Product of my environment - Benjamin Evans

P.O.M.E. Product of My Environment

Benjamin Evans

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive self-projection to author new life narratives.

Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.

While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.

This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.

P.O.M.E. Product of My Environment Benjamin Evans

Man, it feels good as hell outside today. The sun was beaming, and the girls were out in full swing as “Banari” said to no one in particular. Walking to the basketball court with Ju-Ju, Rex, Antoine, and Brian. Washington Park was the place to be during summer because everyone and their mama seemed to be there, plus the candy lady was across at the playground. She sold everything from nacho cheese with ground beef, five-cent fruities, and airheads to snowballs and icy cups.

The dope boys were in their raw cars with fresh paint, nice rims, banging music, everyone just hanging out, having fun.

The girls were dressed in shorts so high you can see the bottom of their “booty cheeks.” What a sight to see, with me only being thirteen at the time. As Banari, Rex, Ju-Ju, Brian, and Antoine made their way on the court, it was a five-on-five going on as we see one of the players hit the game-winning shot. I didn’t play basketball.

I was more into baseball, football, and track. It doesn’t mean I didn’t know how to play, but not compared to Antoine aka “Twany.” Everyone knew he had real talent, like he came out of the womb with a basketball, to say the least. Twany had the jump shot and dribbles to go with his already 6’ 1" height.

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el T h ie v e e d yo e te u b c ti u t w Bu ve s w ha t t M r c a il l t e d o y . B r o rry w o in g s t if y u t h n , I d id a g t h a in k r e e t th a ju n ’t d ry n b ey o a g h a d is g a n y oin th wh a o w t ip g t o in g as tha b d e t t h el ie v l iv e e r e e , if rin g c wou you rac ld b go e a to k. pe tria r so l ? n

As the game ended, the guy from the winning team called out Twany, so of course, he accepted it and chose to play with Banari, Rex, Ju-Ju, and Brian, who we all nicknamed Boxhead because his head was shaped like a square, but he was aggressive with rebounding. Now, Rex, on the other hand, knew how to get under someone's skin the way he cracked jokes and talked trash would have a person blowing steam from their ears, and me, “Banari,” who was the fifth man.

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es “D of ” I r on it . e s p ’ t y o Ju st o n d u h un e d a v de . “ e t r s t In f o k a n a c no w d t th , y o so at u h me if y o a v e t h in u e l t o k g is ec t t n o w t h er al o g w e t on h o po e. o t o a t i t s t ri al is, w sess , it ’s her it?” go e i h in g t is e a to an ske be d t d. yo he ur na wo t u r rd e

See, I could dribble a little bit and take it in for the layup, but even with the four of us, Twany was the go-to guy. Now as we start the game, Twany going up for the ball and smacking it my way put me on me on the spot so as I grabbed the ball dribbling down court smiling because I seen this pretty girl I’ve been wanting to holla at, chanting my name loud have me the courage feeling like I was Stephon Marbury or Allen Iverson. So I started to do my thing, showing out with a few moves until I almost lost control and got it stolen. As the game went on with us in the lead 12–14 and the game going to “16” Twany goes for the win doing a dribble.

Through the legs, crossing over this dude name Slim, making the game-winning shot. Since he betted his Mag-Wheel bike with the stunt nuts against Twany’s regular bike and lost, he was mad once it was time to give it up.

Slim got to talking crazy saying he wasn’t giving Twany anything. Some people on the sideline called Slim a sore loser telling him to give the bike up but Slim refused and walked over the gym bag and pulled out a chrome silver-looking gun, ran up on Twany and shot him twice in the chest. People scattered everywhere, but I was stuck in a trance because everything happened so quickly.

I stood watching Twany lie motionless on the ground, seeing him take his last breath with his eyes open, staring right at me. I couldn’t help but vow to never be in a position where I can’t defend or protect myself. From that day forward, I felt like I needed to carry protection. Twany's death still weighs heavily on my mind, especially when I walking past his house.

I was walking to the laundromat and ran into this young dude named Lil D. Lil D always had something going on, whether it was arguing with a girl or stealing from the store. See, Lil D was sixteen going on twenty-five. I guess growing up where I come from, it’s normal to be young in age but act older. On this particular day, I heard someone shout “Banari” so I turned around to see Lil D coming towards me and that’s when he showed me a bag of marijuana. I never smoked, but my parent schooled me on every drug so I could know what effects it would ad h have. Plus I learned through the substance abuse class in school. e e e h n th c o Sin ck . a le ro a s b a p w ut nd o a th wi ra m s r g ea pro . y r iv e a s e f o u f n , e l e ty is o r l y r w e n r p in n ea o f t s r a ge e a fo r a y n e d th e e i e if t a l if s a t f to e q u r e e t d h e st n c e n t, e t e n lv e m s s o w a r in v n o h Jo p ri no

So Lil D and I started walking towards the laundromat, and when I looked at him, he had the weed in the cigar rolled up, and Lil D was lighting it up. As he took a pull, he then passed it to me. At first, I declined, but with him insisting that it won’t harm me and ease my mind from the passing of Twany. I grabbed it and took a pull with me, coughing hysterically.

I started feeling the effect of a lazy slow mood. I passed it back! So as we made it to 62nd and King Drive, Lil D said, “Do you want to see what I found?”, then proceeded to raise his shirt up and show me a small black gun. Now, at that point, I should have followed my first instinct and told him I’ll catch up with you later, especially knowing that Lil D stays involved in some mess. Having the wrong company in your presence can have a negative impact on your life. But, of course, I dismissed my better judgment.

Just flashes of Twany lying on that basketball court, lifeless with his eyes open, staring at me, made me remember that I never wanted to be in a position I couldn’t protect myself or be protected.

Now, as Lil D and I continued walking, and some guys were calling Lil D some aggressive names from halfway down the street. I hear Lil D say watch out, then what happened next I could not believe! The guys scattered and so did we.

We saw police speeding, turning the corner towards where the shots were fired.

I asked Lil D what type of stuff you got going on, he just shrugged it off, saying, “Forget them.”

I thought to myself, like man! I already know Lil D stays in some kind of mess, and I should have stayed away from this dude. Now the police sirens, so I look towards the police car speeding our way, but just as I turned around, I see Lil D take off inside the courtyard.

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The police car stopped right in front of me with two officers with one jumping out throwing me on the hood of the car and the other one going after Lil D. The officer eventually came back with a gun in his hand and a handcuffed Lil D. We both entered the police station and was thrown into separate cells. As time went past for what seemed like forever, one of the arresting officers came in and e the office I don’t started to question me, asking who the gun belonged to!uI'rtold o d . re y e know which made himtemad. o id l giv s f e qu be sa I’l . re in, and nd ?” a e e en d de i t H s s I n” fifte ile rren e el ast at. w m cu e th ro t h ,s on e .r B wi ute con me f th ven s n o o n M ear mi run or s ut ve e a o y a c y to d ro r g ou thirt it fo all u di tin ’t p m.” y n e o l e o ea u is out h fiv g y sho y ca or th d yo ab it hin at he t f st b e r in g g h t e n w m e t o r t h n d t v e i e t h o f f e t h o u if t e “ S o n g f e r a p r o e m re He to f ed. oki driv can t a o ge ey le.” ut it I ask en l the nd I t s c ro th s a e ” “ J u e a l r p a e m d y ? e b w a k id 'v e t o d o th s t le f t e ll A b h e y u t h t h a e “ T b b b e l ig i t h is , d y . ” . B . id , o k e d h r e k T o “ M e b m sm h e m a e ls e s o m h o t e ll t h e n e e d w w “T o r g sa m e cha o “S ey Th

Now, going back to earlier, before the arrest, even a blind man can figure out and see who the gun was. I felt something fishy going on, a gut feeling, of course. I thought since the office saw who ran, there was no need for me to tell, plus I wasn’t about to snitch because growing up in the environments I was living snitches get stitches.

The officer gotknow up and within five minutes, he “They are going toin, want specifics.

Times, dates, how you about it. And they returned, telling me to standare up going and turn around with my hands behind my back, and I felt the cold to want a lie detector” I warned. bracelet (handcuffs) clasp around my wrist. officerwith walked me out of the room, so I thought to “No problem”, heThe returned confidence. myself, where is Lil D? So I asked the officer where the other guy was, and he responded, saying that he was released.

Banari felt disappointed in himself for even having Lil D around him in the first place and I was angry that he didn't take accountability for his actions. Either way I was being charged with it and the fact I didn’t do anything but still end up paying the price for having the wrong company around me made my stomach tremble. ed ed m pp r a ra e w v fi em g”. r f o t h r it in e r ve w h e h a in t e m and nt i e a v em I w a h h ey of t and h T ll g . o a im e n i t th ss t a l r n he fe io o t c o n d d it e o n t to o a n e N u d I w a a l. l c in n . e d e e o t t if t e f t h n f o w a d id a r t t s ,I p ju “ I r ie s a s a b e up b ro

Here, I am ten years later, working and taking care of my family, and find myself in another messed-up situation by inviting the wrong people around me, knowing they are not right, but this time it was a family member!

My mother's sister's son, who is my first cousin.

So he was like a little brother to me. I invited him down to where I live so he could get his life on track because he was in some kind of trouble back home. While I was at work, I kept feeling my phone vibrate, so I asked Carl, my co-worker, to relieve me for a quick break just so I could see who was blowing up my phone.

As I made it to the restroom, I pulled my phone out.

To my surprise, it was ten missed calls from my cousin. So I called back just to get no answer. When I was just about to put my phone away, my cousin called me, sounding hysterical, saying so many things, so I couldn’t understand. I told him to slow down and tell me what happened. That’s when he said some guys jumped on him. I got off work and headed straight to the crib to see what’s going on.

I walked through the door and the first thing I saw was my cousin's face covered with black and burgundy bruises on his face. Now this was my first cousin, something like my brothers, so I felt like I needed to be there for him. I was always the type of person to be there for a family member or a close friend who I considered as a family member ever since I was younger, just because I was taught to be there for those I loved.

But today, something changed that.

As we were riding and me listening to my cousin explain to me what happened, I felt something in my heart. He wasn’t being truthful about the situation. Now, before I invited my cousin to live with n sio anything me, my auntie said he was in some trouble, but he kept telling her it wasn’t going on. s se “the s o m s Until one day she saw some guys posted outside her house. r p wa to hi . o f up Hthe e dude's Come to find out, he was dealing with one of them and messed lying, saying ed up ustmoney t ed in e. d s d b u e e he didn’t know why they were outside. s b coca look got leas in, a e w ckI heard e othere us ethey go.

I was about to express my thought but was stoppede when DC my f hcousin s r say i c h a if . a r r n fc e son e w n' s his l d i e l r w h l s o t ea pri n. H , Joh get ove d a o l i t ” u o m v o o rs red abo go pris “boy ng t . He a e d to e in his goi ole n y hun pok ung ars r e s e th a t w a s f p a o te n e y e y h f o e eig ing ler” w s too thre rtain t he as o s t a wa ribu dea wa d to n, ce d th he w .

C e st o e l ld g he ? D of di dru hat tenc pris ecid unti chi C a t e d d n D ly e r n t io n g t im l D C s s e t e r e , h e l es s h a d b l em inte “bi n te t, wa e en ome d tire they m e R e th e r th o f te r r e s h s. H m e h o r ke a n d a l th f o u ld nt ca is o w i er” h d w is g ir e o m n h g n w a e n h r u n h e l o w i n in h e n j o b s it h d l g W w a n C f o r v in u p . t w o in e t t D r s se go t e im e f a H d h r. ha o rd e in

Now, my initial approach was to walk to the guys to see if we could find an understanding. I couldn’t get a word out before the guy started talking crazy, getting in his car, and hitting the hard, rugged concrete. Then out of nowhere, I heard my cousin yelling my name as I was getting up off the ground and I knew he was angry after seeing me get struck by the car. I thought to myself, why don’t you handle it since this is your problem? Just then, I turned to see the car coming back towards me and flashes popped in my head of Twany being shot dead when he didn’t even do anything and Benari vowing not never to be in a position where I can’t protect myself. Out of nowhere my cousin stepped in to defend me after he realized my life was in danger.

Everything happened in slow motion. All I can hear are sirens from the police, but they were quickly on the scene, out of their car with guns drawn towards me.

I felt my life was over.

They rushed me to the ground and handcuffed me.

Banari was taken to the police station facing difficult circumstances due to One of the dealers refused to give up his money and Artis shot him. DC panicked and serious charges. Banari finally got a call and dialed home to his family and found tried to drive off but put the car in reverse and ran into a pole. out his cousin lied about the whole situation. Banari was so hurt that words couldn’t even explain how he felt as a tear rolled down his face. The reason it hurt so much was because it was his own family member, my cousin, someone I considered like a brother.

For him to betray me after inviting him to my home was heartbreaking. Even these walls started spinning, well, at least that’s what it felt like. Here I am in yet another hey jumped but intoonly the car hima to drivemember at first he hesitated Artis put situation, this and timetold it was family involved whothen betrayed me.the gun to his head andI said “DRIVE NIGGA” so he drove off.again, When they made it to the invited the wrong company around safe spot Artis turnedwhich and said for the hook up and then BOOM, BOOM, put thanks my life nigga and freedom in jeopardy.

BOOM…Safe to say they never made it to the party…Aint karma a bitch!!

This story is about a young boy, Banari, who grew up in a product of his environment and was put in life-threatening situations and practically lost his freedom both times throughout his life, with one being a neighborhood friend and the other being his cousin who essentially was the wrong company to hang or invite around. Be careful of the company you keep because it could be dangerous to your well-being.

Benjamin Evans I Am From I am from Stateway and Washington park From Box Chevys and Brutus choppers I am from pissy project elevators to section 8 houses I am from the grass ain’t greener on the other side Cause if a person hit you first you hit back I’m from Benny and Fannie From red beans and rice and fried chicken And from make it home before the streetlights I’m from tough love is the best love And from one fight you all fight I’m from say what you mean and do as you say I’m from the windy city From Harold's chicken and Maxwells From Benny Evans and Fannie Evans I am from the Ghetto but no longer ghetto

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb Copyright

2025