The Daily Butter Synonymous with lardy news
Est. 2005
FREE!
www.argaankan.com facebook.com/argaankan
WINTER Instasnap Get the smoothest hashtags from Angry Duck on Instagram. How do you like this baroque wig? Spot on for you who are into big wigs, for not to mention harps and buckled shoes.
SPORT
see final page Footballer involuntarily cuddled. When will this end? Read the full story in the sports section on page 4! #nocuddle
check out @argaankanofficial
Angry Duck IS leaving scotland The main story of this newspapah is that Angry Duck is leaving the land of the brave Bravehearts and Shadows of Scotland.
LOST AND FOUND I’ve lost me pegleg! Some colourful bird ate it! How will I get to the House of Fraser to buy me colourful chinos with my House of Fraser points card now?
Residing here for nearly 8 years, the duck has had enough of poverty and conservative and traditional art, and is ready to take on other parts of the world. Although the journey really began in Edinburgh in 2005 when Angry Duck was born, but that is a different story for a different section of the newspapah.
(no longer) Two-legged I used to have one of those snoring masks before? Snorkmaiden Stone found at Portobello beach. Is it yours? Might also be a mushroom or maybe a root. Graphite in colour, smells like pus. Arga Ankan means Angry Duck in Swedish. It sounds better that way. Angry Duck was lucky enough to be in the Pictoplasma Academy 2014, so because of that he also got to be in the Pictoplasma All Stars exhibition in Berlin in spring 2015. Angry Duck is a duck who
likes to wear different shoes, has fangs and super angry eyebrows. He is male, for anyone wondering about that. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him wearing ladies shoes sometimes. Each to their own. Angry Duck is only angry with bad people. Not only
people that are mean to him, but also with others who haven’t deserved it. Who decides who deserves it? Angry Duck does. He uses common sense. Angry Duck loves you, if you are a nice person and not a racist individual who is mean to kids and animals, smileyface or not really.
Call me. Gavin I saw a bird outside. Stevo Bucket of ape dandruff lost. Reward is an air freshener that smells like new dentures. Angry Duck
Shaving dem pits
ANGRY MANDARIN DUCK EATS PEGLEG
One of our dedicated readers, Walking Man, has reported that he observed a rather crossed Angry Mandarin duck, flying in
from the sky and attacking a one-legged lady’s precious pegleg. The duck pecked and chewed at the leg, before snatching it off and flying off with it whilst snorting and gruning. We must assume that Walking Man is telling the truth and has not had a couple of jolly old pints that day or worse. Who knows eh.
APE Scared of “man” An ape has been reported to see a sort of granny man and getting very upset by the whole ordeal. They caught each other’s eyes on this very newspapah and man did the primate get a fright of a lifetime. It is not easy getting scared like that, jumping and everything. The Gran-Man also looks like he is shocked by the incident. Look!
The staff from the Daily Butter is hoping that one day we can live peacefully together, ape and man, hand in hand. Foot and hand the same, like equals. Gran and man. We are off to the pub for pints, we cannot be bothered writing any more words in this newspapah. Seeya.
Have you seen this granny? Or little old lady or whatever it is, it’s not certain. Last seen licking toads in Papua New-Guinea outside a mud hut. Reward for tangible information.
A cheeky interview with Karen Anna Solberg Sandholm, the graphic illustrator who created Angry Duck. Karen Anna is being interviewed by Karen Anna, this is absolutely crazy. But people do it all the time when they write their CVs in third person so at least I am being honest about it, hey. Karen Anna is from Levanger, Norway but lives in Edinburgh, Scotland. She is 32 years old and 161cm tall and weighs the same as many bags of sugar and lard.
We meet Karen Anna lying on the couch, as she is typing this interview. Lol not lol. Her name is Karen Anna and not Karen. Anyone calling her Karen will never be liked. -”What is your favourite dinosaur?”, I ask, Gonzo journalist style. -”Triceratops” says Karen Anna without a doubt. How very informative, it is like I know her better already. She smiles so that many double chins appear, it looks revolting. I quickly change the subject so I can think about something else. “Do you have any known diseases?” I ask. -”No I don’t, do you?” says Karen Anna. I don’t. TOUCH WOOD. She spits on the floor. Ok, that was a lie. -”What about mayonnaise, do you like it?” I ask, temptingly. -”No, it tastes and smells awful, and looks like the yellow stuff inside spots” says my interview object. Good to know, as I was going to offer her some mayonnaise pellets. -”What is your favourite breed of goose then,
CREATOR TONIGHT young lady?” I ask her straight up. -” Bayerische Landgans” says Karen Anna. -”But I also really like goats.” Good to know. We take a break to go to the toilet.
After warming her up with these smooth questions, I finally say: “Tell me about Angry Duck then”. It is not a question but an order. -”Angry Duck is the voice inside you when someone is treating you or others badly, but the situation you are in means there is nothing you can do or say about it. Unfairness is the worst thing I know in the world, but ao often you have to accept what is happening without being able to set it straight, and people get away with the most awful things just because of who they are or the money they have. Angry Duck says what you want to say when you
are forced to bite your tongue. He sometimes goes a bit further and acts a tiny bit violent but only with those who really deserves it.
He came about in Easter 2005, when I was working with phone support for an electronics company. It is shocking how people can take rudeness to a whole other level when they are not face to face with you, but speaking to you on the phone. They are phoning up for you to help them, and they speak to you like you are a piece of leech faeces. People were listening in on our conversations, so I couldn’t say anything back or even defend myself. I started drawing this duck in Microsoft Paint, and pretending he was coming for all the people that were rude to me when I was trying to help them. I even had their addresses on our
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computer system, and that was one of the threats my duck had when he was coming for them. At first, Angry Duck was just angry in general, but then his anger became targeted at only those who were being unfair or overly aggressive. I later had many jobs in retail, and even though I love the part where you meet lovely people who totally make your day, there are so many people who don’t,
and that are incredibly rude and awful. Many of my characters are based on actual people and some, like the sheep, are based on a combination of several bad people. It gives great satisfaction to draw someone like a character after they have just treated you like shit, and then drawing Angry Duck pushing them into a mosquito tunnel or into a greenhouse full of nettles”. I high-five her eagerly to thank for the informative yet entertaining interview, put on my dungarees and waddle out.
COmics
SUDOKU PUZZLES
PADS! PADS! PADS!
HOROSCOPES December
Easy
Difficult
ARIES You decide to join others in to various political parties this month. You mean it well, but it will not make you popular. Actually the opposite. Beware.
LIBRA This month your body will be attacked by little crab-like lice. EVERYWHERE. They are a new species. They are super itchy. They are impossible to get rid of.
TAURUS This month you will show bad judgement and should not purchase any clothes, because you will only buy clothes that are 4 sizes too small. Don’t.
SCORPIO Sadly we don’t have a scorpio icon, so we have replaced it with this sort of frizzy hair turtle lizard or whatever it is. No horoscope or no future for you, soz.
GEMINI This month insect eyes will grow on your face along with an insect’s proboscis. Exciting! Challenging yes, but think about the opportunities instead.
SAGITTARIUS It’s your birthday and one of your presents are 40 stick insects without a cage. They keep breeding. A wholesome little family for you to look after.
CANCER You wake up one day and your hands are where your feet were, and the other way around too. A miracle! The media will love you for this.
CAPRICORN
LEO You decide to order a groom from Thailand this month. Congratulations! What will he be like? Hopefully you will get along, most likely not.
AQUARIUS 99% of your teeth will fall out now.You can afford dentures, but choses to glue your old teeth back in to save because you are quite a stingy aquarius person.
VIRGO The saliva planet will cause all your head hair to relocate to the inside of your palms. Makes many tasks impossible, but your palm hair is so lush ;))
PISCES You need to stop being such a dick. You are not better than other people. Look at yourself from the outside. You have angry acne. You smell. Ew.
Yo u e a t things you find on the ground. This is not wise this month, dear capricorn. You will get skurvy, gangrene and anthrax. Now you know why.
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WEATHER EDINBURGH
a selection of days
07.12
08.12
4 on tha back The name of this newspaper
Zuzanna Dominiak I am supportive. My website is www.zyzanna. com
05.12
09.12
10.12
HELP!
What is your relationship with Angry Duck?
Ingunn S. Sandholm If it hadn’t been for me, the giant duck would not exist. I am also a super sewer
04.12
I would like to complain about the name “The Daily Butter”. It is unserious and silly, and makes me really annoyed and frowny. Wish you had chosen a better name for it, like “Bugle of Seriousity” or “Paper Frankly Spoken” (PFS). David Weatherston Spelling errors I want to point out that spelling errors are the worst thing ever. They are truly unforgivable and rather crocodillian. Nothing else matters more than correct spelling, those who do not spell right should be forced to lick toads until they have taken their medicine and can spell correctly. I am sure The Daily Butter is filled to the brim with spelling errors and similar atrocities.
I think I have reached puberty, is this the Angry Aunt column? Why is my body so hairy? What do I do? What are glands?
Jacqui Calderwood I watched Dressrat being born, and also the births of Tanned Toad and Wigpig
Every Boss
Emma-Kate O’Brien I’m Ireland’s biggest supporter of Angry Duck. Always have been, always will be
Patients look over here Fake doctor looking for patients to practise on. Must be gullible. You got STDs!
11.12
SPORT
Sweaty I am a boring fart who thinks Angry Duck is far too inappropriate and rude. He is a bad influence on our children! We must learn to accept people being mean to us without objecting to it, it is the British way after all! We must not defend ourselves in any way. We must simply take it. Angry Duck is not welcome in the United Kingdom. No-voter Hello! Looking for a partner for walks on the beach, red wine sipping, skipping, slipping, gripping and snipping. Must also like toe nail clipping. Female lady
Astana, Kazakhstan Angry Duck won the judo world championship 2015 in Astana. He easily defeated Lardy Oystercathcer who was playing his dirty moves as usual. There were maybe 10 people in the audience, give or take. All of them friends of the judokas. That is what they are called. Lardy Oystercatcher
Penpal wanted?
People with no talent apart from arse licking wanted asap. Must be good at stealing ideas and delegating their work to others and using big fluffy words to make it sound like they have done a lot and is good at what they do, when in fact they do a minimum. Good at taking orders/ no personality also essential.
(at night)
Angry Duck
One Jolly Reader
Staff wanted
06.12
Hia, penpal wanted please? Or? Must have correct spelling or letters will be dismissed. Fine. Frank L Salt lick Salt lick wanted extremely urgent! Must be free of cat snot, blimey! W a n k y Sheep Please Can whoever who is calling me in the middle of the night just to fart down the phone please stop? Aaaah! I have a sore head :( Whingey Pike
was making up excuses about how AngryDuck should go easy on him since he just had the shits, how he just ate a Man vs. Food meal, how he just lost his toothpick collection etc. but Angry Duck knew it was all BS. Angry Duck knocked him out and won money and glory and medals and diplomas and a prize goat with a head scarf.
Footballer interview Today features a portrait interview with fierce Scottish footballer forcehugged on the front page, David Weatherston. Who are your favourite actors? Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio. Have you ever stolen a pen from work? Yes, five pens. Do you like cod roe? Love it mate x. Pick two celebrities to be your parents? Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio.
What is your biggest achievement to this date? When I paddled 72km in a canoe along the canal from Glasgow to Edinburgh for Angry Duck fame. Who is David Duck? This guy here --> Thank you for this David.