health}
Lost and Found By Anna Osborn, LMFT, Relationship Therapist and Coach
We just wrapped up the baseball and softball season and we are moving into summer ball…which means my kids have lost six sweatshirts, three HydroFlasks, one baseball glove, countless masks and probably a few library books. I have gone and lost my mind.
How can two semi responsible small humans lose SO MUCH STUFF?!?!
The crazy thing is, I can usually find it instantly by simply sending them back in the general direction of where they were looking. I’d like to think I’m unusually good at finding things, but really my success rate is only because I make them go back and look again. And the truth is, you usually find what you’re looking for when you slow down to actually SEE it. It’s true in both life and love. It’s true with finding lost cleats, misplaced homework AND strengths in your relationship.
I really do believe that what you seek…you find.
And that is just the stuff we can’t find.
If you’re looking for errors or missteps, you’ll usually find more of them.
Don’t even get me started on the things that are lost in plain sight.
If you’re looking for opportunities to criticize or complain, those will usually pop up more.
I may be exaggerating a bit, but I bet I get asked at least 12 times a day, “Mom, I can’t find my _______ (insert ANY item), have you seen it?”
But, if you’re looking for opportunities to express gratitude or appreciation, you’ll usually be able to find those too.
50. ardentforlife.net - Summer 2021
The most amazing thing about all of this, is that it’s within your control. Not the lost water bottles…those are a lost cause…but the ability to choose what you go looking for…that is completely within your control.
I know how hard it can be to look for the good in a really bad or stressful situation. Heck, in the most intense times of pain, I don’t even think you’re supposed to go looking for the good. What I really do believe, though, is that even during the most painful or stressful situations… you can know that good still exists. The strengths you possess as a person AND a partner are not lost, even if you’re struggling to see them. You may not be feeling it (or even able to find it within your immediate view point) but knowing that it still exists in your life and the world at large-- are huge advantages on your side.