure safety of it’s passengers Big Mike was FIRED! Not only has he lost his job, he lied to his family, he has let his wife and son down. How will he continue to provide for his family? How will he continue to be the head of house? How will he continue to be the role model for his son Lil Mike?
As Big Mike drives home he tries to escape failure and let down; he stopped to buy some DOPE! He sees a group of boys on the corner. He parks and walks to where the boys are. While walking, Lil Mike see ’ s his father…. Scared he is caught, Lil Mike gives his friend what’s left of the drugs he’s selling. Now Lil Mike is running home at top speed hoping his father didn’t see him, knowing he was supposed to be at school. What would he say? Who told on him? Lil Mike had a million things on his mind while he headed home.
How do he explain this? Big Mike is so lost in his own thoughts, he never sees his son; he walks up to the young boy to buy the drugs. As he looks at the young boy Big Mike is saddened even more. He’s thinking to himself this young boy can’t be no more than 17, the same age as his son. Big Mike gets what he came for, he got two bags of DOPE from the same young boy his son gave his remaining drugs to before he ran off. Big Mike is so upset with himself that he let his life come to this.
He gets back in the car, hits the steering wheel out of frustration. He pulls up the block , hands shaking emotionally a wreck. He takes the DOPE out that he just got to deal with his emotion. His moment of bliss will help him deal with all the things on his mind and right there in the car he uses the DOPE. As Lil Mike sits in his room, palms sweating, his nerves all over the place, his heart is beating a million miles an hour on the verge of an anxiety attack.
His friend startled him as he knocks on his bedroom window and takes him out of his thoughts and near anxiety attack, he tells him he all out of DOPE time to re-up the block is bussin. Lil Mike gets his money from his buddy and tells him he as to wait on his father then he on his way. While waiting on his father for what seems like forever, he falls asleep, he awakened by the house phone ringing. It’s 3 am, his father still not home. He hears his mom scream, he runs to her room and she tells him about the call that changed their lives forever.
Big Mike has overdosed.
The DOPE he used was laced with Fentanyl and just like that Big Mike is GONE. No more happy family, two parent household.
What seemed like the perfect family is no longer that. No one knew of his drug addiction, it was his secret he tried to hide and lived with on his own, but dealing with substance abuse is not a fight you can fight alone.
Lil Mike is so lost that his father is no longer alive. He calls his friend to see when did his father leave the block, he tells him right after he bought the DOPE he was selling that killed his father. As guilt takes over Lil Mike does not know if he wants to live or die as the days go by he is now living with a secret of himself.
He sees his mother losing her mental battle with depression. The house is taking a hit, bills are piling up, it’s stressful. Lil Mike is at a crossroad in life. After his father’s death do he sit and cry or make some changes?
Realizing that DOPE killed his father, it is also killing the community, killing kids’ future, or killing mothers, Lil Mike decides to focus back on school and doing what’s right. He gets his grades back on track and he also helps his mother out. He helped her with her depression.
Lil Mike makes a promise to himself to understand substance abuse.
In just a few months he has lost his father and got his grades back on track to graduate from high school on time as he began to help his mother out around the house and try to pick up pieces of his life.
He never picked up DOPE again but unfortunately he learned the hard way about DOPE.
Roger Tilson SR. was born on July 7th 1960, he began his career at Chicago public schools at the young age of 19 as a janitor he worked for CPS for years when he retired he was lead engineer at Cameron elementary on Chicago’s west side during his tenure at CPS he received countless awards for his selfless work he even received custodian of the year 5 times which is a city wide award. Roger was a great Son, Brother, Father, and Friend. After retiring from CPS his favorite pastime was to spend time with his grandsons. Roger battled substance abuse alone for many years no one knew and his past away. Pops I wish I learned of your silent battles sooner, I’m learning more to help people with some of the same issues I love you old man in your words “I’m with you when you right and I’m with you when you wrong no matter what I got your back”
Love you Dad
Roger Tilson Jr.
I Am From
I am from the white building 71st street
From Jordan’s first 3 peat era and White sox world series champs
I am from 5324 S. Union Granny House
I am from the windy city
I’m from Rodger SR. and Charletta
From watching football on Sundays with pops
And from school shopping with Moms
I’m from the Kuy Kendoll’s
And from where granny say “ you dont think fat meat is greasy ”
I’m from God
I’m from Chicago
From Three’s Happiness and Lawrence Fishery
Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb
