Times Get Hard. Just Call on God by Robbie Barns

Robbie Barns Times Get Hard. Just Call on God

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.

Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.

While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.

This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.

Times Get Hard. Just Call on God Robbie Barns

d e d ic

a t io n

My story kicks off like my name is Mr. B and I was raised on the West side of the Chi. It was just me and my mom and eight years later, then came my little sister who I despised because she was going to intervene in my spending, toys, and out of town trips to grandma’s house money.

But no, honestly I was glad she came. Now I have someone to play with when it’s time to come in from outside playing.

I felt invincible being the man of the house. I conformed to a grown person's responsibility by convincing my mom to let me work at the newspaper stand although I thought I was doing the damn thing, making my little money, it couldn’t compare to the big money my mom made working at Federal Reserve Bank of Chicago.

At night she attended law school. She would always say that she wanted the best for me and my sister. She did and proved it and at times I would say that she was strict. One day, OMG! Don’t ask why, but I challenged her verbally after I was the one who was the disobedient child, and consequently left home when I was fifteen because her strict rules were too much for this kid and the butt whoopings too.

Don’t get it twisted. It was hard, but to flourish runs in our blood, and I did great accomplishments, such as finding prodigious support enrolling in, at the time, a number one high school, Maine West Township. Coming previously from a high school in the Austin community where I was distraught after a month of witnessing a guy being shot at while walking down the hall changing classes. But that didn’t stop me at all.

I was determined to make my mother proud, and I did when she saw me walk across that stage with diploma in hand. I really felt independent, then I had a nice job. By nineteen, I had an apartment with a roommate, my boy Boobie G. This crib was too big for the both of us, but we were youngsters living it up big time. You know, nobody could tell us nothing and we were doing everything responsibly.

A little after that I made a decision to move, because I wanted privacy because I met a beautiful woman named Sheila, a model who eventually became the mother of my first born. That made me so happy. The world was ours so blessed. By my mom being my role model and my uncles, I knew that I only wanted the best for my first born, like my mom wanted for me and my sister. But unfortunately, the relationship ended, but not with my son. I raised him well. When we spent our visitation together from Friday to Sunday, he was my best friend. Just like when my little sister came in my life, a burst of sunshine!

I moved to the north side and took on two jobs, security guard and a cashier at Walgreens.

Then Walgreens wasn’t doing it for me, so I chose a course at Truman College. I did that for a short time, only because I got a job offer from Northwestern University, and I was doing extremely well. It was there that I met a beautiful woman with a perfected zealous heart, and she, Danielle, thereafter born my second son, Joseph, another blessing indeed.

I called him my special baby because he spent a lot of time in the hospital because of asthma, so his mom and I or one or the other, were and had to be there every time for him. Not only that, his mom’s life was very essential, because she was an A student, and I knew her mother wasn’t going to let her screw that up. But we made it. She graduated. His health is much better. I thank God for that. Not long after that, we split up, but indeed my son and I stayed close. A new beginning began right there.

But pause for a second, I know some of you might say there's always a woman involved and a split up. Well, that's my fault because I had the game to get the prettiest women and gave them material things, and not all the love that they deserved and in the end, yes I was blessed with a beautiful child, but lost out on a good strong woman.

I packed my stuff and moved to the suburbs where I met my beautiful wife, Lisa. I had a cool ass job with all kinds of incentives. That’s when Lisa, with my two stepchildren Jesse and Shaylee, bought a huge apartment. A little while after that, Lisa apprised me that we were pregnant with twins. Boys. I almost passed out.

When the nurse doing the ultrasound said “There’s Baby A, and here is Baby B,” I’m like “What?” My double blessing came, Patrick and Roderick, on November 16, 1998. I was so happy, and not only was it interesting, it was obviously double the work, double the love, double everything. It was hard especially because the youngest twin, Patrick, had heart failure issues when he came home after a month and a half.

God gave my wife and I the grace and strength to conquer the hard time. I was seeking mental relief. Stress was building as well. How differently Lisa proposed to me, I was replete with so much joy, like “Damn. She proposed to me? I’m one lucky man.”

So we got married right after the twins were healthy enough to take on outings. They were ring bearers, my stepson, 3 years old at the time, was my best man, and my stepdaughter was Lisa’s bridesmaid. It was better than a big wedding. So now I’ve made this vast commitment. I was in a comfortable state of mind, with so much love and joy.

And right after that my wife and I hit the jackpot on a big insurance settlement and invested in a beautiful home in Indiana. We transferred jobs down there, that's right still worked and had a big big fat bank account mainly to show our children adult responsibility.

My princess, Jaida as I call her, is my pride and joy. She’s so special because she’s the only girl biologically amongst four boys, and they make me, they are my strength, and there isn’t nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for them, even if they are giants. Aundrey is 6’ 7”, Joseph 6’6”, the twins Patrick and Roderick 6’4”, my princess 6 feet.

I guess the point that I’m making is my mom raised me well, and may have been strict, but meant well. By me leaving home early and having to learn, just think about it. Had I stuck it out, how much more knowledge and wisdom I would have acquired from my mom. But the knowledge I did acquire, I utilized to the best of my ability, and I passed it on to my children as sure as three of my sons are proud fathers, just like I was and still am.

But that’s just a summary of Mr. B’s life of beautiful blessings. There’s a hard side to my life. A dark side in which I would call it, through all of those times. I was super stressed, and at times felt like giving up on life, because it was like nothing in the world would/could alleviate the stress and anxiety. I really became pensive mostly because I was surrounded by jealousy. Normally, when a person comes into the blessed things I had, they would feel better. Having a very beautiful wife, beautiful kids, and I had the nicest homes, cars, and SUV’s in the driveway, an expensive dog, a decked out crib, thousands and thousands of dollars in the bank.

You name it, I had it. But it was as if I was never satisfied, and only I knew why. I rarely, if ever, shared the reason, and the reason was my mom was overwhelmingly strict. The woman was no joke. It was like being raised on an army base.

It was hard, mental abuse I call it. She would force me and my little sister to learn selfdefense maneuvers that she was trained to do. By the age of 13, I was trained in self defense and that's what really messed me up mentally.

The goals I set for my life and the future were to attend college, graduate, and accept a great career, especially by having the generous amount of great role models. My uncles and my aunts were a great support system, and I thank God for them all. My grandma was a great influence. She was always there for me, praying that God guided me to go down the righteous path.

The family would say I was her favorite because my mom was the baby girl of the family, and I was her only son. My sister was her only girl, and all my summers were spent at her house down south in West Helena, Arkansas. In 1988, I took it really very hard when my mom called me crying, telling me granny had died. That took a big part of my life away, and so when I graduated, I kissed to the sky and told my granny “This diploma is for you.” It also brought my

mom and I closer. She thought that she was losing me. Never! I want her to know that she did a great job raising me to be a man, or should I say THE MAN to reach each and every GOAL that I ever dreamt and SLAM DUNK!

I never forgot when I went on prom with two of my buddies and our dates. We rented a stretch limo, and out of all the places I could have chosen, my choice was my mom’s house. When I got there, mom was cooking and I couldn’t take her out for a ride, but I did take my little sister. It was so fun and funny, because the limo was so big and long. We were blocking traffic on Central Avenue, and people were waiting to get out from their parking spot. Good thing they were my neighbors and understood that it was prom night.

But fast forward time, all my angels or kids are born, and over twenty, making my dreams come true meaning their goals are set. Their goals are similar to mine as far as going to college. My oldest son went to Southern Illinois University. My twins both went to Aurora University. My daughter is happy because she got her Associates degree. My most memorable moment was when my wife and I dropped my stepdaughter off at North Park University.

I moved all of the furniture, clothing (she had a lot of stuff), and I’ve seen on TV how dads get teary eyed when he drops his child off at college, and now here I was dropping my baby off. I tried to be the cool, calm dad. My wife said “Are you crying?” I said “No. Something’s in my eye.” Then I couldn’t hold it. I said “Yeah. My baby gone!” It hurt me more when we got home. But what’s even more funny is her university isn’t out of state or anything. It was on the north side of Chicago, approximately thirty minutes from home. So basically I was being a big baby.

I moved back to Indiana. I had a great reputation there, where I was triumphant after prayer for God’s grace and support. He especially blessed me to walk away unscathed after being hit by not one, but two eighteen wheelers, demolishing my car. I cried out to God to not let me die like this. While I was begging for mercy, another eighteen wheeler BOOM crashed into the back of my car. While my car was in a tailspin, and when all the crashing, which felt incessant, did finally stop, I looked around as cars were everywhere. There were shattered car pieces around too. I was able to feel myself to check if anything was hurt or injured. I was fine.

I got out and thanked God not a bit of pain, just shocked to the fullest. How I know God is real is the state trooper told me to thank God to be alive, because he just left an accident scene where the damages were way less. A young mother was killed and the child was found hurt in the back seat. That sent chills through my body, and the ambulance paramedics told me the same thing. They actually thought I was the truck driver. Now, mind you, I went to check on him and he declared being injured, and the whole engine compartment of his truck was destroyed. That’s why I say “God is real!”

Walking away from such a grisly accident is not really common, but I am a witness to be blessed to.

Yep. Once again, I asked for God’s guidance and help because now I don’t have a car.

How am I gonna get to work now? I was in the midst of finding a crib, so I had to spend a lot of money by staying in a hotel and a week or so later, God sent an angel my way.

A lady, Ms. Culvers heard about my accident through my coolest homie Rodney, and came to my rescue, offering me a very very nice apartment for cheap. People thought I was lying, but I told them “God did that,” and soon after I caught another blessing. This dude was selling a car, and it was in my budget, so I bought it. So I was back on my feet, thankful for God’s blessings. I was kinda being funny asking for companionship.

I was a bit dejected after my wife and I separated. My kids were saying “Daddy, go find you a good woman,” and yep, once again God blessed me with a beautiful woman named Shell.

She was from Miami and, what a coincidence, she was having marriage problems too. But her and I were compatible, so we were great together and made a great couple. I was back happy. Thank God! She was there for me in every need, but of course life encompasses trials and tribulations and God will never give you more than you can handle, meaning after ten months, my life was kinda falling apart. And my beautiful daughter was always there for me, telling me “Chin up, Chest out, Head Strong” and that was power from my princess.

My car started having problems where I was risking things by trying to drive it, but eventually it became impossible to get back and forth to work. It worked out in my favor. I was spending way too much money on a cab to get to work. So I had to quit my job and find something local. That was temporary, because the pay couldn’t and wasn’t enough to keep up with my bills and rent. So I had to move back home to the Chi. I had offers from family to move to Texas, Georgia, and Mississippi, but I had to stack me some money up before I made a big move like that. And yep, once again I prayed to God to help me, and he did.

He blessed me with a real good job in Carol Stream and everything came into play for the better. My life was mostly working (as usual) eleven hour shifts, an hour and a half travel time home and right back at it again the next day, six days a week for months of hard work. I was focussing on my goals and God again blessed me wonderfully with great support from my friend, a girl who has always been there for her boy since we were teenagers. We reunited in 2017 amazingly after 25 years, but indeed she wanted what I couldn’t give her at that time, an exclusive relationship. My goal and intentions were to save up my money and head off to Texas with my son Joseph and daughter Jaida.

Miraculously, I met the most beautiful woman “heaven sent,” we both said to each other. She was older than me, but that’s how I like my woman, mature! We built a lovely home and got engaged. We also worked together and were inseparable. We appreciated one another and there wasn’t anything we wouldn’t do for each other.

We owned the world, her and I, and by that being fine and dandy, we are together forever, another absolute true blessing from God. I love you, Roz Baby.

You can bet I mentioned through this entire autobiography I mainly speak of God to guide me with whatever my situation is, good or bad. But all the time the most I’ve ever desperately needed his guidance and security. This desolated and despairing moment and implore forgiveness from everyone I have hurt and let down, including myself. I also know not all of it is bad. There has been many rejoiceful moments. I am just thankful to be alive. My five beautiful children, especially my angel, my daughter, my precious princess to sustain equanimity. If times ever get hard, just call on God. He’ll answer no matter the situation. My four sons, my big men, and my entire beautiful family, and last, but not least, my beautiful mother and sister, all for being there for me. Thank you all and God bless you all and I love ya’ll from the bottom of my heart.

I dedicate this book to my children and my family originating and extant in West Helena, Arkansas. Jaida , La’Aundrey, Joseph, Roderick, Patrick, Uncle Tony and Aunt Cammie and Aunt Mary. RIP Grandma, Aunt Betty, Mike, SKO, Bay. What’s up Beverly. Love all yall.

Robbie Barns I Am From I am from 431 N Central the Austin community From peace on one side and the city lights passed the viaduct, Vice Lords and 4CH I am from a loving home environment, good cooking, music and pretty girls I am from kickin it through the hood hanging out, being at Austin Town Hall Going to Fredrick Douglass to learn and get an education Making friends, positive friends, going to hoop and swim Dressing sharper than a mutha while getting smart at the same time I’m from Tim, my best friend and Kenny my friend From basketball, the land of basketball, Michael Jordan, Bulls Stadium And from great spiritual culture I’m from get your ass in the house And from I love you I’m from a God fearing man, always be faithful I’m from the Westside, Austin community, West Suburban Hospital From soul food in general, beer and/or kool aid From great people, my uncle Tony, my grandma, and of course my mom I am from an overwhelming and abundance of real love

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb Copyright

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