haven’t been actively seeking to have a deeper connection with anyone else. We have had lovers in common who we play together with and it’s wonderful! I love seeing my partner making love to someone else when I can see they are enjoying themselves and having fun.” “I trust that he loves me and wants to be with me. If he didn’t want to be with me and wanted to be with her, then he would be with her. He has the choice to be with her, and be her primary. But the connection that we have is very special, and him having sex with her is not going to change that.” Richart: What could be the issues here? Kalyss: “I feel that secrecy is what could change things, the lack of honesty. Then all of a sudden you are not fully being yourself with your number one partner. When you are not telling the truth, how can you develop trust?” "Another issue is lack of variety of deep interactions. When couples become so insular, that they only hang out with each other and they have few
friends outside of the couple hood, then they end up becoming a little bit stale because their ideas are just going around and around in a circle. Yes, you can say you can have friends without having sex with them. Yes, true. But sensuality and intimacy creates much deeper contact. You see the person in their more vulnerable state, so you see deeper into there core self. And you open yourself more too. When you interact with people on that level, you find out more about them and their view of the world. And then you bring back these new views to your primary relationship. New ideas, new explorations may make you want to change parts of life. But what if you change and your partner doesn't like it? Or what if you start wanting your partner to change with you and they don't want to? People might not want explore new ideas while in a stable relationship because they are afraid of change.” Richart: That rocks the boat. Kalyss: “Well how stable is a relationship if the new ideas make it shatter? If you need to be so protective of it and keep it in a little box because any little thing from outside could destroy it, how natural, solid and strong is that relationship in the first place?” Richart: Absolutely! Kalyss: “So if you don’t want your boyfriend to go to a strip club because you think he might be tempted to leave you for a stripper, who he doesn’t even know, how can you even love someone like that? Richart: Well, this just comes down to people not loving themselves. Kalyss: “If you don’t love yourself, you think 'how can he love me?'” Richart: So people have to be able to love themselves first before they can have a proper relationship.
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