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The Daily Butter Synonymous with lardy news

Est. 2005

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SPRING Instasnap

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MONSTERS ON THE LOOSE In the world Monsters, monsters, monsters. There are so many of them. There are so many who have power over others. There are so many of them who are men. In fact, most of them are men.

LOST AND FOUND World peace. If everyone cared and helped out, we would probs have it shortly.

From the LIver This newspapah is nothing but bad news and adverts. Would never pay for this pile of rubbish.

Pregnant?

Bloody monsters everywhere

Just because people have money, they don’t have to be good at being in charge. And most often they are not nice people. Why would you want someone to decide just because they are rich?

Giant squid-like shouty flesh coloured monster with questionable “hair”. Would you want a conversation with this thing or even have him decide over you? Or judge you based on

PIGMAN in charge oF large island Gross and snobby wealthy piglet-man with many chins in charge of wellknown island. Why? Why would anyone want him in charge? Does he care about me or you? No. He cares about you if you got monies or are in a position of power in any other way. Does he have uncut flour in his pouch? No, highly doubt it. Probably filled with all sorts of rankness.

ridiculous reasons? When he himself chooses a tie and also a hair style like this? Sometimes people don’t have a choice and cannot change the fact that

monsters are in charge of their country. This sucks. But sometimes people have a choice, and actually vote for shitty monsters to get the power. This is more worrying. It is important to think.

APE Scared of EVIL REPTILE

An ape has been reported to get upset and frightened by lady monster reptile. Fortunately it is reported further that the monster reptile is not

alive, and is just a strange choice of art; a wax statue. Phew! Time to kick back and relax with relief and salivate from this piece of information.

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Ass-man ruins absolutely everything Angry duck - who is he? This douchy douche ass-man is responsible for an enormous amount of suffering. How can we stop his evil and devastating ways? And if he was to be stopped, would someone equally evil not take over and do the same to lots of people? The impact this man has had on the world - in a very super negative way is really huge but he has not done it alone. There are other wankshafts in the game. The ice cold moth man is one other key player in the game of messing up the world in oh so many ways. He will smirk his way into your porch lights or other lamps you might or might not have. It is also sneaky to sneak away from Panama malarky whilst leaving your judo pals in the middle of it, AND to look like a villain from Die Hard or even James Bond at the same time. We should never elect people that looks like evil villains to be in charge and have lots of power. He also hates gay people and anyone outside his norm, and freedom of speech you can forget about. Say no to moth men now and forever.

This ass creature is just pure creepy

Who would ever trust a flesh coloured moth like

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Me: Angry Duck, who are you? AD: I am a yellow duck who loves shoes. Me: Are you a man or a woman duck? Drake or dragon? Ehe. I sometimes see you wearing ladies shoes? No wonder people speculate about your gender. Gander. AD: I am male but I like all sorts of shoes. And I really don’t care what people think or say about me, I do what I like and I don’t hurt nobody. More people should be like me. Me: But you are so angry though? Why? Not lol. AD: I am only angry with mean and bad people who are treating others badly. And then we are talking about relatively innocent others, and not those who asked for it, if you know what I mean. Me: Erm yes I think so. (drools and looks lost). AD: Whatevs. Me: What is worst? AD: People who are mean to animals. They are absolutely defenseless and depend on our kindness to them. Only the lowest of the low treat animals badly. A life is a life! I also especially hate any form for racism and people who are mean to kids. Those poor kids are pretty innocent, too. Most of them anyway. I go about minding my

own business and doing what makes me happy, but if someone has a problem with that, I will say or do something. Me: Mhm I see. What do you do? AD: I do as I please. Sometimes I dress up as a viccar and “christen” people’s children even though I am not even religious. Sometimes I have my own pet shop, or shoe store. Quite often I have my own Period Shop, for menstruational products, something I am quite passionate about. But mostly I just make sure that certain characters are put in their place when they are acting or speaking out of order. So many people just sit back and take it when someone are being shitty to them for no reason, so I see it as my purpose to say what others are afraid to say, but are only thinking. Me: Well I am certainly judging you now, Angry Duck, you are out of order. AD: Well that is your problem isn’t it. You are a bad person anyway with arsy questions and you have lots of disgusting acne in your unwashed face anyway and a smirky ugly look on you. Go deal with your own happiness before picking on others! Me: (huffy) Fine. The interview is over.

WHAT? Snake? Turd? Man? Or w h a t ? What is this? It is very likely that it is a bad specimen but what even is it?

How can someone become so self-loving, smug and insane when they are infact a) a bad ‘person’ (or whatever this actually is) and b) whatever species is this anyway? Any takers?


COmics

BRIDGE

BAGS! BAGS! BAGS!

HOROSCOPES FOR MAY ARIES You decide to join others in to various political parties this month. You mean it well, but it will not make you popular. Actually the opposite. Beware.

LIBRA This month your body will be attacked by little crab-like lice. EVERYWHERE. They are a new species. They are super itchy. They are impossible to get rid of.

TAURUS This month you will show bad judgement and should not purchase any clothes, because you will only buy clothes that are 4 sizes too small. Don’t.

SCORPIO Sadly we don’t have a scorpio icon, so we have replaced it with this sort of frizzy hair turtle lizard or whatever it is. No horoscope or no future for you, soz.

GEMINI This month insect eyes will grow on your face along with an insect’s proboscis. Exciting! Challenging yes, but think about the opportunities instead.

SAGITTARIUS It’s your birthday and one of your presents are 40 stick insects without a cage. They keep breeding. A wholesome little family for you to look after.

CANCER You wake up one day and your hands are where your feet were, and the other way around too. A miracle! The media will love you for this.

CAPRICORN

LEO You decide to order a groom from Thailand this month. Congratulations! What will he be like? Hopefully you will get along, most likely not.

AQUARIUS 99% of your teeth will fall out now.You can afford dentures, but chose to glue your old teeth back in to save because you are quite a stingy aquarius person.

VIRGO The saliva planet will cause all your head hair to relocate to the inside of your palms. Makes many tasks impossible, but your palm hair is so lush ;))

PISCES You need to stop being such a dick. You are not better than other people. Look at yourself from the outside. You have angry acne. You smell. Ew.

Yo u e a t things you find on the ground. This is not wise this month, dear capricorn. You will get skurvy, gangrene and anthrax. Now you know why.

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WEATHER BERLIN

early May 2016

07.05

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04.05

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06.12

09.05

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11.05

DICTATOR’S PAGE

4 on tha back Who are you and what do you care about?

Hey, it is me. Your unfriendly dictator caterpillar. Crawling on me stick. I’m gonna mess you up. With my maroon glasses on. And little caterpillar legs. And shiny forehead! Who do I care about? Me.

Wanky Sheep I’m a dapper chap innit. I like showing the world what a great sheep I am and that everyone should be like me.

Wigpig I am Wigpig. I care about image. I like motorbikes but I can’t ride one. I am a female hot babe.

WARNING! Big evil lizard spotted, stomping about and destroying everything around him. Easily spotted by his stylish haircut and his bored facial expression. The lizard must be

Anyone else? No not at all. It is only me who counts. And power! You are not allowed to love whoever you want, then I will attack you with my lil’ larvae legs. I am never too old to quit. This was my wisdom, and all of it.

avoided at any cost since he is equipped with nuclear weapons. Until we have found a way of eliminating this monster, stay clear and look forward to better days.

Angry Duck Shop presents: Temp. Eagle I’m a temp. worker and I’m also very strict. I see to that the rules are being followed. Laughter is not an option.

YOLO

LOLZ Specky Lemming Some people say I have a hot temper, it is not true! I’ll punch you. People need to hear the truth so I always tell them.

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Daily Butter Monster edition Spring 2016  

From the Monstradamus exhibition, Berlin, Pictoplasma 2016

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