I was angry at the world and everyone in it for a long time, and I still am. You see, instead of fulfilling his dream for me to go to college and one day become a professional athlete...
I went from all that to being a high school dropout. A multi felon. A victim to gun violence 3 times. A documented gang member. A registered gun offender. And sadly just another statistic.
Not being able to control my anger and emotions was a big factor in my downfall in life. My parents divorced and my father’s death shortly after that caused me traumatic pain that I couldn’t overcome. And unfortunately caused so much pain and suffering in my life that it ruined it.
I felt like I was abandoned and nobody really cared for me after that so I didn’t have any obligation to care about anything or anyone else.
I slowly began to realize that I had emotional issues that I never really addressed or talked to anyone about. I just kept it bottled up for so long.
I discovered layers on top of layers of scars, from feeling unloved and abandoned. Like many other youths growing up in distressed neighborhoods. I suffered from PTSD.
No longer did I need to carry my anger around inside of me all bottled up. Keeping me one provocation away from expulsion. I got tired of hurting people and everyone around me, including myself. For the first time in my life I’m starting to see my anger for what it really is. A destructive force that would tear me apart unless I find a way to change before it’s too late.
It’s up to me to become the man and father that my dad would want me to be and that I was meant to be. Because I know now that not having a dad has a huge influence on what type of life my kids are going to have.
For over 10 years, I thought I was fighting for dignity and respect. But I never realized how undignified and disrespectful my anger caused me to be and how much pain and destruction it truly caused.
A father’s absence affects the kids the most. Without you, your house is not a home. It’s hard for a single mother to raise a son to be a man. That’s the responsibility of a Dad. My father was a Godly man, and he raised his children to be. Our parents did their best to shelter us from the streets of Chicago by keeping us busy with sports, music, and church.
I was raised in a two bedroom attic apartment with my 4 sisters and 2 brothers. Life was always a struggle for me and my family. I grew up in poverty on the south side of Chicago. But my father always did what he could to keep us afloat. He worked in the union as a carpenter and often did side jobs to make ends meet. But sometimes work got slow and so did the money. I remember the power and gas would be disconnected and I recall my dad messing with the power box and secretly restoring the power himself. But that wouldn’t last long; the electricity company would eventually find out.
And they would send someone else back to disconnect it again.
I remember using candles at night to see and taking cold showers because there was no hot water. Sometimes my father would pawn whatever he could, to help us get by. I remember he used to scrape up whatever change he could find to get us to school and back.
My parents got divorced and my dad turned back to the streets and started selling drugs and using them. He fell back into the life he tried so hard to get away from, and keep his children away from. But there was not a lot he could do to keep us away from the influencers and distractions our environment had to offer.
The struggle and poverty I grew up in humbled me. When you think you got it bad, someone else got it worse. If I could go back in time and change anything, I wouldn’t. Because everything I went through and been through made me the man I am today. The wisdom, knowledge, understanding, courage and strength I gained from the struggle, hurt, pain and suffering is priceless.
I survived the streets of Chicago. I survived a system that was meant to destroy me. Only the strong survive and I'm living proof. Your mistakes don’t define who you are as a person. You can’t change your past but you can change your future.
Everyday is a second chance to do better and be better. And ain’t too many second chances in this life so you better take advantage.
I believe God gives the toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. You have to go through certain things in life to be the person you ' re going to be and that you were meant to be.
When everything seems like it's falling apart other things are falling into place. Everything I went through was a part of God's plan to build me into the man that I am today and that’s something money can’t buy.
I am not perfect and I never will be. But as long as I'm alive I will never stop trying to be the best man, father and person that I can be.
Josiah Noyola
I Am From
I am from the southside of Chicago born and raised
From gunshots and police sirens everyday
I am from hot summer days where the water from the pump is raining on the street
I’m from the murder cap where the most people die from violence
From where the good die young
I’m from a single parent households and broken homes
From block parties and BBQ’s to funerals and anniversaries
I’m from where they shoot first and ask questions later
From where violence is rewarded
I’m from where respect is earned and not given
From alcohol and drug abuse
I’m from Mount Sinai where I was born and almost lost my life to gun violence
I am from hood legends and notorious gang chiefs
