D.O.C by Michael Ramos "Mikey"

Michael Ramos “Mikey

D.O.C

The ConTextos Authors Circle was developed in collaboration with young people at-risk of, victims of, or perpetrators of violence in El Salvador. In 2017 this innovative program expanded into Chicago to create tangible, high quality opportunities that nourish the minds,,expand the voices and share the personal truths of individuals who have long been underserved and underestimated. Through the process of drafting, revising and publishing memoirs, participants develop self-reflection, critical thinking, camaraderie and positive selfprojection to author new life narratives.

Since January 2017 ConTextos has partnered with Cook County Sheriff's Office to implement Authors Circle in Cook County Department of Corrections as part of a vision for reform that recognizes the value of mental health, rehabilitation and reflection. These powerful memoirs complicate the narratives of violence and peace building, and help author a hopeful future for human beings behind walls, their families and our collective communities.

While each author’s text is solely the work of the Author, the image used to create this book’s illustrations have been sourced by various print publications. Authors curate these images and then, using only their hands, manipulate the images through tearing, folding, layering and careful positioning. By applying these collage techniques, Authors transform their written memoirs into illustrated books.

This project is being supported, in whole or in part, by federal award number ALN 21.027 awarded to Cook County by the U.S. Department of the Treasury.

D.O.C

Michael Ramos “Mikey”

Tim

ticking e ke e p s

but in ja

il t

tu r ld keeps r o w e h s. T ime stop

ning.

Jail has saved me and changed my life. I chose to be corrected. That’s what jail does, right? Correct you?

The streets became my friend. Now I had a job. My job was to stay alive. I saw my friends get shot at, getting shot at became a normal thing. When I was young I wanted to be a police officer, as I got older all I wanted to avoid was the police because they were always on my ass.

Lo-ki I liked it cuz they wanted me but couldn't have me. I was like the gingerbread man, catch me if you can.

I wanted to be like O Dog. He was a gangster. To be a gangster was to be respected, feared and wanted. That was my mentality from 12 years old to 23. I'm grateful that I'm still alive because the life I was in, not many make it out alive.

At

m e th e g ir n a c a g e e v l f r ie e t o o f 2 er n 4 g e d , I so c i , I g t o c a e ty o u t n li . W t lo c o f te r h h e a ll e n k e d r e y s I lo u p . ay o a I f ke d n d e lt ba w h th e ir c k a en I p a nd w e in . s a n t I w w t to b a s he o in t ea n d c th e b rs o o ur u l l f m t th p e y m ey nj p u s o m , a in tt t h in s is t e e d m r k in , e g a nd a s to a my se lf wi ll I

October 12th 2019, I was 24 years old and walking into CD. I ended up walking in there late, at midnight. It felt like the longest processing in my life.

I heard somebody say where you from? I told them where I was from. They told me they will holler at me in the morning.

I go to my cell and a couple of guys come up to me. I had it in my head to be ready to fight, I might get stabbed cuz I don't know these guys. They came up to me and told me there was one of your guys in here. One of the Kings came up to me and said everything straight. You cool.

He g o c a lle t to l o n t d m y dh h c e r e p h e lly Id on a id n e w n d s a 't k n o it h m id , h w h o y m o e is o w. m a n n yo Sh e t d s ur p old he h m e w a s o ne l in to c j u s r y in g e. M y t ta . lk t I felt celly oh s h im e r p a id t l ik e a in h e he . S h p ho n wa e t s m old e on y m yf rie e to ou. S nd p ra o I . y, I

I wanted to cry but I couldn't because I couldn't show any fear.

She passed the phone to my dad. He told me what I did wrong.

He said that he was there for me, but I wasn't there for my kids.

That made me put my head down and shed a few tears.

Then I had 60 seconds on the call but I didn't have an answer for them. I didn't have an answer because they were right. I was selfish because I always thought about myself.

So 2 to 3 days passed by. The CO we had was cool enough to let us all out because it was commissary day. That same day my celly had a conflict. A dude hit him and knocked him out. They took him out. Then they ran in and locked everyone up.

So I was in the cell thinking, am I ever going to get out of here?

My kids, my girl, my family, my friends, and my deceased ones were all running through my head. Will I ever get to see them again?

I got on my knees and I tried to pray, but it wasn't good enough so I did what my mom told me and I just started talking to him. I asked him for forgiveness. I asked him to spare my life. I asked for a second chance.

The next morning I came out and there was a guy doing Bible study. He told me to join so I did. And I heard him say if you're looking for answers open the Bible and you'll find them.

I opened the Bible but I didn't see any answers. As the dude was talking everything went blank, the whole world shut down on me. I didn't hear anyone, I didn't see anyone. I'm just looking at the Bible.

Some guy comes in and calls my name, one time, a second time, third time. He asked if he can have a word with me. He asked if I wanted to join his program. I asked him what the program was. He said it was about rehabilitation, changing the way you talk, the way you act, changing your emotions.

Learn how to control yourself, control your emotions. Basically you will be transformed.

He tells me as soon as there is a spot open they will come for you. Would you like to participate? I said yes.

He stands up to leave and I call him, “Hey Mr Gibson, what is your program called?” He said it's called The Second Chance program and that's when my journey starts.

His program was cool. I like it. That man was talking some real shit.

Michael Ramos I Am I am from the Southwest side of Chicago From beautiful mornings and ugly nights I am from walk to the corner and see Cook County Jail I am from La Voca de Lobo Be aware or loose your life I’m from Mom and Dad From low income, eggs & beans - beautiful memories And form playing softball on the weekends with family I’m from God’s kingdom but hung out in hell with demons I’m a lost soul looking for the Road to Redemption so others can follow And from Don’t do that and we do that I’m from the dark walking to the light I’m from Little Village From Modelos, henny and tamales with rice & beans From Big Trouble & Troublesome I am from love that leads to pain

Until the lion learns to write their own story, tales of the hunt will always glorify the hunter - African Proverb Copyright

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