Merry
Queersmas How the LGBT+ Community Celebrates
by Dakota Parks
photos by Guy Stevens
Gathering around the dining room table
with family can be daunting—especially with looming discussion of election results, a problematic uncle or two and the on-going stress of 2020. For many LGBT+ people, heading home for the holidays or even Zoom chatting with family isn’t an option. According to the “Going Home Should Be Beautiful” campaign with GLAAD and Pantene, an estimated 40 percent of LGBT+ people struggle to go home for the holidays. Burdened with unaccepting family members, awkward questions prying into dating lives, lying to family they have not come-out to or forced to go home alone without their partners, push many people away from spending the holidays with family. Transgender people are often repeatedly misgendered and deadnamed by their family and experience additional stress about responses to their changing physical appearance and gender expression. To push forward with celebrating the holidays, many people have sought out acceptance from the LGBT+ community and formed chosen families. The holidays are about spending time with people that love and support you in a safe place where you can be yourself without fear. Members of the LGBT+ community have bravely shared how they celebrate; however, many still spend the holidays alone. If you have LGBT+ friends and family members, don’t forget to check in on them this holiday season.
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Ariel
As a genderaffirming healthcare program manager at an LGBT+ clinic, Ariel Bailey, a 28-year-old trans woman deals with family fallout on the daily. After struggling to find a job when she got out of the Navy, Ariel was instrumental in helping start the first and only informed-consent HRT clinic in the Panhandle alongside Dr. Hillman at Pensacola Osteopaths. While navigating her own strained family dynamic, Ariel is constantly speaking with young transgender people struggling with unaccepting families. “I do so much work in the community because it makes me feel like I have a family,” Ariel said. “My parents have come a long way, but I still don’t speak to a single person in my extended family. My two daughters have been amazing—they even correct people that get my pronouns wrong. I see a lot of young people in the clinic with terrible families and we joke and say, ‘Ok, don’t worry—I’m your new mom now.’ I want to be that supportive person for them and help them navigate their transition because I didn’t have anyone when I really needed it.” Before Ariel began her transition, her holidays included multiple dinners and celebrations with her entire extended family. Now, she spends the holidays with her two daughters and her parents, and avoids extended family functions. Through her work at the clinic and the nonprofit she started,
Emery
When Emery Peil, a 29-year-old transgender man serving as Staff Sergeant in the Air Force first told his family about his transition, his mother told him that he was dead to her. The holidays of his childhood in Michigan surrounded by family and staying up until midnight to open presents became a thing of the past. “It wasn’t until I got to Pensacola that I found a welcoming space in the LGBT+ community,” Em-
I do so much work in the community because it makes me feel like I have a family.” Transacola Support Group, Ariel is channeling her passion to help other trans people feel less alienated. She even hosted a holiday party last year, Winter Queerstice, for local LGBT+ people that didn’t feel comfortable going home for the holidays, which she hopes will return in 2021 when COVID is under control.
ery said. “The [drag] queens are like family to me. Lauren Mitchell and the other queens were so important in helping me become the person I am today. In many ways, I think they have cultivated a safe haven for people in the community because we know that they're going to defend us. They know what it’s like because they have been at war for their safety for decades if you look at the history of drag. They just embrace you and encourage you to be yourself.”