Kye Griffin
Dear Kyerielle
The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives. Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities. While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books. This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.
Dear Kyerielle Kye Griffin
I want to say I’m sorry for watching you grow up from a cell. I know you too young to understand but when you get older you’ll see daddy wasn’t the picture they painted him as, but he wasn’t perfect either.
Daddy loves you more than you’ll ever know. You changed me for the better. So many nights I cried tears of shame, hurt, and regret. Ashamed for failing to be a father to you. Hurt that I’m away from you, and regretful of the negative decisions I made that caused all of this pain inside of me. I neglected you.
I was there when you were born. A week before you were born I was in a car crash that should have killed me. Living reckless, SMH, in that near death experience my only prayer was that I be let to live to see you be born. Zoning in and out of consciousness, asking God please let me live to see my baby girl be born, I can’t go out like this.
I never felt anything more perfect than the day you came into my life. I remember arguing with your mother about your name, she didn't like your first name. I wanted to call you Etolie, it means star in French. So, I put her name, my name and Kyrie Irving (my favorite basketball player) name together. So we named you Kyerielle. Lol
I did everything for you except leave the streets alone. I realize how selfish I really was. I didn’t think about you being fatherless and taken care of, only that if I died you would be straight.
I pray none of my negative decisions ever affect anything in your life. But this is why Daddy is making sure he does everything in his power to change everything about him so I can be here for you.
My love for you is like the love of my grandmother. She is the reason for my gentleness, my compassion. It was her house that molded me, but didn’t make me who I am. That was my only real feel of family love. She was my experience and played a big part in my experience in black love, black family love. She took us in. I went from foster home to group homes from New Orleans to Monticello, Florida for summers.
New Orleans was my favorite. I was sent there by my foster parents. It was a punishment but turnt to a learning experience. Learning my roots, being of creole descent. Learning what southern love is, what southern hospitality is about.
Family means everything to me. I grew up in Juvenile DOC centers, where family meant everything and nothing. Where family support gave you status, letters, pictures, visits, commissary made you somebody. The ones without, turnt to madmen with nothing to lose and a lot to gain. I’ve been both types.
This is what made me and what broke me. I had to do a juvenile life sentence till 21 years old. I was 13 x 17, I caught an adult case while in JDOC and was sent to Statesville CC. I had nothing to lose, family meant everything but I have it.
Gang culture at a time was a family vibe. It was a shelter for emotionally torn youth like myself. Coming from a detached family that was acceptance, clothes, father figures, food, protection from this cold world, and the group homes and foster homes I ran away from. I was comforted, I had nothing to give, so I sacrificed myself and my childhood for them to JDOC.
Looking at you now, I look back at my upbringing, the cause of my twisted life. It wasn’t just the lack of a family, but the absence of a father figure. A real father figure.
Nothing was more painful and traumatizing then being taken from my grandma. Not only was I torn from her, I was alone. Not anybody with me except my little brother.
Other siblings were nowhere near me. Three young black innocent girls in the hands of complete strangers. I pray their journeys were safe, and no harm came upon them. I can’t let the story repeat.
I missed 3 of your bdays back to back to back. I feel like a loser for letting you down, baby girl. But guess what, I will no longer put these streets before you. You will not have to worry about me missing any more.
With you, Imma show you what love is, what family is, what a father is, show you what black love is all about. Mistakes is my best teacher. That’s why I get better with time because I’m still learning from them.
Your mother say your favorite word is Da-Da and she misses you. Any time you see my picture you kiss it. My twin - they say you are just like me. Built like me, smile like me, bug like me, eat like me, walk like me. You even sleep like me. One thing I can guarantee is you are never going to go through what I did? It was done all for you.
I didn’t see your first steps because I was more worried about being a steppa. I missed your first words because I was listening to BS folks nem had going on.
I missed your first everything because I didn’t put you first but picture this. You are behind the wheel at 16, and I’m teaching you how to drive a car. Telling you that you’re doing good. When you get nervous on the E Way, listening to your music, we’re laughing, dancing, and joking. Enjoying a father daughter moment. Something I dreamed of when I was in a cell.
Or you’re knocking on my bedroom door, telling me about your boyfriend problems, asking me do I think he is okay. Well, I meet him, telling me things that would probably take everything in me to stay calm about. But I got you, I’ve been down this road with no one to turn to for answers.
I promise Ima do better this time. When you get older and read this book you gone say, “I changed my Daddy’s life for real” because you are the reason I am how I am today. From a lost soul to a man with a purpose and sense of direction. My homie China told me “you out here living bad gang, you going to have a baby girl and she going to change your life, look at me.” He ain't lie. Lol.
I just want to be the best father I can be. You’re my princess and I want nothing but the best for you. I can’t keep being selfish to you, so I been changing my ways, as well as the way I think.
You’re worth all the effort. I will never choose this way of life over you again. Ima choose you over the streets every time. I love you Kyerielle.
I encourage all fathers with daughters to take the time and realize how important we are to them, and how much we impact their lives. Fuck the streets, bro our daughters need us.
Kye Griffin I Am From I am from hard times From tough love and backdoors I am from the Southside of Chicago I am from project housing Running through pissy hallways and drugdealing I’m from crackheads and dopefiends From shootouts and Queen Esther’s house I’m from “Kye your special “ And from “You not going to be shit” I’m from God please save me I’m from the Belly of the Beast From salmon croquettes, white rice and syrup From Geogre Jackson, Pimp C and Uncle Lay I am from a learning experience
Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb Copyright
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