by Devontae Harvey My Mother Is MVP
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds, expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive self-projection to author new life narratives.
Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.
While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.
This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
Devontae Harvey My Mother Is MVP
Body
September 22nd, 2001 my momma was seventeen and in the process of conceiving me. I don’t know how she felt, but to be a parent, watching your kids grow and prosper is always a beautiful thing.
The process of birth is something I will never forget. Becoming a teen parent is not easy., When my momma watched me grow, I also watched her grow and mature from a young lady to a woman.
From a bus to our car, from my grandma's house to our own house. From dependent to independent, working two jobs, making ends meet, and picking up the slack of the involuntary absence of my pops.
While he was serving time, my OG played both momma and daddy “don’t fight with yo female”, “get your own everything so no motherfucker mfca can move weight around you ” , “be careful who you have a baby with”, “ no matter if they family or twenty year friends, they gone change like the weather” and “ wear condom, you don’t want ya pee-da-wacker dripping and ion wanna have to beat no lil bitch ass ” .
I didn’t understand why so much was being shown to me at a young age, but now I know. My mom was building her family, and stress and depression are real.
Being the oldest of my mom ' s four kids, she came to me about everything. “Look, you ' re the oldest, school starts at the end of August, I can’t get y ’all’s shoes till the first week of September”. She was stressed, but before she let her kids ask or beg, she let us know our needs would be met, just not as fast as we wanted.
I thought my mom was being hard on me but she was teaching me what I would soon understand to be adulthood. At 9 years old I could use a debit card and also remember the pin numbers of my grandma, moms, and aunties.
I thought my mom showed favoritism because I got every lesson and lecture with tough love. That was my point of view but from my Og point of view I was a young man and my siblings were the “baby sisters”. For instance no matter how many times I took the trash out the first time I forgot not too you would hear my mom screaming at me like I had committed a treachery but my younger sisters who mess they room up every day she just continued to tell them over and over as if it was her first time telling them.
It was because she expected more from me because I was the older brother as a kid. I would cry and complain for my mom to ease off but that wouldn’t have made me the person I am today. I see others and they aren’t used to their mistakes being corrected, to understand where you went wrong is so important for me and I am sure of others in order to do better.
There will be mistakes and how can you elevate without learning from those mistakes? Every trip and fall I made my mom wasn’t there to catch me but stood over me to point out and show me where I failed.
My mom went over and beyond from me and my sisters to make sure we weren’t in need of anything and not even things. She made sure we had every vaccine we needed, even checkups were routine for us. Sometimes today I look back on arguments, lessons, conversations, etc., and it makes me think of how much my mom was preparing me for a world that once it consumes your ignorance.
The digestive system rarely regulates itself. At 12 years old, my mom was showing me not by words but by her actions on how to be independent. A trait most of my peers still don't have.
When my mom used to work, she always made sure I was well prepared to be the man of the house. Don’t use the stove, sandwiches, fruit, water, juice, snacks, TV dinners. Phones for emergency contact and emergency exit routes in case of a fire irresponsible parenting was not in my mom ' s vocabulary. She wasn’t settling for me to freeze up or panic in time of need.
I was well coached and well rehearsed to look after my siblings. Years before I ever thought of being a parent I was a big brother to two little girls that I couldn’t let down. The pivotal role that I play was the link that helped my mom make all ends meet, i’m proud to say there wasn’t a day we went without food, lights, water, or shelter I make it seem like we had it all because it was cold winters when the stove was fully blast with the oven door open, boiling water on the stove for showers, and times where we face challenges.
My mom did her best for us. The failures I endured was by me. Those failures were sometimes the space that was open that my mom couldn’t fill. The space that was open as time passed and I went from a child to a teenager and a teenager to a man like when my first child was born. My mom exemplified what comes with being a parent openly showed me, just coaching me to cater, help and nurture my younger siblings.
My daughter is my everything. She opens my chest, with the sound of her voice with her hugs and wet kisses on the cheek the love that’s different from the love I was used to receiving and giving. Days I was mad or down her innocence her presence ripped a ray of sunshine to my heart. It stopped me in my tracks. I'm a sucker for my daughter. I take her everywhere with me. Lincoln zoo, Brookfield zoo, shed aquarium, Dave & Buster’s, boat riding, canoeing. I mean the list goes on. It’s no duel when me and my daughter are together, but the empty space I said my mom couldn’t feel my dad should have.
The smallest things I learned on my own that I wish he could have taught me, like even when my daughter is safe and sound with her mom and or grandparents and I have free time I’m still a dad. The decisions I would make while I was free still affect her. Just because my daughter wasn’t with me, I still had to exemplify her dad while I wasn’t in her presence. I knew I was a parent, but my actions showed different. My action showed. I was carefree and had no responsibilities but in reality I had a daughter that questioned where her dad was to take her out. Every chance was to do our weekly trips to the theater, our weekly play date downtown at the children’s park off the river. In front of every calf with a skyscraper standing over us that imitated the sky at night. Or where was her sister Kendall and her auntie Ariel. My action stopped that and deprived her of her growing memories not only with me but my family.
I understand the mistakes in our lessons and I’m learning the woman that my mother showed me she was was a woman that continues to elevate so the mistakes I made is just a stepping stone to improve. I won’t make the same mistake twice. I have one mother and one father that if they leave I have neither the relationship you have and build with your family is important. I was lost when it came to building a bond with them.
My mom was always there while my pops was doing time. I was young and my mom ’ s parenting helped me the tough skin I have today sometimes my mom even questions why I’m so hard on and aggressive, but truly if it wasn’t for her, who knows how many people would’ve ran over me or who would mistreat me if I was gullible the lessons your loved ones give you are not to be mean.
They are given to shape you. Loosen up a little, that's the advice I give my younger self, I thought everyone ’ s out to get me, but really I was being prepped for my future.
Remain a lifelong learner, you don’t know everything there’s something someone else knows and you don’t. To be honest if it wasn’t for the trials and error with my mom, I would be so lost. Don’t go through life turning your back on people or holding grudges make your next move your Best move.
Don’t be afraid to forgive of course you will never forget, but there is strength and power and forgiveness. The times where I would argue and fight with my mom broke me down. I was angry because I didn’t understand her logic. Then I was even more pissed because I didn’t have my Pops on my side. I was One On One with Momma Dukes and I lost every single battle and literally didn’t win one as I got older.
I understood if it wasn’t for her battles I’d be a loose cannon. Probably in a situation worse than the one I’m in now so it took me getting arrested a couple times. (which probably sounds dumb) to understand what my dad was going through to see what happens to young black men with no guidance and no education.
I was mad at him for a long time, but in order to know something you gotta go through something and when I went through the jail system. My Pops was a victim of no guidance. I’ll go through and endure it all over again not only to strengthen our family, but to help mow our household, I didn’t understand my mom game plan, I didn’t understand her decisions, but I learn from them to build a family of my own to not trip and fall.
Davontae Harvey
I Am From
I am from off the sac
From all american and catfish corner
I am from get it out the mud
Or nip it in the bud
I’m from the product of Michelle and Janaee
From the churches down on Pulaski
And from after you pay you didnt wanna stay
I’m from forgive but never forget
And from continue to live until you get rich
I’m from Mount Sinai baptist
I’m from Chicago
From Chitterlings, greens, and Kool-aid
From chelly chell chell
I am from grains, stains, and pain it’s always sunshine after the rain
Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb
