Home Zine by Brown and Proud Press

home zine 1

Brown and Proud Press would not exist if it were not for the support of the following individuals and organizations. We are a volunteer and donation based collective of people of color with the intent of sharing personal narratives of struggle through the medium of zines as a catalyst for collective healing and social change. Monica Trinidad Sarah Gonzales Pidgeon Pagonis Mika Munoz Angie Perez Tanuja Devi Jagernauth Melisa Stephen ZÃ© Garcia Brandon Lee Hilda Franco Sarah Ji-Rhee Afire & Kinetic Chi-Teen Lit Fest Chicago Public Library Louder Than a Bomba For The Peoples Artist Collective Black Eye Zero Chicago Freedom School Chicago Publishing Resource Center Chicago Zine Fest Brown Paper Zine Fest Los Angeles Zine Fest Tijuana Zine Fest Print & Resist Fest 2

& anyone who has picked up one of our zines

HOME IS MORE THAN PROPERTY, HOME IS COMMUNITY, AND COMMUNITY IS TO BE PROTECTED. YOUR HOME CAN BE YOUR SPIRITUAL TERRITORY, SOMETIMES TERRORIZED BY INNER AND OUTER FORCES. WE FIND HOME IN PEOPLE, CERTAIN PLACES, MEMORIES, AND EXPERIENCES. HOME IS SOMETIMES LOST, BUT OFTEN TIMES TAKEN, LEAVING ONLY MEMORIES AND THE HOPE TO RETURN AS WE FIGHT GENTRIFACATION AND GLOBALIZATION IN OUR COMMUNITIES. TRYING TO KEEP THE POLICE, ICE, AND OTHER ABUSIVE FORCES OUT OF OUR HOMES IS A CONSTANT STRUGGLE. IT IS A STRUGGLE IN WHICH WE LIVE AGAINST EVERYDAY, WITH RESISTANCE AND PRIDE. -Brown and Proud Press3

Directions To Content Casa. Casa. casita by Daisy..............................................pg. 5 Home by Jasmin...............................................................pg. 6 A Home is Here and Everywhere by Lupita.....................pg. 7 Honduran Exodus By Alyssa.........................................pg. 8/9 Womxn of Color Healing Collective by Victoria.............pg. 10 Go Home and Rest by ena..............................................pg. 11 The Subterranean by Alyssa...........................................pg. 12 Genetic Code by Kiran...................................................pg. 13 Home Is by Hiba.......................................................pg. 14/15 Everywhere by Ari Aguilera......................................pg. 16/17 No Muslim Ban poster by Prithi/chant by Shahana Hanif..pg. 18 Home as Healing by A.V.A..............................................pg. 19 How to Make a Botanic Planet by Melissa.....................pg. 20 Dear Stranger by Alyssa.................................................pg. 21 Untitled Poem and water color by K Rodriguez................pg. 22 Bringing Out the Home in Me by Luz............................pg. 23 Where I am No Longer Illegitamate by Sylvia................pg. 24 The Bridge of a Name by ena.........................................pg. 25 Reforming by ena..........................................................pg. 26 Home in a Flesh by Ari Mejia.........................................pg. 27 **Trigger Warning: Mentions of Rape and Abuse** Page Designs by Alvaro Zavala Daizy Yessenia Zamora Centeno Luz Esthela Magdaleno Flores

Cover Photo taken in Pilsen, Chicago by Luz

go home and rest. Thin skinned soft Things Covered with lace Sometimes silk Sometimes nothing Laying bare on Wood floors Warmth seeps in Light seeps in And so does the Mouth of grief Sometimes brings Kisses Sometimes Teeth How do we bear it How can we go on Bearing it I need to go home And rest She tells me Some of us can Never leave. 10

吀䠀䔀匀唀䈀吀䔀刀刀䄀一䔀䄀一䰀伀匀吀䈀伀夀圀䤀吀䠀⼠匀䠀䄀䐀伀圀䔀夀䔀匀⼠ꀀ

唀一䐀䔀刀⼠吀䠀䔀䐀唀䰀䰀⼠䤀一䌀䄀一䐀䔀匀䌀䔀一吀䈀䔀䄀䴀匀⸀⼠ꀀ

吀䠀伀匀䔀䰀䤀䜀䠀吀匀Ⰰ 吀䠀䔀夀䠀夀倀一伀吀䤀娀䔀⼠ꀀ 䘀䔀䤀䜀一⼠䐀刀䔀䄀䴀匀⼠⼠ꀀ 䰀䤀䬀䔀⼠伀刀䈀匀⼠䄀䰀圀䄀夀匀⼠䄀䠀䔀䄀䐀Ⰰ 伀唀吀伀䘀刀䔀䄀䌀䠀⸀ 䠀䔀䠀䄀唀一吀匀⼠ꀀ 匀唀䈀圀䄀夀⼠圀䄀䰀䰀匀匀倀刀䄀圀䰀䔀䐀圀䤀吀䠀⼠ꀀ 䌀伀一䘀䔀匀匀䤀伀一⼠☀䄀䴀倀㬀䌀䰀䄀䤀䴀㨀⼠ꀀ 圀䔀䄀刀䔀䠀䔀刀䔀⼠ꀀ ⼠ꀀ 圀䄀䤀吀䤀一䜀⸀⼠ꀀ 䈀䔀䌀伀䴀䤀一䜀吀䠀䔀䌀伀一䌀刀䔀吀䔀Ⰰ⼠ꀀ 匀圀䔀䄀吀⼠☀䄀䴀倀㬀匀䴀伀䬀䔀Ⰰ 吀䠀䔀䠀伀䰀䰀伀圀⼠ꀀ 吀䤀䰀䔀䐀⼠吀唀一一䔀䰀䘀䤀吀䘀伀刀䘀刀䔀匀䠀䤀一䬀⸀ 䈀䰀䄀䌀䬀⼠⼠ꀀ ☀䄀䴀倀㬀⼠䤀一䐀䤀䜀伀匀䤀䰀䠀伀唀䔀吀吀䔀匀⼠⼠ꀀ 伀䘀⼠䈀唀䤀䰀䐀䤀一䜀匀刀䄀圀 ☀䄀䴀倀㬀䠀唀䴀䈀䰀䔀䈀䔀䠀䤀一䐀䠀䤀䴀⸀⼠ꀀ 吀䠀䔀匀䤀䰀䔀一吀Ⰰ 吀䔀一䐀䔀刀一䤀䜀䠀吀⼠ꀀ 12 䔀堀䤀匀吀匀⼠伀一䰀夀䘀伀刀夀伀唀Ⰰ 圀䄀一䐀䔀刀䔀刀⸀

Genetic code

to confuse identity with home is no small danger both ask me to belong both are long gone like good health i know it best when it goes missing so leave me nameless as I can only be beheld not known not called and let me stay lost how else to keep out of harm's way un-‐identified brown female orange alert awake until when closed eyelids pretend to feel a cubby grow between my tired ribs since home is where the heart is and they will not find me here But I'm done with that and all other placebos See, I leased a lover's arms I bent time and space to seek refuge in memory then turned to gender mistook my brother’s arms searched for my namesake I waited at airport gates nowhere stayed safe and as gypsy nowhere has become the only place to call my own borderless and listless I do not cross I do not enter my made up threat is omnipresent that I'm there when I'm here and here when I'm there the riddle is lost in me and the irony is lost on them

Poem by Kiran Bath -‐ Art by Katherine Carreño

are not necessarily erasing but are rather overlaying our old understandings of distance

The popular phrase, “Home is where the heart is,” refers to where our thoughts and

and duration…physical and symbolic networks becomes entwined and come to exer-

mind goes for inspiration, contentment and being comfortable. In our more contemporary

cise mutual determination on each other.”[iv] When Pakistanis in diaspora watch HNL’s

setting, with the rise of digital tools and devices, home is where the media is. The follow-

live streams they are receiving visual media, dramas, fashion and cooking programs,

ing is an excerpt about a long-term project I am doing around the media history of satel-

in real time, which visually foreshortens the distance between Pakistan and its diaspo-

lite television network of Hum Network Limited (HNL) and the global Pakistani diaspora.

ra. Although their immediate surroundings differ, viewers of HNL can hear Urdu being

spoken; Pakistani culture streams, coded through images in a televisually constructT

Watching troduction work

from

n Hum

s Network

Pakistani Pakistan

m Limited

diasporic

that

(HNL)

television.

transmits

the

growing HNL

Pakistani

i up a

ed diasporic space. Diasporic spaces are “the intersectionality of diaspora, border, and

in-

dis/location as a point of confluence of economic, political, cultural and psychic pro-

net-

cesses.”[v] The presence of HNL infers that being Pakistani is no longer about remain-

diaspora.[i]

ing in Pakistan, instead it is about embodying Pakistani cultural values through media

o was

television

global

consumption.[vi] “Amitav Ghosh has argued that the South Asian diaspora is not so m

much oriented in roots in a specific place and a desire for return as around an ability to

representa-

recreate a culture in diverse locations.”[vii] HNL enables the geographically dispersed

tion in American mass media; this diasporic community is situated different-

Pakistani diaspora’s connection to a unified vision of culture from Pakistan. These are

ly by class, similarly by their religion, immigrant background and position as sur-

part of “imagined worlds, that is, the multiple worlds which are constituted by the his-

veilled subjects.[ii] If there is any modicum of representation in American mass

torically situated imaginations of persons and groups spread around the globe.”[viii]

t Pakistani-American

r communities

e are

starved

a of

cultural

media, it is often performed through Orientalized stereotypes of exotification or racialization as an “other” and therefore, not worthy enough to be seen as a human. In the face of extreme marginalization, Pakistani-American diasporic communities counteract negative caricatures by seeking out alternative mediated representations. “The awareness of television’s everydayness can provide some comfort and some sense of security to individuals living in societies where they often have to defend their particularity.”[iii] The media conglomerate, HNL and its well-known drama channel, Hum TV offers a familiar televisual flow for the Pakistani-American community. Satellite channels produce “new definitions of time, space and community, these

[i] Hum Network Limited will be called HNL, for short, as it will be referred to henceforth. [ii] Pakistanis tend to be Muslim but not all Pakistani are. According to Pakistan Bureau of Statists, 96.28% of the country is Muslim. Government of Pakistan, “Pakistani Bureau of Statistics POPULATION BY RELIGION,” last modified October 25, 2015, http://www.pbs.gov.pk/ sites/default/files//tables/POPULATION%20BY%20RELIGION.pdf. [iii] Georgiou, Myria “Seeking Ontological Security beyond the Nation: The Role of Transnational Television” Television and New Media 14(4), (2012), 304-321 [iv] Morley, David. “Media, Mobility and Identity.” Home Territories: Media, Mobility and Identity. Taylor and Francis, 2002, 149-170 [v] Brah, A. “Chapter 8 Diaspora, Border and Transnational Identities.” Cartographies of Diaspora: Contesting Identities. London: Routledge, 1996. 176-207. Print. [vii] Clifford, ”Further Inflections” (see footnote 1) [viii] Appadurai, Arjun. “Disjuncture and Difference in the Global Cultural Economy, “ Theory Culture Society, (1990), 295-310

Home As Healing

At an early age, I shed tears and screamed from the pain within my family home, where my father assaulted my mother, my siblings & I. I was just a little queer brown boy, who wanted to dress in my mom’s jewelry, wear my fake and plastic finger tips with the painted nails & pretend I was fierce, like Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman from the film Batman Returns. My mom eventually left my father, moving my siblings and I from home-to-home. My femme magic got to shine a little brighter with weekday early-morning Sailor Moon cartoons airing on t.v, music by TLC and Gloria Estefan on cassette & stealing glances of my older sisters’ Troll & Barbie doll collections (occasionally playing with the toys when left unattended). I have been called homophobic slurs by my siblings, rejected and scape-goated by my father, & denied agency of my self-expression, as the result of my family’s response to my femme identification. I was literally hiding in the cupboard when my oldest sister said that an actor from the Baywatch (or maybe it was Beverly Hills 90210) series was cute, & I agreed with her, causing a state of shock in my family and them trying to convince me that what I had said was wrong or something… It was many years before I moved away from my family, but when I finally did, I took an offer at full-time employment with a music publication company, moved to Chicago, joined a DIY queer hardcore punk band, argued with sassy roommates, fell in love, got my heart broken, lived with white people who always tried to dictate my life and acted like they knew what was best for me, & realized that my living spaces aren’t gonna always be drama-free just because I share them with black people and people of color. I’ll save you the horror stories of bedbug and cockroach infestations, or how a young & brown man was shot in front of my current home on the same night as my move-in. My father and my mother’s mother have recently left this realm, but I’m finding ways to connect with them, through the courage and strength that they instilled in me. I’m finally in a safe space where I can heal & be my true self, I can grow and nourish my spirit & send love & protection to my family, friends and ancestors. 18

Home-o is where the heart is.

How to Make a Botanic Planet Prep: Make Her Fall in Love

Cook: 8 Years

Ready in: 9 Years

o Pick her, make sure she doesn’t have dreams. Nobody cares about her anyway. o Her smile, make sure it’s shining, make sure it’s bright o Crush that shining light.

o Make her into a Wasteland: Spike her drink; Rape her, Make her into interstellar gas o Videotape her, tell her she enjoyed it.

o Important: she needs to believe it was all her fault. This will make her magnetic pull less resistant. Pun Intended. o Wear Goggles, Supernovas Hurt.

o Take away her sprouts, her weeds, all the green must leave

o Once she’s nice and melancholy,

Continue to: deprive her of dignity

o Make her flee, everyone claiming it was all she1

o Watch her as she regroups into a Wasteland: her soil now acidic, streams full of salt; o Stick her into a black hole

o Spin her fast, she needs to believe she’ll never see the light. o Make her into a Wasteland

o As she spins, throw in a generous amount of Mexican graveyard sand

o Plant Dahlias tubers, Marigolds & Carnation seeds, don’t forget the Century Plant of Poetry2 o Water with hope

o Wait for the cataclysmic event , It’ll take 9 years

o She’s pulling in all the green, the color spectrum will begin to sprout and beam; o She’s Boiling

o Stop and Smell Her courage, Her fragrance, it’s impregnating

o Observe Her crystalline sea, it bustles with warmth and emotion o Her Magnetic Pull, makes you stop to notice

o Be careful, she’ll have a few thorns, here and there o She used to be a Wasteland-o Now, she’s a Poet

Dear Stranger. please appear posed at your window this evening, framed by a splintered window pane & exposed in novel intimacy by blinds left ajar. a silhouette amid the blue haze of the empty fluorescent. a face full of the grief of the day.

The amount of slut-shaming made the survivor drop out of high school and move to Mexico with her Grandfather. There, she lived a few blocks away from a beloved graveyard where both of her Grandparents now rest.

She decided to pick herself back up and finish High School. There, she was introduced to Poetry. She never looked back.

a gossamer night gown, a rumpled, weary suit, a tattered bathrobe, an honest white tee-shirt: figures of the 21 melancholia of a night spent alone.

Bringing Out the Home in Me

Sign, moment affirmation convening of spirits fog of hope if only for a second Never let it go Keep it in a jar on a page in my bones I’ll be ok I can survive

My home lives in carcajadas, when my Madre says, “Ay, ay, ay niña! Ya me hiciste reír!” So far away it seems now No more beach waves or yard sales But I have me some Maxwell here in Chi-town Walking my ass everywhere No daddys chevy to be found Snoop do-g-g and Dr Dre bring out the home in me The bite of a fresa raised in the 805 Sometimes sour, sometimes sweet Or spicy Chile asado Having me in a coughing fit As if I just took a hit Of that California Green Cumbia or buyepongo beats causing the movement of my feets My home is in between pages of Gloria Anzaldua, Sandra Cisneros and Judy Blume The kiss stains on love letters I’ve written Lines on paper marked by my .38 pen My home is my body Mi pansita y papada home to los tácitos, juguitos y frijolitos que tanto como Also a home for my eggs-el futuro I am home when I am surrounded by fabrics Or when I spray bleach When im cruising on Oxnard blvd Waving to my homies on 18th 23 Cerando los ojos and feeling you bring out the home in me

Where I Am No Longer Illegitimate Oh, to say goodbye to a father I barely knew. I’ll admit you had me played, lulling me in with the false sense of security that my brown body belonged (while your actions proved otherwise). This land ceased to be my land once you stole it from my foremothers. I will not mourn the death of the snake coiled around my neck since birth; the guardian of the prison I faltered to realize held me. I refuse to pay homage to you, a wolf in lamb’s clothing, kept intact by the blood of my slain brothers and sisters. Your dream, laden with disappointment, rendered me listless--but not without hope of a new dawn. Bouquets of flowers strewn across silken sheets; warmth emanating from deep within the hearth of breasts. Ne’er a doubt elicited, that I am, in fact, home. 24

刀䔀䘀伀刀䴀䤀一䜀

䄀䘀吀䔀刀刀䤀倀倀䤀一䜀匀䬀䤀一䄀圀䄀夀䘀刀伀䴀䘀䄀䴀䤀䰀夀䘀䔀䔀䰀匀䰀䤀䬀䔀䤀䤀吀䠀䄀嘀䔀䈀䔀䔀一䄀䰀伀一䔀䘀伀刀䴀夀圀䠀伀䰀䔀䰀䤀䘀䔀䘀䔀䔀䰀匀䰀䤀䬀䔀䤀䴀䄀䐀䔀䈀伀一䔀䘀刀伀䴀䴀夀伀圀一䴀䤀䰀䬀吀䔀䔀吀䠀䜀刀䔀圀䤀一吀伀匀䠀伀䔀匀䘀伀唀一䐀伀一吀䠀䔀匀䤀䐀䔀伀䘀匀伀䴀䔀匀吀刀䔀䔀吀䰀䔀䄀刀一䔀䐀䘀刀伀䴀䜀刀䤀䔀䘀伀一吀䠀䔀圀䄀夀吀伀䘀伀刀䌀䔀䐀匀䴀䤀䰀䔀䈀䔀䌀䄀䴀䔀吀刀唀吀䠀圀䠀䤀䰀䔀䈀䔀䤀一䜀匀伀䰀䐀䰀䤀䔀匀䄀䰀䰀䴀夀䰀䤀䘀䔀䌀伀一嘀䤀一䌀䤀一䜀䴀夀匀䔀䰀䘀吀䠀䔀夀圀䔀刀䔀刀䤀䜀䠀吀一伀圀䘀䤀一䄀䰀䰀夀䘀䤀一䄀䰀䰀夀䌀刀䔀䄀吀䤀一䜀䄀䠀伀䴀䔀䤀一䴀䔀圀䤀吀䠀一伀䈀䰀伀伀䐀吀䠀刀䔀䄀吀䔀一䤀一䜀吀伀匀倀䤀䰀䰀䘀䤀一䄀䰀䰀夀䈀唀䤀䰀䐀䤀一䜀䠀伀䴀䔀圀䤀吀䠀䤀一䴀䔀圀䤀吀䠀一伀䤀䐀䔀䄀伀䘀圀䠀䄀吀䠀伀䴀䔀䰀伀伀䬀匀䰀䤀䬀䔀⸀

BROWN AND PROUD PRESS CORE TEAM LUZ E MAGDALENO FLORES @Lightofyourvida is a Chicana from Oxnard, Ca who now lives in La Villita, Chicago. She is an art educator and zinemaker who is always looking for a new writing tool to try out.

DAISY YESSENIA ZAMORA CENTENO @BreatheAmor is a Chcanx Mexicanx Latina who loves to run and snuggle with her puppies. She was born in chi ca go, Pilsen. Loves sweet things and relaxing.

ALVARO ZAVALA @PincheAlvarito AKA Pinche Alvarito is a multimedia illustrator. Born & raised in Chicagoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Southwest side. She currently hustles in the Chicago Northside Queer/Drag scene as well as the Latinx art scene in Pilsen, selling prints, stickers, tshirts & zines.

MELISSA CASTRO @melissa.almandina also known as Melissa Almandina is a Xicana poet from the Southwest side of Chicago. She is a survivor of rape, gun violence and police brutality, follow her Instagram for more poetry.

Contributors Alyssa Carabez is a queer poet and organizer trying to

explore what her part Mexican heritage means to her and what it can mean to her community. While acknowledging the privileges she holds, she works to prioritize platforms, spaces, issues, and stories of POC and other marginalized voices and perspectives and to challenge the white heteropatriarchy, both in her writing and organizing. She reads, writes, listens, draws, naps, cries a lot, explores, fights, and exists.

Ariel Aguilera is a Proud Xicana fighting against

the damages of assimilation thru ritual decolonization. Self taught yerbera, yogi, entrepreneur- brujita always looking for beautiful souls to exchange energy with.

Ari Mejia is a Chicago native who values DIY everything, fresh food,

intersectional feminism, playing music and making art. She works at the Chicago Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Health Center and is an organizer with the Chicago Childcare Collective.

A.V.A is a queer, brown femme organizing for DIY punk events in Chicago and sometimes performing with his band too. They currently live with two canine companions & a beautiful brown person. 28

ena ganguly writes poetry about femme vulnerability, ancestral trauma, sisterhood and about seeking rest in a world of unrest.â&#x20AC;¨a third year student at University of Texas at Austin, studying Government and Humanities Honors with a minor in Asian Studies. she wishes to one day compile a collection of her poems into a book but until the opportunity rises, she posts shorter pieces on her instagram account @enaganguly

Hiba Ali is a new media artist and researcher. Her research focuses on the objects that the imbricated history of technology and f you globalization have produced. She is a graduate student at the UT Austin pursuing her MFA degree.

Jasmin De Jesus Martinez is a queer, gender neutral, Mexican immigrant que le gusta la mala vida and is trying to get free. K Rodriguez

is a Latinx organizer and resistance artist best known for her work as a visual storyteller who makes new visions out of broken pieces. Through her practices utilizing graphic design, watercolor, photography, and zines, she lives her truth and believes that art is â&#x20AC;&#x153; essential to community healing and resistance through culture-building.â&#x20AC;? As a core organizer with Lifted Voices, a Direct Action collective of Black and Brown women, femmes, and non-binary people, Rodriguez facilitates direct action trainings that are grounded in a self-defense philosophy. Rodriguez draws inspiration from the resistance on the ground in Chicago and across the United States. Reflecting on her personal experiences, she also uses her work to explore and validate trauma and the experiences of women and femmes of color resisting colonialism. Rodriguez is also a network member of For the People Artists Collective, a radical squad of Black artists and artists of color that that create work to uplift struggle, resistance, liberation, and survival in our communities. 30

Kiran is a poet, lawyer and writer based in

Brooklyn. As a first generation Australian of Indian descent, her work reflects on millennial impressions of post-colonialism and inter-sectional feminism.

Sylvia Irizarry

is a Chicago native currently based in Queens. She typically writes fiction and satire, but is trying her hand at coping with the tug-of-war that is identity (as well as this abhorrent patriarchy) through poetry and prose.

Victoria Rose was born and raised in the West Town neighborhood of Chicago, their experience living in the city has lead them to a job working with youth in CPS after school programs. Victoria hopes to combine their love of helping others with their passion for writing and the arts through a career in art therapy. They are currently taking art classes at Harold Washington with the intention of transferring to Northeastern to obtain a degree in Fine Arts and Sociology. Want to Submit to our Next Zine? Connect with us at Brown and Proud Press @ Gmail.Com And on Social Media @BPPZines 31

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